to be wholly freed from Sin and to serve and enjoy my God and Saviour in sinless Holiness O Lord help me to do as I profess promise and bind my self That my Conversation may be more in Heaven That thy Will may be more done by me on Earth as 't is in Heaven That I may more comfortably hope and long to be in Heaven And O remember thy Churches and Children and the whole World Let my concern for them all be more according to thy Will more pure and intense for thy Glory Amen for our Lord Jesus sake My worldly Circumstances are not without Difficulties and Temptations considerable Losses I have had yet continued giving largely to the Poor My Children dying I did not think it my Duty to encrease my Estate I have now Two likely to live and may have more so that my Charge rises when what should maintain it falls I resolve to cast my Care on God in well-doing to exercise my self more than ever to keep a Conscience void of offence impartially to study and do my Duty and pray continually Brenchley Octob. 23. 1685. My Practice hath in some measure answer'd my renewed Resolutions I have employed my time better pray'd harder and endeavoured when call'd abroad to do some good by good Discourse when I thought it seasonable and by making peace God hath comforted me in the kindness of Friends His Spirit I hope is with me May I more abundantly find it as I am call'd to do or suffer for my Jesus's sake Brenchley Feb. 25. 168â— I hope I continue in God's Service though alas with many Failings till I was hasted to London and Hackney the 5th where I had an happy issue of an Affair which evidently threatned much trouble and loss I could not but give somewhat considerable to some that were indeed great Losers My God I trust will remember me for good and capacitate me to give more Thursday the 18th Mr. Samuel Barton Fellow of Corp. Christi Colledge in Oxford married my Sister Sarah O may they be faithful to God and one another according to their Duty May he find a comfortable Opportunity for Publick Service of which alas I still continue uncapable I have been lately urg'd and again consider'd my Scruples as to the terms of Conformity but cannot yet see my way If I labour under involuntary mistakes God will I hope pardon and remove them Brenchley May 1. 1686. April 26. Our younger Child Thomas died at the end of a Convulsion-Fit about an Hour long c. May we more practically believe we must also die and not cease preparing for it till we come to desire it and live in the constant joyful expectation of Eternity We are many ways shamefully faulty that we do not Pardon and help us for thy Mercies sake Amen Brenchley May 29. 1686. On the 23d I solemnly remembred my Saviour's Passion and renewed my Covenant with God thorow him My Prayors and Vows were principally for encrease of Holiness in Heart and life God graciously made use of a mean Affliction as others count it to quicken both the Day following so that the past Week my Watch hath been more constant my Recollections more frequent at least every Evening And I sind to my comfort my Converse both with God and Man hath been in some good measure if I mistake not according to the Gospel I have had many Refiections on God's manifold Goodness many Abhorrings of my own sinful Vileness I desire my Actions and as God pleaseth my Sufferings may be answerable that I may glorifie him more on Earth and help others to do so and become very ready and willing to serve him better in Heaven Amen for my Saviour's sake I praise God I have liv'd this Week also as the former My Soul hath been daily first and last with God My Thoughts have very frequently return'd unto him and my Time hath been improv'd with some diligence for his Glory My Converse with others in my own family hath in some measure exprest the sense of those great Things that ought always above all to be minded My Prayers and Resolves have been and are for constancy and progress Amen for my Lord Jesus sake June 12. I hope I am still getting nearer Heaven I have continued my Converse with God and endeavoured to quicken others with my self to his blessed Service Afflictions are much abated but not my Fervor O may Love be an abiding Principle thereof acting me with Vigour and Constancy for the Glory of God and the good of all with whom I have to do Amen for my Lord Jesus's sake June 19. 1686. Praised be God I have endeavoured another Week to speak and think and act for him His Mercies further engage me daily Jyly 3. I have thought oft daily of God and Heaven and oft pray'd that I might please him better and be more sit to be with him there But I have not been so serious and warm and earnestly desirous of getting and doing good as I was before and yet I was last Lord's-day at the Sacrament I hope God knows that I desire nothing in comparison with Holiness that I may be at a greater distance from the Desilements of Sin and have deeper and more abiding Impressions of his purifying Light and Love and be more constant and successful in communicating thereof to others I proceeded not so successfully in my Studies as I would and I think sometimes have I hope to pray and strive that I may be and do better Impertinent Discourses the too common bane of Converse have been my trouble May I be able to oppose them with Christian Prudence and to perfume every Place and Company with somewhat truly good for his sake who purchas'd