of counsell and will betweene the husband and the wife yet such as the counsell and commandement may rest in the husband True it is that some women are wiser and more discreet then their husbands as Abigail the wife of Nabal and others Whereupon Salomon saith A wise woman buildeth vp the house and blessed is the man that hath a discreete wife Yet still a great part of the discretion of such women shall rest in acknowledging their husbands to be their heads and so vsing the graces that they haue receiued of the Lord that their husbands may be honored not contemned either of them or of others which falleth out contratie when the wife will seeme wiser then the husband So that this modestie and gouernment ought to be in a wife namely that she should seldome speake but to her husband or by her husband And as the voice of him that soundeth a trumpet is not so lowd as the sound that it yeeldeth so is the wisedome and word of a woman of greater vertue and efficacie when all that she knoweth and can do is as if it were said and done by her husband The obedience that the wife oweth to her husband dependeth vpon this subiection of her will and wisedome vnto him as 1. Peter 3. 6. Ephesians 5. 33. Ester 1. 12. So that women may not prouoke their husbands by disobedience in matters that may be performed without offence to God neither presume ouer them either in kindred or wealth or obstinately to refuse in a matter that may trouble household peace and quiet For disobedience begetteth contempt of the husband and contempt wrath and is many times the cause of troubles betweene the man and the wife If the obedience importeth any difficultie she may for her excuse gently propound the same yet vpon condition to obey in case the husband should persist in his intent so long as the discommoditie importeth no wickednesse For it is better to continue peace by obedience then to breake it by resistance And indeed it is naturall in the members to obey the conduct and gouernment of the head Yet must not this obedience so farre extend as that the husband should command any thing contrary to her honour credit and saluation but as it is comely in the Lord Colos. 3. 16. Ephes. 5. 13. Therefore as it were a monstrous matter and the meanes to ouerthrow the person that the body should in refusing all subiection and obedience to the head take vpon it to guide it selfe and to command the head so were it for the wife to rebell against the husband Let her then beware of disordering and 〈◊〉 the course which God in his wisedome hath established and withall let her vnderstand that going about it she riseth not so much against her husband as against God and that it is her good and honor to obey God in her subiection and obedience to her husband If in the practise of this dutie she find any difficultie or trouble through the inconsiderate course of her husband or otherwise let her remember that the same proceedeth not of the order established by the Lord but through some sin afterward crept in which hath mixed gall among the honie of the subiection and obedience that the woman should haue enioyed in that estate wherein together with Adam she was created after the Image of God And so let her humble her selfe in the sight of God and be well assured that her subiection and obedience is acceptable vnto him and that the more that the image of God is restored in her and her husband through the generation of the holy Ghost the lesse difficultie she shall find in that subiection and obedience as many in their marriage haue in deed tried to their great contentment and consolation Further there is a certaine discretion and desire required of women to please the nature inclinations and manners of their husbands so long as the same import no wickednesse For as the looking-glasse howsoeuer faire and beautifully adorned is nothing worth if it shew that countenance sad which is pleasant or the same pleasant that is sad So the woman deserueth no commendation that as it were contrarying her husband when he is merry sheweth herselfe sad or in sadnesse vttereth her mirth For as men should obey the lawes of their Cities so women the manners of their husbands To some women a becke of her husband is sufficient to declare that there is somewhat amisse that displeaseth him and specially if she beare her husband any reuerence For an honest Matron hath no neede of any greater staffe but of one word or one sowre countenance Moreouer a modest and chaste woman that loueth her husband must also loue her house as remembring that the husband that loueth his wife cannot so well like of the sight of any tapestry as to see his wife in his house For the woman that gaddeth from house to house to prate confoundeth her selfe her husband and family Titus 2. 5. But there are foure reasons why the woman is to go abroad First to come to holy meetings according to the duty of godlinesse The second to visit such as stand in need as the duty of loue and charitie doth require The third for employment and prouision in houshold affaires committed to her charge And lastly with her husband when he shall require her Gen. 20. 1. c. The euill and vnquiet life that some women haue and passe with their husbands is not so much for that they commit with and in their persons as it is for that they speake with their tongues If the wife would keepe silence when her husband beginneth to chide he should not haue so vnquiet dinners neither she the worse supper Which surely is not so for at the same time that the husband beginneth to vtter his griefe the wife beginneth to scold and chafe whereof doth follow that now and then most vnnaturally they come to handy-gripes more beast-like then Christian-like which their so doing is both a great shame and foule discredit to them both The best meanes therefore that a wife can vse to obtaine and maintaine the loue and good liking of her husband is to be silent obedient peaceable patient studious to appease his choler if he be angry painefull and diligent in looking to her businesse to be solitary and honest The chiefe and speciall cause why most women do faile in not performing this duty to their husbands is because they be ignorant of the word of God which teacheth the same and all other duties and therefore their soules and consciences not being brought into subiection to God and his word they can neuer vntill then yeeld and performe true subiection and obedience to their husbands and behaue themselues so euery way as Christian wiues are in duty bound to do But if wiues be not so dutifull seruiceable and subiect to their husbands as in conscience they ought the onely cause thereof for the most part
A GODLY FORME OF HOVSHOLD GOVERNMENT FOR THE ORDERING OF PRIVATE FAMILIES according to the direction of Gods Word Wherunto is adioyned in a more particular manner the seuerall duties of the Husband towards his wife and the wiues dutie towards her Husband The Parents dutie towards their children and the childrens towards their parents The Maisters dutie towards his seruants and also the seruants duty towards their Maisters First gathered by R. C. and now newly perused amended and augmented by Iohn Dod and Robert Cleuer ISIDORE Thou profitest much when thou readest if thou practisest that which thou readest BERNARD What auaileth it thee to reade often in bookes the holy Name of our Sauiour except thou studie and endeuour to haue godlinesse in thy behauiour LONDON Printed by R. Field for Thomas Man and are to be sold by Arthur Iohnson neare the great North doore of Pauls Church 1621. TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFVL MAISTER ROBERT Burgaine of Roxall one of his Maiesties Iustices of peace in the County of Warwicke to the right worshipfull Maister Iohn Diue of Ridlington Parke in the Countie of Rutland and to the worshipfull Maister Edmund Temple of Temple hall in the Countse of Leicester Esquires as also to their religious and vertuous wiues R. C. wisheth with heart and minde grace from God the Father by Iesus Christ and constancy in the truth of the Gospell to the end and in the end Auing collected finished this Treatise ensuing and deuising very carefully with my selfe to whom I might Dedicate the same at length I resolued that none were meeter to vndertake the patronage therof then some such meete persons as did alreadie in some good measure practise within their seuerall charges the seuerall points and duties contained therein and so would further prosecute those other necessarie parts which they haue yet in some part pretermitted Wherupon calling to minde the holy exercises daily vsed and exercised in all your houses I was moued for two causes to make you all iointly Patrons thereof First for that I acknowledge my self beholden and indebted vnto you all diuersly since my first acquaintanoe with you and therefore left I should deserue the blame of vnthankfulnesse for benefits receiued I am bold vnder your Names to offer to the whole Church of God these my simple collections Secondly for that as you are all ioyned and linked in kindred by reason of marriage so also you are and haue bin a long time inseparably knit in a zealous and sincere profession of Gods word and Religion And for so much as I may not for many respects accomplish what good I willingly wold yet lest I should be thought to spend the remainder of my yeares in an idle condition or to hide my talent in a napkin I haue bene no lesse carefull then willing to labour other wayes to do what I may to glorifie God and profit his Church Neither will these my labours be vtterly vnprofitable if my purpose therein be rightly conferred with the purpose of my writings For such Housholders as pretend to be great Protestants and sound professors of the Gospell may long enough talke of Discipline and still complaine of the want of Church gouernment but all in vaine and to no purpose vnlesse they will begin this most necessary discipline in reforming their owne houses according to the direction in this Treatise and so suffer the holy religion of God to take place among their familie at home otherwise they shall trauell much and profite little For although there be neuer so good lawes in Cities neuer so pure order in Churches yet if maisters of families do not practise at home catechising in their houses and ioyne their helping hands to Magistrates and Ministers they may in truth but vniustly as many haue done complaine that their children and seruants are disordered and corrupted abroad when in truth they were disordered and are still corrupted and marred at home And therefore it cannot be neither is it to be hoped for that either the father of his children or the husband of his wife or the maister of his seruants should looke for that obedience that reuerence that faithfulnesse and that dutifulnes which they of right ought to haue and the other in conscience and of bounden duties are bound to performe vnlesse they do now at length endeuour to see these orders and duties hereafter mentioned to be practised within their seuerall housholds For if Parents and Housholders shall performe no further dutie to their children and seruants then to prouide for them meate drinke and apparell and to pay them their wages then Papists Atheists yea Turkes and infidels do yeeld this dutie as well as they And seeing all men be carefull that their horses and bullockes should haue sufficient fodder and prouender to the end they may haue their labour in lieu and recompence thereof it doth consequently follow that therefore a Christian housholder ought to haue ouer his children and seruants as much more Christian care then he hath ouer dumbe and insensible beasts that so he may receiue a singular comfort from the daily contēplation of their increase in spirituall graces Oh what a sweet and comfortable thing shall this be to the soule and conscience of such an Householder when he hath bene so diligent and carefull in the training and bringing vp of his children and seruants in the obedience and wayes of the Lord that he may rightly deserue to haue this worthy report and commendation giuen vnto him from the mouth and penne of the godly Namely that he hath a Church in his house that is a company of sound and faithfull Christians such as feare God indeed as the like report was giuen by the Apostle to those godly house-keepers Aquila and Priscilla his wife Rom. 16. 5. 1. Cor. 16. 19 as also to Philemon Phil. 2. Therefore all Parents and householders are in the Lord to be exhorted that they would be carefull to bring vp their children and familie so as they either by some good tokens may see them the children of God and heires of his Couenant or at the least they may be comforted in their owne consciences notwithstanding that their children and seruants for some cause vnknowne to them do refuse their counsell and instruction seeing they to the vttermost of their power and abilitie haue vsed all good meanes to bring them vp well and haue rightly offered them to the Lord. Now if parents and maisters haue iust cause to bewaile and lament when thus trauelling in good education information they cannot yet see good effects and godly fruites in their children and seruants how much more cause of griefe may they haue when they haue vsed bestowed no labor at all either by themselues or others for them to bring them vp in the nurture and feare of the Lord And yet alas many will be grieued for the one that will not be any thing moued for the other Wherefore let all parents and maisters of families know
but coldly and for custome sake at the Church and God accepteth no more of their worship they do there then they loue and like of his gouernment in their houses The Gouernours of families if as it is in mariage there be more then one vpon whom the charge of gouernment lieth though vnequally are first the chiefe gouernour which is the Husband secondly a fellow-helper which is the Wife These both do owe duties to their familie and dutie one to another The duties they ow to their familie both concerning godlinesse and the things of this life belong either to the Husband especially or to the Wife especially The duties that belong to the Husband touching holinesse are such as either He must 1. Performe to them of his familie 2. Or require of them The duties which he must performe to them are first touching the publike ministery of the Word to prouide that they may liue vnder an ordinary ministery of the word or else to take order that alwayes vpon the Sabbath and at other times when it may be they resort to such places where they may haue the word ministred vnto them for else how shall they be brought into the Sheepfold of God from which naturally they go 〈◊〉 but by hearing the voyce of the chiefe Sheep-heard speaking vnto them by those whom he sendeth How shall they belieue and so be begotten againe by the seede of the word except they heare such as God sendeth for the begetting of men vnto him How shall they be reconciled vnto God but by hearing his messengers into whose mouthes he hath put the word of reconciliation How shall they grow in faith and increase in grace but by receiuing with meeknesse the ingrafted word which is able to saue their soules Seeing then the word preached is the meanes to beget men to a new life and to nourish them in it a great dutie lyeth vpon the Gouernours of Familyes to prouide by some meanes that they may haue it For where the word is not preached there the Lords Sabbath cannot be hallowed as it ought Now the Lord would not onely haue Maisters of Families to keepe holy the Sabbath themselues in all the parts of his worship publike and priuate but also that euery one should in his seueral place and roome carefully to take order that so many as be committed to his charge should sanctifie the Lords day as well as himselfe Which though it be true in all other commandements namely that whatsoeuer we are bound to do our selues we must be meanes to further others in doing the same because the loue of God and of our Neighbour spreadeth it selfe ouer all the Commandements and therfore though it be not expressed it is necessarily vnderstood yet in the fourth commandemēt it is so much the more required because besides the analogie and proportion betweene it and the other Commandements which do enforce it the very words themselues do binde vs thereunto For when it is said Thou and thy Sonne and thy Daughter thy Man-sernant and thy Mayde though it speaketh by name onely of resting vpon the Sabbath yet because the end of that is that the day might be sanctisied looke how many reasons there be to binde the inferiours to rest and the superiours to prouide that they do so indeed so many are there to compell them to sanctifie the day in their owne persons and in so many as belong vnto them Therefore when first of all it is generally said in this fourth Commandement Remember the Sabbath-day that thou keepe it holy And afterwards The seuenth day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God that is which must be dedicated vnto his seruice in the end you must therfore rest that you might serue him in it as he requireth and then nameth the seueral parties that should rest His meaning is to declare the right end of their resting and so speaking by name to the Gouernours saith Thou and thy sonne and thy daughter thy man-seruant and thy maid the stranger that is within thy gates to shew vnto them that it is not sufficient for them to looke that they vnder their gouernmēt should rest vnlesse they sanctifie the day of rest also which they must be so much carefull of by how much the sanctification of the day is greater then the ceassing to worke vpon it as the end whereunto this is but referred and therefore if it be a sinne in them at any time not to haue a sufficient regard vnto them that they do not worke then it must needes be a great sinne if that through their negligence they do not sanctifie and keepe holy the day of rest So that here the Lord God requireth that in all places there should be such good lawes publickly in the Common wealth and priuately in mens houses established and diligently executed as thereby not onely the rulers but also all in subiection should be compelled to sanctifie the Lords day and that they should be sure they do it indeed And as he must not leaue it indifferent to them to choose whether they will work or rest and so thinke it sufficient that they do not lay any worke vpon them So is it not enough that they hinder them not from seruing God vpon that day vnlesse they procure all the meanes vnto them whereby God might be worshipped of them and see that they worship God in them as well as themselues Therefore the maisters of families must prouide as much as lyeth in them that the word be publikely preached where they dwell not for themselues alone but for their children and seruants take that they might keepe holy the day together with them and they must not onely come themselues to the place of common-prayer and diuine seruice but bring these also with them and spend the rest of the day in all priuate godly exercises themselues and cause others to do so also And here lest this might seeme too heauie vnto vs and that it might not be grieuous to take so great a charge vpon vs we must remember that as we haue great helpe by our inferiours in many things so the Lord woud haue vs to helpe them in the chiefe and princîpall and as he hath made them our seruants so we should make them his seruants and when they haue serued vs sixe dayes we might cause them to serue him vpon the seuenth And as the Lord hath preferred vs aboue them with their seruice so he would humble vs with this charge and care ouer them or rather exalt vs in that he would haue vs to be as it were the ouerseers of his worke and not onely serue him our selues but also see his seruice done by others committed to our charge which if ye do not wherein shall the Christian Gouernours of Householdes differ from the Infidels and Heathen and what greater thing shall we do for our Seruants then they Nay what shall we do more for them then
that is thou shalt be free from sorrow heauinesse and many troubles which many parents haue with vngracious children and on the other side thou shalt haue much comfort and delight by him Great benefit also commeth thereby to the children as he sheweth in the 15. verse The rod and correction giue wisedome aud Chap. 23. 13. 14. Whereas the neglect of it bringeth hurt to the child and to the parents as followeth A child set at libertie maketh his mother ashamed And for seruants the Wiseman doth closely shew how they must be dealt withall where he saith Prou. 29. 21. He which bringeth vp his seruant delicately from his youth at length will be depriued of his children And a little before verse 19. he saith A seruant will not be chastised with words though he vnderstand yet he will not answer or regard These Scriptures shew that God hath put the rod of correction in the hands of the Gouernours of the family by punishment to saue them from destruction which if the bridle were let loose vnto them they would run vnto Where men and women are content to go contrary to their owne nature and to vndergo ill reports to obey the ordinance of God there God will giue a blessing that is a well ordered familie wherein all shall be of good hope These be the duties that the chiefe of the familie oweth to them of his familie within doores as touching godlinesse The wife also which is a fellow-helper hath some things belonging to her to further godlinesse in her familie As for example in her selfe to giue example to her houshold of all readie submission to all good and Christian orders to order her houshold affaires so carefully that no exercise of religion be hindred or put out of place at such time as they should be done in her husbands absence to see good orders obserued as he hath appointed to watch ouer the manners and behauiour of such as be in her house and to helpe her husband in spying out euils that are breeding that by his wisedome they may be preuented or cured Salomon saith of the vertuous woman that she ouerseeth the wayes of her houshold And a little before she openeth her mouth with wisedome and the law of grace is in her tongue And Saint Paul requireth that wiues specially the elder be teachers of good things and that they instruct the yonger They may also do much good in framing the tender yeares of their children vnto good while they be vnder their hands For euen as a child cockered and made a wanton by the mother will be more vntractable when the father will seeke to bend him to good so on the other side a child wisely trained vp by the mother in the yong yeares will be the easilier brought to goodnesse by the fathers godly care We reade that Timothy was made acquainted with the Scripture from a little child by meanes of his godly mother and grandmother a good patterne for Christians And marke the proofe God recompenced their godly care exceedingly for Timothie proued a rare yong man of excellent graces to the great ioy and comfort of his parents Mothers may also powre good liquor into their childrens tender vessels the sauour whereof shall sticke in them a long while after I meane they may sow in their mindes the seede of religion and godlinesse These and such like duties if the wife performe constantly she shall bring no small helpe to her husband for the godly and religious ordering of his house And thus much of that part of Houshold gouernment which concerneth godlinesse Now we come to the other part which pertaines to the things of this life wherein is to be considered what is the duty of the husband and of the wife namely to Take order for Prouision and Health They must take order for prouision for necessaries to the maintenance of themselues and all their charge These necessaries are food and rayment Also care must be had of the health of such as be in their families both to preserue it by rest and recreation if need be and to restore it if it be hindred by good looking to such as are fallen into sicknesse That the gouernours of the familie must make honest prouision for themselues and their charge and not liue vpon the Church-almes or by begging purloyning borrowing or cousining It is most euident by that saying of Saint Paul to Timothie He that prouideth not for his owne and especially for them of his house hath denyed the Faith and is worse then an infidell And Salomon saith The iust man regardeth the life of his beast much more of his seruants and children And as the Spirit of God chargeth vs with this dutie so he setteth vs about such things whereby this may be compassed and forewarneth vs of those things whereby it might be hindered The things that he teacheth vs for the making of this prouision are first That euery one should haue some honest and good calling and should walke diligently in it that it may bring in honest gaine whereby necessaries for the family may be prepared That euery man must applie himselfe to some studie and calling is so knowne that it needeth no proofe In the sweate of thy browes thou shalt eate thy bread c. Which condemneth all such as liue of the labours of other men and themselues take no paines or trauaile do no good in the world benefite not humane societie any way but deuoure the good creatures of the earth which indeed belong to them that take all the paines In this ranke do a number of Gentiles in the world march deuising gay toyes which might well be spared who are but vnprofitable burthens of the earth that fill vp number like Ciphers who glory in their shame that is in their ease pleasures and brauerie whereof if they knew whereto a man was borne they would be ashamed These be they for whose maintenance in their iollitie a number are faine to toyle very hardly fare meanely and spend their strength to the very skinne and bones and yet can get but a slender recompence through their vnmercifull exactions But enough of them to returne The good gouernour of a house must be none of these but he must haue a calling that is good honest and lawfull not onely gainfull to himselfe but also holy and profitable to the societie of mankind For thus much doth Saint Paul comprehend within the compasse of his words Ephes. 4. 28. But let him labour the thing that is good It is not enough to haue a calling though it be neuer so good but it must be followed so as it may bring in maintenance for thee and thine such as is meete for thy estate But how must it be followed First with diligence for as Salomon saith Prou. 8. 9. He that caryeth himselfe slothfully or loosely in his businesse is the brother of a great waster that is
