Gods Providences do not sute thy humour If his anger be dreadful when kindled but a little what is it then when kindled very much Here is the sad effect of thy being angry with thy Husband or Wife thou then ventest thy froward humour upon God and beginnest to quarrel with God for ordering such a Relation for thee and beginnest to abate thy respects to God and carest not to exercise thy self in those exercises wherein thou mayest enjoy Gods company Do not then feed thy angry passions whereby thy heart is so much estranged from God and whereby you thrust God from your hearts Oh how should'st thou loath thy violent passions and contentions when thou considerest how they deaden thy affections to God! May not God justly thrust thee from his presence when by thy wrath and fury thou dost thrust him frrom thy heart If thou would'st preserve in thee a principle of prevailing love to God endeavour after meekness and quietness of Spirit As Husband and Wife are the nearest Relations let them not be jarring and quarrelling one with another 2. The prevailing of furious angry passion in a person doth abate true and real love to it self By the rashness and inconsiderateness of peoples wrath they manifest no pity to themselves Through the violence of anger how many have been cruel to themselves they wound themselves and must not that be dreadful that makes persons offer violence to themselves Persons in their anger are not sensible how much mischief they do themselves They will not allow themselves time to deliberate or consider of the prejudice that comes to themselves by giving way to their anger by neglecting to endeavour to suppress it O what cruelty is this for persons to vex and torture themselves O then what an heinous evil is it for people to let anger to rest in their bosoms Bethink thy self O Man or O Woman of the danger of letting thy Spiritâ— to be enraged with passion against thy nearest Relation for every trifle Thou thinkest only to manifest the height of thy displeasure against thy Husband or against thy Wife but indeed thou dost hurt thy self and dost evidence that thou hast so little love to thy self as thou hast no tender regard of thine own good If thou didst really love thy self thou wouldst carefully avoid whatever did prejudice thy self thou wouldst faithfully watch against every thing that would break thy peace or deprive thee of thy amiableness or deform thee with a tart sâ—â—ire and furious countenance And as hereby thou dost make it appear that thou dost not love thy self by undervaluing a calm and quiet spirit so thereby no body will love thee Thy passions do cause others to cease manifesting respects to thee they make others to slight thee and shun thee If thou canst not live in quiet with thy Husband or Wife no body will esteem thee so then passion and contention between Husband and Wife must needs be a very great evil 3. Anger will abate thy love to the person that thou art angry with The decay of thy love to the party with whom thou art angry doth appear in mis-interpreting his actions in the worst sense raising contention from suspicion or imagination inventing causes of displeasure where none are Thus by anger charity is notably violated for love suffereth all things therefore their love is small that will suffer nothing Love covereth a multitude of sins they therefore that find faults where they are not rather than cover them where they are do plainly shew their want of love to the party with whom they are angry It is the nature of love to make great faults seem little and little faults none at all but when a persons anger makes every slip in his or her Friend or Relation a capital offence then there appears a great decay of love When a person apprehending it self highly wronged by another doth presently begin to slight that party that person doth manifest more displeasure against the person he or she is angry with than the offence and hath no love at all for him Such is the violence of passion that there is scarce any other affection so strong which it doth not easily subdue Love is said to be stronger than Death yet anger if it be once admitted to rage easily overcometh it Persons then forget the love of the Relation that they are in In anger Wives speak to their Husbands as if they had no kind of superiority at all or as if God had not set them over them any way so own neither subjection or reverence to be due unto them and so causeth them instead of the duties of love to bring forth the fruits of hatred When the furious flame of anger is kindled in the hearts of some people they care not what reproach they cast upon or any other prejudice that they do unto those that they should love as themselves Indeed this is the evil effect of anger that it inclineth persons to hurt them that make them angry that it putteth hurting thoughts into their minds and hurting words into their mouth and inclineth them to think or do some mischief And wilt thou favour that passion that tends to extinguish thy love to thy nearest and dearest Relation that makes thee neglect to manifest those respects that be long to thy Husband or to thy Wife If thou art a Wife anger will put thee upon usurping authority over thy Husband denying subjection to him that the wâ—râ— of God requires make thee insolent and inâ—verent and herein it makes thee oppose the word of God which commands thee in all things to acknowledge thy Husbands superiority by being obedient to him in all things in the Lord that is in all things that are not positively sinful If thou wert humble and meek thou wouldst not be of such a captious contentious and wrangling disposition but over-look those failings that provoke proud spirits Thus it is evident how anger hath a tendency to extinguish the love of God for the love of God will not kindle and flame in an unquiet breast It makes men and women fret against God and murmur at his Providences and makes them discontented with that state and Relation he hath put them into and that it abates peoples love to themselves and makes them desperate in their ways makes them ready to mischief themselves that is makes them run upon such ways and courses as are likely to prove mischievous to them without all love or pity to themselves Be not then such an enemy to thy self as to nourish such fiery passions in thee as will do thy self the greatest prejudice Also anger abates peoples love to their nearest Relations makes them entertain jealousies and suspicions which feed their anger makes them take in ill part every light action and so their hearts grow estranged from their dearest friends and have their nearest Relation in contempt Thou then that dâ—st find thy self by nature prâ—ne to anger labour earnestly with thy self that thou
in an humble manner and Superiours ought to act as men accomptable to an Higher Power and those which are above others on Earth are to be informed when they offend God in Heaven He which is Superiour in one respect is Inferiour in another The Husband which hath Dominion over his Wife is under Gods Dominion Tho' he is above his Wife yet he is not above Gods Law Gods Law must oblige the Husband as well as the Wife and when the Husband breaks Gods Law he may be lawfully told of it by his Wife in a regular and humble manner so that she doth always manifest a reverence to the superiority God hath placed in her Husband But many Wives think that they are not at all inferiour to their Husbands They conclude that they are equal with them in all things because by the Marriage-relation they become one flesh Other Wives are not satisfied except their Husbands carry it towards them as persons subordinate to them and in the pride of their spirits speak to their Husbands in such masterly language as to their Inferiours and will revile their Husbands if they do not in every thing subject themselves to their cross perverse and froward humours bear with all their insolent carriages and this they will do under pretence of reproving their Husbands miscarriages and they will be always contending with their Husbands if their Husbands will not submit to be in subjection to them whereby they seldom live in peace with each other In order to the reformation of this great disorder in Wives carriages to their Husbands 1. I shall endeavour to convince them that their Husbands have a right of superiority over them 2. I shall give some cautions to Wives to prevent their insulting over their Husbands under a pretence of reproving their faults that they may not presume to exercise any kind of authority over them that God requires them to be subject unto and therein acquaint them with the proper method God allows them to take in admonishing their Husbands 3. I shall direct them both how to carry themselves to those that are subordinate to them both for their proper carriage to their inferiours in their Families will be a special help to preserve peace between them 1. To prove the Husbands right of superiority over the Wife 1. Consider that the titles given the Husband in Scripture doth prove his superiority and the Wives subjection The Husband is called the Wifes Lord 1 Pet. 3.5 6. Being in subjection to their own Husbands even as Sarah obey'd Abraham calling him Lord. So in Gen. 18.12 He is her Master Est 1.17 22. Her Head 1 Cor. 11.3 Her Guide Prov. 2.17 She forsaketh the guide of her youth which is meant of her Husband whom she married in her youth and whom by marriage she received as the guide of her youth under God who is to be her guide both in youth and old age and by forsaking the government of her Husband in his commands directions and counsels she forgetteth the Covenant of God made in marriage All these expressions do evince the Husbands superiority and the Wives subordination orderly subjection 2. The Wife was made after man therefore she should not go before man 1 Tim 2.12 13. Adam was first formed then Eve therefore she must not usurp authority over the man she must not be a Teacher but a Learner in silence with all subjection Teaching and reproving is taking an authority upon her which belongs not to her The Woman was made of Man 1 Cor. 11.8 she received her being under God from man now the Effect is ever less noble and inferiour to the Cause The woman was made for man 1 Cor. 11.9 that which serveth to any end is less than the end to which it serveth And the woman is the glory of the man 1 Cor. 11.7 as he hath so excellent a Creature as a Woman endued with reason as himself subject to him Dominion in this case being mans priviledge Gen. 3.16 Thy desire shall be to thy Husband and he shall rule over thee The superiority that God hath given man to enjoy shall he not enjoy it as God hath given it Ephes 5.22 23 24. Wives submit your selves unto your own Husbands as to the Lord. Some Wives are not convinc'd that they owe this subjection to their Husbands as the Scripture requireth but in truth every Wife owes it to her own Husband tho' he comes short of others in Knowledge Wisdom Education Estate and every other thing which doth deserve it For the great and main duty which a Wife as a Wife ought to learn and so learn as to practice is to be subject to her Husband and Paul holds it forth as the sum of all other duties And there is no Wife whatever be her Birth Parts Portion Breeding or any other Priviledge who is exempted from this tie of subjection to her own Husband The Law of Nature Gods Ordinance and her own voluntary Covenant binds her to it and there is not any Husband to whom this honour of subjection is not due no personal infirmities frowardness of nature no nor error in point of Religion doth deprive him of it provided her submission be in those things which are consistent with her love to Christ And the Wifes subjection ought to flow from the conscience of and respect to that state and dignity wherein God hath placed her Husband above her which ought to ingage her to reverence and obey him For as I said before the Husband is the Head of the Wife and this subjection to the Husband ought to be in every thing Ephes 5.24 which is not forbidden in the word of God tho' it cross the humour of the Wife and argue little discretion in the Husband that commandeth it 3. Wives are oblig'd to be in subjection to their Husbands by their Marriage-Covenants wherein they have promis'd Obedience to their Husbands and Marriage-promises must be performed Now Obedience is an act of subjection and an evidence of inferiority so that such Wives as are not willing to consent to their Husbands superiority are not willing to be faithful to their own engagements Indeed God will be very severe against such women as make no conscience of observing their Marriage-covenant for it is Gods Covenant made in his name God is the Author of it as he is the Ordainer of that state of Marriage and it is made in Gods presence so he is a witness to it Mal. 2.14 And this Covenant is Gods Covenant because he will avenge the breach of it God will certainly severely avenge the quarrel of his Covenant when men and women are the only expressed parties in the Covenant and God made Zedekiah smart sorely for breaking his Covenant with the King of Babylon Ezek. 17.16 19. Zedekiah gave his band to confirm his Covenant made to the King of Babylon that he would be subject to him so Wives give their hands to their Husbands in Marriage that they will be
