will not be so mad as to smite it because its one with it selfe and suffers the same fall with it So here The samenesse of flesh which the woman hath with the man makes him naturall and sympathising towards her and not to hurt or hate her in her weaknesse and stumblings but to bear with her condole her and count himselfe to suffer in her his content joy and welfare not to stand in himselfe but in her who is another selfe and therefore to be as willing to wound himselfe hurt and hate himselfe as to hurt her By vertue of this union and neerenesse it is that there ariseth in the spirit of an husband who is not degenerate a marveilous natural and tender instinct of sympathie towards his wife in all her complaints and infirmities She is one with him in all things one in flesh one in generation and posterity one in blessings and welfare copartner also in all crosses and wants All these are common the husband shares with the wiâ—e and suffers in all her diseases paines trials spirituall and bodily Selfe doth ill and selflove is odious between nâ—ighbour and neighbour yea stranger and stranger much more betweene father and child brother and sister but most of all in this superlative union of marriage wherein two bodies may truly be said to be linked into one soule Here then to affect a singularity a privacy in so close an union and for the husband to be a man by himselfe apart from her who is one and the same flesh with him what a podigious selflove is it union breedes love and love sympathy and compassion but where selflove abides union and love are absent And from hence it is that in another place the Apostle addeth giving honour to the woman as to the weaker vessell which giving of honour is nothing else save the peculiar office of the husband to his wife and as I may tearme it the way of his tendernesse when as he willingly resignes up his manly authority sometimes and wisely abridgeth himselfe of that power to the utter most which else he might usurp over his weaker wife And in stead therof wisely considers it s the honour of a man sometime to be under himselfe to forget his strength there is a providence in the government of this vast world and it stands in the overruling of some inferior creatures that they may not know their strength over the superior but be kept within compasse as it were by a necessary and naturall restraint Even such a voluntary tye hath the Lord put upon the more fierce and rough nature of the male to the female that there may not onely be a consent from hurting and offending each other for so Lions and Wolves agree together but further that there might be a vertuous and more generous forbearance of authority over the weake vessel As acknowledging the headship of the man is given him not to discourage or destroy but to direct benefit and build up the wife That as God cloathes the weaker members with the more honour so wee should condescend and vouchsafe the like respect to the womans weaknesse Although a proud and base spirit would hold his owne leaping over the hedge where it is lowest yet a wise and understanding head will of his owne accord yeeld and give honour and respect unto the woman as to the weaker vessel Surely if a father be said to spare his owne sonne who feares him and the Lord will be master even over the Parent that he bee not bitter to his children to tread them under feete but count it his honour to passe by the corrigible errors of his children then what should that sparing eye that indulgent heart and hand that honour and respectivenesse bee wherby God swayeth the husband being but her equall towards his yielding and tender wife And in a word I say this giving of honour is the more speciall way of the man then of the woman for though she be so to him yet in a divers way and in a more naturall kinde as it were according to her frame for who takes it not for granted that a thing naturally framed to tendernesse should act her own property and give honour as due desert to the husband But in the mans giving honour to her there is a more vertuous and royall disposition that is an abatement of the right invested in man lest excesse of right might proove excesse of injury and a yeelding of that tendernesse and sympathy out of mercy and love which else neither perhaps the merit of the wife would require but to be sure the surlines roughnesse of the man would not easily contribute Reas 1 And of this many reasons may be yeelded For why Is there any thing gayned by Austerity and roughnesse when the dint therof returnes upon our selves Is honor and respect lost upon the wife when it reflects backe from her upon her husband Is it not well deserved on Gods part when we not only behold what graces he hath put into the wife as Treasure into a vessel of earth but also how little is got by the contrary wheÌ„ a rough husband too much yielding to that which is corrupt doth turne edge therby in his wife and force her to that which seemes to be most disguized against nature that is Reas 2 to be fierce against the husband Agayne as the Apostle sayth Do we not willingly beare with fooles our selves beeing wise And is it not as meete that we beare with the weake wee our selves beeing strong what a betraying rather a forfeit of a Masculine not to speake of a religious spirit and a bewraying not of a feminine Reas 3 but of a brutish base folly is it when a woman shal bee faynt to be are with an husbands seelynesse and fraylty as the stronger with the weaker what a dishonor is it to marriage Besides what an obligatioÌ„ doth a religious husband stand in to his yokefellow for infinite many fruits of love service to him in every kynd Not to speake of that command of God which is above all tying the husband to his wife for conscience sake though shee should fall short of the duty as once a good husband sayd to an undeserving wife Blessed bee God yet who hath given mee a wife who will do this or that for mee upon never so unkynd termes But much more if shee be deserving at his handes for all her tendernes in sicknes and health is it much if shee receive due honor and respect from him If thou owe her thine owne selfe againe for them is it much if thou repay tender esteeme prising of her If thou oughtst to lay downe thy life in some cases even for thy Christian brother rather then expose him by thine unfaythfulnesse to danger how much more shouldst thou expose thy selfe rather to the greatest hazard then betray her who is weake and unable to beare Remember the president whom
say she is wisely to procure the opportunities of worship but he is to menage and performe them She being within doores must take it her part to prepare and forelay the seasons for her husbands better ease and content in these duties a wise houswife will bee alwaies beforehand in her businesse that so the house may be empty swept and garnished for God to come in She must abhorre as I said before to justle and shoulder out the solemne matters of God yea or to cut them off by the middle and contract them by the colourable pretences of other matters So tedious in her dressing and trimming that a pin must not be awry so sluggish and lateward in her uprising so curious about her childrens addressment so tedious in her manifold proclamations and turnagaines that it would yrke any Christian husband to suspend Gods worke upon such fooleries and yet either it must be so or worse No no accompt these things bables in respect of the other that one thing necessary learne to outgrow all such old customes as base in Gods esteeme The divell will never suffer a woman to want bones to throw in the way of duty if he spie a mind ready to admit them If any part must needs lose let the worlds part be the loser Subjection to the husbands will first begin with God setting him up and affording him his due Nothing will more encourage a religious husband to be strict and careful in his way then when he sees his wives zeale in this kind nor more dismay and enfeeble him then the slacknes and indifferency of the wife that she is so far from forgetting herself for God that she will not afford him that regard which lies within her place to expresse But what then will some say is the wife then wholy out off from the officiating of worship in her family I answer she hath a great worke of it to seeke God constantly by her selfe apart at times meet and if her family consist of her owne sex she may like Ester with her owne maides in the absence of her husband pray with and teach her family and children besides the private respect she oweth thē out of the act of worship But will some say is she so straighted that in no respects she may performe these duties in the presence of the other sex in the family or of her owne husband as the case may require Answ I answer touching her servants the case is lesse difficult being her inferiors as well as her husbands and so she doing the duty of a Governor to them she is discharged especially they being unable ignorant or unmeet to bee so occupied and ready to pearke up and trample the Authority of the woman under feet by such occasions But touching the husband although the case be more difficult yet I doubt not but she may also before him aswell as the other performe these duties if these cautions bee observed For why serving of God in it self can hinder no subjection but rather further it in a lowly and humble spirit privy to her owne infirmities onely marke how First she may attempt it in case of utter insufficiency of parts in her husband I meane knowledge and understanding 2. In case of invincible defects of expression and utterance in the husband 3. And much more when there is an utter loosenes and carelesnes in him to look after it much more a vicious contempt so that as far as lieth in him the worke were like to be quite cashierd out of the family 4. If her husband do allow her with all cheerfulnesse or request her to undertake it for Conscience or if not yet bee content to give way to it upon reasonable termes of connivence yea though not so equall termes but with some lowring and with breakings out now and then or upbraydings of her yet not forbidding and opposing she must rather undergoe some brunts for God and her family and beare them as meekly as shee can then under such pretence to abandon the duty But if he bee willing and able though perhaps unqualified for grace shee must not encroach upon the office and disauthorise her husband but by all sweete meanes accepting that which is and covering defects to draw him forward to that which is not in token of an heart truly subject 5. If she beside her ablenesse to performe it bee also qualified with singular modesty and humility awe and reverence both of God and his Angells and her husband whose presence should alwaies be solemne and ballance her spirit to sobernesse and subjection If God denie her that interest and Respect from her husband which she deserveth so that he slights her parts despises her graces and will by no meanes endure her Service in this kind the effect is sad to behold God cast out and the family deserted and exposed to ruine But her remedie is rather to mourne in secret and by other wisedome to seeke the releefe of this burden then to breake her boundes On the other side if these respects be observed she may For the Lord ties none so strictly that either one must do it to wit the Mr. of the family or none No no the Lord knowes that oftentimes he of all other parts of the household least beseemes his place and besides if the head of the family himselfe even when he is able yet for reasons may resigne up his liberty to another a stranger who probably may honor God and profit the family more then himselfe in which case to stick to his Priviledge were a signe of pride and singularity much more may he in the case of usuall worship when the very substance of worship lies at the stake authorise the woman to performe it For although he dishonor his headship yet his ponance is just for his sin Better it is that he be shent shamed for his sin especialy himself revenging it then that God should be barred of his due by both his her withdrawing the duty the whole Family wanting the ordinances It was Gods Lawe that if the Servant would willingly abase himself to slaverie his eare was to be boared but his Mr. was not to lose his advantage And the wife is as well the Mother as the man the father of the family She is a parte of the householdes head as the husband is the wives head Now if she be free from the dominion of her head then is shee the whole head of the family and returnes to her priviledge so that without checke or controll shee may being fitted discharge the duty But if beeing a widow never used to it before she find this new taske to be over tedious to her then ought she to resigne it to another as if shee bee of ability to one mainteined for that purpose if not yet to such a servant as both for parts and humblenesse may bee meete to take it upon him without offence for else the remedy may
A question Answered Wherin Consent stands In 3. â—hâ—â—gs 1 In consent of heart as cheefe Ezek. 1. 19. 2 Consent in speech necessary for the married 2. Kings 3. 7. Pro. 27. 19. 3 Consent in common life and occasions of it 2. Sam. 3. 36. Reproofe Vulgar guise of marâ—yed ones rude and rusticall The Dissentions of religious Couples the shame of profession Amos. 3. 3. Pro. 26. 19. Humâ—liation to all faulty couples Prov. 20. 3. The duty urged Luk. 6. 27. 28. 29. Admonition 1. Bee not too coâ—fiâ—ent of your selves in a tempt of marriage 2 King 8. 13. â—er 31. 18. 19. Caveat 2. Pâ—â—y for this â—weet gâ—ft of 〈◊〉 Aâ—â—ablenesse Phil. 4. Luâ— 22. 19. Caveat 3. Put on the Lord Iesus his meeknesse Râ—m 12. end Coloss 3. Mark 4 39. 1. Sam. 4. 5. Iob. 1. 19. 1. King 18. 44. Caveat 4. Renounce not God to use Carnall shifts Caveat 5. Keepe each party the bounds of his place Caveat 6. Bee prepared for the hardest before 1 Sam. 25. Exhortation to the married to use cordiall Consent What is to be done by both after a difference even to repent and be humblâ—d Iudg. 9. 9. 13. 1. King 6. 7. Esay 42. 3. 4. Mâ—th 18. 7. Exod. 8. 3. Philip. 4. 7. Conclusion of this mayne duâ—y Coherence of the points First Peculiar duty of the husband to be a man of understanding With this is 1. Pet. 3. 7. Particulars wherin it consists First in what it consists not Dan. 4 30. Not in an high spirit Pro. 17 27. Tim. 1. 3. 5. Not in a rash self willednesse Ioh. 19. 22. Psal 12. 4. To know but not practise Not to give way to good Counsell but no following it Nor to give Counsell to ethâ—r and not to himselfe Second branch what is to bee a man of understanding 1 King 3. 7. 9. To renounce our owne understanding Pro. 30. 2. 1. Sam. 18. 18. 1. Sam. 25 41. To be first Subject to God and so â—â—govern others Matth. 8. 9. The third To be more sensible of a burden then of an honor To be qualified with a Spirit of all sorts as occasion requires Particulars of this generall two It appears in matters of God Instances wherein Cant. 8 3. The backwardnesse of most husbands in this kynd Vnderstanding in matters outward requisite for the man Reproofe Husbands not walking as meÌ„ of understanding to be blamed Pro. â—4 31. Terror Husbands who cannot guide themselves worse Instruction Many waves justly stumble at the folly of their husbands 1. Cor. 11. 14. Passages of folly in husbands Instance Instance Instance Instance Conclusion with exhortation to husbands to bee men of understanding Cohabitation of the man with the wife necessary 1 Cor. 7 10. Humiliation to all that refuse to cohabite Reproach of Seperaters Ruth 1. 16. Second severall duty of the Husband Providence Eccles 2. 26. Iob. 5. 7. Math. 6. 25. 26 1. Tim. 5. 8. Prov. 27. 23. 1. Cor. 7. 33. Reason of it in generall he honors his marriage by 〈◊〉 and how Ephes 3. 15. In what consists it First in the through skill in the Trade of his way Prov. 6. 6. Shunning unlawfull trades He must get wisedome insight not scorning them that can direct Curiosity in trades must be abhorred There must be a stocke lesse or more to occupie Iob. 7. 8. Application of himselfe to his Object with diligence Prov. 10. 4. Rules for diligent improvement Prov. 16 3. Begin it with God Psal 127. 1. Esay 30. 7. Rule 2. Yet destroy not thine owne Prov. 1. 32. Prov. 18 9. Rule 3. Bâ—waâ—e of pâ—king quareis with thy Calling Rule 4. Subjection to God in a Calling Deut. 33. 8. 9. 10. 1. Tim. 2 15. Prov. Rule 5. Ayme not at bâ—arding up â—r multiplying tâ—y estate Rule 6. Serve God with thy encrease Psal 16. 2. 3. Eccles 11. 1. Rule 7. Tâ—ke losses as well as gaynes patiently and contentedly Iob. 42. 10. Rule 8. Be joâ—full in all thy labor uâ—der the sun Pâ—oâ— 5. 18. Iob. 31. 27. Deut. 26. Luke 1. 46. 47. Heb. 3. 17. Reproofe Branch Carelesse deserters of their wives odious Branch Neglecters of learning their Trade Lyvers upon their usury odious Improvidence under color of Religion vicious Branch 4. 〈◊〉 â—â—ing courses dishonor marriage Yong heires wâ—â—stfull overthrowing their Marriages Digression admon tory to Parents Branch 2. Vndiscreet borrowings overstockings uâ—dersellings bad husbandry Branch 7. Ingrossing many farms at once Branch 8. Changing of Callings In what respects a man may change or divert from his calling Branch 9. Unsubjection to the Rule of Providence Exhortation The 3. particular duty of the husband respectivenesse Gen. 2. 23. The opening of the point at large Eph. 5. 18. 29. Union the roote of this tendernesse 1 Pet. 3. 7. Nothing gayned by Austerity Wise folks willingly beare with fooles God his Commandement Wee owe it to Christians Wherin this honor and respectivenesse consists Ephes 5. The true Modell and role of tendâ—rnesse is the tendernesse of Christo his Church Particulars of the husbands Tendernes Branch 1. Tendernes to the soule of the wife the first duty of the husband Isa 62. 4. 2. Sam. 13. 3. Branch 2. Tendernes to the Person of the Wife necessary In protection In her repute In her bodily in firmities 2. King 4. 21. Vnnaturall husbands language Ruth 3. 9. Cant. 2. 7. Description of the husbands tendernes to the person of his wife Two extremes of Tenderns Viz Roughnes Vxoriousnes Branch 3. Ingenuity and openheartednesse Josh 6. 8. 2. Sam. 20. 18. Branch 4. Comfort in heavinesse another peece of tendernesse Iob. 33 24. Branch 5. Spare her from excesse of toyl Branch 6. Indugence in all lawfull refreshings Branch 7. Connivance at invincible infirmities Branch 8. Commend her vertues Branch 9. Supply of necessaries and comfortable supports Branch 10. Respectivenesse must be the Counsellor Terror to all base Nabals and a description of such Counsell to the wâ—ongd party The speciall duties of the wife to the husband three The first Duty of the wife Subjection The first Duty of the wife Subjection Ester 1. 24. 1 Cor. 11. 8. 9. Mal. 2. 15. From the penalty of disobedience Gen. 3. 16. roofes 1 Tim. 2. 13. 1 Cor. 11. 7. 1 Pet. 3. 1. Ephes 5. 21. 1 Pet. 3. 5. 6. Caâ—ech in part 1. and 3. article Colos 1. â—0 Hos 2. 21. 2â— He hath recollected all things both in heaven and earth by Christ Col. 1. 20. Pet 3. 4. Hereby she preserves the honor of her marriage Ruth 3. 11. Subjection what it is Subjection two-fold 1. Pet. 3 4. Of the spirit 2. Sam. 6. 20. Husbands though but meanlye parted deserve subjection by the Ordinance Exceptions in some cases against the womans subjection In case of unlawfull commands 1. Pet. 3â— 2. Further qualification of the womans Subjection In prompting the husband with Religions Counsell In cases of difficulty and hazard Branch 2d Subjection of practice wherin three particulars The 1. In matters of
