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the_o irish_a sea_n so_o troublesome_a and_o dangerous_a there_o be_v a_o proportion_n of_o bear_v beyond_o which_o we_o sink_v i_o be_v in_o my_o prime_a youth_n encounter_v with_o many_o unfavourable_a dysaster_n etc._n etc._n the_o great_a change_n of_o the_o court_n and_o long_a greatness_n of_o they_o who_o accident_n etc._n etc._n my_o other_o absence_n in_o travail_n hinder_v my_o fall_n in_o with_o those_o time_n my_o retiredness_n by_o that_o course_n and_o over-exact_a study_n of_o language_n which_o certain_o be_v proper_a only_a to_o child_n to_o who_o it_o come_v insensible_o and_o be_v most_o troublesome_a to_o curious_a spirit_n these_o and_o much_o more_o conspire_v against_o i_o i_o will_v when_o my_o fortune_n be_v whole_a have_v match_v my_o son_n then_o very_o young_a and_o have_v assure_v my_o land_n upon_o he_o for_o a_o reasonable_a portion_n it_o can_v not_o be_v my_o predecessor_n after_o a_o long_a and_o desperate_a sickness_n live_v just_a enough_o to_o marry_v i_o and_o many_o strange_a thing_n than_o these_o have_v befall_v i_o in_o the_o article_n of_o a_o catastrophe_n to_o my_o fortune_n november_n 2._o 1637._o to_o say_v something_o still_o of_o diverse_a ambiguity_n and_o perplexity_n incident_a to_o my_o condition_n and_o fortune_n which_o beside_o the_o accidental_a melancholy_n breed_v in_o my_o body_n can_v hardly_o sail_v to_o work_v a_o alteration_n and_o disease_n upon_o a_o mind_n curious_a of_o avoid_v inconvenience_n and_o choose_v the_o best_a my_o nature_n be_v bend_v to_o ordinary_a pleasure_n yet_o moral_o withdraw_v to_o a_o observation_n of_o decency_n virtue_n moderation_n and_o improvement_n of_o knowledge_n with_o a_o acquisite_a affectation_n of_o philosophical_a moral_a civil_a and_o christian_a perfection_n wherein_o as_o well_o for_o vogue_n fashion_n and_o reputation_n as_o truth_n i_o can_v not_o willing_o consent_v to_o come_v short_a of_o the_o best_a when_o i_o grow_v towards_o manhood_n be_v of_o myself_o dispose_v to_o forbear_v marriage_n until_o i_o shall_v be_v thirty_o year_n old_a and_o then_o not_o to_o marry_v without_o great_a choice_n in_o fit_v myself_o and_o obtain_v a_o fullness_n of_o fortune_n to_o set_v myself_o at_o ease_n in_o my_o quality_n and_o that_o estate_n â—&c_n â—&c_n â—&c_n i_o see_v the_o inconvenience_n but_o wife_n child_n and_o my_o disease_n make_v i_o unfit_a for_o another_o man_n house_n and_o though_o i_o wish_v yet_o i_o can_v not_o resolve_v a_o change_n which_o to_o i_o who_o can_v never_o easy_o admit_v a_o resolution_n with_o inconvenience_n attend_v it_o be_v ever_o abhorrent_n my_o natural_a curiosity_n who_o mind_n be_v never_o quiet_a till_o all_o circumstance_n and_o conveniency_n be_v run_v over_o and_o over_o and_o accommodate_v by_o i_o make_v all_o thing_n especial_o in_o a_o seat_n of_o my_o own_o most_o troublesome_a to_o the_o melancholy_a taint_a spirit_n nothing_o be_v more_o unfit_a than_o idleness_n nothing_o more_o troublesome_a than_o its_o curious_a discourse_v upon_o resolution_n nothing_o more_o unfit_a than_o confinement_n to_o one_o place_n yet_o nothing_o more_o hard_a then_o to_o resolve_v and_o digest_v change_n and_o alteration_n once_o marry_v i_o be_v set_v to_o seek_v how_o to_o live_v where_o to_o live_v my_o birth_n and_o breed_n be_v in_o the_o city_n my_o affection_n and_o chief_a seat_n in_o cambridgeshire_n but_o many_o strong_a consideration_n divert_v i_o from_o it_o the_o court_n where_o i_o be_v young_a enter_v follow_v may_v