obedient to them They cannot look upon their own hands and not remember how they were engaged So that God swears As sure as I am God you shall feel the weight of my displeasure for your perfideousness The King of Heaven doth regard his Oath and if the Lord once swear he will perform there shall be no escaping of what he hath threatened Indeed as I said before Oaths and Covenants made with men are Divine things and not to be slighted The Covenant that was made with an Heathenish King and an Idolater God owns as made with himself because his sacred dreadful Name was used therein therefore God said Mine Oath that he hath despised and Covenant that he hath broken Violating of Covenants falsifying of promises and perfideous doings are exceeding evil and God will make such as violate their own word exemplary to all the world they shall live in perpetual infamy So if Wives forget the Covenant of their God made in Marriage God will remember their forgetfulness and recompence their Perjury upon their own heads for every disobedient Wife is in a sence a perjur'd Wife if they think to loose the bonds of this Oath and Marriage-Covenant they will find and feel the blow of the Curse mentioned in Deut. 29.20 21 25. O what a fearful fire and fury what dreadful death and damnation is here threatned by the God of truth against them that break his Covenant By which it is fully evident that it is the duty of Wives to manifest their subjection to their Husbands according to their Marriage-Covenant 4. If Wives are not willing to subject themselves to the authority of their Husbands it is because they do not really love them as God commands them Tit. 2.4 5. That they may teach the young women to be sober to love their Husbands c. to be obedient to their own Husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed God gives this injunction that the Wifes love must proceed from the obedience of the Scripture And where the Wife loves her Husband in sincerity there will be an orderly subjection of the Wife to the superiority of her Husband When the Wife questions the Husbands right of superiority she hath little love to his person for Obedience is the evidence of love and such Wives will hononour their Husbands authority who always look upon their persons and actions through the spectacles of love But the Wife doth practically disown her Husbands authority over her that neglects to observe the lawful commands of her Husband or doth oppose him in doing lawful actions or gives him imperious and insulting language If a Wife doth really love her Husband her yoke of subjection will not be grievous to her As love to God doth exceedingly sweeten his service and make it not only more acceptable to him but also more delightful to us as the Apostle saith 1 Joh. 5.3 So the Wifes love to her Husband will abundantly sweeten her subjection to him But if a Wife refuseth to give subjection to her Husband and would be equal with him or superior to him she loves him not at all Let the Wife pretend what she will for neglecting the manifestations of her love to her Husband by submission to his authority over her by Gods institution as the want of discretion breeding other good qualities which other Husbands have or had I must tell such a Wife That not the good disposition of Husbands or their excellent accomplishments but the good pleasure of God ought to be the ground of Wives love to their Husbands which they must evidence by an observance of all their lawful injunctions then they will do them good and not evil all the days of their lives as in Prov. 31.12 By performing the several duties of their places by honouring their persons and submitting to their lawful pleasure Some Wives murmur at the yoke of subjection but truly thâ—y have more cause to complain of their want of affection for women that love their Husbands will count their moderate commands and whatsoever they do for them both easie and delightful If then O Wife thou canst say That thou hast chosen thy Husband for thy Love then love thy choice and grudge not to submit thy self to his authority Now this being granted That the Husband is the Wifes superiour I shall give Wives those following cautions in admonishing their Husbands of their sins and miscarriages 1. Let Wives beware they do not pretend cause to reprove their Husbands out of a desire to usurp that authority to themselves which is due to their Husbands Many think their Husbands deserve reproof for not carefully observing their wills They look for obedience in every thing from their Husbands and think them guilty of a great crime if they do in any wise neglect to gratifie their perverse humours But I say 't is not the crossing of the Wifes pettish humour but Gods will that deserves reproof Some Wives account their Husbands denying them the liberty of disposing all Family-concerns according to their own pleasure to be a crime that deserves a smart reproof They must rule all things and manage all things themselves or else the house will be too hot for their Husbands to abide in Such Husbands deserve to be pitied whose outward beings by such Wives have been made as miserable as possible on this side Hell The true ground of many Wives exclamations against their Husbands is a conceit that they do not rule enough they think they are too much opposed in their wills O they cry out of such as vile Husbands as will not leâ— them say what they will and do what they will Many Women are noted for questioning and quarrelling at their Husbands power but few are noted for obeying their Husbands pleasure Therefore you Wives that may read this Treatise consider with your selves whether you have not been offended with your Husbands pretended cause to manifest your displeasure against your Husbands because your proud spirits are not willing to be in that subjection God hath placed you and because you 'd exercise an authority above your places so will pretend faults in your Husbands to justifie your own presumptions reprehensions of them that so you might make them stoop to your humours and if they do not they shall have no quiet in their Families Indeed this is a very great evil in Wives and highly provoking to God and they sin in reproving their Husbands on such an account Therefore I would caution Wives to beware that they do not find fault with their Husbands upon such a ground And to enforce this caution I pray observe 1. That a commanding insulting Wife who saith to her Husband you shall do this or you shall not do it inverts the Order of Nature as well as that of the Creator 2. That a Family is infamous where the Wife like Jezabel rules all and the Husband like Ahab lets her do what she list without contradiction
Where the Wife gets the upper-hand of the Husband the next thing that is to be expected is an eclipse of the honour of that house 3. Consider if you pretend cause to reprove your Husbands because they would keep you in subjection to them according to Gods command you do not make conscience of rendring obedience to God 'T is not a sufficient excuse for a Wife to say He doth not love me therefore I will not obey him for not the Husbands affections to her but her affection to God must be her great motive to subjection If the Husband fails in his duty the Wife suffers by it but if she fails in her duty to him she sins in it the former is a Cross to the Wife but the latter is a Curse to her Indeed when women pretend reason to reprove their Husbands because they do not willingly submit to their insulting over them they do provoke God exceedingly for God doth not in the least approve of such fond foolish Husbands who deliver up that dominion which God hath given them and suffer their Wives to trample over it and trample upon it In suffering themselves thus to be trampled upon they suffer the Image and Glory of God to be trampled upon their submission to their Wives insulting is not kindness but baseness not humility but iniquity He unmans himself who consents to be ruled by one whom he should rule and he must expect to be accountable for it to God Therefore I say you that are Wives look well to the ground that moves you to acquaint your Husband of any miscarriage see that it be not the effect of a proud insulting humour out of a desire to exercise dominion over them nor the effect of a passionate peevish humour by way of revenge because your wills are crossed or that your corrupt fancies are not indulged 2. Beware you do not chide your Husbands instead of admonishing them for I say it is always unlawful for a Wife to chide her Husband at any time for any thing for the person chiding according to the nature of the act takes superiority over the party chided whereby the Wife breaks Gods order and contradicts his Word thereby shewing only the sad effects of a furious spirit manifesting that fire of pride rageth in her which is always accompanied with fire of contention Therefore the Wife when she speaks to her Husband of miscarriages she must do it in the most humble manner that she can she must always do it by way of intreaty and humble desire When you would admonish your Husbands of their sins or advise them about their spiritual estates first beg Gods direction in and blessing on what you are about to do then in the particular close dealing with an Husband about the evil of his way humbly meekly and mildly â—â—ll him that such a particular practice is against such a particular Scripture Then intreat him humbly persuade him affectionately beseech him earnestly woe him as for your life that if possible thro' Gods blessing you prevail with him to alter his practice But many women instead of taking this course scold at their Husbands speak harshly frowardly and revilingly to them Yet assuredly nothing more raiseth the passions of an Husband than the irreverent rude audacious carriage and chiding language of a Wife whereby she usurps authority over him Thus Ziporah carried it to her Husband Moses who was a man of God the meekest man on earth she gave him harsh chiding and reviling language for observing what God commanded Exod. 4.25 Surely a bloody Husband thou art to me Truly such Wives â—s presume to chide their Husbands are of an Aethiopian spirit Chiding words are a great offence to an Husband if continued by the Wife upon every trifling occasion will have a mighty tendency to abate affection For such an unbecoming carriage of a Wife under a pretence of admonition doth but deny reverence and subjection to the Husband for if Wives tell their Husbands of their faults in an insolent way using hard and bitter words and a sower fretting countenance they may provoke them but not reform them Therefore O Wives be not so arrogant as to chide your Husbands who by their superiority have right to chide you when you miscarry And chiding can never be termed admonishing when 't is done by an inferiour to a superiour but rather an arrogant insulting Indeed when inferiours chide their superiours they are not like by so doing to effect a work of conviction on them they may be instrumental of raising their passions but not of prevailing with them to acknowledg their sins Let not Wives then presume to chide their Husbands whom they are bound humbly to intreat But when they speak to their Husbands or of their Husbands let it be with a great deal of respect 3. Beware you do not ground your admonitions upon false interpretations of your Husbands actions judging them to perform good actions from an evil principle to a sinful end By this means many Wives have reviled reproached their Husbands exceedingly This was Michals fault she irreverently rebuked David or rather reviled him for rejoycing before the Lord at the bringing home of the Ark. She chargeth him for carrying of himself like a vain fellow undervaluing himself and doing that which was beneath his quality doing as fools use to do when they are hired to make sport David might seem to some to be very tart in his reply to his Wife in 2 Sam. 2.21 Inded David had just cause to be thus sharp not only because the flouts and insolencies of a Wife are most unsufferable but especially because it was his Zeal Devotion in the service of God which she derided I have heard of a woman that was so vile as to censure her Husband that when he had set a day apart to humble himself before the Lord in the sense of his sin she told him without any thing done or said by him to raise her choler That he had kept a Fast to the Devil And what is the reason that Michal and other Women thus misinterpret their Husbands actions and revile their persons under a pretence of reproving their faults They did not enter into the conjugal relation purely out of love to their persons there was something else that influenced them thereunto which they were frustrated in and so they do as Michal did 1 Chron. 15.29 she despised him in her heart This is the great cause of womenâ— unbecoming carriages to their Husbands and indeed God will deal severely with such Wives as he did with Michal She had no child until the day of her death Because of this wickedness God adjudged her to perpetual barenness which was a great reproach at that time Such as have their Husbands contemptible in their eyes God will make them contemtible in every eye God will either by barenness deprive them of having Children or that which is a greater affliction let them have weak and
undergo Gods Curss for discovering your Husbands nakedness as your Parents for your Husbands are nearer Relations to you then your Parents Therefore if you would do good to your Husbands by any advice and counsel that you do respectfully give them do not publish their failings unto others 7. If you would reclaim your Husbands from any evil way to a faithful walking in the ways of God your orderly and regular Conversation is the most effectual means of gaining them and winning upon them 1 Pet. 3.1 2. Likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives which they behold your chast conversation coupled with fear◠By this means they might by Gods blessing prevail with their Husbands to conform to the Gospel Rule when they can mark nothing but chastity and holiness to their Wives Conversations Now winning Conversation doth consist 1. In a Reverend Esteem of the Husband as one placed by the Lord in a degree of Superiority above her Likewise ye Wives be in Subjection to your own Husbands for know that the Sin of an Husband doth not exempt the Wife from her duty but rather tie her the more strictly to the duty of Subjection Wicked Husbands observing the dutiful carriage of their Wives to them notwithstanding they have been very unkind to their Wives will be brought to believe some excellency in Religion that doth enable them so to do so by degrees attain a liking of Religion and endeavour to be Religious 2. A chaist Conversation coupled with Fear as in the second Verse there is no part of a Christians Conversation so prevalent to gain others to fall in love with Religion as that wherein the duties we owe to others in the Relation we have to them do shine for these two first Chastity which is the main duty in Reference to the manifesting of the faithfulness of the Wife to the Husband and fear which signifies the Reverence the Wife ows to the Husband as her Superior whereby she is affraid to displease him These I say are the qualities of a Christian Conversation which the spirit of God condiscends to intimate as most prevalent to gain Evil Husbands to fall in Love with Religion When an Husband observes the modesty chastity and faithfulness of his Wife the care she hath to please him in all lawful things and her watchfulness to avoid every thing that may distast him It will influence him very much to like Religion which prompts her to such an obliging Conversation 3. In order to attaining this winning conversation whereby Wives might reclaim their Husbands from sin by their outward carriages they should take great care to attain a right frame of Spirit to have their inward man adorned with meekness and peaceableness of spirit as in 1 Pet. 3.4 This is the way for Wives to commend Religion unto their Husbands and to win them to fall in love with it by their outward carriages Their prime care must be exercised to manifest in me and practice that their hearts are adorned with the graces of Gods Spirit then their conversations cannot but be lovely to their Husbands This is the way of gaming such a conversation as will gain their Husbands to an holy life Now those graces in a Wife that have the most powerful Influence to prevail upon her Husband are Meekness and Quietness of Spirit 1. Meekness whereby she keeps down her passions from rising against her Husband tho' he wrongs her or against the Lords dispensations in exercising her more hardly than others whereby she useth all amicable and loving ways to reclaim her Husband from continuing to deal injuriously with her 2. Quietness of Spirit whereby she doth eschew all needless contradictions of her