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A43602 Machiavels ghost, as he lately appeared to his deare sons, the moderne projectors divulged for the pretended good of the kingdomes of England, Scotland, and Ireland.; Machiavels ghost Heywood, Thomas, d. 1641. 1641 (1641) Wing H1788; ESTC R6769 6,299 32

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Carrots and Turnips fatten all foure footed beasts without Hay or Grasse or any manner of Graine make bread of Pumpions and Cucumbers and will finde the Guard Beefe and Brues for God a mercy till their bellies crack and victuall the King an Army without meat and take all the Scots in a pursuit if they Rebell Hee is an excellent Architecture hee will pull downe White-hall and build the King a new Palace to which the banqueting house shall bee but halfe the Porters lodge and at his owne cost if the King will not give him leave hee would turne an hospitall into a Court and annexe the Savoy to Sommerset house if the Dutchy were not betweene them and then all the poore people may be admitted in Forma Pauperis to seek their Iodgings without certificate of the Parish Hee is the onely imitator of Guido Vaux his darke Lanthorne and by it hath made a device to convey people above ground that shall see every body and no man see them with the helpe of two footed beasts and hath jugled into credit with a strange name and call it a Sedan He will turne all Waggons Carts and Coaches into the nature of Wind-mills to saile to the Stages for the benefit of the Kingdome in sparing horse-flesh in the warres and to that intent hath got a Patent to make wooden horses fit for Brewers Butchers Maulters and Carriers that shall doe as good service as if they were alive carry burthens and fast much longer Hee is one that scrapes up a living in this world though hee be put out of possession in the next and hath crept neatly into the favour of the Clergie by advancing the returne of the whole Kingdome a third part whereby their tythes are increased more than ever Hee can saile thorow London Bridge against wind and Tide cleare the Thames from Sands and Shelves weigh up all Wracks though in the bottome of the Sea and fifty fat home under water blow up the enemy with fire if you seeme to doubt any of these Projects hee hugges himselfe with conceit of your ignorance and his owne wit if you question him his answer is This age is a cherisher of Arts and new Inventions the former dull and heavie that these times are active as may appear by the draining of the Fens building of Townes and Churches repairing of Pauls his Majesties expedition to Yorke and conceludes Nihil est quod non Solertia vinea● To say truth he is a man of knowledge very great in knavery hee is well read in deceit of all Trades hee knowes how to dye silke to make it weigh heavy hee knowes that divers forts of wooll mixt together will never cotten well to make good Demicasters he knowes those Malsters are knaves that make a Bushell of Barly pute above nine in Mault and I protest in good earnest he doth deserve wel if he can cast out the beams of his owne eye that he may see the clearer to make themselves honest men He is neither foole nor Physitian yet undertakes to reforme all abuses in the body politick with these three words Carollus Dei Gratia like Scale the Mountebanke that cures all diseases with one powder Hee is a great Traveller through England and Wales but dares not peep in Scotland untill the King goe in person hee is or would bee a man of Government for hee desires all things to goe according to his will which he suspects to be reason He discourses much of the danger of the times and fortifieth his arguments with old wives Tales and believes them to be prophesies as Lincolne was London is and Yorke shall bee and by opinion of his deeper insight in State affaires hath frighted a company of silly Citizens out of their houses and estates from London to Yorke in hope to be rich and will make them a Corporation free of Suburbs He is one that thinks he can cozen the Devill for hee will VVire draw the Covetous and worme the Usurer of their estates for hope of gaine they will drop all three into a hangmans budget if my Art doe not cousen me Hee is a rare extracter of the quintences of Beere Ale VVine Tobacco Mault Bricke-tiles Sope Starch Allome Cards Dice and Tapsters cum multis aliis the pure Spirit gat by imposing a fine and an annuall rent upon those that take Patents to sell them and suffer others to sell them for nothing Hee is one whose Arse makes buttons by the Bushell at the noyse of a Parliament more than the Scots do at the noyse of English Drummes and hath wrought under hand with Seminaries and Jesuites like a Mole to set dissention betweene the two Kingdomes on purpose that hee avoyd a Parliament and hath gotten a Patent or Grant of all the Blew Bonnets that are taken in the first battell but meanes not to be there himselfe but stay behind and engrosse all the Carrots and Parsnips that comes to London to make Dildoes for the Citizens wives old maidens and poore whores that staid behind the Progresse Now you have heard of his life pray listen to his death He fell sicke of scouring at Reference founded at a Certificate lay in trance at Mr. Aturney and recovering fell into a relapse at the Privie Seale where hee dreamed of Angels ascending and descending but waking found not his Patent sealed dyed with an obstructing or stopping at the great Seale and made no VVill as his predecessors did Onely you shall heare his Epitaph REader here intomb'd doth lye One who thought he could not dye Yet Death to shew no flesh can be Compos'd of Immortalitie Trembling did let flie a Dart Which kild him midst of all his Art For had he longer drawne his breath 'T is thought t would have infected death So many hot contagions flew From his braine each threatned new Infections blasting where they came The tree and fruit nay even the name Of honesty But now hee 's gone Like a Comet by his owne Fire consum'd The wormes doe feare Now hee 's in earth that he should there Practise on them for in his grave Hee dead still lives toth' world a Knaue Now Gentlemen you have had a sufficient Character of him in generall we will descend to examine his particulars and first of the Wine-Proiectors ARe Creatures that should seem to bee compounded of Sack and Clarret Sacke being their matter and Clarret their forme the excise which they have laid upon either being the union that cements together Friends they appeared to the Vinteners indeed some of them are supposed to have beene so because by patent they sought to inhance reckonings and by licence to cheat their customers But now they are runne to the Lees and shortly will be scarcely vendable to Aquaevita makers The Wine-licence Farmers and undertakers Were maine appendixes to that Apocryphall book the Projectors the Projectors serving as the Text and they Comments in the Margent They were Cubs which when the old Beares had lickt into Forme became