Selected quad for the lemma: friend_n

Word A	Word B	Word C	Word D	Occurrence	Frequency Band	MI	MI Band	Prominent
friend_n	affection_n	love_n	love_v	2,519	5	6.3625	4	true

Text snippets containing the quad

ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A42669	Misery's virtues whet-stone reliquiæ Gethinianæ, or, Some remains of the most ingenious and excellent lady, the Lady Grace Gethin, lately deceased : being a collection of choice discourses, pleasant apothegmes, and witty sentences / written by her for the most part, by way of essay, and at spare hours ; published by her nearest relations to preserve her memory, and digested for method's sake under proper heads.; Misery's virtues whet-stone	Gethin, Grace, Lady, 1676-1697.	1699 (1699)	Wing G625; ESTC R7820	27,432	102

where Friends are the Parties thou losest one which of 'em soever get the day When my Friend is dead I will mourn for him perform his will and do for him as if he were alive Those that have a rational and tender Friendship will not only be secret in what they are desired but will also be silent in some things they are told tho' the Party do not desire it But one ought in Generosity to have a kind of Charitable discretion for those that are not wise enough in their own Concerns Friendship is never destroy'd by Friendship 't is something that is stronger than it self must force it out of the heart 't is once possess'd of 't is only Love can do that for when all is done one way make new Friends without injury to the Old There are Friendships on the account for Love such as are in Love will Endeavour to make Friendships whether their Friends like 'em to not like ' em A love mixt with Friendship is the most lasting and is the Mistress of all the Qualifications requisite in a true and Generous Friend and 't is very possible in my Judgment for Love to become Friendship and Friendship Love tho' some will not allow a great Friendship and violent Love can subsist together in one Heart when One has Friendship for an agreeable Lover it wants but little of being Love Friendship and love do sometimes resemble but when that happen the the Friendship is very tender or the Love not very great but I hold one may love with such a tender Amity as may be a Medium between Love and Common Friendship There are some Friends to whom one would commit things of Importance and not Trifles and there are some to whom one would tell Trifles but nothing of Concern and Love is a great Affair and not to be enstrusted to every Friend One is never secure if our Friend be not so Exact that he will never tell our Secrets Pythagoras composed many Excellent Verses in praise of Heroick Friendship he Establish't a Community among his Disciples for he Confidently Maintain'd there ought to be no distinct Interest among Friends if there be 't is only Society not Friendship Sublime Heroick Friendship is as difficult to find as Constant Love and hard to be cultivated the slight Friendships of the world are more Convenient though not so Noble Excellent and solid but then it never gives us much trouble nor makes us partake of the Misfortunes of our Friends we are not much concern'd at the Injuries they suffer but take all the flowers of Friendship and leave the thorns to those sincere and Generous Friends that resent all their sorrows without Exception Engage in all their Interests and maintain 'em couragiously against all the World who have no different Fortunes but equal concern in the Honour of each other who cannot be poor while one is Rich nor in Health if their Friend be sick 'T is not Every body is capable of this and tho' they wish it they cannot attain to it therefore for fear of the like I 'm content to love according to the Mode I conclude this Subject with the Saying of the Spaniard Grudge not to lend Thy Heart thy Hand thy Fortune to thy Friend Of Love Some affirm Tenderness a Quality more necessary for Love than Friendship 't is true that Affection produces by the help of Reason and which is conducted and govern'd by it may produce the Effects of Tenderness but Love which is commonly inconsistent with Reason or at least never Subject to it it hath need of Tenderness to correct its Stupidity and Inconsiderateness In Effect Love without Tenderness has none but impetuous Desires which cannot be confin'd Such Lovers consider only their own Satifaction without any regard to the Honour of the Party beloved Whereas true Tenderness takes more care of the interest credit and honour of the beloved Object than of its own Almost all Lovers in general endeavour only to please themselves without any Reservation and have the Impudence in a rude uncivil way to ask the greatest favours as if they were due to them These free Lovers which are Enemies of Tenderness and laugh it to scorn are commonly Insolent and full of Vanity easy to Anger difficult to appease Indiscreet when Favour'd insupportable when ill heated they fancy the greatest mark of Love they can give is always to wish to be made happy they value not or at least are not contented with favourable Looks obliging words and all those little things which so transport those that have tender souls they are Lovers that read their Mistresses Letters but once over nor have they any joyfull Emotion when they recive 'Em they know not how to rave speak idly nor sigh agreeably and are ignorant of a certain pleasing Melan choly which proceeds from the tenderness of an Amorous Heart and is often more agreeable