Husband all rashness in her Actions all medling with things not belonging to her all expressions of discontent with that lot which the Lord hath carved out to her and such carriages of a Wife will work more upon an Husbands heart then the strongest Arguments and sharpest Reproofs she can assault him with Now the Apostle doth enforce this Exhortation to Wives with these two Arguments The first is taken from the example of holy believing Women who counted it their best Ornament to manifest their Holiness and Faith by their dutifulness to their Husbands and particularly of Sarah who testified her Obedience and Subjection to her Husband by her Respectful and Reverend carriage towards him and language to him She obeyed him and called him Lord 1 Pet. 3.6 The second Argument is from the advantage of such a carriage and such a winning Conversation that if they did immitate these Holy Women especially Sarah in dutifulness to her Husband notwithstanding any wrongs they might receive from them they should prove themselves Heirs of Sarah blessedness 〈◊〉 when we obtain Grace from the Lord to follow the Foot-stepts of the Saints Registred in the Scripture especially in the Faithful discharge of the duties of our perticular Stations and Relations then do we prove our selves to have a right to be made pertakers of the same spiritual priviledges with them and Heirs of the same Eternal Blessedness which they now possess So Wives behaving themselves to their Husbands in a Dutiful Respectful Reverential way manifesting a chast Conversation coupled with fear having their hearts in a gracious frame adorned with meekness and quietness of spirit they will clear up to themselves their right to Sarahs Blessedness and enjoy the sence of their interest in the spiritual priviledges that she had by their meek and quiet Conversations be very prevalent to win their Husbands from the error of the◠ways When God by the Spirit hath husht the storms and tempests that usually arise in the Spirits of Wives when he breaths upon them with a favourable wind and stills their Spirits and restrains Satan the master of misrule that he doth not kindle Jealousies and Animosities in their Spirits but that they have a spiritual quietness of heart and tranquility of mind wrought in them by the sweet breathings of the blessed spirit which they can retain when they have the highest Provocations from their Husbands to unquietness then they will have a mighty influence upon their Husbands to reclaim them from their Vicious Actions and violent passions Although the Children of the Lord be bound to deal with those with whom they live or converse that they observe to sin by discourse and conference commending Christ to them and opening the evil of sin to them and their dangerous State if they remain impenitent the necessity of reforming their lives and entertaining Christ in their hearts by faith Yet it is mainly a Conversation suitable to the word of God that God useth to bless to make men fall in love with Religion without which the best discourse will rather harden them in sin than reclaim them from their sinful ways Then I say do Wives stop
one another and do not by your imprudence or peevishness stir up the worst and then you will find that the most faulty of you will appear more amiable to you and then conjugal love will be increased and strife prevented 3. Make not one another froward by froward carriages one to another behave your selves to one another in all gentleness and mildness of Spirit A mild Christian is an healing person who is skilful to cure the Diseases of the mind and very instrumental to preserve love and unity A mild Christian is loving in all carriages and Love will cause Love as Fire kindleth Fire and the stronger your love is to one another the better agreement there will be one with another 4. Take much delight in the love company and converse of each other this is the way to perpetuate conjugal love to each other there is nothing that a persons heart is so inordinately set upon as delight yet the lawful delight allowed them by God they can turn into disdain the delight that would entangle persons in sin and turn them from their duty and from God is that which is forbidden them but this is a delight that is helpful to you in your duty and wou'd keep you from sin When Husband and Wife take pleasure in one another it uniteth them in duty and helpeth them with ease to do the work that relates to each other and bear their burdens Avoid therefore all things that may represent you unpleasant and unlovely to each other and use all lawful means to cherish complacency and delight All unseemly carriage foolish speech which favour of contempt must be shunned as temptations which would hinder you from that love pleasure and content which Husband and Wife should have in one another This is the way to preserve conjugal love and restrain from anger 5. To preserve conjugal love between each other be faithful in rendring all due conjugal respects to each other that the ends of lawful marriage may not be neglected The neglect of those duties as it is a sin forbidden of God so it breeds a contempt of each other as it may be a means of provoking one another to sin so it doth abundantly destroy love to each other Read what the Apostle saith in 1 Cor. 7.23 4 5. It is good for a man not to touch a woman nevertheless to avoid fornication let every man have his own Wife and every Woman her own Husband Let the Husband render unto the Wife due benevolence and likewise also the Wife unto the Husband The Wife hath not power over her own body but the Husband likewise also the Husband hath not power over his own body but the Wife Defraud you not one another except it be with consent for a time that ye may give your selves to Fasting and Prayer and come together again that Sathan tempt you not for your incontinency Therefore those persons live contrary to the nature of their Relation who withdraw from one another in this respect and a faithful discharge of these conjugal duties doth very much establish love to each other and very much prevent anger and discord 6. Beware you do not neglect the worship of God in your families for if in your families you give not God so much service as he requires he will permit you to withdraw respects from each other and this God will do because you neglect to pay the respects that you owe to him Faithfulness and delight in Gods service is the way to make you faithful to and to delight in each other When any breaches do arise between you consider whether you have not neglected Family-worship for God expects if you will have him bless you with a permanent love to each other that you and your house do serve him This is the way to procure Gods blessing on you and yours and preserve peace and constant friendship between you and to restrain you from doing any thing in passion roughness and sowerness of spirit 7. If thou art an Husband that readest this subject do thou so unite authority and love that neither of them be omitted or concealed but let both be exercised and maintained Love must not be exercised so imprudently as to destroy the exercise of Authority and Authority must not be exercised so mysteriously as to destroy the exercise of Love As thy Love must be a governing Love so thy Commands must be all loving Commands Lose not thy Authority for that will but disable thee from doing the office of an Husband to a Wife or of a Master to thy Servants yet it must not be maintained by fierceness and cruelty because not consistent with conjugal love For there is no case of inequality so great in which conjugal Love is not to be exercised Observe but this rule and Love will grow exceedingly between thee and thy Wife 8. If thou art a Wife and would'st preserve fervent conjugal love between thee and thy Husband live in a voluntary obedience and subjection to him 1 Pet. 3.1 Col. 3.18 Ephes 5.22 If his softness or yieldingness cause him to relinquish his Authority and for peace he is fain to let thee have thy will yet remember that it is God that hath appointed him to be thy Head and Governour and thou having chosen him as such thou must carry it towards him in a submissive and not in a ruling and masterly way and do not deceive thy self to think it enough to give the bare title of Government to thy Husband when yet thou wilt in all things have thâ—ne own will for this is but mockery and not obedience and self-willedness is contrary to subjection and obedience Now a neglect of giving due subjection to thy Husband and thy usurping authority over him and behaving thy self insolently and imperiously towards him doth cause conjugal love to decay and cause a breach of friendship and peace between thee and thy Husband But an humble submissive and obedient carriage of thy self to thy Husband doth increase love between you and keep you both in a moderate calm and quiet frame of spirit 9. As thou art a Wife so honour thy Husband according to his superiority behave not thy self towards him with irreverence and contempt in titles speeches or behaviour If the worth of his person deserveth not Honour yet his place deserves it Ephes 5.33 And the Wife see that she reverence her Husband that is that she inwardly acknowledge that degree of Honour which God hath put upon him 1 Cor. 11.3 and give evident testimonies of thy inward esteem in words actions and whole carriage 1 Pet 3.6 especially in thy lothness to offend him That Wife that cares not what contempt she casts upon her Husband will not preserve conjugal love long Nothing more distasts an Husband than to be slighted and despised by one that is bound to honour and reverence him Indeed it begets great distractions between them But if thou desirest a continuation of conjugal love if ever thou desirest
sooner pacified It is enough to fall down before a Lion a Lion is pacified if you fall before him but fot the Wolf and Tyger and other baser Creatures they will tare those that fall down before them Hence observe such as are soon moved to violent passions that will not pass by a slight offence but will be furious for every trifle they are of ignoble base sordid tempers of vile wretched and dunghil dispositions O then what care should'st thou take to watch against the first risings of anger and faithfully endeavour to suppress thy violent passions when risen to wink and connive at many offences If ever thou wilt evidence a noble Spirit it is thy true glory so to do but 't is thy ignominy and disgrace to be of a Gunpowder-Spirit to be transported into a flame of fury by every little spark of distast given Nay a furious Spirit is a devilish Spirit and therefore the Devils are very often called Furies O let this consideration stir thee up to endeavor after meekness calmness and peaceablenss of Spirit 4. Thou should'st be careful to abstain from anger and frowardness of Spirit because there is nothing that thou canst do in anger but thou may'st do it better out of anger Thou canst have thy mind or thy will in nothing in anger but thou may'st have thy mind and will better out of an angry fit And wherefore then should'st thou be angry Consider when thou hast thine anger stirring what thou would'st do in thine anger Thou may it say I would reprove my Wife or my Husband that hath done amiss I say thou must reprove without anger thou must restore with a spirit of meekness Gal. 6.1 There is no recovering a fallen Relation from sin in a boisterous way There are gentle means that are most influential Thy reproof should be as Physick thou dost not use to give Physick scalding hot Thou may'st reprove thy Wife Husband Child or Servant without anger as well as with anger and if thou would'st give correction thou may'st do it best without anger If thou dost correct in anger or reprove in anger thy Servant or any other Relation will think it is rather from thy fury than his fault that thou do'st it Perhaps thou would'st do some special service for God and thou say'st that anger will quicken thee But James saith cap. 1.20 The wrath of man accomplisheth not the righteousness of God God will not be beholding to the wrath of man for any thing An Heathen could say That Fortitude had no need of wrath no need of gall bitterness and choler but it may be well enough without it Perhaps thou would'st make thine Husband sensible of the wrong he had done thee That thou may'st do without anger If he hath wronged thee shew him the more respect and kindness this way thou shalt make him sensible of the wrong he hath done thee as well as any way in the world that it will either melt his heart or trouble his Spirit till he hath made thee restitution or confessed his fault I say every thing can be better done in a calm and quiet frame than in an angry fit for in thine anger thou canst not sol well exercise thy reason as at another time for the fire of passion when it is kindled causeth a great smoak to come up to the Understanding and Judgment and even puts out thy Reason So that is very great reason why thou should'st use all means to prevent and suppress thine angry passions 5. Thou should'st do thy utmost to refrain from anger and attain meekness of spirit because meekness is that grace whereby men and women come to have fair weather all the year long It is a comfortable thing to have fair weather to continue but two or three weeks together and thou knowest that rainy weather and dropping weather is very tedious and irksom to us and we say It is pity fair weather should do any hurt But when Husband and Wife are both meek there is fair weather in that Family every day all the week long But where they are froward and passionate there is rainy weather all the week long Solomon sets out passion and frowardness by a continual dropping Prov. 19.13 And the contentions of a Wife are a continual dropping her scolding and brawling may occasion much sadness trouble and hurt in the Family And so in Prov. 27.15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike The Hebrew renders it A continual dropping in a day of a great shower of rain and a Wife of brawlings and contentions are alike Where the rain drops into an house it is very troublesom but when the Sun comes in at the window there is a sweet and pleasant dwelling that is comfortable Many times thou knowest that the Sun riseth very fair in the morning but it rains mightily before night So in many Families tho' there is a great deal of quietness in the morning and there seemeth to be a great deal of love between Husband and Wife yet what a storm is there before night and the reason is because a passionate person looks on that as a great crime which a meek person can see no evil at all in Where there is meekness there fair weather continues always Now tho' passion and frowardness be uncomely amongst all and meekness is lovely in all But passion is more uncomely and meekness is more sweet and lovely between Man and Wife they should walk sweetly and lovingly together when God by such an Ordinance of his hath so united them in such a way of Communion as they are united Such God hath joyned by the holy Ordinance of Marriage that indeed is a greater bond than the bond of Nature for a man and woman must forsake all Relations and cleave to one another and of twain become one flesh And should they not be of one mind O then how careful should Husband and Wife be to avoid those angry passions that hinder that sweetness comfort and delight which they might enjoy were they of patient and meek Spirits Meekness of Spirit makes them very careful in discharging mutual duties to each other and that keeps fair weather between them but passion makes them oppose the commands of the Gospel and that makes tempestuous weather between them The Scripture says Wives see that you reverence your Husbands when then thou dost provoke thy Husband and speak it to him in a froward way I appeal to thy conscience Dost thou reverence thy Husband Thou may'st say he doth not deserve it Whether he deserve it or no thou art to reverence him thou must reverence him in words gestures actions and in thy very heart and not give him insolent and reflecting language or like Zepora Exod. 24 25. call him a bloody Husband God hath made Marriage a union for communion for love for help for peace for delight and thou dost by thy angry passions do what in thee lies to frustrate the
