for God hath some hand in it to humble thee for some sin happily thou hast hid some cursed thing in thy heart as Achan did the wedge of gold and Babylonish Garment in the Earth in the middest of his Tent for which sin of his all Israel were beaten back by the Citizens of Aâ— Josh 7 5. And we know God would not go forth with Israel to blesse them and to give them victory over their Adversaries untill this sin was purged out But if this be thy case that as I said there is some secret sin lying hid in thy heart do not delude thy selfe thou must set thy selfe to the worke of humiliation and reformation before thou canst expect a gracious speeding in thy sute but when that is done rouze up thy spirit be not discouraged but set on afresh with vigour againe and againe and if it be for Gods glory and the mutuall good of you both thou shalt certainly speed and further thou oughtest not to desire it But I desire to adde one thing yet further and that by way of Advice Be very circumspect that before Marriage thou be not prodigall in thy engagements be sure thou promise her no more Maintenance than thou art well assured thy meanes will make good oâ— that may beseeme her in that condition as being thy wife Againe take care in a speciall manner that thou promise her no more than thy honest purpose is to make good and performe to the full For otherwise when things come to passe contrary to thy promises it will be a cause of much variance and of great breaches betweene you which like a fretting gangrene will eat out the very vitals of love for upon thy non-performance or unability to make good all thou hast unadvisedly and wickedly promised she will both twit thee and exclaime against thee for cheating and deluding of her with faire and golden promises which since are vanished into meere vapours it is more safe and creditable for thee rather to promise nothing to her that way but yet to do what with reason may be fitting One thing more and no more of this Conceale not before-hand any deficiency in Nature that may disable thee to performe any Conjugall duties whatsoever Thus much may suffice to inform thee in all the meanes thou art to use to obtaine a good wife and a meet helper We are in then nâ—xt place with the Lords leave and assistance to come to take a view of the duties which Married persons are obliged to performe wherein we shall consider the duties the Husband doth owe unto his Wife and the rather shall we do this in the first place to draw on the Wife to a cheerefull performance of hers likewise to her Husband The first duty the Husband doth owe unto his Wife is Conjugall Affections The first duty of the Husband to his Wife Or Matrimoniall and speciall love The greatest part of a womans outward comfort in Marriage stands in the entire love and hearty Affections of her Husband toward her and if she misse of this from her Husband she may feare his falling short in all the rest for the love of a Husband to his Wife is as the foundation stone of all his other duties it is as the chiefe wheele in the Clock which gives a dexterous motion to all the other wheeles thy cordiall love to thy Wife will sweeten her condition in this life in her worst outward crosses in want of health wealth the society of good Neighbours pleasures and what not nay let her life be fill'd with the Affluence and Confluence of all the comforts under the Sun yet the bare want of the apprehension of her Husbands Affections toward her will make her dip all her Morsels in vinegar and gall and make her complaine that she doth not see one good day Now that it is the duty of the Husband to love his Wife appeares Eph. 5.25 Husbands saith the Apostle love your Wives as Christ loved his Church that is for kind not for measure for the measure of the love of Christ to his Church no dimensions can demonstrate for to know the love of Christ the Apostle saith it passeth knowledge Eph. 2.19 and in Col. 3.19 the Apostle bids Husbands to love their wives and not be bitter unto them The woman was made of a Rib taken out of the side of man and therefore Adam saith she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh Gen. 2.23 Nay by Gods Ordinance they are no more twaine but one flesh and from hence Paul taketh an Argument to perswade the Husband to love his Wife because no man yet did ever hate his own flesh Eph. 5.28 29. You may remember that upon another occasion we did observe that Jacob esteemed Rachel his Wife as his right hand he call'd his Sons name of whom she died Benjamin or the Son of his right hand Gen. 35.18 God calls the wife of Ezekiel the desire of his eyes Son of man I take from thee the desire of thine eyes with a stroake Ezek. 24.16 18. The Prophet Nathan tels David in a Parable that Bathsheba the wife of Uriah lay in his bosome that is in the bosome of her Husbands Affections 2 Sam. 12.3 You plainly see then that it is the duty of the Husband to love his Wife Now that there are Scripture Incitations for it and Scripture Presidents for it too you must know you sin against God if you performe it not and if you do it not then as you have heard you bring affliction and griefe on your Wife so likewise you bring much prejudice on your own selfe for you discourage her from drawing in the same Yoake with you you disable her to be a meet helper you make her to be uncheerfull in all the duties of her generall and particular calling and which is worse you expose your selfe to the strength of many noysome lusts as elsewhere hath been mentioned be thou so convinced that it is a speciall duty that the Husband doth owe to his Wife even to love her with Conjugall and entire love as that thou set thy selfe to the practice of it wherein stands thy owne and her comfort The second Duty which the Husband doth owe unto his wife is Cohabitation The seconâ— duty of the Husband to his Wife or to live together in one Family mutually to enjoy intimate society both in bed and at boord for where this is not there no duty which a Husband doth owe unto his Wife can be performed Nay the very ends of Marriage are hereby null and frustrate The Apostle Peter laies a command on Husbands to dwell with their Wives Ye Husbands dwell with your Wives c. 1 Pet. 3.7 Can a man have any true comfort in his Wife or she in him if they do not dwell together Truly it is not only against Grace but against Nature too for them to do otherwise for the Husband is the head of his Wife and of his Family When
he then shall deny this Cohabitation there is a headlesse body behind and what is that short in some sense of a Monster It had been infinitely better as we may say that they had never been man and wife than being such not to live together This truth being so generally acknowledged and rarely if at all denied we shall use much brevity in handling of it but by the way notoriously abominable are such persons as falter in the performance of this duty Whether it be Husband or Wife The third duty of the Husband to the Wife In the third place the Husbands duty to his Wife is to labour to edifie and build her up more and more in the saving knowledge of God and in the waies of his Grace and to seeke especially the happinesse of her soule to help her forward to glorifie God here that she may be everlastingly glorified in Heaven hereafter hence it is that the Apostle in the place quoted before in 1 Pet. 3.7 requires the Husband to dwell with his wife as a man of knowledge If the Wife will learne saith Paul let her aske her Husband at home 1 Cor. 14.35 which implies two things First that the Husband ought himselfe to labour for Illumination and abundance of the knowledge of God Then secondly that it is his duty to informe and to instruct his wife As the head of a Naturall body carries the Eyes so it sees not only for it selfe but for all the members of the body so it should be in this case The Husband is the Candlestick and Divine knowledge in him is the Light Now our Saviour saith Luk. 8.16 No man lighteth a Candle and covereth it with a vessell or putteth it under a bed but setteth it on a Candlestick that they that come in may see the light The knowledge that is in the Husband should be communicative to all in the Family in generall and to his Wife in particular Now the Husband must labour to edifie and build up his Wife and to further her in the way of holinesse by his performance of these particular duties viz. By Dehortations Exhortations Reprehensions and as occasion is by labouring to give her Consolations So also by praying for her and with her by reading the Word of God to her and by holy Conference as frequently as may be For by praying for her he may find the Lord graciously intreated to confer and bestow Grace into her heart and to give her a daily encrease thereof Secondly By praying with her he may be a meanes to put life and quickning into her spirit in all duties Thirdly By reading the Word of God to her he may instruct her Fourthly By using holy Conference with her he may stir up in her ardent desires and Heavenly Affections in minding things of a more sublime Nature than any thing in this transitory life And if she be ignorant of the waies of God and the duties she doth owe unto God and man it must be the care of her Husband to informe her to teach and instruct her in those things But if she know them then he must labour to rub them afresh upon her Memory as the Apostle Peter did on them to whom he wrote 2 Pet. 1.12 that she may set her selfe the more seriously to the practice of them Beloved a man is no way able to shew his love more unto his Wife than by labouring that she may be everlastingly happy as well as himselfe And happy is that woman who doth enjoy such a Husband as is very tender of her soules health and who doth labour to further her in the discharging of all her duties in her generall and particular Calling even in doing the Will of God and insuffering his pleasure We might have been larger in this particular and doubtlesse should but that in the next head we shall have occasion to mention some of the forementioned directions againe as very proper to the next duty of the Husband to the Wife and so desist here The fourth duty of the Husband to his Wife In the fourth place the duty of the Husband to the Wife is to labour to reclaime her from any sin and sinfull course she doth live in for sin is of a deceitfull nature and will deceive the soules of the choicest Christians in the world if not rooted out betimes before the heart be hardened therein And therefore the Holy Ghost bids us exhort one another to day to prevent the same Heb. 3.13 Therefore if a man see his wife nourish any sin in her heart or life he had need to bestir himselfe to make opposition against it * Note for mind it well if sin be not mortified early we may feare that in time it will mortifie Grace They cannot be both fruitfull in one poore heart and if Grace die an exceeding sad Funerall will follow But if it be demanded what be the meanes the Husband must use to reclaime his Wife from any sin I answer First Earnest Prayer and Supplication to God in her behalfe this way When the Church had gone astray from God and had run themselves into many miseries the Prophet Jeremy seekes unto God in their behalfe thus Turne thou unto us O Lord and we shall be turned renew our daies as of old Lam. 5.21 Gen. 25.21 As God heard Isaac praying for his Wife for a fruitfull wombe that she might conceive and beare so how knowest thou but that thou maiest by Prayer prevaile with God in thy Wives behalfe that she may conceive the seed of saving Grace in her heart and bring forth the fruit of it in her life even the Mortification of that sin or sins that are most predominant in her and with much comfort maiest thou expect such a blessing on thy Prayers if they be fervent Iam. 5.16 God hath the hearts of all men and women in his hands and can turne them at his own pleasure he can make a proud heart humble a hard heart soft an Earthly heart Heavenly a crooked heart straight he can help the perversenesse of the Will and the disorder of the Affections God hath a Plaister for every sore and a proper remedy for every disease God can help the blindnesse of the Mind the Errour of the Judgement the irregularity of the whole man Then I say go unto God in the first place and importune him for mercy for and for cure of thy Wives soule-sicknesse and distempers In the second place thou must kindly and with all possible sweetnesse admonish her of the danger of sin and of the fearefull fruits and sad effects of it as that thereby she dishonoureth a good God she woundeth her owne Conscience she bringeth discredit to the Gospell she provokes the Lords indignation and wrath against her to her confusion if she persevere in sin labour to perswade her that sin hath a long taile of judgements at the heeles of it Externall Internall and Eternall Inchoated on Earth Consummated in Hell
of thy future tranquillity glory and blisse at the right hand of thy dearest Saviour in Heaven to all Eternity hereafter In the sixth place The sixth duty of the Husband to his Wife it is the duty of the Husband to his wife to beare with her infirmities We that are strong ought saith the Apostle to beare the infirmities of the weake Rom. 15.1 And Peter in 1 Pet. 3.7 saith the woman is the weaker vessell Ergo A man ought to beare with the Infirmities of his wife But the question is what faults may be said to be Infirmities to be borne with in any in generall and in the woman in particular I answer these and such like as forgetfulnesse of some materiall businesse some unusuall neglect of duty to the Husband Children or Servants some wasting and spoyling of the Creature contrary to Custome formerly or purpose then or some not ordinary breakin gs forth into extravagant and exorbitant passions heat and Choler of the last kind we shall find two very sad presidents from two gracious women and of two patterns of admirable patience in their Husbands The first is the extreame but groundlesse passion of Sarah formerly Sarai raised against her Husband Abraham Gen. 16 2 3.4 5 6. we shall abbreviate the Divine History Sarai was barren and Aged she despaires of being naturall mother to any Children who did therefore desire to be the reputed mother of Children she makes a motion such a one as it was unto her Husband to go in to her Maid Hagar Abraham hearkens to her voice and doth it Hagar conceives then is elevated in herselfe and casts off due honour from her Mistris which she discerning is presently full of passion and vents it very uncivilly into the bosome of her Husband and speakes thus that is My wrong be upon thee I gave thee my maid into thy bosome and when she saw that she had conceived I was despised in her eyes thâ— Lord judge betweene me and thee Well Saraâ— what 's the matter Here is a great complaint out who hath done thee the wrong What Abram No he poore man is innocent in comparison of thy selfe what a false charge iâ— here drawn up against Abram What clamor upon it What appeales to God about it But how doth Abram demeane himselfe in the condition Truly singularly well he beats wiâ— this infirmity in his wife he knew this wâ— not the frame and temper of her spirit anâ— therefore answers very mildly and saith to be behold thy Maid is in thy hand do to her at pleaseth thee The second sad president as beforesaid is that of the carraige of Zipporah to her husband Moses Ex. 4.19 20 21 25 26 Moses being commanded by God to leave the land of Midian and to returne into Egypt about the delivering of the Children of Israel out of bondage he takes his Wife and Sons and the Rod of God in his hand and begins his journey but be having neglected the observation of a speciall Ordinance of God viz. the circumcising of his Son God saith the Text met him in the Inne and sought to kill him where note by the way that it is a dangerous thing for a man to take a journey though upon as lawfull an occasion as can be with the neglect of a duty or the guilt of any sin lying on the conscience unrepented of Moses you see is in great danger of death and his wife knowing the cause of it takes a sharpe stone and cuts off the fore-skin of her Son and throws it at his feet with these words surely a bloudy husband art thou unto me which was a very Contemptible Contumelious uncivill and unmannerly behaviour in her yet he is silent bears with her infirmities and no doubt but he did consider there lay a sad temptation on her spirit and withall was conscientious of his own sin against God and so sweetly passeth by his wives weakness Now these infirmities which a Husband out of duty to his wife must beare with must not be publike nor giving scandall and offence to others Nay whatever they are he must take a fit opportunity to give her a sweet reproofe for such a Husband as is in a passion for his wives infirmities will make such a smoake in his house as shall disturbe all in or neare it The discretion of a man deferreth his anger and it is his glory to passe by a transgression Prov. 19.11 The seventh duty of the Husband to his Wife The seventh duty the Husband doth owe unto his Wife is due maintenance in all things both inward and outward for her comfortable bodily subsistance here both in life and livelihood for supportation of health whilest it is enjoyed and for restoration of it when decayed And this to be performed with as much dearenesse of affections and tendernesse of heart as to himselfe which duty the Apostle clearely requires husbands to performe to their wives Eph 5.28 29. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies be that loveth his wife loveth himselfe for no man ever yet hated his own flesh but cherisheth and nourisheth it even as Christ doth his Church Now we know all men will nourish their own bodies with such meat and drink and Physick with such Preservatives and Restoratives of health as is necessary And they will cherish their own body with such Apparell as may not only keep them warme in their bodies but be some delight unto their minds The same for kind and measure for quality and quantity they must allow unto their wives if it be of necessity or necessary for them which I dare presume it is almost alwaies Yet this must be granted that a man must not maintaine himselfe in any thing either for food or rayment above his ability or unbecoming his place and Calling Neither must he allow it his wife and doubtlesse no discreet wife will desire the same Beloved you have heard at large that it is the duty of the Husband to his Wife to tender the good of her soule and can any man think that the good of her body is to be neglected Truly it were absurd for any to conceit any such thing God would not have the mouth of the Oxe to be muzled when he treadeth out the Corne Deut. 25.4 and will he have the mouth of her muzled that doth draw with thee in the same yoke Surely no The Apostle saith that he is worse than an Infidell that doth not provide for his own Family 1 Tim. 5.8 Now if the whole Family must be provided for as none dare deny then much more she who in thy absence is the head of the Family and in thy own presence thy right-hand Mate VVhat encouragement can thy wife have to seek thy good when thou shalt in whole or in part neglect hers Besides when thou shalt especially with cheerefulnesse allow thy wife all due and necessary maintenance for her comfort and encouragement in this life if she
