I can by no meanes nor measure compare mine understanding to it yet I desire in some sort to understand thy truth which mine heart beleeveth and loveth Neither doe I beleeve to understand that I may beleeve but I beleeve that I may understand For this likewise I beleeve that unlesse I beleeve I shall not understand Therefore O Lord thou who givest understanding to faith give unto mee that I may understand so much as thou knowest to be expedient for mee for thou art as wee beleeve and this thou art which wee beleeve true God who livest and reignest world without end DEAHTS Memoriall The Child of God thinkes willingly of death To rest with Him who after death gives breath NOw to shut up all with that which closeth all by imposing a Period upon all We are to consider now when the sinfull soule beginneth to be loosened from these bonds of flesh with what bitter terror shee is afflicted with what stings of a biting conscience shee is distracted Shee remembers the things forbidden her which shee hath committed Shee considers the things commanded her which shee hath negligently contemned she bemoanes those opportunate times of repentance offer'd her and which shee so fruitlesly apprehended shee bewailes that immoveable article of strict revenge inevitably approching her She h 'as had sufficient time of sojourning here shee is now compelled to goe hence Shee would regaine that which shee h'as lost but she is not heard Behind her shee beholds the whole course of her forepast life all which shee accounts as one short pace She casts her eyes upon her selfe and collects the space of an infinite perpetuity She laments therefore in that she h'as lost what in so short a space she might have got the joy of all ages She bemoanes her selfe in that for so short a pleasure of fleshly delight she h'as lost the unspeakable sweetnesse of perpetuall solace Shee blusheth in that for this substance which is subject to wormes shee h'as neglected that which was to have beene ranked amongst Quires of Angels Now she lifteth up the beames of her minde and no sooner beholdeth the glory of immortall riches than shee becomes confounded for that she h'as lost them for the poverty of this life Againe when shee casteth her eyes under her in a despicable reflex upon the valley of this world and eying it to be nothing but darknesse but above her wonders at the beautie of that eternall light she clearly sees that it was night and darknesse which shee loved O that shee might but purchase some small remainder of time for repentance what a sharp course of conversation would she take upon her what and how great things would shee promise with what vows of devotioÌ„ would shee enwreath her In the meane time while her divine eyes grow darke while her heart beats while her hoarse throat gaspes her teeth grow by little and little black and draw as it were unto them a certaine rust her countenance becomes pale and all her members stiffe While these then and such like as forerunning offices of approching death attend her all her works and words present themselves before her nay not her very thoughts are absent and all these bring in bitter testimony against their author All these are heaped together before the eyes of her viewing them so as even those things which she shunneth to behold she is inforced though against her will to take notice of Besides all this there is here an horrid troupe of Devils and there a glorious traine of Angels By that which appears betwixt them may be clearly perceived which of them h'as most property in her For if tokens of piety bee discovered in her shee is cheared with the delights of an angelick invitation and allured with the sweetnesse of an harmonious melodie to go forth But if the blacknesse of her merits and the impurity of her foule and filthy life adjudge her to the left hand presently with an intolerable terrour shee becomes surprized with the violence of a sudden force she is disturbed dejected invaded and from the prison of miserable flesh violently haled that to eternall torments with bitternesse shee may be tugged Now after her departure from the body who can utter what armed troopes or Squadrons of wicked Spirits lye in ambush for her what treacherous traines furnished with cruell tortures besiege the way that receives her And lest the soule should escape theÌ„ legions of furies as it were in military rankes or battalions inclose her This and â—uâ—h like frequently to meditate of in thine heart what else is it than to shunne delightfull blandishments to be divorc'd from the world and to shake off unlawfull motions of the flesh and constantly to retaine the sole purpose of attaining perfection Which that wee may doe God for his mercy grant us Amen Sedeo Sileo Signo Deaths distinction O My soule good is the death of the just in respect of tranquillity better in respect of novelty best in respect of security Contrariwise the death of sinners is the worst and rightly the worst evill in losing