to each others soul and to help in the way of salvation is that which becomes Christians and not at all shortens but rather increases and perfects kindness and good nature And this is indeed marrying in the Lord as 1 Cor. 7.39 Therefore receive one another to the glory of God as Christ received us Rom. 15.7 And look on that providence that brings you together as order'd by the Lord. A prudent wife is from the Lord saith Solomon Prov. 19.14 And we may add a prudent husband A religious and good husband or wife is from the Lord his provision or gift of his providing whereas houses and riches lands and inheritances Joyntures and Portions are the gifts of Fathers provisions of men and as such they may decay or be lost but the gifts of the Lord will abide for good and such a gift by Gods grace you may be to each other Resolve then and endeavour at first to put forward and encourage one another to love and good works as such as are come together and appointed by Gods good providence in a particular manner to be helps to build up one another in your most holy faith and to keep one another in the love of God that you may together comfortably expect the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life Jude 20 21. If this be the duty of all Christian friends much more then is it the duty of such as are joined so near in the Covenant of the Lord a Covenant of love and unity so near an union that in the opinion of St. Paul it resembles and may be compared to that love between Christ and his Church as in that similitude before offered to consideration Eph. 5.25 Adv. 2. Secondly I advise That having resolved which I hope you will do put those good resolutions in practice Do not think that it is enough to approve and purpose but set about the work in earnest and that immediately setting your selves at first to live together in Gods way the way of Religion that you may always so continue And let your daily conversation be in the Lord abiding with him according to the rule of the Gospel perswading each other always to do that which is of good report and as becomes the servants of God These things are general but the practice consists in particulars and therefore to those particulars I proceed Adv. 3. In the third place I advise you to pray together daily speak unto God call upon God for his favour and blessings Begin this course as soon as you come together Rising in the morning remember each other of prayers and so with united hearts direct your prayer unto God Psal 5.3 So likewise every evening before you go to bed the seasons God people used Psal 55.16 17. This is the practice of all that are Godly Psal 32.6 so often commanded and commended in the Scripture that I think there needs no more to perswade you that it is your duty Those words of our Saviour Mat. 26.41 watch and pray or those of St. Paul pray without ceasing 1 Thes 5.17 are command enough to all that believe the Scripture to be the word of God These general precepts contain your duty in particular for what God commands all he commands every one and those words of St. Peter 1 Pet. 3.7 that your prayers be not hindred suppose praying to be both the duty and practice of married people And if there had been no command to make prayer your duty yet reason will advise you to it as your interest since God is pleased to give you leave I therefore advise you to pray as one of the best things you can do for one another whether for soul or body Because all that good you or your friends wish or desire for you is from God his gift his blessing without which all your own labour is in vain as is plain from the whole 127th Psalm Except the Lord build the house their labour is but lost that build it It in vain to rise up early to sit up late and to eat the bread of carefulness Whatsoever business you go about whatsoever hopes of comfort in each other you may propose whatsoever designs you may have of thriving in the world together without Gods blessing all will be in vain In vain are all those seeming wishes of Joy from your friends unless the Lord say Amen If you begin not thus and at first ask Gods blessing by prayer how can you expect it Nay you hinder your selves of that good your friends desire for you and you seem to desire for your selves until you seek it at the hand of God by prayer But if you will set your selves at first to seek Gods blessing by praying together there are promises in the Scripture sufficient to encourage you to hope such as these Those that seek me early shall find me Prov. 8.17 Ask and it shall be given you Mat. 7.7 If two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask it shall be done for them of my father which is in heaven Mat. 18.19 What should you learn then from these Scriptures but that you agree betimes to pray together and with united hearts to go to God and ask in hope O that I could perswade you to receive this advice and heartily engage you to call upon God that the Lord may be with you and bestow his blessings upon you and yours What can hinder you from this great duty and priviledge I know nothing that can be said against this advice but by way of excuse some will talk of their weakness and not being able But this is for the most part but a trifling pretence which Satan teaches the unwilling in heart to plead For I am fully perswaded that God requires nothing of his creatures but what he knows