to reach in many things which a generall handling passeth over and satisfaction to a doubtfull minde is more easily given this way then by some other meanes of more waighty nature Each ordinance of God serving specially for that end which another doth not A poore star may in her use exceed the Sun when its darke and night season though the Sunne exceed all Starres in her light This was a third respect But above all other I considered that the wofull overflow of sinne and of Lust by name in this our age which reignes as in her element through disdaine or violation of the ordinance of marriage seemed to need some check and affront from heaven which might remaine as a witnesse against our debauchery and which might flait men out of their uncleannesse Unto this worke though I know my selfe the unfittest of many yet as one having more leasure then they as sometime a looker on may see what a gamester oversees I durst not wholly decline that taske so farre as this vice offered itselfe or came within the bounds of my Treatise The contempt of long light having begot those spirituall penalties of a secure unbeleeving impenitent heâ—rt with apostasie from the truth how should it bee otherwise but the spirit of grace must straiten it selfe exceedingly both in removing of many helpes and a fruitlesse living under such as remaine And what then must follow save a formall empty profession of that truth the power whereof is wofully wanting Now we know hypocrifie cannot long continue within her owne bounds but she must quickly discover her selfe to be openly profane When was hearing and worship in the memory of man accompanied with so much wickednesse or when had Popery bettery colour to traduce our Gospell for a doctrine of licentiousnesse And while men have leasure enough for every other thing who lookes at reforming of ill manners And how justly doth God leave men who will not be as they ought with Hazael to prove worse then they seemed What argues this that men living in a practice of drunkennesse and uncleannesse dare prease upon a Minister of Christ for comfort to their soules as imagining it to belong to them Is it not a signe of a spirit of giddinesse reigning in the world out of deepe doting upon their prayers and hypocriticall worship Hath such a Baalamish conscience ever appeared and so commonly as now it doth in all places Dare Usury drunkennesse covetousnesse swearing which are more infamous and hated openly proclaime their shame and doe we thinke that more secret sinnes which love the darke are not much more generally practised as sodomy fornication and wantonnesse For which sake the wrath of God justly comes upon the children of disobedience And this fourth was my strongest reason Now then as my endeavours want not due motives so it lyes in thee for whose sake I have written to look to thy selfe lest it bee undertaken in vaine If there be little hope that my Physicke not mine but Gods will worke any great Cure yet I wish it may prove preventing to such as yet remaine untainted What the successe is like to be lyes not in mee nor thee to determine At least this I desire that they who are entred or are to enter the estate of Marriage may find these rules somwhat advantagious to further them in their choice or to guide them in their course I shall bee happy in my designe if either of these be obtained to the effecting whereof I commend all to his grace who hath by his providence brought this Treatise to an end both for mee to publish and for thee to peruse Thine in the Lord D. R. A Table describing the severall Contents of the Chapters of this Treatise and the Appendix thereto Chapter 1. COntaines the Analyse of the Text The first point handled viz. Marriage is honourable Chap. 2. More full Explication of the specialls in which the honour of Marriage consists being the ground of the Treatise ensuing viz. in entrance and continuance Entrance first that is Marrying in the Lord handled Chap. 3. The second requisite unto a good Entrance handled viz. Aptnesse and Sutablenesse Chap. 4. A first digression Touching Consent of Parents with sundry Questions and Objections answered Chap. 5. A second Digression touching a Contract what it is and sundry Quaeres about it answered and resolved Chap. 6. Returne to the first Argument The second part of the Marriage honour to be preserved to wâ—t in the Married condition and that both generall and speciall in generall by some mutuall Duties concerning them both Foure of them named The first handled viz. Ioint consent in Religion Chap. 7. The second joynt Duty of married couples handled to wit Conjugall love Chap. 8. Treateth of the third joint Duty of the Married viz. Chastity Chap. 9. Containeth the fourth and last Dutie of jointnesse in Marriage viz. Consent Chap. 10. Proceeds to the personall offices of either partie And first of the Husband Three severall duties named The first of them handled viz. That he be a man of Vnderstanding Chap. 11 Goes on to the second personall Dutie of the Husband to wit Providence Chap. 12. Treateth of the third and last speciall duty of the Husband viz. Giving Honour or Respectivenesse to the Wife Chap. 13. Handleth the second sort of speciall Duties to wit of the Wife Three of them named The first of them handled viz. Subjection to her Husband Chap. 14. Proceeds to the second Peculiar Duty of the Wife viz. Helpfulnesse Chap. 15. Treateth of the third and last Duty of the Wife which is Gracefulnesse wherewith the former Vse of Exhortation to honour Marriage is concluded Two other uses of the point added and so the whole Treatise finished Chap. 16. Is an Appendix to the Treatise Gods judgements against the defilers of Marriage terrible The point handled Reasons added A Question answered for explication of the Doctrine Some Vses Of Terror Admonition Chap. 17. The maine Vse of Exhortation to ensue Chastity Sundry meanes and counsels propounded at large And so a conclusion of the whole Book The end of the Contents of the Chapters Matrimoniall Honour OR A TREATISE OF MARRIAGE HEBREVVS 13. 5. Marriage is honourable and the bed undefiled but Whoremongers and Adulterers God will judge CHAP. I. The Analyse of the Text. The first point handled That Marriage is honourable WHAT the peculiar aime of Saint Paul in this Epistle might be in the enterlacing of a solemn praise of marriage betweene the fourth and the sixt verse of this Chapter which are of another garbe and nature may perhaps seeme questionable to a Reader not observant of the circumstances of times and persons Sure it is that the Apostles scope is very orderly and familiar For having in the former Chapter propounded the Doctrine of justification in the causes thereof both matter forme and having also very effectually built thereon that great exhortation to beleeve and to live by faith In the
let not this marriage of mine deface these faire beginnings it is appointed for good let us therfore meet for the better not the worse Take me on further Lord as the child takes forth his lesson let the sun of my light and grace not go back but forward ten degrees in all my hearings Sacraments publique and private use of ordinances growing in the truth as it is in Iesus that together with judgement sweet affections againe with tender affections sound judgement may grow and increase in me And thus I have finished this point also of a Contract being the second peece of my Digression from the point intended to wit the honour of marriage both in the entrance of it whereof I have spoken in the first three Chapters and the continuance of it whereof in the Chapter following shall be treated CHAP. VI. Returne to the first Argument The Honour of Marriage in the preserving of it during the marriage life TO returne then whence we digressed now it followeth that we come to the second part of the Honour of Marriage standing in the carefull improving thereof in the marriage conversation It is the nature of honour to love attendance and they who have found an honourable marriage must wait upon it and keepe it so And it is a true speech That it is no lesse vertue to keepe a mans wealth name or honour then to purchase them Iob tells us that God hath denyed wisedome to the Estrich to looke to her egges to hatch them when she hath layd them she forgets the worke of laying and leaves them in the sand for the feet of wilde beast to destroy them The Apostle John willes that Lady and her children not to lose the good things they had gotten but to get a full reward It had beene better that some had married with farre lesse shewes of goodnesse and hope of thrift except they had kept it better For there is nothing so miserable as to have beene happy The praise of that good woman in the Proverbs is not that she was vertuous before entrance no it was her proofe and practice which made her honoured and her husband in her Many great Captaines have got a sudden crown upon uâ—eir heads but they have died with a bare title and lost it with more shame then the glory came too which they got it by It s not sayd that Zachary and Elizabeth were worthy couples in their entrance but both in their married course walked with God Paul doth not onely teach married ones to bee married in the Lord and no more but how to live together and maintaine conjugall affection and to keepe that knot by subjection compassion tendernesse and faithfullnesse Rest not in this as some Scholers doe that their names are up and then fall to idlenesse and prove dunces So many couples are like the Image made of gold in the head silver in the breast but worse and worse downeward They would have their marriage beare up it selfe whereas that is as she is used if she be not cautiously observed she will take a tetch depart and carry her honour away some husbands and wives through the slighting of religion as thinking it needles to acquaint themselves with God as Job saith in all their complaints wants and distempers others by loosenesse of heart in company whereof they make but small choice others pampering themselves with ease and wantonnesse lying open and naked to a unsuspected enemy soone blast that honour of their marriage which at the first they seemed not dishonourable to enter upon And others have done the like by improvidence by needlesse meetings gaming 's or the like idle courses others little observing each others temper and so preventing many discontents others also by presuming to find at the hands of another more respect and affection or expecting greater wealth and estate then they found grow to distates and debates then to seek stollen waters as weary of their owne cisternes And therupon growes a decay in their estates discredit among such as esteemed well of them poverty and imprisonment seperation from each other And what is all this save to cast their crowne into the dirt and to prophane it wilfully whereas had they resigned up themselves and the successe of all their hopes to God walking faithfully and keeping covenant both with him and themselves humbled themselves and submitted painfully to their callings of magistracy ministery or private life without ambitious reatching at matters above them they might have kept their crowne and garland fresh and green yea surely had they set themselves to embrace those graces of God in each partie to winne love and amity betweene them bearing with infirmities and covering them with tendernesse how flourishing had their head and honour continued without fading even to this day But it shall be enough in this place to touch only in the generall upon the equall necessity and coherence of this second duty with the former for all such as would preserve their honour inviolable That which I shall further say hereof may more seasonably come into the use of that discourse which shall ensue after we have cleered the point it selfe which because its large and will cost consideration let us enter upon it It may then be demanded wherein this art and skill consists of saving this honour of marriage so unsteined The answer is it stands in two sorts of duties whereof the former sort concernes both husband and wife jointly and undividedly to practice The latter concernes each of them in severall the husband apart and the wife apart Let us then begin with the former Those duties which concerne bothe equaly are foure First Iointnesse in religion mutuall love like loyall chastity and sutable consent Touching the first of religion my meaning is that as they are entred already with a religious spirit into their marriage so they must continue not only to be religious stil but to cleave mutually together in the practise of all such meanes of worship and duties of both tables as concerne them I say in the parts of religious conversation to God More plainely first that they be joint in the worship of God publiquely both ordinarily upon the Sabbath and occasionall at other times and seasons as also extraordinary The word must be heard by both jointly Sacraments mutually received prayers frequented and all the worship attended Secondly family duties concerning both themselves and their children and servants as reading of the Scriptures conferring of them prayer and thanksgiving exercising those whom God hath committed to their care in the principles of Godlinesse and the severall duties of inferiors The husband being the voice of God when they are both together touching which more shall be said in the severall offices belonging to the husband If he be absent and there be no man of better sufficiency to present whom both of them allow of then ought the wife to discharge the duty as hereafter shall
mercy and compassion love feare meeknesse and the rest All which in their kind under faith serve to furnish the married condition with contentment and welfare Sixtly and lastly what can so assuredly bring in blessing to the bodies soules posterity families and attempts of each other as jointnesse of religion when both are agreed of their verduict and one buildes up as fast as the other when no sooner the one enterprises any thing but the other joines in a commending it to God for blessing They not daring to goe to worke in an unblest way without God That no sooner they spie an infirmity much more a corruption in each other but they reserve it for matter of humiliation against next time No sooner they meet with a mercy but they make it matter of thanks keeping the Alter ever burning with this fewell and Sacrifice What a sweet derivation is this to both of pardon and blessing What a warrant is it unto them both that each shall share in all good when as both doe equally need it so each seeke it of God When God is made both of Court and Counsell privy to all doubts feares and wants of both what can so assure them of an happy condition when censuring condemning or quarreling each with other is turned into a mutuall melting in Gods bosome for the greefs and complaints of one another when in Christ their Advocate they sanctifie all to themselves and make all things pure to them bed board love crosses mercies which else to others are uncleane and defiled This for Reasons Quest A question here offers it selfe if the grace of the married must be joint what is to be said when the husband will not concurre with the wife or she with him in such duties of piety or mercy as doe mutually concerne them Must she then desist for lacke of jointnesse I answer The question were much harder if it were made of such an husband as not onely doth not concurre actually with the wife but is contrarily minded unto her I will therefore frame the answer to both cases I say then that the wife may supply the defect of his non-concurrence with her in these acts of religion or charity For why his defect of joining although it may hinder the grace of the duty yet it must not hinder the essence of performance better is it that God be served in prayer in teaching the family training the children that the poore be relieved and good done as it may be then not at all Not onely because the defect may possibly proceed in the man rather from impotency and weakenesse in which respect the wife making supply especially being eminently better fitted then other women are doth as it were obtaine acceptance of both as if both could joine and the husband could bee the mouth of the woman to God This being provided that her gifts consist in an humble modesty as in other sufficiency But besides also though the husband be opposite to good himselfe yet if he connive at good in her she must not under any pretext detract the duty from God by his lewdnesse and incurre double wrath from God Nay I adde further although he be actually opposite that is forbid it to be done yet as the case may require through necessity of present miseries she is bound to step out from her ordinary course as Abigail did in Nabals desperate abandoning of Davids servants But I wish the Reader to suspend his thoughts awhile till I shall finde fitter occasion to treate of this answer which will be afterward partly in the dutie of the husbands understanding partly of the wives subjection Here therefore I doe but touch it Vse 1 I proceed to the use as I began And that is first Reproof of a foolish contrariety of couples in this kinde They will be religious in marriage but how Forsooth as they were before they will goe apart by themselves and severally but this jointnesse of worship they abhorre as too strict and needlesse They will grant that they must read pray conferre but it must be as formerly either apart or with other company but as for imparting themselves to each other they are loth to utter their ignorance barrennesse ungroundednesse in the principles or their spirituall forgetfulnesse unthankfulnesse lukewarmenesse especially the defect in marriage duties each to other These they are ashamed to make each other privy to God onely is they thinke meetest to be acquainted with them Why are you such strangers Were you not as able before marriage as now to doe this Are you now in no deeper relations then before Then you could not but now you may doe otherwise and will you not doe it I cannot better describe the folly hereof then by the fondnesse of such wives as when they speake to their husbands they call them by their names or place Master such a one or John Richard c. so as any other might call them as well as they or as they might call them before marriage Surely the name of your relation husband or wife I thinke were fitter for them then common names The like I say here such a religion I trow were fitter for you as might best agree with your neere union and not such as any unmarried person may enjoy Woe to him that is alone saith Ecclesiastes for if he fall who shall helpe him And to one how should there be heate he meanes of generation But two are better then one how doth this agree with the course of such They are alone even when they are two and they are two divided when they should be as one Surely if they should claime power in severall over their owne bodies or power to have a severall purse or a stocke going apart it were lesse sinfull then thus to nourish a worship of God wholy apart from each other May any so fitly joine in mutuall confession or thanks as they who have but one God and can as one soule in two bodies fellow-feele and compassionate each others case as his owne Is there any rent so bad as in semelesse coate What can this division savor of but pride singularity selflove Or how would the devill desire to rule rather then by this seperation I aske dost thou hold the body or the body thee And whom hurtest thou herein save thine own body and soule by refuseing such a succor Wouldest thou not think it an unkindnesse in the heart and liver if it would keep in all spirits and bloud within themselves and transmit none to the parts Must it not threaten as he said once putrifaction and obstruction to themselves and ruine to the whole So much for this first Secondly this reproves all such couples as are rather backbyases each to others in the matters of God then helpers either in ordinances or duties Such as when family duties are called for either by husbands or wives then they lay loggs in each others way then of all other
therof It s an honour to an house to be frequented by the great and honorable How much more when the Lord of heaven and earth shall condescend to dwell in our houses to come in to sit and sup with us whom should he sooner doe so unto then to the peaceable and consenting we know that old maxime of Machiavell if thou wilt reigne divide And our Savior affirmes it If Satan cast out Satan how shall his Kingdome endure No surely Satan must cast out unity and amity if he meane to reigne that he may bring in hellish discord and confusion Even so if God will reigne hee must cast out Satan that he may bring in union and consent between couples There is no agreement betwixt Christ and Belial light and darknes Then and never till then shall religion prayer Sabbathduties holy exercises love to the Saints be enterteyned when consent hath taken up the roome of each others heart So much may serve for Reasons But wherin may some say standes this Consent Answ I answer By these few heads it may bee conceived for the particulars of consent they are infinite as the occasions of life are First in consent of spirit of minde I meane and affection Secondly consent of speech or the tongue Thirdly consent of practice and endeavors For the first of these The principle of marriage consent must be rooted in the heart That each thinke and affect the same things As in Ezekiel its saide of the beasts and the wheeles that when the one went forward the other did so and when the beasts were lifted up the wheeles were lifted up for the spirits of the beaâ—ts were in the wheeles So ought it to be between couples one judgement one mind one heart one soule in two bodies the spirit of the wife in the husband and his in the Lord. That which the flatterer saith in the CoÌ„edy the hatred of the name beeing remooved that should the wife say to the husband Sayst thou a thing So say I. Deniest thou I deny it too And in a word I am prepared for the nonce to agree with thee in all things good honest What is more beautifull to behold in marriage theÌ„ that wherof it is a ResemblaÌ„ce I meane the harmony betweene the Lord Iesus the head and the members to wit his Church Reade the Canticles See how the Church ecchoeth her husbands voyce in all he speaks see how shee pleases her selfe in his comely proportion attire gestures And he againe in hers how shee depends wholly upon his becke and countenance joies in his presence mournes in his absence repozes her selfe in his bosome beeing asleep watcheth his awaking followes after him hangs upon him in his departing longs for his returne and having lost him runs after him as one distracted and bewraies her life to be bound up in his as Iacobs in Benjamins This inward complacence welpleasing and welapayednesse of couples in each other is the very quintessence of marriage peace and contentment As in the mysticall body of Christ we see what an instinct is in them to maynteine their owne beeing in the welfare of each other All envy wrath suspicion jealousie unkindnes pride censure and whatsoever else savoring of selflove and seperation beeing odious to them Each doing his owne service content with his owne portion mourning with any that is ill at ease and glad of their welfare Secondly this consent must be in the speech and language of them both It s true generally but in this point specially That speech is the discoverer of the mind Looke what the abundance of the heart is that will vent it selfe at the mouth So the husband and wife should answer to each other as Iehoshaphat to Iehoram I am as thou art my people are as thine my horses as thine Yea the speech of each to other should bee without flattery as the glasse to behold each other in As face answers to face in the water so doth a man accomodate himselfe to his friend sayth Salomon how much more the husband and wife to each other They should even resemble each the others frame and temper in the Lord with all ingenuity As the beames do represent the Sun in her heat and light so should the sweet carriage of the wife argue the body which gives her influence even her husbands vertues And lastly there ought not onely to be this harmony in presence onely but in absence also even in the way of their Conversation abroad in company in duties of Sabbath of Christian communion whether together or asunder such should be the reflexion of a wives carriage that all that see her may see the wisdome thoughts affections of the husband in her not a carriage of her owne as of one severed from his way slighting his as if shee were wiser but humbly submitting judgment will and spirit to his in the Lord and where there is any difference so it be grounded keeping it secret and acquainting God with it as shee did when she felt strife in her wombe that he might reconcile it and settle it aright in time For in such a Case discreet concealment will far sooner reduce them together then open expression of their differences The actions of the one should bee the shadow of the others yea a modell thereof As it was once betweene David and his new subjects whatsoever liked David that was presently pleasing to all his people they agreed at an haires bredth This threefold corde of heart mouth and worke is not easily broken Vses I shall make these three appear better in uses of the point to the which I hasten Vse 1 First then what bitter reproofe is this to the most even of such as seeme to stand to Gods barre and triall I passe by the ruder sort of barbarous people rusticall and profane who never yet came into the garden where this grace grew such as passe their daies eyther in brutish and Nabalish churlishnes brawling fighting and quarrelling together or else consent onely in evill serving each the others turne according to those vices they are enclined unto as the world to take together portions for their childreÌ„ by hooke or crooke or pleasures and libertyes or pride of life and fashions or envious pursuit of their Enemâ—es slander or the like sins of the tongue I say to leave such who would looke for such differences of spirit and temper among such as pretend great zeale in profession A man would thinke when hee lookes narrowly into them that they are set as marks of opposition each to other then resemblers of their affections joyes and desires verely I have often seen it to the shame of such I speake it that among some ignorant couples whom onely naturall likenes of maners or civill education hath handsomed there is found more love and accorde then among some such as daily keep on foot the worship of God in their families Shall I praise
