lyke so well as I procurde it to the presse with this title as you see and thought it as a tokeÌ„ worthy to send vnto you to read whether beyng led there unto by the greate good affection I bare to the maker or by desart of the matter I know not but wel wee both know it is the naturall incliation of friendes one alwayes to thinke the best of an other Therefore as I know the first inuentor hereof ment nothing lesse then to put this forth to the publicke construction of the world to hasarde or aduenture the allowing or disalowing therof I wil not take vponme to geue out any showe of commendatioÌ„ therin at all Fyrst because I knowe it was not made to that intente and besydes least if it should happen to be coÌ„dempned of others as a vayne and tryfling toy I should therewith also be condempned to haue made a partiall and vnworthye prayse But syr if you can rightly consider it as by the least byrde that flyes in the ayre by the least fish that swims in the Sea and by the smallest worme that creepes vpon the earth The omnipotent mighty power of God doth as fully playne appeare as by the hougest and greatest moÌ„sters that beares life in this worlde euen so by the smalest booke that can be written by the most babling ballet that can be made and by the least word that can be spoken his straÌ„ge and wonderful workes in maÌ„ with his most liberall and incomparable guiftes vnto theÌ„ do as perfectly set forth and shew themselues as by the greatest volume that euer was written by the wayghtyest or wysest concept that euer was made or by the most eloquente or learned oration that euer was vttered The honest wyse and ciuil man doth as little despyse the worst and meanest begger that goeth by the waye as he geeatly honoureth the cheefest greatest prince that ruleth in the world euen so here the indifferent and wel disposed myndes wil as litle trippe or spuâ—ne at thys stumped lame and hauiâ—nge toy as they would greatly fawne vppon or runne after a more fyne or pleasaunt inuention But ther is an old prouerb Figulus Figulo inuidit one Potter hateth an other the which to auoyd these may be sufficiently to assure you in that I know you are a craftes man in that arte that as for this vnskilful potter this small trifle and toy is the first that euer hee made who wil not iustify it to be lawful nor good in that he was neuer prentice thereunto and for any he intendes I dare bouldly say shall be the last vnlesse it be a little cup or cruese for his owne mouth yet syr if your friendly actions hadde at anye tyme bene agreable vnto your continual colourable showes you would haue inabled him long before this by your friendly instructions worthye of your felowship and company But vnderstanding he had though to verye small and litle purpose some smacke in this your art as only to take your vessels in hand and to reade them ouer you alwayes shooke hym of demaunding a double fee for the teachinge of your skill much like to amusition who vsed to take of hysschollare which had learned before they came vnto him double soulare deuble that he toke of others which neuer learned before sayinge that hee tooke double paynes with them as fyrst to make them forget that they had learned before and then to teach them perfectlye agayne who if now he were alyue shoulde surelye fynde as small resorte of schollers as I thinke you do in that you are so curyous in your art Therfore to imagine this short and vnpleasaunte sounde here at this tyme presented vnto your audable and pleasaunt eares to be but as a preludium vnto other conceytes that he wil stryue to marre your markets with any such lyke rough hewen or mishapen vessels it shal be in vayn for be intendes nothig lesse And as for this small conceipt here at this tyme being cast in a very litle mould wherin great want of an artifitial workman must needes appeare I hope you will not stryue to condemne but rather excuse though it hath neyther heade to begynne handle to houlde by nor foote to stand vpon though perhaps neare aboute the end you shall find it very imperfect and so ful of secrete chinks and litle crantse as it wil hardly hold liquor without leaking but if your graue head shal esteeme it as an ydle toy imagine it as it is the fruictes of an ydle place For phisicke sake I know you haue swallowed many vnpleasant and bitter pylles for friendship sake you may as wel at this time digest this trifling and ydle toy But if you shal answeare mee that your such Phisical rescerpts haue alwaies inforced you to vse the pap of an apple or els to roule them in suger otherwise they might haue stucke in your throate then for answeare agayne I can but aduise you for the more easy digesting of this my friendly conceipt sent onely as a token vnto you to the rest of my friendes to roule it in styd of an apple in the sott asd slyppery pappe of your gentle pattence or otherwyse in stead of a suger lofe in some sweete and sugred spice of your most frienly interpretation and in this for the old acquayntaunce of longe tyme continued betweene vs I hope I shal not fayle but misse of your willing friendly conformity and therfore now since I haue sufficiently declared vnto you the cause of the publishing herof with the dispositioÌ„ and intent of the deuisor and least I shoulde make this my foretrottiÌ„g shew or preamble which rightly should be but a breefe declaration of what is to come longer then this his whole rase which is very short and consideryng my old lesson worthy in euery act to be remembred and obserued quod satis est sufficit I commend me vnto you you vnto God and these few lines following vnto your friendly construction Your assured friend VVilliam VVouldwell A SHORT PRELVDIVM to the friendly Reader Interpone tuis interdum gaâ—dia curis TO mingle mirth sometymes vvith care and vsyng neither of them to much Preserues thy body vvel in health it keepes thy mynd in perfect state To glutte in sorrovv day and night from day to day from yeare to yeare Thou drovvnst thy selfe in drousy moodes it syngles thee from all thy vvites The hotchpot for varietyes sake is oft accepted of the best And taken as a daynty dish if kyndly mixt vvith diuers tastes Resceites of all preseruatiues vvhere shall you fynde more fyt for health Then vvher the skilful mixtures be in dayly practise to be made A sugred svveete and syluer sound the musicke mixt doth alvvayes yeeld VVith harmony so heauenly vvherein no man but greatly ioyes And here to make a vvindovv fight out of my mynd novv to your eyes Since mixtures make all thinges so good let this my hotchpot beare no blame A flickeryng
