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A36896
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The art of living incognito being a thousand letters on as many uncommon subjects / written by John Dunton during his retreat from the world, and sent to that honourable lady to whom he address'd his conversation in Ireland ; with her answer to each letter.
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Dunton, John, 1659-1733.
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1700
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Wing D2620; ESTC R16692
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162,473
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158
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Years ago But tho' there 's nothing New in Playâ— yet one wou'd think there were Something-New in â—a ys Dresses they dress in such a Towering manner but if you Examine their Wardrobe you 'l find what they call New-Fashions are but Old Fashions revived for Fashion brought in Silks and Velvets at one Time and Fashion brought in Russets and Grays at another Fashion brought in dâ—ep Ruffes and Shallow-Ruffs Thick Ruffs and Thin Ruffs Double-Ruffs and no Ruffs Fashion brought in the Tunick and Vest the Broad kneed Breeches the Narrow brim'd Hat the Shoulder knot the Top knot c. But these are so far from being Nâ—w that they are Fashions that have been several times out and in and in and out and so will succeed each other perhaps to the End of Time This we see verified in the Vardingale for Fashion brought in the Vardingale and carried out the Vardingale and hath again reviv'd the Vardingale from Death and placed it behind like a Rudder or Stern to the body in some so big that the Vessel is scarce able to bear it So much as the wearing of Top-knots which is thought to be a New-Fashion was practic'd of old this Monumental Pride or High-Building of Head-Gear is not of a New Invention as Men take it to be but of an old Edition for Iuvenal in his Sixth Satyr makes mention of them Tot premit ordinibus c. Such Rows of Curls press'd on each other lie She builds her Head so many stories high That look on her before and you wou'd swear Hectors Tall-Wife Andromache she were Behind a Pigmey so that not her Waste But Head seems in the middle to be plac'd And as Top-knots are an Old Fashion so is Womens wearing the Breeches as much as 't is wonder'd at a custom as old as the fall of Man 't is no new thing to see Women Fight and Rave and to forget Obedience to their tender Husbands not but there was a Time in England when Men wore the Breeches and debarr'd Women of that gadding Liberty which they now take but Eve got the Start of Adam in sinning and ever since for a Woman to wear the Breeches is no new thing If you won't believe it on my words read Mr. Turners History of Providence and there you 'll find in Chap. 51. That the first Man Adam the Righteous Lot the Faithful Abraham the Meek Moses the strong Sampson the Wise Solomon the Zealous Peter the Philosopher Socrates the Orator Cicero were all either over-reached or over-power'd with Women So that 't is no New-thing for Women to wear the Breechees And tho one wou'd think it a New Thing 't is none to find some of the Fair Sex First at making of Love or as you express a In your Remarks on my Con versation in Ire land p. 514. it taking upon 'em the part that once belong'd to Men. Neither are She-Wiâ—s any New Thing I know one can Resolve the Nicest Points in Divinity you must pardon me if I mean your Ladyship another that understands and teaches Algebra and is a Young Midwife into the Bargain a Third that understands Latin and a Fourth called Philomela who has taken the Name b See the Preface to my Wiâ—e's Funeral Sermon of the Nightingale and her Notes are as sweet as the Voice of that is Musical And for the Dear D ne that 's dead and gone she was an Angel dreâ— in Flesh and Blood yet she stoop'd so low as to honour me with a constant Friendship and I may say her Witty Letters were the only thing that kept me alive in Ireland But She Wits Flourish't in former Ages as well as now So that I visit the Ladies to as little purpose as I do the Men for there 's nothing new in Petticoats and I think Madam 't is as clear as the Sun There 's nothing New under it And since I believ'd this I 've laid aside my Grand Ramble for to what purpose shou'd I Travel when the whole World has nothing to shew me can be calld New And you have heard this was Solomon's opinion who was one of the Wisest of meer Men and well hath he said There is nothing New under the Sun because as Dr. Winter observes Things Subject to Mutation are every Minute growing old Until at last they be no more The State of Glory and Blest Eternity is above the Brightness of the Sun But the Starry Heavens come far short of it They wax old as doth a Psal. 102. 