I hate and when I live no more for Carlos I 'll cease to be at all it is resolv'd Jac. Faith Madam I hope to live to see a more Comicall end of your Amours but see where your Amiable Spouse comes with Don Baltazer your Father Enter Francisco and Baltazer Fran. So you two are damnable Close together 't is for no goodness I 'll warrant you have your trade betimes Jac. Meaning me Sir Fran. Yes you one of my Wives evil Counsellors go get you up both to your respective Chambers go Ex. both Bal. Barring your Complyments good Son give me leave to speak Fran. Shaw I know as well as your self what you wou'd say now you wou'd assure me I am Sole Master of your house and may command that you are heartily glad to see me at Cadez and that you desire I wou'd resolve upon a weeks stay or so that you 'll spare nothing for my entertainment why I know all this and therefore pray take my word good Father in-Law without any more adoe Bal. Well Sir pray answer me one Question What drew you to Cadez Fran. Why I 'll tell you in the first place a Pox of all Lovers I say for my Daughter Isabella is to be married as you know to Antonio a young rich merchant of this Town in the second place my Wife with a Vengeance must be gading to visit you and her sister whom we heard was also to be married to the young Governor Don Carlos 't is shrewdly against my will heav'n knows for my witts are in an uprore already about this business your Gallant 's Father your young Gallant 's I wish my Wife were secure at home again Bal. Pray why so Fran. Alas I see the Trick Sir a meer Trick put upon a man a married man and a married man to a hansom young woman you apprehend me Bal. Not I Sir Fran. Not you Sir why look ye your young Governor who now is made most desperate love to her who is now my Wife d' ye mind me but you being a man of an exact Judgment to her great grief gave her to me who best deserv'd her both for my civil Behaviour and Comly Personage d' ye understand me but now this Carlos by his Fathers death being made Governor d' ye see is to marry your other Daughter Clara and to exasperate me wou'd never let me be at quiet till he had got both of us hither to Cadez to Grace his Wedding a Pox of his Invitation was I so civil to invite him to mine Bal. If this be your Affliction you may avoyd it Fran. No no I 'll try to sorce Nature a little and be Civil or so but as soon as the Ceremony's over I 'll steal out of Town whip a way presto i'faith Bal. But sh'oud you do so rude a thing to your new Brother your Wife wou'd think you were jealous of her No dissemble that Fault I beseech you 't will make you odious to her and all the world when 't is needless 't is naturall for women to hate what they fear Fran. Say you so then I will hide it as much as I can in words I can dissemble too upon occasion Bal. Let her remain awhile amongst us Fran. The Devil a bit shee shall good Father mine no no I have more years than you Sir Father and understand what women are especially when married to ancient men and have the Conversation of young men whose Eyes like Basilisks destroy Modesty with looking on 'em the very thought on 't has rais'd a Bump in my forehead already Bal. I am sorry you shou'd suspect my Daughter's Vertue Fran. May be you are Sir but youth you know opportunity occasion or so there are Winks and Nods and Signes and Twires and well in short I am satisfi'd and they that are not may go whistle and so I 'll to my Wife whom I have left too long alone evil thoughts will grow upon her Wife Love Duckling Calls her Enter Julia and Jacinta Bal. Wou'd I had never marryed her to this Sott Jul. Your pleasure Sir Fran. Onely to see thee Love Jul. I have a Sute to you Fran. What i' st my Chicken Jul. I Wou'd go make a Visit to my Aunt my sister Clara's there and I 'll go setch her home Fran. Hum perhaps the Governor 's there too Jul. What if he be we ought to make him a Visit too who so kindly sent for us to Cadez Fran. How Make a Visit to the Governor What have I to doe with the Governor or what have you to doe with the Governor you are no Souldier Love as for a Visit to your Aunt there 's some reason in 't but for the Governor think no more upon him I say no more Jul. Since he 's to marry my Sister why shou'd you refuse him that Civility Fran. Your Sister so much the worse Jul. So much the worse Fran. I so much the worse I tell you for mark me you have been Lovers lately and old storyes may arise that are not yet forgotten and haveing under the