shew no small kindness to Christians shall Christians shew no great kindnesse to Barbarians and Persons unacquainted with religion if those that we wish were good were found to be very neighbourly shall we harden them in their Condition by being behind with them in Kindnesse 4. Courteously being affable amiable willing to keep correspondence and to comply with others not against Conscience but against natural Disposition and the bent of our Spirits which must be so far ordered and mastered as that we withdraw not from Neighbours and Friends as those that be loath to look upon them that 's against humanity nor be sowre towards them that 's against civility nor refrain causlesly commō meetings with them that 's against the laws of love and humane society 5. Christianly in regard of all the former carrying them all with an aime at their Conversion and trying them whether they may be made good by any good words or wayes of love but not tyring them in the tryal By such courses as these we shall either allure them to our Profession and if God will gain them or else honour our Profession before them 53. But Friends and Acquaintance are further off In the Family where our residence is most required our prudence is tyed to a continual task 54. Therein haply some are Equals and toward these we must carry our selves humbly not haughtily and chearfully not dully and lumpishly one Friend is not to be a Stone to another out of which nothing can be gotten but a whet stone to sharpen and quicken to such conference and converse as is both pious and profitable both for the advantage of their Souls and their affairs 55. Others in the Family are Inferiours towards whom we must be carefull to exercise Religion Justice Patience 1. Religion in the countenancing of that that is good and discountenancing of every thing that is evil It is not to be spoken how much good Superiours do by casting their favours upon them that fear God and their frowns upon the Sinnes and corruptions of their Charges 2. Justice The care of those that are not equal but advanc'd above others is to do that that is equal trembling to abuse their power and preheminence to oppression 3. Patience and condescending and that so far as to let my Servant know that as I am his Master so Reason is mine and much more Religion 56 The nearest Family-relation and the dearest is that of man and wife wherein Love is the wifes due and Subjection the husbands Honour is a thing belonging to them both to the husband as the Worthier to the wife as the Weaker as a costly piece of Plate is laid up choycely and a curious Glasse handled tenderly the one because of the value the other because of the beauty and bricklenesse 57. It s an easie matter for the Wife that is the lesse and the tenderer to love the Husband but of greater vertue for the Husband that is the higher to love the Wife and of especial efficacy also turning all the wheels in the Wifes frame for the Husbands use for Love in it self is an amiable and attracting Vertue but withall it includes an estimation hence the love of eminent men is a Rarity for they look upon what is in others as great Merchants upon petty Markets wherein there is nothing but things too poor for them to prize Now Estimation is the greatest encouragement to Action and Accommodation the Wife therefore discerning her self to be a Person priz'd and her Husbands delight Delights to do that onely and all that that may accomplish the Husbands desire 58. A Husbands love will never take away the Wifes fear Vertue begets Reverence especially in those who do not onely behold the beauty but enjoy the benefit of it and love is the Husbands proper Vertue Familiarity may breed Contempt in a political and civil distance but not in a conjugal which is not like the head politique and the body in which either part uses too much to shift for it self that to maintain an honour and this to obtain a benefit but like the head natural and the members that are so indeared that the head is never in dammage of contempt for dealing kindly with the inferiour members Besides that God so blesses what he requires in the Husband that is intire love that it shall never hinder him of what the same God requires in the Wife that is hearty and seemly respect 59. As Love must be the Husbands study so is Subjection the Wives duty I say Subjection a sad word but a thing not only easie but sweet if the Husband mind his duty first The Husband loves the Wife serves and who are not Servants most willingly when they are lov'd most dearly Love was never yet known to be a Tyrant Besides in him that guides and carries things by his Command the ability is required and by him the adventure is born the Wife hath the ease to walk onely in the way chaulked out neither cumbred with the managing of the business if it be difficult nor blamed for the successe if it be