A GODLIE FORME OF HOVSEHOLDE GOVERNMENT FOR THE ORDERING OF PRIVATE FAMILIES according to the direction of Gods word Whereunto is adioyned in a more particular manner The seuerall duties of the Husband towards his Wife and the Wifes dutie towards her Husband The Parents dutie towards their Children and the Childrens towards their Parents The Masters dutie towards his Seruants and also the Seruants dutie towards their Masters Gathered by R. C. ISIDORE Thou profitest much when thou readest if thou practisest that which thou readest BARNARDE What auaileth it thee to reade often in bookes the holy name of thy Sauiour except thou studie and endeuour to haue godlinesse in thy behauiour CYPRIAN It profiteth a man saith he nothing at all to professe vertue in words and to ouerthrow the trueth in his deeds AT LONDON Printed by Felix Kingston for Thomas Man 1598. TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFVLL MAISTER ROBERT BVRGAINE OF ROXALL ONE OF her Maiesties Iustices of peace in the Countie of Warwicke to the right Worshipfull Maister Iohn Diue of Ridlington Parke in the Countie of Rutland and to the Worshipfull Maister Edmund Temple of Temple-hall in the Countie of Leicester Esquires as also to their religious and vertuous wiues R. C. wisheth with heart and minde grace from God the father by Iesus Christ and constancie in the trueth of the Gospell to the end and in the end HAuing collected and finished this Treatise ensuing and deuising verie carefully with my selfe to whom I might dedicate the same at length I resolued that none were meeter to vndertake the patronage thereof then some such meetest persons as did alreadie in some good measure practise within their seuerall Charges the seuerall poynts and duties contained therein and so would further prosecute those other necessarie parts which they haue yet in some part pretermitted Wherevpon calling to minde the holy exercises daylie vsed and exercised in all your houses I was moued for two causes to make you all ioyntly Patrones hereof First for that I acknowledge my selfe beholden and indebted vnto you all diuersly since my first acquaintance with you therefore least I should deserue the blame of vnthankefulnesse for benefits receiued I am bold vnder your names to offer to the whole Church of God these my simple collections Secondly for that as you are all ioyned and linked in kindred by reason of mariage so also you are and haue beene a long time inseperably knit in a zealous sincere profession of Gods word and religion And for so much as I may not for many respects accomplish what good I willingly would yet least I should be thought to spend the remainder of my yeres in an idle condition or to hide my tallent in a napkin I haue been no lesse careful then willing to labour otherwaies to doo what I may to glorifie God and profit his Church Neither will these my labours be vtterly vnprofitable if my purpose therein be rightly conferred with the purport of my writings For such Householders as pretend to be great protestants and sound professors of the Gospell may long inough talke of discipline and stil complaine of the want of Church-gouernment but all in vaine and to no purpose vnlesse they will begin this most necessary discipline in reforming their own houses according to the direction handled in this Treatise and so to suffer the holy religion of God to take place amongst their families at home otherwise they shall trauell much and profit little For although there bee neuer so good lawes in Cities neuer so pure order in Churches yet if maisters of families do not practise at home catechising and discipline in their houses and ioyne their helping hands to Magistrates and Ministers they may in trueth but vniustly as many haue done complaine that their children and seruants are disordered and corrupted abroad when in trueth they were disordered and are still corrupted and mard at home And therefore it cannot be neither is it to be hoped for that either the father of his children or the husband of his wife or the maister of his seruants should looke for that obedience that reuerence that faithfulnesse and that dutifulnesse which they of right ought to haue and the other in conscience and of bounden dutie are bound to performe vnlesse they do now at length endeuour to see these orders and duties hereafter mentioned to bee practised within their seueral Households For if Parents and Householders shal performe no further dutie to their children and seruants then to prouide for them meat drinke and apparell and to pay them their wages then Papists Atheists yea Turkes and Infidels do yeelde this dutie as well as they And seeing all men be carefull that their horses and bullocks should haue sufficient fodder and prouender to the end they may haue their labour in lieu and recompence thereof it doth consequently follow that therefore a christian Householder ought to haue ouer his children and seruants a much more christian care then he hath ouer his dumbe insensible beasts that so he may take a singular comfort from the daylie contemplation of their encrease in spirituall graces Oh what a sweete and comfortable thing shall this be to the soule and conscience of such an Householder as when he hath been so diligent and carefull in the trayning and bringing vp of his children and seruants in the obedience and waies of the Lorde that hee may rightly deserue to haue this worthie report commendation giuen vnto him from the mouth and penne of the godly namely that he hath a church in his house that is a company of sound and faithfull Christians such as feare God indeed As the like report was giuen by the Apostle to those godly House-keepers Aquilla and Priscilla his wife Rom. 16.5 1. Cor. 16.19 As also to Philemon Phil. 2. Therefore all Parents and Householders are in the Lorde to be exhorted that they would be carefull to bring vp their children and familie so as they either by some good tokens may see them the children of God and heires of the couenant or at least they may be comforted in their owne consciences notwithstanding their children and seruants for some cause vnknowne to them do refuse their counsell and instruction seeing they to the vttermost of their power and abilitie haue vsed all good meanes to bring them vp well and haue rightly offered them to the Lord. Now if parents and maisters haue iust cause to bewaile and lament when thus trauelling in good education and information they cannot yet see good effects and godly fruites in their children seruants how much more cause of griefe may they haue when they haue vsed and bestowed no labor at all either by themselues or others for them to bring them vp in the nurture and feare of the Lord And yet alasse many will be grieued for the one that will not be any thing mooued for the other Wherefore let all parents and maisters of families know and learne that if
or disquiet in marriage he answereth no his reason is For the vnbeleeuing husband is sanctified by his beleeuing wife and the vnbeleeuing wife by her beleeuing husband And this he proueth by affirming that the children issuing of such a marriage be holy that is to say partakers of the couenant of God and consequently accepted into the fellowship of the Church Onely he addeth this exception Jf the vnbeleeuing man depart and forsake the beleeuing wife shee is not subiect to follow him And yet must this be vnderstood where such departure ariseth eyther vpon hatred that he beareth to the true religion that his wife professeth or vpon a desire to vse his polluted and false religion For herein cannot his wife follow him without danger of defil◠〈◊〉 â—riuing of her selfe of the profession of the 〈◊〉 â—ogither with the food of her soule Liâ—â—â—â—se where Saint Paul speaking of the husbâ—â—d and wife 1. Cor. 7.11 both beleeuers saith If the woman depart from her husband let her remaine vnmarried or bee reconciled to her husband He therein meaneth not that it shall be lawfull for the woman because shee cannot beare the troublesome nature of her husband or to auoide strife and debate to depart and liue as a widdowe but onely he sheweth that when the husband vpon such like occasion shall put away or cast off his wife yet is not she at her libertie to marrie another but must remaine vnmarried and labour to be reconciled And therefore are those women which vpon the hard dealing or troublesome dispositions of their husbands do forsake them greatly to be reproued as thereby giuing occasion of great mischiefe and trouble as also are those husbands who vpon like occasion doe forsake their wiues For seeing nothing may make diuorce but Adulterie euery purpose and determination to part vpon any other occasion or reason is restrained by Gods ordinance the law of marriage And for as much as it is not lawfull for vs to continue in such separation the whole course of our liues neither is it lawfull so to abide at all eyther so much as to enter thereinto If therefore vpon such occasion the husband forsake his wife or the wife her husband rather then to continue the mischiefe begunne let them returne togither againe and thinke that the shortest follies doe least hurt Obiection If they alledge their intreatie in their opinion intolerable and their nature so contrary that they cannot liue without strife and debate Also that beeing asunder and quiet in conscience free from trouble they may the better applie themselues and imploy their time in praier Answere The answere is that such infirmities must not dissolue or breake the bond of marriage and their duties to liue togither but let them thinke that God hath called them to the exercise of patience which vpon heartie prayer be graunted to them Let them labour each to beare with other that they may liue in peace and continually pray to GOD to giue them grace so to doe Let them remember that the diuell transformeth himselfe into an Angell of light when by propounding a dutie to liue in quiet and consequently a meane to pray vnto God for the compassing thereof hee induceth them to gaine-say Gods prohibition and also to seperate that which God hath ioyned togither For as the coniunction commeth of God so the separation and diuorce proceedeth from the diuell If they reply that by liuing asunder so that they marrie not againe they breake not the bond of marriage let them remember that marriage being ordained for a remedie against fornication for the generation ad bringing vp of children and also for a helpe each to other in mutuall societie and inseparable conuersation of life yet doth there appeare no token or effect of marriage in those that liue asunder albeit they marrie not againe So that the benefite of marriage consisteth not only in the procreation of children but also in the natural societie of the two diuers sexes Otherwise it could not be said that there were any marriage betweene two old folkes This vnion of marriage yet teacheth vs another duetie common both to the man and to the wife Which is that their goods bee common betweene them That a common wealth may in some sort bee said to bee happie where they haue no vse of these words Mine and thine But in marriage especially they ought not to be heard If the wife haue brought most goods in marriage the marriage once consummate and made her part is gone and they are gone and they are made common as also are the debts whether hers or her husbands And therefore can neither of them say This is mine but this is ours When a woman hath brought great goods yet may shee not say I will doe with mine owne what I list for she her selfe is not her owne but her husbandes The husband as the head and chiefe guide of the familie must haue the custodie chiefe gouernement of the goods in the house yet may he discharge himselfe of the whole or of part as himselfe shall thinke meet and conuenient yet let him remember that hee intreat her not as a seruant by giuing her money as it were in mistrust or with condition to returne him a particular account For the husbandes mistrust doth many times prouoke the woman and the wiues vaine expence breedeth mistrust in the husband but the faithfull and discreet employment and good vsage of the wife and her husbands confidence in her will procure that as the goods be common to both so each alike shall vndertake the custodie and employment of the same Hereunto for a conclusion of this point we will yet adde two dueties common both to the husband and the wife The first that they dayly pray to God to giue them grace to liue togither in peace and loue and that each may be a helpe to others saluation Let all such as desire to enioy such a felicitie vnderstand that they must dayly pray to God for the obtaining thereof And let those that liue in strife and debate examine themselues whether they haue no cause to impute their miserable estate to their neglect of this dutie The second consisteth in the practise of the same which Saint Paul teacheth saying Let those that be married 1. Cor. 7.29 be as if they were not married But how By so enioying the commoditie and contentation of marriage that the benefite of their coniunction breed no diuorce betweene God and them likewise that thereby they bee not hindered or made slacke in any dutie toward God and their neighbours as also that no affliction depending or proceeding of marriage withdraw them or force them to resolue of any thing coÌ„trary to the vnion of marriage their christian profession that they bee the children of God The particular dueties of the husband toward the wife are first to protect her to haue regard and care ouer her c. Ruth 3.9 Secondly that hee vnfainedly loue her out of which fountaine springeth this dutie that
walke ioyntly with him vnder the conduct and gouernment of her head And in that respect the husband is not to commaund his wife in manner as the Master his seruant but as the soule doth the bodie as being conioyned in like affection good will For as the soule in gouerning the bodie tendeth to the benefite and commoditie of the same so ought the dominion and commandement of the husband ouer his wife to tende to reioyce and content her To conclude As God hath testified his singular goodnesse vnto man in creating him an helper to assist him so let him consider in how many sorts she is to him a helper to passe ouer this life in blessednesse And let this dayly seeking of such a benefite receiued at the hands of God induce and stirre him vp to render thanks and to dispose himselfe to vse it well to his owne comfort and saluation and not to abuse it to the destruction both of himselfe and his wife But if he chaunceth as many doe vpon troubles and afflictions in marriage let him remember that the same doe proceede not properly from marriage but from the corruptions of the parties married and for his parte let him studie to amende his infirmities and faults by amendment of life and withall pray to God to graunt the like grace vnto his wife to the ende that the more they recouer the Image of God the more feeling they may haue of the felicitie of Marriage which Adam and Eue had enioyed had they continued as they were created in the Image of God And the particular duties of the wife to the husband are principally these first that she bee a helper vnto him c. Secondly that she bee obedient vnto him c. These foure speciall duties are partly touched before and partly afterwards As loue matrimoniall is greatly allowed of God and much commended of all good men as an ordinate holie and godly loue so contrariwise hatred dissentiō strife debate vnquietnes and frowardnes in mariage highly displeaseth God and much grieueth al good and godly men And therefore the deuill the enemie of all vnitie concord and agreement laboureth by all meanes he can especially at the first comming of the maried folkes to dwell together to sow dissention discord and to cause them not to agree but to dislike one of the other against whom they must diligently watch by feruent and earnest prayer to God that the diuell preuaile not against them by such too early disagreement For as two boords at the first if they be not well coupled and ioyned together they neuer are fastned right afterward but if the first coupling and ioyning together bee good then can there afterward no violence driue the boords asunder yea the whole boord doth sooner breake then the glewing of them together euen so the husband and wife must bee verie carefull and diligent that their first cohabitation dwelling togither The best pollicie in marriage is to begin well belouing delectable and friendly and not separated through anie spightfull contention or discord so shall the whole estate of their mariage be more comfortable and prosper the better as long as they shal liue And though there happen to arise any sparke of discorde betwixt them yet let them beware that at the least there bee not too much displeasure disdaine and inconuenience kindled thereby For if at their first dwelling together there shall fall out such vntowardnesse and vncomely discorde then will it now and then bee breaking out euen as it fareth with great wounds and broken legges or armes which seldome are so throughly healed but sometimes they haue paine at the change of the weather So likewise if married folkes behaue themselues thus vntowardly and vnhonestlie the one towards the other at the first and if iars and discord be once begun betweene them the old canker of hatred will breed againe though it bee scaled afterward Let the one therefore learne betime to be acquainted with the nature and conditions of the other and to apply themselues according to the same in as much as they must needes dwell together one to enioy another and the one to liue and dye with the other and so stedfastly and vnfainedly to loue one the other that neither of them haue anie thing so deare which they cannot bee content to giue and bestow one vpon the other yea euen their owne life if need require And therefore husbands and wiues must euen at the beginning of their marriage giue their diligence that all iniuries and offences may be auoyded for tender and soft loue is soone dissolued and broken So that this new loue and coniunction of the minde must be nourished with benigne sweet gentle conuersation vntill it be so increased fastned that no great storme be able to dissolue or breake it And all suspition must be at all times but specially at the beginning of matrimonie eschued and shunned least they should first begin to hate or euer they begin to loue yea and they must beware they doe not faine any suspition nor conceiue it of any light occasions and coniectures for vnto such they in no wise must giue eare although there were some shew and great apparance of likelihood And this will bee a good meanes to effect and worke this namely if they accustome themselues to speake kindly louingly and cheerfullie one to the other For as the ancient Counsellors of king Salomon gaue wise aduise and counsell vnto Rehoboam king of Israel 1. King 12.7 8. c. to the end that hee might win the loue and good liking of the people Speake kindly vnto them said they and they will serue thee for euer after which counsell not being followed great inconuenience and mischiefe after befell vnto him c. Euen so likewise if the husband bee desirous to procure the loue of his wife and to winne her to God or if the wife be desirous and would also procure the loue of her husband and win him to God then they must draw on one another with sweet and gentle words of loue speaking kindly one to another Iudg. 19.3 Prou. 15.1 because gentle words do pacifie anger as water quencheth fire But if they shall vse taunts or words of reproach and despight one against another Gal. 5.9 much hurt then may ensue thereof for a little leauen sowreth the whole lumpe And therefore let them vse to giue one to the other their dutifull names and titles and to eschue and shun the contrarie For example like as the spightfull Iewes which hated the Lord Iesus would not vouchsafe to giue him his name when they talked of him or with him but to shew their vtter dislike of him they vsed to say Iohn 7.11.15.35 Is this he or art thou he that wilt doe such a thing Js not this he c. Againe Whither will he goe that we shall not finde him They would not say Is not this Iesus Christ or the Sonne of God
so they both helping doing their best together may be one perfect bodie 2. It doth greatly increase loue when the one faithfully serueth the other when in things concerning mariage the one hideth no secrets nor priuities from the other and the one doth not vtter or publish the frailties or infirmities of the other and when of all that euer they obtaine or get they haue but one common purse together the one locking vp nothing from the other and also when the one is faithfull to the other in eating drinking and so in all their necessities and affaires Likewise when the one harkneth to the other and when the one thinketh not scorne of the other and when in matters concerning the gouernment of the house the one will be counselled and aduised by the other and alwaies the one to bee louing kind curteous plaine and gentle in words maners and deedes 3. Let the one learne euer to be obsequious diligent and seruiceable to the other in all other things And this will the sooner come to passe if the one obserue and marke what thing the other can away withall or cannot away withall and what pleaseth or displeaseth them And so from thence-forth to do the one and to leaue the other vndone They must secretly keepe no euill will in their mindes but tell their griefe And if one of them bee angrie and offended with the other then let the partie grieued open and make knowne to the other their griefe in due time and with discretion for the longer a displeasure or euill will rageth in secret the worse will be the discord And this must bee obserued that it bee done in a fit conuenient time because there is some season in the which if griefes were shewed it should make greater debate As if the wife should goe about to tell or admonish her husband when he is out of patience or moued with anger it should then bee no fit time to talke with him 1. Sam. 25.36 37. Therefore Abigail perceiuing Naball her husband to bee drunke would not speake to him vntill the morning Both the husband and wife must remember that the one be not so offended and displeased with the maners of the other 1. Cor. 7.10 11 12 13 14 15 16. Matth. 19.6 Matth. 19.9 5.33 Luke 16.18 that they should thereupon forsake the companie one of the other for that were like to one that being stung with the Bees would therefore forsake the honie And therefore no man may put away his wife for any cause except for whoredome which must be duly proued before a lawfull Iudge But all godly and faithfull married folkes are to commend their state mariage to God by humble and feruent prayer that he for his beloued sons sake would so blesse them and their mariage that they may so christianly and dutifully agree betweene themselues that they may haue no cause of any separation or diuorcement For like as all maner of medicines and speciallie as they that goe nighest death as to cut off whole members c. are very lothsome and terrible euen so is diuorcement indeed a medicine but a perilous and terrible medicine Therefore euery good Christian husband and wife ought with all care and heedfulnesse so to liue in mariage that they haue no need of such medicine As the holie Scripture maketh mention of many wiues and women that were wicked and vngodly as partly may be seene by these quotations 1. King 11.1 2. Prou. 21.9.22.14 and 25.24 and 27.15 Eccles 7.28.30 So contrariwise the same sacred Scripture also commendeth vnto vs many women that haue been deuout religious and vertuous as partly is manifest by that which hath already been said and also by these places of Scripture Ruth 3.11 1. Sam. 25.3 Pro. 14.1 and 31.10 Matt. 28.1.8.9.10 Luk. 8.2.3 23.55.56 and 14.1 Act. 16.14.15 and 1.14 and 17.4 and 9.36.39 2. Ioh. 1. 2. Tim. 1.5 And whosoeuer shall obserue it in the reading of the word of God shal finde that it speaketh of the praise of as many and moe good women as men yea and we are perswaded that if at this day a due suruey shuld bee taken of all men and women throughout her Maiesties dominions that there would bee found in number moe women that are faithful religious and vertuous then men The wife ought to obey her husband in all things that be honest and agreeable to Gods word Now if a wife be desirous to know how farre she is bound to obey her husband the Apostle resolueth this doubt where he saith Eph. 5.22 saying Wiues submit your selues vnto your husbands as to the Lord. As if hee had said Wiues cannot bee disobedient to their husbands but they must resist God also who is the author of this subiection and that she must regard her husbands will as the Lords will but yet withall as the Lord commandeth one that which is good and right so she should obey her husband in good and right or els she doth not obey him as the Lord but as the tempter The first subiection of the woman began at sinne for when God cursed her for seducing her husband when the Serpent had deceiued her he said He shall haue authoritie ouer thee Genes 3.16 And therefore as the man named all other creatures in signe that they should bee subiect to him as a seruant which commeth when his master calleth him by his name so he did name the woman also Hest 1.20.22 Numb 30.7 8 9. 1. Pet. 3.6 Iudg. 19.26 in token that she should bee subiect to him likewise And therefore Assuerus made a law that euery man should beare rule in his owne house and not the woman Because she sinned first therefore she is humbled most and euer since the daughters of Sarah are bound to call their husbands Lord as Sarah called her husband that is to take them for heads and gouernours Amongst the particular duties that a Christian wife ought to performe in her familie It is a speciall dutie of a mother to giue her children sucke her selfe this is one namely that it belongeth to her to nurse her owne children which to omit and to put them forth to nursing is both against the law of nature and also against the will of God besides it is hurtfull both for the childes bodie and also for his wit and lastly it is hurtfull to the mother her selfe and it is an occasion that she falleth into much sicknesse thereby 1. First Nature giueth milke to the woman for none other end but that she should bestow it vpon her childe We see by experience that euery beast and euery fowle is nourished and bred of the same that did beare it onely some women loue to be mothers but not nurses And as euery tree doth cherish and nourish that which it bringeth forth euen so also it becommeth natural mothers to nourish their children with their owne milke 1. Tim. 5.10 2. Secondly the
