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A57030 The second book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick treating of the heroick deeds and sayings of the good Pantagruel. Written originally in the French tongue, and now faithfully translated into English. By S.T.U.C.; Pantagruel. Book 2. English. Rabelais, François, ca. 1490-1553?; Urquhart, Thomas, Sir, 1611-1660. 1653 (1653) Wing R108; ESTC R202205 100,489 230

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said Thaumast it is very well said begin then Now you must note that Panurge had set at the end of his long Codpiece a pretty tuft of red silk as also of white green and blew and within it had put a faire orange CHAP. XIX How Panurge put to a non-plus the Englishman that argued by signes EVery body then taking heed and hearkening with great silence the Englishman lift up on high into the aire his two hands severally clunching in all the tops of his fingers together after the manner which alachinonnese they call the hens arse and struck the one hand on the other by the nailes foure several times then he opening them struck the one with the flat of the other till it yielded a clashing noise and that only once again in joyning them as before he struck twice and afterwards foure times in opening them then did he lay them joyned and extended the one towards the other as if he had been devoutly to send up his prayers unto God Panarge suddenly lifted up in the aire his right hand and put the thumb thereof into the nostril of the same side holding his foure fingers streight out and closed orderly in a parallel line to the point of his nose shutting the left eye wholly and making the other wink with a profound depression of the eye-brows and eye-lids Then lifted he up his left hand with hard wringing and stretching forth his foure fingers and elevating his thumb which he held in a line directly correspondent to the situation of his right hand with the distance of a cubit and a halfe between them This done in the same forme he abased towards the ground both the one and the other hand Lastly he held them in the midst as aiming right at the English mans nose And if Mercurie said the English man there Panurge interrupted him and said You have spoken Mask Then made the English man this signe his left hand all open he lifted up into the aire then instantly shut into his fist the foure fingers thereof and his thumb extended at length he placed upon the gristle of his nose Presently after he lifted up his right hand all open and all open abased and bent it downwards putting the thumb thereof in the very place where the little finger of the left hand did close in the fist and the foure right hand fingers he softly moved in the aire then contrarily he did with the right hand what he had done with the left and with the left what he had done with the right Panurge being not a whit amazed at this drew out into the aire his Trismegist Codpiece with the left hand and with his right drew forth a trunchion of a white oxe-rib and two pieces of wood of a like forme one of black eben and the other of incarnation brasil and put them betwixt the fingers of that hand in good symmetrie then knocking them together made such a noise as the Lepers of Britanie use to do with their clappering clickets yet better resounding and farre more harmonious and with his tongue contracted in his mouth did very merrily warble it alwayes looking fixedly upon the English man The Divines Physicians and Chirurgions that were there thought that by this signe he would have inferred that the English man was a Leper the Counsellors Lawyers and Decretalists conceived that by doing this he would have concluded some kinde of mortal felicity to consist in Leprosie as the Lord maintained heretofore The English man for all this was nothing daunted but holding up his two hands in the aire kept them in such forme that he closed the three master-fingers in his fist and passing his thumbs thorough his indical or foremost and middle fingers his auricularie or little fingers remained extended and stretched out and so presented he them to Panurge then joyned he them so that the right thumb touched the left and the left little finger touched the right Hereat Panurge without speaking one word lift up his hands and made this signe He put the naile of the forefinger of his left hand to the naile of the thumb of the same making in the middle of the distance as it were a buckle and of his right hand shut up all the fingers into his fist except the forefinger which he often thrust in and out through the said two others of the left hand then stretched he out the forefinger and middle finger or medical of his right hand holding them asunder as much as he could and thrusting them towards Thaumast Then did he put the thumb of his left hand upon the corner of his left eye stretching out all his hand like the wing of a bird or the finne of a fish and moving it very daintily this way and that way he did as much with his