A DISCOURSE OF FRIENDSHIP PREACHED at the Wiltshire-Feast IN St. Mary Le-Bow-Church December the 1st 1684. By Samuel Masters B. D. Preacher to the Hospital and Precinct of Bridwell in London 6 Eccles 14 15 16. A faithful Friend is a strong defence and he that hath found such an one hath found a Treasure Nothing doth Countervail a faithful Friend and his excellency is in valuable A faithful Friend is the Medicine of Life and they that fear the Lord shall find him LONDON Printed by T. B. for Marm. Foster and Awnsham Churchill and are to be sold at the Black Swan at Amen-Corner MDCLXXXV To the WORTHY STEWARDS OF THE Wiltshire-Feast Mr. John Eyles Mr. Richard Holford Mr. Paul Methwen Mr. William Gardiner Mr. Henry Lambe Mr. Thomas Phipp. Mr. John Slater Mr. John Rutland Mr. John wayte Mr. Edward Smith AND To the rest of my Countrymen of WILTSHIRE SIRS WHen I was first desir'd by some of you to publish this Discourse I took it but for a customary Complement of respect to which I intended to make no farther answer than my thankful acknowledgment but the same request being since reinforc'd by some others who might plead that Friendship which the Sermon recommends I was obliged to comply many Argâ—ments occurr'd to diswade we bâ—t I thoâ—ght of this one for my encouragement that in crossing my own humour so much to gratifie my Friends I should give one instance of practising what I Preach'd and perchance gain the reputation of being one who would on all good occasions approve himself Your Faithful Friend and humble Servant SAMVEL MASTERS A DISCOURSE OF FRIENDSHIP c. Proverbs 17.17 A true Friend will love at all times and a Brother is born for Adversity WHen I consider that Nature designed us to be Friends by making us Country-men and that the chief design of our present meeting is to enlarge and indear our mutual Friendships I cannot think of a Subject which may yield a more suitable Entertainment than the excellent Vertue of Friendship which tho seldom discoursed of from the Pulpit is yet no inconsiderable Part of our Religion and though very rare to be met with in the World is certainly a very great advantage delight and ornament of human conversation In pursuance of this design I here present you the fair and lively Pourtraicture of a true Friend drawn by the most skilful hand in this divine Aphorism of the Text wherein we may observe 1. The Essential Form or Principle of a Friend which is Love a true Friend will love 2. His genuine Features or Properties which are chiefly these Two 1. An immutable constancy of affection He will love at all times 2. A generous Faithfulness in the most needful time of trouble He is a Brother born for adversity In the following discourse I shall endeavour to draw a true Copy from this original but more large that its beauties may be more display'd to your view and that I may not miss in the principal stroaks I shall keep within the lines of the Text. 1. I shall describe that love which constitutes a true Friend 2. I shall represent those admirable Properties of an immutable constancy of affection and a generous faithfulness in a time of adversity which complete and adorn him 3. I shall review the draught in some useful reflections 1. I begin to describe that Love which frames and constitutes a true friend It must be premis'd that I do not here consider a Friend in that large Sense wherein the vulgar apply the Name to any Neighbour or Acquaintance that is not an Enemy but in the strictest Sense as he is denominated such from that particular vertue which we properly call by the Name of Friendship and of this I design to discourse rather according to the Principles of our Religion than the mean and imperfect Notions of the antient Moralists That this friendship is a genuine Off-spring of Love is too evident to need a proof and what kind or sort of love it is which properly assumes the form and name of Friendship we shall easily discover by observing some of those modifications whereby the great and eminent grace of Christian Charity brancheth it self into a great variety of particular Virtues and among the rest into this of Friendship Such are the various objects about which it is conversant the different degrees to which it is advanced and the several good Offices in which it is imployed In a distinct view of these we shall discern how love is shap'd and determined into the Specifick form of Friendship 1. We observe that Love takes up various forms and names from the various object to which it is addressed as the Sea takes different Names from the several shoars it salutes Thus Love as it looks upward to Superiors is piety to a Parent duty to a Governour and gratitude to a Benefactor as it looks downward on Inferiors it becoms mercy to an Offender charity to the Indigent and pitty to the Distressed as it looks round about on equals we call it kindness and if among these it meets with any fitly qualifi'd to reciprocate the Offices of kindness it becomes Friendship The principal qualification which fits a Person to become an Object of Friendship is moral goodness especially that he be competently indued with probity and integrity with true wisdom and courage with ingenuity and Modesty with meekness and humility with a large Soul and a tender Heart with a pleasant Temper and a cheerful Spirit for if these dispositions be wanting either we shall not love or our love must be call'd by some other name than friendship Yet this is not all for there will be farther requisite such a