saieth that God will come and dwell with them that loue him and keepe his commaundements Where therefore Holinesse is not sought for in families 1. Ion. 3.24 4 12 13. there God hath no friends nor louers nor walkers with him howsoeuer they will sometime come visit him in the Church Besides the ill successe that such walkers haue who make their houses temples to Mammon and riches should teach vs to haue a principal respect to God in Christianitie Math 6 24. ruling our houses Many thriue not but put that which they get in a bottomlesse bagge For God who hath none or the lowest regard in their courses and household affaires Hag. 1 6. withholdeth his blessings from them and then in vaine do men rise earlie and go late to bedde and eate the bread of carefulnesse Others thriue Psal 127.2 but it is a wofull thrift that serueth to harden the heart and to bewitch the soule with loue liking of this world Yet this is Gods iust iudgement vppon many because they wil needes serue their owne commoditie cheefelie at home the Lorde giuing them vp to themselues they neuer serue him but coldly and for custome sake at the Church and God accepteth no more of their worship they do there then they do loue and like of his gouernment in their houses The gouernours of families The sorts of gouernours Householders or housekeepers are persons authorized ouer their house holds and charges if as it is in marriage there be more then one vpon whom the charge of gouernmēt lyeth though vnequally are first the Cheefe gouernour which is the Husband secondly a fellow helper which is the Wife These both do owe duties to their familie and dutie one to another The duties they owe to their familie both concerning godlinesse and the things of this life The dutie of the husband touching holinesse which he must performe to them 1 To see that tehy haue the word ordinarily the want whereof is the greatest plague that can be belong either to the husband especially or to the wife especially The duties that belong to the husbande touching holinesse are such as eyther he must 1. Performe to them of his familie 2. Or require of them The duties which he must performe to them are first touching the publike ministerie of the word to prouide that they may liue vnder an ordinarie ministerie of the word or else to take order that alwaies vpon the Sabboth at other times when it may be they resort to such places where they may haue the word ministred vnto them Amos 8.11 Math. 9.36.37 Esa 32 1 2 3 4 Rom. 10 14. Iam. 1 86 19 21. for else how shall thay bee brought into the sheepfolde of God from which naturally they go astray but by hearing the voyce of the chiefe shepheard speaking vnto them by those whom he sendeth how shal they beleeue and so bee begotten againe by the seede of the word 1 Pet. 2 2 Haba 21. vers Ephe. 4 11 12. except they heare such as God sendeth for the begetting of men vnto him how shall they bee reconciled vnto God but by hearing his messengers Iam. 1 21. into whose mouthes hee hath put the word of reconciliation how shall they growe in fayth and increase in grace but by receiuing with meekenesse the ingrafted word which is able to saue their soules Seeing then the word preached is the meanes to beget men to a new life and to nourish them in it a great dutie lieth vpon the gouernours of families to prouide by some meanes that they may haue it For where the word is not preached there the Lords Sabboth cannot be hallowed as it ought Now the Lorde would not onely haue Masters of families to keep holy the sabboth themselues in al the parts of his worship publike and priuate All superiours ought to bee carefull that their inferiors do keep holie that day as well as themselues but also that euerie one should in his seuerall place and roome carefully take order that so many as bee committed to his charge should sanctifie the Lordes day as well as himselfe which though it be true in all other commandements namely that whatsoeuer we are bound to do our selues wee must be meanes to further other in doing the same because the loue of God and of our neighbour spreadeth it selfe ouer all the commandements and therefore though it be not expressed it is necessarily vnderstood yet in the fourth commandement it is so much the more required because besides the analogie and proportion betweene it and the other commandements which doth inforce it the very words themselues doo bind vs thereunto For when it is said Thou and thy sonne and thy daughter thy man seruant and thy maide though it speaketh by name onely of resting vpon the Sabboth yet because the end of that is that the day might be sanctified looke how many reasons there be to bind the inferiours to rest and the superiours to prouide that they do so indeede so many are there to compell them to sanctifie the day in their own persons in so many as belong vnto them Therfore when first of all it is generallie saide in this fourth commaundement Deut. 5.12.14.15 Remember the Sabboth day that thou keepe it holy and afterwardes The seuenth day is the Sabboth of the Lorde the God that is which must be dedicated vnto his seruice and in the end you must therefore rest that you might serue him in it as he requireth and then nameth the seuerall parties that should rest his meaning is to declare the right end of their resting and so speaking by name to the gouernours saying Thou and thy sonne and thy daughter thy man seruant and the maide the stranger that is within thy gates to shew vnto them that it is not sufficient for them to looke that they vnder their gouernment should rest vnlesse they sanctifie the day of rest also which they must be so much careful of by how much the sanctification of the day is greater then the ceasing to worke vpon it as the end whereunto this is but referred and therfore if it bee a sinne in them at any time not to haue a sufficient regard vnto them that they do not worke then it must needes be a greater sin if that through their negligence they deo not sanctifie and keepe holy this day of rest So that heere the Lorde God requireth that in all places there should be such good lawes and others publikely in the common-wealth They ought not to leaue it to their discretion as a thing indifferent but to compell them thereunto and priuately in mens houses established and diligently executed as whereby not onely the rulers but also all in subiection should be compelled to sanctifie the Lords day and that they should be sure they doo it indeede And as hee must not leaue it indifferent to them to choose whether they will worke or
Job 2.10 Our Sauiour Christ to Peter Mat. 16. vers 23. and to Iames and Iohn Luk. 9. vers 55. Elie 1. Sam. 2.23 c. rebuked his sonnes but not according to the qualitie of their fault which turned to his and their ruine The profit of this wisely done is declared by Salomon Prouer. 23.15 The rod and rebuke giue wisedome but the child let alone shameth his mother This reproofe may haue some threatning of chastisement ioyned with it if need bee to the end to make it sincke the deeper with them Pro. 19.19 Be thou very angry when thou pardonest a fault saying that thou for sparing him now wilt punish him the sorer if he transgresse againe But threatnings must not bee vaine words without effect but alwaies if amendement follow not thou must performe what was threatned least thou become light and vaine in the offenders eyes Chastisement is when with a sharpe rebuke punishment is also laid vpon the offender according to discretion If any man thinke fighting vnmeet for Christians or be loth to foile their hands least they should get themselues an ill name let them know that Gods ordinance is not a matter of an ill report but onely amongst fooles that know not what is good and meete Now that household chastisement is agreeable to Gods will is euident out of the Prouerbs where the wisedome of God doth very often commend it to vs as chap. 13.24 He that spareth the rod hateth his sonne but he that loueth him chasteneth him betime Where he requireth that it be not deferred till it be too late that is till the offender be hardened in ill but giuen in time before he be past recouerie He saith it is a fruit of true and pure loue to correct in due time and very loue in parents and care of their chidren must draw them to it Thirdly he saith Parents neuer knew what true loue of children ment but imbrace fondnesse and foolish pitie in stead of it who doe spare to correct when correction is deserued Fourthly that this fondnesse and foolish affection is indeede hatred and not loue the reason why it is to bee counted hatred is set downe Prou. 19.18 Chastise thy sonne while there is hope and let not thy soule spare him to his destruction Where hee plainly saith that fond pittying and sparing of childrē is to work the destruction of them and is it not a token of great hatred to be a meanes of anothers destruction Elsewhere he sheweth the necessitie of correction and the good which it doth Pro. 22.15 Foolishnes is bound in the heart of a childe but the rod of correction shall remoue it farre from him As if he should say much follie and lewdnes is couched in a childs heart which if it be not purged will burst foorth into foule enormities and therefore a purgation is but needfull and what may that be but the rod of correction The same is commanded Pro. 29.17 Correct thy sonne where also he sheweth what benefit commeth thereby to the parents He shall giue thee rest yea he will giue pleasures to thy soule that is thou shalt bee free from sorrow heauines and many troubles which many parents haue with vngracious children and on the other side thou shalt haue much comfort and delight by them Great benefit also commeth thereby to the children as he sheweth in the 15. verse The rod and correction giue wisedome And chap. 23.13.14 whereas the neglect of it bringeth hurt to the child and to the parents as followeth A childe set at libertie maketh his mother ashamed And for seruants the Wiseman doth closely shew how they must be dealt with all where he saith Pro. 29.21 He which bringeth vp his seruant delicately from his youth at length will be depriued of his children And a little before verse 19. he saith A seruant wil not be chastised with words though he vnderstand yet he will not answere or regard These Scriptures shew that God hath put the rod of correction in the hands of the Gouernours of the familie by punishment to saue them from destruction which if the bridle were let loose vnto them they would runne vnto Where men and women are content to goe contrarie to their owne nature and to vndergo ill reports to obey the ordinance of God there God will giue a blessing that is a well ordered familie wherein all shall be of good hope The wiues dutie touching christian holinesse These bee the duties that the chiefe of the familie oweth to them of his familie within doores as touching godlinesse The wife also which is a fellowe-helper To be a fellow helper is to yeeld helpe to her husband especiall at home in al the matters o◠the familie 1. Tim. 5.15 Tit. 2.5 Gen. 18.67.1 hath some things belonging to her to further godlinesse in her familie as for example In her selfe to giue example to her Household of all readie submission to all good and christian orders to order her Household affaires so carefully that no exercise of religion bee hindered or put out of place at such time as they should bee done And in her husbands absence to see good orders obserued as he hath appointed to watch ouer the manners and behauiour of such as bee in her house and to helpe her husband in spying out euils that are breeding that by his wisedome they be preuented or cured Salomon saith of the vertuous woman that she ouerseeth the waies of her household Pro. 31.27 verse 26. And a little before she openeth her mouth with wisedome and the Law of grace is in her tongue And S. Paul requireth that wiues specially the elder bee teachers of good things and to instruct the younger They may also do much good in framing the tender yeares of their children vnto good while they bee vnder their hands for euen as a childe cockered and made a wanton by the mother wil be more vntractable when the father shal seeke to bend him to good so on the other side a child wisely trained vp by the mother in the young yeares will bee the easilier brought to goodnesse by the Fathers godly care We reade that Timothie was made acquainted with the scripture frō a little child by means of his godly Mother Grandmother a good patterne for christians And marke the proofe God recompēced their godly care exceedingly for Timothie proued a rare young man of excellent graces to the great ioy and comfort of his Parents Shee may also poure good licour in to their tender vessels the sauour whereof shall sticke in them a long while after I meane they may sowe in their mindes the seedes of religion and godlinesse These and such like duties if the wife performe constantly she shall bring no smal helpe to her husband for the godlie and religious ordering of his house And thus much of that part of household gouernment which concerneth godlinesse Now of the other part The 2. thing whereat houshold gouernment aymeth
alwaies watch to doe thee hurt Pro. 20.22.24.25 3. Sometime to seeke reuenge of a wrong breedeth greater malice in the author of the wrong and maketh him double it as a man spurreth his horse for kicking when hee was spurred Say not I will recompence euill but wait vpon the Lord and he will saue thee 4. Oft haunting of another mans house may bring thee into mislike wherefore the Wiseman saith Prou. 25.17 Withdraw thy foote from thy neighbours house least he bee wearie of thee and hate thee If by carefull auoyding of all iust occasions thou canst not auoid ill will as the world loueth none but her owne neuer seeke to win fauour by departing from dutie But commit thy selfe to God and turne thy minde to make vse of thine enemie Let enmitie which is alwaies prying and seeking occasions to hurt by word or deede make thee to walke not more closely but more vprightly and then mayst thou defie thine enemie Prou. 10.9 For he that walketh vprightly walketh boldly Another enemie to thrift which is also a breaker of peace and good will among men is much borrowing He that is to borrow doth spend much time and let slip many occasions of doing his businesse in the due season hee must repay in better measure theÌ„ he borrowed or else ill words or ill will will follow If it bee a matter of any value which is borrowed then as Salomon saith Prou. 22.7 The borrower is seruant to the lender that is beholding to him and in his danger The thriftiest men loue least to bee beholden to others and therefore seldome seek and often refuse euen when they bee offered to receiue benefits at other mens hands He that goeth a borrowing goeth a sorrowing And euery deniall he receiueth where he thinketh he should speed is the seede of grudge in the mind of the denier and of him who is denied But of all borrowing to borrow vpon vsurie is the deerest buying and the rankest poyson to thrift When Dauid would wish a sore plague to his enemie he prayeth that he may be giuen into the vsurers hands Let the vsurer eate him vp If the vsurer be a deuourer woe be to them that come in his hands To auoide borrowing a good husband must cut off all vnnecessarie expences that hee may haue all necessaries in his house To auoide borrowing of money take heede of suertiship of dealing in bargaines which you are not fully able to compasse of dealing in many things and hauing too many yrons in the fire at once Looke how you can compasse matters before you enterprise them Prouide long before against any day of payment and haue not monie to seeke vpon the suddâ—n for that driues a man to borrowing yea to vsurie or to Robin Hoods penyworths Besides he must keepe none in his house idle or halfe set to worke none more then needes must Let euery one haue his charge that will throughly occupie him also looke that they doe their tasks euery one in his place and haue an often eie vnto them whether they haue done as they should doe The masters eye maketh a fat horse so also the mistris eye makes a friendly dairie Except you haue rare seruants and such as truly feare God and haue good consciences trust them not further then you see them except necessitie driue you Hitherto of the duties that be belonging to the chiefe ruler of the familie that is the husband The wiues dutie touching the things of this life touching honest prouision for it Now seeing that God hath ioyned the wife to her husband as an helper she must helpe him in the prouision for her familie so much as lieth in her power and is meete for her to doe And indeed her industrie and wisedome may doe so much herein that though her husband should bee much wanting in his dutie yet shee might holde in the goale Thus many haue done and so Salomon saith the wise woman will do A wise woman buildeth her house But it is not euery womans case Prou. 14.1 because that all are not wise as she that Salomon speaketh of This wise woman is elsewhere called a gracious woman Prouerbs 11.16 And a vertuous wâ—man Prou. 12.4 because many graces and vertues meete together in her For she is to her Husband dutifull Dutifulnesse or dutifull wil is that which doth shine in the declaration and performance of duties faithfull and louing Those of her familie wise and prudent In her busines diligent and painfull To her neighbours modest humble kinde and quiet First if she be not subiect to her husband to let him rule all househoâ—d especially outward affaires if she will make head against him and seeke to haue her owne waies there will bâ— doing and vndoing Things will goe backward the house will come to ruine for God wil not blesse where his ordinance is not obeyed This is allowable that she may in modest sort shew her minde and a wise husband will not disdaine to heare her aduise and follow it also if it bee good But when her way is not liked of though it bee the best way she may not therevpon set all at sixe and seuen with what should I labour and trauaile I see my husband taketh such waies that hee will bring all to nothing This were nothing els but when she seeeth the house falling to helpe to pull it downe faster Salomon saith The wise woman buildeth her house much more then doth she vnderprop it and holde it vp that by her husbands vndiscreet dealing it be not pulled downe She must not thinke her selfe freed from dutie because he walketh not in his dutie but holde her place and labour for her part to vpholde all and so God will either blesse the worke of her hands to the maintenance of the house or giue her husband more wisedome and care or else giue her a contented minde with a low estate which is great riches One point of subiection is to be content with such apparell and outward port as her husbands estate can allow her They faile in this who by importunitie and disquietnesse wring from their husbands more then hee can well cut out of his reuenues or gettings It is a part of vnfaithfulnesse 2. Faithfull secretly to purloyne and powle from him for to pranke vp her children or her selfe her house and chambers in brauerie and besides it is a close vndermining of her house Loue and peaceablenesse in the wife towards the husband 3. Louing Loue is a naturall affection of the minde inflaming all the powers of the Louer with willing dutie towards the beloued is auaileable for the weale of the familie for where they agree louingly there they counting the good of the one the benefit of the other doe ioyntly watch against all such things in their familie as might endammage it There the seruants knowing that in pleasing one they shall please both and contrariwise be carefull in all things to
that which no neede driueth them vnto Remember that the vertuous woman stretcheth out her hand to the poore and needie Prou. 31.20 She giueth not of her husbands she giueth of her owne she found away to doe good without the hurt of her husband S. Paul requireth 1. Tim. 2.10 that women should array themselues with good workes the comeliest ornament in the world if women had spirituall eyes Acts. 9.36 to discerne it Dorcas in the Acts teacheth wiues how to get this array for shee made garments to cloath the naked and the poore Thus might women finde how to set themselues a worke though they could liue of their owne But such as haue but a meane allowance God thereby sheweth that he will haue them occupie themselues in some honest labour to keepe them from idlenesse and the euils that issue there-from They therefore must labour if not to sell cloth as Salomons woman did not to cloath the poore as Dorcas did yet to cloath her family that they may not care for the colde Let her auoide such occasions as may draw her from her calling She must shake off slouth and loue of ease she must auoide gosseping further then the lawe of good neighbourhoode doth require S. Paul would haue a woman a good home-keeper The vertuous woman is neuer so well as when shee is in the middest of her affaires She that much frequenteth meetings of gosseps seldome commeth better home some count it a disgrace to come much abroad least they should be counted gosseps which name is become odious but they must haue tatlers come home to them to bring them newes and to hold them in a tale least they should be thought to be idle without a cause They perceiue not how time runneth nor how vntowardly their busines goeth forward while they sit idle They know not that great tale-bringers be as great carriers and that such make their gaine of carrying recarrying The wise woman will be warie whom shee admitteth into her house to sit long there knowing that their occupation is but to marke carrie Towards her neighbours she is not sowre but courteous not disdainefull to the basest but affable with modestie no scorner nor giber but bearing with infirmities and making the best of things not readie to stomacke them for euery light matter and so to looke big but passing by offences for vnities sake not angrie but milde not bold but bashfull not full of words powring out al in her mind babling of her household matters that were more fitter to be concealed but speaking vpon good occasion and that with discretion Let her heare and see and say the best and yet let her soone breake off talke with such in whom shee perceiueth no wisedome nor fauour of grace Let her not be light to beleeue reports nor readie to tell them againe Silence is a grauitie when she abstaineth and holdeth her peace from speaking when it doth not become her to speake to fill the time with talke for silence is farre better then such vnsauorie talke Let her not be churlish but helpefull in all thinges to preuent breaches or else to make them vp againe if by the waiwardnesse of othets there be any made Let her not be enuious but glad of the good of others not fond of euery thing that she seeth her neighbours haue but wisely considering what is meet for her selfe and what her state will beare Let her not beg a wish in apparell but sober and modest not nice nor coy but handsome and huswifelike no talker of other mens matters not giuen to speake ill of any for feare of the like measure Matth. 7.2 1. The dutie of the Husband towards his Wife THis dutie consâ—steth seuerally in these three points First that he liue with his wife discreetly according vnto knowledge Secondly that hee bee not bitter fierce and cruell vnto her Thirdly that hee loue cherish and nourish his wife euen as his owne bodie and as Christ loued his Church and gaue himselfe for it to sanctifie it But before we shall speake of these â—hree points we will a little touch the originall and beginning of holy Wedlocke what it is when where how and of whom it was instituted and ordained What wedlock is Wedlocke or Matrimonie is a lawfull knot and vnto God an acceptable a Math. 19.5.6 yoking and ioyning together of b Genes 1.27 1. Cor. 6.16 Ephes 5.31 Prou. 5.18.19 20. one man and one woman with the good consent of them both to the end that they may dwell together in friendship and honestie one helping and comforting the other eschewing whoredome and all vncleannesse bringing vp their children in the feare of God or it is a coupling together of two persons into one flesh not to be broken according vnto the ordinance of God so to continue during the life of either of them Genes 2.24 Malach 2.14 Rom. 7.3 Yoking and dwelling together what it is By yoking ioyning or coupling is meant not onely outward dwelling together of the maried folkes as to be ordinarily in a dwelling place for the better performance of each other mutuall duties Mat. 1.18 1. Cor. 7.10 12 13. 1. Pet. 3.7 Ruth 4.11 12 but also an vniforme agreement of minde and a common participation of bodie and goods for as much as the Lord saith Geâ— 2.24 that they two shall be one flesh that is one bodie This is to bee remembred that Matrimonie or Wedlocke must not onely be a coupling together but also it must bee such a coupling together as commeth of God and is not contrarie to his word and will For there be some mariages made whom God coupleth not together but carnall lust beautie riches goods and lands flatterie and friendship in such mariages God is not thought vpon and therefore they sin the more against him These and such like mariages bee disliked and condemned in the Scripture Genes 6.1 2. Ezech. 10.1 c. Matth. 24.38 39. God did appoint and ordaine Matrimonie himselfe in Paradice so that he is the author of the same Gen. 2.20 Yea and our Sauiour Christ himselfe who being the very naturall sonne of God was borne in wedlocke although of a pure virgin did honour and commend Matrimonie while he did vouchsafe to shew his first miracle Iohn 2.1 at a mariage whereby he did declare that the Lord is able to make the bitternes of mariage sweet and the scarcitie thereof to abound with plentie And the Apostle giueth this excellent title to mariage saying that it is * Mariage honouraâ—â—â— 1. First for the Authour which is God 2. For the time which was during the â—tâ—â—e of Adams innocencie 3. For the place which was paradice Honourable among all Heb. 13.4 that is among all estates and all nations The institution of Matrimonie is an indissoluble bond and knot whereby the husband and wife are fastned together by the ordinance of God and is e 〈◊〉 2.24 Matth.