the Personall offices of each party And first the husband His first duty handled To bee a man of understanding HAving handled the joint duties of both we come to lay down the severall duties of either party in marriage And what great difficulty will there bee in this latter when the former is once setled As in a fagot each sticke is kept streight and whole while the band holdes so let the married parties once be united in the former duties which stande in equality it wil be no difficulty to mainteine these which are peculiar When as once the retreat of the armie of souldiers is made sure ech souldier fights merrily in his ranke So heere the maine worke being dispatcht mutuall security being given taken each from other of religion to God of love to each others person of Chastity to Bodies of Consent in the life and whole course what hardnes can there bee in the residue for particular offices of each other The nave of the wheele being strong the staves well fastned how easily will the wheele and orbe of it run and what a sweete current will there bee in the same Touching the particulars then first of the man then of the woman for both must manage this common stocke of honor by their personal industry The mans first dutye is to walke as a man of understanding with and before his wife that is so to a beare himselfe that he may sweetly strike into his wyves spirit a due reverentiall love and esteeme of his person and Headship for the vertues of an husband such as may satisfy her to bee a meete guide of her life by his gravity stayednesse and Prudence of carriage That her heart may tell her in secret myne husband is indeed a man of understanding An husband who would save the stake of his owne honor should set downe that for his Maxime let not thy wife despise thee for if once the womans heart despise her husband the whole frame of marriage is loosed This is Peters counsell to husbands Likewise ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge or understanding he seemes to contract all the worke into this comprehensive rule in a generall sense as if any branch might fitly be deryved from it But here I take it for the first speciall gift of the husband as an head He that hath a good head-peece is a man of good understanding and judgment that 's the peculiar vertue of the head for as its the highest of the members so it is to leade and guide the inferior powers of the soule the members In the heade is the eye which outwardly leadeth the latter as the braine and wisedome is within the which guides the former In that semblance is this gift of understanding the most peculiar to the head the husband the wife must follow as the will and affections and members do follow the judgment There need be no more proofes of the point reason convinceth it sufficiently The greater question is wherin this Duty of understanding consists For the answer wherof I thinke as he once being to teach the art of Memory first would teach the art of forgetfulnesse it were best to shew what it is to walke as a man of no understanding and then the positive First then to walke understandingly is not to walke aloft in the pride and vaine conceit of thy selfe saying to the wife as he walking in his pallace Am not I great Nebuchadnezzar So Dost thou not know wife that I am the head set above made to rule That thou art made of my rib and for my use and not I for thyne but for mine owne ends yes I will have you to know it too that I am a man by my self and am able to menage a woman better then shee Nay first learne to understand thy selfe ere thou proove a man of understanding to thy wife A man of understanding is as Salomon speaks of a coole spirit not a proud insulting and domineering spirit he that is such an one had need of such a woman as to his cost may teach him to understand himselfe better First learne to rule thy selfe if thy will be too strong for thy wit thou art hurried by thy lust against thy knowledge As the Apostle sayth of another he that cānot rule his own family is much lesse able to rule the Church of God so he who hath not understanding enough to rule himself is very unfit to rule a woman That husband who standes upon it that he will Lord it and bee all in all beare sway over his wife as his underling and who shall controll him may perhaps when Mistris Experience hath well awed and tawed him repent of his lording it and wish his understanding had lyen another way Adde to these such as wil bee ruled by no other mans counsell save their owne and yet have little of their owne neither a true marke of a Foole but rashly rush upon their dealing and affayres saying What I doe I will do what I have written as he sayd I have written my will shall stand for my Law proove it for better or for worse I am resolved to doe as I list and what is a mans libertie but licence to live to speake go to worke as him lists without controll as they Psal 12. Is it not lawfull to doe with mine owne as I list If I give all I have away who shall gainsay mee So againe this is no understanding for an head to get some shreds of religion by the end or to be able perhaps to speake of a Sermon or to pray or reade a chapter which yet many such do not or keepe some shew of a Sabbath But to neglect all the practice of his knowledge in his life to expose himself to all loosenes of carriage basenes of example living within doores currishly spitefully without doores shiftinglie cunningly deceitfuly offēsively Moreover neither is this to be amā of understanding to seem to give way to good counsell to hearken and nod to good advise to give faire wordes you say wel indeed good sir speake to very good purpose to shew no verball resistance For of this sort there are many who yet have no power at all to amend but having praysed the man yet turne their backes and doe as they did before not stirring an inch They moove upon their center as the windmill round about but stirre not one hayre from it Oh sayth one a very facile man and easie to be handled True but harde to be changed he hath a tricke for you worth ten of a rebellious refusall for he will say as you say but doe as he listes To end neither is it any marke of an understanding man to be able to give counsell to others either in Gods matters or the world or to make others to say Oh! this man is of great parts and deepe
him thence from drinking and revelling spending of his time thrift and honesty making her selfe a By-word to pull him from the pipe and pot to avoyde worse dishonor Nay and yet to availe little also but even to see her selfe sinking and perishing by peece meale while she beholdes in him the cause when he followes him that leades him to the stocks Or what wise woman could endure a foole within doores so full of passion so talkative so contentious with children and servants so weake in goverment in his pangs so hayle-fellow well met with his servants fond and apish with his maydes readie to traduce his wife in the hearing of strangers and the family as if he put no difference betweene times persons or occasions If a foolish womā by her tongue and unseasonablenes be such a shame yea rottennes of bones to a wise head what is he who should bee the head to her when his carriage is so burdensome I have seen an evill saith Salomon oppression occupying the place of justice As if he had sayde for a poore man to steale a sticke off the hedge is sin but for a judge to oppresse in the place of judgment is notorious so for the husband to play the foole instead of a man of understanding how disordered How shall the wife sustaine her repute or esteeme in the family when he that should honour her by his reproaches withdrawes both her owne children servants negihbors from their allegiance and duty What a vexation is it likewise for a woman to be matcht to an husband who is so idle and so unfit to set himselfe on worke about the service of his place so readie to fleece from her all that shee hath so helpelesse in his place so giddy and gadding up and downe from place to place after his copesmates pleasures and vanities that its harde to say whether shee were better want his company to rule his servants or have his roome to avoyde noysomenesse Or againe how can a sober nature endure an husband who is never in his Element save when he is in his jiggs and jests unsavory scoffes and scornes at every one wife not excepted that comes in his way And in his humorous extremities so contrary that either he cannot be pulld out of his Melancholy and mopishnes being discontent or being humored cannot be driven out of his froth and lightnes Like those fidlers whom the Poët describes who either cannot be gotten for any need to play or if they fall to it can never adone Who can digest such an inconstant and uncerteyne humor as perhaps for a weeke or ten daies in an houte will put on the habit of the most diligent and provident husband to follow his businesse But on the suddeine as one that forgets himselfe rushes againe into his veyne of good fellowship soaking himselfe in his Pots as if he would take revenge of himselfe for his former abstinence and make eaven with himselfe by spending twice so much by day after day as he saved by his diligence what is so yrksome to a woman in company where she becomes as to see her husband whose honor should bee her Crowne to be the jest and laughing stock of fooles an obiect of May-game to each one who will make himselfe sport with his basenes I might be endlesse But in a worde shee that is yoked to a foolish head what a spectacle is shee of a woman miserable by necessity Vse 4 I conclude therfore this first branch of the husbands duty Let every wise one abhorre this Idea of folly endeavoring himself to the uttermost of his power according to the gift of God to walke with his wife as an understanding husband both in matters of God and the way of common life that so he may draw from her as the weaker due acknowledgment of him in his place as set over her for a guide and Director In whom under God she may repose confidence applying both absent present without feare or suspition returing that reverence which his worth hath deserved and bearing willingly with infirmities because her lot is fallen into a good ground As for the husband although his wife should not perceive his worth for some good wives cannot yet seeing its his cheefe understanding to see none of his owne vertues but to conceale all let him chuse rather to bee a man of knowledge though his wife should not behold it then to be magnified of a flattering woman as some are deserving contempt And now I should have passed to the next point had not this come in my mind that the Apostle in this Charge includes cohabitation for he who must dwell with his wife as a man of knowledge at least must then dwell with her else the subject is taken away Where else I pray save in his house should his understanding appeare Or where should he shine else save in his owne sphere This is that which the Apostle chargeth them who were yoked with Infidells themselves beeing converted that they depart not in dwelling from the unbeleeving party Vse 5 if he or shee would depart so it was but let not them if the other will abide I wish that the wofull age we live in urged this my Admonition which I have glaunced at by passage before but here as the dutie of this place Persons of great ranke and quality thinke themselves lawlesse in this kynde Even a base thing they deeme it to dwell with their wives Not only not one bed board roofe towne shire but scarse one kingdome can long holde some of them And some are so noted for this tricke that it were good at last they would note themselves Each distast and discontent to their unjust unreasonable humors is enough to cause a settled habituall separation betweene them and their wives not for dayes which in cases is allowable but for moneths quarters yeeres many yeeres together Who doubtlesse if they might have Iewish liberty would much gladlyer be divorced And what gaine they by their separation Dishonor to themselves sorrow to their wives I might say snares to them both distemper to family ruine to their estate wrong to their country ill example to inferiors scandall to the irreligious Besides both occasion to themselves abroad clandestine societies leagues with those that are luxurious wanton defiled women and lay offences and snaresin the way of their wives at home except they make the more conscience to forsake their Covenant and to expose themselves to like uncleannes For why Their husband is gone a far iorney you know what followeth Surely thine amends is justly in thy handes who provokest it Husbands should say to their wives as Ruth to Naomi As the Lorde liveth nothing save death shall part us Thy house thy Children thy Church thy God no other shall be mine till death seperate It is not the way for thee for the obteyning thy base ends of thy wife
at once to make outcries against professors when they prove Bankrupts Adde sixthly to these such hotspurres as will not be idle but runne into another extreame of wilfulnesse rushing upon matters beyond their skill and reach affecting plots and inventions of gaine either by Adventures or by new Manufactures resolved eyther to winne the spurres or to lose all And so they have lost all indeed and withall drawne many with them who were as greedie of gayne into deepe expences and forfeits of their states and indeed they are both well enough served to teach them as Paul speakes to follow their owne affaires with quietnes Others weary of their slow-paced Trades desirous to hasten them how do they enlarge their providence rather their greedines as hell thrusting as many irons at once into the fire as they can come by adding house to house and farme to farme borrowing upon eight gayning scarse four in the hundreth yet dreaming of golden mountaynes Till at last the mistresse of fooles teaching them too late they perceive their haste to have brought foorth blind whelpes and wish they had made no more haste then good speed Eightly how ordinary a course now adaies is it with men as I touched before to wrangle with their callings that they might change them and seeke others till as the dog catching at the shadow they lose the flesh and forfeit that they have which is to cast their present reall estate upon the casual and uncerteyne hope of things to come Yet since this occasion is offred I speake not as if all deserting of a calling or diversion from it for a time were unwarranted For sometime it so falls out by providence that a man deserts Country and all and departs to such a place as will not admit a possibilitie of the exercise of his calling so that in the one he must needes yeeld the other Againe sometimes the outward members senses and the inward abilities of a man desert him and disable him from his calling when as yet some slighter employment may perhaps befit him well enough Necessity of banishment caused many holy men to make buttons and points for their living who before had studied and written books So also the trade may bee so growne out of request eyther by multitude of Traders or by deadnesse of the wares that they cannot support the workemen or they may bee so low and require so much work to be done for mony that a trader cannot live on them Shall then the mayntenance of the family hang upon the strict point of not change of a calling No in no sort But in these or any the like cases wherof are many the end must rule the meanes and any other lawfull course which lies neerest to the skill or sleight of the workman is allowed for the support of the family Onely let men beware lest out of a fickle ungrounded lazy wearisome covetous reaching aspiring spirit they desert not their Callings and if they needs must yet let them chuze to divert rather from them for a tyme and returne to them after when providence yeelds opportunitie for it then shew that they willingly and slightly were mooved to abandon them at the first But this by the way Endlesse it were to mention all abuses in this kynde but to finish how many have wee who through their Rebellion will not be subject to the duty of Providence Others who spoile all by improvidence and having sold all even their wyves clothes off their backe make a mocke of it saying If any can make more of their wyves then they have done let them take them How many others who having gotten a faire estate by their Providence yet wast it as fast by their jollity and lavishnesse making their houses Through-faires for Epicures and boone companions disquieting their poor wives from their setled family busines to wayt upon such base Companions contrary both to her spirit conscience Or if not yet farre from honoring God with their Encrease or their marriage with wise dispensing of their estate These excesses have as thou mayst see good Reader caused mee to lengthen out this Argument as if I had not only treated about marriage Providence but providence in the generall the contrary thereto But I hope that some may light upon what I have sayd amend Thus much for the use of Reproofe Vse 2 The latter use is Exhortation Let all good Husbands honour their Marriage and the Lord by a faithfull improovement of this duty of Providence Let them avoyde all extremities both on the right hand and left and in weldoing commend themselves to God as to a faythfull keeper and God alsufficient Let them neither go to worke carkingly nor yet carelessely Let them abhorre ydlenesse and yet shun ill occupiednesse And by that I have sayd of the sin of Improvidence let them learne the contrary and so shall they as much as in them lyes build up the house give good example to their wives to do the like within serve God with cheerfulnesse and enjoy the fruit of their Travaile with contentednesse when the slothfull and prodigall shall perish and vanish And for this second peculiar duty of the husband viz. Providence so much and for this Chapter CHAP. XII Treateth of the third and last Personall Office of the man Honor of Respectivenesse to his wife NOw I proceed to the third and last duty of the husband towards his wife which is honor and due respect to his wife The ground of which is the ordinance of God by which they are made one flesh For so sayth Moses when the Lord had brought the woman to Adam he embraced her saying This is bone of my Bone and flesh of my flesh Shee shal be called woman because shee is taken out of man For this cause shall a man forsake his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they twayne shal be one flesh Lo with what honorable esteeme he welcomes this his blessed compeere into the world Now its true the wife in this respect oweth the like tye of tendernesse towards him But we must know this first lyes upon the man to her ward because he is the roote of the relation Wee say that love descendes from the Father to the Child because he is the foundation of the reference Not but that mutualnesse is required But the Originall roote must first impart himselfe Now upon this roote of union the Apostle enforceth this duty No man ever hated his owne flesh But nourished theri shed it as himselfe He then that hates his wife is an unnaturall monster and devoures his owne flesh He that loveth his wife loveth himselfe We know how it is in the body Vnion of parts causing samenesse and uniforme subsisting in one procuring an exceeding tendernesse compassion and sympathie betwixt each member So that although the foot stumble and give the body a fall yet a man
