treasure made her to disdaine the miserable poore Quéene in that height of scorne to hate the holding of any confederacy with her that she on the soddaine most treacherously and most tyrannously laboured by all possible courses not onely to driue the subiects of Pouerty from hauing commerce in any of her rich so populous Cities but also wrought by the cruelty of her own ministers and those about her to roote the name not onely of that infortunate and deiected Princesse from the earth but euen to banish all her people to wander into desarts to perish she cared not how or where Hereupon strict proclamation went thundring vp and downe her dominions charging her wealthy subiects not to negotiate any longer with those beggers that flocke dayly to her kingdome strong guards were planted at euery gate to barre their entrance into Cities whipping-postes and other terrible engines were aduaunced in euery stréet to send theÌ„ home bléeding new if they were takeÌ„ wandring like shéep broken out of leane pastures into fat out of their owne liberties Constables were chosen of purpose that had Marble in their hearts thornes in their tonges and flint-stones like pearles in their eies and none could be admitted into the office of a Beadle vnles he brought a certificate from Paris Garden that he had béene a Beare-ward and could play the Bandog brauely in baiting poore Christians at a stake better then curres there baite the Bull or then Butchers Mastiues when they worry one another These peales of small shot thus terribly going off the poore Hungarians with their pennilesse Princesse did not onely not shew a fowle paire of héeles to flye to saue themselues as it was to be feared they would haue done like cowardly peasants but rather they grew desperate and sticking closâ—…y like Prentises vpon Shrouetwuesday one to another they vowed come death come diuels to stand against whole bands of browne rusty bille men though for their labours they were sure to be knockt downe like Oxen for the slaughter but a number of Iack-strawes being amongst them and opening whole Cades of councell in a cause so dangerous they were all turned to dry powder took fire of resolution and so went off with this thundring noise that they would dy like men though they were but poore knaues and counted the stinkards and scum of the world and yet as rash as they were they would not run headlong vpon the mouth of the Canon No but like snailes pulling in the hornes of their fury they hid their heades for a time either like spies to watch for aduantages or to try if this rotten whéele of Fortune would turne and that the broken world could mend but all the waters of chastity and goodnesse being poisoned of which they both thirsted hoped to drinke and all the wayes to come to the presence of Money at whose féete they would haue fallen and complained of their wrongs being likewise cut off none of their thréed-bare company vpon paine of death daring to stand within ten miles of her Court gates for feare they should either lift them off the hinges and steale them quite away being all of beaten gold or else cunningly in the night time should file off handfuls like pin-dust thereby to enrich themselues she being their vowed enemie It was therefore by a generall voice concluded that they would all put themselues into armes and for that purpose went in swarmes to the Court of Pouerty their good Lady and mistresse and neuer gaue ouer balling in their eares till shee had sworne by her crowne though she had scarce two shillings in her purse that open warre should presently be proclaimed against that arrogant haughty ambitious Tyrant Money Hereupon pouerty summoned her councel for war together they came and being set shée at large laide open what wrongs and dishonors her enemy had done to her her subiects withal declaring how willing her poore people were to venture their liues in her quarrell and that their very fingers itched to be doing with the rich chuffes and Usurers and others that were seruants or rather slaues to Money adding moreouer that a number of her enemies subiects too welknown by the name of Banck-rupts being a great and auncient family in her greatest City haue of late gotten other mens goods into their hands spending them basely and villanously in prisons colouring this their politicke theft by giuing out that they are subiects to Pouerty albeit they were neuer suffered to harbour in her dominions To cleare herselfe of these and such like imputations and dishonorable scandals as also to let Money know that she hath more right to those townes Cities to which she pretendeth sole claime then Money hath herselfe and that like a Prince though her coffers be not so full nor her forces so able she purposeth to defend her owne title not to loose one foote of that which was left to her by her Ancestors all of them comming out of old ancient houses it is therefore her resolution to send defiance to her insolent enemy and to that end for their aide and Aduice hath she thus called them before her Her councellors applauded the courage of their Princesse and being first brought on their knées gaue her reasons to goe forward in so iust a warre All of them for the most part being glad that the Golden age should now come amongst them and proudly reioycing that they should bid battaile to so rich an enemy