they are able to perform with his grace in using the means he has afforded and so it will appear in this particular if you consider the helps you have and the nature of the duty as reason and conscience must judg And first in respect of helps If you have not been accustomed to this but are strangers to God in that great and comfortable duty of Prayer you may ask how shall we call upon God that are ignorant and cannot make prayers Tho such thoughts savour of great ignorance yet I will answer in your own way That is you may make use of some form of prayer in some good books of which sort there are many printed among us If you have not a better nor fitter for your condition you may use such as I have added at the end of this book If you say you cannot read neither of you to help the other your case is to be pitied and then I advise you to try to learn I have known several of a willing mind who have learnt to read when grown in years The advantage is great to be able to see at any time the will of
God in the concern of thy soul in his own word in thy own language and also to be able to use any choice form of prayer suitable to your condition and so powerful to move your affections and draw forth the desires of your hearts toward God tho beyond your ability to compose But if you cannot learn to read or in the mean time till you can you are not without help for you may get some honest godly friend or neighbour to read over a prayer to you so long till you have learnt it that you can say it your self But then you must take heed that this saying over one form turn not to plain formality that you should think as a child that having said over the words you have prayed tho your heart spoke not to God and so look on a prayer as a charm as if God was bound by those words in general to shew his goodness to you when your heart has not made one request or petition to God that is you have uttered words but had no desires This is an usual mistake and dangerous error so that in using forms of prayer your care must be to keep your heart to the duty earnestly desiring with your heart what you request with your lips But tho you have none of these outward helps so that you can neither read nor are furnished with a memory able to keep a form of words in mind yet know that the nature of the duty is such that these wants will no way excuse you Neither should you suffer this want to trouble you if you are willing and desirous to pray much less should you suffer it to discourage you and hinder you from duty and keep you from God because you cannot say over a form of prayer For consider forms are but words but prayer indeed is the speaking of the heart to God whether there be voice heard or words utter'd or not and without the heart both the best composed form and the greatest ability to utter words readily in extemporary free prayer are utterly to no purpose And if from thy heart thou speakest to God humbly reverently with understanding as sensible of thy wants sincerely as by faith depending on him thro Christ thou needst not be troubled for want of well placed words for God wants not words but knows the language of the heart and spirit Rom. 8.27 he is the God of the spirits of all flesh Numb 27.16 'T is true indeed that we want words to express the desires of our souls and to quicken our affections especially when praying with others But when marriage has made you no longer two but one flesh and your interest and desires should be one and the same that your prayers may not be hindred tho the words are not so well placed as may recommend to men yet from a sincere and united heart they may recommend both to God And to remove that bashfulness and being ashamed of words in one anothers hearing remember 't is not to approve your gifts and parts to each other but to approve both your hearts to God so that the fear of this want should not discourage and so keep you keep you strangers from God Consider then the good things you have and enjoy and be thankful Remember 't is fit to beg of God the continuance of them Consider what evil things you either fear or already suffer and beg the Lord to deliver And if there be any thing in particular that either of you want or desire this should be made known to the other that praying together you may join in that one thing and pray one for another as well as one with another And if you are indeed truly sensible of your wants and have an heart to go unto God you have a God to go to who will help your infirmities even he who made mans mouth he will put words in your mouths and teach you what to say so that you shall not want words for supplication and thanksgiving to make your requests known unto God And when you come thus to God with a sincere humble devout soul in the name and mediation of Jesus Christ this is prayer indeed to which all forms whether set or extemporary where such an heart is wanting are no way to be compared This is the language of the soul the heart poured out to God in prayer Adv. 4. The fourth advice I give you is to read the Scriptures together the word of God 'T is the great comfort and help of your souls and a blessed advantage of our Nation and the present time that we may and that thereby we may have in our own Houses that word promise and Gospel wherein Christ and thro him life and immortality and salvation is made known Search the Scriptures for therein