Selected quad for the lemma: duty_n

Word A	Word B	Word C	Word D	Occurrence	Frequency Band	MI	MI Band	Prominent
duty_n	husband_n	wife_n	word_n	3,358	5	4.9141	4	true

Text snippets containing the quad

ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A92764	The godly mans choice, or, A direction how single godly persons, who intend marriage, may make choice of a fit and meet yoak-fellow being the meditations of Caleb Grantham in his single state, as a rule and guide for himself to walk by, and since his death perused and published with some profitable directions how persons should live as becometh Christians in the married state / by Henry Scudder ...	Grantham, Caleb.; Scudder, Henry, d. 1659?	1644 (1644)	Wing S2138B; ESTC R42507	34,805	158

content with you unto it or you shall never find content in it You must first be so good a scholler in Christs School as to have learned in every estate to be content 3. Take heed that heat of love do not make you so blinde that you see not things as they are nor yet look after or see any thing but what may concern the satisfying of your present desires 4. How many are there that when they are in love see nothing but fair and good in their Beloved then they can see no faults scarce any infirmities who after marriage when their lust is a little over or unsatisfied or not finding the content they expected are too quick-sighted to see and finde faults when there is none or such only as wise men should have foreseen and can easily bear pass by 5. They are also so wholly taken up with expectation of the present delights and content they shall have by marriage that they do not at all forethink of the many duties which when they are married they must doe nor yet of the cares they must take nor of the evils they are to suffer 7. All these you must think of and prepare for before that you marry 8. God hath in his Word told you what you must doe when you are married most of the particulars I shall shew you in the ensuing Discourse 9. God hath also told you that when you are married you shall have troubles in the flesh such as single persons are freed from yea troubles so many wayes and in so many things that they cannot be numbred daily experience of married persons proveth it to be most true 10. When sin entred into the world it made the whole Creation subject to vanitie it did empty the creature of that sufficiency which before it had whereby satisfaction and content might have been found in it for all those purposes for which God had made it This sin it brought a curse upon the creature yea upon marriage so that if any shall be so foolish as to expect nothing but good in it he shall finde nothing but vanitie and vexation of spirit as we learn by Salomons experiment 11. I write not this to discourage any who have a calling to marry For marriage is an honorable ordinance of God for excellent ends as to be a seminary for the propagation of mankinde a nursery out of which to gather his Church a means to prevent sin in those who have strong desires and cannot well containe as also for mutuall help and comfort in humane societie 12. Such may be a single man or womans constitution of body and condition for their outward estate that the good and comfort of marriage may countervaile and exceed the troubles of it In such cases it is best to marry whereas otherwise it would be best to abstaine 13. The least sin is worse and more to be shunned then the greatest earthly trouble Touching marrying or not marrying choice is to be made according as men may best please God in either estate and be most free from sin or as their condition may be in comparison most free from worldly cares and distractions In some cases some few distractions in the unmarried estate may exceed the many troubles in the married 14. Where a wise and good choice is made there are indeed many benefits and comforts to be found in the married estate For in many cases Two are better then one especially when those two are one in their studies and affections to doe one another good Loving and faithful husbands and wives will one help another in keeping off and if this cannot be in bearing one anothers burdens and will supply each others wants in very many things both corporall and spirituall and will be speciall helpers of each others joy 15. In the married estate may be expected the greatest earthly comforts attainable in this life yea much spirituall comfort if the yoak-fellowes doe truely feare God and are truely religious and loving one to another so that they apply themselves to be helpfull and to doe good and give all lawfull