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A61071 Fragmenta carceris, or, The Kings-bench scuffle, with the humours of the common-side The Kings-bench litany : and The legend of Duke Humphrey / by Samuel Speed ... Speed, Samuel, 1631-1682. 1674 (1674) Wing S4900; ESTC R5623 18,152 56

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the World is but a Cheat The Merchant-man the Cheat by Whole-sale playes The Shop-man cheats in ev'ry word he sayes The Victualler cheats in Reck'nings and in Froth The Clothier and the Draper cheat in Cloth And when they do so boldly will retort The Taylor cheats and pleads a Custom for t If a young Heir shall run upon his score When once he payes he payes the worth twice ore The Stationer cheats both Lawyers and Divines The Vintner cheats with brewing of his Wines The Husbandman and he a man would think Hath scarcely Brains enough to covet Chink He sells his Corn and if the mould it lack He knows to cheat by virtue of his Sack The Handicraftsman true he taketh pains But he will cheat rather than miss his gains The Priest will preach one Sermon oft-times ore The Lawyer cheats as fast as all before Physitians too the cheating Art have found In false Applies and so the Cheat goes round In short the Countrey doth the City cheat 'T would be too tedious to describe the feat The City too as briskly cheats the Court Thus all are Cheats oh here 's brave cheating sport Cheat thou for me cryes one I 'll cheat for thee Thus do the Cheaters lovingly agree The only way for any to be great Or get preferment is to be a Cheat. The honest man that loves not worldly pelf Rather than break the number cheats himself The Iaylors cheat by taking unjust Fees The Pris'ner too he cheats as fast as these The Creditor whose malice is grown great Seizes on all and doth the Pris'ner cheat Oh desp'rate Fates what hazards do we run We must be naught or to be just undone The DUKE with silence heard and patient stood Then took his leave to visit old King Lud Who having seen he unto Bridewel goes Then to the Counters where are some that knows What splendid Table 't was his Grace did keep For they went thither not to eat but sleep The Fleet he likewise call'd upon but there Were few that knew the DUKE each one did stare Upon his Grace and Censures past aloud For they indeed are generally proud And so abound with Friends and store of Coyn They 'll choose to purchase rather than purloyn Or with an empty Pocket to intrude Into the number of a multitude For they like Fishers with a silver hook Caught food enough to entertain the DUKE From hence his Grace to Southwark bends his course And to the Marshalsey with eager force He hastes and enters whence I do divine There 's many with the DUKE were wont to Dine Complements flew like Hail-stones round about As if the DUKE when in would ne're get out Forty and odd a Circle round him lay That to get loose 't was hard to find the way Besides I 've read it in some Book or Song That each of these were Twenty-thousand strong And I that on his Grace did daily watch Observ'd the DUKE did in his bosom scratch Sometimes in 's Codpiece but I must forbear To be too busie with his private Ware But I can this with modesty assure To scratch or itch the DUKE could ne're indure And whether in that Crowd he Vermin got Or Crab-lice had before I know it not Much honour for the DUKE they joyntly own Talk freely with him as if wealthy grown However though they are with plenty fill'd Alms-houses they have all forsworn to build The DUKE his grave Advice bestows on all Bids them be merry though they are in thrall For he himself by his experience finds Despair's the issue of ignoble minds Thus having said with eyes about him cast Quoth he Well Sirs old Friends must part at last And Madam Wiat at the Kings-Bench stayes Until I come besides I 've divers wayes How to expend my time and pass my hours Wherefore adieu I was and still am yours Thus having spoke the DUKE with nimble wings Takes flight from thence unto the Bench of Kings Where having greaz'd the Key found way to come Into his Parlour call'd the Mumpers Room Where he inquiry made how things did stand And as it hapned there was one at hand Was so indu'd with Art with Skill and Worth To satisfie the DUKE in setting forth Th' affairs of all the House and C's the man Who having made obeysance thus began These Iron Bars a Lecture preach to me That there 's no Iewel like true Liberty For here to be confin'd in such a Cage Brings blooming Youth to an untimely