A SHORT Inuentory of certayne Idle Inuentions ⧠THE Fruites of a close and secret Garden of great ease and litle pleasure By C. T. IMPRINTED AT London in Fleet-street by Thomas Marsh 1581. ⧠TO THE RIGHT VVORSHIPFVLL I. R. C. T. WISHETH LONGE AND prosperous lyfe to the glory and pleasure of Almighty GOD. AFter I had bestovved some parte of my inforced ydle time in drawing these few and friuolous lynes of most vayne and ydle inuentions onely of purpose to occupy my mynd which otherwise by occasions vvas subiect to receyue a more troublesome greater incombrance and then bending my selfe to a further intent to bestow the sowre fruictes of these my ydle gatheringes thoughe from a place of small pleasure of some such of my friendes whose curtesye I supposed woulde vouchsafe very wel to accept of them and in euery perticular poynt to pardoÌ„ my folly knowing that a litle mite was as wel accepted at the poore womans hands comming with a willing mynde as the great and costly preaseÌ„t was at the handes of the rich I theÌ„ setled my selfe vnto a further consideration and this I wayghed and considered with my selfe if I should rashly take vppon me to send vnto one or two or many of my friends this litle buÌ„dle of trifling toyes not vnlike but in a short time it might be drawn froÌ„ one friende to an other and so at the lenghth cleane out of the hands of my frendes into the mouthes of some others where perhappes it may bee so champt mumbled as it shal cleane be altered from the deaceÌ„t forme and shape of mans meate and made lothsome to the sight of euerye man and onley fitte for the mouth of the Hogg Wherby beyng desyrous to proceede in my purpose I toke occasioÌ„ to enter into the imagination of the nature dispositioÌ„ of maÌ„ with this intent that if happily I could find the ciuil honest inclinatioÌ„s of some able to waigh in equal ballance couÌ„teruaile with the vnciuil dishonest dispositioÌ„ of others theÌ„ would I the more willingly be bold to aduenture the publishing hereof to some of my frends according to my former meanig now after a litle deliberatioÌ„ takeÌ„ therin eueÌ„ as the faulkner who presently after euery flight doth hye and hasten hymselfe to take the fruicts of his game from the foote of his hauke I in the lyke maner callynge my wittes togeather haue demauÌ„ ded a iust accompt of them what they haue gathered accordyng to my purpose to serue my turne or at the least to resolue my mynde and as the Hauke doth open hys foote to yeelde the pray vnto his mayster sometyme very e gentlye and sometyme not so easelye wythout some stryuinge and wrestynge euen so also haue they in the same manner accordinge to their skill now opened themselues in this sort vntome as hereafter followeth According to your appointment wee haue bestowed some time in trauayling and wandringe to and froe and haue not onely traueâ—st the large and wyld field of this world but as neare as wee coulde haue also beaten euery little scrubbe and bushe wherein to our iudgementes any likely hoode of any thinge was to bee seene whych possibly might serue your turne And now as touching those things vvhych at this tyme doe onely concerne our charge and serue for your purpose which onely bee pennes and tongues thus much wee haue gathered togeather of the behauiour dispositioÌ„ of meÌ„ therin In the opeÌ„ field we haue sene to the plaine sight of the worlde that there bee a very greate and infynite number of menne some wyth pennes in they r eares bendynge themselues onely vnto vvrightinge some wyth bookes in their hands and with great delighte bestowinge all theyr tyme wholly in studye Some others vvee fynde neyther with Pen nor Booke but only with a lump of flesh in their mouthes so restles as it seemeth seldom or neuer willâ—gly coÌ„tent to take any rest of these some be restles onely of zeale ernest good wil coÌ„tinually to do good or els of pleasure to recreat themselues or delight their Fryends withoute vtterynge at any tyme any cause of offence some others agayne with their naturall and mother witts do alwais busy beate their braines and most vainly occupy their tougues onely in carpinge and snatching doing nothing themselues continually at other mens doinges On the other syde of those which geue their minds onely vnto wrightinge we fynde the dispositions of them bee also diuerse some to set forth and make playne vnto the ignoraunt and common people continually the heauenly and deuine misteryes onely for the pleasure and comfort to the Soule of man some to wryghting of such necessary matters which onely touch and concerne a coÌ„mon wealth beyng as needful for gouernment as the other is necessarye for comfort other some onely touchâ—g the safe keping and healthful preseruation of mans body which be the Phisitions But leauinge to report any further vnto you of necessarye writers we fynd an other kynde of people in the plaine and open field which geue themselues very often to write of pleasure only to refresh somtimes the weary witts as wel of themselues as of diuers other men beyng perhaps long incombred before with matters of greatter wayght which for recreation sake was neuer thought a thinge greatly amisse Of these we fynd very many which do greatly please and delyght the humoure of the common people without any iust cause of offence at all more vnto one man then to another And now to report vnto you no other vvyse in euery poynt then according to truth vvee cannot iustly say that in the open field wee haue seene anye honest or wyse man that will take vpon him by his penne willingly to iustefye anye vndecent dishonest or vncomelye thynge as wel for modestyes sake as for the preseruation safe keepinge of their credits for they know Litterae scriptae maneÌ„t that writinges remayne a long time be alwayes verye stronge testimonyes agaynste euerye manne Therefore wee fynde all menne striue to wright them in as good and comely order as possibly they canne Wee speake generallye euerye manne because we haue learned this in the worlde that amonge those kynde of menne with whom the commendable exercise of wrighting is mostly to best purpose vsed whosoeuer is founde to write otherwise theÌ„ according to honesty and good order they would not haue him taken or reputed among honest or wise meÌ„ as a man but rather as a rare deformed and mishapen monster they thinke no greater discreditâ— can any way fall vpon them then to haue such a one to beare the name of a companyon amyng them But yet ful well it is knowne among many of the wyse and learned penmen and to wel if it might be holpen that many nimble witted marchauntes though besydes very clownish dul mannered dolts vnder the counterfect habits of graue and ciuile callynges doe oftentymes intrude themselues into that coÌ„mendable