as Money and her subiects to haue about with whom they haue for a long time had both a desire and waited for aduantage to picke a quarrell Those that were at this time of Pouerties councel were men well beaten to the world all of them great trauellers such as had séene many countries As hardy as they were wise it shall not be amisse in this place to draw the liuelie pictures of them because if any of their owne countrimen happen to behold them their report may coÌ„firme the trueth of all that is here related Their names are these Councellors to Pouerty Discontent Hunger Sloth Industry Despaire Carelesnesse Repining Beggery Miserie DIscontent had a graue countenance somewhat inclining to melancholie temperate of spéech and sparing in diet not caring either for pleasures or greedy of honours but as a man that is wearie of the world for the impieties in it wishing rather to die then to liue One thing was noted in him more then in any other Courtier that in all his life time hee had neuer béene a reuellor nor euer courted Lady he seem'd indifferent whether the warres went forward or not yet inwardly moregréeued at the wrongs of his Prince then at any iniuries that could be done to himselfe Despaire and Carelesnesse were brothers in great fauour with Pouety their Princesse she neuer was well but when one of them was in her company
yet the wiser sort thought that they did much mischéefe to the State Despaire was not beloued by reason of his crueltie for if hee got any man into his hands hee hung him vp presentlie Hunger was one of the best commanders for warre that was in all the Land a man of almost an inuincible stomack hée had ouerthrowne many armies sped most fortunately at the besieging of a Towne or Cittie where continually he vseth to behaue himselfe so valiantly that no stone wall of what height or strength whatsoeuer is able to hold him out yet is hee not accounted so sound a common wealths man as some of the rest for that it is imagined hee loues the enemy better then his owne country if occasion were offered would rather fly to Money then serue Pouerty his Soueraigne A great transporter of corne he hath béene from time to time for which cause the people hate him in their hearts and doe now and then openly cry out against him with such clamors that he hath béene glad to stop their mouthes The onely good that he doth and indéede the only cause for which the kingdome loues him is that when hee leads men on in any hot péece of seruice they get such stomacks by séeing how brauely he laies about him that they neuer come off till they be satisfied victory béeing as good to them as meate and drinke Sloth by reason that he is troubled with the gout busies himselfe little with State matters he hath lyen bed-rid for many yéeres and gréeues that any stir should be made in the common wealth he was neuer either tilter or trauellor his body being weake and subiect to diseases which made him vnapt for both Repining was the onely man that whetted on both his Prince and her subiects to go forward in these warres for he could by no means abide either Money or her followers it fretted him more to sée any of them prosper then if himselfe had fallen into the lowest misfortune He dealt altogether in Monopolies for which the people gaue him many bitter curses and those I thinke kéepe his body so leane Industry was a goodly personage a faithfull friend to his Prince and a father to his country a great Lawyer a déepe scholler stout in warre and prouident in peace Pouerty whom he serued did often say that two such councellors as Industry were able vpon their shoulders onely to support any State in the world In deare yeeres when the Land had béene ready to sterue hath he reléeued it and turned dearth into plenty his head is euer full of cares not for himselfe so much as for the people whom hee loues and tenders as déerely as if they were his kindred yet stand they not so well affected to him because he compelles them to take paines when t is their naturall inclination like Drones to liue basely and to féede vpon the bread that the sweat of other mens browes doe earne A good States man he is and a louer of peace séeking rather to draw Money to be stil in league with Pouerty then to haue them thus at defiance one against another Beggery and Miserie are so well knowne to vs I shall not néede to draw their faces These councellors after many arguments weighed out to prooue the necessity either of warre or peace at the last concluded vpon the former The drumme was therefore struck vp to try what voluntaries would offer themselues but few voluntaries or none at all came in Then went forth a very streight command to presse not onely all masterlesse men but all others of what condition or profession soeuer that liued vnder the subiection of Pouerty The Captaines Lieftenants Corporals Serieants and the companies that were casheard and cast vpon concluding of the late league in the low Countries hearing of these new warres threw vp their old weather-beaten hattes w e torne sethers in them fetcht capers aboue ground danced swore drunke tobacko and Dutch béere and after they had fallen on their knées cursing for halfe aâ—… howre together all truces leagues confederacies combinations of peace they bitterly cryed out vpon the proud and tyranous gouernement of Money some of them