never so able to advance all his Friends and Acquaintance We see Scipio had interest enough to make P. Rutilius Consul but he could not serve his Brother Lucius upon the same occasion Nay tho' we can do never so much for a Friend yet as I said before we must consider whether he is fit for such or such an Employment There is no true Judgment to be made of our Friendships till they are confirm'd by length of time and maturity of understanding If in our Youth we had a Love for the Companions of our Recreations this does not oblige us to contract a strict Friendship with them in our riper Years for at that rate our Nurses and Tutors might justly challenge the largest share in our Affection Now tho' these are not to be slighted yet they are to esteem'd after another manner than our Friends whom otherwise we can never preserve long Different Manners create different Minds and consequently dissolve Friendship And the only Reason why Good Men can never Love those that are Bad is because there is the widest difference imaginable in their Minds and Manners 'T is a good Rule in Friendship to take care lest the Intemperance and Extravagance of our Affection should hinder the Occasions of our Friends or prejudice their Interest For to return to Story Neoptolemus had never taken Troy if he had hearken'd to his Father-in-Law Lycomedes who had the Education of Him and strove with many Tears to stop his Journy Sometimes there will fall out pressing occasions that must necessarily divide Friends which he that goes about to obstruct because he can't bear a Friend's absence shows a weak impotent and unreasonable Friendship Therefore we must always consider what we ought to ask of our Friends as well as what we ought to grant them Sometimes there falls out an unhappy necessity of a final Separation between Friends For my Discourse descends now from the Friendship of the Wiser Sort to that of the Vulgar For Instance Suppose a Friend of ours has done some great injury to a third Person and that the Infamy of it is likely to extend to all that hold any Familiarity or Correspondence with him In this case we must let our Friendship cool by degrees and discontinuance of Conversation and as Cato us'd to say rather unty it gently than break it off abruptly unless some intolerable enormity breaks out so that we cannot with any appearance of Justice or Honesty avoid an immediate Separation Where we find an alteration in the Manners and Inclinations of our Friend which often happens or a difference between their Sentiments and ours in matters of Government for as I told you I am not now speaking of a Philosophical Friendship but of that which is more ordinary There I say we must take heed lest instead of laying down our Friendship fairly we take up a mortal Enmity for nothing can be worse than to own an open Quarrel where one has formerly us'd a Familiarity You see Scipio withdrew from Q. Pompeius's Friendship upon my account and left off all Familiarity with my Collegue Metellus because he was disaffected to the State In both he us'd that Wisdom and Moderation as to discover a Resentment free from Passion Therefore it must be our first care to have no variance between our Friends and our selves and where such a misfortune happens to use that Temper in our demeanor towards them that our Friendship may rather seem to dye of it self than to suffer any Violence from us We must take heed lest of intimate Friends we become Irreconcilable Enemies For this is commonly the occasion of Quarrels Reproaches and Railings which if they are by any means tolerable must be born with and we ought to have so much regard for our former Friendship that he that does the Injury may be more to blame than he that receives it Against all these Errors and Inconveniences there is but one caution and remedy and that is not to begin our Friendship too soon nor to misplace it upon such as do not deserve it Now those are to be look'd upon as most deserving in whom we find such good Qualities as seem to command our Affection This sort of Men as every thing that is excellent is hard to be met with and 't is very difficult to find any thing that is every way Perfect in it's kind There are a great many that will allow nothing to be Good but what is Profitable and value their Friends as Grasiers do their Cattel accordingly as they think they will turn to account Such as these want that generous and most natural Friendship which is to be desir'd of it self and for it self and never understood by any experience upon themselves how great the force and efficacy of Friendship is For a Man loves himself not because he expects any reward or return of his own Affection from himself but because every one is naturally dear to himself Now he that does not find he stands thus affected towards another can never be a true Friend for a Friend is one's other Self And since 't is evident in Birds Beasts and Fishes and all Creatures Wild or Tame First how they love themselves for this affection is born with them and next how naturally they apply themselves to others of their own kind and that with a strange tenderness and emulation as it were of Human Love we must certainly conclude that these Inclinations are much more strongly imprinted in the Heart of Man and that 't is Natural for him to Love himself and to seek some other with whom he may so mingle Souls as to unite Two into One. Yet some Ill-natur'd not to say impudent Men would have their Friends be such as they can never be themselves and expect that from them which was never done by themselves 'T is therefore necessary in the first place that the Man who would be a Friend should be a Good Man and next that he should find and fix upon one of his own disposition for then it is that the Friendship I