bee truely to be termed man and wife onely in regard of the precedent espowsals wee may then plainly see how highly the Lord doth esteeme and honour them the breach whereof he punisheth with the punishment of adulterie the persons betrothed hee honoureth with the names of man and wife If indeed he had not ordained and allowed them but that they had been of humane institution alone he would not haue honoured them with such titles or haue imposed death by stones for the breach of mans ordinance Againe if a man abuse a betrothed maid in the field hee saith that the man shall die but vnto the maid thou shalt doo nothing because there is in the maid no cause of death Now imposing death vppon this man and not vpon him that abuseth a maid not betrothed the Lorde doth hereby euidently teach that espowsals are a principall degree in marriage And therfore the vnlawfull breach thereof deserueth death For what else should the Lord grace thē with such great priuiledges and punish the breach thereof with seuere punishment Further the faithfull in all ages instructed by these and such commaundements approued and practised these espowsals not onely by themselues Iudg. 14.1 c. but also by their children Sampson liking and louing a woman of the Philistines in Timnah desired his Father and Mother to giue her to him to wife and so they did at which time Sampson made a feast according to the custome of the yong men Albeit her father afterward would not suffer him to marrie her but gaue her to another for which iniurie Sampson reuenged himselfe of the Philistines by burning vp the ricks of standing corne vineyardes and Oliues For which the Philistines burnt both the Father and the daughter 1. Sam. 18.15.26.27 2. Sam. 3.14.15.16 So Dauid begged Micholl of her father Saul who gaue her to him to wife with condition that hee would bring him a hundreth foreskinnes of the Philistines and therefore when Saul was dead hee required her of Ishbosheth Saules sonne who sent her vnto him Also Ioseph and Marie the mother of Christ were betrothed which God would neuer haue permitted if it had not been of his owne ordinance and agreeable to his owne wil or if he might any manner of way haue stained either Iosephs honestie or Maries virginitie Nay if hee had not much more graced and adorned both then the want of espowsals could haue done And to auoide tediousnesse in so plaine a trueth 1. Cor. 7.36.37.38 seeing the scripture giueth power and authoritie to Parents to giue and not to giue their children in marriage saying let him doo what he will Againe hee that giueth her in marriage doth well and hee that giueth her not to marriage doth better whereof wee shall speake more at large anone there must needes be before the publike act of marriage some speciall time appoynted wherein both Parents and parties may testify and signifie their mutuall liking and consents vnlesse they despise to marrie in the Lorde Wherefore if the law of nature the law of God the practise of the Heathen the custome of Faithfull especially of the Parents of Christ If the punishment of the espowsall-breakers and the rewards and priuiledges of the espowsed And finally if the fatherly authoritie ouer children doo approue and require the continuall vse of this ordinance of God it must needes be confessed to be both lawfull and necessarie yea being the first principall part of marriage it selfe it must needes be honourable in his kind as well as marriage it selfe is Now then in the next place let vs see learne what a contract is to the end that vppon sound knowledge and right iudgement we may alwaies vse it wel and neuer ill for want of good vnderstanding A Contract is a voluntarie promise of marriage mutually made betweene one man and one woman both beeing meete and free to marry one another and therefore allowed so to do by their Parents This short sentence sheweth the whole nature qualitie propertie vse and abuse with all other things that are to be obserued or eschued in a right Contract as shall appeare by the vnfolding of euery word contained therein For as there is none vaine and idle voide of his proper signification so euerie one hath his proper waight seruing for speciall and necessarie vse 1. First wee call a Contract a promise and so it is indeed for what is a promise but a speech which affirmeth or denieth to doo this or that with pupose and words of testimonie to performe and accomplish that which is affirmed or not to do that which is denied And what other thing is indeed a marriage Contract but this so that it must be in nature a true and right promise not the vowe of a promise in time to cōe but a present promise in deede For if one partie do say I will promise to marrie thee this is no promise in deede but a promise of a promise and consequently no Contract but a promise of a Contract And therefore tieth nor bindeth neither parties nor Parents to keepe the same for it is not in nature any contract at al. Againe if a Contract be a promise it is not onely a purpose of the heart nor a dumbe shewe or doubtfull signification of promise but a plaine promise vttered pronounced in a right forme of speech as when one saith I doe promise to marrie thee or I do espouse affiance or betroth my selfe to thee in marriage or such like wherein al ambiguitie and doubtfulnesse of speech is to be eschued that as the meaning of the hart is simple and plaine so likewise the words of the tongue might be simple and plaine voide of all deceit 2. Secondly we call a Contract a promise of mariage because it is not a promise of euerie thing neither of honour of inheritance of riches or of any other thing else sauing onely of marriage Now wee meane by marriage not onely the parties married but all coniugall and mariage duties and offices that peculiarly belong to this honorable estate and are necessarily to bee performed mutually of both For this promise touching persons themselues is of such force waight that it tendeth to the alienation of the propertie of bodies for so it is written the wife hath not the power of her owne bodie but the husband 1. Cor. 7 4. and likewise also the husband hath not the power ouer his owne body but the wife For although this is not perfectly done till the act of marriage be ended yet this promise is the principall beginner and worker thereof because they that promise marriage do necessarily thereby promise that two shall become one flesh and that they will alwaies giue mutuall beneuolence one to another Touching the peculiar duties of husbands and wiues which likewise are promised by this Contract wee will here onely recite them leauing the doctrine thereof to another place and time 1. The husband his dutie is first
to loue his wife as his owne flesh 2. Then to gouern her in all duties that properly concerne the state of marriage in knowledge in wisedome iudgement and iustice Thirdly to dwell with her Fourthly to vse her in all due beneuolence 1. Pet. 13.7 1. Cor. 7.45 honestlie soberly and chastly 1. The wife her dutie is in all reuerence and humilitie to submit and subiect her selfe to her husband in al such duties as properly belong to marriage Secondly therein to be an helpe vnto him according to gods ordinance Thirdly to obey his commandements in all things which hee may commaund by the authoritie of an husband Fourthly and lastly to giue him mutuall beneuolence As for the rest of mutuall duties as they may be all comprehended vnder these so there shall be a fitter occasiō to speake thereof Thirdly wee call this promise of marriage voluntary because it must not come from the lippes alone but from the wel-liking and consent of the heart for if it be onely a verball promise without any wil at all and so meer hypocriticall and dissembled though it bindeth the partie that promiseth to the performance of his promise made before God and man yet if the Parents afterwards shall certainly know this and that there was no will nor vnfained meaning at all in the party neither yet is but rather a loathing and abhorring of his spouse betrothed though hee bee not able to render iust and sufficient cause thereof they maye vpon this occasion either deferre the day of marriage the longer to see if God wil happily change the minde of the partie or vtterly breake and frustrate the promise if all good meanes and occasions hauing been vsed none wil preuaile but that the partie rather groweth woorse and woorse For a Contract beeing a willing and a voluntarie consent there is no cause why the Parents and such as haue authoritie and power in such cases when they shall vndoubtedly knowe that the promise was altogither vnwilling and therefore made in meere hypocrisie and dissimulation neither can bee by tract of time or any other good meanes vsed be bettered but rather waxeth woorse and woorse may not breake and frustrate the same For why did Rebeccaes Parents deny her to Isaack neither would send her with Abrahams seruant to bee married Gen. 24 57.58 before such time as they had asked her consent yea when as they said Wee will call the maide and aske her consent do they not plainely shewe that both the law of Nature and the law of God taught them that this consent was of great moment and absolute necessitie And when the Apostle doth commaund men and women to marrie in the Lorde how can that marriage be in the Lord when the one partie doth not onely not loue but hate the other And how can such two become one flesh lawfully when as there wanteth the vnion and coniunction of the heart the true naturall mother of all marriage duties Wherefore this promise must be in this respect at least willing and voluntarie For albeit it is not necessarie neither yet possible that there should bee such great measure of true holy and sanctified loue at that time as afterward for that groweth by little and little according to the blessing of God and the faithfull performance of other duties afterward euen to their liues end yet if it bee voluntarie and vnfained it is enough and fully sufficient to make a true contract in the Lord. So as no man ought to separate those whom God hath thus ioyned Secondly wee call it voluntarie in respect of constraint and compulsion contrarie to a free consent for if eyther partie bee vrged constrained or compelled by great feare of their Parents or others by threatning of losse of preferment of health of limme of life or of any such other like or by any other violent manner of dealing whatsoeuer to yeeld their promise cleane contrarie to the motion of good liking of their hearts This kinde of promise as it doth not binde the partie to keepe it so it ought to bee frustrated and broken by the Parents themselues or by such maisters as may and ought to commaund and rule them in such cases If this were not so how could the parties keepe the commaundements of God giuing them direction whom to marrie First that they should marrie onely in the Lord. Againe that they should not bee vnequally yoked with the infidels neither whereof they can keepe if their parents might compell them or Contract marrie It becommeth rather the Parents to perswade their children by all good meanes to yeelde their consent rather then to drawe them by wicked sleight and cunning drunkennesse or any other wicked and violent meanes For as that is not to marrie in the Lord so all such forced Contracts may bee broken and frustrated by the Magistrate who is Gods Lieutenant to redresse such intollerable enormities among the societies of men For if Parents may deny marriage to such as haue not onely by force and violence obtained the word and body of their childe much more may the Magistrate denie marriage where onely a verball promise hath beene gotten by violent compulsion and so for these causes and in this sence and meaning alone wee conclude that Contract must bee voluntarie Fourthly it must bee a mutuall promise that is either partie must make it to other not the man onely nor the woman onely but both the man and the woman though decencie and order require the man to doo it first and then the woman because hee is her head and shee his glorie and ought to leade and guide her in all things wherein the Lorde hath put a preheminence For if this promise bee not mutually made of them both but of one alone it is no true and perfect Contract And therefore may bee broken by Parentes and such as haue authoritie heerein because the partie vnpromising is not bound by word nor deede but is free insomuch that such a Contract is rather so termed then for that it is any true Contract indeede But if it bee mutuall then it doth mutually and inuiolably binde both so that in this regard neither Parent Magistrate nor any other can or ought to breake it For this beeing fully performed and accomplished is one principall cause of making two one flesh in such sort as it is written Therefore shall man leaue his father and mother and shall bee ioyned to his wife and they two shall bee one flesh c. Genes 2.24 Also that the man hath not power ouer his owne body nor the woman ouer hers and so to bee short hence ariseth all mutuall beneuolence between them And therefore a poynt of great waight and necessitie in no wise to bee omitted in Contract Fiftly we say it must be betweene one man and one woman Where first it is to bee noted that it may not nor ought not to bee betweene any other creatures but mankinde nay neither among brute beastes
For this cause olde men and olde women may lawfully marrie So that a wife is called by GOD himselfe an Helper Rom. 7.23 1. Cor. 7.8 9 39. 1. Tim. 5.14 and not an impediment or a necessarie euill as some vnaduisedly doe say And as other some say It is better to burie a wife then to marrie one Againe if wee could be without women wee should bee without great troubles These and such like sayings This is often found most true that such as are contemners of mariage are most offenders against marriage and liue most vnchastly tending to the dispraise of women some maliciously and vndiscreetly doe vomit out contrary to the mind of the holy Ghost who saith that she was ordeined as a Helper and not a hinderer And if they bee otherwise it is for the most parte through the fault and want of discretion and lacke of good gouernment in the husband For married folkes for two eyes haue foure and for two hands as many moe which being ioyned togither they may the more easily dispatch their handy busines houshold affaires For like as a man hauing one hande or one foote if by any meanes hee get himselfe an other may thereby the more easily lay holde on what he listeth or goe whither he will euen so hee that hath married a wife shall more easily enioy the healthfull pleasures and profitable coÌ„modities of this present life For in trouble the one is a comfort to the other in aduersitie the one a refreshing vnto the other yea and in all their life the one is a helpe and succour to the other Most true it is that women are as men are reasonable creatures and haue flexible wittes both to good and euill the which with vse discretion and good counsell may be altered and turned And although there be some euill and lewde women yet that doth no more prooue the malice of their nature then of men and therefore the more ridiculous and foolish are they that haue inueighed against the whole sexe for a few euill and haue not with like furie vituperated and dispraised all mankind because part of them are theeues murtherers and such like wicked liuers But the marriage and company of the husband and wife is made amiable sweete and comfortable by these fiue meanes by godlinesse vertue mutuall forbearing mutuall loue and by dutifulnesse performed busily and godly on both sides 1. Godlinesse of right holdeth the chiefe place For there is no stable steadfast friendship vnlesse it haue his beginning from God and therefore must godlinesse needes shine before the rest For when couples haue determined to obey God all things afterward become more easie 2. Vertue and honest conditions breede mutuall delight betweene man and wife For when vertue is exercised it maketh conuersation of liuing more amiable 3. Mutuall forbearing whereby we take in good worth one anothers conditions faults is very needfull For in this weaknesse of nature there happen many scapes which will breede strife if they be not couered by mutuall forbearing 4. Mutuall loue hauing his beginning of godlinesse and true vertue maketh the husband and wife not to be too sharpe sighted in spying into one anothers faults but that many things either they marke not or if they marke them they couer them with loue For Loue couereth the multitude of sinnes 1. Pet. 4.8 Prou. 10.12 5. Dutie performed godlily carefully and cheerfully on both sides maketh the mariage-yoke light and sweete For when man and wife marke one another and finde like heedfulnesse and buxamnes in their dutie both their companie is made more pleasant and they are the more stirred vp on both sides to render dutifulnes that the one may requite the other alike Where these fiue duties bee not the companie of their life is both lothsome and bitter or rather more sharpe then death Therefore the godly couples must doe their endeuour that these vertues may be seene in their life continually for euer Now wee will through God his assistance say something concerning the three seuerall points contained in this dutie and mentioned in the beginning hereof and so end this dutie 1. The first whereof is That the husband must liue with his wife according to knowledge This point of doctrine is most plainlie proued by the Apostle Peter where he saith Ye husbands dwell with your wiues 1. Pet. 3.7 as meÌ„ of knowledge giuing honour vnto the woman as vnto the weaker vessell By honor is meant that the Husband ought to sustaine and relieue the wants of his wife to support vphâ—ld and beare with her infirmities as the weaker vessell euen as they which are heires together of the grace of life that your prayers be not interrupted Whereby hee teacheth the husband his dutie to wit that the more vnderstanding and wisedome God hath indued him with the more wisely and circumspectly hee ought to behaue himselfe in bearing those discommodities which through his wiues weakenes oftentimes cause some iarre and dislike one to the other Neuerthelesse though she be by nature weaker then he yet she is an excellent instrument for him made to farre more excellent vses whereupon it followeth thaâ— she is not therefore to bee neglected because shee is weake but on the contrarie part shee ought to be so much the more cared for Like as a vessell the weaker it is the more it is to bee fauoured and spared if we will haue it to continue euen so a wife because of her infirmities is so much the more to be borne withall of her husband 1. Pet. 3.7 And for so much as the husband and wife are equall in that which is the chiefest that is to say if that gracious and free benefit whereby they haue euerlasting life giuen them which otherwise are vnequall as touching the gouernance and conuersation at home and therefore she is not to bee despised although she be weake And besides Besides the praiers had with their familie they must pray priuately Gene. 25.21 1. Cor. 7.3 4 5 all braulings and chidings must be eschued and cast away because they hinder praiers and the whole seruice of God whereunto both the husband and the wife are equally called Also for more câ—onfirmation of this point the Apostle Paule likewise sayth Let the husband giue vnto the wife due beneuolence and likewise also the wife vnto the husband The wife hath not power of her owne bodie but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not the power of his owne bodie but the wife Defraude not one another except it bee with consent for a time that yee may giue your selues to fasting and prayer and againe come together that Sathan tempt you not for your incontinencie VVhich is as if the Apostle should say The parties married must with singular affection entirelie loue one the other for that they are each in others power as touching the bodie so that they may not defraud one another except the one abstaine from the other
by mutuall consent that they may the better giue themselues to prayer wherein notwithstanding they must consider what is expedient least by this long breaking off as it were from mariage they be stirred vp to incontinencie The second point which is that the husband should not bee bitter fierce or cruell vnto his wife which point is prooued by the sayd Apostle Collos 3.19 Anger in a husband is a vice saying Husbands loue your wiues and bee not bitter vnto them First and aboue all things the husband must bee circumspect to keepe the band of loue and beware that there neuer spring vp the roote of bitternes betwixt him and his wife If at any time there happen to arise any cause of vnkindnes betwixt them The roote of bitternesse to be weeded out with the spade of patience as it is vnpossible alwaies to bee free from it then he must be carefull to weede vp the same with all lenitie gentlenes and patience and neuer suffer himselfe nor his wife to sleepe in displeasure How when the husband ought to reproue Ephes 4.26 And if he shall haue occasion to speake sharply and sometimes to reproue he must beware that he do not the same in the presence of other but let him keepe hiâ— words vntill a conuenient time which is the point of a wise man and then vtter them in the spirit of meeknesse and in the spirit of perfect loue and he must not let sometimes to couer faults Faults sometimes must be couered with loue and winke at them if they be not too great and intollerable Whatsoeuer losse or mischance shall happen vnto him let him take it patiently and beare it cheerfully yea though the same should come partly through his wiues negligence yet let it rather bee a louing warning to take better heed in time to come then a cause of sorrow for that which is past and can not be holpen Euery wise man by his owne experience knoweth Not to take vnkindenesse for euery trifle that he is in this life subiect to manie inconueniences and that of nature he is prone to displeasure and readie to take vnkindnesse for euery trifle specially with his best friends yea soonest with his louing wife who is lothest to displease him Let him therefore beware of this cankered corruption and consider that hee ought most of all in loue to beare with his wife according to Christs example towards his Church who gaue himselfe for it that he might sanctifie it Fphes 5.25 26 27 28 29. and clense it by the washing of water through the word That he might make it vnto himselfe a glorious Church not hauing spot or wrinckle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blame So ought men to loue their wiues as their owne bodies hee that loueth his wife loueth himselfe For no man yet euer hated his owne flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it euen as the Lord doth the Church As if the Apostle had said The husband is to the wife in Gods stead The husbands dutie is to loue their wiues as themselues of which loue the loue of Christ toward his Church is a liuely paterne And because many husbands pretend the infirmities of their wiues to excuse their owne hardnesse and crueltie the Apostle willeth them to marke what maner of Church Christ gaue when he ioyned it to himselfe and how he doth not onely not lothe all her filth and vncleannesse but ceaseth not to wipe the same away with his cleannesse vntill he haue wholly purged it and made it holy And seeing that euery man loueth himselfe euen or nature therefore saith the Apostle the husband shall striue against nature if hee loue not his wife which hee proueth first by the mysticall knitting of Christ and the Church togither and then by the ordinance of God who saith that the husband and wife are one that is not to be diuided Husbands may not be rigorous towards their wiues especially when they be new married Prou. 20.3 The husband is alwaies to remember that hee bee not fierce rigorous hastie nor disordered with his wife for then there will neuer be vnitie and concord betwixt them If the wife do not learne to keepe silence and the husband to haue patience otherwise it shall rather bee the dwelling of fooles then the house of friends For where the husband wanteth wisedome tâ— gouerne and the wife patience to suffer they shal be forced it is to be feared in continuance of time to part house or else euery day to bee iarring and brauling The Wife is not to be vsed or intreated as a Handmaide or seruan◠〈◊〉 as a fellow Pro. 8.7 and 14 9. and 15.5 and 18.2 27.22 Pro. 9.1 9. and 19.25 Genes 16.6 Euery married man ought also to remember this that either his wife is wise and religious or else she is foolish and irreligious If he be matched with a wife that is sottish foolish and ignorant of God and his word it will little auaile or profit him to reprehend or chide her and if he be married to one that is wise and religious and knoweth her dutie out of Gods word then one sharpe and discreet word is sufficient because that if a woman be not corrected by that which is wisely and discreetly sayd she will neuer amend by that which is threatned VVhen the wife shall be inflamed with ire wrath malice or enuie the husband ought to suffer her and after the heate is somewhat cooled and the flame quenched then mildly to admonish her for if she once begin to lose her shamefastnesse in the presence of her husband then it is likelie that there will often follow braulings and quarels betwixt them And as the husband ought at all times to shun braulings and quarellings with his wife so much more he ought to auoide the same when they shall bee newly married For if at the beginning she shall haue cause to abhorre and hate him then late or neuer will â—â—e returne to loue him faithfully Therefore at the beginning of their mariage the wise and discreet husband ought to vse all good meanes to winne the good liking of his wife towards him for if then their loue be fixed and truly setled one toward the other The falling out of louers is the renewing of loue although afterwards they come to some household words and grudgings yet it proceedeth but of some new vnkindnes not of old rooted hatred therfore the sooner remedied For loue and hatred bee mortall enemies and the first of them that taketh place in the heart there it remaineth a dweller for the most part all the daies of life in such wise that the first loue may depart from the person but yet neuer forgotten at the heart But if the wife from the beginning of mariage doe take the heart to lothe and abhorre her husband then a miserable life will follow to them both For although
