you for we haue beene hunted with a wilde Beare and could not escape him till euen now Then quoth the Innekeeper in mockage to them what a shame Gentlemen is it for you three to bee hunted with one Beare Now I tell you what if there came tenne Beares to me being but one in the field I would haue slaike them euery one and thus mocked hee the Marchants all supper while Scoggin sitting by the fire side and hearing all this after supper concluded with the Marchants to ouer-reach the heast in his owne scoffes whereupon Scoggin went into the towne and brought a Beares skin that was but newly dead and priuily brought it into his chamber and when the Innekeeper and all his houshould were gone to bed hee stuffed the Beares skinne with straw and dressed him with stickes to make it stand stiffe and put two Childrens shooes in his mouth and after set him vp in the Hall as though he had bene aliue This rested till the middle of the night and then Scoggin bad the Marchants call very earnestly for drinke the which they did Whereupon the hoast called vp his maide to fetch them some who lighted a Candle and going into the hall she spyed the Beare with two childrens shooes in his mouth wherewith shee was so frighted that she ranne downe into the Cale-house and hid her selfe thinking that hee had eaten vp both her maisters children Then called the Marchants againe for drinke whereat the hoast commaunded him man to arise who likewise going into the Hall and seeing the Beare for feere let fall his Candle and ranne into the Seller thinking the Beare had eaten vp the maide Then called the Marchants the third time and desired the hoast himselfe to fetch them some drinke for they said as yet that no body came or else to giue them a candle and they would draw it themselues with that the good man arose himselfe for hée thought that both his man his maide were fallen asleepe again and then lighted hée a candle and went likewise downe into the hall where he spyed the Beare and was so frighted therewith that he fell vnto the ground and cride out mainely to the Marchants for helpe saying that the Beare had eaten both his man and his maide who hearing their maister call for helpe came vp sodainely to helpe so did the Marchants who exceedingly laughed at this hardy man that would haue slaine ten Beares and yet was made affraide of one dead Beares skin when the Inne-keeper saw that it was done in mockerie hee was so ashamed that he wist not what to say and so went to bed and then in the morning arose the Marchants and paid their charges and so rode their wayes and after this neuer would the Inne-keeper boast of his manhood any more How Scoggin answered to all manner of questions that was asked him AFter this Scoggin came vnto the citie of Cane in Normandie where William the Conquerour King of England was buried and there set vp bils vp and downe the towne vpon euery poast and Church doore that hee would giue a right answere to euery question that was put vnto him whereupon came many learned men vnto him whereof there was one that asked him how many Gallons of water was in the Sea Then answered Scoggin Stop all the Riuers that do run into it and then I will measure it and tell you iustly how many gallons there hee then thought the other that it was impossible to do and so was content with that answere Then asked hee Scoggin another Question which was this How many dayes were past since Adams creation till this time Marry qd Scoggin there be but seauen dayes past for when the wéeke is done beginneth still another seauen dayes and so foorth to the end of the world Then said the other now fell and the third question which is Where is the middle of the world then answered Scoggin to him That is here in the middle of this house for if you will not beleeue mee take a coard and measure it whereat the proposer grew angry and asked him how farre was the earth from heauen Why quoth Scoggin that is hereby let mee sing neuer so softly here but it is heard in heauen and if you will not beleeue me take a Ladder and goe vp into heauen and I will here speake very softly and then if you heare it not I will loose my credit Then quoth the other how wide is heauen and how broad is it Why quoth Scoggin it is twelue thousand mile broad and ten thousand mile wide and if you will not beleeue mee then must you goe take the Sunne the Moone and all the starres and we measure them and if you finde it not as I say I will giue the maistery to you with that the learned man knew not what to say to Scoggin but that he was to craftie for them and to gaue him the victory and praise Of the merry talke a country-woman had with Scoggin AFter this Scoggin was estéemed in all places for a most wise and sencible man and the better beloued of the people because he loued to sport and iest and would take it in good part to be iested