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A20087 A strange horse-race at the end of which, comes in the catch-poles masque. And after that the bankrouts banquet: vvhich done, the Diuell, falling sicke, makes his last will and testament, this present yeare. 1613. VVritten by Thomas Dekker. Dekker, Thomas, ca. 1572-1632. 1613 (1613) STC 6528; ESTC S105271 32,341 52

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haue his money His Pay-maisters told him this was no world to part from money but to get as much as euery man could into his owne hands other men did so and so would they their elders read them that lesson and they must take it out If he would take two shillings in the pound they would pay him downe vpon the na●le If not they were resolued to try the vtmost and therefore bid him go shake his eares The poore rotten-tooth'd Comfit-maker et these out-of-tune notes was ready to run out of his wits Hee rapt at the gates swore cursed and railed Are you m●● cryed he out or diuels Now shall I pay my Sugarmarchant Now my Grocer● Now my Bakers Now my worke-men Now my Orange-women if you pay me thus with slips Into halters slip you all you haue robbed me vndone me beggered me and left nothing in my ship but one box of 〈◊〉 Almonds and I would they were burning red-hot in your bellies too The more sowre his language was the more sweet it was to them for they did but laugh to heare him curse and went their wayes He séeing no remedy swore hee would rattle all hell about their eares if they bod'd him off thus And so betwéene scolding and whining he thus tooke his peny-worths of them in words though not in siluer If fai● he you were poore 〈◊〉 had it not I would neuer aske you a peny if you 〈◊〉 forced to breake by any 〈◊〉 ship-wracke at sea or by the villany of Debitos on the land or by the frownes of the world or the falsenesse of seruants I should pawne my shirt from my backe to releiue you but you burst vpon knauery cheating and roguery You that thus vndermine your owne estates with other mens your selues are like trées standing in your next neighbours ground which you climbe in the darke gathering the fruit like théeues run away with it by Moone-shine But if your states were weake for want of ability to pay then are you those tree that in your owne ground are beaten with stormes whose apples are shaken downe spitefully on the earth and are deuoured by such Hoggish debters before the true Owners can come to take them vp and if so you are to be pittied and releeued You tell me you will breake do so breake your neckes But before you do so make this account that you are as bad as halfe hanged for you haue an ill and a most abhominable name try else A Bankrout that is to say a Banker-out A Citizen that deales in mony or had mony in Banke or in stocke He is out when he Breakes But me thinkes hee is rather In. I sée no reason we should say he breakes there is more reason to cry out He makes all whole or hee makes vp his mouth as you haue done with my plums or he gets the diuell and all For what doe you but lye grunting in your flyes like Hogges and sat your ribbes with fruits of other mens labours In my opinion you should feare the bread you eate should choke you because it is stolne the drinke you swallow should strange you because you quaffe the bloud of honest housholders and that the wine you carowse should dam you because with it you mixe the teares of mothers the cries of children If a Rogue cut a purse hee is hanged if pilfer hée is burnt in the hand You are worse then Rogues for you cut many purses Nay you cut many mens throats you steale from the husband his wealth from the wise her dowry from children their portions So that ouer your heads hang the curses of Families how then can you hope to prosper For to play the Bankrout is to bid men to a Citty-rifling where euery one puts in his money and none wins but one and that is the Bankrout If all the water in the Thames were inke and all the fethers vpon Swans backes were pens and all the smoky sailes of westerne barges were white paper all the Scriueners all the Clarkes all the Shoole-maisters all the Scholers in the kingdome were set a writing