Ladies not there Ia. I haue a vaunt-Curriing deuise shall make them digest it most healthfully Exeunt SCAeNA QVARTA Enter Clarence Musicians Cla. VVorke on sweet loue I am not yet resolud T' exhaust this troubled spring of vanities And nurse of perturbations my poore life And therefore since in euery man that holds This being deare there must be some desire VVhose power to' enioy his obiect may so maske The Iudging part that in her radyant eyes His estimation of the world may seeme Vpright and worthy I haue chosen loue To blind my Reason with his mistie handes And make my estimatiue power beleiue I haue a proiect worthy to imploy VVhat worth so euer my whole man affordes Then sit at rest my Soule thou now hast found The ende of thy infusion in the eyes Of thy diuine Eugenia looke for heauen Cla. Thanks gentle friends is your good Lord and mine gon vp to bedd yet A song to the Uiolls Enter Momford Mom. I do assure ye not Sir not yet nor yet my deep and studious friend not yet musicall Clarence Cla. My Lord Mom Nor yet thou sole deuider of my Lordshippe Cla. That were a most vnfit diuision And farre aboue the pitche of my lowe plumes I am your bold and constant guest my Lord Mom. Far far from bold for thou hast known me long Almost theis twentie yeares and halfe those yeares Hast bin my bedfellow long time before This vnseene thing this thing of nought indeed Or Atome cald my Lordshippe shinde in me And yet thou makst thy selfe as little bould To take such kindnes as becomes the Age And truth of our indissolable loue As our acquaintance sprong but yesterday Such is thy gentle and too tender Spirit Cla. My Lord my want of Courtship makes me feare I should be rude and this my meane estate Meetes with such enuie and detraction Such misconstructions and resolud misdoomes Of my poore worth that should I be aduaunc'd Beyond my vnseene lowenes but one haire I should be torne in peeces with the Spirits That flye in ill-lungd tempests through the world Tearing the head of vertue from her shoulders If she but looke out of the ground of glorie Twixt whome and me and euery worldlie fortune There fights such sowre and Curst Antipathy So waspishe and so petulant a Starre That all things tending to my grace or good Are rauisht from their obiect as I were A thing created for a wildernes And must not thinke of any place with men Mom. O harke you Sir this waiwarde moode of yours must syfted be or rather rooted out you le no more musick Sir Cla. Not now my Lord Mom. Begon my masters then to bedd to bedd Cla. I thanke you honest friends Exeunt Musicians Mo. Hence with this book now Mounsieur Clarence methinks plaine prose friendship would do excellent well betwixt vs come thus Sir or rather thus come Sir t is time I trowe that we both liu'd like one bodie thus and that both our sides were slit and Concorporat with Organs fit to effect an indiuiduall passage euen for out very thoughts suppose wee were one bodie now and I charge you beleeue it where of I am the hart and you the liuer Cla. Your Lordship might well make that diuision if you knew the plaine song Mom. O Sir and why so I pray Cla. First because the heart is the more worthy entraile being the first that is borne and moues and the last that moues and dies and then being the fountaine of heate too for wheresoeuer our heate does not flowe directly from the hart to the other Organs there their action must of necessitie cease and so without you I nether would nor could liue Mom. VVel Sir for these reasons I may be the heart why may you be the liuer now Cla. I am more then ashamde to tell you that my Lord Mom. Nay nay be not too suspitious of my iudgemēt in you I beseech you asham'd friend if your loue ouercome not that shame a shame take that loue I saie Come sir why may you be the liuer Cla. The plaine and short truth is my Lord because I am all liuer and tournd louer Mom. Louer Cla Louer y faith my Lord Mom. Now I prethee let me leape out of my skin for ioy why thou wilt not now reviue the sociable mirth of thy sweete disposition wilt thou shine in the world a new and make those that haue sleighted thy loue with the Austeritie of thy knowledge doate on the againe with thy commaunding shaft of their humors Cla. A las my Lord they are all farre out of my aimes and onely to fit my selfe a little better to your friendshippe haue I giuen these wilfull raygnes to my affections Mom. And y faith is my sower friend to all worldlie desires ouertaken with the hart of the world Loue I shall be monstrous proud now to heare shee s euerie way a most rare woman that I know thy spirit iudgement hath chosen is she wise is she noble is she capable of thy vertues will she kisse this forehead with iudiciall lipps where somuch iudgement vertue deserues it Come brother Twinn be short I charge you name me the woman Cla. Since your Lordship