be prevailed upon by this and much more also True Christian love is grown so rare that often 't is not found among those called Christians in the same family and nearest relations the love and care of each others Souls is that which is least regarded and of all duties of Relations and Kindred this is neglected or forgot Men readily entertain Satans Suggestions in this respect and the best arguments are of no force when opposed by such thoughts as these 'T is not my duty I am not bound to it I think it may go down well with them that so live together as you have advised I think I should like to do so But as for perswading my partner my wife or my husband I have nothing to do with that To preach is the Ministers work let every one look to themselves each take their own way we may do well enough without joyning in Religious duties or at least without perswading one another to them Such are the thoughts of poor corrupted creatures not willing to joyn with Christ in the way of Gods appointment Now to prevent the stop which such thoughts may cause and that without doubting or shifting by excuses you may with full purpose of heart cleave to the Lord I desire you would consider these things 1. Consider seriously of such thoughts as in the presence of God Can you verily think that God will allow of such a plea and excuse does Gods word any where approve or favour it Nay does not his word direct and command the contrary what else is the meaning of those texts Comfort your selves together and edifie one another 1 Thes 5.11 Exhort one another daily while it is called to day Heb. 3.13 Consider one another to provoke to love and to good works Heb. 10.24 If these and the like texts make it the duty of assemblies and communities of Christians to perswade one another for their Souls good much more then is it the duty of neerer relations and becomes a command of greater force to such and renders those that neglect it utterly without excuse Consider what is the meaning of that word of the Lord Gen. 4.10 What hast thou done The voice of thy Brothers blood crieth unto me 'T is the Lords reply to that froward rash answer and inconsiderate excuse of Cain who said am I my brothers keeper And let conscience judge if the like word may not be spoken to you if you endeavour not to preserve if possible a neerer and bosom relation Beware then lest the voice of a perishing Soul cry against thy sinful negligence 2 Consider tho' it were not thy plain Christian duty to endeavour to win thy companion to Gods way by perswading yet be sure it is not thy duty to forbear perswasions And where there is but a probable appearance of doing good common human prudence will set you on perswading if indeed you love But if you reply that these things best come of themselves and that perswasions are for the most part of small purpose consider if men are hardly brought to the way of piety by perswasion will they more easily be brought to it by having nothing said to them for shame blush at such folly 3. Consider if lawful possible promises do bind to duty ought you not to be as good as your word and to do what you promised Now on that account of promise 't is certainly your duty both in sight of God and man You have solemnly promised as in the presence of God and God requires it of you and all true Christian friends and sober Christians are looking how you will behave your selves That you may more distinctly remember your promises I advise you to take these helps 1. Read over sometimes the office of Matrimony as in the Common Prayer-Book and with seriousness and consideration think on your marriage Vow and what you promised to each other when you consented to the married state That is to live together in love according to God holy ordinance I suppose you know that is to be meet helps to each other this is the appointment of God from the beginning And does this Ordinance or appointment of God respect help only in order to the good of the Body and not help for the Soul also I am fully perswaded that none dare say so but that it fully includes the help for the Souls good also And then think whether it be not your duty to defire each the other and endeavour to perswade each other to take the good and the right way for your Souls good to live together according to Gods holy ordinance as you have promised 2. Read over the prayers then to be used and think whether you did then truly desire those things or else minded them not and so mocked God Or do you yet desire those things indeed If you do you must acknowledg it your duty to endeavour to engage each other to that holy practice so to live together in holy love according to Gods Law and that you may see your Children Christianly and vertuously brought up to the praise and honour of God that you your selves hinder not those blessings you then begged of God 3. Read also those well chosen Scriptures that teach the duties of husbands and wives to each other and let them be as notes of memorial to bring you to your Bibles and so to bring you to your duty to perswade each other that you may thro' Christ Jesus come together to God I wish these things may be considered and prevail also I know they are sufficient if seriouslly considered to incline the mind and if that be but made willing I make no doubt but that I shall convince you that you are able and that you can do much by way of perswasion if you please Sect. VI. Shewing that young people are able to perswade one another if they are indeed willing to enter on Gods holy way I Might now justly leave it to your consciences to judg and am confident you must approve in the general of what I am perswading you to But I know that tho' you are convinced that is fully perswaded that you ought to do so yet while corruption prevails the unwilling heart will find some thing to hinder from doing And tho' at last you are convinced that 't is your duty and that you ought to call upon and to perswade each other to lead a Religious life yet you are ready to say or think that you know not how to do it and therefore there is but small likelyhood that you should prevail and therefore you resolve to let it alone altogether You may say I am periwaded that I ought to do it but I cannot tell how to do it and therefore I will not do it Thus an unwilling mind is easily discouraged in this matter especially in such as have not before some savour of Religion and liking to a Religious life To such I answer and say you may endeavour if you are