than any other Delight These noisy Lovers make all the proof of Love consist in profuse Expences and are insensible of all the Delicacy's and inward Delights of it This sort of Passion inspires a Brutal Jealousy and contrary to that of a Lover without a generous tender Heart they not only hate the Lover but their Mistress too but the other so respect their Mistresses that they often restrain their anger against their Rival fearing to displease them To love well a Lover must have a natural Tenderness before he Loves but this rarely happens with most a Delicate Sensibility gives all the Punishments and Pleasures of Love That Love is most perfect that has least of Self-interest in it when Love is weaker than Reason 't is no perfect Love 'T is not to be wondred if the Love of a man of higher Condition than the person loved continue to that Degree that it obliges him to marry her for Hope Enlivens and Augments the Flame so that he wants nothing whence he may derive a full confidence of his Happyness if himself pleases They are not the Lovers they would appear to be who can forbear possessing what they love out of a consideration of Interest I am one that believes that Love which Grows with out hopes Subsists without it and meets with nothing but invincible Obstacles is more Obliging than that which cannot but hope tho' it would not But I am of the Opinion that what Hope do's in the hearts of these Lovers Glory effects in the other and that there is a secret Satisfaction in Loving a Person of great Quality that has Beauty Wit and Virtue It were Madness to think one's self obliged to love any Body that loves us Merit and Services are little consider'd unless our Acceptance sets a Value upon them which is best to have Merit without Love or Love without Merit Fine Qualities are desirable chiefly be cause they make us loved Since there fore their End is to please he that happens to please without Merit is more happy than he that hath it yet cannot

World had of Her while she was alive and still has of every thing that is the Genuine product and Issue of Her Pen. I think my self in Justice obliged to give some account of what is here set forth and thereby exposed to publick Censure As 1st That it was written for the most part in hast were her first Conceptions and overflowing of her Luxuriant Fancy noted with her Pencil at spare Hours or as she was Dressing as her 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 only and set down just as they came into her Mind as never designed for any others View but her own If any thing herein seems light or Trivial or not so proper to come from a Ladies Pen of such severe Virtue and Piety as she was it is to be remembred that these were the Early Flights of Youthful Fancy being scarce 20 when she died being writ some years before and the first and free Productions of her most private and unrestrained Thoughts and which she was Religiously careful should come to no others view But there is in them such strength of Wit such handsom Raillery such Essay and Natural Eloquence that it was not thought fit wholly to stifle and suppress them and deprive the World of so Great a Treasure And there is the less-Concern in this Matter because they are not designed for every ones publick View a few Copies being only intended to be Printed enough to preserve her Memory and for the private use of some persons who were either personally acquainted with her Admirers of her Wit and Virtue or particularly known to those that were and so it is not doubted but they will make candid Interpretation of all THE REMAINS OF THE Most Accomplish'd and Excellent Lady The Lady GRACE GETHIN Digested under their Proper HEADS Of Friendship FRiendship without Tenderness gives neither great Content nor Disquiet some have such an insensible Friendship they can part with their Friends without Melancholy when absent they think not of them they render Courtesies without Pleasure and receive them without Acknowledgment they neglect all petty Cares the misfortunes of those they Love touch 'em not Generosity and Ostentation has as much part in all they Act as Friendship their Love is so luke-warm that the least Contest is ready to infringe their Friendship They Love as if they lov'd not and their Friendship is very much interested and built upon Self-love We see every day these ordinary Friends without Tenderness forsake those to whom they have promised Love as soon as Fortune frowns on ' em There are some that cannot bear the long sickness of Friends and care little for seeing 'em when they are no longer in a Condition to Direct them But they are not truly Friends that have not a tender Heart for 't is That only that makes the sweetness of Friendship Tenderness has yet something more particular it has I know not what Air of Gallantry that renders it yet more Diverting It Inspires Civility in those that are capable of it and there is as much Difference between an ordinary and a tender Friend as between a tender Friend and a Lover The better to define Tenderness it 's a certain Sensibility of Heart inseparable from noble Souls virtuous Inclinations and solid Minds which makes them when they have Friendship have it sincerely and ardently and have a lively Sense of the Griefs and Joys of those they Love 'T is this Tenderness obliges them to love better to be with their unhappy Friend than to be in any place of the greatest Diversion It makes them excuse their Faults and Defects It makes them