will shorten the length of my follies relation the woman that I so passionatelie loue is no worse Ladie then your owne Neece the too worthie Countesse Eugenia Mom. VVhy so so so you are a worthie friend are you not to conceale this loue-mine in your head and would not open it to your hart now beshrow my hart if my hart dance not for ioy tho my heeles do not they doe not because I will not set that at my heeles that my friends set at his heart what friende and Nephew both nephew is a far inferior title to friend I confesse but I wil preferre the backwards as many friends doe leaue their friends woorse then they found them Cla. But my noble Lo. it is almost a prodegie that I being onely a poore Gentleman and farre short of that state and wealth that a Ladie of her greatnesses in both will expect in her husband Mom. Hold thy doubt friend neuer feare any woman vnlesse thy selfe be made of strawe or some such drie matter and she of lightning Audacitie prospers aboue probabilitie in all worldlie matters dost not thou knowe that Fortune gouernes them without order and therefore reason the mother of order is none of her counsaile why should a man desiring to aspire an vnreasonable creature which is a woman seeke her fruition by reasonable meanes because thy selfe bindes vppon reason wilt thou looke for congruitie in a woman why there is not one woman amongst one thousand but will speake false Latine and breake Priscians head attempt nothing that you may with great reason doubt of and out of doubt you shall obtaine nothing I tell thee friend the enminent confidence of strong spirits is the onely wich-craft of this world Spirits wrastling with spirits
discredit my witt with their companies now I thinke on 't plague a god on them I le fall a beating on them presently Exit Enter Lorde Momford and Clarence Clarence Horatio Cla. Sing good Horatio while I sigh and write According to my master Platos minde The Soule is musick and doth therefore ioy In accents musicall which he that hates VVith points of discorde is togeather tyed And barkes at Reason Consonant in sence Diuine Eugenia beares the ocular forme Of musicke and of Reason and presents The Soule exempt from flesh in flesh inflam'd Who must not loue hir then that loues his soule To her I write my friend the starre of friends VVil needs haue my strange lines greet her strange eies And for his sake I le powre my poore Soule forth In floods of Inke but did not his kind hand Barre me with violent grace I wood consume In the white flames of her impassionate Loue Ere my harsh lipps shood vent the odorous blaze For I am desperate of all worldly Ioyes And there was neuer man so harsh to men VVhen I am fullest of digested life I seeme a liuelesse Embrion to all Each day rackt vp in nightlike Funerall Sing good Horatio whilst I sigh and write Canto The Letter Suffer him to loue that suffers not louing my loue is without passion and therefore free from alteration Prose is too harsh and verse is poetrie VVhy shood I write then merrit clad in Inke Is but a mourner and as good as naked I will not write my friend shall speake for me Sing one staue more my good Horatio Canto I must remember I knowe whom I loue A dame of learning and of life exemt From all the Idle fancies of her sex And this that to an other dame wood seeme Perplext and foulded in a rudelesse vaile Wil be more cleere then ballads to her eye I le write if but to satisfie my friend Your third stance sweet Horatio and no more Canto How vainely doe I offer my strange loue I marrie and bid states and entertaine Ladies with tales and iests and Lords with newes And keepe a house to feast Acteons hounds That eate their maister and let ydell guests Drawe me from serious search of things diuine To bid them sit and welcome and take care To sooth their palats with choyce kytchin-stuff As all must doe that marrie and keepe house And then looke on the left sid of my yoake Or on the right perhaps and see my wife Drawe in a quite repugnant course from me Busied to starch her french purles and her puffs When I am in my Anima refiexa quid sit faelicitas quae origo rerum And make these beings that are knowne to be The onely serious obiects of true men Seeme shadowes with substantiall stir she keepes About her shadowes which if husbands loue They must belieue and thus my other selfe Brings me another bodie to dispose That haue alreadie much too much of one And must not looke for any Soule of her To helpe two rule to bodies Mom. Fie for shame I neuer heard of such an antedame Doe women bring no helpe of soule to men VVhy friend they either are mens soules themselues Or the most wittie Imitatrixes of them Or prettiest sweet apes of humaine Soules That euer Nature fram'd as I will proue For first they be Substantiae lucidae And purer then mens bodies like their soules VVhich