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A20087 A strange horse-race at the end of which, comes in the catch-poles masque. And after that the bankrouts banquet: vvhich done, the Diuell, falling sicke, makes his last will and testament, this present yeare. 1613. VVritten by Thomas Dekker. Dekker, Thomas, ca. 1572-1632. 1613 (1613) STC 6528; ESTC S105271 32,341 52

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haue his money His Pay-maisters told him this was no world to part from money but to get as much as euery man could into his owne hands other men did so and so would they their elders read them that lesson and they must take it out If he would take two shillings in the pound they would pay him downe vpon the na●le If not they were resolued to try the vtmost and therefore bid him go shake his eares The poore rotten-tooth'd Comfit-maker et these out-of-tune notes was ready to run out of his wits Hee rapt at the gates swore cursed and railed Are you m●● cryed he out or diuels Now shall I pay my Sugarmarchant Now my Grocer● Now my Bakers Now my worke-men Now my Orange-women if you pay me thus with slips Into halters slip you all you haue robbed me vndone me beggered me and left nothing in my ship but one box of 〈◊〉 Almonds and I would they were burning red-hot in your bellies too The more sowre his language was the more sweet it was to them for they did but laugh to heare him curse and went their wayes He séeing no remedy swore hee would rattle all hell about their eares if they bod'd him off thus And so betwéene scolding and whining he thus tooke his peny-worths of them in words though not in siluer If fai● he you were poore 〈◊〉 had it not I would neuer aske you a peny if you 〈◊〉 forced to breake by any 〈◊〉 ship-wracke at sea or by the villany of Debitos on the land or by the frownes of the world or the falsenesse of seruants I should pawne my shirt from my backe to releiue you but you burst vpon knauery cheating and roguery You that thus vndermine your owne estates with other mens your selues are like trées standing in your next neighbours ground which you climbe in the darke gathering the fruit like théeues run away with it by Moone-shine But if your states were weake for want of ability to pay then are you those tree that in your owne ground are beaten with stormes whose apples are shaken downe spitefully on the earth and are deuoured by such Hoggish debters before the true Owners can come to take them vp and if so you are to be pittied and releeued You tell me you will breake do so breake your neckes But before you do so make this account that you are as bad as halfe hanged for you haue an ill and a most abhominable name try else A Bankrout that is to say a Banker-out A Citizen that deales in mony or had mony in Banke or in stocke He is out when he Breakes But me thinkes hee is rather In. I sée no reason we should say he breakes there is more reason to cry out He makes all whole or hee makes vp his mouth as you haue done with my plums or he gets the diuell and all For what doe you but lye grunting in your flyes like Hogges and sat your ribbes with fruits of other mens labours In my opinion you should feare the bread you eate should choke you because it is stolne the drinke you swallow should strange you because you quaffe the bloud of honest housholders and that the wine you carowse should dam you because with it you mixe the teares of mothers the cries of children If a Rogue cut a purse hee is hanged if pilfer hée is burnt in the hand You are worse then Rogues for you cut many purses Nay you cut many mens throats you steale from the husband his wealth from the wise her dowry from children their portions So that ouer your heads hang the curses of Families how then can you hope to prosper For to play the Bankrout is to bid men to a Citty-rifling where euery one puts in his money and none wins but one and that is the Bankrout If all the water in the Thames were inke and all the fethers vpon Swans backes were pens and all the smoky sailes of westerne barges were white paper all the Scriueners all the Clarkes all the Shoole-maisters all the Scholers in the kingdome were set a writing and all the yeares of the world yet to come were to be imploied only in that businesse that inke would be spent those pens grub'd close to the stumps that paper scribled all ouer those writers wearied and that time worne out before the shifts legerdemaines conueiances reaches fetches ambushes traines and close vnder-minings of a Bankrout could to the life be set downe This was the last winter-plum the sad Comfit-maker threw at their heads and so left them and so I leaue them My Muse that art so merry When wilt thou say th' art weary Neuer I know it neuer This flight thou couldst keepe euer Thy shapes which so do vary Beyond thy bownds thee cary Now plume thy ruffled wings Hee 's hoarse who alwayes sings Contigimus portum quò mihicursus erat FINIS Blondus de Roma Triumphante Chariot Races for triumph Tranquil Suetonius The manner of Roman Triumphes Cor. Tacit. lib. 2. annal Qui Mulos frica●a● factus est Cōsul Romani seruate vxores Maechum calvum vobis adducimus In the Roman Theaters were alwaies their Scoenici Ludi stage-playes Grecian musicke Plutarch in Moralib Trāquillus Suctonius Sword-players Sword-playing Hunting and the fighting of beast in the Roman Amphitheaters Ludi Circēses cuius ludi Originem Virgil. lib. 5. describit Venite ad Ludos quos nemo mortalem vidit neque visurus est Vide Plin. Lib. 18. Aureis post-modum successerunt