He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly The meek person hath much understanding which he discovereth by this in that he knoweth how to bear wrongs and injuries patiently and can beware of doing any thing that doth truly oppose Honour and Virtue But he or she that is hasty of mind or short of spirit that is soon angry exalteth folly that is bringeth his folly to open light to be seen of all men forasmuch as he or she doth in his or her anger those things which cannot consist with Honour and Virtue Thus continually the Scripture doth befool passionate people and it is to check froward people because there are none that think themselves wiser than angry people do especially in the time of their fit Certainly because angry persons discover great folly in opening their shame they make evident what filthy trash was closetted up in their hearts which was not known before Alas of what ridiculous rude and indiscreet actions are angry persons daily guilty of they will reverence no Superiour respect no Equal but contemn all that oppose their humour Their chief work is railing and vilifying others much superiour to themselves in real worth They are exceeding talkative all others must hold their peace but themselves and in the multitude of their words there wanteth not folly But in all these insolent imperious and insulting carriages of a Wife to her Husband where is the reverence and observance that God requires her to give him for reverence is due to a man as he is an Husband to the bad Husband as well as to the good to the poor Husband as well as to the rich So that no defect of the Husband can excuse the Wife from giving him due reverence and subjection to his superiority So that all the irreverent speeches she gives her Husband in her passion are but the discoveries of her shame and folly I have now ended my Arguments and Motives which I have laid before you to persuade you to use the directions that I have here given to prevent Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife Pray then let those considerations influence you to watch against your angry passions do not allow your selves in that which discovers so much of your shame and folly that such near Relations by their furoius carriages one to another should make themselves ridiculous to all that know them is very sad You are one flesh be of one spirit and one heart be faithful to discharge the duty you owe to one another Be not too curious in observing every look or gesture of one another Wink at every thing that crosseth you so long as it doth not cross the will of God Let each of you keep in your own station Let not the Wife look for superiority when God hath appointed her subjection Let her not be ambitious of teaching when her place is to be a learner A chearful subjection to Gods Ordinances and a ready delightful submission to Gods providential appointments is an excellent means to keep peace and prevent contentions between Man and Wife It is a great occasion of strife when that party will prescribe rules to the other that ought to be ruled by the other Do not discover your folly by your insolent carriages one to another Do not allow your passions that will make you utter such expressions that will prove your shame Be willing to live in peace one with another And therefore be persuaded by the Arguments and Motives that I have here given to use the direction now lay'd before you to prevent Wrath and Discord between you Soli Deo Gloria FINIS THE APPENDIX SOme Wives plead in excuse of their froward carriages to their Husbands thus None ought to account my zeal for Gods glory in a smart reprehension of my Husbands miscarriages to be sinful anger for I must not let my Husband alone to dishonour God because my not appearing for God when my Husband offends him will intimate an approbation of his sinful ways I cannot be faithful to God except I do oppose him in such actions as I conceive are not good and in this respect I judg not my self blame-worthy in contending with him Is it not my duty to reprove my Husband when he offends God and deals injuriously with me Meeting with this Plea since I compos'd the fore-going Treatise I have added this following Answer as an Appendix to the former discourse which is That I do acknowledge that some endeavoars may be used by Wives to convince their Husbands of their sins and to reform their conversations But by an explanation of the nature of Reproof it will appear what method is proper to be used by Wives to reclaim their Husbands from their disorderly walkings To Reprove in a strict sense denotes an authority in the Reprover over the Reproved for reproving is an act of authority which a person hath by vertue of Office or Relation as in Tit. 2.15 Rebuke with all authority In this sense a superiour is not to be reproved Therefore the Apostle saith 1 Tim. 5.1 Rebuke not an Elder I understand it not only of the Aged but of all Superiours in Place Dignity a tart reprehension or a direct reproof is not to be given them by Inferiours they are to be dealt with as Fathers are to be dealt with by their Children they may be desired but not rebuked Intreat them as a Father Admonitions are given by such as are Equals of the same Degree and Quality of the same Ecclesiastical Corporation or Christian Society which are either finding fault with each other for sins committed or persuading or exhorting unto duties which have been omitted And I look on admonitions to be of a more inferiour quality than the rebukes which Superiours give to their Inferiours for altho' an admonition be given as an act of Duty yet not as an act of Authority as the other is But that way which I conceive an Inferiour may take to reclaim a Superiour from sin and yet not go out of his place or usurp authority which belongs not to him is by an humble earnest and respectful intreating the Superiour to forbear his sinful acts which God hath prohibited him to concern himself with to engage in those Christian duties which God requires him to perform So that I acknowledge that there is a time when in a limitted sense inferiours may use means to hinder their superiours going on in a way of sin Job 31.13 Superiours are not above instruction or humble advice their authority doth not give them a toleration to persevere in sin nor a liberty to trample their inferiours under their feet Tho' we are under our Superiours Power yet we are not under their Lusts tho' we are to be governed by them yet not to be despised by them As we ought to serve so they ought to govern in the fear of God and Superiours irregularities are to be hinted to them
the mouths of their Husbands when their conversations for Piety unto God and Righteousness unto them is such as may discover unto their Husbands their failings and point out unto them that good way wherein they ougâ—t to walk for the Wifes sweet calmness of spirit and pleasant serenity of mind prevails to restrain her from all tart expressions and bitter words and to forbear all exasperating language and enables her to bear reviling language with patience without rendring reviâ—ing for reviling yea without answering again in a froward way which carriage doth so convince a froward and unruly Husband that he is by the blessing of God powerfully influenc'd to comply with the counsels of his Wife O let Wives shine as lights in the world holy blameless and harmless and by their practice hold forth the word of life unto their Husbands so that by a sutable practice joyned with their professions Wives will be the same to their Husbands in order to their conviction discovery of their Sin and manifesting the lovely beauty of the ways of holyness as the Sun Moon is in the Firmament discovering things hidden by natural darkness 1 Pet. 2.15 16. And indeed this is the principal way that wives can lawfully take to help on the Reformation of their Husbands This I say is their most proper course and will help on their Husbands amendment when harsh biteing and smart words will make them worse both to God and them Indeed the Wife best Counsel will signifie nothing to the Husbands good without a regular meek and quiet Conversation Therefore in order to the perswading of an Husband from sin let the Wife take care to order her Conversation aright Consider then O Wives have you cause to complain that none of your endeavours have proved effectual in order to your Husbands Reformation But have you not taken a wrong Method to effect it Have you not manifested too much bitterness in speaking against your Husbands failings have you not manifested too much rage and violence when they have crossed your humour in some domestick concerns Have you not spoken to them in a fierce furious and irreverent manner Then blame your own passions as the cause of your Husbands Obstinacy were you more milde and respectful in your carriages to them they would be more complying with you if you would then do them good by your advice advise them in an humble and meek way 8. If you would do your Husbands good by your Admonitions be careful that you never admonish them but when they are in a good moode or very pleasant humour if a work be not done in a proper season it were better not done at all when you find them in a good temper as sometimes the worst of men will be then manifest the dear affection that you have for them tell them what tender regard you have for their Eternal good their present Reputation and Comfort Then use such perswasive arguments as may be most taking with their Constitutions still carrying your selves with all due respect and submission to their Authority over you and if you cannot prevail with them to Reform then when you find them alone tell them once again of their faults in an humble modest and meek manner even weeping as the Apostle spoak to the Philipians Chap. 3.18 And now I tell you even weeping this hath proved a most effectual and prevailing way when all other means have failed But it is strange to see what Violence and Fury of Spirit some do manifest under pretence of reproving their Husbands miscarriages If their Husbands do but walk abroad about their lawful occassions even such as concern the providing for the maintenance of their Familys if they have any frivolous matters that they fancy to imploy them about which doth not in the least belong to them to be concerned in it must be done then and only then when their honest and lawful occasions do call them abroad and then if their Husbands will not gratifie them in laying aside their business to gratifie their peevish insulting humours they will censure their going forth to be ungodly and devilish and that they spend their time in ungodly Company that they hope God will stop their going forth in a short time and wish that they were some way smitten of God to be constrained to stay within and continue their reviling language as long as they abide in company with them sometime asserting them to be Hypocrites at other times assert them to be Prophane and all this such Wives do because their Husbands will not be as Subject to them as an Apprentice is to his Master they will complain if they have not all things according to their mind yet storm at their Husbands using lawful endeavours to provide them If their Husbands have no business abroad How are they provided for How have they a supply of all things necessary for their maintenance they cannot prove their Husbands keep bad Company or that they are frequenters of Taverns or Ale-Houses or concerned in extravigant Expences yet talk to them and of them no otherwise then as to and of a Rogue that is going from Newgate to Tyburne I appeal to all the Professors of Religion in the Kingdom whether they can conceive any Grace to be in the Hearts of such Wives and whether they do not carry themselves as such as are acted by some infernal Fury Let them pretend what they will and if in truth their Husbands were as vile as their furious Tongues do declare yet they cannot Justifie their present carriages nor justifie the Omission of manifesting that Respect and Reverence which according to Gods word 〈◊〉 owe them as they are their Husbands so long as the Relation continues their Relational Dutys continue and they ought to submit to their Husbands superiority though it doth not please them Therefore let not Wives pretend that to be done in Zeal for God which is but disgorgeing the scum and froth a furious Spirit But there are many gracious Wives who are not of this furious temper but abhor such furious carriages who live very comfortably with their Husbands they are dutiful and respectful to their Husbands and their Husbands are loving and kind to them and they have much content and satisfaction delight and complacency in each other There are no contention between them what the Husband orders the Wife cheerfully submits unto She owns him for her head for her guide for her governour and presumes not to insult over him or contradict or controule him and by this means there is a sweet harmony between them and they are Comforts and Blessings to each other I come now to the last particular wherein I shall speak to both Husbands and Wives together and perswade them to be more careful to carry themselves more Christian like to their Children and Servants which will be a special means to preserve peace and concord amongst themselves Certainly one reason why Husbands and Wives do not