mens harsh haires both of their brest chinne Occasiond by their grose and ruder heate Plainely demonstrates Then like soules they doe Mouere corpora for no power on earth Moues a mans bodie as a woman does Then doe they Dare formas corpori Or adde faire formes to men as their soules doe For but for women who wood care for formes I vowe I neuer wood washe face nor hands Nor care how ragg'd or slouenlie I went VVer 't not for women who of all mens pompes Are the true finall causes Then they make Men in their Seedes imortall like their Soules That els wood perish in a spanne of time Oh they be Soulelike-Creatures and my Neece The Soule of twentie rare Soules stild in one Cla. That that it is my Lord that makes me loue Mom. Oh are ye come Sir welcome to my Neece As I may say at midnight gentle friend What haue you wrott I pray Cla. Strange stuffe my Lord Mom. Indeed the way to belieue is to loue And the right way to loue is to belieue This I will carry now with pen and Incke For her to vse in answere see sweet friend She shall not stay to call but while the steele Of her affection is made softe and hott I le strike and take occasion by the browe Blest is the wooing that 's not long a dooing Exit Cla. Had euer man so true and noble friend Or wood men thinke this sharpe worlds freezing Aire To all true honour and iudiciall loue VVood suffer such a florishing pyne in both To ouerlooke the boxe-trees of this time VVhen the learnd mind hath by impulsion wrought Her eyes cleere fire into a knowing flame No elementall smoke can darken it Nor Northen coldnes nyppe her Daphnean flower O sacred friendshippe thanks to thy kind power That being retir'd from all the faithles worlde Appearst to me in my vnworldly friend And for thine owne sake let his noble mind By mouing presedent to all his kind Like iust Deucalion of earths stonie bones Repaire the world with humane bloud and flesh And dying vertue with new life refresh Exit ACTVS QVARTVS Enter Tales Kingcob Eugenia Hippolita Penelope Winnifred King T is time to leaue your Chests Ladies t is too studious an exercise after dinner Tal. Why is it cal'd Chests Hip. Because they leane vppon their Chests that play at it Tal I wood haue it cald the strife of wittes for t is a game so wittie that with strife for maisterie wee hunt it eagerly Eug Specially where the wit of the Goosecaps are in chase my Lord Tal. I am a Goosecappe by the mothers side madam at least my mother was a Goosecappe Fen. And you were her white sonne I warrant my Lord Tal. I was the youngest Ladie and therefore must be her white sonne ye know the youngest of tenne I was Hip. And the wisest of Fifteene Tal. And sweet Ladie will ye cast a kind eye now vpon my Cosin Sir Gyles Goosecappe Pen. Pardon my Lord I haue neuer a spare eye to cast away I assure ye Tal. I wonder you shood Count it cast away Ladie vppon him doe you remember those fewe of his good partes I rehearst to you Pen. Verie perfectly my Lord amongst which one of them was that he is the best Sempster of any woman in England pray le ts see some of his worke Hip. Sweet Lord le ts see him sowe a little Tal. You shall a mine honour Ladie Eug. Hee s a goodly greate knight indeed and a little needle in his hand will become him prettelie King From the
consideration of my friend who indeed is only a great scholler and all his honours and riches lie in his mind Eug. Come Come pray tell me vnckle how does my cosen Momford Mom. VVhy well verie well Neece so is my friend Clarence well too then is there a worthie gentleman well as any is in England I can tell ye Eug. But when did you see my Cosen Mom. And t is pittie but he should do well and he shall be well too if all my wealth will make him well Eug. VVhat meanes hee by this tro yee your Lo is verie dancitiue me thinkes Mom. I and I could tel you a thing would make your Ladiship verie dancitiue or else it were verie dunsatiue yfaith O how the skipping of this Christmas blocke of ours moues the blockhead heart of a woman indeed any thing that pleaseth the foolish eye which presently runnes with a lying tale of Excellence to the mind Eug. But I pray tell me my Lord could you tell me of a thing would make me dance say you Mom. VVel farewell sweet Neece I must needs take my leaue in earnest Eug. Lord blesse vs here 's such a stir with your farewels Mom. I wil see you againe within these two or three dayes a my woord Neece Eug. Gods pretious two or three dayes why this Lord is in a marualous strange humor Sit downe sweet Vnckle yfaith I haue to talke with you about greate matters Mom. Say then deere Neece bee shorte vtter your mind quickly now Eug. But I pray tell me first what 's that would make me daunce yfaith Mom. Daunce what daunce hetherto your dauncers legges bow for-sooth and Caper and Ierke and Firke and dandle the bodie aboue them as it were