of livelihood somtimes to enjoy society of choise friends there be none of these but may give a man a cleare call somtimes to remove his habitation he must if he be a Christian obey God herein Now take this for a most undeniable truth that whatever passage of Divine providence will warrant the lawfulnesse of the Husbands change of place of dwelling will also warrant the Wives call to travell with her Husband and to live with him wheresoever he pitch his Tent. Marke the Apostles phrase 1 Cor. 9.5 Have we not power to lead about a Sister a Wife as well as other Apostles and as the Brethren of the Lord and as Cephas where you may note that the Apostles the Brethren of the Lord and Cephas did lead about their wives which they could not have done against their wills and Paul doth challenge the same priviledge as due to him as well as to the other But to add a cleare demonstration to this truth yet further by joyning presidents to priviledges consider the practice of Sarah when God cals Abraham to leave his country and go into that which he would shew him she goeth with him Gen. 12.5 When God cals him the second time to remove that is to go into Egypt because of the Famine in the Land where he did live you shall find his wife did go with him ver 10 11. who did also returne with him Chap. 13.1 Againe when God cals Isaac to go to Gerar to sojourne there for a time and that by reason of Famine too Rebekah his wife goes with him Gen. 26.1 7. But in a speciall manner mind the practice of Leah and Rachel they are willing to leave their Fathers house and kindred not being enforced by Famine to enjoy society with Jacob their husband Gen. 31.4 to the end of ver 18. As Ruth said to Naomi her mother in Law Where thou goest I will go and where thou lodgest I will lodge and where thou dyest I will dye and there will I be buried The Lord do so to me and more also if ought but death part thee and me Ruth 1.16 17. So must every Christian wife say to her husband where thou livest I will live and where thou diest I will die and there will I be buried for nought but death shall part thee and me By all which it doth or may appeare that it is the duty of the wife to her husband to Cohabit with him in what place soever God shall call him and if she performe not this duty she disables her selfe to the observation of others But in case first that the husband will live in a Popish Countrey out of either a superstitious or fantasticall end or humour The wife is not bound to follow him for she must look more after the true worship of God and the salvation of her own soule than after any outward comfortable condition in the world Or secondly if the Husband be an unbeliever and doth not like to live with a believing wife then such a wife is at liberty if I mistake not the Apostle to live from him 1 Cor. 7.13 15. But lastly in case the husband do violate the Covenant of Marriage by Adultery Fornication c. Then if the wife please she may forsake him which by necessary consequence may appeare from the words of Christ Mat. 5.32 Chap. 19 9. For if the husband may put his wife away for such breach of Marriage-Contract why not the wife put away her husband on the like occasion But if upon ordinary occasion the wife shall refuse the performance of this duty to her husband she doth make void and null one speciall end of Marriage and so sins against God the ordainer of that happy estate also against her Husband in depriving him of his due comfort and lastly against her soule and conscience as contracting sin and guilt and against her body in a violent cutting the thread of her chiefest externall felicity So much for this particular duty from the wife to the husband In the third place The third duty of the VVife to the Husband the duty of the Wife to her Husband is to improve her spirituall abilities to be helpfull to him in the best things for the good of his soule to stir him up to good duties when she takes notice of any remissnesse and carnall security in him by sweet exhortations and holy conference she must labour to quicken him against a spirituall Lethargy which if it seize on him will so becloud and benight his senses that he shall have neither head nor heart with any cheerefulnesse of spirit to walke with his God which if his wife discerne him inclining to but in a speciall manner captivated under she had need to bestir her selfe to salute him often with such Texts of Scripture as these viz. Luk. 9.62 1 Cor. 9 the later part of ver 24. Phil. 3.13 14. Rev. 2.4 and the begining of ver 5. Rev. 3.15 16. Luk. 17.32 Ezek. 18.24 26. She must labour to stir him up to love and good workes and therein follow the example of the Shunamite 2 King 4 9 10. thou that art a Wife read the place and follow the Precept She must labour to strengthen her Husbands faith when he shews most weakenesse After Manoah had offered a sacrifice to God the Angell of the Lord did wonderfully in the presence of him and his wife The good Mans faith began to faile We shall dye saith he because we have seen God want of faith was like to kill the poore man Now his wife steps in very opportunely and labours to strengthen his faith If saith she the Lord would have kill'd us he would not have told us these things nor accepted a Sacrifice at our hands Judg. 13.20 22 23. so she makes good that place in Eccl. 4.9 10. Two are bettter than one for if one fall the other will lift up his fellow but woe be to him that is alone for he hath not another to help him up Truly there is a marvellous Sympathy betweene Husband and Wife in all conditions I meane when they live and love together as man and wife one will labour to support another And one thing let me put thee on in a speciall manner that is be sure as thou dost desire to improve thy gifts and parts for the good of thy Husbands soule That thou do never neglect to pray for him As Aaron did beare the names of the Children of Israel before the Lord on his two shoulders for a memoriall Exod. 28.9 12. So be thou sure to beare the remembrance of thy Husbands poore soule upon thy heart when thou art to appeare before the Lord in thy Closet-worship that thou maiest prevaile with God for a blessing for him that he may be heavenly and spirituall in all his deportments toward God and toward manâ— that in the strength of Gods grace he may be a selfe-denying and a selfe-mortifying Christian That he may be furnished with
Family to have food in due season and that it be good for quality and enough for quantity and nothing spoyled for want of seasonable spending she must have a jealous eye upon such servants in whom there is the least ground of suspition of unfaithfulnesse to prevent their passages out of the backe doore as we â—ay and to take heed of laying temptations on them by letting them enjoy any opportunities to come at such things which concerne them not to have to do with but at times of washings or cleansing the corners of the house for the Proverbe is that the temptation makes the Thiefe She must in a speciall manner be carefull of the Education and breeding of the Children they being the chiefest part of her Husbands and her owne Estate she must be as helpfull as she may if need require to her Husband in his outward Calling But thou that art a Wife if thou desire to performe thy duty this way then for thy imitation read often and consider seriously of the waies of the good Houswife in Pro. 31.10 to the end of that Chapter And truly let me tell thee that if thou be not consciencious to further thy Husband in his outward estate thou art very unworthy to have any share in that honour of being reputed among the number of meet helpers There hath many a man been raised to a good outward estate by the industry of his wife for the hand of the diligent maketh rich Prov. 10.4 whether the hand of Husband or Wife And many a man hath been brought to miserable penury and beggery by the Idlenesse and such qualities as attend thereon of his wife Lastly The Wife may very much help her Husband in his outward Estate by labouring to prevent him or to seeke to reclaime him from profuse unthrifty and expensive waies I say she should first labour to prevent him from such Estate-consuming courses which she may do by labouring to provide all necessary and wholsome dyet at home for him with due attendance and a quiet Family for many a man having wanted these at home hath sought them abroad and so by little and little custome in unthrifty courses hath brought a necessity on him of continuance in them a necessity indeed but yet springing from his own wicked heart But thou that art a Wife if thou canst not prevent this plague from falling on thy Family then in the second place thou must labour in all waies of wisdome and sweetnesse to reclaime him out of these pernitious courses Beseech him to consider his sin by this wicked way of his against God Secondly against his own soule Thirdly against his body by unhealthfulnesse and noysome diseases Fourthly against his Credit Fifthly Against his owne Estate Sixthly Against thy selfe Lastly Against his poore Children Thou must also labour to be as amiable in his eye as possible that he may delight in thy company truly they are no good meanes that some women use to reclaime their Husbands by as to follow them with an enraged spirit to an Ale-house and there to raile and foame pull and teare as if they would throw the house out of the window as we say for this course seldome or never doth do any good But if all the meanes thou canst use prove in vaine beg of God to sanctifie this sore afflicton to thee and thine and the more expensive thy Husband is abroad the more sparing be thou at home that if possible the Estate may hold out to be a meanes to bring up thy Children untill under God they can shift by good waies for themselves But for thy own condition whether in such a desperate case thou maiest make a purse for thy selfe as we say or not I shall say very little and that under correction too submitting to the judgement of learned and judicious Divines but I am fully satisfied in my own conscience that thou maiest not contrary to thy Husbands allowance lay by one penny as we lay against a wet day and the reason why I thus thinke is because thy Husband alone hath the propriety in his Estate unlesse some agreement betweene you before Marriage or betweene thy friends and him have altered the case And we must for ever walke by this Rule that we must not do evill that good may come thereby Rom. 3.8 for their damnation is just But this thou must do and in so doing approve thy selfe a Christian thou must act faith on God Hab. 3.17 18. And that thou canst not do if thou neglect lawfull meanes or use any that is unlawfull The eighth duty of the VVife to the Husband Now in the eighth and last place the duty of the Wife to her Husband is to put forth her selfe with all tendernesse and endeared Affections with all readinesse enlargednesse and cheerefulnesse to yield him comfort and succour in the time of bodily affliction sicknesse and weakness we have seen before that the aiming at comfort in all conditions is one end and a principall one too of our desiring the Marriage condition And if a woman be any way negligent herein she doth leave unperformed one speciall duty she doth owe to her Husband for if ever a man stand in need of his Wives help he doth so in a speciall manner when he cannot help himselfe Now the time of sicknesse and weakenesse is such a time and then the wife must in an extraordinary way put forth her best abilities in her own person to contribute to the foresaid purpose and not only so but she must labour to procure able and faithfull attendants about him and by no meanes neglect to look out to procure under God help from such Physitians as have both the Theory practique part of their profession and manifest most tendernesse care and honesty for the good and recovery of their patients But what meanes soever she makes use of she must depend on the God of meanes for a blessing which she must crave of him by earnest and fervent prayer for such prayer is a meanes sanctified of God to save the sick Jam. 5.15 We shall turne in here and proceed no further to lay down the particular duties that the Wife doth owe to her Husband of which she must make conscience as in the presence of God And that as she will approve her selfe to be a meet helper to her Husband the number of which duties you see are eight first Matrimoniall love Secondly Cohabitation Thirdly To be helpfull to him in the best things for the good of his soule Fourthly Submission to him Fifthly To reverence him Sixthly To labour to beare with his Infirmities Seventhly To yield him furtherance in his outward Estate Eighthly and lastly To labour to help and comfort him in time of Ilnesse and weaknesse of any kind We have endeavoured hitherto to consider of the distinct duties of the Husband to his Wife And of the VVives duties to her Husband or which duties some that the Husband doth owe unto his VVife