damning themselues to the pit of hell if euer they could but finger her they would sée an vtter confusion and end of her because for her sake and vpon her golden promises they had ventured their liues spent their blood lost legs and armes had béene pinched w e cold parched with heate fed vpon cabbage vpon rootes vpon Christmas day in stead of minched pyes had no better chéere then prouant mouldy Holland chéese and course browne bread not a rag to their backes yes rags more theÌ„ they cared for but not thrée stiuers among fiue of them They therefore vowed to serue Pouerty to liue and dye w e her and with all their forces to set vpon Money who had made them slaues to the world not rewarding theÌ„ to their merit and thereupon striking vp their drum and sprea ding their tottered cullors which hung full of honour because it was full of holes anâ—… was indéede no bigger nay scarce so big as the flagge of a Play-house away they came troopewise with bag and baggage marching and were receiued as old soldiers should be at the hands of Pouerty she sweating by her birth and the fame of her Ancestors who were well knowne farre and néere that she would neuer forsake their company but sticke to them euen to the death The businesse thus successefully thriuing at the first gaue encouragement to all to haue it set forward so that precepts were forthwith directed to the Hals of euery Company who albeit they had furnished the Queene of siluer and gold Mony with certaine voluntary bands of sound approued souldiers Yet because they themselues that were old growne okes cared not how many paltry low bushes that nestled vnder their shadowes were cut downe they prest ten times more of euery trade to fight vnder the banner of Pouerty than those were that went to serue her enemy Yet was it a long time ere the Handicrafts men could be mustred together for Carelessenes one of the former councellours whose ambition consisted in popular greatnessé and had stolne the hearts of the common people gaue them a priuy inckling of the presse before it came forth and wished them to shift for themselues by being dispersed for a time abroad whose counsel they following threw by their tooles neglected their trades fled from their shops and spent both their gettings and their goods in common bowling-allies dicing houses and alehouses But proclamation being made That vpon paine of death they should all by such an howre be ready to come into the field and fight for Pouerty their soueraigne Lady and mistres It is incredible to be spoken what infinite multitudes of all occupations some yong some old were in a short time assembled together 〈◊〉 Schollers
lusty heate begot her strucke an amazement into those that beheld her by the splendor of those maiesticall roabes which she wore when musicke went into her eare in ten thousand seuerall shapes when her walkes were perfumed her sports varied euery hower when her chéekes were dimpled with laughters at her iesters her Parasites her Pandors and all the rest of those seruile soothing Apes that in pide colours waite vpon and shew trickes to fate the appetite of that Lord of flesh and bloud the blacke Prince of the world her husband Then euen then in the full sea of all these iollities pompes and whorish ceremonies the onely bewitchers of mankinde came sayling in the newes of a suddaine insurrection and an vnexpected inuasion by that common fatall and barbarous spoiler of so many kingdoms infamous amongst al nations by that beggerly name of Pouerty These newes vpon the first arriuall did no more moue the great Indian Empresse Money then the bleating of a shéepe terrifies the king of forrests the Lyon Money was rich strong in friends held league with Princes had whole countries at her becke nations were her slaues no people but did loue her On the contrary side Pouerty her enemy had sinall reuenues fewer friends a world of followers but none of any reckoning except a few Philosophers Alchemists c. She held many townes and was obeyed in most kingdomes but how as théeues are obeyed by true men for feare and because they cannot otherwise choose her owne strength therefore being so good and her enemies fuller of spite then of power she onely laughed at the thunder of her threates and resolued that her pleasure should spread larger sailes But her councell being prouident carefull and iealous of their owne estates wisely considering the dangers that a weake enemy being desperate and hauing little to loose may put the best fortefied kingdome to the most valiant nation did in the end with one consent fall on their knées most humbly intreating thier Soueraigne Mistresse to giue ouer her reuellings maskes and other Court-pleasures for a time and that aswell for the safety of her owne royall person to take héede of them for many plots were now and had oftentimes bin laid as also for themselues whose liues and liberties wholly depended on her either to leuy present forces which should méete this beggerly Monarch in the field and so vtterly to driue her out of the kingdome or else to giue the rich men of her Empire leaue to make strict and seuere lawes to take away the liues of that wretched scattered people that follow Pouerty in these commotions wheresoeuer or whensoeuer they take them medling in any of her wealthy dominions These words brake forth with such lighning