shew no small kindness to Christians shall Christians shew no great kindnesse to Barbarians and Persons unacquainted with religion if those that we wish were good were found to be very neighbourly shall we harden them in their Condition by being behind with them in Kindnesse 4. Courteously being affable amiable willing to keep correspondence and to comply with others not against Conscience but against natural Disposition and the bent of our Spirits which must be so far ordered and mastered as that we withdraw not from Neighbours and Friends as those that be loath to look upon them that 's against humanity nor be sowre towards them that 's against civility nor refrain causlesly commō meetings with them that 's against the laws of love and humane society 5. Christianly in regard of all the former carrying them all with an aime at their Conversion and trying them whether they may be made good by any good words or wayes of love but not tyring them in the tryal By such courses as these we shall either allure them to our Profession and if God will gain them or else honour our Profession before them 53. But Friends and Acquaintance are further off In the Family where our residence is most required our prudence is tyed to a continual task 54. Therein haply some are Equals and toward these we must carry our selves humbly not haughtily and chearfully not dully and lumpishly one Friend is not to be a Stone to another out of which nothing can be gotten but a whet stone to sharpen and quicken to such conference and converse as is both pious and profitable both for the advantage of their Souls and their affairs 55. Others in the Family are Inferiours towards whom we must be carefull to exercise Religion Justice Patience 1. Religion in the countenancing of that that is good and discountenancing of every thing that is evil It is not to be spoken how much good Superiours do by casting their favours upon them that fear God and their frowns upon the Sinnes and corruptions of their Charges 2. Justice The care of those that are not equal but advanc'd above others is to do that that is equal trembling to abuse their power and preheminence to oppression 3. Patience and condescending and that so far as to let my Servant know that as I am his Master so Reason is mine and much more Religion 56 The nearest Family-relation and the dearest is that of man and wife wherein Love is the wifes due and Subjection the husbands Honour is a thing belonging to them both to the husband as the Worthier to the wife as the Weaker as a costly piece of Plate is laid up choycely and a curious Glasse handled tenderly the one because of the value the other because of the beauty and bricklenesse 57. It s an easie matter for the Wife that is the lesse and the tenderer to love the Husband but of greater vertue for the Husband that is the higher to love the Wife and of especial efficacy also turning all the wheels in the Wifes frame for the Husbands use for Love in it self is an amiable and attracting Vertue but withall it includes an estimation hence the love of eminent men is a Rarity for they look upon what is in others as great Merchants upon petty Markets wherein there is nothing but things too poor for them to prize Now Estimation is the greatest encouragement to Action and Accommodation the Wife therefore discerning her self to be a Person priz'd and her Husbands delight Delights to do that onely and all that that may accomplish the Husbands desire 58. A Husbands love will never take away the Wifes fear Vertue begets Reverence especially in those who do not onely behold the beauty but enjoy the benefit of it and love is the Husbands proper Vertue Familiarity may breed Contempt in a political and civil distance but not in a conjugal which is not like the head politique and the body in which either part uses too much to shift for it self that to maintain an honour and this to obtain a benefit but like the head natural and the members that are so indeared that the head is never in dammage of contempt for dealing kindly with the inferiour members Besides that God so blesses what he requires in the Husband that is intire love that it shall never hinder him of what the same God requires in the Wife that is hearty and seemly respect 59. As Love must be the Husbands study so is Subjection the Wives duty I say Subjection a sad word but a thing not only easie but sweet if the Husband mind his duty first The Husband loves the Wife serves and who are not Servants most willingly when they are lov'd most dearly Love was never yet known to be a Tyrant Besides in him that guides and carries things by his Command the ability is required and by him the adventure is born the Wife hath the ease to walk onely in the way chaulked out neither cumbred with the managing of the business if it be difficult nor blamed for the successe if it be disasterous Adde to this that it is the custome of Love in the Husband to put the Wifes counsel into his own Command and so to obey him is to please her self and to fulfill her own mind 60. If it so fall out that the Husband be more imperious than wise and have more mind to rule than to love it sends the sad Wife to see why she chose him but