But if by these loving Admonitions thou canst not prevaile thou must then proceed to sharpe â— proofes and rebukes Thou shalt not hate saith God thy Brother in thy heart thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy Neighbour and not suffer sin upon him Lev. 19.17 Now if a man should be tender of the salvation of a Brother and of a Neighbour then much more of the salvation of a Wife who hath a kind of onenesse with thy selfe Rachel was Jacobs best beloved Wife yet when in a discontented humour she comes to him and saith give me Children or else I dye thereby derogating from God and arrogating to her Husband which sin of her we read not that ever before she did commitâ— Yet the Text notes that when Jacob heard iâ— his Anger was kindled and he saith unto her Am I in Gods stead who hath with-held from thee the fruit of the wombe Gen. 30.1 2. The wife of Job bids him curse God and dye which was her fearefull sin her husband replies with a word of sharpe reproofe and tels her that she spake like a foolish woman Job 2.10 When the Tumour is swolne to such a bignesse it is full time to lance it and apply Corrasives to it to eate out the Corruption else it may gangrene to the destruction of the body But herein use thy best wisdome to chuse the fittest time and place to seek to fasten a reproofe on her Now a seasonable and fit time thus to deale with her is when she is out of her passions and free from perturbation of spirit for if she be in the heat of anger and the boyling of her Choler she is very unfit to be dealt with in this way 1 Sam. 25.36 37. Nabal when drunke with wine was full as capable of a word of reproofe from his discreet wife for his churlish and absurd carriage to David as a woman or man can be when drunke with outragious Anger and Passion from the wisest and most judicious â—â—iend they have in the world for indeed thou taking an unseasonable time to reprove thy wife thou dost not only lose thy labour of winning her but thou maiest feare she will be the more incorrigible thereby But if thou take a fit time to deale with her in this kind thou maiest hope through the Lords blessing to see some good effect of thy paines and of the discharge of thy duty Secondly thou must make choice of a convenient place to perform this duty of reproofe which place is a secret and private Roome free from the hearing of any others for if thou rip up her faults in the hearing of others that will be a meanes the more to enrage her and to make her the more obstinate in her evill way and the more refractory against all meanes of good unto her But if she perceive thou dost tender her credit and reputation thou maiest find her more flexible docible than perhaps thou art a ware of But if thou dost yet lose thy labour then in the third place make triall of a more publike way of reproofe to see if she will be ashamed of her vilenesse and labour to reforme If this will not worke upon her for amendment then in the fourth place thou shalt do well to withdraw all appearance of love from her alâ— Amiable deportments and gestures and stilâ— carry thy selfe in an Austere way toward her with knit brows and a restriction of discourse with her so long as she remaines obstinate Now if all these meanes be unavaileable theâ— in the last place shorten her maintenance keep her at bare Commons let her have only foâ— necessity nothing for delight let her know that so long as she remaines an Enemy to Goâ— and to her own soule that she shall not finâ— thee a friend to her unlesse it be to check curb and controule her on purpose to help heâ— out of the snare of the Devill But if none nor all these meanes will do her good to draâ— her from sin to God then her condition is faâ— indeed and doth deserve to be lamented with â—eares of blood and thou hast cause to weepe for her in secret as Jeremy for the obstinate Jewes Jer. 13.17 Truly thou hast cause to â—eare and she much more the Lord hath a purpose to destroy her and so make her punishment like the punishment of Elies Sons who would not hearken to the reprehensions of their Father 1 Sam. 2.25 And let such a woman sadly lay that thundring place in Prov. â—9 1 to heart for she may tremble to read it The words are these that is He that being often reproved hardeneth his neck shall suddenly be destroyed and that without remedy and let her not be so absurd as to thinke that place concernes not her because it is said He and no mention of the word She for though the threatning be exprest in the Masculine gender yet it shall be made good in the Feminine But thou who hast conscienciously used all these meanes to reclaime thy poore yoak-fellow though they have done her no good yet thou hast delivered thy own soule Ezek. 3.19 But if it please the Lord to blesse thy endeavours and to make thee an instrument to bring thy Wife to a saving sight of her sins of which godly sorrow is a fruit then know thou hast saved a soule from death and hast covered a multitude of sins James 5.20 And thy recocovered wife may even upon her bare knees abundantly bless the Lord that ever she was so happy as to enjoy such a sweet and tender-hearted Companion in the Marriage Estate We proceed to the following duty The fifth duty of the Husband to his Wife It is the duty of the Husband to walke before his wife in all good conversation to give her good examples of encouragement from his own holy course of life It is undeniable that it is the duty of all whom God hath set in Authority over others that they should labour to teach those that are under them both by precept and by example for the first will do no good ordinarily without the other Look at me saith Gideon and do likewise Judg. 7.17 Gideon as a Captaine speakes to his Souldiers being under his Command and Authority to follow his Example Now the Lord hath invested the Husband with as much Authority over his wife as Gideon had over his Souldiers and more Therefore he walking in good waies may say to his wife looke on me and do likewise Timothy having the charge of soules committed to him the Apostle exhorts him to be an example to Beleevers in Word it Conversation in Charity in Spirit in Faith and in Purity 1 Pet. 5.3 1 Tim. 4.12 The Apostle Peter likewise doth exhort the Elders to be examples to the Flock And it is not now to make out that a Husband hath the charge of his VVifes soule committed to him for that point is as cleare as the Sun at Noone so must the Husband be
have any ingenuity of nature in her she will soone give the fruit of the same into thy bosome by a more vigorous and dexterous putting forth her utmost abilities to serve help and comfort thee in all thy various conditions but it herein thou who art her Husband art niggardly penurious and base hearted and handed towards thy wife thou maiest perhaps though it be her sin have such poore returnes that thou shalt not crack of thy gaines and incombs But be thou perswaded that maintenance is the wives due and be thou carefull to discharge that debt The eighth duty of the Husband to his Wife The eighth duty which the Husband doth owe unto his wife is to labour to be an Instrument under God to protect her from all injuries wrongs insolencies and contumelious abuses that any of the Sons or Daughters of Belial shall put upon her to the utmost of his power In Eph. 5.23 the Apostle tels us that the Husband is the head of his wife even as Christ is the head of his Church and he is the Saviour of his body where take notice that first this duty of a Husbands protecting his wife is implyed Secondly a president propounded to incite us to the performance of it First this duty is implyed the husband is denominated to be the head of his wife Now the head doth labour to fore-see first the danger the body is in Secondly to contrive means to prevent it And thirdly to project and contrive some meanes afterward for the removing of the evill if it fall And thus must a Husband labour to do in relation to his wife He must labour to fore-see what wrongs may fall upon his wife before-hand lest they come unawares Secondly he must wisely prevent them if he can which if he cannot then in the third place he must labour to remove them and so to ease his wife from the burthen of them Secondly here is a president propounded to incite the Husband to labour to protect his wife and that from the example of Christ himselfe Christ is the Saviour of his body the Church which is his spouse so must the husband labour to defend and protect his wife his spouse his body yet further are we to labour this to do even from the practice of very Heathens The wife of Potiphar tels a seeming faire tale but it was a most Diabolicall lye to her husband that Joseph had done her wrong and had mockt her which complaint of hers was believed by her husband Now though Joseph was choicely beloved of his Master before yet now his wrath is kindled against him and Joseph must to prison for the pretended injury Gen. 39.17 19 20. Hester had put up a complaint to Ahasuerus her husband and a just complaint too That she and her people were sold to be destroyed to be slaine and to perish The King her husband demands who he was and where he was that durst presume in his heart to do this Hester returns answer that the Adversary that had done this was that wicked Haman upon which the Kings wrath was so enkindled against him though he were his chiefe favourite that he could not be pacified untill such time as Haman was hanged Hest 7.4 5 6 10. In the ninth place it is the duty of the husband to his wife in a prudentiall way The ninth duty of the Husband to his Wife with all sweetnesse and love to labour to prevent her from an idle and unprofitable expence of time A husband in the generall should labour to make his wife a compleat Christian Now he or she that are not fit for Christian society are no compleat Christians But the Apostle commands the Thessalonians to withdraw themselves from every brother that did walke disorderly 2 Thes 3.6 Now if you would know what that sin was which is call'd a disorderly walking if you please to confer with the 10. and 11. verses you will find it was the sin of not working the sin of Idlenesse Now in this point I would not be mistaken I would have none conceive that I should thinke that it were fit for a husband to be a Task-master to his wife to set her a stint of worke and to exact it of her which was the sin of the cruell Egyptians against the Hebrews who were Gods own people Exod. 5.6 7 8. But if it be demanded what imployment is most proper for the wife to look after I answer with the mother of Solomon in the first place Prov. 21.27 she must look well to the waies of her Houshould Secondly I answer with the Apostle 1 Tim. 5.14 she must guide the house it is an excellent and well beseeming carriage in a wife to look out sharpe as we may say to prevent servants Idlenesse and wastefulness for there was never worse servants in an Age than now they must have great wages but do little worke for it they will not gather up the broken fragments that nothing be lost Joh. 6.12 Nay they will purloine Tit. 2.10 not shewing all good fidelity for they will filtch pâ—fer and steale waste and consume the estates of their Masters which might well be prevented by the industry of a carefull wife whereby her husbands estate might be preserved and livelihood maintained for him her selfe and their children for want of which care many a Family hath been brought to ruine and Children to a morsell of bread And as it is an excellent and well-beseeming carriage in a wife thus to oversee the waies of her Family so it is a very choice peece of service in her in the acceptation of her husband Againe in answer to the former demand that is What is the proper imployment of a wife to look after In the third place it is not out of a womans Calling to spend seasonable time in intimate society with her husband to quicken and enlive the affections of each other one to another But for that sin of a womans in mispending her time in an idle and letty way the husband as beforesaid should take care to prevent for idlenesse is as we say the mother of all mischiefe And I well like that speech of a grave Divine that is That the Divill hath a Commission to take up all idle persons and to imploy them in his service This shall suffice for this ninth duty of the husband to his wife and so we proceed to the tenth and last duty that the husband doth owe as beforesaid In the last place it is the duty of the husband to the wife The tenth duty of the Husband to his VVife to take care so to mannage his estate whilest opportunity serves that he may be able to leave some competent estate for her to maintaine her when God shall take him away by death if God thinke fit she shall be the surviver we have already taken notice that Parents must lay up for their Children 2 Cor. 12.14 But a mans wife should be accounted of him much dearer
than children and that because they are one flesh which Parents and Children are not Therefore a man ought in his will to have more respect to his wife than to his children except first the children be Infants or every way unhelpfull to themselves and that their mother be youthfull and of an able body and in a capacity to look out in a probable way to have a competent maintenance and also in a second place except the mother be of a very harsh and bitter spirit to her Children and so like to be as a step-mother rather than a naturall mother but if there be no ground for these considerations it is still the most Christian and prudent way for the husband to be more liberall to his wife than unto his children when he is to set his house in order and to make his Will And for this we have a Christian president from the practice of Elkanah A very judicious Diuine whom the Christian world doth reverence for a very learned Expositor * Mr Cotton of Boston in New-England saith that it was the custome of the Jews before they took any large journey to make their Wills and dispose of their estates not knowing whether they should returne againe upon which occasion Elkanah living far from Shiloh and being to appear there before the Lord he makes his Will unto which he gave unto Peninnah his wife and to his Sons and Daughters portions But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion because he loved her 1 Sam. 1.3 4 5. As a man that loves his wife would not only have her fare well when he is at home but when absent from home also So if thou do love thy wife with a cordiall love thou wouldst not only have her live well in this world whilest thou art her companion here but also when thou art through the Lords free Grace a Companion with Saints and Angels in Heaven at the right hand of God and in the bosome of thy dearest Saviour But if thou art not carefull to provide for thy wife as well as thou canst whilest thou livest here thou canst have but little hope that she should live well hereafter when thou art gone which duty of thine if thou neglect thou wilt leave a brand upon thy name to Posterity to judge by that thy wife never lay in the bosome of thy affections for if she had thou wouldst have exprest more sincere love to her at your parting Thus God hath carried us through the consideration of ten special duties which the husband doth owe unto his wife which to help thy memory take the heads of them as they have been laid down in order viz. First Conjugall Affections Secondly Cohabitation Thirdly a Godly care to build her up in the knowledge of God Fourthly To seeke to reclaime her from sin Fifthly To walke before her in good examples Sixthly To beare with her infirmities Seventhly To allow her due maintenance Eighthly To protect her Ninthly To be carefull she improve her time so as not to live idly Lastly To take care to leave her some competent maintenance we come now by the Lords assistance to consider of some duties the wife doth owe unto the husband which in the feare of God she must labour to performe and discharge The first duty of the VVife to the Husband The first duty the wife doth owe unto the husband is also Conjugall Affections or a singular choice and speciall love you may remember we gave this duty of love the precedency in a superlative way of all other duties the husband doth owe to his wife Love is the sap bud and blossome from whence all other Matrimoniall duties do spring And answerable to the degrees hereof be they more or lesse doth the other incline or decline in the heart of the wife to or from the husband The wife ought to love her husband with a most intire and ardent love yea such a love as is only proper and peculiar unto him He ought to be unto her the chiefe part of her outward joy and enjoyments as one said of a choice dish of meat that he could cut out of it all the variety of dainties that the best furnish'd boord in the world was provided of so may a woman say that in her husband under God she hath all outward good things that any have the fruition of which as it gives abundance of satisfaction to her own heart so the reflection of it doth returne back into the bosome of her husband to fill him with much solace and delight in her againe Elkanah saith to Hanna 1 Sam. 1.8 Am I not better to thee than ten sons thereby implying what an high esteemâ— the wife should have of her Husband Paul would have Titus teach young women to love their Husbands Tit. 2.4 And doubtlesse it is the duty of elder women to do the same but young women are particularized because of the levity of their minds they being apt above others to close with vaine pleasures and so more likely to neglect their maine duty to their Husbands In 1 Cor. 7.28 the Apostle speakes of such as are married that they shall have no trouble in the flesh that is divers outward troubles and incumbrances in the mind for in the Marriage Estate there is an intermixture of discomforts with comforts There may be sometimes too many wild Gourds shred and put into that pottage by reason whereof death may be there as in 2 Kings 4.39 40. but in the 41. verse the Prophet bids them bring meale and cast it into the pot and so they did and then it was wholesome so thou that art a wife if thou do sometimes meet with losses and crosses paines and troubles cares and turmoiles whereby death that is sorrows and griefes lay hold on thee to imbitter that otherwise blessed condition unto thee then bring meale and that is love and cast it into the bosome of thy Husband and that will sweeten all it will turne gall and wormwood into sugar and honey As Christ is to his Spouse the chiefest of ten thousand Cant. 5.10 so must thy Husband be unto thee which if he be not it may be much suspected that thou hast an Adulterous heart at least if thou be not also outwardly defiled too Then in the next place The second duty of the VVife to the Husband Cohabitation is also a duty the wife doth owe unto her Husband it is not only the duty of the Husband to live with his wife but hers to live with him And among other ends she was created for this that is to be his Companion God found it not good for man to be alone Gen. 2.18 And indeed how can she be a meet helper to him if she live apart from him There may be many necessary occasions for a man to change the place of his habitation sometimes to enjoy better meanes of Grace sometimes to enjoy better meanes of health sometimes to enjoy better means
