in studiis literarum paterentur satis esse si legere scribere potuissent therefore he advis'd the Romans not to suffer their Children to go to School any longer than till they had learnt to write and read Calixtus the third an old decrepit foolish Spaniard of whom Cardinal Pontanus de magni c. 12. of his Election Quam fatue fatui fatuum creavere Calixtum How foolishly did the fools elect thee foolish Calixtus to the Papacy The poor Bishop Virgilius a German Mathematician was cited to Rome for an Heretick because he asserted the Antipodes and there as one hath it by the fiery zeal of Pope Zachary was committed to the Flames to shew how infallible the Roman Oracle is in condemning that which all do maintain and himself maintain'd the Antipodes in his life his footsteps being opposite to those of his meek and pious Ancestors Some Popes have been mere ignorant Lay-men at their Election Boniface the ninth a Neopolitan was so illiterate that he could neither write sing nor say a fit Person to be Universal Pastor and to instruct the ignorant nor understand matters discuss'd before him yet a notable Huckster for selling Livings who expos'd all to sale no Dolt could be long unpreferr'd if he came open-handed and could purchase with money One of the Benedicts was a Boy of ten years of age a Popeling not manumitted from the rigour of the ferula John the 13th an aged Stripling of nineteen Nay some Popes as Alphonsus de Castro intimates were such Learned Clerks ut penitus Grammaticam ignorarent that they had scarce read their Grammar What beardless Striplings ascend the Chair surely 't is not come to that yet but it is assure your self whatever is the matter Hence we may rationally infer that that Church must needs be well manag'd that hath such Reverend Guides and Learned Heads yet if you look about you you 'l find more in 't than you imagine 't is very probable these Successors of St. Peter did it to avoid the imputation of St. Paul Too much Learning hath made thee mad Take a spice of their Sobriety in Pope Benedict the 12th who was so great a Drinker would carouze so briskly and turn off his Cups so merrily that it seems he deserv'd this Epitaph which some good Fellow or other bestow'd on him the Latin's honest but homely Iste fuit vero Laicis mors vipera Clero Devius à vero Cupa repleta mero He was to Lay-men death in sooth To Clergy and Divines A Viper deviating from truth A mere Hogshead of Wines Well I 'll say this for him and a Fig for him he was a boon blade I 'll warrant you this is the only sociable Pope that we have met with in the whole crew hitherto Innocent the eighth a dull ignorant Sot who would take a Cup too much in the midst of his Affairs of greatest weight and importance and like a true Philosopher drink till his head run round with the World in vindication of the Copernican Systeme Their Conversation of yea yea and nay nay they observe very perfunctorily for the Laity and inferiour Clergy out-hector the whole World in blasphemous and customary Oaths nor are the Popes themselves free from this vain Vice that is neither sweetned with Pleasure nor season'd With Profit The Barons of England seeing that the Kingdom and Crown was become absolutely tributary to the Pope to their great grief and perplexity demanded some Priviledges of King John which he had engaged by Oath to grant to which he return'd no answer but referr'd them wholly to Pope Innocent the third as his Liege-Lord of whom he held his Crown Ambassadors were sent to Rome with Instructions and Demands to that purpose but his Holiness resented it so ill that in the close of his Speech he Swore with a furrow'd Brow by Saint Peter I cannot suffer this injury to be unpunished Boldly done Innocent 'T was more than St. Peter himself durst do had he then sate in the Chair And another time upon some occasion being moved to Passion he Swore by St. Peter and St. Paul both that neither of them might take exceptions of whom one wrote this Distich Pope Innocent the worst of all the rout If you would spell his name right put In out Robert Grosthead the honest Bishop of Lincoln opposed Pope Innocent and laught at his thundring Excommunications of whom it is reported that he came to him after his death and put his Holiness in mind by a blow with his Crosier of this Item Surge miser veni in Judicum Dei and soon after he died of a Plurisie Now for the Grand Palladium of Rome their so much boasted of and highly applauded infallibity which is infeof'd upon St. Peter's Chair tho the Pope be Heretick Idolater Incestuous a Necromancer Sodomite nay what not if he once claps his Apostolik Seat there he must necessarily be free from error Doctor John Funecius a Man of great Learning in the 10th Book of his Chronology reports that in the year 1332 Pope John the 22th fell into a great Heresie which was this That the Souls departed this life did not injoy the Beatifical Vision that is see God till the last day yet