as strictly bindeth all Parents to deserve The Parents evil doth not at all excuse the Childs miscarriages but it maketh him guilty of his Childs offence Beg then of God to pardon your past miscarriages and to work such gracious principles in you that you may never more be precedents in sin to your Children that you may not by your bad examples draw them into the ways of their ruine Your labouring by an holy life to deserve duty from your Children will exceedingly forward your Childrens performance of their duties in you So that it is your great concern to beware of speaking or doing any thing before your Children that you would not have them to imitate you in for Children are more forward to imitate the examples of their Parents in things that are evil than in things that are good Therefore be patterns of good to them be patterns of meekness and not of wrath that they may observe that in your behaviours that deserves their imitation and so may be followers of you in well doing O that Parents would strictly observe those directions that their Children may be piously educated whereby they may be able to take comfort in their modest respectful and orderly behaviour towards them 12. Abuse not your parental authority by provoking your Children to wrath or by imbittering their Spirits Ephes 6.4 And this is done 1. By denying them that which is their due in Food Raiment or means of Education neglecting to bring them up in an honest Calling whereby they might get their living in the fear of God Lament 4 3 4. 2. By commanding them to do things unjust in themselves as in 1 Sam. 20.31 or by unjust and rigorous commands about things in their own nature indifferent 1 Sam. 14.28 29. You lay great burthens upon your Children pressing them still with your authority You injoyn them what you list not weighing well what they like and not carefully considering as well their natures as your own desires as well their comfort and convenient being as your own affection and will to have it whereby your Childrens lives are very much imbitter'd 3. By inveighing with bitter w rds against them giving them furious speeches and violent language chiefly when there is no cause as Saul did to Jonathan 1 Sam. 20.30 4. By beating them unjustly when there is no fault 1 Sam. 20.33 or immoderately unreasonably and basely when there is a fault doing it with bitterness without compassion instruction and prayer These unnatural carriages exceedingly provoke Children to wrath and thereby your Children are provoked by you to sin for Children cannot bear cruel injuries from their very Parents without being incited thereby to sinful anger Therefore the Apostle saith Provoke not your Children to anger yet I say Parents are not to with hold seasonable necessary and moderate correction from their Children although theâ— Children should be enraged and provoked 〈◊〉 wrath by it for tho' they must not provokâ—â— them to wrath yet they must not neglect 〈◊〉 bring them up in the nurture and admonitiâ—â— of the Lord. They must not go from one exâ—ream to another i.e. from Regidity to too much Lenity Whiles Parents are cautioned against rigid severity 'T is necessary to guard them against too much indulgence that they may â—â—t let their Children persevere in Vicious â—â—urses without controule Parents ought to take care of their Childrens Souls faithfully indeavouring to beat down sin in them by nurture or correction and using all means possible to bring them up for Sons and Daughters to the Lord Almighty 13. When ever you reprove instruct when ever you find fault with any evil your Children have done inform them of some good that they should be doing There are many that are apt to be much in reproving faults that are seldom or never teaching duties The Wife thinks it her special priviledge to check and the Fathers duty only to teach yet when they are teaching them Wives will quarrel with their Husbands for not giving better instructions to their Children but will not allow their Husbands to speak to them in their presence or they will find fault with the matter or manner of instructing Indeed while Children are young the duty of teaching and instructing them is more incumbant on the Wife then the Husband for while the Wife keeps in her place and as she ought to be Tit. 2.15 A keeper at home she is most conversant with them and hath most oportunities of conversing with them by way of Instruction the good Wife that Solomon mentions in Prov. 31.26 She opened her mouth with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness She looketh well to the ways of her houshould Those are far from having a law of kindness in their tongues who are still casting forth in their Expressions the filth of their froward minds and that Wife is far from carrying her self as a Christian Parent that is always raging against pretended faults but never giving loving instructions or good advise or counsel Parents ought to be giving pious instructions to their Children when there is no cause of reproof they ought to instruct every day but reprove them only when an offence is committed Instruction is seasonable when there is no need of reproof but reproof is never profitable without instruction When a fault is reproved the evil of it must be shewn to the Child offending and the necessity if desisting and the danger of continuing such a practice must be demonstrated and how the Child ought to behave himself in his carriage towards God and them must be demonstrated If Husband and Wife were faithful in this respect there would not be such jarrings and contentions between them as there are 14. Before you instruct or correct Children or Servants beg God to direct you how to manage your instructions and corrections and to sanctifie them to their benifit you cannot expect God to succeed that which you do not beg God to bless Instructions are so often given without success because so often given without Prayer and your Corrections are so often given in passion that they are seldom given with moderation and the gratifying of passion â—s oftner the ground of Correction then Reformation because angry superiors will not allow themselves time to pray before they do correct So that is made an act of rashness which should be an act of seriousness You complain of your inferiors stubbornness Children and Servants are stubborn your instruction and correction doth influence them very little but when did you make a solemn work by solemn or ejaculatory Prayer before you entred upon it Blame your neglects of duty to God as the ground of your riors neglect of duty to you Lastly If Wives would live in peace and amity with their Husbands if any of of them are married to a man that had Children by a former Wife let such a Wife beware that she do not vilifie her Children in law nor represent every Childish act as an
Abomination when she cannot evidence them to be possitively sinful Some Wives will exclaim against their Children in Law for very trifles accuse them to their Husbands as gulty of stubborness and rudeness to incense their Husbands against them and if they cannot influence their Husbands to be dogged to them or if their Husbands will not countenance and encourage their harsh dealings with them they contend with their Hesbands and will not permit them to end joy any quiet in their Families I say if such Wives cannot by any of their subtile contrivances and unjust complaints prevail with their Husbands to withdraw their affections from them they will withdraw their affections from their Husbands and refuse to give them any conjugal respect They approve of no Servants but such as will make complaints against their Children in the law and concur with them in villifying of them and such a course hath been the cause much discord between Husbands and Wives Indeed it is a Mother-in-laws prudence to wink at many Childish faults in her Husbands Children by a former Wife and not aggravate every failing in them Let Mother-in-laws know that they cannot justly claim a right to exercise equal Authority over them as over Children born of their own bodies because not so nearly related to them yea not related to them at all by blood and notwithstanding what some Mother-in-laws have asserted yet it cannot be thought true that they are so much Mothers to their Children in Law as they are Wives to their Husbands because their chiefest right of authority over their Children in law doth arise from their Husbands Resignation of them to their charge and Tutorage and their own taking charge of them by vertue of the said Resignation For the Mother-in-laws authority over the Children that are not born of her own body is derived from her Husband and conferred on her by her Husband and as she hath not an equal authority over her own Children as her Husband hath who is her superior by Gods appointment much less over her Children in law 'T is true as in the absence of the Husband the Wife is principally concerned in the Government of the Family and Children in law are Members of the Family in that respect the Mother-in-law hath the same authority over them as other Members of the Family Therefore let all Mother-in-laws consider Docter Harris his last advice to his Wife If you marry again remember your own observation that second Husbands are very uxorious second Wives very prevalent and therefore take heed that you do no ill office in estranging your Husband from his natuaral Children and kindred you shall thereby draw upon him a great sin and judgment if you kill in him natural affections Wherefore if Mothers-in-law are so Resolute and the fury of their Spirits is so raised that they will exercise more authority over their Children in law then their Husbands are willing to allow them to preserve the peace of the Family it is the Husbands prudence to place his first Wives Children in other Famlies where they may be piously educated and that Wife hath no regard to the glory of God nor the honour of Religion that will eppose it if the Husband be able to mentain them in other Families The Apostle presseth all to follow after the things that make for peace Rom. 14.19 This Exhortation doth concern the peace of Families as well as the peace of the Church therefore whatever doth necessarily tend to preserve peace between such near Relations as Husband and Wife must be carefully followed and whatever tends to be get strife and contention between them must be carefully avoided for such froward Persons as are promoters of discord God hates Prov. 6.19 Prov. 8.13 Therefore observe these following cautions First Beware of being discontented with the condition or relation in which God hath placed you for nothing doth more aim the Glory of God more destroy and â—â—t out your Comforts then discontent 2. Beware of looking on one another with a disdainful eye as if each of you did conceive your self to excel and were superior in worth to the other for by having one another in contempt you can never live peaceably together 3. Beware of neglecting acts of conjugal love for that will breed strangeness between you By this means such as heretofore lay in one anothers bosoms are grown so strange that they cannot stay with content in one anothers sight they will scarce look upon one another who not long since professed dearly to love one another 'T is sad yea very sad that they who should be ready to die for one another can hardly live with one another Oh when will the love of many such Relations which hath waxen cold gather heat again Were it not monstrious that one Member of the body should withdraw ffices of love from another or should be as 〈◊〉 stranger to it So it is strange that Husband and Wife should suspend the exercises of love to each other that are as nearly allied as one Member of the body to another these unnatural distances between Husbands and Wives are to open to be hid or denied And it is not a reproach to Christianity that such as are one flesh should act as if they were not Members of the same World If then you would live peaceably together beware of suspending Acts of Love to each other 4. Beware you do not reproach one another for reproaches do make breaches if one Friend do reproach another there will be a breach of their Friendship for bitter and calumniating words do very much vex our spirits and usually the chiefest causes of discord between you Wherefore I pray consider that Husbands and Wives continuing in strangeness to each other makes them at last become guilty of burnings and bitterness of spirit one against another it will not only cause them to forbear the manifestations of kindness to each other but to be cruel and devise evil one against another Therefore let me perswade you to love each other with a love of complacency Let your delight be set on each other and let all the lines of your affections be centred in each other i.e. Let not every trifling occasion quench the flames of your affection but let the heat and height of your love be placed upon one another beyond your Children and other Friends When such Relations decline in their love they incline to hatred Conjugal love being ill digested or corrupted turns to the greatest enmity Husbands and Wives are under the closest obligations to love Now the closer any obligation is the wider is the breach when once the obligation is broken or misimproved If the Wife whom the Husband dearly loved begins to fall from him or forsake his bed she usually falls out with him There hath been sad experience of this and 't is an argument where it happens that such Wives did never love their Husbands upon Gospel-principles or in obedience to Gods command for as they who turn against the Truths of God never received them in love so she never in reality embraced her Husband in love who turns against him for when grace is the cement of affections nothing can divide them Certainly if Husbands and Wives would faithfully endeavour to observe the directions that I have given them concerning their carriages to each other and to their Children and Servants they would live more peaceably and comfortably together than they now do 'T is their unfaithfulness in relational duties that occasions much of their Discord You Wives that pretend reasons for your contendings with your Husbands and for your angry insulting language endeavour to inform your selves more fully of the nature of your relational duties how you ought to carry it towards your Husbands and to your Children and Servants and endeavour a faithful discharge of those duties and you will quickly find a better agreement between you Thus I have ended what I have to say on this subject FINIS