saving Faith Temperance Patience Godliness Repentance unto life strength against corruptions that he may abound in every good worke that he may be an Instrument of Gods glory here and a Vessell of Mercy hereafter And in thy drawing forth and improving thy parts thus for thy Husbands spirituall advantages men and Angels shall witnesse for thee that thou hast laboured to answer one end of Gods creating of thee that is to be a meet helper to thy Husband nay the spirit of God shall attest the same to thy own soule to thy comfort here and permanent happinesse hereafter Fourthly The duty of a wife to her Husband The fourth duty of the VVife to the Husband is a comely and Christian-like subjection to him she must not contend for equality with him much lesse superiority over him but must content her selfe in the same station or condition wherein the God of wisdom or that God who is wisdome it selfe hath set her Now that this is a duty take Scripture evidence for it for I know it will not down but sticks in the throat with too too many but to a mortified Christian a Command from God is enough to sweeten that which to flesh and bloud is as bitter as gall Col. 3.8 The Apostle saith Wives submit your selves unto your own Husbands as it is fit in the Lord. So Eph. 5.22 Wives submit your selves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord where marke the diversity of termes In the former place it is Wives submit c. as it is fit in the Lord But in this latter Wives submit c. as unto the Lord For some women may say we are willing to submit our selves to our own Husbands as it is fit in the Lord But what submission may be said to be fit in the Lord I answer That submission is fit in the Lord that hath respect to any Command the Husband shall lay on his wife which is grounded upon Scripture Precepts or Presidents Secondly That submission of Wives to their Husbands is fit in the Lord which is not forbidden in Scripture neither expresly nor implicitely neither plainely nor by necessary consequence but to answer such as would pretend scrupulosity when they intend only the discharging of themselves from all submission to their Husbands let them ruminate or chew the end upon the last terme where Wives are commanded to submit to their own Husbands as unto the Lord and see what they can gather from those words as a ground to satisfie their consciences for their non-submission Now because the Holy Ghost did foresee that women nay some good women would not fall down before this truth but endeavour to maintaine that rotten and unsound maxime viz. that the Wife is the Husbands equall therefore doth the Spirit of God in Eph. 5.23 which was last quoted lay down an undeniable reason why Wives should submit to their Husbands For saith he the Husband is the head of his Wife as Christ is the head of his Church And then in ver 24. the Spirit of God comes to a Corrollary or Conclusion thus Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ so let the Wives be unto their own Husbands in every thing Now the reason here brought for the end beforesaid stands thus That as the Church doth submit to Christs Authority he being her head so must the wife submit to the Authority of her husband because he is the head likewise and that he is so consider also that of the Apostle in 1 Cor. 11.3 The head of the woman is the man Now Headship implies Authority that is beyond dispute and Authority requires subjection Let every soule be subject to the higher powers whosoever resisteth the power resisteth the Ordinance of God and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation Rom. 13.1 2. And none can deny but that Headship Authority and power is one and the same Yet further concerning this duty of the wife to her husband in relation to subjection to him mind that of the Apostle Peter in 1 Pet. 3.1 where he saith Likewise ye Wives be in subjection to your own Husbands Then in ver 6. he brings you a President for it and that from a singular woman Even as Sarai obeyed Abraham calling him Lord whose Daughters you are as long as you do well Now as it is a glorious priviledge to be a Son of Abraham in a spirituall sense so it is a high honour to be a Daughter of Sarai And thou who art a Christian-woman by no meanes forget that from the originall of time God did ordaine that the Husband should rule over his Wife Gen. 3.16 Nay the very Heathens thought it fit that every man should beare rule in his own house Hester 1.20 22. But some woman may say what if my husband be a Son of Belial One who hath no grace in him who beares not the Image of God but of the Devill Must a Christian be subject to a Heathen A Saint to a Devill incarnate I answer that if thou be so match'd in the Marriage Estate then thy condition is sad and very sad and much to be lamented But still it is a cleare truth that thou must be subject to even such a Husband in all his lawfull Commands and further thou must not obey a godly husband And this the Apostle Peter in 1 Pet 3.1 2. doth hint at plainely Likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own Husbands And then addes this as a reason to excite them to the performance of this duty that is That if any obey not the word they also may without the word be won by the Conversation of the wives while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with feare I see no cause to adde one word more to demonstrate that subjection in a wife to her husband is a duty she doth owe him But let me beseech thee that art a Husband that all the Commands thou dost lay on thy wife may be in the nature of requests and intreaties for know it that though thy wife be not equall to thee in power yet she is not so subordinate to thee as thy Children and Servants command service from them but desire thy Wife to be subservient to thee and if she have any commendable qualifications in her thou maiest be sure thou hast her heart to serve thee and therefore canst not want her hand Nay she will rejoice that at any time she hath any intimation of thy mind in any businesse that she is able to performe The fifth duty that the Wife doth owe unto her Husband is due and comly Reverence The fifth duty of the Wife to the Husband Wives must not only submit to their Husbands and obey them but they must reverence them likewise and this the Apostle doth charge them to performe Let the Wife see saith he that she reverence her Husband where observe that in the particle see there is an Emphasis it is an Emphaticall expression for it is as if he
had said be sure let the wife take diligent care of this and mind it in a speciall manner that she omit it not by any meanes to reverence her Husband Eph. 5.33 But if it be demanded how this Reverence should be performed I answer two waies in her words and in her gestures First in her words and that two waies first when she speakes to him Secondly when she speakes of him First when she speakes to him by avoiding Clamour and high language Secondly by avoiding of unnecessary repetitions and Tautologies especially if her Husband be a judicious and prudent man for take this for an undeniable truth that a man of parts cannot endure a multitude of words and large preambles Thirdly When she makes her desires known to him rather by requests than by peremptory demands yet this must be granted that a Woman may speake to her Husband in a way of intimate familiarity Lastly when she takes a fit time and place to fasten some Christian reproofe on him and then to do it with much meeknesse and tender love Secondly a woman must reverence her Husband in her words when she speakes of him to others First by giving him on all occasions that are just due praise and commendations And secondly by being ready to vindicate his reputation against all unjust aspersions Calumniations that do impeach his credit and obstruct his well-deserved Estimation in the hearts of such as are wise and godly whereby she shall not only reverence him her selfe but cause others to do the same Secondly The Wife must reverence her Husband in her Gestures and Actions First by giving him due respect before others abroad and before Children and Servants at home not behaving her selfe in a rude and uncivill way toward him as slighting his presence Secondly in leaving to him the wise and orderly government of the Family and all Domestique Discipline without contradiction Lastly and in speciall in observing his good Counsell and in following his religious and godly examples I might here take occasion to fasten a just reproofe upon many Women that are so far from reverencing their Husbands that on the contrary they are Instruments but cursed ones of much disrespect disgrace and dishonour to be call upon their Husbands by their Contumelious words to them their scandalous and contemptible words behind their backs and in their unworthy and unbeseeming gestures and actions toward them but let such women know that as they are transgressours against the Commands of God relating to the Wives duty of reverencing her Husband which is most of all so they are no gainers hereby it may be they make their Husbands good esteeme fall to the ground among the baser conditioned people but to be sure their own good names if ever they had any they make to stinke in the Nostrils of all men who have but morall honesty and much more with those who are pious and godly indeed But I shall not prosecute this because I thinke it rarely the sin of a godly woman and I despaire of doing good on others In the sixth place it is the duty of the Wife to bear with her Husbands infirmities The sixth duty of the Wife to the Husband though the woman be the weaker Vessell yet the man is not free from but Obnoxious to many weaknesses and infirmities which a loving and tender-hearted wife must labour to beare with sometimes it doth come to passe and often too that the Husband meeting with turbulent and crosse businesses may have such perturbations of mind that for a time it may interrupt his otherwise sweet composure of spirit and make him malecontent and wayward and hard to please by his dearest relations that neither Wife nor Children can have a cheerefull looke from him nor a good word of him which the wife with a sweet silence or amiable carriage both in words and actions must passe by and it will be her great wisdome and godly discretion so to do And hereby his passions of mind will waste the faster and he returne to his usuall temper the sooner but if on the contrary the Wife to his enkindled coales adde fewell and combustible matter by bad words and a crosse-grain'd behaviour the whole house will not only be in a disturbing smoake but in a burning flame Grievous words stir up Anger Pro. 15.1 whereas on the contrary A soft Answer turneth away wrath It was the sin of Zipporah who failed in her duty in not bearing with her Husbands infirmity but as hath been observed Moses did well to beare with hers Exod. 4.25 Beare ye one anothers burthens and so fulfill the Law of Christ saith the Apostle Gal. 6.2 This duty concerned all Christians to practice in generall but in the case we speake to it doth concerne the Wife most to practice in relation to her Husband but for her to take a fit opportunity with Abigail to acquaint him that his carriage was not good but he being godly very ill-beseeming him and of scandall to others this will be an ornament of grace to her especially if she perform it in a right way There may be many other infirmities in a man besides Anger and Passion which his Wife must I say beare with which we shall not endeavour to particularize but leave to her to judge of only we shall in one word give her the rule to proceed by viz. A mans infirmity properly is an unvoluntary deviation from that rule of exactnesse whereby by the grace of God he doth walke in the generall course of his life both in relation to God and man having first respect to the duties of piety required in the first Table and secondly to the duties of righteousnesse in the second Table of the Decalogue or ten Commandements In the seventh place The seventh duty of the Wife to the Husband it is the duty of the Wife to the Husband to yield him help and furtherance in his outward Estate But in the prosecution of this duty we shall use the more concisenesse having mentioned something this way in the ninth duty of the Husband to his Wife only what was there delivered was upon another Account that is to put it upon the Husband to stir up his Wife to avoid idlenesse and to labour to be industrious where her chiefe Imployment was exprest to be to guide the house and to looke well to the waies of her Family But here we must labour to stir her up to the practice of this her duty and we hope the convincing her that it is a duty will be Motive sufficient to that end Now here it will be necessary for the Wife to take notice of the injunction of the Apostle in 1 Tim. 5.14 where he saith I will which is as much as to say I command that the younger women marry beare Children and guide the house Now to guide the house at least well for that must be understood is to see every servant performe their duty and every one in the
are the same that the VVife doth owe unto her Husband And some that the VVife doth owe unto her Husband are the same that the Husband doth owe unto his VVife yet with some apparent differences But now there remaines some duties to be considered of that are equally due to each other though not before proposed and must be so handled The first joynt duty between a man and wife The first joint duty betweene man and wife equally obliging both is that they labour to maintaine a good opinion one of another touching their faithfulness in keeping the Marriage Covenant and that neither of them have violated the same by lodging their hearts in the bosome of strangers or defiling their bodies with them For if for want of care herein there appeare ground of just suspition of unfaithfulnesse jealousie will get into the heart and take up its residence there untill it have consumed the sap and devoured the root of all true love And then miserable daies in all probability will be the portion of both as long as their unhappy lives last Marke how Solomon in the Canticles doth describe jealousie Jealousie is cruell as the grave the coales thereof are coales of fire which have a most vehement flame Eccl. 8.6 this fire will not admit of any limits I say againe it will eat out love it will consume joy and all comfort in the Marriage-Estate yea it will waste the flesh the marrow and the bone and shorten life it selfe Jealousie saith the Holy Ghost is the rage of a man therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance He will not regard a Ransome neither will he rest content though thou givest many gifts Prov. 6.34 35. Of all wrongs that can be offered to man or wife they will not endure this breach of the Conjugall Contract good natures especially gracious hearts in man and wife will beare with the Infirmities of each other but they will not be patient when they see this cursed enormity Here then you see that this care that is to be taken by both parties to labour to preserve in their hearts a good opinion of each other this way may well fall in as a duty to be minded of exceeding high concernment The second joint duty between man and wife equally concerning both is The second joynt duty betweene a man and wife the yielding to each other due benevolence the Apostle expressely requires it 1 Cor. 7.3 and gives an undeniable reason for it in ver 4. and in ver 5. he tels us upon the matter that to deny the same each to other is to defraud each other but I refer you to the place and will not adde one syllable more on this point for speciall reason The third joynt duty between a man and Wife The third and last joint duty of man and wife equally concerning both is that they do not pollute or defile the Marriage bed for it may be polluted c. two waies First by Inordinatenesse Secondly by unseasonableness First by Inordinatenesse when Married persons abuse their liberty in Marriage-Conjunctions to excesse and so make it a meanes rather to encrease Concupiscence than to mortifie the same they should cast on water to quench lust and not Oyle to enflame the fury thereof God hath ordained Marriage as a meanes to avoid Fornication but this excesse we speake of makes even such persons more