combination of external Circumstances as may fit a Person for maintaining an actual intercourse of Friendship For tho we cannot but love and honour every vertuous Man we see and hear of yet we contract our Friendships only with those who are plac'd within the Sphere of our acquaintance who are most like us in age temper and condition of Life who may be most nearly adapted to us as a second self and with whom we may have the most frequent intimate and delightful as well as the most useful conversation It may be necessary to add that tho Friendship doth thus contract our Love to a few select Objects yet it will no way impair or hinder the great Duty of Christian Charity or make any Schisms or Factions among Christian Brethren for Christian Charity can like the Sun shine on all Mankind tho it strike on some with a more direct and warmer Ray or like a well-drawn Picture it can cast a look on all about it not overlooking an Enemy or a Stranger tho it may have a peculiar aspect for a Friend who is situated in the fitted Place and distance to it The great Apostle supposeth a different communication of Love in that advice 6 Gal. 10. As we have opportunity let us do good to all men
which it is imploy'd 2. I proceed to represent those admirable properties of a true Friend which complete and adorn him they are chiefly these two mentioned in the Text An immutable constancy of affection and a generous faithfulness in a time of Adversity 1. A true Friend is immutably constant in his affections He will love always or at all times The contract of Friendship is so solemn and sacred that a Friend may not violate it if he would and so useful and pleasant that he would not if he might break this Bond asunder or cast away this Cord of Love from him The slight friendships of the vulgar are indeed mutable and uncertain as that fickle humor or fortune is on which they depend but that friendship which is built on solid Vertue conducted with true Wisdom and fixt in the strongest inclinations or Love cannot but be permanent and pepetual Such a friendship is seated too deep to be at all varied with that variety of Circumstances which happen without for as a change of Fortune like a change of Garments will make no alteration in the Man so neither will it in the Friend and he who did not at first love his Friend for the sake of his good fortune will not afterwards plead the want of it for a forfeiture or discharge of his Friendship If therefore one Friend be advanced in prosperity he will reach out a kind Hand to raise up the other to him or stoop himself down to his level but he will never think himself too great for that friendship which is it self the greatest thing in the world Likewise if a worthy Friend fall into disgrace or distress though this may vary the Offices of Friendship yet it will not its nature it may excite pity and compassion but no slight or contempt it will rather by irritation heighten the love of Friendship than abate or extinguish it It is true that the external Circumstances which at first invited a Friendship may afterwards so varie as to incommode and interrupt its intercourse by long distance frequent absence different affairs c. But these things are too slight to dissolve that Bond which even the stroak of death can scarce cut asunder Sometimes also Friendship may mistake its object and address to a Person who afterwards proves unworthy and uncapable of the Correspondence in which case a friend is compared by Plutarch to one who hath taken unwholsom food into his Stomach which he can neither cast up without pain nor retain without danger and though in such a case a friend may lawfully Sue out a Divorse yet his ingenuity will dispose him rather decently to untie than roughly to break asunder the Bond of his friendship It must be confessed also that the best and wisest friends are but Men subject to many surprizes and infirmities which may too much impair and obstruct their friendships who yet if true friends can be very ingenious in excusing very patient in bearing and very ready in forgiving the faults one of another and if their friendships be of the right kind they will be able not only to endure these discouragements but also to survive them with advagtage like Trees which after a shaking wind take the deeper root or like skillful Musick which can improve the greatest discords into the most graceful and delightful Harmony And though Solomon informs us farther that there are froward Men who will sow strife 16. Pr. 28. and whisperers who will separate chief friends by whose accursed practices the Devil endeavours to destroy the greatest good and delight of Mankind yet they do not easily or often prevail for true friendship will not be soon tinctured with jealousie nor lightly yield up a Friend to the malice of a detractor but first or last the truth of friendship will triumph over the falshood of the calumnie After all these vain attempts to vanquish the constancy of a true friendship we cannot suspect that it will tire or wear out with length of time So litle is it subject to decay that like our most generous liquors it will gain strength and sweetness by Age. A friend like a garment becomes more fit and suitable by daily use And that Cement of Love which time hath seasoned and approved is the strongest and most durable Wherefore our wise Man adviseth us by no means to forsake an approved Friend especially not a Fathers Friend for the older he is always the better 27 Pr. 10. 