XII mery Iests of the wyddow Edyth THis lying widow false and craftie Late iÌ„ EnglaÌ„d hath deceiued many Both men and women of euery degree As wel of the Spiritual as temporaltie Lordes Knights and Gentlemen also Yemen Groomes that not long ago For in the time of King Henry the eight She hath vsed many a suttle sleight What with lieng weepyng laughyng Dissemblyng boastyng and flatteryng As by this Booke hereafter doth appere Who so list the matter now for to here No fayned Stories but matters in deed Of. xii of her Iestes here may ye reede Now newly printed this present yeare For such as delite mery Iests for to here 1573. ⧠The Contentes of of these xii mery Iestes folowyng THe first mery Iest declareth how this faire and merye Mayden Edyth was maryed to one Thomas Ellys how she ran away with another by whom she had a bastard Doughter and how she deceiued a Gentleman bearynge him in hand how her Doughter was Heire to faire Landes and great Richesse ¶ The second merye Iest how this lying Edyth made a poore man to vnthatch his House bearyng him in hand that she wold couer it with Lead how she deceiued a Barbour makyng him beleue she was a widow and had great aboundance of Gooddes ¶ The thyrd mery Iest how this wydow Edyth deceiued her Hoste at Hormynger her Hoste at Brandonfery and borowed money of them both and also one mayster Guy of whome she borowed iiii Marks ¶ The fourth mery Iest how this wydow Edith deceiued a Doctor of diuinitie at S. Thomas of Akers in London of v. Nobles he layd one for her and how she gaue hym the slyp ¶ The fifth merye Iest how this wydow Edyth deceiued a man and his wife that were ryding on Pylgremage of iiii Nobles that they laid out for her how she deceiued a Scriuener in LoÌ„don whose name was M. Rowse ¶ The sixt merye Iest how this wydowe Edyth deceiued a Draper in LoÌ„don of a new Gowne and a new Kyrtell and how she sent hym for a Nest of Gobblets other Plate to that Scriuener whome she had deceiued afore ¶ The vii mery Iest how she deceiued a SeruaÌ„t of Sir Thomas Neuells who in hope to haue her in Mariage with al her great Richesse kepte her company tyl al his money was spent and then she tooke her flight and forsooke him ☞ The eight mery Iest how this wydow Edyth deceyued a Seruant of the Byshop of Rochesters with her coggynge and boastynge of her great Richesse who like wise thought to haue had her in Maryage ¶ The ix mery Iest how she deceiued a Lord soÌ„tyme Earle of AruÌ„dell how he sent v. of his men seruantes a handmaid to bere hâ—r company fetch her Doughter who as she boasted was an Heire of great Landes ¶ The tenth merye Iest how she deceiued three yong men of Chelsey that were seruantes to Syr Thomas More and were all three suters vnto her for Maryage and what mischaunce happened vnto her ¶ The xi mery Iest how she deceiued three yong men of the Lord Legates Seruants with her great liyng crakyng boastyng of her great Treasure and Iueiles ¶ The. xii merye Iest how this wydow Edyth deceyued the good man of the three Cuppes in Holburne and one Iohn Cotes and how they both ryd with her to S Albons to ouersee her houses landes and how thei were rewarded ¶ FINIS ¶ The Preface IN the Cittie of Exceter by West a way The tyme not passed hence many a day There dwelled a Yoman discrete and wise At the Signe of the Flowerdelyse Which had to name Iohn Haukyn Discended he was of an honest line A Man but of a meane stature Full well compact in euery feature Broad he was from pine to pine And red in the face when he dranke wine Blacke was his Haire and hooked his nose And now and then had the cough and the pose A sycknesse rayned vpon him aye Which troubled him sore night and daye Beside the Cough a bloudy flyx And euer among a deadly yex Which brought him to his finall day But ere that tyme I wyll you say He dyd espouse within that Countrie In processe of yeares Wiues three Each after other in mirth and game Women of great substaunce and fame And namely the last wedded wyfe With whom he liued withouten stryfe Tâ—e space of full fyfteenâ— yeare By than he was layd on a Beare A Daughter he had within band of maryage By his last Wife a worthy caryage Which named was Edyth at the Fontstone Of. ii women and a man of blood and bone And when that her Father was layd in graue From fyre and water