obnoxious to temptations to that sin than happily most are that are in the single condition And God doth many times severely punish this sin but the Philosopher will tell you how He will acquaint you that by this inordinate and over-frequent actings you do evacuate the best spirits which God and Nature hath not only appointed for generation but for the supportation of the body of man which otherwise would be full of Imbecillity but being so profusely cast away there followeth much weaknesse in the body raging paines in the head and sometimes that exceeding sad affliction of the running of the Reines and sometimes the effect of these distempers brings death Now it is true both sexes are not joint sufferers alike but they are joint sinners and should jointly be humbled and reformed Thus much for the first head but secondly the Marriage-bed may be polluted by using it in unseasonable times for there are two times that God doth prohibite these conjunctions in First in case the Lord call us to the duty of Fasting and Prayer then there must be a cessation and intermission this way 1 Cor. 7 5. Defraud not one another except with consent for a time that you may give your selves to Fasting and prayer The Lord also by the Prophet Joel requires the Bridegroome to go forth of his Chamber in the day of humiliation Joel 2.15 16. VVhen the people of God make their approaches before the Lord on extraordinary occasions there must be very serious preparations to such duties And as jewels and rich apparrell must be laid aside in some cases as Exod. 33.4 5 6. So upon some other approaches they must not come at their wives Exo. 19.15 Thus much for the first unseasonable time whereby the Marriage-bed is polluted But secondly In a speciall manner this sin may be committed in those ordinary seasons of extraordinary flux or over-flowings of nature in the Feminine gender for then the Lord hath forbidden all neere approaches in such a way as we speake to and that under a speciall penalty even the being cut off from their people which was either by death or castings out from Church-society to the later I encline Lev. 18.19 Chap. 20.18 and in Ezek. 22.10 the Lord complaines that in Jerusalem there were a very flagitious people this way Now then by these pollutions of the Marriage-bed first by Inordinatenesse Secondly Unseasonablenesse the opinion of an Orthodoxe Divine will be confirmed which is that as a man may be a drunkard with his own drinke and a glutton with his own meat so a man may be a filthy and uncleane person with his own wife And for the sin of these last persons defiling the Marriage-bed by their unnaturall and uncleane Conjunctions God doth punish it according to the observation of the Philosopher with an unhealthfull and leprous Off-spring And for ought thou knowest with spirituall judgements on thy soule even hardnesse of heart and finall Impenitency Therefore in the name and feare of the great God it concernes you both to keep at a far distance from these pollutions in the Marriage-condition This may suffice for these three last and joint duties concerning both man wife First to avoid the giving any cause for jealousie to enter into the heart Secondly the yielding to each other due benevolence And lastly a religious care to shun all pollution in the Marriage-bed either by Inordinatenesse or unseasonablenesse in the use thereof We are now by the Lords good leave and divine assistance to proceed to the last thing propounded in the beginning which we are to
consider of before Marriage namely the duties that both Husband and Wife do owe unto their Family in relation to both Children and Servants Which because most of these duties concerne both Husband and VVife we shall endeavour to handle them together for brevities sake yet make some distinction that they may both take notice of their duties where distinction is to be made The first duty that both Husband and VVife do owe unto their Family The first duty of Governours to thâ—ir Family is to Catechise and instruct their Children and Servants in the knowledge of God and feare of his Name This duty doth chiefly belong to the Husband yet in his absence it doth properly concerne his wife likewise Now the Great God doth not only enjoyne this duty upon the Children of Israel but doth much inculcate the same Deut. 4 6. Take heed to thy selfe diligently lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seene and lest they depart from thy heart all the daies of thy life but thou shalt teach them thy Sons and thy Sons Sons Then againe Deut. 6. 6.7 These words which I command thee this day shall be in thy heart and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy Children c. Yet further Deut. 11.19 Ye shall lay up these my words in your hearts and in your soules and bind them for a signe upon your hands that they may be as frontlets between your eyes and ye shall teach them your Children c. The Apostle requires the same duty of Parents Eph. 6.4 Ye Parents provoke not your Children to wrath but bring them up in instruction and information of the Lord. Solomon exhorts us to the same duty Prov. 22 6. Traine up a Child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it Now in Scripture you shall find this duty of teaching and instructing Children and Servants was frequently performed by the godly first see it in the practice of Abraham Gen. 18.19 Further view it in the resolution of Joshuah Josh 24 15 Also in the care of David both in 1 Chron. 28.9 and in Psal 34.11 And can we conceive that Corâ—elâ—us did neglect this duty who feared God with all his houshold Acts 10.2 Or that any of those holy men did omit this duty whose houses were Churches Rom. 16. â— Col. 4.15 Phil. 2. If we should so think we give ground enough for others to conclude we are very uncharitable Besides if the judgement of Ancient and Moderne Divines in relation to this truth be of force with you to confirme you herein you must then be satisfied that it is the duty of Parents and Governours of Families to take much paines to teach and instruct their Children and Servants to feare and serve the Lord Or else what meane all their Orthodoxe forms of Catechisme to yield help to consciencious Christians in the discharge of this duty of which there be many extant blessed be the Lord have been in ages past Doubtless you must be convinced that it is your duty only if you know these things blessed are you if you do them The second duâ—â— of Goverâ—â—urs of 〈◊〉 â—s Joh. 13.17 The second duty that both man and wife do owe unto their Children and Servants is to pray with them and for them Ye have seen but now that Parents must take paines to teach and instruct their Children and Servants in the knowledge of God But what successe can there be expected as the blessed fruit of such a duty without prayer with and for them Paul may plant and Apollos may water but God giveth the encrease 1 Cor. 3.6 But this encrease must be humbly sought of God by Prayer There is a spirit of Indotionablenesse in all by nature but it doth abound many times in some Children and Servants I will instruct and teach thee saith David in the way thou shalt go I will guid thee with mine eye Psal 32.8 Then instantly adds in the very next verse Be ye not as the horse or Mule which have no understanding c. There is a great deale of ignorance and blockish stupidity in all sorts of persons and therefore in Children and Servants which none but God can take away it was God that opened the heart of Lydia that she attended to the things that were spoken of Paul Acts 16.14 Therefore there is great need to pray unto God to take away all obstacles that may obstruct the edification of thy Family in saving knowledge and Grace or else thou maiest have small hopes of doing them any good by all thy other paines in the discharging thy duties Mind the imprecation of Jeremy Poure out thy wrath saith he upon the Heathen and upon the Families that call not on thy Name Jer. 10.25 Holy Job was very conscientious in this duty of prayer for his Job 1.15 He offereth burnt Offerings to God in relation to his Sons and Daughters with which duty the Learned do conclude he offered Prayer and of that there can be no doubt because when he offered burnt Offerings for his three Friends he also prayed for them Job 42.7 8 10. David he praies for Solomon 1 Chron. 29.19 And can any with reason conclude that he did not pray for his other Children upon all Occasions A very grosse absurdity it were so to do Certainly we may desist from further prosecution of this point as to Information that it is the duty of Parents to pray with and for their Children and Servants because all men will confesse it but for their neglect of it we shall by the help of God in due place labour to meet with them by just reproofe But for such as are godly Children and Servants who take notice of the extreame remissenesse of their Parents and Masters in performing this demonstrating evidently that they are Christians by praying for them I exhort that they would themselves go to God in secret to beg of him to open the eyes of such Governours to see with godly sorrow this their abominable sin and to give them grace to reforme it lest such Governour of Families sinke into the bottomlesse pit oâ— hell for it to all Eternity The third duty of Governours of Families In the third place it is the duty of Parenâ— and Governours of Families to labour to waâ— before their Children and Servants in all holy and religious waies and to be very circumspect herein We have taken some notice that it is the duty of such Governours to teach those that are under their government the knowledge of God and to informe them in the waies of his feare Now if this be done only by precept and not by example there is small hope of doing them any good for a man may teach his Child or Servant the way to heaven by Precept and the way to hell by bad example the leaders of this people cause them to â—erre and they that are led of them are destroyed saith the Prophet Isa
their exorbitant lust to make them more sit to glorifie God and perform service unto men these and such like ought to be purely your aimes And lastly you must administer this Ordinance in a a right manner that is with lifting up your hearts to God desiring him with the correction to vouchsafe to them Instruction to sanctifie it to them so that it may prove effectuall for their Reformation to make them obedient to God in word and deed and faithtull in the discharge of all the duties they owe unto you Now when your carriage is truely thus in your correcting Children or Servants you may by the blessing of God expect some gracious effects of it except the Lord have a controversie with and against them to harden their hearts by this and other means to their own perdition Thus we have done with the foure general Duties which both Husband and wife owe unto both Children and Servants as first to instruct them in the wayes of God Secondly to pray with them and for them Thirdly to walk before them in good examples Fourthly and lastly to seek to reclaim them from bad wayes Now because the neglect of these Duties is a prime cause of infinite dishonour to God the means of many souls perishing to all eternity and the breeding of multitudes of rotten and vile members in Church and State we shall endeavour with the Lords Assistance to proceed to some reasons inforcing the performance of these Duties by all godly Governours and then come to make some Application thereof Reas 1 The first Reason is taken from the Command of God who requires the performance of all these duties at thy hands for thou hast seen by variety of Scripture Texts that these duties are not Arbitrary or of an Indifferent nature that thou maist doe them or leave them undone at thy own discretion Now as the Promises of God are to be the ground of thy Faith so the Commands of God are to be the ground of thy obedience That God requires these Duties of thee from hence thou maist gather an Argument that thou art bound to set thy selfe with all thy might to the performance of them A good understanding have all they that doe his Commandements Psalme 111. ult If ye know these things blessed are ye if ye doe them John 13.17 The life of a Christian lyeth chiefely in doing What singular thing doe yee Matth. 5.47 for so it is rendred in the old Translation What is the Theory of Religion if the practick part be wanting Now as you would approve your selves to be the Children of God you must obey him in all things for His servants you are whom you obey Rom. 6.16 The second Reason inforeing from you the Reas 2 performance of these duties before mentioned for the good of your children and servants is taken from those bowels of compassions that should be in you relating to the good of their souls for by thy neglect of teaching them the knowledge of God and praying for them and with them and walking before them in good examples and labouring to reclaim them from sinne they may perish in hell for evermore He saith James that converteth a sinner from the errour of his way shall save a soule from death Jam. 5.20 and hide a multitude of sins and what knowest thou but by thy conscionable use of these meanes thou maiest instrumentally do it In Exod. 23.4 the Lord commands that if thou meet thy Enemies Oxe or his Asse going astray that thou shalt surely bring him back againe How much more then oughtest thou to be carefull when thou seest thy Children and Servants go astray from God in the wales that lead to hell to be carefull to bring them back againe and so to secure their poore soules from perishing Now in the way to hell thy Children and Servants alwaies walke when they are in a state of ignorance and in the practice of any sin My people saith God are destroyed for lack of knowledge Hos 4.6 And as for thy poore Children thy own Loynes have been the Conduit-pipe to convey into their hearts and soules from Adam the fountaine all that corruption of nature which is in them and all that propensity to sin which is in their wils Truly it is not only against a gracious principle but against an Humane and Morall one too that thou shouldst thrust thy poore Child into a dangerous quagmire and then deny him thy hand to help pluck him back againe and that thou shouldst give him many a deadly and mortall wound and refuse to apply a plaister for his cure these similitudes are infinitely too short to set forth this case fully Now when thou dost neglect these meanes beforesaid thou dost shew thy selfe to be a cruell and bloudy Man a most savage beast there is no tearmes in the world that can fully set forth the intolerable vilenesse of thy condition be thou amazed and tremble like Belshazzar in another case Dan. 5.6 and set thy selfe to reforme The third reason to quicken thee to the performance Reas 3 of the duties beforesaid is taken from the account thou art to give to God at the great day for those soules that he hath committed to thy charge if they by thy neglect perish thou must be responsible for them at the generall Audit before God Angels and Men. At which time the Lord will not remit thee one graine of the non performance of any one of these or any other duties which thou shouldst have performed to have sought his own glory and the salvation of thy Children and Servants by For in Gods calling thee to be the Governour of a Family he hath made thee a watchman over their soules And consider thou that place for the purpose in hand in Ezek. 33.8 Eli the Priest was by reason of his indulgence to his Children a very defective man this way yet many thousand Millions of men are more He sought to reclaime his Sons from their wickednesse only by admonishing them of it and of the judgments of God for the same which is more perhaps than thou didst ever do but there unseasonably came to a period God punished this sin of his First upon those his wicked and degenerate Sons then on his own person and lastly on his whole house His Sons were slaine both in one day himselfe brake his neck and his house lost the Priests Office 1 Sam. 2.22 23 24 34 35 36. Chap. 4.11 18. Read the Story and lay it sadly to thy heart But the Learned do conceive that the personall punishment of Eli was but temporall because he was gracious though in the case before-mentioned a grievous offender I say read and and consider and as thou likest the punishment so practice the sin it is true God is patient but this his patience if further abused by thee will not prove thy priviledge but thy infinite disadvantage For thou shalt when it is too late find thou art rather reserved for hell than
