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myself_o no_o other_o motive_n or_o inducement_n hereto_o but_o mere_o expect_v and_o hope_v that_o by_o this_o mean_n my_o be_v in_o hell_n will_v be_v make_v more_o tolerable_a and_o easy_a than_o that_o of_o other_o reprobate_n by_o this_o very_a thing_n it_o will_v easy_o be_v understand_v how_o near_o i_o be_v to_o final_a despair_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n and_o apprehension_n but_o among_o all_o the_o combat_n and_o conflict_n i_o meet_v with_o in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n none_o more_o rack_v and_o torment_v my_o spirit_n than_o those_o hideous_a and_o abominable_a thought_n which_o by_o the_o devil_n be_v like_o fiery_n and_o poison_a arrow_n inject_v into_o my_o mind_n sometime_o against_o the_o holy_a scripture_n as_o that_o they_o be_v not_o the_o word_n of_o god_n but_o the_o cunning_a and_o politic_a invention_n of_o man_n devise_v and_o contrive_v by_o some_o to_o awe_n and_o keep_v other_o in_o subjection_n this_o temptation_n cause_v no_o small_a anguish_n and_o perturbation_n in_o my_o mind_n but_o do_v not_o continue_v long_o for_o though_o sad_a and_o desperate_a i_o think_v my_o case_n to_o be_v i_o be_v enable_v to_o consider_v what_o a_o mighty_a power_n go_v along_o with_o the_o scripture_n in_o discover_v my_o most_o secret_a corruption_n and_o put_v my_o conscience_n and_o spirit_n into_o such_o fear_n of_o what_o will_v ensue_v in_o case_n i_o do_v not_o cofess_v and_o forsake_v they_o this_o very_a consideration_n viz._n that_o the_o word_n which_o discover_v to_o i_o my_o vain_a and_o sinful_a thought_n and_o condemn_v the_o ill_a life_n i_o have_v lead_v and_o that_o lay_v i_o under_o such_o captivate_a horror_n and_o fear_n for_o the_o same_o must_v needs_o be_v the_o word_n of_o a_o infinite_a all-knowing_a and_o powerful_a god_n do_v foil_n and_o repel_v that_o temptation_n no_o soon_o have_v the_o first_o temptation_n be_v over_o but_o a_o second_o immediate_o ensue_v which_o be_v that_o there_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n as_o a_o god_n in_o nature_n and_o that_o man_n believe_v and_o profess_v the_o be_v of_o a_o god_n be_v more_o from_o use_n of_o custom_n and_o from_o the_o strong_a work_n of_o fancy_n than_o from_o any_o real_a truth_n ground_v on_o sensible_a experience_n oh_o the_o sad_a concussion_n this_o temptation_n give_v to_o the_o power_n of_o nature_n i_o be_v so_o strange_o influence_v by_o it_o that_o i_o solemn_o prosess_v i_o feel_v myself_o sink_v and_o and_o just_a totter_a to_o fall_v off_o my_o foot_n all_o over_o in_o a_o muck_n sweat_n with_o a_o strange_a shiver_a and_o tremble_v in_o all_o the_o power_n and_o part_n of_o soul_n and_o body_n but_o
a_o revive_v cordial_a for_o a_o sinsick_a despair_v soul_n in_o the_o time_n of_o temptation_n the_o same_o be_v a_o extract_n of_o the_o unworthy_a author_n experience_n of_o the_o particular_a follow_v i._o the_o miraculous_a preservation_n of_o his_o bodily_a life_n from_o the_o many_o death_n and_o eminent_a danger_n which_o threaten_v it_o while_o in_o a_o state_n of_o nature_n ii_o the_o method_n god_n take_v with_o he_o in_o awaken_n he_o to_o look_v into_o and_o to_o mind_n soul_n concern_v when_o about_o fourteen_o year_n of_o age._n iii_o how_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n take_v he_o and_o what_o fearful_a work_v it_o make_v in_o his_o soul_n iu._n how_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n succeed_v the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n heal_v and_o bind_v up_o the_o deep_a wound_n cause_v in_o his_o soul_n thereby_o câ—â—â—_n and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v