and pleads for Grace to help in time of need July 10. An indisposed Body and several incumbring Diversions have hindred me from serving God as I would yet I hope my main design has not been wholly neglected I was faithful to two Persons in dealing plainly with them about some matters that had occasion'd several to speak evil of 'em But I was so with abundance of tenderness and therefere cannot but think one of them blame-worthy for the bad return he made My Conscience bears me witness I did what I did meerly from sense of Duty having great reluctances which only fear of God and the love he commands to my Fellow-servants overcame July 17. I endeavoured to serve my good God of whose kindness I have still more experience but alas I have wanted that warmth and pleasure I have sometimes had I long and desire to labour for it more than ever July 31. I want the Aids of the Holy Spirit because I doubt I do not seek and labour for and with them as I ought I walk heavily yet I hope in the right way O for more Grace or rather for better improvement of what I have that I may have more for Jesus's sake Aug. 7. 14. To the like purpose My Watch
'em of another World their Spirits sinking and Remedies proving less effectual In all his Practice he was generously free from Covetousness not using any Tricks to encrease it nor unworthily seeking to or humouring his Patients weary of numerous though profitable Visits and industriously speeding their Recovery prescribing no more than he judg'd needful and frequently refusing Fees which even his Patients thought he might as well have taken He was still the same sincere plain-hearted Man free and open without Deceits and Tricks in his Calling and all other Affairs And sure he was the more Blessed of God otherwise considering he was no Politician apt to believe the best and trust as if others were as far from dissembling as himself he cou'd not have liv'd and brought up his Children as he did nor his Losses consider'd left such a Competence to his Widow and them He constantly persever'd in those good ways into which he was entred by his Parents and when they grew old and very infirm he made it more his business 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and that even when grey Heirs grew upon himself and his own Distempers increast the dissiculty of complying with others About 50 he was troubled with the Stone from which God's Blessing on his own Endeavours reliev'd him But then about 8 Years before his Death he fell into an incurable Jaundise accompanied for a while with a Scirrbus in his Liver frequent troublesome Itchings Aguish Shiverings of long continuance little and disturbed sleep violent Fits of the Colick great Appetite with ill Digestion and other very troublesome Symptoms He bare all with exemplary Patience and Contentment never that we cou'd perceive repining at such severe Dispensations nor ever praying for their removal nor yielding though importun'd to have one Day set apart to seek on his behalf When we wish'd him a good Night in his Fits he wou'd reply It should be good because it pleased God He wou'd rarely let any stay a Night by him affirming He was not alone but the Father was with him And with the Father he sometimes enjoy'd more Heavenly Communion which yet was not constant and long as his Peace and Hope were they hardly admitted any interruption but he generally long'd to be Dissolv'd and to be with his God and Saviour and spake thereof often with delight In the Year 65. when the Plague began to rage the Weekly Account amounting to about 3000 the importunity of Friends drew him with us to Dr. Drake's in Burnham 2 Miles short of Maiden-head where yet he was more in Reading Meditation and Prayer He exprest a still greater sense of the Love of God in Christ and of his truth and goodness in afflicting him He profest his Soul more establish't thereby with a powerful Conviction of all Creatures Vanity and rais'd to more vigorous actings of a realizing Faith in holy Heavenly Meditations That the sweetness and prosit thereof in his Retirements were such that he fear'd the return of his usual Employment and shou'd be afraid of losing his wearisom affliction without great assurance that Health should be as spiritually advantagious as Sickness professing his constant Judgment that the least Progress in Grace and Holiness was greater matter of Joy than the greatest Affliction of Sorrow He judg'd it very unbecoming a Christian for Sense so far to prevail against Reason and Faith as to raise any considerable Averseness from drinking of that Cup which his Sovereign Lord and tender Father most wisely prepar'd for his good Accordingly he desir'd his Friends to shew their Love in praying for a progressive sanctify'd Improvement of his Sufferings and not for their Removal and wish't 'em comfortably to believe there was no such harm in affliction as we are apt to imagine The Fire of London remov'd him first to an House near Stepncy and soon after to another in Crouched-Friars where he chearfully expected his deliverance by Death 1669. he grew consident of its approach Aug. 14. being his Wedding-day he rejoyc'd with some Invited Friends affirming it the last he should live on Edrth. October he spake of his sensible Decays as Tokens of his near desired Rest About the middle of December he caus'd his Will to be new drawn ordering particularly