doth not privilege her to disobey him here her Wisedome must facilitate her Subjection which in stead of denying Obedience prevents Commands for which purpose if she foresee any thing unlawfull her piety pleads for the prevention and that so as to take no Nay if unreasonable her wit if unpleasing her interests and by these means but ever with prayer to God for though it do not belong to Wives to rule their Husbands yet to God it doth I say by these means the matter is like to be well amended If any thing be yet heavier that will not make Disobedience lawfull but it will make Obedience laudable and much more thank-worthy and its like to be as profitable to the Wife as commenlable in her the doing of what God requires of her being the onely way to change and mollifie her hard Husband not onely because meeknesse and submissiveness hath a melting quality in any heart that can relent but because where Gods will is performed Gods power that is able to alter and order all things and persons is more hopefully expected and the more like sooner or later to be obtained 60. Nothing more alienates Maried persons than the studying of each others imperfections and errours which as they should keep as much as may be from others eyes so from their own thoughts the observation of them is too much for others the meditation
with one another yea and to converse together as Fellow-heirs of the grace of life what 's a good nature in reference to these things but the white of an egge which hath this in it that it offends not but this withall that it relisheth not Let it be the praise of good natures that they contradict not goodness but is not this a deep defect that they contribute nothing to it Good they be for the six dayes but on the Lords day what is there pleasant in them but their Patience It s true that a fair nature rustles with religion in a froward and seems to get the better yet to them that love to live in a course beyond nature and to see God in a Companion not Cato Socrates Phocion c. Grace with all its faults will be better than refined Nature A piece of Gold is better though it needs its allowance than the compleatest piece of Silver and fretfull Jonas will be found more lovely than the meekest Mariner or the sweetest Ninâ—vite 72. The next thing to be looked at after the religion of a Consort is the good discretion for Wisedom exceeds Folly as much as Light exceeds Darknesse This is true in all but in those especially of better parts If a Daughter be to be disposed of of more worth nothing is more to be feared next to an Ungodly than an Unworthy Husband for the duty of a Wife is to be subject and with what patience shall wisedom be subject to Folly It may better be born if there be eminency of gifts on the Husbands part and infirmity on the Wives and yet this is a business also for a Husband ought to love his Wife and there 's such a distance between Wisedome and Weaknesse that there will be work enough for a more than ordinary Wisedom to love with a Husbands love a Woman of more than ordinary Weakness 73. After this Mariage-affection requires a pleasing person I say after this discretion which is of the greater consequence even in the matter of affection than an external amiablenesse is for this is the difference between Discretion and Beauty that Discretion is a thing still continuing and still thriving hence the love grounded upon that both stayes and growes but Beauty may be gone suddenly and howsoever is going continually hereupon the affection must needs fall with the foundation yet it combines on both sides in her especially that is to be the desire of a mans eye of no small importance which suppose erelong it loose its lustre yet divers things that will not abide to the last may serve for the rooting and setling of affection at the first 74. Nor is a Patrimony and Portion to be contemned where a Family and Posterity is to be raised Fathers must not onely lay out but lay up for their Children and it is not easie nor a thing so likely that they should lay up much who begin with nothing Besides we would be willing to live so as to expresse Vertue and draw a just reputation from others by the beames of beneficence dispers'd from our selves now though Wisedome and Vertue be truly yea and eminently good in it self yet it is evidently good with an inheritance in which regard howsoever a worldly portion is justly reckoned a very bad Leader yet neglect not to look upon it as a usefull Follower 75. All these things doe in special manner concern the Parties themselves that are towards mariage onely Parents are to see that they doe not out of self will and imperiousnesse or for vain and worldly ends or out of self-respects hinder their Children from walking in but rather do all they can by their counsel and authoritie to guide and carry them in a right and regular way in a matter of so great importance When God hath given Children unto them as his Trustees a chief part of their care lyes in this to take â—eed how they give them away and into what hands they put them for a continual and perpetual abode 76. Mariage being according to these and the like Rules religiously managed as it is an estate honourable in it selfe and in Gods account so shall it be honourable also in the judgement of all those that do impartially observe it yea and in the Consciences of those Men that do ungroundedly oppose it FINIS Magistratus Virum indicat He that will prove his yoke of Oxen proves them best by putting them into the yoke Luk. 14. 