their great childe though the speciall Ierker bee aboue this place I hope here lies that shudd fetch a perfect woman ouer the Coles yfaith Eug. Nay good Vnckle say what 's the thing you could tel me of Mom. No matter no matter But let mee see a passing prosperous forehead of an exceeding happie distāce betwixt the eye browes a cleene lightning eye a temperate and freshe bloud in both the cheekes excellent markes most excellent markes of good fortune Eug. VVhy how now Vnckle did you neuer see mee before Mom. Yes Neece but the state of these thinges at this instant must bee specially obserued and these outwarde signes being now in this cleere eleuation showe your vntroubled mind is in an excellent power to preferre them to act forth then a litle deere Neece Eug. This is excellent Mom. The Creses here are excellent good The proportion of the chin good the little aptnes of it to sticke out good And the wart aboue it most exceeding good Neuer trust me if all things bee not answerable to the predictiō of a most diuine fortune towards her uow if shee haue the grace to apprehend it in the nicke ther 's all Eug. VVell my Lorde since you will not tell me your secret I le keepe another from you with whose discouerie you may much pleasure mee and whose concealement may hurt my estate And if you bee no kinder then to see mee so indangered I le bee very patient of it I assure you Mom. Nay then it must instantly foorth This kind con iuration euen fires it out of me and to be short gather all your Iudgment togeather for here it comes Neece Clarence Clarence rather my Soule then my friēd Clarence of too substantiall a worth to haue any figures cast about him notwithstanding no other woman with Empires could stirre his affections is with your vertues most extreamely in loue and without your requitall dead And with it fame shall sound this golden disticke through the world of you both Non illo melior quisquam nec amantior aequi Vir fuit aut illa reuerentior vlla Dearum Eug. Ay me poore Dame O you amase me Vnckle Is this the wondrous fortune you presage VVhat man may miserable women trust Mom. O peace good Ladie I come not to rauishe you to any thing But now I see how you accept my motion I perceiue how vpon true triall you esteeme me Haue I ridd al this Circuite to leuie the powers of your Iudgment that I might not prooue their strength too sodainly with so violent a charge And doe they fight it out in white bloud And showe me their hearts in the soft Christall of teares Eug. O vnckle you haue wounded your selfe in charging me that I should shun Iudgement as a monster if it woulde not weepe I place the poore felicitie of this worlde in a woorthie friende and to see him so vnworthely reuolted I shedd not the teares of my Brayne but the teares of my soule And if euer nature made teares the effects of any worthie cause I am sure I now shedde them worthelie Mom. Her sensuall powers are vp yfaith I haue thrust her soule quite from her Tribunall This is her Sedes vacans when her subiects are priueledged to libell against her and her friends But weeps my kind Neece for the wounds of my friendshippe and I toucht in friendship for wishing my friende doubled in her singular happinesse Eug. How am I doubl'd when my honour and good name two essentiall parts of mee woulde bee lesse and lost Mom. In whose Iudgment Eug. In the iudgment of the world Mom. Which is a fooles boult Nihil a vertute nec a viritate remotius quam Vulgaris opinto But my deare Neece it is most true that your honour and good name tendred as they are the species of truth are worthilie two essentiall parts of you But as they consist only in ayrie titles and corrupteble blood whose bitternes sanitas et non nobilitas efficit and care not how many base and execrable acts they commit they touch you no more then they touch eternitie And yet shal no nobilitie you haue in either be impaired neither Eu. Not to marrie a poore gentleman Mom. Respect him not so for as he is a gentleman he is noble as he is welthilie furnished with true knowledge he is rich and therein adorn'd with the exatest complements belonging to euerlasting noblenesse Eug. Which yet will not maintaine him a weeke Such kinde of noblenesse giues no cotes of honour nor can scarse gette a cote for necessitie Mom. Then is it not substantiall knoweledge as it is in him but verball and fantasticall for Omnia in illa ille complexu tenet Eug. VVhy seekes he me then Mom. To make you ioynt partners with him in all thinges and there is but a little partiall difference betwixt you that hinders that vniuersall ioynture The bignesse of this circle held too neer our eye keepes it frō the whole Spheare of the Sunne but could we sustaine it indifferently betwixt vs and it it would then without checke of one beame appeare in his fulnes Eug. Good Vnckle be content for now shall I neuer dreame of contentment Mom. I haue more then done Ladie and had