that Clause to be inserted That he commended his Soul on good Evidence into the hands of God adding that he left us much less than the World imagin'd but he hop'd God's Blessing with it having never wrong'd any Man of a Penny A Day after 14 before he died when I was discoursing of his dissolution he said He cou'd appeal to God through his infinite goodness that since his Youth he had walk't before him with an upright heart never wasting his Conscience with any gross sin that he comfortably believ'd his Regeneration by the Holy Spirit and saving Interest in his dearest Saviour and had accordingly enjoy'd a constant Tranquillity of Mind not without some short and seldom more ravishing Joys He then renew'd his oft repeated Charge of loving and serving God being dutiful to our Mother and helpful to our little Sister which yet he said he did not doubt of and to our great comfort Blessed my self and Brother blessing God also for us Perceiving his Distempers and sore Mouth to encrease he took a solemn leave of my Mother telling her with Joy he was going to his God and her God and that ' ere long they should meet to part no more After which he bid us not expect to hear much from him but believe his mind still the same Accordingly he persisted bearing patiently his grievous pains yet saying little tho' enough to signific his uninterrupted hope and joy till Friday 31. â—â—â—â—mb 1669. when after some imperfect Words but 2 hours before of â—â—ath and Christ and Pardon his Spirit return'd to his Heavenly Father and instead of a New-Year on Earth caused a glorious Eternity in Heaven 〈◊〉 lives still in the honourable Reâ—â—â—â—rance of such as knew him neâ—â—â— mention'd to my knowledge with reproach oft with Elogies of his Piety Sincerity Ability and Faithsulness as a Man a Friend and a Physician Some I doubt bad themselves commended his Goodness acknowledging the common though I think unjust reproach of his Calling cou'd not be fasten'd on him O may I by the help and to the Glory of Divine Grace imitate such excellent Examples and not degenerate from 'em but serve God with all my might according to my Father's Symbol In Simplicity and godly Sincerity My Grandsather was a Pattern of Humility and Meckness and yet of Resolution when there was a Cause of great Charitableness in Word and Deed especially to his Relations who had great Summs from him which yet his Children did not want He was likewise an eminent Instance that Doubts and Fears and horrid Suggestions may infest the truly yea the excellently Good and that great Losses and Crosses in Estate and Kindred may consist with God's especial Favour My Father set me a bright Example
on his own terms to save me from my Sins to sanctisie me by his Word and Spirit to rule me by his Laws and so to justisie and save me from Guilt and Punishment for ever I have been and am greatly troubled that I did not earlier return unto God The Sins of my Youth and my Relapses since are the grief of my Soul which I would wash away if possible with my own blood It cuts my Heart that I forsook them no sooner and that my following Life hath not been more fruitful Yet I hope I have been and am sincere keeping my self through Grace from my own Iniquity and living in the practice of the contrary Duties I am heartily willing to comply with God in all things and to live in the daily practice of all those holy heavenly spiritual Duties of Heart and Life which my God requires I am very sorry that I perform them no better and yet I hope I am not defil'd with great or reigning Sin but am prevailingly his faithful Servant I long for nothing more than nothing so much as more Fixedness of Mind on God more Constanoy Chearfulness and Success in his blessed Service I unfeignedly desire and through Divine Assistance resolve to persevere and grow still better notwithstanding all Difficulties and against all Temptations to think of and act according to Matth. 10.37 38 c. and Luke 14.26 33. That whatever it cost I will so run that I may obtain the Crown forgetting those things that are behind and pressing forward towards the mark for the price of our high calling of God in Christ Jesus But thou O Lord forsake not me that I forsake not thee I am in love with that Love which our Lord set us such an Example of and made the distinguishing Character of his Disciples My Charity I think is large and extensive according to his Will but especially I have lov'd and do love all good Men as such prevailingly They are to me the Excellent of the earth in whom as to Men is all my delight The Divine Image affects and draws me where-ever I find it notwithstanding differences in little Things And my Love is real and fruitful according to my Ability My Heart and Hands are open as Objects and Occasions offer I have been and am very careful to wrong none having long since righted those I did I have soon forgiven when provok'd yea seldom very seldom retain'd any Grudge against any I have return'd Good for Evil where I deserv'd well and yet suffered much ill and where I have deliberately refus'd to comply with any it was because I thought it my Duty for their good I have been watchful Self should not prevail under shadow of being concern'd for God I have no Enemies whom I do not heartily pray for and am not ready to do good to Praised be God these Duties of Loving Giving and forgiving were not and