her to saue Her Mother aye dyd her busy cure As Mothers done by course of nature And vertuously as I haue hard say She brought vp her daughter night and day Charging her vpon her blessyng That she ne should medle with any thing That sowned vnto good huswyfry But aye study to forge and lye And countenaunce it right well therto In euery place where she dyd go This Childe obeyng her Mother deare Answered to her as you shall heare Mother she sayde I am your Daughter I wyll endeuour my selfe there after While that I liue I shall resigne All such as pertayne to verteous dicyplyne My study shal be how I may conclude In things the people to delude ¶ Thus is the Mother and Daughter agréed Now go sayd the Mother God thée speed Thomas Ellys loueth thée well perfay And woeth thée fast day by day His desyre is to haue thée to wyfe And to liue together all your lyfe Wed him hardely spare not a dele And take another when he hath not his hele Daughter meke mery whiles thou may For this world wyll not last alway She promised her Mother to doo full well Euery thing after her counsell ¶ FINIS The fyrste merye Iest declareth how this faire wel nurtured Damsel Edyth was maryed to one Thomas Ellys and how she ran away with another by whome she had a bastard Doughter and how she deceyued a Gentleman who for her worthinesse preferred her to Sir Thomas DeÌ„nys before whom she auouched her Doughter to be Heire of faire landes THomas Ellys she maryed for a yeare or two And then left hym and away dyd go With a seruant of the Erle of Wyltshyre The which payd her well her hyre By hym in aduoutry a childe she had Which dyed when it was but a Lad Than her Lemman cast her vp Go where she wold gup queane gup She toke her way from thence ouer To a Towne called Andouer And there she made a Gentylman Beleue that she was from hym gone To seeke her a friend which in her right Would defend her with mayne and might For great wrong she said she had And by mighty hand was sore bestad And by mighty hand
wrongfully rest Both house and lande and nothyng to her left And what so he were that of good Affection wolde her helpe the whole disposition Of her onely Doughter he should haue which is a great Heyre God her saue This Gentilman went her right To Syr Thomas Dennis a worshipfull Knight Informyng hym how that it stood With this wydow of gentle blood And how that she had a Doughter and Heire Tender of Age goodly and fayre Which should inherite successiuely Both house and lande and that good plentie And who that would helpe her to her ryght Should haue her Doughter day and nyght In honestie to vse and her selfe both whiche thyng she bound with a great Othe ¶ The Knight hearyng this euery dell Bad the gentylman no longer to dwell But walke with her and fet her Doughter And we shall commyn more hereafter Then they departed and wandred right foorth Tyl they with good speed cam both to Wainsworth And there the gentylman full well did espie How the câ—ggyng queane most falsly dyd lye Then would he no lenger geue heede to her talke But bad her be packyng with a vengeance walke And neuer to come in his sight any more Syr no more I wyl not quoth she god before The second mery Iest how this liynge Wydowe Edyth made a poore man to vnthatch his House and bore him in hand she would bestow the coueryng of it with Lead and how she deceiued a Barbour makyng hym beleue she was a Wydowe and had great abundance of Richesse FRom Wainsworth than she tooke her way To liew where theÌ„ the Lord Chamberlayn lay And not far from his place a good long space In a poore mans house lodged she was And was in good credence with him in deede She seing the house couered with reede Sayd to her Hoste vpon a day Mine Host quod she next to the hye way Take ye the thak of your house a downe It is a foule sight buttyng on the towne Haue it away fast leaue the Rafters bare And for a new couering take ye no care It shal be hilled agayne ere it be long But loke ye wel that the Rafters be strong For I tell you they shall beare a great weight Hoste quod she I sweare by this light I wyll haue that end couered with Lead Came neuer such a couering ouer thy head Nor none of thy kin I may say to thee It lyeth in my Store house so mote I thee In fayre playne rolles new melt with glede My Plommer bestowed it I pray God hym