Cloak of a Husband both Sisters at command one for a Wife t'other for a Mistress hoyte toyte there will be mad work i'faith What a Mixture of Brother by the Fathers side and Uncle by the Mothers side there will be Aunt by the Mothers side and Sister by the fathers side a man may sind as good kindred amongst a kenell of Beagles No no no Visits to the Governor I beseech you fair Madam Bal. So you are at your jealousie again Fran. Come come I love plain dealing besides when she Nam'd the Governor Flesh and Blood could not contain Jul. I spoke in reference to his Quality Fran. A Pox of your Civility I tell you I scorn my Wife should be Civil Why what a Coyle 's here about a Governor I 'll stand to 't a man had better have a Mule to his Wife than a Woman and 't were easilyer govern'd Bal. But hear reason Son Fran. What from a Woman and a Wife Lord Lord where are your Witts good Father-i'-law Why what a Devil shall I be made ridiculous a Coxcombe Cuckold to show my Wife No no there 's no Necessity of your Civility Mistress Leave that to me who understand the due Punctillio's of it Bal. Harkey Son harkey Fran. Father mine every man to his business I say therefore say no more of this For I 'll give my Mother's Soul to the Devil when any Wife of mine ever makes a Visit to the Governor and there 's an end on 't Was ever so horrid a Plot Contriv'd against her own Lawfull Husband Visit the Governor with a Pox. Bal 'T is an honour due to all men of his Rank Fran. I care not for that my opinion is my Wife 's my slave and let him keep his Rank to himself Enter Guzman Fran. gets his Wife behind him and fences her with his Cloke Guz. He 's here and with his Wife How shall I doe to deliver my
THE FALSE COUNT OR A New Way to play AN OLD GAME As it is Acted at the Dukes Theatre Written by Mrs. A. BEHN LONDON Printed by M. Flesher for Jacob Tonson at the Judge's-Head in Chancery-lane near Fleetstreet 1682. PROLOGUE Spoken by Mr. Smith KNow all the Whiggs and Tories of the Pit Ye furious Guelfs and Gibelines of Wit Who for the Cause and crimes of Forty one So furiously maintain the Quarrel on Our Author as you 'll find it writ in story Has hitherto been a most wicked Tory But now to th' joy o' th' Brethren be it spoken Our Sisters vain mistaking eyes are open And wisely valluing her dear interest now All powerfull Whiggs converted is to you 'T was long she did maintain the Royal Cause Argu'd disputed rail'd with great applause Writ Madrigals and Dogerel on the times And charg'd you all with your fore-fathers crimes Nay confidently swore no plot was true But that so slyly carri'd on by you Rais'd horrid scandals on you hellish stories In Conventicles how you eat young Tories As Jew did heretofore eat Christian suckling And brought an Odium on your pious gutling When this is all malice it self can say You for the good old Cause devoutly eat and pray Though this one Text were able to convert ye Ye needy tribe of scriblers to the Party Yet there are more advantages than these For write invent and make what Plots you please The Wicked Party keeps your Witnesses Like frugal â—…uckold-makers you beget Bratts that secur'd by others fires shall sit Your Conventicling miracles out doe All that the Whore of Babylon e'er knew By wondrous art you make Rogues honest men And when you please transform 'em Rogues again To day a Saint if he but hang a Papist Peach a true Protestant your Saint's turn'd Atheist And dying Sacraments do less prevail Than living ones though took in Lamb's-Wool-Ale Who wou'd not then be for a Common-weal To have the Villain cover'd with his Zeal â—… Zeal which for convenience can dispence With Plays provided there 's no wit nor sense For Wit 's prophane and Iesuitical And Plotting's Popery and the Devil and all We then have fitted you with one to day 'T is writ as 't were a recantation Play Renouncing all that has pretence to witty T'oblâ—…ige the Reverend Brumighams o' th' City No smutty Scenes no Iests to move your Laughters Nor Love that so debauches all your Daughters But shou'd the Toryes now who will desert me Because they find no dry bobs on your Party Resolve to hiss as late did Popish Crew By Yea and Nay shee 'll throw her self on you The grand bequest of Whiggs to whom shee 's true Then let 'em rail and hiss and damn their fill Your Verdict will be Ignoramus still Actors Names Mr. 〈◊〉 Don Carlos Governour of Cadez young and rich in love with Julia. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Antonio A Merchant young and rich Friend to Carlos in love with Clara promis'd to Isabella Mr. Nokâ—…s Francisco Old and rich Husband to Julia and Father to Isabella Mr. Bright Baltazer Father to Julia and Clara. Mr. Freeman Sâ—…stian Father to Antonio Mr. 〈◊〉 Guzman Gentleman to Carlos Mr. Lee Guiliom A Chimney Sweeper the False Count. Two overgrown Pages to the False Count. Petro Cashier to Antonio Captain Of a Gally 〈◊〉 â—…eamen Lopez Servant to Baltazer Several Disguis'd like Turks Women Mrs. Davis Julia Wife to Francisco young and hansom in love with Carlos Mrs. Pâ—…y Clara Sister to Julia in love with Antonio Mrs. Coâ—… Isabella Daughter to Francisco proud vain and foolish despising all men under the degree of Quality and falls in love with Guiliom Mrs. Osborn Jacinta Woman to Julia. Dancers Singers c. THE FALSE COUNT OR A New way to play AN OLD GAME ACT I. SCENE I. The Street Enter Carlos Antonio and Guzman Car. BY all that 's good I 'm mad stark raving mad to have a Woman young rich beautyfull Just on the point of yeilding to my Love Snatcht from my Armes by such a Beast as this An Old ridiculous Buffoon past Pleasure Past Love or any thing that tends that way Ill-favour'd Ill-bread and Ill-qualify'd With more Diseases than a Horse past Service And onely blest with Fortune and my Julia For him I say this Miser to obtain her After my tedious nights and dayes of Love My midnight Watchings Quarells Wounds and Dangers My Person not unhansom too By Heav'n 't was Wonderous strange Anto. And old Francisco without the expence of an hours Courtship a Billet Doux or scarce a Sight of her could gain her in a day and yet 't is wonder your Fortune and your Quality should be refus'd by Don Baltazer her Father Car. A Pox upon 't I went the wrong way to work and courted the Daughter but indeed my Father the late Governor of Cadez whose Estate and Honour I now enjoy was then living and fearing he would not consent to my Passion I endeavor'd to keep it secret though sacred Vows had past between us two Anto. Did she not tell you of this Marriage with old Francisco Car. The night before she did but onely by a Letter from her window dropt which when by the help of a dark Lantern 〈◊〉 had read I was struck dead with Grief gives him the letter Anto. reads Expect to morrow night to hear I 'm dead since the next Sun will guide me to a fatall Marriage with old Francisco Your Julia. Car. Judge dear Antonio my Surprise and Grief A while I stood unmov'd thoughtless and silent But soon rage wakâ—…d me to new Life again But what I said and did I leave to raging Lovers Like disappointed me to guess and judge She heard and onely answer'd me in tears Nor could I beg one tender word from her She sight and shut the window too and vanisht Ant. And she accordingly next day was married Car. She was and I have since endeavor'd all the Arts and Ways I can to Cuckold him 't is now two months since the Wedding and I hear he keeps her as close as a Relict jealous as Age and Impotence can make him She hitherto has been absent at Sivil but Expectation of her Daughter-in-law's Wedding with you has brought 'em hither and I ask your Pardon Antonio for rallying your Father-in-law that shall be old â—…rancisco Anto. I hope you are mistaken Sir Car. How Are not you to marry his Daughter Isabella Anto. Not if I can help it Sir the Honour you have done me in your friendship to me a Person so much above me in Title and Birth makes me think it my Duty to conceal no part of my Heart to you Know then this Isabella daughter to old Francisco and your Cuckold that shall be I hope is though fair most ridiculously proud vain and fantasticall as all of her Birth and Education grown Rich are Car. Prethee What was her Birth Anto. Why her Father old Francisco was in his youth an English Cordwinder that is to say a Shoo-maker