ye think you have eternal life Jo. 5.39 So search that the word of Christ may dwell richly in you in all knowledge and Spiritual understanding Col. 3.16 Therein is abundance of hid treasure the unsearchable riches of Christ Something of this should be read every day Reading the Scripture should accompany Prayer at least in the evenings And let this practice be kept as a constant custome unless some extraordinary providence as sickness or the like hinder it If you begin this at first it will with more ease be continued till duty becomes delight and having tasted the sweetness and found the advantage you will look for it and think it as necessary as food or sleep Job 23.12 And to this I add this further advice that you read often good sound and plaine books of practical Godlyness That is at such times as the business of your calling or trade does admitt and tell each other of what good books you have read and what good you have received by them But especially on the Lords day in the vacancy of publick ordinances when you are not at Church then should you read and not only read but also encourage one another in an holy practice of such good things as the Scripture teaches and other good books set before you according to the holy Scripture Remember that if the husband cannot read and has a wife that can to account her worthy of double honour and if possible of double love on that account But let that wife beware she be not puffed up to despise her husband but know that she may yet learn of him as in respect of Judgment and understanding 1 Cor. 14.35 She must not think her self his teacher nor usurp authority over him 1 Tim. 2.12 tho' in this particular a meet helper and great advantage to him So also if the wife cannot read and has an husband that can let her prize him the more on that account as a greater treasure with whom she may have the comfort of a Christian conversation according to knowledg and living together as heirs of the grace of life 1 Pet. 3.7 If neither can read then you had need be more diligent
to spend such times of leisure in holy and enlivening discourses considering each others estate as in the respect of your Souls and call on one another that both together may call on the Lord. And if neither can read it is further advisable that you endeavour to get acquaintance and familiarity with some godly Christian neighbour that can read whither you may often go and spend the evenings especially before Children come on to hinder not to wast time as the worldly custome is to talk of news you little understand or of the affaires of the town or parish that little or nothing concern you but to desire them to read some portion of the Scripture or other good book to help you in the great concern of your Souls Or if your business in the world be such as admits of taking prentices or Servants labour to have such as can read they may on that account be of more advantage to the family then their bodily labour And this I alwayes look upon as duty that if Servants cannot read you endeavour that they may be taught and if they can read 't is your duty to keep them to reading at fit times and 't is prudence so to do as it is profitable to your selves and family I shall conclude these two last advices with a caution which I hinted before that you be not ashamed of weakness and inability in private before each other either in respect of reading or praying I mean not to neglect these private duties because you think you cannot do them well enough therefore do not do them at all because one shall not take notice how weak or ignorant the other is This oftentimes is a snare and great occasion of neglect and if not carefully avoided may make all the advices here offered to be to no purpose if you suffer this sinful bashfulness to hinder the beginning or setting about the work till you think your selves better fitted and more able Satan and your own evil hearts will be ready to suggest this often as a means to promote delay and so 't is made too often a continual hindrance But to prevent this if possible I propose these Considerations 1. First consider that marriage having now made you one flesh there is no reason to be ashamed of doing your duty tho' you perform it but weakly because you ought in Justice to think that so near a relation as part of your self will not despise but rather pitty and help as one flesh And as they ought will cover with the robe of love the infirmities that possibly may be discovered Because now that which is the shame or disgrace of one reflects on the other and so becomes the disgrace of both and for one to despise the other is to dishonour themselves and none ever yet so hated his owne flesh Two members of the same body may be touched with grief for the weakness of each other but not with shame but rather help and beare the more of the burden if either be weake so the poor beasts drawing in the same yoke are not ashamed to help tho' not so strong as their fellow So tho' thou art sensible that thou canst not do as thou wouldest yet do this duty as well as thou canst and be not ashamed for 't is thy duty 2. Secondly consider what great folly it is to pretend to be ashamed to do thy duty because thou canst do it but weakly and therefore to leave it undone when thou art not ashamed of thy sin in neglecting such plain and necessary duties which tend so much to the glory