ponderous burden so that one way or other every one must be exercised in a lawfull Calling David was a Shepheard to look to Sheep before the shepheard over the house of Israel Psal 78.70.71 Peter and Andrew and other of the Apostles were fishermen Mark 1.16.19 before fishers of men Paul was a Tent-maker Acts 18.1 2 3. Joseph the husband of Mary was a Carpenter Mat. 13.54 55. And it is somewhat probable that our Saviour himself before he entred into his Ministeriall Office did work at his Fathers Trade Mark 6.3 You see then that there is a command from God that all persons must have honest Callings Secondly here are presidents enough to make it cleare from all exceptions And therefore it is the duty of Parents to labour to provide for their Children honest and lawfull Callings but in your endeavours this way let me advise you to take care of three things First Be carefull to gaine for them such Masters as feare the Lord for else thou maiest feare that all thy paines thou hast taken with them for the good of their soules may be lost Secondly Be carefull to put them to such Callings as they are most capable of Some Histories report that the Jews before they would put their Children to any Calling would first bring them into a large Roome which they did furnish with all Artificers tooles and if there they did take up any toole and seeme to take delight therein they would put them to that Calling unto which the same did belong Thirdly and lastly thou must take care to put them to such Callings as require no more stock of money to mannage them than thou art like to leave to them for else when their Time is out they can make no benefit by their Trades unlesse they remaine in a state of servitude by working under others The Apostle saith Art thou called a Servant care not for it that is be not dejected therefore but if thou maist be free use it rather 1 Cor. 7.21 And then in the 23. verse he addes Ye are bought with a price be not servants of men Therefore thou that art a Parent let thy care be such for thy children that thou make them servants to others but for a convenient time that after they may live in a free and honourable way The third duty Parents owe unto their Children for their outward estate The third Duty Parents owe unto their Children is to labour to provide them fit Marriages in seasonable time And for this we have first a word of Command from God Secondly command from Christian Parents In Jeremiah 29.6 God requires his People to take Wives for their Sonnes and to give their Daughters in Marriage Thirdly for examples mind the practice of of Abraham before made use of Gen. 24.3.4 Consider the practice of Isaac and Rebecca his wife for Jacob in Gen. 27.46 And then in the first verse of the next Chapter the carriage of Naomi for Ruth is a singular example Shall I not seek rest for thee saith she that it may be well with thee which was a Husband as doth after appear Ruth 3.1 By which Scriptures it doth appear clearly to be the duty of Parents in seasonable time to labour to provide Marriages for their Children Now there are some symptomes of this seasonable time whereof I shall name and onely name four First fulnesse and maturity of body Secondly solidity of understanding Thirdly their Constitutions And lastly the seeming delight they take in keeping company with the contrary sex This shall suffice for this third duty of Parents to their Children The fourth and last duty Parents owe unto their Children in relation to their outward condition is to provide for them The fourth duty of Parents to their Children in outward respects and to bestow on them competent maintenance if not more Jacob will travail for his own house Gen. 30.30 Prov. 13.22 A good man leaveth an inheritance to his Children but the eldest Son must have the double portion Deut. 21.16 17. unlesse he dis-inherit himself by any prophanenesse as Esau Heb. 12.16 And this maintenance must be bestowed on them in seasonable time not too soon as the Father of the Prodigall Sonne did Luke 15.12 but when they have necessary occcasion to use it as when with their parents consent they shall begin to look out for themselves in worthy imployments though before Marriage But especially at the time of marriage such are sordid Parents that will part with nothing till death they doe much discourage their children and provoke them to wrath against the Apostles Injunction Ephes 6.4 These are Persons without naturall affection and to be hist at as they goe Here then you see Parents must perform foure Duties to their Children in relation to their outward condition First to bring them up to learning Secondly to provide for them honest and lawfull Callings Thirdly to labour to further them in the change of their conditions by marriage And fourthly and lastly to make provision for them by competent maintenance The first outward duty that Masters owe to their servants The next thing in order to what was first propounded is to consider what duties Governours of Families doe owe unto their servants for their outward comfortable subsistance And In the first place it is the duty of Masters c. to provide for their servants wholsome and well-conditioned Meat and Drink in due time and sufficient of that too as also lodging and washing and what else is necessary for to maintain life and livelihood In order to which the wife must take notice that the chief care of this in reference to the distribution of it and the well-ordering of all things herein concerns her selfe And therefore the Holy Ghost puts upon record the practice of the good Huswife in Proverbs 31.15 of whom it is said That she riseth whilst it is yet Night and giveth meat to her Houshold and a portion unto her Maids For doubtlesse the comfortable allowance of these things is one speciall means by the blessing of God to maintain health and to make them able and strong in body and chearfull in mind to performe such service as is required of them But if it please the Lord to visit them with sickness or lameness in body or limbs and thereby to abate strength and vigour of body and spirit then it is the duty of their Masters and Dames to look out in the use of means for their recovery to make use both of Physitians and Physick and all helps Providence may provide for comfort under affliction and restoration to health again Naaman a servant to the King of Syria being afflicted by the Plague of Leprosie his Master writes a letter in his behalfe to the King of Israel and sends it by the hand of Naaman in order to the recovery of his health again 2 Kings 5.5 The good Centurion we read of in Matth. 8.6 8. when his servant was sick of
Art thou a Husband Labour to performe thy duties to thy Wife Art thou a Wife Labour to discharge all those duties thou owest to thy Husband and both of you neglect not any of your duties you are obliged to discharge to your Children and Servants And it also concernes you to take care to see that your Children c. performe their duties to you which duties of all kinds you must mind and be informed in because hereby as you have heard God is glorified and both Church and State furthered in tranquillity and happinesse for by this means as before exprest you shall prevent a whole Catalogue of grievous sins from being perpetrated And so shall save the Ministers of God a great deale of paines ease their Loines and preserve their Lungs And prevent a great deale of trouble to all truly godly Magistrates who dare not beare the sword in vaine who had rather praise you and all others when they see you do that which is good than otherwise to be a terrour to you Beloved these are times look'd upon by many as times of Reformation And truly I look upon them as calling for much in that kind But let me tell you that let Ministers do their duties and Magistrates performe theirs yet if Governours of Families be remiss in the discharge of what concernes them in their relations in their little Churches and private Common-wealths all will come to nothing I professe the well instructing and right governing of Families is the eye of the worke I could wish with my soule that such as have power to make and constitute Laws would lay a very considerable Mulct upon all Governours of Families that neglect their duties to their Children and Servants to instruct and reforme them and that the same might not only extend to their purses but to their persons too You have heard before that by this meanes soules are sent to hell by multitudes such evill persons as these are what are they but the devils Factors and their sin and punishment one day without repentance will find them out but most sad of all men is the condition of such as even out of conscience as they pretend cast off the care of the soules of such as are under their charge they say and plead hard for it that none ought to be restrained from sin by use of meanes all Ordinances publique and private must be laid aside nay cast off with scorne and disdaine and men and women they say must wait for revelations from heaven sure they have had revelations from hell for their direction herein but from heaven they shall never have any unlesse it be in the demonstration of the wrath of God if they persist impenitently and for Family discipline there must be none let their Children Sweare Lye profane the Sabbaths or run in any vile way provided they call not their Parents and Masters vile Hereticks and abominable Schismaticks and offer to prove them such from the Word of God all is well for they say they can put no grace into their hearts but God will if they belong to him in due time Oh what tongue can tell or what heart can think what will be the portion of these men without Gods infinite mercy in converting and reforming them Truly contrary to intention when we first entred upon this Use we have made this digression it should have been a part of the other Use but being then omitted I was loath to let it wholly passe You may be pleased to remember that but even now I told you that were Governors of Families that if you did conscientiously discharge the duties which you owe c. you might hereby glorifie God and the tranquillity both of Church and Common-wealth would hereby be furthered c. So in the last place from hence you may conclude that as you glorifie God by this means and do good unto his poore Church on Earth by the encreasing and purging the members thereof that through the Lords free Grace in Christ you are Members of the Church of Christ here Militant and shall be of the Church Triumphant in the highest Heavens There to enjoy the fulnesse of happinesse at the right hand of Christ and all glorious and blessed Union and Communion with God the Father God the Son and God the Holy Ghost and with innumerable and blessed Angels and Saints even the soules of just men made perfect even for ever and ever O my soule praise thou the Lord praise ye the Lord. FINIS Christian Friend By reason of the Authors living far from London and also his urgent Imployments hindring him that he could not attend the Presse there hath some faults escaped and are here inserted in this ensuing Errata which thou maiest be bleased to mend with thy Pen c. In the Paternal Advice in p. 21. l. 11. f. groanes r. grave In the Epistle Dedicator p. 2. l. 22. f. and r. for l. 28. r. as upon Page 2 line 29 for a read the. p. 11 l. 32 33 f. poverty r. penury the same l. f. destruction r. distraction p. 12. l. 21. f. with r. into p. 24 l. 26 put a period at expected p. 28 l. 18 f. these r. those p. 36 l. 31 f. prove r. approve p. 37 l. 11 f. churlish r. a churlish l. 25 r. as â— p. 38 l. 8 f. stone r. a stone p. 39 l. 7 r. be too nice p. 45 l. 1 f. spirituall r. speciall p. 46 l 9 f. unhandsome r. unwholsome p. 50 l. 15 f. over r. even p. 51 l. 6 r. a muckworme l. 15 f. Hos r. Hest p. 93 l. 1 f. unto r. in p. 95 l. 13 dele no. l. 15 dele the. p. 108 l. 14 f. concerned r. concerneth l. 32 f. doth r. should p. 141 l. 10 f. duty r. Deity p. 143 l. 27 f. his r. thy p. 152 l. 16 f. command r. examples l. 19 f. thirdly r. secondly p. 164 l. 6 r. the eternall p. 169 l. 19 r. not what is she p. 173 l. 6 r. to the. p. 174 l. 17 f. eye r. Key
let them out at to thy danger or disgrace she will apply her selfe and imply her parts of grace to help thee with spirituall Cordials in times of spirituall desertion she will labour to further thee in the Religious and Civill government of thy Family both of Children and Servants She will be ready to draw with thee as a true Yoak-fellow in the plow of thy Calling to the utmost of her knowledge and strength with all dexterity She will with much frugality manage thy Family-expence She will labour to help thee against thy infirmities to prevent them if possible however to conceale them She will labour to comfort thee in times of sorrow and losses Isaac lost a deare precious and tender-hearted Mother and no doubt but he was very sensible of his losse and laid it sadly to heart yet betaking himself to a Wife who was indeed a very gracious Woman it is said he was comforted after his Mothers death Gen. 24.67 Lastly she will put forth her selfe to her utter most power with much paines of body and with much and enlarged deare and tender Affections of heart to help thee in times of losse oâ— health and when thou lyest conflicting with grievous paines and burthensome and perhaps loathsome diseases I have read in Reverend Mr Bolton his generall directions forâ— comfortable walking with God A Treatisâ— worth the weight of it in Gold in page 252 A Narrative which was borrowed from Vives of a president in this kind to which I desire to refer thee which is so singular that the whole world I am confident cannot producâ— any that ever did out-goe her in the dischargâ— of this duty Beloved in Christ I am so takeâ— up in my affections in walking in this Gardeâ— of pleasure and profit I had almost said iâ— Paradise that I should not be able to leave iâ— and that for thy sake untill I had gathereâ— more flowers to bind together to present theâ— with to enamour thee to labour to gaine a parâ— therein Yet because when thou shalt take notice of the duty the Wife doth owe to thâ— Husband which so far as she is a meet helpeâ— she will endeavor to discharge I presumâ— thou wilt be able to adde to this Nosegay and â— doubt not but they will be perswasive arguments to carry thy affections in seasonablâ— time that way and in the meane time makâ— thee speake with much reverence of this blessed Ordinance of God I shall here having â—easonable occasion note by the way That â—rom this last particular viz. that comfortable â—ociety is one end that persons may aime at in Marriage doth appeare ground sufficient to â—ustifie the Marriage of Ancient persons and â—uch as have over-lived the yeares for generaâ—ion though they cannot in some way be means of encreasing the Church yet they may use â—ny meanes to live comfortably in the Church If you should demand the question of Ancient Married persons whether they find the Marriage estate comfortable to them in their old Age or not They would readily returne you an Affirmative Answer that if God should â—ake away either of them that the surviver could not live with comfort When God took away old Sarah by death from old Abraham Gen. 23.2 â—he mourned and wept for parting with her which doth imply he had comfort in her though he could have no Children by her but this being a meer unnecessary Nicety we shall â—pend no more words about it and shall also â—desist from further prosecuting the ends to be â—imed at in Marriage which you may perceive to be three first the glory of God in the propagating his Church Secondly the subduing our corruptions and fleshly lusts Lastly the enjoyment of comfortable society We are in the next place to come to consider some things of the meanes we are to use to obtaine a meet helper The first meanes to obtaine a good wife The first meanes to drive on so pretious a designe by as the gaining a meet helper is prayer The Lord takes it as his own prerogative in a speciall manner to be the bestower of good Wives House and Riches are the Inheritance of the Fathers but a vertuous Wife is the gift of God Pro. 19.14 Beloved in the Lord there is no gift the Lord bestoweth but is richly worth asking and how can we aske but by Prayer It is a mercy that God will let us know where a mercy is lodg'd Now this mercy as well as others is lodg'd in Heaven Every good gift and every perfect giving is from above and commeth down from the Father of Lights Jam. 1.17 Faithfull Prayer hath a long Arme it can reach from Earth to Heaven labour then to improve prayer aright for the obtaining this blessing and waite upon God in the use of other meanes and doubt not of good speed I am very confident that these mercies are fullest of juyce that are given us from Heaven as in answer to faithfull prayer how full of splendor will thy Wife be in thy eye when thou look'st on her as given from Heaven And by the way let me adde that happy are those Wives that are obtained by the faithfull prayers of their Husbands For they shall be best beloved and most prized because they are received by their Husbands as a love-token sent them from Heaven The Servant of Abraham was well acquainted with the meanes to gaine a good Wife for his Masters Son Aske some how they come by such and such a thing and they will tell you they got it with a silver hooke and such a hooke they have that will bring them any thing in if you will beleeve them But this godly servant was furnished with silver and gold enough to make use of a hooke or hookes to have driven on his designe by but he was better furnished than so son he had the gracious hooke of Prayer and with that he penetrates Heaven and there lies he tugging till he had obtain'd the mercy of a good Wife and meet helper for his young Master The same course must thou take for to obtaine this mercy for thy selfe and thou maiest receive incouragement to walke first in this way of seeking God by prayer before any other meanes be used if thou wilt but take a survey diligently of the blessed event the servant of Abraham had of his going to God for direction in this case And so a blessing on his journey As he that takes a wife without consent of Parents can looke for no portion with her so be sure that he that takes a wife without the Lords consent as he doth in a sense that begs her not of him by prayer can looke for no comfort and comfort is the portion which God gives with his Daughters nay on the contrary such a man may expect discomfort instead of comfort and a curse instead of a blessing God knows how to meet with thee and to cause all thy Gourds of comfort to wither make thy self certaine of