mention'd is throughly establish'd when two Men equally affected to one another have so entirely master'd those Appetites to which the greatest part of Mankind is enslaved as to find a Pleasure in Vertue and Integrity and to delight in the mutual performance of all friendly Offices neither party desiring any thing from the other but what is fair and honest and Both having a Regard as well as a Love for each other For he that would separate Modesty from Friendship will Rob it of it's greatest Ornament 'T is a great Heresy in Friendship to think that it gives any encouragement to a loose and licentious Life For certainly a Friend was design'd by Nature for an Assistant to Vertue not for a Companion in Vice that because a solitary Vertue would be helpless and unable of her self to reach that degree of Perfection which she aims at she might be enabled by the assistance of some
that These were Wise Men but they won't do that They 'll deny this to any one that is not their Wise Man Then let us speak a plain Truth in plain English They whose Life and Conversation is such that their Honesty Integrity Justice and Goodness are generally approv'd They that are neither Covetous Lustful nor Bold and have but that Principle of Honor that was in the Persons I just now mention'd they I think are and ought to be accounted Good Men Who as far as Man can go follow the Dictates of Nature the best and surest Guide For methinks 't is Natural to all Mankind to maintain a mutual Society especially where there is a Relation thus we find that our Country men are dearer to us than Foreigners and our Kinsmen than Strangers For Nature seems to have planted in us a kind of regard and tenderness for the former But these are not always sufficient tyes upon our Affections For there is this difference between Affinity and Friendship that the first may subsist without Love whereas the last cannot take away Love and the very Name of Friendship is gone tho' that of Affinity shall remain How great the power of Friendship is we may gather from hence that of all the numerous and different Societies which Nature has appointed among Men This alone is contracted into so narrow a compass that Love is always limited to Two or very few Persons Now Friendship is an unanimous consent of Opinions in all Matters relating to Religion or Civil Affairs with all Love and Kindness Which next to Wisdom I hold to be the greatest Blessing that the immortal Gods ever bestow'd upon Man Others may prefer Riches Health Power Honor and Pleasure which indeed is the highest Bliss that Beasts are capable of attaining but these are frail and fleeting Enjoyments whose possession lays not so much in our own power as in the arbitrary disposal of Fortune They that place the Supreme Good in Vertue are most in the right but in the mean time 't is this very Vertue that creates and maintains Friendship for there can be no such thing as a Friend without it Let us now measure Vertue by the common Rules of Life and Conversation not like some of our modern Virtuosi by lofty Expressions let us call them Good Men who have always been reputed so such as Paulus Cato Gallus Scipio and Philus who are the best Patterns to live by and not seek after Others who are never to be found Among these Men there were more and stronger engagements of Affection than I am able to number or express First then How can Life live as Ennius has it without an acquiescence in the mutual Love of some Friend What is happier than to have a Companion whom one may trust as one's self Where were the pleasures and enjoyments of Prosperity without a Friend who shall rejoice for them as if they were his own How hard is it to undergo the burden of Adversity without one that shall take the greatest share upon himself All other things that are desirable to Man are proper only for one end or occasion Riches serve for Vse Power for Respect Honour for Praise Pleasures for Delight Health for Ease and Business but Friendship is suitable to every occasion wherever you go it follows you it is neither to be excluded from any Place nor unseasonable or troublesom at any Time so that we have not more frequent occasion as they say for Fire Air and Water than we have for Friendship I am not now speaking of the common and ordinary Friendship tho' that too is not without it's Pleasure and Use but of that which is more refin'd and perfect That I mean which was between those few Persons I have mention'd Such Friendship as this is an Ornament to Prosperity and a Support and Comfort in Adversity But amongst all the Conveniences of Friendship which are many and great I hold this to be the greatest that in the lowest ebb of Fortune it still bears up with chearful hopes of a better condition never suffering the Mind to despond or be cast down He that looks upon his Friend sees Himself as in a Glass so that Absence cannot divide them Want impoverish them Sickness weaken them nor which is stranger Death kill them such esteem and honor for his Memory does a Man leave behind him to his surviving Friend that the Life of the One is glorious and the Death of the Other happy Take away mutual Love from among Men and you will find that neither Cities nor Families will stand nay not so much as Agriculture will last If this does not serve to convince you of the efficacy of Friendship and Concord you may learn to value it from the fatal consequences of Dissention and Discord What Family is so strongly Allied what City so well Fortifi'd that it cannot be utterly destroy'd by Factions and Animosities From hence by the Rule of Contraries we may easily gather the many benefits that arise from Friendship A certain Philosopher * Empedocles Vid. Sext. Empiric adv Mathem lib. 8. of Agrigentum is reported to say in Greek Verse That all