26. 2 Pet. 3. 10. a Garment and they shall pass away There is indeed a Day of Renovation coming When he who of old made out of nothing all New things in the World shall out of a ruin'd old World worse than nothing make b Rev. 21. 5. all things New But this will be a work above the Sun And till then There is nothing New Yet we see nothing pleases the deluded World but the Name and thought of Novelties The Devil and his Vile Instruments cry up their deluding Trash for New as Women do their Oysters when as they stink of Age. Custom is a Great Matter new-New-England New-York and New-Market which has been built this Hundred Year is like to be so call'd to the Worlds end Cunning Salesmen give a sudden Turn to an old Coat and then sell it for a New Garment and thus we are trick'd out of our Money Thus old forsaken Errors are become new cryed up Lights and the Quakers thee and thou and way of Cheating by selling Goods at a word is no more then we find in the Gnostici and Carpocratists and the Enthusiasts of former Ages Impostors are no New thing Theudas the Sorcerer made himself a Second Moses neither is it any New thing for these false Prophets to lead Silly-Women Captive Montanas who call'd himself the Holy Ghost had two such the Angels Priscilla and Maximilla and so dearly did they Love that he and Madam Maximilla both hang'd themselves Or if we look amongst the Iacobites we shall still despair of any thing New for 't is no new-thing for Men to pack Iuries to serve a Turn to deliver up Charters to fell their Country to Murmur after a Great Deliverance or to refuse taking the Oaths till a good Deanery Greases the Passage All this is no New-thing Diverse Hundred of Years since The Christian Governour of the Castle of a Turk Histo. Abydus was himself and Castle betrayed into the hands of the Turks by his own Daughter and an Hundred and Forty Years before that Aleppo the strongest City of the Christians in those parts was betrayed to the Turk by the Governour To swear and forswear and to play at fast and loose with a Crown as a late Author observes is no New-thing Neither is it any new thing for Men to Cheat Slander Duel Whore and to pick a Pocket under the Gallows is a Custom as old as Tyburn Neither is it a New thing to see a
in Blood on the Quarter-Deck and never thought Serenade to his Mistress so charming as the Bullets Whistling how he stopt a Man of War of the Enemies under full Sail till she was boarded with his Single Arm instead of Grapling Irons and then concludes with railing at the Conduct of some Great Officers which he never heard of till last Week and protests had they taken his Advice not a Soul had ' scap'd ' em He has no sooner done but another begins Remarks upon the London Gazette and here he nick-names the Spanish Towns c. and enquires whether Madrid and Barcelona be Turks or Saracens Stilo Novo he interprets some Warlike Engin invented by the Duke of Savoy to confound Catinat and for Hungary c he believes it to be a place where people are ready to starve Neither is any thing more common than to see one of these News Hunters spend half an hour in searching the Map for Counterscarp and Brigadeer not doubting but to find them there as well as Venice Rome and Amsterdam c. Another relates t' ye all the Counsels of the French Court the German Diet the Roman Conclave and those of Portugal Spain and China are as well known to him as his right hand and this Gibberish is list'ned to with as great attention as Orpheus's Beasts did to his charming Musick Then a Fourth stands up and he pretending to be a Traveller tells the Company That in his late Voyage to Ophir tho no body knows where 't is the Master of his Vessel fill'd his Ship with 300 Tun of Gold in one night This tickles the Auditors so on he goes to tell 'em that from thence he went to the Iubilee from whence after Kissing the Pope's Toe he went to Venice to see the Carnival and here he met with the Harlot Tom-Coryat a Tom-Coryat gives a Pleasant Character of her in his Book he entitles Crudities marry'd lay with her one Night and Swares he thinks her a very demure peice of Impudence Being weary of