the husband shall haue power to his wife to feare and obey him yet hee shall neuer haue strength to force her to loue him Some husbands doe boast themselues to be serued feared and obeyed in their houses because the wife that abhorreth doth feare and serue her husband but she that indeede liketh doth loue him and cherish him As the wife ought with great care to endeuour by all good meanes to labour to bee in fauour and grace with her husband so likewise the husbanâ— ought to feare to bee in disgrace and disliking with his wife for if she doe once determine to fixe and settle her eyes and liking vpon another then many inconueniences will ensue and follow The husband ought not to bee satisfied that he hath robd his wife of her virginitie but in that he hath possession and vse of her will for it sufficeth not that they be married but that they be well maâ—ried and liue christianly together and very well contented And therfore the husband that is not beloued of his wife holdeth his goods in danger his house in suspition his credit in ballance and also sometime his life in perill because it is easie to beleeue that she desireth not long life vnto her husband with whom she passeth a time so tedious and irksome And if any vnkindnes or displeasure should happen to be at any time betwixt the husband and his wife yet neither of them ought to impart or to make it knowne vnto any one of their neighbours for if they bee such as wish them euill they will reioyce at it and if they bee such as wish them well then they minister matter whereof to talke That husband that is matched and doth encounter with a wife that is a dizard a foole That man is miserable that is married vnto a foolish woman a babler light of behauiour a glutton a chider slothfull a gadder abroad vntractable iealous or dissolute c. it were better for him to be a slaue to some honest man then a husband to such a wife The best rule that a man may hold and practise with his wife to guard and gouerne her is to admonish her often and to giue her good instructions to reprehend her seldome neuer to lay violent hands on her but if she be good and dutifull to fauour her to the end she may continue so and if she be shrewish and wayward mildly to suffer her to the ende that shee waxe not worse But some husbands bee of so sowre a nature and so vnpleasant in their behauiour that they can hardly bee loued no not of their wiues their countenance is so lowring their companie so currish that they seeme angrie euen when they bee best pleased they can not speake faire scarce will they laugh when their wiues laugh vpon them a man would say they were borne in an angrie houre Husbands must prouide things necessarie for the house A mans house will continue by prouision before hand and by order in his expences Rom. 12.17 1. Tim. 5.8 But where disorder is in a house it cannot endure This is also a dutie not to bee forgotten namely that husbands be diligent and carefull to make prouision for their houses to clothe their wiues decently to bring vp their children vertuously and to pay their seruants dulie because that in voluntarie matters men may bee negligent but the necessities of their house doe neither suffer negligence or forgetfulnes The dutie of the husband is to get goods and of the wife to gather them together and saue them The dutie of the husband is to trauell abroad to seeke liuing and the wiues dutie is to keep the house The dutie of the husband is to get monie and prouision and of the wiues not vainly to spend it The dutie of the husband is to deale with many men and of the wiues to talk with few The dutie of the husband is to be entermedling and of the wife to be solitarie and withdrawne The dutie of the man is to bee skilfull in talke and of the wife to boast of silence The dutie of the husband is to be a giuer Spare in time and spend in time for sparing is a rich purse and of the wife to bee a sauer The dutie of the man is to apparell himselfe as he may and of the woman as it becommeth her The dutie of the husband is to be lord of all and of the wife to giue account of all The dutie of the husband is to dispatch all things without doore and of the wife to ouersee and giue order for all things within the house Now where the husband and wife performeth these duties in their house we may call it a Colledge of quietnes the house wherein these are neglected wee may terme it a hell It is to bee noted and noted againe that as the prouision of household dependeth onelie on the husband The honor of the Husband dependeth of the Wife euen so the honour of all dependeth onely of the woman in such sort that there is no honour within the house longer then a mans wife is honourable And therefore the Apostle calleth the woman 1. Cor. 11.7 The glorie of the man But here it must be noted and â—emembred that wee doe not intitle honourable to such as bee onely beautifull comely of face of gentilitie of comely personage and a good huswife but onely of her that is vertuous honest of life temperate and aduised in her speech 3. The last poynt is that the husband loue The third poynt cherish and nourish his wife euen as his owne bodie and as Christ loued his Church and gaue himselfe for to sanctifie it And this point is plainly proued by the Apostle Paul as is sufficiently declared in the second point There are few husbands or wiues that know in truth how they should loue one the other If a man loue his wife onely for these respects because she is rich beautifull noble or because she contenteth and pleaseth him after the sensuall appetite of the flesh and for such like causes that is no true loue before God for such loue may be among harlots and whores yea among brute beasts Cant. 4 9.10 1. Cor. 9.5 1. Pet. 3.7 But a christian husband must loue his wife chiefly because she is his sister in the profession of the sound and christian religion and so an inheritour with him of the kingdome of heauen And he must also loue her for her vertues as for her shamefastnesse modestie chastitie diligence patience faithfulnes temperance secrecie obedience such like christian qualities and graces of God yea although she be but hard fauored and of poorâ— parentage But as wee would that the man when he loueth should remeÌ„ber his maiestie so we would that when he ruleth he forget not his loue nor to temper it with maiestie And when he doth thinke himselfe to bee the head and the soule and the woman as it were the flesh and the bodie
angrie one with the other but to set aside all hastie and â—â—â—ell words and correction with all other thinges that issue and proceed of a disdainfull and a furious mind And the seruants are not onely merrie therefore but also they doo their seruice the more obediently and cheerefully shewing reuerence vnto the maiestie that proceedeth and increaseth of quietnesse and concord For the husband doth defend his wiues maiestie with loue and beneuolence and the wife her husbands with honour and obedience So that vnitie and concord causeth them to be esteemed wise honest and vertuous and they must needs bee good seeing they haue loued so long togither But there can bee no long amitie or friendship but betweene those that are good the which doo suffer and deuoure vp those things for the which other men leaue and forsake amitie and breake off charitie Neither doth there growe of any other thing so great reuerence and maiestie as of the opinion and estimation of another mans goodnesse and wisedome the which reuerence is not onely honoured within the doores but also shineth and extendeth it selfe into the cittie so that he is taken for an honest man and accounted to be louing and gentle seeing that hee loueth his wife so constantly and also he is reputed for a wise man considering that he can so moderately handle so difficult and hard matters and he is reckoned worthie to rule a common wealth that with such wisedome discretion and iudgâ—ment doth rule and gouerne his owne house and that he may easilie conserue and keepe his Citizens in peace and concord that hath so wel established the same in his owne house and familie And on the other side none will thinke or beleeue that he is able to be ruler or to keep peace and quietnesse in the towne or Cittie who cannot liue peaceably in his owne house where hee is not onely a ruler but a King and Lord of all And in matrimoniall debate and discord the man is more to bee blamed then is the woman because that hee being the chiefe Ruler and head doth not purge and remedie her of that vice the which ingendred that discord or else patiently beare suffer the same for the blame of al discord is commonly laid on him that is chiefe because he would not moderate nor stay the thing to come to such a strife â—nd discord or else because he was not able to do it In the first there appeareth manifest maâ—ice in the second impatience weaknesse the which ought to be far froÌ„ him that is esteemed â—o be most worthy appointed to rule gouerne others And thus he coÌ„meth into hatred â—or as much as he hath left off to do his duty and â—ffice wheÌ„ necessitie required it That husband â—hat loueth not his wife after that he hath enioiâ—d her for a season but doth wax feeble cold which is a thing most meet and conuenient for â—hose that are kindled with bodily lust lecheâ—ie who are very beasts and no men hauing no â—easoÌ„ but are drawn to those deeds through the â—otion of their sences the which after the heat â—e a little past will clean change their opinion Also there are other occasions The causes why the husband should loue his wife that should mooue the husband to extend this loue to his wife in case he be not duller then a stone As for â—â—at his wife hath suffered so great trauel and laâ—our that she hath borne and brought him forth children the heires of his name and substance and the vpholders of his familie and that shee hath forsaken her fathers goods and riches to follow him and to suffer with him both good and euill and that she setting her whole mind now vpon him knoweth no other father nor yet any of all her kinne What one thing shall suffice if these and others cannot do it who so will then obey nature humanitie and wisedome shall euery day loue his wife more and more And the better he knoweth her the more he will trust her and so open and disclose his loue and shew her greater signes and tokens of loue and beneuolence manifesting that to be borne and nourished through the experience of her vertue and through hope to be continued and kept that in time to come she may be like her selfe and striue to ouercome herselfe with vertue As the husband ought thus to loue his wife tenderly so from her as from a fountaine he must extend his loue also vnto her parents and kinsfolkes The husband must loue his wiues kinsfolkes to the end that they may well know and perceiue how greatly theâ— cousin doth aide and helpe them and that shee in like maner may vnderstand that his beneuolence and loue to her is such that it redoundeth among her frends and parents and of this he shall receiue no little profit at home And seeing he loueth his wiues kinsmen for her sake how much more ought he then to loue her children that she in like case may loue his if he haue any and thus the one seeing the mutuall loue of the other they shall knit and couple themselues in good and stedfast loue vnto their liues end The duties themselues which are ro bee performed of the husband and wife are eyther pertaining to pietie and godlinesse or else mutuall seuerall duties concerning the parties themselues for pietie and godlinesse 1. The first common dutie is praier that they pray together by theÌ„selues for as they are to pray with others in their families for thinges which concerne their houshold so there are certaine things which belonging to themselues are not to be mentioned in their families but priuately as namely for a godly posteritie and that in the birth the children be comely and not monstrous in comming foorth like monsters which might be a griefe vnto them or an occasion that the wicked should speake euill of the Gospell c. And further they are to pray that they may haue comfort by them in their well carriage and good behauour as likewise for their household and for diuers other affaires which they cannot so commodiously pray for in their publike families As Isaack and Rebecca besides the praiers in their house which they vsed with Abrahams familie did also pray together priuately as in Genes 25.21 it is saide Isaack praied before his wife for so the words signifie that they might haue children 2. A second dutie of pietie is that they admonish one another as the husband is to admonish the wife so also to teach her and the wife to admonish the husband and in her place admonishing bringing sufficient reason is to be heard For euen as the Maister is to counsell the seruant and likewise to heare the good counsell of his seruant as Naaman 2. King 5.13.14 heard his seruant which counselled him to wash in Jorden according to the saying of the Prophet So in like maner the husbands dutie is to counsell and to admonish his wife yet
so as when he faileth in dutie he is to heare her good counsell and admonition either concerning heauenly matters or earthlie affaires shee notwithstanding considering her estate and condition vnder him and in humilitie confessing her selfe to be the weaker vessell 1. Pet. 3.7 Their mutuall and seuerall duties pertaining to themselues are first the holy familiaritie which ought to be betwixt man wife wherby they haue a more familiar vsage one of another and do more familiarly behaue themselues in a comely sort one to another then any other parties whatsoeuer Genes 26.8.9 in regard whereof Abimelech King of Gerar after that Isaack had said of Rebecca his wife shee is my Sister seeing Isaack playing and sporting with her familiarly knowing that familiaritie which ought to bee betweene the husband and the wife and knowing that Isaake was a godly religious man and therefore would not vse that kinde of behauiour to any other woman saue to his wife discerned thereby and concluded certainly that shee was his wife howsoeuer hee hath denied it before Noting that a woman is not to be familiar after that sort with any other man saue her husband and contrary the husband ought not vse this familiaritie with any other woman which he doth with his wife And therfore Pro. 5.19 we see that the wife should be to him as the louing Hind namely delightful and one in whom he may delight that as the Hart delighteth in the Hind so the wife should be a delight vnto her husband and so in like manner she ought to take delight in him 2. Againe there is another mutuall dutie pertaining to themselues to witte that neare coniunction euen in regard of their bodies for an holy procreation of children in respect whereof the Apostle saith 1. Cor. 7.4 the husband hath not power ouer his owne body but the wife c. Onely when it is with the wife as is common to women Ezech. 18.6 or that shee bee sicke of her disease hee is not then to haue the vse of her body c. Such as doo aspire and purpose to enter into the holy estate of matrimonie Duties common both to the husband and the wife are to beginne in prayer and holinesse to God And hauing attained to that estate ought to vse the benefit of marriage as an holy ordinance of God in all godlinesse and puritie 1. Cor. 7.2 for a remedy against the weaknesse of the flesh and not for the prouocation and lust to intemperancie True it is that honestie of marriage grounded vpō Gods ordinance doth couer the shame of incontinencie yet not so as that married folkes should defile and pollute that holy estate by admitting all things but that they should so vse it as there might be no excesse in dissolution neyther any intemperancie contrary to the holinesse thereof so that to abuse it in lasciuious excesse is fornication Genes 1.18 When God created the woman he said It is not good that man should bee alone I will make him a helpe meet for him But whatsoeuer is said of the woman that she should be a helpe to the man must also be put in practise and excercised by the husband toward his wife according to the doctrine of the Apostle Saint Paul 1. Cor. 7 all whether in auoyding fornication whether in procuring generation and the education and bringing vp of children whether in maintayning a familie or for the seruice of God and saluation of soules Heereby it euidently appeareth that the dutie common both to the husband and wife importeth that the one should ayde and helpe the other First that they may leade their liues in chastitie and holinesse Next to auoide fornication So that the dutie of the husband and the wife consisteth in this that they liue together in all chastitie and purenesse and that they take great heed and beware of breaking the bond and infringing and violating the faith of marriage by fornication or adulterie which is a detestable sinne in the sight both of GOD and man If such as wanting the remedie of marriage by committing fornication doo incurre an offence worthie euerlasting damnation What may those deserue who hauing a remedie for their infirmitie doo neuerthelesse ouerflow in adultrie yet is it not ynough onely to abstaine from this abhomination vnlesse wee also forbeare from euerie thing that may seeme to tend thereunto or to containe any beginning apparance allurement or occasion of euill First because that by the law all this is forbidden euen in these expresse wordes Exod. 20.14 Thou shalt not commit adultrie For the word adultrie comprehendeth al prouocations gestures speeches yea euen vnchast lookes And therefore sayth Iesus Christ Math. 5.18 He that looketh vpon another mans wife to lust after her hath alreadie committed adultrie with her in his heart Next that we may preuent all occasions of ielousie a most daūgerous disease of great difficulty to cure For where either the husband or the wife is tainted with ielousie they beleeue euery word that they heare spoken touching their passion albeit it beare no apparance of trueth And therefore christian husbands and wiues must so beare themselues that they incurre no suspition of euill But rather they ought to practise this as well to auoide occasion of offence as for feare least iealousie should conuert marriage into a most miserable and wretched estate The care and burthen to maintaine their familie is common to them both yet so as properly the husband is to get it and to bring it in and the wife to order and dispose it Howbeit the dutie of the wife or of the husband doth not so exempt either of them but that she also according to her ability and power must helpe her husband to get it and hee likewise in his discretion direct her in the dispensation thereof Exod. 20.14 Hee that doth not orderly gouern his house shall inherit the winde saith Solomon And order consisteth in this that the husband follow his businesse trafique or calling without any molestation of the wife who ought not to meddle or controle him therein but with great discretion and gentelnesse as also the husband is not to deale but soberly and in great discretion with affaires that are proper to the wife The man is iealous of his authoritie and reputation and the woman inclined to suspect her selfe to be despised Wherefore as the husband cannot well abide that his wife shoud shew her selfe more skilfull and wise in his businesse then himselfe so cannot the wife suffer that her husband should despise and account her a foole by medling with her small household affaires As the dutie therefore of the husband and wife consisteth in looking to that which is aforesaid to the end their mariage may be quiet and themselues liue together in loue euen so an idle and vnthrifty husband and a prodigall and slothfull wife are two ready waies to destruction The husband that hath such a wife casteth his
labours into a bottomlesse sacke and the wife that is matched with such a husbaÌ„d draweth a Carte heauie loden through a sandy way without a horse Such a husband especially if idlenesse drawe him to loue and haunt Ale-houses and tauernes is cruel to his wife and children and such a wife confoundeth her husband bringeth reproch and pouertie to her whole familie The remedie for the husband that hath such a wife is patience with discreet admonition and praier to God as also the helpe for the wife that hath such a husband is tolleration gentle exhortation and chearfull and louing entertainment of her husband whereby to induce him willingly to keepe home They are also to be mutual helpers each to other in matters concerning their own saluation and the seruice of God First if one of them as saith the Apostle bee an vnbeleeuer the other must labour to drawe his partie to the knowledge of the trueth Saint Paul exhorting the husband and wife of contrary religions not to part but to dwel together addeth a notable reason saying What knowest thou ô man whether thou shalt saue thy wife 1. Cor. 7.16 or thou ô woman whether thou shalt saue thy husband Therein declaring that the faithfull person in dutie is to labour and indeuour to winne his partie to the knowledge of the trueth and so to saue her Saint Peter exhorteth wiues to bee subiect to their husbands albeit vnbeleeuers and such as not obey the word that so without speech By their holy and vertuous conuersation 1. Pet. 3.1 they may winne them Secondly if both be beleeuers their dutie is to confirme and strengthen each other in the time of persecution that they constantly follow Iesus Christ They are also each to helpe and comfort other if eyther of them happen to fall into any fault or sinne They ought also each to perswade other to charitie to relieue the poore diligently to frequent sermons to vse praiers and supplications and praise and thanksgiuings to the Lorde to comfort each other in the time of afflictions to be short either to exhort other to walke in the feare of God and in all duties and exercises beseeming the children of God 2. King 4.10 In this manner did that holy woman Elizeus Hostesse exhort her husband to prepare a chamber for the Pâ—ophet to lodge in Saint Paul also saith 1. Cor. 14.35 that women desirous to learne should question with their husbands at home Whereby he sheweth that the husband ought to bee so instructed as hee may be ready to instruct his wife at home And therefore the husband after the example of the Bee should euerie where gather euerie good instruction that he might bee able to impart it to his wife and by hauing communication acquaint her therewith There are other duties which bee common both to the husband and the wife as among the rest such as proceed of the vnion and coniunction of marriage whereof it is said They are one flesh Genes 2.24 Math. 19.5 And of this vnion proceedeth the mutual loue betwixt them For no man saith the Apostle hateth his owne flesh but loueth and cherisheth it Ephes. 5.15 Titus 24. But for as much as the foundation of this mutuall loue is the vnitie of marriage wherby the husband and the wife are made one flesh the husband as the head the wife as the body It followeth that this loue must be stedfast not variable and that the vnion of marriage continue notwithstanding whatsoeuer befall either the husband or the wife Notwithstanding whatsoeuer complexions wee say natures and infirmities may appeare whatsoeuer sicknesse losse of goods iniuries griefes or other inconueniences that may arise yet so long as the foundation of loue that is the vnion of marriage doth continue so long must loue and affection remaine Math. 5.44 God commandeth vs to loue our neighbours as our selues because they be of our flesh Albeit therefore that he contemne hate offend or wrong vs albeit he be our enemie and in respect of himselfe deserueth not that wee should loue him yet because hee is of our flesh the foundation of loue remaineth we must loue him How much rather ought they to put this in practise who by the bond of marriage are made one flesh The rather because the vnion betweene man and wife is without comparison more straight bindeth them each to loue other much more then the coniunction wehreby man is vnited vnto his neighbour But this is the mischiefe that in many their loue is not grounded vpon the vnion of marriage but vpon beautie riches and other carnall and worldly considerations subiect to change alterarion and losse This corruption that respecteth beautie is olde and noted to bee among the causes of the flood Genes 6.2 The sonnes of God saith Moses seeing the daughters of men were faire lusted after them and tooke them in marriage But indeed it is mony that maketh loue and riches ingender affection witnesse the experience of our daies Yet such loue resembleth onely a fire of straw which is but a blaze and is soone out vnlesse it be continued with great wood or other like substance Loue growing of beautie riches lust or any other like slight vncertaine and fraile groundes is soone lost and vanished vnlesse it be maintayned with the consideration of this vnion of two in one flesh and the vertues thereto adioyned and therefore must euery man thinke vpon this vnion in marriage that he may enioy nourish and continue the loue that thereof proceedeth the rather because such loue is the nurse of concord that maketh marriage happy As contrariwise the want of this loue is the fountaine of strife quarrelling debate and other like afflictions that conuert the paradice of marriage into a hell For dissention betweene man and wife is the trouble and ouerthrow of the household They that will auoide such strife must therfore loue each other and especially they must haue care hereof when they are first married For a vessell made of two peeces and glewed togither may at the first bee easilie broken but in time groweth strong so is it also with two persons that are glewed or ioyned togither by the bond of marriage This loue the mother of peace will ingender a care and dutie each to support other and so to practise the same which Saint Paul requireth in all beleeuers that is To be gentle one to another frendly each to forgiue other euen as God hath forgiuen vs through Christ Let the husband thinke that he hath married a daughter of Adam with all her infirmities and likewise let the woman thinke that she hath not maried an Angell but a childe of Adam with his corruption And so let them both resolue to beare that that cannot be soone amended Let not the body complaine of the head albeit it haue but one eye neither the head of the body albeit it be crooked or mishapen Such defaults do neuer breake vnion
