himself his whole self ver 33. As Isaac loved Rebekah Gen. 24 67. This duty of Love comprehends all the rest because all whatsoever the Husband saith or doth to his wife should spring from Love and taste of love She should be dear to him as himself and lie as a Lamb in his bosom 2 Sam. 12. Jacob was content to serve a double apprentiship under a Churlish Master for Rachel to be his wife Gen. 29.32 because he loved her more then Leah 2 2. Tenderness Dutie of the Husband is Tenderness and kindness to nourish and cherish her as the more tender part of himself as a man doth his own flesh yea as Christ doth the Church Eph. 5 29. to supply her with Necessaries and Conveniences and suffer her to want nothing that is fit for her and to cover her weaknesses Then Husbands must not be bitter to their wives nor injurious nor vexations not make drudges of them Col. 3.19 Their Authority should savour more of loving respect to them then of rigorous power Husbands should exercise so sweet and amiable a Government over their wives so as not onely their bodies but also their wills and hearts may be subject unto them When Husbands cause their wives to go to God with tears to complain of their unkindness and harshness to them God will regard and receive their offerings no more Mal. 2.13 ver 14. To this end the Husband should consider his wife is his companion and the wife of his Covenant made of a rib taken out of his side not of a bone taken out of his foot therefore he must not trample upon her and she is to be in a state but of Collateral subjection to him She is his yoke-fellow that stands on even ground with him and draws on the left side He should make her yoke as easy as may be and not suffer the heavier end to lie on her Neck because she is the weaker vessel 3 3 Honour 1 Pet. 3.7 Dutie is due Respect and Honour to her Peter gives 3 reasons for it 1. The wife is the weaker vessel therefore she must be carefully and gently handled as a chrystal glass 2. The wife is coheir with her Husband of the grace of life that is of the life of Grace and glory For as one observes souls have no Sexes and as they are in Christ they are both equal male and female are in him all one 3. That their prayers be not hindred A Husbands disrespect to his wife breeds discontent between them distractions in the familie and interruptions in duties and a contempt of them both To which I may adde that of Solomon Pron 12.4 A vertuous woman is a crown to her Husband and if she give him a crown he may afford to give her honour A Husband by debasing and disgracing his wife dishonoureth himself 4. 4. Instruction Duty of the Husband to the wife is Instruction Direction and consolation to teach her counsel her lead and comfort her as her head Eph. 5.23 and Guide Prov. 2.17 This is to dwell with her according to knowledg 1 Pet. 3 7. Hence the wife should learn of her Husbands 1. Cor. 14.34 35. 1 Tim. 2.11 12. A Husband may put honour upon his wife by hearkening to her Counsel and not despising the same which is his Dutie when she adviseth and perswades him to good or disswades him from Evil. This may be a great advantage to him For God sometimes gifteth and graceth the wife equally or above the Husband as he did Abigail above Nabal for he was a fool In all that Sarah hath said unto thee hearken unto her voice said God to Abraham Gen. 21.12 So did Elkanah to Hannah 1 Sam. 1 22 23. and David hearkned to Abigails Advice before she was his wife how thankful was he both to God and to her for it 1 Sam. 25.32 to 35. Manoah did the like to his wife Judg. 13.22 23. 5. 5. Adhesion Duty is cleaving to her forsaking father and mother and his dearest friends for her and to be glued to her and to become one with her Eph. 5.31 One flesh to dwell with her not onely one house but one bed should hold them And to rejoyce in her Eccles 9.9 and Prov. 5.18.19 or live joyfully with her make her his Chepthzibah and be ravished alway with her love The wife should be as dear to the Husband as the Hind is to the Hart as the Doe to the Roe-buck This will make him drink waters out of his own Cisterne onely Not the having of a wife but to delight in her and lovingly to comport with her will keep a man chaste from embracing the bosom of a stranger Prov. 5.19 20. A man should count all others strange women in comparison of a wife 6. 6. Protection Duty is protection of his wife from wrongs and dangers to rescue her if in jeopardy as David did his wises 1 Sam. 30.18 and to right her if injured Abraham was to Sarah for a Covering of the Eyes that is Gen. 20.16 her Husband to defend her from injury Booz was to take Ruth into his protection as the hen her chickens under her wings signifyed by spreading his skirt over her Ruth 3.9 and 2.12 that she might be safe under the wings of her husband A man giveth Coverture no action is brought against the wife the man is to answer she goeth Covert baron as is observed Therefore woman was made of a bone from under the Mans Arme that he might be a protection and defence to her The Husband must be as a house side for his wife as the fruitful vine to spread her self on to support and strengthen her Ps 128.3 and a rest to give her a safe and setled abode Ruth 1.9 2. 2. Duties of wife to husband 6. The Duties of the Wife to the Husband are these six 1 Submision First Submission to his Authority and to his just and aequal commands 1 Peter 3.1 1. As unto the Lord Ephes 5.22 as having to deal with God whose Ordinance this is that the wife should live in subjection to her own Husband and that for conscience sake Col. 18. â—3 This is fit in the Lord. 2. As the Church is subject unto Christ Eph. 5.24 that is freely willingly reverently constantly and universally in all things The Apostle giveth four Reasons of the womans subjection to the man or subordination to him and dependance on him 1. Because she was made out of man scil of a rib taken out of his side 1 Cor. 11.8 The man saith Paul is not of the woman he was made at first of the earth but the woman was made of man 2. The woman was made for the man at first not the man for the woman 1 Cor. 11.9 I will make him saith God a help meet for him Gen. 2.18 to serve and obey him as her Superior Hence it is said that the woman is Vir
Occasionatus a man occasionate a mans Occasion or the Occasion of a man to serve as an aid and as a Second to man 3. The woman was made after the man for Adam was first formed then Eve 1 Tim. 2.13 4. 1 Tim. 2.14 The woman was first in the Transgression She was first deceived by the Serpent then she drew her Husband into the same deception hereby she was the cause and beginning of sin and ruine to all mankinde and though she was given to be a help to man yet she proved at first to be a great hurt and hindrance to him From this priority and causality of the woman in sin the Apostle infers and presseth subjection and silence upon her to the man and not to usurp Authority over the man 1 Tim. 2.11 12 14. upon this account she was more straitly subjected to her Husband For this was inflicted as a chastisement for sin upon the woman Gen. 3.16 that her desire should be subject to her Husband he should ruleover her which implies as some observe a further Rule then man had over her by Creation and with more trouble and grief unto woman-kinde So that the yoke is now become to her more hard and heavy to be borne Women may Object Object That was Eves fault to be deceived by the Serpent and to be first in the Transgression not ours Answ Eves punishment is yours therefore her fault is yours Her peculiar sin is the fall distinct from Adams is justly imputed to you or else her particular punishment distinct from Adams is unjustly inflicted upon you Eves fault is as much yours as Adams sin is ours This subjection of the wife to the husband was the ground of the womans wearing a vail or covering as a sign she is under the power and Authority of her Husband 1 Cor. 11.9 10. and subject to him Rebekah took a vail and covered her self when she saw Isaac Gen. 24.65 Therefore she was made out of the side not of the head that she might be under him not above him in place and power Sarah obeyed Abraham whose daughters all obedient wives are 1 Pet. 3.6 And the holy women in old Time who trusted in God were in subjection to their own Husbands to v. 5. and those wives that are not obedient to their Husbands are not good Tit. 2.5 In this sence as some conceive the woman is said to be The Glory of the man 1 Cor. 11.7 scilâ—by her subjection when she obeyes her Husband as man is the glory of God when he obeyes God This is the first Duty of the wife Submission a Comely Lesson for her to learn Disobedience in a wife is a fault even in a Queen much greater in a meaner woman even among Heathens much more among Christians that are better taught as in Queen Vashti Esther 1.12.20 2. 