are not difficult I have been affected and desire to be more with the Condition of the Church of God the Sufferings of so great a part thereof and especially the Sins that deserv'd them My Prayers have been and are That God would Refine and not Destroy That he would diffuse that Wisdom from above which is pure and peaceable That he would revive the power of Godliness humbling the Guilty of our Divisions and uniting in Christian Catholick Love I have conscientiously considered my Duty to the Magistrate and accordingly have been careful to obey all his Laws unless contrary to the Laws of God And I thought it became me to understand his Will not in the worst but in the best sense his Words would bear remembring that an erring Conscience will not clear me if I disobey any lawful Command I have been little inquisitive about the Magistrate's Duty but careful to know my own My enquiry was not Whether he did well to Command but whether I might lawfully Obey Though he impose unnecessary Burdens beyond his Authority which is for Publick Good yet Compliance may be my Duty from Humility Love to Peace and that I may not offend but respect God's Vicegerent I have consider'd the Veneration due to those in Authority by reason thereof however they be otherwise defective and the Subjection that must be ever continued though the Laws of God forbid Obedience and accordingly resolved never to partake in Rebellion though for the best Religion and most valuable Liberties but to be still subject not only for Wrath but for Conscience-sake I have often frequented the Publick Authoriz'd Assemblies and joyn'd in the establish'd way of Worship not to avoid Civil or Ecclesiastical Censures not for any worldly Interest but from sense of Duty and a just perswasion after many Thoughts and Prayers in which I am still more confirm'd that I was more oblig'd to do so by the Laws of God and abundantly warranted by the Example of our Saviour and his Apostles I have been still more confident as I consider'd the State and Practice of the Primitive and other Churches and look'd I think impartially into what is oppos'd by Dividers Praised be God I am still well satisfied that I am not involv'd into so much as any consent to Sin I reflect with comfort on my moderation about small or doubtful matters and on my warmth against the Antichristian Spirit of Vncharitableness Hatred Rage and Malice I admire God's Infinite goodness in the way of Salvation and am greatly troubled that I am no more affected with the amazing Mercy and Benignity of my Heavenly Father with the stupendious Charity Condescension and Sufferings of the Son and with the wonderful Patience Long-suffering and Kindnoss of the Holy Spirit I desire and long to know and love admire and praise spoak and act more and more to the utmost of my power for the Glory of the Incomprehensible Trinity which hath so condescended to Save such an abominable wretched Creature I find it most difficult to get and keep an Heavenly Frame without Distraction I am oft discompos'd by worldly Concerns vex'd by the Sins and Weaknesses of others and too easily diverted from my Studies Meditations and Prayers by vain impertinent unsuitable and unseasonable Thoughts I labour and groan under them as my great Burden and Sin and strive alas too ineffectually against them What would I give yea what would I not give do or suffer that my Soul were fix'd on God that I could serve him without Distraction That my Studies Meditations and Converse with God in his Word Prayer and Praise were more free from wandring more affectionate spiritual and heavenly Yet I 'm sure I long and desire to labour more effectually that God may sill and possess my Soul that his holy enjoying Service the perfect Happiness of Heaven may be more and more begun on Earth I value and breath after the Divine Image as the greatest good esteeming and desiring to be rid of Sin as the greatest Evil and Heaven is therefore most amiable because there I hope
as the last words in his Diary with a very weak and trâ—mâ—â—ing hand as the Writing and Letters too evidently shew Cranbroke Feb. 19. 1689. I have been above two Months under the Chirurgeon's hands for a sore Leg and Thigh Pains have been sometimes very great Relapses from Feavers c. several Apprehensions of Death frequent I have not I think been impatient I have been without anxious Thoughts of Eternity and willing if God pleas'd to leave my Body but â—ixedly desirous not to continue in it unless I be and do the better for this Affliction Twice as my ill Circumstances permitted 〈◊〉 view'd the Account of my self Oct. 7. 1685. and still hope it is not false Of all Men I could think only of Mr. betwixt whom and my self there was any unkindness but I think none sinful on my part I was advis'd against meddling with him on that Subject because I could not see it was my Duty and it might do more harm than good Lord pity me in my wearisom Condition help me according to thy great Goodness Refine me for thy better Service on Earth or perfect in Heaven Of his Carriage under his tedious and languishing Pains the following Character gives a brief Account to which I shall only add That his Patience sâ— Grace that Heaven gives us no occasion to exercise having had its perfect work on Earth especially under an Affliction of so long continuance He was happily as to himself dismiss'd from his Labours and Sorrows and entred into his everlasting Rest March 30. 