and loue between the head and the body neither must the infirmities of the husband or the wife infringe the loue that proceedeth of the vnion and coniunction of marriage If the husband bee giuen to brawling or the wife to chiding let them both beware of giuing any occasion The bell hath a loude sound and therfore he that will not heare it must beware how he pulleth the rope and shake it so if the one will begin to chide without a cause let the other be either deafe and so not heare it or dumbe and so make no answere So that where the husband is deafe and the wife blinde marriage is quiet and free from dissention Whereby is meant that the wife must winke at many infirmities of her husband as if she saw them not and the husband put vp many shrewde speeches of his wife as if he heard them not Neither can it be any reproch to the husband and wife so stedfastly vnited to practise this dutie considering that Dauid protesteth that he vsed the like patience and discretion among his enemies They that seeke after my life lay snares and they that goe about to doe me euill Psal 38.12 talke wicked things and imagine deceit continually But I as a deafe man heard not and am as a dumbe man which openeth not his mouth Thus I am as a man that heareth not and â—n whose mouth are no reproofes This vnion betweene man and wife doth also engender that dutie which the holy Ghost noteth saying Matth. 19.5 Ephes 5.31 For this cause shall a man leaue his father and mother and cleaue to his wife As also the wife in the like respect is bound to the like dutie toward her husband Not that marriage exempteth any from their due honour and obedience to parentes but to declare that the vnion betweene man and wife is greater then betweene the children and the parentes And indeede the true loue of the husband to the wife and of the wife to the husband surmounteth all loue of children to their parents The husband and the wife haue their secret counsels and communication of matters concerning their profit and commoditie The wife is more obedient to her husband and the husband more desirous to please his wife then their parents yea and at length it falleth out that they depart from their parentes to keepe house by themselues And this plainely appeared in Lea and Rachell being sisters Gen. 26. and the wiues of Iacob For Iacob grieued at the wrong offered him by their father Laban boldly made his moane to them Whereupon they also complaining of their father agreed with Iacob and consented togither to leaue their father and to follow their husband Iacob Herein likewise consisteth an other dutie of the husband to the wife and of the wife to the husband namely that they shew no greater secrecie or communication of their household affaires to their parents then mutually each to other and this rule is especially to be put in practise when there groweth any discontent betweene themselues For if the husband shal complaine to his parents of his wife or the wife of her husband such dealing might breed a most dangerous iealousie and consequently perhaps irreconciliable dissention and strife But if it should grow to any complaint it were requisite so discreetly to prosecute the matter as that the wife should come to her husbands parents the husband to the wifes parents So should all cause of iealousie cease and the complaint procure most assured remedie This loue and agreement in marriage produceth yet another dutie common both to the husband and the wife And that is that they neuer seeke neyther once thinke of diuorce And to that ende let them remember what is written Mat. 19.6 That which God hath ioyned togither let no man put asunder Likewise that nothing but Adulterie may separate those that are vnited by marriage All other agreements and contracts made by mutuall consent may be broken and dissolued by the like consent of both parties but in the contract of marriage Almightie God commeth in as a witnesse yea he receiueth the promise of both parties as ioyning them in that estate And this doth Salomon note Pro. 2.17 where hee obiecteth to the Harlot that shee hath forgotten the couenant or alliance of her God But Malachie speaketh more plainly and giueth a reason why God punished such husbands as leauing their lawfull wiues tooke others Mala. 2.14 Because saith he the Lord hath beene witnesse betweene thee and the wife of thy youth against whom thou hast transgressed yet is she thy companion and the wife of thy couenant The promise therefore to God cannot be broken but onely by his authoritie In the dayes of Moses husbands were easily and soone intreated to forsake their wiues by giuing them a Bill of diuorce yet so far was this course from being lawfull that contrariwise Mat. 19.8 Iesus Christ saith that it was tolerated onely in respect of the hardnesse of husbands hearts who otherwise would haue vexed their wiues and intreated them cruelly And this libell containing the cause of diuorce and putting away of the woman did iustifie her and condemne the man For seeing it was neuer giuen in case of adulterie Leuit. 20.10 Iohn 8.5 which was punished with death all other causes alledged in the libell tended to iustifie the woman and declare that she was wrongfully diuorced and so condemned the husband as one that contraried the first institution of Marriage whereto Iesus Christ condemning this corruption doth returne them saying Jt was not so from the beginning and therefore whosoeuer shall put away his wife Mat. 19.8 except it bee for whoredome and marrieth another committeth adulterie and whosoeuer marrieth her which is diuorced doth commit adulterie with her So straight is the bond of marriage Hereof it followeth that notwithstanding whatsoeuer difficulties that may arise between the husband and the wife whether it be long tedious and incurable sicknesse of either partie whether naturall and contrary humours that breede debate wrangling or strife about household affaires whether it bee any vice as the husband to bee a drunkard or the wife a slouthfull idle or vnthriftie huswife whether either partie forsake the trueth and profession of religion doe fall to idolatrie or heresie Yet still the bond of marriage remaineth stedfast and not to be dissolued Neither may they bee separated euen by their owne mutual consent For as the holy Ghost hath pronounced Mat. 19.6 That which God hath ioyned togither let no man put asunder And therefore S. Paul saith 1. Cor. 7.12 If any brother hath a wife that beleeueth not if she be content to dwell with him let him not forsake here the woman which hath a husband that beleeueth not if he can be content to dwell with her let her not forsake him Also because some did suppose that the vnbeleefe in any of the parties might breede some pollution
This is a most despightfull kinde of speaking and doth bewray abundance of malice that was hidden in their harts euen so it sometimes falleth out betwixt the husband and the wife betwixt the father and the sonne betwixt the master and the seruant c. that they could speake dutifully one to an other but contempt and disdaine anger and malice will not suffer the one to affoord vnto the other their due names and titles least they should bee put in minde of those duties which these names require whereout Sathan sucketh no small aduantage whereas many times the very name of husband or wife father or sonne master or seruant c. doth greatly helpe to perswade the minde and to winne the affection yea the very mentioning of these names doe oftentimes leaue a print of dutie behinde in the conscience Husbands must not forget this point namely that it is not sufficient for them to declare and outwardly make a shew of a good life in words and precepts onely but also in life and deede so that two things are very necessarie for him to rule withall to wit wisedome and example and that he himselfe fulfill the thing that he commandeth to bee done The life and outward conuersation of a man whether it bee good or euill doth not onely perswade but also constraine and inforce We doe see how mightie and auailable this or the like exhortation of a Captaine is in the time of warre and battell Oh my souldiers doe that ye shall see me doe the which contempt of death in the Captaine doth so creepe through the whole host that there is not one be he neuer so feeble and weake hearted that doth esteeme his life for the which hee perceiueth that his Captaine careth so little for Thus did Christ with his Apostles and Martyrs draw the world vnto the Christian faith Leuit. 11.44 19.2 20.7 and 21.8 Iohn 13.15 Phil. 3.17 1. Tim. 1.16 2. Thess 3.9 For as they liued so they spake and as they spake so they liued Therfore if the husband would haue his wife to bee temperate quiet chast painful in her calling religious c. then he must be carefull that he be not distempered vnquiet no whoremonger not carelesse in his calling nor irreligious c. So that if hee commaund any thing to be done he must first looke that hee denie not to doe the same himselfe and so shall his wife and familie obey the same and to be the more readier and willinger to doe it being both honest and lawfull to bee done The very name of a wife is like the Angell which staied Abrahams hand Genes 22.11 when the stroke was comming If Dauid because hee could not expresse the commoditie and comfort of vnitie and brotherly loue was faine to say Oh how good and ioyfull a thing it is Psalm 133.1 for brethren to dwell together in vnitie Then let husbands weigh and consider how harsh and bitter a thing it is for them and their wiues to dwell together in enmitie and strife For the first yeare after marriage Deut. 24.5 God would not haue the husband goe to warre with his enemies to the end that he and his wife might learne to know one anothers conditions and qualities and so afterwards liue in godly peace and not to warre one with another and therefore God gaue and appoynted that the new married husband that yeare is to stay at home and settle his loue that he might not warre and iarre after for the God of peace dwelleth not in the house of warre As a kingdome cannot stand if it be diuided Matth. 12.25 so a house cannot stand if it be diuided for strife is like fire which leaues nothing but dust smoke and ashes behinde it We reade in the Scriptures of masters that strooke their seruants but neuer of any that strooke his wife but rebuked her Genes 19.33 Lot was drunk whē he lay with his daughters in stead of a wife and so is he which striketh his wife in stead of his seruants The law sheweth how a bondman should be corrected but the wife is like a iudge which is ioyned in commission with her husband to correct other Wilt thou strike one in his owne house no more shouldst thou strike thy wife in her house She is come to thee as to a Sanctuary to defend her from hurt and canst thou hurt thy selfe Therefore Abraham said to Lot Genes 13.8 Are wee not brethren that is may brethren iarre but they may say are wee not one can one chide with another can one fight with another Hee is a bad Oste that welcomes his guest with stripes Doth a King trample on his Crowne Salomon calleth the wife Prou. 12.4 The crowne of her husbands therefore hee which woundeth her woundeth his owne honour She is a free Citizen in thine house and hath taken the peace of thee the first day of her mariage Genes 2.23 Ephes 5.19 to holde thy hands till shee release thee againe Adam saith of his spouse This is flesh of my flesh But no man saith Paul euer hated his owne flesh So then if a man aske whether he may strike his wife God saith nay thou maist not hate thy wife for no man hateth his owne flesh shewing that he should not come neere blowes but thinke his wrath too much Some husbands are wont to say that they will rule their wiues whatsoeuer they bee or howsoeuer they came by them and that it is in the hand and power of the husband what and of what qualities and conditions she shall bee True it is that a great part of this doth rest and lie in the husband so that he vnderstand as hee ought to doe that mariage is the supreme and most excellent part of all amitie and friendship and that it farre differeth from tyrannie the which doth compell men to obey Truly it may force the bodie but not the will in the which all loue and amitie doth consist and stand the which if it bee drawne and forced doth resist and bow like a palme tree to the contrary part And the husband may assure himselfe that there cannot bee any quiet mariage or vnitie where hee and his wife doth not agree in will and minde the which two are the beginning and seate of al amitie and friendship And such husbands as do brag and think themselues able to rule and ouer-rule their wiues by that time they haue proceeded and gone a little further they shall well feele and perceiue themselues to bee beguiled and finde that thing to bee most hard and intricate the which to bee done they esteemed most light and easie Some husbands there be that through euill and rough handling and in threatning of their wiues haue and vse them not as wiues but as their seruants And yet surely they are but very fooles that iudge and thinke matrimonie to be a dominion For such as would be feared doe afterwards pitiouslie lament
and complaine that they can finde no loue in their wiues whose loue and amitie through their own crueltie and hard dealing they haue turned into hatred And whereas at the beginning they glorying and cracking thus cruelly to bee their wiues masters they haue now purchased vnto themselues a most miserable and lamentable life in time to come seeing now that all loue and pleasure is cast aside and compassed with feare and suspition hatred and sorrow Surely if a husband as nature reason and the holie Scripture doe witnesse bee the head ouer his wife and God their father there ought to bee betweene them such societie and fellowship yea and greater then is betweene the father and his sonne and not such as is betweene the master and the seruant And amongst many reasons that may bee vsed to perswade the husband and wife to liue together louingly quietly and christianly this is not the least namely that for as much as neither of them is certaine how long they shall liue together and then the partie that ouerliueth purposing to marrie againe and hauing been churlish froward c. with his former wife or she with her first husband which their so hard dealing one with the other before being knowne will no doubt be an occasion that they shall not speed match so well as otherwise they might if they had behaued themselues peaceably and dutifully in their first mariage What the dutie of a wife is towards her husband THis dutie is comprehended in these three points First that shee reuerence her husband Secondly that she submit her selfe and bee obedient vnto him And lastly that she doo not weare gorgeous apparell beyond her degree and place but her attire must bee comely and sober according to her calling The first point is prooued by the Apostles Peter and Paule 1. Pet. 3.1 Ephes 5.22 Col. 3.18 1. Cor. 7.3 whereby they set forth the wiues duties to their husbands commanding them to bee obedient vnto them although they be prophane and irreligious and that they ought to doe so much the more that by their honest life and conuersation they might win them to the obedience of the Lord. Now for so much as the Apostle would haue Christian wiues that are matched with vngodly husbands and such as are not yet good Christians to reuerence and obey them much more they should shew themselues thankful to God and willingly and dutifully performe this obedience and subiection when they are coupled in mariage with godlie wise discreete learned gentle louing quiet patient honest and thriftie husbands Wiues must be seruiceable and obedient vnto their husbands stand in a reuerend awe of them Ephes 5.33 And therefore they ought euermore to reuerence them and to endeuour with true obedience and loue to serue them to be loth in any wise to offend them yea rather to bee carefull and diligent to please them that their soule may blesse them And if at any time it shall happen that the wife shall anger or displease her husband by doing or speaking any thing that shall grieue him she ought neuer to rest vntill she hath pacified him and gotten his fauour againe And if he shal chance to blame her without a cause for that which she could not helpe or remedie which thing sometimes happeneth euen of the best men yet she must beare it patiently and giue him no vncomely or vnkinde words for it but euermore look vpon him with a louing and cheerfull countenance and so rather let her take the fault vpon her Chearefull in countenance then seeme to be displeased Let her be alway merie and cheerfull in his companie but yet not with too much lightnesse She must beware in any wise of swelling powting lowring or frowning for that is a token of a cruell and vnlouing heart except it bee in respect of sinne or in time of sicknesse She may not bee sorrowfull for any aduersitie that God sendeth but alwaies to be careful that nothing be spilt or go to waste through her negligence In any wise Genes 27.9 see that she bee quicke and cleanly about her husbands meate and drinke and to prepare him the same according to his diet in due season Let her shew her selfe in word and deede wise humble courteous gentle and louing towards her husband and also towards such as he doth loue and then shall she leade a blessed life Let her shew her selfe not onely to loue no man so well as her husband but also to loue none other at all but him vnlesse it bee for her husbands sake Genes 2.23 24 Matth. 19.5 1. Cor. 6.16 Ephes 5.31 Wherefore let the wife remember that as the Scripture reporteth she is one bodie with her husband so that shee ought to loue him none otherwise then her selfe How the Wife ought to behaue her selfe vnto her Husband for this is the greatest vertue of a maried woman this is the thing that wedlocke signifieth and commaundeth that the wife should reckon to haue her husband for both father mother brother and sister like as Adam was vnto Eue and as the most noble and chast woman Andromache said her husband Hector was vnto her Thou art vnto me both father and mother Mine owne deare husband and well beloued brother And if it be true that men doe say that friendship maketh one heart of two much more trulie and effectuallie ought wedlocke to doe the same which farre passeth al maner both friendship and kindred Therefore it is not sayd that mariage doth make one man or one minde or one bodie of two but cleerely one person wherefore matrimonie requireth a greater dutie of the husband towards his wife and the wife towards her husband then otherwise they are bound to shew to their parents The Apostle biddeth Rom. 12.15 to reioyce with them that reioyce and weepe with them that weepe With whom should the wife reioice rather then with her louing husband Or with whom should she weepe and mourne rather then with her owne flesh I will not leaue thee 2. King 21.5 saith Elisha to Eliah so she should say Gal. 6.2 I will neuer leaue him till death Beare one anothers burthen saith Paul Who shall beare one anothers burthen if the wife do not beare the husbands burthen Wicked Iezabel comforted her husband in his sicknesse 1. King 21.5 1. King 14.4 Genes 12.1 and Ieroboams wife sought for his health though she was as bad as he God did not bid Sarah leaue her father and countrie as he did bid her husband yet because he bad Abraham leaue his she left hers too shewing that she was content not onely to bee his play-fellow Genes 2.18 but his yoke-fellow too Beside a yoke-fellow she is called a Helper to helpe him in his labours to helpe him in his troubles to help him in his sicknesse like a woman phisition sometime with her strength sometime with her counsell 1. Cor. 1.27 for sometime