19 with 2 Cor. 6. 14. b Gen. â—8 33. c Luk. 10. 39. a 1 Cor. 7. 32 33 34. b 1 Tim 2. 15. c Mark 13 â—4 d Eccles. 2. 2. e 1 Cor. â— 29. f Luke 14. 20. g Mat. 22. 5. a Hebr. 13. 4. Requisites in mariage 1. Zeal 2. Patience b Ecc'es 1. 15. Impatience an enemy to Society 1 With God c Jam. 1. 20. d 1 Tim. 2. 8. 2. With Man 3. With our own Consciences Comforts in crosseness of nature a Numb 12. 3. b Jonah 4. 9. c 2 Pet. 1. 4. The cure of Impatience 1. Consideration of Gods providence d Job 1. â—2 c Eccles. â— 15. 2. Of our own faults 3. A Communing with our own hearts 4. A friend to us and an enemy to our frowardness * Plutarch de Adulat Amici discrim Prayers 3. Wisdom In matters of Religion a Gen. 18. 33. b Luke 11. 9 10. c Ezra 8. 21 22. d Gen. 24. 12 15 7. 1. In religious exercises e 1 Cor. 14. 16. f Jer. 48. 10. g Mat. 9. 16 17. 2. In Christian conference h Heb. 3. 12 13. a 1 Cor. 10. 31. b Gen. 43 34. Judg. 14. 12. c Mal. 3. 16. d Mal. 3. 16. e Col. 3. 16. f Coloss. 3. 16. To edifying is required 1 Clearing the soil 2. A good foundation 3. A â—ight frame 4 A meet manner of build ing a Jude v. 23. b 1 Kings 6 7. c prov 11. 30. d John 3. 12. a Ephes 2. 22. Duties of Relation 1. For Ministers a 1 Thess. 5. 13. b Col. 1. 17. 1. 2. 3. a Mat. 28. â—0 2. For Neighbours Friends 1. b Gal. 6 10. 2. c 2 Cor. 6. last * Ps. 119. 69. 3. d Rom. 12. 2. e Coloss. 4. 5. f Mark 4. 11. g 1 Thes. 5. 22. 1. h 1 Pet. 3 13. i 1 Pet. 2. 12. 2. k Tit. 3. 2 3. 3. l Act 28. 2. 4. 5. 3. For those in the Family 1. Equals c Rom. 12. 10. d Prov. 27. 17. â— Inferiours 1. Ps. 101. 4 5 6 7. 2. f Col. â— 1. g Job 31. 21 â—3 3. h Job 31. 13. 3. Man and wife i 1 Pet. 3. 7. Ephe. 5. â—5 Col. 3. 14. a Eph. 5. 33. b 1 Pet. 2. 19. c Judg. 8 1 2 3 d Phil. 3. 21. Prov. 21. 1. a 1 Pet. 3. 7. b Gen. 20. 16. c 1 Pet. 3. 7. d 1 Cor. 7. 29 31. e Lu 20 35 36. f Judg. 7. 5 7. g Gen. 33. 5. 1. Children h Prov. 22. 6. a Joh. 2. 22. b Prov. 22. 6. c Prov. 22. 15. 1. 2. 3. d Prov. 22. 15. e 2 Sam. 7. 27. f 2 Cor. 12 14 g Mat. 6. 33. h Prov. 31. 30 i 1 Pet. 3. 7. a Eccles. â— 13. b Ezek. 24. 16 18. c 2 Cor. 11. 14. d Eccles 7. 11. 1 Pet. 3. 7.
CHRISTIAN AND CONJUGAL COUNSELL OR Christian Counsell applyed unto the MARIED ESTATE By Will. Thomas Minister of the Gospel and Rector of the Church of Ubley Heb. 13. 4. Mariage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled Bernard super Cantica Serm. 66. Tolle de Ecclesia honorabile connubium â—â—â—um immaculatum nonne reples eam concubinariis incestuosis seminiâ—luis mollibus masculorum concubitoribus omni deniquè genere immundorum London Printed for Edward Thomas at the Adam and Eve in Little Britain 1661 To the CHRISTIAN READER THese Meditations Good Reader were long since conceived and imparted for the use of one entrâ— into the Maried state and comming afterward into more hands the printing of them hath been long since desired which the World being full of Books and my self of Weakness I diverted and â—â—ve hitherto deser'd Yet fearing lest being fixed among 〈◊〉 few in a private place I should be wanting to more and â—onsidering that what I have here written is so little as that it is not like to be tedious and of such a subject as toucheth upon the substance of Godliness and so may be some way profitable I have at length advenred to let it see the light And that the rather because I would have this imprinted in the harts of Christians that Religion is much seen in Relations Hence the Apostles proceeding in their Epistles from matters of doctrine to prescripts of practise do therein descend and disperse their directions into several Callings and Conditions as of Magistrates and Subjects Ministers and People Husband and Wife Parents and Children Masters and Servants Many of which are conteined and concerned in the Maried estate Even Nature and Reason make Offices and Societie-services the tryal of Vertue it being an easie matter to creep into a Cell and under a pretence of Devotion to serve and satisfie Self-will but to appear in the sight of the Sun and to appear approved when there are many quick-sighted and some severe observers this will find work enough for the greatest grace where it is and too much for the best nature where it is not This difficulty and the excellency of walking with approbation in the works and offices belonging to all and every one in their particular place and calling I am the more willing to note because I have heard divers Godly persons complain that having had in the Single estate much liberty for sweet and Soul-refreshing conversings with God being afterwards maried and having a Family to look to they have been so forced from them as to find a great losse in their acquaintance with God in regard of that frequent enlarged and un-interrupted communion with him which they formerly enjoyed But let not such who would fain be communing with God if they could and at Jesus feet if they might