have_v keep_v i_o from_o that_o depth_n of_o melancholy_n whereunto_o travail_n study_n and_o retiredness_n in_o care_n and_o fancy_n of_o what_o belong_v to_o a_o house_n drown_v i_o but_o that_o also_o by_o accident_n be_v unfit_a for_o i_o yet_o at_o length_n for_o a_o strong_a diversion_n and_o under_o so_o brave_a a_o patronage_n as_o that_o of_o prince_n henry_n i_o readventure_v upon_o it_o but_o his_o immature_n death_n and_o much_o sickness_n of_o my_o own_o follow_v upon_o it_o with_o other_o disproportion_n final_o alien_v i_o from_o that_o course_n thus_o and_o much_o more_o have_v my_o life_n be_v a_o conflict_n with_o disease_n and_o fortune_n i_o have_v former_o touch_v many_o more_o particular_n yet_o not_o all_o nor_o the_o worst_a it_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a in_o satisfaction_n of_o writing_n to_o a_o ingenuous_a spirit_n in_o most_o important_a matter_n to_o have_v least_o freedom_n there_o be_v many_o noli_fw-la i_o tangere's_fw-fr the_o contrast_n of_o god_n grace_n and_o religion_n against_o the_o impetuosity_n of_o natural_a affection_n have_v be_v many_o year_n my_o great_a combat_n i_o have_v fight_v resolute_o but_o receive_v many_o foil_n yet_o by_o the_o infinite_a goodness_n of_o my_o saviour_n i_o have_v receive_v such_o most_o unexpected_a succour_n that_o to_o my_o unvaluable_a comfort_n i_o triumph_v etc._n etc._n i_o have_v dedicate_v myself_o next_o to_o god_n whole_o to_o my_o son_n and_o have_v many_o year_n endeavour_v his_o good_a beyond_o my_o own_o i_o have_v now_o make_v myself_o his_o pensioner_n and_o i_o wish_v no_o worldly_a happiness_n more_o than_o his_o prosperity_n thus_o with_o a_o run_a pen_n i_o ease_v my_o mind_n which_o though_o with_o no_o serious_a exactness_n yet_o with_o little_a prejudice_n to_o my_o health_n for_o otherwise_o the_o strength_n of_o my_o disease_n will_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o bear_v the_o strength_n and_o curiosity_n of_o my_o own_o discourse_n he_o who_o be_v subject_a to_o melancholy_n let_v he_o shun_v as_o a_o rock_n at_o sea_n over-studying_a or_o tire_v of_o his_o thought_n and_o when_o he_o find_v conclusion_n come_v not_o off_o clear_o and_o that_o a_o restinesse_n of_o discourse_n grow_v upon_o he_o let_v he_o give_v over_o for_o the_o present_a not_o admit_v the_o least_o tumultuation_n till_o such_o a_o good_a and_o fit_a time_n after_o as_o he_o may_v return_v new_a and_o fresh_a to_o work_v by_o this_o mean_n shall_v he_o avoid_v much_o hurt_n of_o his_o spirit_n and_o attain_v better_o to_o his_o end_n in_o read_v also_o little_a and_o little_a at_o once_o shall_v dispatch_v more_o and_o that_o without_o inconvenience_n of_o health_n then_o much_o together_o to_o the_o oppression_n of_o the_o soul_n ne_fw-la quid_fw-la nimis_fw-la in_o all_o thing_n be_v a_o excellent_a instruction_n how_o many_o a_o man_n have_v tire_v his_o horse_n by_o ride_v a_o little_a too_o fast_o who_o may_v otherwise_o have_v come_v well_o to_o his_o journey_n end_n the_o like_a be_v see_v in_o expense_n a_o very_a little_a contract_n will_v often_o have_v give_v ease_n and_o thirst_n where_o a_o very_a small_a overspending_a have_v breed_v continual_a want_n and_o ruin_n by_o my_o miserable_a experience_n i_o can_v give_v many_o rule_n upon_o this_o world_n course_n and_o melancholy_a moderation_n be_v good_a but_o god_n grace_n be_v above_o all_o and_o without_o it_o nothing_o can_v prosper_v how_o lusty_o do_v the_o root_n feed_v a_o tree_n who_o branch_n be_v few_o and_o small_a in_o respect_n