alwaies be open to speake ill to misconster thy actions and to blaze abroad thy infirmities and scapes He that would haue no enemies must make himselfe none by vniust vnkind or vnneighbourly dealing but he must rather by couttecusnesse of speech helpfulnesse and good neighbourhood win the loue and liking of men yet a man may be too wise in this point Many being Ioth to incurre any mans displeasure will not seeke to vphold right and equitie they will not speake for the poore nor stand out to maintaine Gods cause when he is dishonored by open sin as swearing lying rayling and such like Many to keepe in with all vse all companies alike for auoiding a mans company breedeth a grudge But the good will of men is neuer to be purchased with forsaking of duty Such things as may iustly be ill taken auoyde for peace sake Whereof the Wiseman noteh some as medling in others mens matters He that medleth with a strife that belongeth not to him is as he that taketh a dog by the cares that is casteth himselfe into dangers 2. Be not hasty to go to Law no not in a right cause but agree at home For besides that a man doth seldome scape without great losse in which respect it is also to be auoided as an enemy to thrift thy neighbour is openly put to reproach he becometh thy mortall enemy and will alwayes watch to do thee hurt 3. Sometime to seeke recompence of a wrong breedeth greater malice in the authour of the wrong aud maketh him double it as a man spurreth his horse for kicking when he was spurred Say not I will recompence euill but wait vpon the Lord and he will saue thee 4. Ost haunting of another mans house may bring thee into mislike wherfore the Wiseman saith Withdraw thy foote from thy neighbours house lest he be wearie of thee and hate thee If by carefull auoiding of all iust occasions thou canst not auoide ill will as the world loueth none but her owne neuer seeke to win fauour by departing from duty but commit thy self to God and turne thy mind to make vse of thine enemy Let enmitie which is alwayes prying and seeking occasions to hurt by word or deed make thee to walke not more closely but more vprightly and then mayest thou defie thine enemy For be that walketh vprightly walketh boldly Another enemy to thrift which is also a breaker of peace and good will among men is much borrowing He that is to borrow doth spend much time and le ts slip many occasions of doing his businesse in the due season he must repay in better measure then he borrowed or else ill words or ill will will follow If it be a matter of any value which is borrowed then as Salomon saith The borrower is seruant to the lender that is beholding to him and in his danger The thriftiest men loue least to be beholding to others and therefore seldome seeke and often refuse euen when they be offered to receiue benefits at others mens hands He that goes a borrowing goes a sorrowing and euery deniall he receiues where he thinkes he should speed is the seed of grudge in the minde of the denyer of him who is denied But of all borrowing to borrow vp on vsury is the dearest buying and the rankest poyson to thrift When Dauid would wish a sore plague to his enemy he prayeth that he may be giuen into the vsurers hand Let the vsurer eate him vp If the vsurer be a deuourer woe be to them that come in his hands To auoide borrowing a good husband must cut off all vnnecessary expences that he may haue all necessaries in his house To auoide borrowing of money take heed of suretiship of dealing in bargaines which you are not fully able to compasse of dealing with many things and hauing too many irons in the fire at once Looke how you may compasse matters before you enterprise them Prouide long before against any day of payment and haue not money to seeke vpon the sudden for that driues a man to borrowing yea to vsury or to sell Robbin Hoods peny-worths Besides he must keepe none in his house idle or halfe set to worke none more then needes must Let euery one haue his charge that will throughly occupy him Also looke that they do their taskes euery one in his place and haue an often eye vnto them whether they haue done as they should do The maisters eye maketh a fat horse so also the mistris eye maketh a friendly dairy Except you haue rare seruants such as truly feare God and haue good consciences trust them not further then you see them except necessitie driue you Hitherto of the duties that be belonging to the chiefe ruler os the familie that is the husband touching honest prouision for it Now seeing that God hath ioyned the wife to her husband as an helper she must help him in the prouision for her family so much as lieth in her power and is meete for to do And indeed her industrie and wisedome may do much herein that though her husband should be much wanting in his dutie yet she might hold in the goale Thus many haue done and so Salomon saith the wise woman will do A wise woman buildeth her house But it is not euery womans case because that all are not wise as she that Salomon speaketh of This wise woman is els-where called a gracious woman Prou. 11. 16. And a vertuous woman Prou. 12. 4. because many graces and vertues meete together in her For she is To her husband dutifull faithfull and louing Towards those of her familie wise and prudent In her businesse diligent painfull Towards her neighbour modest humble kinde and quiet First if she be not subiect to her husband to let him rule all the hous-hold especially outward affaires if she will make against him and seeke to haue her owne wayes there will be doing and vndoing Things will go backward the house will come to ruine for God will not blesse where his ordinance is not obeyed This is allowable that she may in modest sort shew her mind and a wise husband will not disdaine to heare her aduice and follow it also if it be good But when her way is not liked of though it be the best way she may not thereupon set all at sixe and seuen with what should I labour and trauaile I see my husband taketh such wayes that he will bring all to nothing This were nothing else but when she seeeth the house falling to helpe to pull it downe faster Salomon saith The wise-woman buildeth her house much more then doth she vnderprop it and hold it vp that by her husbands vndiscreet dealing it be not pulled downe She must not thinke her selfe freed from dutie because he walketh not in his dutie but hold her place and labour for her part to vphold all and so God will either blesse the workes of her hands
The meaning is that she getteth some matter to worke on that she may exercise her selfe and her familie in and it is not some idle toy to make the world gay withall but some matter of good vse Her familie is clothed with double and her husband is knowne in the gate he is so comely and trimly apparelled by her diligence at home that he is in regard among men and knowne when he goeth But what need such as can liue by their lands to labour with their hands What neede had the woman that Salomon speaketh of The conscience of doing good in the world should draw them to do that which no neede driueth them vnto Remēber that the vertuous woman stretcheth out her hand to the poore and needie Prou. 21. 20. She giueth not of her husbands she giueth of her owne she found a way to do good without the hurt of her husband S. Paul requireth that women should aray themselues with good works the comeliest ornament in the world if women had spirituall eyes to discerne it Dorcas in the Actes teacheth wiues how to get this array for she made garments to cloath the naked and the poore Thus might women finde how to set themselues a worke though they could liue of their owne But for such as haue but a meane allowance God thereby sheweth that he will haue them occupie themselues in some honest labour to keepe them from idlenesse and the euils that issue there-from They therefore must labour if not to sell cloth as Salomons woman did nor to cloath the poore as Dorcas did yet to cloath her family that they may not care for the cold Let her auoide such occasions as may draw her from her calling She must shake of sloth and loue of ease she must auoyd gossiping further then the law of good neighbourhood doth require S. Paul would haue a woman a good home keeper The vertuous woman is neuer so wel as when she is in the middest of her affaires She that much frequenteth meetings of gossips seldome commeth better home Some count it a disgrace to come much abroad least they should be counted gossips which name is become odious but they must haue tatlers come home to them to bring them newes and to hold them in a tale lest they should be thought to be idle without a cause They perceiue not how time runneth nor how vntowardly their busines goeth forward while they sit idle They know not that great tale-bringers be as great carriers and that such make their gaine of carrying and recarrying The wise woman will be warie whom she admitteth into her house to sit long there knowing that their occupations is but to marke and carry Towards her neighbours she is not sowre but curteous not disdainefull to the basest but affable with modestie no fcorner nor giber but bearing with infirmities and making the best of things not ready to stomacke them for euery light matter and so to looke big but passing by offences for vnities sake not angrie but milde not bold but bashfull not full of words powring out all her mind and babling of her household matters that were more fitter to be concealed but speaking vpon good occasion and that with discretion Let her heare and see and say the best and yet let her soone breake off talke with such in whom she perceiueth no wisedome nor sauour of grace Let her not be light to beleeue reports nor ready to tell them againe to fill the time with talke for silence is farre better then such vnsauory talke Let her not be churlish but helpefull in all things to preuent breaches or else to make them vp againe if by the waywardnesse of others there be any made Let her not be enuious but glad of the good of others nor fond of euery thing that she seeth her neighbour haue but wisely considering what is meete for her selfe what her state wil beare Let her not be garish in apparell but sober and modest not nice nor coy but handsome and huswife-like no talker of other mens matters nor giuen to speake ill of any for feare of the like measure Math. 7. 2. 1. The dutie of the Husband towards his Wife THis dutie consisteth seuerally in these three points First that he liue with his wife discreetly according vnto knowledge Secondly that he be not bitter fierce and cruell vnto her Thirdly that he loue cherish and nourish his wife euen as his owne body and as Christ loued the Church and gaue himselfe for it to sanctifie it But before we shall speake of these three points we will a little touch the originall and beginning of holy wedlocke what it is when where how and of whom it was instituted and ordained Wedlocke or Matrimonie is a lawfull knot and vnto God 〈◊〉 acceptable yoking and ioyning together of one man and one woman with the good consent of them both to the end that they may dwell together in friendship and honesty one helping and comforting the other eschuing whoredome and all vncleannesse bringing vp their children in the feare of God or it is a coupling together of two persons into one flesh according to the ordinance of God not to be broken but so to continue during the life of either of them Gen. 22. Malach. 2. 14. Rom. 7. 31. By yoking ioyning or coupling is meant not onely outward dwelling together of the married folkes as to be ordinarily in a dwelling place for the better performance of mutuall duties each to other Mat. 1. 18. 1. Corin. 7. 10. 12. 13. 1. Pet. 3. 7. Ruth 4. 11. 12. but also an vniforme agreement of mind and a common participation of body and goods for as much as the Lord saith that they two shall be one flesh that is one body This is to be remembred that Matrimonie or Wedlocke must not onely be a coupling together but also must be such a coupling together as cometh of God and is not contrary to his word and will For there be some mariages made whom God coupleth not together but carnall lust beauty riches goods and landes flatterie and frienship In such marriages God is not thought vpon and therefore they sinne the more against him These and such like marriages be disliked and condemned in the Scripture Gene. 6. 12. c. Math. 24. 38. 39. God himselfe did appoint and ordaine matrimonie in Paradice so that he is the author of the same Gen. 2 20. Yea and so our Sauiour Christ himselfe who was the very naturall Sonne of God being borne in wedlocke although of a pure Virgin did honour commend matrimony while he did vouchsafe to shew his first miracle Ioh. 2. 1. at a Marriage whereby he did declare that the Lord is able to make the bitternesse of mariage sweet the scarcity thereof to abound with plenty And the Apostle giueth this excellent title to Marriage saying that it is Honourable among all Heb 13. 4.
instructed by these and such commandements approued and practised these espousals not only by themselues but also by their children Sampson liking and louing a woman of the Philistims in Timnah desired his father and mother to giue her vnto him to wife and so they did at which time Sampson made a feast according to the custome of the yong men Albeit her father afterwards would not suffer him to marrie her but gaue her to another for which iniury Sampson reuenged himselfe of the Philistims by burning vp their shocks and standing corne vineyards and oliues for which the Philistims burnt both the father and the daughter So Dauid begged Micholl of her father Saul who gaue her vnto him to wife with condition that he should bring him a hundred fore-skinnes of the Philistims and therefore when Saul was dead he required her of Ishbosheth Sauls sonne who 〈◊〉 her vnto him Also Ioseph and Marie the mother of Christ were betrothed which God would neuer haue permitted if it had not bene of his owne ordinance and agreeable to his owne will of if it might any manner of way haue stained 〈◊〉 her Iosephs honesty or Maries virginity nay if it had not much more graced and adorned both then the want of espousals could haue done And to auoyd rediousnesse in so plaine a truth seeing the Scripture giueth power and authoritie to parents to giue and not to giue their children in marriage saying Let him do what he will Againe He that giueth her in mariage doth well and he that giueth her not to marriage doth better whereof we shall speake more at large anone there must needs be before the publicke act of marriage some speciall time appointed wherein both parents and parties may testifie and signifie their mutuall liking and consents vnlesse they despise to marrie in the Lord. Wherefore if the law of Nature the Law of God the practise of the heathen the custome of the faithfull especially of the parents of Christ if the punishmēt of the espowsall-breakers and the rewards and priuiledges of the espowsed and finally if the fatherly authoritie ouer children do approue and require the continuall vse of this ordinance of God it must needs be confessed to be both lawfull and necessary yea being the first principall part of marriage it selfe it must needs be honourable in his kind as well as marriage it selfe is Now then in the next place let vs see and learne what a Contract is to the end that vpon sound knowledge and right iudgement we may alwayes vse it well and neuer ill for want of good vnderstanding A Contract is a voluntarie promise of Marriage mutually made betweene one man and one woman both being meete and free to marrie one another and therefore allowed so to do by their parents This short sentence sheweth the whole nature quality property vse and abuse with all other things that are to be obserued or eschued in a right Contract as shall appeare by the vnfolding of euery word contained therein for as there is none vaine and idle voyde of his proper signification so euery one hath his proper weight seruing for speciall and necessary vse 1. First we call a Contract a promise and so it is indeed for what is a promise but a speech which affirmeth or denyeth to do this or that with purpose and words of testimony to performe and accomplish that which is affirmed or not to do that which is denyed And what other thing is indeed a marriage Contract but this so that it must be in nature a true and right promise not the vow of a promise in time to come but a present promise indeed For if one partie do say I will promise to marrie thee this is no promise indeede but a promise of a promise and consequently no Contract but a promise of a Contract and therefore tyeth not bindeth neither parties nor parents to keepe the same for it is not in nature any Contract at all Againe if a Contract be in promise it is not only a purpose of the heart nor a dumbe shew or doubtfull signification of promise but a plaine promise vttered and pronounced in a right forme of speech as when one saith I do promise to marrie thee or I do espouse affiance or betroth my selfe to thee in marriage or such like wherein all ambiguity and doubtfulnesse of speech is to be eschued that as the meaning of the heart is simple and plaine so like wise the words of the tongue might be simple plaine and voyde of all deceit 2. Secondly we call a Contract a promise of marriage because it is not a promise of euery thing neither of honour of inheritance of riches or of any other thing else sauing onely of marriage Now we meane by marriage not only the parties married but also coniugall marriage duties and offices that peculiarly belong to this honourable estate and are necessarily to be performed mutually of both For this promise touching persons themselues is of such force and weight that it tendeth to the alienation of the propertie of bodies for so it is written The wife hath not the power of her owne body but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not the power ouer his owne body but the wife For although this is not perfectly done till the act of marriage be ended yet this promise is the principall beginner and worker thereof because they that promise marriage do necessarily thereby promise that two shall become one flesh and that they will alwayes giue mutuall beneuolence one to another Touching the peculiar duties of Husbands and Wiues which likewise are promised by this Contract we will here onely recite them leauing the doctrine thereof to another place and time 1. The Husband his duty is first to loue his wife as his owne flesh 2. Then to gouerne her in all duties that properly concerne the state of marriage in knowledge in wisedome iudgement and iustice 3. Thirdly to dwell with her 4. Fourthly to vse her in all due beneuolence honestly soberly and chastly 1. The Wife her dutie is in all reuerence and humilitie to submit and subiect her selfe to her Husband in all such duties as properly belong vnto marriage 2. Secondly therein to be an helpe vnto him according to Gods ordinance 3. Thirdly to obey his commandements in all things which he may command by the authoritie of an Husband 4. Fourthly and lastly to giue him 〈◊〉 beneuolence As for the rest of mutuall duties as they may be all comprehended vnder these so there shall be a fitter occasion to speake thereof Thirdly we call this promise of marriage voluntary because it must not come from the lips alone but from the wel-liking and consent of the heart sor if it be onely a verball promise without any will at all and so meerely hypocriticall and dissembled though it bindeth the party that promiseth to the performance of his promise made before God and man
is no stable and stedfast friendship vnlesse it haue his beginning from God and therefore must godlinesse needes shine before the rest For when couples haue determined to obey God all things afterwards become more easie 2. Vertue and honest conditions breede mutuall delight betweene man and wife For when vertue is exercised it maketh conuersation of liuing more amiable 3 Mutuall forbearing whereby we take in good worth one anothers conditions and faults is very needfull For in this weaknesse of nature there happens many scapes which will breede strife if they be not couered by mutuall forbearing 4. Mutuall loue hauing his beginning of godlinesse and true vertue maketh the husband and wife not to be too sharpe-sighted in spying into one anothers fauits but that many things either they mark not or if they marke them they couer them with loue For loue couereth a multitude of sinnes 1. Peter 4. 8. Prou. 10. 12. 5. Dutie performed godlily caresully and cheerefully on both sides maketh the marriage-yoke light and sweet For when man and wife marke one another and finde like heedfulnesse and buxomnesse in their dutie both their companie is made more pleasant and they are the more stirred vp on both sides to render dutifulnesse that the one may requite the otheralike Where these fiue duties be not the companie of their life is both loath some and bitter or rather more sharpe then death Therefore the godly couples must do their endeuour that these vertues may be seene in their life continually for euer Now we will through Gods assistance say something concerning the three seuerall points contained in this dutie and mentioned in the beginning hereof and so end this dutie 1 The first whereof is that the husband must liue with his wife according to knowledge This point of doctrine is most plainely proued by the Apostle Peter where he saith a Ye husbands dwell with your wiues as men of knowledge giuing honour vnto the woman as vnto the weaker vessell euen as they which are heires together of the grace of life that your prayers be not interrupted Whereby he teacheth the husband his dutie to wit that the more vnderstanding and wisedome God hath endued him with the more wisely and circumspectly he ought to behaue himselfe in the bearing those discommodities which through his wiues weaknesse oftentimes cause some iarre and dislike one to the other Neuerthelesse though she be by nature weaker then he yet she is an excellent instrument for him made for very profitable vse whereupon it followeth that she is not therefore to be neglected because she is weake but on the contrarie part she ought to be so much the more cared for Like as a vessell the weaker it is the more it is to be fauoured and spared if we will haue it to continue euen so a wife because of her infirmities is so much the more to be borne withall of her husband 1. Peter 3. 7. And for so much as the husband and wife are equall in that which is the chiefest that is to say in that gracious and free benefit whereby they haue euerlasting life giuen them though otherwise I confesse vnequall as touching the gouernance and conuersation at home the wife is not be despised although she be weake And besides all brawlings and chidings must be eschued and cast away because they hinder prayers and the whole seruice of God whereunto both the husband and the wife are equally called Also for the more confirmation of this point the Apostle Paul likewise saith Let the husband giue vnto the wife due beneuolence and likewise also the wife vnto the husband The wife hath not power ouer her owne bodie but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not the power of his owne body but the wife Defraud not one another except it be with consent for a time that ye may giue your selues to fasting and prayer and againe come together that Sathan tempt you not for your incontinencie Which is as if the Apostle should say the parties married must with singular affection entirely loue one the other for that they are each in others power as touching the bodie so that they may not defraud one another except the one abstaine from the other by mutuall consent that they may the better giue themselues to prayer wherin not withstanding they must consider what is expedient lest by this long breaking off as it were from marriage they be stirred vp to incontinencie The second point is that the husband should not be bitter fierce or cruell vnto his wife which point is approued by the said Apostle saying Husbands loue your wiues and be not bitter vnto them First and aboue all things the husband must be circumspect to keepe the band of loue and beware that there neuer spring vp the roote of bitternesse betwixt him and his wife If at any time there happen to arise any cause of vnkindnesse betwixt them as it is impossible alwayes to be free from it then he must be carefull to weede vp the same with all lenitie gentlenesse and patience and neuer suffer himselfe nor his wife to sleepe in displeasure Ephesians 4. 26. And if he shall haue occasion to speake sharpely and sometimes to reproue he must beware that he do not the same in the presence of others but let him keepe his words vntill a conuenient time which is the point of a wise man and then vtter them in the spirit of meekenesse and in the spirit of perfect loue and he must not let sometimes to couer faults and winke at them if they be not too great and intollerable Whatsoeuer losse or mischaunce shall happen vnto them let him take it patiently and beare it cheerefully yea though the same should come partly through his wiues negligence yea rather let it be a louing warning to take better heed in time to come then a cause to sorrow for that which is past and cannot be holpen Euery wise-man by his owne experience knoweth that he is in his life subiect to many inconueniences and that of nature he is prone to displeasure and readie to take vnkindnesse for euery trifle and especially with his best friends yea soonest with his louing wife who is lothest to displease him Let him therefore beware of this cankered corruption and consider that he ought most of all in loue to beare with his wife according to Christs example towards his Church who gaue himselfe for it That he might sanctifie it clense it by the washing of water through the word That he might make it vnto himselfe a glorious Church not hauing spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holie and without blame so ought men to loue their wiues as their owne bodies he that loueth his wife loueth himselfe For no man yet euer hated his owne flesh but nourisheth it and cherisheth it euen as the Lord doth the Church As if the Apostle had said