this Pope must be infallible tho guilty of so gross an Error There hapned a great difference between this Pope and the Franciscans he charging them with Heresie and they again to requite his kindness disowning him as a damnable Heretick and no Pope thus his Infallibility of Judgment is disclaimed by his own Crew and he himself un-Pop'd by them There were three blazing Comets conspicuous in the Roman Horizon at one and the same time that was in the 11th Century viz. Benedict the 9th Sylvester the third and Gregory the sixth and as one saith very well It were very strange if they should produce no alteration in the Ecclesiastical Body Three Popes cohabiting at Rome and as many more residing in three several Countries a Grand Schism for the space of forty years and Ambition and Corruption being more prevalent to advance to the Pontifical Dignity than a good Christian Life It must needs be a greater Prodigy than a Miracle-monger by the help of his forged Legends can pretend to that contrariety should meet and shake hands and absolute Contradictions prove a Pope infallible These were Anti-Popes in competition and opposition to the Papal Promotion nay theiâ—… own Authors are at difference yet aâ—… daggers drawn about his infallibility Seâ—… Gerson Occham Alimain Ecchins Hosins Pighins and Waldensis Nay the prettiest humour of all is that they should impose upon us so much as to force us to believe that when two Popes contradict each other yet they are both infallible or if they enjoyn the perusal of different Bibles we must use neither Pope Vrban the 8th liv'd the longest and died the richest of all the Popes for he sat in the Chair twenty years a rare thing for they usually kick up their
his Wife took up and gave her Husband she holding him down by the Cowle whilst her Husband stabbed him in several places insomuch that he confessed the Villany and begg'd his Pardon The Gentleman being unwilling to kill him sent his Wife home for some of his Servants who came thither immediately so they took up the Franciscan carried him to the Gentleman's and from thence to the Emperours Deputy in Flanders to whom he confessed the whole matter and upon his Examination it was found that abundance of beautiful Gentlewomen had been so served In short the Women so detained were all fetch'd out of the Monastery and the Friars and their Covent were burned together Of the Necromancy Sorcery and Conjurations of Priests and Friars FRiar Lewis about 100 years ago made an absolute Paction with the Devil who appeared to him at Marseilles in the shape of a Goat aad promised him I wonder the Friar had no more Wit than to believe him since he was a Lyar from the beginning the uninterrupted enjoyment of any Woman whatsoever tho never so great a Beauty or of any other Pleasures for the term of 41 years complete but the Devil was too cunning an Arithmetician for him placing the unite before the tens which amounted but to 14 years and this very Contract is to be seen to this day with the Devil's Claw to it when the time was expir'd the Friar was detected of Witchcraft and burnt all the Children he had christned during that double Apprentiship of twice seven years being rebaptized and the Women he had abused were confined to a Nunnery by themselves There was a cetain Priest of Savoy who was Curate of the Village Feling near Bonne to whom his Parishioners resorted in great flocks to beg of him that he would allay a violent Tempest that then raged among them for he had often made his brags he could do it and that they need not fear either Thunder Lightning or any Tempest so long as he continued among them Well to work my Conjurer goes and mumbles over a great many Conjurations which he had by roat being only a Medley of horrible terrible hard words as dreadful to the People as the Tempest it self he being sheltered all this while under a thick well-spread Tree and held by four or five for fear of being blown away but finding himself at a loss in his Art to mend the matter pulled out his breaden God and saluted it in this irreverend manner according to the harsh Dialect of his Country Cour di se te ne ple for que le Diablou c. By God's heart if thou be not stronger than the Devil I 'll throw thee into the dirt And this did the business effectually Avant therefore all Agrippa's and Merlins let not Spanheim boast any more of her grand Wizard-Abbot since Savoy hath clearly out-done her with a little Conjuring Curate In Savoy Anno 1358 several Priests were burnt for Incantations and Sorcery and one of them a notorious Gentleman in the Black-Art was executed at Rolle a Town four miles distant from Lausana who had been a Wizard or Sorcerer as appeared by his own Confession for four and twenty Years and yet all this time sung Mass and performed the office of a Priest as religiously as the best Mass-monger of them all and that he might not suffer uncomfortably and dye alone his Whore was burnt with him for