he ever feele himself burne if shee were weake What affliction of body or mynde coulde he ever fynd in his heart to condole for his wife What one kid gave he at any time to her out of his flocke or twelve pence out of his purse to make merry withall what one lap of his garment did he ever spread over her Or what I say not blast of cold wind but sad crosse did he ever keep in tendernesse from her himselfe being both a nipping East wind to blast her hopes and a perpetuall dropping to dwell with Many an infamy and blot hath he suffred to light upon her head though he needed not himselfe being the upshot of all Oh the snares which such unnaturall wretches bring upon innocent women but ease them of none Oh the narrow eye they carry over them watching them as the Cat the mouse from either good Sermon hearing loving friends frequenting abroad or Christian company at home Stripping their bodies of good clothes their purses of mony their hearts of delight their soules of grace as much as in them lies if grace were not past their reach to rob them of what one peny ever gave they them for good use If they knew of any who should endure the tempest of their violence they will see their owne turnes served to the uttermost But as for easing them of their burdens or being drawne to resigne up their lusts and loose liberties to joine with their wives in the burden of house government those Israelitish bondmen were as good complayne to Pharao or those other subjects to Râ—hoboam as they to their husbands for their tale of bricke should be but multiplyed their fingers should proove heavier theÌ„ their loyns before I might be endlesse But I blame only the faulty for I know and God forbid else all are not alike Many not onely irreligious but meerly civil ignorant ones have had tender melting hearts to their wyves so unnaturall wretches are all unmercifull respectlesse husbands in this kynd even bred upon the rockes and nursed up by Tygres yea fiendes in the likenesse of men Let them alone but O thou woman that fearest God persist neverthelesse in thy uprightnesse serve God not man and vile man for Gods sake do not repent thee of thy goodnesse give thy worke to God still heape up hot coales upon the head of the Barbarous if they melt not they shal burne to hel bear a while he that commeth will come not tarry causing thy light to breake out as the morning and thy Righteousnes as the noone day He shal plead the cause of the despised wife and quit her of her adversary bringing his wickednes upon his owne pate And of this third severall duty of giving honor and so of all the three thus much be spoken CHAP. XIII Treates of the personall dutyes of the wife Ana first of her Subjection to her husband IT is high time now having dispatched the husbands duties to proceed to the next branch in which the preserving of Matrimoniall Honor consists to wit the peculiar duties of the wife to the husband Else I know husbands would taxe mee for partiality and I confesse as I have no cause to conceale the priviledges of the good wife from her husband so neither must I withhold from her the knowledge of her offices and services towards him The first and maine wherof comprehending all the rest is subjection to her husband the second is helpfulnes the third Gracefulnes By her subjection she answers his understanding By her helpfulnesse she equals his providence by her gracefulnesse she supplies his tender respectivenesse in a word she answers him as face to face in water so shee in marriage service with all correspondence Else how shall the relation hold firme and entire First then of the first This duty then of subjection is the womans great and cheefe commandement and as St. Iames saith he that can rule his tongne is a perfect man can rule his whole conversation so shee who hath learned to be subject for as Paul Philip. 4. is not ashamed to say of that grace of contentation that he had learned it so may the woman say of this is a perfect woman That which was wont to be said of prounciation in Rhetorique and of humility in Divinity that may be said of Subjection in this businesse of the wife Its breadth and length it fills up all yea it s all in all the whole duty of the womaÌ„ all other sticke at this grant this and all other follow of themselves Now then this great dutie of subjection so much cavild at by the Rebellious so much honored by the dutifull and loyall wife must have a good foundation both for the convincement of the bad and for the encouragement of the good The warrant then of this duty stands not in the opinion choise or will of man or flesh no nor of nations because the world will have it so for there is a world of women to gainsay as well as of men to alledge it But it is a firme law from the will of the first ordeyner because God will have it so That very strict Imperiall Edict of Ahashuerosh that Every man should bear rule in his owne house proceeded in a sort from a discontent with Vashti a desire to be revenged for the dishonor offred Ahashuerosh her husband and for prevention of the like for time to come But if all this streame of Authority had not met with another more strong one of divine Ordinance alas it had beene no more terror to the sexe of women then swordes and spears to the Whales skin even as stubble and rotten wood No no it s an instinct put into the spirit of the woman principling and convincing her understanding will and affections viz. The great God of heaven and earth will have it so Reasons 1 Wherof two reasons may be given the one from the law of creatioÌ„ the other from the law of Penalty following disobedience For the first The man we know was first created as a perfect Creature and not the woman with him at 〈…〉 as we know both sexes of all other 〈…〉 not so here But after his constitution and frame ended then was she thought of Secondly she was not made of the same matter with the man equally but she was made and framed of the man by a rib taken from the man and being formed by God into a woman was brought unto the man And thirdly she was made for the maÌ„s use and benefit as a meet helper when no other creature besides her was not able to do it Three weighty reasons and grounds of the womans subjection to the man and that from the purpose of the Creator who else might have done otherwise that is yeelded to the woman coequall beginning samenesse of generation or relation of usefulnesse For he might have made her without any such precedency of matter without
thy husband on earth and please a better in heaven who will bring forth his doves from the crocky pots and that with honor when they commit themselves to him in their innocency Wheras flattering and temporising women who in shew will hold with God but yet keep quarter with ungodly husbands for their own ends shall at last be detected for hypocrites and rewarded with reproach and dishonor I shall insist in the next Chapter in another Exception which allowes a woman such a libertie in Gods matters with her husband as to prompt and occasion unto him Christian speech good counsell with modestie and in season for the subjection we treate of is not flavish but equall royall in a sort as I have noted But to go on Shee is not so to be subject as if in all cases she ought alike to stand or fall at the barre and prerogative of her husbands will Some cases fall out betweene them of greater difficulty doubt and danger then ordinary such as extend to the hazarde of estate children yea liberty and life it selfe In such cases if they be but arbitrary as removall from present dwelling upon great charge and losse or to places of ill health ill neighbors with losse of Gospell long voyages by sea to remote Plantations or in the sudden change of Trades or venturing of a stocke upon some new project lending out or borrowing of great sums avoyding of debts setling of estate providing for children costly buildings great enterteynments beyond ability or such like instances wherin the woman is like to share as deep in the sorrow if not more then the husband reason good shee should share in the advise and not be compelled to obey perforce An husband perhaps in such cases may necessitate his wife to yeeld but he doth her the more wrong for God in such cases leaves her to her freedome Could a Martyr in Queene Marles dayes compell his wife to suffer in the same cause with himselfe although both were of the same judgment No for her Conscience was her owne and his measure might haply exceed hers many degrees both in knowledge faith and Courage It hath bine by some very strangely determined that if an husband be resolved upon a remote plantation the wife must follow by hand and by head But under correction it s neither so nor so headship is not given the husband to destroy but to helpe and edifye She hath a judgement to inform as well as he must see her groundes cleere as wel as he she must have leasure tyme to deliberate of it as well as he till she be resolved that she may do that in faith which shee doth Therfore with modesty and discretion it s allowed her to deliberate to alledge her reasons by her selfe or by her friends submitting them to the judgement of wiser then her selfe and as shee shal be cast and adjudged so to deny her selfe and obey either way And when Gods will is made knowne eyther he or shee are to rest without further distemper each with other Meane while the husband is not to insult threaten and domineer over her as a Lord who had his wives will captived to his owne neither to desert and depart from her in a desperate way but by all loving waies tenderly to draw her and convince her by the strength of reason and the bowells of compassion God speakes not now by lively voice from heaven in such doubtfull cases as once he pleased to doe in times past Sara therby knew Gods will in her jorne is too and fro as well as Abraham and had his promise of protection aswell as he therfore her Subjection ties not women in like adventures now as then But now doubtfull cases must be scanned and determined according to the neerest that Scripture or reason import that so her obedience may rather flow from consent then compulsion Thus I have sayde more of the first branch then I had intended to do not so properly as necessarily to spare my selfe a labour in another place let me now sound retreat to my readers thoughts and come to the second branch of my division that is the subjection of the womans practice Which although it be but a shadow without the other yet that must not pass for the whole paiment of the debt for who may not say their heart is good this way when as their conversation shews it not But a subject heart appeares best when a woman saies little of that which is within but leaves to them to judge who heare and see And this practice of the womans subjection must appeare in these three particulars in matters of Gods worship in matter of the world and in her marriage converse For the first she is with an awful and single eie and honouring heart to behold in her husband the gifts of God As namely that ability which God hath given him to be in Gods steed unto her in all things pertayning unto her soule as also to menage the services of God with her either in the family or apart as to reade the word judiciously to catechize and informe in the grounds of religion distinctly to admonish the family against the sinnes and exhort inferiors to the duties of their order and condition wife children so jorners servants I say she ought so to observe Gods image in these gifts of her husband as to feel no spirit in her to despise him to gain say to compare or censure them Yea though her own gifts be more then ordinary yet to conceale suppress them in this kind except her husband shall at any time desire to bee partaker therof in private for his spirituall quickning and then with all humble self deniall to impart her selfe with him and enjoy them to her self in subjection Note it that the Apost when he is in the midst of his urging this duty to the wife then doth he touch this point saying let the woman learne in silence and I suffer not the woman to teach or usurpe authority over the man but to be in silence You must note that in this age the spirit of God was powred upon all flesh so that women as well as men had great gifts of understanding and prophecy vouchsafed them which no doubt might put them forward to expresse themselves before their husbands Now if such women then how much more must ordinary womē be subject in this kind to their husbands She ought indeed to encourage her husband cordially to proceed in such a course shewing it to be the joy of her heart when she sees him to set up God in the family She is to remove to the uttermost all lets and stops which might offend as unseasonable attendance upon businesse which commonly offers it selfe most when it least should also the complaints and trouble of childrē with other occasions of the family as that might by her wise prevention be cast upō other times as wel I
Contracts Civill ones and no more unsafe matches for religious ones 33. Connivers onely at and not approovers of religon in their Yokefelowes taxcd 39. Comenders of religion in their wives for by ends reprooved ibid. Counsell for such as draw in an evill yoake Pag. 41. 1. Rip up thy state to God 2. Redâ—eme old errors and pray for pardon 3. Passe by pardonable faults 4. Fret not at thy Lot 5. Vtter not thy greivances easily 6. Justifie not thâ—ne owne sinnes by anothers ibi seq Continency a rare gift of God therefore to be sought for of him 49. No Curiosity to marry aptly 64. Corruption alway affects a contrariety to the Law of apt marrying 67. Contemners of equall marriage reprooved 69. Counsell to such as are already unaptly married 70. Contract and â—onsent of Parents in marriage handled 71. Consent of Parents necessary for marriage and why 71. ibid. Exceptions against the strict rule of Parents Consent in marriage 77. Childrens objections against Parents carelesnesse in their marriages answered 79. Counsell given them what to do in their supposed wrongs 80. Parents obstinate to Consent to be curbed 81. Question about Parents Consent answered 81. ibid. Cavills of such answered as plead for maintenance and respect from Parents whose consent they neglected 84. Dissembled and forced consent of Parents by children is sinfull 85. Halfe Consent of Parents or consent after contract is faulty 86. Contract of marriage in what sence here used 96. In what râ—spects such Contracts may be said to be essentiall 104. Contracts very antient and of generall use 105. Jewish Contracts what and how solemnized ibid. Act and performance of a solemne Contract how to be done 106. Disdainers of Contracts taxed 121. Contracted couples must prise their Contract 123. Speciall Counsell touching it 124. Cause of the unhappy and unprosperous estate of many Couples is the want of their joint Religion 137. Chastity the maine joint duty of marriage 163. Proofes of it 164. Amplification of the point 166. Reasons for it 1. Chastity is the main support of union 2. The deâ—ilement of each party defiles the whole marriage 3. God hath ordained one for one 4. It covers all other defects but is covered by no other endowments 5. It is the corner stone holding in all the building 6. Because it honours mariage in many respects 1. In the fruitfulâ—esse of the wombe 2. Blessing of legitimation 3. A curse is turned to a blessing hereby 167. to 171. Chastity to be preserved and in how many things it consists 172. Chastity of spirit necessary and why 172. 173. ibid. Chastity of prevention necessary wherein it consists why here urged 173. 174. 175. Chastity of Bed needfull heathen men shame Christians in this Two Extreames here to be avoyded ibid. 175. 176. 177. 178. Some marks to know moderation ibid. 178. Popish forced Chastity and affected abstinence from the benefit of the Bed compared 179. Inconvenience of both unjust abstinence and excesse of liberty compared ibid. Chastity of Body needfull what is meant thereby Exhortation thereto 180. 181. Consent between Couples a joynt duty and needfull 184. Reasons 1. by the experience both bad of such as want it and sweet of such as enjoy it 2. The pretiousnesse of it 3. It hath a divine instinct in it 4. It brings God into the Marriage 184. 185. 186. 178 188. The praise of consent 186. Consent stands in three things 1. Consent of Heart 2. Of speech 3. Of Life 188. 189. Consent exhorted unto and urged 200. What ought to be done by both after their differences with the conclusion of the point 201. 202. Cohabitation of Husband with Wife a necessary duty Many abuses of this kind taxed Humiliation to such 217. Reproach of seperaters 218. Conditions requisite in a Wife in the acting of Gods matters 286. Whether wives may give to Charitable uses or not 272. The mothers Consent in Marriage not absolutely required 81. Exhortation to Chastity to keepe our Vessels with holinesse and honour 354. Three counsels propounded To abhorre somewhat 1. Thine owne selfe 2. Thoughts of contemplative uncleanesse 3. All colours and excuses of it 4. All inward fomenters of it 5. All outward Temptations Counsell 2. To meditate of Somewhat 2. Properties of it 1. That it be wise 2. That it be deepe and serious About both the Properties and penalties of this sin First the Properties and they are three 1. the Spiritualues of this sin shewed in six steps or degrees 1. An evil heart 2. Evill works 3. Vnbeleife 4. Delusion and defilement 5. Hardnes of heart 6. Departing from the living God Secondly meditate of the peculiarnes of this sins evill The third thing that it seperates from God And from Communion through Excommunication if not inflicted yet deserved The spirit of God excommunicates him in the Court of his owne conscience Then secondly meditate on the penalty of this sinne 1. A giddinesse and drunken security disabling the sinner to lay it to his heart A wofull example of it from 354. to 368. Then secondly temporall penalties of it 369. The third Counsell to practise somewhat and that concernes either such as have been only guilty of it or else relapsed to it after conversion For the former they must practise 1. Due humiliation and abasement under the hand of God 2. They must gather hope out of the promise of God to pardon it 3. Glorifie God in the confession of it 4. Set before thine eies the Promise in 4. respects 5. Sue out the killing power of Christ to destroy lust 6. Returne to the Lord in chastity for ever Lastly such as have revolted to it againe must take counsell in divers particulars to 384. Encouragement to all undefiled ones 385. Magistrates both Civill and Ecclesiasticall to whom the censure of lust pertaines must be in Gods stead to judge and censure all uncleane persons 384. D. DIverters of their wives from Religion to other matters reprooved 39. Duties of Parents toward children unwisely suffered to linke themselves 78. Dissentions of religious couples the shame of profession 190. Difference in Couples wherein it stands 313. E. ENtrance into good marriage requires Marrying in the Lord and apt marrying in the Lord. 21. Exhortation to it in many branches 45. 46. 48. Error of the time and prejudice of outward complements must be abhorred by him who would marry in the Lord. 51. Exceptions against the generall rule of apt Marriage many 62. Exhortation to Parents not to faile their Children in the busines of their Marriage 95. Exhortation to all good couples to close together in Religion both inward as Faith and outward in Family worship and private 138. 141. 143. Exhortation to private intercourse with God 145. Exhortation to wives to be helpfull in their places 302. Encouragement to such 303. F. FAith the maine Duty for couples to joine in The infinite miseries of a married life for lacke of it 140. Family duties and private worship necessary for the married to