disasterous Adde to this that it is the custome of Love in the Husband to put the Wifes counsel into his own Command and so to obey him is to please her self and to fulfill her own mind 60. If it so fall out that the Husband be more imperious than wise and have more mind to rule than to love it sends the sad Wife to see why she chose him but doth not privilege her to disobey him here her Wisedome must facilitate her Subjection which in stead of denying Obedience prevents Commands for which purpose if she foresee any thing unlawfull her piety pleads for the prevention and that so as to take no Nay if unreasonable her wit if unpleasing her interests and by these means but ever with prayer to God for though it do not belong to Wives to rule their Husbands yet to God it doth I say by these means the matter is like to be well amended If any thing be yet heavier that will not make Disobedience lawfull but it will make Obedience laudable and much more thank-worthy and its like to be as profitable to the Wife as commenlable in her the doing of what God requires of her being the onely way to change and mollifie her hard Husband not onely because meeknesse and submissiveness hath a melting quality in any heart that can relent but because where Gods will is performed Gods power that is able to alter and order all things and persons is more hopefully expected and the more like sooner or later to be obtained 60. Nothing more alienates Maried persons than the studying of each others imperfections and errours which as they should keep as much as may be from others eyes so from their own thoughts the observation of them is too much for others the meditation
that of Pastors may well challenge the first place concerning whom the Rule is esteem them very highly in love for their works sake Nor is due and just estimation to be entertained onely but as there is occasion to be declared for as outward expressions without inward and real respects are reputed a Flattery so an inward estimation not seconded by outward and answerable acknowledgements is in danger to be reckoned a Dissimulation The heart is the treasury of good affections not the prison 42. Yet Ministers require no such respect as to debarre their People from being their private and modest Remembrancers whether of defects or faults for as People have from Pastors a ministerial so Pastors have from People a christian assistance but its sufficient when they have to do with Ministers and men apprehensive to intimate the former and while they have to do with men consciencious and tender to touch the latter Not that things not justifiable should be favoured in any but Men look to have so much right done them as not to be worse thought of than they are Now a frequent and importunate Monitor reports himself to have either a dull or an hard-hearted hearer 43. Christian Remembrances from People to their Pastor as they ever require due observance so do they relish best when they are tendred to them and so it is when they are tendred to any other as acts of obedience and conscience proceeding from them not as men affecting such an office but as not daring to omit such a duty its one thing to speak of things amiss especially to Superiors as those that are bound to do it another thing to speak as those that are bent to do it 44. It s good also to be sure things are amisse before a man signifie it else he must needs discover a want either of a good judgement or of good will which though the wisedome and humility of Ministers and good Christians will and should cover yet People should provide not to discover Two things are due to all good People in particular to a Pastor Love and Honour Love covers a multitude of things that are truly blameable but Honour will not so much as mention that that is questionable 45. Such things as these are requisite in point of prudence between People and their Pastor but the best wisedome of a Hearer is to make the best use of his Minister for which purpose Disciples shall do well to propound and Ministers to accept and countenance usefull Questions but propounded they should be at fit times without molestation and urged with modesty as by those whose meaning is not to maintain an Argument there 's difference between a Disciple and a Disputant but to obtain an Answer 46. Upon such Proposals Ministers do for present as need requires and as occasions permit debate the matter and perhaps deliver their judgements which people are reverently to receive and to entertain as those that are willing to take resolution as well as to seek it not but that they may examine any mans judgements as the Bereans did Pauls Sermon by Scripture or by Reason but not oppose it by mere opinion I grant indeed there may be some belonging to a Ministers charge of extraordinary parts knowledge and judgement to whom therefore more is to be granted but to