exercyse wyth such dishonest and vnseemely behauiour as the wise are no lesse ashamed then grieued to thinke of that wicked abuse thoughe they haue not alwais power to worke redres according to their good willes But they say it is taken for a rule infallable among them that wit subtilty and wickednes be thre such louing Brothers as seldome or neuer to bee founde a sunder and that wisedome pollicy and honest behauioure on the other syde be thre of the like And of our selues we finde by common experience that there is no greater vvyckednes in the world then doth dailye proceede from the witty maÌ„ and yet beyng as blynd in wisedome as the man is in sight that hath lost both his eies when any thing coms from him craftely and wittely deuised eyther by penne or speach or any other way he verely perswades himselfe that at all handes he is greatly extold for hys wit but contrary to that blynde imagination of theirs wee fynde that among the wise and learned they bee had in continuall disdayne for they say that neither wit nor learning deserues anye reuerence at anye tyme where honestye wanteth and as for wisedom vvhich in the latine tongue is tearmed Sapientiâ— it beareth continually with him the substance and sauor of al goodnes or otherwise it must loose the name and therefore euer to be had in great reuerence But to bee shorte besyde all this wee fynde by greate hunting and seekinge in euery corner by beating in many bushes that there is yet an other kinde of people which commonly lyke hedgecrepers lye lurkinge in huggermugger neuer once ventringe out into anye playne or open fielde if by chaunce they come abroad they come so secret lie as neuer seene eyther with pen in their eares with bokes in their haÌ„ds or scarcelye with any tounge in their mouthes if by chance they wright or speake it is alwayes in clowdes in libel manner and to the defamation discredite of some one or other particular and special man But these and all other sortes of euill disposed men wee fynd in this worlde the good gouernment is such that continuallye they be driuen to silence and that the wyse and learned men do alwayes gouerne the rest and be the other neuer so subtil or nimble witted yet coÌ„tinually they do kepe theÌ„ in subiectioÌ„ awe and therfore thus much now we may boldlye say that what soeuer is set forth by any maÌ„ either for necessityes sake to a coÌ„mon wealth for pleasures sake to the wryter to gratify his friends delight hiselfe or for any other reasonable or lawful cause if comly honest any thing tollerable besides so it be not to ridiculous the moâ—t wise best learned maÌ„ wil least of all condemne him but rather allowe his forward and willing mynde for they know it is no commoÌ„ thing for euery man to be singuler Conceyuing thus much vpoÌ„ this coÌ„â—sideatioÌ„ thus had with my self I find that though in nuÌ„ber the wicked euil disposed men do far surmount the good yet by auctority and by good gouernment the good doth alwayes waygh downe the apparant euils and God forbide that any apparante wickednesse shoulde euer beare anye sway It hath alwaies bene seene that one wise and learned man haue euer bene hable to kepe a thousande other wittye naughty packes continuallye in subiection and though they starte out somtimes by stealth like the dodmond or Snaile yet being once but toucht they are alwaies fayne to puâ— home and shrinke in their Horns agayne and God forbid that in anye Christian common wealth it shoulde euer be found otherwyse Therefore now I haue found for my purpose that whatsoeuer I or any other man shall take vpon hym eyther to speake or wright or any other way howsoeuerto put in acte it is onely necessarilye required at euerye hande that it deserue not the iuste rebuke or blame of the vvyse and honest disposed manne and as for those which bee contrary who feareth them I fynde must feare euery blaste of wynde for do a manne wel or do he ill they will be as ready to fynd faultes and to blame him as the wynd wil be to blow vppon him Wherefore now I haue taken such corage hereby as I haue imboldned my selfe to fulfill the earnest desire of my mynde to direct at this tyme this litle tryfle vnto you and if the small matter herein contayned with my duty and goodwill may but deserue to be taken in good part at your haÌ„ds wherof I nothing doubt also of the wyse and indifferent reader whiche hartely I doe desyre and lightlye to passe ouer some vayne and vnusuall wordes which perhaps in diuers places here in may be found then haue I obtayned the substance of my desyre thus leauing to imagin of to answer any other obiectioÌ„s which perhappes may bee inuented agaynst mee least beynge to tedyous in troubliÌ„g you to much I here end and as by duty bouÌ„d duringe life to be at your commaundemente do most hartely commende you vnto almighty God From London the thirde of October 1â—8â— TO HIS VERY Louinge and especiall friende olde Oliuer Fyndfault of Englande in the countye of Europe Gent. William Woulwell in most friendlye manner sendeth most hartye greetinges IF I shoulde so lightlye lett this passe as hereby to geue fre scope to you my friend and to euerye other â—â—cleheaded penmaÌ„ flowing by dayly practice and experience in all cunninge and curious conceiptes perusing this small pamphlet which claymeth no other tytle then a toy to condemne the inuentor hereof I should greatly iniury him and not vnworthely of greate folly might condemne my self in that I haue so rashly thrust him so nakedlye into the mouthes of so manye wheras perhaps if I had geuen him warninge thereof he might more strongly and better haue furnished himselfe but as naked as I founde him so nakedlye strayght wayes did I prefer him And therfore the truth is a very friend of myne beyng driuen from all the benefytes and pleasures of this world and inforced contrarye to the ordinances and rules of nature to hyde and harbor himself though as a guâ—ltles guest in a most solitary and dumpish desert beyng therwith drawen from all ioy and felicity in in any worldly necessary practise and rather indeuoring himselfe to recreate refresh and delight his mind with some toyâ—sh conceipts then otherwise being so incoÌ„bred to charge it with any matters of importance or weight for his owne solace and pleasure bestowed some part of that his ydle tyme in certayne playne and light toyes of inuentioÌ„ not much vnlike therein vnto a certayne ydle kinge in Persia who in his progresses did nothig els but continuallye cutt and whittle stickes to dryue awaye the tyme. And by reason of my dayly recourse vnto him beyng priuye thervnto I craued and obtayned the coppye of this now extant the which I diuers times and ofte perusynge ouer toke occasion as a toy to
