maliciously and that you goe about to engrosse hell to your selues heauen forbid that you should not suffer a stranger to come in the Deuill himselfe is not so vnmannerly I doe not thinke but some of them rather will be wise enough to beg Offices there before you and keepe you out marry all the spite will bee they cannot sell e'm agen Eas. Come are you not to blame not to giue place To vs I meane Let. A worse and a worse disgrace Cur. Nay Gentlemen you wrong vs both then stand from me I protest I le draw my siluer Bodkin vpon you Sho. Clubs clubs Gentlemen stand vppon your Guard Curt. A Gentlewoman must swagger a little now and then I perceiue there would bee no ciuilitie in her Chamber else though it be my hard fortune to haue my keeper there a coward the thing that 's kept is a Gentlewoman borne Sho. And to conclude a Coward infallible of your side why doe you thinke yfaith I tooke you to be a Coward doe I thinke you le turne your backe to anye man liuing you le be whipt first Eas. And then indeede she turnes her backe to some man liuing Sho. But that man showes himselfe a Knaue for he dares not showe his owne face when hee does it for some of the common Counsell in Henry the eights daies thought it modestie at that time that one Vizzard should looke vppon another Easi. T was honestly considered of e'm yfaith Enter Mother Gruill Sho. How now what peece of stuffe comes heere Leth. Now some good newes yet to recouer my Repute and grace me in this company Gentlemen are we friendes among our selues Sho. Vnited Leth. Then heere comes Reuish to confirme our Amitie Wag-tail salute them all they are friendes Curt. Then sauing my quarrell to you all Sho. Toe's all Curt. Now be shrowe your hearts and you doe not Sho. To sweete Maister Lethe Let. Let it flow this way deere Maister Blastfield Gentlemen to you all Sho. This Renish wine is like the scowring-sticke to a gun it makes the Barrell cleere it ha's an excelent vertue it keepes all the Sinckes in man and womans bodie sweete in Iune and Iuly and to say truth if Ditches were not cast once a yeare and Drabs once a Month there would be no abiding i' th Cittie Let. Gentlemen I le make you priuie to a letter I sent Sho. A letter comes well after priuie it makes amends Let. There 's one Quomodo a Drapers Daughter in towne whome for her happie portion I wealthily affect Rer. And not for loue this makes for me his Riuall beare witnesse Leth. The Father does elect me for the man The Daughter sayes the same Sho. Are you not well Le. Yes all but for the mother shee 's my sicknesse Sho. Birlady and the Mother is a pestilent wilfull troublesome sicknesse I can tell you if she light vpon you handsomlye Let. I finde it so she for a stranger pleades Whose name I ha not learn'd Rer. And ene now he cald me by it Let. Now as my letter tolde her since onely her consent kept aloofe of what might I thinke on 't but that she meerely dooted vpon me herselfe Sho. Very assuredly Salt This makes still for you Sho. Did you let it goe so yfaith Leth. You may beleeue it sir now what sayes her answere Sho. I her answere Gruil. She saies you 'r a base proud knaue and like your worship Leth. How Sho. Nay heare out hir answere or there 's no goodnesse in you Grui. You ha forgot she saies in what pickle your worship came vp and brought two of your friendes to giue their wordes for a sute of greene Kersye Leth. Drudge peace or Sho. Show your selfe a Gentleman she had the patience to reade your letter which was as bad as this can be what will she thinke on 't not heare her answere speake good his drudge Guil. And as for hir Daughter shee hopes shee le be rulde by her in time and not be carryed away with a cast of Manchets a bottle of Wine and a Custard which once made her Daughter sicke because you came by it with a bad conscience Let. Gentlemen i 'me all in a sweate Sho. That 's verie wholsome for your body nay you must keepe in your armes Gru. Then she demaunded of me whether I was your worships Ant or no Let. Out out out Gru. Alasse saide I I am a poore drudge of his Faith and thou wert his Mother quoth she heed make thee his Drudge I warrant him Marry out vpon him quoth I an 't like your worship Leth. Horror horror i 'me smother'd let me goe torment me not Exit Sho. And you loue me le ts follow him Gentlemen All Agreed Exeunt Sho. I count a hundred pound wel spent to persue a good iest Maister Easie Easi. By my troth I begin to beare that minde too Sho. Well saide yfaith hang money-good iests are worth siluer at all times Eas. They 'r worth golde Maister Blastfield Exeunt Curt. Doe you deceiue me so are you toward marriage yfaith Master Lethe it shall goe hard but I le forbid the Banes I le send a messēger into your bones another into your pursse but I le doo 't Exit Fath. Thou faire and wicked