withall vpon a time one came vnto him and in this meanes said vnto him Sir this it is you are a man of great wisdome and therefore I come to craue your aduise in a matter of great waight I haue a sonne that is twenty yeare olde and better and hath gone a yeare to Schoole in our Parish therefore I would haue your counsell how I might doe to haue him made Priest but I feare me the Pope will not suffer him by reason of one thing that he hath not which will be great hinderance to him Scoggin takeing pleasure in the womans simplicitie saide vnto her what is it good wife Sir so it is that hee hath not what is that he hath not said he ha good sic said she he hath not I dare not tell it for you know well enough what men carry hath he no long hose no quoth shée it is not that I would speake sir he hath nothing you understand me well enough yet in the ende she said vnto him and please you sir when he was a little Boy he fell of a ladder and so brake them that hée was faine to bée gelded and had it not bene for that mischance I would haue married him for he is the tallest of my children in faith said Scoggin that is a smal fault and wil be no hinderance to him to be made a priest but yet sir there is another thing that wil be hie hinderance which is he can speake no latine for that let me alone is teach him therefore good wife when you please send him to me and I wil prouide him latine enough whereupon the poore woman gaue him great thankes and so she departed away How Scoggin taught a French-man Latin to carry him to the Pope THis young clownish Frenchman
looked aside Scoggin tooke the bottle of water frō vnder his cloake and put the wine in the place and then asked the price of it Marry quoth the vintner it comes to eightéene pence then qd Scoggin it is too deare for mée for I haue but twelue pence in my purse and so gaue him againe the bottle of water in stéed of the wine the which hée tooke all in anger and bore it downe againe into the seller and powred out the water into the vessell which he thought to be Wine and then came and gaue Scoggin the empty bottele saying make you me to fill wine and haue no money to pay for it belike you thinke to make me a foole no quoth Scoggin you make a foole of your selfe with that word hee went away with the bottle of wine and drunk it merrily amongst his companions How Scoggin got a twelue monthes boord of an Inne-keeper SCoggin remaining stil in Paris was gretly beloued for his subtill wit crafty deceites by which meanes he got such fauour of an-Inkéeper there that he had meat drink lodging a whole yeere vpon credit at the yeares ende the Inkeper demanded his money or a surety for the payment thereof y e which Scoggin promised to do so gathering his wits together for the discharge of his debt Scoggin goes vnto a certaine doctor of Phisick said vnto him good sir this it is mine host where I lie and haue this 12. month was taken this night with an euill spirit now I desire you if you can by phisicke to helpe him thereof and you shal be well rewarded maister doctor that would by the helpe of God cure him therof and that very shortly but quoth Scoggin you must tary two or thrée daies before you take him in hand for it may not be done in hast therefore I wil goe fetch his wife that shee may heare your promise so Scoggin departed home to his boast and tolde him that hee had found a suretie for his debt and it was maister Doctor Dole a neighbour of his whereof the Innekeeper was ioyfull and sent his wife with Scoggin to witnes Master Doctors promise and being both come to his house Scoggin said vnto him and please you M. Doctor heare is the mans wife that I told you of I pray you say vnto her as you said vnto me marry that I will qd he and helpe her husband too but I pray you good wife qd the doctor let your husband be content for at 3. dayes end I le come to him and performe your request in all things Vpon this promise away went the woman with a merry heart to her husband and tould him that Master Doctor at three daies ende would fulfill your desire vpon this the Innekeeper reckoned with Scoggin and so parted friendes Now at the three dayes end hee sent his wife to the Doctor for this money who came vnto him asked him for the debt he had promised to pay for Scoggin Why quoth the Doctor did your Husband bid you say these wordes to mee he did quoth shee then said the Doctor that is the false diuell within him that would haue the money then said she what false Diuell meane you giue me my money Then said the Doctor it was tolde mee that your husband was possessed with a Diuell goe bring him to mee and by the Grace of God I will helpe him whereupon the woman all in an anger hies her home and tels her husband of the Doctors speeches who sitting then by the fire side where meate was roasting in a furie vp he gets and takes spit and toast