would say Queene If I might haue my minde bi r lady Ladie Mart. I had a sute vnto the King with this Lord For the great office of high Seneshall Because of our good seruice to the state But he in scorne as he doth euery thing Hath tane it from vs both and gin 't a foole Morg. To a Sicophant a courtly parasite Sicoph. Beare witnes Madam I le goe tell the King That they speake treason Malgo. Passe vpon our swords You old exchecker of all flatterie I tell thee Archigallo shall be deposd And thou disroab'd of all thy dignitie Sicoph. I hope not so Cornw. See heere the Counsels hands Subscrib'd to Archigallos ouerthrow The names of sixteene royall English Peeres Ioynd in a league that is inviolate And nothing wants but Elidurus grant To accept the kingdome when the deede is done Sicoph. Nay then I le take your parts and ioyne with you Mart. We will not haue a Clawbacks hand comixt With such heroick peeres Sicoph. I hope my Lady Is not of their minds My most gratious Queene What I did speake in reprehensiue sort Was more because her Maiestie was present Then any offence of yours and so esteeme it God knowes I loue your highnes and these Lords Lady VVhich of you will perswade my Elidure To take vpon him Englands royaltie Mart. Madam we all haue so importund him Laying vnto his iudgement euery thing That might attract his sences to the crowne But he frost braind will not be obtaind To take vpon him this Realmes gouernment Malg. Hee is the verie soule of lenitie If euer moderation liu'd in any Your Lord with that rich vertue is possest Lady This mildnes in him makes me so despisd By the proude Queene and by her fauourits Enter Elidure Cornw. See maddam where he comes reading a booke Lady My Lord and husband with your leaue this booke Is fitter for an Vniuersitie Then to be lookt on and the Crowne so neere You know these Lords for tyrannie haue sworne To banish Archigallo from the throne And to invest you in the royaltie VVill you not thanke them and with bounteous hands Sprinckle their greatnes with the names of Earles Dukes Marquesses and other higher termes Elid. My deerest loue the essence of my soule And you my honord Lords the sute you make Though it be iust for many wrongs imposd Yet vnto me it seemes an iniurie VVhat is my greatnes by my brothers fall But like a starued body nourished With the destruction of the other lymbes Innumerable are the griefes that waite On horded treasures then much more on Crownes The middle path the golden meane for me Leaue me obedience take you Maiestie Lady Why this is worser to my lofty minde Then the late checks giuen by the angry Queene Corn. If you refuse it knowe we are determined To lay it else where Lady On your younger brother And then no doubt we shall be awde indeed When the ambition of the elders wife Can scarsly giue our patience any bounds England is sicke of pride and tirrany And in thy goodnes only to be curde Thou art cald foorth amongst a thousand men To minister this soueraigne Antidote To amend thy brothers crueltie with loue And if thou wilt not from oppression free Thy natiue Country thou art vilde as he Elid. I had rather stay his leasure to amend Lady Men heauen gods deuills what power should I invoke To fashion him a new thunder come downe Crowne me with ruine since not with a Crowne Cornw. Long life vnto the Kingly Elidure Trumpets proclaime it whether he will or no Lady For that conceit Lords you haue wonne my hart In his despight let him be straight waies Crownd That I may triumphe whilst the trumpets sound Elid. Carry me to my graue not to a Throne Lady Helpe Lords to seate him nay helpe euery one So should the Maiestie of England sit Whilst we in like state doe associate him Elid. Neuer did any lesse desire to raigne Then I heauen knowes this greatnes is my paine Lady Paine me in this sort great Lords euery day T is sweete to rule Elid. T is sweeter to obay Cornw. Liue King of England long and happily As long and happily your Highnes liue Lady We thanke you Lords now call in the deposd Him and his proud Queene bring vnto our sight That in her wrongs we may haue our delight Enter Archigallo and his Queene bound Archi. Betrayd tane prisoner and by those that owe To me their duty and allegiance My brother the vsurper of the Crowne Oh this is monstrous most insufferable Elid. Good brother grieue not t is against my will That I