content unto each other in all the good offices they owe as husband and wife and as heires together of the same grace of life 16. It shall be your wisdome to be provident and wary how you enter into this estate and that you foreknow and doe throughly forethink and prepare for abilitie to do the duties and to beare the troubles which that estate wil necessarily put you upon as I hinted before 17 I would therefore have unmarried persons take heed that they deceive not themselves in expecting more good in the married estate then it hath in it to afford them lest when they are disappointed of what they expected nay when contrary to expectation they find much to be done yea much evill to be suffered which they neither looked nor prepared for their lives be made comfortable and as to some it doth prove so irksome and intolerable that they sinfully and too late repent of that their marriage which they so inconsiderably did enter into 1. When two meet persons have acc●rding to the former directions proceeded and have gained consent of parents and consent of each other so that they are resolved to marry one another it is good that they be contracted and made sure one to another by betrothing before that they be solemnly married 2. This hath been the use of Gods people in all ages both before and since the coming of our Saviour His mother the blessed Virgin Mary was betrothed to Joseph 3. This act of betrothing of two meet persons allowed to marry is by mutuall plighting their troths and giving themselves one to another to enjoy each other when they shall be solemnly married 4. This act doth so assure them one to another that they cannot though both should consent go back and desist from marriage yet it doth not give them right of marriage society and due benevolence one from another which is not given untill marriage Mary the mother of our Saviour was Joseph her husbands Wife by vertue of the betrothing but she continued a Virgin Joseph had no knowledge of her because they were not marryed 5. This betrothing is of great good use For after that they are betrothed the mindes of those two are setled all fears and doubts of breaking off are removed They may then not only give leave to their affections but may heighten and inlarge them one towards another Now they may and ought to consider before-hand of their coming together and of making provision for it And this staying some time between the contract and marriage will shew that it is not lust which makes them run headlong into this estate as it is with too many more like brute Beasts then reasonable men but that they do it advisedly soberly and in the fear of God Profitable directions for married Persons SOme of

p. 64. Much evill doth follow the expectation of that good in marriage which it cannot give p. 65 66. After consent is gained in the way prescribed It is very expedient that you be betrothed to eath other before that you be solemnly married p. 66 67. Betrothing will make you sure one to another but not give a right to marriage society p. 67. Betrothing before marriage is of excellent use pag. 68. Directious for married persons Some Duties are common to both Being married together see and acknowledge it being made as before hath been prescribed to be of God p. 69 70. This acknowledging of God will be of great good use to you both p. 70. Consider well what a strict bond and covenant you entred into even into a covenant with God p. 71. You are mutually to love each other abundantly p. 72. The neerness of relation into which by marriage you are entred it being the express will of your God that you should thus love one another must be the spring and foundation of your love pag. 72 73. This love must shew it self in care of each others souls you must pray one for another and in your places edifie one another 74 You must study to please each other in what you may and be helpfull to each other p. 75. You must be faithfull and keep your selves chast and not defraud each other of due benevolence p. 76 77 78. You must not be jealous of each other p. 78. You must be preservers of each others names and credit 78 79. If God give no children you both must submit quietly to his will p. 79. If God give you children you must joyn in bringing them up in the nurture of the Lord p. 79 80. You must be helpfull to each other in governing and ordering the wayes of your family p. 80 81. Touching your estates you must joyn in all lawfull wayes of maintaining it with diligence in your calling being thrifty and frugall p. 82. There ought to be a community betwixt you in the use of your temporall