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england_n henry_n king_n lewis_n 4,519 5 10.9213 5 true
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A32424 Cambridge jests, or, Witty alarums for melancholy spirits by a lover of ha, ha, he. Lover of ha, ha, he. 1674 (1674) Wing C332; ESTC R7388 59,605 164

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him But the Peasant told him he did not know what he meant Why you fool quoth the Curate did you ever think that Chickens could be hatch'd out of hard Eggs Why so you told me Sir quoth he last Lent for when I confessed to you that I had eaten Eggs you chid me saying Eggs made Chickens Chickens grew to be Cocks and Cocks were made Capons now if boyled Eggs which I eat would ever have been Cocks and Capons how did I know but the boyl'd Eggs under your Hen would come to be so too 339. A certain old man a poor Labourer of the Countrey seeing the Archbishop of Cologn to ride through the fields armed and accompanied with armed Forces fell out in a loud laughing Whereupon being demanded why he laughed he answerd Because he wondred that St. Peter Christ's Vicar in the Church being exceeding poor had left his Successor so rich and wealthy and that his Train should be more furnished with Men at Arms than with Churchmen The Archbishop desired that the fellow should have better knowledge of him in his Place and Dignity and told him that he was not onely an Archbishop but a Duke also and that as a Duke he rode so accompanied with a Train of Men at Arms but when he was in his Church then he was attended on as an Archbishop Sir said the Labourer I pray tell me when my Lord Duke shall be with the Devil what will become of the Archbishop 337. The Emperour Sigismond and one of his Pages passing over a certain River at a Foard on Horsback when they were in the midst of the River the Empero●s Horse stood still and began to stale which the Page seeing he said to the Emperour Most Sacred Prince your Horse is ill taught and resembleth you very much The Emperour answered not but rode on to his Lodging where being come and in pulling off his Boots he demanded of his Page why he had likened his Horse to him Because quoth the Page the River had no need of any water yet your Horse in pissing there did adde water to water and so do you for you give wealth and riches to them which have plenty but to such as have none you given t● any And it is long time since I have been with you yet I never tasted of your liberality The Emperor the next morning took two little Iron Coffers yet one was somewhat bigger which he filled with Lead the other with Duckets and bid his Page take one of them which he would for his long service The Page chusing the biggest Now open it said the Emperour and see what is within it which he did and found it to be Lead Then said the Emperour Now thou knowest thy fortune the fault was none of mine that thy choice was no better and that thou wert not made rich for thou hast refused thy good fortune when it was offered thee 338. A witty Gentlewoman after her Husbands decease was perswaded to live stil a Widdow in imitation and by the example of the Turtle which after the death of the male keeps continual chastity To which she made answer If I must follow the conditions of the Birds why do not you as well tell me of the Dove and the Sparrow 339. Lewis the Gross King of France taking part with Holy Earl of Maine against Henry King of England in a Battel fought between them found himself far severed from his people A certain English Knight seeing him and being in hope to make himself rich by taking him Prisoner laid hands upon the Reins of the Kings Horse with intent to stay him and began to cry aloud The King is taken The King being valiant and of a noble courage at one blow with his Sword overthrew the dead Knight to the ground and seeing him fall said It is not one Knight alone that can give the King the Mate 340. A certain bold Souldier was very importunate with a Gentleman to give him something for the losses and damages he had received in the Wars and shewed the wounds he had received in his visage The Gentleman seeing him so rash and audacious resolved to fit him for his boasting and ostentation saying Take heed thou turn not thy face another time when thou art flying from the enemy 341. A certain Courtier finding the King in a good humor as they discoursed of Dreams said with a good grace before all the Company how the night before he dreamt That the King bestowed upon him a bag of Guineys Whereunto the King presently answered Why are you so foolish as to think a Christian man ought to believe Dreams 342. In the City of Constantinople a certain Christian desired to borrow of a Jew the sum of Five hundred Duckets The Jew lent them unto him with condition that for the use of the money he should at the end of the term give him two ounces of his flesh cut off in some one of his members The day of payment being come the Christian repayed the Five hundred Duckets to the Jew but refused to give him any part of his flesh The Jew not willing to lose his interest convented the Christian before Sultan Soliman Emperour of the Turks who having heard the wicked demand of the one and the answer of the other commanded a Razor to be brought and to be given to the Jew to whom he said Because thou shalt know that Justice is done thee take there the Razor and cut from the flesh of the Christian two ounces which thou demandest but take heed thou cut neither more nor less for if thou dost thou shalt surely die The Jew holding that to be a thing impossible durst not adventure but acquitted the Christian his Interest 343. The Pope who will have the disposing of Kingdoms and Dominions and Empires when he consulted of taking up Arms against the Saracens made Sanctius Brother to the King of Spain for his valour hardiness and good parts King of Egypt which was immediately proclaimed Sanctius not understanding Latine in which Language the Cryer proclaimed him King of Egypt and hearing the loud Acclamations of the People asked what they were for who having told him that the Pope had granted and proclaimed him King of Egypt he said unto his Interpreter Stand up and make here presently a Proclamation before all this people that seeing the Pope hath made me King of Egypt I make him Caliph of Babylon 344. The Duke of Millain being besieged in a Castle by the Florentines one day as he sate at Dinner he could not away but fell in mislike with the taste of the Victuals that were set before him insomuch that he chid his Cook and was very angry with him But the witty Cook willing to justifie himself from blame said unto the Duke My Lord your mean is well though dressed but the Florentines have put your mouth out of taste 345. The Poet Dant demanded of a Citizen of Florence What hour it was who answered him very