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A11248 Merry iests, concerning popes, monkes, and friers Whereby is discouered their abuses and errors &c. Written first in Italian by N.S. and thence translated into French by G.I. and now out of French into English, by R.W. Bac. of Arts of H.H. in Oxon. N. S., fl. 1617.; Willet, Roland, b. 1588 or 9. 1617 (1617) STC 21510; ESTC S110774 55,403 144

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Scriptures there was no mention at all made either of Monke or Nunne whence then said the Germane commeth it to passe that this saying is so commonly vsed whereas said the learned man all men knew that Antichrist must néeds be a great and extraordinary sinner it seemed likely and agréeable to the truth that hee should be borne of such persons as were notorious sinners aboue all others now because amongst Woemen none are so bad as the Nunnes and amongst Men none so wicked as Monkes men iudged hee should bee borne of a Monke and a Nunne The 75. Apologue carping at the ignorance of the Papisticke Bishops A Certaine man being asked what the two partes of the Episcopall Miter did signifie answered that the part before did signifie the new Testament and that behind the old and that the Bishops did weare them on their heades to shew they both ought to bee well vnderstood of them and laid vp in their hearts being asked againe what the two labels did signifie which hang on the right side and the other on the left he answered that they did shew that the Bishops did vnderstand neither the one nor the other of them The 76 Apologue shewing where the Popes holines lies THere was a man in Rome which did mocke at them who did call the Pope most holy and demanded of them whether hee were more holy then Iesus Christ who is the Saint of Saints and the holiest of all wée know well enough said hee that hée is a sinfull man as we are yea that he is an extraordinary sinner so that all his holinesse is in his heeles then said another which was present that is the reason that men vse to kisse his feet namely because his holinesse lies in his heeles The 77. Apologue by which is shewed in what Pope Leo was a good Cocke IAmes Saluiaty hauing some occasion to speake to with Pope Leo came one morning very early to the Pallace and had much adoe to get in to the Pope because the Groomes of his Chamber were all asléepe Yet when at last hee was got in hee found that the Pope had béene vp a good while before Wherefore wondring at it he said Holy father you were vp very early this morning It is true said the Pope wee are a good Cocke you are not a good Cocke said Saluiatie to waken your Seruants for I found them all asleepe you are not a good Cocke to Crow for you haue a very bad voyce as touching fighting you are not a good Cocke for you are so fat and grosse that you can hardly goe much lesse fight well it remaineth then that you bée a good Cocke in scraping in the earth as hee doth or else in satisfying many women as he contenteth many hennes At this the Pope laughed heartily and confessed that he had said the truth The 78. Apologue shewing that one cannot bee Pope and an honest man AFter the death of Iulius the second Leo although he were a very young man was created Pope because all men thought him to be a holy and religious man but after he had béene Pope a while he proued a notorious sinner and a dissipator of the Churches goods wherefore on a time certaine ancient Cardinalls reprehended and chid him handsomly for his euill life And he answered and said If we are wicked let it be imputed to you for you are they which haue made vs such as we are the Cardinalls thought his words very strange and asked him how they had made him wicked then he answered it was in making me Pope for it is vnpossible at the same time to bée both Pope and an honest man The 79. Apologue of the folly of the Cardinall of Lunes THere were some that had made the Cardinall of Lunes beléeue that the eating of salt did damage and impaire the health of the body wherefore that hee might liue long without sicknes hée would neuer eat salt in any kinde of meat when a certaine man vnderstood of it hée said it is no maruaile if the Cardinall of Lunes be a foole séeing that he doth neuer eat any salt The 80. Apologue by which is shewed the quality of the Monasteries A Gentlewoman of Sienes on a time méeting with a Sister of hers amongst other things said vnto her I am much grieued in mind by reason of my Daughter who is you know already marigeable and to tell you the truth shée hath so little wit that I am ashamed of her for so simple and foolish shée is that one might easily make her beléeue that the Moone is made of a gréene Chéese as the prouerbe is wherefore I am affraid to marry her least she should be a laughing stock to all that come in her company And her Sister answered place her then in a monastery for a time and you shall finde that by frequenting the company of Nunnes and other young Maides shee will bee changed for indéede it is no maruaile if she