not troubling himself so much with the small scratches found upon the inferiour members Through the wisdom of the Head the house is built and with understanding it is established Prov. 24.3 where this is wanting that house is nigh to desolation according to that of our Saviour Mat. 12.25 A house divided against it self cannot stand It were to be wished that Christians especially under the ties of conjugal Relation could learn to bear with one anothers infirmities and so fulfil the Law of Christ A cholerick Couple being asked how he and his Wife liv'd so comfortably and sweetly together The man answered When my Wifes fit is upon her I yield to her and the woman said When my Husbands fit is upon him I yield to him and so we are never angry both at once It were well if the one were as David's Harp to appease the fury of the other It seldom proves an unhappy Conjunction when the one is deaf and the other blind the Man must not always hear nor the Wife always see Love covers a multitude of sins Prov. 10.2 Neither can the Man 's not doing his duty discharge the Wife from doing hers A soft answer pacifieth wrath on both sides But the Author being large in these things I only shall commend to you the practice of Domestick affairs And first there is a sinful quietness a meer piece of Stoicism when persons concern themselves with nothing let things go how they will having the use of no passions at all for even the evenest weights are easily put into some unevenness tho' they tend at last to a settlement in an even poise and so the most even and sedate tempers are naturally prone to some little exorbitances tho' they soon return to their quieted centre Paul a very still man after his Conversion and became all things to all men that he might gain some tho' he was a rough piece before exhorting them all to meekness of Spirit Col. 3.12 That they should put it on as a Garment implying that they had as good go without their Garments as suffer themselves to be stript of this Grace of Meekness yet he could be in a flame and stands up in the Vniversity of Athens and in the open street reproves their Idolatry So Moses the meekest man yet he shewed he could be moved upon a just cause and at the sight of the Calf he fumes and flies out as if he had been a man made up of Salt and Gunpowder rashly throws down the Tables of the Law and breaks them all in pieces And Christ himself as meek as he was could take a scourge of small cords and whip the buyers and sellers out of his Fathers house Stilness in not Stoicism Secondly There 's a holy stilness or quietness of spirit in all conditions bearing that quietly which we cannot help possibly This is my affliction and I must bear it It is a Grace of Gods Spirit Dove-like like himself Nature can't reach it Philosophy can't teach it Nature is a tetchy piece full of cholar Saul a turbulent Fellow no body that feared God could be at quiet for him But when the Spirit of God came upon him it made him as tame as a Lamb and so 't was prophesied When the Spirit should be powred forth the Lion shall lie down with the Lamb Isa 11.6 And it is made the Character of an nunderstanding man He should be of an excellent Spirit of a cool Spirit so the Hebrew Prov. 7.27 A cool spirit in opposition to a hot spirit is an excellent spirit and an excellent spirit is a cool spirit Indeed some new spirits are naturally cool without Grace as many Heathens were that had made a conquest over their natural tempers by improving their reasons and fixing their resolutions yet not being from the Holy Ghost it can but pass for a natural Virtue in them but never for a spiritual Grace This mystery is not learned at Athens but at Jerusalem None but God can give it none but Christ can still the wind the waves of the turbulent Sea of unruly passions therefore we must pray heartily if we mean to live quietly Moreover 'T is not the quieting of the tongue only if the mind be still unquiet Some can pinch in their passion when yet their minds are like the troubled Sea and burn inwardly like fire put up and this is more immediately the work of God We say to a discontented person Set your heart at rest but 't is God only can set the heart at rest Nor would I have such fiery natures shelter themselves under Religious Priviledges What! a Religion that cannot bridle the passions and bring the Soul to the foot of God! That is a poor Religion indeed 'T is a sad thing that God cannot lay a cross upon a mans shoulders but the proud worm must shew himself displeased and the Almighty must look to himself the Arrows of bitter words flying from him so thick and fast against the Providences of Heaven God must know he will not bear it he will not take it at his hands he will not put it up Finally I could wish this following Treatise might have entertainment in all sorts of Families Quiet Families that enjoy the warm Sun and the serene Air in pure Love and Peace how shou'd they bless God for the ornaments of a meek and quiet spirit while others are staked down in the Suburbs of Hell restless Spirits like the Inhabitants of tormenting Tophet Vnquiet Families let them read and consider and read it over and over again if peradventure God may be merciful unto them and still the unruly waves having sent the means of it into their houses and put it into their hands If in any thing it prove distastful and makes thee winch attribute it not to the ill-preparedness of the Medicine but the incurableness of the Distemper If thou throw'st it away because it makes the wound smart Fare wel Live in love and peace and the God of love and peace shall be with you I should greatly rejoyce if any thing in the ensuing Treatise prove instrumental to establish Peace in Families and be helpful to make up breaches between Men and their Wives I know the Authors design is principally to promote this end That would make this Discourse effectual to beget and maintain Love and Peace between Men and their Wives is the hearty Prayer of READER Thy real Well-wisher J. R. THE Introduction IT is observed That many Husbands and Wives that are eminent Professors of Religion yea such as are truly gracious as well as Professors through the weakness of their Graces and strength of their Corruptions do live together in much discontent and that there are often manifestations of Wrath and Discord between them yea and many times their passions grow to such an height that in their anger they speak and do such things as do very much disparage their Professions and discredit Religion and cause the Enemies of Religion to speak
anger to fall into the Diseases of Melancholly Frenzy Madness Apoplexy Palsie and Falling-sickness which are the usual effects of this prevailing Distemper of furious passion O then shall I be angry upon every trifling occasion and offer my body and spirit such great injuries No I will not for I cannot pretend to hope for any inward or outward comfort by my anger nay my passion doth not only impair the health of my body but mightily deform my body it deforms my countenance and takes away the amiable sweetness of it which appeareth in a calm and loving temper I should loath my self should I view my Picture while I was in my fury before the frowning wrincles and inflamed blood had returned to their place and had left my visage to its natural comliness Is it not then better to forget injuries pass by wrongs bear with some opposition and deny the gratifying of my will than do my Body and Spirit so much prejudice and lose that contentment and sweetness that by meekness I might enjoy and lose that inward peace and satisfaction of mind that otherwise I might have or deprive my self of that beauty and comliness that otherwise I might preserve O then God forbid that I should gratifie my angry humour 3. An angry person is very troublesom to others even to the whole Family wherein that angry person dwells and all those that do converse with him or her When the Husband or Wife is angry or froward O how extremely burdensom is he or she to that Family that Solomon saith in two places Prov. 21.9 19. that it is better to dwell on the house-top or in the Wilderness than to dwell with a brawling woman in a wide house She is such a vexation to all those with whom she dwels He instanceth in a woman because that Sex is most subject to this brawling kind of life They are most apt to be angry and contentious An angry Husband or an angry Wife is a torment to all those that live in Family and therefore the Holy Ghost by Solomon saith in Prov. 22.24 Make no friendship with an angry man and with a furious man thou shalt not go There is no good to be gotten by the company of one that is usually angry upon every trifling occasion There is no peace to be enjoyed in angry persons company A froward Spirit troubles his own house and consider what is said of such an one in Prov. 11.29 He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind that is as he or she hath been a trouble to his or her own house so God should blast that person in all his or her ways Indeed passion is so troublesom between Man and Wife as they can hardly dwell together under one Roof because they spend a great part of their life in troubling one another By their passions they are vexatious to one another and in their house it is stormy weather all the year long that it is a very rare thing to enjoy any calm weather in the Family where angry persons dwell Hence it is that Husband and Wife can seldom eat their meat together at one Table without quarrelling because their lives are so uncomfortable one to another their company is very uncomfortable to others Passion is an unruly thing and therefore troublesom where-ever it comes And wilt thou then O Husband or Wife cherish that evil humour in thee that will make thee a burden to all that converse with thee If thou continuest to be angry upon every slight opposition or contradiction thou wilt be had in contempt of all that are near thee they will despise thy person because thou dost break their peace and deprivâ— them of their quiet So then if thou hast any desire to preserve the peace and quiet of thy house and have any esteem of those that live with thee do thy utmost endeavour by the assistance of the Spirit to mortifie thy angry passions 4. The prevailing of anger and contention between Husband and Wife doth destroy their love there is thereby a great decay of the affection of love and an augmentation of the passion of hatred Anger makes persons guilty of slighting despising disrespecting and undervaluing those they should highly value love and esteem and this appears in the following particulars 1. When persons are enrag'd that Gods Providences do thwart their humours they are offended and displeased with God and their love to God doth very much abate for where love to God is ardent and prevailing there every Providential act of God is kindly accepted and taken in good part Such persons as love God are well pleased with every dispensation of God and are contented with every condition God puts them in but when they are offended that God doth not give them every thing according to their own will when they do not like of Gods disposing of them in this relation or in this condition of life and in this place of habitation and begin to vex and fret themselves be angry and in a furious passion that God doth not order things to their liking Then their murmurings and repinings their vexing and fretting their disgust and discontent their anger and displeasedness of mind doth exceedingly abate their affections to God They begin to disrespect God more and more they entertain conceits as if God did do them wrong in not ordering all things according to their humour in their anger murmur that God yoked them to such Consorts wishing that God had otherwise disposed of them And knowing that all conjugal Relations are of Gods ordering and appointment they complain highly as if he had dealt injuriously with them in appointing such a Relation for them and hereupon their love to God declines and they care not for Gods company slight those duties and services wherein they â—ight converse with God and are more displeased with the seeming offences they pretend are done them by their Husbands and Wives than for the neglect of Gods worship and indeed love grows cold to one whose company is not delighted in for all persons take delight to be much in company of their beloved and when Gods company is not prized he is not loved Now seeing anger and discord doth lessen peoples love to God it must needs be the greatest evil as it doth cause a decay of love to the chiefest good The want of love to God is the most comprehensive and odious sin it is the life of all particular sins To be defective in love to the God of love the fountain of love the felicity of the Soul is a sin not to be pardoned to any till it be repented of and partly cured Therefore stay O man or O Woman to what an height doth thy angry passion make thee to ascend Dost thou not tremble to think how much thou dost provoke God when thou dost in thine anger slight and disrespect God and art angry with God because thou art displeased with thy Husband or with thy Wife and because
maist contain thine anger for a longer time Enter into a resolve in the strength of divine assistance that whatever occasions may be offered thee yet thou wilt refrain to manifest thy wrath and displeasure and so by little and little thou shalt attain an habit of patience and meekness 5. In those that are guilty of much furious passion their anger doth cause abundance of sin as in Prov. 29.22 An angry man stirreth up strife and a furious man aboundeth in transgression Anger is the door and gate of Vice and therefore the Psalmist saith Psal 37.8 Cease from anger leave off wrath fret not thy self to do evil as if he would imply that to abound in anger is to abound in sin and it cannot be but a person must be guilty of much sin that lives in fretting passion and inward unrest More sin is committed by a person in a fit of passion in one quarter of an hour than a meek-spirited man commits in a quarter of a year Moses in his zeal for God broke the two Tables of Stone whereon the Law was written and sometimes passionate and angry people in their wicked heats of spirit break all the ten Commandments and in most fits of passion they break in pieces most of the Commandments of the second Table Peoples vile wicked and sinful lusts when they are pleased stir not But when once the heat of anger doth arise that warms these lusts they then like Snakes warmed with the Sun hiss and spit upon those that are about them When there is a Land-flood that the Brooks get over the banks and over-flow the Meadows they carry with them a great deal of soil and a great deal of filth Thus it is in an over-flowing of all affections but especially in the over-flowings of the affection of anger there comes a great deal of filth along with it for when once by rage the eye of reason is blinded the angry person is easily led into a gulph of all wickedness He that is of an hasty spirit exalteth Folly Prov. 14.29 that is exalteth wickedness When persons are quick and short of spirit they are transported into many indecencies which dishonour God and wound their consciences If men and women do not check their precipitant motions by delay and due recourse to reason they will be guilty of abundance of wickedness For motions vehement and of sudden eruption run away without a rule and end in folly and inconveniency Prov. 14.17 He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly By frequent fits of passion anger is concocted into malice which doth evidence a very wicked disposition and is found only in the most depraved natures James saith cap. 1.20 The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God Intimating that it is so far from working righteousness that it worketh all manner of evil There is in a persons anger somewhat of rage and violence which vehemently exciteth the person to act and taketh away the rule according to which he or she ought to act So anger causeth peoples conscience to be stanied with the impurities of their lives 1. Violent passions cause Men and Women even to flie in the very face of God and walk frowardly towards him which God complains