right hand upon the corner of his right eye Thaumast began then to waxe somewhat pale and to tremble and made him this signe With the middle finger of his right hand he struck against the muscle of the palme or pulp which is under the thumb then put he the forefinger of the right hand in the like buckle of the left but he put it under and not over as Panurge did Then Panurge knocked one hand against another and blowed in his palme and put again the forefinger of his right hand into the overture or mouth of the left pulling it often in and out then held he out his chinne most intentively looking upon Thaumast The people there which understood nothing in the other signes knew very well what therein he demanded without speaking a word to Thaumast What do you mean by that In effect Thaumast then began to sweat great drops and seemed to all the Spectators a man strangely ravished in high contemplation Then he be thought himself and put all the nailes of his left hand against those of his right opening his fingers as if they had been semicircles and with this signe lift up his hands as high as he could Whereupon Panurge presently put the thumb of his right hand under his jawes and the little finger thereof in the mouth of the left hand and in this posture made his teeth to sound very melodiously the upper against the lower With this Thaumast with great toile and vexation of spirit rose up but in rising let a great bakers fart for the bran came after and pissing withal very strong vineger stunk like all the devils in hell the company began to stop their noses for he had conskited himself with meer anguish and perplexity Then lifted he up his right hand clunching it in such sort that he brought the ends of all his fingers to meet together and his left hand he laid flat upon his breast whereat Panurge drew out his long Codpiece with his tuffe and stretched it forth a cubit and a half holding it in the aire with his right hand and with his left took out his orange and casting it up into the aire seven times
at the eight he hid it in the fist of his right hand holding it steadily up on high and then began to shake his faire Codpiece shewing it to Thaumast After that Thaumast began to puffe up his two cheeks like a player on a bagpipe and blew as if he had been to puffe up a pigs bladder whereupon Panurge put one finger of his left hand in his nockandrow by some called St. Patricks hole and with his mouth suck't in the aire in such a manner as when one eats oysters in the shell or when we sup up our broth this done he opened his mouth somewhat and struck his right hand flat upon it making therewith a great and a deep sound as if it came from the superficies of the midriffe through the trachiartere or pipe of the lungs and this he did for sixteen times but Thaumast did alwayes keep blowing like a goose Then Panurge put the fore-finger of his right hand into his mouth pressing it very hard to the muscles thereof then he drew it out and withal made a great noise as when little boyes shoot pellets out of the pot-canons made of the hollow sticks of the branch of an aulder-tree and he did it nine times Then Thaumast cried out Ha my Masters a great secret with this he put in his hand up to the elbow then drew out a dagger that he had holding it by the point downwards whereat Panurge took his long Codpiece and shook it as hard as he could against his thighes then put his two hands intwined in manner of a combe upon his head laying out his tongue as farre as he was able and turning his eyes in his head like a goat that is ready to die Ha I understand said Thaumast but what making such a signe that he put the haft of his dagger against his breast and upon the point thereof the flat of his hand turning in a little the ends of his fingers whereat Panurge held down his head on the left side and put his middle finger into his right eare holding up his thumb bolt upright then he crost his two armes upon his breast and coughed five times and at the fifth time he struck his right foot against the ground then he lift up his left arme and closing all his fingers into his fist held his thumbe against his forehead striking with his right hand six times against his breast But Thaumast as not content therewith put the thumb of his left hand upon the top of his nose shutting the rest of his said hand whereupon Panurge set his two Master-fingers upon each side of his mouth drawing it as much as he was able and widening it so that he shewed all his teeth and with his two thumbs pluck't down his two eye-lids very low making therewith a very ill-favour'd countenance as it seemed to the company CHAP. XX. How Thaumast relateth the vertues and knowledge of Panurge THen Thaumast rose up and putting off his cap did very kindly thank the said Panurge and with a loud voice said unto all the people that were there My Lords Gentlemen and others at this time may I to some good purpose speak that Evangelical word Et ecce plus quàm Salomon hîc You have here in your presence an