the world worse in parting from the flesh but worst in that twofold anâ— guish of a worme never dying and a fire ever burning and which is worst of all in being deprived of divine contemplation HOLY MEMORIALS Or Heavenly Memento's Memor fui Domini Delectatus sum A bono die bonum opus suscipiamus ab illo die in quo veluti Christus ascenderit piis desideriis ascendamus Of his Conception MEMORIALL I. I Was not and thou didst make mee I had no being and thou gave it mee I was conceived in sinne before I conceived what was Sin Nature laid on mee a staine before she brought mee to a visible state My bloud was corrupted before ever I entred Tainted it was when Eve was tempted and weakely consented Thus did my parents make mee forlorne before ever I was borne Even then wheÌ„ the second skin was my coat was Sin my Cognizance Seeds of sin sprung in mee before the Light tooke notice of mee And these had their rooting from those that bred mee Long before I had abilitie to sin were all my members made instruments of sinne Before I had the use of any sense sin had made a slave of every sense For mine eyes while they were as yet sealed sights of sin had enter'd theÌ„ For mine eares though they were as then closed ayres of sin had pierced them For my taste before I enjoy'd it an Apple had poyson'd it For my Touch before I employ'd it had Eves pulse soiled it For my Smell before I knew how to use it had the steames of earth choaked it I was shut up as one in darknesse and darke I was within as well as without by means of mine originall uncleanenesse I conversed with none none with mee my mothers wombe was that living tombe which inclosed mee Thus before ever I saw the Sun became I a growing lump of sin
fulfill thee throughout that Where sin hath abounded grace likewise may superabound Yet I would beloved I would be trusted I would with sighs and teares be intreated than which no sweeter melody can unto me be tendred Sinner O my crucified JESU I know I am dearer to thee than I am to my selfe for to thee I am alwayes deare who as it is written Lovest all things that are and hatest nothing of those which thou hast made But man is not alwaies equally deare to himselfe as he is unro thee because hee that loveth iniquity hateth his ownâ— soule Christ. This have I shewn in the continuall sorrowes of my whole cruâ—ified life For I received the Crosse of my Passion in the Womb of my mother and continually bore it in my heart and confirmed it with much austerity in my body So as that I might purposely shew the unmeasurablenesse of the sorrowes of my soule my finall passion then approaching it was my will to sweat blood thorow all my members and that which lay hid as a secret of my crucifying from the wombe of my Mother with sensible signes to reveale to my faithfull ones which seemed fittest to be at my passage and poinâ— of death Sinner I conceive my good JESU how in that bloudy sweat with which thou wert deep-died and engrained in all thy members thy blessed soule wholly suffered because it is whole in every part of the body yea and the very life of the body But tell me what thou requirest of me for so great anguish continually sustained for me Christ. Onely to love me againe For to this end have I suffered my passion that I might purchase thy affection Sinner Surely most worthy art thou to bee loved because thou art good in thy selfe and none good but God alone And because thou art the Lord delivering from the power and slavery of the Devill And because thou art God forgiving sinnes which none forgiveth but God alone And because thou lovest those that love thee Whence it is that thou sayest I love those that love mee And because thou hearest those that begge of thee whence one saith I have loved the Lord because hee will heare mee Thou also as the peace of charity comming into the world to warme and inflame the cold and lukewarme hast said I came that they might have life to wit the life of grace in this life and more abundantly to wit of glory in the life to come Christ. Surely there is nothing which may so inflame the fire of Gods love in thy heart as a continuall consideration and meditation of this speech of mine I came that they might have life and that more abundantly And of that much like unto this So God loved the world as he gave his onely begotten Sonne Sinner Truly wretched and miserable is hee in whose heart the fire of love is not kindled when hee considereth these things wherein the Charity of God hath chiefly appeared But ô thou only begotten of God suffer not my heart to bee so frozen or benummed with this icy congelation but rather through thy mercy in the remembrance of these thy Words like Snow melting by the heat of the Sunne let me say with that princely Prophet My heart is become as melting wax Christ. Humane impiety before the time of my passion tooke occasion of being unthankfull For man being created but not as then redeemed said I am no more bound to God than other creatures be