bee so simple séeing that you kéepe her alwayes lockt vp in your house not hauing any to kéepe her company now the Gentle woman following the aduise and counsell of her Sister placed her in a Monastery where she had not béene a yeare but being sent for home shee shewed that she knew more then her mother Insomuch that when shee met with her sister againe shée said I desired that it might raine and not that there might be a deluge but my Daughter is of a little Angell become a great Diuel for I thinke that if she had beene this time among so many Diuells she could not haue learned more wicknednes then she knowes The 81. Apologue shewing what thing the Popedome is POpe Clement being very angry by reason of letters which he had receiued from England sent for the English Embassadour and said vnto him wee vnderstand that your king saith that we are not Pope nor Uicar of Christ on earth then the Embassadour answered surely Holy Father it is but your immagination an immagination said the Pope we haue a letter to confirme the truth thereof If it be so said the Embassadour it may be that the Kings Secretary did misvnderstand him Hee that wrote this said the Pope hath written nothing but plaine and manifest things Then the Embassadour said it may bee that the Secretary did of purpose write that which was false to bréed discord betwéene your Holines and the Maiesty of the King my Maister But the Pope said hee that wrote these letters is an honest man and one that desireth peace and vnity betwirt vs perhaps then said the Embassadour the King spake these words in his anger and is now of another mind that cannot be said the Pope for hee spake them in the presence of his Counsell and with good aduice for he added that it was the opinion of all the learned in his Realme If it be so said the Embassadour that this is no faigned thing but that it was written by a man fearing God and
faithfully executing the Kings command and that the King spake them not in his anger be you assured that he hath spoken the truth for so well am I perswaded of the Kings wisedome that I know hée would not publikely haue spoken a thing of so great importance if he had not bin certaine that it was true What said the Pope will he take the Popedome from vs perswading his subiects that we are not Pope then the Embassadour said If you bée not truely Pope the Popedome cannot bee taken from you because you neuer had it and if you bee although all England doe not hold you to bée Pope yet are you Pope notwithstanding withstanding then said the Pope wee will be Pope in other places where they will accompt vs sa and not in England wher 's they will not haue vs Pope It followeth then said the Embassador that if you be accompted Pope in no place you are not Pope at all It is true said the Pope If it be so said the Embassadour the Popedome in it selfe is no true thing but onely a dreame and imagination of men Wherefore the King my maister saying that you were not truely Pope said the truth The 82. Apologue by which is shewed what kinde of men the Popes and Popish Bishops are THere was on a time a Bishoprick of Florence void and a young man of the same place well knowne to be a very wicked man made all the meanes he could both with money and friends which hée had at Rome to obtaine it and indéed the Pope would very willingly haue bestowed it on him in regard that hée offered great store of money for it but hée was ashamed considering the qualities of the person notwithstanding hée said to them which did solicite him in the matter procure the Lord Duke to giue vs good information of him and we wil confer the Bishopricke on him Then the young mans friends went vnto the Duke of Florence desired him that it would please his Grace to write vnto the Pope and giue good testimoniall of him for all his preferment did depend thereon and the Duke answered that he would doe it without lying wherefore to satisfie them and performe his promise hee wrote vnto the Pope that the young man was worthy not onely to be Bishop but also to bée Pope meaning thereby that he did abound with all kinde of wickednes Héerevpon the Pope not vnderstanding or rather faigning that hee did not vnderstand his meaning as if the Duke had said he had béen a very honest learned and religious man presently made him Bishop The 83. Apologue shewing the great fault of the Emperour Phoca THere were certaine learned men talking and reasoning together of faults which Emperours of Rome had committed and in the end they concluded that the grossest and most pernicious fault of all was that of the Emperour Phoca when he granted to Boniface the third that he should bee Bishop of Bishops for thinking to giue him the keyes of the Kingdome of Heauen hée mistooke himselfe and gaue him the keyes of Rome and of the Empire Wherefore it was Phoca and not Constantine who did enrich the Romane Church The 84. Apologue whereby is shewed what are the deeds of the Popes VVHen Leo was made Pope the Florentines made a great triumph because hee was the first Florentine