am made a King pray take my place I had rather be your subiect then your Lord Lady So had not I sit still my gracious Lord Whilst I looke through this Tyrant with a frowne Minion reach vp my gloue Queene Thinkst thou because Thy husband can dissemble piety And therein hath deposd my royall Lord That I am lesser in estate then Queene No thine owne answere lately giuen to me I thus reuet stoope thou proud Queene for me Sicoph. Nay then as I did lately to her Highnes I must admonish you diected Lady You doe forget your selfe and where you are Duty is debt and it is fit since now You are a subiect to beare humble thoughts Follow my counsell Lady and submit Her Maiestie no doubt will pardon it Queene There 's for your paines Sicoph. Which way so ere I goe I haue it heere whether it ebbe or flowe Lady That pride of thine shall be thy ouerthrowe And thus I sentence them Elid. Leaue that to me Lady No you are too mild iudgment belongs to me Thou Archigallo for thy tirranie For euer be excluded from all rule And from thy life Elid. Not from his life I pray Lady He vnto whom the greatest wrongs are done Dispatch him quickly Morg. That will I Maglo. Or I Elid. And therein Lords effect my tragedie Lady Why strike you not oh t is a dangerous thing To haue a liuing subiect of a King Much treason may be wrought when in his death Our safty is secur'd Elid. Banish him rather oh sweete spare his life He is my brother Archi. Crownd and pray thy wife Elid. Oh brother if you roughly speake I knowe There is no hope but your sure ouerthrowe Pray be not angry with me for my loue To banishment since it must needes be so His life I giue him whosoere saies no Lady What and his Ladies to Elid. I hers and all Lady But I le not haue you banisht with the King No Minion no since you must liue be assur'd I le make thee meanest of my waiting Maides Queene I scorne thy pride Archi. Farewell deceiuing state Pride making Crowne my deerest wife farewell I have beene a Tyrant and I le be so still Exit Elid. Alas my brother Lady Dry vp childish teares And to these Lords that haue inuested you Giue gracious lookes and honorable deedes Elid.
Giue them my Crowne oh giue them all I haue Thy Throne I reckon but a glorious graue Lady Then from my selfe these dignities receiue The Iland wrested from you I restore See it be giuen them backe Lord Sicophant The office of hie Seneschall bereft you My Lord of Cornwell to your grace we giue You Martianus be our Treasurer And if we find you faithfull be assur'd You shall not want preferment at our hands Meane time this office we impose on you Be Tutor to this Lady and her pride With your learnd principles whereof you are full Turne to humility or vex her soule Queene Torment on torment tutord by a foole Sicoph. Madam it is her Highnes will be pleas'd Lady Young Peridurus and Vigenius Lords Release from prison and because your King Is mightely affected vnto Yorke Thether dismisse the Court incontinent Sicoph. Shall it be so my Liedge Lady Are not we King His silence saies it and what we ordaine Who dares make question of this day for euer Thorough our raigne beheld a festiuall And tryumphe Lords that England is set free From a vild tyrant and his crueltie Elid. On to our funerall t is no matter where I sinne I knowe in suffering pride so neere Exeunt Enter Nobody and the Clowne Nobody Ahem boy Nobody is sound yet for all his troubles Clow. And so is Nobodies man for all his whipping but Maister we are nowe in the Citty wald about from slaunder there cannot a lie come in but it must runne thorough bricke or get the goodwill of the warders whose browne bills looke blew vppon all passengers Nobody O this Citty if Nobody liue to be as old againe be it spoken in secret I le haue fenst about with a wall of brasse Clowne Of Nobodies making that will be rare Nobody I le bring the Tems through the middle of it empty Moore-ditch at my owne charge and build vp Paules-steple without a collection I see not what becomes of these collections Clowne Why Nobody receaues them Nobody I knaue Clowne You knaue or as the world goes Somebody receiues all and Nobody is blamd for it Nobody But is it rumord so thorough out the Citty Clowne Doe not you knowe that there 's not an orphants portion lost out of the Chamber but Nobody has got it no Corne transported without warrant but Nobody has donne it no goods