Adam and Eve and didst sanctifie and joyn them together in marriage pour upon us the riches of thy Grace sanctifie and bless us that we may please thee both in body and Soul and live together in holy love to our lives end Amen These you may use or so many of them as you think best only take heed that you may with the words express the true and hearty desires of your Souls to God alwayes concluding with the Lords Prayer as our Saviour in his Gospel hath taught us to pray saying OUR Father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen And then add The Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Love of God and the fellowship of the holy Ghost be with us evermore Amen A prayer to obtain Children to be used by those for whom it is necessary O Merciful God and heavenly Father by whose gracious gift mankind is increased we beseech thee assist us both with thy blessing that we may neither of us be barren but both of us fruitful in Children and also may live together so long in godly love and honesty that we may see our Children Christianly and Vertuously brought up to thy praise and honour thro' Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen Or instead of these you may make use of either of those that follow which of them you shall think most suitable to your condition to make known the desire of your heart to the heart-searching God The married persons joynt request unto God taken out of Mr. Hieron's help to Devotion THou O most blessed God didst first ordain the married state and it is thy providence by which we which were two are now made one flesh having mutually resigned our selves either to other by our entrance into this holy League It is the desire of our Souls to live together to thy glory and to the contentment each of other This we cannot do without thee for of our selves besides sin we can do nothing unto thee therefore do we commend our most earnest and humble suit that it may please thee so to besprinkle our Souls with the dew of thy grace that from thence may spring a plentiful increase of Sobriety of righteousness and of holiness in our lives Allay in us all sensual and brutish love purifying and sanctifying our affections one toward another that we may in nothing dishonour this honourable state nor pollute the bed of marriage which thou thy self in thy word hast called undefiled but may use this thine ordinance in that holy sort that carnal lusts may be slaked and subdued not increased or inflamed thereby Endue us with a godly care to acquaint our selves with thy blessed word that we may know and understand what duty is required at our hands what authority tempered with love and compassion and freed from all bitterness is committed to the husband what obedience and submission with reverence is commended in the wife what faithfulness in matrimonial duties either to other is enjoyned what providence and care is expected of the man and what assistance and help of the woman And when we know and have learned these things grant that it may be our study to practise them that so the husband may be as a faithful guide to his wife and the wife a crown and credit to her husband Make us wise to observe the natures and dispositions one of another that in all lawful things the one may seek to please and content the other the one may know how to bear with and to forbear the other not winking at any evil in one another but discreetly chusing the fittest opportunities for mutual admonishing without all shews of tyranny in the one or of presumption in the other Open our hearts that we may faithfully and chearfully communicate one to the other that sweetness which we find in heavenly things that sowe may go hand in hand towards heaven And that our chief love and delight either in other may be grounded upon the hope we have that we are heirs together of the grace of life In our family link us together in one common care to oversee the wayes of our houshold to seek the promoting and advancing of thy Kingdom the good instruction and education of our Children and servants Finally O Lord so unite and joyn us together in fidelity of affection that we may ever devote our selves to the procuring of the present and eternal good one of another that so living here comfortably we may reign with thee perpetually in that thy Kingdom which the blood of thy Son hath prepared for those that love and fear thy name Unto which Kingdom O Lord reserve us even for thy Son's sake and for thy mercies sake Amen Another to the same purpose O Lord our God who art pleased to look in mercy on thy poor creatures thro' the Lord Jesus Christ and dost promise to hear the prayers made to thee in his name we beseech to hear our prayers and supplications incline our hearts to pray and be pleased to hear and answer us graciously for Christ Jesus sake Thou O blessed Lord hast ordained the state of marriage and by thy good providence hast brought us together in that holy bond that we might be meet helps for one another And now O Lord we beseech thee frame both our hearts to holy desires to be helpful to each other both in soul and body And help us by thy Grace that we may live together in holy love and assist each other in faith and repentance and sincere obedience to thy holy word and will That we may live together in thy fear and be both of us ever in thy favour Put it into our hearts good Lord daily to pray and call upon thy holy name one with another and one for another Enable us to read thy holy word diligently enlighten our understandings that we may thereby know thy will and quicken us by thy Grace and good Spirit that we may be doers of thy Word And that being taught thereby we may learn truly to sanctifie thy Sabbaths and to give up our selves to thee our God heartily and entirely in frequent serious and solemn renewing the Covenant at thy holy Table in the blessed Sacrament of the Lords Supper and that we may live together as in Covenant with the Lord and do all that good thou hast appointed us in this state and condition of life to which thou hast called us Pardon we beseech thee all our Sins for Christ Jesus sake And all that vanity whereby we may have ensnared each other since our first acquaintance either in thought word or action savouring too much of the flesh and unbecoming