droop or be disconsolate much lesse dismayed for now being entred into society they come to make use of that habit and those helps of holyness which they got and laid up in the single estate And this may be a Rule that the Use of all preparatory exercises and assistances is better than the Using of them They therefore that shew forth the power of their former religious performances do not lose but make a gainfull exchange They do but come from the exercises of Religion to the exercise which is the end ornament perfection and complement of all Exercises It s true as the Apostle saith He that is Unmaried careth for the things belonging to the Lord how he may please the Lord that is having not other things to care for he is more free for it He doth not say that every one that is maried taketh that care or that if a man be once maried he taketh it not but onely that the Un-maried have an advantage and may do it more and more easily Again He that is maried careth for the things that are of the World how he may please his wife but then this is to be noted that he performs a good office in it his Care is not his Sin but his Duty and every Duty hath its comfort and reward Yea that care and sorrow which women are called to in the Maried estate hath this comfort assured to it that their continuance in Faith Charity Holynesse and Sobriety being supposed they shall be saved in Childe-bearing that is the conscientious and patient performance of the offices and undergoing the afflictions of Child-bearing women is their proper way to Heaven for that 's the work which God hath committed to them to do and the thing wherein the reality of their Religion is to discover it self Yet here there is need to annex a Caution to wit that though the external duties of religion be lessened by mariage I mean to some for divers that had lesse liberty before mariage have more by it I say though religious duties be lessened by mariage yet they must not be left Christians whether maried or unmaried must still acquaint their hearts with wisedom and be provident to preserve their Fellowship with God They that can be content with an Husband with a Wife and Children and all Worldly accommodations without God never knew what it was to enjoy God Nay rather They that have Wives must be as if they had none that is in regard of their readinesse for the service of God A Husband must not say I have maried a Wife and therefore I cannot come Nor the Wife I have a Husband therefore God cannot have me but though they be not able to take as some unmaried may every opportunity yet they must not neglect those they may take nor make themselves lyable to that most sad Charge of making light of Gods Ordinances and gracious invitations But the Gate growes wide for so little an House although it may be reckoned a part of the House I shall hasten therefore If any require why I publish this at this time it might be enough for me so aged to answer Because every man should do what good he can while he hath time yet something more may be said in regard of the present time wherein the great God whose Works are like Himself by rare providences I say rare and admirable providences both because so high and so dry hath in such sort altered and bettered the state of things amongst us that our rightfull gracious and accomplished King is returned unto us which if our high sins our broad and spreading prophaness and deep security do not hinder promiseth unto us an happy Settlement Now as times of trouble and persecution detain and deter from mariage so times of peace albeit mariage should have some further and greater reason than National rest I say times of peace and establishment give encouragement to it and consequently make these and the like Scripture-directions seasonable for the rendring of it more holy and thereby more happy And to say all though this advice reflect
on the maried estate yet it is not so appropriated to it but that there is use of it as there is of that godlyness and regular Walking that it perswades unto in every estate It is Christian as well as Conjugal counsell and though it be composed for and contrived into the maried condition yet that estate being so comprehensive much of it may serve indifferently for Christians in every Condition Desiring thy prayers Christian Reader that the Author of the Counsell or rather the weak Instrument may be Himself the Observer I rest Thy Servant for Jesus sake William Thomas ERRATA Epistle P. 4. concentred r. concerned P. 27. Christan r. Christian. P. 41. Col. 1. 17. r. Col. 4. 17. P. 69. l. 8. damage r danger P. 63. l. 7. comfort r. consort P. 84. l. 8. rustles r. justles P. 88. l. 2. it combines r. is comliness The Matter of the ensuing MEDITATIONS Summ'd up and referr'd to the several Numbers and Partitions of them WHEREIN 1 Mariage dignity and duty is generally mentioned N. 1 2 3. 2 Four Requisites in Mariage 1 Zeale in Religion N. 5. 2 Patience in all Occasions N 6. where is further declared concerning Impatience 1 The evils of it as being an Enemy to comfortable Society 1 With God N 9 10. 2 With Men. N. 11. 3 With our own Consciences N. 12. 2 Supports for those that groan under it N. 14 c. 3 The cure of it N. 17. Viz. 1 Consideration of Gods providence N. 19. 