things in Nature and in the Universe whether they be fix'd or moveable are kept together by Friendship or divided by Discord the Truth of this Sentence is evident to every Man from his own Experience What Acclamations were there in the Theatre t'other day when in my Friend Pacuvius's new Play the King not knowing which of the two Strangers was Orestes Pylades avouch'd himself to be Orestes that he might die for his Friend and Orestes protested himself to be what he really was the true Orestes Now if the bare Representation of a Story was so generally applauded by the Audience what do you think they would have done if it had been Matter of Fact Here Nature plainly shews her power when Men own that to be well done in another which they would not do themselves Thus have I as well as I could declar'd my Sentiments of Friendship If any thing more remains to be said as I believe there is much you must expect it from those who handle this Subject more at large FANNIUS But we had rather expect it from You for tho' I have frequently desired it from others and heard them with some satisfaction yet we know You have another way of Delivering your self upon all occasions SCAEVOLA You would say so indeed Fannius had you been present at the Debare which was held about the Republick in Scipio's Garden to hear how bravely he desended Justice against the subtle Objections of Philus FANNIUS 'T was easie for so Just a Person to speak for Justice SCAEVOLA Then sure it must be as easie for him to discourse of Friendship whose chief glory it is that he has with all the strictest Methods of Truth Constancy and Justice observ'd its Rules and Precepts LAELIUS Nay now ye lay a Force upon me no matter by what Arguments 't is
can escape the nicety of their Distinctions They forsooth will tell us that we must not be over-stock'd with Friends for that 's the way to involve one Man in the Cares of a Multitude who at the same time has enow and it may be too many of his own That 't is troublesom to have too great an Interest in other Mens Concerns and more convenient to have the Knot of Friendship as slight and as loose as we can that upon occasion we may streighten or slacken it as we see fit That Quiet is the readiest Means to obtain Happiness which the mind can never enjoy if it must be in continual labour for the Fortunes of so many several Men. Others they say are of a more selfish Opinion which I have hinted at already that Friendship was to be desir'd for Convenience and Interest not for Love and Affection And therefore the more helpless a Man is the more reason he has to seek a Friend from hence say they it comes to pass that Women rather than Men the Poor rather than the Rich the Distressed rather than the Happy fly to Friendship as a Sanctuary Brave Wisdom indeed They may as well rob the World of the Sun as Human Life of Friendship the best and happiest Gift of Heaven But what is that Quiet they talk of which in appearance may be pleasant but is really to be avoided in most cases Would any Man in his Wits excuse himself from undertaking an honorable Action or Employment or lay it down when he has undertaken it merely because there is some trouble in the performance of it He that would avoid all Care must by the same Rule avoid Vertue which cannot without some difficulty reject and hate it's contrary as Good does Evil Temperance Lust or Courage Cowardice Thus you see Vertuous Men have the strongest aversion for those that are Vitious the Valiant for those that are Fearful and the Sober for those that are Lewd 'T is therefore essential to a well govern'd Mind to delight in all that is Good and to be offended at all that is otherwise Now since Trouble will sometimes befal the wisest Man which it must necessarily do unless we can suppose him devested of all Humanity I see no reason why we should banish Friendship from our Life because it may give us a little trouble Take but away the Affections of the Soul and tell me what difference there is I will not say between a Beast and a Man but between a Man and a Stone a Stock or any senssess thing We must not hearken to those that will make Vertue so hard and cruel a Mistress which in all things is easy and gentle especially in Friendship where she allows us a well to share the Comforts of our Friend's Prosperity as the Sorrows of his Adversity Therefore Friendship is not to be laid aside because some trouble must be undergon for a Friend no more than Vertue is to be neglected because it is attended with some difficulties Now Vertue being as I told you the very Cement of Affection when That appears so eminently in one Man as to create in another of the like disposition a desire of being joyn'd to him when I say this happens an Amity must necessarily follow And methinks 't is strange that Men should take so much Pleasure in the Vanities and Superfluities of Life as Honor Grandeur Building Dressing and Beautifying the Body and yet find no delight in a Mind enrich'd with Vertue that knows where to bestow and how to return Affection For certainly nothing can be more Charming than a Correspondence of Kindness and a mutual intercourse of friendly Offices Now if we add what we justly may that Likeness is so attractive of Friendship as nothing more 't will easily be granted that Vertuous Men love such as are Vertuous and delight to associate with them as if there were already some Alliance in Nature and Affinity in Blood For nothing is more desirous and I may say greedy of it's Like than Nature And now Fannius and Scoevola I hope I have demonstrated the necessity of a good Will between good Men which is the natural spring of Friendship But this Goodness is of a large extent For Vertue is not so selfish insociable or proud but that she is equally communicative of her