to each others soul and to help in the way of salvation is that which becomes Christians and not at all shortens but rather increases and perfects kindness and good nature And this is indeed marrying in the Lord as 1 Cor. 7.39 Therefore receive one another to the glory of God as Christ received us Rom. 15.7 And look on that providence that brings you together as order'd by the Lord. A prudent wife is from the Lord saith Solomon Prov. 19.14 And we may add a prudent husband A religious and good husband or wife is from the Lord his provision or gift of his providing whereas houses and riches lands and inheritances Joyntures and Portions are the gifts of Fathers provisions of men and as such they may decay or be lost but the gifts of the Lord will abide for good and such a gift by Gods grace you may be to each other Resolve then and endeavour at first to put forward and encourage one another to love and good works as such as are come together and appointed by Gods good providence in a particular manner to be helps to build up one another in your most holy faith and to keep one another in the love of God that you may together comfortably expect the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life Jude 20 21. If this be the duty of all Christian friends much more then is it the duty of such as are joined so near in the Covenant of the Lord a Covenant of love and unity so near an union that in the opinion of St. Paul it resembles and may be compared to that love between Christ and his Church as in that similitude before offered to consideration Eph. 5.25 Adv. 2. Secondly I advise That having resolved which I hope you will do put those good resolutions in practice Do not think that it is enough to approve and purpose but set about the work in earnest and that immediately setting your selves at first to live together in Gods way the way of Religion that you may always so continue And let your daily conversation be in the Lord abiding with him according to the rule of the Gospel perswading each other always to do that which is of good report and as becomes the servants of God These things are general but the practice consists in particulars and therefore to those particulars I proceed Adv. 3. In the third place I advise you to pray together daily speak unto God call upon God for his favour and blessings Begin this course as soon as you come together Rising in the morning remember each other of prayers and so with united hearts direct your prayer unto God Psal 5.3 So likewise every evening before you go to bed the seasons God people used Psal 55.16 17. This is the practice of all that are Godly Psal 32.6 so often commanded and commended in the Scripture that I think there needs no more to perswade you that it is your duty Those words of our Saviour Mat. 26.41 watch and pray or those of St. Paul pray without ceasing 1 Thes 5.17 are command enough to all that believe the Scripture to be the word of God These general precepts contain your duty in particular for what God commands all he commands every one and those words of St. Peter 1 Pet. 3.7 that your prayers be not hindred suppose praying to be both the duty and practice of married people And if there had been no command to make prayer your duty yet reason will advise you to it as your interest since God is pleased to give you leave I therefore advise you to pray as one of the best things you can do for one another whether for soul or body Because all that good you or your friends wish or desire for you is from God his gift his blessing without which all your own labour is in vain as is plain from the whole 127th Psalm Except the Lord build the house their labour is but lost that build it It in vain to rise up early to sit up late and to eat the bread of carefulness Whatsoever business you go about whatsoever hopes of comfort in each other you may propose whatsoever designs you may have of thriving in the world together without Gods blessing all will be in vain In vain are all those seeming wishes of Joy from your friends unless the Lord say Amen If you begin not thus and at first ask Gods blessing by prayer how can you expect it Nay you hinder your selves of that good your friends desire for you and you seem to desire for your selves until you seek it at the hand of God by prayer But if you will set your selves at first to seek Gods blessing by praying together there are promises in the Scripture sufficient to encourage you to hope such as these Those that seek me early shall find me Prov. 8.17 Ask and it shall be given you Mat. 7.7 If two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask it shall be done for them of my father which is in heaven Mat. 18.19 What should you learn then from these Scriptures but that you agree betimes to pray together and with united hearts to go to God and ask in hope O that I could perswade you to receive this advice and heartily engage you to call upon God that the Lord may be with you and bestow his blessings upon you and yours What can hinder you from this great duty and priviledge I know nothing that can be said against this advice but by way of excuse some will talk of their weakness and not being able But this is for the most part but a trifling pretence which Satan teaches the unwilling in heart to plead For I am fully perswaded that God requires nothing of his creatures but what he knows they are able to perform with his grace in using the means he has afforded and so it will appear in this particular if you consider the helps you have and the nature of the duty as reason and conscience must judg And first in respect of helps If you have not been accustomed to this but are strangers to God in that great and comfortable duty of Prayer you may ask how shall we call upon God that are ignorant and cannot make prayers Tho such thoughts savour of great ignorance yet I will answer in your own way That is you may make use of some form of prayer in some good books of which sort there are many printed among us If you have not a better nor fitter for your condition you may use such as I have added at the end of this book If you say you cannot read neither of you to help the other your case is to be pitied and then I advise you to try to learn I have known several of a willing mind who have learnt to read when grown in years The advantage is great to be able to see at any time the will of