2. Reverence Eph. 5.33 Duty of the wife is Reverence to her husbands person all due respect to him as her head in word and deed in gesture and deportment Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him Lord. 1 Pet. 3.6 she is as one saith crowned and chronicl'd for it Michal mocked her Husband David 2 Sam. 6.21 23. and God smote her with barrenness for it she was childless to her death The wises reverential respect to her husband is an honour to him and an Ornament to her self 3. 3. Helpfulnes Duty is Helpfulness to her Husband in every thing in his body to cherish that in his soul to tender that in his family to order that in his Estate to get at least to save and to dispose that aright not to spend or waste the same in his calling and affairs to promote them in his Name and Credit to preserve that in his secrets to lock them up in her bosom She ought to be a Help to him in every thing a hinderance in nothing Else she is a woman but not a wife and he that findes her doth not find a good thing Prov. 18.22 The wife should cherish her husband as the better part of her self For this very end God made her for man and maried her to man to be a help meet for him Gen. 2.18 If she be not a meet help for the man shee will not please satisfie and give content A wife is like a garment though the cloath it s made of be very good yet if it do not fit us it will not please us it wil be uneasy or uncomely we take no delight to wear it Conveniency causeth contentation If the wife be no meet help shaped and cut out as it were of purpose for the man to fit and sute him every way in his disposition conversation and occasions she will not sit close to the man as a garment doth to the body that fits it but hang loose or be ready to fall off and rather hinder then further him and not be an Ornament to him I commend Prov. 31. from 10. to the end as a Glass for all that would be good wives to look and dress themselves in or as a pattern to imitate or Rule to walk by every day A vertuous woman will do her husband good and not evil all the days of her life c. approve her self faithful to him in every thing that his heart may trust safely in her Pro. 31.11 12. For Mariage is Conjugium the fellowship of a yoak wherein the wife must bear one end and draw equally with her husband 4. 4. Chastity Tit. 2.5 Duty is Chastity of Conversation which followes from chastity of affection and disposition in the heart wives must abstain not onely from all acts but from all Appearances of lightness wantonnesse dalliance or unfaithfulness that their husbands who cast off ordinances and holy duties may by the holy and chaste conversation of their wives be gained to the Lord to have a liking and good opinion of the Gospel and the wayes of Christ in which they walk 1 Pet. 3.1 2. This should be the wises design upon her husband 5. 5. Fear Duty is Conjugal feare of offending or displeasing her husband She that is maried Saith Paul careth for the things of the world how she may please her husband 1 Cor. 7.34 Wives should couple chastity with fear in their carriage to their husbands not to cross or vex or greive them 6. 6 Modesty Duty of a wife is modesty of Apparel and of behaviour 1 Of Apparel 1 of Apparel not to affect costly gaudy attire new fangled fashions or to go above her rank or to give way to pride vanity excess therein or to account outward adorning as plaiting of the haire or wearing of Gold c. or decking of the body her chiefe Ornament but 1. A meek and quiet spirit the frame of the hidden man of the heart which is incorruptible which is of great price in the sight of God 1. Pet. 3.3 4. and a great Ornament in the sight of men For after this manner in the
Old Time the holy women who trusted in God and were in subjection to their own Husbands adorned themselves vers 5. 2. 1 Tim. 2.8 9 10. And good works I will saith Paul that women adorn themselves in modest apparel with shamefastness and sobriety not with broidered hair or gold pearls or costly aray But which become women professing Godliness with good works Both Paul and Peter are to be understood in a Comparative sense that womens adorning should be not so much in outward attire as in inward vertues or rather in the latter then in the former Even Godly women may wear Gold and jewels and precious things and good attire as Rebekah did the earring and bracelets which Abrahams servant put upon her Gen. 24.30 47. with these limitations 1. That these be sutable to their rank place and state and not costly above their ability and as the most wise godly grave women are habited 2 That they be without wantonness wastfulness or curious nicerâ—â—s or new fangledness for fashion God visiâ—eth for strange apparel Zeph. 1.8 3 Without pride Vanity or Excess or thinking better of themselves for them 4 So that they place their chiefest fineness in their inward adornings rather then outward more in their Graces and good works then in their Garments and indeavour by the outward ornament of their bodies to set forth the inward beauty of their soules 2 2 Of behaviour Tit 2 3. Also modesty of behaviour to express the inward holiness of their hearts in sober deportment in countenance gesture and speech to open their mouths with discretion Prov. 31.26 Prov. 7.11 12 and 9.13 and bridle their tongues and not be as the harlot babling and clamorous who is as extravagant in her Tongue as in her feet Good wives should account meekness of spirit their chief ornament and take heed they be not either 1 Proud or imperious in their spirits speeches looks Carriage 2 Or unquiet turbulent impatient alway brawling or chiding Such wives are neither credit nor comfort to their husbands but a continual vexation Thorns in their sides and pricks in their eyes The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping 19. Prov. 13. and 27.15 Like rain that falls into all the rooms of a house which is very tedious and irksome Prov. 21.9.25.21 It is better to Awâ—â—â— in the Corner of a house-top then with a â—rawling woman in a wide house Thus much concerning the particular duties of Husband to wife and of the wife to her Husband 2. Duties common to both 7. 2. Now follow the Duties Common to both husband and wife and to be performed by both or Exercised to or with or for both which are equally reciprocal and of like Obligation These are seven 1 Prayer 1. Prayer to God frequent and fervent both joyntly and severally for all mariage Graces and mariage Comforts Especially 1. For sutablenesse of Disposition that God would fashion your hearts alike 2. For wisdom to carry with most beauty amiableness and swâ—â—tness for the benefit and advantage comfort and encouragement one of another 3 For Gods presence with you in it and for Gods blessing upon it and that God would build you a house Psalm 127. by giving you hopeful children faithful servants blessed goods Let Husband and wife interest God much in their Mariage by prayer Reas 1 Because a Conjugal condition can be no more comfortable or satisfactory to us then God maketh it It will be an empty thing if God do not fill it and bitter if God do not sweeten it It is not the having of a Husband or a Wife but of God in them or with them that giveth content comfort and satisfaction We ought in all our wayes to acknowledge God especially in Mariage which is one of the chief of our wayes and a great Turn of our lives which concerns the future Comfort thereof 2 Because mercies got with prayer are got with a blessing and prove the sweetest mercies of all Prayer sanctifies Mariage 1 Tim 4.3 4. and makes the acts of it holy in manner and happy in end 2. 2 Love Tit. 2.4 Common duty is Conjugal love which is not proper to the Husband alone but should be mutual and reciprocal between them both To this end husband and wife ought to love one another 1 Chiefly for the grace of God the one seeth in the other that being unchangeable their love will be constant When Religion tieth the knot of affection between them it holds fast till death But when they love one another chiefly for other respects as beauty wealth or fulfilling the desires of the flesh c. when these are satisfied or fail love will cool 2. Really at their hearts or in sincerity For to dissemble affections and Counterfeit love and kindness will deprive them of the comfort and sweetnesse of mariage and make it in Time a burden and bitterness to them Sincere love knits their hearts as mâ—n joynes their hands together Else they will not cleave but sit loose and be ready to leave one another 4. Grounds of mutual love But there be four special Grounds of mutual love and deareness between Husband and wife scil Donation Propriety Union and Necessity 1. Donation They are special gifts bestowed by God the one upon the other 1 Donation Prov. 18.22 and 19.14 which should be a precious Endearment of one to other Thus they should look at themselves This is the woman God hath given to me to be a meet help for me above al the women in the world So this is that man God hath fited for me and given to me for a head and Guide above all other men in the world 2. 2 Propriety Propriety or the Mutual Interest they have by matrimony one in another They are one anothers Owne properly and peculiarly so as they are no bodies else and so as no person or thing in the world is their own for they are maried One to another so are they to no body to nothing besides The Apostle asserts this matrimonial interest in the 1. of Cor. 7.2 Let every man have his own wife and every woman have her own husband The wise hath not power of her own body but her husband nor the Husband hath power of his owne body but the wife so as not to account their own bodyes to be at their own disposal The wife is the Husband only one and he is hers They should be mutual darlings one to another because they are mutual Proprietors one of another by self resignation of each to other they give themselves mutual power one over another Now every one loveth his own best non quia pulchrum sed quia Suum his own Children his own goods his own house c. for propriety more then for beauty beause they are his own Shall a man love any thing that is his own but his wife or better then his wife or shall a wife love any thing that is