of in Isa 57.17 And went on frowardly in the way of his own heart When every Providence doth not suit with persons humours or if their Husbands or Wives do cross them they will be in a pettish humour against God fall out with God for permitting such things to befall them and so out of a pettish humour they lay aside and have no mind to set upon any duty that they owe to God And when Gods dealings are at any time opposite to thy will and permits any to molest thee thou complainest that God hath dealt hardly with thee Certainly there must needs be a very malignant humour in thee that makes thee act thus frowardly against God and how sad is it for men and women by the violence of their passions against their nearest Relations to act frowardly against God O thou Husband or Wife thou art angry with thy Husband or with thy Wife and wilt thou manifest thy frowardness against God and because thy Husband provokes thee wilt thou provoke God because he injures or wrongs thee wilt thou injure and wrong God What infinite unreasonableness is this What boldness and presumption is this There is so much evil in it as is impossible for any to utter it is so abominable 2. When men men or women are in fits of anger one with another when the Wife falleth out with the Husband the fear of the great and dreadful Majesty of God the infinite God and the dreadfulness of the fear of God is all gone and she is bold upon sin she cares not what she saith or what she doth she fears not Gods displeasures while the fit of passion and contention lasteth for the fear of God is to depart from evil and there can be no restraint from sin when that is gone In peoples fits of angry passions their reproachful and reviling speeches do much dishonour God and their actions flatly oppose his will While they are angry they do not stand in awe of God and thereby their unruly Lusts are let loose running up and down doing mischief sinning against God and their Brethren Indeed the gratifying of passionate humours doth make persons cease fearing God in fearlesness of God is a mighty provoking sin See what Almighty God saith in Jer. 5.22 Fear ye not me saith the Lord will ye not tremble at my presence And in verse 24. Neither say they in their hearts Let us now fear the Lord our God And in verse 29. Shall I not visit for these things saith the Lord shall not my soul be avenged on such a Nation as this O then be sensible what great provoking sins anger and contention do occasion 6. Husbands and Wives by the frequency of their angry passionate fits make themselves all their lives contemptible to others Some Husbands and Wives think to be terrible to others in their passion but they discover so much folly as that they make those that they are angry with to despise them They may think to gain the more authority and make others stand more in awe of them by their being angry with them but they see so much rashness and distemper in their passion that nothing deprives them of their authority respect more than this constant passion of anger when small matters puts them into a fiery sit Indeed if persons did but observe their shameful carriages when they are in passion after they were come to their right minds and in a calm frame of spirit did but consider how much they were disdained and contemned for it it would make them ashamed of their anger However many are angry because they would not be despised but keep others in subjection to them yet nothing in truth doth work base esteem and disregard in the minds of those that
like a wrathful man yea an enraged man yet he doth this in the exactest frame and sweetest composure of his Spirit But the wrath of God is only his holy and most blessed will burning with hatred against sin especially the wrath and disâ—entions of such near Relations as Husband and Wife and so he turns away from such in his high displeasure And as the wrath of God draws out punishments so thy angry froward pettish humours draws out the wrath of God The wrath of God is terrible and that must needs be a terrible evil that provokes God to powre it out Will it not then be grievous to thee to behold the appearances of the wrath of God against thee and smart under the kindlings of Divine displeasure O who can abide the coming of the Lord with consuming fire A fire kindled only to consume is dreadful as in Isa 10.17 The light of Israel shall be for a fire and his holy One for a flame and it shall burn and devour his thorns and his bryars in one day That is the fury of the Lord shall appear against those that like bryars and thorns in their anger and contention do prick and scratch one another though in a strict sense it relates unto Gods consuming the Assyrians who plagued the Jews Should not then the terrible wrath of God that thy furious spirit brings upon thee scare thee from cherishing thy passionate and froward humour If thou retain thine anger against thy Husband or against thy Wife God will settle his wrath upon thee O think upon this O Husband or O Wife when thy choler begins to rise If I give way to mine anger I do but call upon God to powre down his wrath upon me Before I proceed to give directions for the subduing bridling and preventing wrath and dissention between Husband and Wife I shall endeavour to manifest which of them is most principally faulty in causing heats and dissentions between them which of them is most faulty in being angry and froward and that in these following particulars 1. THat person that in his or her anger doth by expressions manifest a contempt or undervaluing or a want of affection to the others person is principally faulty in being angry and is indeed angry immoderately and without cause for a well-grounded anger doth manifest displeasure against anothers offence and sin but not against the persons offending endeavours to make faulty persons ashamed but not a shame That Husband that doth in his anger and furiousness of spirit call his Wife Where doth indeed evidence a contempt and hatred of her person and that Wife that doth call her Husband Rogue Knave and cheating Fellow or other opprobrious terms doth really hate her Husband and is principally in fault when a difference doth arise between them Also that person that doth obstinately refuse to give due conjugal respects to the other doth evidence a contempt of the others person and is guilty of its own anger and of the strife that is stirred up between them 2. That party that keeps in memory and repeateth over old things that have been the occasion of contention a long time before is guilty of sinful anger is the promoter of new passions and is the cause of the present discord for such a party doth deliberately endeavour to raise new strife and contention for as former provocations ought to be forgiven so they ought to be forgotten Prov. 17.9 He that covereth a transgression seeketh love but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends even such near Friends as Husband and Wife And usually that person that frequently repeateth former transactions hath a prejudice against the party of whom and to whom he or she repeateth the matter and by additions and passionate perversions aggravateth the things that are so repeated So either the Husband or the Wife that makes a fresh rehearsal of old matters doth but increase his or her own fury and fully evidence his or her own faultiness 3. That party that doth in anger upbraid the other with natural Infirmities or with such failings as he or she was through the power of temptation overtaken in by a surprize and doth it in a vexatious way to cast a slur or disgrace upon the other is chiefly faulty in raising discord between them and is guilty of sinful anger being the duty of Husband and Wife to forbear every thing that may cause any breaches between them 4. That Wife that doth divulge her Husbands miscarriages to any third person and talk in company what evil he hath done is really and principally the kindler of her own causeless anger and the only occasion of discord between her and her Husband for that Husband that doth manifest anger against his Wife before others or that Wife that is discovering her fiery disgust of spirit against her Husband when others are present that she cares not at what time she vents her self though it be at such a time that she is like to do no good with it This thy violâ—nce of passion doth evidence that thou art the alone cause of thine own anger because such near Relations are bound not to divulge the dishonourable failings of each other The Reputation of thy Husband or thy Wife must be as dear to thee as thine own It is a sinful and unfaithful practice of many both Husbands and Wives who among their Companions and also amongst their Servants are opening the faults and infirmities of each other which they are bound in tenderness to cover as if they perceived not that by dishonouring one another they dishonour themselves They twain being but one flesh the dishonour of one is the disgrace of the other Love will cover a multitude of faults 1 Pet. 4.8 Nay many disaffected peevish persons will aggravate one anothers faults behind their backs to strangers and sometimes slander them and speak more than is truth and this is the effect of that persons sinful anger and displeasure against the other Many a man hath been put to it to vindicate himself in a publick way to clear his good name from the slanders of a jealous and passionate Wife An open enemy is not capable of doing so much wrong to him as she that is in his bosom because she is easily to be believed as being supposed to know him better than any other therefore that Wife that is not tender of the Reputation of her Husband but in her anger will speak things before others that tends to his disgrace and reproach is certainly guilty of sinful anger and the cause of all the discord that is between them But perhaps she will say My Husband hath spoken words to others in his anger that tended to my disparagement and why may not I speak words to others that are dishonourable to him In answer to this Know that the sin of thy Husband cannot justifie thine own sin neither is that a good Argument to justifie thy offending God because thy Husband offended God likewise
needlesly or be concerned for every domestick trifle and if any thing miscarry thou wilt not so much look to the means as to the supreme cause the Providence of God O if thou wert an heavenly Christian thou would'st be lifted up far above these sublunary things and would'st not be afflicted when crossed in them Consider then when thou art jarring and contending with thy Husband or with thy Wife when thou art venting thy self in passion for every trifle for every unadvised word for every unsuitable gesture or for things that are no way sinful thou dost evidence that thou art a stranger to an heavenly frame thy heart is drossy and earthly thy heart is too much set upon the pleasing of thy humour and dost prefer thine own will before GOD's will If thou would'st be more free from disturbances of spirit by earthly things and by the carriages of thy Husband or Wife be more in the contemplation of heavenly things than in the vanity and emptiness of earthly things and then thou wilt not think it much to be crossed in things that are of so little worth and in things that thou dost so little value Why art thou so much for the pleasing thy self in the things of this life wilt thou be contented with such things for thy portion If thou dost look for an Inheritance in Heaven do not disquiet thy self with every trifle that thou dost meet with in thy way thither If thou dost think to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven without passing through many tribulations thou art mistaken Do not then vex thy self with those things that are usual attendants of a journey to Heaven Consider with thy self thus Why shall I fret my self with a little opposition or contradiction from my Husband or Wife now It will not be long before I come home to my Fathers house where I shall be above all opposition and shall not I bear a little disquiet for an eternal rest O! wert thou an heavenly Christian thou would'st live in more sweetness amity content and satisfaction with thy Husband or with thy Wife 8. If thou would'st keep down the risings of thine anger against thy Husband or thy Wife be exceedingly humbled for thy former breakings out into anger They that resolve to set upon a duty and are not humbled for their former neglect of it are like to do little good by their resolutions Physicians use to purge out choler by bitter things and those that would tame wild Creatures keep them in the dark So humiliation for the distemper of passion is a special means to purge out passion and to tame and quiet the Spirits of men and women It may be thou hast been overcome with passion in froward fits and thou hast seen the inconveniency of them and it may be afterwards thou hadst thoughts O this is ill and thou hop'st thou shalt do so no more But although thou think'st that thou wilt do so no more yet except thou be humbled for what thou hast done thou wilt fall to it again upon the next occasion O then thou that art often and soon angry with thy Husband or thy Wife for trifles I appeal to thy conscience Canst thou affirm that thou hast been under deep humiliation for thy former passions hast thou smarted in spirit for thy former anger hast thou mourn'd and been afflicted for thy former hastiness of spirit and causeless ventings of thy passion what canst thou answer to this question O never expect to be restrained from future miscarriages except thou art truly humbled for former miscarriages of this nature O therefore thou that hast such a froward spirit O get alone and apply the salt tear of humiliation unto the choler of thy heart and see what this will do Humiliation for that which is past will be a special help to keep thee from barking snarling at and biting thy Husband or thy Wife I use such expressions because angry persons are very dogged in their carriages one to another 9. If thou would'st live in peace and quietness with thy Husband or thy Wife thou should'st be offended with nothing in thy Husband or in thy Wife but what God is offended with Such of thy Husbands actions as do displease God should displease thee What authority or right hast thou to be offended with thy Husband when God is not or what reason canst give why thou should'st be distasted with any of his actions that God is not Yea certainly thou ought'st not to find fault with that in thy Husband which God doth not If you would both of you more faithfully endeavour to conform to Gods will your wills would be more united and there would not be such differences between you But if your wills do oppose Gods will 't is no wonder if there be heats and contests between you Sin is the greatest make-bate in the world if you are not affraid of displeasing God you will not be affraid of displeasing one another O then if thou could'st so far govern thine own spirit as to take offence at nothing in thy Husband but what is sinful thou would'st not be so angry with him as thou art The Apostle saith Ephes 4.26 Be angry and sin not or be angry with nothing or for nothing but what is sinful for I find the learned Interpreters rendring the meaning thus Be not angry with the Person of one another but his Sin and be angry as much against that sin in thy self as another Observeâ— but this rule and it will prevent abundance of contention that usually ariseth between such near Relations 10. If thou would'st prevent the raging of thine anger against thy Husband or thy Wife take heed of the first beginnings of thy passion We know when a fire is begun in an house we do not stay quenching of it till the house be all on h flame but if there be but a little fire kindled in any part of the house if it be but a smoke thou wilt say where is it and thou art not quiet till thou hast found it out so it should be when passions begin to rise thy Soul begins to be on fire and thou should'st be as much for quenching it at first rising as thou would'st when thou seest fire break out in thine house at the very first Perhaps a Dish of water may quench that now that if thou stay'st till half an hour hence it may take hold of such solid matter as that it passeth all thy labour and industry to quench and makes a pitiful ruine So if thou observest thy choler from the beginning seeing it begin to fume or kindle for some light or small offence it is easie for thee to suppress it and stay the course but if it be once settled and begin to swell and thou stir it up and inflame it it will be hard for thee afterwards to quench it A small spark if nourished will increase to a furious flame so there have been most fearful distempers of passion from very small