spede An honest man is he and expert in that Art The selfe sâ—me day that he did depart A way from my house I cannot tell where Many a fayre Noble with him he did bere Her Hoste when be had hard this tale With his hands his cap he gan avale And with his knees flexed sayd vnto her there I cry you mercy Mistris what do you here In this poore cotage which is not meete for you Holde thy peace quod she for I wil not be kno What I am as yet â–ª and for consideration Go thou thy way and worke after the facion As I haue sayd looke thou speke no worde But is none of my Lords seruants at bord With you quod she nor hawnte they not heare It is lyke that they should for you haue good beere Yes quod her hoste now and then among My Lords Barbour is here with many a good song A liuely yong man I tell you full of corage Somtyme we haue here our whte Wine with borag And waters pyping hot out of the glede We chat and laugh it out so God me spede Mistresse folke must nede be mery somtyme Hoste ye say true by holy Saint Sym Quod the wydow but let vs go to dinner It is xii of the cloke and somwhat ouer Into the house they go and take refection And after they fell in further communication This yong maÌ„ that barbour as he was accustomed Came in sodenly and biddeth them God spede Welcome my guest quod the good man of that house How haue you done since we eate the sowse The last night ye remember to bedward Tut and it were a stone neuer so hard Quoth this barbour it should disgest with me For somtime when it wyll not forge I drinke a little lamp Oyle cast vp my gorge And then forth with I am as hole as a trowt But Hoste quod he what woman went out At the Dore now doe you know her well By gods body Thomas barbour I shal thee tel She is a widow of late come to towne But at al aduentures I had leuer thaÌ„ my gowne Thou were sure to her for she to me sayd She is worth a. M. li. and euery man payd Besyde land I cannot tell how mych The barbour gan to claw there it did not ych Holde your peace quod he she coÌ„meth in againe Mistresse sayd Thomas wil it plese you to drink And be ye mery and vse not to think Me semeth it becoÌ„meth a wel fauoured wight And namely a woman to be glad and light Yong man quod she I thank God of his lone I haue no great cause to make any mone I knowledge this that God hath indewed me An hundred folde better than I am worthye And I pray to hym that I neuer do the thing Which is contrary vnto his hye pleasyng Gods blessig haue you sayd Thomas barbour Forsooth ye speake lyke a good Cristian creature But let vs leaue al this make some good cheare Ostes fyll vs another pot with beere Quod that Barbour bid this gentilwomaÌ„ welcoÌ„e Mistrisse sayd that good wife this is all some Ye be hartely welcome euen at one worde And therwith she droue the Cat of the borde And made rome for a dish or two more This wydow had vnder her chin a sore That Surgeons cal Noli me tangere Which when the barbour did espye He sayd Misterisse may I be so bolde Nay yet I will not touch it for my hand is colde I pray you what is this God saue the mark A thing quod she that I wyll take no great cark For Surgery therto for I was borne so I thank God whether I ryde or go It doth not greue me otherwise than you see And it is no great blemysh so mote I thee Quod the Barbour but a lytell eye sore Now Mistrisse do ye gladly I can no more I trust we shall make better chere then this And then he began for to coll her and kysse So long they were dalliyng both day and night Tyll eche had others their trouth yplyght whiche was the same day as I hard say That the thatch of the house was pulled away And asked they were in holy churche where Christs workemen do wurche But when he by long communication Knew her falshod and dissimulation And after he perceiued he was begyled In all the haste his wife he exyled Ratyng her with termes somthyng rude And here