themselves thereunto to take off dulness and aversness the one from the other Yoke fellows should draw on one another to God and good and towards Heaven to publick ordinances and private exercises and to the Communion of Saints They should be goads and spurs each to other and worship God together as Companions in his service and fellow travellers walking hand in hand together to the kingdom of glory That they may be like Zacharias and Elizabeth both righteous walking in all the Commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless Luc. 1.6 like Abraham and Sara both believers like Elkanah and Hannah 1 Sam. 1. both true worshipers of God like Aquila and Priscilla both helpers in the work of Christ Rom. 16.3 4. Now if either father or mother believe the children are holy federally 1 Cor. 7.14 and many promises are made to them especially if both the Parents be saints and believers God blesseth such with pious and prosperous children which are double blessings as he did Abraham and Sarah with an Isaac Elkanah and Hannah with a Samuel Zacharias and Elizabeth with a John Manoah and his wife with a Sampson Such Godly compeers make mariaâ—e it self honourable and they will live and die with Glory 5 Patience The fifth Common duty is Patience Husband and Wife should not onely labour to heal of which before but if they cannot yet to bear with infirmities one in another Remember this Rule never to be angry both at once but the one should bear with the others frowardness and Passion and for a time give way to it This is the way to overcome and quench passion in a yoke-fellow and to make them afterwards love one another better when the one by yeelding a little hath conquered the other whereas to be both angry at once is to add fewel to the fire and to make the slame of Contention between them very great this will dissolve the glue of affecton that made them cleave together and separate them and make of one two Patience is necessary to prevent breaches and preserve Conjugal Amity and familiarity between maried Couples and to possess themselves and one another It was the speech of a godly man I count it a necessary Qualification in one whom I may match my self unto to have no predominant humor in her which I cannot bear but to be able to bear any Infirmity of mine Another Reverend man as is reported seeing a very cholerick couple live very lovingly and quietly together as Husband and wife asked them how they could so sweetly agree and consort together to whom the man answered when my wifes fit is upon her I yeeld to her as Abraham did to Sarah and when my fit is upon me she yeelds to me and so we never strive together but assunder This mutual forbearance each of other will beget contention with their Coujugal Condition and further their endeavours to sute their minde to their Choice and to be well pleased one in another after Mariage Mal. 15. though before mariage they might have fitted their Choice to their minde That Mariage hath a great blessing in it wherein the greatest Contention between Man and Wife is who should love each other most and please one another best 6. ProcreatioÌ„ of Children 6. The sixth Common duty Procreation of children I will saith Paul that the younger women mary and bear children 1 Tim. 5.14 especially to seek a godly seed To this end Husband and wife should wrest by prayer with God not onely to bless them with the fruit of the womb but with such a seed as shall be blessed is not onely to give them children but children of promise as well as of providence such as he will make his children by grace as well as their children by nature heirs of God and coheirs with Christ God at the first made onely one woman for one man though he being the God of the spirit of all flesh had power to have made more but he did Conjoyn one woman onely to that one man and still continueth his ordinance of the same single Copulation that he might seek a seed of God that is a religious and holy posterity such as might worship him the onely true God and propagate his Church This is a proper and principal end of Mariage to wit the procreation of children â—or the propagation of Gods worship and of his Church of which I shall speak again afterwards yea this was the end of it Even in mans Innocency when he was without sin Hence amongst Gods people virginity was a grief as in the Case of Jephtahs daughter Judg 11.37 40. and barrenness was accounted a shame and reproach 1 Sam. 5.6 7. as Elizabeths speech implies Luc. 1.25 Hannah had experience hereof upon this Account because they could not increase the Church of God For which end Paul bids the younger women mary Tim. 2 14. Whereas an ungodly seed serves to increase the Synagogue of Satan Idolatry and profaneness and cause exceeding grief and troubles to their godly Parents And as it should be their earnest desire to bring forth a godly seed so should it be their care to bring thâ—m up for God in the Discipline and nurture of the Lord Ephes 6.7 in the fear and knowledge of God and in his worship loving their souls better then their bodies Augustin praised his mother that she travelled in greater pain for his Soul then she did in bringing forth his bodie Solomons Mother taught him a Prophesie that is lessons of chastity and temperance and the properties of a good wife Prov. 31. His father David composed a Psalm for his instruction Psal 72. Timotheus mother taught him the scriptures from his Infancy 2 Tim. 1.5 3.15 7 to build a godly family 7. Common dutie is to build a godly family not onely by the procreation and religious Education of children which is a pillar of the house but by a wise and godly Goverment and ordering of the house in which the wife ought to act her part I will saith Paul that the younger women mary and bear children and guide the house that is domestick affairs 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 1 Tim. 5.14 domi-portae To this end they ought to be discreet that is prudent and circumspect and keepers at home Titus 2.5 housewives to carry their houses as it were on their backs as snails do The Harlot doth not so Prov. 7.11.12 Her feet abide not in her house now she is without now in the street But Abraham when he was askt where is Sarah thy wife he said Gen. 18 9. behold she is in the Tent. To this end Husband and wife should put forth joynt endeavours in five particulars 1. 5 Things are requisite hereto 1 Family duties Jer. 10.25 To performe holy duties in their houses constantly of reading the Scriptures and of prayer Evening and Morning For without prayer they and their Familie lies open to Gods wrath and
