Sathan who was never suffered to tempt me in that kind afterwards God bruised Sathan under my feet and my Lord Jesus Christ made a conquest of him and gave me the Vâ—ctory and helped me to give him the Glory of it The next Year after this I Married a Wife with whom I lived 40 years by whom I had Issue 7 Sons and 3 Daughters who was a Holy Discreet Woman and a meet Help for me in the ways of her Houshold and also in the way of Holiness who was my companion in all my Sufferings Travels and Hardships that we endured for the Gospel She departed this Life the 30th of April 1671. in full Assurance of Eternal Life and Salvation Presently after I was Married I was convinced of some things about the Worship of God which I had conformed unto to be sinful to wit the Surplice the Cross in Baptism and admitting wicked persons to the Lords Supper whereupon I resigned my Living to the Bishop who offered me a better Living I told him I could not conform any longer and would do nothing but preach which he connived at for two or three Years Shortly after I was convinced that my Ordination received from the Bishop was not right and thô I had preached some years by Virtue of that Ordination I had not received any Seal from Christ of my Ministry for thô many had been reformed and moralized yet I knew not that I had been Instrumental to convert any Souls to God And thereupon I renounced that Ordination and silenced my self resolving not to preach any more untill I had a clear Call and Commission from Christ to preach the Gospel And to that end I gave my self to Prayer day and night for several weeks together and at last being at Prayer in a Wood at Woodenderby in Lincoln-shire where I had preached before and prayed with loud cries and tears that Christ would count me worthy and put me into the Ministry and shew me how to glorifie God in the Ministry and thô I was much melted and enlarged in Prayer at that time yet I had no answer from the Lord After Prayer I walked and meditated under the Wood-side till Sun-set and then went homeward resolved not to preach till the Lord made my call to that great Work of preaching the Gospel clear to me And as I was going home an answer of my Prayers was given to me in these words Go to Mr. Wheelwright and he shall tell thee and shew thee how to glorifie God in the Ministry but I heard no voice nor did I see any Vision only those words were plainly and articulately spoken into my Ears and Understanding At which I was astonished and said Lord let me not be deluded nor deceived then was brought to my mind that passage of Cornelius sent to Peter who should tell him what he should do whereupon I was fully perswaded it was an answer of my Prayets from the Lord and I was filled with such joy that I went on my way rejoycing leaping and praising God The next Morning going to seek out Mr. Wheelwright who was a silenced Minister whom I had heard of by some Christians that he had been Instrumental to convert many Souls but I knew him not nor did I know where he was but I was resolved to find him out for I had heard that he was near Lincoln about 25 miles from me where he lived privately And as I was getting up on Horseback one of my Neighbours coming by asked me whither I was riding to whom I said I did not certainly know I was going to Mr. Wheelwright who was as I heard about Lincoln No sald he Mr. Wheelwhright and his Family came to dwell at a Village which was but three miles from my house for said he I saw him come thither but three nights since with his Family and houshold goods in a Coach and a Wagon Thither I rid presently and found it so and I told Mr. Wheelwright that yesternight I was praying as before and was sent unto him by the Lord c. And after he had asked me many things about the Work of God upon my Soul and I had told him he said I could not glorifie God neither in the Ministry nor in any other way or Work for I was building my Soul upon a Covenant of Works and was a stranger to the Covenant of Grace At which I was startled troubled and somewhat amazed but I told him I was assured God had sent me to him and by his mouth I should be instructed how to glorifie God in the Ministry of the Gospel and I did earnestly intreat and beseech him to apply himself to give me his Counsel and directions touching that Matter Then Mr. Wheelwright opened to me the Nature of the Covenant of Free Grace which I confessed to him I was a stranger to in a great measure having bin only under legal Convictions and a Spirit of Bondage and tho' I had some discoveries of my want of Christ yet I had sought Righteousness as it were by the Works of the Law and got my peace by performing duties and rested on them Mr. Wheelwright desired me to consider what he had said to me and to come to him 2 or 3 days after So I left him at that time and went home exceeding sorrowful about my Souls Condition but I gave my self to Prayer and begged of God to teach me the Covenant of Grace and to that end I searched the Scriptures and I heard one Mr. How preach upon Gal. 2.20 I live by the Faith of the Son of God whereby I saw that I had lived a Life of Works and not of Faith Then I began to see a necessity