and all runs to the doctors house like a mad-man thinking to runne him through The Doctor seeing him was afraid and called to his neighbours to helpe him to take the man that was so beset with the diuell The Inkeeper still cryed knaue giue me my money the Doctor still answered auoide sathan the neighbours they can betwixt them and kept the Inkeeper from spitting the doctor The subtilty of Scogin at last being brought to light they held themselues satisfied but as long as the Inkeeper liued hee asked still for his money but the Doctor answered him still that hee ought him nought and naught hee would pay him but alwaies said if you be taken with a diuell I shall helpe you therof but neuer after loued they one another How Scoggin gaue a Dutchman a Purgation SCoggin trauelling betwéene Paris and Orleance in Fraunce he hapned to lodge in a countrey Inne where many Hollanders likewise lodged Scoggin brought with him two Egges which he roasted for to eate for he was sickely and weary with trauell and could eate no flesh which when one of the Hollanders perceiued he said vnto him is it euen to my friend wil not your Hostesses meate serue you but you must bring meate with you and with those worde he tooke the Egges and roundly supped them vp and when hee had so done he gaue Scoggin the shels againe saying hold here is thy boxe but the reliques be gon whereat all the rest of the guests laughed heartily and so did Scoggin himselfe who in reuenge thereof went presently into the next roome and fetched a faire Apple and cut all the coate thereof and put therein a strong purgation and after roasted it in the fire which being done he cut in péeces vpon his frencher and strewed it all ouer with the powder of Ginger and so setting it vpon the Table he went his way as though he would haue fetched more but assoone as he had turned his backe the Hollander tooke the Apple and eate it in as great haste as he did the Egges before and by and by he fill to parbraking and cast vp all in his belly and was so sicke thereof that the host and all his guests thought that he would haue died of the Apple Then said Scoggin to the guests be not afraid of him for it is but a little purgation that I haue giuen him and the roasted apple I see is an enemy to the Egges and will not let them rest in his maw but that they must néedes come out againe whereat the guestes made good sport and laughed heartily when the purgation had wrought what it would the Hollander amended and after said to Scoggin roast eate what thou wilt for I le neue eate any more with thée againe How Sooggin frighted his hoast with the skin of a dead Beare THE heast of the aforesaid Inne was a merrie disposed mocking fellow and in a vaine glorie still commended his owne bolonesse but so it fortuned the same night whilest Scoggin remained there there came riding late in the euening three Marchants of Paris to the said Inne but because it was very late ere they came there the hoast of the house angerly asked them where they had beene so late for quoth he it is no time now to take vp your Inne Then the Marchants answered be not angry sir I pray
Doctor a foole by Nature NOt long after Scoggin to make the Doctor amends gaue him a booke to his Newy fares gift called The secrets of Nature the which Maister Doctor receiued with great kindnesse and to shew how kindly hee accepted of it he presently before Scoggin began to peruse it where amongst other things he read that a broad and a long bearded man argued the man to be a foole for triall whereof he tooke a candle in one hand and a glasse in the other viewing whether he was included with it but holding the Candle so neare his beard that it finged it close to his chin at which the Doctor in a rage threw downe the glasse and ranne away all ashamed into the chamber whereupon Scoggin tooke pen and inke and in the margent writ Probatum est How Scoggin the third time made a foole of M. Doctor NOtwithstanding for all these iniurice done by Scoggin against the Doctor yet aboue all other hee delighted in his company as thus the Doctor hauing occasion to ride from Rome to Venice requested Scoggin to ride with him who willingly promised him where riding by a wood neere vnto Rome the Doctor began to be afraid of theeues who being in bodily feare by chance he saw a farre off a troope of people comming toward him but he desired Scoggin to ride before to discouer what they were meane while he did himselfe behind a bush Scoggin comming vnto them vnderstood that they conducted a murtherer to execution He being in a merrie humour straight set spurs to his horse and galloped backe againe towards M. Doctor beckoned all the way vnto the Doctor as he posted towards him to be gone and shift for himselfe which the doctor perceiuing away he rides towards Rome as though hee had rid vpon life and death and being