Italy Perhaps he tells us in the next Place he Travel'd to the Indies I have a Brother there I hope he did not meet him where he view'd the Chambers of the Rising Sun learnt the number of his Horses and their several Names His Eyes being not yet satisfied he Rambles next to Persia where he shook Hands with the Great Mogul Prester Iohn and lay 3 Nights with the King of Bantam From thence being resolv'd to out-Ramble Drake he took Shipping for the Holy Land but that being now overgrown with Superstition he staid there but two Nights and then Embark'd for New England where he fairly kiss'd an Indian Queen a mighty matter and so did I in the year 86 and din'd with 200 Sachems At length a As is hinted in my American Rambles which I 'll Publish when I return for London being quite tyr'd he Embarqu'd for England but took Tartary in his way home where he got a Hair from the Great Chams Beard and to Convince ye Gentlemen all this is no Lye here ' t is The Traveller having told 'em all that he saw and a great deal more an Old Beef Eater falls to rubbing their Itching Ears He pretends to discover all the Secrets of the Cabinet Counsel He knows all the affairs of White-Hall to a Cows-Thumb and which is a thing I never minded which Lady is Painted and which not Before his Discourse is ended perhaps comes in a Fresh News-Hunter Begins Gentlemen have you heard any thing of a strange Whale now at Greenwich Have any of ye seen the Great â—zar of Muscovy who they say is Landed Incognito Or which of ye have seen the Second Sampson that carrys 20 Hundred weight on his Shoulders out draws all the Horses in Town and will Snap a sunder a Cable Rope as if 't were Sewing-Thread If these Queries are slighted his next words are What do ye think Gentlemen of the New Design or an Act of Parliament to make Usurers Charitable and Misses forsake their Gallants By this time an Old-Toast that had been fast asleep with his Hat over his Face For there 's a always some shame in being Burden'd with an useless Knowledge Moral Essays Vol. 2. p. 178. a wakes and having 500 Inventions dancing in his Noddle resolves he won't be out-lyed so tells 'em their News is nothing to his He has an Advice-Boat on the Stocks that shall go to Riga and come back again in Three Hours A Trick to march under Water by which hee 'll Sink all the French Fleet as it lies at Anchor and which Gentlemen is beyond this I 've just now found a way to catch Sun Beams for making the Ladys New Fashion'd Towers that Poets may no more be Damn'd for telling Lyes about their Curles and Tresses Thus Madam you see there is nothing New at the Coffee-House and I shall prove anon nor any where else and what stuff that is which they tell for Nâ—ws Men come to Coffee-houses purely to vent their strange and wild Conceits and an Opinion how Foolish or fond soever here receives Entertainment You 'll believe this when I tell your Ladyship that in the time of Monmouths Invasion I stept to a Coffee-House where I found several asking for News Gentlemen said I I can tell you what 's very Surprising Come let 's have it said one Nay tell it said another Why 't is this The West is strangely Victorious and I am told but an hour ago The Duke of Monmouth is to be made Prince George Oh strange said one 'T is no more than I expected said another Nay said a third I did not doubt but he 'd be our Deliverer And to add to the Jest 't is no New Thing to the West Countreymen to say the Duke of Monmouth is yet alive One wou'd ha' thought this Report That the Duke of Monmouth was to be made Prince George had been News for tho Dr. Burnet tells us of †In his Travels to Italy p. 246. Two Nuns being changed into Men yet I never before heard of one Man's being transform'd to another Tho had it been true it had been no News for I doubt not but those skill'd in Natural History can give Instances of it But this was a Fable and the Moral to it is this That there is no News nor New Thing and that the News we so Itch after is nothing but Satan's Policy to abuse our Ears in hearing our Tongues in speaking and our Hearts in believing Lies to disable us from discerning the Truth So much for News in Prose and King Iames the First said he 'd never believe any News in Verse since the hearing * See his Apothegms p. 14. of a Ballad made of the Bp. of Spalata touching his being a Martyr c. But perhaps you 'll say Tho the Coffee house Weekly Papers and Mens Humors have nothing New yet search further and you 'll find Novelties What think ye of the