to_o the_o all-seeing_a god_n be_v glory_n for_o with_o we_o but_o through_o he_o dwell_v nothing_o but_o darkness_n error_n frailty_n and_o ignorance_n november_n 4._o 1637._o my_o gracious_a god_n the_o support_n and_o guide_v of_o we_o and_o all_o our_o action_n since_o thou_o have_v vouch_v save_v to_o grant_v i_o a_o firm_a and_o happy_a faith_n in_o christ_n and_o love_n of_o thou_o with_o a_o contempt_n of_o all_o earthly_a and_o carnal_a joy_n confirm_v unto_o i_o i_o most_o humble_o beseech_v thou_o thy_o heavenly_a grace_n and_o the_o comfort_n of_o thy_o good_a spirit_n for_o i_o abhor_v myself_o whensoever_o that_o joy_n fail_v i_o or_o any_o worldly_a affection_n assault_v i_o none_o more_o than_o i_o know_v their_o vanity_n their_o unsoundnesse_n their_o emptiness_n of_o all_o true_a and_o perfect_a satisfaction_n such_o as_o leave_v i_o ever_o to_o seek_v ever_o unquiet_a till_o such_o time_n as_o i_o whole_o resign_v myself_o unto_o thou_o the_o world_n be_v a_o wilderness_n of_o ravenous_a beast_n there_o be_v no_o path_n no_o safety_n no_o contentment_n or_o protection_n but_o through_o thy_o favour_n sweet_a lord_n impart_v it_o unto_o i_o and_o i_o shall_v find_v that_o quiet_a and_o joy_n of_o heart_n which_o i_o have_v ever_o want_v help_v i_o for_o i_o shall_v hate_v myself_o if_o through_o the_o infirmity_n of_o my_o flesh_n and_o blood_n i_o reap_v not_o more_o joy_n and_o complacence_n in_o my_o surrender_n to_o thou_o and_o in_o thy_o grace_n than_o ever_o i_o do_v or_o can_v find_v in_o the_o most_o full_a and_o flatter_a pleasure_n which_o this_o instable_a world_n afford_v i_o have_v often_o find_v thy_o most_o merciful_a and_o miraculous_a relief_n and_o support_n beyond_o expectation_n beyond_o natural_a conceit_n let_v thy_o mercy_n and_o grace_n continue_v with_o i_o to_o my_o end_n and_o
at_o thy_o good_a pleasure_n set_v a_o period_n to_o that_o life_n which_o i_o only_o hold_v in_o expectation_n of_o a_o happy_a discharge_n and_o dissolution_n by_o thou_o amen_o amen_n november_n 5._o 1637._o a_o physician_n once_o tell_v i_o upon_o repair_n to_o he_o for_o my_o disease_n that_o i_o be_v to_o resort_v to_o god_n call_v upon_o he_o for_o his_o grace_n and_o guide_v myself_o by_o he_o or_o to_o like_a effect_n i_o think_v it_o then_o strange_a and_o improper_a in_o his_o profession_n but_o i_o have_v find_v it_o speak_v like_o my_o good_a angel_n for_o there_o be_v no_o such_o anchor_n nor_o such_o receipt_n to_o a_o trouble_a to_o a_o agitate_a soul_n the_o melancholy_a humour_n once_o predominant_a in_o despite_n of_o judgement_n and_o resolution_n will_v obtrude_v importunate_a thought_n and_o fancy_n take_v occasion_n from_o almost_o every_o object_n to_o make_v a_o troublesome_a and_o discourse_a impression_n make_v thing_n otherwise_o of_o easy_a resolution_n anxious_a and_o vex_v represent_v difficulty_n as_o fast_o as_o design_n whereunto_o free_a spirit_n be_v not_o in_o the_o least_o sort_n obnoxious_a they_o be_v in_o a_o clear_a light_n and_o alacrity_n delight_v in_o themselves_o entertain_v and_o divert_v with_o ordinary_a conversation_n business_n and_o pastime_n while_o the_o other_o droop_v and_o howsoever_o often_o natural_o quick_a will_v play_v upon_o the_o wing_n the_o melancholy_a clog_n check_n and_o pull_v they_o to_o the_o ground_n god_n alone_o be_v the_o hercules_n that_o can_v purge_v that_o augean_a stable_n the_o aesculapius_n who_o can_v give_v relief_n ordinary_a physic_n be_v but_o a_o palliation_n nay_o often_o a_o aggravation_n of_o the_o disease_n