joine together closely in The causes why The duty opened urged 141. 143. 144. Counsels about it ibid. Forced and loveles marriages dangerous 154. and in what respects ibid. Howe farre the wife may undertake the service of God in her Family 268. Of choice of wives out of Bad Families see Wife Fornication a great sin 331. G. GOd is seldome found out of his way 26. Grace levels all disproportions in Marriage 27. Grace must be preserved yea all counted as drosse to Grace for a good Marriage 52. Good Marriages must be bought 53. Guardians and Governours and bound to looke to Orphans Marriages aswell as Parents to Childrens 73. How they fayle therein by sundry abuses 93. The wofull fruit of it 94. Gracefulnes a third peculiar duty of the wife to her husband 304. what this gracious virtue is ibid. Two things in it Matter and that is Grace Especially these 7. 1. Humility 2. Self deniall The 3. Faith both in the truth in the life of it A. 4. Innocency 5. Zeale and piety 6. Mercy and compassion 7. Confidence with others as cheerfulnes sincerity c. from 305. to 312. Secondly The Forme or temperature of it in what it consisteth ibid. graceles and bad Wives what miseries to their Husbands 314. Gracefull wives must expresse it to their Husbands 315. Husbands that are happy in the grace of their wives must returne the like ibid. Generall uses arising from the whole Treatise 316. Objection about degrees of Grace in either party of the Married 56. H. HEathen opinions of fornication 3. Honour of mariage upheld by two meanes viz. Good entrance and good continuance 21. Honour of mariage stands both in joint acts and several 128. Motives to the Husband to love his wife 160. To the wife to love him 162. Humiliation meet for all couples who have lived in dissention 192. the duty urged 193. Ill Husbandry what it is 233. Husbands especiall duty to bee a man of understanding 203. What that understanding is what particulars it stands in 1. In what not viz. Not in an high spirit 2. Not in a rash selfe-wildnesse 3. Not in knowledge without practice 4. Not in yeelding to good counsell without imbracing it 5. Not in giving counsell to others taking none our selves 204. 205. 206. Secondly in what it consists 1. In renouncing our owne understanding 2. To bee first subject to God and so to guide the wife 3. To be more sensible of a burthen then of an honour 4. To bee qualified with a spirit of Grace for all â—ccasions 206. 207. 208. Wastfull Heires overthrowers of their mariages 232. Vnnaturall Husbands language 244. Severall duties of the Husband to the wife Looke Wise Husbands though but meanly parted deserve subjection by the Ordinance 260. Mens Hearts not so tender as womens if they bee right vide Men. I. IEw confuted in his conceit of mariage 2. Joint acts of the maried 4. 1. Ioint Religion 2. Ioint Love 3. Chastity 4. Consent 128. Jealousie between couples most odious p. 182. Remedy for the wronged party ibid. The duty urged ibid. Idlenesse in a mans calling to be avoided 225. Ingrossing many farmes at once ill husbandry 234. Impudency in usurping wives in matters of God taxed 284. God deales with his owne by Judgements and threats and why 328. Godly persons have a slavish part in them as well as a free 329. Judgements of God greivous against uncleannesse In many Branches declared 1. Gods dearest servants not excluded from this sentence of punishment 2. The ofspring of the Adulterer excluded for many generations from the Tabernacle or Temple worship 3. The old penalty of Adultery death without Remedy 4. Severe Judgements executed upon Adulterers do shew it sundry of thâ—m in Scripture and from experience mentioned 5. Manifold markes of wrath upon uncleannesse 1. Vpon the Soule 2. Vpon the Name When men have have failed God hath struck in 3. Beggery 4. Coherence of uncleannesse 1. Vpon the Soule 5. It s the Divels Nest-egge 6. Consequences of mischiefe upon it 7. Vpon the Body 337. to 346. Instruction to men to bee subdued by the terrors of God against it 351. L. COnjugall Love the second mutuall duty of the maried handled 146. Love Matrimoniall being preserved causeth mariage to be honourable ibid. Love of the maried not onely bred by instinct but oftentimes also by other occasions outward inducements and motives 147. 148. Love conjugall neither onely a naturall nor yet a religious thing but a mixture of both 150. Love necessary for sundry reasons ibid. Love though a joint duty of both the parties yet hath a different carriage in either and what 152. Love will not nourish it selfe but must be nourished daily betweene couples 155. and by what meanes it may be so 156. Admonition to the joint practise of conjugall Love 157. Danger of the breach thereof 158. Exhortation to Love jointly 159. M. MAriage is honourable The maine doctrine proved and reasoned at large by 4. reasons 1. In respect of the party 2. The nature of mariage 3. The use of it 4. The sacrednes from p. 4. to the 9. Mariage abhorred by the base life of many couples 13. Mariage no buckler to fence off reproach in bad causes 15. Mariage no loose nor idle way of service 18. Encouragement to religious Maried couples 19. Miseries shunned by good couples ibid. Married couples must serve God in their time 20. Marying in the Lord what Some markes of it 1. Sight of unworthinesse of this favor 2. They see a reconciliation 3. Their hearts are broken by it 4. They being convinced of Gods ends beleeve it 5. From hence they are encouraged to obey Other lesser markes added 22. to 24. Rash Matches unblest 24. Iewels of the Marriage Ring 4. 1. Faith with humility and selfe deniall 2. Peace 3. Purity 4. Righteousnesse 25. Trials of Mariages many ibid. By ends in Mariage oft plagued by God 26. Objections concerning Mariage answered 28. 29. 30. 31. The Man having the leading hand in the onset of Mariage had need be the wiser in his choice 57. Touching Marying in the Lord three questions answered 58. Apt Marying is as necessary for entrance as Religious Marying 60. Mariage must bee honoured in preserving the same unsteined during the conversation of it 126. Maried persons who forsake their owne fellowship in worship and run to strangers with complaints faulty 136. Mariage dishonoured by base trades and courses of life 232. Mens hearts not generally so tender and zealous as womens if they be right 309. Mariage is a shaddow of the spirituall union of Christ and the Church p. 321. 1. In their meeting and Mariage it selfe and how 2. In their mutuall converse 1. What Christ is to his Church 2. What his Church is to him 322. 323. Doubts concerning Marying in the Lord answered eight of them p. 28. 1. Many do well wanting Religion 2. It may grow in time afterward 3. Many have failed in seking good wives 4. Many
who cannot guide themselves terrified 213. Exhortation to husbands to be men of understanding 216. Diligent improvement of the husbands vocation stands in eight things 1. Begin with God 2. Destroy not thine owne providence 3. Picke not quarrels with thy calling 4. Be subject to God in thy calling 5. Ayme not at hoarding up or multiplying Riches 6. Serve God with thy increase 7. Take losses as well as gaines patiently 8. Be joyfull and enjoy all thy labours under the Sun From 224. to 229. Livers upon Vsury odious 233. Neglect of ones calling under pretence of Religion vicious 231. We must not beweary of our Vocation by reason of some discontents that may fall out in it 225. Vndiscreet wayes of improvidence as overstocking racke borrowing underselling and the like signes of a bad husband 233. Change of calling dangerous 234. In what respect a man may change his calling ibid. God will have all uncleannesse layd open in her colours See Adultery W. VVAnts and weaknesses of religious couples pardoned 17. Women wooers threaten woe 57. Wives doe oftentimes justly stumble at the folly of their husbands 214. Passages of such folly named ibid. Foure instances mentioned 215. Careless deserters of their wives in the affaires of the family odious 230. Honour and respectivenesse to the wife the third and last personall duty of the husband 236. The opening of the point ibid. The root of this is union of two in one flesh 237. Reasons of it 1. Nothing gained by austerity 2. Wise ones willingly beare with fooles 3. Gods command requires it 4. Wee owe it to a Christian even to lay our life downe how much more here 239. 240. Wives must not have any peculiar wealth apart from their husbands but common 289. If they desire any stroake that way they must deserve it by their good carriage 290. Womens providence and huswifery stands in three things 1. In bringing in somewhat 2. In storing safely that which he prepares 3. In dispencing family expences and provisions 291. 292. 293. What kinde of helpers wastfull wives are 301. Provident wives must not bee conceited of their parts nor proud and upbraiding their right hand must not know what their left hand doth 294. A pround woman can never be an obedient wise 275. in fine Wedding Ring and the Jewels thereof Vide Mariage A good wife not to be refused though found in a bad Family but rather to be chosen 59. and preferred before one out of a good ibid. And why Tendernesse and respect to the wife The true model of it is Christs tendernesse to his Church 240. In what particulars it consists 1. In tendering her Soule above al things 2. Tendernesse to her person to wit in her estimation 3. Integrity and openheartednesse 4. Comfort in heavinesse 5. Sparing her from excessive toile 6. Indulgence in lawfull refreshings 7. Connivence at unavoidable infirmities 8. Commending her virtues 9. Supply of necessaries and comfortable supports 10. Respectivenesse must be the Counsellor 241. 242. 243. 244. 245. 246. 247. 248. 249. 250. 251. Terror to all Nabals and blocks their description Counsel to the wronged party 251. 252. Description of the husbands tendernesse to the wife 245. Two extreames of tendernesse viz. Roughnesse Vxoriousnesse 25. Respectivenesse to the person of the Wife consists in Protection In preserving her reputation In relieving her bodily infirmities 242. No worke so honourable as to make the Wife a vessell of honour first and then for mariage 252. Duties from the Wife to the Husband three 1. Subjection 2. Helpfulnesse 283. Wherein it stands Answer in 3. Branches 1. In Gods matters 2. To the estate outward 3. in respect of the maried condition 284. 285. 286. 287. 288. 289. 290. 291. 292. 293. 294. 295. 296. 297. 298. 299. 300. 301. 302. 303. Y. YOuth ought to redeeme her golden season in respect of mariage and how 46. Yong wastfull Heires overthrow their mariages 232. Admonition to Parents in that kind ibid. FINIS 2 King 6. 13. Catull. Epigr. Castum esse decet pium Poetam Ipsum versicâ—los nihil necesse est Camerar fab 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Luc. 1. 6. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Act. 24. 2. Nunquam bibiâ—su vio em c. Scal. de arte Poetic 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 1 Cor. 7. 29 30 Eccles 3. 1. c. 5. Matth. 22. 30. 1 Cor. 1. 25. Si vis imperare divide Psal 50. ult 2 Tim. 2. 3. 5. The scope of the Text. Chap. 12. Jew confused in his concâ—â—t of Marriage 1 Tim. 4. 3. 1 Tim 4. 1 2 3. Heathens opinion of fornication The Analis of it The first point Marriage is honourable How in foure respects The first respect Woman honourable Prov. 19. 14. Marriage is from God yea in innocency and he still ordereth it see Psal 68. 6. God setteth solitary ones in families Pro. 12. 4. Pro. 31. 10. Man honourable 1 Cor. 11. 7. Pro. 17. 27. Gen 49. 3. Dan. 4. 34. Iob 42. 12. The second respect of honour The Nature of Marriage 2 Pet. 1. 2. 2 Sam. 18. 3. Gen. 1. 28. 2. 18. Iohn 2. 5. Third respect the use of marriage The fourth respect of honour viz. the sacrednesse 1 Cor. 3. 17. Rom. 13. 5. Psal 105. 15. 1 Sam. 26. 9. Pro. 6. 34. Terrour to the dishonourers of it Against Papists Papists have personall Sacraments 1 Tim. 4. 2. See our learned writers Centur. 2 Tim. 2. 17. The life and practice of Papists justly punished by God 1 Thes 2. 15. Reuel 18 2. Gen. 2. 18. 1 Cor. 7. 1. Popish magnifying of virginity confuted Acts 19. 35. Mat. 19. 12. Acts 19. 15. 2. Branch of terrour against all prophaners of marriage 1. Sam. 2. 23. 1 King 21. 25. Sam. 25. Marriage abhorred by the base life of some couples Exod. 4. 25. Num. 25. 6. 14 Prov. 31. 10. Admonition to prevent the dishonour of marriage Marriage no buckler to sence our selves in bad courses 1 Sam. 2. 30. Conclusion Comfort to good couples who honour marriage Wants of weak and religious couples shall be pardoned Rom 12. 2. 1 Kings 8. Application of the comfort Mâ—rriage is no loose nor idle way of service Encouragement to religious couples Job 5. 24. Job 20. 17. Prov. 17. 6. Psal 138. 3. Esay 59. 21. Ezra 8 9. Psal 128. 6. Miseries shunned by good couples Married couples must serve God in their time 2. Sam. 19. 24. Amos 6. 6. Ioel 2. 16. Esay 26. 20. Luke 5. 34. Zach. 12. 17. Psal 137. 5. Esay 4. ult Revel 3. Psal 32. 6. Isai 26. 3. Malac. 3. Psal 91. 7. Quest How may married couples attain this honour Answ By two things first by good entrance secondly continuance The former part to marry in the Lord. Entrance requires goodnesse and aptnesse To marry in the Lord what 2 Cor. 5. 20. Marks of it 1 Sam. 25. The first sight of unworthinesse of this favour The second they see a reconciliation Judg. 19. 3. Jer. 2. â—
dependeth Well there is no doubt but as in all other so in this part of the wheele of our conversation to wit of marriage we all sinne many wayes and our errours are infinite But now sift thy selfe more narrowly and leaving thy faults examine thy selfe in intentions in all the wandrings and swervings of thy course Canst thou say that as in all other so in this part of thy course thou hast sought better to be informed what that good and accepted will of God is and accordingly with simplicity of heart hast quit thy selfe to thy companion not for thine owne base ends and ease but that marriage might have her honour preserved offences might be prevented God worshipped within and honoured without doores a peaceable life in all godlinesse and honesty preserved I aske not whether there have bin staggerings wearinesse of the yoake and desire after more liberties for who is there that sinneth not as Salomon said but I aske this Hast thou denied thy selfe and curbed thy base heart to stoope to God in drawing this yoake not sought thy ease sleshly content letting the honour of God to sinke or swim Hast thou humbly bowed thy neck and stooped to the ordinance acknowledging how much its changed from the first Creation and by sinne filled with sundry sorrowes distempers and bitter-sweets hardly to be avoyded I say hast thou under all these abased thy selfe before the Lord craved pardon of thy stout heart and proud stomacke loth to yeeld and thine impotency of thy passions desiring to testifie thy obedience in bearing these annoyances as justly inflicted for sinne Hast thou acknowledged the Lord most wise in so ordering the matter for thee that because thy heart is haughty and insolent therfore he hath tamed thee by this bridle and hath by it exercised thy faith and patience and brought thee to the bent of his bowe so that for the avoyding of farre worse snares and for the comforts and liberties accruing by marriage thou canst willingly yeeld obedience to the rules and duties therof not dividing burdens from priviledges and thou canst correct all thy licentiousnesse in seeking sleshly content onely in marriage Surely if in some comfortable sort thou canst speake thus in the eares of God begging a pardon of all wants and a release of all deserved penalties then I say according to infirmity thou hast sought the honour of marriage and to prevent the just staine and aspersions thereof by thy watchfulnesse yea thou hast sought the honour of the ordainer therof for thy singular comfort which thou mightst ill have wanted What remaines therefore but that I comfort thee from God and encourage thee by his promise not onely against the feare of thy dishonouring God but also towards a more hearty endeavour to honour him further Surely thou hast neede of no lesse Thy journey is long thy obedience difficult its not for a day or a moneth but for life it s not for a sodering up of breaches for a while to breake out so much the worse after it s no worke of an outside to set a good face upon the matter abroad nourishing still the disease within God is not mocked and sinnes in this kinde are like oyle in the hand which cannot be hid But this obedience is a perpetuall yet an ingenuous humble and holy subjection to the will of the subjecter who by it tryes men and shewes them all which is in the heart so that I dare say a true obedient in marriage is a good servant in all Therefore as thou needest encouragement from God as who doth not in difficult duties so take it into thy bosome as thine owne chew upon it and digest it it s the Lords will that thou shouldest I say unto thee that as the Lord hath put honour upon this ordinance so thou hast sought to maintaine it and who so honours God shall be honoured of God God can and will turne all the impediments and incumbrances of this estate into blessings thou shalt finde this estate made honourable to thee thy selfe shalt finde acceptance with God in all thy suits successe in enterprises honour and esteem among his people he shall crowne thee with old age and good report in the way of righteousnesse Thy wife shall be a blessing no snare thy liberties shall be pure unto thee and thou shalt visit thine habitation without sinne as Iob speaks thou shalt drâ—nke of the stoods of milke and butter and honey Thy children shall honour thee in the gate and shall be thy crowne in thy age they shall stand about thy table as olive plants yea although any of them should prove irregular yet that should not condemne thine innocency In a word God shall bring upon thee all the blessings promised to such as honour his ordinance even to love thine for many generations His word shall not be taken from thee and them for ever he will continue thee a name upon earth and a naile in his temple and peace upon Israel Nay I adde that thy very obedience alone in it self shal be a blessing unto thee Dost thou preserve thy body in holines and honor thou shalt a void hereby those infinite woes and miseries which befall the unchaste as proverty basenesse a rotten body a worse soule a ruined estate both in this world and in the world to come Dost thou nourish love and amity betweene thy selfe and thy wife that so the peace of God thereby may the better rule thy heart and minde Loe how infinite many garboiles and miseries thou avoydest of wrath debate envie raylings quarrellings and discontents which bad marriage causeth But canst thou say that besides these ordinary duties of the married estate thou and thy wife have also closed with God in the speciall service of the time and with good Vriah and Mephibosheth moderately used the comforts of this life during the sorrowes of the Church and bin married as if not remembring the afflictions of Ioseph making them the due and daily matter of thine Humiliations and Requests before God hast thou oft with Ioel's Bridegroome and Bride come out of thy feasting Chamber to hide thine head in thy fasting chamber as our Saviour tels us when the Bridegroome shall be taken away they shall mourne in those dayes the husband apart and the wife apart for sincerity or both together for fervency Or with the Psalmist Dost thou desire thy tongue cleave to the roofe of thy mouth except the joy of Ierusalem be above all thy joy even marriage joy it selfe which yet is allowed to be great Surely then I say thou hast honoured marriage indeed and as thy share in the duty hath bin greater so shall it be in the blessing The Lord shall give thee an hiding place in the day of evill and because thou hast kept the word of his patience in bad times hee shall also deliver thee in that
where love is entire but want of religion is not easily recompenced with externals be wise not to stumble too much at the former neither let heat of affection snare and cousen thee in the latter So much for the meanes to be used for marrying in the Lord. And to this issue pertaines all this discourse therefore still I so conclude as I began And because no bad marriage befals any where the husbands sinne is not chiefe either because himselfe is bad or erreth in judging the wife the woman having onely a refusing voyce not a chusing but the man having the prerogative of choice as the leader of the businesse therefore let the man especially looke to himselfe It s not for the modesty of the womans sexe to play the suitour to put forth her selfe towards the man but to wait till God offer her an object of consideration and I seldome have noted matches very succesfull in this kinde I remember the answer of a wise man to a Gentlewoman which told him she could love him before any man he answered her but of al others I dare not venture upon you for my wife He considered that such pangs in that humorous sex cannot come from judgement because they thwart an ordinance and as a sudden torrent of passion or heat causeth them so they suddenly fall as fast and leave the channell dry when the humour is over then coole blood succeeds and checks the party for rashnesse workes a dislike of the choice and a very indifferent spirit to the husband thinking him to be too meane for them and so little joying in him waxing darke and farre from that sweet temper of amity and subjection which a wife should bewray Therefore ye husbands be not gulled with easie matches they are not so easie to forgoe as to get the furthest way about is the neerest way home There is a pleasingnesse in shew to be fancied by a woman to be offred that estate which I could never have expected but when all is said that can be it is too easie to prove happy what it may prove I cannot say but since it s not of God and is against the modesty of that sex I can see no great hope of it This by the way I end my counsell with a two-fold question One is this if say some we stay till these choice marriages be offred us we may wrong our hopes passing the time of our virginity and youth vainly away To whom I say I speake to none in this kinde save to the religious let the rest move in their owne spheare commit thy way to Iehovah and he will effect it where there is truth of grace it cannot lye hid some way or other the Lord shall provide and the labour of thy love shall not be concealed feare not the worlds feares cry not a confederacy where they cry it but wait and there will alway be some men who will be as jealous as women to plunge themselves into a crosse marriage as glad of thee as thou of him it s a reciprocall case and hee who beleeves makes no more haste then good speed Thy worth shall breake out as the light and thy patience and modesty as the noone day Another is whether should we goe to finde out such for we see the families of such as had name of religion are now degenerate and empty of such choice None doe more degenerate to pride vanity and prophanenesse then the children of many Ministers and professours which have bin religious yea many townes anciently of note for such yet are now become as barren as any other To whom I answer when the people came and told Samuel that his children walked not in his wayes it was not so much from any offence at their sinne as for their owne ends to make them a King many upbraid good families because they are willing to balke them and to looke otherwhere Sure I am that families are not so wanting of good matches as the good matches who are in them are disregarded But further be it true Gods rules are sleighted in all places now a dayes and religion was never thicker sowne nor come up thinner then now what wonder if sinne carry this duty downe the streame of contempt as well as others yet I say is religion gone quite out of all families Though it be entailed to no one yet cannot free grace plant it selfe where it listeth if it leave one can it not chuse another religion for ought I see may lye long enough except excesse of portion smell her out Oh! follow not the streame conforme not to the fashion of this world God is tyed to no places families congregations he is no accepter of persons but in all places where his name is feared and called upon there will he blesse Such shall not need to distrust God hee makes none a soone of Abraham but he makes a daughter of Abraham also meet for him use meanes to finde them out and having so done preferre pearles before pibbles and the Lord shall bring the good to the good for he is a God of order not of confusion Quest 3 But will some say perhaps we have found out a jewell but it s in a dunghill a good husband or wife but the parents bad the kindred bad and no encouragement to proceed I answer as a bad wife is never the better because graced with a good so neither ought a choice either wife or husband be too much sullied by a bad family it s their ill lot to be so but that grace that made Lot eminently good Noah excellently righteous in their sinfull times doth even more abundantly requite that blemish with the select religion of some one among them I blame no man if with a good wife he would be glad to marry to a good family and stocke but in another respect I would account that grace which is unstained with so much ill being in the midst of it more approved and tried with the touchstone then that which growes up together with the grace of a family for company It s some grace to a Lilly to grow among thorns and a Rose looks the more beautifull among thistles contraries set one against another are the more orient I should not refuse a truly vertuous companion for the cause And this be said of the second maine rule for such as are upon entrance of marriage I goe to the third The third dutie concernes the two parties after their Contract viz. to spend that space betweene it and marriage as a more due and solemn season for a preparation of themselves to the estate and conversation of marriage to come But because I foresee that the Reader will expect that somewhat be said in this Treatise touching a Contract I will therefore suspend this third advice till I come to that argument in the fift chapter at the end thereof Thus much for this Chapter