judgments Let them pray with their family in the morning because some of them may fall sick and die before night and pray in the Evening also to commit themselves and their house to Gods safe keeping from all peril and danger for they know not what a Night may bring forth or day either and if evils befal them their hearts will smite them for neglect of this necessary duty of prayer in their families Also to Catechize repeat sermons and teach all in their house their duties and to seek the souls good of their servants as well as of their children and as well as to expect the service of their bodies and to charge them all to walk in Gods ways as Abraham did his children and househould after him Gen 18.19 Prov. 4.1 to 5. 1. Chron. 28.9 and as David charged his son Solomon in his life and at his death 1 Kin. 2.1.2 This is the mothers duty also to teach and command her children their duties My son saith Solomen Prov. 1.8 and 6.20 keep thy fathers Commandment and forsake not the Law of thy mother Josh 24.15 The master of the house should resolve with Joshua I and my house will serve the Lord every day together what ever other familes do we will pray and read Gods word that is perform holy duties together for the Glory of God and the good of all our souls as well as eat drink talk and sleep together and with David Ps 101.2 I will walk in the midest of my house with a perfect heart Esther 4.16 The wife also should be a help to her Husband in family duties and no hinderance therein Queen Esther and her Maides will fast and pray For if the wife should draw back from holy duties and be a discouragement to him therein the soul of her husband if he be godly can take no pleasure in her She is in a posture tending to perdition Hebr. 10.38.39 Mr. Abbot I have read a sad story reported by a Reverend Minister upon his own knewledge of an honest Christian that had a wife world ly and distrustful and he being much in Godly Excercise Morning and Evening in his family She would disturb him and goe about ratling her keyes or making some other noise to hinder him pretending that his Time spent that way might be imployed in getting of mony for his family This woman was given over by God to the Devils Temptations so far that she thrust a knife into the pit of her stomack and killed her self yet before she died she confessed thus much to that Minister and craved Gods pardon as well as she could Had it not been better that she had borne her husband company in holy duties and so gone hand in hand to heaven together Further set up Gods word to be the Law of your house to order your family and all the affaires of it according to the Rule of it For Gods word moulds and shapes every person in it for his Imployment and directs and keeps them in their several rankes Places and duties This is the way to have a Church in your house Rom. 16.5 as Aquila and Priscilla had 2. 2 Chuse good servants To chuse good servants such as know and fear God or as appear tractable and hopeful to be instructed and wrought upon Set David before you as a pattern herein Psal 101.6 7. Suffer no disordered swearing ranting persons to come into your house or to tarry in your sight such as will bring sin and a curse along with them Covet earnestly to have a choyce pickt family Acts 10.2 such as Cornelius had who feared God and all his house 3. 3 Exclude sin To shut sin out of doores as excessive drinking gaming swearing lying pride contentions Job 11.14 ch 22.23 vanities Follow the Councel which Jobs friends gave him as Zophar Let not wickednesse dwel in your Tabernacle and Eliphaz Put iniquity far from your Tabernacle then you shall know that your Tabernacle shall be in peace Chap. â— 24 God will keep house for you when you are from home as Bildad Job 8.6 If you be pure and upright God will make the Habitation of your righteousness prosperous Let it be your care to make it righteous and God will make it prosperous 4 Look well to the wayes of your houshold 4 Oversee the family to prevent or supress sin and to stop the beginnings thereof to cherish incourage good in all that live with you to reduce those that go astray in opinion or in conversation This is the duty of the wife as well as of the Husband Prov. 31.27 1 Sam. 3.13 14. The vertuous woman looketh well to the wayes of her houshold Because Elies sonnes made themselves vile and he restrained them not God judged his house for ever 5. 5. To Sanctify the sabbath To keep holy the Sabbath day not onely you but all within your house the charge whereof lyeth mainly on the master of the house and next upon the mistress Exod. 20.9 10. This Godly Covenant of your houshold will draw down Gods protection and blessing upon your habitation relations and upon all your affairs The use hereof is to exhort all Marying and married persons 1 To learn these mariage duties both special and Common Vse 1. Learn these mariage duties For any to mary before they know their dutie or how to carry therein is like setting up before one hath learnt the trade or like answering a Matter before one hears it which is folly and shame unto him Prov. 18.13 2 Vse 2. perform them To perform these duties of mariage carâ—full and constantly I commend unto you four Motives or inducements hereunto 4 Motives 1. 1 Duties of Mariage aâ—e matters of Religion Though Mariage in it self be but a civil matter yâ—t the duties of Mariage are Matters of Religion oâ— conscience and obedience to the gosâ—el â—â—ing fully prescribed and injoyned 〈…〉 And Christ will one day come in slaming â—ire to taâ—â—â—vengeance on them that obâ—â— not the Gospel in the precepts of it 2 Thes 1.8 2 2 To do the dutie This to get the Comfort thereof In the diligent and Conscionable performance of the dutie of mariage you may expect the comforts benefits and blessings of mariage A wife may draw forth the love and kindeness of a husband and a Husband may extract the helpfulness and comfort of a wife by the religious doing of their duties the one to the other For man or woman to expect the Comfort of a Relation and to neglect the duty thereof is to tempt God Math. 25.24 and to act the part of a hard man who looks to reap where he hath not sowen and to gather where he hath not strowed 3. 3 The mariage covenant Motive The solemn league and covenant you enter into mutually at Mariage whereof God himself is a witness Malac. 2.14 both of your making it
CONSIDERATIONS Concerning MARRIAGE The HONOUR DUTIES BENEFITS TROUBLES of it Whereto are added 1. Directions in two Particulars 1. How they that have wives may be as if they had none 2 How to prepare for parting with a dear yoke-fellow by death or otherwise 2. Resolution of this Case of Conscience Whether a man may lawfully marry his Wives Sister By EDWARD REYNER Minister of the Gospel in Lincoln London Printed by J. T. for Thomas Newbery and are to be sold at the three Golden Lions in Cornhill neer the Royal Exchange MDCLVII TO THE READER Christian Reader THou mayest wonder that I should bring this poor Embryo to the birth in the Presse the place of bringing forth When I first penn'd these concise considerations concerning marriage I had not the least thought that they should have seen more light then came in at my Study-window or that any more eyes then mine own should have seen them while I lived But thus it came to passe These being the heads of what I delivered in private at the Marriage of some Friends not long ago and I being requested soon after to communicate my Notes thereof reveiwed them but found them very short and imperfect and that what I had written could not give an account of what God helped me then to speak Hereupon I resolved to transcribe and inlarge them a little onely that I might get some Copies written out to gratifie some Friends that desired them But when I had almost finished them I had several Hints upon my Heart from Providentiall occurences to expose them to publick view Whereto I was also encouraged by some godly and judicious friends who had the perusal of them Thus I am drawn to hope that through Gods blessing which can make little Pamphlets instrumental for the good of others as well as great volumes this little poor plain â—iece may be of use to many because 1. The Subject of this Discourse to vvit Marriage is of general extent and of speciall consequences for it is the first Relation and foundation of humane Society and it is the Rule and Measure of the Wel-ordering of all other Relations and hath a Regulating Influence upon them all 2. The Principall Concernments of Marriage as I humbly conceive are plainly declared briefly comprized and usefully applyed herein 3. This Tract being so small may be bought cheap and read soon and be ready to direct either Poor or Rich vvho desire to vvalk by Rule in their Matrimonial State The Lord command his Blessing upon it that it may be effectual and prosper in the things vvhereto I intend it and Gods Providence sends it novv unto thee even to accomplish the good pleasure of God tovvards thee in making thy Relations religious in the manner and order of them and sweet and comfortable to thee in the end and use thereof Reader I pray thee live this book throughly in thy family I hope it may draw down a blessing upon thy whole house when thou reapest profit by this or any other Tract give God the praise and let the Author have thy prayers to God to strengthen him and bless him in his labors Which is the request Sept. 19. 