Lord Mom. What needs that madam you remember it I am sure Eug. Well if it want sence in the Composition let my secretarie be blam'd for 't their 's my hand Mom. Thanks gentle Neece now I le reade it Eug. VVhy now more then before I pray Mom. That you shall see straite I cannot but suffer you to loue if you doe loue and wil requite your loue Eug. Remember that requitall was of your own putning it but it shal be after my fashion I warrant ye Mom. Interrupt me no more your loue being mentoll needs no bodely requitall but in hart I embrace repay it my hand shall alwaies signe the way to felicitie and my selfe knit with you in the bandes of marriage euer walke with you in it and so God prosper our iourney Eugenia Eug. Gods me life t is not thus I hope Mom. By my life but it is Neece Eug. By my life but t is none of my deed then Mom. Doe you vse to set your hand to that which is not your deed your hand is at it Neece and if there be any law in England you shall performe it too Eug. Why this is plaine dishonoured deceit Does all your truest kindnes end in lawe Mom. Haue patience Neece for what so ere I say Onely the lawes of faith and thy free loue Shall ioyne my friend and thee or naught at al By my friends loue and by this kisse it shall Eug. VVhy thus did false Accontius snare Cydippe Mom. Indeed deere loue his wile was something like And then t is no vnheard-of That was enacted in a goddes Eye Accontius worthie loue feard not Diana Before whome he contriu'de this sweete deceite Eug. VVel there you haue my hand but I le be sworne I neuer did thing so against my will Mom T' will proue the better madam doubt it not And to allay the billows of your blood Rais'de with my motion bold and opposite Deere neece suppe with me and refresh your spirites I haue inuited your companions VVith the two guests that dinde with you to daie And will send for the old Lord Furnifall The Captaine and his mates and tho at night VVe will be merrie as the morning Larke Eug. No no my Lord you will haue Clarence there Mom. A las poore gentleman I must tell you now Hee s extreame sicke and was so when he writt Tho he did charge me not to tell you so And for the world he cannot come abroade Eug. Is this the man that without passion loues Mom. I doe not tell you he is sicke with loue Or if he be t is wilfull passion VVhich he doth choose to suffer for your sake And cood restraine his sufferance with a thought Vppon my life he will not trouble you And therefore worthie neece faile not to come Eug. I will on that condition Mom. T is perform'd for were my friend well and cood comfort me I wood not now intreate your companie but one of you I must haue or I die oh such a friend is worth a monarchie Exeunt Enter Lord Furnifall Rudsbie Goosecappe Fowlweather Bullaker Fur. Nay my gallants I will tell you more All Forth good my Lord Fur. The euening came and then our waxen stars Sparkled about the heauenly court of Fraunce VVhen I then young and readiant as the sunne Giue luster to those lampes and curling thus My golden foretoppe stept into the presence Where set with other princely dames I found The Countesse of Lancalier and her neece VVho as I told you cast so fix'd an eye On my behauiours talking with the king All True my good Lord Fur. They rose when I came in and all the lights Burnd dim for shame when I stood vp and shind Foul O most passionate description Sir Cutt Rud. True of a candles end Goos. The passingst description of a candle that euer liu'd Sir Cutt Fur. Yet aymd I not at them nor seemd to note VVhat grace they did me but found courtly cause To talke with an accomplisht gentleman New come from Italie in quest of newes I spake Italian with him Rud. What so young Fur. O rarissime volte cadono nel parlar nostro familiare Foul. Slidd a cood speake it knight at three yeare old Fur. Nay gentle Captaine doe not set me forth I loue it not in truth I loue it not Foul. Slight my Lord but truth is truth you know Goos. I dare ensure your Lordship Truth is truth I haue heard in Fraunce they speake French as well as their mother tongue my Lord Fur. VVhy t is their mother tonge my noble knight But as I tell you I seem'd not to note The Ladies notes of me but held my talke with that Italionate Frenchman and tooke time Still as our conference seru'd to shew my Courtship In the three quarter legge and setled looke The quick kisse of the toppe of the forefinger And other such exploytes of good Accost All which the Ladies tooke into their eyes VVith such attention that their fauours swarm'de About my bosome in my hatt mine eares In skarffes about my thighes vpon mine armes Thicke on my wrystes and thicker on my hands And still the lesse I sought the more I found All this I tell to this notorious end That you may vse your