passe on a most uncomfortable time of marriage more dismall then to live in a wildernesse because the necessity of an unwelcome chaine makes it doubly wearisome And as themseves so they who were the authors of such matches do live together at deadly feude at continuall sutes the one striving to revenge himselfe upon the other till both their estates be ruined I doe not hereby exclude Guardians from that due respect which the law affordeth when their care and respect to their orphans welfare is sutable to the calling of a Governour But whatsoever the law allots the conscience of one that feares God should be so tender that themselves being no losers in respect of the charge which they have bin at they should deale with the orphan mercifully in all other respect of advantage which a man of no conscience would encroach upon Such as looke at their own peace and the honour of their profession will be wary in such undertakings to make their retreat sure that nothing may after be cast upon them which might crocke their name or religion or give occasion to others either to stumble at the practice or to make it at a president for the like impiety To conclude I say this to all parents who will be ruled by the word boast not of your honour and priviledge to doe hurt with Shunne all those base distempers of which I have treated at large as the infamies and reproaches of bad parents or governours Sinne not on either hand ether on the right or left neither by base sluggish neglect and contempt of this charge nor yet by any abusing of your liberty to the prejudice of your children But walke in the cleere way of duty To which end consider your prerogative is allotted you by God no otherwise then that you might undertake the duty more cheerfully Be circumspect painfull wife and helpfull to your children so farre as your meanes will admit with a free beteaming heart God tries your love and integrity by this occasion Times are now growne such that the best parents cannot improve their love and affection to their well deserving children as were to be wished the world is at such an high rate that they whose estates are not very great can hardly light upon a comely sutable match especially for daughters there being none so meane now adaies but looke for as good portions as in our predecessors time would have beene thought a very good portion for men thrice above their fashion And it is the disease as well of the children of God as of men to flight good matches where excesse of portion attends not yea I am perswaded it s the cause why Gods hand is so manifest in the ill successe of most matches because God was never so little looked at in marriages as now But as for these things let both good parents and children count it their affliction beare it meekely and leave it to God Let your love be neverthelesse to doe them the good you can It is not in your power to do all you would God will have somewhat left to himselfe Smaller matches with Gods presence and blessing for ought I see may in short time equall farre greater in successe Doe that for your children both in your education meanes counsell prayers providence which is in your power to doe and as for the the rest remember marriages are made in heaven and thence must expect their happinesse you can doe no more then you can And for this whole argument viz. consent of parents thus much CHAP. V. Touching a contract What it meanes The substance of it Answer to some questions about it COncerning this argument the first enquirie will be about the word contract how and in what sense we here use it Then touching the necessity or indifference thereof Thirdly concerning the performance and act of contracting Fourthly touching such reasons or respects as whereupon it may seeme to be reasonably practised And then shall want such quaeres as are or may be made against it or about it Lastly we will conclude with some use of the point For the former of these we here make a contract a relative word importing an antecedent act betweene two parties who intend marriage that is to say a private mutuall free unconditionall promise having past between these two persons to marry each other and no other But here this contract is not ment but a more solemne and open binding expression of this former promise made that it may be ratified and strengthned as becommeth a businesse of so great consequence So that before we come to any other consideration we must needs premise a little touching marriage promises made in private betweene the single parties it being presupposed that they be not within degrees prohibited and further that they be without all exception of inconvenience or ill report and scandall as in the case of cozen Germans is manifest and the nature thereof For we must know that although an explicite or expressed contract hath in it the greater force externall before men to tye the parties to marriage yet the mutuall promises of them both joyntly made either at the first or afterwards doe as deepely binde them both before God and in court of conscience as the other doth And indeed the difference betweene them is not formall but accidentall and both are true reall contracts or covenants the one as the other and if there be somewhat in the expressed contract which is not in the other in respect of outward obligation then may there be truly said to be somewhat in the former which is not in that in respect of essence For the being of the expressed contract rests in the former viz. in the deliberate voluntarie mutuall and honest resolutions of the parties among themselves which being past give the essence to marriage before the other came and is the foundation and ground of the latter For else it might be said that any passage of expression betweene two before witnesse falling from parties though in rashnesse or in sport or upon a question demanded might carry the force of a contract which no man of any sense can imagine to wit because the expressed contract before witnesse implieth a former mutuall consent betweene them not now to be questioned but yet for speciall causes to be more solemnly and publiquely testified for avoyding of great inconvenience And this appeares plainly by the effect which a contract or promise produceth and that is a great alteration in the parties who before such promise were their owne and had the stroke in their owne hand to dispose of themselves as they please But after their mutuall promise they cease to be their owne and passe over themselves not their money or corne or goods but themselves each under God to the other so that now each hath power over other and onely one over the other In so much that whatsoever other promise should possibly be made by both
times their businesse sticks to their fingers then they have most irons in the fire to attend errands abroad or children within to runne upon to dresse If private duties be occasioned much more awek and untowards they are If any duty of compassion and mercy offer it selfe visiting the sicke counselling of the distressed helping of the needy come in their way they lowre and crosse it disnay each other from it Nay and yet professe to be religious neverthelesse Oh wofull ones Is this your consent Doe you thus honour your marriage Did you enter it with some opinion of religion and doe you thus promote it Is it not a sweet nosegay for you to smell to to heare your husbands alledgings this duty Sabbath Sacrament Fast had beene done sanctified enjoyed hadst not thou hindred Take heed God will not be mocked If this be done by the religious what shall the irreligious doe If this be done in the greene tree what shall be done in the dry Thirdly it reproves all such as basely rest in the religion of each other though themselves looke after none Many women good for not hing but for drudgery yet have a conceit husbands praiers their zeale and holines shal serve their turn and under that rotten ragge they shroud themselves No no this plaister is too narrow for the sore If each party will fare the better for other both must combine both must pray fast sanctify their blessings and crosses wives must not plod for their childrens backes and bellies leaving the care of their soules and good government to their husbands What is this but to be a true slave but an unfaithfull wife Rather say thus husband I have a part a part in them as well as thou sure I am they have received as much of old Adam from me as thee Oh that I had as carefull a spirit to traine them up as thou So in other parts of duty rest not either of you in others religion being barren your selves for each tub shall stand on his owne bottome The goodnesse of one shall not be imputed to other but the soule that sinneth shall die Take heed lest it be verified two shall be in one bed the one taken the other refused As God hath made you for marriage to bee one flesh so see that by grace you bee one spirit Fourthly to these may be added the preposterousnesse of such couples as are then safest when as they forsaking their bosome fellowship runne into the company of strangers to converse with to them they impart their marriage discontents crave counsell advise from them betraying by their practice their husbands to base report all and more then all their griefes they powre into strange bosomes refusing their owne who are much better then themselves and then its best done when most privily and furthest from their husbands notice But they may never heare of any thing from them except with up brading and discontent They must either heare of it from strangers or not at all Oh how many of these housewives have deceived both Minister friends and husbands by their subtilty till afterward their sinne betray them what mettall and stampe they are of The truth is their love is unfound their hearts turbulent their tongues querulous and clamorous But if their husbands be taken from them and their eiesores remooved then religious persons and the Minister shall no more heare of them their hearts are upon new liberties all their gronings are vanisht and the next husband though lesse religious then the former pleaseth them better Oh wofull hypocrites thus to colour over a rotten heart with religious complaints God shall meet with you in your kinde and make your selves at last your owne judges when his plagues ceaze upon you repent beforehand and prevent them if you bee wise Your sinne is hereby worse then others who perhaps of me ere ignorance neglect this duty being otherwise honest To whom I give this caveat let your sinne this day come to your remembrance amend it and the good Lord regard not but passe by your former errors upon your Repentance Vse 2 As for those couples who are both agreed in their gracelesse contempt of this duty as they also are in all ordinary worship of God they belong not to this place I have before spoken to such in the point of unequall matches They of all others are furthest off let them prepare to make answer to their Iudge who being commanded to honour their marriage with mutuall religion dare mock God thus Indeed in one sense it may be said they are equally religious for the one hath as much as the other neither barrell better herring for both are profane and as they entred so they continue Well God could have promoted you to some honour but your selves have chosen shame he hath powred contempt upon you thanke your selves Vse 3 Thirdly this teacheth us the true cause why so many couples leade a sad comfortlesse life some cry out they can have no peace one with another others that they thrive not cannot be well reported of or their children disquiet them God is against them nothing prospers Alas what wonder God is the last end of your though he is not set up in your married estate he is thrust out into the backe roome who yet should be all in all chiefe in your soules prayers family worship hee is nothing at all and is it strange nothing goes forward How should it Surely if it should as perhaps some as bad as you thrive I should thinke he meant to destroy you But now since he sends this Bayliffe to arrest you and filles you with adversity I hope it is to bring you to a parlee as Absalom in burning Jacobs barely to provoke and stirre you up to lay hold upon him in due season Bethinke your selves set him up better honour him and he will honour you but if you dishonour him he will as Samuel told Eli lightly esteeme of you Prevent it in time eare he come upon you worse he hath hitherto beene onely as a mothe and destroied your beautie but he can teare you in pieces as a Lion if you looke not to it picke out the secret canker out of this apple else it will consume all And this I adde although you should swimme in all welfare and prolong your daies if this be all your mourning for corne and oyle it shall be given you as a curse if you see not Gods meaning and honour not your marriage by resigning up your Crowne and casting it at Gods feet depending upon him for blessing you shall die dishonorablely and live without comfort it s not all the wealth you have shall helpe you to joy but rather as quailes shall all come out at your nostrills and leave you desolate Vse 4 Fourthly let this be exhortation to all good couples who feare God to be joint in their religion together And here give me leave to speake a word or two
of some particular duties and then of your generall converse Touching the former I would touch these two the one touching family worship outward the other touching that grace mentioned in the fourth reason before I meane faith in Gods providence which is inward I begin therefore with this Consider both of you there is but need of it in this your course of wordly dealing most couples are met to encrease carking and distrust as much raine to make a torrent The Devill will so stuffe and fill them with carking and covetousnesse their owne base hearts set upon the creature will so inflame them the error of the wicked will so pollute them through lust by their cursed example that many who met together in hope to become Saints after they are met proove little better then disguised heathen Well might the Apostle joine the caveat of marriage here with that of covetousnesse in the next verse and marke his phrase let not your conversation be in covetousnesse the words are roll not as the doore upon her hinges in the love of silver his meaning is this marriage is a rolling up and downe from one carnall busines to another the calling the looking to children buying in paying out stocking the groundes raising of commodity thereupon going out and in and walking in a round of the world nothing but scuffling and shuffling to get and scrape except there be this gift of faith to season the heart in all this orbe and round to settle it in the center of providence to sweeten it with affiance in God Alas else all the questions will be how shall these chargabe servants be fed how shall all these debts be paid what losses are here in our cattel how poore are our takings in our shops our trades are meane our children are many what shall we eate wherwith shall we be cloathed Alas little thought I at first entrance that marriage had beene of this die I thought all had beene white and faire now I see corne cattell husbandry house wisery all lies at the curtesie of mercy the stocke is out and except God blesse it may never come in againe except God give successe good seasons of weather crops will faile rents will be unpaid and we may die beggers What did you think marriage was but a song a sport an hony moone of one daies jollity did you not consider that its a perpetuall exercise of faith for your selves for your children for your servants and businesse If you did not then learne wisdome now God hath set you in it to try you what mettall you are made of whether it will make you disguised heathens or gracious believers who commend your selves and all to God shutting up your selves in his Arke that the floods of great waters overflow not I tell you marriage is a stage for faith to act upon to cast and venture all upon him who will care for you and promiseth to doe all your workes for you Be therefore both of you just before God walke in this command of faith as well as any yea this before any Take no carking thought how children should be maintained educated portioned married Doe not as one lately did having one sonne borne he vowed he would have no more whatsoever came of it for he meant to leave that child all his estate judge by the way into what noisome snares a base heart brought him into and he whould have no more to be beggers Would it be thought this Divell of unbeliefe were so ranke Why marriage will make covetousnes a veniall sinne worse then the Pope makes it without faith Be resolved of it faith must be your onely helpe to stop you from drowning in this gulfe Else no farme or occupying will be great enough you would thinke all your life but a moment for the satisfying of an insatiable spirit So many irons at once in the fire till one marre another and overthrow all Else you will pick quarrels with your trades and be ready to forsake them as fast as you embrace them and so wearie your selves with losses till ruined Else you will be so sordid so pinching and base in your house keeping so subtile false in your sellings you will grow defrauders oppressors usurers and cheaters in your traffique and trades so eager in your toile so impatient of a defeate so injurious and unmercifull not onely to your beasts but even to your wives selves children servants so base in your works of charity that both God and men loath and be weary of you What patternes of such married ones doth almost every towne afford And when God frownes upon them then they knaw their tongues for vexation and wax as profane in the first Table scorners of worship and Sabbaths as before unjust in the second Therfore live by faith both husband without and wife within this is a joint worke of both of your severall duties I shall speake after doth gaine come in and wealth abound Set not your heart upon it be not giddie wanton sensuall faith abhorres such behaviour and settles the soule in a sober frame of thankfulnesse doth God crosse you Distrust him not deject not your hearts God is able to supply it How else was David supported when not onely city and wealth but also wives were carried captives surely by faith he comforted himselfe in God and recovered all Am I in debts God will pay them I came not into them by my sinne but God brought me in by providence he therefore shall bring me out Have I losses God will restore them as to Job Am I sicke in body diseased husband and wife each lying upon others hand threatned by creditors to goe to prison fallen into the hand of a mercilesse Landlord faith will cast you upon a mercifull God and although the common proverbe is faith will never buy corne nor clothes yet do but improove it and thou shalt finde it will be like Salomons silver and answer all things buy all marquets She serves a master who can mollifie the hearts of the cruellest enemy will sooner suffer the Lyons to be hungerbit then his poore shiftlesse Lambes to want All the fishes in the sea are his his are all the sheepe on a thousand hills all the mines of red and white earth all the mony in all men purses All things are Christs thou being his all things are thine and shall be cast in as an overplus unto thee Thou needest not say husband wife we shall be destroyed one day by this poverty therefore wee must fall to indirect courses as others to bring in the penny No let Atheists say thus they who have a God to trust to let them never dishonor him by such doings thereby making him their enemy lest they be compelled to speake for somewhat He that clothes the grasse of the field and the lillies which neither labour nor spinne much more will doe for them that trust him you serve no hard master nor one that needs your