the end as cleanly to beare him and as cunninglye to win them all and as in worldly delytes hee lykewyse resteth hymselfe quiet neuer offering any trouble or disquiet vnto any of them onely in hope that the pleasures of the world wil be sufficient instrumentes to drawe them also to the bente of hys bowe as well as if he himselfe were in presence among them this appeiseth his bottomles and insatiable gulph desyrous if possibly he might to drown and draw vnto himselfe the pore innocentes and soules of al the worlde But there be many godly and well disposed men who by the continuall helpe and inspiration of the holy Ghost haue at all attemptes as great cunninge to preuent hym as he hath alwayes subtillye in seeking to tempte and deceaue them they neuer muse or start at anye of hys sodayne or secrete shadowes but continuallye laboure and bend themseues to withstand his such wicked deuises And now to shew my present and secret trouble euen so in the verye same manner though not setling my selfe in the lyke Godlinesse of deuotion as before mentioned yet bendyng my selfe vnto a worldly and necessary studye I feele euen now of late very censably playnly many secret and priuy twitches but by whom I cannot imagine hearing nor seyng any thing at all as for the deuil I hope it is not for man or woman it cannot possibly be and therfore desyrous to follow as nere as I canne the steppes of these godly and well disposed meÌ„ what soeuer it is vntil I hear further therof I wil not so easily be ouercome Idlenes Sir to driue you from your dumps and great admirations it is euen I. Studient Friend Idlenes I may not say welcome But since you are come geue me your hande what was the cause that you so oft so secretly puld mâ—e by the sleeue that I could neuer neither see nor heare you Idlenes Oh syr it was for verye mere good will which I did beare as alwayes I haue borne most willingly vnto you For loking priuely and peping ouer your shoulders and seynge you so earnestly besyde your booke I thought with my selfe if sodaynlye I shoulde haue blowen out my trumpet or haue breathed any loude sounde or synging into your eares or if sodainly I should haue appeared vnto you I mighte perhaps haue so frighted and driuen you vnto such a sodayne start and terrible feare as durynge your lyfe euer after you mighte thereby haue fallen into some wonderful and great paulsey and therfore in the most gentle and freÌ„dly manner I coulde I easily and priuily fearing your such disturbance puld you by the sleeue Whereupon hearynge you so grauely beginning your grounde and running such descant vpon the Deuill hys dogge and his damme I stoode a longe tyme as though greatle amazed expectinge your laste stroke and how you would make your close wherby at length I might plainly perceyue you in a manner likened mee though not named vnto the Deuill and hys dogge which consideryng my continuall friendlye mynde towardes you I could not chuse but take very vnkyndlye Student Friend iniury I knowe you haue not bene so baselye brought vp in beggers bosome with ignoraunce but that you do as well know the order and course of this worlde as the greattest learned most famous Clarke of all your white heade and many yeares in greate experience haue brought you sufficieÌ„t knowledge to counteruayle the best continuall companye and oft handlynge doe bryng the wyld and brutish beastes at the length to be tame and manye Byrdes as Parattes and Pyes with such lyke oftentymes to speake Experience teacheth vs that companye many tymes doth worke greate wonders and what is it that company will not cause The old Prouerbe is that companye oftentymes doth make many olde men verye good cookes and my frend take you froÌ„ company take your heade from your shoulders Somtyme like a roge and shakeragge halfe naked a man may fynd you dauÌ„cing among beggers some while brawling and fighting and some time cracking of lice somtime in mean apparaile in tauernes and tipling houses tossing and swilling and cracking of crownes sometyme agayne in most braue and gorgious attyre a companioÌ„ with the best to be short of what estate or calling is he of into whose company sometyme or other you haue not intruded your selfe Therfore beyng so well acqnaynted as I know you are with the natures and dispositions of all men it semeth verye straunge vnto me that now you shoulde seeme so ignorant of me as to take anye thing vnkindly whatsoener I haue spoken of you for you know right wel that notwithstanding most men are content secretly oftentymes to entertayne you yet few or none at any tyme but roges and knaues dare for their credits sake openly allow or commend you it can not bee also vnknowen vnto you that you haue alwayes bene cronacled to be that author and mother of all mischiefe vice calling your wits togeather and remeÌ„bring your selfe you know more herein theÌ„ I can tel you Therfore neuer take the wordes of your friende when they seeme to offende you but rather hys mind For notwithstanding my former speech I wil not be to curious nor shye of your company a wyse maÌ„ I know sometyme wil admit of the simple foole and prating knaue to sit at hys bord the one to make sport in laughing the other in talkinge and both to passe away the tyme for a yonge man to bee alwayes graue vntil his very roote beginnes growes to bee gray were surely in my concept as greate a follye in hym as if alwayes he should be ydle Therfore my friend since now you haue so gently so aduysedly and so friendly preseÌ„ted your selfe vnto me and beynge I knowe the messenger and seruante and atturney of an atturney discourage not your selfe at any thing I haue spokeÌ„ but euen as bould as you would be with the greattest acquayntaÌ„ce you haue be euen now as bould with mee acquaynt me with the cause of your comming Idlenes Syr as you haue sayd I confesse in euery part it is true I fynd now greate reasoÌ„ doth wish me to take in very good part what soeuer ye haue alreadye spoken or shal hereafter euer speake A QVESTION BY IDLEnes put forth to the Studente SIr if my vayne and ydle motions shoulde not trouble your graue and well occupyed mynde I woulde with your patience craue your aduyse and iudgement in a matter though verye common and easy wherin at this time my ydle braynes be some thing basyed Student My busines is not so greate but I may very wel afford to graunt you audyence and also answeare you if neede shal so require therfore let me heare your mynd and shew mee the troublesome and clammye way wherein you sticke and if my skill may possiblye worke you out a more playne and easye passage you shall not loÌ„g misse of your such earnest desire Idlenes Sir since your curtesy is