as God confoundeth the wise by the foolish and the strong by the weake so he teacheth the wise by the foolish and helpeth the strong by the weake Therfore Peter saith 1. Pet. 3.1 Husbands are wonne by the conuersation of their wiues As if he should say sometime the weaker vessell is the stronger vessell and Abraham may take counsell of Sarah as Naaman was aduised by his seruant The Shunamits counsell made her husband receiue a Prophet into his house 2. King 5.3 4.9 Hest 7.3 and Hesters counsell made her husband spare the Church of the Iewes so some haue been better helpe to their husbands then their husbands haue bin to them Deut. 32.21 Rom. 10.19 for it pleaseth God to prouoke the wise with the foolish as hee did the Iewes with the Gentiles Beside a helper Prou. 5.18 19. 1. Sam. 16.23 she is called a Comforter too and therefore the man is bid to reioyce in his wife which is as much to say that wiues must be the reioycing of their husbands euen like Dauids harp to comfort Saul A good wife therefore is knowne when her words and deedes and countenance are such as her husband loueth She must not examine whether he be wise or simple but that she is his wife and therefore they that are bound must obey as Abigail loued her husband 1. Sam. 52.3 though he were a foole churlish euill conditioned for the wife is as much despised for taking rule ouer her husband as he for yeelding it vnto her Therefore one saith that a mankind woman is a mōster that is halfe a woman and halfe a man It beseemeth not the mistresse to be a master no more then it becommeth the master to be mistresse but both must saile with their owne winde and both keepe their standing Lastly wee call the wife Huswife that is Genes 38.14 Genes 34.1 Why wiues are called huswiues Titus 2.5 house-wife not a street-wife one that gaddeth vp and downe like Thamer nor a field-wife like Dinah but a house-wife to shew that a good wife keeps her house and therefore Paul biddeth Titus to exhort women that they bee chaste and keeping at home presently after chast he saith keeping at home as though home were chastities keeper And therefore Salomon depainting Prou. 7.12 and describing the qualities of a whore setteth her at the doore now sitting vpon her stall now walking in the streetes now looking out of the window 2. King 9.30 like cursed Iezabel as if she held forth the glasse of temptation for vanitie to gaze vpon But chastitie careth to please but one and therefore she keeps her closet as if she were still at prayer Genes 18.9 The Angell asked Abraham Where is thy wife Abraham answered She is in the tent The Angell knew where she was but hee asked that he might see how women in old time did keepe their tents and houses 2. King 4.22 It is recorded of the Shunamite that she did aske her husband leaue to go vnto the Prophet though she went to a Prophet and went of a good errand and for his cause as much as her owne yet shee thought it not meete to goe farre abroad without her husbands leaue The second point is that wiues submit themselues Ephes 5.22 23 1. Cor. 11 3. 14.34 and bee obedient vnto their owne husbands as to the Lord because the husband is by Gods ordinance the wiues head that is her defender teacher and comforter and therefore she oweth her subiection to her husband like as the Church doth to Christ and because the example of Sarah the mother of the faithfull which obeyed Abraham and called him Lord Genes 18.12 1. Pet. 3.6 moueth them thereunto This point is partly handled before in the first point as in the dutie of the husband to the wife As the Church should depend vpon the wisedome discretion and wil of Christ Ephes 5.24 and not follow what it selfe listeth so must the wife also submit and apply her selfe to the discretion and will of her husband euen as the gouernment and conduct of euery thing resteth in the head not in the bodie Moses writeth Genes 3.1 that the Serpent was wise aboue all beasts of the field and that hee did declare in assaulting the woman that when he had seduced her she might also seduce and deceiue her husband 1. Tim. 2.14 Saint Paul noting this among other the causes of the womans subiection doth sufficiently shew that for the auoyding of the like inconueniences it is Gods will that she should bee subiect to her husband so that she shall haue no other discretion or will but what may depend vpon her head As also the same Moses saith Genes 3.16 Thy desire shall be subiect to thy husband and he shall rule ouer thee This dominion ouer the wiues will doth manifestly appeare in this that God in olde time ordained Numb 30.7 that if the woman had vowed any thing vnto God it should notwithstanding rest in her husband to disauow it So much is the wiues will subiect to her husband yet it is not meant that the wife should not employ her knowledge and discretion which God hath giuen her in the helpe and for the good of her husband But alwaies it must bee with condition to submit her selfe vnto him acknowledging him to be her head that finallie they may so agree in one as the coniunction of mariage doth require Yet as when in a Lute or other musicall instrument two strings concurring in one tune the sound neuerthelesse is imputed to the strongest and highest so in a well ordered household there must be a communication and consent of counsell and will betweene the husband and the wife yet such as the counsell and commandement may rest in the husband True it is that some women are wiser and more discreete then their husbands as Abigail the wife of Naball Prou. 16.1 and 18.22 and 19.14 and 31. all others Whervpon Salomon saith A wise woman buildeth vp the house and blessed is the man that hath a discreet wife Yet still a great part of the discretion of such women shall rest in acknowledging their husbands to bee their heads and so vsing the graces that they haue receiued of the Lord that their husbands may be honored not contemned neither of them nor of others which falleth out contrarie when the wife will seeme wiser then her husband So that this modestie and gouernment ought to bee in a wife namely that she should not speake but to her husband or by her husband And as the voyce of him that soundeth a trumpet is not so lowd as the sound that it yeeldeth so is the wisedome and word of a woman of greater vertue and efficacie when all that she knoweth and can doe is as if it were said and done by her husband The obedience that the wife oweth to her husband dependeth vpon this subiection of her will
and wisedome vnto him As 1. Pet. 3.6 Ephes 5.33 Ester 1.1 2. c. 12. So that womē may not prouoke their husbands by disobedience in matters that may bee performed without offence to God neither to presume ouer him either in kindred or wealth or obstinately to refuse in a matter that may trouble household peace and quiet For disobedience begetteth contempt of the husband and cōtempt wrath and is many times the cause of troubles betweene the man and the wife If the obedience importeth any difficultie she may for her excuse gently propound the same yet vpon condition to obey in case the husband should persist in his intent so long as the discommoditie importeth no wickednesse For it is better to continue peace by obedience then to breake it by resistance And indeede it is naturall in the members to obey the conduct and gouernement of the head Yet must not this obedience so far extend as that the husband should command any thing contrary to her honour credit and saluation but as it is comely in the Lord Col. 3.18 Ephes 5.22 Therfore as it were a mōstrous matter and the means to ouerthrow the person that the body should in refusing all subiection obedience to the head take vpō it to guide it selfe and to commaund the head so were it for the wife to rebell against the husband Let her then beware of disordering and peruerting the course which God in his wisedome hath established and with all let her vnderstand that going about it she riseth not so much against her husband as against GOD and that it is her good and honor to obey God in her subiection obedience to her husband If in the practise of this dutie she finde any difficultie or trouble through the inconsiderate course of her husband or otherwise let her remember that the same proceedeth not of the order established by the Lorde but through some sin afterward crept in which hath mixed gall among the honie of the subiection and obedience that the womā should haue enioyed in that estate wherein together with Adam she was created after the image of God And so let her humble her selfe in the sight of God and be well assured that her subiection and obedience is acceptable vnto him Likewise that the more that the image of God is restored in her and her husband through the regeneration of the holie Ghost the lesse difficultie shall she finde in that subiection and obedience as many in their mariage haue in deede tried to their great contentment and consolation Further there is a certaine discretion and desire required of women to please the nature inclinations maners of their husbands so long as the same imports no wickednesse For as the looking-glasse howsoeuer faire and beautifully adorned is nothing woorth if it shew that countenance sad which is pleasant or the same pleasant that is sad so the woman deserueth no commendation that as it were contrarying her husband when he is merie sheweth her selfe sad or in his sadnesse vttereth her mirth for as men should obey the lawes of their cities so women the maners of their husbands To some women a becke of her husband is sufficient to declare that there is somewhat amisse that displeaseth him and specially if she beare her husband any reuerence For an honest matron hath no neede of any greater staffe but of one word or one sowre countenance Moreouer a modest and chaste woman that loueth her husband must also loue her house as remembring that the husband that loueth his wife cannot so well like of the sight of any tapestrie as to see his wife in his house For the woman that gaddeth from house to house to prate confoundeth her selfe her husband and familie Titus 2.5 But there are foure reasons why the woman is to goe abroad First to come to holie meetings according to the dutie of godlinesse The second to visit such as stand in neede as the dutie of loue and charitie doe require The third for employment and prouision in household affaires committed to her charge And lastly with her husband when hee shall require her The wife must keepe a good tongue Gen. 20.1 c. The euill and vnquiet life that some women haue and passe with their husbands is not so much for that they commit with and in their persons as it is for that they speake with their tongues When the wife doth holde her peace she keepeth the peace The cause of domesticall combats If the wife would keep silence when her husband beginneth to chide he should not haue so vnquiet dinners neither she the woorse supper which surely is not so for at the same time that the husband beginneth to vtter his griefe the wife then beginneth to scold and chafe wherof doth follow that now then most vnnaturally they come to handy gripes more beastlike thē christianlike which their so doing is both a great shame Silence becommeth a woman and a foule discredit to them both The best meanes therefore that a wife can vse to obtaine and maintaine the loue and good liking of her husband is to bee silent obedient peaceable patient studious to appease his choler if he bee angrie painfull and diligent in looking to her businesse Lacke of knowledge of Gods word is the principall cause why wiues doe not their dutie to their husbands to be solitarie and honest The chiefe and speciall cause why most women do faile in not performing this dutie to their husbands is because they be ignorant of the word of God which teacheth the same and all other duties and therefore their soules and consciences not being brought into subiection to God and his word they can neuer vntill then yeeld and performe true subiection and obedience to their husbands and behaue themselues so euery way as christian wiues are in dutie bound to doe But if wiues bee not so dutitiful seruiceable and subiect to their husbands as in conscience they ought the onely cause thereof for the most part is through the want and neglect of the wise discreet and good gouernment that should be in the husbands besides the want of good example that they shuld giue vnto their wiues both in word and deede One heart and one will For as the common saying is Such a husband such a wife a good Iacke maketh a good Gill. For so much as mariage maketh of two persons one How the loue faithfulnesse and dutie of maried folkes may be kept and increased therefore the loue of the husband and wife may the better bee kept and increased and so continued if they remember the duties last spoken of as also not forget these three points following 1. They must be of one heart will and mind and neither to vpbraide or cast the other in the teeth with their wants and imperfections any waies or to pride themselues in their gifts but rather the one to endeuour to supplie the others wants that
example of the Scriptures are many that proue this As Sarah who nursed Isaack Genes 22.7 though shee were a Princesse and therefore able enough to haue had others to haue taken that paines as also hauing bin a beautifull woman euen in olde age being of great yeares yet she her selfe nurseth and giueth suck to her sonne 1. Sam. 1.23 Also Anna whom the holy Ghost hath lest it recorded as a commendation vnto her for that she nursed her owne sonne Samuel So when God chose a nurse for Moses he led the Hand-maide of Pharaohs daughter to his mother Exod. 2.8 Iudg. 13.24 Cant. 8.1 Psalm 22.9 Matth. 2.14 Luke 2.7.12 as though God would haue none to nurse him but his mother Likewise after when the Sonne of God was borne his father thought none fit to be his nurse but the virgin his mother It is a commendation of a good woman and set downe in the first place 1. Tim. 5.10 as a principall good worke in a widow that is well reported of if she haue nursed her children And therefore such as refuse thus to doe may well and fitly be called nice and vnnaturall mothers yea in so doing they make themselues but halfe-mothers and so breake the holy bond of nature in locking vp her breast from her child and deliuering it forth like the Cuckoo to bee hatched in the Sparrowes nest 3. Again the childrens bodies be commonly so affected as the milk is which they receiue Now if the Nurse bee of an euill complexion and as she is affected in her bodie or in her minde or haue some hidden disease the childe sucking of her breast must needs take part with her And if that bee true which the learned doe say that the temperature of the minde followes the constitution of the bodie needes must it be that if the nurse be of a naughty nature the child must take thereafter Yet if it bee that the nurse bee of a good complexion of an honest behauiour whereas contrariwise Maidens that haue made a scape are commonly called to be Nurses yet can it not bee but that the mothers milke should bee much more naturall for the childe then the milke of a stranger As by experience let a man bee long accustomed to one kinde of drinke if the same man chaunge his ayre and his drinke he is like to mislike it As the egges of a Henne are altered vnder a Hawke neuerthelesse such women as be oppressed with infirmities diseases want of milke or other iust and lawfull causes are to be dispensed withall but whose breasts haue this perpetuall drought Forsooth it is like the gowte no beggers may haue it but Citizens or Gentlewomen In the 9. of Hosea verse 14. drie breasts are named for a curse What a lamentable hap haue Gentlewomen to light vpon this curse more then other sure if their breasts be drie as they say they should fast and pray togither that this curse might bee remoued from them 4. And lastly that it is hurtfull to the mothers themselues both Phisitions can tell and some women full oft haue felt how they haue beene troubled with sore breasts besides other diseases that happen to them through plentie of milke The wife is further to remember that God hath giuen her two breasts not that she should employ and vse them for a shew or of ostentation but in the seruice of God and to bee a helpe to her husband in suckling the child cōmon to them both Experience teacheth that God cōuerteth her blood into the milke wherwith the child is nursed in the mothers wombe He bringeth it into the breasts furnished with nipples conuenient to minister the warme milke vnto the childe whom he indueth with industrie to drawe out the milke for his owne sustenance The woman therefore that can suckle her child and doth it not but refuseth this office and dutie of a mother declareth her selfe to be very vnthankefull to God and as it were forsaketh and contemneth the fruit of her wombe And therefore the bruit beasts lying vpon the ground granting not one nipple or two but sixe or seuen to their yong ones shall rise in iudgement against these daintie halfe-mothers who for feare of wrinckling of their faces or to auoid some small labour doe refuse this so necessary a dutie of a mother due to her children The properties due to a married wife are that shee haue grauitie when shee walketh abroad wisedome to gouerne her house patience to suffer her husband loue to breed and bring vp her children courteous towards her neighbours diligence to lay vp and to saue such goods as are within her charge a friend of honest company and a greater enemie of wanton and light toyes 1. So then the principall dutie of the wife is first to bee subiect to her husband Ephes 5.22 Col. 3.18 1. Pet. 3.1 2. To be chaste and shamefast modest and silent godly and discreet 3. To keepe herselfe at home for the good gouernement of her familie and not to stray abroad without iust cause Srepfathers Stepmothers their duties Here it is not to be pretermitted but that we must say somwhat touching men and women that bee twise married and so become Step-fathers The Husband and Wife must so praise his first Wife and she her first Husband so as it be not done to the offence or reproach of either to the other Iealousie which is the suspecting of adultrie in the married parties ought wiselie carefully to be suppressed on both parties without apparant matter and Step-mothers Such husbands and wiues as marrie againe after the death of their first wiues or first husbands are carefully to remēber that they do not displease their wiues or their husbands which they now haue by ouermuch rehearsing of their first wife or first husband For the course condition of the world is such that husbands and wiues doe account and recouer things past better then things that be present And the reason is because no commoditie or felicitie is so great but it hath some griefe and displeasure and also some bitternesse mingled with it which so long as it is present grieueth vs sore but when it is one gone it leaueth no great feeling of it selfe behinde it and for that cause wee seeme to bee lesse troubled with sorrowes and discommodities past then with those that are present Also age stealeth and commeth on apace which causeth both men and women to be the lesse able to sustaine and indure troubles and griefes now then before Therefore such men and women as bee twise married and be wise and religious ought not to esteeme their wife or husband which is dead better then her or him which they enioy now aliue remembring the common prouerbe That we must liue by the quick and not by the dead and that wee must make much of that we now haue The very name of Stepfather and Stepmother teacheth them their dutie Let the name of
bind them but also that they bee carefull that they liue honestly God made euery weeke one day of rest wherein seruants shuld be as free as their masters Gen. 2.2 vertuously and christianly And further they may not grieue their seruants with ouermuch labour but alwayes remember that they are not beasts but men so that they ought quietly to gouerne them and also quietly to chide theÌ„ when they shall neglect their dutie least they bee prouoked with ouer hard words remembring that they also haue a Lord master in heauen with whom there is no respect of persons As the laborer which worketh but one day is worthie his hire euen so much more the seruant which laboreth euery day Luke 10.7 As Dauid did limit Ioab that he should not kill Absolon so God hath bound masters that they should not oppresse their seruants 2. Sam. 18.5 Iob. 31.13.14.15 For a good man saith SalomoÌ„ Pro. 12.10 will be mercifull to his beast and therefore he ought to be more merciful to his seruants being his brethren Ephe. 6.9 And let them bountifully reward the iust and faithful labor of their seruants pay them their couenants in a fit conuenient time least being compelled by necessitie they should steale Masters ought not as Tyrants to vse their seruants as their Horses or Asses but to deale with them louingly christianly because they are all members of one bodie whereof Christ Iesus is the head There be some masters that vse their seruants and prentices more like beasts then like men their own members for which their so doing let them assure themselues they must yeeld to God their Master a straight account Oh that christian masters and mistresses would learne and so practise the example of Iobs good vpright dealing with his seruants which was far from rigor where he saith Jf I did contemne the iudgement of my seruant and of my maid when they did contend with mee that is when they thought themselues euill intreated by me What then shall J do when God standeth vp If I had oppressed others how should I haue escaped Gods iudgement and when he shall visit me what shall J answere He that hath made me in the wombe hath hee not made him which moued him to shew pitie and fauour vnto his seruants because they were Gods creatures as he was hath not hee alone fashioned vs in the wombe Hereby then may those masters dames see their wickednesses who wil not heare their seruants speake but vpon a simple surmise and brainsicknes doe euill intreat them by cruell stripes when in trueth there is no iust cause Reuiling words and vnreasonable fiercenesse doth much more hurt to seruants then good Phil. 16.17 Masters and Mistresses ought therefore to vse their seruants and prentices with mildnesse and equity as euery one shal deserue for they must remeÌ„ber that they haue all one God to honour worship one Prince to serue one law to keepe and one land to inhabit and one death to feare and therefore they must speake vnto them as vnto brethren and sisters and deale with them as with christians And let them alwayes remember this namely that God will neuer deale mercifully with theÌ„ if they make not greater account that their seruants doe serue him more carefully then themâ—elues and sanctifie his Sabboths Exod. 20.10 Deut. â— 14 And therefore that master is not worthie to bee serued which can not afford that his seruants should serue God as well as himselfe Hee must giue vnto God that which is Gods and then hee may the better take that wihch is his owne For 1. Tim. 5.8 Hee that careth not for his familie saith Paul is worse then an Infidell because Infidels care for their familie As it is the office of a good householder to carrie the burthen of care trauell and labour so it is the dutie of his wife to bee faithfull in keeping and well ordering of his goods house and to see his her owne their childrens best apparel brusht handsomely laid vp to be patient and carefull to see her husband doe well and both their duties is effectually to giue good examples to be diligent to entertaine peace amongst their familie and to see all things neat and handsome and to keepe due order measure For as the Sunne in the firmament giueth light to all the Regions round about him Seruants doe rather imitate the workes they see their Masters doe then the words which they heare them speake Pro. 29.21 and by his bright appearing expelleth the darknes comforteth cheareth the world euen so likewise should housholders labour to banish sin and corrupt religion out of their dwellings and to be a lanterne of godly life to comfort and shine to their whole familie that so they may direct their liues after their good examples Phil. 2.15 Matth. 5.16 A Master ought so to behaue himselfe with his seruants that hee bee not too familiar with them which many times breedeth contempt but to admonish them often and therewithall not to discourage them from well doing not to be too seuere nor too partiall but to moderate all by discretion For like as the Centurion Luke 7.8 who had many seruants vnder his authoritie and they were all at his becke and Commaundement most readie to obey him in any thing that hee set them about and this good order and submission hee had brought them vnto by the reason that his said seruants were deare vnto him that is hee made a speciall reckoning of them and was as a father vnto them so likewise all masters are in conscience bound to esteeme and account well of their seruants and to vse their authoritie that they haue ouer them mildly and christianly and then if their seruants doe perceiue that they are deare vnto their masters Ephes 6.9 so may the masters in time worke them like waxe to their owne minde except they be such as haue sold themselues to worke wickednesse It is very conuenient that a master of a familie should so dispose and order his affaires and busines that he depart absent himselfe from home as little us may bee for it is an olde saying and a true That the eye of the master doth make the horse fat and the ground fertile for al things are wel and fitly done when the master is present Such house-keepers as haue much and yet spend little are called niggards and they that haue little and yet spend much are holden fooles spend-thrifts and prodigall wasters and therefore they ought to liue in such sort that they be not noted mizers for their keeping either prodigall for their spending The couetous miserable niggard passeth great toyle and trauels in gathering of his riches danger in keeping theÌ„ law in defending them and torment in departing from them But a wise man is not carefull so much for riches and how to liue long as to liue well and die well Some householders