a down on her knees deuoutly And tolde her confessour many a great lye And of the treasure that she had in store And when that she could tell no more Master Doctor bad she should be mery He sayd Ego absoluo te Forte sic forte non And when that they had al done Out of the Câ—â—â—ch they went both She promised him a Gowne of cloth Of Scarlet coulour very fine in grayne And an hoode therto to kepe him from the rayne She promised him beside all that He should haue ye mary algate Of Goblets no more but a nest And of other things she made him hest So that he wolde while she were in towne Walke with her vp and downe And lay out mony alway as she neede And three times double so god her speede He should haue agayne within three dayes Therin should be made no delayes Master Doctor was well content And in the Cittie before her he went So long tyll that he had out layd Of his owne money and for her payd Fiue Nobles if the reknyng be right And then anone she stale away by night Master Doctor thought great vnkindnes That he was so serued for his gentylnes But she is gone what remedy now His money shal be payd hym I wot neuer how The fyfth mery Iest how this wydow deceyued a man his wife that were goynge on pilgremage who layd out for her iiij Nobles and how she deceiued a Scriuener in London whose name was Rowse BUt more wyll I tel you in very deede Of this wydow whom I pray god speede Shortly after she walked by the Thems side Not far from a way where folke did tide Among all other a man and his wife She saw riding withouten stryfe Both being of meetly good age It semed that they were on pilgremage Toward Canterbery or some other place Where as it pleased god of his grace But where ere they ryd or to what end Right soone she made them both discend Downe from their caple to the cold ground For she fared as she wold her selfe drownd This goodmans name was called Iohn Frank His wyfe Annes a Dame full crank Both they came ronning in great hast Toward this wydow fullsore a gast Leest that she ere they come neare Wolde spill her selfe she made such cheare Iohn Frank cryed woman remember thee What intendest thou aye benedicteie Thynk on God and banysh the fowle feend Beware of dispayre thy selfe not shend She stayed at that and sighed sore And sayd belssed be you I can no more For had ye not come the sooner verely I should haue ben damned perpetually But I pray you now tel me what I shal doe Quod this frank come away with vs go And tell vs further of your estate Then quod she I haue great hate God I take to iudge for mine owne right My goods ar taken away by might Undone I am standyng on this ground I am scarcely left worth iii hundreth pound As in mouable substance beside a lytell lande Whiche mine husbande left vnto my hand For she sayd that her husbande was a great man Of lande and sayd that he was deaâ— taâ—l God assoyle his soule quod she he was kind to me And I trust I quyt his kyndenes quod she For all folke saiyng God forgeue them This Frank desyred her to walke with hym As farre as London and he would do his payne That she might be restored agayne And the malefactors punished what soeuer they be Wydow dread ye nothyng quod he But come on this way in the name of any lorde And I shall bryng you where ye shall be at boord with a frende of myne in an honest howse The good mannes sir name is called Rowse There ye shall be honestly intreated But where is the Stuffe wherof ye speaked At Kyngston at Kyngston then quod she I care not muche for it so mot I thee Ne for all this world and therwith she gan wepe This Frankes hart than in his body lepe This game thought he goeth fayre and well He requyred her no more to tell As at that tyme but went foorthryght And came to their lodgyng before nyght To Frankes frende as I tolde you before A Scryuener he was and wrought full sore To hym they were welcome and welcome agayn And specially wheÌ„ Frank had tould him certain what woman she was and of what substance Then she tould the Scryuener of the great dystance That she was at â—or her ryght And much wrong she had by meanes of a knight whiche shal be nameles as yet quod she Tyll I see my tyme auenged for to bee God wyll sende me once a frende I truste Before whiche tyme I can take no rest Nother in body nor in conscience Tary ye here sayd the Scryuener go ye not hence And we shall haue frendes ynow for money I wyll not sticke for that truely quod she Howbeit my money is almost spent But I haue other thynges whiche shal be hent And money made therof me to defende I neuer had that Iewell so God me mende In all my lyfe but could finde in myne hert In tyme of neede therwith to depart At Kyngston on Temmes I haue certayne Plate Xl. poundes wurthe for all this mortall hate And