alighted at his owne dóore he there attended Scogging comming who immediatly alighted there also panting and blowing saying vnto him M. Doctor you are happy that haue so wel escaped their hands for if he be hanged for killing one man what would they haue done with you that haue killed and poysoned so many the Doctor seeing himselfe so flouted in a furie thrust Scoggin out of his house and neuer after would abide him How Scoggin answered a Popish Preist IT was Scoggins chance vpon a time to be in a Church in Rome whilst a holy Frier was casting about his holy water whereupon there came a priest vnto Scoggin and reprooued him because hee did not put off his Cap when the Frier sprinckled him with holy water who answered if it haue power as you say to passe to purgatorie surely it must haue easier passage through my Cap. Of a Iesuite that spake against Scoggin AFter this Scoggin grew in hate among the Friers because he many times made Ieffes vpon them whereupon there was a Iesuite that would alwayes speake mightily against Protestants thinking Scoggin to be one affirming that he would prooue a Protestant worse then a Diuell for said he if I méete with a Diuell and blesse my selfe but with the signe of the crosse hée will straight flie from me but if I make the signe of the crosse to a Protestant by God he will flie vpon me and be ready to strangle me How Scoggin questioned with the aforesaid Iesuite SCoggin hauing heard of the simplicitie of this Iesuite came vnto him and asked him the reason why God gaue vnto the good thiefe paradice and the cause that hee went straight thither without passing first into the purgatory marry sir quoth the Iesuite I haue read that when Christ was carryed into Egypt with his mother by Ioseph the same théese would not suffer his companions to robbe Christ nor any that were with him and withal saying to Christ remember this good turne I haue done thee which was then promised him and performed when they met both at execution this was the simplicity of the Iesuite Of anorher question propounded to this Iesuit SCoggin meaning yet to make this Iesuit a more Foole asked him how Christ liued whilst he was a Boy whereupon the Iesuit shamed not to say that after Christ grew to some strength Ioseph began to teach him his occupation and one day amongst others hée set him to saw a peece of timber but Christ not regarding the marke that he should haue sawed by cut it too short whereat Ioseph was very angry and would haue beaten him if he had not hastily taken vp the one ende and crauing his fathers helpe to hold the other drew it out of the same length that Ioseph would haue it The which blasphemie the Iesuit iustified for a truth How Scoggin proued Mustard to haue wit SCoggin kéeping an Ordinarie in Rome and sitting with Gentleman to make them merrie would approoue Mustard standing before them to haue wit how so sayes one It is like a wittie scould meeting another scoulde knowing that scould will scould begins to scould first so sayes hée the Mustard being lickt vp and knowing that you will bite it begins to bite you first I le try that sayes a Gull by and the Mustard so tickled him that his eyes watered How now sayes Scoggin does my lest sauor I sayes the Gull and bite too If you had had better wit sayes Scoggin you would haue bit first so then to conclude with mee that dumbe vnféeling Mustard hath more wit then a talking vnfeeling foole as you are Some were pleased and some were not But all Scoggins care was taken for his resolution was such euer before he talkt of any iest How Scoggin cousned a Frier of twenty duckets SCoggin before time hauing borrowed ten duckets of a Frier and now lacking more money went againe to the said Frier to borrow ten more why quoth he you owe me ten already how shall I be paide that why thus quoth Scoggin lend me ten more to the ten I haue had already and I will make you a bond to pay you twenty at the feast of S. Peter next cōming the Frier thinking to haue somewhat to shew for his money sent him the other ten duckets whereupon Scoggin made him a bond the money to be paide vpon the feast of S. Peter in the yeare of our Lord 1490. which figure of 4 he turned into 5. very cunningly whilst the Frier was drawing out his mony which was done in this maner 1490. he chāged into 1590 the frier thinking y e bond so he rightly written went his way at the time appointed came to Scoggin demanded his money your money quoth Scoggin why it is not yet due almost these 100. yeares therefore looke in your 〈◊〉 there you shall find it in the Frier seeing the figure of 4 turned into 5. knew himselfe deciued went his 〈◊〉 with a flea in his eare Of Scoggins wrongfull accusation VPon a time Scoggin was wrongfully accused for getting of a Gentlemans Maide with Childe and for the same brought before a Iustice in Rome which iustice said