Laureae erantque virtutis honoris eiusdem praemia Gellius Garlands giuen to the Romans The first sort of Rūners were called Stadiodromi The secōd sort were called Diaulodromi The third sort were called Dolichodrmi Races in heauen The Suns Race Sol fons lucu 1 Spring 2 Summer 3 Autum 4 Winter The 〈◊〉 Race The Sun the cause of the Moones variable shapes The Race of the windes the Waters The Sea flowes when the motion of the Moon is downewards and neerer to it The Race of the Elements in Mans body 1 Earth 2 Water 3 Aire 4 Fire The Race of Minerals The ambition of Lead The ambition of Tynne Ambition of Siluer Rip●●y● Chanon of 〈◊〉 Gold hath no ambition A fres● Race Vertue Vice run Vertue is seldome mounted Her picture Vice is euer mounted Her picture The backe part of Riot The backe part of drunkennesse The Race beginnes The charracter of a proud Turke The Turks owne vengeance prepar'd for others cōfounds himselfe Hungary ouer-run by the Turkes Prodigalities Race The Character of a Prodigall Thrifts Race Discontēt the mother of Treason A malo in peius The Character of a Niggard Hospitality pictured Chaucer in the Franklins tale They that vphold hospitality are in these daies weake because few Niggardlinesse Hospitali●● 〈◊〉 The Spaniard temperate in dyet the English a glutton A drunkards followers Plures occidit ●rapula quam glad●us Other Races Belly-gods Of Epicurus from whom sprang that Sect. A Lawyer and his conscience run A Vicar A Taylor runs with Pride A newes spred The naturall cause of an earth-quake The Diuel put in feare when Good-men prosper Hels Army defeated Paracelsus de gnomis Furies are H●ls Beadels are three in number Alecto Tysiphone and Maegera to the number of those three Passions which carry vs headlong viz. Anger Couetousnesse and Luxury Lactantius de verae cultu Blasphemy the dia els spittle Schellum in Dutch a Theife Wasserhand a Fauning Cur Names fitting for the Diuell The Notary dwels in Helstreete in Paris The Diuill is Behemah an Elephant for strength to ouercome and Dornschweyn a Porcupine for quils he shoots daily at our soules A Vayuode is a chiefe Ruler an Attribute giuen to great Men in those parts of Morauia and Transalpine Hungary The Legacies To his children A Legacy to Ladies A Legacy to Vsurers A Legacy to Gallants that follow him A Legacy to Puncks of the Cittie A Legacy to Baudes A Legacy to Bankrouts A Legacy to Officers tha● loue him A Legacy to Brokers A Legacy for repairing the way to Tyburne A Legacy to Iaylors A Legacie to Roaring Boies A Legacie to the Diuels Ouer-seers Although there be Vestigia nulla retrorsa out of Hell yet you must know hee had a conueiance for that purpose to haue ingresse and egresse Rich mens false alarums Dabh the Hyaena that digs dead men out of graues to deuoure them Aldip Alambat is a rauenous or furious Woolfe Ingratitude Hypocrisy borne Hypocrisyes cloake maker The picture of an hypocrite Fistula dulce canit c. Ingratitude pictured Lethargiaest mentis alienatio ●erum prope omnium obliuio Torped●aem pistem siquis attgeril torpent m●mbra A Gorgon is a beast euer looking downeward it eateth serpents is scaly as a dragon toothed as a swine it hath wings to flye the breath is venemous the eyes fiery and strike beholders dead All which properties belong to the Diuell Aesop. Fab. 5. Cantharidum succos dante parente bibas Ouid in Ibim The Man-eating-monster Anthropophagi were Scythians now Tartars so called for eating men drinking bloud in their sculs Polyhistor Canidia a witch of whom Hor. writes Lamia a letcherous spirit that neuer takes rest a spectre A Race of vnhapy children The Masque The Masquer● Their Masquing apparrell The Torch-bearers Their Drum The Masquers Daunce What a Catch-poll is Their Species Bermudes called the Iland of Diuels by reason of the grunting of Swine heard from thence to the Sea The Bankrouts banquet Bondes a binding meate Bils binders too Statutes dangerous meats Defeysance cōfortable to the stomacke Latitats no sweetnesse in them Hot in the mouth and biting Attachments a heady-drinke Outlaries are terrible Purges Iudgements lie heauy in the stomacke Executions a very sowre meate and vnwholsome Ne exeat Regnum good to stay a running Protections wholesome comfortable Men that are forc'd to break are to be pittied An inuectiue against voluntary and cofening bankerouts Their good name lost Who is a Bankrout The life of a Bankrout The 〈◊〉 of a Bankrout The villany of Bankrouts can not be expressed
Memory the one filled his glasses the other his Tobacco-pipes Shortnesse of Life held his bridle and helped him stil off The Diego was a dapper fellow of a frée minde and a faire bounteous of his purse but sparing in his Cups as scorning to make his belly a wine●eller therefore the more nimble and hauing nothing in him but fire as the other nothing but the contrary Element hee flew before the winde like a gallant Pinnace vnder sayle and held out his Race to the end leauing the English-man dead-drunke in lesse then a quarter of the way Then came in two by two other Troopes whose onsets and ouer-throwes honours and disgraces darings and dauntings merit an ample Chronicle rather then an Abstract of all which the Braggadochio-vices still got the worst the Vertues departing in Triumph but not with any insulting And thus the glory of this Race ended Now as after the cleare streame hath glided away in his owne current the bottome is muddy and troubled And as I haue often s●ene after the finishing of some worthy Tragedy or Catastrophe in the open