Creature steept in Arte Beautious and fresh the soule the fowlest part A common Filth is like a House possest Where if not spoild you le come out fraide at least This seruice likes not me though I rest poore I hate the basest vse to screene a whore The humaine stroke nere made him hee that can Be Bawde to Woman neuer leapt from man Some monster wunne his Mother I wisht my poore childe hether doubled wrong A month and such a mistris were too long Yet heere a while in others liues I le see How former follyes did appeare in me Exit Enter Easie with Shortyards Boy Eas. Boy Boy Anon sir Eas. Where left you Maister Blastfield your maister say you Boy An houre since I left him in Paules sir but you le not finde him the same man agen next time you meete him Eas. Methinks I haue noe beeing without his companie t is so full of kindenes and delight I holde him to be the onely Companyon in earth Boy I as Companions goe now adaies that helpe to spend a mans money Eas. So full of nimble wit various discourse praegnant apprehension and vncommon entertainment hee might keepe Company with any Lord for his grace Boy I with any Lord that were past it Eas. And such a good free hearted honest affable kinde of Gentleman Come Boy a heauinesse will possesse me till I see him Exit Boy But you le finde your selfe heauyer then by a seauen hundred pound weight Alasse poore Birds that cannot keepe the sweete Countrie where they slye at pleasure but must needes come to London to haue their wings clipt and are faine to goe hopping home agen Exit Enter Shortyard and Falslight like a Sarieant and a Yeoman to arrest
there goes a Gull that keepes his money I would not haue such a report goe on you for the Worlde as long as you are in my companie Why man fortune alters in a Minute I ha knowne those haue recouered so much in an houre their purses were neuer sicke after Rer. Oh worse then consumption of the Liuer consumption of the patrimonie Sho. How now marke their humours master Easie Rer. Forgiue me my posteritie yet vngotten Sho. That 's a penitent Maudlen Dicer Rer. Few knowe the sweets that the plaine life allowes Vilde sonne that surfets of his fathers browes Sho. Laugh at him master Easie Eas. Ha ha ha Sal. I le bee damn'd and these bee not the bones of some queane that couzened me in her life and now consumes mee after her death Sho. That 's the true-wicked-blasphemous and soul-shuddering Dicer that will curse you all seruice time attribute his ill lucke alwayes to one Drab or other Leth. Dick Hell-gill the hapie Newes Hel. I haue her for you sir Leth. Peace what is she Helg. Yong beautifull and plump a delicate peece of sin Leth. Of what parentage Helg. Oh a Gentlewoman of a great house Leh. Fie fie Helg. Shee newly came out of a Barne yet too good for a Tooth-drawers sonne Leth. Is she wife or maide Helg. That which is dantiest Maide Leth. I de rather shee 'd beene a wife Helg. A wife sir why Leth. Oh Adulterie is a great deale sweeter in my minde Helg. Diseases gnaw thy bones I thinke she has deserud to be a wife sir Leth. That will moue well Helg. Her firstlinge shall be mine Swine looke but for the huskes the meate be thine Sho: How now Boy Boy Maister Quomodo takes your worships greeting exceeding kindely and in his commendations returnes this answere that your worship shall not be so apt to receiue it as hee willing to lend it Sho. Why we thanke him yfaith Eas. Troth and you ha reason to thanke him sir t' was a verie friendly answere Sh. Push a Gentleman that keeps his daies euen here i th City as I my selfe watch to doe shall haue many of those answeres in a tweluemonth maister Easie Eas. I promise you sir I admire your carriage and begin to hold a mor reu'rend respect of you Sho. Not so I beseech you I giue my friends leaue to bee inward with me will you walke Gentlemen Leth. Wee 're for you Present her with this Iewell my first token Enter a Drawer Draw There are certaine Country-men without enquiring for maister Rerage and maister Salewood Rer. Tennants Salew. Thou reuiu'st vs Rascall Rer. When 's our next meeting Gentlemen Shor. To morrow night This Gentleman by me inuites you all Do you not Maister Easie Easie Freely sir Salew. We doe imbrace your loue a pure fresh Gull Short Thus make you men at parting duetifull And rest beholding to you t is the slight To be remembred when you 'r out of sight Easi. A prettie vertue Exeunt Enter the Countrie-Wenches Father that was entisc'd for Leth Father Where shall I seeke her now oh if she knew The Dangers that attend on womens liues She would rather lodge vnder a poore thatcht Roofe Then vnder carued seelings she was my ioy And all content that I receiu'd from life My deere and onely Daughter What saies the Note she left let mee agen With stayeder greefe peruse it Father wonder not