Benefits to every particular and active for the publick Good which would never be had she not an universal kindness for all Therefore they that make Interest an inducement to Friendship seem to me to loosen it's most amiable Tye for 't is not so much the Advantages we receive from a Friend as the Love he has for us that ought to be valued and then it is that a good turn is most acceptable when it comes with a good will Now 't is so far from being true that Friendship proceeds from Necessity that they who abound most in the possession of Riches and Vertue which of all things has least need of any outward assistance are generally the most liberal and readiest to oblige Yet I question whether 't is always necessary that nothing should be wanting between Friends For if Scipio had never stood in need of my Service Advice or Assistance neither at home nor abroad what proofs had their been of our mutual Affection Therefore Convenience and Interest ought not to be the causes but the consequences of Friendship We must not give ear to those Worldlings who entertain such notions of Friendship as are grounded neither upon their knowledge nor their experience For God knows what Man living would purchase the greatest Wealth and Plenty in the World at so dear a rate as not to Love the rest of Mankind nor to be belov'd by them This were to live the Life of a Tyrant destitute of the least assurance of Kindness or common good Will and so full of Jealousies and Distrusts that there is no room for Friendship For who can Love that Man whom he Fears or by whom he thinks himself to be Fear'd Tyrants are flatter'd indeed for a while with an appearance of Friendship but when they fall as commonly they do then they see too plainly how few Friends they have 'T is reported of Tarquin that he should say in his Banishment that now he could discern his Friends from his Enemies when he was not in a capacity of being useful to the one or hurtful to the other Tho' I should wonder if so proud and cruel a Tyrant could find one Friend in the World Now as this Man 's ill qualities gain'd him no true Friends so commonly the affluence of Wealth indisposes some Men for a real Friendship For Fortune is not only Blind her self but she hoodwinks her Favourites so that they are generally puff'd up with Pride and self-conceit and certainly nothing is more unsufferable than a fortunate Fool. Of this we have frequent instances in some whose humor is at first not disagreeable till Honor Power and Prosperity make such an
alteration in them that they slight their Old Friends and grow fond of New Now what can be a greater weakness than for Men abounding in Riches to lay out vast Sums upon Horses Equipage Cloaths Furniture and twenty other Commodities that every Man may have for his Mony and yet not to be solicitous in the obtaining a Friend the Richest Treasure and Lovelyest Ornament of ones Life For let a Man bestow never so much in the purchase of worldly Goods yet he can't tell for whom they are purchas'd or who shall enjoy the Fruits of all his Cost and Care which may at last be snatch'd from him by some stronger hand but a Friend is a sure and lasting Possession Nay tho' we should suppose our selves absolute Masters of all that Fortune can give yet even in that condition a Life destitute of Friends would be Solitary and Uncomfortable And so much for this Point Let us now set some Bounds and Limits to Friendship how far it should proceed in Kindness concerning these I find three several Opinions none of which I approve The First is That we must stand equally affected to our Friends as to our Selves The Second That our Returns of Friendship must bear an exact proportion to the Obligations we receive from our Friends The Third That accordingly as a Man esteems of Himself such he must be esteem'd by his Friend Of these three Assertions there is not one to which I can assent First It is not true that a Man ought to stand equally affected to his Friend as to Himself For how many things are there which we would never do in our own Case and yet we are willing to do them for a Friend's sake For instance to sue to an unworthy Man to be importunate to reproach any one with some Bitterness and Passion all which would not appear so well in our own behalf yet might be excusable upon a Friend's account Besides there are many cases in which a good Man willingly neglects or quits his own Convenience that his Friend rather than himself may enjoy it The next Opinion limits Friendship to a mutual equality and exact Correspondence in all good Offices This is to call Friendship to too strict and severe an account by requiring that the Returns should be equivalent to the Obligations True Friendship methinks is of a more generous and noble Nature and scorns to be exact in observing whether more is return'd than has been receiv'd for we must not be afraid lest any thing should fall to the ground and be forgotten or lest our Friends should have too much of our Kindness The last and indeed the worst is that a Man must be esteem'd by his Friend as he esteems of Himself We frequently see some Men dejected in Mind and hopeless of mending their Condition in such a case it will not become a Friend to entertain the same mean thoughts of his desponding Companion as he has of himself but rather to use all arts and endeavours to raise his drooping Spirits and to animate him with better thoughts of himself and his Fortunes But we shall find that true Friendship has a nobler End than any of these if we remember what Scipio found so much fault with when he said there could be no Opinion more pernicious to Friendship than his who said that a Man must love with this reserve that he may one day hate He could never be persuaded that this Sentence was spoken by