The husbands dutie is to loue their wiues as themselues of which loue the loue of Christ towards his Church is a liuely patterne And because many husbands pretend the infirmities of their wiues to excuse their owne hardnesse and crueltie the Apostle willeth them to marke what manner of Church it was when Christ ioyned it to himselfe and he doth not onely not loath all her filth and vncleannesse but ceasseth not to wipe the same a way with his cleannesse vntill he haue wholly purged it and made it holy And seeing that euery man loueth himselfe euen of nature Therefore saith the Apostle the husband shall striue against nature if he loue not his wife which he proueth first by the mysticall knitting of Christ and the Church together and then by the ordinance of God who saith that the husband and wife are one that is not to be diuided The husband is alwayes to remember that he be not fierce rigorous hastie nor disordered with his wife for then there will neuer be vnitie and concord betwixt them If the wife do not learne to keepe silence and the husband to haue patience it shall rather be the dwelling of fooles then the house of friends For where the husband wanteth wisedome to gonerne and the wife patience to suffer they shall be forced it is to be feared in continuance of time to part house or else euery day to be iarring and brawling Euery married man ought also to remember this that either his wife is wise and religious or else she is foolish and irreligious If he be matched with a wife that is sottish foolish and ignorant of God and his word it will little auaile or profit him to reprehend or chide her and if he be married to one that is wise and religious and knoweth her dutie out of Gods word then one sharpe and discret word is sufficient because if a woman be not corrected by that which is wisely and discretly said she will neuer amend by that which is threatned When the wise shall be inflamed with ire wrath malice or enuie the husband ought to suffer her and after the heate is somewhat cooled and the flame quenched then mildly to admonish her for if she once begin to lose her shamefastnesse in the presence of her husband then it is likely that there wil often follow brawlings and quarrels betwixt them And as the husband ought at all times to shun brawlings and quarrellings with his wife so much more he ought to auoid the same when they shall be newly married For if at the beginning she shall haue cause to abhorre and hate him then late or neuer will she returne to loue him faithfully Therefore at the beginning of their marriage the wise and discret husband ought to vse all good meanes to winne the good liking of his wife towards him for if then their loue be fixed and truely setled one towards the other although afterwards they come to some houshold words and grudgings yet it proceedeth but of some new vnkindnesse and not of old rooted hatred and therefore the sooner remedied For loue and hatred be mortall enemies and the first of them that taketh place in the heart there it remaineth a dweller for the most part all the dayes of life in such wise that the first loue may depart from the person but yet it will neuer be forgotten at the heart But if the wife from the beginning of marriage do take the heart to loath and abhorre her husband then a miserable life wil follow to them both For although the husband shall haue power to force his wife to feare and obey him yet he shall neuer haue strength to force her to loue him Some husbands do boast themselues to be serued feared and obeyed in their houses because the wife that abhorreth doth feare and serue her husband but she that indeed liketh doth loue him and cherish him As the wife ought with great care to endeauour and by all good meanes to labour to be in fauour and grace with her husband so likewise the husband ought to feare to be in disgrace and disliking with his wife for if she do once determine to fixe and settle her eyes and liking vpon another then many inconueniences will ensue and follow The husband ought not to be satisfied with the vse of his wiues body but in that he hath also the possession of her will and affections for it sufficeth not that they be married but that they be well married and liue Christianly together and be very well contented And therefore the husband that is not beloued of his wife holdeth his goods in danger his house in suspition his credite in ballance and also sometimes his life in perill because it is 〈◊〉 to beleeue that she desireth not long life vnto her husband with whom she passeth a time so tedious and irksome And if any vnkindnesse or displeafure should happen to be at any time betwixt the husband and the wife yet neither of them ought to impart or to make it knowne vnto any one of their neighbours for if they be such as wish them euill they will reioyce at it and if they be such as wish them well then they minister matter whereof to talke That husband that is matched and doth encounter with a wife that is a dizzard a foole a babbler light ofbehauiour a glutton a chider slothfull a gadder abroad vntractable iealous or dissolute c it were better for him to be a slaue to some honest man then a husband to such a wife The best rule that a man may hold and practise with his wife to guard and gouerne her is to admonish her often and to giue her good instructions to reprehend her seldome neuer to lay violent hands on her but if she be good and dutifull to fauour her to the end she may continue so and if she be shrewish and way ward mildly to suffer her to the end that she waxe not worse But some husbands be of so sowre a nature and so vnpleasant in their behauiour that they can hardly be loued no not of their wiues their countenance is so lowring their company so currish that they seeme angry euen when they are best pleased they cannot speake faire scarce will they laugh when their wiues laugh vpon them a man would say they were borne in an angrie houre This is also a dutie not to be forgotten namely that 〈◊〉 be diligent and carefull to make prouision for their houses to cloath their wiues decently to bring vp their children vertuously and to pay their seruants duely because that in voluntary matters men may be negligent but the necessities of the house do neither suffer negligence nor forgetfulnesse The duty of the husband is to get goods and of the wife to gather them together and saue them The duty of the husband is to trauell abroad to seeke liuing and the wiues dutie is to keepe the
house The duty of the husband is to get money and prouision and of the wiues not vainely to spend it The dutie of the husband is to deale with many men and of the wife to talke with few The duty of the husband is to be intermedling and of the wife to be solitarie and withdrawne The duty of the man is to be skilfull in talke and of the wife to boast of silence The duty of the husband is to be a giuer and of the wife to be a sauer The duty of the man is to apparell himselfe as he may and of the woman as it becommeth her The dutie of the husband is to be Lord of all and of the wife to giue account of all The dutie of the husband is to dispatch all things without dore and of the wife to ouersee and giue order for all things within the house Now where the husband and wife performeth these duties in their house we may call it a Colledge of quietnesse The house wherein these are neglected we may terme it a hell It is to be noted and noted againe that as the prouision of houshold dependeth onely on the husband euen so the honour of all dependeth onely of the woman in such sort that there is no honour within the house longer then a mans wife is honourable And therefore the Apostle calleth the woman The glorie of the man But heere it must be noted and remembred that we do not intitle honourable to such as be onely beautifull comely of face of gentilitie of comely personage and a good huswife but onely to her that is vertuous honest of life temperate and aduised in her speech 3. The last point is that the husband loue cherish and nourish his wife euen as his owne body and as Christ loued his Church and gaue himselfe for it to sanctifie it And this point is plainely proued by the Apostle Paul as is sufficiently declared in the second point There are few husbands or wiues that know in truth how they should loue one the other If a man loue his wife onely for these respects because she is rich beautifull noble or because she contenteth and pleaseth him after the sensuall appetite of the flesh and for such like causes that is no true loue before God for such loue may be among harlots and whoores yea among bruite beasts But a Christian husband must loue his wife chiefly because she is his sister in the 〈◊〉 of the sound and Christian religion 〈◊〉 so an inheritour with him of the kingdome of heauen And he must also loue her for her vertues as for her shamefastnesse modestie chastitie diligence patience faithfulnesse temperance secrecie obedience and such like Christian qualities and graces of God yea although she be but hard fauoured of poore parentage But as we would that the man when he loueth should remember his superioritie so we would that when he ruleth he neither forget to loue nor to temper his loue with grauitie And when he doth think himselfe to be the head and the soule and the woman as it were the flesh and the body he ought in like manner to remember that she is his fellow and companion of his goods and labours and that their children be common betweene them bone of the bones and flesh of the flesh of man And thus there shall be in wedlocke a certaine sweet and pleasant conuersation without the which it is no marriage but a prison a hatred and a perpetuall torment of the mind So that the husband must let his wife perceiue and know that for the good opinion that he hath of her he doth loue her simply and faithfully and not for any vtilitie or pleasure For who so doth not perceiue that he is beloued for his owne sake will not lightly do the same to another for the thing that is loued loueth againe If mony or nobilitie could perceiue and vnderstand that they were beloued they would if they had any feeling at all of loue requite it with loue but when the soule is loued in as much as it may loue it giueth loue for loue and loueth againe The breaker of horses that doth vse to ride and pace them doth handle the rough and sturdie colt with all craft rigour and fiercenesse that may be but with the colt that is more tractable he taketh not so great paines A sharpe and shrewd wife must be pleased and mitigated with loue and ruled with authority and the more gently thou doest vse and shew thy selfe vnto her that is meeke and honest the more benigne and meeke thou shalt find her But she that is noble and of a stout minde and stomacke the lesse thou doest looke to be honoured the more she will obey and honour thee But yet the wise husband shall neuer set himselfe so farre in loue that he forget that he is a man the ruler and gouernour of the house and ofhis wife and that he is set as it were in a station to watch and diligently to take heed what is done in his house and to see who goeth out and in And although the husband by Gods ordinance be the head ouer his wife yet he may not abuse or despise her but most louingly defend and keepe her from all iniuries and all euils as his owne body For like as the head 〈◊〉 and heareth for the whole body ruleth and guideth the body and giueth it strength of life or as Christ doth defend teach and preserue his Church and is the Sauiour comfort eye heart wisedome and guide thereof euen so must the husband be head vnto his wife in like manner to shew her like kindnesse and after the same fashion to guide her and rule her with discretion for her good and preseruation and not with force and wilfulnesse to intreat her but to be her defender instructer teacher and comfort So that when the husband hath obtained that his wife doth truely and heartily loue him there shall then need neither precepts nor lawes for loue shall teach her moe things and more effectually then all the precepts of all the Phylosophers He ought therefore to endeauour and more force himselfe that his wife may loue him then that she may feare him When his wife shall offend or displease him he may nor hate her or quarrell with her but patiently and mildly admonish her For no man euer hated saith the Apostle his owne body but cherisheth it and maketh much of it So then he that loueth his wife loueth himselfe for thereby he enioyeth peace and comfort and helpe to himselfe in all his affaires therefore in the same verse Paul counselleth husbands to loue their wiues as their bodies And after in the 33. verse as though it were too little to loue them as their bodies he saith Let euery one loue his wife as himselfe that is as his body and soule too For if God commanded men to loue their neighbours as themselues much
he will trust her and so open and disclose his loue and shew her greater signes and tokens of loue and beneuolence manifesting that to be borne and nourished through the experience of her vertue and through hope to be continued and kept that in time to come she may be like her selfe and striue to ouercome herselfe with vertue As the husband ought to loue his Wife tenderly so from her as from a fountaine he must extend his loue also vnto her parents and kinsfolkes to the end that they may well know and perceiue how greatly their cousin doth aide and helpe them and that she in like manner may vnderstand that his beneuolence and loue to her is such that it redoundeth among her friends and parents and of this he shall receiue no little profit at home And seeing he loueth his wiues kinsemen for her sake how much more ought he then to loue her children that she in like case may loue his if he haue any And thus the one seeing the mutuall loue of the other they shall knit and couple themselues in good and stedfast loue vnto their liues end The duties which are to be performed of the husband and the wife are either pertaining to pietie and godlinesse or else mutuall seuerall duties concerning the parties themselues 1. The first common dutie is prayer that they pray together by themselues For as they are to pray with others in their families for things which concerne their houshold so there are certaine things which belonging to themselues are not to be mentioned in their families but priuately as namely for a godly posterity and that in the birth the childrn be comely and not monstrous in comming forth like monsters which might be a griefe vnto them or an occasion that the wicked should speake euill of the Gospell c. And further they are to pray that they may haue comfort by them in their well-carriage and good behauiour as likewise for their houshold and diuers other affaires which they cannot so commodiously pray for in their publike familie As Isaack and Rebecca besides the prayers in their house which they vsed with Abrahams family did also pray together priuatly as Gen. 25. 21. it is said Isaack prayed before his wife for so the words signifie that they might haue children 2. A second dutie of pietie is that they admonish one another As the husband is to admonish the wife and also to teach her so the wife is to admonish the husband in her place admonishing bringing sufficient reason is to be heard For euen as the maister is to counsell the seruant and likewise to heare the good counsell of his seruant as Naaman 2. King 5. 13. 14. heard his seruant which counselled him to wash in Iordan according to the saying of the Prophet so in like manner the husbands duty is to counsell and to admonish his wife yet so as when he faileth in duty he is to heare her good counsell and admonition either concerning heauenly matters or earthly affaires she notwithstanding considering her estate and condition vnder him and in humility confessing her selfe to be the weaker vessell 1. Pet. 3. 7. Their mutuall and seuerall duties pertaining to themselues are First the holy familiarity which ought to be betwixt man and wife wherby they haue a more familiar vsage one of another and do more familiarly behaue themselues in a comely sort one to another then any other parties whatsoeuer in regard whereof Abimelech king of Gerar after that Isaack had said of Rebecca his wife She is my sister seeing Isaack playing and sporting with her familiarly knowing that familiarity which ought to be betweene the husband and the wife and knowing that Isaack was a godly religious man and therefore would not vse that kind of behauiour to any other woman saue to his wife discerned thereby and concluded certainely that she was his wife howsoeuer he had denied it before Noting that a woman is not to be familiar after that sort with any other man saue her husband and contrary that the husband ought not to vse this familiaritie with any other woman which he doth with his wife And therefore Pro. 5. 19. we see that the wife should be to him as the louing Hinde namely delightfull one in whom he may delight that as the Hart delighteth in the Hinde so the wife should be a delight vnto her husband and so in like manner she ought to take delight in him 2. Againe there is another mutuall dutie pertaining to themselues to wit that neare coniunction euen in regard of their bodies for an holy procreation of children in respect whereof the Apostle saith The husband hath not power ouer his owne body but the wife c. Onely when it is with the wife as is common to women Ezech. 18. 6. or that she be sicke of her disease he is not then to haue the vse of her body c. Such as do aspire and purpose to enter into the holy estate of matrimony are to beginne in prayer and holinesse to God And hauing attained to that estate ought to vse the benefit of marriage as an holy ordinance of God in all godlinesse and puritie for a remedie against the weakenesse of the flesh and not for the prouocation and lust to intemperancie True it is that honesty of marriage grounded vpon Gods ordinance doth couer the shame of incontinencie yet not so as that married folkes should defile and pollute that holy estate by admitting all things but that they should so vse it as there might be no excesse in dissolutenesse neither any intemperancie contrarie to the holinesse thereof So that to abuse it in lasciuious excesse is fornication When God created the woman he said It is not good that man should be alone I will make him a helpe meete for him but whatsoeuer is said of the woman that she should be an helpe to the man must also be put in practise and exercised by the husband to wards his wife according to the doctrine of the Apostle Saint Paul 1. Cor. 7. whether in auoiding fornication whether in procuring generation and the education and bringing vp of children whether in maintaining a family or for the seruice of God and saluation of soules Hereby it euidently appeareth that the dutie common both to the husband and wife importeth that the one should aide and helpe the other First that they may leade their lines in chastitie and holinesse Next to auoide fornication So that the dutie of the husband and the wife consisteth in this that they liue together in all chastitie and purenesse and that they take great heed and beware of breaking the bond and infringing and violating the saith of marriage by fornication or adulterie which is a detestable sinne in the sight both of God and man If such as wanting the remedy of marriage by committing fornication do incurre an offence worthy euerlasting damnation what may those deserue who hauing