god_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v that_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n psal_n 66._o 16._o i_o will_v praise_v thou_o 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herein_o to_o who_o i_o reply_v sir_n there_o be_v two_o thing_n which_o hitherto_o have_v keep_v i_o back_o from_o publish_v this_o my_o experience_n and_o how_o much_o of_o satan_n there_o may_v be_v in_o it_o i_o can_v determine_v the_o first_o be_v the_o difficulty_n which_o attend_v my_o set_n down_o in_o write_v the_o work_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n in_o doscover_v and_o apply_v christ_n unto_o i_o the_o remembrance_n whereof_o do_v so_o swallow_v i_o up_o and_o melt_v i_o that_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o see_v my_o paper_n for_o the_o tear_n of_o joy_n which_o obstruct_v my_o visive_n faculty_n to_o which_o he_o reply_v that_o it_o be_v pity_v any_o thing_n shall_v hinder_v i_o in_o so_o good_a and_o useful_a asleep_o work_n the_o second_o be_v the_o fear_n lodge_v within_o i_o of_o people_n not_o credit_v the_o relation_n i_o shall_v give_v hereof_o in_o case_n it_o be_v print_v for_o say_v i_o the_o great_a part_n of_o professor_n be_v so_o great_a stranger_n to_o the_o nature_n of_o true_a regeneration_n especial_o when_o wrought_v in_o a_o sinner_n in_o the_o way_n and_o method_n god_n take_v with_o i_o that_o they_o will_v rather_o suspect_v and_o question_v the_o truth_n of_o what_o i_o relate_v than_o praise_n god_n or_o improve_v the_o same_o for_o their_o own_o good_a or_o spiritual_a advantage_n for_o the_o same_o to_o which_o reply_n be_v make_v that_o satan_n be_v always_o ready_a to_o obstruct_v any_o good_a work_n which_o have_v the_o least_o tendency_n to_o god_n praise_n or_o the_o good_a of_o soul_n since_o his_o departure_n the_o fresh_a remembrance_n of_o the_o importunity_n of_o the_o worthy_n above_o name_v together_o with_o the_o repeat_v solicitation_n of_o several_a godly_a zealous_a christian_n yet_o live_v have_v prevail_v with_o i_o to_o beat_v my_o way_n through_o those_o difficulty_n which_o lay_v before_o i_o leave_v the_o issue_n of_o my_o present_a undertake_n to_o the_o powerful_a providence_n of_o god_n to_o make_v the_o same_o successful_a in_o what_o it_o be_v design_v for_o and_o beg_v most_o hearty_o your_o pardon_n for_o the_o method_n i_o have_v take_v in_o acknowledge_v the_o great_a kindness_n and_o respect_v show_v by_o your_o religious_a and_o true_o generous_a self_n to_o the_o mean_a and_o most_o unworthy_a of_o christ_n despise_a ambassador_n the_o which_o i_o doubt_v not_o you_o will_v find_v record_v in_o heaven_n by_o my_o lord_n and_o master_n as_o a_o evident_a proof_n of_o your_o faith_n in_o and_o unfeigned_a love_n to_o he_o and_o his_o cause_n and_o interest_n here_o on_o earth_n let_v not_o dear_a sir_n the_o disadvantage_n under_o which_o i_o lie_v on_o account_n of_o the_o slanderous_a reproach_n heap_v on_o i_o by_o malicious_a spirit_n lessen_v your_o hope_n of_o the_o glorious_a recompense_n of_o reward_n promise_v by_o he_o that_o can_v lie_v to_o all_o your_o work_n and_o labour_n of_o love_n express_v to_o i_o and_o other_o of_o god_n child_n for_o the_o sake_n of_o christ_n he_o that_o will_v take_v notice_n of_o a_o cup_n of_o cold_a water_n give_v to_o a_o disciple_n in_o the_o name_n of_o his_o disciple_n will_v i_o question_v not_o record_v in_o heaven_n the_o refresh_a wine_n i_o have_v drink_v at_o your_o table_n more_o than_o once_o and_o the_o silver_n and_o gold_n send_v i_o and_o give_v i_o by_o yourself_o whereby_o both_o i_o and_o my_o distress_a family_n have_v be_v keep_v from_o sink_v into_o the_o dust_n and_o albeit_o i_o shall_v at_o the_o great_a day_n of_o judgement_n appear_v to_o be_v a_o cast_n away_o from_o christ_n of_o which_o through_o infinite_a grace_n i_o be_o no_o more_o afraid_a than_o i_o be_o afraid_a that_o god_n can_v cease_v to_o be_v what_o he_o be_v yet_o your_o integrity_n and_o uprightness_n in_o what_o you_o