For he spake the word and I was made hee hath bestowed no more labour on me than any other brute creature But now the mouth of these that speak wickedly is stopped and no place now is left for unthankfulnesse For I have laboured more in the sole redemption of man than in the whole frame and fabrick of the World For of a Master I became a servant of Rich poore of Immortall mortall of the Word flesh of the Sonne of God the son of man I suffered reproaches of such as upbraided me I suffered underminers in my Works contradicters in my Words scorners in my Woes necessities of the flesh horrour of death ignominy of the Crosse. Sinner O how admirable was this love What shall I render to my Lord for all his sorrowes Christ. If thou recall to mind how great things the Lord of Majesty the Sonne of God suffered for thee though thou shouldâ—t dye a thousand deaths yet wert thou not equally sufficient to answer me for the estimate of so great a benefit exceedeth all meanes of requitall Sinner As thou best knowest how much I owe unto thee the Lord of glory who subjectedst thy self to death for me that I might enjoy that happinesse which neither eye hath seene nor eare hath heard recount unto me I beseech thee the reasons which caused that most dolorous paine in thy most holy soule For thou saidst right now that in the wombe of thy blessed Mother thou receivedst the Crosse of thy Passion and bore it continually to the houre of thy dissolution Christ. To this end that thou mightst by affection compassion become an acceptable sacrifice unto God wholly inflamed with the fire of Charity all the rust and rubbish of sin being consumed and wasted Consider diligently with a lively heart how I suffred a double Martyrdome one in my body another in my soule or Spirit As touching the Martyrdome of my Body consider that there was never the suffering of any martyr so sharp so painfull that it might be compared with my suffering which I will prove unto thee by authority by signe by reason First by authority For I my selfe crying out of the greatnesse of my sorrows said O all yee who passe by this way consider and see if ever there were sorrow like unto my sorrow as if I should have said there was never any Secondly by Signe Forasmuch as there were never so many Signes seene in the Martyrdome of any as at my Passion implying the sharpnesse and painfulnesse of it to wit When the Sunne was darkned the Earth moved c. As if by the dolorous clamours of my passion they had conceived a sense of devout compassion bemoning me the Son of God hanging on the Crosse. For it was not in the creature to indure the injury done to the Creatour Wherein wicked and obdurate hearts are justly reproved who will not be wrought to compassion nor softned with a pious devotion in the remembrance of my death Thirdly I prove unto thee the bitternesse of my passion by reason Forasmuch as my complexion was most excellent both by reason of the incorruption of my flesh as also by reason of the most proportionable union or mixture of the Elementary qualities For I tooke corruptible flesh of the Virgin for the freeing of all Originall sinne that is of inordinate concupiscence Now to such a complexion was required comelinesse of beauty and strength of body Because therefore by how much more proportionable the union is of those Elements and qualities whereof
Kingdome to wit when all thy desires shall bee satisfied both in praising and loving mee and when I shall bee all iâ— all Therefore it is that â—hou justly cravest and justly with thy whole heart deâ—irest in that Prayer which I gave â—hee Let thy Kingdome come Wherefore O daughter if thou lovest mee rightly â—aithfully fervently thou wilt desire with all thine heart this Kingdome that is this state or condition for this with sighs thou wilt pray to wit that my Kingdome may come wherein thou maist with most sweet love bee to mee united wholly in mee melted and molded And because as I said before this cannot come to passe but by death therefore this Death which is the gate and passage to life is to my Saints in desire and life in patience Hence thou seest how a soule perfectly loving mee feareth not death For whath hath such a Soule to lose by exchange of this miserable-unhappy life but the staâ—e of sinning snares of offending occasions of ruine deceits of enemies self-frailty feares with other innumerable Occurrents which straiten the Soule either ignorâ—â—t or weake or luke-warme not to speake here of the dangers of the body and therefore alwayes fainting and falling Manythings here would the soule have which shee ought not or which she even knowes nor though shee would have them Many things would shee which she cannot In many things is the soule ignorant blind and walking among Snares or in darknesse whence shee knows not how to free her selfe How then may shee not worthily wish how not rejoyce that shee is delivered from these sorrowes and dangers Why therefore O Soule doest thoâ— feare why