speak of that which is ordinary it is not equal nor modest when Teachers and Scholars conferre together for the Scholar and Disciple to oppose judgement with judgement nor to be high and peremptory though with some shew of reason for if the Teacher have not better reason for the present yet he may have 47. But whatever Pastors and Teachers say for the present yet as preaching is a Ministers principal task so is it a Hearers highest help what Hearers propound Ministers do perhaps more observe than answer when they propound it and choose rather to speak better in publick than more in private and publick Sermon-solutions are absolutely best unlesse in some private and personal Cases as being 1. more general what satisfaction I alone should have in private many by my means and proposals have in publick 2. more full and by reason of study and meditation more full of sufficiency than those can be that are delivered suddenly 3. and more effectual by informing the mind and satisfying the conscience as being held forth in Gods principal Ordinance to which he hath promised his special presence and blessing and with the prayers of the Minister and the whole Congregation that that blessing may be bestowed 48. Yet the occasions gifts and dispositions of men being different and some being more addicted to Discourse than Meditation and more happy in it also nothing can be here certainly defined nor is it needfull for the wise and carefull Christian will quickly see what he may have and how he may best have it and accordingly manage the matter so as to obtain his own best assistance with his Pastors best acceptance 49. Next to the Minister our Wisedom will be well imployed in carrying our selves commendably to our Neighbours and Friends whether called by the grace of God and sanctified or as yet uncalled 50. With those that are truly good we shall do well to converse 1. with more familiarity and openesse of heart as being of one houshold however Un-united by external allyances 2. with intireness of affection as being children of one Father whatever outward distances there be 3. with respect to edification as being Servants of the same Master for whose use we ought to improve one another In this regard the sum of our Duty is to assist in Persons regenerate the part regenerate and that according to that good and perfect and acceptable will of God whereby the renewed mind ought to be guided A thing the rather to be marked that our Zeale in the pressing of Persons well affected may be imployed with respect to Duty not Phansie so as to nourish grace in them not humour and so as to beat down sinne in them not civility and humanity In brief that that is contrary to Gods word not our way 51. As for those that are Un-called the rule is to carry our selves towards them wisely It sufficeth in a sort to carry our selves towards the good innocently but as for those that be without as all Un-converted persons are in a true and a sad sence Innocency needs Wisedoms assistance for the avoiding of any thing blameable though but in appearance It belongs to our Sanctity and Sincerity not to be Faulty but to our Wisedom not to seem so 52. Particularly we shall do well before unregenerate Neighbours and Friends to carry our selves 1. Innocently then shall not they harm us then may we the better hope to winne them 2. Meekly for if they be bad so were we and if we be good so may they 3. Kindly if Barbarians
with one another yea and to converse together as Fellow-heirs of the grace of life what 's a good nature in reference to these things but the white of an egge which hath this in it that it offends not but this withall that it relisheth not Let it be the praise of good natures that they contradict not goodness but is not this a deep defect that they contribute nothing to it Good they be for the six dayes but on the Lords day what is there pleasant in them but their Patience It s true that a fair nature rustles with religion in a froward and seems to get the better yet to them that love to live in a course beyond nature and to see God in a Companion not Cato Socrates Phocion c. Grace with all its faults will be better than refined Nature A piece of Gold is better though it needs its allowance than the compleatest piece of Silver and fretfull Jonas will be found more lovely than the meekest Mariner or the sweetest Ninâ—vite 72. The next thing to be looked at after the religion of a Consort is the good discretion for Wisedom exceeds Folly as much as Light exceeds Darknesse This is true in all but in those especially of better parts If a Daughter be to be disposed of of more worth nothing is more to be feared next to an Ungodly than an Unworthy Husband for the duty of a Wife is to be subject and with what patience shall wisedom be subject to Folly It may better be born if there be eminency of gifts on the Husbands part and