1690. THat I have particularly mentioned the Sins of my Youth c. I must acquaint all Perusers of this Book That I am not asbamed to do it for the advance of Free and Rich Grace Some PASSAGES of the LIFE of Gervase Disney from my first Marriage especially with many Particulars before such as either occur'd to Memory or by the help of my Diary I was capable of taking In which I have endeavoured as Impartially to view my dark Side as Bright and both for these Reasons By the former I discover the miserable Corruption of my wretched Nature the Wiles and Subtilties of a busy Devil who goes about like a roaring Lion seeking whom he may devour By the latter I would discover the wonderful Free Grace of God to me who was one of the worst and greatest of Sinners in bringing me from under Satan's Slavery and Dominion I The said Gervase Disney was born the Day of March 1641 at of Religious Parents viz. John Disney of Swinderby in the County of Lincoln Esq the Eldest Son by a Second Venter of Sir Henry Disney of Norton-Disney Kt. and Barbara his Wife who was the Eldest Daughter of Gervase Lee of Norwell-Hall in the County of Nottingham Esq They had nine Children lent them by the Lord viz. Cornelius Elizabeth Gervase Mary John Sarah Samuel Dorcas Daniel Sarah and Samuel died very young The former of the Purples and tho very young yet had a good Savour of Spiritual Things upon her Heart and in that Sickness a longing desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ She was esteemed one of the beautifullest Children that ever was seen her Hair being Milk white and Complexion pure white and red yet it was judg'd her greatest Beauty lay within the Lord having betimes adorned her Soul with Ornaments of Grace and from the abundance of her Heart her Mouth did often speak to the great Comfort and Refreshment of weeping Friends that stood about her She called much upon God as her Father My Father one Day standing by her Bed-side and hearing her frequently cry out O my Father my Father asked her who she meant did she mean him O no no said she it 's my Heavenly Father I cry after you are my Father on Earth but it 's my Father in Heaven I want You cannot help me but he can Many such like Passages I have heard my Father Disney report of her which shewed her to be more sit for Heaven than Earth Samuel also died young of a Lethargy being removed from Earth to Heaven when about the Age of 4 Years He was a Child of most pregnant Parts and had a strange understanding in the best Things He was indeed a good Young Samuel and feared God from a Child He was my Father's great Favourite and Darling in his Company and with his pretty Talk my Father did much delight and would therefore usually at his walking Hours which he did pretty much for Exercise he must lead his young Samuel by the Hand and then could not but admire his pious Talk his strange Questions in Divinity which I have heard my Father say sometimes he was astonished at and sometimes his Questions would be so deep that lie was almost non-plust to answer He was extraordinary Inquisitive and would usually demand a Reason for every Thing under Debate He loved Prayer and would not tho so very young be got to Bed without it his wonderful Ripeness in his Infancy seemed a Presage and Prognostick in his Friends Apprehensions that he was not like to be long one of this World he seemed indeed to be tho a Bud yet ripe for nipping As soon as Sickness seised him my Father sent down Hill at Lincoln to good Old Mr. Reyner to desire his Prayers for him and not long after went down himself to make Enquiry after him Mr. Reyner presently told him I believe with Sorrow enough that as to his Son Samuel he must resign him to God and prepare to part with him for â—he did not believe he was long for this World and saith he I ground my perswasion upon this when I pray for his Recovery I find strange Restraints upon my Spirit and am much dampt strained but when I pray that the Lord would fit him for himself and crown him with Happiness to Eternity when I beg for the Eternal Welfare of his Soul I am then much enlarged Thus the Secrets of the Lord was with that good Man that truly feared him for the Child died at that Time thâ— I suppose as likely to live according to Haimâ—â—â—â— Conjecture as any of us being all 〈…〉 of the Small-Pox at that time but my Brother Cornelius who had that Distemper young and my Sister Mâ—…y who through God's Goodness escaped the Infection by my Mother's removing her to Sâ—â—inder by when we were dropping down of them one after another My Brother Cornelius died of a Consumption about the Year 1664 and in about the 28th Year of his Age at my Uncle Thomas Disney's at Stoke-Hammond He went to School at Lincoln where his quick and ripe Natural Parts were soon observed at School he was so extraordinary industrious and studious that in a short time such was his