stolne but by Nobody no extortion without Nobody and but that truth will come to light fewe wenches got with child but with Nobody Nobody Nay that 's by Somebody Clowne I thinke Somebody had a hand in 't but Nobody sometimes paies for the nursing of it Nobody Indeede I haue taken into my charge many a poore infant left to the almes of the wide world I haue helpt many a vertuous maide to a good husband nere desird her maiden-head redeemed many Gentlemens lands that haue thankt Nobody for it built Pest-houses and other places of retirement in the sicknes time for the good of the Cittie and yet Nobody cannot get a good word for his labor Clowne T is a mad world Maister Nobody Yet this mad world shall not make me mad I am All spirit Nobody let them grieue That scrape for wealth I will the poore relieue Where are the Maisters of the seuerall prisons Within and neere adioyning to the Citty That I may spred my charity abroad Clowne Heere they be Sir Enter three or foure Nobody Welcome Gentlemen You are they that make poore men housholders Against their wills and yet doe them no wrong You haue the actions and the cases of your sides Whilst your Tenants in comon want money to fill them How many Gentlemen of lesse reuenewes then Nobody Lie in your Knights ward for want of maintenance 1 I am Sir a Keeper of the Counter and there are in our wards aboue a hundred poore prisoners that are like nere to come foorth without satisfaction Nobody But Nobody will be their benefactor What in yours 2 As many as in the other prison Nobody There 's to release them What in yours 3 Double the number and in the Gayle Nobody Talke not of the Gayle t is full of limetwigs lifts and pickpockets 1 Is it your pleasure Sir to free them all Nobody All that he in for debt 2 Ten thousand pound and ten to that will not doe it Nobody Nobody Sir will giue a hundred thousand Ten hundred thousand Nobody will not haue a prisoner Because they all shall pray for Nobody Clowne T is great pitty my Maister has Nobody and so kind a hart A noise within Follow follow follow Nobody What outcries that Enter Somebody with two or three Somebody That is the gallant apprehend him straight T is he that sowes sedition in the Land Vnder the couler of being charitable When search is made for such in euery Inne Though I haue seene them housd the Chamberlaine For gold will answere there is Nobody He for all bankrouts is a common bail And when the execution should be serud Vpon the sureties they find Nobody In priuate houses who so apt to lie As those that haue beene taught by Nobody Seruants forgetfull of their Maisters friends Being askt how many were to speake with him Whilst he was absent they say Nobody Nobody breakes more glasses in a house Then all his wealth hath power to satisfie If you will free this Citty then from shame Sease Nobody and let him beare the blame Const. Lay hold vpon him Nobody What on Nobody giue me my sword my morglay My friends you that doe know how innocent I am Draw in my quarrell succor Nobody What Nobody but Nobody remaining Clowne Yes Maister I Nobodies man Nobody Stand to me nobly then and feare them not Thy Maister Nobody can take no wounds Nobody is no coward Nobody Dares fight withall the world Somb. Vpon them then A fight betwixt Somebody and Nobody Nobody escapes What has he scapt vs Const. He is gone my Lord Somb. It shall be thus now you haue seene his shape Let him be straight imprinted to the life His picture shall be set on euery stall And proclamation made that he that takes him Shall haue a hundred pounds of Sombody Country and Citty I shall thus set free And haue more roome to worke my villanie Exeunt Nobody What are they gonne then Citty now adew Since I haue taken such great iniury For my good life within thy gouernment No more will Nobody be charitable No mote will Nobody relieue the poore Honor your Lord and Maister Somebody For Somebody is he that wrongs you all I le to the Court the changing of the ayre May peraduenture change my iniuries And if I speede no better being there Yet say that Nobody liu'd euery where Exit Enter Archigallo Archi. I was a King but now I am slaue How happie were I in this base estate If I had neuer tasted royaltie But the remembrance that I was a King Vnseasons the Content of pouertie I heare the hunters