Bias who was one of the Seven but rather by some Lewd ill-natur'd Fellow that had a mind to subject all the World to his Interest and Ambition For how can any Body be that Man's Friend whose Enemy he thinks he may become hereafter Besides he must needs wish that his Friend may offend often that he may find more Occasions to rebuke him and he must as necessarily be displeas'd when he does well or succeeds well Wherefore this Doctrine whoever was the Author of it tends to the utter dissolution of Friendship He should rather have advis'd us to use such Caution in chusing a Friend as not to begin to love one whom at some time or other we may hate but if we are not so happy in our Choice as we could wish 't was Scipio's Opinion that we must rather bear with it than ever think of a Separation This in my mind should be the chief aim of Friendship that the Manners and Dispositions of Friends should be good and that there may be a Communication of all things between them both of their Intentions and Thoughts without any reserve And tho' it should sometimes fall out that a Friend's Request is less reasonable than it ought to be yet if his Life or Credit lies at Stake we may step a little aside to serve him unless we foresee that some scandalous Consequence will attend our Compliance For tho' there are some Allowances to be made in Friendship yet we must not hazard our own Reputation nor that necessary Instrument in all our Affairs the good Will of our Neighbours which to purchase by Fawning and Flattery is base and mean Above all things we must be mindful of Vertue which is the Foundation of Friendship Scipio for I must often return to Him who was always talking of this Subject us'd to complain that in all other Matters Men were more diligent than in this Every one can tell you how many Sheep or Oxen he has but ask him how many Friends and he is silent Most People are cautious and curious enough in the purchase of the first but very negligent and indifferent in the choice of the last All this proceeds from an ignorance of the true Marks and Tokens by which we may discern one that is well qualifi'd for a Friend We must therefore pitch upon those whom we think to be Men of a firm steady and constant Principle there are so few of this sort that we can hardly judge of them but by making some Trial and this Trial can't be made till we have entred into some Familiarity which being antecedent to our Experience seems to prevent our making a right Judgment of a Friend Therefore a Prudent Man must know as well how to stop the Torrent of his Affection as a good Rider how to check the Cariere of a head strong Jade Friendship must be us'd like Manag'd Horses the Humors and Dispositions of those we intend for our Friends must be observ'd by degrees Some are tried in a little matter of Mony how slight their Professions are Others again who are not to be tempted with a small Sum will be prov'd in a greater But if you can find a Man after all that scorns to prefer your Mony before your Friendship where will you light upon one that will not value Greatness Power Wealth and Empire above his Friend that when These stand in competition with the Laws and Rights of Friendship will not chuse the first before the last So hard is it for Flesh and
Companion to obtain her desires If therefore this noble Association ever was is or can be found between any two Persons they are to be look'd upon as the best Guides to this greatest Blessing of Human Nature This this is the Society in which is to be found all that Man can wish for Vertue Honour Peace of Mind Pleasure and every solid Enjoyment that makes our Lives happy and without which they cannot be comfortable This doubtless is the highest consummation of Human Felicity and if we would attain to it we must make Vertue the means without which we can never deserve a Friend nor any thing that 's worth our wishes and which being neglected they that think they have Friends will too late find their Error when they have occasion to make use of them Therefore for I cannot repeat it too often we must Try before we Love and not Love before we Try. But as our neglect in other matters of moment is too visible so is it chiefly blameable in the choice and management of our Friendships in which many of us use very preposterous Methods and in spite of the Proverb frustrate our own designs For sometimes we suffer our selves to be so incumber'd with our own worldly concerns or engage our selves so deeply in publick affairs that upon the least distast or disappointment in them we immediately take pett and fall out with our Friends But nothing can excuse our want of Care in a matter of so great importance for Friendship is the only thing in the World concerning whose usefulness all Men agree Nay tho' Vertue it self is derided by some and passes with them for Singularity and Ostentation tho' many that content themselves with a little despise Riches tho' Honor and Greatness which inflame the Ambition of most Men are so slighted by some that nothing is thought more vain and empty and so for other things of this nature that are admir'd by some and contemn'd by others yet all Men have the same respect for Friendship the Statesman and the Philosopher the Idleman and the Man of Business nay even those that mind nothing but their Pleasures will tell you that there is no living without a Friend if you mena to live happily For Friendship runs through every Stage of our life no Age or Condition is exempt from it Nay tho' a Man were of that morose and savage disposition as to hate and shun the conversation of Mankind as we read one Timon an Athenian to have done yet that very Man can't live without some body to whom he may vent his spleen and ill nature This we should find by our own experience if