Which he improv'd in time to a Merchant and the Devil and his Knavery helping him to a considerable Estate he set up for Gentleman and being naturally a stingey hide bound Rascall and in the Humour of jealousie even out-doing the most rigid of us Spaniards he came over into Spain to settle with his whole Family where his Wife dying to heighten the vice marries this young Julia your Mistress Sir and now this Daughter of his having wholly forgot her originall Dunghill setts up for a Vicountess at least though her father has design'd me the Blessing but I have fixt my Heart and Eyes elsewhere Clara the young Sister of your Mistress Sir commands my Liberty Car. Clara I 've seen her she has Youth and Beauty capable to make a conquest any where but Does she know your Love Anto. She does and makes me think my Love return'd Car. Then know Antonio I must be your Rival Anto. How Sir Car. You said but now you were my Friend Antonio If true you must assist in my design Anto. I listen Sir impatiently Car. Then thus Before I knew she was your Mistress I had resolv'd upon Adresses to her in order to 't have treated with her Father about a Marriage Anto. How and wou'd the false forsworn receive your Vows Car. No but with Tears implores her Father dayly when e'er he speaks to her about my Passion nor can I undeceive her for indeed I have but Feign'd a Love she living in the same house with Julia whilst here at Cadez to get an opportunity with that dear charming Creature for coming as a Brother sure they 'll admit me kindly nor will Francisco who has heard of what has past 'twixt me and Julia suspect me any more Anto. I knew I had a Rivall Sir which Clara lov'd not but nere cou'd get it from her who he was for fear of mischief I have often the Liberty to see her under the name and pretence of Isabella's Lover Car. And I Visit her onely to get a sight of Julia which hitherto has been impossible though I have oft indeavor'd it I beg you 'll not be jealous for this by Heav'n is onely my Design Anto. I 'll trust my Life my Honour and my Mistress in so good hands at any time Car. You obliege me but though I find your Clara cold and cruel Isabella would invite me to her Love And makes so many kind advances to me Anto. So would she for your Title were you deform'd and had no shape of man about you but me because a little Citizen and Merchant she so reviles Calling me base Mechanick Sawcy Fellow and wonders where I got the Impudence to speak of Love to her in fine I am resolved to be reveng'd on all her Pride and Scorn by Heav'n I will invent some dire Revenge I 'm bent upon 't and will about it instantly Car. and would you do it home and hansomly and have a good occasion of being disingag'd from her and make her self the Instrument Anto. Ay such a Plot were worth the Prosecution Car. And such a one I have in my head Guzman my servant knows a Fellow here in Cadez whom for his pleasant humour I have oft observ'd as I have past the streets but too mean to be converst with by almost any humane thing by Trade a Chimney Sweeper Anto. On Sir I beseech you Car. This Fellow 's of a quick Wit and good Apprehension though possibly he cannot act the Don so well yet that which makes up the best part of our young Gallants now a days he shall not want that is good Cloaths Money and an Equipage and a little Instruction will serve turn Anto. I 'm ravisht with the Fancy let me see he shall be an English Lord or a French Count. Car. Either we 'll furnish him with Bills on Seigniour Don Francisco men and bagage and the business is done he shall make Love to her Anto. Most Excellent Car. Guzman have you not observ'd this Fellow I am speaking off Guz. Observ'd him Sir I know him particulary I 'll fetch him to you now Sir he alwaies stands for new employment with the rest of his Gang under Saint Jago's Church-wall Car. Bring him anon to my Lodgings where we 'll prepare him for the Adventure Anto. And if the Proud Isabella bite not at so gay a Bait I 'll be bound to marry her Car. And if she do not possibly that may be your Fate but in return you must let Clara know the Design I have and undeceiving her opinion of my Love make her of our Party Anto. Trust my Friendship Sir and Management I 'll to her instantly that is make a Visit to Isabella and get an opportunity to speak with Clara. Car. And I must write a Letter to Julia to undeceive her Fears too cou'd I but get it to her Guz. For that let me alone Exeunt severally bowing SCENE II. A Chamber Enter Julia and Jacinta Jac. Lord Madam you are as melancholy as a sick Parrot Juli. And can you blame me Jacinta have I not many Reasons to be sad sirst have I not lost the onely man on earth in Don Carlos that I cou'd love and worse than that am married to a Thing fit onely for his Tombe a Brute who wanting sense to Value me treats me more like a Prisoner than a Wife and his Pretence is because I should not see nor hear from Don Carlos Jac. Wou'd I were in your room Madam I 'd cut him out work enough I 'd warrant him and if he durst impose on me i'faith I 'd transform both his Shape and his manners in short I 'd try what Woman-hood cou'd