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A52854 A parliament of ladies with their lawes newly enacted. Neville, Henry, 1620-1694. 1647 (1647) Wing N512A; ESTC R19918 11,625 17

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her owne knowledge to bring ten of them and take them one after another upon their knees therefore said she adde this to the other let women from hence-forward if they be sh●eerish or shie trie it out with them at sharpe or if beetle-headed and blockish with blunter weapons But Mistris Dorcas Doe-little was out at that saying she loved her ease and quiet and said that the safest way as she thought was to sleepe in a whole skin yet saith she my husband is a Gamester and as he games abroad so I play at home if he be at bowles kisse the Mistris I can for recreation play at Rubbers with his man when he hath bin all the day at Passage Hazard at night he comes home and playes with me at Doublets Barrames-ace and Back-gammon but I am sometimes even with him for when he with his sweet-hearts ventures his state at the hole with his servant can passe away the time at In and In. After spake Mistris Rachel Rattle-a-pace and said as I hold Mistris Dorcas that lawfull which you doe so I hope that I bringing my sack to the Mill it may be ground among the rest that is when our Husbands trouble us we may likewise torment them if they fret we frowne they grudge we grumble they prate we glout they crosse we curst if they bend their browes we may bend our fists and be they never so outragious we to carry no coales in any case But let it then be added saith she that sate next that no reconcilement without some reward no pardon may be granted without a new Gowne and Peticoat which if demur'd upon at the first or second demand it shall be in her choise to aske him the third and if he cog ofter to kisse you and tell you that he will kisse you bid him take you about the middle and kisse the heaviest end or if he faile she may reade him a Juniper Lecture as far as the scope of her invention or the scarcitie of breath will give her leave Or if he notwithstanding all this be peevish and perverse she may also continue proud peremptorie till she raise him into reconcilement and make him provide a Feast to entertaine her Gossips and make his peace that way And then said another taking the tale out of her mouth if she have a mind to take the aire or walk to Green goose Faire or to any merry meeting or Market if she desire his company that he new black his shooes and put on his best Hat Cloake to wait on her thither ushering her before or take her gently by the arme and lovingly to leade her or if for some reasons best knowne to her selfe she would have his absence that be patiently put money in her purse and stay at home without grumbling All this while good Orders and Decrees with a generall silence was observed which after grew to a meere confusion for the rest having much matter to utter some got up to the tongues end had not the patience to stay the time and take their turns but all of these who had not yet spoke tumultuously breaking out into clamour every one desiring to be heard first and the more they were heard the lesse they were understood one cryed out let not Maids stay from Marriage till they are troubled with the green-sicknesse another said that if their Husbands revelled in the Hall they might rule in the Kitchin and if they offered to domineer they might spoile their meat in dressing a third that if their husbands came home drunke they might lock them out of doores and whilst shee took her rest in her Cabbin leave him to take up his lodging in the kennell a fourth that if they prated to be heard they might poure a pisse-pot on their heads and if after complaint were made they might answer they meant neither murther nor manslaughter but what they did was se defendendo with many others to as little or no purpose by reason of which acclamation and noyse the Session was for that time to be dissolved but after an O yes silence being made it was concluded amongst them that with those Articles agreed upon they should presently passe from thence to the State-house and deliver up their grievances to them But one thing we have forgot said they which is a main matter that is to seek out cure for any old or yong Cuckolds then spake Mistris Dorothy Do-little and said my good man came home drunk the other day and because I should not see him in that manner he hid himselfe in the house of speciall Office and there he began to ease his stomack and lay about him like a Hog when he hath eaten so much that he is ready to burst and because I should not heare him he thrusts his head into the hole and whether it was his large Asses eares or his Bul neck I cannot tell but he looked as if he had bin on the Pillery Upon which relation they all fell into a great laughter and withall concluded that it was his Hornes For Acteon said they put his head out of the window well enough but could not get it back again which was long of his Hornes this said they is your husbands case I pray you Mistris Tattle-well said she tell me and the rest of our sisters the cure and remedy for it Thus you must do said she my deare and loving sisters because the effect lies at the heart and the cause in the head you must first remove the cause and the effect will follow First you must carry down the griefe by his Posteriors which must be done by a medicine that will both purge and comfort him at one and the same time for desperate diseases must have desperate cures get I say I speak to you all as well as to you Mistris Doe-little a gallon of the best Pump-water such as will beare the Patentees Crown-soap that will scoure well then set it on the fire in a brasse Skellet and put therein a good large bed-post and let it boyle till it be dissolved to a jelly then take it off the fire and put three or foure sorts of spices in as Cloves Mace Nut-megs then take two or three ounces of Suger-candy two ounces of the Sirrup of hearts-ease and dainty Content with an ounce of Candid Forgetfulnesse and Better Conceit all this is cordiall then when it is coole put in a little Rubard a little Coloquintida a little Stibium and some grosse and Long white Pepper then let it boyle softly and when so done the next morning let the patient man drink it next his heart and keep him warm but you must be carefull that it be given him when the Moone is neere the full not when she is forked or horned lest you lose your labour and cost for the Moone loves horned people which are sometimes like her selfe but when shee is neere the full she is then indifferent whether horned