it were possible for some God to take us from the Society of Men and to place us in a Solitude there supplying with all the necessities of nature and only debarring us of the power to see any of our Fellow-creatures Is there any Man of so hard a temper that he could endure such a life and to whom that Solitude would not render all Pleasures fruitless and insipid 'T was a very true Saying that which we have receiv'd from our Forefathers and they from theirs as spoken by Archytas of Tarentum that if a Man were to ascend into Heaven and there to contemplate the nature of the Universe and the beauty of the Stars all that Entertainment would be ungrateful to him which if he had a Companion to speak to would have been very acceptable and pleasant Thus we see Nature flies Solitude and seems to seek some support and assistance from without which every true Friend does with pleasure But tho' Nature by so many tokens declares what she wants and requires we stop our ears I know not how nor why and will not hearken to what she suggests Now as the usefulness of Friendship is various and manyfold so in it there are too many occasions given of suspicions and distasts all which a wise Man will avoid lessen or bear And without doubt it requires a great deal of Discretion to preserve the Truth and Faithfulness of a Friend without giving offence at some time or other For our Friends must be often admonish'd and sometimes rebuk'd both which if they are wellmeant are to be taken well But 't is too true as my friend Terence says in a Play of his call'd Andria Compliance gains Friends and Truth Enemies Truth is ungrateful because it begets Hatred which is the Bane of Friendship But Compliance is infinitly worse for that ruins a Friend by indulging him in his faults and suffers him to run headlong into destruction But he of all Men is most to blame that both hates Truth and suffers himself to be misled by Compliance In this case all possible care and diligence is to be us'd that our Admonitions be without Severity and our Reproofs without Scurrility But let our Compliance to use Terence's expression be temper'd with all Freedom and void of Flattery that Pandar to Vice which is misbecoming not only of a Friend but of a Gentleman For 't is one thing to live upon equal terms with a Friend and another thing to live under a Tyrant but he that stops his Ears against the Truth and will not hear it tho' it comes from a Friend is certainly in a desperate condition and must be given over What Cato tells us is infallibly true that some Men are more beholding to their sharpest Enemies than to their smoothest Friends for the first speak truth sometimes but the last never 'T is very absurd in most Men when they are admonished to be troubled where they should not and not to be troubled where they should For usually they are not so angry with Themselves for committing a fault as with their Friend for telling them of it whereas on the contrary they should be sorry they have Err'd and glad they are Reprov d. As therefore 't is the property of cordial Friendship mutually to admonish and to be admonish'd and as the one is to be done with all Freedom but without any Sharpness and the other to be taken with all Patience and without any murmuring so we may be sure that there is no greater Canker to Friendship than Flattery fawning and assentation This Vice has too many Names as well as Shapes and is the infallible symptom of a base deceitful temper that speaks and acts every thing out of a love to Compliance more than Truth But Dissimulation besides that 't is odious in all cases for it corrupts and destroys our Judgment is utterly inconsistent with Friendship because it is repugnant to Truth without which the name of Friendship is but taken in vain For since the End and Excellence of Friendship is to unite our minds how can that be effected where one Man has not always one and the same mind but is unsetled inconstant and inconsistent with himself What can be so flexible and slippery as his mind who conforms himself not only to the Will but even to the very Looks
enough that I am forc'd for to deny so fair Request to one's Kinsmen were not only unkind but unreasonable As often therefore as I think upon Friendship this Consideration offers it self first to my thoughts whether Weakness or Necessity should be any inducements to contract a Friendship that so whereas either Party would be helpless of himself the Occasions of the one might be supply'd by the other and all kind Offices perform'd by both in a mutual reciprocation of Benefits whether I say this might properly be call'd Friendship or whether there were not some other Motive of greater worth and beauty which proceeds from Nature And certainly Love from whence the Name of Friendship is deriv'd in Latin is the first and strongest tye of our Affections Some Men shall receive a good Turn from those whom they only flatter with an outward shew of Friendship and to whom they pay a Respect suitable to their present occasions But Friendship will not admit of any Disguise or Dissimulation whatever proceeds from That must be sincere and voluntary So that methinks Friendship arises rather from Nature than Want and from a secret application of the Mind with a tender sense of Love rather than from any consideration how to make it serviceable to our Interest Experience shews us this in most Animals who for a time love their Young so entirely and are so well belov'd by them that one may easily perceive the force of Nature in these Creatures which is more eminently apparent in Man First from the mutual Love between Parents and their Children which nothing but some horrible Crime can destroy and next when there are equal grounds for Love on both sides as when we light upon one of