the_o powder_n call_v kellowayes_n powder_n with_o god_n blessing_n be_v to_o be_v prize_v for_o it_o go_v to_o the_o root_n it_o work_v at_o length_n and_o so_o as_o the_o patient_n may_v sleep_v play_v go_v on_o in_o a_o ordinary_a diet_n and_o course_n a_o common_a and_o long_a course_n which_o urge_v keep_v in_o weaken_v and_o make_v tender_a be_v mischievous_a and_o incompatible_a if_o such_o powder_n breed_v inconvenience_n epsam_fw-la religion_n water_n though_o but_o a_o draught_n in_o a_o day_n at_o morning_n wonderful_o allay_v and_o rectify_v as_o also_o the_o use_n of_o new_a and_o good_a cider_n these_o with_o god_n grace_n constant_a exercise_n and_o a_o moderation_n of_o the_o mind_n be_v incomparable_a probatum_fw-la god_n have_v give_v i_o so_o strong_a a_o body_n and_o mind_n to_o bear_v the_o injury_n i_o have_v receive_v from_o myself_o accident_n and_o course_n of_o physic_n that_o i_o admire_v may_v it_o please_v he_o to_o make_v my_o life_n and_o death_n to_o his_o glory_n november_n 6._o 1637._o good_a god_n of_o thy_o great_a goodness_n continue_v thy_o mercy_n upon_o i_o and_o as_o i_o have_v hitherto_o prove_v the_o truth_n of_o all_o worldly_a thing_n to_o be_v nothing_o but_o vanity_n and_o vexation_n of_o spirit_n so_o be_v thou_o to_o i_o joy_n and_o comfort_n it_o be_v true_a that_o my_o nature_n education_n course_n of_o life_n and_o disease_n require_v society_n and_o diversion_n the_o consideration_n of_o my_o past_a and_o present_a fortune_n be_v full_a of_o sadness_n but_o thou_o can_v raise_v light_a out_o of_o darkness_n and_o joy_n from_o sorrow_n thy_o good_a spirit_n be_v the_o spirit_n of_o comfort_n and_o without_o thou_o there_o be_v true_o none_o thou_o have_v bless_v i_o so_o far_o as_o to_o have_v allay_v satisfy_v and_o expel_v all_o my_o worldly_a fancy_n i_o have_v fit_v my_o house_n and_o fortune_n to_o my_o son_n in_o as_o much_o as_o i_o affect_v and_o be_v capable_a bless_v it_o unto_o he_o and_o by_o thy_o grace_n exempt_v he_o from_o these_o unquietness_n which_o i_o have_v find_v there_o be_v no_o perfect_a no_o solid_a happiness_n in_o this_o world_n teach_v he_o to_o bear_v such_o inconvenience_n as_o may_v be_v better_o bear_v than_o seek_v with_o a_o unquiet_a unsettle_n to_o be_v avoid_v it_o have_v be_v to_o i_o a_o great_a disease_n to_o over-humour_n myself_o therein_o there_o will_v in_o all_o condition_n be_v something_o amiss_o a_o mind_n curious_a and_o impatient_a be_v a_o great_a mischief_n thus_o appear_v that_o which_o have_v be_v observe_v that_o man_n seldom_o or_o never_o betake_v themselves_o to_o good_a and_o right_a course_n till_o such_o time_n as_o a_o press_a necessity_n i_o may_v rather_o say_v god_n compel_v and_o enforce_v they_o necessity_n i_o have_v ever_o say_v be_v the_o sure_a reformer_n then_o and_o not_o till_o then_o and_o often_o after_o smart_n we_o contract_v ourselves_o and_o contain_v and_o refrain_v our_o extravagancy_n presumption_n dissolution_n and_o luxuriant_a fancy_n november_n 6._o 1637._o a_o search_v spirit_n fall_v among_o the_o crudity_n and_o cavil_v of_o this_o world_n sophistry_n and_o imperfection_n be_v a_o great_a oppressor_n it_o be_v well_o if_o contention_n lay_v only_o as_o some_o affirm_v in_o the_o brink_n and_o not_o in_o the_o depth_n of_o science_n search_n show_v it_o far_o otherwise_o it_o be_v a_o happy_a spirit_n that_o can_v pass_v light_o over_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n and_o even_o in_o matter_n and_o mystery_n of_o faith_n curiosity_n be_v neither_o safe_a nor_o