of God thy interest in Christ for thy Souls good and are so cheif a part of Christian love to thy yoke-fellow Let Conscience tell thee which is worst to do duty willingly and sincerely tho' weakly or to let it alone undone Sure that is shame indeed 3. Consider that it is only want of use and exercise in this duty that makes you bashful and therefore you are loath to begin but if you will begin and master those first reluctancies you will find that practice will make you dayly both bolder and abler 4. This pretended shame and bashfulness will be a continual hindrance till you begin This will make you draw back when convinced of duty and Satan will hold this argument fast and use it long in the war against thy Soul And when there is nothing else to hinder but shame if ashamed to day the same argument will hold to morrow and the like the next day and so on as a continual pretence for neglect till you begin but then no longer For if once you have begun shame is broken and troubles you no more or at least but weakly Now consider every one has a beginning and beginnings in all are usually weak in respect of after improvements and performances Be not then longer ashamed to begin 't is God commands the necessities of both your Sou's require Christ has prepared the way Heb. 10.19 Therefore put on boldness and you will grow more able and find more comfort Adv. 5. The fifth advice I give is that you sanctifie the Sabbath the Lords day joyne together in this at the first and take the more diligent heed to do this because you cannot but observe that it is generally too much neglected notwithstanding that plain command of God Ex. 20.8 Therefore as God has set that day apart from others for himself and commanded you to do so also do you set that day apart to be spent by you in the Spiritual business of God and your Souls And if you know that either have neglected before marriage then you have the more need to deal faithfully in warning one another and telling each other plainly of the Sin in that particular especially if you have been the occasion to one another of neglecting the Sabbath This too often is the Sin of people of a mean or low condition tho' not of those only that make their wooing visits appoint such meetings for idle walks mixt with folly and prophane discourse or idle chatt on that day An ill beginning and possibly may be the cause in great measure of so many unlucky marriages which afterwards go on in ungodly living and tend to increase of misery If this then has been your case you have the more need to bring one another to a sense of that sin and to a speedy change and newness of life when you have been the occasion of ensnaring each other in so great an evil Wherefore spend not your first Sabbath in idle and needless visits to see new cousins and new neighbours Neither spend that nor any other Sabbath at home in sloth and folly under pretence of reading a chapter But go both together to Church to the ordinances and publick assembly of Gods people and never neglect as the manner of too many is Heb. 10.25 unless hindred by some extraordinary providence And when you are returned home from the Ordinances spend
coming on of children Poor young infants must be looked to sickness or frowardness in them will be accounted a just and reasonable hindrance and is used too often as a pretence when it meets with a delaying and unwilling mind when indeed there is no just reason so to pretend as in the fourth advantage in the last Section 'T is easy to find an excuse for what we have not a mind to It may indeed be allowed sometimes as an interruption but cannot be allowed as a continual hindrance while there is the cradle or the mothers breast to keep peace and quietness for the time of reading and prayer 3. A third disadvantage is the possibility of an increase of worldly business and this may succeed as a continual hindrance when company and visits can be no longer a pretence as in the first Paragraph of this Section So that if you begin not at first when business is less how can a beginning be expected when business is really more 4. The ill custom of negligence will make the heart more dull and dead to all that is good confirmed habits are not easily to be removed you will be apt to fancy that so long you have done well enough without prayer and reading or any religious duty and may still do so And then tho' there be no excuse left yet you will continue in the neglect and this at last will turn to contempt and so you will cast it off quite 5. Fifthly a great disadvantage of delaying and putting off may arise under a seeming good pretence that is of being fitter and more able hereafter You will be apt to think that knowledg and ability will come with age you are yet too young when elder you shall be more able and then it will come of it self But this is a sore delusion of Satan for you will labour still under the same disadvantage and be as unskilful in the way of righteousness when old as when young unless you begin to practise when young And when you find ignorance and inability still continue whereas you thought it would be otherwise you will be apt to judg this work is not to be done and then to think it is not required at least of you but of the better learned and more able and you will be ready to say God requires no more then he gives he knows you cannot when indeed 't is not the want