1657. Of thy Friend in the Lord Edw. Reyner TO THE READER THe worthy Author of this ensuing Treatise was pleased not onely to favour me with the perusal of it but also to put so much honour upon me as to crave my Judgement concerning it before he purposed to make it publick Doubtless such condescentions of his spirit unto a friend every way inferiour to himself do speak his great humility which addeth much lustre unto the rich abilities with which the Lord hath crowned him His former practical pieces have found so good acceptance amongst gracious savorie spirited Christians that the prefixing of his Name will be sufficient commendation of this book Whosoever have heretofore drunk of his rich spiritul Wines will say There is no need to hang forth an Ivy-bush to call in Customers when his vessels are broached I do ingeniously profess that I have received edification by reading over this discourse and thence I take encouragement to commend it to thy serious perusal Long since when I read Reverend Mr. Greenhams Treatise of a Contract before Marriage and observed his serious instructing of the persons contracted in the Articles of faith and the ten commandements I then thus concluded in mine own thoughts Surely this man of God judged that this condition of life doth need more than ordinary helps that it might be Christianly managed And questionless upon this account not excluding others Ministers most eminently godly have in their times perswaded a matrimonial contract before the consummation of Marriage that the persons intending that change might by peculiar advice and prayer be prepared for it I well remember that my good Friend Mr. John Ball whose memory is precious during the time of his last sickness did often speak to this purpose If God should be pleased to restore me to the exercise of my Ministery I will more preach and presse Relative duties then I have formerly done The power of godliness appeareth in relations and what relation is so influential as this betwixt husband and wife This is the first and fundamental human Relation and according to the disposition and conversation of husband and wife in their domestical state and capacity will the behavior of children servants and others in the family be usually ordered both amongst themselves in their mutual subordinations and towards others occasionally I know that many of Gods Worthies both in former and latter times have in their Discourses concerning domestical duties mentioned many things here particularized yet as the concurrence of Brethren addeth strength to their counsel so that which is additional may be found profitable In mine apprehension there is a vein of Scripture strength and evidence together with the savoriness and judiciousness of the Authors Spirit running through the whole book from beginning to end in these regards I was moved to request him to make it publick hoping that it will through Gods blessing be instrumental in promoting the power of godliness amongst professors of Religion That case of conscience which is added unto the practical discourse concerning Marriage is upon dispute determined with so much strength and authority both Divine and Humane that I am perswaded much sin in that kinde will hereby for the future be prevented There were three sheets more prepared for the Press concerning the mutual spiritual communion betwixt Christ and the soul which is espoused to him whereof there are some short hints in page 42. and 43. and 44. and 60. of the following Treatise and doubtless this piece would have been acceptable and profitable unto Christ-improving Christians This was wrapped up in a paper directed unto me and sent by a special friend who lost it out of his pocket in his journey from Lincoln to London in May last This loss is the more to be lamented
because the Author hath no copy of it There have been hitherto some expectations that this loss might have been recovered that this spiritual Tract might have been added unto the former but now through long disappointments our hopes grow more faint If hereafter Gods good hand of providence should bring this Manuscript either unto the Author at Lincoln or to my self at London the Restorer thereof should be well recompenced and it should be forthwith published for common profit Christian Reader as the Author deserveth so he beggeth thy Prayers who is Octo. 15. 1657. Thy Friend and Servant in Christ Simeon Ashe Let the Reader be desired to amend these faults with his pen before he peruse the Bâ—ok ERRATA PAge 2. Line 4. for efficiency read efficient p 2. l. 6. f justification r. institution p. 5 l. 13 f Love r. Lover p. 6. l. 9. r. to act in to his Church p. 6. l. 32. f. justification r. institution p. 8 l. 9 f. Lincy r Lâ—nâ—ey Margent r. 1 Kings 11 â— 3 â— p. 14 in marg Col. 18. 3. r Col. 3 18. p. 15. l. ult l is r. in the salâ— p 18. l. 17. f follows r. flons p. 23 l. 25 f Proprietors r. Proprietaries p. 25 l 3. f spiritual r special p. 25 l. 5 f. walking r. wel-being p. 26. l. 19 f. adâ—ance r. clean marg r. 1 Kings 11. 2. p. 26. l. 34. f. communion r communication p. 27. l. â—5 f. parties r. partie l. 26. f. it is r. and is aptest l 32. f heaven 1 healers p 30. l. â— f. allunder r asunder l. 2. f contention r. contentation l. 16. f. wrest r wresâ—le l. 19. put out is p 31. marg r 1 Tim. 5 14. f. Tim. 2. 14. p. 33. l. 26. f. covenant r. government l. 30 f. exercises r. exercise p. 44. l. 1. â—â— r. to thrist p. 53. l. 13 f. fore-arned r. fore-armed p. 59. l. 3. f. our r. or l. 28. f. ours r. our p. 60 l 3. f. learn r leave p. 64. l. 29. f. word r. world p. 70. l. 3. f. fitted r. filled THE HONOUR OF MARIAGE There be four things considerable in it The Honour Duties Benefits Troubles of it I. The Honour of Mariage Heb. 12.4 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 MAriage is honourable in all saith Paul of high esteem and great account among all sorts of Persons high and low rich and poor and the bed considered in it self is undefiled Adam and Eve might have used it in their Innocencie This is common to all mankind Reas 1. from the Author Reas 1. From the efficiency or Author of it that is God 5 wayes 1 By justification Mariage is Gods ordidinance he first invented it and appointed it What is of God is excellent and honourable 2 By administration he maried Adam and Eve When he had builded the rib he took out of the mans side into a woman Gen. 2.22 he brought her to the man that is joyned her in mariage with him and God is said now to joyn man and wife together Math. 19.6 that is by his ordinance and by his providence 3 By Qualification of the Persons for a Matrimonial Relation Gen. 2.18 making the woman to be a help meet for the man and the Man to be a fit head and guide for the woman This is Gods work A prudent wife is from the Lord. Prov. 19.14 So is a loving Husband God makes them so 4 By Benediction God blesseth them together to make them partakers of al the Ends and comforts of mariage As he did Adam and Eve when he had made them and maried them Gen. 1.28 Gen. 33 5. he pronounced a large blessing upon them saying Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth Children and famlies Psalm 107.41 are Gods gifts 5 By Mission of his Angels which God sends forth to be ministring spirits to his servants for assistance in this business as to Abrahams Servant when his Master sent him to Mesopotamia to take a wife unto his son Isaac and to Ioseph Mary's Espoused husband Gen. 24.7.21.40 Math. 1.20 Math. 1.20 and 2.13 The Ministry of Angels about mariage by Direction and protection implyes it to be weighty and worthy in it self though unto many it seemeth Worldly and base Reas 2. from the subject and circumstances Reas 2. From the Subject and Circumstances of mariage at the first Who were the first couple whom God maried Adam and Eve who were the common Parents of all Man-kind of all the Kings Queens Princes and Nobles in the world yea of Jesus Christ according to the flesh Even he was The Son of Adam Luke 3.38 Where was mariage first Celebrated In paradise where God manifested his presence to our first Parents which made the place a Heaven upon Earth When was mariage first instituted and ministred In the time of mans Innocency before his fall Before sin entred into the world Therefore there is no sin in Mariage but mariage is now a Remedy against sin The persons place and Time of the first mariage or of mariage at the first doe put Honour upon it Reas 3 From Jesus Christ Reas 3. From Jesus Christ who highly honoured mariage not onely by chusing to be conceived and born of a woman Espoused to a man and by his presence at that mariage in Cana of Galilee where he wrought his first miracle John 2.1 2 10.11 and manifested forth his Glory by turning water into wine and by comparing the kingdom of Heaven to a weddin Mat. 22. feast But especially by chusing a Conjugal Relation to stand in to his Church as husband to wife and therein 1. To manifest and Communicate himself to her 2. To solace and delight himself with her 3. To gloryfie himself in her and her with himself for ever in Heaven This mariage is begun between Christ and his Church and every true believer in Espousal upon Earth Hosea 2.19 2 Cor. 11.2 and it is consummated in Heaven Revel 19.7 8 9. Blessed are they which are called to the Mariage-supper of the Lamb that is as some expound it the Time of Celestial Joyes Hence the Civil mariage between man and wife is made by Paul a figure or representation of the Mystical Mariage between Christ and his Church and every childe of God in respect of the union or neer conjunction of them This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh said Adam of his wife Gen. 2 23. we are members of his that is Christs body of his flesh and of his bones saith Paul of Saints and Beleivers Ephes 5.30 and of Conjugal Communion between them Therefore Paul concludes verse 32. This is a great Mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the Church as if he had said All I have written concerning husband and Wife sets forth the Matrimonial Relation and fellowship between Christ and his Church his expressions of love to her and interchangeably her duties