company and 't was but just that she who had been a long time Copartner with him in Pleasure should at last be partaker with him in Pain and it seems she imployed her Talent so well that she grew Mistriss of the Trade too and was so expert in it that she was found Guilty and condemned as a Sorceress Thus these two Hellish but loving Mates to the very last embraced one another in the hot Flames a just reward or guerdon of their fiery Lust and Hellish practices of this nature for many years together formerly by them put in Execution for which they were both in the end as you have heard executed Of the gross Ignorance of the Priests and Friars their false Impositions upon the Laity THere is a known story of Monsieur Prat the Chancellor of Paris a Reverendissimo and grave Clergy-man in the time of Francis the First who had a Present sent him by Henry the Eighth King of England with a Letter wherein there was this Expression Mitto tibi 12 Molossos I send you twelve Mastives but the profoundly learned Chancellor mistook the meaning for a dozen of Mules and being over confident of this Exposition he went to the King accompanied with an eminent Noble-man at Court to intreat his Master to bestow on him that Present which the King of England had sent him but King Francis having heard nothing of it commanded them to produce the Letter that he might peruse it and the rather because that Mules in England are as rarely seen as Coaches in Venice But when his Majesty found out the gross mistake the Chancellor was the sole object of their excessive Laughter who like a State-Tinker to mend the matter did excuse himself with this kind of evasion That he misunderstood Molossos for Muletos like an Ass as he was which latter misinterpretation rendred his Lordship far more Ridiculous than the former We read of an aged Priest who R. Pacaeus de fructu Doctrinae lived in the Reign of our Henry the 8th who was so sordidly ignorant and stupid that he always read in his Portesse Mumpsimus Domine for Sumpsimus Domine and being told of his error by a Friend that heard it who was a Wel-wisher of him and would needs have made him change his note yet the Cuckow would not for this very reason because he had used Mumpsimus these 30 Years the more Block-head He and therefore he would not leave his old Mumpsimus for their new fangled Sumpsimus No not he it was fitter for a young Novice of his Order to follow the new Modes of refined modern Speech and not for a Man of his Years and Gravity Nay the Priests in general when they had very shrewdly crack'd Priscian's Crown and were taken in the fact would only use that common Defence out of St. Gregory tho never intended for their purpose Non debent verba coelestis Oraculi subesse verbis Donati The words of the Sacred Writ ought not to be subject to the Rules of the Grammarian Donatus But this was very hard usage from them to break the poor old-Man's head and neither beg his Pardon nor give him a Plaister Nay farther these learned Men whose Duty it is to instruct the Ignorant and undeceive the seduced are so far from informing their Sheep that they the very Pastors want Instruction themselves for if in their Lectures which are but few and seldom performed they chance unhappily to stumble at a Greek Phrase they tumble over it with a non legitur Graecum est or else pass it over
this Head of the Church stands affected he will soon guess at the foulness of the Stomach and give an account of the weak and crazy Constitution of the whole Body Ecclesiastick Do but observe the numerous and haughty Titles that he so magisterially assumes to himself as the Universal the Infallible Bishop of Rome the Head of the Catholick Church the Supreme Pastor the Holy one the Pope Christ's Vicegerent God's Vicar a Vice-god nay a God upon Earth and God knows how many more and then tell me truly whether in his Pride and number of Names he may not out-vye both Turk and Persian and at length prove as little a Christian as either of them who upon the bare Report of this usurped Authority have bestow'd on him two glorious Denominations the one calling him Rumbeg that is Prince or Lord of Rome the other Rumschah King of Rome First then to begin with the Blasphemies used by several Popes themselves which are so great that if Profaneness it self could it assume an humane Shape would not be guilty of and Lucian that Arch-Apostate were he now alive would if compar'd to them be accounted moderate Leo the Tenth Son to the Duke of Florence was a chuck-farthing-Boy Cardinal who was thought to deserve the Red Hat at the Age of Thirteen and 〈…〉 Pope at Twenty the unerring Bishop oâ—… Christendom in hanging Sleeves who before he could write Man or of Age waâ—… Father of all the Aged and truly hâ—… verified the old Proverb Soon ripe sooâ—… rotten for what a more putrid anâ—… blasphemous Expression could be belch'â—… forth by the Devil himself than that oâ—… his who when Cardinal Bembo