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Word A	Word B	Word C	Word D	Occurrence	Frequency Band	MI	MI Band	Prominent
end_n	day_n	month_n	week_n	1,539	5	9.4455	5	false

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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A94794	A legacy for saints; being several experiences of the dealings of God with Anna Trapnel, in, and after her conversion, (written some years since with her own hand) and new coming to the sight of some friends, they have judged them worthy of publike view; together with some letters of a latter date, sent to the congregation with whom she walks in the fellowship of the Gospel, and to some other friends.	Trapnel, Anna.; Proud, John, fl. 1654.; Ingold, Caleb.	1654 (1654)	Wing T2032; Thomason E806_1; ESTC R207169	57,632	72

the apprehension of my self the greatest of sinners though brought up in the most strictest ways of God according to that light even from my Cradle never given to any licentious ways as I could say much to this purpose when I came to look on God as a consuming fire But I shall forbear to set forth the dealings of God with me before and after Conversion and in Conversion which my Conversion was four years ago wanting about a Quarter of a year and for a year I may say I lived in the Regions of Heaven being always rejoycing and praysing God but since that many Clouds of Darkness hath passed over my Spirits But to speak of the late dealings of God with me about half a year before my sickness my Spirits groaned after the pourings forth of the Spirit that so there might be a greater perfection break forth in my words thoughts and actions The Word perfect did much seize upon my spirits but the more I sought for it the further off it went to my apprehension God was at a distance from me yet in the greatest darkness I had the light of Union but my soul breathed after Communion with my God that though when I was among the Saints Enlargements were given in Yet when I was separated from them and thinking to have Communion with God alone my mouth hath been stopped and my spirits in a Prison not able to speak to God because God spake not to me For the Creature cannot speak till God speaks but I still thirsted and my soul panted as the Hart after the water brooks And the nearer the time of light grew the thicker I apprehended the Cloud But praised be my Father that hath wrought a deliverance in me for me a stregthening of the Inward man in decaying of the Outward I cannot but say a sickness but it was no more then a bodily weakness and though a great weakness and extream pain took hold of my body all pain and distemper was removed from my spirits in a moment The beginning of my distemper of body was about the seventeenth of June 1646. And from that time it waxed more and more upon me but I strove against it as long as I could and went abroad till the latter end of the forenamed moneth about the twenty eighth day I took my Chamber the feverish distemper growing still stronger and the beginning of July which is so called on the first day of that moneth which was the fourth day of the week in the morning I had thoughts to go forth thinking the Feaver had been wearing away but on a suddain that morning a great extremity of pain seized on my body that as soon as I was out of my bed I was fain to lye down again and it was in much pains and great heaviness of spirit and a rending of heart so that I watered my Couch with my tears and I lay very heavy in spirit all that day and much pained in body and by that time night came my strength of body was quite taken from me so that I could not help my self but friends were fain to help me into bed and assoon as I was laid I felt the knot unknit and the heaviness of my spirits removed and darkness expelled and Sathan fled and corruptions mortified and all distempers of spirit disbanded that now instead of a Chaos of Confusion a Fabrick of Glory was set before me And my spirit was so drawn forth in a view of God so much glory was presented before me such Visions of the Eternal God that tongue is not able to express the Raptures were so great that I was not sensible of a body whether in the body or out of the body God knows But these discoveries were as coals of fire within me which could not be kept in and these pourings forth of love had in them such a heat that it melted my frozen spirits which caused my eyes to drop tears that though in the morning my spirits were rended at evening the Son of Righteousness arose with healing in his wings and uttering his Voice telling me he was my beloved that would not leave me and thus renewing of my former Evidences I had from Scripture when the power of God enabled me to believe for my free Justification in the Lord Jesus and also giving in immediately from himself in Scripture Language as thus I am thy father that hath pardoned thy iniquity for my own names sake and I will never remember thy sins against thee any more for I thy God change not but rest in my love and rejoyce over thee with joy and singing as it is written And thus the Lord told me that though I had been as an untamed Heifer like Ephraim in my thoughts and words yet his bowels of love were not straitned towards me but he looked on me as one of his beloved ones in the Lord Jesus This speech from God came with a mighty lustre beyond what I am able to express and that Scripture mixed with it Hos 14 I have healed thy back-slidings and loved thee freely and I lay not this weakness on thy body to upbraid thee because thou hast lived so long in the flesh and walked so little in the spirit but this weakness on thy body is that the power of thy God may be made manifest And I saith the Lord wil teach and instruct thee and inform and reform thee by this my visitation which is in my love to thee and the Lord was pleased to tell me the reason why my reproofs took so little effect on the Saints that it was because I did not tell them of their faults in a way of love and in the meekness of my Saviour and he sweetly informed me and told me for the future how I should speak to the Saints and God ●lrried me out all the time of my sickness to speak suitable unto persons according to each conditions And thus God came in the first night the flood of Divine excellency shined down mightily that some Saints standing by me could not but conclude that certainly I was going out of the body thinking that ere long I should be in enjoyment of what I saw expresly flow from the Spirit which to them it appeared so glorious that they were amazed that stood by me and that night I still continued speaking or rather the spirit in me And the next day I was desirous to be out of the body I longed to be dissolved and while I continued pleading with God to be out of the body entreating to go hence that so I might be swallowed up in glory lest continuing in the body I should act in the flesh and so dishonour my loving father and in the midst of this and many other requests to God this Scriprure was presented Hosea 6.2 which voice was from God my thoughts not being on it nor none speaking of it but God alone it came thus after two daies I will revive thee and the third day