that Money stampd for very anger that so base an enemy should put her subiects into feare Their vigilance awaked her and like a good Prince that would loose her life rather then her subiects should perish she began with the Eagle to shake her royall wings and to be rouz'd out of her late golden slumbers securities that â—…ay vpon her like enchantments To their requests she yéelded and thereupon to fortifie her kingdome against all the shot of Villany Vengeance shee summoned those of her councell together whom shee know to be most faithfull and most seruiceable in a busines of this nature state importance Her councellors names were these Councellors to Money Couetousnesse Parsimony Deceipt Prouidence Monopoly Violence Vsury Couetousnesse was an old wretched leane fac'd fellow that seldome sléep'd for his eyes though they were great and suncke at least two inches into his head neuer stood still but rolled vp and downe expressing a very enuious longing gréedinesse to enioy euery thing that they looked vpon He neuer pared his nailes and being often asked the reason why he alwaies answered that he saued them for his heire for béeing cut off after hée himselfe was dead they might be put to sundry good thrifty purposes as to make hornes being thinly scraped for a Scriueners lanthorne to write by a nights or to nocke arrowes c. Hée kept not so much as a Barber but shaued his owne head and beard himselfe and when it came to wey a pound hée sold it to a Frenchman to stuffe tennis balles Money his Soueraigne cared not so much for him as he did for her she could make him do any vile office how base soeuer but because he was saucy and would often checke her for taking her pleasures séeking to restraine her of her liberties she hated him and was neuer more merry then when one brought her newes once that Couetousnesse lay a dying Yet was he well beloued af the best Citizens and neuer rode through the city but he was staid and feasted by many Aldermen and wealthy Commoners few Courtiers loued him heartily but onely made vse of him because he was great and could do much with Money their empresse Prouidence was but of meane birth the ladder by which he climbd to such high fortunes as to be a councellor to Money being made by himselfe much giuen to study yet no great scholler as desiring rather to be frée of the City then to serue a long thréed-bare Prentiship in the Universities He is rarely séene in Minerals and distillations and will draw Aurum potabile or fetch quick-siluer out of horse-dung he will grow rich and be in time the head warden of a company though he were left by his friends but thrée shillings thrée pence stocke to set vp such another he was as Whittington a very cat shall raise him if he be set vpon t He is the best that writes Almanackes in these times and where the rest write whole Calenders of lies for bare forty shillings a yéere seruingmens wages he foreséeing what will happen buies vp all the commodities of one or two Countries at one bargaine when he knowes they will bee déere and so makes vp his owne mouth and for it gets much fauour at the hands of Couetousnesse his elder brother Parsimonie is kinsman to those two that go before he is not vp yet for he vseth to lie a bed till afternoone onely to saue dinners when he rises which will be presently the motion shall be shewen and interpreted to you Monopoly is a very good man where he takes that is to say 9. maner of waies Deceipt lookes a little a squint yet is of déeper reach then any of the rest for he doth oftentimes fetch ouer Couetousnesse himselfe He is great in Lawyers bookes and tradesmen not onely loue him but their yongest wines thinke themselues highly happy if at a running at Tilt at a maske or a play at Court or so as he ofteÌ„ doth he will but voutchsafe to place them and the sports done he commonly sends them home lighted He hath more followers then the 12. Péeres of France he studies Machiauell and hath a french face Violence hath borne
many great offices and Money hath done much for him He purchaseth lands daily but looseth mens hearts some of the richer sort follow him loue him yet he cannot go thorough the stréetes but the common people curse him hee reades Law as men reade Hebrew backward and neuer makes oâ—…e Lawe but he breaks two Of all men he cannot abide a Iustice of Peace yet oftentimes is hee séene at the Sessions many of his Ancestors haue béene Traytors and by that meanes were still cut off before they were old men the Nobilitie hate him he is a méere martiall man Vsurie was the first that euer taught Money to comm't incest with Gold and Siluer her néerest kinsmen Brokers are now their Baudes and kéepe the dores till the letchery of ten in the hundred be sated he hath made many a man but how to be damned he is a great housekéeper for thousands in the Cittie liue vpon him and would hang themselues but for his sauing them There is no more conscience in him then in Tauerne faggots yet yong gentlemen pray for him daily that he may be fetched quick to hell He is an insatiable féeder for a Scriuener and he will eate vp foure men at a breakefast and picke them to the bare bones He loues not a Preacher because hee frights him out of his wits for he neuer heares any of them talke to him but he thinkes himselfe damned He hath no skill in Arithmeticke but onely in the