the same Temper and Disposition with our selves in whom we have discover'd some eminent Ray of Goodness and Vertue For nothing is more amiable than Vertue nothing more attractive of our Affections We find in our selves an inclination for some Persons whom we never saw meerly upon the Report of their Vertue Who has not an honor and esteem for the Memory of C. Fabricius and M Curius tho' he never beheld them Who does not at the same time detest Tarquinius Superbus Sp. Cassius and Sp. Moelius When the two Generals Pyrrhus and Hannibal strove for the Mastery in Italy we had no great aversion to the former because of his Generosity the later Rome always hated for his Cruelty Now since the power of Vertue is so great as to render it lovely in a Stranger and which is more in an Enemy 't is no wonder if we are affected with it when we see it every day in an Acquaintance Tho' I must confess Friendship is mightily confirm'd by receiving some demonstrations of Kindness by an experience of Love and by frequent Conversation All which being added to that first Motive of Love will flame out into a wonderful Endearment of Friendship now if any one thinks this to proceed from a Weakness in our selves and a design to obtain private Ends and Interests upon others he makes the Rise of Friendship mean and ignoble by ascribing it to Necessity and Want which at that rate would best qualifie a Man for Friendship But 't is quite otherwise For he that has most assurance in himself and is endued with so much Wisdom and Vertue that he wants no Body but has every thing that is needful within himself this Man is worthiest to gain and preserve a Friend How did Africanus want me Not at all Neither did I stand in need of Him but as I lov'd him out of an Honor I had for his Vertue so He regarded me for some little Esteem he had of mine Time and Conversation increas'd our Affection And tho' many and great Conveniences on both sides did arise from thence yet we never made the hopes of them any Inducements to contract a Friendship For as we are sometimes willing to assist and oblige one another not through any hopes of Requital for that were to put a Benefit out to Use but because we are all naturally inclin'd to Humanity So methinks we should cover Friendship not for any expectation of an outward Recompence but because it is always its own Reward Some who like Brutes place all Happiness in Pleasure have a quite different Notion of Friendship but 't is no wonder if such as misplace their Affections upon so low and worthless an Object can never raise them to the contemplation of any thing that is Sublime Noble and Divine Such therefore we shall exclude from our discourse and rest satisfi'd that Nature creates in us all a propensity to Love and that the appearance of Vertue begets a true and sincere Affection This last Motive makes us place our selves as near as we can to Him we love that we may more freely enjoy the benefit of his Conversation and Manners that there may be an equality and correspondence in love and a readiness to oblige without the least expectation of a Return From this kind Contention many Benefits will arise and its Foundation will be stronger and surer than that of Weakness and Want For if Interest were the only tye of Friendship when one fails the other cannot last but because Nature cannot be chang'd therefore true Friendship which proceeds from Nature is immutable and eternal Thus have I shewn you the Rise of Friendship Would you know any thing further SCAEVOLA Good Loelius proceed for Fannius who is my Junior I dare Answer FANNIUS My Brother has spoken my Mind therefore pray Sir let us hear you on LAELIUS Hear then Gentlemen what Scipio and I have often said of Friendship He always thought that nothing was more difficult than to preserve an inviolate Friendship till Death For things may so happen that the Interests of Friends will be distinct or their Opinions in Matters of State different We find said He every day that the Humors of Men change with their Condition or their Tears An Instance of this he brought from Children who commonly lay aside their greatest Friendships with their Play-things or if they continued them till their Youth they were generally parted by some dispute for a Pleasure or Advantage that could not be obtain'd by both at the same time but if any were so constant as to preserve their Friendship under these Trials yet at last it would be violated when both were Competitors in Honor For there is no greater bane of Friendship than among most Men Avarice among the Better sort Ambition these have too often prov'd the causes of great Enmities between the greatest Friends Besides said Scipio many and sometimes just Occasions of Separation are given by some Ill Men that expect to be gratifi'd by their Friend in every unlawful Request as that he should be an Instrument of their Lust or an Assistant to their Injustice which if he refuses to do let his Refusal be never so well grounded he shall be tax'd with a breach of Friendship tho' at the