of Idols and yet never bow down to a picture But oh when the Lord took away my gods how I lamented and the more spirituall my company was in their discourse the more stony hearted I was I could freely speak to those that lived under an old administration my spirit being under the same a legall discourse suited best with me when I have been among those that have been filled with joy being Proffessors of Divine love and much acquainted with free grace in the power of it which I was very ignorant of so that their company was burdensom to me yet I could not keep from them sometimes I have gone from them full of horror and my heart ready to burst and my countenance hath startled them that have come to visit me they have said I looked so gastly that they were affrighted to see me asking me what I ailed which I could hardly tell them I was so filled the with terrors of the Law I have come from hearing the word preached even distracted so that my mother would say to me if thou dost fast so day after day and run thus up and down the devill will take advantage against thee but I could not indure to be spoken to my spirit was so peevish and f●oward and I apprehended I was never the better for my hearing so much and praying and fasting yet I could not forbear And many that were inlightned in the doctrine of free grace took a great deal of pains with me perswading me to hear those Ministers that taught most upon the doctrine of free grace but I could not relish that doctrine it was such a cold lean poor discovery I thought I being under the flashes of hell I delighted in the thunderings of the Law and they pleased me best that preached most upon the Law and that prest legall qualifications which I strove to come up to and thought I should never have Christ without I was so qualified as I was taught unto which I could not attain for all my strugling and striving after it which made me conclude that I was not elected if I were I should be made conformable to his Image who is holy which I was not and therefore I was none of Christs flock which condition was very dreadful to me to be without Christ and I could not receive a word of satisfaction from any though some would say to me dost thou not love Christ I would say but how shall I know whether my love be true love I may think I love Christ and deceive my self I not being able to judge of may love whether it were right or no and therefore I was so puzled because I looked for that in the first place which should come in as a second evidence which caused my spirit continually to be in a hurry I delighted to hear much of Christ preached to righteteou ones but I cared not to hear Christ preached to sinners for I looked first for holiness and then for Christ But the great and glorious God at length throughly convinced me of his justifying ungodly ones and that he sent Christ not to call the Righteous but Sinners and he came to save the chiefest of sinners and now I began to hearken to free grace and I saw nothing else could revive me and I found my spirits a little stayed in listening to the free tenders of Christ and then I was put upon arguing with God intreating him to give me Christ which he had given as the onely object for poor sinners to flie unto being stung with sin he was the brazen Serpent that the father set up for to heal and take away that sting of sin and now though I could not come unto God as a righteous one I could come as a sinner and beg of God to receive me being such an object that he sent forth his love to commending it to sinners and to rebels and I desired oh that I might be one of those rebels that might have a pardon were it upon never so hard terms and truly I sound God trying me to purpose it was a very hard thing to me to be ranked amongst the vildest miscreants in the world and to behold my self as bad as the greatest adulterer or blasphemer in the world which I looked upon to be a great deal vilder then I and further from Gods accepting but this conceit free grace laid in the dust and Divine light shewed me the spawn and seed of all sin within my corrupt nature which made me to lie in the dust and to cry out Lord let free grace own me else I am undone when the Law of the Spirit came then sin revived and I died it shewed me every secret sin that I saw not before so that all my sins were set in order before me and I beheld them innumerable Oh what a deplored condition was I i● forlorn and without hope nothing now could comfort me but the true Comforter and nothing could speak peace to my soul but Christ I saw I was undone without the Son looked upon me and my spirit grew very restless and my thirst was very great oh how I long after the water of life I often told God I c●uld not subsist without it a generall promise would not serve my turn though it a little quiteted me when I was in great agonies yet I could not be satisfied without a knowledge of God as my father I thought to hear of an inheritance and not to have an interest in it it did but aggravate my sorrow I must have a particular promise the Spirit also to bear witness to my spirit and sealing me up to the day of Redemption I must have an assurance upon good grounds my heart could not now cheat me with a counterfeit assurance it had so often deceived me and made me take comfort from false grounds and still carried me about but never brought me to my journeys end I entered not into my true rest till the Lord brought me to cease from my own works and to take a Christ upon his own terms Oh what a knotty piece was I for the great Jehovah to work upon untill he put forth his mighty power I could not believe though many that cryed down free grace as a doctrine of liberty to sin I found no doctrine so striking at my sins as it and though some would tell me I had found out an easie way to heaven now to go to heaven in believing but I found it a hard way yea impossible for I could not believe till the day of Gods power I found it as easie to keep the whole Law as to believe I saw it alone the work of the most high and in his own time his arm brought salvation to the heart of a poor miserable lost creature had it not been for free grace which I must continually acknowledge and ascribe praise to him who is worthy of honour for evermore I could speak much concerning the time of my sorrow of my