of believing in Christ for pardon and Salvation and hearing the Minister say that Christ was the Author Root and only Foundation of Saving Faith and that God did give the Faith of Evidence Heb. 11.1 in some New Covenant Promise Gal. 3.14 and that those Promises were given of God 2 Pet. 1.4 I prayed that Night and next Morning and in the night season that God would give me such a promise The next day I locked my self in the Church and in the Chancel or Quire so called I prayed very earnestly mourning and bemoaning my self and my Souls Condition fearing and with great brokenness of Spirit and many tears expressed my fears that God would leave me and forsake me and then I should utterly perish for ever And then that promise Heb. 13.5 I will never leave thee nor forsake thee was given me which Promise stopt me a little in Prayer and I brake forth into this kind of Expostulation with God saying Lord who am I I am a vile sinful Sinner the chief of Sinners most unworthy of Pardon and Salvation How Lord never leave me nor forsake me O infinite Mercy Oh Free Grace who am I I have bin a graceless Soul a formal Professor a legal performer of Holy Duties and have gone about to establish mine own Righteousness
as his own must be done in general by letting the Christian Reader know That this holy Man's Life was all of a piece and that he maintained his Zeal Fidelity and Integrity in the latter part of it as well as in the former even to the end of it He was not very long sick not keeping his Chamber above five weeks nor his Bed above ten days All the time of his Sickness he behaved himself with extraordinary Patience and Resignation to the Divine Will longing to be dissolved and to be with Christ not so much to be freed from Pain and Trouble as from Sinning which he expressed to one with him with a more than ordinary Transport of Joy A little before his Death he wrote the following Epistle which he left as his last Legacy to the Church Mr. Knollys's last Legacy to the Church written a little before his Death To the Church whereof I am Pastor Grace Love and Peace by Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour Amen HOly Brethren Partakers of the Heavenly Calling I not being able to Preach any more unto you do take liberty by writing to give you this as my last Counsel and I hope the whole Church will seriously consider what I have written as the last words of your very aged Pastor whose departure as I hope is at hand First of all I do humbly beseech my Reverend and Beloved Brother Steed for Christs sake that the fervent Love to the Church and the watchful Care over the particular Members of it Expressed and Published in his little Epistle touching Singing may be revived and also that the Brotherly Love of the Ministring Brethren and likewise of all my beloved Brethren who are helps in Government may be stirred up to Help to Assist to provoke the rest unto good Works Gal. 4.18 Now I do unfeignedly and without vain boasting commend many of you my beloved Brethren and Sisters for continuing in the Apostles Doctrine and Fellowship in breaking of Bread and in Prayer but as for the rest who forsake the assembling of themselves with rhe Church on the Lords Day I commend them not especially not only in this time of Liberty but when it was a time of violent Persecution when I was shut up a Year and four Months blessed be God for Prison Mercies in New-Prison And having mentioned that time of Persecution can I pass it by without commending the constant Assembling of our Brethren and Sisters all that time every Lords day to worship God And may I not with great Comfort commend the Labour of Love of our Ministring Brethren in the Work and Doctrine of the Gospel without ceasing as you well know and among whom they still labour and faint not And now some of our younger Brethren begin to improve their Gifts and Talents for the Glory of God and the Edification of the Church whom I desire may be encouraged Another thing very commendable in this Church is the Charity which they have added to their Brotherly kindness 2 Pet. 1.7 It was great Brotherly kindness which was manifested to the Church by those Brethren who lookt out our Meeting-House and prepared it for us as it now is And unto this many of our Brethren and Sisters have added their Charity in a free and very liberal Collection and Contribution given into the Trustees of the Fund And I hope they will be ready to do the like again when the like Necessities call for it Read I pray you the 8th and 9th Chapters of the second Epistle unto the Church of Corinth All this and much more are the Riches of Grace which God hath freely given by our Lord Jesus Christ unto this Church for his own Glory Nevertheless I must in Love and Faithfulness to your precious and gracious Souls holy and beloved tell you of some things not to shame you for I my self am found guilty as well as you and more than some of you but to warn you and to counsel you as a Father doth his Children and they are these First That several of us are fallen in some degree from our first Love cooled in our Spiritual Affections to Jesus Christ and to the Saints Must not you and I confess