and all the yeares of the world yet to come were to be imploied only in that businesse that inke would be spent those pens grub'd close to the stumps that paper scribled all ouer those writers wearied and that time worne out before the shifts legerdemaines conueiances reaches fetches ambushes traines and close vnder-minings of a Bankrout could to the life be set downe This was the last winter-plum the sad Comfit-maker threw at their heads and so left them and so I leaue them My Muse that art so merry When wilt thou say th' art weary Neuer I know it neuer This flight thou couldst keepe euer Thy shapes which so do vary Beyond thy bownds thee cary Now plume thy ruffled wings Hee 's hoarse who alwayes sings Contigimus portum quò mihicursus erat FINIS Blondus de Roma Triumphante Chariot Races for triumph Tranquil Suetonius The manner of Roman Triumphes Cor. Tacit. lib. 2. annal Qui Mulos frica●a● factus est Cōsul Romani seruate vxores Maechum calvum vobis adducimus In the Roman Theaters were alwaies their Scoenici Ludi stage-playes Grecian musicke Plutarch in Moralib Trāquillus Suctonius Sword-players Sword-playing Hunting and the fighting of beast in the Roman Amphitheaters Ludi Circēses cuius ludi Originem Virgil. lib. 5. describit Venite ad Ludos quos nemo mortalem vidit neque visurus est Vide Plin. Lib. 18. Aureis post-modum successerunt Laureae erantque virtutis honoris eiusdem praemia Gellius Garlands giuen to the Romans The first sort of Rūners were called Stadiodromi The secōd sort were called Diaulodromi The third sort were called Dolichodrmi Races in heauen The Suns Race Sol fons lucu 1 Spring 2 Summer 3 Autum 4 Winter The 〈◊〉 Race The Sun the cause of the Moones variable shapes The Race of the windes the Waters The Sea flowes when the motion of the Moon is downewards and neerer to it The Race of the Elements in Mans body 1 Earth 2 Water 3 Aire 4 Fire The Race of Minerals The ambition of Lead The ambition of Tynne Ambition of Siluer Rip●●y● Chanon of 〈◊〉 Gold hath no ambition A fres● Race Vertue Vice run Vertue is seldome mounted Her picture Vice is euer mounted Her picture The backe part of Riot The backe part of drunkennesse The Race beginnes The charracter of a proud Turke The Turks owne vengeance prepar'd for others cōfounds himselfe Hungary ouer-run by the Turkes Prodigalities Race The Character of a Prodigall Thrifts Race Discontēt the mother of Treason A malo in peius The Character of a Niggard Hospitality pictured Chaucer in the Franklins tale They that vphold hospitality are in these daies weake because few Niggardlinesse Hospitali●● 〈◊〉 The Spaniard temperate in dyet the English a glutton A drunkards followers Plures occidit ●rapula quam glad●us Other Races Belly-gods Of Epicurus from whom sprang that Sect. A Lawyer and his conscience run A Vicar A Taylor runs with Pride A newes spred The naturall cause of an earth-quake The Diuel put in feare when Good-men prosper Hels Army defeated Paracelsus de gnomis Furies are H●ls Beadels are three in number Alecto Tysiphone and Maegera to the number of those three Passions which carry vs headlong viz. Anger Couetousnesse and Luxury Lactantius de verae cultu Blasphemy the dia els spittle Schellum in Dutch a Theife Wasserhand a Fauning Cur Names fitting for the Diuell The Notary dwels in Helstreete in Paris The Diuill is Behemah an Elephant for strength to ouercome and Dornschweyn a Porcupine for quils he shoots daily at our soules A Vayuode is a chiefe Ruler an Attribute giuen to great Men in those parts of Morauia and Transalpine Hungary The Legacies To his children A Legacy to Ladies A Legacy to Vsurers A Legacy to Gallants that follow him A Legacy to Puncks of the Cittie A Legacy to Baudes A Legacy to Bankrouts A Legacy to Officers tha● loue him A Legacy to Brokers A Legacy for repairing the way to Tyburne A Legacy to Iaylors A Legacie to Roaring Boies A Legacie to the Diuels Ouer-seers Although there be Vestigia nulla retrorsa out of Hell yet you must know hee had a conueiance for that purpose to haue ingresse and egresse Rich mens false alarums Dabh the Hyaena that digs dead men out of graues to deuoure them Aldip Alambat is a rauenous or furious