to him Let me adde Is it not an honour to Mariage that a most sweet choice Piece of Scripture was indited by the Holy Ghost as an Epithalamium or Mariage-song called The Song of Songs that is Cant. 1.1 of all songs the most excellent because it celebrateth the Mystical Mariage between Christ and the Church and poureth forth a Torrent of Spiritual love that is between them The forty and fiâ—th Psalm is of the same subject A Psalm of Love or Mariage-Hymn setting forth Christ the bridegroom in his Glory and the Church his spouse in her beauty Reas 4. 〈◊〉 General consent Reas 4. From General Consent and Opinion which as some observe hath setled mariage in Dignity and Honour Regers of Matrimonial Honour and graced it with Priviledges and granted Immunities to it far above single life both in war and peace Vse 1. Slight not Mariage Vse 1. Think not slightly of Mariage as a low contemptible thing but highly as a Solemn Ordinance of God of great consequence and Importance to you wherein the future Comfort of your Lives is bound up Therefore enter not rashly into it but advisedly with due consideration for the choise of a fiâ— yoke-fellow Prov. 20. â— Every purpose saith Solomon is established by Counsel and with good advice make war I may adde with good advice maâ—y because Mariage is not upon liking God hates putting away Mala. 2.16 but for life It is the tying of such a knot as nothing but death can loose it is a businesse of lasting importance An Errour therein may prove dangerous Shall we account that Relation or condition mean or inconsiderable whereof God himself was the Institutor and Minister Adam and Eve the first couple and Paradise the place where and Innocency the state or Time when Mariage was celebrated at first which Christ hath chosen to act into his Church unto Eternity Vse 2. Preserve the Honour of it Vse 2. Then Husbands and Wives should preserve the Honour of Mariage in their Carriage and not blemish or stain the Glory of it Either 1. By being light vain loose frolick in their spirits or demeanour for that is a dishonour to the Gravity of Mariage 2. Or by being froward peevish proud sullen discontented impatient disdainful in their spirits or carriage for that is a dishonour to the Amity Suavity and Society of Mariage 3. Or by unfaithfulnesse and bodily uncleannesse embracing the bosoms of strangers for that is a dishonour to the Unity Purity Chastity of Mariage Whoremongers and Adulterers God will judge Hebr. 13.4 if Magistrates do not 4 Or by loving any other man or woman in a conjugal way better then his own wife or her own Husband This is a dishonour to Gods Justification of mariage and to the mariage-bond and covenant which tieth Husband and wife to forsake all others in this way and to cleave in love one to another inseparably till death Vse 3. Honour God in mariage Vse 3 Then take Care and indeavour to honour God in your Mariage by marying in the Lord 1 Cor. 7.39 and 11.11 Qu. What is it to marry in the Lord Ans To make God the beginning and end of our Mariage 1 The beginning of it Make God the beginning of Mariage by seeking earnestly to God for councel direction therein for guidance of our Affection to a right object for the choice of a fit yoak-fellow for making the Woman a Comfortable help and the man a sutable Head expecting to receive one another as a special gist and token of favour from the hand of God For who findeth a wise findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour of the Lord saith Solomon Prov. 18.22 Prov. 19.14 And House and riches are the Inheritance of fathers a man may have a woman and a portion from her father but a prudent wife or the Qualifications of a woman to make her a wife is from the Lord the same may be said of the man Also by looking chiefly at or for the grace of God one in another as the load-stone of our love and the inkindler of our affections each to other Look more at inward goodness then at outward goods or beauty especially at sutableness in Religion Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers saith Paul 2 Cor. 6.14 Do not mary with Idolaters or Infidels this is 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as when beasts of diverse kinds draw together an ox and an asse might not be coupled together in the law Deuâ— 22.10 We should be affraid to yoke our selves with any untamed heifers or bullocks that will not bear Christs yoke We should let Religion have a Negative voice in our choice that is not to mary any who are not really or hopefully religious When persons match themselves to those that are either profane and of no reglion or of false and contrary Religions then their wedding garment as one saith is made of Lincy wolsey Deut. 22.11 and the wedding Ground is plowed with an Ox and an Asse Such mongrel mariages brought destruction upon the old world Gen. 6.2 3. God forbids such ungodly matches Deut. Gen. 26.35 chap. 27.46 7.3 4. Esaus marying the daughter of the Canaanites was a great grief of minde to his father and mother and made Rebekah weary of her life If Moses mary an Ethiopian he cannot change her colour or her Qualities she will be a vexation to him Wo to Sampson if he mary a Philistine though he was the strongest man If Solomon mary Idolatrous wives they will turn away his heart after other Gods though he was the wisest man upon earth Kings 11.1.3 4 To marry unequally as a wise man to a foolish woman or a vertuous woman to a profane wicked man Charron is as one saith to binde the living to the dead which was the cruellest Death invented by Tyrants to make the living languish and die by the company of the dead 2 To make God the end of our Mariage Make God the end of mariage 1 by propounding Gods glory as the principal end of all our Mariage-comforts and enjoyments 2 By ordering our whole Carriage in that Matrimonial state according to the rule of Gods word 3 By depending on God for his presence therein and blessing thereon 4 By improving mariage to promote our serving of God and the saving of our own souls But more of these in the next thing to be confidered in Mariage II. The Duties of Mariage WHich are 1 Special of the one Party to the other 2 Or common to both and to be performed by both joyntly and mutually 1 1 Special duties of husband to wise 6.1 Love The special Duties of husband to wife are these 6. 1 A love to her which should be pure chaste sincere intire constant The Husband should love his wife 1 As Christ loved his Church Eph. 5.25 2 As the man loveth his own body ver 28. 3 As he loveth
her own but her husband or better then her husband or shall a man love other mens wives or a woman love other womens husbands better then their own Peculiarity of Interest is a Ground of Speciality of love 3. 