that it is not with us now as it was in the day of our first Espousals God the Father the Word and the Holy Spirit remembers it Jer. 2.1 2. And we should remember from whence we are fallen and should say I will go and return unto my first Husband for then was it better with me than now Hos 2.7 Rev. 2.4 5. Now the first part of my Counsel which I desire to take and receive from Christ and to give unto you my dearly beloved Brethren and Sisters who are convinced and have confessed it before the Lord on several days of Fasting and Prayer First I do Counsel you to Repent Rev. 2.5 And I must tell you Beloved that our assembling once in four Weeks and spending four hours from Eleven to Three in Praying and Preaching as we have often done is not such a Fast as will make our Voice be heard on High Isa 58.3 4. Several things are essentially necessary to Evangelical Repentance that it may be acceptable unto God by Jesus Christ Namely Godly Sorrow which worketh Repentance never to be repented of 2 Cor. 7.9 10. A broken Contrite Spirit Psal 51.17 James 4.9 10. Isa 66.2 3. Isa 57.15 Read these Scriptures Zech. 12.10 11. Alas where are our Tears of Godly Sorrow our broken Hearts and our afflicted Souls Reformation after Humiliation Repent and do thy first Works Rev. 2.5 O Holy Brethren let us do so let you and I beg Grace that we may both Mourn and turn from all our Sins to the Lord with all our Hearts We have cause to repent of our Formality and Laodicean Lukewarmness especially for want of zeal for the House of God Psal 69.9 Rev. 3.19 Col. 4.12 13. Joh. 2.17 Secondly I Counsel you to be zealous Zeal is a fervent and constant affection of a gracious Soul in a good thing managed with Discretion Gal. 4.18 If our zeal be not fixed upon a right Object and good Matter it may be hot and great but it cannot be good Compare the zeal of Paul Phil. 3.6 with the zeal of Epaphras Col. 4.12 13. To guide our zeal aright two things especially ought to accompany it First The light of Knowledge Rom. 10.1 2 3. Read the words again and again and as often as you read this Paper Many professours of the Law then were very zealous of Establishing their own Legal Righteousness and many professors of the Gospel now are as zealous to establish their own Legal Righteousness and not Christs O! say some If I could pray so mourn so as others do if I were so Holy and so Humble c. then I would believe O! say others if I could get power over my Corruptions and strength against Satans Temptations and Victory over the allurements of this present evil World then I
Bodies of several persons who were suddainly restored to health immediately in time of Prayer with them or by and through Faith in Jesus Christ especially in this City of London and of the Sickness called the Plague both in former years and in the year 1665. Not to me but to God be given Glory and praise for in his Name through Faith in his Name they were healed 3. By inabling me standing by me and strengthning me by his Holy Spirit and sanctifying Grace to preach the Gospel in season and out of season with all boldness neither being ashamed nor afraid to bear my Testimony for Christ his Gospel Churches Ministry Worship and Ordinances against the Antichristian Powers Ministers Worshippers and Traditions of the Beast the great mystical Whore and the false Prophet Nor have I been terrified by the Adversary By virtue of the Acts of Parliament touching private Meetings and Conventicles Commencing May the 10th 1670. I was taken at a Meeting in George-yard and the then Lord Mayor committed me to the Compter in Bishops gate for preaching there but having Favour in the Eyes of the Keepers I had liberty to preach to the Prisoners there twice every day of the Week in the common Hall where most of the Prisoners came and heard me and some of them blessed God that ever I came to that Prison Soon after I was set at Liberty at the Sessions in Old-Baily God made me his Prisoner by a sharp and painful Distemper in my Bowels called the griping of the Guts and he brought me near to the Grave But in time of my greatest Extremity God remembred Mercy forgave mine Iniquity healed my Disease and restored my Life from Death No Tongue can express my pains yet God gave me much patience wherein I possessed my Soul I had 1. A very clear Discovery from the Lord of the Cause why he so contended with me one was the meritorious Cause of some former Visitations and especially of this sore Disease 2. I saw the Sin of my sinful Nature which was not so Crucified as that it was destroyed but I found some motions of it of late stirring in my sinful heart The Sence of this was a very sore burden and trouble to my Soul in this day of my Calamity for which I mourned in secret before the Lord and lay at the Throne of Grace loathing my self and begging that God would kill that Sin and destroy it and all the rest of my Sins And received this answer his Grace was sufficient for me he had pardoned and he would subdue and destroy that and all other mine Iniquities according to his everlasting Covenant of free Grace Satan was sometimes very busy during this time of Sickness and tempted me sorely in the Night