the_o chamber_n door_n i_o find_v the_o horror_n and_o fright_v under_o which_o i_o labour_v great_o to_o increase_v the_o devil_n suggest_v that_o he_o will_v either_o pull_v i_o back_o from_o enter_v into_o the_o chamber_n or_o else_o that_o he_o will_v enter_v along_o with_o i_o to_o hinder_v or_o distract_v i_o in_o my_o intend_v devotion_n all_o this_o while_n the_o place_n of_o scripture_n above_o mention_v run_v still_o in_o my_o thought_n as_o before_o be_v enter_v into_o my_o chamber_n all_o in_o a_o sweat_n and_o unusual_a consternation_n of_o spirit_n i_o stand_v before_o the_o bedside_n where_o i_o use_v to_o kneel_v in_o pray_v and_o with_o my_o eye_n close_v as_o i_o be_v take_v myself_o to_o task_n endeavour_v to_o recollect_v my_o memory_n where_o i_o have_v be_v all_o that_o day_n with_o what_o company_n i_o have_v converse_v what_o duty_n i_o have_v know_o omit_v and_o what_o immorality_n i_o have_v any_o way_n consent_v to_o all_o on_o a_o sudden_a i_o find_v the_o eye_n of_o my_o understanding_n so_o clear_o enlighten_v that_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o know_v and_o understand_v the_o meaning_n of_o that_o place_n of_o scripture_n which_o run_v all_o that_o day_n in_o my_o thought_n a_o scripture_n than_o which_o the_o whole_a book_n of_o god_n can_v not_o afford_v a_o more_o suitable_a text_n for_o the_o design_n therein_o which_o be_v to_o debase_v the_o creature_n and_o to_o extol_v and_o to_o advance_v the_o grace_n and_o mercy_n of_o the_o most_o high_a jehovah_n who_o alone_o exclude_v all_o other_o be_v god_n over_o all_o bless_v for_o evermore_o i_o be_v from_o the_o time_n of_o my_o first_o awaken_n as_o above_o mention_v possess_v of_o a_o opinion_n that_o conversion_n consist_v in_o a_o external_n or_o outward_a reformation_n of_o the_o life_n and_o that_o it_o be_v in_o the_o power_n of_o the_o creature_n to_o effect_v the_o same_o and_o that_o by_o repent_v of_o the_o bypass_a folly_n of_o youth_n and_o by_o a_o strenuous_a and_o zealous_a constancy_n in_o walk_v strict_o according_a to_o the_o precept_n of_o the_o moral_a law_n both_o negative_o and_o positive_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v i_o be_v then_o under_o the_o predominancy_n of_o a_o legal_a spirit_n and_o act_v under_o the_o covenant_n of_o work_n look_v with_o the_o bond-womans_n child_n for_o justification_n and_o life_n eternal_a in_o the_o way_n of_o work_n reckon_v it_o the_o only_a sure_a and_o safe_a way_n to_o expect_v salvation_n by_o perform_v the_o conditinal_a covenant_n of_o work_n and_o abound_v in_o such_o personal_a qulification_n as_o may_v render_v i_o acceptable_a to_o god_n of_o which_o i_o have_v often_o think_v i_o have_v as_o great_a measure_n as_o any_o he_o i_o know_v live_v i_o shall_v not_o insist_v on_o the_o particular_n of_o those_o inherent_a qualification_n wherein_o i_o be_o apt_a to_o believe_v i_o do_v match_v if_o not_o out_o strip_v the_o strict_a moralist_n i_o know_v who_o be_v yet_o in_o his_o natural_a state_n in_o short_a i_o be_v exceed_v zealous_a in_o the_o law_n not_o in_o the_o least_o understand_v the_o spiritual_a meaning_n thereof_o or_o how_o miserable_o wretched_a i_o be_v by_o reason_n of_o its_o condemn_v sentence_n against_o not_o only_o my_o worst_a but_o also_o against_o my_o most_o refine_a act_n of_o morality_n i_o do_v then_o as_o too_o to_o many_o do_v at_o this_o day_n of_o gospel_n