Age. Behold those high-flown Gallants who of late Came hither and their Creditors and Fate Did both defie how now they droop and sink Having in Bub and Smoke consum'd their Chink Ungrateful slaves that did profess us love Now we are in the Grates like Mountains move Those that from Cellar unto Cellar jump Must at the last do homage to the Pump That Christian Pump that seems to sigh and moan As being conscious of a Pris'ners groan The Cook-room which so oft they did frequent They must but smell to when their money 's spent Their Cittadels now on the Master-side Wherein they are with Thousands fortify'd They must retreat from quickly as the Summons Having no money calls them to the Commons Where they must beat their brains cramp their legs In the low livelihood of making Pegs Where I leave all those wretched Souls to be Slaves till Death payes their Debts and sets them free The DUKE with grave attention lent his Ear Seeming to grieve for what he then did hear Told all about him That whilst he was able He 'd make them daily welcome to his Table What did more over-pass I don't well know For I got loose and they cry'd Let him go But any person that hath time to spare And fain would see the DUKE may find him there Where that they might the Great DUKES mirth prolong They entertain him with The PRISONERS Song COme let us rejoyce and our Creditors whine That Pris'ner's faint-hearted that once doth repine Whil'st Ale 's in the House or there 's Juyce in the Vine Then let 's not despair for a foregoing Fact Of running in Debt for we 'll pay by the Act. Though Fools may imagine our griefs are emergent A fart for our Foes and the Pox take a Serjeant Call to the Tapster for bushels of Liquor He 's a dull Rascal for coming no quicker Not sorrow but drought 't is that makes us the sicker And when we have drank up the mass of his main We 'll stay for recruits and then drink on again Though Fools may imagine c. Is any one Member among us opprest Then make his heart float like a Cork in his breast Here 's no fear of Bayliffs nor of their Arrest Such Vermin that formerly us'd to torment us Had rather be hanged than now to frequent us Though Fools may imagine our griefs are emergent A fart for our Foes and the Pox take a Serjeant Several Books Printed for Samuel Speed and sold by the Booksellers of London and Westminster FOLIO PHaramond the fam'd Romance written by the Author of those other two eminent Volumes Cassandra and Cleopatra The Precedency of Kings By Iames Howell Esq Actions of the Case for Deeds By William Sheppard Esq Memoires on the Lives Actions Sufferings and Deaths of those Noble Reverend and Excellent Personages that suffered by Death Sequestration Decimation or otherwise for the Protestant Religion and the great Principle thereof Allegiance to their Sovereign in our late intestine Wars By Da Lloyd A. M. Systema Agriculturae Or The whole Mystery of Husbandry made known by I. W. Gent. QUARTO Palmerin of England in Three Parts Primaleon of Greece in Three Parts The Jewel-house of Art and Nature By Sir Hugh Plat. The Womans Lawyer By Sir Iohn Doderige Divine Law Or The Patrons purchaser By Alexander Huck-ston The Complete Parson By Sir Iohn Doderidge Star-Chamber Cases The description of Tangier with an account of the Life of Gayland the Usurper of the Kingdom of Fez. The Golden Coast Or A description of Guinny The Complete Copy-holder By the Lord Cook Fragmenta Carceris Or The Kings-Bench Scuffle The Humours of the Common-side the Kings-Bench Litany and the Legend of Duke Humphrey OCTAVO Quintus Curtius his Life of Alexander the Great Translated into English Observations on the Statesmen and Favourites of England since the Reformation their Rise and Growth Prudences and Policies Miscarriages and Falls during the Reigns of King Henry VIII King Edward VI Queen Mary Queen Elizabeth King Iames and King Charles I. By David Lloyd A. M. An Abridgement of the Reports of Sir George Crook's Three Volumes An Abridgment of the Reports of Sir Francis Moore The Roman History of Lucius Florus Englished The City and Countrey-Purchaser and Builder with directions for Purchasing Building and Improving of Lands and Houses in any part of England By Stephen Primate Gent. A brief Chronicle of the late intestine War in the Three Kingdoms of England Scotland and Ireland from the year 1637 to the year 1663. By Iames Heath Gent. Ovidius Exulans Or Ovid Travestie in Burlesque Verse TWELVES Arithmetical Recreations By W. Leybourn Machiavels Discourses and Prince FINIS