doe And indeed the revenge wou'd be so pleasant I wou'd not be without a jealous Husband for all the world and really Madam Don Carlos is so sweet a Gentleman Jul. Ay but the Sin Jacinta Jac. A' my Conscience Heav'n wou'd forgive it for this match of yours with old Francisco was never made there Jul. Then if I wou'd alas what oportunities have I for I confess since his first Vows made him mine Jac. right that lying with old Francisco is flat Adultery Jul. I might with some Excuse give my self away to Carlos but oh he 's false he takes unjustly all the Vows he paid me And gives 'em to my Sister Clara now Jac. Indeed that 's something uncivil Madam if it be true Jul. True my Father has with joy consented to it and he has leave to visit her and can I Live to see 't No Mischief will ensue my Love 's too high too Nicely true to brook Affronts like that Jac. Yet you sirst broke with him Jul. Not I be witness heav'n with what reluctancy I fore't my breaking heart and can I see that charming Body in my Sisters Armes that Mouth that has so oft sworn love to me kist by anothers Lips no Jacinta that night that gives him to another Woman shall see him dead between the Charmers Armes My life
Devil you are Sir how shall I know that Guil. Your Daughter does Sir and that 's all one Isa. Oh! I 'm undone am I no Vicountess then Guil. Hang Titles 't was my self you lov'd my amiable sweet and charming self in sine sweet heart I am your Husband no Vicount but honest Guilion the Chimney sweeper I heard your Father design'd to marry you to a Tradesman and you were for a Don and to please you both you see how well I have manag'd matters Fran. I 'll not give her a farthing Guil. No matter her love's worth a million and that 's so great that I 'm sure she 'll be content to carry my Soot-basket after me Isa. Ah! I dye I dye Guil. What and I so kind Isa. Help murther murther Goes and kisses her and blacks her face Guil. Well Gentlemen I am something a better fortune than you believe me by some thousands Shows Car. his writings Car. Substantial and good faith Sir I know not where you 'll â—…nd a better fortune for your Daughter as cases stand To Fran. Guil. And for the Vicount Sir gay Cloths Money and Confidence will set me up for one in any ground in Christiandom Car. Faith Sir he 's i' th' right take him home to Sivil your neighbours know him not and he may pass for what you please to make him the Fellow 's honest witty and hansom Fran. Well I have consider'd the matter I was but a Leather-seller my self and am grown up to a Gentleman and who knows but he being a Chimney-sweeper may in time grow up to a Lord Faith I 'll trust to Fortune for once here take her and rid me of one Plague as you I thank you Sir have done of another To Carlos Guil. Prethee be pacified thou shalt see me within this hour as pretty a fluttering Spark as any 's in Town my â—…oble Lord I give you thanks and joy for you are happy too Car. As Love and Beauty can make me Fran. And I as no damn'd Wife proud Daughter or tormenting Chamber-maid can make me Anto. And I as Heaven and Clara can You base born Beauties whose Ill manneâ—…d Pride Th' industrious noble Citizens deride May you all meet with Isabella's Doom Guil. And all such Husbands as the Count Guiliome FINIS EPILOGUE Spoken by Mrs. Barry Made by a Person of Quality I Come not a Petitioner to sue This Play the Author has writ down to you 〈◊〉 a slight 〈◊〉 sive days brought sorth with ease So very foolish that it needs must please For though each day good Judges take offence And 〈◊〉 Armes in Comedy's defence You are still true to your Jâ—…ck Pudding Sense No 〈◊〉 can miss your Approbation You love it as you do a new French Fashion â—…hus in true hate of Sense and Wit 's despight Bantring and Shamming is your dear deligh Thus among all the â—…ollys here abounding None took like the new Ape-trick of Dumsounding 〈◊〉 to make People laugh the business be You Sparks better Comedians are than we You 〈◊〉 day out sool ev'n Nokes and Lee. 