this That is if thou do neglect the performance of this duty of seeking God by prayer for a good Wife that except thou be afterward deeply humbled for this sin the Marriage condition shall not be sanctified to thee and if not thou wert better a thousand times not live in that Estate of life for thou canst not expect so much as one Honey Month as we say but many months and yeares of Gall and Wormewood We sometimes advise our friends that they take heed they do not marry in hast lest they repent at leisure Truly they make too much haste to marry that forget much more slight seeking God for direction and a blessing this way therefore they shall have cause enough to repent but God grant they may repent aright that the curse may be turn'd into a blessing We have done with the first means we must use to obtaine a good Wife that is prayer The second meanes to obtaine this desirable blessing is to looke at such things in the choise of a Wife which makes her a good Wife and a meet helper Thou wilt say what things are they or what particulars that a man ought to look on in a woman as fitting her to be a good Wife and meet helper I answer there may be some things inward and some things outward making her such if she enjoy them or if not the contrary If it be demanded what those inward qualifications be that make a woman a meet helper The first qualification of a good wife I answer The first is Grace or the manifestation of the true feare of God in the heart by the fruits of holinesse in the life without this it is not possible that a woman can be a meet helper for if she be unable as an instrument to contribute something to make supplies to the necessities of the best part of a man that is the soule How can she be a meet helper But a gracelesse Wife is unable to contribute the least mite this way therefore she can be no meet helper Be not saith the Apostle unequally yoaked with Infidels 2 Cor. 6.14 which in the verses following he labours to amplifie There can be no spirituall society between a gracious and ungracious spirit The Apostle speakes of Marrying in the Lord. The Wife is bound by the Law saith the Apostle as long as her Husband liveth but if her Husband be dead she is at liberty to marry whom she will only in the Lord 1 Cor. 7.39 And to be joyn'd in holy wedlock to a gracious person is to marry in the Lord. The Apostle in labouring to maintaine his own and his fellow Apostles priviledges at large particularizeth his and their liberty to marry Have we not power to lead about a Sister a Wife c. power they had to marry but his Wife must be a Sister 1 Cor. 9.5 In the old world it was one of the principall sins that did provoke God to drowne the Inhabitants thereof that the Sons of God and they were the godly men of that time did marry with the Daughters of men that is ungodly persons Gen. 6.2 David tels us that all his delight was in the Saints even in those that did excell in vertue Psal 16.3 It was the sin of Solomon that he tooke Idolatrous Wives which was the cause of sad judgements spirituall and temporall on him his Wives drew away his heart from God to their false Gods which was a spirituall judgement And for his idolatrous Marriages and his Idolatry God divides his Kingdome and leaves but a small fag of it to him in his Sons daies which was a temporall judgement 1 King 11. to the end of the 11. verse Nay for his sins whereof ungodly Marriages was a speciall one it hath been disputable by many good Divines whether he were saved or not though the most Orthodoxe do conclude affirmatively and they ground their Charity first upon that place Neh. 13.26 where he is said to be beloved of his God And whom God loveth he loveth to the end Joh. 13.1 Their second ground is that he was a Penman of Scripture and such are call'd Holy men of God 2 Pet. 1. ult from whence they conclude he could not perish for God will not damne holy ones But we may safely conclude that this sin was very fearefull Sampson must have his Dalilah to dally with as a companion for his Bed but it cost him the losse of his eyes first and then of his life and limbes he had a bad and sad portion with her By the way we may see they are much deceived that thinke it may be lawfull for a godly man to marry with a prophane Wife even in hopes to be a means to convert her I grant that sometimes it pleaseth God to honour the believing Husband or believing Wife to be an Instrument to convert the unbeliever But for any to presume of this at the time of woing or Wedding the Party opposite to the waies of God is a groundlesse presumption But were she tractable to good Counsell and a diligent frequenter of the meanes of Grace there might be some footing for hope But if not feare having any society with her keep thy selfe at more than staves length from her for she is more like to pervert thee than thou art like to convert her Solomon whom we mentioned before 1 King 11.9 was better fenced against the danger of such temptations than thou art for God had appeared unto him twice which any good heart would have concluded would so have conjoyned him to God and to his Worship that he would never have made so much as a seeme-separation from God yet we see that in the day of his temptation he fell back and started from God like a broken bow Beloved let me then tell thee that thou hast no cause to presume of doing such a person good who is averse from God but of feare of thy own stedfastnesse 1 King 21.25 evill wives do many times make good men bad but alwaies bad men worse a very Jade will draw more down-hill than many good Horses will be able to draw up againe A carnall Wife will draw a man further from God than many good Christians with all their Exhortations reproofes and good Counsels will be able to regaine back Beloved it is then but need for thee to make grace the object of thy love that thou maiest be guarded against those dangers thou art other wise like to be environed with even of being drawn from God and the waies of his grace Secondly thou must make grace the Object of thy love in regard of the helps thou shalt find by a woman of a gracious spirit to further thee in thy holy profession She will be a meanes to rouse thee up against security and worldly mindednesse She will be a meanes of strengthening thy weake faith and to help thee against all diffidence and doubtings Judg. 13.22 23. She will be a meanes to stir thee up
for that did fully and clearely make it out to be lawfull for a man to have an eye in Marriage to a womans outward estate alwaies provided that it must be in due place and moderate But what advantage will it be to a man to have a great portion with his wife if she be expensive wastefull profuse prodigall in her carriage such a wife will make good two Proverbs that is she will bring a noble soon to nine-pence And what she brings in with a rake she will disperse with a forke This is the foolish woman Solomon complaines of that pâ—â—s down her house with her hands Prov. 14.1 Such a woman will soon bring her Selfe her Husband and Children to a Morsell of bread It s too well known that some painefull carefull and industrious Husbands cannot get beforehand in the world but are alwaies hinderly and beggerly by meanes of their wives who are most jolly jocund and junketting Dames in the Townes and Places where they live These will rob their Husbands at every ruine take Money out of his purse nay make Money of Meat out of the powdering tubs Come out of their Chambers Bread out of the Cupbords Oh these are worse than High-way Thieves for they might be avoided but these sometimes are not so much as suspected but were they how shall a mans ruine be prevented from being brought by such Caterpillars perpendicularly upon his head Beloved if thou wouldst avoid such an unsufferable Cross in the Marriage condition take heed then beforehand that thou be not ensnared with a Maid or Widdow of a frollick disposition beware of those who are gadders abroad to Faires and every meeting of pleasure take heed of such as are full of levity figging here and there not knowing in what place nor in what company to spend their time It s very true that if thou canst meet with a wife qualified with true grace thou needst not feare such an unmeet wife as we here mention but with great griefe be it exprest that though it be a mans duty to aime at obtaining a gracious wife as we have said yet there is a kind of infinite difficulty in meeting with such an one And you shall heare a woman even the Mother of King Solomon say as much Pro. 31.10 And according to the judgement of divers Orthodoxe Divines Solomon doth averre the selfe same in his Eccles a booke which he wrote after his repentance for his Idolatry and loose walking with his God wherein he doth complain that among his thousand Wives and Concubines together for so many he had in all seven hundred of one and three hundred of the other 1 King 11.3 he found not one that was a godly woman Eccl. 7.27 28. Therefore to conclude this particular likewise let me intreat thee to take up this direction to labour to walk thereby and I dare assure thee thou shalt no whit repent of thy paines herein The eighth qualification in a woman The eighth and last qualification to be eyed by thee in a woman whom thou wouldst enjoy as thy Wife is so much Education and breeding as is necessary in a woman in relation to thy ranke and condition yet this I shall not urge as upon cleare and absolute Necessity but upon necessary conveniency For as an absurd clownish and fordid behaviour ill becomes a man so all unworthy fliggish hoydenly carriage as ill becomes a woman And herein I appeale to all rationall and intelligible persons of both Sexes The compleat and comly behaviour of a woman both at home and abroad is an Ornament both to her selfe and Husband and if thou be a wise man thou wilt be ashamed to see the contrary in thy wife I shall content my selfe in the bare naming of this I might urge at large the comly behaviour of Rebecca when she met with her Husband Isaac the first time how she alighted from the Camel and covered her face with a vaile Gen. 24 64 65. which carriage of hers was very comely and did demonstrate her education and breeding to be singularly good Thus we have done with the second meanes to be used to gaine a good wife and a meet helper You may be pleased to remember we told you the first meanes was to go to God by prayer to beseech him to bestow a good wife and a meet helper on you The second was that you must look on such things or qualifications as made a woman to be a good wife and meet helper and these qualifications are in number Eight First Grace Secondly Sweetnesse of Nature Thirdly Comlinesse of person and favour Fourthly A fit Age Fifthly An honest descent Sixthly A Competent portion of outward things Seventhly Frugality and good Huswifery And lastly Good Education and Breeding Through all which particulars in the strength of our God we have proceeded Now by the same assistance we shall proceed to handle two meanes more and then come to the duties Married persons owe each to other and to their Families Thirdly The third meanes to obtaine a good wife if thou dost desire to have a good wife and a meet helper Thou must labour by honest and just meanes to obtaine the consent of Parents on both sides which if thou be wanting in thy marriage will be rather curst of God than blest and thou shalt have cause rather to mourne than to rejoice in that condition for thou must be convinced in this that the very Essence of Marriage is the agreement of the parties and the consent of Parents Great is the Interest that Parents have in their Children and the power that God hath invested them with over them First for their interest in them as the Apostle saith in another case You are not your own but are bought with a price 1 Cor. 6.19 20. So may I say to Children You are not your own but you are bought with a price Your Parents have bought you for though to speake most properly God be the giver of Children as no man nor Angell can deny for Children are the Inheritance of the Lord and the fruit of the wombe is his reward Psal 127 31. It was the Lord that opened Leahs wombe Gen. 29.31 And it was the Lord that did with-hold from Rachel the fruit of her wombe Gen. 30.2 yet in some sense Parents may be said to have bought their Children for their Mothers buy them deare they conceive them beare them and bring them into the world with great pain and griefe sometimes Children cost their Mothers their lives in Child-birth or Child-bed Benjamin cost his precious Mother her life at such a time Gen. 35.17.18 The Tree doth sometimes wither and dye that the fruit may live And when Children are borne they cost both Fathers and Mothers much paine cost griefe and feare in bringing them up They have much trouble and watchings early and late about them Besides what heart-breaking paines doth Parents take to leave some maintenance for their Children Children then you
to his VVife Now this he should do the more carefully that is walke in a good conversation before his wife because most men and women in the world are apt to be led by example good or bad more than by precept The examples of Superiours are of â—n attractive nature to Inferiours especially if the Inferiour do love and reverence the Superiour as the wife doth if her heart be married â—o her Husbands there is an intrinsecall principle in her to carry out her desires and endeavours to tread in his steps she will endeavour â—o imitate her Husband in his words and actiâ—ns The VVives of Jacob were brought up in â—dolatry but they hauing better examples set â—hem by their Husbands of worshipping the â—ue God they will be of his Religion Their â—ather worshipped false Gods Gen. 31.19 30. But they will pray to the true God it is said God hearkened unto Leah Gen. 30.17 then â—oubtlesse she prayed that must be implied â—en in ver 22. God hearkened unto Rachel â—o sure she had also prayed Mahlon and â—hilion take them wives in Moab who were â—otorious Idolaters but from their Husbands â—imples they had learned to serve the true â—od of Israel Ruth especially was brought to constant love of the true God for when her other in Law had put her upon the triall and â—d perswaded her Sister to returne backe â—aine to her people and to her gods yet â—e would by no meanes follow her Mothers â—ounsell nor her Sisters Apostatizing examâ—e but strongly adheres to the true God of â—ael and will forsake Countrey and deare naâ—rall friends besides rather than depart from â—e God of her Husband read the whole â—hapter of the first of Ruth Thus we see that good examples from Husbands may gaine upon the spirits of their wives some good Affections to goodnesse and care to imitate the best Patterns Now as good examples in Husbands may with Gods blessing produce glorious and comfortable effects upon the hearts and in the Conversations of good wives so on the contrary bad examples from Husbands before their wives may bring them to the height of all wickednesse and pertinaciousness in those their perishing waies without the infinite mercy of God in Christ Of which take a president or two in 1 King 16.25 it is said that Omri wrought evill in the eyes of the Lord and did worse than all that were before him And then in ver 30. it is said that Ahab the Son of Omri did evill in the sight of the Lord above all that were before him VVhere by the way we see the Son imitates the Father in his wicked waies Now as Ahab was a worshipper of false Gods so he was an enemy to the Prophets of the true God for proofe whereof mind the 9 10. and 17. verses of the 18. Chap. of 1 King Also Chap 21.20 so again in Chap. 22.8 where he plainely saith he hated Micaiah but observe how his accursed wife Jezebel