the Corruption of marriage not to be dissolved till death except uncleannes divorced it This love is as the eccho to the voice the vitall spirit and heart blood of this Ordinance causing a voluntary and practique union of two without which union alone by vertue of Gods institution is but a forced necessitie For then hath this ordinance her perfection when this soder of love beeing added thereto maketh that union wâ—â— cannot be broken to become such a willing one as to chuze woulde not be broken Else friendship were a better one-ship then marriage because that may be dissolved when it waxes a burden wheras this holdes bee it never so wearisome But then is it happy when the lover and the loved enjoy each other else the fellowship of those maried ones whose love is degenerat into bitter hatred were as good as the best for the worst marriage is such that till one cease to bee it cannot cease to bee a knitting of two in one no time no distance of place no sin except adultery breaking it of but how miserable a necessity is that which hath no law no remedie Hence God hath allowed so many respects and liberties in the choise of husbands and wives because he would streighten none but that they might live lovingly except the fault bee their owne So that as he who marrieth for other ends religion beeing neglected offendeth chiefly so doth hee also who shall marry one religious without due caution of other things which might strengthen love even hee shall sin against the comfort of his owne life And its certaine that longer then love compounded of the forenamed causes doth last marriage is but a carcasse voyde of life And the stronger the tie is the irkesomer is marriage beeing frustrate of that pretious thing for which it should love groundedly Let me adde some reasons why this so joint a bond should bee carefully preserved First nothing is so pretious among men in worldly respects as that for which the husband loveth and desireth the wife and shee him no union so strong as this no ioy in any outward union so contentfull as this nor able to wish well to the thing loved as this For though I must love my neighbour as my selfe yet I am bound to love my wife otherwise for both kind and measure then my neighbour yea and in some sence better then my selfe And it s truely observed that this rule of loving our neighbour is rather to be expounded privatively or negatively then positively forbidding rather to doe any hurt to my neighbour which I would not doe to my selfe then commanding to do him so much good as to my selfe sithence by this meane I should be bound to feed and cloath him as my selfe which were abused But my wife I am bound to love as my selfe in both respects as my selfe both in the negative and affirmative sense Hence is that of the Apostle No man ever hated his owne flesh but nourisht and cherisht it even so ought a man to love his wife as himselfe not onely in distresse for so am I bound to love mine enemy If thine enemy hunger feed him c. but constantly and at all times Hence is the generall rule urged mutually upon both husband love your wives as Christ loved his Church and gave himselfe for it to purge and wash it that it might bee without spot and the like hee professeth upon the wife to him wives love your husbands c. nothing is to be a reciprocall duty But yet this I must adde that this so mutuall a duty is yet required of both in a different manner For the more cleere understanding whereof observe that as the love wherewith Christ loves his Church is a more abundant and bountifull love then that whereby she loves him againe yea her love is as her other grace fetcht from his fulnesse which he commun cates unto her by his spirit so is the womans love in the carriage thereof to the mans And as the dimme light of the Moone borrowed from that principle of light the Sunne so by proportion the love of the wife is as borrowed from the love of the husband He is the fountaine of the relation she followes as the correlative her love is the streame issuing from his spring Love must decend from him as the oile of Aarons head descended downe to his beard and his cloathing So that the manner of this imparting love must be orderly the husband is to offer to bestow and communicate himselfe first to his wife in a free bountifull full love she is not so much bound to vie upon his love or to love bountifully and actively as to reflect and returne upon himselfe his owne love and that in a reverent amible and modest maner Thence is it that as oft as Paul useth the charge of husbands loving their wives which is very frequent yet he very seldome and but once urgeth the woman to love her husband but as if he would have them their love and all to be drowned in their subjection he presseth them to be subject to their husbands wives submit your selves and let the wife reverence her husband Noting that although the married estate be an equall estate yet the carriage of both must not be the same but the love of the one must be conveyed with royalnesse without tiranny the other in loyall sweet subjection without slavery So then as the head and other inferior members are equally parts of one body yet the head in a different and more singular maner then the rest so ought the case to be betwixt husband and wife And hence it is that according to the custome of all Nations the husband seeketh the wife the wife loveth after she is loved except is be here and there in some odde person noted for folly or immodesty The mans authority mixed with the womans midnesse his activenesse with her passivenesse and acceptance makes the sweet compound As the Sun exhaling vapours out of the earth draweth them up into the aire and having altered their groster quality sends them downe againe with more foyson and fatnesse to refresh the earth as with her owne store so the lovely disposition of a vertuous wife drawing love from her husband into her owne heart sweeteneth the vapour and returnes his owne upon him againe with a double pleasing grace and comlinesse And as we see that the meate which the stomack receaveth except it be cold or hot scarcely admits kindly digestion because being luke warme it cannot worke upon that meate which is like her owne temper so if you take away this temper of natures love is loathsome in one maner and fulsome For what is more loathed by a discreet man then a woman mannishly qualited And what is more yrkesome to a loving woman then a man effeminate Therfore let the man keepe his liberty in loving avoiding all base uxoriousnesse softnesse and nice affection of his wife
returne to them as slowly as possible thou canst If thine eie thy right hand or foote cause thee to offend pluck them out and cut them off not as Origen did carnally and cast them from thee but make thy selfe a spirituall Eunuch for the Kingdome of God and for chastity use all contrary meanes of holding under thy flesh and boxing it till it be black and blue to use Pauls word if thou wilt preserve thy vessell in honour yea count all too little If this counsell be meet for the married themselves who are under the remedy what shall be said to the unmarried Surely I say touch not pitch lest thou be defiled Make covenants with your eies with Iob remember our Saviours divinity beyond the Pharisees forefeele all your steps and passages put your knife to your throates if ye be given to your appetite and venture not upon forbidden dainties to try if they will surfet you But if after all meanes both of prevention and preservation of body and spirit from this tainte yet you feele your natures to recoile and concupiscence to want eares then heare that voice behind you saying marry and burne not But yet take this counsell with you still carry this rule of prevention with you into that estate lest you marry and burne too and so the disease will if not be worse for the remedy yet may prove never the better for it The third is the chastity of the bed The Apostle tells us here the bed is undefiled Surely as hee told his children at his death they should find their Kingdome so I may say of this It is as it s used and kept For its the great wisdome of God which hath so concealed our infirmity and covered it with honour that the bed should be honourable But it imports us so to keepe it then and that against a double infirmity The one of snaring the other of defiling us By snaring I meane defrauding each other by any meanes under any colors as when by discord and difference of mindes the body is disabled when the one party denies due benevolence to the other by pretended excuses to satisfie a base heart when religion and conscience or infirmity are falsely alledged to crosse the ordinance In this case let the Apostle overrule Let the husband and wife yield each to other c. refuse not the lawful and sober use of the remedy except when both in private consent in some extraordinary duty for some little season before some adde the preparation of the Sabbath rather I suppose from a pious heart then the warrant of the word although I wholly yeeld to the equity of that abstinence so there be no snare of a rule for hee that generally followes this light must not be snared by any rule except he have vowed it voluntarily and then it bindes in another kinde But I leave the decision of that to the wisdome of such as can discerne between expediency and inexpediencie lest Satan prevent us for we know his devices how he seekes to snare them that are weake against their intentions and under colour of a better purenesse hee seekes to breed a wearinesse and disdeine of the ordinance He is an uncleane spirit and cannot brooke that which holinesse hath invented to prevent sin Let such as are privy to this rebellion humble themselves and repent remembring that marriage takes off the propriety which each had before in himself and gives away the power of the body of each to other without contradiction And there is more in this then most will take notice of And some openly professe that they abhor this judgement being yet expressely grounded upon the letter of Scripture The second extreme is on the left hand when men abuse marriage to a defiling of themselves and under pretence of generall lawfulnesse runne into excesse This is as odious as the former It s not the wisdome of a Christian to chuse the uttermost brinke of the river to walke upon because it threatens slipping in nor of his liberty because it s allowed Our greatest offences are commonly about thinges lawfull when as we dare not attempt the unlawfull whereas religion is much more tried in the use of liberties allowed us And its strange under what sorry and thin covers the conscience of one will shroud it selfe when as once it hath cast off the love of closenesse halfe a loafe is better to a Libertine then no bread Whereas a sound spirit should thinke thus In this God tries me what mettall I am made of whether to betender of a command when I have the bridle laid upon my owne neck or to runne away with my uttermost liberty when I have some granted to me Doubtlesse hee who will take all that he can in liberties shewes he is but kept in by violence in commands and but for shame would desire Gods cordes were more slacke and suted to his lustes I speak because it might scarcesly be believed what basenes immoderatenesse and licentiousnesse growes in many even by the occasion of the former point of benevolence They will stretch it beyond the boundes of modesty and bring themselves into such a bad custome that a Beare robd of her whelpes may bee met with and stopped as easily as they crossed of their lascivious and luxurious appetite Some brutishly imagining that the very law of God forbidding carnall knowledge during the tearme forbidden was but a ceremony not grounded upon the perpetuall naturall absurdity of the action wherein they bewray themselves by their swinish appetites to have drowned the true dictamen of nature in themselves which most heathens themselves acknowledged Others are wholly ignorant of all purenesse and chastity in the demeanure of themselves each to other for though Isahac and Rebecca sported themselves yet doubtlesse in no base or uncomely manner very Philosophers and Politicians in their lawes made for the good of Commonwealthes led by no Scripture or religion yet for the preservation of health vigor and strength of body for the shunning of diseases occasioned by this as well as uncleane mixtures have set downe their judgements touching the modesty and mediocrity of marriage converse forbidding frequencie and licentious use of it I had rather expresse my selfe so under their person then in mine owne words knowing to what language he exposeth himselfe of scorners and profane people who doth but glance this way I say not as they say Plato and others once weekly or thrice monethly might bee a modell of convenience in this kinde for the greater part of number of mens bodies because I know there can bee no set rule for all persons seasons of marriage and varieties of bodies because variety of subjects causeth variety of rule But this I affirme that if heathens could rove at such a marke in the dimnesse of their light and all for the restraint of excesse I should thinke it rather meet that Christians especially in yeares who by
experience will construe my meaning herein better then others can I now conclude the whole Chap. with use of exhortation and with some short direction to set it home First I say let all who desire to preserve the honor of their marriage looke to their Chastity Drinke of the waters of thine owne well but let the Cisterne bee thine owne Seeke not to strangers give not thy strength to the harlot and thy yeeres to the cruell Abhorre all sweetenesse of stollen waters let not thy teeth water after forbidden deynties lest thou find bitternesse in the end If medling with thy neighbors hedge thou mayst feare lest a serpent bite thee how much more with his bed Let thine owne wife delight thee shee is the woman whom thou chosest for the companion of thy youth transgresse not against her therefore Let her love satisfie thee and her affections equall thy embraces let thine appetite be subject to him and share the duty and the honor of it betweene you both and keep chaste till the comming of the Lord Iesus Know that this is an equall duty of both God having bestowed the power of each over other upon both Thinke not thy husband tyed to this rule O woman nor thou thy wife tied O husband and the other free the tye is equall It s not jealousie of each other which can preserve this honor no it s the Canker of marriage Bathsheba describing the condition of a good woman tells us The husband of such a woman rests in her his heart setles upon her Nothing that a wise man observing vertuous qualities in his wife iudgeth her the same towardes himselfe which he is to her A good man such an one as Joseph was to Mary a just man one that had no worse thoughts of jealousie towards her then shee had to him loth to entertaine the least suspicious thought against her will alway esteeme her by himselfe Why should I thinke that her Conscience Chastity is not as tender to her as mine to my selfe what can it come from save a base heart enclined to treachery against my wife that I should imagine my wife should bee false to mee Surely were it not a sin to do such a thing or wish it done it were but just that an unjustly jealous husband should meete with that he feares that so he might be jealous for somewhat Many civilly chast women having bin drawne to commit this folly by no greater motive then the vexation of jealousie as not fearing God and therfore thinking they were as good commit it as be alwayes falsely charged with it And marke it It s commonly the sin of couples unequall in yeeres who having marryed yonger husbandes wives then themselves lye opē to this temptation Alas I am too old to give him or her content they seeke such as are like themselves when as yet the parties are as cleere from such aspersions as the child new borne what hast thou offended once and is there no remedye but thou must soder it by a worse I speake not as if I would make men Pandars and Bawdes to their wives through their folly and carelesse confidence exposing them to any temptations and winking betweene the fingers for what is this save to give ayme to a chaste woman to be lewd No But to shame that impotencie and basenesse of either sex whereby each is prone contrary to the good cariage and approoved conversation of the other yet to surmise in them falsehood and ill meaning What can be such an incendiary to set all on fire between couples as this cursed mischiefe of jealousie which is ofttimes upon meere mistake of some word guise or action nothing tending that way rooted in the spirit of man or woman that neither all the assurances of truth betweene themselves nor yet by mutuall friends can compound the matter so but still there must be a pad in the straw and ther smoke must argue some fire And yet when all is done it prooves a meere Idoll of fancie nothing in all the world The Lord indeed appointed a triall for the jealous man against his wife but wee must not conceive this was to breed or nourish causelesse conceits it was no doubt first brought to the judges in criminall causes to determine what the matter was and as our Inquests doe to cut off all meere surmises else what a bondage had it beene for a wife to be so hurried and defamed And although it be true that for the hardnesse of their hearts the Lord permitted more liberty to men at that time being sturdy and rebellious should that be any encouragement now to Christians to nourish such trash in themselves to make their spirits their prayers their whole life sad and miserable to themselves and to be so imbittered each against other that even when they would faine shake off their owne conceits they should not be able I say no more of this elfe of causelesse jealousies but this for the party sinning no man shall need to wish his greater torment then himselfe hath created to himselfe let him thanke himselfe that his owne sinne hath eaten up the marrow of his bones The greatest pity is to the party innocent and sinned against who is to be advised while there is any hope of recovery to strive by all caution and exact circumspection of carriage to tender the weaknesse of the other hoping that love rather then anger hath bred it but by no meanes disdaine them and to walke loosely under pretext of innocency But if the disease be so rooted that it will not be healed let them enjoy their uprightnesse for the way of God is strength to the upright as Salomon saith Prov. 10. 29. and not be dismaied but looke up to God who can cleare their righteousnesse as the noone day and plead their cause against their oppressour joyning prayer to God to quit them accordingly This I have said of injust jealousie as for that which is just I say as much against the guilty party wishing the law were as strong now as it hath formerly beene against all violaters of this sacred knot And for this branch so much I had here purposed to insert some other watchwordes and directions but I consider that in the latter part of this Treatise more full occasion will be given of this Argument So much therefore shall serve for this Chapter CHAP. IX Conteining the description of the 4. last Ioint duty of the Marryed viz. Consent THe fourth and last duty equally concerning both parties married is Consent and harmony of course each to another Both the former of chastity and this doe grow as springs from the stocke of love the former in the bodies this latter in the lives of both For this I would have the Reader conceave that the former of love and this of consent doe not differ save as the roote and the branch the cause and the effect Love being the noble groundworke this the sweet building