incomparable treasure that is my Lord Pantagruel whose great renown hath brought me hither out of the very heart of England to conferre with him about the insoluble problemes both in Magick Alchymie the Caballe Geomancie Astrologie and Philosophie which I had in my minde but at present I am angry even with fame it self which I think was envious to him for that it did not declare the thousandth part of the worth that indeed is in him You have seen how his disciple only hath satisfied me and hath told me more then I asked of him besides he hath opened unto me and resolved other inestimable doubts wherein I can assure you he hath to me discovered the very true Well Fountain and Abysse of the Encyclopedeia of learning yea in such a sort that I did not think I should ever have found a man that could have made his skill appear in so much as the first elements of that concerning which we disputed by signes without speaking either word or half word But in fine I will reduce into writing that which we have said and concluded that the world may not take them to be fooleries and will thereafter cause them to be printed that every one may learne as I have done Judge then what the Master had been able to say seeing the disciple hath done so valiantly for Non est discipulus super Magistrum Howsoever God be praised and I do very humbly thank you for the honour that you have done us at this Act God reward you for it eternally the like thanks gave Pantagruel to all the company and going from thence he carried Thaumast to dinner with him and beleeve that they drank as much as their skins could hold or as the phrase is with unbottoned bellies for in that age they made fast their bellies with buttons as we do now the colars of our doublets or jerkins even till they neither knew where they were nor whence they came Blessed Lady how they did carouse it and pluck as we say at the Kids leather and flaggons to trot and they to toote Draw give page some wine here reach hither fill with a devil so There was not one but did drink five and twenty or thirty pipes can you tell how even Sicut terra sine aqua for the weather was hot and besides that they were very dry In matter of the exposition of the Propositions set down by Thaumast and the signification of the signes which they used in their disputation I would have set them down for you according to their own relation but I have been told that Thaumast made a great book of it imprinted at London wherein he hath set down all without omitting any thing and therefore at this time I do passe by it CHAP. XXI How Panutge was in love with a Lady of Paris PAnurge began to be in great reputation in the City of Paris by means of this disputation wherein he pre vailed against the English man and from thenceforth made his Codpiece to be very useful to him to which effect he had it pinked with pretty little Embroideries after the Romanesca fashion And the world did praise him publickly in so farre that there was a song made of him which little children did use to sing when they went to fetch mustard he was withal made welcome in all companies of Ladies and Gentlewomen so that at last he became presumptuous and went about to bring to his lure one of the greatest Ladies in the City and indeed leaving a rabble of long prologues and protestations which ordinarily these dolent contemplative Lent-lovers make who never meddle with the flesh one day he said unto her Madam it would be a very great benefit to the
cause were not in question which is the faith for in such a businesse thou wilt have no Coadjutors only a Catholick Confession and service of thy Word and hast forbidden us all arming and defence for thou art the Almighty who in thine owne cause and where thine own businesse is taken to heart canst defend it far beyond all that we can conceive thou who hast thousand thousands of hundreds of millions of legigions of Angels the least of which is able to kill all mortal men and turn about the Heavens and earth at his pleasure as heretofore it very plainly appeared in the army of Sennacherib if it may please thee therefore at this time to assist me as my whole trust and confidence is in thee alone I vow unto thee that in all Countreys whatsoever wherein I shall have any power or authority whether in this of Utopia or elsewhere I will cause thy holy Gospel to be purely simply and entirely preached so that the abuses of a rabble of hypocrites and false prophets who by humane constitutions and depraved inventions have impoisoned all the world shall be quite exterminated from about me This Vow was no sooner made but there was heard a voice from heaven saying Hoc fac vinces that is to say Do this and thou shalt overcome Then Pantagruel seeing that Loupgarou with his mouth wide open was drawing near to him went against him boldly and cried out as loud as he was able Thou diest villain thou diest purposing by his horrible cry to make him afraid according to the discipline of the Lacedemonians Withal he immediately cast at him out of