2. The other property of a true friend is his generous faithfulness in the most needful time of trouble he is a Brother born for adversity A true friend is by many excellent qualities so fitly fram'd and provided for a season of adversity that he is not only able to endure it but he will stick the closer under the adverse assaults of Fortune and by a generous antiperistasis his love will increase under the discouragements of adversity It was a true observation which Sylla made to Pompey That more did adore the Rising than the Setting Sun And Solomon made the like observation That wealth maketh many Friends 19. Prov. 4.7 but the Poor is separated from his Neighbour All the Brethren of the Poor do hate him how much more do his Friends go far from him he pursueth them with words yet they are wanting to him There are Friends enough to be found who are born for prosperity who will feed on our plenty and share in our joys but it is the most deplorable fate of adversity that when it puts us under the greatest need of friends it often put them farthest from us While prosperity shines on a Man crowds of vulgar insects will flutter about him to bask in its heat and suck the warm influences of its raies but those friends are too excellent to be many who can stand firm and stick close to us amidst the storms and tempests of adversity The wiseman tells us that he who is become a Brother in the bonds of friendship will stick closer than he who is so only in the bonds of Nature and therefore he adviseth us in the day of our Calamity 27. Pr. 10. to go rather to a Friend than to the House of a Brother for better is such a Neighbour whom friendship hath made near than a Brother who in his affections is farther off It is the peculiar honour of a true friend that no interest can bribe him nor dangers affright him that he hath courage enough to make any attempt and fortitude enough to bear any hardships for an avowed friend Give me a friend saith Seneca for whom I may die whom I may follow into banishment De amicum pro quo mari possim quem in exitum sequar cujus me morti opponam impendam 15. John 13. for the rescue of whose Life I may expose my own And our Blessed Saviour supposeth the love of friendship to be so generous that a Man may even lay down his life for a
Friend And surely that love which is stronger than Death will never boggle at petty misfortunes No Solomon tells us That many waters cannot quench Love 8. Cant. 7. neither can the Floods drown it and lesser sprinklings will but inflame it True Friendship like that Vertue on which it is founded will grow brighter and stronger by the conflicts of adversity and increase its Love as fire doth its heat by the sharpness of the season To see a worthy Friend bowing under the weight of an unjust oppression will strangely inspirit a true generous friendship it will force modesty to speak in vindication of his innocence and humility to contend for his just praises it will arm the timerous in his defence and instruct the rudest Tongue into an eloquent advocate such is the admirable force of friendship that it will raise a Man in the Service of a Friend above what he could or would do for himself yea oftentimes to postpone his own interests to those of a Friend and expose himself to shield a Friend from an approaching danger Such a friend was Jonathan to David whom neither the hatred of a Father nor the flattery of a crown could corrupt who would not yield up his friend though Saul with armed fury storm'd the bosom which entertained him nor would let go his friendship tho he knew it would cost him the reversion of a Kingdom but with an unshaken resolution he persisted to plead David's cause tho to the prejudice of his own to advance his praise though to his own diminution and to secure his friend though with the hazzard of himself Happy is the Man who is strengthened with such an alliance and provided of so useful a support for an evil day who is secure of a faithful Friend to adhere to him when all others forsake him to condole with him when others insult over him to plead his cause amidst the loudest calumnies and solicit his interests when most desperate and deplorable Having now finished the draught I designed tho with a much ruder Pencil than it deserv'd let us stand a while and review it in some useful reflections 1. If the face of a true friend be truly represented in this Text then the reverse and opposite of this must needs be false and counterfeit I should not have made this reflection but that I observe how the many 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as Plutarch calls the false Images and Counterfeits of friendship do reflect no small disgrace on this excellent Virtue Such are the Mercenary friendships of the vulgar who choose their friends as they do their cattle the strongest for labour or the fattest for sale who keep or part with their friends as will make most for their interest whose friendship is nothing else but traffick and commerce Such also are the vain friendships of fond Amorists which spend themselves in soft dalliances and imaginary delights which can no more engage a wise and generous mind than Sampson could be fettered with the ropes and wit hs of his Daliah Nay some have not been afraid to prophane the sacred name of friendship by ascribing it to the good Fellowship of Debauchery to combibations of Fraud and Violence or to conspiracies of Faction and Treason Such are indeed like Simeon and Levi Brethren in iniquity 49. Gen. 5.6 But oh my Soul come not thou into