2 Of our own faults N. 21. 3 Communing with our own hearts N. 22. 4 Faithfull friends N. 23. 5 Prayer N. 24. 3 Wisedome And that 1 In matters of Religion Particularly in using and ordering 1 Of religious Exercises N. 26 27. 2 Of Christian and edifying conference and admonition enlarged with divers particular directions from N. 28 to N. 41. 2 In duties of Relation Namely relating 1 To Ministers N. 41 to 49. 2 To Neighbours and Friends N. 49 to 53. 3 To those in the Family N. 53. Viz. 1 Equals N. 54. 2 Inferiours N. 55. 3 Man and Wife where there are divers advertisements for both N. 56 to N. 66. 4 Children to whom Parents owe 1 Instruction N. 66 to 69. 2 Correction N. 69. 3 Disposition into a Calling N. 70. 4 Disposition in Mariage to a Consort religious discreet with respect to Person and Portion N. 71 72 73 74. CHRISTIAN COUNSELL applyed to the Maried Estate 1. MAriage is an estate honourable in all And they fall below the nature and worth of men and much more of Christians who quarrell that estate which God hath ordained for the comfort benefit and increase of mankind 2. The honour of the maried estate is preserved while the bed is kept without being defiled either by falseness or filthiness 3. But the duty of the estate is as difficult as the dignity is great and a businesse it is of far greater vertue for any to acquit himself in the maried then in the single estate 4. A single and solitary estate is the touchstone of sincerity and they are surely good that are good secretly but of our wisdom patience and zeal society is the truest triall 5. Of zeal in regard of religious exercises and private conversings with God for which to gain a competent time and therein to come before God with a clear heart in the multitude and number of worldly businesses will undoubtedly make Christians to bestir themselves 6. And of patience also in regard of Family-occasions and the many vexations of spirit that do arise both from things and persons 7. It s true that divers occasions of disturbance and distemper may by providence and prudence be prevented and our little stock of patience bespeaks the best assistance of that providence but to avoid discharge our selves of all is no more in our power then to command the course of providence or to alter the nature and dispositions of people 8. We have need of patience therefore that what we are not able to prevent we may be willing to endure 9. Nor doth patience endure it only but abate and end it and this is the common fruit of our impatience the doubling of our disturbance 10. And consider here to make patience more precious that perturbations of spirit are great molesters of piety and interrupt our society with God for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousnesse of God that is a wrathfull person especially in a wrathfull passion is very unfit to do the will of God either in works of Religion that require a quiet and peaceable heart or in works of Righteousnesse that require an equal and dispassionated judgement 2 Chron. 16. 10. 11. Wrathfull distempers also dissweeten our society with men Needs must others less comfortably come near us and we less honourably converse with them if we shall though but in some degrees resemble that Nabal who was so froward as his Servants said and none is able to shake off what Servants say truly Job 31. 13. that a man could not tell how to speak to him 1 Sam 25. 17. 12. Adde to this that the comfortable society with our selves and our own Consciences is hindred while we give way to those passionate words and carriages wherewith the Conscience upon serious and sober consideration cannot choose but be much grieved 1 Sam. 25. 31. 13. Now why should we have any fellowship with that which darkens and disturbs all fellowship both with God and Men and with our own Consciences 14. Not that all comfort is lost by the crossenesse and cursedness of our nature Divers belong to God that are very unpleasant and troublesome to Mâ—n God hath some knotty timber in his Carmel All that serve him are not like his Servant Moses you may find meâ—ker men on Earth haply in Hell too in regard of natural meeknesse but some as Jonah And yet to speak the truth not to protect Perverseness but to support those that groan under the Burthen of it the harshest Good-Christian is better than the sweetest either Heathen or Hypocrite and the worst Childe God hath is better than the best the Devil hath 15. But though sincerity of Heart and sowrnesse of Carriage may stand together yet they stand as two Enemies in the Field and many sad Fights there be in that divided-heart that is the seat of that War the reason whereof is because the one Enemy I mean a crooked nature is so unweariable and the other that is the divine nature the grace of God the Rose among the Thornes is so unconquerable and so irreconcileable 16. This combate hard as it is is often the best hold that a Christian hath and is so necessary a fruit of Sincerity that they never feared God truly that endured their inordinate passions patiently Impatience with others is their fault to bee impatient with themselves for it is their comfort 17. Yet trouble with our