his bark which he wore at his girdle eighteen cags and foure bushels of salt wherewith he filled both his mouth throat nose and eyes at this Loupgarou was so highly incensed that most fiercely setting upon him he thought even then with a blow of his mace to have beat out his braines but Pantagruel was very nimble and had alwayes a quick foot and a quick eye and therefore with his left foot did he step back one pace yet not so nimbly but that the blow falling upon the bark broke it in foure thousand fourescore and six pieces and threw all the rest of the salt about the ground Pantagruel seeing that most gallantly displayed the vigour of his armes and according to the Art of the axe gave him with the great end of his mast a homethrust a little above the breast then bringing along the blow to the left side with a slash struck him between the neck and shoulders After that advancing his right foot he gave him a push upon the couillons with the upper end of his said mast wherewith breaking the scuttle on the top thereof he spilt three or foure punchons of wine that were left therein Upon that Loupgarou thought that he had pierced his bladder and that the wine that came forth had been his urine Pantagruel being not content with this would have doubled it by a side-blow but Loupgarou lifting up his mace advanced one step upon him and with all his force would have dash't it upon Pantagruel wherein to speak the truth he so sprightfully carried himself that if God had not succoured the good Pantagruel he had been cloven from the top of his head to the bottom of his milt but the blow glanced to the right side by the brisk nimblenesse of Pantagruel and his mace sank into the ground above threescore and thirteen foot through a huge rock out of which the fire did issue greater then nine thousand and six tuns Pantagruel seeing him busie about plucking out his mace which stuck in the ground between the rocks ran upon him and would have clean cut off his head if by mischance his mast had not touched a little against the stock of Loupgarous mace which was inchanted as we have said before by this meanes his mast broke off about three handfuls above his hand whereat he stood amazed like a Bell-Founder and cried out Ah Panurge where art thou Panurge seeing that said to the King and the Giants By G they will hurt one another if they be not parted but the Giants were as merry as if they had been at a wedding then Carpalin would have risen from thence to help his Master but one of the Giants said unto him By Golfarin the Nephew of Mahoon if thou stir hence I will put thee in the bottom of my breeches in stead of a Suppository which cannot chuse but do me good for in my belly I am very costive and cannot well cagar without gnashing my teeth and making many filthy faces Then Pantagruel thus destitute of a staffe took up the end of his mast striking athwart and alongst upon the Giant but he did him no more hurt then you would do with a filip upon a Smiths Anvil In the time Loupgarou was drawing his mace out of the ground and having already plucked it out was ready therewith to have struck Pantagruel who being very quick in turning avoided all his blowes in taking only the defensive part in hand until on a sudden he saw that Loupgarou did threaten him with these words saying Now viliain will not I faile to chop thee as small as minced meat and keep thee henceforth from ever making any more poor men athirst for then without any more ado Pantagruel struck him such a blow with his foot against the belly that he made him fall backwards his heels over his head and dragged him thus along at flay-buttock above a flight-shot Then Loupgarou cried out bleeding at the throat Mahoon Mahoon Mahoon at which noise all the Giants arose to succour him but Panurge said unto them Gentlemen do not go if you will beleeve me for our Master is mad and strikes athwart and alongst he cares not where he will do you a mischief but the Giants made no account of it seeing that Pantagruel had never a staffe And when Pantagruel saw those Giants approach very near unto him he took Loupgarou by the two feet and lift up his body like a pike in the aire wherewith it being harnished with Anvils he laid such heavy load amongst those Giants armed with free stone that striking them down as a Mason doth little knobs of stones there was not one of them that stood before him whom he threw not flat to the ground and by the breaking of this stony armour there was made such a horrible rumble as put me in minde of the fall of the butter-tower of St. Stephens at Bourge when it melted before the Sunne Panurge with Carpalin and Eusthenes did cut in the mean time the throats of those that were struck down in such sort that there escaped not one Pantagruel to any mans sight was like a Mower who with his sithe which was Loupgarou cut down the meddow grasse to wit the Giants but with this fencing of Pantagruels Loupgarou lost his head which happened when Pantagruel struck down one whose name was Ri●tandouille