opposite to vertue For he is onely held peacefull and quiet That quarrels brawles and fights with Nobody He 's honest held that lies with Nobodies wife And he that hurts and iniures Nobody All the world saies ey that 's a vertuous man And though a man haue doone a thousand mischiefes And come to proue the forfeit made to law If he can proue he hath wrong'd Nobody No man can touch his life This makes me mad This makes me leaue the place where I was bred And thousand times a day to wish me dead Somb. And I le pursue thee where so ere thou fliest Nor shalt thou rest in England till thou diest Clowne Maister I would wish you to leaue the Country and see what good entertainement you wil haue in the Cittie I do not think but there you will be most kindly respected I haue been there in my youth there 's Hospitalitie you talke of Hospitalitie and they talke of you bomination to see for there Maister come to them as often as you will foure times a day and they le make Nobody drinke they loue to haue Nobody trouble them and without good securitie they will lend Nobody mony Come into Birchin Lane they le giue Nobody a sute chuse where hee list goe into Cheapeside and Nobody may take vp as much plate as he can carrie Nobod. Then I le to London for the Country tires me With exclamations and with open wrongs Sith in the Cittie they affect me so Clowne O Maister there I am sure Nobody may haue anie thing without mony Nobody may come out of the Tauerne without paying his reckoning at his pleasure Enter a man meeting his wife Nobody That 's better then the Country Who comes heere Man Minion where haue you been all this night Wife VVhy doe you aske husband Man Because I would know wife Wife I haue beene with Nobody Nobod. T is a lie good man beleeue her not shee was not with mee Man And who hath layne with you to night Wife Lye with mee why Nobody Nobod. Oh monstrous they would make me a whore-maister Man Well I doe not thinke but Sombody hath been with you Sombo. Sombody was indeed Wife Gods life husband you doe me wrong I lay with Nobody Man Well minion though Nobody beare the blame Vse it no more least Sombody bide the shame Nobod. I will endure no longer in this Clymate It is so full of slaunders I le to the Cittie And there performe the deedes of charitie Enter the 2 man and a prentice 2 Man Now you rascall who haue you beene withall at the ale-house Prent. Sooth I was with Nobody Nobod. Not with me 2 Man And who was drunke there with you Prent. Sooth Nobody was drunke with me Nobod. O intollerable they would make me a drunkard to I cannot indure any longer I must hence No patience with such scandals can dispence 2 Man Well sirra if I take you so againe I le so belabour you O neighbour good morrow 1 Man Good morrow 2 Man You are sad me thinkes 1 Man Faith sir I haue cause I haue lent a friend of mine a hundred pounde and haue Nobodyes worde for the payment bill nor bond nor any thing to shew 2 Man Haue you Nobodies worde I le assure you that Nobodie is a good man a good man I assure you neighbor Nobodie will keepe his worde Nobodies worde is as good as his bond 1 Man Ey say you so nay then le ts drinke downe sorrow If none would lend then Nobody should borrow Nobody Yet there 's one keepes a good tongue in his head That can giue Nobody a good report I am beholding to him for his praise But since my man so much commends the Cittie I le thether and to purchase me a name Take a large house of infinite receipt There keepe a table for all good spirits And all the chimneyes shall cast smoake at once There I le giue schollers pensions Poets gold Arts their deserts Philosophy due praise Learning his merrit and all worth his meede There I le release poore prisoners from their dungeons Pay Creditors the debts of other men And get my selfe a name mongst Cittizens That after times pertakers of all blisse May thus record Nobody did all this Country farewell whose slaunderous tongues I slie The Cittie now shall lift my name on hie Sombody Whether I le follow thee with Swallowes wings And nimble expedition there to raise New brawles and rumors to eclipse thy praise Those subtile slie insinuating fellowes Whom Sombody hath sent into the country To rack transport extort and to oppresse VVill I call home and all their wits employ Against this publique Benefactor knowne Honest for all the rumors by vs sowne But howsoeuer I am sworne his foe And opposite to all his meriting