do great Services with Joy and not neglect the least Cares It renders particular Conversation more sweet than general It appeases any Disorder which may happen among Friends it unites their Hearts and all their Desires In a word it comprehends all the sweetness of Friendship it gives the greatest Delight and savours nothing of the irregularity of Love but resembles it in many things else Those of a stupid common Friendship take care only to keep the fairest Letters of their Friends but those of a tender Friendship keep with pleasure their least Notes they harken to an obliging word with Joy and by an unexpressible Charm those of a truly tender Heart find no trouble to visit those for whom they have a Friendship tho' they be sick and Melancholy Friendship is the Allay of Sorrow the ease of our Passion the Discharge of our Opression the Sanctuary to our Calamities the Councellor of our Doubts the Clarity of our Minds the Remission of our Thoughts and the Improvement of whatever we meditate Virtue Learning and Abilities may be despised only Friendship is known to be so useful and profitable that none can despise it He that doth a base thing in Zeal to his Friend burns the Golden thread that ties their Hearts together The greatest Bond and Demonstration of Real Friendship is to chuse to have his Friend advanced in Honour in Reputation in the Opinion of Wit or Learning before himself Certainly Friendship is the greatest Bond in the World which is the Marriage of Souls It hath no other Measures but its own being it self as great as can be express'd Beyond Death it cannot go to Death it may Friendship being the greatest Bravery and Ingenuity in the World He is to be chosen to my Friend who is most Worthy and most Excellent in himself not he that can do most good to me Chuse to your Friend him that is wise good secret ingenious and honest all which are the very food of Friendship He is only fit to be my Friend that can give me Councel or defend my Cause or guide me Right or relieve my Needs or can and will when I need it do me Good Comfort me in my Sorrows be pleasant to me in private and useful in publick that makes my Joy double and divides my Grief between himself and me Thus is Friendship the best thing in the World and were it not for Pleasure and Profit there were no need of Friends Never accuse your Friend nor believe him that doth He that is angry for every slight Fault breaks the Bonds of Friendship He may be weak and thou may'st need pardon as well as he for thou doest not Contract with an Angel when thou tak'st a Friend into thy Bosom to whom give Counsel wisely and charitably in all that is prudent useful and necessary but leave him to his Liberty without Anger if thy Councel be rejected for Advice is no Empire Love to be with him Treat him Nobly Do to himall that is worthy of Love Bear with his Infirmities Give him Gifts and upbraid him not Admonish your Friend without Bitterness or Reproach praise him with worthy purposes just Causes and friendly Endearments for he is not my Friend who will be my Judge whether I will or no. Never be a Judge between two Friends in a matter where both set their heart upon the Victory For

renders him less innocent If I would Lye in behalf of another certainly I would for my self There are Lying-looks as well as Lyeing-words dissembling Smiles deceiveing Signs and even a Lying-silence There are Lying-Civilties and Lying-Courtesies for people sometimes oblige those whom they hate some because they need them and others out of Fear and Weakness sometimes they appear glad to see those they Extreamly dislike Thus do's Dissimulation and Lying confound each other Though all Complements are Lyes yet because they are known to be such no body depends on 'em so there is no hurt in 'em you return them in the same manner you receive 'em and without scruple conform to 'em yet 't is best to make as few as one can As for a pleasant Relation one may venture to add a little to History for Truth for the most part has somewhat too serious and is not so diverting as Fiction and since 't is no more believ'd than Complement one is left to ones Liberty There are no Lyes innocent but such as are Related for Lyes yet it ought to appear profitable for a meer Lye is Ridiculous There is a sort of Lying produced by Vanity and these people are diverting enough they are such as commend themselves each according to his Fancy There are Hectors that tell long Tales of dangerous Enterprizes where they never were out of a Violent desire that the World may have a better Opinion of 'em than they desire There are foolish Fellows that spend whole Nights in devising Adventures and whole Days in telling 'em pretending to Fortunes they never had Some mean Birth pretending to be a Noble Family that came in with William the Conquerour some would seem sick and think to hide Poverty with Lyes and some Lyars are so Extravagant that after they have been puzzled by some person in Discourse without knowing what to say make the handsomest Answer in the world at home as if they had spoke them on the place Some are so foolish to report that Persons of Quality Visit them and Write to 'em who never thought on them The Sum of all is That there are many Fools and Lyars in the World tho' they that Lye to prejudice others are infinitly worse than those that so commend themselves but these are so Ridiculous that I know not if I could not sooner tell a Lye a little Malicious than to commend my self