Woolfe Ingratitude Hypocrisy borne Hypocrisyes cloake maker The picture of an hypocrite Fistula dulce canit c. Ingratitude pictured Lethargiaest mentis alienatio ●erum prope omnium obliuio Torped●aem pistem siquis attgeril torpent m●mbra A Gorgon is a beast euer looking downeward it eateth serpents is scaly as a dragon toothed as a swine it hath wings to flye the breath is venemous the eyes fiery and strike beholders dead All which properties belong to the Diuell Aesop. Fab. 5. Cantharidum succos dante parente bibas Ouid in Ibim The Man-eating-monster Anthropophagi were Scythians now Tartars so called for eating men drinking bloud in their sculs Polyhistor Canidia a witch of whom Hor. writes Lamia a letcherous spirit that neuer takes rest a spectre A Race of vnhapy children The Masque The Masquer● Their Masquing apparrell The Torch-bearers Their Drum The Masquers Daunce What a Catch-poll is Their Species Bermudes called the Iland of Diuels by reason of the grunting of Swine heard from thence to the Sea The Bankrouts banquet Bondes a binding meate Bils binders too Statutes dangerous meats Defeysance cōfortable to the stomacke Latitats no sweetnesse in them Hot in the mouth and biting Attachments a heady-drinke Outlaries are terrible Purges Iudgements lie heauy in the stomacke Executions a very sowre meate and vnwholsome Ne exeat Regnum good to stay a running Protections wholesome comfortable Men that are forc'd to break are to be pittied An inuectiue against voluntary and cofening bankerouts Their good name lost Who is a Bankrout The life of a Bankrout The 〈◊〉 of a Bankrout The villany of Bankrouts can not be expressed
sold more sheetes then Linnen-drapers Carriers could load their horses with no Packes but of This No Ship went to Sea but some part of the fraight was this victory It was written of at home dispersed in letters abroad and sung to a new Tune euery where Omitting these hither parts of Christendome she Fame I meane taking her Trumpet because she is Times Herald flew with it ouer the Mediterranean-sea into Asia first into Turkey so to Caldaea Persia Hircania Assiria Armenia and then getting vp higher ouer the Caspian sea away shee poasted to the Tartars and Cathayans then to the Chynois and other East Indians so backe againe ouer the Arabian Sea into Arabia Foelix then crossing ouer Numidia her next cut was into Barbary in Affrica from thence downe to Noua Guinea and from thence crossing the Lyne into the Ethyopian sea away swoopes shee by Brasill and so beates her Wings in the West Indies whose heate being ready to melt her as the East Indies did before ouer the Lyne againe she scuds to Noua Hispania so to the Northward of America then homeward through Florida taking Virginea Noua Francia Norembega and all those Septentrionall Countries in her passage and so crossing the Deucalidonian sea hauing beaten her selfe almost to death in proclaiming and trumpeting lowdly the News she pantingly ariues where shee set forth pruning and péecing vp her flagging and broken Wings The winds caching her breath in all kingdoms through which she went were as great with it as her selfe ready to burst vntill they were deliuered Neuer was such puffing blowing such blustring roaring since they threw downe Babel so that with their strugling who should cry out first they were all brought a bed of it at one time for all of them breaking by force into the bowels of the earth and by that irrruption tearing her very foundation with an vniuersall earth-quake the massy frame was cleft riuen asunder and so the terror of the report was by the wherrying winds shot as if with a thunder-bolt from heauen and neuer tarryed or met any rub till it burst open the Gates of infernall Erebus The Grand-Sophy of the Satanicall Synagogue at the very sound of it belchd out a groane the rebound of which like one bandogs whyning in Paris Garden setting all the Kennels a barking left all the Stygian Hel-hounds in a most clamorous howling The dismall consort hauing with a worse noise then the grating and crashing of Iron when it is a ●yling ended these Blacke Sants shooke their gastly heads foure or fiue times together with chaines ratling