of ability but of a willing mind And the fault is your own negligence who would so long delay your own sinful negligence that whereas in that time you have delayed you might have been able by use and exercise yet are you as far to seek as when being young and delayed to that time of age Heb. 5.12 Still to seek for a beginning and still complaining of that which you pretended hindred you at first Whereas if you had begun in due time you would have found that use and practice through Gods blessing would have rendred you able and knowing now by neglect you find your selves both weak and ignorant And so tho' 't is possible that one may be more capable of learning a trade at five and twenty years old then at fifteen yet we see none put off learning so long Because then is the time to use it and use by that time makes those that begin early then to be masters which if they had deserred on hope of better ability they had certainly been as much to seek then as at fifteen But these particulars are as it were more immediately from your selves but there are other disadvantages of an higer nature 't is true indeed they are disadvantages caused by your own neglect but now depend more immediatly on a superiour power and stand as brazen walls a disadvantage next to impossible to be overcome And that is the long slighting the offers that God has made provoking him to withdraw his divine influences and to leave you without further calls admonitions and helps When the holy and blessed Spirit has long waited to be gracious and it will not yet be that you will be perswaded but are still delaying and shifting off duty with excuses he then departs as grieved Eph. 4.30 The striving and inward motions of the Spirit cease as quenched 1 Thes 5.19 Then as a ship forsaken of the wind thou canst not move You can do nothing without Christ Jo. 15.5 And he has offered and called but you would not consent and he that only can help is now departed in displeasure O what a sore and dreadful disadvantage is this procured by neglect and sinful delay And what danger are you in lest you should be hardned and undone for ever God has called for your first love and you have put him off with trifing excuses And can you think that what you would not have on invitation is so cheap a trifle that you cannot miss it but it must be allowed you when you will No no trifler 't is not so this is such a disadvantage as may make them tremble that are under it and if well considered will set you upon timely endeavours to prevent the Danger 7. Lastly there is another disadvantage of the same sort with that last mentioned and that is the curse of God that the negligent lie under all that time that they refuse God and Christ and the holy Spirit and blessing to dwell with them While you neglect the serious practice of Religion in private you lose all the benefit of the publick ordinances and the private instructions and good wishes of your friends You hear the word preached or read but 't is in vain while you neglect to practice it You do but deceive your selves Jam. 1.22 And put your selves further under the curse of God And from this neglect the curse grows more heavy tho' you perceive it not Here is indeed that dreadful disadvantage as the Apostle tells us Heb. 6.7.8 Those that receive the dew of heavenly instructions from Gods word read or preached or from such books as this and yet bring forth only briers and thorns excuses and neglect they are nigh to Cursing And this is indeed a dreadful state But I have spoken something on this account before in the last Paragraph of the former Section and therefore conclude this Sect. V. Shewing that married people ought to take care of each others Souls and to perswade each other to the practice of holiness I Have set before you the good and the right way to make the married life a comfortable joyful happy state I have shewed you the advantages of entring on those offered joyes betimes and the disadvantages of delaying even the long losing the most comfortable part of the married state and the danger of losing your Souls for ever Now some may think it a very needless thing to add more to perswade But while Satan and Corrupt nature are so prevailing and true Christian love appears so little there is reason to fear that many will not
Christian purity Keep us henceforth in holy Spiritual love that we defile not the honourable marriage-bed by desires too sensual but that we may be instruments of each others chastity and purity both in Soul and Body Take from us all dullness of mind and backwardness to Religious duties and both teach and enable us so to order our worldly affairs that our minds and hearts may be alwayes free for thy service and worship Give us we beseech thee the Spirit of wisdom and of a sound mind that with all gravity and soberness we may govern and rule our selves and families in thy faith and fear and love as becomes those that are followers of the holy and blessed Jesus as taught by thy holy word Be pleased to make us both instruments of good to others especially to our kindred and neighbours to the comfort and releef of those that are in want to the instruction of the ignorant to the reproving and reforming the ungodly and to the good of all We pray thee also to make us diligent in our calling not â—lothful in business but as serving the Lord. And so bless our labours and honest