season sometimes suggesting to me that I was but an Hypocrite at other times that my Evidences for Heaven were not good whom God helped me to resist steadfastly in the Faith and he fled away Another cause why the Lord now contended with me was for the Tryal and Exercise of my Graces which he had given me It was the Tryal of my Faith and the exercise of my Patience and that I might be to his praise and an example unto weak Believers whose Eyes were upon me and were observing and hearkning how I did behave my self under all the great Rebukes and Chastisements of the Lord upon me For they had heard that God had taken one Grand-Child away by Death and Visited another who was above 16 years old with the Small-pox and she was likely to die and one Son died and was Buried during my Sickness and mine Eldest Son was dead and Buried in the Country whereof I was told before I was Recovered my other Sons Wife had sore Labour a Dead-Man-Child and she likely to die And my dear loving Wife then began to be sorely afflicted with a pain and swelling in her Face of which she since Died. But God did give a proportionable measure of Faith and Patience to me his poor unworthy Servant under all this his fatherly Chastisements He did strengthen me with strength in my Soul and upheld me with the right hand of his Righteousness so that I fainted not nor was I weary His Rod and his Staff did comfort me He brought out my Will unto a free Submission Subjection and Resignation to his own most wise and holy Will Yea my Facher's Visitations did so preserve my Soul that I did sing and rejoyce under the sights and smiles of Christ even whilst I was sighing and sorrowing for my transgressions Two learned well practised and judicious Doctors of Physick had daily visited me and consulted my Cure sereral days together and I was fully perswaded that they did what possibly they could to effect a Cure And knew also that God did not succeed their honest and faithful Endeavours with his Blessing Although God had given a signal and singular Testimony of his special Blessing by each of them unto others of their Patients at least sixteen at the same time I resolved to take no more Physick but would apply to that holy Ordinance of God appointed by Jesus Christ the great Physician of value Jam. 5.14 15. And I got Mr. Kiffin Mr. Vavasor Powel who prayed over me and anointed me with Oyl in the Name of the Lord And the Lord did hear Prayer and heal me For there were very many godly Ministers and gracious Saints that prayed day and night for me with submission to the Will of God that the Lord would spare my life and heal me and make me more useful and serviceable to the Lord to the Church and to the Saints whose Prayers God heard and as an Answer of their Prayers I was perfectly healed but remained weak long after My dear Wife remained weak and full of pain and was very greatly afflicted with pain day and night but the Lord gave her a great measure of Faith and Patience even to the end She enjoyed the Light of Gods Countenance had full Assurance of Gods Love the Pardon of her Sins and of eternal Life And having patiently endured six months sore pains upon the thirtieth of the second month called April 1671. being the Lords Day about four or five a clock slept in Jesus I was doing my Masters Work at that time in the Congregation and toward the end of my Sermon had a strong impulse upon my Spirit That my dear Wife was departing and in my Prayer after Sermon was drawn forth by Faith to commend her to God that gave her me and blessed him for receiving her Soul into Abrahams bosom and placing her among the Spirits of just men made perfect in the Paradise of God Since the death of my dear Wife it hath pleased God to stretch forth his Hand upon my only Son then living and to afflict him with a deep Consumption occasioned as I judge by Grief for his dearly loving and beloved Mother for he drooped ever since she first was taken ill of
which I now see is but filthy Rags c. Then God gave me those two Promises Isa 43.22 23 24 25. and Isa 54.9 10. and filled my Soul with joy and peace in believing so that I brake forth into praises and Thanksgiving The next day I went again to Mr. Wheelwright and told him what God had done for my poor Soul who said unto me now I was somewhat prepared to preach Jesus Christ and the Gospel of Free Grace to others having bin taught it of God and having heard and learned Jesus Christ my self And he advised me to wait still upon God in Prayer and Christ would appear again to me by his Holy Spirit in his Word and shew me and teach me how to preach then I went home again and continued in Prayer And one day begging earnestly of God in Prayer that if he had designed me to that great Work of preaching the Gospel that then he would give me some Testimony out of his Holy Word of his calling me thereunto whereupon those words were spoken by his Spirit to my Heart Act. 26.16 I have appeared unto thee for this purpose to make thee a Minister and a Witness both of those things which thou hast seen and of those things in which I will appear unto thee whence I believed that now I had received a Call and Commission from