sickly children which he will quickly take from them by death or let their Children prove a scurge or curse to them O Wives you will first charge your Husbands falsly with faults from a rash envious and wicked misinterpreting their actions and then pretend cause to reprove them when the fault you charge them with is of your own forging Therefore O Wives you must carefully beware that you do not charge your Husbands with any miscarriages from your own malicious wresting of the sense of their words or actions for in this you offend God highly There are few Wives but will pretend reasons for finding fault with their Husbands when they can evidence none and their contentions wranglings are the effects of putting false constructions upon their words and actions conceiting things to be otherwise than in truth they are and upon this ground they have presumed to carry it irreverently to their Husbands I say they must take care of miscarrying in this respect 4. You must not presume to admonish your Husbands for any thing but that which tends to destroy his Soul or impoverish his Family that is for that which is a dishonour to God a breach of his Law a straying from the Divine Rule or a neglect of the duty that God requires from them or 2dly a wasting of their Estates by misemploying or extravagantly consuming them thereby not providing for the necessaries of their families For lesser matters than these you are not to find fault with your Husbands at all as for gestures of the body for sometimes using the vulgar dialect of the Countrey in discourse not keeping their apparel in that excellent order as some do or the fashion requires for not complementing for not manifesting a fond carriage to you for not telling you every thing they are about to do before they act it for not observing your times for staying at home or going abroad for discoursing with persons of an inferiour quality you thinking it too much beneath them some innocent actions of the hand in talking or such inconsiderable trifles that are not in their own nature sinful I say such things you are not to take notice of in your Husbands nor manifest your selves angry with your Husbands for them A truly gracious Soul can very well bear with such trifles in an Husband without being distasted with him and such Wives as cannot do either evidence the weakness of their grace or their want of grace But there are some Wives of such wrangling spirits as that they will use more violent expressions in finding fault with such trifles than at any time they will do when their Husbands sin against God Tho' they ought in a limited sense due manner to admonish them of the sins that they do commit yet the Wife may not at any time lawfully reprove the Husband for that which is not sinful yet she may humbly desire him to comply with her in things indifferent if he think fit But for a Wife to contend with an Husband about inconsiderable toys is very unbecoming her and the cause of much disquiet in a Family Many Wives are apt to censure that to be sin in an Husband which is not as I can instance in one that looked upon the sighs and groans of her Husband and the rising and falling of his voice in Prayer to be hypocrisie affectation and self-conceitedness when for ought she knew they might be the effects and evidences of fervency in spirit as in Rom. 8.26 We know not what we should pray for but the Spirit it self maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered that is the Spirit helpeth us to make us earnest and fervent in prayer which is evidenced by groanings beyond what can be evidenced by the bare expression of the mouth yea groanings do evidence an ardent desire of mind even when we are not able to speak and indeed that prayer which is breathed in out by the Spirit of God cannot be without some external evidences either of voice countenance or sighs Do not then condemn that prayer which may be of the spirits working and indeed were we more fervent in prayer we should manifest more sighings and groanings in it Prayer is not to be measured by the multitude fineness of words but by the earnest groans of the heart Sighs and groans evidence more of the heart in prayer than words alone for words alone may be but babling and as the drawing nigh of the hypocrite Considering this let no woman find fault with that in an Husband which the word of God doth not condemn in him Tho' many of his carriages may not please her humour yet she must patiently bear with them and not speak against them except they be sinful and she can prove them so by Scripture It is better by much to be silent than to cry out against that which we cannot prove to be sin by Gods word No good is done by reproving a deed except by Scripture the doer can be convinced of sin 5. Be careful that under pretence of reproving your Husbands you do not utter any expressions that tend to the undervaluing and contempt of your Husbands persons parts or education for reproachful disgraceful words given to an Husband will cause conjugal affections to decay very much If you reproach your Husbands when you pretend to reprove their sins you will break their heads instead of their hearts and make them flie in your faces instead of falling down at Gods feet Some are apt to manifest their dislike of being related to their Husbands as their Wives and this is very sinful nay it is sinful to wish so in their hearts for therein they quarrel at the providence and dislike the appointments of God Some will say to their Husbands when they are at any time crost in their humours If I had known this and this by thee before as well as I do now I would never have had thee for my Husband Some Wives will drop expressions as if they deserv'd a better Husband than they had one richer and better than they had Some will tell their Husbands They had better married some inferiour person which wou'd have better suted their clownish breeding than with them who were better educated All which expressions tend to the undervaluing their Husbands persons and education such Wives who by their carriages expressions do thus slight their Husbands are never like to convince them of sin they may perplex and afflict them but not do them good Some men are more troubled with what is said to them than what is done to them Unfriendly and undervaluing speeches have lain heavier upon them than the heaviest of pressures Job was broken in pieces with words chap. 19.2 Indeed reproachful and reviling language hath occasioned many sad effects for cruel words many times provoke to cruel actions Hard words are numbred amongst the hardest tryals If then O Wife under a pretence of reproving thy Husbands sin thou
live comfortably together is their neglecting to give their Children a Pious Education which through Divine assistance might be a special means to heal the viâ—iosity of their depraved natures to master and conquer their sinful propenâ—ions God in judgment permits Husbands Wives to be plagues to each other who neglect by education â—o refine and reform their Children and make them pliable to the Divine Will who are rugged and untoward by nature for if an Husband be not tender of a regular carriage to his inferiours he will never be tender of a dutiful carriage to God And if the Wife doth not carry her self as she ought to her Children and Servants she will never carry her self as she ought towards her Husband nor have any tender care to promote Gods honour If Husbands and Wives did better discharge their duties to their inferiours they would live more peaceably with each other Therefore I shall give them some directions how they should carry themselves to inferiours in general and then give some particular directions how they ought to carry themselves to their Children in respect of instruction and correction 1. Concerning their carriage to inferiours in general 1. Let Husbands and Wives be careful not to be too hasty or sudden in charging faults on their Children Servants or other inferiours For sudden surprizes do put them by all due consideration that many times they speak what otherwise they would not Therefore give them time to consider what to answer and advise them to speak the truth tho' against themselves telling them That a lye will double their fault and greatly encrease their guilt 2. In reproving your inferiours manage your reproofs so prudently that you may manifest love to their persons when you evidence the dislike of their sins Begin gently to use all persuasive motives to reclaim them from sin and allure them to the ways of God Never use severity but in cases of flat necessity lest the too frequent exercise of severity make them to despise you and harden them against you When you mix some severe expressions of holy anger against their sin let it be done in a grave prudent way for when you deal with them in a boisterous way you only put them into a slavish fear Let them perceive that you are more displeased with them for oâ—â—ences committed directly against God than your selves Pray let not your passions like unruly torrents overflow the banks that are limitted by Scripture and Reason A grave carriage and a sober moderate anger will procure reverence and advance reformations but that which is mixâ—d with horrid noise and clamours â—â—oweth from the breast of fools A Child can never persuade himself that such anger proceedeth from love when he is made the sink to receive the daily disgorgements of a cholerick stomach when the unhappy necessity of his relation ties him to be always in the way where an angry disposition must vent and empty it self If you that rule be thus unruly how can you expect your inferiours to be regular when your uncomely demeanour doth almost convince them that love can hardly be the genuine root of your anger but that they are made the sad objects of your native temper and that your reprehensions are spic'd with hatred If you have cause to be angry yet let not your storms run all upon the Rocks but endeavour speedily to cool the inflamation to abate the feaver and slack the fire of your anger 3. Observe a prudent administration of your rebukes gild those bitter Pills with hopes of winning your favour upon their amendment mix those unpleasant potions with some sweet emollient Juices that such interwoven lenity may procure access for your admonitions and effect your desired 〈◊〉 Great heinous faults if repeated deserve a greater ardency of spirit Smaller offences of Wife Children Servants if they be not committed openly rebuke them a part and in private Wink at infirmities and failings that are not positively sinful in a plain breach of the known Law of God Reserve your severest and sharpest reprehensions for open and scandalous sins that have been reiterated having a shâ—w of contempt and disdain 1 Tim 5.20 4. Beware that you do not reprove your inferiours to gratifie a froward perverse humour Your aims intentions must be upright in reproving Take heed of mingling any wildfire of price vain-glory and ambitious humour of contradicting and controuling others with your zeal of reproving Let your rebukes be purely for Gods glory out of hatred unto sin and out of love to the Salvation of your inferiours 5. If you would reform the miscarriages of your inferiours do it by way of instruction and preceptive injunctions Lay it as a charge upon their souls in the name of God That they hearken to and obey your institutions Efficacious words rather than many are to be sought studied used There be some especially Wives when they are displeased with their Children or Servants when they begin to speak against what they dislike they are not willing to give over but keep thundering out their frivolous repetitions of the same things for an hour together Therefore beware when you reprove the faults of inferiours that you do not multiply words for in a multitude of words there will be many impertinencies which nourish contentions and rather bring contempt upon the reprover than reform the reproved Therefore in few words and insignificant terms injoyn them to conform to your instructions that you give them from Gods word and say no more but with a grave look 〈◊〉 them 6. Before your reprove your inferiours or joyn corrections with your reproofs consider Whither their faults proceed from imprudence and weakness or obstinacy and wilfulness upon what grounds and occasions upon what provocations and seductions and deal with them according to the circumstances their faults are cloathed with If they appear to be truly sorrowful and deeply humbled and do readily beg forgiveness of God and you with a promise of amendment and leading a new life you ought to deal gently with them 7. Take heed of exasperating and provoking Wives Children and Servants by rigid and severe courses where less may effect your purpose There are some cruel Husbands and Wives that carry themselves more like raging Bruits than men and women that take pleasure in tyrannical corrections If they do not act what they would have them as they would have them and as soon as they would have them they â—all upon those their inferiours and tare them 〈◊〉 â—â—â—ld beasts Such superiours are apt to â—â—â—pret 〈◊〉 their inferiours actions in the woâ—â—◠〈◊〉 and â—ay they are fauly in their actio◠〈…〉 hate their persons and so dea◠〈◊〉 and â—ardly with them Take heed of making your Wives Children and Servants vile in your eyes by too much severity and know that God will require such vile acts at your hands at the great day 8. Tho' you ought to maintain the eminency of your