But these have weak Judgments and deserve Pity If Truth could be Establisht in the World Conversation would be quite changed Lying would surest argue Weakness Dissimulation would be base and even Lying-Civilities not free from blame To lye for ones own Commendation is Ridiculous Complements are lyes so known they do no mischief and Poets are the only Lyars that deserve to be commended Though Lying be a great Fault 't is very difficult absolutely to renounce it or always to speak Truth And if we well observe they that Hate it most do sometimes use it It has certain little Conveniences very Necessary We always add a little to a Story to make it more delightful Who can commend a Woman without speaking more Good of her than she deserves or speak ill of an Enemy without Aggravating his Faults or a Lover complain without making his Misery greater than it is I beg your favour for pleasant Lyes and a Lye by way of Excuse or to save the Life of a Person 'T is a shrode Spanish Proverb Tell a Lye and find a Truth Certainly 't is an Heaven upon Earth to have a Man's Mind move in Charity rest in Providence and turn upon the poles of Truth There are some that are Lyars and don't know it since Speech is the great Thing that distinguishes Men from Beasts how Unworthy are they that falsify it No Beasts have deceitful Cries but that Animal bred on the Banks of Nile 't is only Wicked Man that perverts the use of his Voice Truth bears the supream sway in Love and Friendship and without it the World would be all Confusion Is there any thing more Odious than the Practices of those great Persons who with Looks and Words make one hope a thousand things they never mean to perform Is there any thing more Cruel than to discover that your Friend has deceived you or Mistress who swears she loves none but you and yet loves divers others or to speak properly loves none for a divided Love is no Love Sometimes one is apt to accuse another to excuse ones self True Lovers need not Lye unless in Poetry but for the usual Impertinent Lovers they may speak what they please for none will believe 'em but easy Women that deserve to be deceived Let them feign Sighs and Tears if they can Flatter and Lye pretend Despair and a thousand Counterfeit Loves they are all but so many Lyes Those who do not scruple little Infidelities have strong Dispositions to greater ones therefore one ought to accustom ones self to be Exact even in the smallest things Of Idleness I Know not which is most Shameful to be a sluggard for want of Wit or Courage Some are Idle only because they are Careless for they have a great deal of Wit and on some occasions shew they have Courage neither can one perceive they have any bad Qualities These are the most Guilty of all for why should they be so Unprofitable both to the World and to themselves to have Wit to no purpose and such an Indifference as to concern themselves with nothing to have neither Love nor Ambition but be so Negligent as to be Uncapable of any great Pleasure I Know not if it were at all better to addict ones self to what is not very good than to apply ones self to Nothing 't is certain that those whose Minds God has but sparingly Enrich't are happy when they are assign'd an Unactive Life and so they are hidden in their own Obscurities This Deficiency produces the same Effect in them which Wisdom do's in others and restrains them from appearing ill to the World There is none but Knows there are some that would not be spoken of if they were not in great Employments and of whom one hears a thousand Discourses because they acquit themselves ill of what they rashly Undertake Promote an Hair-Brain'd Man or one of Weak Capacity to the Management of State-Affairs or a faint-hearted Man to Command in an Army and you 'll find 't is pity there are no more Idle than there be Though Idleness be good for nothing yet it hurts none it injures none but themselves but such as manage Employments they are Unfit for make great disorders and 't were happy if they did Nothing Therefore 't is better to Censure impertinent Busy-Bodyes than those Lazy-Backs who seek their Ease and do better in indulging their Quiet than in being Active but the worst Idleness is when they will addict themselves to Nothing though they are Oblig'd by Necessity to take the Employment which Fortune has given

some transitory Gallantrys provided that one be chief Mistress and they ready when she pleases to sacrifice them all to her But this is very Unjust for they would have an Entire heart and are Jealous but of a kind Look to another though they take the liberty to share themselves to every Woman they like in the World But we often see those we confide in most deceive us most and therefore we ought not to put on an entire cosidence in any L d Bacon Nuptial Love maketh Man kind friendly Love perfecteth it but wanton Love corrupteth it It is a true Rule that love is ever rewarded either with its Reciprocal or with an inward and secret Contentment A man serves his Prince but gives himself to his Mistress and she her self to her Lover 'T is only Love alone that nnites Hearts tho' Friendship also boasts to have that power Two dear Friends may each have a Mistress that shall somewhat divide them at least render their Friendship less considerable but if Love unites two Persons that have tender Breasts and intelligent Minds I defie Friendship to divide ' em Of Gratitude 'T IS a Question if Benefits oftner produce Friendship than Friendship