deedes This way must doe though my deuining thoughts This augurie amidsts their changes haue That Sombody will at length be proou'd a knaue Exeunt Enter Queene Sicophant and Lady Elidure seuerallie Sicoph. Good day to you both faire Ladies But fairest of them both my gratious Queene Good day to your high Maiestie and madam The royall Lady of great Elidure My Soueraignes brother vnto you I wish This morning prooue as gracious and as good Queene Those greetings from the Lady Elidure VVould pleasingly sound in our princely eares Lady Such greetings from great Archigalloes queene VVould be most gratious to our princely eare Queene What no good morrow and our grace so neere Reach me my gloue Lady VVhom speakes this woman to Queene Why to my subiect to my waiting maid Am not I mightie Archigalloes queene Is not my Lord the royall English King Thy husband and thy selfe my seruitors Lady Is my Coach ready where are all my men That should attend vpon our awfull frowne VVhat not one neere Queen Minion my gloue Sicoph. Madam her highnes gloue Lady My scarfe is falne one of you reach it vp Queene You heare me Lady Painted Maiestie be gone I am not to be countercheckt by any Quee. Shall I beare this Sicoph. Be patient I will schoole her Your excellence greatly forgets your selfe To be so dutilesse vnto the Queene I haue seene the world I know what t is to obey And to commaund What if it please the Queene That you her subiect should attend on her And take her gloue vp is it meete that I Should stoope for yours You 're proud fie fie you 're proud This must not be twixt such two royall sisters As you by marriage are goe to submit Her Maiestie is easie to forgiue Lady Sawcie Lord forbeare there 's for your exhortation Queene I cannot beare this t is insufferable I le to the King and if he saue thy life He shall haue mine madnes and wrath attend My thoughts are leueld at a bloody end Exit Lady Shee 's shadow We the true substance are follow her those That to our greatnesse dare themselues oppose Enter Cornwell Martianus Morgan and Malgo. Cornw. Helth to your Ladiship I
all stryfe ends thy wit has made two proude shrewes perfect friends Exeunt Enter in state Elidure Cornwell Martianus Morgan and all the Lords Corn. A third time liue our gratious soueraigne Monarch of England crowned by these hands Elid. A third time Lords I do returne your loue And wish it with my soule so heauen were pleasd My ambitious Brothers had not died for this But we haue giuen them honorable graues Enter Queen and Lady And mournd their most vntimely funerall My loued Queen come seat thee by my side Partner in all my sorrowes and my ioyes And you her reconciled Sister sit By her in second place of maiesty It ioyes me that you haue outworne your pride Lady Methinks my gratious husband and my King I neuer tooke more pleasure in my glasse Then I receiue in her society Queen Nor I in all my state as in her loue Elid. My Lord of Cornwell whos 's that whispers to you Or what 's the newes Corn. My liege he tels me heere 's a great contention betwixt two noted persons of the Land much spoke of by all states one some-body Hath brought before your highnes and this presence An infamous and strange opiniond fellow Cald No-body they would intreat your highnes To heare their matters scand Elid. Wee le sit in person on their controuersies Admit them Cornwell Lady Is that strange monster tooke somuch renownd In Citty Court and Country for lewd prancks T is well wee l heare how he can purge himselfe Enter some-body bringing in No-body and his man with Billes and staues Som. now sirrha we haue brought you before the king Where 's your hart now Nob. My harts in my hose but my face was neuer ashamed to shew it selfe yet before king or Keyser som. And where 's your hart sirrha Clowne My harts lower then my hofe for mine it at my heel but whersoeuer it is it is a true hart and so is not somb som. Health to your Maiestie and to the Queene With a hart lower then this humble earth whereon I kneele I beg against this fellow Iustice my liege Eli. Against whom som. Against No-body No. My liege his words wel sute vnto his thoughts He wishes no man Iustice being composd Of all deceit of subtilty and slight For mine own part if in this royall presence And before all these true iudiciall Lords I cannot with sincerenes cleare my selfe Of all suggestions