a remedy for their infirmity do neuerthelesse ouerflow in adulterie Yet it is not enough onely to abstaine from this abhomination vnlesse we also forbeare from euery thing that may seeme to tend thereunto or to continue any beginning apparence allurement or occasion of euill First because that by the Law all this is forbidden euen in these expresse words Thou shalt not commit adultery For the word adulterie comprehendeth all prouocations gestures specches yea euen vnchast lookes And therefore saith Iesus Christ He that looketh vpon another mans wife to lust after her bath alreadie committed adulterie with her in his heart Next that we preuent all occasions of iealousie a most dangerous disease and of great difficultie to cure For where either the husband or the wife is tainted with iealousie they belecue euery word that they heare spoken touching their passion albeit it beare no apparence of truth And therefore Christian husbands and wiues must so beare themselues that they incurre no suspition of enill but rather they ought to practise this as wel to auoide occasion of offence as for feare lest iealousie should conuert marriage into a most miserable and wretched estate The care and burthen to maintaine their family is common to them both yet so as properly the husband is to get it and to bring it in and the wife to order and dispose it Howbeit the dutie of the wife or of the husband doth not so exempt either of them but that she also according to her ability and power must helpe her husband to get it and he likewise in his discretion direct her in the dispensation thereof He that doth not orderly gouerne his house shall inherite the winde saith Salomon And order consisteth in this that the husband follow his businesse traffique or calling without any molestation of the wife who ought not to meddle or controle him therein but with great discretion and gentlenesse as also the husband is not to deale but soberly and in great discretion with affaires that are proper to the wife The man is iealous of his authority and reputation and the woman inclined to respect her selfe to be despised Wherefore as the husband cannot well abide that his wife should shew her selfe more skilfull and wise in his businesse then himselfe so cannot the wife suffer that her husband should despise and account her a foole by medling with her small houshold affaires As the dutie therefore of the husband and wife consisteth in looking to that which is aforesaid to the end their marriage may be quiet themselues liue together in loue euen so an idle and vnthrifty husband and a prodigall and slothfull wife are two ready wayes to destruction The husband that hath such a wife casteth his labours into a bottomles sacke and the wife that is matched with such a husband draweth a cart heauy loden through a sandy way without a horse Such a husband especially if idlenesse draw him to loue and haunt ale-houses and tauernes is cruell to his wife and children and such a wife confounds her husband and bringeth reproach and pouertie to her whole family The remedy for the husband that hath such a wife is patience with discret admonition and prayer to God as also the helpe for the wife that hath such a husband is tolleration gentle exhortation and cheerefull and louing entertainment of her husband whereby to enduce him willingly to keepe home They are also to be mutuall helpers each to other in matters concerning their owne saluation and the seruice of God First if one of them as saith the Apostle be an vnbeleeuer the other must labour to draw his partie to the knowledge of the truth Saint Paul exhorting the husband and wife of contrary religions not to part but to dwell together addeth a notable reason saying What knowest thou ó man whether thou shalt saue thy selfe or thou ô woman whether thou shalt saue thy husband therein declaring that the faithfull person in duty is to labour and endeuour to winne his party to the knowledge of truth and so to saue her Saint ' Peter exhorteth wiues to be subiect to their husbands albeit vnbeleeuers and such as ' obey not the word that so without speech by their holy and vertuous conuersation they may 〈◊〉 them Secondly if both be beleeuers their duty is to confirme and strengthen each other in the time of persecution that they constantly follow Iesus Christ. They are also each to helpe and comfort other if either of them happen to fall into any fault or sinne They ought also each to perswade other to charitie to releeue the poore diligently to frequent Sermons to vse prayers and supplications and praise and thanksgiuing to the Lord to comfort each other in the time of affictions to be short either to exhort other to walke in the feare of God and in all duties and exercises beseeming the children of God In this manner did that holy woman Elizeus hostesse exhort her husband to prepare a chamber for the Prophet to lodge in Saint Paul also saith that women desirous to learne should question with their husbands at home Wherby he sheweth that the husband ought to be so instructed as that he may be ready to instruct his wife at home And therefore the husband after the example of the Bee should euery where gather euery good instruction that he might be able to impart it to his wife and by hauing a communication acquaint her therewith There are other duties which be common both to the husband and the wife as among the rest such as proceed of the vnion coniunction of marriage whereof it is said They are one slesh Gen. 2. 24. Matth. 19. 5. And of this vnion proceedeth the mutuall loue betwixt them For no man saith the Apostle hateth his owne flesh but loueth and cherisheth it But for as much as the foundation of this mutuall loue is the vnitie of marriage whereby the husband and the wife are made one flesh the husband as the head the wife as the bodie it followeth that this loue must be stedfast not variable and that the vnion of marriage continue notwithstanding whatsoeuer befall either the husband or the wife Notwithstanding whatsoeuer complexions we say natures and infirmities may appeare whatsoeuer sicknesse losse of goods iniuries griefes or other inconueniences that may arise yet so long as the foundation of loue that is the vnion of marriage doth continue so long must loue and affection remaine God commandeth vs to loue our neighbours as our selues because they be of our flesh Albeit therefore that he contemne hate offend or wrong vs albeit he be our enemie and in respect of himselfe deserueth not that we should loue him yet because he is of our flesh the foundation of loue remaining we must loue him How much rather ought they to put this in practise who by the bond of marriage are made one flesh the rather because the vnion betweene man and wife is
without comparison more straite and bindeth them each to loue other much more then the coniunction whereby man is vnited vnto his neighbour But this is the mischiefe that in many their loue is not grounded vpon the vnion of marriage but vpon beautie riches and other carnall and worldly considerations subiect to change alteration and losse This corruption that respecteth beautie is olde and noted to be among the causes of the floud The sonnes of God saith Moses seeing the daughters of men were faire lusted after them and tooke them in marriage But indeed it is money that maketh loue and riches ingender affection witnesse the experience of our dayes Yet such loue resembleth onely a fire of straw which is but a blaze and is soone out vnlesse it be continued with great wood or other like substance Loue growing of beauty riches lust or any other like slight vncertaine and fraile grounds is soone lost and vanished vnlesse it be maintained with the consideration of this vnion of two in one flesh and the vertues thereto adioyned therefore must euery man thinke vpon this vnion in marriage that he may enioy nourish continue the loue that there of proceedeth the rather because such loue is the nurse of concord that maketh marriage happy as contrariwise the want of this loue is the fountaine of strife quarrelling debate and other like afflictions that conuert the paradise of marriage into a hell For dissention betweene man and wife is the trouble and ouerthrow of the houshold They that wil auoide such strife must therefore loue each other and especially they must haue care hereof when they are first married For as a vessell made of two peeces and glewed together may at the first be easily broken but in time groweth hard so is it also with two persons that are glewed or ioyned together by the bond of marriage This loue the mother of peace will ingender a care and duty each to support other and so to practise the same which Saint Paul requireth in all beleeuers that is To be gentle one to another friendly and each to forgiue other euen as God hath forgiuen vs through Christ. Let the husband think that he hath married a daughter of Adam and all her infirmities and likewise let the woman thinke that she hath not married an Angell but a child of Adam with his corruption And so let them both resolue to beare that that cannot be soon amended Let not the body complaine of the head albeit it haue but one eye neither the head of the body albeit it be crooked or mishapen Such defaults do neuer breake vnion and loue betweene the head and the body neither must the infirmities of the husband or the wife infringe the loue that proceedes of the vnion and coniunction of mariage If the husband be giuen to brawling or the wife to chiding let them both beware of giuing any occasion The bell hath a loud sound and therefore he that will not heare it must beware how he pulleth the rope and shake it so if the one will begin to chide without a cause let the other be either deafe and so not heare it or dumbe and so make no answer So that where the husband is deafe and the wife blinde marriage is quiet and free from dissention Whereby is meant that the wife must winke at many infirmities of her husband as if she saw them not and the husband put vp many shrewde speeches of his wife as if he heard them not Neither can it be any reproach to the husband and wise so stedfastly vnited to practise this dutie considering that Dauid protesteth that he vsed the like patience and discretion among his enemies They that seeke after my life lay snares and they that go about to do me euill talke wicked things and imagine deceit continually But I as a deafe man heard not and am as a dumbe man which openeth not his mouth Thus I am as a man that heareth not and in whose mouth are no reproofes This vnion betweene man and wife doth also engender that dutie which the holy Ghost noteth saying For this cause shall a man leaue his father and mother and cleaue to his wife And also the wife in the like respect is bound to the like duty toward her husband Not that marriage exempteth any from their due honour and obedience to parents but to declare that the vnion betweene man and wife is greater then betweene the children and the parents And indeed the true loue of the husband to the wife and the wife to the husband surmounteth all loue of children to their parents The husband and the wife haue their secret counsels and communication of matters concerning their profit and commodity The wise it more obedient to her husband and the husband more desirous to please his wife then their Parents yea and at length it falleth out that they depart from their parents to keepe house by themselues And this plainely appeared in Lea and Rachel being sisters and the wiues of lacob For lacob grieued at the wrong offered him by their father Laban boldly made his moane to them Whereupon they also complaining of their father agreed with lacob and consented together to leaue their father and to follow their husband lacob Herein likewise consisteth another dutie of the husband to the wife and of the wife to the husband namely that they shew no greater secrecie or communication of their houshold affaires to their parents then mutually each to other and this rule is especially to be put in practise when there groweth any discontent betweene themselues For if the husband shall complaine to his parents of his wife or the wife of her husband such dealing might breed a most dangerous iealousie and consequently perhaps irreconciliable dissention and strife But if it should grow to any complaint it were requisite so discreetly to prosecute the matter as that the wife should come to her husbands parents and the husband to the wiues parents So would all cause of iealousie ceasse and the complaint procure most assured remedy This loue and agreement in marriage produceth yet another dutie common both to the husband and the wife And that is that they neuer seeke neither once thinke of diuorce And to that end let them remember what is written That which God hath ioyned together let no man put asunder Likewise that nothing but adultery may separate those that are vnited by marriage All other agreements and contracts made by mutuall consent may be broken and dissolued by the like consent of both parties but in the contract of marriage Almightie God commeth in as a witnesse yea he receiueth the promise of both parties as a ioyning them in that estate And this doth Salomon note where he obiecteth to the harlot that she hath forgotten the couenant or alliance of her God But Malachie speaketh more plainely and giueth a reason why God punished such husbands as
they are gone and they are made common as also are the debtes whether hers or her husbands And therefore can neither of them say this is mine but this is ours When a woman hath brought great goods yet may she not say I will do with mine owne what I list for she her selfe is not her owne but her husbands The husband as the head and chiefe guide of the family must haue the custody and chiese gouernment of the goods in the house yet may he discharge himselfe of the whole or of part as himselfe shall thinke meete and conuenient Yet let him remember that he intreate her not as a seruant by giuing her money as it were in mistrust or with condition to returne him a particular account for the husbands mistrust doth many times prouoke the woman and the wiues vaine expence breedeth mistrust in the husband But the faithfull and discret employment and good vsage of the wife and her husbands confidence in her will procure that as the goods be common to both so each alike shall vndertake the custody and employment of the same Hereunto for a conclusion of this point we will yet adde two duties common both to the husband and the wife The first that they daily pray to God to giue them grace to liue together in peace and loue and that each may be an helpe to others saluation Let all such as desire to enioy such a selicitie vnderstand that they must daily pray to God for the obtaining thereof And let those that liue in strife and debate examine themselues whether they haue no cause to impute their miserable estate to their neglect of this duty The second consisteth in the practise of the same which Saint Paul teacheth saying Let those that be married be as if they were not married But how by so enioying the commodity and contentation of marriage that the benefit of their coniunction breed no diuorce betweene God and them Likewise that thereby they be not hindered or made slacke in any duty towards God and their neighbours as also that no affliction depending or proceeding of marriage withdraw them or force them to resolue any thing contrary to the vnion of marriage and these Christian profession that they be the children of God The particular duties of the husband toward the wife are first to protect her to haue regard and care ouer her c. Ruth 3. 9. Secondly that he vnfainedly loue her out of which fountaine springeth this dutie that he must beare with her infirmities and not by and by to enter into bitternesse and wrath Colossions 3. 16. To the same end Saint Peter exhorting husbands to behaue themselues discreetly and with knowledge and wisedome toward their wiues he requireth of them two things First that they neuer say nor do any thing that may iustly offend their wiues as some there be who being prodigall great spenders or idle and slacke in their businesse do cause their wiues and children to languish in pouertie Others who haunting tauernes ale-houses and gaming do consume and wast that which should maintaine their family Others who comming home drunke do beate and vexe their wiues and as it were driue them into dispaire Others who by vile and bitter speeches by threatnings and other vnchristian actions vnworthy a husband do prouoke their wiues and so stirre vp such strife and debate as do conuert the comfort of marriage into an hell Seeing therefore that the husband is head he ought in such wisedome reason and discretion to beare himselfe that he giue his wife no iust occasion of offence or prouocation yet he must remember that if the head be drunke the whole body is in danger of weake gouernment euen oflying in the mire Secondly that albeit the wife should minister iust cause of griefe and displeasure yet that the husband should not thereof take occasion against his wiues infirmities or enter into bitternesse taunts or disquietnesse but discreetly and patiently beare with her that so they may quietly and louingly liue together The hurt or weaknesse of any one member of the body prouoketh not the head to wrath or bitternesse but rather to compassion and an inclination to helpe it And indeede whereas God hauing created the woman the weaker vessell as Saint Peter noteth and did so ioyne her to man it was not to the end that he striuing with so fraile a vessell should bruise and breake it but that by gentle and discreet intreating he should quietly enioy the help that God hath giuen him Let him therefore after the counsell of Saint Peter so respect her as one who albeit she be weake is neuerthelesse a profitable vessell for him Moreouer let him loue and honour her as one whom notwithstanding the frailtie of her Sexe God hath so honoured and Iesus Christ so loued that being together with man redeemed with his bloud she is together with her husband co-heire of life euerlasting A chrystall glasse is a precious and profitable vessell yet brittle so is the married woman But albeit she be brittle yet is she profitable to her husband and precious in the sight of God as a child of God and member of Christ. As therefore a man doth more carefully take heed ofbreaking such a glasse then some earthen or tinne vessell the one being more base and the other more strong so likewise should the husband haue such regard of the frailtie of his wife that he may beare with her and intreate her with gentlenesse and discretion that he may vse her as a precious and profitable vessell to his comfort and ioy And in as much as prayer is an excellent seruice that God requireth of vs and the ready meanes to purchase his blessings let the husband discretly beare with his wife lest otherwise through their strife and contention their prayers as Saint Peter saith be letted and interrupted 1. Pet. 3. 7. Yet must we not say but the husband both may and ought to tell his wife of her infirmities that she may amend But here we are to enter into consideration of sundrie points First he is especially to reproue her offences against God as when Rachel said vnto Iacob Giue me children or else I die he reproued her of impoitunitie saying Am I in Gods stead who hath withholden from thee the fruit of thy wombe Also when Iobs wife said to her husband Doest thou abide in thy integritie Curse God and die he wisely reproued such a wicked speech saying Thou speakest as an vnwise woman What shall we receiue good at the hand of God and not receiue euill Secondly that it be with gentlenesse and testimonie of good will as Elkanah dealt with his wife Hanna when she mourned because she had no children And indeed it is meete that the husband should reproue his wife louingly rather by perswasion then by force For as in a great stormie winde a man lappeth his cloake about him and holdeth it fast for feare oflosing it but
when the winde is downe and the weather calme he letteth it hang easily so when husbands will as it were perforce wrest away their wiues infirmities many of them will obstinately resist yet contrariwise by sweete wordes and louing exhortations they might be wonne voluntarily to forsake them Thirdly the husband must seeke diligently to remoue the occasion and stone whereat his wife stumbleth and taketh occasion of griefe So when Sarah was moued against Abraham because of Agar and obiected vnto him albeit wrongfully that he was the eause that she contemned her bearing with his wife 〈◊〉 remoued the cause of the contentation in suffering her to turne Agar out of doores He must also take heed that he himselfe be not tainted with the same vice which he reproueth in his wife lest she stop his mouth with a reproach of the same fault but rather by giuing her example by the contrarie vertue let her be induced and led to follow him In reprouing the wife the husband must alwayes vse such discretion that she be not brought into contempt and therefore it should neuer be done in the presence of moe then themselues For as it is meere follie for an husband to praise and commend his wife in company so is it as dangerous to checke and reproue her before witnesse For indeed thereof it commeth that women not being able to beare that disgrace will reply and so ptouoke strife and dissention in open presence which will redound to great reproach and offence And therefore as the husband must not flatter his wife so he must not reproue her before strangers A wise husband and one that seeketh to liue in quiet with his wife must obserue these three rules Often to admonish seldome to reproue and neuer to smite her Let the husband also remember that the infirmities of his wife must be either taken away or borne witball So that he that can take them quite away maketh his wife farre more commodious and fit for his purpose and he that can beare with them maketh himselfe better and more vertuous The husband is also to vnderstand that as God created the woman not the head and so equall in authoritie with her husband so also he created her not of Adams foote that she should be troden downe and despised but he tooke her out of the rib that she might walke ioyntly with him vnder the conduct and gouernment of her head And in that respect the husband is not to command his wife in such manner as the maister his seruant but as the soule doth the body as being conioyned in like affection and good wil. For as the soule in gouerning the body tendeth to the benefit and commoditie of the same so ought the dominion and commandement of the husband ouer his wife to tend to reioyce and content her To conclude as God hath testified his singular goodnesse vnto man in creating him an helper to assist him so let him consider in how many sorts she is to him an helper to passe ouer this life in blessednesse And let this daily seeking of such a benefit receiued at the hands of God induce and stirre him vp to render thanks and to dispose himselfe to vse it well to his owne comfort and saluation and not to abuse it to the destruction both of himselfe and his wife But if he chance as many do vpon troubles and afflictions in marriage let him remember that the same doth proceed not properly from marriage but from the corruption of the parties married and for his part let him studie to amend his infirmities and faults by amendment of life and withall pray to God to grant the like grace vnto his wife to the end that the more they recouer the Image of God the more feeling they may haue of the felicitie of marriage which Adam and Eue had enioyed had they continued as they were created in the Image of God And the particular duties of the wife to the husband are principally these First that she be a helper vnto him Secondly that she be obedient vnto him c. These speciall duties are partly touched before and partly afterwards As loue matrimoniall is greatly allowed of God and much commended of all good men as an ordinate holy and godly loue so contrariwise hatred dissention strife debate vnquietnesse and frowardnesse in marriage highly displeaseth God and much grieueth all good and godly men And therefore the diuell the enemie of all vnitie concord and agreement laboureth by all meanes he can specially at the first comming of the married folkes to dwell together to sow dissention and discord and to cause them not to agree but to dislike one of the other against whom they must diligently watch by seruent and earnest prayer to God that the diuel preuaile not against them by such too early disagreement For as two boords if at the first they be not well coupled and ioyned together are neuer fastened right afterwards but if the first coupling and ioyning together be good then can there afterward no violence driue the boordes asunder yea the whole boord doth sooner breake then the glewing of them together euen so the husband and wife must be very carefull and diligent that their first cohabitation and dwelling together be louing delectable and friendly and not separated through any spitefull contention or discord so shall the whole estate of their marriage be more comfortable and prosper the better so long as they shall liue And though there happen to arise any sparke of discord betwixt them yet let them beware that at the last there be not too much displeasure disdaine and inconuenience kindled thereby For if at the first dwelling together there shall fall out such vnto wardnesse and vncomely discord then will it now and then be breaking out Euen as it fareth with great wounds and broken legges or armes which seldome are so throughly healed but sometimes they haue paine at the change of the weather so likewise if married folkes behaue themselues thus vntowardly and vnhonestly the one towards the other at the first and if larres and discord be once begun betweene them the old canker of hatred will breede againe though it be scaled afterward Let the one therefore learne betime to be acquainted with the nature and condition of the other and to apply themselues according to the same in as much as they must needs dwell together one to enioy another and the one to liue and die with the other and so stedfastly and vnfainedly to loue one the other that neither of them haue any thing so deare which they cannot be content to giue and bestow one vpon the other yea euen their owne life if need require And therefore husbands and wiues must euen at the beginning of their marriage giue their diligence that all iniuries offences may be auoided for tender and lost loue is soone dissolued and broken So that this new loue and coniunction of the mind must be nourished