Courtship with lesse care To your coy mistresses As when we strike A goodly Sammon with a little line VVe doe not tugge to hale her vp by force For then our line wood breake and our hooke lost But let her carelesse play alongst the streame As you had left her and shee le drowne her selfe Foul A my life a most rich comparison Goos. Neuer stirre if it bee not a richer Caparison then my Lorde my Cosine wore at tilt for that was brodred with nothing but mooneshine i th the water and this has Sāmons in 't by heauen a most edible Caparisō Ru. Odious thou woodst say for Cōparisōs are odious Foul. So they are indeede sir Cutt all but my Lords Goos. Bee Caparisons odious Sir Cutt what like flowers Rud. O asse they be odorous Goos. A botts ath at stincking worde odorous I can neuer hitt on 't Fur. And how like you my Court-counsaile gallāts ha Foul. Out of all proportion excellent my Lord beleeue it for Emphaticall Courtship your Lordship puts downe all the Lords of the Court Fur. No good Captaine no Foul. By Fraunce you doe my Lord for Emphaticall Courtship Fur. For Emphaticall Courtship indeed I can doe somewhat Foul. Then does your merrie entertainment become you so festifally that you haue all the brauerie of a Saint Georges day about ye when you vse it Fur. Nay that 's too much in sadnes Captaine Goos. O good my Lord let him prayse you what so ere it costs your Lordshippe Foul. I assure your Lordshippe your merrie behauiour does so festifally showe vpon you that euery high holliday when Ladies wood bee most bewtifull euery one wishes to God shee were turnd into such a little Lord as you when y'
to one end like it And thirdly the contentment I enioy As we are ioynd that I shall worke that good In such a noble spirit as your neece VVhich in my selfe I feele for absolute Each good minde dowbles his owne free content VVhen in an others vse they giue it vent Mom. Said like my friend and that I may not wrong Thy full perfections with an emptier grace Then that which showe presents to thy conceits In working thee a wife worse then she seemes I le tell thee plaine a secret which I knowe My neece doth vse to paint herselfe with white VVhose cheekes are naturally mixt with redd Either because she thinks pale-lookes moues most Or of an answereable nice affect To other of her modest qualities Because she wood not with the outward blaze Of tempting bewtie tangle wanton eies And so be troubled with their tromperies VVhich construe as thou wilt I make it knowne That thy free comment may examine it As willinger to tell truth of my neece Then in the least degree to wrong my friend Cla. A ielous part of friendshippe you vnfold For was it euer seene that any dame Wood chainge of choice a well mixt white and redd For bloodles palenes if she striu'd to moue Her painting then is to shunn motion But if she mended some defect with it Breedes it more hate then other ornaments Which to supplie bare nature Ladies weare What an absurd thing is it to suppose If Nature made vs either lame or sick VVe wood not seeke for sound lymmes or for health By Art the Rector of confused Nature So in a face if Nature be made lamer Then Art can make it is it more offence To helpe her want there then in other limmes Who can giue instance where dames faces lost The priuiledge their other parts may boast Mom. But our most Court receiued Poets saies That painting is pure chastities abator Cla. That was to make vp a poore rime to Nature And farre from any Iudgment it confered For lightnes comes from harts and not from lookes And if inchastitie possesse the hart Not painting doth not race it nor being cleare Doth painting spot it Omne bonum naturaliter pulchrum For outward fairenes beares the diuine forme And moues beholders to the Act of loue And that which moues to loue is to be wisht And eche thing simplie to be wisht is good So I conclude mere painting of the face A lawfull and a commendable grace Mom. VVhat paradox dost thou defend in this And yet through thy cleare arguments I see Thy speach is farr exempt from flatterie And how illiterate custome groslie erres Almost in all traditions she preferres Since then the doubt I put thee of my neece Checks not thy doubtlesse loue forth my deare friend And to all force to those impressions That now haue caru'd her phantasie with loue I haue invited her to supper heere And told her thou art most extreamelie sick VVhich thou shalt counterfeit with all thy skill Cla VVhich is exceeding smale to counterfeit Mom. Practise a little loue will teach it thee And then shall doctor Versey the phisitian Come to thee while her selfe is in my house VVith whome as thou confer'st of thy disease I le bring my neece with all the Lords and Ladies VVithin your hearing vnder fain'd pretext To shew the pictures that hang neere thy chamber VVhere when thou hearst my voyce know