Proficiency in Humane Learning the was accounted one of the â—…st Scholars not only of that School but perhaps of that Town and Country As to Grammar-Learning his Master Mr. Clark was pround he had such a Scholar to boast of being indeed the very Credit of his School and would therefore usually put him upon the most difficult Tasks in Learning and Disputing He was a great Improver of Time in his younger Years I having been credibly informed he would hardly allow himself time for those necessary Repasts that Nature might warrantably challenge the spare time that he had from School which other Scholars spent in Play and youthful Recreations he would constantly with great Delight spend in his Study usually rising early and sitting up late for such end His great Prosiciency in Learning was such that he proved very useful I may not say serviceable to the Scholars of the same Form for whilst they were spending their spare Hours with delight in Play he would be spending his with as great delight in his own Studies or in the Service of those Idle Lads who commonly engaged his help in preparing their School-Exercises for them they knowing well that what he did of that Nature would pass in School as current Pay for the discharge of those Debts they by their idle trifling Humour had contracted He was likewise very forward in the best Things truly Conscientious as in Charity must be believed in his Closet-Duties he spending much time there a constant Attender upon Ordinances both on Sabbath-days and Week-day-Lectures He took Sermons very exactly in Short-Hand and repeated them as distinctly after in my Father's Family He was very useful to those of us that were Younger and would most frequently upon a Sabbath-day
Riper-years of lost Time in Youth will prove sad and cost dear and be assured that Time 's lost that 's spent either in Eating Drinking Sleeping Visiting or Sportings more than Necessity requires 13. If the Lord should again make thee Head of a Family and bless thee with Children as well as Servants take care of their Souls train them up for God and let thy House be a Nursery for Heaven take an account every Week of their Proficiency in Spirituals and always esteem of those Children and Servants most that love fear and serve God best Travel in Birth to see Christ formed in thine and know that if any go from thy House to Hell through thy neglect their Souls will be required at thy Hands 14. Make Religion thy Business and always account the serving of God and the saving thy Soul to be the greatest Work thou art sent into the World about and continued in the World for give not Christ the World's leavings much rather let the World have his 15. Get right and well-grounded Evidences for Heaven O lay not a Sandy Foundation for the Building that 's to stand to Eternity 〈…〉 some Evidences for Heaven thou'lt find in the first part of this Treatise others in Rogers's Evidences for Heaven Examine thy State often and impartially and never be satisfied till the Interest betwixt Christ and thy Soul be compleated and cleared up 16. Sit loose from the World and seek not great things for thy self here My Circumstances in the World be such that I cannot leave thee much more than what was setled upon Marriage but all I could I have and a little with the Lord's Blessing is better than the great Revenues of many Wicked Make sure of an Estate in Heaven live much upon Invisibles choose Christ for a Portion and thou art made for ever 17. Be content with thy Condition here whatever 't is and expect Sufferings A Christian's Life here is militant If thou continue to keep thy Face Heavenwards which I trust thou wilt then may the Devil the World and the Flesh be frequently sallying out against thee But O pray that thy Faith fail not and that God's Grace may be sufficient for thee 18. Labour to persevere in the good Ways of God maintain thine Integrity and hold out unto the end whatever it cost thee Be a Follower of those who through Faith and Patience inherit the Promises or Things promised All thy Bitters here will serve to make Heaven more sweet to thee and being Faithful unto Death Christ will give thee a Crown of Life 19. Get off from thine own Bottom place no Confidence in the Flesh look off from thine own Righteousness thine own Duties thine own Services when thou doest the best in point of Justification and depend and rest only on Christ upon whose account alone thou canst be accepted and saved It 's Christ's Righteousness alone imputed to thee for Justification and imparted to thee for thy Sanctification that can or will bestead thee 20. Be rich in good Works and go about doing Good hold on thy Charitable way of doing Good to Bodies but especially befriend poor Souls Be always as kind as thy Circumstances will allow to those worthy good Ministers of the Gospel thou and I were always beholden to and I am perswaded