at my so suddaine departure without your leaue or knowledge thus vnder pardon I excuse it had you had knowledge of it I know you would haue sought to restraine it and hinder me from what I haue long desirde being now happilye preferr'd to a Gentlemans seruice in London about Holborne if you please to send you may heare well of me As false as she is disobedient Iu'e made larger inquirie left no place Where Gentrie keepes vnsought yet cannot heare Which driues me moste into a shamefull feare Woe worth th' infected cause that makes me visit This man-deuouring Cittie where I spent My vnshapen youth to be my ages cursse And surfetted away my name and state In swinish Riots that now being sober I doe awake a Begger I may hate her Whose youth voides wine his age is curst with water Oh heauens I know the price of ill too well What the confusions are in whome they dwell And how soone Maides are to their Ruins won One minute and aeternally vndone So in mine may it may it not be thus Though she be poore her honours preceous May be my present forme and her fond feare May chace her from me if her eye should get me And therefore as my loue and wants aduise I le serue vntill I finde her in disguise Such is my care to fright her from base euils I leaue calme state to liue amongst you deuils Exit Lethes Mother enters with Quomodoes wife with the Letter Toma. Were these fit wordes thinke you to be sent to anye Cittizens wife to enioy the Daughter and loue the mother too for a neede I would foulye scorne that man that should loue me onely for a neede I tell you and heere the Knaue writes agen that by the mariage of my Daughter a has the better meanes and opportunitie to my selfe hee lies in his Throate like a villaine he has no opportunitie of mee for all that t is for his betters to haue opportunitie of me and that he shall well knowe a base proud knaue a has forgot how he came vp brought two of his countrie men to giue their words to my husband for a sute of greene Karsey a has forgot all this and how does hee appeare to me when his white Sattin suttes on but like a Magot crept out of a Nut-shell a faire bodie and a foule necke those partes that are couered of him lookes indifferent well because we cannot see e'm else for all his clensing pruning and paring hee 's not worthy a Brokers Daughter and so tell him Gri. I will indeede forsooth Toma. And as for my Childe I hope shee le bee ruld in Time though she be folish yet not be carryed away with a cast of Manchets a Bottle of wine or a Custard and so I pray certifie him Grui. He doe your errant effectually Toma. Art thou his Ant or his Gri. Alasse I am a poore drudge of his Toma. Faith and thou wert his Mother he would make thee his drudge I warrant him Gri. Marrie out vppon him sir reuerence of your mistris-ship Tom. Heer 's somewhat for thy paines fare thee well Gri. T is more then he gaue me since I came to him Enter Quomodo and his Daughter Su. Quo. How now what prating haue we heare whispers dumshowes why Tomazin goo too my shop is not altogether so darke as some of my neighbours where a man may be made Cuckold at one ende while hee 's measuring with his yard at tother Toma. Onely commendations sent from Maister Lethe your worshipfull Sonne in law that should be Quo Oh that
my sudaine fortunes I can command a custerd and other bakemeats death of sturgeon I could keepe house with nothing what friends haue I how well am I beloued ee'n quite throughout the scullery not consent t is ee'n as I haue writ I le be hang'd and shee loue mee not herselfe wold rather preserue me as a priuate friend to her own pleasures than any way aduance her daughter vpon me to beguile herselfe then how haue I relieued her in that poynt let me peruse this letter Good mistris Quomodo or rather as I hope ere the Terme end mother Quomodo since only your consent keeps a loofe off and hinders the copulation of your daughter what may I thinke but that it is a meere affection in you doating vppon some small inferiour vertue of mine to draw me in vpon your self if the case stand so I haue comfort for you for this you may well assure your selfe that by the marriage of your daughter I haue the better meanes and opportunity to your selfe and without the least suspition This is moouing stuffe and that workes best with a Citizens wife but who shall I get to conuey this now my Page I ha sent forth my Pandar I haue imployd about the country to looke out some third sister or entice some discontented Gentlewoman from her husband whōe the laying out of my appetite shall maintaine nay I le deale like an honourable Gentleman I le bee kinde to women that which I gather i' th day I le put into their purses at night you shall haue no cause to raile at me no faith I le keepe you in good fashion Ladyes no meaner men then