she is there And therefore speake that which may stir her thoughts And make her flie into thy opened armes Ladies whome true worth cannot moue to ruth Trew louers must deceue to shew their truth Exeunt Finis Actus Quarti ACTVS QVINTI SCAeNA PRIMA Enter Momford Furnifall Tales Kingcob Rudesbie Goosecap Foulweather Eugenia Hippolita Penelope Winnifred Mom. VVhere is Sir Gyles Goosecappe here Goos. Here my Lord Mom. Come forward knight t' is you that the Ladies admire at working a mine honor Goos: A little at once my Lorde for Idlenes sake Fur: Sir Cut I say to her captaine Penel Come good seruant let 's see what you worke Goos: VVhy looke you mistris I am makeing a fine drie sea full of fishe playing in the bottome here I le let in the water so liuely that you shall heare it rore Eug Not heare it Sir Giles Goos. Yes in sooth madam with your eyes Tal I Ladie for when a thing is done so exceedeingly to the life as my knightlie cosen does it the eye oftentimes takes so strong a heede of it that it cannot containe it alone and therefore the eare seemes to take part with it Hip: That 's a verie good reason my Lord Mom. VVhat a Iest it is to heare how seriouslie he striues to make his foolish kinsmans answeres wise ones Pen: VVhat shall this be seruant Goos: This shall be a great whale mistris at all his bignesse spouting huge hils of salt-water afore him like a little water squirt but you shall not neede to feare him mistris for he shal be silke and gould he shall doe you noe harme and he be nere so liuely Pen. Thanke you good seruant Tal Doe not thinke Ladie but he had need tell you this a forehand for a mine honor he wrought me the monster Caucasus so liuely that at the first sight I started at it Mom. The monster Caucasus my Lord Caucasus is a mountaine Cacus you meane Tal Cacus indeede my Lorde crie you mercie Goos: Heere I le take out your eye and you wil mistris Pen: No by my faith Seruant t' is better in Goos. VVhy Ladie I le but take it out in iest in earnest Pen. No something else there good seruant Goos. VVhy then here shall be a Camell and he shall haue hornes and he shall looke for al the world like a maide without a husband Hip. O bitter sir Giles Tal. Nay he has a drie wit Ladie I can tell ye Pen. He bobd me there indeede my Lord Fur. Marry him sweet Lady to answere his bitter bob King So she maie answere him with hornes indeed Eug. See what a pretie worke he weares in his boote hose Hip. Did you worke them your selfe sir Gyles or buy them Goos. I bought am for nothing madam in th' exange Eug. Bought am for nothing Tal. Indeed madam in th' exchange they so honor him for his worke that they will take nothing for anie thing he buies on am but where 's the rich night-cappe you wroght cosen if it had not byn too little for you it was the best peece of worke that euer I sawe Goos. VVhy my Lord t' was bigg enough when I wrought it for I wore pantables then you knowe Tal. Indeede the warmer a man keepes his feete the lesse he needes weare vppon his head Eug. You speake for your kinsman the best that euer I heard my Lord Goos. But I beleeue madam my Lord my cosen has not told you all my good parts Tal I told him so I warrant you cosen Hip: VVhat doe you thinke he left out Sir Giles
to the truth-wise you to worldly men And now sweet dames obserue an excellent iest At least in my poore iesting Th' Erle my vnckle Will misse me straite and I know his close drift Is to make me and his friend Clarence meete By some deuice or other he hath plotted Now when he seekes vs round about his house And cannot find vs for we may be sure He will not seeke me in his sicke friends chamber I haue at al times made his loue so strange He straight will thinke I went away displeas'd Or hartelie careles of his hartiest sute And then I know there is no greife on earth Will touch his hart so much which I will suffer To quite his late good pleasure wrought on me For I le be sworne in motion and progresse Of his friends suite I neuer in my life VVrastled so much with passion or was mou'd To take his firme loue in such Ielouse part Hip. This is most excellent madam and will proue A neecelike and a noble frends Reuenge Eug. Bould in a good cause then le ts greet his friend VVhere is this sickly gentleman at his booke Now in good troth I wood theis bookes were burnd That rapp men from their friends before their time How does my vnckles friend no other name I need giue him to whome I giue my selfe Cla. O madam let me rise that I may kneele And pay some dutie to your soueraigne grace Hip: Good Clarence doe not worke your selfe disease My Ladie comes to ease and comfort you Pen And we are handmaides to her to that end Cla Ladies my hart will breake if it be held VVithin the verge of this presumtuous chaire Eug. VVhy Clarence is your iudgement bent to show A common louers passion let