Pope and at that there was a man of Gennes in Florence who making as though hee did not know the cause of their reioycing demanded of some of the Cittizens why they made such a great feast and they as it were wondring at his question said what Doe you not know that wee haue a Florentine Pope Is that then the cause said the other of your feasting and reioycing O foolish people There is no place except Rome which hath had more Popes out of it then Gennes so that if Popes would make their Countries happy ours had excéeded others in happines whereas it is now more miserable then any other and principally by reason of Genuan Popes which haue ruinated it as Florentine Popes wil ruinate and destroy Florence The 85. Apologue whereby is shewed what are the exercises of the Monkes A Certaine Proctour of the law being desirous to become a Monke of S. Benner did discouer his minde to some Monkes of the same order and they promised him to speake to their Abbot about it not doubling but they should preuaile Now when they did first commence their suite the Abbot enquired of them of what profession the person was And they answered that hee was a Proctour who did frequent the Courtes of Law and had béene exercised in pleading Then said the Abbot let him not escape vs by any meanes hee is the man wee would haue for if he knowes how to plead well he cannot choose but bee a good Monke and so they receiued and inuested him The 55. Apologue shewing of what sort the Monasteries are and what ought to bee done vnto them THere was in times past a Monastery of Nunnes which by reason of factions and dissentions raigning in it according to the custome of all other as also for many other respects might very well bee called hell The Abbesse well knowing it on a day called all the Nunnes together into the Chapter house and said vnto them Yée sée plainely how miserable our life is in this place where wee liue as it were in a coniinuall hell and without doubt if we perseuere in this kind of life wée shall one day goe to the other Ye know well that when wee came first into this Monastery wée were pure as Angells chast humble deuout feruent to call vppon God charitable and full of all vertues but thinking to come hether as to the schoole of perfection wee are become crafty proud factions vnchast enuicus disobedient couetous yea filled with all kind of impiety and yet euery day wee grow worse and worse so that without all hope wée shall be damned if wee doe not in time seeke some remedy Wherefore I earnestly intreat you that if yée know any meanes to redresse it ye will impart it to mée and if it bée good I wil very willingly put it in practise Then one of them said I thinke it good that we resigne our offices to nouices who are Angels in respect of vs and that wée choose out of them one to bée Abbesse another to bee Uicaresse and another to be Mistres of the schoole and so for all other principall offices and this wee ought to yéeld vnto because they are not yet entred into our factions nor diuided among vs but are pure and vertuous so that wée béeing gouerned by them may procure our owne safety and after our deathes the Monastery will bee reformed But all the rest opposed themselues against her saying Truely that were a faire matter that wee should become nouices againe and now at length obey them which yet sauour strongly of the world and it were a great credit surely for vs that the
that I belieue all which the holy Church beléeues what I pray you would you haue me beleeue else Then they asked him of whom hee had learned to answer in that sort and hee answered and said I learned it of our Curate who visiting me that yeare I was sick said vnto mee take great care of your selfe and giue eare to that which I shall say when you are at the point of death the Diuels will come to tempt you and to examine you subtilly concerning your faith to the end they may insnare you in some of your words and so carry your soule into hell wherefore when they say vnto you what dost thou beléeue doe you say that which the holy Church beléeues and if they reply and aske what the holy Church beléeues doe you say that which I beléeue and take good heede that you answer nothing else and then they cannot hurt you now since that time I neuer forgot his counsell wherefore when you cited mée fearing I should haue to doe with Diuells who would take away my goods and life I thought good to gouerne my selfe according thereunto In the end the Inquisitors could him that this answere was not sufficient but that hee ought in perticuler to expresse what he belieued Then hee said If this answer be sufficient to satisfie all the Diuells in hell and yet will not content you it followes that you are worse then the very diuels and so they not knowing what to say to him hee left them The 39. Apologue by which is discouered the auarice of them who desire to haue the charge of diuerse Churches THere was a young Iew at Rome who said on a time to a Bishoppe of his acquaintance I haue a wife betroathed vnto mée but I will