dost thou not desire death For tell mee what evill shall death bring unto thee If thou fearest nothing in this world death can take nothing from thee If thou love any thing in this world it is with danger yea thou lovest thine owne danger Cease therefore to love the world before death that thou maist nothing at all feare death Furthermore if thou love me onely in this life joy for that thou shalt dye for that thou shalt never enjoy what thou lovest before thou dye But I know what thou fearest Truly thou lovest nothing in this world thou possessest nothing which thou wouldst not lose or grievest to lose yet feare and terror surprize thee because thou knowest not whether thou beest worthy of love or hate thou knowest not how thou art to bee entertained by mee whether to rest or punishment O daughter thou oughtst not to bee too curious after the knowledge of these things yea it is not expedient for thee to know them Stand constantly although thou feare in hope and affiance both living and dying set thy rest upon mee Thou canst not live well of thy selfe neither canst thou dye well of thy selfe Thou hast both from mee What if I shall give thee grace to live holily shall I not also give thee grace to die happily Seeing thou hast all things from mee expâ—ctâ—â— all things of mee how canâ—â— thou expect the one and despaire of the other Of thy selfe thou canst neither live well nor dye well Put thy trust thâ—reâ—ore in mâ— cast thy thought upon mee ground all thy feare and care upon mee As thou canst resist no tentation avoid no sinne living so neither dying If I forsake thee noâ— living if I faithfully prevent tentation and moderate it in thy life that thou maist beare it I am ready to doe the very same unto thee at thy death that thou maist vanquish it Never goe to fight with thine owne weapons but rely on mee If thou rely on mee I will fight for thee And if thou have mee fighting with thee and for thee what hast thou to feare who art nothing of thy selfe And as concerning the condition or quality of death feare nothing There is no kind of death that can hurt the just for the just man with what death soever hee shall bee surprized shall bee at rest Wherefore let it trouble thee nothing whether thou die at home or abroad in thy bed or in thy field neither art thou to feare whether the death bee naturall or violent which takes thee away For if one kind of death were more unhappy than another all my Saints surely were most unhappy the most part whereof in times past in the judgement of the world and eye of flesh most unhappily ended this life Which of mine holy Martyrs dyed a naturall and timely death Whom hath not the violence of the Crosse racke fire or sword extinguished Nothing therefore shall it hurt thee whether thou dyest of the plague or an apoplexy or any other kind of death in the bed or in the field Onely watch that thou maist bee found in faith hope and charity and no death or kinde of Buriall shall harme thee But forasmuch as speaking to thee I likewise speake to them who are as yet imperfect in my love I advise you all in this that yee love innocence and hate iniquity If thou hast at any time sinned what Soule soever thou bee cease grieve repent that thou hast sinned so long as thou livest Yet so repent if thou wishest to thy selfe a fruitfull repentance that thou returne not againe to thy sins or to thy former state of sinning Alwayes expect death and prepare thy self for it as if thou wert at this very present to dye But lest some devout institution should be waÌ„ting to the weake in spirit by which supported they may learne in some sort how to dye I will adde something more to these First therefore thou oughtest to remember what mine Apostle saith and what Truth it selfe speaketh Yee have not here an abiding City but ye seâ—ke for one that is to come unto which here in this world no otherwise than in a journey yee walke as Pilgrimes Now your Pilgrimage is ended when your life is clozed Death therefore is the very last line running betwixt this exile wherein yee are and the Countrey whereto yee goe so as there is no other gate by which yee may passe from this valley of your Pilgrimage and enter your Countrey your heavenly inheritage but by death Death then most certainly doth wait for you like as a most certaine end is limited to your life But this difference there is betwixt the good and evill that here in your Pilgrimage yee all travaile mixtly all I say albeit not all in a right way yee long after your blessed Countrey all yee so long as yee are in your journey although yee wander may returne unto the true way But when yee shall come to the end of your journey in the gate it selfe that is at the point of death yee are discerned that Some of you may passe from exile unto life others to misery and eternall death It is not then lightly to bee considered nor negligently observed how every one is to bee prepared before death come For there yee leave all things after you in which