with benigne sweete and gentle conuersation vntill it be so increased and fastened that no great storme be able to dissolue and breake it And all suspition must be at all times but especially at the beginning of matrimony eschewed and shunned lest they should first begin to hate or euer they begin to loue yea and they must beware they do not faine any suspition nor conceiue it of any light occasions and coniectures for vnto such they in no wise must giue eare although there were some shew and great apparence of likelyhood And this will be a good meanes to effect and worke this namely if they 〈◊〉 themselues to speake kindly and cheerefully one to the other For as the ancient Counsellors of King Salomon gaue wise aduise and counsell vnto Rehoboam King ofIsraell to the end that he might winne the loue and good liking of the people Speake kindly vnto them said they and they will serue thee for euer after which counsell not being followed great inconuenience and mischiefe after befell vnto him Euen so likewise if the husband be 〈◊〉 to procure the loue ofhis wife and to winne her to God or if the wife be desirous and would also procure the loue of her husband and winne him to God then they must draw on one another with sweet and gentle words ofloue speaking kindly one to another because gentle words do pacifie anger as water quencheth fire But if they shall vse taunts or words of reproach and despite one against another much hurt then may ensue thereof For a little leauen sowreth the whole lumpe And therefore let them vse to giue one to the other their dutifull names and titles and to eschue and shunne the contrary For example like as the spitefull Iewes which hated the Lord Iesus would not vouchsafe to giue him his name when they talked of him or with him but to shew their vtter dislike of him they vsed to say Is this he or Art thou he that will do such a thing Is not this he c. Againe Whither will he go that we shall not finde him they would not say Is not this Iesus Christ or the Sonne of God but they vsed a most despitefull kind of speaking which did bewray abundance of malice that was hidden in their hearts euen so it sometimes falleth out betwixt the husband and the wife betwixt the father and the sonne betwixt the maister and the seruant c. that they could speake dutifully one to another but contempt and disdaine anger and malice will not suffer the one to affoord vnto the other their due names and titles lest they should be put in minde of those duties which those names require Whereout Sathan sucketh no small aduantage whereas many times the very name of husband or wife father or sonne maister or seruant c. doth greatly helpe to perswade the minde and to winne the affection yea the very mentioning of these names doth oftentimes leaue a print of duty behind in the conscience Husbands must not forget this point namely that it is not sufficient for them to declare and outwardly make a shew of a good life in words and precepts onely but also in life and deed So that two things are very necessary for them to rule withall to wit wisedome and example and that they themselues fulfill the thing that they command to be done The life and outward conuersation of a man whether it be good or euill doth not onely perswade but also constraine and enforce We do see how mighty and auaileable this or the like exhortation of a Captaine is in the time of warre and battell Oh my souldiers do that ye shall see me do the which contempt of death in the Captaine doth so creepe through the whole host that there is not one be he neuer so feeble and weake-hearted that doth esteeme his life for the which he perceiueth that his Captaine careth so little Thus did Christ with his Apostles and Martyrs draw the world vnto the Christian faith Leuit. 11. 44. and 19. 2. and 20. 7. and 21. 8. Ioh. 13. 15. Phil. 3. 17. 1. Tim. 1. 16. 2. Thessal 3. 9. For as they liued so they spake and as they spake so they liued Therefore if the husband would haue his wife to be temperate quiet chast painfull in her calling religious c. then he must be carefull that he be not distemperate vnquiet no whoremonger nor carelesse in his calling nor irreligious c. So that if he command any thing to be done he must looke that he deny not to do the same himselfe and so shall his wife and family obey the same and be the more readie and willing to do it being both honest and lawfull to be done The very name of a wife is like the Angell which stayed Abrahams hand when the stroke was comming If Dauid because he could not expresse the commoditie and comfort of vnitie and brotherly loue was faine to say Oh how good and ioyfull a thing it is for brethren to dwell together in vnitie Then let husbands weigh and consider how harsh and bitter a thing it is for them and their wiues to dwell together in enmitie and strife For the first yeare after marriage God would not haue the husband go to warre with his enemies to the end that he and his wife might learne to know one anothers conditions and qualities and so afterwards liue in godly peace not warre one with another and therefore God gaue a law and appointed that the new married husband that yeare should stay at home and settle his loue that he might not warre and iarre after for the God of peace dwelleth not in the house of warre As a kingdome cannot stand if it be diuided so an house cannot stand if it be diuided for strife is like a fire which leaues nothing but dust smoke and ashes behind it We reade in the Scriptures of maisters that strooke their seruants but neuer of any that strooke his wife but rebuked her Lot was drunk when he lay with his daughters in stead of a wife and so is he which striketh his wife in stead of his seruants The law sheweth how a bondman should be corrected the wife is like a Iudge which is ioyned in commission with her husband to correct other Wilt thou strike one in his owne house no more shouldst thou strike thy wife in her house She is come to thee as to a Sanctuary to defend her from hurt and canst thou hurt her thy selfe Therefore Abraham said to Lot Are we not brethren that is May brethren iarre But they may say are we not one can one chide with himselfe can one fight with himselfe He is a bad host that welcomes his guest with stripes Doth a King trample on his crowne Salomon calleth the wife The crowne of her husband Therefore he which woundeth her woundeth his owne honour She is a free Citizen in thine house
and hath taken the peace of thee the first day of her marriage to hold thy hands till she release thee againe Adam saith of his spouse This is flesh of my flesh But no man saith Paul euer hated his owne flesh So then if a man aske whether he might strike his wife God saith nay thou mayest not hate thy wife For no man hateth his owne flesh shewing that he should not come neare blowes but thinke his wrath too much Some husbands are wont to say that they will rule their wiues whatsoeuer they be or howsoeuer they came by them and that it is in the hand and power of the husband what and of what qualities and conditions she shall be True it is that a great part of this doth rest and lie in the husband so that he vnderstand as he ought to do that marriage is the supreme and most excellent part of all amitie and friendship and that it farre differeth from tyranny the which doth compell men to obey Truly it may force the bodie but not the will in the which all loue and amitie doth consist and stand the which if it be drawne and forced doth resist and bow like a Palme tree to the contrary part And the husband may assure himselfe that there cannot be any quiet marriage or vnitie where he and his wife do not agree in will and minde the which two are the beginning and seate of all amitie and friendship And such husbands as do bragge and thinke themselues able to rule and ouer rule their wiues by that time they haue proceeded and gone a little further they shall well feele and perceiue themselues to be beguiled and finde that thing to be most hard and intricate the which to be done they esteemed most light and easie Some husbands there be that through euill and rough handling and in threatning of their wiues haue and vse them not as wiues but as their seruants And yet surely they are but very fooles that iudge and thinke matrimony to be a dominion For such as would be feared do afterwards pitiously lament and complaine that they can find no loue in their wiues whose loue and amity through their owne crueltie and hard dealing they haue turned into hatred And whereas at the beginning they gloried and cracked thus cruelly that they were their wiues maisters they haue now purchased vnto themselues a most miserable and lamentable life in time to come all loue and pleasure being now cast aside and compassed with feare and suspition hatred and sorrow Surely if a husband as nature reason and the holy Scriptures do witnesse be the head ouer his wife and God their Father there ought to be betweene them such society and fellowship yea and greater then is betweene the father and the sonne and not such as is betweene the maister and the seruant And amongst many reasons that may be vsed to perswade the husband and wife to liue together louingly quietly and Christianly this is not the least namely that neither of them is certaine how long they shall liue together then the partie that ouer-liueth and purposeth to marrie againe hauing bene churlish froward c. with his former wife or she with her first husband their so hard dealing one with the other before being knowne will no doubt be an occasion that they shall not speed and match so well as otherwise they might if they had behaued themselues peaceablie and dutifully in their first marriage What the dutie of a wife is toward her husband THis duty is comprehended in these points First that she reuerence her husband Secondly that she submit herselfe and be obedient vnto him And lastly that she do not weare gorgeous apparell beyond her degree and place but that her attire be comely and sober according to her calling The first point is proued by the Apostles Peter and Paul who set forth the wiues duties to their husbands commanding them to be obedient vnto them although they be prophane and irreligious yea that they ought to do it so much the more that by their honest life and conuersation they might winne them to the obedience of the Lord. Now for so much as the Apostle would haue Christian wiues that are matched with vngodly husbands and such as are not yet good Christians to reuerence and obey them much more should they shew themselues thankfull to God and willingly and dutifully performe this obedience and subiection when they are coupled in marriage with godly wise discreet learned gentle louing quiet patient honest and thrifty husbands And therefore they ought euermore to reuerence them and to endeuour with true obedience and loue to serue them to be loth in any wise to offend them 〈◊〉 rather to be carefull and diligent to please them that their soule may blesse them And if at any time it shall happen that the wife shall anger or displease her husband by doing or speaking any thing that shall grieue him she ought neuer to rest vntill she haue pacified him and gotten his fauour againe And if he shall chance to blame her without a cause and for that which she could not helpe or remedy which thing sometimes happeneth euen of the best men yet she must beare it patiently and giue him no vncomely or vnkind word for it but euermore looke vpon him with a louing and cheerefull countenance and so rather let her take the fault vpon her then seeme to be difpleased Let her be alwaies merry and cheerfull in his company but yet not with too much lightnesse She must beware in any wise of swelling powting lowring or frowning for that is a token of a cruell and vnlouing heart except it be in respect of sinne or in time of sicknesse She may not be sorrowfull for any aduersitie that God sendeth but must alwayes be carefull that nothing be spilt or go to wast through her negligence In any wise she must be quicke and cleanly about her husbands meare and drinke preparing him the same according to his diet in due season Let her shew her selfe in word and deed wise humble curteous gentle and louing towards her husband and also towards such as he doth loue and then shall she leade a blessed life Let her shew her selfe not onely to loue no man so well as her husband but also to loue none other at all but him vnlesse it be for her husbands sake and the Lords Wherefore let the wife remember that as the Scripture reporteth she is one bodie with her husband so that she ought to loue him none otherwise then her selfe for this is the greatest vertue of a married woman this is the thing that wedlocke signifieth and commandeth that the wife should reckon to haue her husband for both father mother brother and sister like as Adam was vnto Eue and as the most noble and chast woman Andromache said her husband Hector was vnto her Thou art vnto me both father and
is the want and neglect of the wise discreet and good gouernment that should be in the husbands besides the want of good example that they should giue vnto their wiues both in word and deed For as the common saying is such a husband such a wife For so much as marriage maketh of two persons one therefore the loue of the husband and wife may the better be kept and increased and so continued if they remember the duties last spoken of as also not forget three points following 1. They must be of one heart will and mind and neither to vpbraide or cast the other in the teeth with their wants and imperfections any wayes or to pride themselues in their gifts but either the one to endeuour to supply the others wants that so they both helping and doing their best together may be one perfect body 2. It doth greatly increase loue when the one faithfully serueth the other when in things concerning marriage the one hideth no secrets nor priuities from the other and the one doth not vtter or publish the frailties or infirmities of the other and when of all that euer they obtaine or get they haue but one common purse together the one locking vp nothing from the other and also when the one is faithfull to the other in all businesse and affaires Likewise when the one hearkeneth to the other when the one thinketh not scorne of the other and when in matters concerning the gouernment of the house the one will be counselled and aduised by the other the one of them being alwayes louing kind courteous plaine and gentle vnto the other in words manners and deeds 3. Let the one learne euer to be obsequious diligent and seruiceable to the other in all honest things And this will the sooner come to passe if the one obserue and marke what thing the other can away withall or cānot away withall and what pleaseth or displeaseth them and so from thence-foorth to do the one and to leaue the other vndone And if one of them be angry and offended with the other then let the party grieued open and make knowne vnto the other their griefe in due time and with discretion For the longer a displeasure or euill will rages in secret the worse wil be the discord And this must be obserued that it be done in a fit and conuenient time because there is some season in the which if griefes were shewed it should make great debate And if the wife would go about to tell or admonish her husband when he is out of patience or moued with anger it should then be no fit time to talke with him Therefore Abigail perceiuing Nabal her husband to be drunke would not speake to him vntill the morning Both the husband and wife must remember that the one be not so offended and displeased with the manners of the other that they should thereupon forsake the company one of another for that were like to one that being stung with the Bees would therefore forsake the bony And therefore no man may put away his wife for any cause except for whoredome which must be duly prooued before a lawfull Iudge But all godly and faithfull married folkes are to commend their state and marriage to God by humble and feruent prayer that he for his beloued Sonnes sake would so blesse them and their marriage that they may so Christianly and dutifully agree betweene themselues that they may haue no cause of any separation or diuorcement For like as all manner of medicines specially they that go nighest death as to cut off whole members c. are very loathsome and terrible euen so is diuorcement indeed a medicine but a perillous and terrible medicine Therefore euery good Christian husband and wife ought with all care and heedfulnesse so to liue in marriage that they haue no need of such a medicine As the holy Scripture maketh mention of many wiues and women that were wicked and vngodly as partly may be seene by these quotations 1. King 1. 2. Prou. 7. 27 and 22. 14. and 25. 24. and 27. 15. Eccles. 7. 28. So contrariwise the same sacred Scripture also commendeth vnto vs many women that haue bene deuout religious and vertuous as partly is manifest by that which hath bene already said and also by these places of Scripture Ruth 2. 11. 1. Sam. 25. 3. Pro. 14. 1. and 31. 10. Mat. 28. 1. 8. 9. 10. Luke 8. 2. 3. and 23. 55. 56. Acts 1. 14. and 17. 4. and 9. 36. 39. 2. Ioh. 1. 2. Tim. 1. 5. And whosoeuer shall obserue it in the reading of the word of God shall find that it speaketh of the praise of as many and mo good women then men Yea and I am perswaded that if at this day a due suruey should be taken of all the men women throughout his Maiesties dominions there would be found in number moe women that are faithfull religious and vertuous then men Now if a wife be desirous to know how farre she is bound to obey her husband the Apostle resolueth this doubt where he saith Ephesians 5. 22. Wiues submit your selues vnto your husbands as to the Lord. As if he had said wiues cannot be disobedient to their husbands but they must resist God also who is the author of this subiection and that they must regard their husbands will as the Lords will But yec withall as the Lord commandeth that which is good right so she should obey her husband in good and right or else she doth not obey him as the Lord but as the tempter The first subiection of the woman began at sinne For when God cursed her for seducing her husband when the serpent had deceiued her he said He shall haue authoritts ouer thee And therefore as the man named all other creatures in signe that they should be subiect to him as a seruant which commeth when his maister calleth him by his name so he did name the woman also in token that she should be subiect vnto him likewise And therefore Assuerus made a law that euery man should beare rule in his owne house and not the woman Because she sinned first therefore she is humbled most and euer since the daughters of Sarah are bound to call their husbands Lord as Sarah called her husband that is to take them for heads and gouernours Amongst the particular duties that a Christian wife ought to performe in her family this is one namely that she nurse her owne children which to omit and to put them foorth to nursing is both against the law of nature and also against the will of God Besides it is hurtfull both for the childs body and also for his wit lastly it is hurtfull to the mother her selfe and it is an occasion that she falleth into much 〈◊〉 thereby First nature giueth milke to the woman for none other end but that she should bestow it vpon her child
We see by experience that euery beast and euery fowle is nourished and bred of the same that did beare it onely some women loue to be mothers but not nurses As therefore euery tree doth cherish and nourish that which it bringeth forth euen so also it becometh naturall mothers to nourish their children with their owne milke Secondly the examples of the Scriptures are many that proue this As Sarah who nursed Isaack though she were a Princesse and therefore able enough to haue had others to haue taken that paines Though she was a beautifull woman and of great yeares yet she her selfe nursed and gaue sucke to her sonne Also Anna vnto whom the holy Ghost hath left it recorded as a commendation that she nursed her owne sonne Samuel So when God chose a nurse for Moses he led the hand-maide of Pharaos daughter to his mother as though God would haue none to nurse him but his mother Like wise when the Sonne of God was borne his Father thought none fit to be his nurse but the blessed virgin his mother It is a commendation of a good woman and set downe in the first place as a principall good worke in a widow that is well reported of if she haue nursed her children And therfore such as refuse thus to do may well and fitly be called nice and vnnaturall mothers yea in so doing they make themselues but halfe mothers and so breake the holy bond of nature in locking vp their breasts from their children and deliuering them forth like the Cuckoo to be hatched in the sparrowes nest Thirdly the childrens bodies be commonly so affected as the milke is which they receiue Now if the nurse be of an euill complexion as she is affected in her body or in her mind or hath some hidden disease the child sucking of her breast must needs take part with her And if that be true which the learned do say that the temperature of the mind followes the constitution of the body needs must it be that if the nurse be of a naughty nature the child must take thereafter Yet if it be so that the nurse be of a good complexion and of an honest behauiour whereas contrariwise maidens that haue made a scape are commonly called to be Nurses yet can it not be but that the mothers milke should be much more naturall for the child then the milke of a stranger As by experience let a man be long accustomed to one kind of drinke if the same man change his ayre and his drinke he is like to mislike it as the egges of a henne are altered vnder a hawke Neuerthelesse such women as be oppressed with infirmities diseases want of milke or other iust and lawfull causes are to be dispensed withall But whose breasts haue this perpetuall drought Forsooth it is like the gowt no beggers may haue it but Citizens or Gentlewomen In the ninth of Hosea verse 14. drie breasts are named for a curse What a lamentable hap haue Gentle-women to light vpon this curse more then others Sure if their breasts be drie as they say they are they should fast and pray together that this curse might be remoued from them And lastly that it is hurtfull to the mothers themselues both Physitians can tell and some women full oft haue felt when they haue bene troubled with sore breasts besides other diseases that happen to them through plentie of milke The wise is further to remember that God hath giuen her two breasts not that she should employ and vse them for a shew or of ostentation but in the seruice of God and to be a helpe to her husband in suckling the child common to them both Experience teacheth that God conuerteth the mothers bloud into the milke wherewith the child is nursed in her wombe He bringeth it into the breasts furnished with nipples conuenient to minister the warme milke vnto the child whom he endueth with industrie to draw out the milke for his owne sustenance The woman therefore that can suckle her child and doth it not but resuseth this office and duty of a mother declareth her selfe to be very vnthankfull to God and as it were forsaketh and contemneth the fruite of her wombe And therefore the bruite beasts lying vpon the ground and granting not one nipple or two but sixe or seauen to their young ones shall rise in iudgment against these dainty half-mothers who for feare of wrinckling of their faces or to auoyd some small labour do refuse this so necessary a duty of a mother due to her children The properties due to a married wife are that she haue grauitie when she walketh abroad wisedome to gouerne her house patience to suffer her husband loue to breed and bring vp her children courtesie towards her neighbours diligence to lay vp and to saue such goods as are within her charge that she be a friend of honest company and a greater enemie of want on and light toyed So then the principall dutie of the wife is first to be subiect to her husband Ephes. 5. 22. Colloss 3. 18. 1. Pet. 3. 1. 2. To be chast and shamefast modest and silent godly and discreet 3. To keepe her selfe at home for the good gouernment of her family and not to stray abroad without iust cause Here it is not to be pretermitted but we must say somewhat touching men and women that betwise married and so become step-fathers and step-mothers Such husbands and wiues as marrie againe after the death of their first wiues or first husbands are carefully to remember that they do not displease their wiues or their husbands which they now haue by ouermuch rehearsing of their first wife or first husband For the course and condition of the world is such that husbands and wiues do account and reckon things past better then things that be present And the reason is because no commoditie or felicitie is so great but it hath some griefe and displeasure and also some bitternesse mingled with it which so long as it is present grieueth vs sore but when it is once gone it leaueth no great feeling of it selfe behind it and for that cause we seeme to be lesse troubled with sorrowes and discommodities past then with those that are present Also age stealeth and commeth on apace which causeth both men and women to be the lesse able to sustaine and endure troubles and griefes then before Therefore such men and women as be twise married and be wise and religious ought not to esteeme their wife or husband which is dead better then her or him which they enioy now aliue remembering the common prouerbe That we must liue by the quicke and not by the dead and that we must make much of that we now haue Let the name of step-father and step-mother admonish and put them in mind of their duty towards the children of the one and the other For step-father and step-mother doth signifie a sted-father and a