not marry her vntill I can finde mee out another for wée Iewes may haue many wiues after the example of Abraham Isaac Iacob Dauid and many other holy men then the Bishoppe said vnto him you are vnwise in that first marry that which you haue and if she be not sufficient for you then seeke for another By your owne reason said the Iew you are farre more vnwise then I in that hauing one Bishopricke one Church to gouerne you are not contented therewith but abide here at Rome that you may get a second first betake your selfe to that Church which you haue already and endeauour to discharge your duty therein and when that is done if you finde your selfe able to satisfie another then procure it but if it be so that I hauing two wiues in the same house cannot please them both doe you thinke that you can discharg your duty toward two Churches when one of them is in France the other in Lombardie doe you not vnderstand that if it be a hard matter to gouerne one woman well it is a thing harder without comparison to gouerne one Church well And therefore as it appeareth plainely by the words of Saint Paul writing to the Philippians in former time one Church had many Bishoppes and many husbands and such as were holy men so that one alone could not satisfie it but now at this day ignorant and sinfull Bishoppes and Pastours burne with an inordinate desire after many Bishopricks and Churches whereas they are fit rather to gouerne an heard of Swine then the Shéepe of our Lord Iesus Christ dearely bought by the effusion of his most precious blood The 40. Apologue by which is shewed the rediculous superstition of the three knots in the Cord of the Frier of S. Francis A Certaine man demaunded of the Cordeliers whether it were necessary that their corde should haue three knots and they answered that it was necessary by reason of three bowes which they had made for the knot belowe said they which oftentimes trayleth on the ground signifieth our obedience that in the midst which by reason of of the often handling is filthier commonly then the rest doth signifie our pure and vndefiled chastity and the third knot aboue whereby we tye our selues very straightly vnlesse it be when we eate and drinke for then indéede fearing least our bellies should burst wee vntie it signifieth our strict pouertie The 41 Apologue by which is shewed the superstition of them who repugne and contradict the Gospell ON a time the best learned Iewes of the Synagogue of Rome went to the Cardinall of England being then at Rome and praied him instantlie that he would speake to the Pope for them that without forsaking their Law Customes and Ceremonies they might be made Christians saying that on that condition they would be Christened or else not but the Cardinall answered that they sought for a thing impossible why said the Iewes then a man may well bee a good Iew and a good Christian séeing that Moses is not contrary to Iesus Christ nor the Law to the Gospell you say true said the Cardinall but Christ abrogated the Law and all Ceremonies because they were verified in him so that at this time they are not onely annihilated and dead but also deadly to all that obserue them any longer To this the Iewes answered and said we know well that whosoeuer would now be circumcised in figure of the spirituall circumcision which ought to be made by the Messias as if it had not beene done already should doe ill but we circumcise our selues in remembrance of the spirituall circumcision already made by Christ in like manner wee purifie our selues in remembrance that we are already purified by Christ also wee offer sacrifices for a memoriall of that diuine Lambe sacrificed by vs an the Crosse and which is more wee vse the Sacraments of Iesus Christ. But said the Cardinall you thinke to be iustified and saued by the obseruation of the Law and the Christians belieue they shall be iustified and saued by grace and therfore you cannot bee Iewes and Christians The Iewes replied and said this opinion as wee thinke is of the Lutherans and conformable to that which of old tune was held by our Olders who did belieue they should be saued not by their proper iustice but by the Messias and therefore wee willingly agree therrunto then the Cardinall said that to be Christians they must abandon and forsake all Iudaisme but the Iewes replyed saying amongst you there are many Monkes who thinke to be iustified and saued not by the obseruation of the Law of God but by kéeping their owne lawes and ordinances inuented and forged by their owne braines and also there are very many ceremonies amongst them which are not ionely without reason foolish and ridiculous but also full of impiety and directly repugnant to the Law and Gospell of God as not to be obedient to parents or Princes not to marry although they haue not the guift of continence not to labour not to preach and a rabble of other fantasies almost innumerable and yet for all this you hould them for Christians Now if they may be Augustines Iacobines Cordeliers of the order of S.