my Lord Jesus Christ to preach the Gospel of his Free Grace And I blessed God and expected a further Appearance of Jesus Christ unto me That Night in my sleep Christ put into my mind that the next Lords day I should preach on that Text Rom. 8.1 And he dictated to me in my sleep what Doctrine I should preach from that Text. The next day I went and told all this to Mr. Wheelwright who said Now my beloved Brother and Fellow Labourer in the Gospel of the Grace of God Christ hath given you Authority a Call and a Commission to preach I pray you be humble and holy and delay not to do your Masters Work or words to that effect That Night in my Sleep the Lord taught me more and the third night also and I retained it all in my Memory and writ it down and searched the Scriptures which I received in my sleep for the Confirmation of my Doctrine And the next day being the Lords Day I preached that which I had received from the Lord and God made it useful and powerful to Conversion as appeared to me afterwards Thus I was night by night taught of God to preach the Doctrine of Free Grace according to the Tenor of the new and everlasting Covenant for three or four years together whereby very many Sinners were Converted and many Believers were established in the Faith in which three or four years space I preached in three several places at Wood-enderby at Fulleby on the Hill and at Wainfleel where I was silenced and from thence removed to London and thence to New-England with my Wife and one Child About the Year 1636. I was persecuted and prosecuted in the High Commission Court by vertue of a Warrant wherewith I was apprehended in Boston and kept a Prisoner in the Man's House who served the Warrant upon me But God helped me to convince him and he was so greatly terrified in his Conscience that he set open his doors and let me go away but before I went I tarried so long in London waiting for a passage that when I went aboard I had but 6 brass farthings left and no Silver nor Gold only my Wife had 5 l. that I knew not of which she gave me when we came there By the way my little Child dyed with Convulsion fits our Beer and Water stank our Bisket was green yellow and blew moulded and rotten and our Cheese also so that we suffered much hardship being 12 weeks in our passage but God was gracious to us and lead us safe thro' those great Deeps and e're we went ashore came one and enquired for me and told me a Friend that was gone from Boston to Rode Island had left me his house to sojourn in to which we went and two Families more with us who went suddenly to their Friends and other Relations in the Countrey and I being poor was necessitated to work daily with my Howe for the space of almost three weeks The Magistrates were told by the Ministers that I was an Antinomian and desired they would not suffer me to abide in their Patent But within the time limited by their Law in that Case two Strangers coming to Boston from Piscattuah hearing of me by a meer Accident got me to go with them to that Plantation and to preach there where I remained about four years and then being sent for back to England by my aged Father I returned with my Wife and one Child about three years old and she was great with another Child and we came safe to London on the 24th of December 1641. in which Year the Massacre in Ireland broke forth and the next Year Wars brake forth in England between King and Parliament I was still poor and sojourned in a Lodging till I had but sixpence left and knew not how to provide for my Wife and Child but having prayed to God and encouraged my Wife to trust in God and to remember former Experiences and especially that Word of promise God had given us and would perform to us Heb. 13.5 having paid for my Lodging I went out not knowing whither Gods good hand of Providence would lead me to receive something towards my present Subsistence And about seven or eight doors from my Lodging a Woman met me in the Street and told me she came to seek me and her Husband sent her to tell me that there was a Lodging provided and prepared in his house by some Christian Friends for me and my Wife I told her my present Condition and went along with her to her house and there she gave me 20 s. which Dr. Bastwick a late Sufferer had given her for me and some Linnens for my Wife which I received and told her and her Husband I would fetch my Wife and Child and lodge there and so I returned with great joy and my Wife was very much affected with this Mercy and Divine Providence being so suitable and seasonable a supply unto us and she said Oh dear Husband how sweet is it to live by Faith and trust God upon his bare Word Let us rely upon him whilst we live and trust him in all Straits with many such like expressions And after we had returned praises to God we went to our new Lodging where we found all things necessary provided for us and all charges paid for 15 weeks and my Wife being bruised much on Shipboard had sore Labour and lay under great weakness above ten weeks all which time two Doctors an Apothecary and a Chyrurgeon did daily attend her and administred unto her freely without any Money and at the end of 16 weeks we