sted-mother that is one father and one mother dyeth and another succeedeth and commeth in their stead and roome Therefore to the end that both their loues may be seiled towards the children of the one and the other they must remember that they are stead-father and stead-mother that is in stead of their owne father and mother and therefore they ought to loue them to tender them and to cherish them as their owne father or mother did You must not looke vpon them like Rehoboam who told his people that he would be worse vnto them then his predecessor for then the children will dislike of you and turne from you as his subiects did from him but ye must come to them as Dauid came to the people after Saules death who said Though your Maister Saul be dead yet I will reigne ouer you So ye must say to them though your father be dead or though your mother be dead yet I will be a father or I will be a mother vnto you so the children will loue you as much as they did their dead father or dead mother For that man that is led with discretion reason and consideration will reckon himselfe and his wife all one And likewise she will account her selfe and her husband as one And therefore they ought to account both the children of the one and of the other as common to them both For if friendship make all things common among friends insomuch that they haue loued fauoured their friends children as their owne how much more effectually and perfectly ought marriage to cause the same which is the highest degree not onely of friendship but also of all bloud and kindred But step-mothers do more often offend and faile in this dutie then men by reason that their affections be stronger then mens and many times ouer-rule them and therefore they are earnestly to be admonished and warned that they shew to those motherlesse children no step-mothers friendship but a right motherly kindnesse Let the step-mother aduisedly consider that God hath ordained and appointed her in steast of their owne mother to be to them a right true mother and not onely to regard them as children but as orphane children and that he requireth her to loue them and to do them good as to her owne What a griefe wold it be to her heart if she should know now that her owne children whom she hath borne in her owne body should after her death haue a step-mother that would be rigorous churlish and vnkinde vnto them Doubtlesse those childrens mother that dead is had vpon her death-bed no lesse care for her children Let her therefore alwayes haue in minde this saying of our Sauiour Christ As you measure vnto others so it shall be measured to you againe that is as the step-mother doth intreate the children of her predecessor so another wife may come after her and intreate her children For he that tooke away the first mother and sent her can take away the second mother and send a third which will not be like a stead-mother to hers vnlesse she be like a stead-mother to these Verily a good woman will be vnto her husbands children that which she may heare them call her so often that is Mother For what Christian woman is so farre from all humanitie and naturall affection that will not be moued and mitigated with this word Mother of whom soeuer it be spoken and chiefly of children which cannot flatter but speake euen so from their heart as they would to their owne mother of whom they were borne How sweete is the name of friendship how many iniuries hatreds and displeasures doth it hide and put away Then how much more effectuall ought the sweete name of Mother to be which is full of incredible loue Therefore euery religious and louing wife will be mollified and moued in her heart and mind when she shall heare her selfe named Mother by any of her husbands children Otherwise she shall shew her selfe to be more vnnaturall and vnkind then the wilde sauage beast for there is no beast so outragious and cruell but if any other yong beast of her owne kind fawne vpon her she will by and by shew kindnesse and mildnesse vnto it And shall not her husbands children make her kind louing vnto them when they call and speake vnto her by the louing and sweete name of Mother 3. The third and last point that appertaineth to the duty of wiues is that they do not weare gorgeous and sumptuous apparell or broidered haire trimmed with gold but that after the example of holy women which trusted in God they be sober in outward apparell garnished and decked inwardly with vertues of their minds as with gentlenesse meeknesse quietnesse and chastitie which indeed are most precious things in the sight of God This point is plainly spoken of by the Apostle to Timothie Chap. 2. vers 10 in which place he so flatly condemneth both the excesse and pride of apparell as also the pompe curiositie and wantonnesse which women vse in trimming their heads by plaiting criping broyding curling and curiously laying out that no man can say more against it in few words then he hath spoken to the vtter dislike thereof For if a man should occupie himselfe and giue liberty to his pen to write of the horrible abuse and excessiue pride that many women are guilty of in this behalfe he should rather want time to write then matter to deliuer Therefore such women as will not reforme themselues we leaue them to the Lord who no doubt will in his appointed time not onely seuerely punish them but also their husbands for suffering this great wickednesse and dissolutenesse in their wiues as he did the Iewes for the same sinne as plainly may be teene in Esay 3. 16. c. For so it falleth out according to the common Prouerbe that pride goeth before and shame and destruction commeth after And on the contrary part we hope that such women as be true professors of Christ and his religion will both attire and dresse their heads so decently and also content themselues with such comely apparell as best beseemeth their calling and degree So as by their good example they may draw on other women to reforme themselues in this behalfe and so rather come short of that which their abilitie and place would serue to maintaine then any way to exceed therein to the slander of their profession And let them not so much regard what thing they would faine haue but rather what they cannot well be without so that whatsoeuer they haue no need of is too deare of a farthing The dutie of Parents towards their children THis dutie consisteth in foure points First that fathers and mothers do instruct and bring vp their children euen frō the cradle in the feare nurture of the Lord. Secondly that they bring them vp in shame fastnesse hatred of vice and loue of all vertue
vp If I had oppressed others how should I haue escaped Gods iudgement And when he shall visit me what shall I answer He that hath made me in the wombe hath he not made him which moued him to shew pittie and fauour vpto his seruants because they were Gods creatures as he was Hath not he alone fashioned vs in the wombe Hereby then may those maisters and dames see their wickednesse who will not heare their seruants speake but vpon a simple surmise and brain-sicknesse do euill intreate them by cruell stripes when in truth there is no iust cause Maisters and Mistresses ought therefore to vse their seruants and apprentises with mildnesse equitie as euery one shall deserue for they must remember that they haue all one God to honor and worship one Prince to serue one law to keepe one land to inhabite and one death to feare and therefore they must speake vnto them as vnto brethren and sisters deale with them as with Christians And let them alwaies remember this namely that God will neuer deale mercifully with them if they make no greater account that their seruants do serue him more carefully then themselues and sanctifie the Sabbaths And therefore that maister is not worthy to be serued which cannot affoord that his seruants should serue God as well as himselfe He must giue vnto God that which is Gods and then he may the better take that which is his owne for he that careth not for his familie saith Paule is worse then an infidell because infidels care for their families As it is the office of a good housholder to carry the burthen of care trauell and labour so it is the dutie of a wife to be faithfull in keeping and well ordering of his goods and house to see his her owne and their childrens best apparell brusht and handsomely 〈◊〉 to be patient and carefull to see her husband do well and both their duties is effectually to giue good examples to be diligent to entertaine peace amongst their familie and to see all things neat and handsome and to keepe due order and measure For as the Sunne in the firmament giueth light to all the regions round about him and by his bright appearing expelleth the darknesse comforteth and cheareth the world euen so like wise should housholders labour to banish sinne and corrupt religion out of their dwellings and to be a lanterne of godly life to comfort and shine to their whole family that so they may direct their liues after their good examples Phil. 2. 15. Math. 5. 19. A maister ought so to behaue himselfe with his seruants that he be not too familiar with them which many times breedeth contempt but he is to admonish them often and yet he must not discourage them from well doing nor be too seuere not too partiall but must moderate all by discretion For like as the Centution who had many seruants vnder his authoritie had them all at his becke and commandement most ready to obey him in any thing that he set them about and this good order and submission he had brought them vnto by the reason that his said seruants were deare vnto him that is he made speciall reckoning of them and was as a father vnto them so likewise all maisters are in conscience bound to esteeme and account well of their seruants and to vse their authoritie that they haue ouer them mildly and Christianly and then if their seruants do perceiue that they are deare vnto their maisters so may the maisters in time worke them like waxe vnto their owne mind except they be such as haue sold themselues to worke wickednesse It is very conuenient that a maister of a family should so dispose and order his affaires and businesse that he depart and absent himselfe from home as little as may be for it is an old saying and a true The eye of the maister doth make the horse fat and the ground fertile for all things are well and fitly done when the maister is present Such housekeepers as haue much and yet spend little are called niggards and they that haue little yet spend much are holden 〈◊〉 spend thrifts and prodigall wasters and therefore they ought to liue in such sort that they be not noted either misers for their keeping or prodigall for their spending The couetous miserable niggard passeth great toyle and trauell in gathering of riches danger in keeping them law in defending them and torment in departing from them but a wise man is not carefull so much for riches and how to liue long as to liue well and dye well Some housholders are so 〈◊〉 and sparing both towards themselues and their neighbours that although they haue much wealth yet they cannot find in their hearts to take part in any frugall and good measure of those transitory blessings which God in mercie hath giuen them but feed grosly and very niggardly and cloath themselues very meanely keeping a beggarly house so that as the common Prouerbe is a man may as soone breake his necke as his fast with them So that the state of such a worldling and couetous rich man is most miserable vpon whom God hath bountifully bestowed great wealth and yet he hath not the grace to 〈◊〉 his riches well either to his owne comfort or the good of his neighbour but heapeth vp riches as the Psalmist saith and cannot tell who shall gather them This sheweth that it is the plague of God that befalleth vpon such a miserable couetous worldling when he hath plentie of all things and yet wanteth a liberall heart to employ and vse them rightly And therefore the holy Ghost in the booke of the Preacher is not content once or twice to find fault and to checke this as a great vanity and abuse but to speake of it fiue sundry times In one place he saith There is an euill which I saw vnder the Sunne and it is much among men A man to whom God hath giuen riches and treasure and honour and he wanteth nothing for his soule of all that it desireth but God giueth him no power to eate thereof but a strange man shall eate it vp This is vanitie and this is an euill sicknesse Eccles. 2. 24. and. 3. 12. 13. 22. and 5. 17. and 6. 1. 2. and 8. 15. Such maisters and mistresses as would haue their necessary affaires and businesses dispatched well and in due time may not alwayes trust to the doing thereof by their seruants but they must either see it done or rather dispatch it themselues if it be such a thing and businesse as they can and may well do For such a lowlinesse is alwayes ioyned with the feare of God that they that are humbled with religion though honourable and worshipfull in calling do not thinke themselues too good to do any good thing This vndoubtedly is a thing greatly to be wished for namely that all Christians maisters and
21. 2. Tim. 3. 2. 3. 4. 5. 2 The riches of the body Beautie Chuse a wife for vertue onely Pro. 19. 14. Seek no match in marriage aboue thy 〈◊〉 Equalitie in marriage to be respected Of the choise of a wise A good wife is aboue all things to be craued of God by prayer Heb. 13. 4. Ephes. 5. 25. 26. 27. Three causes of marriage Psal. 51. 5. The second cause wedlocke lawfull for such as haue not the gift of chastitie The third cause This is often found most true that such as are contemners of marriage are most offenders against marriage and liue most vnchastly 21. Pet. 2. 7. By honour is meant that the husband is to sustaine and relieue the wants of his wife to support vphold beare with her infirmities as the weaker vessell Besides the prayers had with their family they must pray priuately Gen. 25. 21. 1. Cor. 7. 3. 4. 5. Col. 3. 19. Anger in a husband is a vice The roote of bitternesse to be weeded out by the spade of patience How when the husband ought to reproue Faults sometimes must be couered with loue Not to take vnkindnesse for euery trifle Ephe. 5. 25. 26 27. 28. 29. The husband is to the wife in Gods stead Husbands may 〈◊〉 be rigorous 〈◊〉 their wiues especially when they be new married Prou. 20. 3. The wife is not to be vsed or intreated as a handmaid or seruant but as a fellow Prou. 8. 7. 14 9 15. 5. 18. 2. 27. 22. Prou 9. 9. 19. 25. Gen 16. 6. The falling out of louers is a renewing of loue That man is miserable that is married vnto a foolish woman Husbands must prouide things necessarie for the house A mans house will continue by prouision before hand and by order in his expences 1. Tim. 5. 8. But where disorder is in a house it cannot endure Spare in time and spend in time for sparing is a rich purse The honour of the husband dependeth on the wife 1. Cor. 11. 7. The third point Can. 4. 9. 10. 1. Cor 9. 5. 1. Pet. 3 7. 1. Cor. 11. 3. Ephes. 3. 23. Ephes. 5. 28. 29 1. Sam. 1. 8. Gal. 6. 2. Gen. 1. 28. Gen. 2. 18. The causeswhy the husband should loue his wife The husband must loue his wiues kinsfolkes Gen. 26. 8. 9. 1. Cor. 7. 4. Duties common both to the husband the wife 1. Cor. 7. 2. Gen. 1. 18. 1. Cor. 7. 5. Ephes. 5. 15. Tit. 2. 5. Mat. 5. 44. Gen. 6. 2. Psal. 38. 22. Mat. 19. 5. Ephes. 5. 31. Gen. 31. 4. 5. c. Math. 19. 6. Pre. 2. 27. Mal. 2. 14. Mat. 19. Leuit. 20. 10. Ioh. 8. 5. Mat. 19. 8. Mat. 19. 6. 1. Cor. 7. 12. 1 Cor. 7. 11. Obiection Answer 1. Cor. 7. 29. 1. Pet. 3. 7. 1. Pet. 3. 7. Gen. 30. 1. 1. Sam. 1. Gen. 16. The best pollicie in marriage is to begin well 1. King 12. 7. 8. c. Iudg. 19. 3. Prou. 15. 1. Gal 5. 9. Gen. 22. 11. Psal. 133. 1. Leuit. 24. 5. Mat. 12. 25. Gen. 19. 33. Gen. 18. 3. Pro. 12. 4. Gen. 2. 23. Ephes. 5. 29. 1. Pet. 3. 1. Ephes. 5. 22. Col. 3. 18. 1. Cor. 7. 2. Wiues must be seruiceable obedient vnto their husbands and stand in a reuerend awe of them Ephes. 5. 24. Cheerefull in countenence Gen. 27. 9. Gen. 2. 23. 24 Math 19. 5. 1. Cor. 6. 16. Eihes 5. 31. How the wife ought to behaue her selfe vnto her husband Rom. 12. 15. 2. King 2. 6. Gal. 6. 2. 1. King 21. 5. 1. King 14. 4. Gen. 12. 1. Gen. 2. 18. 1. Cor. 1. 27. 1. Pet. 3. 1. 2. King 5. 3. 49. Hest. 7. 3. 〈◊〉 32. 21. 〈◊〉 10 19. Prou. 5. 18. 19. 1. Sam. 16. 23. 1. Sam. 25. 3. Gen. 38. 4. Gen. 33. 1. Why wiues are called huswiues Tit. 2. 5. Pro. 7. 12. 2. King 30. Gen. 18. 9. 2. King 4. 22. Ephe. 5. 22. 23. 〈◊〉 Cor. 11. 14. 34. Gen. 18. 12. 1. Pet. 3. 6. Ephes. 5. 24. Gen. 3. 1. 1. Tim. 2. 14. Num. 30. 7. Pro. 14. 1. 18. 22. 19. 14. 31. all The wife must keepe a good tongue When the wife doth hold her peace she keepes the peace The cause of domesticall combats Silence becometh a woman Lacke of knowledge of Gods word is the principall cause why wiues do not their duties to their husbands One heart and one will How the loue faithfulnesse and dutie of married folkes may be kept increased They must secretly keepe no euill will in their minds but tell their griese 1. Sam. 25. 36. 37. 1. Cor. 7. 10. 11 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. Mat. 19. 6. Mat. 19. 9. Luke 16. 18. The wife ought to obey her husband in all things that be honest and agreeable to Gods word Gen. 3. 16. Hest. 1. 20. 22. Numb 30. 7. 8 9. 1. Pet. 3. 6. It is a speciall dutie of a mother to giue her children sucke her selfe 1. Tim. 5. 10. Gen. 22. 7. 1. Sam. 1. 23. Exod. 8. Cant. 8. 1. Psal. 22. 9. Mat. 2. 14. Luke 2. 7. 12. 1. Tim. 5. 10. Stepfathers stepmothers their duties The husband must so praise his first wife she her first husband as it be not done to the offence or reproch of either to the other Iealousie which is the suspecting of adulterie in the married parties ought wisely and carefully to be suppressed in both parties without apparent matter The very name of stepfather stepmother teacheth them their dutie 1. King 12. 13. 2. Sam. 2. 7. As wiues ought to go comely plainly and handsomly in their 〈◊〉 so they must in any wise beware of pride riot or excesse therein Pride is hatefull before God and man be not therefore proud for thou art but dust ana ashes Prou. 16. 18. Titus 1. 3. Temperance in apparell The dutie containeth foure points Namely in teaching or instructing them in religion in manners good example of life and skill of an occupation The first point The children of Christians ought not to be called by any papish name We are neither better nor worse in respect of our names Iosua 10. 3. The name profiteth none in whom vertue is not conuinced Luk. 1. 59. 2. 21. Proper names are also giuen vnto vs for this vse and end that is to distinguish between man man Instructing correcting prayer make good children and happy parents Deut. 6. 7. 8 4. 9. 11. 19. Psal. 78. 5. 6. 78. Iosu 4. 6. Exod. 12. 26. 27. Gen. 18. 19. 1. 〈◊〉 28. 9. Act. 10. 2. 2. Tim. 1. 5. Parents must performe their dutie to their children moderately with great grauity and authority Which is done by example Fruits are wont to take their shape nature of the tree Deut. 6. 5. 6. 7. 31. 13. 1. King 17. 10. c. 2. King 4. 1. c. Ioh. 4. 53. Luke 19. 9. Act. 10. 44. 2. Tim. 1. 5. 3. 15. Ezech
and learne that if they will conuey Gods blessings to their posterities then they must do and performe the duties belonging thereunto Yea let them if they be loath to conuey Gods iudgements to their children carefully auoyd the meanes vnto it And surely as it is a blessed thing in the houre of death with Simeon to depart in peace leauing their wiues children and seruants members of Christ spouses to Christ children to God and seruants to the Lord so in extremitie of death no one thing will be more grieuous vnto parents and housholders then the Lord hauing giuen them the charge of so many soules to be furthered to saluation that 〈◊〉 owne tormented consciences shall presse them in as much as they haue helped their children and seruants forward to their damnation and so which is more fearefull they shall haue them spewing and foming on their faces continuall curses in hell then accusing them for euer to be the murtherers of their soules and cut-throats of their saluation Is it any maruell if housholders many times find small obedience lesse dutifulnesse and faithfulnesse at the hands of their children and seruants seeing they omit and leaue vndone the performance of these so Christian duties towards them herein expressed and enioyned of the Lord For so doth God often leaue manifest tokens of his wrath in punishing disobedience with disobedience How can any maister of a houshold whatsoeuer he be looke to haue his familie trustie and faithfull vnto him and yet he himselfe is faithlesse to God Doth he maruell that his children and seruants feare not him whereas he himselfe feareth not the Lord Will he maintaine his authoritie ouer those vnder his charge and he himselfe doth not yeeld obedience vnto the authoritie of God his Creator Moreouer it is manifest that the good man of the house by planting Gods religion in his familie shall not a little aduance and set forward his owne priuate profit and commoditie For wicked and vngodly seruants are for the most part loyterers pickers and deceitfull whereas on the other side godly seruants are iust and faithfull whom in his absence he may trust to do such businesse and worke as he willeth them to do If maisters of families be carefull and desirous as in conscience they ought that their wiues children and seruants should reforme themselues and endeuour to practise such duties as do appertaine and belong vnto them then they must likewise be diligent and carefull to reforme themselues both inwardly and outwardly in such points and duties as hitherto they haue left vndone otherwise they may iustly say vnto them Phisitian healc your selfe er why do you will vs to do that which you do not practise your selfe For as one candle cannot light another if it selfe be out euen so a maister of a houshold shall not reforme those of his charge and inflame them with the loue of God and godlinesse if he himselfe be voyde of the same Let euery maister of a houshold therefore say and performe with Ioshua I and my familie will serue the Lord Ios. 24. 15. And likewise let euery Christian Ladie Mistris and Dame say with Hester I and my maides will do the like Hest. 4. 16. And so no doubt God will powre his blessings on them and theirs in this life and euerlasting happinesse on them in the life to come Touching the Booke it selfe I will not say any thing to the commendation thereof but onely this That I am assured that if such duties as are mentioned therein were duly and carefully practised of all such as are named in it then no doubt vertue and godly religion would greatly flourish to the aduancement of Gods glory and also sinne and wickednesse would then decrease and fall downe to the vtter subuersion and ouerthrow of Sathans kingdome This Treatise I confesse is not garnished with eloquence nor full of great cunning nor beautified with flowers of mans wisedome neither yet doth it discourse or treate of high or darke things neither is it stuffed with subtill questions and arguments nor indited with Rhetoricall and eloquent stile as those commonly be which are propounded and set forth to the world rather for boasting and vaine-glory sake then for any desire to edifie and to do others good but it is plaine and without any great gaynesse yet so full of good necessary and wholesome instructions that whosoeuer readeth and marketh it with a right disposed minde and willing to practise it without respect to any other things then God the reformation of his life and the 〈◊〉 of his 〈◊〉 which is the onely worke which Christians must leuell at he may reape singular profit thereby And vndoubtedly it may well be said that vnto true Christians good and holy bookes are as ladders to climbe vp vnto heauen as sparkes to kindle the 〈◊〉 of the Spirit when it is quenched or waxen cold in them and as props to stay vp their faith that it may increase Praying therefore your Worships to accept of my dutifull good will and to pardon my boldnesse I ceasse to adde any further things beseeching God of his endlesse mercy for Christs sake to strengthen you still in that good and happie course of his word and all other good learning to furnish you all abundantly with all spirituall and heauenly knowledge to the carefull practising of the same in the fruits of your most holy and blessed callings to the aduancement of the glory of our God and to your owne euerlasting comfort in Christ Iesus So be it Your Worships in all Christian dutifulnesse most willing R. C. A GODLY FORME OF HOVSHOLD GOVERNMENT CAREFVLLY TO be practised of all Christian Housholders AN Houshold is as it were a little Commonwealth by the good gouernment whereof Gods glorie may be aduanced and the commonwealth which standeth of seuerall families benefited and all that liue in that familie receiue much comfort and commoditie But this gouernment of a Familie is not verie common in the world for it is not a thing that men can stumble on by chance By Wisedome saith Salomon is an house builded and with vnderstanding it is established and with knowledge shall the chambers thereof be filled with all precious and pleasant riches that is shall obtaine all kind of blessings See also Pro. 28. 2 by which two places it is manifest y such families as are not ordered by hap hazard or as it falles but by wisedome discretion and counsell do prosper in inward outward goods and endure long When we speake of wisedome we do not meane that this gouernment can be in all points exercised by naturall reason and wisedome for mans wisedome reacheth but vnto one point and that the least of that which family-gouernment tendeth vnto But the wisedome that we speake of is not naturall but fetched from the fountaine of all wisedome God himselfe who by his word giueth vnto vs pure light to walke by not in the Church