followeth his vile way of persecuting Elijah she hates and seekes his life 1 Kings 19.2 But if it be said it is to no purpose this way to insert passages of wickedness relating to Omri and Ahab they were not Husband and VVife but Father and Son I answer it is true they were so but that is taken notice of only to prove Ahab was a wicked man before he had Jezebel to wife who did stir him up to wickednesse 1 Kings 21.25 for she might be both a follower of his bad examples as doubtlesse she was and yet a provoker of him to abundance of notorious vilenesse But take a president cleare from all exception from Ananias and Saphira his wife Ananias observing the forwardnesse of many true Chistians whom God had blest with some temporall Estates in the time of others great extremities by reason of poverty in times of persecution that they were willing to sell all and communicate it to others which held out the life of love to Christ Ananias I say observing this he plaies the close hypocrite and bids as faire to maintaine the name and forme of a Christian as others did but he detaines a part of the money in a private way for to maintaine him and his wife yet pretends and affirmes the contrary His wife Saphira follows his example of hypocrisie joynes with him in false affirmations and so both perish together Acts 5.1 to the end of ver 10. Beloved Thou that art a Husband as chiefly in relation to God and thy own soule hast need to walke accurately with all circumspection in the whole course of thy life to beware of any scandalous waies out of pitty to thy poore yoak-fellow that by thy example thou lead her not into the way of sin and so to hell for ever without the infinite and boundlesse mercy of God For if thou be carelesse herein Dives in Hell will rise up in judgement against thee at the last day for in that place of torment he had some charity as we may say to his poore Brethren I know it is but a Parable but yet there is much in Parables and thou hast none on Earth to the soule of thy poore wife yet this I must grant that in Hell there can be no charity for that is a grace and so cannot be there but to speake properly it was a fruit of selfe-love he knew he had led his Brethren by his example into the way of sin and that leades to Hell and that if they should come there it would aggravate his horrour and guilt And truly if thou shouldst shun giving evill examples to thy wife on that ground that is out of selfe-love it were better to do it so than not at all for we see it by daily experience that such as the Husband is the Wife is divers times the same if he be zealous in good duties and frequent therein if he be full of selfe-deniall and of patience under the Rod of God resigning himselfe to be at his dispose if he be of an humble spirit full of Temperance Sobriety Love and of a pitifull and tender heart to those that are in misery and ready to every good worke and labouring to hold forth the power of godliness in Mortification and Vivification in dying to sin and living to righteousness If he labour to live by faith against sense If he labour to worship God publikely privately and secretly I say if the Husband have these graces these qualifications and Divine Operations O how will a gracious wife heave and strive pant after and gaspe for spirituall vigour in the strength of God to imitate the same in her sweet precious heavenly and Angelicall Husband Ah Deare heart let me beg of thee and beseech thee with all the obsecrations in the world that thou wouldst give thy wife no worse examples than those for hereby thou shalt glorifie God Edifie and build up thy wife in grace discharge a grand Matrimoniall duty and gaine demonstrations of thy present gracious condition here and
not worse is thy language I am certaine that by this meanes thou commest within the lists of that woe Isa 5.20 Woe unto them who call evill good and good evill c. Thou condemnest Gods waies and justifiest thy own waies Let men walke in the waies â—o get wealth or pleasure or carnall profit or worldly honour or run apace in the high road â—o hell These ungodly persons before spoken of will not dishearten them but rather encourage them by keeping company with them but let any men or women whose hearts God hath warmed with zeale for his glory and tender love to such poore soules as are under them let them but lend them a little finger to guide them or but a small sparke of light to conduct them by in the way to heaven then they are in their Bedlam-fits not knowing how to contain themselves within the bounds of civility But these men have either never learned or soon forgotten that place of our Saviour The Kingdom of heaven suffereth violence and the violent take it by force Mat. 11.12 and other places Luk. 13.24 Heb. 12.14 Luk. 11.52 Such opposite spirited men and women as these will by no meanes endure that any Child or Friend of theirs shall come within the wals of a godly Family to live in for feare they should become Puritans as they call them but to conclude this Point or Use let me tell them that without abundance of repentance for and reformation of this sin they shall have as large a share if not more of those inconceivable miseries which are imperfectly mentioned in the use of reproofe and terrour as the portion of such as do any way neglect the performance of those duties they owe unto Children and Servants and it may be they shall have a larger share than the others because for ought can be known such scoffing Ishmaels as these have been a special cause of hindring many from the performance of their duties to their Family-relations which otherwise would have set themselves to the discharge of those duties The use in the last place may be for exhortation Use 4 to stir up Christian Parents and Masters First to labour to be well acquainted with those duties which they owe unto their Children and Servants And then to set themselves with much diligence paines and care to the performance of them The duties have been laid down and fully demonstrated from divers Scriptures there hath been some Illustrations and Amplifications of them and divers undeniable reasons to urge the performance of them Now what shall I say This paines as in order to thee is lost if thou sit still and come not forth to the performance of them When David had made a large preparation for building the House of God in Jerusalem having got together abundance of materials for that Magnificent Worke what saith he to his Son Solomon Arise saith he therefore and be doing and the Lord be with thee 1 Chro. 22.16 Now if without offence I might allude to to this I may say I have endeavoured as God hath graciously enabled me to prepare in some poore measure some materials to help thee to â—uild God a temple or Church in his own Family unto which I desire thou maiest adde in thy retired Meditations Now I also say to thee arise and be doing and the Lord be with â—hee Thou wilt say thou art a poore weake creature thy knowledge is little and thy parts â—re small let me advise thee to gaine good formes of Catechisme be studious in them be diligent to improve them for the good of all under thee by this meanes if thou be consciencious indeed and seeke to approve thy selfe to God in thy discharge of these duties and abundantly desirest to yield furtherance to the soules of thy Wife Children and Servants By this meanes I say thou shalt find that in teaching others thy owne knowledge shall encrease and thou hast a promise from the mouth of Christ for this that to him that hath more shall be given and he shall have in abundance Mat 13.12 We have a good proverbe applicable here that is Use legs and have legs and thou saiest thy parts are weake if thou canst not pray with thy Family but in a very weake manner then I say pray to God to teach thee to pray pray in secret for both the spirit and gift of prayer that thou maiest be able to Performe it in thy Family but beware thou set not too high a rate on the gift of prayer for it often goes alone without the Spirit thou wert better of the two have the Spirit of Prayer than the gift but both together doth best especially in relation to edifying others Simon Magus desired to purchase a power to give the Holy Ghost to whom he pleased his ends were base as well as his tender vile he did aime as good Divines thinke at popular applause besides a cursed gaine Truly I much feare popular applause and vaine ostentation is too too much the aime of some in our Times where I see a gift of prayer yea and of preaching too and a spirit of predominant pride I must take the liberty to think of such a man as I do apprehend cleare ground for This last passage I do insert for this end principally to take off the inordinate affections of any poore soule from the gift of prayer sincerity in all thy walkings with God will comfort thee in the midst of all defects and what knowest thou deare Christian but God will joine his strength with thy weaknesse and make thee an instrument of begetting soules to God as well as bodies and so make thee in a sense a spirituall Father as well as a bodily and enable thee at the last day to say to God Behold here am I and the Children whom thou hast given me where we may allude to that which the Apostle applies and makes proper to Christ Heb. 2.13 Now in the last place for it deserves no other by thy religious care to further thy Children and Servants in the waies of God thou maiest make such Children and Servants very profitable to thee in outward respects Paul takes notice that Onesimus was no profitable servant to his Master when he was gracelesse but after he was converted he tels Philemon that now he was profitable Phil. 11. There is much crying out in the world and not without cause against stubborne disobedient and undutifull Children and against refractory and unprofitable Servants But may not the neglect of Parents and Masters about making their Children in the use of meanes Gods Children and their Servants by the foresaid meanes the servants of God may not I say this be a speciall cause of all this confusion doubtlesse yea for it is just with God that when thou wilt not make thy Children and Servants to answer Gods ends at least so far as possible thou maiest that thy owne should be wholly frustrate Thus much for the uses Beloved be pleased to
among all men which indeed it is the words following containe an Admonition and run thus Therefore is not to be enterprized that is Marriage nor taken in hand unadvisedly lightly or wantonly to satisfie mens carnall lusts and appetites like brute Beasts that have no understanding but Reverently discreetly advisedly soberly and in the feare of God duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained c. such rash inconsiderate heady and unadvised persons as these never labour to see themselves to have a cleare Call to change their conditions by entring into the Marriage estate They desire no spirituall gifts to enable them to performe spirituall duties They look not upon any qualifications in the party they desire to enjoy in such a condition provided there be person and beauty to satisfie their brutish lusts and mony to please their covetous humour they will marry their hearts and soules to a bag of silver or gold these answer the Proverbe What hath she what is she and so they make money to answer all things As Solomon speakes yet to other ends Eccl. 10.19 And as for the way and meanes which God hath sanctified and appointed for men to walke in and make use of to obtaine good wives and meet helpers they will not set one foot in them they will not go to God by prayer for direction this way and for successe herein they scarce know what God is and for the duty of Prayer they know not so much as the A B C of it and as for Parents consent they regard not that all they desire is to inveigle maids to love them and enchant their foolish affections to answer their unreasonable desires let Parents consent or not consent what care they but for some sinister ends for portion sake or to attaine preferment by their favour There is an impure generation who have overspread the Nation yea and many other parts too like the Locusts in Egypt Exod. 10.14 who purposely do invent obscene lascivious scurrilous and filthy songs and Ballads on purpose to pollute and poyson young Virgins and Maids with carnall fleshly and abominable lusts that so they may bring them over to themselves for uncleane dalliance at present and then make them yield to their hellish Motions and run point blanke against the consent of their Parents to bestow themselves on them but poore Creatures when they thinke they are good wives they are but filthy Whores so long as Parents consent is not obtained by means whereof the Common-wealth is filled with abundance of Whores Bastards by which meanes also it comes to passe that Townes and Parishes are so over-charged with poore that there can scarce be an able Family there And where be they who labour to informe themselves in the duties which married persons are call'd to performe each to other and both to their Families And these duties to mind as I have said before Marriage that afterward they might practice them Truly this is the condition of multitudes of Men and Women now conjoyned together after their way in Marriage by reason whereof the Land is full of ignorant and extreamely profane Families by this meanes it is come to passe that the power of Godlinesse is slighted here is the cause why Sabbaths are profaned this is the cause why faithfull Ministers are the scorne of this Age this is the cause of so much Whoredome Drunkennesse Lying Cheating Over-reaching and what not amongst us Ah you poore soules who have contracted Marriage before you were call'd to it and have so wickedly entred into and lived in it all the sins before-mentioned and also what sins else can be named must like so many illegitimate children be brought and laid at your door and you must be Fathers and Mothers to them Never looke to prosper in your soules especially untill you labour to remove the guilt by repentance and teares of godly Compunction and untill thou reforme for which end be carefull to be informed in the duties thou art called to performe in the state of Marriage and then set about the discharge of them as in the presence of God labour to redeeme lost time by double diligence in the well improving the future and so God may yet be gracious to you and yours and make you blessings both to Church and Common-wealth In the last place it may serve for instruction Vse 2 First unto the unmarried And secondly to those in the Married condition First let me direct my selfe to you that are in the single Estate but yet mind a change of that life of yours as opportunity shall serve you to accomplish your desires Dost thou then desire I say to change thy condition as beforesaid and wouldst thou faine enjoy a meet helper in all conditions God shall put thee into whether prosperity or adversity Then let me exhort thee and be thou exhorted in the name and feare of God to see God going before thee by a cleare Call to enterprize so great a businesse even in fitting thee for the same as hath been before laid downe and in particular labour to get an humble spirit and an understanding heart to discharge all duties to every relation that God shall set under thee and that for their good both of body and soule that thou maiest be a blessing to them and they under God a comfort to thee labour to propound to thy selfe lawfull ends in that thy undertaking and be sure walke in warrantable waies and use godly and lawfull meanes to carry on thy desires by and amongst those meanes set down for thy direction mind well in a way of practice the going to God by Prayer then use double care and diligence to meet with one for thy companion who is of a gracious frame both of heart and life so far as possibly can be discerned And for those other qualifications before-mentioned be so far from slighting them that rather on the contrary be unsatisfied in thy thoughts if thou find any one of them wanting Yet not so unsatisfied as to divert thy affections from such a party because some one of them are undiscerned and perhaps some others a little defective but if the maine be there then in the name and feare of the great God proceed gradually to put a period to all thy cares paines and endeavours that way and now being married if thou wouldst have God say amen to all those joyes thy friends and acquaintance wish thee then set thy selfe the worke that lyeth before thee namely thy godly and Christian-like discharging of all the duty that estate cals for from thee which brings me to the second thing proposed in this Use that is to speake a word or two of Instruction to those in the Marriage condition It is a true saying that Marriage is either Merry-age or Mar-age But if thou wouldst have it to thee Merry-age and not Mar-age then now labour to walke with God in the conscientious discharge of all the duties that the same estate ties thee to