they will conuay God his blessings to their posterities then they must do and performe the duties belonging therevnto yea let them if they be loth to conuey God his iudgements to their children carefully auoyde the meanes vnto it And surely Luk. 2 2â— as it is a blessed thing in the houre of death with Simeon to depart in peace leauing their wiues children and seruants members of Christ spouses to Christ children to God and seruants to the Lord so in the extremitie of death no one thing wil bee more greeuous vnto Parents and Householders then the Lord hauing giuen them the charge of so many soules to be furthered to saluation that their own tormented coÌ„sciences shall presse them who in as much as they could haue helped their children and seruants forward to their damnation so which is more fearefull they shall haue them spewing and foming out on their faces continuall curses in hell accusing them for euer to be murtherers of their soules and cut throats of their saluation Is it any maruell if Householders many times finde small obedience and lesse dutifulnesse and faithfulnesse at the hands of their children and seruants seeing they omit and leaue vndone the performance of these so christian duties towards them herein expressed and inioyned of the Lord For so doth God often leaue manifest tokens of his wrath in punishing disobedience with disobedience How can any maister of a Household whosoeuer he bee looke to haue his familie trustie and faithfull vnto him and yet he himselfe is faithlesse to God Doth he maruell that his children and seruants feare not him whereas hee himselfe feareth not the Lord Will he maintaine his authority ouer those vnder his charge and he himselfe doth not yeelde obedience vnto the authoritie of God his Creator Moreouer it is manifest that the goodman of the house by planting Gods religion in his familie shall not a little aduance and set forward his owne priuat profit and commoditie For wicked and vngodly seruants are for the most part loyterers pickers and deceitfull whereas on the other side godly seruants are iust and faythfull whom in his absence he may trust to doo such businesse and worke as hee willeth them to doo Gen. 30.30 and 39.5 c. If maisters of families be carefull and desirous as in conscience they ought that their wiues children seruants should reforme themselues and endeuour to practise such duties as do appertaine and belong vnto them then they must likewise be diligent and carefull to reforme themselues both inwardly outwardly in such poynts and duties as hitherto they haue left vndone otherwise they may iustly say vnto theÌ„ Phisitian Luk. 4.23 and 22.32 Rom. 2.21 heale your selfe or why doe you wil vs to doe that which you do not practise your selfe For as one candle cannot light another if it selfe be out euen so a maister of a Household shall not reforme those of his charge and inflame them with the loue of God and godlinesse if he himselfe be voyd of the same Let euery master of a Household therfore say and performe with Iosua I and my familie will serue the Lord Iosua 24.15 And likewise let euery christian â—adie Mistresse and Dame say with Hester I and my maides will doo the like Hest 4.16 And so no doubt God will poure his blessings on them and theirs in this life and euerlasting happinesse on them in the life to come Touching the booke it selfe I will not say any thing to the commendatioÌ„ thereof but onely this That I am assured that if such duties as are mentioned therein were dulie and carefully practised of al such as are named in it theÌ„ no doubt vertue and godly religion would greatly florish to the aduauncement of God his glory and also sinne and wickednesse would then decrease and fal downe to the vtter subuersion and ouerthrow of Sathans kingdome This Treatise I confesse is not garnished with eloquence not full of great cunning nor beautified with flower of mans wisedome neither yet doth it discourse or treate of high or darke things neither is it stuffed with subtill questions and arguments nor indited with Rhetoricall and eloquent stile as those commonly be which are propounded and set foorth to the world rather for boasting and vaine-glorie sake then for any desire to edifie and to do others good This booke is plaine The profit of this booke and without any great gaynesse but yet so ful of good necessary and wholesome instructions that whosoeuer readeth and maâ—keth it with a right disposed minde and willing to practise it without respect to any other thing then God the reformation of his life and the saluation of his owne soule which is the onely marke that christians must leuell at hee may reape singular profit thereby Good bookes as ladders to climbe vp to heauen And vndoubtedly it may well bee saide that vnto true christians good and holy bookes are as ladders to climbe vp to heauen as sparkes to kindle the heate of the spirit when it is quenched or waxed colde in them and as proppes to stay vppe their faith that it may increase Praying therefore your worships to accept of my dutifull good will and to pardon my boldnesse I cease to adde any further thing beseeching God of his endlesse mercy for his Christs sake to strengthen you still in that good and happie course of his word and all other good learning to furnish you all aboundantly with all spirituall and heauenly knowledge to the carefull practizing of the same in the fruites of your most holy and blessed callings to the aduancement of the glorie of our God and to your owne euerlasting comfort in Christ Iesus So be it Your worships in all Christian dutifulnesse most willing R. C. A GODLIE FORME OF Household Gouernment carefully to bee practised of all Christian Householders A Householde is as it were a little common wealth by the good gouernment wherof Gods glorie may be aduaunced the common wealth which standeth of seuerall families benefited and al that liue in that familie may receiue much comfort and commoditie But this gouernment of a familie is not very common in the world The rule of good gouernment is wisedome Prou. 24.3.4 for it is not a thing that men can stumble on by chance but wisdome must leade vs vnto it Though wisedome saith Salomon is an house builded and with vnderstanding it is established and by knowledge shall the Chambers thereof bee filled with all precious pleasant riches that is shall obtayne all kind of blessings See also Pro. 28.2 by which two places it is manifest that such families as are not ordered by hap-hazard or as it falles but by Wisedome Not carnall wisedome Discretion and Counsell do prosper in inward and outward goods and indure long When we speake of Wisedome we do not meane that this gouernment can be in al points executed by naturall reason and Wisedome for mans wisedome reacheth but vnto
saluation of our brethren bewraying it selfe in the neglect of this dutie to call vpon one another is the cause of this slownesse For the husband hee going first out of the doores saith to his wife make haste and come assoone as you can she comming at her leisure giues the same charge to her seruants dispatch and tarrie not long behind but here is no saying Come let vs goe let vs goe togither if it be once said it is not pursued that it might be performed In going to market and to a feast what earnest calling vpon will there be of one another and it wold seeme strange to behold the household goe deuided it were a thing that would much be marked and euery one that knew vs and whither wee were going it should bee the first question they wold aske vs how chanceth this that you come alone where is your husband your wife or your children why come you not togither So no doubt the dispersed and broken cōming togither of households to the Church is a thing greatly obserued of the Lord God of his Angells which are present at their assemblies 1. Cor. 11.10 it is that which grieueth the rest of the Church and assoone as they see one come in alone they are ready with griefe to aske where are the rest what meaneth this partie to come alone Therefore let all gouernors be perswaded that it is their boūden dutie thus to looke to their families to be sure that they sanctifie the Lords day as wel as thēselues therefore that they not only thus bring them to the publike ministerie but also looke vnto them that they spend the rest of the day in all holy exercises so much as may be examining them in that which they haue heard and causing them to confer about it thēselues to appoint some to reade the scripture vnto them and all of them to sing Psalmes and generally whatsoeuer you haue seen before you ought to doe your selues to call vpon them for the same and to take such order that you be sure they do it And let them be sorie that they haue neglected this duety so long heretofore and thereby haue charged so many sinnes of their household vpon themselues and now at the last in Gods holy feare let thē begin to put this in practise least they doe further prouoke the most patient Lord to their endles destruction And though it be a thing so rare in the world as it is men altogether so vnacquainted with it as they be nay so loathsome tedious to flesh blood that they are afraid once to begin with it yet let the bare cōmandement of God preuaile more with vs to take in hand and to continue in it then all that can bee saide or thought against it should weigh with vs either to keepe vs frō it at the first or afterwards The want of this care in households is the cause of much wickednesse rebellion and disorder in their families cause vs to giue it ouer And that all men might doe it so much the rather let them be assured that the want of this especially is the cause of so many wicked and rebellious children vntrustie and disobedient seruants nay vnfaithfull vnkind wiues euery where euen for that their husbandes their fathers and their masters do not call vpon them to serue God and see them sanctifie the Sabboth It is a common and iust complaint in all places in the mouth of euery man that seruants and children will not bee ruled that they cannot tell where to finde a good seruant they know not whome to trust but they see not the greatest cause of it to be in themselues so go not about to remedie it for whiles they labour not to make their children the sonnes daughters of God by adoption and to bring their seruantes within the household of God that they might be his seruants by grace to make their wiues the chaste spouses of Iesus Christ and so al of thē to serue him the lord iustly punisheth thē that they are disobedient vnto thē For how can they doe duties vnto men if they haue not learned to doe duties vnto God and so of conscience for Gods sake to doe dueties vnto men Nay must not the Lord needs punish them with disobedience against themselues that by their owne experience they might know how grieuous the neglect of his seruice is vnto himselfe when he iustly measureth out vnto them with the same measure that they haue mette vnto him before Obiection And whereas men are readie to imagine and we know it is that which many doe obiect against this that to deale so straightly with their household were the next way to rid themselues of all good seruants and that then they might soone bee master and man them selues Answere They must againe on the contrary vnderstand that it is a great wickednesse in them once to thinke that the Lord should require that of thē which would necessarily driue thē to such inconueniences 1. Tim. 4.8 nay rather they must be assuredly perswaded That godlinesse hath the promises of this life Matt. 6.33 as well as of the life to come and if we first seeke the kingdome of God his righteousnes in our selues and others that all needfull things should be cast vnto vs. Euen as it is sai◠of Abraham Gen. 18.19 I know that he wil command his sonnes his household after him that they keepe the way of the Lord to doe righteousnesse and iudgement that the Lord may bring vpon Abraham that he hath spoken vnto him So that thus to doe is the very high way not to keepe vs from but to bring vs vnto the performance of all the promises if we giue credit vnto him who as he only maketh them in the beginning of meere mercie so must he only accomplish them in the ende by his constant veritie and trueth We confesse indeed if he be an ill seruant this is the readiest way to be rid of him whose roome is better then his company for he thinketh himselfe to be in a prison nay in hell all the while but in the ende hee shall perceiue that he is gone from the way to Heauen vnto hell if the Lord be not more merciful vnto him and why should wee be loth to depart from the seruice of them that haue no care to serue God or can we looke that they should do any faithfull seruice vnto vs that are so vnfaithfull in the seruice of God But as concerning the rest if any bee religious this is the best meane to retaine and keepe them if they be but indifferent this may winne them if they be falling away this may recouer them To haue such good orders in our houses is not the next way to driue away our seruants from vs. for what shall we thinke of all the godly fathers in times past that when they vowed diligently to
which pertaines to the things or this life wherein is to be considered what is the dutie of the husband and of the wife to Take order for Prouision Take order for Health They must take order for prouision Many are careful to liue but very carelesse to liue well for necessaries to the maintenance of themselues and al within their charge these necessaries are food and rayment and also for the health of such as be in their families both to preserue it by rest and recreation if neede be and to restore it if it bee hindred by good looking to such as are fallen into sicknesse Prouision That the Gouernours of the familie must make honest prouision for themselues and their charge and not liue vpon the Church almes nor by begging purloyning or borrowing and cousoning is most euident by that saying of Saint Paul to Timothie 1. Timo. 5.8 He that prouideth not for his owne and especially for them of his house hath denied the faith and is woorse then an infidell Pro. 12.10 And Salomon saith The iust man regardeth the life of his beast much more of his seruants and children And as the Spirit of God chargeth vs with this dutie so hee setteth vs about such things whereby this may bee compassed and forewarneth vs of those things whereby it may bee hindered What things be needfull for the making of prouision The things that he teacheth vs for the making of this prouision are first That euerie one should haue some honest and good calling and should walke diligently in it that it may bring in honest gaine whereby necessaries for the familie may be prepared A calling Genes 3.19 Calling is our appointed charge and manner of life in some honest worke wherein we are dayly to labour as we may best profit therein 1. Cor. 7.17.20 Ephes 4.1 1. Thess 2.12 That euery maÌ„ must apply himselfe to some studie and calling is so knowne that it needeth no proofe In the sweate of thy browes thou shalt eate thy bread c. which condemneth all such as liue of the labours of other men and themselues take no paines nor trauaile doo no good in the world benefit not humaine society any way but deuoure the good creatures of the earth which indeed belong to them that take all the paines In this rancke doo a number of Gentles in the world march deuising gay toyes which might well bee spared vnprofitable burdens of the earth that fill vp number like Ciphers who glorie in their shame that is in their ease pleasures and brauerie whereof if they knew whereto a man was borne they would be ashamed These bee they for whose maintenance in their iollitie a number are faine to toile very hardly fare thinlie and spend their strength to the very skin and bones and yet can get but a slender recompence through their vnmercifull exactions but inough of them to returne The good gouernour of a house must bee none of these but hee must haue a calling that is good honest and lawfull not onely gainefull to himselfe but also holy and profitable to the societie of mankind for thus much doth S. Paul comprehend within the compasse of his words Ephe. 4.28 But let him labour the thing that is good It is not inough to haue a calling though it be neuer so good but it must be followed so as it may bring in maintenance for thee and thine such as is meete for thy owne estate 2 The manner of following a calling But how must it be followed first with diligence for as Salomon saith Pro. 18.9 Hee that carieth himselfe slouthfully or loosely in his businesse is the brother of a great waster that is he is another waster doth as much as an vnthrift or spend good To diligence belongeth the blessing Pro. 13.4 Pro. 10.4 The hand of the diligent maketh rich and Chap. 12.11 He that tilleth his land shall be satisfied with meate Yea and a large blessing The soule of the diligent shall be fatted that is he shall haue aboundantly And least that any should say that in some calling Diligence is that by which we execute as wel as we can the labour of our calling 2. Thes 3.10 Rom. 12.11 a man may well thriue but not in mine It is said Pro. 14.23 In all labour that is diligent following thy calling there is abundance Moreouer this diligence will bring a man to renowme Pro. 22.29 Thou seest that a diligent man in his businesse standeth before Kings c. Of the enemies to diligence The better to kindle the affection vnto this diligence in following thy calling consider what is said by the spirit of God of those euils that are enemies vnto it Slouth Slouthfulnesse is a wearinesse or tediousnes in any godly spirituall or ciuill exercises which one ought for Gods sake to doe for the benefit of the coÌ„mon wealth or for the sustentation of themselues and their families Many a man is idle and slouthful because labour and toyle is irkesome and painful to him as Pro. 20.4 The slouthful wil not plow beâ—ause of winter but what is his reward it followeth therefore shall he beg in sommer and haue nothing Pouertie is the fruite of slouthfulnesse Pro. 10.4 A slouthfull hand maketh poore And least any man should thinke that he could keep away pouertie at least a great while it is said in Pro. 24.34 that it commeth violently and with great power and swiftly vpon such a man and hee shall not withstand it Thy poueâ—tie commeth as a light traueller and thy necessitie as an armed man In the same place also the meanes whereby it commeth is expressed Vers 30. He through folly nelected his ground and left it vnfenced and vntilled and so it yeelded him no increase which being there spoken of husbandrie may bee drawne to a generall that to let such things lie idle vnused which should bring in commoditie is the high way to pouertie The slothful is further described to be a great wisher and woulder but no great householder Sloth gluttonie and prodigalitie are the true paths that conduct and leade men to pouertie Pro 13.4 The sluggard lusteth but his soule hath nought And Prouerbs All the day long he wisheth but his desire is not accomplished which wasteth him with sorrow Besides he perswadeth himselfe that he hath some sufficient stay or let to withhold him from diligent labour and so dare not goe forward as the Wiseman saith Prouer. 15.19 Pro. 26.13.14.15.16 The way of the slothfull is a hedge of thornes And in another place he saith Pro. 22.13 A lion is in the way But in trueth it is ease and lazines that letteth him As the doore turneth vpon the hinges Pro. 26.16 so doth the slothfull in his bed And to shew that such a man is in a down hill to beggerie Salomon saith that he thinketh himselfe very wise in his doing Pro. 24.30.31.32 The sluggard is
thrice on three seueral daies to the end that euery materiall defect might be learned in time when it might bee remedied then after mariage accomplished when it is remedilesse Thirdly it serueth for the keeping and preseruation of honest chastitie seeing by this meanes not onely former promises and contracts but also fornications if any haue been and adulteries may bee descried and discerned For after Ioseph was contracted before they were married she was found to be with childe though without ill demeanour on her part yet it made Joseph so afraid that he had intended in his heart priuatly to relinquish and forsake her and had so done indeede vnlesse Gods Angell had commanded the contrarie Neuerthelesse it was the Contract that discouered this trueth so preserued Maries virginity that the scripture might bee fulfilled which saith A virgin shall conceiue c. If this were not men might vpon knowledge or ignorāce make two seuerall contracts with seuerall persons and commit fornication and adulterie with other mens wiues either betrothed or married and so lose their honestie and chastitie to their great infamie hinderance Last of all it serueth to condemne and auoide all priuate contracts and secret mariages and contrarily to iustifie and grace the honourable estate of mariage aswell in the beginning as in the end thereof that all things touching the same might bee begunne continued and finished in the Lord according to his commandement that his promised blessings might ensue vpon it accordingly This being done the parents and parties are to be charged in the name of God as they will answere at the day of iudgement plainly to bewray and declare if they know any of the foresaid impediments in themselues or in their children for which this Contract ought not to bee made If they say they know none or if they declare none then the consent of the parents is to be demaunded which if they yeeld then the consent of the parties is also to bee required And so the parties are to be betrothed and affianced in these words or such like I. N. doe willingly promise to marrie thee N. if God will and I liue whensoeuer our parents shall thinke good and meet till which time I take thee for my only betrothed wife and thereto plight thee my troth In the name of the Father the Sonne and the holy Ghost So be it The same is to bee done by the woman the name onely changed and all in the presence of the parents kinsfolkes and friends After this the parents are to bee admonished to set and appoint the day of mariage neither too neere nor too farre off but to appoint a competent space of time that it may bee sufficient for the learning and triall of all lets and impediments whereby promised mariage might bee hindered and yet giue no occasion by reason of the length thereof to prouoke the parties to incontinencie In the meane time the parties affianced are to be admonished to abstaine from the vse of mariage and to behaue themselues wisely chastly louingly and soberly till the day appointed doe come And so with a Psalme and prayer to conclude the holy action 1. Because there might be some preparation for the things pertaining to housekeeping betweene that time and the celebrating of mariages but this is not a chiefe cause 2. Because the Lord would by this meanes make a difference betwixt brute beasts and men and betwixt the prophane and his children For they euen as beasts doe after a beast-like maner being led by a naturall instinct and motion fall together but God will haue this difference whereby his children should bee seuered from that brutish manner in that they should haue a certaine distance of time betweene the knitting of affection and enioying one of another and a more neere ioyning of one vnto another 3. That they should in that time thinke on the causes why they are to marrie and the duties of mariage for many enter thereinto not considering at all of the great duties belonging to them in the same nor thinke of the troubles and afflictions that follow mariage But the Lord would haue these things thought on and a consideration to be had both of the causes of mariage and the duties to be performed and the troubles to be vndergone A good and carefull householder so ordereth and frameth his household so as it may manifestly appeare that it is indeede the house of a faithfull Christian and that he himselfe is as a pastour ouer his familie that hee instructeth it diligently in the feare of GOD and keepeth it in good and godly discipline by continuall exercise in godlines So that in his house you shall finde the chaste wife the shamefaced plaine and modest wife decked without as she is within no painted nor masked thing rendring true obedience to her husband and hauing a carefull eye vpon her familie seruants her children the master father and husband the children and seruants euerie one likewise in his degree imploying himselfe sincerely in his dutie and office approouing his dooings as before God Froward wicked qualities of the minde 1. Cor. 5.10.11 and 6.9 Now like as in the minde there are such vertues as wee haue before spoken of so are there in it also noysome wicked vices and detractions as vngodlinesse despising of Gods word vnbeleefe idolatrie superstition ignorance Gal. 5.19 20 21. 1. Tim. 3.2 3 4 5. churlishnesse lying falsehood hypocrisie vnrighteousnesse swearing backbyting mistemperance drunkennes gluttonie couetousnesse vnchastitie vnshamefastnesse misnourture rashnesse furiousnesse wantonnesse pride presumption vaine-glorie chiding brawling and vnhandsomnesse Who so now chooseth him a wife or shee a husband that is infected and tangled with such noysome vices hee seeketh not a spouse or shee a husband for a right peaceable good honest and christian life but an hell a painfulnesse and destruction of all expedient quiet and vertuous liuing but specially there is little good to bee hoped for of him or her whereas vngodlinesse and contempt of the word remaineth For like as the feare of GOD draweth the whole garland of vertues with it so vngodlinesse and despising of Gods worde bring all vice and abominations yea and shutteth vp the way to amendment When these points and rules are dulie and warilie obserued on either part they may ioyne together and say as Laban and Bethuel said This commeth of the Lord therefore we will not speake against it Oh how happie are those in whom faith loue and godlinesse are married together before they marrie themselues For none of these martiall carnall and clowdie and whining marriages can say that godlinesse was inuited and bidden to their bridall and therefore the blessings which are promised to godlinesse doe flie from them 2. The riches of the bodie 2. After the riches of the minde doe the riches of the bodie follow next as is a comelie beautifull or well fauoured bodie health a conuenient age Beautie c. A beautifull bodie is such