allowable_a i_o be_o something_o of_o the_o nature_n of_o those_o dog_n which_o come_v into_o a_o strange_a place_n rest_v not_o till_o they_o have_v ferit_v every_o corner_n it_o be_v likewise_o a_o natural_a importunity_n with_o i_o in_o any_o thing_n that_o concern_v i_o in_o mind_n body_n or_o fortune_n not_o to_o take_v full_a rest_n till_o such_o time_n as_o to_o my_o capacity_n i_o have_v run_v over_o all_o that_o seem_v to_o belong_v to_o such_o resolution_n willing_o i_o sit_v not_o down_o short_a of_o other_o man_n i_o mean_v in_o honesty_n decency_n and_o knowledge_n much_o less_o short_a of_o myself_o world_n yet_o if_o we_o serious_o and_o curious_o mind_v these_o earthly_a thing_n they_o be_v full_a of_o scruple_n and_o vexation_n if_o we_o slight_v they_o a_o deliberate_v nature_n want_v much_o of_o satisfaction_n and_o contentment_n and_o do_v as_o it_o be_v brutifie_v and_o sin_n against_o itself_o yet_o so_o shall_v it_o as_o well_o minus_n dolere_fw-la as_o gaudere_fw-la it_o be_v that_o which_o i_o have_v long_o since_o find_v and_o affirm_v that_o if_o we_o set_v our_o heart_n on_o these_o worldly_a matter_n they_o prove_v foolishness_n and_o perturbation_n if_o we_o be_v cold_a and_o dull_a in_o they_o all_o thing_n be_v alike_o but_o it_o be_v the_o misery_n of_o a_o hot_a complexion_n that_o it_o require_v entertainment_n hot_a full_a and_o stir_v etc._n etc._n where_o grace_n once_o infuse_v itself_o all_o earthly_a trouble_n be_v evacuate_v that_o alone_o be_v friend_n pleasure_n and_o advantage_n enough_o it_o be_v all-sufficient_a all_o consolation_n perfect_a then_o good_a god_n the_o inestimable_a gift_n of_o faith_n which_o thou_o have_v give_v i_o it_o be_v true_o thy_o gift_n flesh_n and_o blood_n can_v afford_v nor_o relish_v it_o thy_o way_n to_o it_o be_v wonderful_a often_o sharp_a but_o most_o sweet_a in_o the_o conclusion_n i_o kiss_v thy_o rod_n i_o rejoice_v in_o my_o affliction_n and_o feel_v that_o i_o have_v perish_v if_o i_o have_v not_o perish_v thou_o who_o have_v rebuke_v the_o wind_n and_o they_o have_v obey_v thou_o rectify_v my_o spirit_n and_o calm_v all_o suggestion_n all_o storm_n within_o i_o then_o may_v melancholy_a be_v infectious_a but_o not_o mortal_a then_o shall_v i_o live_v and_o die_v to_o thou_o and_o thy_o glory_n which_o be_v all_o my_o ambition_n all_o my_o prayer_n november_n 7._o 1637._o i_o have_v not_o find_v any_o thing_n more_o strange_a nor_o be_v more_o abuse_v in_o any_o thing_n than_o that_o constitution_n of_o soul_n which_o be_v frequent_a and_o more_o or_o less_o incident_a to_o we_o all_o so_o mix_v so_o heterogene_a so_o pregnant_a and_o right_a of_o understanding_n in_o some_o thing_n and_o so_o dull_a and_o wrong_v in_o other_o such_o common_o be_v they_o which_o most_o disturb_v the_o world_n as_o dissonant_n from_o weakness_n as_o true_a strength_n of_o judgement_n exhibit_v according_a to_o the_o say_v such_o production_n as_o a_o fool_n can_v not_o and_o perfection_n will_v not_o so_o appear_v docile_a and_o capable_a of_o reason_n and_o improvement_n and_o yet_o in_o effect_n so_o insensate_a incorrigible_a and_o unalterable_a as_o it_o be_v hard_o to_o conceive_v how_o such_o incongruity_n and_o inconsequence_n shall_v consist_v in_o the_o same_o subject_n or_o in_o truth_n how_o they_o can_v quadrate_n with_o a_o soul_n rational_a and_o instructible_a but_o there_o be_v assign_v to_o we_o all_o a_o natural_a stature_n in_o all_o thing_n which_o no_o art_n food_n or_o industry_n can_v enable_v we_o to_o exceed_v the_o order_n of_o