〈◊〉 forc'd to stop and their own 〈◊〉 quit 〈◊〉 admire the Merrâ—… Andâ—… of the Pit But if your mirth so grate the Critique's ear Your Love â—…ill 〈◊〉 more â—…lequin appear You 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of the Boxes You 〈◊〉 d Ruines of 〈◊〉 Wine and Poxes 〈◊〉 strange Green sickness do you hope in Women 〈◊〉 make 'em 〈◊〉 old 〈◊〉 in new point Linnen The Race of Life you run off-hand too sast Your 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 is too hot to last Your Feavers come so thick your claps so plenty Most of you are threescore at five and twenty 〈◊〉 town 〈◊〉 I 〈◊〉 know you 〈◊〉 enough Your â—…urting Women's like your taking Snuss 〈◊〉 of meer Idleness you keep a 〈◊〉 You 've no more need of one than of the other 〈◊〉 Wou'd you be quit of their insipid noise And vain pretending take a fool's advice Of the faux Braves 〈◊〉 had some little trial There 's nothing gives 'em credit but denyal As when a Coward will pretend to Hussing Offer to sight away sneaks Bully-Russin So when these Sparks whose business is addressing In Love pursuites grow troublesome and pressing When they affect to keep still in your eye When they send Grisons every where to spye And full of Coxcomb dress and Ogle high Seem to receive their Charge and face about 〈◊〉 pawn my life they never stand it out FINIS
Letter to her Sir by the order of my Master Don Carlos the Governor I am commanded to come hither to the end that going from hence and returning to my Master I may be able to inform him Fran. That I am in health very well I was afraid he wou'd have been harping upon my Wife in the first place the Devil take her she looks for 't Makes signs to have her gon Guz. Farther Sir he kisses your hand with a more than ordinary Friendship Fran. A Pox of his complyments Aside Guz. But he charg'd me Sir most passionately to present his Service to your Lady Fran. Yes yes I thought as much Guz. In a more particular manner Fran. Friend my Wife or Lady has no need of his service in a more particular manner and so you may return it Jac. Indeed but she has great need of his service in a very particular manner Guz. Sir I ment no hurt but 't is all wayes the fashion of your true bred Courtier to be more Ceremonious in his Civilities to Ladyes than Men and he desires to know how she does Fran. How strong this Carlos smells of the Devil friend tell your Master she 's very well but since she was Married she has forgot her Gentile Civility and good manners and never returns any Complements to men Guz. How shall I get it to her Sir the Governor hopes he shall havethe Honour of entertaining you both at his house He 's impatient of your coming and waits at home on purpose Fran. Friend let your Master know we are here in very good quarters already and he does us both too much Honour and that if we have notice of the Wedding-day and I have nothing else to doe we 'll Certainly wait on him and the next morning we intend to take our leaves which I send him word of before-hand to prevent surprise Guz. But Sir Aproching him he puts his Wife further Fran. Go Sir and deliver your message Guz. But I have order Sir Fran. There 's no such thing in this world Guz. I 'm resolv'd to Teaze him if I can do nothing else in revenge But Sir he most earnestly desires to entertain your fair Lady in his own house Fran. Yes yes I know he does But I 'll give him to the Devil first Troth Sir this Cadez Aire does not agree with my fair Lady she has ventur'd out but once and has got an Ague already Guz. Agues Sir are kind diseases they allow of Truces and Cessations Fran. No no She has no Cessation friend her Ague takes her nighâ—… and day it shakes her most unmercyfully and it shall shake her till the Wedding-day Guz. Were this Fellow to be try'd by a Jury of women I would not be in 's Coat to lye with his Lady What shall I doe to deliver this Letter Well Sir since I see you are so averse to what the Governor desires I 'll return but Sir I must tell you as a friend a Secret that to a man of your temper may concern you Sir he 's resolv'd when he Comes next to Visit his Mistress to make another Visit to your Apartment to your Lady too Goes to Whisper him and gives Julia the Letter over his Shoulder Fran. Is he so pray tell him he need not take that pains there 's no occasion for 't besides 't will be but in vain for the Doctors have prescrib'd her Silence and Lonelyness t is good against the Fit How this damn'd Fellow of a Rival torments me Honest Friend adieu Guz. Now is this Fellow so affraid of being made a Cuckold that he fears his own shadow and dares not go into his Wive's Chamber if the Son do but shine into the room Ex Guz. Fran. So your Mercury's gon Lord how simply you look now as if you knew nothing of the matter Jul. Matter what matter I heard the Civil Message the Governor sent and the uncivil answer you return'd back Fran. Very good Did that grieve your heart alass what pitty 't was I carried you not in my