the world That liues without a hart and is but showe stand on her emtie and impoisoned forme I knowe thy kindenesse and haue seene thy hart Cleft in my vnckles free and friendly lippes And I am onely now to speake and act The rit'es due to thy loue oh I cood weepe A bitter showe of teares for thy sick state I cood giue passion all her blackest rites And make a thousand vowes to thy deserts But these are common knowledge is the bond The seale and crowne of our vnited mindes And that is rare and constant and for that To my late written hand I giue thee this See heauen the soule thou gau'st is in this hand This is the knot of our eternitie VVhich fortune death nor hell shal euer loose Enter Bullaker lack Wil. Ia: VVhat an vnmannerly trick is this of thy countesse to giue the noble count her vnckle the slippe thus Wil Vnmannerlie you villayne O that I were worthie to weare a dagger to anie purpose for thy sake Bul: VVhy young gentlemen vtter your anger with your fists Wil. That cannot be man for all fists are shut you know and vtter nothing and besides I doe not thinke my quarrell iust for my Ladies protection in this cause for I protest she does most abhominable miscarrie her selfe Ia: Protest you sawsie Iack you I shood doe my countrie and court-shippe good seruice to beate thy coalts teeth out of thy head for suffering such a reuerend worde to passe their guarde why the oldest courtier in the world man can doe noe more then protest Bul. Indeede page if you were in Fraunce you wood bee broken vpon a wheele for it there is not the best Dukes sonne in Fraunce dares saie I protest till hee bee one and thirtie yeere old at least for the inheritance of that worde is not to bee possest before Wil, VVell I am sorie for my presumtion then but more sorie for my Ladies marie most sorie for thee good Lorde Momforde that will make vs most of all sorie for our selues if wee doe not fynde her out la: VVhy alas what shood wee doe all the starres of our heauen see wee seeke her as fast as wee can if shee bee crept into a rush wee will seeke her out or burne her Enter Momford Mom. Villaines where are your Ladies seeke them Out hence home ye monsters nad stil keep you there VVhere leuitie keepes in her in constant Spheare A Awaye you pretious villaines what a plague Of varried tortures is a womans hart How like a peacockes taile with different lightes They differ from them selues the very ayre Alters the aspen humors of their bloods Now excellent good now superexcellent badd Some excellent good some but one of all VVood anie ignorant babie serue her friend Such an vnciuill part Sblood what is learning An artificiall cobwebbe to catch flies And nourish Spiders cood she cut my throate VV with her departure I had byn her calfe And made a dish at supper for my guests Of her kinde charge I am beholding to her Puffe is there not a feather in this ayre A man may challenge for her what a feather So easie to be seene so apt to trace In the weake flight of her vnconstant wings A mote man at the most that with the sunne Is onely seene yet with his radiant eye we cannot single so from other motes To say this mote is shee passion of death She wrongs me past a death come come my friend Is mine she not her owne and there 's an end Eug. Come vnckle shall we goe to supper now Mom. Zounes to supper what a dorr is this Eug. A las what ailes my vnckle Ladies see Hip. Is not your Lordshippe well Pen: Good speake my Lord Mom. A sweete plague on you all ye wittie rogues haue you no pittie in your villanous iests but runne a man quite from his fifteene witts Hip. VVill not your Lord-shippe see your friend and neece Mom VVood I might sinke if I shame not to see her Tush t' was a passion of pure Ielosie I le now make her now a mends with Adoration Goddes of learning and of constancie Of friendshippe and euerie other vertue Eug. Come come you haue abus'de me now I know And now you plaister me with flatteries Pen. My Lord the contract is knit fast betwixt them Mom. Now all heauens quire of Angels sing Amen And blesse theis true borne nuptials with their blisse And Neece tho you haue Cosind me in this I le vnckle you yet in an other thing And quite deceiue your expectation For where you think you haue contracted harts VVith a poore gentleman he is sole heire To all my Earledome which to you and yours I freely and for euer here bequeath Call forth the Lords sweet Ladies let them see This sodaine and most welcome Noueltie But crie you mercy Neece perhaps your modestie VVill not haue them pertake this sodaine matche Eug. O vnckle thinke you so I hope I made My choyce with too much Iudgment to take shame Of any forme I shall performe it with Mom. Said like my Neece and worthy of my friend Enter Furnifal Tal King Goos: Rud Foul Ia Will Bullaker Mom My Lords take witnes of an absolute wonder A marriage