Theaters that the Sceane after the Epilogue hath béene more blacke about a nasty bawdy Iigge then the most horrid Sceane in the Play was The Stinkards speaking all things yet noman vnderstanding any thing a mutiny being amongst them yet none in danger no tumult and yet no quietnesse no mischife begotten and yet mischiefe borne the swiftnesse of such a torrent the more it ouerwhelmes bréeding the more pleasure So after those Worthies and Conquerours had left the field another Race was ready to begin at which though the persons in it were nothing equall to the former yet the shoutes and noyse at these was as great if not greater They marched in no order and that made them séeme comely Handsomenesse in them had beene a disgrace the worse they shewed the better they were liked They could do nothing ill because they could doe nothing well and were therefore commended because there was in them nothing commendable Such praise as they brought they caried away and this it was The first Troope that came thronging in were a company of braue staring fellowes that looked like Flemings for they were as fat as butter and as plumpe in the face as Trumpeters are when their chéekes swell like bladders No horses could bee hired for them for as Gallants doe Citizens they were sure to breake their backes they were all Foot-men therefore and ran very heauily like men going to hanging because if they should fall their bellies making them leape heauy they were sure to breake their necekes These termed themselues Epicures and all that heard them beléeued it for their Guts was their God their Heads Hogsheads of wine their Bodies Cages for wild-fowle and their Soules nothing else but the steame and breath of roasted Capons serued vp piping bot These ran into a thousand mens Debts but ran so farre one from another for feare of breaking Ribbes if they had iustled that they would be sure neuer to run in any certaine danger The last Race they ran for you must know they had many was from a cry of Sergeants yet in the end the Law ouer-tooke them and after a long sweaty and troublesome Race ouer-threw and layd them in the dust they dyed in prison and were buryed in silence After them came in a pert Lawyer puffing and blowing one that for putting a wrench into the Lawes mouth to force her to speake any thing was pitched ouer the barre and hee can really but with whom thinke you against this owne Conscience but in the Race sweat and sweare do what he could she gaue him the slip tired him extreamely and was still out of his reach the length of Gracious street at the least yet the Lawyer was a goodly man strong and full of action and his Conscience nohing in the world to speake of The next was one that should haue beene a scholler and was indéed and he ran horrible fast after foure Benefices all at one time they held him nobly to it a long space but with much adoe hee got beyond them and wonne what he ran for Mary hee caught such an incurable cold by reason of his pursinesse that hes lost his voyce presently and grew by degrees so hoarse that he neuer spake after to any great purpose all his lights we●e so stopped At last comes skipping in a terse spruise neatified Capricious Taylor new leaped from his Shop-boord and the Diuill could not perswade him but hee would runne with Pride and with none else Pride was for him and tooke hold of him presently Horses were offered to them both No sayd the Taylor I will not bee set on Horfe-backe I will not ride nor be ridden Pride scorned any courtesie more then he To it they go then Pride got still before him and he followed her at an ench like a mad-man tooth and nayle In the end hee had her at his backe Pride then for anger that any should out-strip her made such extreame haste that shee caught a fall The Taylor hauing many gallant parts of a Gentleman about him looking aside and seeing his Incounterer downe came brauely to her offering to take her vp which she disdaining allowed him a yard before her which hee was content to take and to it they go againe Pride followed him close and comming home vp to him spyed her aduantage being neere the Races end and leaping forward hit him full at the heart and so ouerthrew him Inraged at which hee drew out a Spanish weapon and would haue runne it through her shee put him by and cut his combe which so cut his heart to see a woman his confusion that hee was neuer his owne man afterward But he sayd hee wrought his owne woe himselfe and confest it was his owne seeking to meddle with her and therefore such bread as he brake was but broken to him againe yet swore if a man might beleeue him that though he sunke into hell for it he would at one time or other sawce her This quarrell made peace for the vn-rauelling of this bottome was the last thréed that ended all You now see what voyage this ship of fooles in which these last were imbarked hath made Heere cast they Anchor and leap on Shore A preparation to the Masque ensuing and the cause therof FAME who hath as many tongues as there are mouthes in the world hearing of the honourable defeature giuen by those worthy Champions to to their ignoble but insulting enemies could not choose because shee is a woman but pratile of it in all places and to all persons insomuch that the Courts of Kings rang of it Cities made bone-fires for it the Country had almost broke all their bels about it at euery Crosse it was proclaimed at euery Market one word went about the price of victuals and flue about that Barbers had neuer such vtterance of a newes Booke-sellers