hand presented you to him my self and beg'd him to favour me so much to do my office a little for me or the like hah Jul. And there 's need enough and the truth were known Jac. Well said Madam Fran. Peace thou wicked Limbe of Satan but for you Gentle Woman since you are so tarmagant that your own Natural Husband cannot please you who though I say it am as quiet a Bed-fellow and sleep as sweetly for one of my years as any in Spain I 'll keep you to hard meat i'faith Jul. I find no fault with your Sleeping 't is the best quality you have a-Bed Fran. Why so then is the Devil in an unmercyfull woman Come come 't is a good Tenant that payes once a quarter Jac. Of an hour do ye mean Sir Fran. Peace I say thou damnable Tormentor this is the Doctrine you preach to your Mistress but you shall do 't in private for I am resolv'd to lock ye both up and carry the keys in my Pocket Jul. Well I 'm a wicked Creature to teaze thee so Dear but I 'll doe what thou wilt Come come be friends I Vow I care not for the Governor not I no more then I do for my own soule Fran. Why so this is somthing Come come your way 's in who have we here a man ad's my life away away Jul. Yes up to my Chamber to write an answer to this dear Letter Ex Julia Enter Isabella Fran. No 't is not a man but my daughter Isabella Jac. Now will I stay and set her on to teaze the Doatard wou'd I cou'd teaze him to death that my Mistiess might be rid of him Fran. How now what makes you look so Scurvily to day Sure the Devil rides once a day through a woman that she may be sure to be inspir'd with some Ill qualities what wou'd you have now Isa. Somthing Fran. Somthing what thing have I not provided you a Husband whom you are to marry within a day or too Isa. There 's a Husband indeed pray keep him to your self if you please I 'll marry none of him I 'll see him hang'd first Fran. Hay-day what is he not young and hansom enough forsooth Isa. Young and hansom is there no more than that goes to the making up of a Husband Yes there 's Quality Fran. Quality Why is he not one of the richest Merchants of his standing in all Cadez Isa. Merchant a prety Character a Woman of my Beauty and 5. Thousand pound marry a Merchant a little pety dirtyheeld Merchant faugh I 'd rather live a Maid all dayes of my life or be sent to a Nunnery and that 's Plague enough I 'm sure Jac. Have a care of a Nunnery least he take you at your word Isa. I wou'd not for the World no Jacinta when ever thou 〈◊〉 me in Holy orders the World will be at an end Fran. Merchant why What Husband do you expect Isa. A Cavalier
at least if not a Nobleman Fran. A Noble man marâ—…y come-up your Father Huswife meaning my self was a Leather-seller at first till growing rich I set up for a Merchant and left that Mechanick trade and since turn'd Gentleman and heav'n blest my endeavours so as I have an estate for a Spanish Grandee and Are you so proud forsooth that a Merchant wont down with you but you must be gaping after a Cap and Feather a silver Sword with a more dredfull Ribon at the hilt Come come I fear me Huswife you are one that pusss her up with pride thus but lay thy hand upon thy Conscience now To Jacinta Jac. Who I Sir No no Sir I am for Marrying her out of hand to any reasonable Husband except a Merchant for Maids will Long and that 's Probatum est against the pervailing Distemper of Longing Hitherto I dare answer for her but Batteries will be made and I dare not be alwayes responsable for frail Mortality Fran. Well I have provided her one that I like but if she be so squemish let her fast with a Murrain to her Isa. Dear Father Fran. Dear me no Deares Wou'd your old Mother were alive she wou'd a Strapt your Iusticore for puleing after Cavaliers and Noble men i'faith that wou'd shee A Citizen's Daughter and wou'd be a Madona in good time Isa. Why Father the Gentry and Nobility now adayes frequently marry Citizen's Daughters Fran. Come come Mistress I got by the City and I love and honour the City I confess 't is the fashion now adayes if a Citizen get but a little money one goes to building houses and brick walls another must buy an Office for his Son a third hoysts up his Daughter's Topsail and flaunts it a way much above her Breeding and these things make so many break and Cause the decay of Trading but I 'm for the honest Dutch way of breeding their Children according to their Fathers Calling Isa. That 's very hard because you are a Laborious Ill-bread Trades-man I must be bound to be a mean