endeavours in worldly things that we may have a competency for our selves and ours and to give to those that want And further O heavenly Father we humbly intreat thee to give us both thy Grace that with pure hearts we may fervently love one another and provoke one another to love and good works and watch over each other for the Souls good And deal faithfully with each other not suffering one one another in carlesness of our Souls or in any sin without due serious seasonable and compassionate warning in thy fear And good Lord give each of us such an heart that we may be willing to be warned of our sin and danger and desirous to be reformed And good Lord help us so to live together as abiding in Christ Jesus that which ever of us thou shalt please to call out of this world first may leave the comfort of a well grounded hope to the surviver that both at last shall meet in purer and undefiled love and joy in the inheritance of the promises together with the Spirits made perfect thro' the blood of the holy Jesus in thy heavenly eternal Kingdom For the sake and thro' the mediation of Jesus Christ our only Saviour and Redeemer Amen A prayer to be used in secret by the married man or woman in respect of each other O Most merciful Father and eternal God who hast appointed and sanctified the state of marriage by thy Command and word and by thy good providence hast now joyned me with a partner and companion for the married life Guide me I beseech thee by thy good Spirit that I may do my duty in this state of life to which it hath pleased thee to call me That I may not make the liberty thou givest me an occasion to the flesh nor thro' weakness turn thy permissions to sensuality Pardon I beseech thee all my infirmities and failings in that matter and help me that in all circumstances I may keep a conscience void of offence both towards thee my God and towards men That I may sincerely perform my duty towards thee and with a pure heart be fervently affectionate to my dear yoke-fellow That I may be a good guide and example to my family and in all quietness and sobriety patience and prudence a follower of those who have served thee with godliness and walked in thy Commandments blameless And guide I beseech thee my dear yoke-fellow and endue him or her with thy Grace and blessing both in Soul and Body O keep him or her I beseech thee from all temptations and all inclinations to evil Give him or her an heart to hear and obey thy holy word and keep him or her from all sickness and bodily dangers And so keep us both in thy fear and holy love to each other that we may receive good and religious counsel of each other and truly follow the same and watch for each others Souls good So that at the end of a chast and holy conversation in the Lord we may together enjoy the promised felicity of thy chosen in thy everlasting Kingdom thro' our dear and only Redeemer the Lord Jesus Christ Amen A prayer to be used by the woman when conceived with child O Merciful God and heavenly Father who hast made all things and preservest all things and hast appointed marriage as the way of continuing the generation of mankind I desire to be thankful that thou hast called me to the holy state of marriage and in that state hast given me the blessing of the marriage bed even strength to conceive with Child The fruit of the Womb is a blessing from thee O God alone which all the treasures on earth cannot purchase And now O Lord I beseech thee continue thy blessing giving me strength both to bear and bring forth let the sickness and illness attending conception bring me more seriously to consider of the sin of our first parents how the woman was in the transgression and thereby my sorrows multiplied that I may be truly humbled for my natural corruption which Lord in thy mercy pardon and cleanse me from thro' the blood of Jesus Christ and give me comfort in that gracious promise of the Seed of the Woman that should break the Serpents head Lord I humbly beg that the expectation of pains and sorrow in travel and bringing forth may bring me to more serious thoughts of my Soul and my duty and may quicken me to repentance and stir up my heart to lay faster hold on Christ Jesus by a lively faith that all my sins may be forgiven and that I may be more watchful to all Christian duties of my place and that I may wait with patience the appointed time and be prepared for life or death as thou shalt be pleased to appoint And that I may be saved in childbearing Lord strengthen me with thy grace and keep me by thy power that I may continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety And when the time appointed for delivery shall come help me patiently to bear the pangs and thro's and sorrows And let them be sactified to the humbling of my Soul and bring me thro' all I beseech thee by thy power and goodness And give me a living child with all its parts limbs and sences in due order And grant me in due time a safe recovery of former strength that I may no more remember the anguish for joy that a man is born into the world to become a member of Christs Church that I may be glad in the Lord who is pleased to make me a chanel of blessings to my husband and family Or if thou seest fit to finish my life by this danger in child bearing be pleased to receive me to life eternal in thy heavenly Kingdom But if it be thy blessed will I desire humbly to live