falsly coynd against me Let me be hangd vp sunning in the ayre And made a scar-crow Mar. Le ts heare his accusations And then how well thou canst aquit thy selfe som. First when this monster made his residence Within the country and disperst his shape Through euery shire and country of the Land Where plenty had before a quiet seat And the poore commons of the Land were full With rich abundance and saciety At his ariue great dearths and scarsity By ingrosing come and racking poore mens rents This makes so many poore and honest Farmers to sell their leases and to beg their bread this makes so many beggers in the Land Corn. I but what proofe or lawfull euidence Can you bring forth that this was done by him som. My Lord I tras't him and so found him out But should your Lordship not beleeue my proofe Examine all the rich and wealthy chuffes Whose full cramd Garners to the roofes are fild In euery dearth who makes this scarsitye And euery man will clearely quit himselfe Then consequently it must be No-body Base copper money is stampt the mint disgrast Make search who doth this euery man cleares one So consequently it must be No-body Besides whereas the nobles of the land And Gentlemen built goodly manner houses Fit to receiue a King and all his traine And there kept royall hospitality Since this intestine monster No-body Dwels in these goodly houses keepes no traine A hundred Chimnies and not one cast smoke And now the cause of these mock-begger Hal Is this they are dwelt in by No-body For this out of the countrey he was chast No. My royall liedge whie am I thus disgrast I le proue that slandrous wretch hath this al done Elid. T is good you can acquit you such abuses Growe in the countrey and vnknowne to vs nay then no maruell that so manie poore starue in the streets and beg from doore to doore Then sirha purge you from this countrey blame Or we will make thee the worlds publike shame Corn. now No-body vvhat can you say to this Clo. My M. hath good cards on his side I le vvarant him No. my Lord you knovv that slanders are no proofes nor vvords without their present euidence If things were done they must be done by some-body Else could they haue no being Is corne hoorded some-body hords it else it would be delt In mutuall plentie throughout all the land Are their rents raisd if No-body should doe it then should it be vndone Is Base money stampt and the kings letters forgd Some-body needes must doe it therefore not I And where he saies great houses long since built Lye destitute and wast because inhabited By No-body my liedge I answer thus If Some-body dwelt therein I would giue place Or wold he but alow those chimnies fire They would cast cloudes to heauen the Kitchin-foode It would releeue the poore the sellers beere It would make strangers drinke but he commits These outragies then laies the blame on me And for my good deed I am made a scorne I onely giue the tired a refuge seat The vnclothd garments and the starued meate Clow. How say you by this maister Some-body I beleeue you will be found out by and by Corn. If this be true my liedge as true it is Some-body will be found an arrant cheater Vnlesse he better can acquit himselfe Sich. Touch him with the citty since you haue taken the foile in the Countrey Mar. Sirha what can you say to this Someb. What should I saie my Lord see heare complaints Made in the citty against no-body Aswell as in the country See their bils Heere 's one complaines his wife hath bin abroad And asking where she reuels night by night She answers she hath bin with no-body Heare 's queanes maintaind in euery suburb streete Aske who maintaines them and t is no-body Watches are beaten and Constables are scoft In dead of night men are made drunke in tauernes Girles loose their maiden heads at thirteene yeares Pockets pickt and purses cut in throngs Queene Inough inough doth no-body all this Though he hath cleard himselfe from country crimes He cannot scape the citty No. Yes dread Queene I must confesse these things are daily done For which I heere accuse this Some-body That euery where with slaunders dogs my steps And cunningly assumes my borrowed shape Women lie out if they be tooke and found with somebody then No-body goes cleere Else the blames mine he doth these faults vnknowne then slanders my chast innocence for proofe somebody doth maintaine a common strumpet i