3 Union Ground of special love between them is union The Conjunction Husband and wise have one with another They two are in many respects as one person and so one together as they are not or should not be with any one besides in all the world to wit one flesh Gen. 2.24 as it were incarnated one to another Adam acknowledged this when God had made the woman for him and brought or maried her to him he said This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh to shew his Thankfulnes to God and love to his wife Gen. 2.23 as wondering at Gods goodness to him therein Mariage is a moral conjunction of two persons so as Man and wife are in Law one flesh by Gods Ordinance It is the strictest bond of any relation and therfore a fellowship of the dearest amitie nearer then that between Parents and Children Though children have their flesh and bone from their Parents yet they are not one flesh with their Parents Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wise This Gen. 2.24 was the sanction of mariage All Society must be left that this between man and wife may be kept This is Pauls rule Let not the wise depart from her husband 1 Cor. 7.0.11 â—â—â—ach 2 16. and Let not the Husband put away his wife for God hates putting away The wife must be an individual companion of life The saying of the Philosopher that perfect friendship is onely between two is most true in this case between man and wife because they two are by mariage made one 4 Necessity The 4 Ground of spiritual love between them is Necessity of the one for the other even for their being as well as for their walking In both these respects we may understand that of the Apostle 1 Cor. 11.11 Neither is the man without the woman neither is the woman without the man in the Lord. The man is not without the woman nor can be because man now is conceived and born of a woman The woman is not without the man Job 14.1 because she is now begotten of man so that they are mutual Causes the one of the other The woman hath her Generation froÌ„ the man the man hath his conception and birth from the woman They cannot be much less be well the one without the other The Husband should look at his wife as Causa sine qua non a help he cannot well be without for God said It is not good that man should be alone and the woman should look at her husband under the same notion It is not good for the woman to be alone Therefore the husband should not insult over his wife because oâ— his superiority over her nor the wife be discouraged because of her inferiority or subjection to him because they have need the one of the other as fellowes to bear and draw in one yoke together Now mutual Necessity should breed mutual love between them What is so dear unto the wife as the childe of her Womb Isa 49 15. yet the husband should be dearer to her as Eâ—kanah said to Hannah 1 Sam. 1.8 Am not I better to thee then ten sons 3 3 Common duâ—â— is Communion Common duties between Husband and wife is communion which flowes from the union of their Persons by mariage for union is the ground of Communion or communication of their bodies souls goods and respects 1. 1 Of bodies Of their bodies by mutual benevolence performed by the one to the other 1. Gor. 7.3.4 2 By cohabitation 1 Pet. 3.7 or dwelling together unless it be for a time and upon necessary Occasions 3. by conjugal fidelity reserving themselves intirely and peculiarly proper the one for the other as Christ and his Church doth Hosea 3.3 2 2 Of souls Of their souls for the spiritual good of both The heart as well as the body should be common between Husband and wife One saith that both the body and the soul are united together in Mariage Conjugal love will make hearts advance together as well as bodies as amical love doth friends The Soul of Jonathan was knit with the Soul of David and Jonathan loved him as his own soul 1 Sam. 18.1 as lustful love makes the souls of unclean persons to cleave together as well as their bodies as Shechems soul clave to Dinah Jacobs daughter whom he defiled Gen. 34.3 1 Kings 11.3 and Solomon clave unto many strange women in love But I shall speak more of this Soul communion between maried persons in the fourth common duty 3 3. Of Gods Of their Goods and Estates labours and indeavours a joynt fruition thereof for mutual benefit and Comfort 4 4. Of respects to their kindred Also there should be a communion of due respect and loving kindness to the kindred and friends that pertain to either partie The Husband and Wife lie as corner-stones in the wall to joyn several alliances and kindreds together and ought to carry very respectfully to their Affinity contracted by Mariage Esau's wives offended greatly in grieving the hearts of their Husbands parents Gen. 26.35 4. 4. Furtherance of the salvation one of another Common duty is to further the salvation and soul good one of another as given of God to that end Husband and Wife should labour to gain one another to Christ and help one another to Heaven What knowest thou O wife saith Paul but thou mayest be a means to save thy Husband and whâ—t knowest thou O man but thou mayest save thy wife However this ought to be the Serious indeavors of both If thou know not whether thou shalt yet try whether thou canst To this end Extend your desires and labours in three particulars 1 To heal infirmities the one seeth in the other as pride passion discontent folly vanity excess or the like Take the fittest Time when the parties may best be wrought upon it is aptest to take Impressions or is in a tractable ductile frame and chuse the best manner to doe it in a taking efficacious way Beg wisedom of God for it rightly to observe what is amisse in a yoke-fellow to heal it or to cover it Happy is that couple whom God makes Heaven of Spiritual Infirmities or Spiritual Physitians one to another The wife should be a second Conscience to her Husband a bosome Monitor to tell him privately of his faults to amend them 2 To increase Graces mutually and to incourage one another to the Exercise of them as of faith love patience of prudence piety charity sobriety and the like 3 To Excite and Encourage unto duties and to provoke one another unto good works and to quicken and sharpen or edge
our selves as betrothed to him in righteousness and loving kindness mercy and faithfulness 2 2 To expect the love of a Husband from him To expect all that love kindness tenderness Comfort nourishings and cherishings from Christ spiritually Eph. 5.29 which the wife looks to receive from her Husband corporally As the spouse doth in the Canticles the kisses of his mouth Cant. 1.2 the Embraces of his arms cap. 2.6 the refreshments of his presence to sit under his shadow with great delights Cant. 2 3. Cordials and Refocillations to support and comfort the Soul in his absence this is to be staid with flagons and comforted with apples verse 5. Also the discovery of Christ to the soul for he hath promised I will manifest my self to you John 14.21 Will not the husband let his wife behold his face and the sence of his love shed abroad in the heart Rom. 5.5 Oh that is better then wine Cant. 1.2 The Communication of the seed of Grace this is the benevolence which Christ as a Husband renders to our souls 1 Cor. 7.3 to make them fruitful in good works We are maried unto Jesus Christ saith Paul that we should bring forth fruit unto God Hence the spouse saith Rom. 7.4 Cant. 1.16 Col. 1.10 Our bed is green This denotes the fruitfulness and flourishing of the soul in every good work by the spiritual Communion or heavenly Conjunction of Christ with the soul 3. 3. To perform our duty to him To express and perform all that duty spiritually to Christ which the wife doth corporally to her husband as subjection obedience love loyalty chastity serviceableness To reserve our hearts wholly solely intirely for him as his bed to lie in his Throne to rule in now the husbands bed and the Kings throne admit no Corrivals to be for him and not for another Hosea 3.3 to tarry many dayes for his gracious Return and manifestation of himself to our souls after his departures and Occultations of himself in our apprehensions from us to embrace and imbosom Christ and lay him between our breasts Micah 7 19 Cant. 1 13. as a bundle of mirrhe or perfumed bags To subject our desires to him and submit our wills to his that his will may be ours and there may be but one will between Christ and our soules to refer our selves wholly to be at his command and dispose To open our hearts unto him inviting and intreating him earnestly to come in and not onely to sup and lodge in them but to make his abode in and with our souls I opened to my beloved saith the spouse Cant. 5.5 To be sick of love for Christ as the spouse was Cant. 5.8 sick with grief for his absence and with desires of his presence and to seek him up and down as the spouse did Cant. 3.1 2 3. by night on our bed in private inquiries breathings and restless desires and pursuits after him and in the streetes and broad wayes of the ordinances and communion of saints and not to give over till we find him and having found him to hold him fast and not let him go to joyn ouâ—selves 1. Christ by faith and love to be one spirit with him he that is joyned to the Lord is one spirit saith Paul 1 Cor. 6 17 as Husband and wife are one flesh To leave father and mother yea wife and children house goods land all we have whatsoever is near or dear to us for Christs sake to follow Christ and to go to Christ which is best of all for us Phil. 1.23 This is the Law of the Churches mariage with Christ Psal 45.10 Hearken O daughter forget thine owne people and thy fathers house He that loveth father or mother son or daughter c. more then me saith Christ is not worthy of me Math 10.37 to have me to be the Husband of his soul Luk. 14.26 Christ requires we should leave all to cleave to him The Apâ—stle in Ephes 5. describes the Union and amity of Christ and the spouse by the sameness of flesh which Mariage causeth between Husband and wife and reacheth maried persons their duties by the communion of Christ and the Church and the souls duty to Christ by the wives duty to her Husband This is to spiritualize mariage and to improve it to a high holy and heavenly use the benefit whereof wâ—â—l extend to the days of Eternity What Expression of Conjugal love is there between man and wife which carieth not a resemblance of some spiritual intercourse between Christ and the soul 2. Benefit of mariage is Domestical the building of families and kindreds 2 Domestical Benefits of Mariage Ruth 4.11 and the multiplication of them Women are Builders hereof as well as men Rachel and Leah did build the house of Israel Indeed mariage is the fountain of all humane societies 3. Benefit is Political 3 Political Mariage laies the foundation of cities countreys nations of Lawes and civil goverment of Common-wealths and Kingdoms all these are superstructures upon Mariage also it furnisheth the same with useful and serviceable instruments That Mariage upholds the fabrick of the republick the continuation and succession thereof Hence it is cald the Seminary of the Common wealth 4. 