shall be blessing God for as Instruments in his Hand of our Good to Eternity 21. Allow thy self in no Sin for the least Sin loved and allowed is certainly damning When God has at any time convinced thee of a Sin and Conscience has flown in thy Face and thou art full of Terrour go to God down upon thy Knees and beg pardoning Grace and Mercy leave him not till thou hast obtained that Blessing and always have a care of Relapses for though we find a David and Lot and others of the dear Servants of God recorded in Scripture guilty of some great Miscarriages yet we find them sorely broken for those Things and humbled and not repeating and relapsing again into them 22. Prepare for Eternity get and keep Oil in thy Lamp that it be not to buy when thy Lamp should be found burning put on thy Wedding-Garments and be prepared c. 23. Mourn not for me excessively I am gone but thy God and my God stays with thee and I trust will guide thee by his Counsel till he conduct thee to his Glory I am dead but God lives thou hast no Husband on Earth what then If thy Maker be but thy Husband thou hast cause enough to rejoice What though they that have seen me shall in this World see me no more This is my Comfort let it be thine he does see me that has seen though my weak yet my sincere Yernings and Groanings after him he sees me that will never say I know you not being a God that will not forget Covenant he sees me who has seen my Soul in Travel and those Pangs of Desite after him that no others have O'couldst thou but hear what I confidently hope through the Morits and Mediation of my dear Redeemer I shall before thou â—â—est this Paper my God in the Riches of his Mercy saying to this effect Yonder 's poor such a one come to my Gate let him in he chose me for a Portion whilst on Earth and gave himself according to his weak Measures up to me I will in no wise cast him off Surely this would abate thy Sorrows surely then thou wouldst not wish me so Ill as to be on Earth again well live in the Faith of this and walk comfortably with thy God God has made thee indeed whilst on Earth to me the greatest outward blessing that ever I enjoyed O let me not want thy Company in Heaven And now my Dearest on Earth I commit thee to the keeping and Mercy of the Great Jehovah I resign thee to that God who is thy Maker and thy Husband serve him and thy Generation according to his Will here that thou mayest sleep in Jesus and be found in him Gervase Disney POST-SCRIPT OR A Continuation of the most Remarkable Passages of my LIFE since the other the last of June 1686. SINCE my last particular View of my Diary design'd in the Treatise of my Life I find my up's and down's and that I am but a poor vile and weak Creature unable of my self to answer by a holy and humble Carriage the Lord 's great Goodness to me in late signal Deliverances out of Trouble and that upon better Terms than I could expect I was now no sooner at ease and rest thrô the Lord's Mercy and at liberty than I grew secure and begun to be too regardless of Soul-Concerns I too little remembred and considered Promises made when under Affliction and neglected too much to pay those Vows My Circumstances when in Trouble were a Snare to me in some Particulars In my Diary the 19th of September 1685 I find my self blessing God for his Protection and Care of me in my Journey and
Wages it cannot be for your Bible tells you What you sow that shall you reap and he that cannot lie hath said If you live after the Flesh you shall die but if you through the Spirit do mortify the Deeds of the Body ye shall live I am not for inviting you to a Party or for tying up Salvation to this or that Opinion but I would fain prevail with you to be good for be of what Opinion you will the Scripture warrants me to tell you That without Strictness Self-denial and Holiness you cannot be saved Mat. 16. 42. Mat. 11. 12. 1 Pet. 1. 15 16. Dear Sir as you tender the everlasting Welfare of your Soul do no longer as the most but imitate the best and endeavour to be a Follower of those who through Faith and Patience inherit the Promises or things promised Forsake bad Company for you know who has said The Companion of Fools shall be destroyed Prov. 13. 20. Be you a Companion of those that fear God and let not the Wicked any longer intice you or however prevail with you for the Scripture is very clear and positive in it That except Drunkards repent and reform they shall be shut out of the Kingdom of Heaven 1 Cor. 6. 9 10. That except Swearers repent of their prophane Swearing and reform they shall fall into Condemnation James 5. 12. That unless Liars put away their Lying and speak every one Truth to his Neighbour they shall have their part in the Lake that burns with Fire and Brimstone Rev. 20. 8. That if Company-keepers forsake not the Foolish that is the Wicked and live they shall be reckoned amongst the Companions of the Wicked who shall be destroyed Prov. 13. 