their secrets unto their assembly mine Honour be not thou united But the most common and dangerous imposter in friendship is the Flatterer who like Jacob appears in the dress of a Brother and with a smooth voice supplants and betrays him all whose officious Addresses are no better than the crafty arts of a Fowler to allure and decoy a friend into a prey But time will discover the false friend at least in a sharp season of adversity his disguises of friendship will drop off like withered Leaves at the approach of Winter 2. If so much be necessary to constitute and compleat a true friend we see reason enough why true friendship is so great a rarity in the world some have thought it matter of complaint and wonder that so excellent and useful a vertue should scarcely be met with any where but in the notional rules of Philosophy or the feigned examples of some imaginary Hystory But it is not to be thought strange that what is most excellent and very difficult should be scarce and uncommon in the World A vertuous friendship must needs be rare when Vertue it self is so They are but few whose Souls are refin'd with purity adorn'd with modesty supplee with meekness sweetned with kindness and enlarged with goodness which might render them capable of entertaining so great a vertue The most we may observe are too selfish to love any besides themselves too rugged in their tempers to admit of so close an union too vain and humorsome to be constant and too mean and abject of spirit to endure a tryal of adversity And hence it comes to pass that a true Friend is as greatly admired and as rarely seen among us as the Stoicks wise man was among the Philosophers of old Yet if the vertues of our Religion were as much in practice as they might and should be friendships would easily result of themselves were every one but fit to be a Friend nobody could be long without one But alas in our days Christian Charity is not only withered in these upper Branches but decays at the very root and so little can we endure the strictest bond of friendship that even the largest bond of peace can scarce contain us 3. Let us once more reflect on a true Friend to behold in him that excellency of worth and those endearing properties which may justly recommend him to our embrace and imitation How many and how eminent are the vertues which meet in the composition of a true Friend To how many and important uses will a true friendship serve It is the ornament of our prosperity and the relief of our adversity it sweetens our sorrows and our joys too and is the most delightful solace of our lives In a word true friendship is the highest improvement of humanity and the greatest advance of Christian Charity we are capable of in our present State What greater vertue could I recommend or what greater happiness could I wish to you my dear Countrymen than such a mutual friendship as would render our conversations wholesom and secure fruitful and pleasant as that good Country is to which we are related But who did ever dispraise friendship or would refuse a faithful Friend It were well if every one were as willing to be a friend as to have one and would be content to correspond by that rule of equity The wise Man gives 18. Pr. 24. That he who hath friends must shew himself friendly And yet it would become a Christian to do somewhat more to importune others with the first addresses of his Love and court them if possible into a League of friendship Seneca thought every good Man ought to have a friend to exercise his friendship ne tam magna Virtus jaceret lest so great a Virtue should be neglected and lost in the world It will much more concern us who are Christians to make and cherish amongst us the truest friendship because it is the most eminent pitch of that Charity which is the most eminent grace of our Religion Some have been vainly prejudic'd against friendship as if it were a forraign Virtue transplanted from the Schools of Philosophy but surely our holy institutions which require our love to an Enemy and a Stranger cannot be supposed to disregard a Friend our religion which qualifies Persons with the highest atâ—â—inments of Divine goodness which â—ssists out friendships with the mighty aid â—f that Holy Spirit who is the true God of love which honours it with so many encomiums and encourageth it with such great rewards can do more â—â—an all the morality of the Antients to â—eed and promote the noblest friendships The Holy Jesus the Author of â—ur Religion had his beloved Disciple â—â—d expressed a particular friendship to â—â—zarus and his Sisters The Primitive Christians did so abound in their friendships that they seem'd to have no other â—nd of love among them insomuch â—â—at the Heathens suspected them to â—â—…ry Philtrums and Charms about â—â—em to beget such strong Indearments 〈◊〉 Affection And to add no more â—â—e have reason to conceive one part of â—…e glorious happyness of Heaven to â—â—nsist in the most refined and exalted friendships of Angels and Saints madâ— perfect above where the poorest Lazâ—rus rests in the Bosom of the greatest â—brabam and all closely unite in the samâ— harmony of Love and Praise God graâ—â— that we may so imitate their holy friendships here that we may be admitted tâ—… their blest Society hereafter throuâ—â— the merits of our Blessed Saviour tâ—â— greatest and best of Friends to whoâ— with the Almighty Father and the â—ternal Spirits of Grace be Glory aâ—â— Honour Praise and Thanksgiving noâ— and ever Amen THE END