estate p. 83. Expressions of speciall familiarities betwixt you are best shewed when you are alone p. 84. Your love must be so strong that nothing can quench it p. 85. You must not suffer any difference to make a breach or faling out betwixt you p. 85. If any such shall be be sure that you do not sleep upon a discontent between you p. 85. The husband out of wisdome the wife out of duty should begin to shew kindness and to make up the breach p. 86. When either of you begin the other must readily embrace it p. 86. To joyn in prayer to God is an excellent means of reconciling man and wife if any breach have been betwixt them p. 87. The peculiar Duties of the Husband You are wisely to keep that authority over her which God hath given you p. 88. 90. You are to dwell with her as a man of knowledge p. 90. You must esteem her and use her as your companion and second self p. 90. You are to tender her as the weaker vessell pag. 90 91. You are to teach her the wayes of godliness p. 92. You must daily pray with her p. 92. 93. You must use your authority with mildness p. 93 95. You must command her only things lawfull not things unreasonable nor trifles p. 94. Lay commands on her but seldome a bare signification of your will to her should be enough p. 94 95. Never reprove her but for a great and manifest fault and that with the spirit of meekness and love p. 95 96. Due time and place must be observed when you reprove her p. 96 97. You must nnver be so unmanly and unnaturall as to correct her with blowes pag. 98 99. If shee will not be governed then help of the Magistrate is to be desired p. 99. You must shew wisdome in her imployments p 99 100. You are to give your wife all good encouragement when shee doth well being more ready to approve her well-doing then to reprove her for evill p. 101. The wife must be well provided for before your decease that shee surviving may live more comfortably p. 101 102. You must not give all or too much to her with the neglect of your children p. 102. Nor yet may you give all or most to your children neglecting your wife p. 102 103. Peculiar Duties of the Wife You must see in your Husband and acknowledge the stamp of Gods authority upon him God having made him to be your head and ruler p. 104. You most in abundance of love shew true reverence to him in word and deed p. 105. You must obey him in the Lord in all things p. 106. Some Cautions and other generall Directions to Husbands and wives for the close of all that the married estate to them may be more contentfull and comfortable p. 107 c. Errata FOr comfortable p. 66. l. 1. r. uncomfortable for enjoy p. 108. l. 14. r. enjoying for do p. 108. l. 15. r. doing FINIS Ruth 4. 11 Jere. 2. 2. Heb. 12. 22 23. Eph. 3. 15. E. M. Cogunt●●●ss● ma●●● 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ●sse v●les Sal de Prov. s● 66. 24. Ezek. 16. 8. Pro. 31 1. Filii diligend● sunt in Deo 〈◊〉 propter Deum Quid Christus nisi Deum in nobis dilexit non quem habebamus sed ut haberemus Lomb. l. 3. D. 27. Isa. 65. 8. Jos. 24. 15 Prov. 10. Act. 9. 39. Psal. 18. 23. Joh. 17. 4. Eph. 5. 22. Col. 3. 18. Tit. 2. 17. Jam. 2. 17. Pro. 18. 22. Pro. 19. 14. Gen. 2. 21 Jer. 45. 5. Gen. 24. 2. 3. Gen. 28. 12. Gen. 21. 21. Jos. 15. 17. 1 Sam. 18. 27. Ruth 1. 2. Gen. 28. 6 7. Gen. 34 4. Gen. 26. 34 35. Prov. 30. 19. Psal. 55. 22. Deut. 31. 6. Psal. 9. 10. 1 Sam. 18. 25. Jos. 15. 17 Isa. 26. 3. Phil. 4. 11. 1 Cor. 7. 28. Rom. 8. 20 Gen. 3. 16 Eccl. 1. 14. Eccl. 2. 3. 11. Mal. 2. 15. 1 Cor. 7. 2 1 Cor. 7. 32. 35. Eccles. 4. 9 10 11 12. Deut. 20. 7. Deut. 22. 32. Mat. 1. 18. Mat. 1. 20. Mat. 1. 18. 25. Mat. 19. 6. Prov. 19. 14. Prov. 7. 2. Gen. 2. 23 24. Mat. 19. 5 6. 1 Cor. 7. 2. 1 Cor. 8. 1. 1 Pet. 3. 1. 1 Cor. 7. 33 34. Gen. 2. 18. Prov. 31. 11 12. 1 Thes 4. 4 Heb. 13. 4. 1 Cor. 7. 3. Lev. 18. 19 24. 1 Tim. 4. 4 5. Prov. 5. 18 19 20. Job 31. 12. Prov. 6. 33 Prov. 6. 32 Heb. 13. 4. Gen. 39. 9 Lev. 20. 10. 1 Cor. 13. 7. 1 Pet. 4. 8. Gen. 30. 1 Pro. 22. 6. Eph. 6. 4. Ps. 101. 6. Gen. 18. 19 Deut. 6. 7. Prov. 27. 23. 26. Pro. 31. 27 Pro. 10. 4. Pro. 21. 5. Eph. 4. 28. Gen. 26. 8 1 Cor. 13. 5. 7. Eph. 4. 26. Jam. 3. 17. 1 Tim. 2. 12. 1 Pet. 3. 7. 2 King 4. 9 10. 22. 24. Mal. 2 14. 1 Pet. 3. 7. Pro. 2. 17. 1 Cor. 14. 35. 1 Pet. 3. 5. Gal. 6. 1. Lev. 25. 43. Col. 3. 19. Ephes. 5. 29. Prov. 31. 31. Ephes. 5. 23. Gen. 3. 16. Ephes. 5. 33. 2 Sam. 6. 16. 1 Pet. 3. 6. Eph. 5. 24. 1 Cor. 7. 29 2 Cor. 11. 2. Luke 10. 42. Ps. 62. 10. Mat. 6. 33. Ps 45. 11. 1 Cor. 7. 29 1 Cor. 7. 30. 31. ● Thes. 3. 5. Mat. 25. 1. 4. 7. 10. Luk. 20. 35 36. 1 Thes 4. 17. Psal. ●6 1 Joh. 3. 2. Phil. 3. 21.