of another Does any one deny I deny too does he affirm So do I in short I have that command over my self as to be of every Man's mind as Terence has it in another Play this he applies wittily to Gnatho a Parasite which would look very absurd in a Friend There are too many in the World that resemble Gnatho in their Character tho' they make a better figure than he did upon the Stage Flattery in them is fullsome when they think their Vanity authoriz'd by their Greatness But we may as easily discern a Flatterer from a Friend with a little care as we can distinguish false and sophisticated Ware from that which is right The very unthinking Multitude where one would little expect to find any Judgment shall sometimes find the difference between a fawning Demagogue that is a Publick Flatterer and a wise and worthy Patriot What fine arts did C. Papirius use to insinuate himself into the minds of his Auditors when he endeavour'd to bring in a Law for making the same Person Tribune of the Commons as often as they pleas'd I oppos'd it but I shall say nothing of my self of Scipio I shall speak most willingly Lord what weight what Majesty was there in his Oration One would have thought he had been their Governor and not their Fellow-Citizen But you were present and his Speech is in every Man's hands Thus through his means that popular Law was rejected by the unanimous Consent of the People But to speak a word or two of my self You may remember when Q. Maximus Scipio's Brother and L. Mancinus were Consuls how universally the Law that C. Licinius Crassus propos'd concerning the Creation of Priests had obtain'd among the Vulgar Now the intent of this Law was to transfer the right of chusing Men into that Office upon the Populace 'T was he that first brought up the Custom of Haranguing the People in Verse But the Honor every one had for the immortal Gods together with my best endeavours in their defence did easily defeat his mercenary Oration This was done when I was Praetor five years before I was Consul tho' I must confess the success of that Affair is more owing to the Justice of the Cause than to the Abilities of its Advocate Since therefore upon so publick a Stage as a Vulgar Audience is where there is room enough for Shuffling and Prevarication Naked Truth can prevail when 't is laid open and illustrated how much more can it do in Friendship which is wholly measur'd by it For here unless your Friend unlocks his Breast to you and you do the same to him there can be no Trust or Confidence between you you cannot so much as Love or be Belov'd but will be forc'd to doubt the sincerity of each other's Affection Now tho' Flattery is very pernicious of it self yet can it hurt no Body but him that admits of it and is pleas'd with it from hence it comes to pass that those Men are most expos'd to the Flattery of others who are most apt to flatter themselves and to have an over-weaning Conceit of their own Worth 'T is true Vertue is lovely in her own Eye for she best knows her self and understands how Amiable she is to others But I speak not now of Vertue but of an Opinion of Vertue for most Men desire not so much to be Vertuous as to appear so Such as these are pleas'd with Flattery These when they meet with some elaborate Panegyrick that tickles the vanity of their Humor shall think the fulsom Encomium to be a true Testimonial of their Merit But this is not Friendship where one does not care to hear Truth nor the other to speak it The Flattery of the Parasite in the Play would not seem so witty to us unless there was such a Fop for him to work upon as the Braggadocio But does Thaïs thank me kindly d' ye say One would have thought it enough for Gnatho to have answer'd She does But he cries Oh! infinitely Thus your right Flatterer always aggravates that which the Vain-glorious Man desires should look Big Now tho' this sort of Witchcraft has most power over such as invite and encourage it yet the Wisest and Gravest Persons must be caution'd to take care lest they be overtaken by it some time or other Any Man that has his Wits about him may quickly discern an open Flatterer but we can't use too much Caution in arming our selves against the subtle Insinuations of the sly undermining Sycophant who shall then be most guilty of Assentation when he seems the Spirit of Contradiction who all the while he pretends to oppose you shall only amuse you and at last in Complaisance to you shall suffer himself to be convinc'd so that he who is most in the Wrong shall seem to have the Better side of the Question Now what is more gross than to be thus impos'd upon To prevent all this we must take care as the Poet says in his Epiclerus lest we be banter'd and bubbled worse than all the foolish Old Fellows in Comedies use to be For even upon the Stage we think the Character of an improvident Credulous Dotard very ridiculous My Discourse has deviated I know not how from the Friendships of the more Refin'd that is the Wiser sort of Men I mean here such Wisdom as Man is capable of to those of smaller account let us now return to the first Motive of Friendship and end with it 'T is Vertue Vertue C. Fannius and Q. Mucius that creates and preserves Friendship in That alone we shall find all that is agreeable faithful or constant Vertue having rais'd her self above the common Pitch and shewing her own Light sees the same and knows it in another to whom she joyns her self by a mutual giving and receiving of all that is needful for Both From hence proceeds Love or Friendship which are both deriv'd from the same word Amo in Latin Now Love is nothing else but a well wishing to him whom you affect without any inducement from Necessity or Interest for the Later will naturally follow upon Friendship tho' you do not think of it This sort of Affection I had when I was young for L. Paulus C. Gallus P. Nasica and T. Gracchus my Friend Scipio's Father in-Law who were all of them Old Men. This is more eminently perfect between those of the same Age as between Me and Scipio L. Furius P. Rupilius and Sp. Mummius Again when we grow Old we are pleas'd with the Conversation of Younger Persons as I am with Yours and Tubero's Nay I take great delight in my familiarity with P. Rutilius and A. Virginius tho' they are very young Now because the condition of our Life and Nature is so order'd that one Age grows out of another it might be wish'd that as we began the Race of Life together with our Equals so we might all along continue it and end it with them But since all things in this