other thynges withall els I be shrewe some â–ª She desyred her Hoste to her for to come I haue quod she to tell you in pâ—iuitie Step ye a lytell apart let your busynes bee â–ª Into the shop they go out of the hall And than she began for to tell hym all And more too by an hundreth lyes The Scryuener thanked her xl sythes For she had made to hym graunt Of part of her Plate wherof she made vaunt â–ª And the keepyng of altogether he shuld haue An Othe she sware so God her saue Of all her treasure she cared nor a myte So that she might her enemyes acquyte But Hoste quod she my friende leefe and dere I pray you of your good counsell here This wretched worlde I am mynded to forsake And chastytie for to avowe and take All my causes I am content to resine Into your handes myne owne Hoste myne Doo as ye lyst be it good or yll Ye shall haue all to order at your wyll The Scryuener sayd gramercy Maistresse Forsothe quod he ye intende well doubtlesse If ye wyll do as ye say I holde well withall Than he called Iohn Franke out of the Hall And made hym preuie vnto euery thyng She said vnto theÌ„ both that she ought offeryng To Sainct Sauiours and she would very fayne Go pay her Offeryng and then returne agayne And after she said that she would desire Her Hoste to wryte her Testament for hyre And last wyll whyle she were in good mynde So discretly that as for vnkinde Her frendes should not hold her another day whan that her presence is hence away The Scryuener Frank both praysed her gretly For her good purpose and said to her truely To performe your Pylgremage
euery thing and that with the most I haue done sayd Cotes whatsoeuer it cost She is allowed after her owne price To horsback than they yede at a trice And ridden forth tyl they came to Barnat Now friends quod she I wyl algate Leaue the towne as I told you before Cotes answered and a great oth swore That he wold not ride out of his way Care ye not quod he what folks say And if that ye be knowne what for that Put on your head this hood and your hat And eke this cloke about you if you doubt ▪ Than and they gawren round about Ye shal not be knowne of any maner wight I pray you let vs ride for it draweth vnto night Tut quod she ye be a mery man Trow ye that my owne folk ne can Know me and if I be disgused Yes I warant you ye shal heare it cryed If we ride through the towne for I shal tell thee Cotes I haue them in my Inne and they se but my fote They wil know me and what remedy then I know you wyll defend me lyke prety men Unto your power but what is one or tway In comparison to sixe if they mete in the way But seing ye wyll ieopard it geue me my cloke Ride forth a pace and not once a side loke Whē we com agaist the Lyon but hang down your heads And geue me in my hands your beades I wyll occupy both my hart and eke my minde The better assystance I trust we shal finde Ye but quod her host how shal I do for my boots I pray you that eyther I or els Cotes May ride for them and gallop after in hast I say quod she tyll we be this towne past We wyl not tarry for ought that may fall Worce arayed then you are ye cannot be at all At S. Albons we shal amend al fawtes And I trust arme vs for al assautes Wel then let vs ride in Christes holy name Yf ye think it best for I am yet the same Man that I was yerst for al the myre They rode through the towne lyke as wylde fyre Mad be◠new put in euery horse tayle And when that they came to the wyndmyl with the sayle There Cotes gan for to speake anon What way quod he shal we ride vpon Misteris where is your Farme the ye told of before Alas sayd she that euer I was bore It maketh me sick to think on the foule way That we must pas throw what shuld I more say A lane there is betwene vs and that The Porter of hel I dare say with his hat Cannot escape but he must ligge in the myre But we wyl doe well I wot what is our hyre To Hatfeld we shal ride this same night And to morow when we haue the day light We shal yede to S. Albons by than it is noone And my besynes there wil not be don soone It wyll cost vs two or three dayes wark But syrs quod she is none of you a clark I must haue a quytance made for my rent To a knaue which me sore repent That euer he occupyed any ground of mine I am sure be hath of Oxen and kyne An hundred heds and much stuffe besyde And the arrand