men ther shall be nothing but deuising continually to wrangle and one to deceaue an other knitt likewyse to togeather a knotte of knaues you shall see nothing but cosenage quarellig brawling and fighting Perhaps you wil say to me then ioyne wyse men togeather and they no doubt must nedes very wel agree but the corruption of this world is such as I fynd by experieÌ„ce though it be agaynst reason in that wisdome is so sure and perfect a guide vnto them that they wil oftentymes and greatly iarre But where you wil haue the wisdome and pollecy of man to beare anye sway place him not to gouerne and coÌ„maund his equals and much lesse his superiours But whom is hee to commaund and rule let him bee in place of auctority aboue them and then eyther for feare or loue they wil obay him Admit the chiefe captayne in a fielde of equal countenaunce auctority and rule with manye of his Souldiers thinke you that they would leÌ„g agree I think rather that the whole campe by theire continual disagrementes that I am in as greate auctoritye as thou and I as thou would very easily and soone be ouerthrowen and therfore according to wisedome and pollicy one cheefe head schole mayster in euery schole doth alwaies and only bear the greatest sway though somtime he hath diuers vshers vnder hym one chief gouerner and ruler in euery field thoughe with many vnder captaines and petty leaders and not without great counsayl of wyse and experte men doth alwayes beare the sword of rule and euen so in euery like But wher you would haue the blinde man wel ledd let his leader be of perfite and sound sight wher you wil haue the crafty dissemblinge and subtill man the simple fooles the veryest knaues the common clowted shooes and all other sortes what so euer kept in their dutyfull due and cumlye good order I woulde not haue you couple togeather like to like though the olde sayynge may bee hadde in remembraunce Simile amat simile for it is most commonly proued to be true that man ofteÌ„tymes loueth that which commonly doth him most harme But commit them vnder the gouernment and rod of the most grauest wyse and pollitick vsshers that possiâ—ly may be â—ound Wherby the more likely you shall keepe them in awe and thus my friend to finish my answeare vnto your question as hear you may perceaue the great wisedome and graue gouernmeÌ„t is not onely needfull and requisite but very necessary for the mayntenaunce of euery godlye gorgious house and as well for the gouernment of a common welth and that no man haue he neuer so gallant or braue a seate is esteemed in this world and common wealth worthy of rule honor and dignity vnlesse hys wysedome and pollicy in good gouernment be agrâ—eable therunto euen so is it with your welfauored and parsonable man which accordinge to your discription wanteth both witte and all good quantyes Idlenes Sir you haue not now only resolued me of my question but you haue entred according to your saying that we shoulde both meete in a mynde into the verye same path wherein â— my self had determined to walke before a turn or two for though my question was of a most welfauored and strayght â—â—â—de man yet the cause therof was this owtward gorgious inwarde naked house which you haue here deâ—cribed wherof intending to vse some speach vppon a sentente of the most famous and learned â—ratour M. T Cicero I thought good to be boulde first to creepe by the sayd simile of the man into some part of your iudgemeÌ„t therin wherin now with moste hartye thankes you haue verye wel serued my turne Student If I haue any way pleasured you I am very glad but whereas it seemeth by your wordes your intent was to vse some speach let not anye thinge that I haue sayde hinder or stay your proceeding for if it be well or any thinge tollerable I wil allow therof if otherwyse I wil wish it amended Idlenes Sir nothing doubting of your friendly acceptauÌ„ce and good counsayle this is the sentence whereupon I first grounded my purpose and intente M. T. Cicero Non domo dominus sed domino domus honoranda est Idlenes VVho list to build a lofty house intending there a portly state Had neede lay vvel his vvits in souse to keepe them fresh vvithin his pate A pouldring tub if rightly vsd and seasond duely to his kinde VVhich alvvayes yeeldes his liquor svveete and pleasde the tast of euery mynd For buildinges braue be eas'ly made but hardly then they be mayntaind If not by trickes of vvisedoms trade vvhich teach vayne toyes to be refrainde But he that should such toyes set dovvne as vvisedome vvish vve should not vse Might see him selfe in folly drovvne in that most men vvould him refuse For vvho sees not the vvorld is bent to pompe and prayse in euery thing And nothing vvell if vvisely syent hath eyes but they be flattering Conceipts of cost vvithout measure are novv so grovven into delyte As vvhere no toy there no pleasure vvhich pleaseth not the vvanton sight Therefore synce vve haue vvealth at vvill and tyme in pleasure minde to spende To haue of our delites our fill let vs our selfe ro feasting bend And novv hovv shall thâ—s pleasant day or drousey if it so befall Be brought to end and past avvay Good cheere sayth some is best of all And then novv vvhether shall vve sayle to him sayth one vvhere daynty fare And delicates do neuer fayle nor yet of cost is any spare For there a vvorld of vvanton vvightes vveshall not misse but fynde most braue VVe can not vvish for more delightes then there at all tymes vve may haue VVe shall not there be bid vvelcome to such poore fare as vve shall fynde Nor yet see thinges onely handsome but passing fyne of euery kynd For biefe veale mutton pork or souse geese capons hens vvith all such like They feede the seruaâ—ntes in the house and all of Dayntyes vâ—e must picke VVith â—ausy sallets of al sorteâ— of tast pleasaunt vvith cosâ— plenty VVherof an hundred by reportes vvill hardly one mauâ—atisfy No common bread vve shall neede eate bâ—â— castâ—â—â— tovvers and tovvnes of golde In suget paste vvith cost so great as sildome hath the like bene could Nor yet neede vve drinke ale or beare choyse of VVines be there so plenty And dainty lippes fit for such cheare that house is neuer longe empty Therfore novv let vs as I say since tyme of pleasure serues so vvel Goe passe avvay this pleasant day vvith him that beares avvay the bell Student Oh friend I sigh to heare your vayne and hovv this vvanton vvorld is bent To bring a virtue in disdayne vvhich is vvhen vvealth is vvisely spent For then it ought to be of right accompted liberality VVhen othervvise in vvisedomes sighâ— it is but prodigality If this vvhich you haue sayd be true as seemes experience hath you taught VVisdome might make