infirmity on the Wives and yet this is a business also for a Husband ought to love his Wife and there 's such a distance between Wisedome and Weaknesse that there will be work enough for a more than ordinary Wisedom to love with a Husbands love a Woman of more than ordinary Weakness 73. After this Mariage-affection requires a pleasing person I say after this discretion which is of the greater consequence even in the matter of affection than an external amiablenesse is for this is the difference between Discretion and Beauty that Discretion is a thing still continuing and still thriving hence the love grounded upon that both stayes and growes but Beauty may be gone suddenly and howsoever is going continually hereupon the affection must needs fall with the foundation yet it combines on both sides in her especially that is to be the desire of a mans eye of no small importance which suppose erelong it loose its lustre yet divers things that will not abide to the last may serve for the rooting and setling of affection at the first 74. Nor is a Patrimony and Portion to be contemned where a Family and Posterity is to be raised Fathers must not onely lay out but lay up for their Children and it is not easie nor a thing so likely that they should lay up much who begin with nothing Besides we would be willing to live so as to expresse Vertue and draw a just reputation from others by the beames of beneficence dispers'd from our selves now though Wisedome and Vertue be truly yea and eminently good in it self yet it is evidently good with an inheritance in which regard howsoever a worldly portion is justly reckoned a very bad Leader yet neglect not to look upon it as a usefull Follower 75. All these things doe in special manner concern the Parties themselves that are towards mariage onely Parents are to see that they doe not out of self will and imperiousnesse or for vain and worldly ends or out of self-respects hinder their Children from walking in but rather do all they can by their counsel and authoritie to guide and carry them in a right and regular way in a matter of so great importance When God hath given Children unto them as his Trustees a chief part of their care lyes in this to take â—eed how they give them away and into what hands they put them for a continual and perpetual abode 76. Mariage being according to these and the like Rules religiously managed as it is an estate honourable in it selfe and in Gods account so shall it be honourable also in the judgement of all those that do impartially observe it yea and in the Consciences of those Men that do ungroundedly oppose it FINIS Magistratus Virum indicat He that will prove his yoke of Oxen proves them best by putting them into the yoke Luk. 14. 19 with 2 Cor. 6. 14. b Gen. â—8 33. c Luk. 10. 39. a 1 Cor. 7. 32 33 34. b 1 Tim 2. 15. c Mark 13 â—4 d Eccles. 2. 2. e 1 Cor. â— 29. f Luke 14. 20. g Mat. 22. 5. a Hebr. 13. 4. Requisites in mariage 1. Zeal 2. Patience b Ecc'es 1. 15. Impatience an enemy to Society 1 With God c Jam. 1. 20. d 1 Tim. 2. 8. 2. With Man 3. With our own Consciences Comforts in crosseness of nature a Numb 12. 3. b Jonah 4. 9. c 2 Pet. 1. 4. The cure of Impatience 1. Consideration of Gods providence d Job 1. â—2 c Eccles. â— 15. 2. Of our own faults 3. A Communing with our own hearts 4. A friend to us and an enemy to our frowardness * Plutarch de Adulat Amici discrim Prayers 3. Wisdom In matters of Religion a Gen. 18. 33. b Luke 11. 9 10. c Ezra 8. 21 22. d Gen. 24. 12 15 7. 1. In religious exercises e 1 Cor. 14. 16. f Jer. 48. 10. g Mat. 9. 16 17. 2. In Christian conference h Heb. 3. 12 13. a 1 Cor. 10. 31. b Gen. 43 34. Judg. 14. 12. c Mal. 3. 16. d Mal. 3. 16. e Col. 3. 16. f Coloss. 3. 16. To edifying is required 1 Clearing the soil 2. A good foundation 3. A â—ight frame 4 A meet manner of build ing a Jude v. 23. b 1 Kings 6 7. c prov 11. 30. d John 3. 12. a Ephes 2. 22. Duties of Relation 1. For Ministers a 1 Thess. 5. 13. b Col. 1. 17. 1. 2. 3. a Mat. 28. â—0 2. For Neighbours Friends 1. b Gal. 6 10. 2. c 2 Cor. 6. last * Ps. 119. 69. 3. d Rom. 12. 2. e Coloss. 4. 5. f Mark 4. 11. g 1 Thes. 5. 22. 1. h 1 Pet. 3 13. i 1 Pet. 2. 12. 2. k Tit. 3. 2 3. 3. l Act 28. 2. 4. 5. 3. For those in the Family 1. Equals c Rom. 12. 10. d Prov. 27. 17. â— Inferiours 1. Ps. 101. 4 5 6 7. 2. f Col. â— 1. g Job 31. 21 â—3 3. h Job 31. 13. 3. Man and wife i 1 Pet. 3. 7. Ephe. 5. â—5 Col. 3. 14. a Eph. 5. 33. b 1 Pet. 2. 19. c Judg. 8 1 2 3 d Phil. 3. 21. Prov. 21. 1. a 1 Pet. 3. 7. b Gen. 20. 16. c 1 Pet. 3. 7. d 1 Cor. 7. 29 31. e Lu 20 35 36. f Judg. 7. 5 7. g Gen. 33. 5. 1. Children h Prov. 22. 6. a Joh. 2. 22. b Prov. 22. 6. c Prov. 22. 15. 1. 2. 3. d Prov. 22. 15. e 2 Sam. 7. 27. f 2 Cor. 12 14 g Mat. 6. 33. h Prov. 31. 30 i 1 Pet. 3. 7. a Eccles. â— 13. b Ezek. 24. 16 18. c 2 Cor. 11. 14. d Eccles 7. 11. 1 Pet. 3. 7.