knauee whē I com he wil him hyde Makyng him as bare as a byrds tayle And when I speake with hym he wyl not fayle To tel me a tale hinching and pinching And in faith Mosteris I haue no good thing To make you there but it doth me good to se you But if I could tell in what wise and how To auoyd the heynard he should not long abyde Well sayd Cotes what so euer betyde This same present night I wyll ryde To S. Albons I lyke not this tittell tattel Why quod she and ye think your horse be able To beare you through than do as ye lyst But I pray you that you bring me first To Hatfelde and than ye shal haue a token To my seruant that dwelleth in my Inne With the crosse keyes in S. Albones to wne And tomorow in the morning vp and downe Ye may se mine house and my easment there And afterwards trusse together al my gere You shal haue in the parlour next to the strete A Cofer standyng at my beds feete In which Cofer all my money is Tree Hundred Marks I haue therein i wys In sixe bags but loke that ye beare But two of the lest with you for I haue certain geare In the tother so wer which shal not as yet Be seene of any body I let you wyt Ye may say that I trust ye to let you com so nere Shew Thomas Edwards my seruant there Where I am and that I sent you thither Commandyng him for is delyuer My keyes to you by such a token The which keyes were made to open The new chest at mine owne beds feete And eke my Whuch that is fast i shyt Wherein remayneth all my plate Trusse it surely and yet beside al that I pray ye that ye wyll take so much payne At that ye se no lyhelyhood of rayne As to bring with you vnto this towne A Kyrtle of chamblet and my tawny Gowne They ly on the presse in my owne chamber My purse also with my Beades of amber Take these things I pray you as fast as ye may Make a fardle therof and send them a way By Thomas Edwards to the Lyon in Barnet And when ye haue thus don remember this yet Take two fresh Geldings out of my stable And leaue yours there till they be better able To iornay on the way Syrs say I not well Yes sayd Cotes if it be as you tell At the Checker in Hatfelde she toke her lodgeing When it was ful late in the euening There her Host and Cotes departed her fro And also as fast as their horses can go They ryde tyl they come to S. Albons towne And there demaunded vp and downe For the crosse keyes and found it at last Thomas Edwards there they asked for in hast And than was none such in all the throwfare That hore quod Cotes euyll mote she fare Hath begiled vs and what remedy now His felow answered I shal tel thee how Peraduenture ther ar more crosse keyes then one Aske ye som body and ye shal know anone The hostler told them that there was yet an other I thank you sayd Cotes my owne good brother There they demaunded as they dyd before The good man asked where they were bore And what they wolde haue that time of night Quod Cotes to his felow let vs downe light This is the house I wot well inow A master Edwards I pray you tel vs how That ye liue here in your mistris absence Masters quod he Syrs get you fast hence By myne ayde as I entend well Therwith she went and on her knees fell Than her host asked what she wolde geue On that condition she might haue leue To walk at her wyll whether she wolde Three Grots quod she in fayre peace itolde And that is all that euer I haue At this tyme vpon me so god me saue The money he receyued and then bad her goe Whether she wold but doe no more soe At three of the clocke in the dark mornyng Away she yed before the dawning And where she become then that tyde I cannot tell you in al this world so wyde ▪ But fare well frost syth that she be gon Cotes and his felow in the morning whan They were vp rysen and kempt their heaire For the wydow they asked than was there No body could tel whither she was yede Their host they demanded and he sayd by crede He wyst not where she was let her go Quod he then it is well ye skaped so One loked on an other wist not what to say And in conclusion euen the right way To London they tooke in all the haste They wolde not once tarry to breake their faste And of this prosses I make an ende God saue the wydow where euer she wende ¶ FINIS by Walter Smith ¶ * ⋠* ¶ ‡ ⋠¶ * ⋠* ◠‡ ¶ * ⋠¶ * ⋠¶ * ⋠¶ * ⋠¶ * ⋠¶ * ⋠¶ * ⋠¶ Imprinted at London in Fleetlane by Richarde Iohnes