your hart to ruâ— that you so oft such vice haue sought Idlenes VVhy syr say you thus of to this as though it vvere a payne to heare Young men delight in fantasies vvith honest mirth and daynty cheare Student I truely it is thought a payne to all vvile â—en that euer vvrote That heads so young should beat their brain to stroy such as they spye to doâ—e For vvisdome vvarneth vs to reach the ignorantes hovv to auoyde Destruction yea vvracke or breach eâ—pying them thervvith annoyde And not to trippe the blynd man dovvne vvith ioy to see him â—umbling there For so you may deserue the crovvne of knauery vvhich many vveare The vvhich I vvould be loth to see my frend should vveare aâ—token playne Of folâ—y fyxt in him to bee vvhich vvith the vvise bread great disdayne But since vve be all vvell agreed to passe sometime in pleasant cheare VVe vvil not seeme to hunt for neede nor yet to buy our sport so deare That vvith returne our friendes shall see our credits are so crackt vvith shame As some svveete syrupe suckers be for then of right deserue vve blame Such vvanton steppes vvevvil not tread as to allure our friendes to charge Since captayne Vanity such doth leade as loue to cloy their friends at large For by such â—oyes as you haue namd it is vvell knovvne that many men Of much greate vvealth haue bene so lamde as novv to begging they must leane VVho therfore vvill be partener vvith such vayne vvanoring heads at all Must thinke himselfe the vvoithier to beare such blame as doth befall But if you vvill take my aduyse vvith such delightes as I thinke good VVe vvill not chuse our faâ—e so nise nor yet such Oste of vvanton mood The auntieÌ„t house vve all knovv vvel vvhich shoring standes vppon the hill VVhere such vvere euer vvont to dvvel as alvvayes had their vvit at vvill They euer tooke delite to leane vnto the saying of the vvise That measure is a meary meane and please al men of honest guise VVhich hath them taught to guide so right that house in hospitality As come or goe by day or night they vvil not feed your iolity But for all plenty of good fare no place to bountye more is bent You shall not there fynd dishes bare nor yet see vvant of vvhat is spent As for pastimes vvith plasures fit for gentlemen both young and â—â—ld You can nor vvish by any vvit more meate if you be vvisely bould And can your vvhâ—es so vvind at vvill as to be fitt at each rebound To mayne vvith some prety skill the balle of vvit vvhich tost is round For there you shal not only haue your hunger fed vvith holesome cheare But you shal fynd delight to craue such pleasures oft to see and heare It is not like your gluttons fare vvhich happily lasteth for a yeare For here a vvise man rules vvith care and scrapes avvay all folly cleare Therfore since novv vve be so light as â—apors vvhich the sunne dravves vp To be alluerd by vveather bright let vs first drinke of follyes cup. And then if all agree thereto this ydle tyme to passe avvay As marchpaind mouthed vvantons do vve vvil soone spend this pleasaunt day And thus vvee see in euery place most men to this haue greate desire VVith vvho shall shovv the lustiest face in costly fyne and braue attire VVhich yeeldes them honor as they thinke in places vvhere they be not knovvne And so from place to place they slinke and vveares perhaps more then their ovvne VVherby such thankles gluttons feede themselues ful oft in many a place VVhere many such as haue more neede dare not for shame once shevv their face For he that vveares not cloth of gould vvith â—atten veluet or such like Must not among such gayâ—â— be bould as though he should his mates there seeke VVhen he perhaps that vveares his cote most playne iâ— oft the better man VVhich vvise men alvvayes vvel do note and yet mend none do vvhat they can But such as pedlers packes do bearâ— if they by vvealth aduaunced be He that should spy them fitting there and tell them of this fond decree Might luckely leape to saue his head from knockes if they might him vvel reaâ— For that in steed of suger breade he sliceth them such sovver leach And yet to end I do admit the meanest man deserue may vvell Among the best sometyme to sit if vvealth be vvonne by great trauell Or els by virtue of learning vvhich doth the meanest man of all As our experience dayly bring to honor high most easely call VVherto vvhen they aduaunced be by force of virtues paynful trade They vvel deserue in their degree such honor as by lavves are made And yet from vvhence the vines do spring of all virtues that euer vvere As in the scholes of deepe learning â—â—eaâ— reasoÌ„s svvarme vvho best should beaâ— But there they rest and all agree as bees vvhich buze abroad avvhile That learning vvel deserues the fee of honor great vvith noble style And he vvhose vvits most vvisely vvrest nobility longest to preserue Must best be thought among the rest of right his honor to deserue Idlenes SIr you haue nowe bound me by dutye to gieue you most hartye thankes that thus frieÌ„dly you haue bene contente for this short time to banish your selfe froÌ„ your so earnest graue and profound studye to accompany me with your friendly conceipt in thâ—se my dayne and ydle inuentions And therfore now lest I should so long here at this tyme keepe you walkinge with mee in this my path of vanity as hereafter when wee shall haue like occation to trouble you in crauinge your coÌ„pany agayne you shall be vnwilling to graunte the spendinge of any time which is the most precious â—ewell in the whole world with such an endles busye and ydle runninge brayne I leaue heare at this tyme to trouble you any further commending you vnto God to your seate and chayre of studye from whence you came Student Friend Idlenes though perhaps I am not so curious or coy in spending of my tyme for good felowship and company sake as you suppose and think me to be yet I may not any waye blame you but rather do very well allow of this your such ready conceipte reasonable speech wherin you seeme not only vnwilling greatly to assure or intise me vnto any folly But also as loth long to hould or kepe mee in anye path of ydlenes or vanity For true it is that notwithstaÌ„ding most willingly hetherto I haue concented to bestowe both tyme and speech accordinge to your request yet as true it is I would be very loth to consume or spende any longe tyme in such friuolous and vayne deuises Thoughe for the companye of my frend I can somtyme be coÌ„tent to wade with him in some smoth cleare shallow flash of folly yet I confesse I would be very loth to aduenture so far with him as to swim in