God in the concern of thy soul in his own word in thy own language and also to be able to use any choice form of prayer suitable to your condition and so powerful to move your affections and draw forth the desires of your hearts toward God tho beyond your ability to compose But if you cannot learn to read or in the mean time till you can you are not without help for you may get some honest godly friend or neighbour to read over a prayer to you so long till you have learnt it that you can say it your self But then you must take heed that this saying over one form turn not to plain formality that you should think as a child that having said over the words you have prayed tho your heart spoke not to God and so look on a prayer as a charm as if God was bound by those words in general to shew his goodness to you when your heart has not made one request or petition to God that is you have uttered words but had no desires This is an usual mistake and dangerous error so that in using forms of prayer your care must be to keep your heart to the duty earnestly desiring with your heart what you request with your lips But tho you have none of these outward helps so that you can neither read nor are furnished with a memory able to keep a form of words in mind yet know that the nature of the duty is such that these wants will no way excuse you Neither should you suffer this want to trouble you if you are willing and desirous to pray much less should you suffer it to discourage you and hinder you from duty and keep you from God because you cannot say over a form of prayer For consider forms are but words but prayer indeed is the speaking of the heart to God whether there be voice heard or words utter'd or not and without the heart both the best composed form and the greatest ability to utter words readily in extemporary free prayer are utterly to no purpose And if from thy heart thou speakest to God humbly reverently with understanding as sensible of thy wants sincerely as by faith depending on him thro Christ thou needst not be troubled for want of well placed words for God wants not words but knows the language of the heart and spirit Rom. 8.27 he is the God of the spirits of all flesh Numb 27.16 'T is true indeed that we want words to express the desires of our souls and to quicken our affections especially when praying with others But when marriage has made you no longer two but one flesh and your interest and desires should be one and the same that your prayers may not be hindred tho the words are not so well placed as may recommend to men yet from a sincere and united heart they may recommend both to God And to remove that bashfulness and being ashamed of words in one anothers hearing remember 't is not to approve your gifts and parts to each other but to approve both your hearts to God so that the fear of this want should not discourage and so keep you keep you strangers from God Consider then the good things you have and enjoy and be thankful Remember 't is fit to beg of God the continuance of them Consider what evil things you either fear or already suffer and beg the Lord to deliver And if there be any thing in particular that either of you want or desire this should be made known to the other that praying together you may join in that one thing and pray one for another as well as one with another And if you are indeed truly sensible of your wants and have an heart to go unto God you have a God to go to who will help your infirmities even he who made mans mouth he will put words in your mouths and teach you what to say so that you shall not want words for supplication and thanksgiving to make your requests known unto God And when you come thus to God with a sincere humble devout soul in the name and mediation of Jesus Christ this is prayer indeed to which all forms whether set or extemporary where such an heart is wanting are no way to be compared This is the language of the soul the heart poured out to God in prayer Adv. 4. The fourth advice I give you is to read the Scriptures together the word of God 'T is the great comfort and help of your souls and a blessed advantage of our Nation and the present time that we may and that thereby we may have in our own Houses that word promise and Gospel wherein Christ and thro him life and immortality and salvation is made known Search the Scriptures for therein ye think you have eternal life Jo. 5.39 So search that the word of Christ may dwell richly in you in all knowledge and Spiritual understanding Col. 3.16 Therein is abundance of hid treasure the unsearchable riches of Christ Something of this should be read every day Reading the Scripture should accompany Prayer at least in the evenings And let this practice be kept as a constant custome unless some extraordinary providence as sickness or the like hinder it If you begin this at first it will with more ease be continued till duty becomes delight and having tasted the sweetness and found the advantage you will look for it and think it as necessary as food or sleep Job 23.12 And to this I add this further advice that you read often good sound and plaine books of practical Godlyness That is at such times as the business of your calling or trade does admitt and tell each other of what good books you have read and what good you have received by them But especially on the Lords day in the vacancy of publick ordinances when you are not at Church then should you read and not only read but also encourage one another in an holy practice of such good things as the Scripture teaches and other good books set before you according to the holy Scripture Remember that if the husband cannot read and has a wife that can to account her worthy of double honour and if possible of double love on that account But let that wife beware she be not puffed up to despise her husband but know that she may yet learn of him as in respect of Judgment and understanding 1 Cor. 14.35 She must not think her self his teacher nor usurp authority over him 1 Tim. 2.12 tho' in this particular a meet helper and great advantage to him So also if the wife cannot read and has an husband that can let her prize him the more on that account as a greater treasure with whom she may have the comfort of a Christian conversation according to knowledg and living together as heirs of the grace of life 1 Pet. 3.7 If neither can read then you had need be more diligent