hee must beare with her infirmities and not by and by to enter into bitternesse and wrath Colos 1. Pet. 3.7 3.16 To the same end S. Peter exhorting husbands to behaue themselues discreetly and with knowledge and wisedome toward their wiues her requireth of them 2 things First that they neuer say nor do any thing that may iustly offend their wiues as some there be who being prodigall great spenders or idle and slacke in their businesse do cause their wiues and children to languish in pouertie Others who haunting Tauernes Alehouses and Gaming doe consume and waste that which should maintaine their familie Others who cōming home drunke doe beat and vexe their wiues and as it were driue them into dispaire Others who by vile bitter speeches by threatnings other vnchristian actions vnworthy a husband doe prouoke their wiues and so stirre vp such strife and debate as do conuert the cōfort of marriage into an hell Seeing therefore that the husband is head he ought in such wisedome reason and discretion to beare himselfe that he giue his wife no iust occasion of offence or prouocation yea he must remember that if the head be drunke the whole body is in danger of weake gouernment euen of lying in the myre Secondly that albeit the wife should minister iust cause of griefe and displeasure yet that the husband should not thereof take occasion against his wifes infirmities or enter into bitternesse tauntes or disquietnesse but discreetly and patiently beare with her that so they might quietly and louingly liue togither The hurt or weaknesse of any one member of the bodie prouoketh not the head to wrath or bitternesse but rather to compassion and an inclination to helpe it And indeed whereas God hauing created woman the weaker vessell as Saint Peter noteth did so ioyne her to man it was not to the end that hee striuing with so fraile a vessel should bruise and breake it but that by gentle and discreet intreating he should quietly enioy the helpe that God hath giuen him Let him therefore after the counsell of Saint Peter 1. Pet. 3.7 Gen 3.18 so respect her as one who albeit she be weake is neuerthelesse a profitable vessell for him Moreouer let him loue and honour her as one whom notwithstanding the frailtie of her sexe God hath so honoured and Jesus Christ so loued that being togither with man redeemed with his blood shee is togither with her husband coheite of life euerlasting A christall Glasse is a precious and profitable vessell yet brittle so is the married woman For albeit she be brittle yet is she profitable to her husband and precious in the sight of God as a child of God and member of Christ As therefore a man doth more carefully take heed of breaking such a glasse then some earthen or tinne vessell the one being more base and the other more strong so likewise should the husband haue such regard of the frailetie of his wife that hee may beare with her and intreate her with gentlenesse and discretion that hee may vse her as a precious and profitable vessel to his comfort ioy And in as much as prayer is an excellent seruice that God requireth of vs and the ready meanes to purchase his blessings let the husband discreetly beare with his wife least otherwise through their strife and contention their prayers as S. Peter saith might be letted and interrupted 1. Pet. 3.7 Yet must we not say but the husband both may and ought to tell his wife of her infirmimities that she may amend But here we are to enter into consideration of sundrie points First hee is especially to reproue her offences against God As when Rachell said vnto Iacob Gen. 30.1 Giue me children or else I die Hee reproued her of importunitie saying Am I in Gods stead who hath withholden from thee the fruite of thy wombe Also when Iobs wife saide to her husband Doest thou abide in thy integritie Iob. 2.9 Curse God and die He wisely reproued such a wicked speech saying Thou speakest as an vnwise woman What shall we receiue good at the hand of God and not receiue euill Secondly that it be with gentlenesse and testimony of good will as Helcana dealt with his wife Hanna 1 Sam. 1. when she mourned because she had no children And indeede it is meet that the husband should reproue his wife louingly rather by perswasion then by force For as in a great stormie winde a man lappeth his cloake about him and holdeth it fast for feare of loosing but when the wind is downe and the weather calme he letteth it hang easily so when husbands will as it were perforce wrest away their wiues infirmities many of them will obstinatly resist yet contrariwise by sweet words and louing exhortations they might bee wonne voluntarily to forsake them Thirdly the husband must seeke diligently to remoue the occasion and stone whereat his wife stumbleth and taketh occasion of griefe So when Sarah was moued against Abraham Gen. 16. because of Agar and obiected vnto him albeit wrongfully that hee was the cause that shee contemned her bearing with his wife hee remoued the cause of the contention in suffering her to turne Agar out of doores He must also take heed that he himselfe bee not tainted with the same vice which hee reproueth in his wife least shee stop his mouth with the reproach of the same fault but rather by giuing her example by the contrary vertue let her be induced and led to follow him In reprouing the wife the husband must alwayes vse such discretion that shee be not brought into contempt and therefore it should neuer bee done in the presence of moe then themselues For as it is meere folly for a husband to praise and commend his wife in company so is it as dangerous to checke and reproue her before witnesse For indeed thereof it commeth that women not being able to beare that disgrace will replie and so prouoke strife and dissention in open presence which wil redound to great reproch offence And therefore as the husband must not flatter his wife so hee must not reproue her before strangers A wise husband and one that seeketh to liue in quiet with his wife must obserue these three rules Often to admonish Seldome to reproue And neuer to smite her Let the husband also remember that the infirmities of his wife must bee eyther taken away or borne withall So that he that can take them quite away maketh his wife farre more commodious and fit for his purpose and hee that can beare with them maketh himselfe better and more vertuous The husband is also to vnderstand that as God created the woman not of the head and so equall in authoritie with her husband so also he created her not of Adams foote that shee should be troden downe and despised but hee tooke her out of the rib that she might
Step-father and Step-mother admonish and put them in minde of their dutie towards the children of the one and the others for Step-father and Step-mother doth signifie a sted-father and a sted-mother that is one father or one mother dieth and another succeedeth and commeth in their stead and roome Therfore to the end that both their loues may be setled towards the children of the one and the other they must remember that they are stead-father and stead-mother that is in stead of their owne father and mother and therefore they ought to loue them to tender them and to cherish them as their owne father or mother did They must not look vpon them like Rehoboam who told his people 1. King 12.13 to 21. that he would bee worse vnto them then his predecessor for then the children will dislike of you and turne from you as his subiects did from him but ye must come to theÌ„ as Dauid came to the people after Sauls death who sayd 2. Sam. 2.7 Though your master Saul bee dead yet I will raigne ouer you so ye must say to them though your father be dead or though your mother be dead yet I will be a father or I will be a mother vnto you so the children wil loue you as much as their dead father or dead mother did For that man and that woman that are led with discretion reason and consideration will reckon himselfe and his wife all one and likewise she will account herselfe and her husband as one And therefore they ought to account both the children of the one and of the other as common to them both for if friendship make all things common among friends insomuch that many haue loued fauoured their friends children as their owne how much more effectually and perfectly ought mariage to cause the same which is the highest degree not only of friendships but also of al blood and kindred But Step-mothers doe more often offend and faile in this dutie then men by reason that their affections bee stronger then mens and many times ouer rule them and therefore they are earnestly to bee admonished and warned that they shew themselues to those motherles children no step-mothers friendship but a right motherly kindnes Let the step-mother aduisedly consider that God hath ordained and appointed her in stead of their owne mother to bee to them a right true mother and not onely to regard them as children but as orphane children and requireth her to loue them and to do them good as to her owne What a griefe would it be to her hart if she should know now that her owne children whom she hath borne in her owne bodie should after her death haue a stepmother that would be rigorous churlish and vnkinde vnto them doubtles those childrens mother that dead is had vpon her death-bed no lesse care for her children Let her therfore alwaies haue in minde this saying of our Sauiour Christ As you measure vnto other Matth. 7.2 so it shall be measured to you againe That is as the step-mother doth intreate the children of her predecessor so another wife may come after her and intreate her children for he that tooke away the first mother and sent her can take away the second mother and send a third which will not bee like a stead-mother to hers vnlesse she bee like a stead-mother to these Verely a good woman will bee vnto her husbands children that which she may heare them call her so often that is Mother For what christian woman is so farre from all humanitie and naturall affection that will not be moued and mittigated with this word Mother of whom soeuer it be spoken And chiefly of children which cannot flatter but speake euen so from their heart like as they would to their owne mother of whom they were borne How sweete is the name of friendship how many iniuries hatreds and displeasures doth it hide and put away Then how much more effectuall ought the sweet name of mother to be which is full of incredible loue Therefore euery religious and louing wife will be mollified and moued in her heart and minde when she shall heare her selfe named mother by any of her husbands childreÌ„ Otherwise she shall shew her selfe to be more vnnaturall and vnkinde then the wilde sauage beast for there is no beast so outragious and cruell but if any other yong beast of her owne kinde fawne vpon her she will by and by shew kindnes and mildnes vnto it And shall not her husbands children make her kinde and louing vnto them when they call and speake vnto her by the louing and sweete name of mother As wiues ought to goe comely cleanly and handsomely in their apparrell so they must in any wise beware of pride riot or excesse therein 3. The third and last point that appertaineth to the dutie of wiues is that they doe not weare gorgeous and sumptuous apparell or broidered haire trimmed with golde but that after the example of holie women which trusted in God they bee sober in outward apparell and ought to bee garnished and decked inwardly with vertues of their minds as with gentlenes meeknes quietnes and chastitie which indeed are most precious things in the sight of God This point is so plainly spoken of by the Apostle to Timothie chap. 2. vers 9.10 in which place he so flatly condemneth both the excesse and pride of apparell as also the pompe curiositie and wantonnesse which women vse in trimming their heads by plating crisping broyding curling curiously laying out that no man can say more against it in so few words as hee hath spoken to the vtter dislike therof For if a maÌ„ should occupie himselfe and giue libertie to his penne to write of the horrible abuse and excessiue pride Pride is hatefull before God and man Be not therefore proude for thou art but dâ—ff and ashes that many women commit in this behalfe hee should rather want time to write then matter to speake Therefore such women as will not reforme themselues herein we leaue them to the Lord who no doubt will in his appointed time not onely seuerely punish theÌ„ but also their husbands for suffering this great wickednesse and dissolutenesse in their wiues as he did the Iewes for the same sinne as plainly may bee seene in Esay 3.16 c. For so it falleth out according to the common prouerbe Prou. 16.18 That pride goeth before and shame and destruction commeth after And on the contrarie part we hope that such women as be true professors of Christ his religion will both attire and dresse their heads so decently and also content themselues with such comely apparel as best beseemeth their calling and degree so as by their good example Titus 2.3 they may draw on other women to reforme themselues in this behalfe so rather to come short of that which their abilitie and place would serue to maintaine then any waies to exceede herein to the
because they are contrary to good nourture and godly instruction Parents must bee very carefull that their children may learn some occupation or profession of life and this is either mechanical which wee call handicraft or liberall which is the learning of schooles and the end of this is eyther to get their liuing honestly and in Gods ordinance or else if they want no maintenance to apply their profession and trade to the benefit of the Common-wealth No child of what birth and stocke so euer he bee ought to want this instruction and bringing vp If thou say my childe hath no need of any trade yet the Common wealth and Gods Church haue need of him for no man is borne for himselfe but his friendes will require one part his kindred another and his countrie the third And if handicrafts like thee not thou hast the liberall Sciences of which no man euer was yet ashamed but many haue made them their crowne of glorie Saul was anoynted King while he was seeking his fathers Asses 1. Sam. 9.2 c. and 16.11 Psal 78.70.71 1 King 19.19 Amos. 1.1.2 and Dauid was taken from the sheepefolde to feede with his wisedome and gouerne with his prudence that honourable people of the children of Israell And againe wee reade that those two famous Prophets Elisha and Amos the one was called from the plough and the other from keeping of beastes which examples doe plainely teach vs that the great and reuerent God despiseth no honest trade of life bee it neuer so meane but crowneth it with his blessing to drawe all good mindes to his holy ordinance But now a daies such is the pride of our harts a thing to bee lamented through all our land that many gentlemens children may not be brought vp in any trade Oh it is too base and beggerly for them they must liue of their lands they must maintaine their gentrie a small learning will serue their turne but in the meane while this ordinance of God is neglected what misery from hence ensueth Who are the wasters of patrimonies Who are the robbers and rouers in the Common wealth Who are the deflowrers of maidens Who are the defilers of matrones Who are the corrupters of youth and to speake in one word who are the seedes-men of al mischiefe in our countrie but these children of gentlemen who haue not been taught trained vp in learning or some occupation while they were young For euen as a weed if it grow in a rancke soyle wil waxe out of measure noysome so these children comming of honorable and worshipful parents brought vp in ease and pampered with the delights of gentrie they waxe immeasurably vicious and who may keepe them vnder neyther lawes nor Magistrates nor any other good meane First Good manners in speech Parents must teach their children to vse faire speech not onely towards themselues but also towards others and to call their betters by a reuerent and an honourable name 1. Sam. 25.24 Mar. 10.17 Pro. 16.24 Secondly to speake modestly and humbly of themselues and this poynt of good manners they may learne of that wise matrone Abigail in 1. Sam. 25.41 where we reade that when she was sent for of Dauid to bee his wife shee first bowed her selfe to the seruants and then made this lowly answere to him that brought the message Beholde let thine Handmaide be seruant to wash the feete of the seruants of my Lord. Thirdly to admonish them louingly to salute their frends and acquaintance and generally all others whom they take to bee christians and bretheren which consisteth in praying wel to others wishing health and prosperitie vnto them Luke 1.28 40. 1. King 1.27 Fourthly to put thē in mind to acknowledge a benefit where they haue receiued it with giuing of thankes Eccles 29.16 Genes 30.37 Fiftly to teach them to confesse an offence where it is committed with humble crauing of pardon An example hereof they may haue in that vertuous and faire spokē matrone Abigail as they may reade in 1. Sam. 25.23 c. Oh that men and children sawe what great daungers they drawe vpon them by the neglect of this dutie and might preuent it and also what gratious blessings they might procure both to themselues and others by meanes of it as this vertuous Abigail kept Dauid from shedding innocent blood saued her own life with the liues of her familie and in the end was receiued to be a Princes wife for the wise carriage of her selfe in this matter Againe Parents must teach their children good manners and ciuill behauiour to rise vp to their betters to vncouer the head to make obeysance to bee curteous towardes their equals to bee gentle and lowlie to their inferiours and louing and kinde to all this is no lesse needfull for youth then their meate and their drinke Also to admonish them to giue their elders and betters leaue to speake before them Iob. 32.4.5 That they keepe silence while their betters are in place vntill they be spoken vnto and then they must make answere in few words without vnnecessary circumstances and directly vnto the matter And they may not be loude babling or hotte in speech but colde and milde Pro. 17.27 Warne them that they do not interrupt or trouble others while they are in speaking Pro. 29.20 Wherefore if children wil keep the bounds of good maners they must not be streporous or troublesome in talke but they must obserue and take their due time and course and if there bee any thing spoken vnto which they would willingly make aunswere they must eyther courteously craue leaue of him that speaketh or else they must carrie it in remembrance vntill their turne commeth to speake which is the better of the twaine And further they must giue an entercourse of speech vnto others and so suffer others to speake by them for there is a time to keepe silence and so to heare others speaking for hee that will haue all the talke passeth the boundes of good manners Moreouer Good manners in gesture Parents ought to teach their children how to frame their gesture to a reuerent and dutifull behauiour towards others which consisteth in these poynts 1. The first is to meete those that are comming towards them And of this they haue an example in holy Abraham Genes 18.2 where it is said And hee lifted vp his eyes and looked and loe three men stood by him and when hee sawe them hee ranne to meete them from the tent doore Againe another example they may haue in King Salomon sitting vppon his regall throne 1 King 2.19 Bathsheba therefore went to King Salomon to speake vnto him for Adoniiah and the King rose to meet her 2. The second is to rise vp to elders and betters when they passe by them And this is taught Leuit. 19.23 Thou shalt rise vp before the hoare head and honour the person of the olde man and dread thy God I am the Lord. But heere wee must warne
besides the secret counsell of the Lord herein we must know that neither the promise of the Lord is so vniuersall that euery particular child of a faithfull man should be within the couenant or if of many there be but one blessed the promise is performed yea which more is though the faithfull man haue neuer a good child yet if vnto the thousand generation there be but one good the couenant is not broken neither must wee tie the Lord his worke so much to man that a good man may not haue an euil sonne seeing though the Lord visit not his sinnes yet hee may visit the sinnes of some of his Forefathers to the third and fourth generation going before To the second wee say that an euill father hauing a good child though the Lord shew not mercie to that particular man therein yet hee may remember his promise to some of the Forefathers in the thousand generations going before and though that an euill man haue no cursed child yet the curse may be accomplished in the third and fourth generations following Wherefore not speaking of election or reprobation which we leaue onely to the Lord to make good or bad we exhort parents to vse the ordinary meanes to bring vp their children so as they either by some good tokens may see them the children of God and heyres of the couenant or at least be comforted in their own conscience if their children for some cause vnknowne refuse it in that to the vttermost of their abilitie they haue vsed all good and godly meanes to bring them vp well offered them to God And if parents haue cause to bee grieued when thus trauelling in good education they cannot see good in their children how much more cause of griefe may they haue when they haue vsed bestowed no labour at all to bring them vp in the feare of the Lord And yet many will be grieued for the one that will not for the other Wherefore let vs learne if we wish to conuey God his blessings to our posterities let vs vse the duties thereunto let vs if we be loth to conuey God his iudgements to our children carefully auoid the meanes vnto it and surely as it is a blessed thing in the houre of death with Simeon to depart in peace Luke 2.29 leauing our wiues children and seruants members of Christ spouses to Christ children to God and seruants to the Lord so in death no one thing will bee more grieuous vnto a man then the Lord hauing giuen him the charge of so many soules to bee furthered to saluation that his owne tormented conscience shall presse him how in as much as hee could hee hath helped thē forward to their damnation and so which is more fearefull he shall haue them spewing and foming out on his face continuall curses in hell accusing him for euer to be a murtherer of their soules and a cut of their saluation The end of all this briefly is thus much that parents hauing fooles children not walking either in knowledge or in a good conscience must make some vse of so iust a cause of griefe examining themselues and accusing their own soules before the Lord eyther for that their meeting was prophane to so holy an estate or brutish because they desired rather a seed like vnto themselues in flesh and blood then such as might bee like to Christ by grace and new birth or that they begat their ofspring as meere naturall or very carnall men or because they eyther prophanely neglected all good education or monstrously misliked that in their yong children which they liked in themselues and punished in them their owne corrupt precepts or for that they suffered their children iniuriously to do euill to others which they could not suffer to doe to themselues or vntaught them that at home which was taught abroad or in that they doe lie in some sinne vnrepented of or else because they neuer made conscience to bring their posteritie within the couenant of saluation but still loued the flesh of their children and not their soules Let all Parents remember that they are bound by the Law of God and nature as concerning this bodily life to make good and honest prouision according to their degrees for the reliefe and maintenance of their children and familie And therefore such Fathers and mothers as consume and waste away their money and substance vnthriftily by dicing carding gaming or by any other indirect and vnlawfull meanes whereby their children and familie should bee maintayned doe very vnnaturally sinne and breake Gods commandements The wise man sheweth parents when is the best time to sow the seed of vertue in their children that it may bring forth the fruit of life and make them alway readie to die saying Eccles 12.1 Remember now saith he thy Creator in the dayes of thy youth Youth must thinke on death betimes to the end to liue well and die well As if he should say Bee mindfull and thinke on God in thy youth and do not prolong or defer it vntil age And so all their life shall runne in a line the middle like the beginning and the end like the middle as the Sunne setteth against the place where it rose One of the principallest duties that belong to parents towards their children is that they be very warie and carefull Marriage with Papists c. that their sonnes and daughters doe not match in marriage with such as are vngodly wicked and voyd of true religion Which if they doe they endanger the faith of their children and so commit a grieuous sinne For proofe whereof let vs consider first what marriage is how nigh a coniunctiō the Lord hath made it He made the woman of the mans nature flesh of his flesh bone of his bones Gen. 2.23 so that wee may not imagine that in the outward and worser part that that God which required so neer a coniuction wil suffer the mind and spirite of the husband and wife betweene faith superstition to be rent asunder Therfore when God said They shall be two in one flesh Verse 24. We may not thinke but that he spake it of the whole and perfect creature made of bodie and soule that they should bee of two one Or that God did by so holy a Law set free the holiest part requiring onely such agreement in the flesh and bodie and leaue the soule and spirit in dissention For as God gaue vnto both one name as touching their earthly nature signifying their vnity and called thē Adam Genes 5.2 So hee gaue vnto them a likenesse in name as they were ioyned in marriage to signifie their agreement in mind and spirit called the one Man and the other Woman Genes 2.22 23. Yea he gaue vnto marriage this especiall priuiledge Gen. 2.24 For this cause shall a man leaue his father his mother and shall leaue to his wife and they shall be one flesh but it could