Citizen's Wife Fran. Why what are you better then I forsooth that you must be a Lady and have your Peticoats lac'd four Storyes high wear your false Towers and Coole your self with your Spanish Fan Come come Baggage wear me your best Cloaths a Sundays and brush 'em up a Munday Mornings and follow your needle all the week after that was your good old Mother's way and your Grand-mother's before her and as for the Husband take no care about it I have design'd it Antonio and Antonio you are like to wed or beat the hoof Gentle woman or turn poor Clare and die a Begging-Nun and there 's an end on 't see where he comes I 'll leave you to ponder upon the business Ex. Francisco Enter Antonio Isabella weeps Anto. what in Tears Isabella what is 't can force that tribute from your Eyes Isa. A Trifle hardly worth the namâ—…ing your self Anto. Do I pray for what sin of mine must your fair Eyes be punisht Isa. For the sin of your Odious Addresses to me I have told you my mind often enough methinks your Equals shou'd be sitter for you and sute more with your Plebean Humour Anto. My Equals 'T is True you 're fair but if there be any inequality in our births the advantage is on my side Isa. Sawcie Impertinent you show your City breeding you understand what 's due to Ladys you understand your Pen and Ink how to count your dirty money trudg to and fro chasfering of base commodities and cuzening those you deal with till you sweat and stink again like an o're heated Cook faugh I smell him hither Anto. I must confess I 'm not perfum'd as you are to stifle Stinks you commonly have by Nature but I have wholsom â—…lenly Linen on and for my Habit wore I but a Sword I see no difference between your Don and me onely perhaps he knows less how to use it Isa. Ah Name not a Don the very sound from the mouth of a little Cit is disagreeable Bargain and Sale Bills Money Traffick Trade are words become you better Jac. Well-said use him scurvily that Mrs. Clara may have him Aside Anto. The best of those you think I shou'd not name dare hardly tell me this Isa. Good Lord you think your self a very fine Fellow now and finicall your self up to be thought so but there 's as much difference between a Citizen and a true bred Cavalier Anto. As between you and a true bred Woman of Honour Isa. Oh Sir you rail and you may long enough before you rail me out of my Opinion whilest there are Dons with Coaches and fine Lackey's and I have Youth and Beauty with a Fortune able to merit one so farewell Cit. Ex. Isabella Anto. Farewell proud Fool. Jac. Sir be this evening at the door Dona Clara has somthing to say to you Anto. Bless thee for this Tidings dear Jacinta Ex. Jacinta I find let man be Brave or good or wise His Vertue gains no Smiels from Womens Eyes T is the gay Fool alone that takes the Heart Foppery and Finery still guide the Dart. Ex. Antonio ACT II. SCENE I. A Chamber Enter Jacinta with a Light and Julia. Jac. WELL Madam have you writ to Don Carlos Jul. No nor is it possible I shou'd this Devil haunts me so from room to room Like my evil Genius to prevent that good oh for an opportunity of one kind Minute to return Acknowledgments for this kind Letter he has sent me Jac. I 'm glad you find me a Sybill Madam I ever proficy'd a happier end of that Amour than your ill fortune has hitherto promised but what said the Lovely Cavalier Jul. All that a man inspir'd with Love cou'd say All that was soft and Charming Jac. Nay I believe his Art Jul. Judge then what my Heart Feels who like a fire but lightly cover'd o're with the cold Ashes of Despair with the least blast breaks out into a flame I burn I burn Jacinta and onely Charming Carlos can alay my Pain but how Ay there 's the question Jac. Some way I will contrive to speak with him for he has lost his old wont if he traverse not the street where you live but see Dona Clara. Enter Clara. Jul. Hah my Sister whom yet my jealous heart can scarce be reconcil'd to so deeply was my fear of Rivalship fixt there so sad my Sister and so near the happy day with Carlos Cla. 'T is pity she that thinks it so shou'd want him the Blessing 's thrown away on me but we are both unhappy to be matcht to those we cannot love Carlos though young gay hansome witty rich I hate as much as you the old Francisco for since I cannot Marry my Antonio both Youth and Beauty are but lost on me And Age decrepid wou'd be equal torment Jul. Wou'd Carlos knew your heart sure he 'd decline for he has too much Honor to compell a Maid