4 Ecclesiastical Benefit of Mariage is Ecclesiastical the Propagation of the Church of God and of the trâ—e religion to replenish it with members as it furnished Christ the head of it and Saviour of the world with a body on earth for he was conceived and born of a woman that was begotten in wedlock Mariage afforded flesh unto the Messiah and provides materials for Gods Church both stones and pillars and helps to fill heaven with heirs therefore Mariage is called the Seed plot and Nursery of the church 5. Benefit of Mariage is universal 5 Universal the preservation and increase of mankind this was the end of Adam and â—ves creation and Mariage before the fall and this was Gods benediction upon them Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth Gen. 1.28 Were it not for mariage the world would come to an end Hence mariage is called the pillar of the world under God the right hand of providence Vse 1 Thankfulnes to God Vse 1. This should teach us thankfulness to God 1. For providing so comfortable useful and beneficial a Relation or condition for us as mariage is It is a great bundle of Benefits How many both private and publick are bound up together in it as in one volume 2. For all the benefit help and comfort God hath given us particularly in our Mariage in and by our yoake fellowes What shall I render to the Lord may the Husband say for giving me such a meet and sutable help as I think there is None such for me may the wife say for giving me so great a blessing in a wise loving tender Husband may both Husband and wife say for blessing us with the fruit of
by Enjoying our Relations with Submission to the will of God for time and measure how far and how long God pleaseth to Continue them to us and by labouring to get our spirits into such a frame or posture of preparation and readiness as freely and submissively to part with Husband wife children and to resigne them up to God when he takes them from us or us from them Acts. 21.14 and to say obedientially The will of the Lord be done We have any thing as if we had it not which we are willing to part with to God or for God or else we oppose our wills to Gods will as if we will have or keep persons or things whether God will or no. Objection Parting with a dear yoke-fellow is a great and sad Trial how may we be prepared for it 7 Preparatives for the death of a yoak-fellow Ans By serious and frequent Preconsideration of these seven particulars for when the the stroak is sudden it falls heavy but when it is foreseen and we are forearmed and prepared it may be more easily born 1. God hath a propriety in our Relations 1. Let us consider that God hath a special propriety in our Relations my husband or my wife and children are the Lords by absolute right whilst they are mine yea more the Lords then mine God made and qualified them for me and gave them to me or rather lent them for a Time reserving to himself his Interest in them As he doth in all other Mercies as he did in Israels Corn wool wine and flax If God take husband Hos 2.8.9 or wife or children away by death he doth us no wrong Math. 20.15 for he requires no more but his own Is it not lawful for God to doe what he will with his own Job 1.21 Did not Job bless God upon this account when he took from him what he gave to him God hath given us so much Comfort and benefit in our Relations and continued them so many years unto us we should rather be thankful to God that we have injoyed them so long then murmure or mourn too much because we must have them no longer 2. 2 Hope of their happines Consider we our hope of their happiness dying in the Lord that they are released wholly from all their pain sorrow and misery and are gone home to their fathers house to inherit a kingdome prepared for them and are now actually possessed of fulness of joy and rivers of pleasures which shall endure for evermore Therefore as Christ said to his disciples John 14.28 If ye loved me ye would rejoyce because I go to the father So if we love husband wife or children we will rather rejoyce for their Gain by death then mourn for our loss of them because the one is far greater then the other Paul would not have Christians to sorrow for their deceased friends to wit imoderately even as others which have no hope 1 Thes 4.13 to wit of their friends resurrection and salvation 3. 3 Hope of our going to them Consider we our hope of going to our dear Husbands wives or children who have got the start of us and are gone to Heaven before us and of our fellowship with them there in that place of perfect joy glory and felicity where they and we shall meet one day and never part more This was Davids Comfort when his Childe died 2 Sam. 12.23 I shall goe to him but he shall not return to me This was Jacobs comfort at his death Gen. 49.29 I am to be gathered unto my people that is to my holy fathers and friends or Saints who are gone hence to their everlasting rest and joy 4. Let us consider that the time is short 4 Shortness of Time 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 1 Cor. 7.29 It is a Metaphor from sailes which are wrapt up and contracted when the ship draws neer harbours 1. 1 Of life The time of life is short and uncertain neither Husband nor wife knowes how long or rather how little a while they shall yet live together or enjoy one another or how soon death may step between them and part them The consideration hereof 1. Should quicken us both to diligence and expedition in all duties of our Vocation general and particular and of our Relations because we have much work to doe and but a little time to do it in and a losse of time may bring great grief and misery upon us Some that have lain a dying would have given a world for time to repent believe and serve God in I have heard saith a reverend man some crying day and night call time again but time past is irrevocable and irrecoverable This should also quicken Husband and wife to preparation for parting one from another 2. This consideration may also comfort us that if the one party be taken away by death the other may follow soon after or not stay long behind and so both may meet in Heaven they know not how soon 2. 2. Of Peace The time of Peace may be short Troublesome times may come tribulations and persecutions all outward Comforts may be clouded in a day and they may be violently pulled one from other Will it not be a mercy either to husband or wife to be taken away from the evils to come and may not the Surviver of them when single perhaps shift better for him or her self This was Pauls resolution of the Corithians Question about mariage In 1 Cor. 7. that for those that were not maried it were good and expedient to keep them so considering The present distress ver 26. that is the persecution of Christians at that time for they were compelled by the Roman Tyrants and Pagans to fly with their wives and children for preservation of their lives and to flie from place to place as Aquila and Priscilla did to seek safety where they could find it As for those that were already maried he gives them this counsel Let them that have wives be as if they had none c. Times of persecution or of publick calamitie may make a separation between husband and wife It 's their wisdome to prepare before hand for parting the one with the other For this is one part of their preparation against evil Times 5. 5. Mixture of grosses Let us consider the Mixture of Crosses Troubles and sorrowes with comforts and refreshments in our matrimonial state and many times the former weighs down the latter God layes the same as wormewood upon the brests of mariage to wean us from it and make us more willing then otherwise we would be to part with our yoke-fellow as also to endear unto us both our fellowship with Christ which is altogether sweet and no bitterness in it and Heaven where there is all joy without any Sorrow at all 6. 6. The inefficacy of sorrow Let us Consider the inefficacy of immoderate sorrow for