any rongh darke or bottomles pit or puddle of wicked fylthe vice I would bee loth with a kinge to drowne in follye though with my meanest frend as I haue sayd I can bee content to wade therein willinglye I would not if I could otherwyse chuse goe to farre in any thing But bearing alwayes in mynde the warninge of a wyse manne to leaue the Racke and Maunger and to take a snatch and awaye with small hyndraunce vnto any of my wayghty affayres I can at anye tyme in anye honest and cumlye toye of delighte or pleasure recreate my selfe and accompany my frend But now as seemes vnto mee perhappes you haue an ydle and wanton turne or two secretly to walke by your selfe wherein you would not haue mee willingly behold your gesture therefore cunningly crauinge the riddaunce of my companye as though for feare of offence you commeÌ„d me to my chayre whereunto beyng verye well content to graunt you your such secrete and cunning request I am as willing to goe and in likemanner as you commended me vnto God I also in the same friendly manner commend you not vnto him but to your owne inuention Wishinge you to remember your owne counsayle now in your selfe not to walke to long in any your pathes of vanity Yet I doubte verye much friende Idlenes to disswade you froÌ„ vanity for it wil most certaynly perswade a great number to accuse mee of vayne follye and perhaps I may so deeply incurre â— displeasure of so many as durynge lyfe euer after turne which way I will the blame of my such folly shall stil continually be blowen in my face for setting curiosity asyde to be playne when your thicke and bushye beeâ—â—lâ— heade in shape much like to a hedge hogge halfe vnclosing himselfe and shewinge his bare and naked face lieth rowled vnder an aperne and tumbling in your sweete harts and wantoÌ„s laâ— busying the wabling belclarppe of your so vayn and ydle body so greatlye to her good lyking and pleasure euery waâ— as shee seemeth not onely loth to leaue your company but rather longing stil to coÌ„tinue her such pastyme in playing with the soft and gentle prickes of that your rowlinge and ydle pate and sometyme perhaps at your oft request and flattering intisement yeelding with her smoth and tender lips to honor your hard and bruselled mouth If then this merry gale of wynde this sturring betwixte you cuppling your ships to gether and sayling outward in your voiage of delighte you bluntly by chaunce shoulde boulte cute this my friendly perswasioÌ„ though secretely vouchsafed vpoÌ„ you moning my speach the cause of your departure vnto that your louing wanton mouse and in the middest of al your pleasure offer so to departe then shall my secret though vndeserued pinching paynes begin then shall I be so toste from tounge to tounge froÌ„ mouth to mouth from place to place and so sharply and shrewishly shakeÌ„ vp amoÌ„g so many as doubtles it were a thousaÌ„d tymes better for any man in the like pitiful case a mong them though not as a dogge to be tost in a blanket they will say let olde grayberde keepe his counsayle to himselfe We will craue at his hands his graue aduise wheÌ„ we thinke good because now by continuance of tyme he is become froÌ„ a clarke to a parrish priest could he now be coÌ„tent to haue no clarkes at all could hee now fynd in his hart to be reader singer and belringer and al in his parish alone surelye it were not amisse if hee were wel applyed and kept to his tackle but one moneth and then no doubt wee shall see him come creeping lasisy home with weary limnies and then yf any man wil offer to take a rope out of his hand you shal see hee will be as ready as willing to let it goe as euer he was in his life to take it vp then shortly after you shall heare he wil as openly publish it to be a deede of charitye to helpe the weake and surcharged maÌ„ as he hath alreadye secretly whispered in disalowing the wanton seruice of the stronge and youthful bodyes and then will confesse that a helping hand is â—euer to be blamed espetially in those thinges which must needes be done Therfore waying wel the vanity of his speech let vs not so easilye parte as to breake of all good company for a white hayre Frend Idlenes I know this wil be their saying besydes this I know you haue many haÌ„gers on very diligeÌ„t daily studients desirous to immitate you in this your ydle art and to learne your cunning slayghtes in rockinge in Venus lappe prickinge in and picklyng out sometymes pinhes out of her piâ—case thrumming of apern strings with many other ydle deuises and ther fore friend iniury since in disswadinge you accordinge to my former speech I shal seeme toper swade many a thousaÌ„d from that which they wil be verye loth to leaue and in so vaynly wastinge my wynde shall appeare as much an ydle packe as the best I recante my former perswasion and thus do commend you only heare vnto your naturall vayne ydle inuentions Idlenes Sir you seeme so gamesome pleasaunt in this your reply vppon my late and friendly farewell as I thinke you could be coÌ„tent to remainestil with me bathing your selfe in this my lasye tub as you terme it and vessel of ydle vanity therfore know this I am not so inclind vnto that vice of ingratitude I haue bene so vnciuisly or so vnmannerly brought vp that when any man friendly vpon good wil as though desyrous of my company shal come vnto me that then after â— whyle eyther by secret speeches or cuâ—ning gestures I wil seeme so weary of him as rather desyrous of his rouâ—â—th then of himselfe for truly it is nothing agreable eyther vnto my nature or to my bringing vp and much lesse when I my selfe shall be first desirous of his company But I must confesse you are blameles though you did mistake me for you cannot be so well acquaynted with my nature and meaniÌ„g in any thing as I am with the naturall disposition of you and of all the world besides I agree well with you if I were according to the common nature and disposition of men beyng in company with my friendes and familiars I woulde sometymes wish and perhappes willinglye câ—aue rather their roumth then their company For admitting I weee as other meÌ„ bee and as you your self in your youthfull dayes heretofore haue bene then perhaps and not vnlike but it might be with me as it hath bene with you many others that some famous learned skilfull Astronomer hath latelye bene with me and by his or her misticall and wonderfull straunge knowledge hath geuen me certaynly to vnderstand that such a tyme day and hower and in such a place there shal without fayle appear vnto me very secretly a glorious braue and goodly blasing starre and that the