rule of Interest He is the Diuels Tole-taker and when he dies lies buried with his ancestors in the widest vault of hell These were the councellors whom Money assembled together to consult vpon hers and their owne safeties from the base assaults of their wild and desperate enemy who being solemnely set in their due places and the Quéene of Riches her selfe beeing aduanced vp into her imperial chaire Parsimonie who by this time was gotten vp and ready tooke vpon him to be speaker for all the rest This Parsimonie is a nasty batcheller of fourescore one that neuer went trussed to preuent hanging to which end he will not be at charges of a paire of garters though they were but woollen lists fo 〈…〉 re of temptation his breches once were veluet when his great grandfather wore them and thrée-piled but the pox of any pile can be seene there now vnlesse betwéene the clifts of his buttocks to saue a pennie hee will damne halfe his soule hee weares cloathes long and will sooner alter his religion ten times then his doublet once his hatte is like his head of the old blocke he buies no gloues but of a great a paire and hauing worne them two daies hee quarrels with the poore Glouer that they are too wide or too ill stitched by base scolding and lorldly words gets his money againe and the wearing of so much leather for nothing He will be knowne by a paire of white pumpes some 16. or 20. yeares onely by repairing their decaied complection w e a péece of chalke This whining Parsimonie that for a supper of 16. pence will budge slip his necke out of the coller from his owne father and that vowes neuer to marry because he will not spend so much as may kéepe a childe stood vp so well as he could stand with his crinckling hammes and knowing that it was high time for him to bestirre his stumps thus shot his bolt after much stammering coughing and hemming silence béeing first cryed which accordingly was giuen him The Oration which Parsimonie made before his Empresse O Sacred Money Queene of Kingdomes Mistres ouer the mines of Gold and Siluer Regent of the whole world Goddesse of Courtiers Patronesse of Schollers Protectresse of Souldiers Fortresse of Cittizens the onely comfort to Saylors Me seemeth good and fit brightest-facde Lady sithence that bold and saucie begger with her pennurious sunne-burnt troopes armed onely with short troncheons vnder their arme-pits and most commonly walking in thred-bare Plimoth cloakes haue made their impudent and contagious insurrection that you at whose feete lie Crownes to tread vpon being Queene Mother of the west and east Indies do presently giue ouer your needlesse expences and open houshkeeping in the Country where your swarming enemies lye in ambushes to attach you vpon the least issuing forth and betake yourselfe to the close safetie of the Cittie where your seame-rent and white bitten foes dare not within gun-shot approch to be further sure of which and least any spies should be sent to looke into the strength and wealth of that your principall and most secure fortresse we haue ordeined that through euery ward for your happie safetie and their vtter terrifying there be erected one sound sufficient and well painted whipping poste the very sight of which wil not only scarre them worse then the scowting face of a Serieant being seen peeping through a red lettice frights a yong gallant but also in time driue the whole band of Tatterdemalions from poste to piller Dixi. No sooner was Dixi sounded but the maine points of this Parsimonions oration came backe againe like an eccho from all the rest of the voices there present All their breath blew one way all their councels were directed and went only by this compasse Money weighing in the vpright scales of her iudgement their wise and thirsty opinions found them not halfe a graine too light and therefore very royally yéelded to whatsoeuer they consulted vpon whereupon sodaine order was giuen and all speedy preparation made for the entertainment and receiuing of Money into the Citie whose presence all the Cittizens day and night thirsted to behold To set downe all the deuices the intended merriments the showes the ceremonies the diligence of workemen for standings and scaffoldings the inerplicable ioy of Poets who did nothing but pen encomious Gratulatorie to bid her welcome drinking healths in rich malago to the honour of her and their mistresses the nine Muses and on the other side to point to the life the seuerall glad faces gestures and action of the players who had pined for her absence a long and tedious vacation or to tell what dressing vp of howses there were by all the neate dames and Ladies within the fréedome what starching of ruffes what poaking what stiffning of falles what painting of chéekes lips as if they had béene the two leaued gates of a new chose Alderman are able if they were set down at large to adde a third volume to our English Chronicles Time at length turned vp his Glasse and the Holliday so gapingly looked for was come Diuisum imperium cum Ioue Nummus habet had Ioue béen bidden to dinner to the Guyld hall on Simon and Iudes day he could not haue had more welcomes giuen him then Money had Oh! with what â—…cund hearts did the Cittizens receiue her The Mercers swore by their maydenhead that all their polliticke pent-houses should bee clothed in cloth of siluer so