light_n viz._n set_v up_o the_o letter_n of_o the_o law_n in_o opposition_n to_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o law_n but_o so_o it_o please_v god_n that_o by_o his_o enable_v i_o to_o understand_v the_o mind_n of_o his_o spirit_n in_o that_o text_n i_o soon_o become_v convince_v that_o i_o have_v take_v wrong_a method_n in_o order_n to_o get_v from_o under_o the_o law_n curse_v and_o to_o have_v a_o settle_a peace_n in_o myself_o the_o course_n i_o have_v take_v for_o relieve_v my_o wound_a and_o sink_a spirit_n i_o perceive_v to_o be_v direct_o contrary_a to_o the_o gospel_n way_n of_o save_a lose_v sinner_n i_o be_v all_o for_o do_v and_o work_v and_o the_o more_o work_v i_o do_v the_o far_o i_o find_v myself_o from_o true_a peace_n and_o comfort_n my_o chief_a and_o only_o work_v now_o be_v believe_v in_o the_o son_n of_o god_n in_o who_o alone_o that_o righteousness_n be_v to_o be_v find_v which_o reconcile_v a_o sinner_n to_o a_o offend_a god_n from_o that_o text_n above_o mention_v the_o covenant_n of_o god_n free_a grace_n in_o christ_n be_v explain_v and_o lay_v open_a before_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o enlighten_v understanding_n the_o term_n whereof_o i_o find_v be_v as_o far_o wide_a of_o or_o contrary_a to_o the_o way_n to_o which_o the_o covenant_n of_o work_n direct_v for_o attain_v life_n eternal_a as_o the_o east_n be_v from_o the_o west_n or_o as_o heaven_n be_v from_o hell_n the_o work_n of_o the_o spirit_n in_o discover_v christ_n to_o i_o from_o that_o text_n and_o his_o draw_v i_o to_o close_v with_o christ_n so_o discover_v be_v so_o full_a of_o amaze_a and_o astonish_a wonderment_n and_o surprise_v ravishment_n of_o soul_n that_o i_o be_o no_o mroe_n able_a to_o express_v or_o relate_v the_o same_o than_o i_o be_o able_a to_o find_v out_o the_o dimension_n of_o the_o sun_n or_o to_o give_v a_o exact_a account_n of_o the_o number_n of_o the_o star_n there_o be_v hold_v as_o it_o be_v a_o court_n of_o enquiry_n in_o my_o soul_n the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o before_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n wound_v and_o kill_v i_o by_o the_o terrible_a sentence_n of_o the_o law_n he_o be_v become_v the_o spirit_n of_o adoption_n to_o consummate_v a_o sweet_a and_o bless_a marriage_n between_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n god_n only_a son_n by_o eternal_a and_o ineffable_a generation_n and_o a_o poor_a lose_v and_o undo_v prodigal_a who_o as_o adam_n child_n be_v bear_v heir_n of_o the_o curse_n partaker_n of_o a_o nature_n as_o vile_a and_o polute_v as_o hell_n itself_o can_v make_v it_o and_o who_o case_n and_o condition_n in_o respect_n of_o inward_a horror_n and_o despair_v of_o soul_n differ_v but_o little_a at_o least_o as_o i_o think_v and_o believe_v from_o that_o of_o the_o damn_a in_o hell_n six_o thing_n this_o bless_a spirit_n of_o adoption_n do_v effect_v in_o order_n to_o consummate_v this_o match_n first_o he_o discover_v and_o make_v know_v to_o i_o who_o the_o lord_n jesus_n hold_v forth_o in_o the_o gospel_n be_v from_o whence_o he_o come_v and_o to_o what_o end_n the_o father_n send_v he_o second_o he_o make_v plain_a discovery_n to_o i_o of_o christ_n almightiness_n to_o save_o and_o reconcile_v to_o god_n the_o worst_a and_o most_o wretched_a of_o sinner_n and_o that_o the_o righteousness_n which_o he_o as_o mediator_n between_o god_n and_o sinner_n have_v wrought_v be_v the_o alone_a righteousness_n by_o which_o a_o sinner_n be_v to_o be_v save_v and_o that_o in_o a_o way_n of_o believe_v though_o not_o for_o believe_v that_o god_n for_o the_o sake_n and_o merit_n of_o his_o son_n 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