Gods people in times past to the place of his worship that they haue not come scattered and alone but many together and by companies whereof the holy Prophet speaketh When I remembred these things I powred out my very heart because I had gone with the multitude and led them into the house of God with the voice of singing and praises as a multitude that keepeth a feast In which place the man of God complaining that he was banished from the holy Assemblies saith that his griefe was increased by remembring his former estate when he vsed to go with a great companie to the Temple euen as to a feast whereby he declareth what was the manner of their going euen as men go to a market or to a feast not onely with ioy but also by companies and so many of one house as go will go together So they did not onely go to the house of God cheerefully but many of them together euen as to the market and feast of their soules By which practise of theirs as the doing of many is condemned so it appeareth that the men of our time are led by another spirit then they were and are otherwise perswaded of the worship and place they go vnto For all the people nay the seuerall housholds come not together but scattered and one dropping after another in a confused manner First comes the man then a quarter of an houre after his wife and after her we cannot tel how long especially the maid-seruants who must needs be as long after her as the men-seruants are after him Whereby it commeth to passe that either half the seruice of God is done before all be met or else if the Minister tarry till there be a sufficient congregation the first commers may be weary and sometimes cold with tarrying before the other shal be warme in their seates Now if it be demanded of the maisters why they alone make such hast and leaue all the rest behind them they answer truly because the time is come wherin vsually publike prayer beginneth can they be perswaded that it is time for themselues to come as it is indeed and yet no time for the rest to come with them Hath the maister no longer time to tarry and haue his seruants time to tarry so long after him As though there were one law for him and another for them or rather that the same law of the Sabbath which moueth him of conscience to do that which he doth did not as forciblie bind them all as himselfe nay did not binde him to looke to them that they should keep holy the day as well as himself which if he graunt to be true yet is not able to bring it to passe where the Lord hath giuen him so great authoritie for his owne sake partly through the frowardnesse of his wife and partly through the obstinacy of the rest in his familie his case is to be pittied and he is rather to be gouerned then to gouerne and he might do well to set vp one of them in his stead seeing he doth suffer himselfe wilfully so to be abused and is contented to be ouer-ruled by them in the chiefest thing Therefore that he might bring this matter happily to passe as he must go before them by his owne example and be readie betimes euen first of all so he must earnestly call vpon them for this dutie and exhort them vnto it and the slower that they are and the more they draw backe the more fotward must he be and by his practise and words draw them forwards also For this is that readinesse which Dauid obserued in the people of his time I reioyced when they said vnto me we will go into the house of the Lord or Let vs go to the house of the Loŕd for they are words of exhorting and incouraging one another thereunto euen as the Prophet Esay also foretelleth that this shall be the zeale of Gods people in the time of the Gospell that they shall go together to serue God and therefore call vpon one another for the same purpose saying It shall be in the last dayes that the mountaine of the house of the Lord shall be prepared in the top of the mountaines and shall be exalted ' aboue the hils and all nations shall flow vnto it and many people shall go and say Come and let vs go vp to the mountaine of the Lord to the house of the God of Iacob And truely this want of zeale in vs to Gods worship and loue to the saluation of our brethren bewraying it selfe in the neglect of this duty of calling one vpon another is the cause of this slownesse For the husband going first out of the doores saith to the wife Make hast and come assoone as you can she comming at her leisure giues the same charge to her seruants Dispatch and tarry not long behind but here is no saying Come let vs go Let vs go together and if it be once said it is not pursued that it might be performed In going to market and to a feast what earnest calling will there be vpon one another and it would seeme strange to behold the houshold go diuided and it were a thing that would much be marked and euery one that knew vs and whither we were going it should be the first question they would ask vs How chanceth this that you come alone Where is your husband your wife or your children Why come you not together So no doubt the dispersed and broken comming of housholdes to the Church is a thing greatly obserued of the Lord God and of his Angels which are present at their assemblies and it is that which grieueth the rest of the Church and as soon as they see one come in alone they are ready with grief to ask Where are the rest What meaneth this partie to come alone Therefore let all Gouernours be perswaded that it is their bounden dutie thus to looke to their families and to be sure that they sanctifie the Lords day as well as themselues and that they not onely thus bring them to the publike ministerie but also looke vnto them that they spend the rest of the day in holy exercises so much as may be examining them in that which they haue heard and causing them to conferre about it themselues and to appoint some to reade the Scripture vnto them and all of them to sing Psalmes and generally whatsoeuer they haue seene before that they ought to do themselues to call vpon their seruants for the same and to take such order that they be sure they do it and let them be sory that they haue neglected this duty so long heretofore thereby haue charged so many sinnes of their houshold vpon themselues and now at the last in Gods holy feare let them begin to put this in practise lest they do further prouoke the most patient Lord to their endlesse destruction And though it be a thing
the parents and parties are to be charged in the name of God as they will answer at the day of iudgement plainly to bewray and declare if they know any of the foresaid impediments in themselues or in their children for which this Contract ought not to be made If they say they know none or if they declare none then the consent of the parents is to be demanded which if they yeeld then the consent of the parties is also to be required And so the parties are to be betrothed and affianced in these words or such like 1. N. do willingly promise to marrie thee N. if God will and I liue whensoeuer our parents shall thinke good and meete till such time I take thee for my onely betrothed wife and thereto plight thee my troth In the name of the Father the Sonne and the holy Ghost So be it The same is to be done by the woman the name onely changed and all in the presence of parents kinsfolks and friends After this the parents are to be admonished to set and appoint the day of marriage neither too neare nor too farre off but to appoint a competent space of time that it may be sufficient for the learning and triall of all lets and impediments whereby promised marriage might be hindred and yet giue no occasion by reason of the length thereof to prouoke the parties to incontinency In the meane time the parties affianced are to be admonished to abstaine from the vse of marriage and to behaue themselues wisely chastly louingly and soberly till the day appointed do come And so with a Psalme and prayer to cóclude the holy action Now that there should be a competent space betweene the time of the Contract and the day of marriage it is very necessary for these causes 1. That there might be some preparation for the things pertaining to house-keeping betweene that time and the celebrating of marriage but this is not a chiefe cause 2. Because the Lord would by this meanes make a difference betwixt brute beasts men and betwixt the prophane and his children for they euen as beasts do after a beastlike manner being led by a naturall 〈◊〉 and motion come together but God will haue this difference whereby his children should 〈◊〉 seuered from that brutish manner in that they should haue a certaine distance of time betweene the knitting of affection and enioying one of another and a more neere ioyning of one vnto another 3. That they should in that time thinke on the causes why they are to marrie and the duties of marriage For many enter thereinto not considering at all of the great duties belonging to them in the same nor thinking of the troubles and afflictions that follow marriage But the Lord would haue these things thought on and a consideration to be had both of the causes of marriage and the duties to be performed and the troubles to be vndergone A good and carefull housholder so ordereth and frameth his houshold as it may manifestly appeare that it is indeed the house of a faithfull Christian and that he himselfe is a Pastor ouer his family that he instructeth it diligently in the feare of God and keepeth it in good and godly discipline by continuall exercise of godlinesse So that in his house you shall find the chast wife the shamefaced plaine and modest wife decked without as she is within no painted nor marked thing rendring true obedience to her husband and hauing a carefull eye vpon her family seruants and children the maister father and husband the children and seruants euery one likewise in his degree employing himselfe sincerely in his dutie and office approuing his doings as before God Now like as in the mind there are such vertues as we haue before spoken of so are 〈◊〉 in it also noysome wicked vices and detractions as vngodlinesse despising of Gods word vnbeliefe idolatrie superstition ignorance churlishnesse lying falshood hypocrisie vnrighteousnesse swearing backbiting distemperance drunkennesse gluttony couetousnesse vnchastitie vnshame fastnesse misnourture rashnesse furiousnesse wantonnesse pride presumption vain-glory childing brawling and vnhandsomnesse Who so now chooseth him a wife or the a husband that is infected and tangled with such noysome vices he seeketh not a spouse 〈◊〉 she a husband for a right peaceable good honest and Christian life but an hell a painefulnesse and destruction of all expedient quiet and vertuous liuing but specially there is little good to be hoped for of him or her whereas vngodlinesse and contempt of the word remaineth For like as the feare of God draweth the whole garland of vertues with it so vngodlinesse and despising of Gods word bring all vice and abhominations yea and shutteth vp the way to amendment When these points and rules are duly and warily obserued on either part they may ioyne together and say as Laban and Bethuel said This cometh of the Lord therefore we will not speake against it Oh how happie are those in whom faith loue and godlinesse are married together before they marrie themselues For none of these carnall cloudie and whining marriages can say that godlinesse was inuited and bidden to the bridall and therefore the blessings which are promised to godlinesse do flie from them After the riches of the mind do the riches of the bodie follow next of which sort is a comely beautifull or well-fauoured body health a conuenient age c. A beautifull bodie is such a one as is of right forme and shape meete and of strength to beare children and gouerne an house euen such a one as both the man and woman can find in their hearts vnfainedly to loue aboue all other and to be content withall c. As concerning the beautie or comlinesse of the body where there is else no good property or qualitie beside Salomon saith Prou. 31. 30. Fauour is deceitfull and beautie is vanitie but the woman that feareth the Lord she shall be praised And Prou. 11. 22. As a iewell of gold in a swines snout so is a faire woman which lacketh discretion or is of vncomely behauiour and hath not wit nor gouernment to behaue her selfe For beautie is a fraile gift and a slippery and more profitable to those that behold it then to those that haue it The beautifull woman can take no great pleasure in beautie but a little as it were in a glasse and yet incontinently she forgetteth that she beheld and saw and yet it is many times both to her selfe and to them that behold her beautie a prouocation to much euill She that is faire waxeth proud of it and he that doth behold her becometh subiect vnto filthy loue But in the mind which is iudged to be the man consist the true lineaments and properties of fairenesse which entice and prouoke spirituall and heauenly loue being mixt with nothing that is shamefull either to be done or spoken And therefore there is no man so farre without wit that had not rather haue her which
more are they bound to loue their wiues as themselues which are their next neighbours As Elkanah did not loue his wife lesse for her barrennesse but said Am not I better vnto thee then tenne sonnes as though he fauoured her more for that which she thought her selfe despised so a good husband will not take occasion to loue his wife lesse for her infirmities but comfort her more for them as this man did that she may beare with his infirmities too And so the one helping to beare the others burthen they shall the better fulfill the law of Christ. For as in a Citie there is nothing more vnequall then that euery man should be like equall so it is not conuenient that in one house euery man should be like and equall together There is no equalitie in that citie where the priuate man is equal with the Magistrate the people with the Senate or the seruant with the maister but rather a confusion of all offices and authoritie The husband and the wife are Lords of the house for vnto them the Lord said Be ye Lords ouer the fish of the sea and ouer the fowle of the heauen aud ouer euery beast that moueth vpon the earth And the selfesame Creator said that the woman should be an helper vnto the man Therefore the husband without any exception is maister ouer all the house and hath more to do in his house with his owne domesticall affaires then the magistrate The wife is ruler ouer all other things but yet vnder her husband There are certaine things in the house that onely do appertaine to the authoritie of the husband wherewith it were a reproch for the wife without the consent of her husband to meddle as to receiue strangers or to marrie her daughter But there are other things in the which the husband giueth ouer his right vnto his wife as to rule and gouerne her maidens to see to those things that belong vnto the kitchin and to huswiferie and to their houshold stuffe Other meane things as to buy and sell certaine necessarie things may be ordered after the wit wisedome and fidelity of the woman It cannot well be rehearsed how many vertues profits the mutuall concord and loue of man and wife doth bring to great things both at home and abroad nor how many losses and incommodities do grow of the dissention and discord betweene them For the houshold when their maister and their mistresse or dame are at debate can no otherwise be in quiet and at rest then a Citie whose rulers agree not but when it seeth them in concord and quietnesse then it reioyceth trusting that they will be euen so vnto them as it perceiueth them to be among themselues Wherein surely they are not deceiued for if the man and his wife do louingly and gently support and intreate one another they learne not to disdaine or for euery light fault to be angry with their seruants or yet for any household words to be vexed or angrie one with the other but they set aside all hastie and cruell words and correction with all other things that issue and proceed of a disdainefull and a furious mind And the seruants are not onely merrie therefore but also they do their seruice the more obediently and cheerefully shewing reuerence vnto the authority that proceedeth and increaseth of quietnesse and concord For the husband doth defend his wiues estimation with loue and beneuolence and the wife her husband with honour and obedience So that vnitie and concord causeth them to be accounted wise honest and vertuous and they must needs be good seeing they haue loued so long together But there can be no long amitie or friendship but betweene those that are good who do suffer and deuoure vp those things for the which other men leaue and forsake amitie and breake off charitie Neither doth there grow of any other thing so great reuerence and honour as of the opinion and estimation of another mans goodnesse and wisedome the which reuerence is not onely honoured within the doores but also shineth and extendeth it selfe into the Citie so that he is taken for an honest man and accounted to be louing and gentle seeing that he loueth his wife so constantly and also he is reputed for a wise man considering that he can so moderately 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 difficult and hard matters and he is reckned worthy to rule a common-wealth that with such wisedome discretion and iudgement doth rule and gouerne his owne house and that he may easily conserue and keepe his Citizens in peace and concord that hath so well established the same in his owne house and family And on the other side none will thinke or beleeue that he is able to be a ruler or to keepe peace quietnesse in the towne or Citie who cannot liue peaceably in his owne house where he is not onely a ruler but as it were a little King and Lord of all And in matrimoniall debate and discord the man is more to be blamed then is the woman because that he being the chiefe ruler and head doth not purge and remedie her of that vice the which ingendred that discord or else patiently beare and suffer the same For the blame of all discord is commonly laid on him that is chiefe because he would not moderate nor stay the thing to come to such a strife and discord or else because he was not able to do it In the first there appeareth manifest malice in the second impatience and weakenesse the which ought to be farre from him that is esteemed to be most worthy and appointed to rule and gouerne others And thus he commeth into hatred for as much as he hath left off to do his dutie and office when necessitie required it That husband that loueth not his wife after that he hath enioyed her for a season but doth waxe feeble and cold which is a thing most vsuall and ordinarie with such as are kindled with bodily lust and lecherie is a very beast and no man hauing no reason but is drawne to those deeds through the motion of his senses which after the heate is a little past will cleane change their opinion Also there are other occasions that should moue the husband to extend this loue to his wife in case he be not duller then a stone As for that his wife hath suffered so great trauel labour that she hath borne and brought him forth children the heires of his name and substance and the vpholders of his family and that she hath forsaken her fathers goods and riches to follow him and to suffer with him both good and euill and that she setting her whole mind now vpon him knoweth no other father nor yet any of her kin What one thing shall suffice if these and others cannot do it Who so will then obey nature humanitie and wisedome shall euery day loue his wife more and more and the better he knoweth her the more