life according as it is well or ill done The composer of these choyce Rules or Directions was a most ingenious and holy young man of good learning rare parts he studied before hand and practised these Rules which he had gathered out of the Oracles of God and he had God going along with him for he gave him a wife according to his desire with whom he lived but a short time it pleasing the Lord in favour to him to take him away from the evil to come The memory of the just is blessed Some erect monuments in Marble that their name may be kept in perpetuall remembrance And it was the manner in some places that in their mourning for their dead friends they held forth and shewed some of their most excellent works which they wrought while they lived I think a better monument cannot bee raised nor better means can be used to preserve this mans name most pretious sweet and ever living and most profitable to posterity then by making this his work publick to the Churches of God These are such as will alike serve to direct a single woman in her acceptance and choyce of an husband to teach parents how to make choyce of husbands and wives for their children as well as to direct a man to make a good choyce of a wife I commend unto all the practise of this our brother for their imitation that every one study and endevour to know and to do the works and duties of the places and conditions wherin God hath set them that they may walk with God and please him therein Amongst the secondary evidences of being in state of grace and accepted with God I know none more clear and certain then this that a Believer in Christ Jesus doe adde unto his faith a conscionable care to please God in the well doing the work of his particular calling and relation I cannot think that a man hath any more power of godlines then as he shall respectively endevour to manifest it in the particular calling condition of life wherein God hath placed him as well as in his generall For an upright man as he will as David did keep himself from his iniquity that is the iniquity which through his naturall corruption he was most prone unto to which through the particular condition of his life he was most tempted and in greatest danger so his speciall care will be to doe the duty of his own place to do that work which God in speciall hath given him to doe The Apostle in divers places after he had delivered the doctrine of faith he subjoyneth the doctrine of good works First more generally as the effects and evidences of a lively faith and then he descendeth to particular duties of men and women according to their severall ranks and relations as of Wives to their Husbands Husbands to their Wives of Children to Parents and of Parents to their Children of Servants to their Masters and of Masters to their Servants as the effects and evidences of true sanctity Where a generall good conversation is not endevoured there faith is not alive but dead and if a man think he hath faith and hath not works he deceiveth himselfe so if he think he hath works because he doth many of the works of holinesse and righteousnesse which his generall calling to Christiaanity leadeth him unto but yet doth not the work which God particularly hath given him to doe he also deceiveth himselfe he may fear that the holines and righteousnes which he seemed to have is not sound Whosoever shall bee desirous to make use of these Directions to make a good entrance into marriage will I thinke be as desirous to know how to live as becommeth Christians when they are maried Wherefore for their help I have added unto the end of these directions some others touching Husbands and wives their loving and living together so as they may please God and may live comfortably and happily in the married condition Both these directions I commend to all that desire information herein and also commend you and these to be blessed to you by God the instituter of the ordinance of marriage to whom be ascribed as most due is all honour and glory now and for ever Yours to serve you in the Lord HENRY SCUDDER Pastor of Collingburn Ducis in Wilts. July 23. 1644. The Godly mans Choyce EVery end hath its proper way and means appertaining to it All ways will not equally alike lead to the same end there is a contrary way that will never bring thee to it There is a crooked and indirect way that may perhaps but with much trouble and labour but then there is a streight and direct way and this is that way which will both with ease and pleasure bring thee to thy desired end This is the way which all men grope after but few can find it Now if to marry and to marry in the Lord a wife and a good wife one with whom thou mayst begin thy dayes with joy continue them in quiet and end them with comfort if this be the end of thy thoughts then surely the most direct and streight way to obtain it will be to seek her of God Not a few are the inducements to move us to this course 1. Because hee is best able to guide and direct you to the finding of her she is a flower that growes not in every garden an hearb that is not in every field she is not to be found in every house you may seek long enough ere you find and finding be deceived unlesse God direct you 2. She cannot be had from any other but from him he it is who is the great Patron in whose family are all the prudent wise vertuous religious persons that are to be desired and if thou wouldest have one of these apply thy self to obtain his favour so shalt thou find a good wife Pro. 18. 22. In other families no doubt thou mayst find a rich wife a beautifull wife but a prudent wife is from the Lord Pro. 19. 14. 3. It is the easiest way to find her Mercies though great yet when they cannot but with great difficulty be obtained it either disheartens us in the pursuit of them or els abates the sweetnesse in the enjoyment of them but with how much content and delight is the heart filled when it apprehendeth a great mercy tumbling into his lap Wouldst thou obtain a good wife which of temporall mercies is the greatest lo this is the most compendious way sit thou still doe but seek and wait and at length thou shalt as it were behold God bringing her in his hand and offering her to thee we see Adam slept while God brought Eve unto him Gen. 2. 21. 4. Never any found that did not thus seek many indeed have wandred roved over this wide world seeking in every place casting their eyes in every corner