20. I charge you not but leave it to your own Conscience to consider how far you are guilty in any of these Matters and then get into your Closet down upon your Knees bewail before God your sinful Miscarriages and beg a new Heart and Grace that you may live a new Life and be assured that what I say is out of a sense of your deplorable Condition whilst you remain in your Sins and a Desire to see you return to that God who waits to be gracious Come to Christ and heartily accept him for he is offered to you O that I could see this great Work done what a rejoycing would it be to all that are good about you Then might your Wife bless God for such a Husband who would help her Heavenwards then would your pious Relations delight in your Society and your Parents with joy say as the Father of the Prodigal This my Son was lost but is found was dead but is alive yea the Conversion of a Sinner on Earth causes Joy in Heaven That the Lord would bless this Advice to you is the earnest Prayers of him who shall then approve himself always Your Friend and Servant in Christ Jesus G. D. A Letter to my Mother Mrs. B. D. upon the Death of her good Daughter and my dear Sister Stanyforth Ever honoured Mother AT this time I have much Business upon my hands and some that requires quick dispatch otherwise my coming to see you would have prevented my writing to you and now I should be sorry that these Lines should add weight to your Sorrows by setting your Wounds a bleeding afresh I am much readier to bear a part of your Burthen having reason enough to be concern'd for and sensible of so sad a Breach as it has pleas'd the Lord to make upon us by the Death of my dear Sister Stanyforth Something I would contribute to your Support and Refreshment under such a Dispensation therefore desire your perusal of the under-written Considerations which has wonderfully supported me the Blessing of Heaven render them useful to you 1. We may and ought to consider the necessity of Dying 2 Sam. 14. 14. For we must needs die Preceding Generations made way for us and shall not we make way for others when God calls 2. The Friends we lose are not so much ours as God's God has taken but what he first lent This comforted Job when amongst other things he had lost his Children The Lord gave saith he and the Lord hath taken away blessed be the Name of the Lord. 3. God has a hand in the Death of Friends My Times are in thy Hand says holy David and is there not an appointed time to be upon Earth 4. God in the saddest Passages of Providence aims at his People's Good All things shall work together for them that love God c. 5. God is still with us Psal 46. 1. Though Friends forsake us through unavoidable Mortality yet an everlasting God is where he was There is Sweetness enough in God to sweeten all outward imbittering Circumstances Though the Conduit-Pipes thrô which Mercies were convey'd unto us be taken away the Fountain runs still entire in God May we have a care of doing any thing to dim the Eye of our Faith for Hagar we read had a Fountain by but her blubbering Eyes kept her from beholding it 6. How great soever the Stroke and Affliction is we yet deserve greater our Sins are heavier than our Sufferings the Fire of God's Wrath is not proportion'd to the Fewel of our Sins 7. God has taken away one great Comfort but he might have taken away all Shall we receive Good at the Hands of God and shall we not receive Evil 8. Consider the Evil that comes by Discontent and immoderate Sorrow Discontent makes us our own Tormentors Luk. 21. In Patience possess your Souls by Impatience we are Possessors of our Sins and turn'd out of our Understandings Peace and Comfort Too immoderate Sorrow wastes the Spirits Prov. 15. By Sorrow of the Heart the Spirit is broken 2 Cor. 7. Worldly Sorrow worketh Death it greatly provokes God A meek and quiet Spirit is in the Sight of God of great price but a froward peevish Spirit is abominable to him Prov. 11. 20. 17. 20. 22. 5. Psal 18. 26. God may be provoked by this Sin to lengthen out Misery and to adjourn Mercy 9. God gives and takes away Relations at his own Pleasure let us rather praise God we have enjoy'd such a Blessing so long than repine she is gone so soon bless we a smiting as well as a smiling God a taking as well as a giving God 10. The Breach made is sad but herein God has 1. Done us no Wrong 2. He has done our dear Friend no Hurt Done us no Wrong he has taken but his own his own by his Creation by your Donation by Purchase and Redemption and by her own free Resignation And has our dear Father hurt her Is it to hurt her to put her to Bed to throw off her filthy Garments from her to gratify her in her own longing Desire which was To be dissolv'd and to be with Christ and to enshrine her in Glory 11. Think of the Invalidity of Weeping If Tears could possibly bring my