it self or great Deserts without Benefits I think Benefits seldom produce Friendship for they are as apt to wear out of the mind as Grief from which every moment steals a part so time weakens Gratitude as well as Affliction neither will Friendship without Desert produce a tender Friendship in Generous Minds We are not obliged to love Every one that loves us and on that account are ready to do us Good on all Occasions for this officious Love often proceeds from Vanity and if we are always ready to acknowledge and return their Civilties it 's enough For Friendship and Gratitude are two things we ought to have Gratitude for all from whom we receive any Benefit but 't is not in our power to love whom we please Desert alone disposes to a Friendship for increates Esteem Benefits ought to engage us to their Interests and beget a kind of Gratitude in our Minds the Effects whereof resemble Friendship such as have only Love to recommend them 't is enough to have a Compassion and Pity for them Ingratitude is the worst Vice and most opposite to Nature and Equity 't is hardly known among Brutes for Benefits and Kindness has mollified Lions Only Men are capable of Ingratitude This Vice is directly opposite to Justice it overthrows all laws of Society which to reasonable People ought to be a continual Armory of good Offices The Laws of Humanity bid us do good to whomsoever stands in need of it Is it not most just that we acknowledge from whom we receive a Benefit But there are such ill Tempers in the World that when they have been very much oblig'd they decline to own to whom they are obliged and at length cannot endure 'em and some are of that odd humour they will not make the least return to those that have done all things for them yet render considerable to such as never did them the least Courtesie they are of the Humour of those who had rather make Presents than pay Debts But the best is all the World explains against this Vice and there is no Ungrateful Person but decry's Ingtatitude Common Benefits are to be communicated to all but particular ones with Choice To be thankful for small Benefits shews we value Mens Minds not their Trash 'T is strange this Vice of Ingratitude void of all pleasure should be so General He that usurps the Good of another enriches himself by it A detracter hath the pleasure of being easily beleived A vindicative Person has the Content of being revenged of his Enemy but an ungrateful Man has the constant Displeasure of being stung with Shame and Remorse whenever he thinks what has been done for him but those who arrive at the highest pitch of Ingratitude never think of what has been done for them but if he doth not think at all there is still no Pleasure in not thinking of it 'T is a Question which is the worst Ingratitude that of a King or his People Master or Servant and among Friends that of Fathers or Children Husbands or Wives a Lover or his Mistress There are several Degrees of it and I think one may be positive there is no Equality under the Sun They may be divided into three Orders viz. in point of Duty Friendship and Love there are Laws which direct Kings to Govern and People to obey but none to teach Gratitude in Love the Morality of Love is no where to be found but in Sonnets Love being usually nothing but a piece of Gallantry diverting the World with pleasant Songs and Verses This is a slighter Ingratitude much than in Friendship The Ingratitude of Friends causes Hatred and divides Families that of bad Kings causes a thousand Injustices that of Subjects sedition Revolts and continual Wars that of Husbands and Wives criminal Loves and tragical Deeds therefore Ingratitude in Duty is most Dangerous An ungrateful Friend can never be a truly worthy Man but one that is Ungrateful in Duty may for Fortune justifies many things Ingratitude in Friendship is yet more detestable for Kings do not choose their Subjects Nor People their Kings often the same may be applied to Fathers and Children and even as to Husbands and Wives Interest makes more Marriages than Love or Choice So that if there be a defect in their Duty tho' they are to blame yet 't is the less because not loving at all they lessen the Obligation and fancying their Duty less no wonder if they easily dispense with part of what they owe and this is to be said for e'm That since they cannot love whom they please they cannot be oblig'd in spight of Inclination But our Friends we choose we are Voluntarily oblig'd to them We are not constrain'd to love 'em by any Laws or any disorder'd Passion but by consequence Nature Justice Reason Virtue and Honour Exact of us a correspondent Return of Good Offices and tho' we want the power we ought never to forget it but publish and own it with pleasure What confidence can there be put in a Man who is failing to his Friend The Ungrateful Man ruins his Reputation in the World and insensibly mischiefs Himself more than others 'T is possible he that 's ungrateful to his Prince may be Grateful to his Friend Mistress or Relation but an Ungrateful Friend is capable of any Ingratitude For if one receive a Benefit from an Enemy if he be so noble and Generous as to confer it one is oblig'd to acknowledge it as much as to a Friend and I know not if one is not oblig'd to Gratitude tho' one refuses the services they would do one Ingratitude is so common in the Minds of People that from the King to a Slave every one hath met with Ingratitude If a Prince be Just and Good the