at their heeles as if so many blacke Dogs of New-gate had beene mad in a Tauerne there ran bellowing All about their Father of Mischiefe to know what Qualme came ouer his stomake He darting an eye vpon them able to confound a thousand Coniurers in their owne Circles though with a wet finger they could fetch vp a little Diuell and with an Vlulation his chin almost bursting his breast-bone with a Nod from which fum'd out a breath blacker then sea-coale smoake out of a Brew-house chimney which if their withered chaps had bin there yawning to sucke it downe was of power to haue turned ten thousand old Beldams in Lapland into the rankest Witches Hee thus grumbled Hel's vndone Why yelped all the rest An Armada quoth he cannot saue vs our Legions in the world next aboue vs are ouerthrowne by that Stigmaticall Virago Vertue All those Battalions that warred vnder y e cullors of our Red fiery Dragō are debaushed Suffer this bracke into our Acheronticke Territories hotter Assassinations will euery day pel mel maule vs. Al about him cryed they would neuer endure it Whilst this indisgested mischiefe lay broyling on their stomackes roome was made for an Intelligencer newly arriu'd vpon these stronds of Horror It was one of those nimble Vmbratici Daemones as inuisible as the Aire like Aire neuer out of our company one of those Gnomi whose part Theophrastus Paracelsus takes so terribly prouing that whether we swmme or are on land or in the woods or in houses wee are still haunted with a spirit or two at least neither hurtfull nor doing good and such a One was This Belial Belzebub of Barathrum had lately employed this Purseuant of his about serious businesse in which hauing done nothing and dreading but sorry paiment for his labour hee knew not how better to escape the Furies then by forging some egregious lies by the same Anuile that all hell was now striking that 's to say touching the late victorie of the Vertues and so to bee thought hee had spent all his time in that intelligence He therefore being tossed the throng was so great vpon their glowing flesh-hookes from one to one till hee came before the grand Cacodemon his Maister who sate in a chaire all on fire downe fell my little spirit flat at his clouen feete and then the Captaine of Damnation hauing first spit out foure or fiue Blasphemies which one of his Gentlemen Ushers still trod out hee gnashed his teeth and asked if the newes were current it was replied yes Nay cries this Goblin to vnclaspe a booke of my further trauels let mee bee hung in chaines of yce as you are in fire if I lie and bee bound to eate flakes in the Frozen Zone for a thousand yeares if the Gloabe of the Terrestriall world bee not new Moulded the Ball of it hath none of the Old Stuffing not an inch of knauery can now bee had for loue or money if you would giue a Million of Gold you cannot haue a Courtier in debt if you would bestow a thousand pounds worth of Tobacco on a Souldier but to sweare a Garrison-oth hee would die ere hee drunke it besides all Rich-men are liberall Poore men not contentious Beggars not drunke Lawyers not couetous rich heires not rietous Cittizens not enuious clownes most religious No more 〈…〉 Tarrarian Tarmag●n● The ●●ther stop'd in his 〈◊〉 and it was time for this sa● Cannon 〈◊〉 Schellum Wafferhand through both his broad sides The fair of this Mile-stone had almost burst his heart hee 〈◊〉 nothing but flashes of fire spit nothing but flakes of 〈◊〉 weep'd nothing but scoopes-full of scalding-scalding-water for now he saw the Dilaceration of his owne Luciferan Kingdome And the exaltation of his enemies out of his presence hee commanded all They breake their Neckes for hast he hawle for Musicke Ten thousand soules were presently set a yelling hee tooke no pleasure in 't Hee felft himselfe damnably heart-burnt pan●ues worse then the tortures of euerlasting death fell vpon him and no hope of his Recouery which made an inerpressible howling in hell No Amendment being in him hee cals for Physitions not one would come neere him they knew his payment too well for Potecaries they were little enough and cared not for his custome He then ●ard out for a cunning 〈◊〉 to make his