the head of his wife yet know though you are not to suffer your wife to rule you it shall yet be your wisdome not to contemne her counsell and advice nor to deny her any reasonable request 3. In the use of your authoritie remember alwayes that shee is thy companion and the wife of thy Covenant and consider how neere God hath made your wife unto you even flesh of your flesh but shee is the weaker and more tender part of you and therefore you are to honor her as the weaker vessell in tender care of her pitying covering bearing with and healing her imperfections and infirmities you must not put her upon any thing but according to her strength abilities you must support her weaknes by your strength and supply her defects by your wisdome The weaknesse shee hath by reason of her sex shee yet being so neere unto you and necessary for you and may be helpfull to you must indeare you to her and cause you to be exceeding tender in your care of her God hath made you to be the guide of her youth yea of all her dayes and he hath given you to have authoritie to command reprove as there shall be cause and to order her in her place and hath left it to you to provide for her good every way All this you must do out of conscience of duty to God and in love to her 4. That you may do this the better you must go before her in all holy example in godliness and righteousness you must store your self with knowledge of the Will and Wayes of God wherefore study the Scriptures heare the Word much and treasure it up The wife might not speak in the Church her husband at home is to teach her she is appointed to learn of him there 5. You must pray not only for her but with her and that not only in the family but with her alone some confessions and petitions will be needfull for you to make together which cannot fitly be put up in hearing of others you are therefore saith God to dwell with her as a man of knowledge that your prayers be not hindred you are heirs of the same blessing therfore you are to help her in all good wayes whereby she may have knowledge and grace that she may partake of that inheritance 6. You must use your authority with wisdome mildeness and love your commands must be lawfull not only in themselves but such as she doth not make scruple of their lawfulness you must command in the Lord else she is exempt frō obedience 7. Your commands must be of things not too difficult but in her power to do them 8. You must not require of her things unreasonable and such as are not fit for her but rather for others in the family for to do 9. Use not commands for trifles and small matters 10. Be very seldom in laying any command upon your wife An intimation of what you would have done is enough between an husband and a wife intreaties of a wife do not unbecome a husband though she be his inferiour and usually they do more prevail then flat commands 11. Frequency and imperiousness in cōmands of one so neer in equality will make your authority burthen some and grievous unto her and will much abate in her do what she can of that honour and reverence which shee should and would give unto you 12. You may and ought to dislike and reprove your wife when shee is blame-worthy but you must do this also in much love and wisdome 13. Be sure that there be a fault and a great fault in her else reprove not lesser failings may be healed and amended either of themselves or by a bare remembring her of them many failings you are not to take notice of and are to bear with in her as she must do the like with you 14. When she is very faulty the reproof must be proportioned to the quality and greatness of the fault but must be done with the spirit of meekness Rough language and overmuch heat in reproving though the cause be never so just will be like a good potion administred scalding hot this will not be forced down shee can hardly take it so hot but will belch it up in the face of him that giveth it and the vertue of it is utterly lost 15. Due time and place must be observed when you reprove and admonish your wife you must not do it when either your self or your wife is in a pelting chafe or passion for then you are not fit to give nor she fit to receive reproof A mad man is not in case to reprove nor a mad woman in case to be reproved while men and women are in passion they are not themselves 16. As for the place except in extraordinary cases when the fault is notorious and open or may presently corrupt others if it be not then and there reproved ordinarily it is best to be done when you are private and alone she may then see that it is done in love to her and for her good which will cause it to be well taken and will work more kindly with her 17. Your whole government of your wife must be in all sweetness and kindness you must not rule a childe no not a servant with rigour you must much more abhor all bitterness to a wife you must alwayes remember that she is your self and you know who saith No man ever yet hated his own flesh 18. I would not have it to be a question whether an husband may beat his wife and correct her with stripes as he doth his servant or child though shee do offend him He may for some of her faults if she persist in them withdraw from her some of his former expressions of kindness and fruits of his bounty and may abridge her of some of her former delights which formerly hee did allow her But to beat her that is himself wee have no rule nor example in the Word of God for it He is worse and more unnaturall then a brute beast that will fight with his own mate 19. If the wife be intolerable and will not be governed by the husbands cōmands and reproof if she remain unsufferable he must crave help of the publike Magistrate that by him shee may be reclaimed 20. You must likewise shew love and wisdome in the matter of your wives imployments A wife must not live idlely as neither must you neither must shee be made a drudge and be overburthened with too too much Let her imployment be sutable to her place and to her condition skill strength and ability she is to be assistant to you in matters of your calling if thereof she be capable also shee is to assist you in guiding and governing the family 21. You must also provide for your wife and allow her things needfull and protect her from things hurtfull according to your place and as you are