1688 9. To this Account of his Life given from his own Breviate it may not be amiss to annex the Character given of him by Mr. Ch that Preach'd his Funeral Sermon I know the usual Flattery of Funeral Orations and the ill use that is sometimes made of them when the Person is of no extraordinary worth to deserve them But very excellent Persons whose Lives have been very bright and exemplary should not fall without being taken notice of And as 't is a piece of Justice to the Dead so of useful Charity to the Living to commemorate their Remarkable Vertues and Graces that Survivers may be perswaded and encourag'd to Go and Do likewise And such was this great Man I am indeed on many accounts unsit to give a just Character of him As by reason of mine own green Years so also because I had not the happiness to be acquainted with him till the last seven Years of his life But I shall say nothing of him but either on my own Observation or from that short Breviate of his Life Penn'd by himself for his own use And here after some Account of him from the Breviate which 't is needless to repeat because the Reader will meet with it more fully there he proceeds He had before inclin'd to the study of Physick and gain'd so much Skill as made him very useful to his poor Neighbours when sick But as one of the Fathers said concerning Tully He could not find the Name of Jesus there And therefore laid those Books aside and apply'd himself to that more sweet and sublime study of Divinity Herein in a few Years he exceeded and out-stript most of his Age God had given him a large Soul in a weak and crazy Body He was Master of a quick discerning solid Judgment joyn'd with an active Fancy which rarely meet together He was indeed a living Library and walking Study and carried about a vast Stock of Learning with him And God had given him large measures of Grace to improve his great Abilities for the good of Souls With what warmth and Affection with what apposite Expressions and I had almost said unimitable Fluency of Sacred Oratory would he pour out his Prayers before God! with what tenderness and compassion did he invite and urge Sinners to Repentance How clearly would he explain the deepest Mysteries of Christianity and what weighty Arguments did he use to perswade to a belief and observance of its holy Doctrines and Rules His daily Family-Exposition of the Scriptures which for many Years he us'd Morning and Evening I have often thought equal for Accuracy and Instructiveness to most Commentators He took all Opportunities that his own Weakness and Family-distractions or publick Confusions would allow for his publick Labours And he never omitted Preaching from House to House by private Visits and Christian Conferences His Master's Work was constantly upon his Heart and he readily embrac'd all Opportunities for it The Sick and Poor were sure of his Company and he familiarly condescended to the meanest Capacities for their good He was as willing to instruct poor Cottagers in the way to the Kingdom as those of an higher rank and degree He perfum'd every place where he came with his savoury Speeches and heavenly Discourse His Words dropt as the Dew and distill'd as the Rain And his Heart was still'd with such a sense of Divine Love that the holy Breathings of it flow'd forth among all with whom he converst Thus he was in his Ministerial Capacity And his Life and Actions were answerable to his Doctrine and Discourses I need not say how pleasant a Relative he was how dutiful as a Son how indulgent as a Husband how prudent and affectionate as a Father Nor need any Man tell me how pleasant and faithful he was in his Friendship He had all the ingenuity and endearing Obligingness that belongs to such a Relation He had in himself those four Characters in eminent degrees which he was often wont to say he wish'd for in a real Friend Piety good Nature Fidelity in Admonitions and Reproofs and a Readiness to Communicate Notions and Experiences for the encreasing holy Light and Heat I must pass over many Things worthy to be remembred and shall only mention some particular Vertues and Graces which were the peculiar Ornaments of his Life He give remarkable Instances of his Piety and Devotedness to God by his constancy and frequency in Devotion He took all occasions for Prayer by himself and with others was habitually prepar'd for this sweet and prositable Exercise of Religion Few ever comply'd more with the Scriptural Command of Praying always and without ceasing This holy Incense was always prepar'd for the Altar though the sweet perfume was not always ascending to Heaven He observ'd the Lord's Day with a religious strictness keeping it as a holy Rest to God in the publick and private Exercises of Worship with as little diversion as possible He diligently instructed his Inferiours by Catechizing and serious Exhortations He exprest a warm Zeal against Sin where-ever he found it and his prudent calm and seasonable Reproofs were greatly enforc'd by the blamelessness of his own Example In such Instances his Piety shone in a bright attractive Light His Meekness and Moderation towards those that differ'd from him deserves next to be remembred Tho' none was more fervently zealous about the great Substantials of Religion yet none were more cool and temperate about