quoteâ—… a place out of the New Testament replied Quantum nobis profuit haec Fabulâ—… de Christo What Wealth have we gain'â—… by this Fable of Christ Was not thiâ—… becoming Christ's Vicegerent And afteâ—… a Dispute de Anima 't was as good 〈…〉 Sentence of the Good Soul Et redit in nihilum quod fuit ante nihil Julius the Third a mere Epicure when he was at Table with several Grandees of Rome had a Peacock serv'd in at Dinner his beloved Dish and gave strict order it should be kept cold for his Supper but it seems some of his Servants through neglect dispos'd of it otherwise now when the time of his Evening Repast came and he found it wanting he fell into so great a Chafe and Rage for this Sin of Omission in his Servitor that his Holiness was guilty of a Sin of Commission insomuch that a more moderate Cardinal one of his Guests told him that it was ill done to be so passionate and fly out into so great a Fury for so small a Trifle but he fuddenly replied If God was so angry as to expel Adam Paradise for an Apple well might he who was his Vicar be offended for the Disappointment of his Peacock which was of greater value than any Apple could possibly be The same worthy Pope missing his Pork which was one of his standing Dishes for he was a great Lover of Pork and Peacock asked the Reason of it his Steward answer'd that his Physicians had given order there should be no Pork serv'd in because it was very injurious and destructive to his Health whereat he began to fly in the very face of him whose Vicar he boasts himself to be saying Porta mi quello mio Piatto al dispetto de Dio Fetch me my Pork my Dish of Meat in spight of God himself These Words savour of more than Lucianisme Paul the Third in a Procession at Romè where the Body of Christ as they term it was with great Solemnity and seeming Piety carried before him said That if the Company did not make more haste he would renounce Christ whereupon some Persons made up to them that were in the Front with all speed and caused them to mend their Pace Nay farther Pope Paul being in an open Consistory of Cardinals boldly told by one of them that he could not bestow Palma and Piacenza on his two Bastards unless he would inevitably purchase his own Damnation To this he answer'd If St. Paul the Apostle of the Gentiles had so tender an Affection for his Country-men whom he calls Brethren as to wish and desire himself to be separate from Christ so that they might obtain Salvation why may not I with as great Love and Affection to my Sons and Nephews study by all means possible to aggrandize them and make them honourable with the hazard of my own Salvation O the yearning Bowels and tender Compassion of this Holy Father to the living Monuments of his Infamy Poor cow-hearted Hugonot Where is there a Calvin Beza or Bishop among you all that dares or can show such strange and strong efforts of a noble and undaunted Spirit who for the Promotion and Welfare of his Children here dares damn his own Soul for ever hereafter Alas There 's no such Spirit among you What think you of Gregory the Seventh tho his proper name which Popes renounce at their Election was Hildebrand which signifies Fire-brand of Hell in the Tutonick Tongue as the Germans affirm and Chemnitius gives him the same Title calling him Titio Infernalis when he consulted the Oracle of his Breaden God threw it into the Fire before many Cardinals who could not withhold him because it gave him no answer as to the event of his War with the Emperour Henry the Benno Card. in the life of Hildebrand Fourth of France John Bishop of Port in a Sermon in S. Peters Church before a numerous Auditory being upon the profanation of the Blessed Sacrament said Hildebrand and we with him have done a Fact for which we Deserve to be Burnt alive meaning the forementioned Action Nay this Hostia was so Contemned and Slighted by him that he most wickedly caused Pope Victor the Second to be poisoned with the Consecrated Wine of the Holy Eucharist and yet Cardinal Bellarmine had the confidence to Justifie this Man as a Saint by Twenty seven Authors and another had the impudence to own him as a Canoniz'd Saint by two more which he throws into the Bargain to add to the former Number These are a pack of Saints of the Devils Canonizing undoubtedly What will you say of another of these Pious Arch Prelates who was the Person that caused the Emperour Henry the Seventh surnam'd of Luxemburg to be poisoned and that with the consecrated Bread given him by a Jacobine at Florence in the Eucarist And about the year 1154 his Name-sake Math. Paris P. 88. the Arch Bishop of York was poison'd in England with the Wine in the Sacrament What will the Friar's Devil do trow we if their God be so dangerous saith the learned Frenchman Stevens who composed this Huictain upon the very Subject Les Payens ne vouloyent mettre au nombre des Dieux Ceux qui an genre humain ètoyent pernicieux Si le Dieu de Paste est un Dieu qui