knights shall ransome home your gownes and recouer your smocks I le not dallye with you some poore widdow woman would come as a necessary bawd now and see where fitly comes my mother curse off pouerty do's shee come vp to shame me to betray my birth and cast soyle vpon my new Suite let her passe me I le take no notice of her Scuruye murrey Carsey Moth: By your leaue and like your worship Leth: Then I must proudly venture it to me good woman Moth: I beseech one word with your worship Leth: Prethe be breife then Moth: Pray can your worship tell me any tydings of one Andro Gruill a poore sonne of mine owne Leth: I know a gallant Gentleman of the name one master Andro Gruill and well receiude amongst Ladyes Moth: That not he then Hee is no Gentleman that I meane Leth: Good woman if he be a Gruill hee 's a Gentleman i' th mornings that 's a Gentleman a' th first you canot tel me Moth: No truely his father was an honest vpright Tooth-drawer Leth: O my teeth Moth: An 't please your worship I haue made a fore iourney out all this vacant time to come vp and see my sonne Andro poore Walter Gruill his Father has layd his life and left mee a lone woman I haue not one husband in all the world therefore my comming vp is for reliefe an 't like your worship hoping that my sonne Andro is in some place about the Kitchin Leth: Kitchin puh fah Mo: Or a seruingman to some Kinght of worship Leth: Oh let mee not indure her Knowe you not mee good woman Mo: Alasse an 't please your worship I neuer sawe such a glorious suite since the hower I was kersend Leth: Good shee knowes me not my glory do's disquite mee Beside my poorer name being drencht in Lethe Shee le hardly vnderstand me what a fresh ayre can doo I may employ her as a priuate drudge To passe my letters and secure my lust And nere be noted mine to shame my blood And drop my stayning birth vppon my raiment faith good woman you will hardly get to the speech of master Andro I tell you Mo: No Marry hang him and like your Worship I haue knowen the day when no body carde to speake to him Leth: You must take heed how you speak ill of him now I cantell you hee 's so employde Mo: Imployde for what Leth: For his behauiour wisdome and other vertues Mo: His vertues no t is well knowen his father was too poore a man to bring him vp to any vertues hee can scarce write and reade Leth: Hee 's the better regarded for that amongst Courtiers for that 's but a needy qualitie Mo: If it be so then hee le be great shortly for he has no good parts about him Leth. Well good woman or mother or what you will Mo: Alack the day I know your worship scornes to cal me mother t is not a thing fit for your worship indeede such a simple old woman as I am Leth: In pitty of thy long iourney there 's six-pence British tend vpon me I haue busines for you Mo: I le waite vpon your Worship Leth: Two pole off at least Mo: I am a cleane ould woman an 't like your Worship Leth: It goes not by cleannes here good woman if you were fowler so you were brauer you might come neerer Mo: Nay and that be the fashion I hope I shall Exit get it shortly there 's no woman so ould but she may learne and as an old Lady delights in a young Page or monckey so there are young Courtiers will be hungry vpon an old woman I warrant you Exit Enter Lethes Pandar with a Country wench Pand: Come leaue your puling and sighing Count Beshrew you now why did you entice me from my father Pand: Why to thy better aduancement wouldst thou a pretty beautifull Iuicy squall liue in a poore thrumbd house i' th cuntry in such seruile habiliments and may well passe for a gentlewoman i' th Citie do's not 5 hundred do so thinkst thou and with worse faces oh now in these latter dayes the Deuill raygning t is an age for clouen creatures but why sad now yet indeed t is the fashion of any Curtizan to be sea-sicke i' th first Voyage but at next shee proclaimes open wars like a beaten souldier why Northampton-shire Lasse do'st dreame of virginity now remember a loose-bodied Gowne wench let it goe wires tyres bents and bums felts and falls thou that shalt deceiue the world that Gentlewomen indeed shall not be knowen from others I haue a master to whome I must prefer thee after the aforesayd decking Lethe by name a man of one most admired property he can both loue thee and for thy better aduancement be thy Pandar himselfe an exlent sparke of humility Count Well heauen forgiue you you traine me vp too 't Pand: Why I doe acknowledge it and I thinke I doe you a pleasure in 't Count And if I should proue a harlot now I should be bound to curse you Pand: Bound nay and you proue a harlot you le be loose ynough Count If I had not a desire to goe like a gentlewoman you should be hangd ere you should get me too 't I warrant you Pand: Nay that 's certain nor a 1000. more of you