leauing their lawfull wiues tooke others Because saith he the Lord hath bene witnesse betweene thee and the wife of thy youth against whom thou hast transgressed yet is she thy companion and the wife of thy couenant The promise therefore to God cannot be broken but onely by his authoritie In the dayes of Moses husbands were easily and soone intreated to sorsake their wiues by giuing them a bill of diuorce yet so farre was this course from being lawfull that contrarywise Iesus Christ saith that it was tolerated only in respect of the hardnesse of husbands hearts who otherwise would haue vexed their wiues and intreated them cruelly And this libell containing the cause of diuorce and putting away of the woman did iustifie her and condemne the man For seeing it was neuer giuen in case of adulterie which was punished with death all other causes alledged in the libell tended to iustifie the woman and declare that she was wrongfully diuourced and so condemned the husband as one that contraryed the first institution of marriage whereto Iesus Christ condemning this corruption doth returne them saying It was not so from the beginning And therefore Whosoeuer shall put away his wife except it be for whoredome and marrieth another committeth adulterie and whosoeuer marrieth her which is diuorced doth commit adulterie with her So straight is the bond of marriage Here of it followeth that notwithstanding whatsoeuer difficulties may arise betweene the husband and the wife whether it be long tedious and incurable sicknesse of either party whether naturall and contrary humours that breed debate wrangling or 〈◊〉 about household affaires whether it be any vice as if the husband be a drunkard or the wife a slothfull idle or 〈◊〉 housewife whether either party forsake the truth and profession of religion and do fall to idolatrie or heresie yet still the bond of marriage remaineth stedfast and not to be dissolued Neither may they be separated euen by their owne mutuall consent for as the holy Ghost hath pronounced That which God hath ioyned together let no man put asunder And therefore Saint Paul saith If any brother hath a wife that beleeueth not if she be content to dwell with him let him not forsake her and the woman which hath an husband that beleeueth not if he can be content to dwell with her let her not for sake him And because some did suppose that the vnbeleefe in anie of the parties might breed some pollution in their marriage and make it prophane and vnchristian he answereth no. His reason is For the vnbeleeuing husband is sanctified by his beleeuing wife and the vnbeleeuing wife by her beleeuing husband And this he proueth by affirming that the childrēissuing of such marriage be holy that is to say partakers of the couenant of God and consequently accepted into the fellowship of the Church Onely he addeth this exception If the vnbeleeuing man depart and for sake the beleeuing wife she is not subiect to follow him And yet must this be vnderstood where such departure ariseth either vpon hatred that he beareth to the true religion that bis wife prosesseth or vpon a desire to vse his polluted and false religion For therein cannot his wife follow him without danger of defiling and depriuing her selfe of the profession of the truth together with the food of her soule Likewise where Saint Paul speaking of the husband and wife both beleeuers saith If the woman depart from her husband let her remaine vnmarried or be reconciled to her husband he therein meaneth not that it shall be lawfull for the woman because she cannot beare the troublesome nature of her husband or to auoyde strife and debate to depart and liue as a widdow but onely he 〈◊〉 that when the husband vpon such like occasion shall put away or cast off his wife yet is not she at her libertie to marry another but must remaine vnmarried and labour to be reconciled And therefore those women which vpon the hard dealing or troublesome disposition of their husbands do for sake them are greatly to be reproued as thereby giuing occasion of great mischiefe and trouble as also are those husbands who vpon like occasion do forsake their wiues For seeing nothing may make diuorce but adultery euery purpose and determination to part vpon any other occasion or reason is restrained by Gods ordinance and the law of marriage And 〈◊〉 as it is not lawfull for vs to continue in such desperation the whole course of our liues neither is it lawfull so to abide at all or so much as enter thereinto if therefore vpon such occasion the husband forsake his wife or the wife her husband rather then to continue the mischiefe begun let them returne together againe and thinke that the shortest follies do least hurt If they alledge their intreaty in their opinion intollerable and their nature so contrary that they cannot liue without strife and debate and that being asunder and quiet in conscience free from trouble they may the better apply themselues and employ their time in prayer the answer is that such 〈◊〉 must not dissolue or breake the bond of marriage and their duties to liue together but let them thinke that God hath called them to the exercise of patience which vpon hearty prayer he will grant to them Let them labour to beare each with other that they may liue in peace and continually pray to God to giue them grace so to do Let them remember that the diuell transformeth himselfe into an Angell of light when by propounding a desire to liue in quiet and consequently a meane to pray vnto God for the compassing thereof he induceth them to gainesay Gods prohibition and also to separate that which God hath ioyned together For as the coniunction commeth of God so the separation and diuorce proceedeth from the diuell If they reply that by liuing asunder so that they marry not againe they breake not the bond of marriage let them remember that marriage being ordained for a remedie against fornication for the generation and bringing vp of children and also for an helpe each to other in mutuall societie and inseparable conuersation oflife yet doth there appeare no token or effect of marriage in those that liue asunder albeit they marry not againe So that the benefit of marriage consisteth not onely in the procreation of children but also in the mutuall societie of the two diuerse Sexes Otherwise it could not be said that there were any marriage betweene two old folkes This vnion of marriage yet teacheth vs another duty common both to the man and to the wife which is that their goods be common betweene them That Common-wealth may in some sort be said to be happy where they haue no vse of these words Mine and thine but in marriage especially they ought not to be heard If the wife haue brought most goods in marriage the marriage once consummate and made her part is gone and
mother Mine owne deare husband and well beloued brother And if it be true that men do say that friendship maketh one heart of two much more truely and effectually ought wedlocke to do the same which farre passeth all manner both of friendship and kindred Therefore it is not said marriage doth make one man or one minde or one body of two but clearely one person wherefore matrimonie requireth a greater dutie of the husband to wards his wife and the wife towards her husband then otherwise they are bound to shew to their parents The Apostle biddeth To reioyce with them that reioyce and weepe with them that weepe With whom should the wife reioyce rather then with her louing husband Or with whom should she weepe and mourne rather then with her owne flesh I will not leaue thee saith Elisha to Eliah so she should say I will neuer leaue him till death Beare one anothers burthen saith Paul Who shall beare one anothers burthen if the wife do not beare the husbands burden Wicked lezabel comforted her husband in his sicknesse and Ieroboams wife sought for his health though she was as bad as he God did not bid Sarah leaue her father and countrie as he did bid her husband yet because he bad Abraham leaue his she left hers too shewing that she was content not onely to be his play fellow but his yoke-fellow too Beside a yoke-fellow she is called an helper to helpe him in his labours to helpe him in his troubles to helpe him in his sicknesse like a woman physition sometime with her strength and sometime with her counsell For as sometime God confoundeth the wise by the foolish and the strong by the weake so sometimes he teacheth the wise by the foolish and helpeth the strong by the weake Therefore Peter saith Husbands are wonne by the conuersation of their wiues As if he should say sometime the weaker vessell is the stronger vessell Abraham may take counsell of Sarah as Naaman was aduised by his seruant The Shunamites counsell made her husband receiue a Prophet into his house and Hesters counsell made her husband spare the Church of the Iewes so some haue bene better helpe to their husbands then their husbands haue bin to them for it pleaseth God to prouoke the wise with the foolish as he did the Iewes with the Gentiles Beside an helper she is called a comforter too and therefore the man is bid to reioyce in his wife which is as much to say that wiues must be the reioycing of their husbands euen like Dauids harpe to comfort Saul A good wife therefore is knowne when her words and deeds and countenance are such as her husband loueth She must not examine whether he be wise or simple but that she is his wife and therefore being bound she must obey as Abigail loued her husband though he were a foole churlish and euill conditioned For the wife is as much despised for taking rule ouet her husband as he for yeelding it vnto her Therefore one saith that a mankind woman is a monster that is halfe a woman halfe a man It beseemeth not the mistresse to be maister no more then it becommeth the maister to be mistresse but both must saile with their own wind and both keepe their standing Lastly we call the wife huswife that is houswife not a street-wife one that gaddeth vp and downe like Thamar nor a field-wife like Dinah but a house-wife to shew that a good wife keepes her house and therefore Paul biddeth Titus to exhort women that they be chast and keeping at home presently after chast he saith keeping at home as though home were chastities keeper And therefore Salomon depainting and describing the qualities of a whore setteth her at the doore now sitting vpon her stall now walking in the streets now looking out of the window like cursed Iezabel as if she held forth the glasse of temptation for vanity to gaze vpon But chastitie careth to please but one and therefore she keepes her closet as if she were still at prayer The Angell asked Abraham Where is thy wife Abraham answered She is in the tent The Angell knew where she was but he asked that we might see how women in old time did keepe their tents and houses It is recorded of the Shunamite that she did aske her husband leaue to go vnto the Prophet though she went to a Prophet and went of a good errand and for his cause as much as her owne yet she thought it not meete to go farre abroad without her husbands leaue The second point is that wiues submit themselues and be obedient vnto their owne husbands as to the Lord because the husband is by Gods ordinance the wiues head that is her defender teacher and comforter and therefore she oweth her subiection to him like as the Church doth to Christ and because the example of Sarah the mother of the faithfull which obeyed Abraham and called him Lord moueth them thereunto This point is pattly handled before in the first point as also in the duty of the husband to the wife As the Church should depend vpon the wisedome discretion and will of Christ and not follow what it selfe listeth so must the wife also submit and apply her selfe to the discretion and will of her husband euen as the gouernmēt and conduct of euery thing resteth in the head not in the bodie Moses writeth that the Serpent was wise aboue all beasts of the field and that he did declare in assaulting the woman that when he had seduced her she might also seduce and deceiue her husband Saint Paul noting this among other the causes of the womans subiection doth sufficiently shew that for the auoiding of the like inconueniences it is Gods will that she should be subiect to her husband so that she shall haue no other discretion or will but what may depend vpon her head The Lord also by Moses saith the same Thy desire shall be subiect to thy husband and he shall rule ouer thee This dominion ouer their wiues will doth manifestly appeare in this that God in old time ordained that if the woman had vowed any thing vnto God it should not withstanding rest in her husband to disauow it so much is the wiues will subiect to her husband Yet it is not meant that the wife should not employ her knowledge and discretion which God hath giuen her in the helpe and for the good of her husband but alwayes it must be with condition to submit herselfe vnto him acknowledging him to be her head that finally they may so agree in one as the coniunction of marriage doth require Yet as when in a Lute or other musicall instrument two strings concurring in one tune the sound neuerthelesse is imputed to the strongest and highest so in a well ordered houshold there must be a communication and consent
helping hands to Magistrates and Ministers they may indeed but vniustly as many haue done complaine that their children are corrupted abroad when they were before and are still corrupted and spoiled at home Alas if parents to whom the comfort of their children well brought vp is a precious crowne will not informe and reforme their children in the feare of God how can hope sustaine these men that others will performe this duty for them to whom this charge doth farre lesse appertaine Lastly let parents remember that therefore they haue disordered and disobedient children to themselues because they haue bene disobedient children to the Lord and disordered to their parents when they were young whereof because they haue not repented the Lord punisheth their sinnes to others with the like sinne to themselues Wilt thou know thou father how thou maist haue that blessing to be the blessed father of a blessed seed Wilt thou know thou mother how to auoyd that curse to be the cursed mother of a cursed seed Bring thy children within the compasse of the couenant indeuour to make thy sonne the sonne of God and thy daughter by nature the daughter of God by grace and remember that God on his part protested to father Abraham that he was all sufficient for the accomplishment of his promise in giuing him a blessed seede and requested also on father Abrahams part that he should walke before him and be vpright Wilt thou then haue the one part of this couenant that is that God should blesse thee in thy seede then remember also that thou walke before the Lord and be vpright Wilt thou haue thy children as the blessed seede of Abraham teach them with Abraham the iudgements of the Lord pray for them with Abraham that they may liue in the light of the Lord be readie to offer them with Abraham that they may be an holy sacrifice vnto the Lord. It is thou ô man ô woman that maist do thy child the greatest good and the greatest harme if thou prayest for them and repentest for thy selfe the Lord will blesse thy care the Pastors paines and the teachers trauell but if thou despisest these duties the Lord will denie thee these blessings and the curse of God will fall vpon the childe at home in thy house abroad in the Church and in the schoole And seeing the Lord hath promised that he will be thy God and blesse thy seede if thou beest faithfull thou mayest bothe hope that thou art of the faithfull if thou hast a blessed seede and feare that thou hast not as yet the blessing of the couenant when thy seede is accursed But had not Iacob wicked children and Dauid vngodly sonnes and doth not daily experience teach vs that wicked men haue godly children Yes for besides the secret counsell of the Lord herein we must know that neither the promise of the Lord is so vniuersall that euery particular child of a faithfull man should be within the Couenant or if of many there be but one blessed the promise is performed yea which more is though the faithfull man haue neuer a good childe yet if vnto a thousand generations there be but one good the Couenant is not broken Noither must we tye the Lord his worke so much to man that a good man may not haue an cuill sonne seeing though the Lord visit not his sinnes yet he may visit the sinnes of some of his fore-fathers to the third and fourth generation going before To the second we say that an euill father hauing a good child though the Lord shew not mercy to that particular man therein yet he may remember his promise to some of the fore-fathers in the thousand generations going before and though that euill man haue no cursed child yet the curse may be accomplished in the third and fourth generation following Wherefore not speaking of Election or Reprobation which we leaue onely to the Lord to make good or bad we exhort parents to the ordinary meanes to bring vp their children so as they either by some good tokens may see them the children of God as heires of the couenant or at least be comforted in their owne consciences If their children for some cause vnknowne refuse it yet they may reioyce in this that to the vttermost of their ability they haue vsed all good and godly meanes to bring them vp well and offered them to God And if parents haue cause to be grieued when thus trauelling in good education they cannot see good in their children how much more cause of griese may they haue when they haue vsed and bestowed no labour at all to bring them vp in the feare of the Lord And yet many will be grieued for the one that will not for the other Wherefore if we wish to conuey God his blessings to our posterities let vs vse the duties thereunto let vs if we be loth to conuey God his iudgements to our children carefully auoid the meanes vnto it And surely as it is a blessed thing in the houre of death with Symeon to depart in peace leauing our wiues children and seruants members of Christ spouses to Christ children to God and seruants to the Lord So in death no one thing will be more grieuous vnto a man then the Lord hauing giuen him the charge of so many soules to be furthered to saluation that his owne tormented conscience shall presse him How as much as he could he hath helped them forward to their damnation and so which is more fearefull he shall haue them spewing and foming out on his face continuall curses in hell accusing him for euer to be a murtherer of their soules and a cut-throat of their saluation The end of all this briefly is thus much that parents hauing fooles children not walking either in knowledge or in a good conscience must make some vse of so iust a cause of griefe examining themselues and accusing their owne soules before the Lord either for that their meeting was prophane to so holy an estate or brutish because they desired rather a seed like vnto themselues in flesh and bloud then such as might be like Christ by grace and new birth or that they begat their off-spring as meere naturall or very carnall men or because they either prophanely neglected all good education or monstroufly misliked that in their yong children which they liked in themselues and punished in them their owne corrupt precepts or for that they suffered their children iniuriously to do euill to others which they could not suffer to do to themselues or vntaught them that at home which was taught abroad or in that they do lye in some sinne vnrepented of or else because they neuer made conscience to bring their posteritie within the couenant of saluation but still loued the flesh of their children and not their soule Let all parents remember that they are bound by the law of God and nature as concerning this bodily life to make good and honest
16. 20. 21. Psal. 127. 3. See more of this point in the vse and necessity of catechizing The second point Deut. 6. 10. Exed 12. 26. 13. 14. The proper dutie of good parents to their children is to 〈◊〉 them soberly to keepe them vender obedience and to teach them good manners Prou. 23. 13. 19. 18. 19. 15. 17. 22. 15. 13. 24. 1. Sam. 2. 12. 3. 12. 13. 14. 1. Kin. 1. 5. 6. 2. Kin. 2. 23. 24 How children should be brought vp Hold thy children in awe and they shall haue thee in reuerence Prou. 30. 25. and 6. 0 7. Mat. 6. 19. sal 127. 3. lat 12. 33. Reasons Gen. 5. 3. Prou. 18. 21. 1. Sam. 9. 2. c. and. 16. 11. Psal. 78. 70. 71. 1. Kin. 19. 19. Amos 1. 2. Good manners in speech Good manners in gesture 〈◊〉 3. 1. Ioh. 2. 4. Mat. 18. 10. Esay 5. 8. Psal. 37. 35. 30. Psal. 111. 10. Prou. 9. 10. Psal. 19. 7. 8. 119. 105. Prou. 22. 6. Mat. 21. 15. 16. Psal. 82. 2 King 2. 13. 2. Sam. 16. 15. c. 1. King 1. 5. Mat. 5. 8. 1. Thes. 4. 7. Luk. 1.74.75 1. Pet. 5. 8. I am 4. 7. Pro. 18. 10. Psal. 50. 15. Prou. 1. 10. 11 Rom. 12. 2. 1. Ioh 215. Psal. 51. 5. Ephes. 2. 3. Col. 1. 12. 13. 2. Cor. 6. 1. Rom. 13. 12. Esay 14. 12. Zoph 1. 8. Gen. 6. 5. 8. 21. Mat. 15. 19. 2. Sam. 15. all 18. 35. Ill bringing vp is a cause of marring many which are of a good towardnesse and wit Two things which much hinder good education The fewer the children the more diligently to be cared for that they be well brought vp The second cause which 〈◊〉 good education 2. Sam. 18. 33. Gen. 4. 2. 25. Gen. 21. 2. Gen. 30. 24. 1. Sam. 2. 9. 2. Sam. 22. 24. Luke 1. 13. Children profit more by good example in one month then by instruction in a whole yeare Obiection Answer Zuke 3. 29. Youth must thinke on death betimes to the end to liue to well die well Marriage with Papists c. Gen. 23. 24. Gen. 2. 24. How should it marriage 〈◊〉 well whē 〈◊〉 bridegroome 〈◊〉 such a one 〈◊〉 whom he cannot say God speed because she is one of Gods friends 2. Ioh. 10. 1. Cor. 7. 39. But how do they marry in the Lord who marry the Lords enemies Gen. 6. 2. As the Iewes might not marry with the Cananites so Christians may not marry with them which are like Cananites Gen. 24. 3. 28. 1. Mal. 2. 11. Ezr 9. 14. If adulterie may separate marriage shall not idolatr y hinder marriage which is worse then it Parents may not giue their daughters to a man 〈◊〉 Gen. 34. 14. Miserable is that mā which is fettered with a woman that liketh not his religion He feareth not sinne which doth not shun occasions and he is worthy to be snared which leadeth himselfe into temptation so maketh a trap for himselfe Luk. 11. 4. The wife must be meete as God said Gen. 2. 14. But how is she meete if the husband be a Christian and sh e a Papist 1. Cor. 7. 1. Gen. 18. 1. 2. Iud. 14. 1. 2. 3. * It is the parents duty to giue their children that which may helpe them in this life to counsell or to prouide them fit and religious marriages 2. Cor. 12. 14. Gen. 4. 2. 3. 4. Ruth 3. 1. When parents do abuse their authority Parents must not match their children onely for carnall respects When parents do marry their daughters to men of vnderstanding they shall performe a weightie worke Colos. 3. 21. Parents ought to deale sincerely in the choise for their children In prouision of matches for their children parents ought to begin with prayer The third point Examples do much more perswade then words 〈◊〉 must 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 not by 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 As the father beginneth so it is like the son will proceed Gal. 6. 7. Mat. 18. 7. 1. Cor. 15. 33. The last point Gen. 3. 19. Ezech. 16. 49. Prou. 12. 11. 18. 9. 1. Tim. 5. 10. 11. 2. Thes. 3. 10. 11. Idlenesse bringeth much euill Mat. 12. 36. To learne that Science which they be most apt for Obiection Answer Pro. 3. 13. 14. 15. Why some men bring not vp their children to any good perfection in learning Luke 16. 27. Prou. 22. 6. 〈◊〉 of the eldest 〈◊〉 is athing 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Chron. 21. 3. Exod. 13. 1. 2. 34. 19. 20. Num. 3. 13. 18. 16. Deut. 21. 18. c. Gen. 35. 22. 1. Chron. 5. 1. a Eph 6. 1. 2. 3. Colos. 3. 20. b Leuit. 19. 3. Num. 12. 14. c Pro. 15. 5. 1. Tim. 5. 4. Mat. 15. 4. 5. 6 Gen. 47. 12. Fathers and mothers are to their children in Gods stead Exod. 20. 12. Deut. 5. 15. By honour is meant all kind of duty which children owe to their parents 〈◊〉 23. 39. Mat. 23. 9. 1. King 2. 19. 1. King 2. 20. Ioh. 849. 〈◊〉 9. 22. The honor due to parents Childrens dutie is from their beginning to their ending to be subiect obedient and helpfull to their parents Mat. 15. 4. 5. 6 Exod. 21. 15. 17. Leuit. 20. 9. Pro. 20. 20. 30. 17. Deut. 〈◊〉 16. What children do to their parents they do to God so that they may not purloine or diminish any of their substāce Pro. 28. 24. Mat. 7. 12. Mat. 7. 2. 1. Sam. 20. 28. c 22. 17. Dan. 3. 18. Act. 4. 19. Mat. 23. 9. When a woman loseth her honestie then hath she lost her chiese treasure Gen. 34. 12. Children may not marry without the cōsent agreement of their 〈◊〉 so that an vnlawfull promise made by the child may lawfully be broken It is a sweete wedding whē the father and the mother bring ablessing to the feast and a heauie vnion which is cursed the firs̄t day that it is knit 1. Sam. 18. 1. Contracts void without the consent of parents Children 〈◊〉 are to pray vnto God to direct their parents in a godly choyce and to 〈◊〉 their minds to accept of the same 〈◊〉 9. 22. 2. Sam. 15. 1. c. 18. 14. Deut 21. 18. 19. 20. 21. Exod. 20. 12. Ephes 6. 2. Deut. 28. 15. c. Leuit. 26. 14. c. Gen. 46 29. c. and 48. 〈◊〉 12. Luke 2. 51. Deut. 5. 16. Exed 20. 12. Ephes. 6. 2. Psal. 115. 17. 18. Esay 38. 19. Ephes. 6. 3. The housholder is called Pater Familias that is a father of a familie because he should haue a fatherly care ouer his seruants as if they were his children Maisters and Dames ought moderatly to vse their authoritie ouer theirseruants Iames 5. 4. Coloss 4. 1. Ioh 13 13. 14. 15. Deut. 24 14. 15 Mat. 8 5. 6. 〈◊〉 7. 2. God made eu ry weeke one day of rest wherein seruants should be as free as their maisters Gen. 2. 2. As the laborer which worketh but one day is worthy his hire euen so much more the 〈◊〉 that 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 eueryday Luke 10. 7. As Dauid did limit Ioab that he should not kill Absolon so God hath bound masters that they should not oppresse their seruants 2. Sam. 18. 5. Iob 31. 13. 14. 15. For a good man sauh Salemon Pro. 12. 10. will be mercifull to his beast therefore he ought to be m re mercifull to his seruants being his brethren Reuiling words and vnreasonable 〈◊〉 doth much more hurt to seruants then good 〈◊〉 16. 17. Exod. 20. 10. 〈◊〉 5. 14. 1. Tim. 5. 8. Seruants do rather imitate the works they see their maisters do then the words which they heare them speake Luke 7. 8. Ephes. 6. 9. The couetous wan in gaining riches loseth himselfe Psal. 39. 6. That which thou canst do conueniently thy selfe commit it not to another Masters ought to make good choyce of their seruants Gen. 30 26. 27. c. and 29. 2. 3. 4. 5 6. 23. 23. Esay 6. 6. It is a rare thing for a maister to bring his seruant to be godly who is not godly him selfe Reuel 5. 10. Act. 16. 31. 32 18. 8. 1. Cor. 1. 16. Ge 18. 17. 18. Phil. 11. 16. Gen. 29. Iosua 24. 15. Psal. 101. 7. Act. 10. 2. They must keepe no idle prophane superstitious nor disordered 〈◊〉 in their house Ephcs. 6. 4. Masters ought to haue a tender care of their seruants in their sicknesse Mat. 8. 5. 6. Luk. 7. 1. The wiues behauiour with seruants The maister must correct his seruants and the mistris her maids Eph 6.5.6.7.8 Col. 3.22.23.24 Tit. 2.9.10 1 Pet. 2.18.19.20.21 1. Tim. 6. 1. 2. Luk. 17. 7. 8. 9 1. King 5. 13. The property of a good seruant Gen. 29. 18. 19. 20. 39. 5. c. Gen. 16. 7. 8. 〈◊〉 Phil. 10. c. How far forth seruants ought to obey their maisters Mat. 8 9. And among seruants to helpe and ease of one another necessarie Seruants must to the vttermost of their power seek the commodity benefit of their maisters Mat. 7. 2.