assay The goodman then for manners sake vvil bid him vvelcome as his frend Content his folly so to take as though ther vvere no more behynd Tertius But then if there such roote remayne of shameles shiftes so rype in him As that he can not yet refrayne But stil in follies puddle svvim He shall the third tyme come in vayne vvith vvordes of vvelcome none at all And must haue scarsely for his payne one drop of drincke vnlesse hee call Quatridianus The fourth the fault doth smell amayne goe place syr smell rost then in hall Or vvith lack drum me him entertayne vvithout the dores vvith dogges to braule His stomack stampes as hunger slayne to gorge such geastes it is a payne VVho vvisely can himselfe so strayne to match such mates shall greatly gayne For novv such suckpaps olde do â—aygne vvhich after dugges that drop good cheaâ— Do so much dayly fond and fayne as no place can from them be cleere For wearing of ringes FOr that it is a prouerbe olde the vvinners may best vveare the gold VVe knubby knuckels rusty rough do see more fit to lead the plough VVhich fond to see their fingers shyne in steede of fatt vvith goulden myne But vvisely vvayed it is most vayne and bringes such thinges in geat disdayne VVhen ringes be knackes for euery knaue for then no vvisemen vvil them craue But vvere it trim to ring the nose I thinke I might soone fynd out those That vvould to please their daynty gyrles rend that vvith ringe and pretious pearles Disorder marreth euery thinge so doth misvvearyng of your ringe Cost is comly vvher order is good order therfore should not misse And such as vveare them as they ought the vvorthier then shall they be thought But some men thinke and so do I that natures flesh vvhen it is bare VVithout such pearles or paultery if fayre is fittest for the glare For vvhen dame Venus playnly shovves her selfe in natures naked vveed Your eyes then flye not after crovves but slayes to feede your vvanton neede To this the vvisest men of all As vve see dayly they be thrall But as for pearles of pretious stones they passe not for they be but toyes And gaudy geaugavves for the nones vvhich they accompt as childish ioyes But since they haue bene greatly vsd though much perhappes by some abusd It is not good to take avvaye such comly costly gold array But vvho so vseth it aright reserues the thumbe as for the knight And here in order as they lye your finger rynges you may apply Miles Marcator Stultus nuptie amator ☞ ☜ To vveare the ringe vpon the thum is for the Knight The forefinger for the Marchaunt The middle finger for the Foole The third finger for the maried man The little finger for the Louer ☞ ☜ The Knight sayth in his ring no vaunt to victory The Marchaunt in his no foe to Fortune The Foole in his no cost to colours The Maryed man in his no iarre to ielousy The louer in his no friende to fayth 1 The Knight in field in armour clad in eye of foes vvhich fayne his fall He sayth he sighes vvhen truse is had no vaunt to victory great or small 2 The marchant saylyng in his Ship VVith trafficke far and neere for gayne Still doubring lest he once should slip no foe to fortune sayth he playne 3 The Foole in folly fettered fast led forth fond fancyes most to craue He cares not vvhat doth vvast or last no cost to colours sayth he braue 4. The maried man great griefes indure and oft his hart nevv panges supply And yet nothing can him allure but sayth no iar to ielousye 5 The louer liues and reapes the ioyes of all the vvorlde and thus he sayth VVhere true loue lackes the rest be ioyes the earth doth beare no friend to fayth The rich man restles loth to heare of all sortes some to speake theire mynde And he to seeme of couldest cheere VVho can them all in vvealth outvvinde Sayth tumbling vp his rusty bagges loth to see his glistering gould Abroad to flye lyke tattered ragges no vvoe to vvant vvhen I am old The Kinge Omnes vos defendo I defend you all The king and ruler of the Realme by strength of svvord and counsayle grauâ— Shrinkes not to sâ—ryue agaynst a streame from furious force his seate to saue He neuer quayles nor fightes in feare his hand and hart alvvayes agree No force of armes that man can beare can stay vvhat he intendes to bee The strongest streames of riuers vvide by Princely povver are made to fall They stop not him to goe or ryde for bredth or depth his foes to gall VVhat castle tovver or strongest hold yeelds not in vievv of princely force And stoupes vvith crackes as vveake ould to geue him vvay to take his course And graunt him though a countrey small of trusty strong and faythful hartes He neuer feares as once to fal though all the vvorld besides take parts The earth the substance is of man from vvhence all creatures first vvere made And thence our liuely fode began novv mayntaynd by this golden trade VVhich once let slacke but for a vvhyle it shortly after vvil appeare VVho is most vvise vvil vse least vvile and shal most sone shevv couldest cheere And therfore thus among the rest to speake the truth he may be bould That from the vvorst vnto the best hee feedes all sortes both younge and olde The Phisition Omnes vos edo I eate you all VVhere liberall Artes do all take roote from thence Phifitions most do springâ— A trade vvhich if they vvin doth booâ—e them greatly all much vveath to bringe He â—vholly lyeues vpon his art VVhâ—â—◠〈…〉 all his age He hath no 〈…〉 mart 〈…〉 assvvage VVhich doth all sortes of men so vvring as fevv or none can lacke him long And vvhere the empty purses cling they must abyde the paynful prong For if he should of pitty spend VVith all poore payned soules his tyme He might himselfe to begging bend vvhich vvere in him a haynous crime But rich or pore vvho hath a grote though he perhaps be hunger slayne That vvil not keepe it from his throte to ease his heauy hart of payne VVhereto he oft vvith grieued mynd sees men so driuen all to spende And sparing not to speake his kind sayth he eates all vp at the end The light woman Omnes vos decipio I deceaue you all This vvoman is by natures shape and forme to sight so beautifull As happy he vvhose eyes escape most cleanly there to take a pull He neuer any tenant skeare before the cheefest lord of all Commaund him as his messinger such tenant to his Lord to call And then he comes to him in speede vvith such a doleful deadly sound VVhich makes the strongest harte to bleede and yeeld his body to the grounde He spareâ—no king for all his strength nor any man for pollicy Nor VVoman for beauty at the length but calles in time