abundance then upon her that shee and all the rest may be replenished therewith So that he for his part must be as her Priest and his lips must preserve knowledge for her To give some two or three instances of this point First for the discharge of family duties wherof I have spoken before he must purchase for himselfe an horne of oile not onely as one saith for his vessell to be savory but for his lampe to shine My meaning is not to force such knowledge upon him as is ministerial exact for degree God requires no service beyond the ability and Talent received be it one or three It s not required that he be an interpreter of the Scriptures that he gather punctuall doctrines to cleer doubts objections or to make distinctions applications beyond his calling object This were but to make the Family duties a stall to vend himself upoÌ„ to pride himselfe in his parts endowments as many have done so long while at last thinking themsel too fledge for their owne nest they have boldly leapt out of their shops Trades into the pulpit thinking themselves as meet to preach as the most able Ministers no in no sort I krow there is difference in men for their skill and understanding in matters of God and for sobriety and humblenes of spirit whom I much honor and desire not to trench upon or discourage any Governors in this kynd especially in such a profane world that runs a contrary streame But impartially I desire to utter the truth by so just an occasion and this I say It s enough for a private person to insist upon such points of doctrine and especially of Catechisme as he hath by his carefull attention heard in the ordinary course of the pubblique Ministerie handled to cull out such and to impart them to his wife and family in a familiar manner upon confessed groundes and upon easie texts whose sense and scope is plaine and undoubted therupon fastening such exhortation admonition and watch words as best befit him to utter who should be best acquainted with the state of such as are under his roofe rebuking sin pressing duty but otherwise as for texts of darker nature abstayning from them and leaving them to a publique gift of interpreting which is abler to rectifie judgment and answere doubts and settle the conscience Secondly he is to apply himselfe to his wife as a man of understanding in the private way of her soule helping her out of her feares answering her doubts and questions according to the light he hath received abroad to reconcile their timorous and scrupulous spirits to God by the promise so oft as they stagger to enlarge them with those comforts to acquaint them with such directions for their walking with God as themselves have had experience of in their afflicted conditions to fellow-feele them to be afflicted with them to conferr with them about their growthes or decayes their slips and recoveries and so about the fruite of their both publique and private worship and service of God to satisfie them in any such difficultyes and dangers as they meet with and so to helpe them aswell in the extraordinary duties of humiliation and Thanks as occasion requires of which I sayde enough in the joint worship of God before And so thirdly to conclude this point he is also to bee a man of ability to encourage hearten and quicken his wife in respect of any outward burdens she undergoes to condole with her in them to underlay her as the beloved in the Canticles doth his spouse that so two may beare that which one cannot and the toile may be the more cheerfuly undergone when she sees that her heade steps in to his uttermost to bear the brunt and discharge her from the diâ—t of trouble Alas how farre are most husbands from this course where are they whose understanding humblenes and love seekes the good of their wives herin how seldome do they apply themselves to such publique ordinances on the Sabbath or weeke day to enable them in knowledge or seeke the helpe of Minister or other to guide them Or put case some heare or note Sermons which now is growne each mans case and not amisse except they finde that the gaine of writing marre the power of the truth in their affections yet they shut up all presently in their Note-bookes without meditation or ayming at the purchase of a lively stocke of understanding nor thriving upon their hearings by proofe and experience of that they know Or if they have knowledge yet how surly and conceited do they grow drawing their wives rather to errors and fancies and busying themselves rather about matters beyond their reach and of lesse consequence ere they be grounded in the maine How sad are many women for their want this way that alas when as they aske their husbands at home they are little the better if not much discouraged Their husband eyther despising the light of knowledge and so walking like blocks and idiots in all matters of God or else filling themselves so with other trash that knowledge runs over and is spilt upon the ground or if they have light yet resting in generalities never comming to the experience of the way of God or life of faith And by this they wax barren tell their wyves they are no Preachers they must go to Ministers if they will talke of such matters for it passes their skill to deale in them Now secondly touching the Mans understanding in the matter of the worlde or marriage affaires He must be as the guide of her youth going in out before her able to direct her way and course with wisedome not only in point of obedience to God but also in circumstances and matters indifferent for her company for her solitarines for silence or speech shewing her what her person and place will admit and beare that she doe not either over or under set up or cast downe her sailes but live within the boundes of her place for her company attire houshold furniture expences of children what is pure modest sober of good report what not who are safely to be conversed with and trusted in so bad a world as we live in who to be shunned he must be her eye to see by her hand to worke her foote to walke with to discerne things and persons how they differ And these things shee must not onely learn by the eare froÌ„ his discourse but discover by marking his practice example Beholding in his glasse an image of understanding how wisely he can conceal things not to be uttered how warily preveÌ„t danger to life name state how he can avoyde the snares which are layde for him how he shunneth ill company remooves offences from the bad keep peace upon good and safe termes with all men handle busines of weight both without equivocating and reservation of an ill conscience and on the other side without betraying
to depart from her pity it should but rather to exasperate her Its cohabitation which is blessed to soder breaches in tyme not Separation The practise of the greater sort is so rife now adaies that it growes common among the inferior sort will be a sore incurable A deserted Lady or Gentlewoman is become a common notion As one sayd now the dogs barke at the Masters of family when they returne as if they were absolute strangers forgetting them as they did their wives Oh shame Let Kings that be wise keepe neere their Crowns and husbands that would be happy neere their wyves not turning Iew and Samaritan who intermeddle not Such husbands as care not themselves to become whooremongers or to make their wives as good as themselves let them depart But let all others dwell together with them as men of understanding bringing in honor to their Marriage by this personall duty So much for this chapter and first office of the man be spoken CHAP. XI Proceedes to the second Personall duty of the man Providence I Proceed according to my order to the second severall dutie of the husband that is in one word Providence As he is the husband in name so must he bee in deed he must play the good husband Neither hath he his namo fer noght for the husband is as the house-band which as the corstone to the sides of the building holde in all the parts of the house which would soone dissolve and cracke if under God his providence did not support it He is the steward both for his wife and himselfe especially without dores He is not to put his wife to it as one insufficient himselfe to menage it but considering shee hath her handsfull at home he is to undertake the whole burden abroad as beeing the party to whom by divine dispensation the credit of the well-improoving it doth belong and therfore upon whom the shame of the contrary must lye God hath put into him a spirit of deeper insight forecast prudence and prevention then the woman to this very end And to say the truth The Lord hath imposed this burden upon him in Adam instantly upō his fall as the penalty for his base yeelding up his authority to his wife enslaving his spirit to hers when yet his fre will abode enite True it is Adam was to til the garden before his fall even during his innocency but that was a labor most sweet contentfull unto him To the sinner doth God give toile and sorrow sayth Salomon and so since his sin labor is waxen a toyle and vexation to him and is so that now in the sweat of his brows he must get his living He that shakes off this yoke is a double Rebell both against the first charge in innocency of not disobeying and secondly against the penalty of suebjcting himselfe to travaile In respect heerof Iob sayth Man is as naturally borne to labor as the sparkes to fly upward as naturally deputed by God to the one as subject by his owne sin to the other as the Ebrew word gnaval imports which includes sin and toyle in one The woman brings all her state and stocke putting it into his handes resigning it up to him as her agent and the more able party to improove it if he faile her he betrayes both his trust to trechery and her state to embezeling There be two sorts of Infidells taxed by the Holy Ghost the one in our Saviors wordes Take yee no thought what ye shall put on or eate for your father knowes what is meet for you And why The infidells do but so And the other by Paul He that provides not for his family hath forsaken the faith and is worse then an Infidell Excesse of providence aswell as defect of it both are taxed by the name of heathenisme Therfore so farre as good conscience will permit the man is bound to the Law of providence He must oversee the affaires of his owne household as Salomon speakes he must looke to the flockes of sheep and heards of cattel laying in provision for thē by this one urging the whole Baylywick of providence requisite for the support of the family And that which the Apostle speakes is to the same purpose That the husband lookes in his way after the things of the world that he may please his wife he speakes not of it as of their blemish so they adde no excesse and sin to the act but as a necessity impos'd by Gods Command Now as touching that point that the husband in severall must close with this speciall duty of Providence appeares by the honor which hereby he procures to the marryed condition And this I suppose no man will question For why Wherein stands the Princes honor save in the wealth of his subjects And wherin is the honor of a State save in both what peace can subsist what ware can be supported without wealth Even so here The husband is the Prince of the family if he be base and beggerly what is more ridiculous what is so pittifull to behold as a poore King a titular Prince that hath nothing to support his state save a bare right beeing the whilest most forlorne and for saken So how shall things belonging to the diet attire and welfare of the family be provided if the Treasure faile And how can that chuse but faile if Providence the channel of this fountayne faile If the Pilot of the ship be idle or a sleep what shall become of the ship Must it not needes run on ground and be swallowed up in the quick-sands And what a dishonor is it for him who should compt it a more blessed thing to give then to receive who should reach out an almes to six and seven and do much good himselfe and his family to become burdensome to others by his penury Especially when not the hande of God which can overthrow the best providence but the improvidence of the ydle or ill occupied husband hath procured it Again when the husband honors marriage by this Providence those who fare well by it honor him backe againe with the rendition of his owne The weake woman and the shiftlesse children seeing what a prop and father of a family the Lord hath set over them acknowledge his care with honor to God and reverencing him as the instrument of their welfare next under God He resembleth after a sort God himselfe whom Paul calls the Father upon whom all the families of the earth depend and are called by his name whose honor it is to fill all with his blessing to provide for all creatures their due food in season as they need it with clothing and other things both for need and comfort even so the eyes of all the family mediately looke up to the Master therof looking that by him as a steward the Lord should furnish them with necessaries yea to end this how honorable is such an husband
blessing Looke about thee and see what objects God hath planted for thy bounty to be bestowed upon Thy wealth if it be a standing poole will stinck and baine thee If it be a streame it will be sweet and all the bulke shall be pure unto thee As in the Manna all had their due the plenty of the gatherer of much abounded to the supply of him that lacked By the decaies of others God trieth thee If when blessing comes in upon thee thou welcomest it with an evill eie saying This is little enough to pay debts this will do well to encrease my stocke this is for the clothing of my children I will spend this upon costly apparell for my wife and all that comes is onely for thine owne use and thou shrinkst up the bowels of thy compassion so much the more know this will destroy all as a Canker bred in a fayre apple No say thus This plenty will serve mee and God too part of this shall supply the defects of my faythfull Minister poor decayed neighâ—our such a poor widdow such poore Orfans poor Students at Vniversity hast thou such an heart to the poor members of Christ that no complaints may be heard in thy streets that thou and they may meete together and worship God with the more joyfull hearts that the Gospell and religion of God may be supported both in peace and especially in persecution It s a signe that God meanes to make thy horne full and thy winepâ—esse to burst with new wine well continue doe so still try the Lord if he will not requite thee Thy goodnesse cannot reach unto the Lord himselfe let it extend to his saints such as excell in vertue SeÌ„d thy treasure to heaven before thee cast thy bread upon the waters trust God after many daies if thou trust God it shal returne againe Many rich husbands professe religion but all their serving of God is no other theÌ„ the poorest ChristiaÌ„ may performe to pray heare conferre But as for the dutie they owe to God as rich men they cast it behind their backe They thinke that their workes should hinder their faith and so hoard up hundreths yea thousands together but do nothing till God by degrees wast and consume both them and their posterity as a moth and at last roote them up quite out of the land of the living Beware of this curse therfore Seventhly if any affâ—onts losses ill successe or discontents befall thee in thy course of providence by ill debtors servants children looke up in thine innocency with cheerfulnes to the smiter aswell as in thy gaynes Both are alike from him even to weane thee from the sweet milke of those brests which thou art loth to be weaned from to knocke thee off from hence and to prepare thy spirit for better welfare Bee patient Trades are as the sun which though it set over night yet returnes in the morning Iobs latter dayes after he had been tried prooved happier then the former And when both the mizer and waster shall both be left to want the Lord yet shall susteyne thee and thy faith which yet the world thinks will buy no meate in the marquet shall be such currant pay in heaven that it shall purchase thee abundance upon earth To conclude let all thy providence determine in this full point That hereby thine heart may rejoice thou and thy wife enjoying the fruite of thy travaile that thou mayst not be like to them that roste not that they got in hunting For what hath a man of all that sore travaile and labor which as a poore son of Adam he hath taken here under the sun save that a man eat and drinke and cheere his heart in the goodnes of the giver and rejoice in the wife of thy youth let her share with thee I meane not as Iob saith That he kisse his owne hande and magnify the Idoll of his provident head saying All this hath mine hand gotten nor that he soake himselfe in the Creature and set himselfe to looke upon the sun in her brightnes and the Moone in her encrease adoring the outward meanes and denying the Almighty this were Idolatry and Sacriledge No but quietly and thankfully praysing God and rejoycing as those Israelites were charged to do when they brought their first fruites in all which they put forth their handes unto Taking with a loving right hand that which God reacheth out causing themselves to serve him with a glad heart for all which the Lord hath don for them Better thus then as many do pursing and stopping up in holes corners in an ragge or in the ground perhaps here one debtor running away with an hundreth there another cheater with fifty or perhappes a theese digging thorough stealing as much in another kynd To the wicked God gives toyle and vexation of body of spirit more discontent then all their plenty can breed peace wheras the rest of the Righteous is sweet bee their portion more or lesse thorough the good will of him that dwelt in the bush added to their Providence See then that it be so that thou play not the block under all mercies so that neither a good day should mend nor a bad paire thee But first for thy outward condition proportion thine expences according to thy revenews as neer as thou canst keep downe thine heart and then its lawfull for thee to live according to thy meanes Cut thy coate according to thy cloth rather living at an under then an over rate as knowing its easier to fall then to rise and yet understanding what scantling God allowes yet better be a cheerfull dispenser then a base niggardly grudger at the use of what God hath given As the good woman sayde husband better spend it freely as God sendes it then knaves run away withall TheÌ„ for thy spirituall course let thine heart be doubly and trebly cheerfull in the Lord saying with her my Soule magnifies the Lord and my flesh rejoices in his salvation If I ought to make him my strength in the lowest adversity although neither vine should beare grapes nor the olive her fruit although there were neither Calfe in the stall nor bullock in the flocke how much more then when my pathes are anoynted with oile and my streames run full of butter and hony And so much if not too much for the answere of this question wherin providence standes Vse 1 I conclude all with use and first of reproofe for this point is fruitfuâ—l in unfruitfulnes first how many husbands are there who contrary to the vowes made to their wives in this behalfe at their entry upon marriage cast off this burden from themselves lay it wholly upon the weake shoulders of their wives In the mean while themselves bearing themselves upon the fidelitye or thedrudgery of the wiâ—e at home go abroad and open the sluce and floodgates of prodigality and
God sendes thee to the Lord Iesus As he loved his Church and gave himselfe for it to the death that shee might escape it so oughtst thou to redeeme thy wife in case of such a danger when thy bearing will laten the blow from her When the Lord Iesus was taken by the souldiers If yee seeke mee saith he let these my chickens depart Take not the damme on the neast with her birdes Let these be free let all the danger light upon my selfe If then this tendernesse must extend to life it selfe surely then well may this tribute of an inferior ranke be shewed But I cease to discourse the point any further Well then will some kind husband say wherein stands this respect and honor which I owe to my wife I should be loth to wrong her of ought which she might plead through my ignorance or which my selfe if I knew it could beteame her well in hope there shal be no love lost that thy wife will requite it when as in the next point shee shall come to the like triall I will do her thee this favor here to lay out her Priviledge and thy duty But first it s not amisse againe to recognize breefly that which I spake of the modell the Canon of this Duty which the Apostle layes downe thus As Christ loved his Church Before he had sayd He that loveth his wife loveth himselfe But knowing that selfe is sometyme an ill judge and crooked rule he amends it by a better even the Golden Rule of that honor and respect of Christ towards his Church which never fayles or exceedes the mediocrity What is thē that indulgence tendernesse which thy selfe wouldst either wish or look for from Christ thy head Teach thy self therby thy office to thy wife in the measure of thy Grace tender it to her Dost thou desire alway to be accepted of him find grace in his sight Let thy wife finde the like from thee Wouldest thou have him doe all thy workes in thee and for the Show thou the like Grace to her do thou likewise require not the uttermost service from her but let her doe all in the comfort of thy love acceptance Wouldest thou have him compt all thy deeds not according to strict law and performance of full measure but according to sincerity of endeavor Do thou also so esteeme of hers according to the will and affection whence they proceed though they faile never so in degree Wouldst thou have him to esteeme thee according to the better and not the worser part So doe thou interpret her Wouldst thou have him save thee from sorrow So protect thou her and let thy love be her banner Wouldst thou have him to feed thee and fight for thee to bee thy Protector and Champion Should he stave off thine Enemies and catch their woundes in his owne side which should else light on thee Wouldst thou have him to stop the mouth of each dog from barking or biting thee yea even to keep each cold wynd from nipping and blasting thee Even so stand thou betweene they wife her harmes and cover her head in the storme raine not only with thy cloake but thy best protection against any annoiance Wouldst thou have Christ afflicted with thee in all thy troubles to pitty thee suffer with and susteyne thee by his patience courage long suffring So let thy blood run in her veynes and thy marrow in her bones sustaine her like wise by thy meeknes and long-sufferance shee is also flesh of thy flesh and bone of thy bone Dost thou expect at last that he should at last redeeme thee out of all thy troubles Dost thou also as far as lyes in thee seeke rest for her from all hers let no enemy of hers encounter her alone but know he hath a double enemy to fight against noteasy to contest with Thine are hers hers are thine rejoice to see herrid of all if God see good which way it seemes best to himselfe to deliver her meane time be thou active passive in all with her In a word whatsoever thou wouldst have Christ do for thee the same doe for her for this doubtlesse is to be conformed to thine head and to do the part of an honoring and respective husband to her These generalls had need be branched out into some particulars else perhaps it will not be easie for every one to conceive them These therfore that follow may serve First let this respect begin at her soule procure to that the cheefe good that it may fare well The tender love of Christ stands in this that he gave himselfe for the Church why Not to make her such as shee her selfe woulde not to give her the full swinge and swaye of her owne will But to wash her to purge her to sanctify her as peculiar to himselfe having neither spot nor wrinkle So do thou begin with this and this shall guide all the rest Thinke not this to be thy tendernesse to thy wife to deale by her as David by Adonija whom his father would never from his youth speake a wry unto that is aske him what dost thou But rather in this is thy tendernes if by any wayes of God allurements yea milde and well seasoned reproofes if need be thou mayst be an instrument of her good It s not tendernes but exceeding and degenerate softnes in an husband that because his wife is well pleasing to him in some carriages therfore he should rather suffer her to go on in deep ignorance of God and her selfe and go the broad way to perdition rather then he would grieve her or speake one worde amisse especialy to be so base and remisse that when he knows he might winne her by his loving tendernes he shoulde rather neglect her by his Carelessenes No if thou be tender truly her soule wil bee thy principall object and thou wilt present to her those tender mercies of Christ those bowels of compassion in him to the church never linning till Christ hath by his blood washt her soule from the naturall uncleannes of it forgiven her and taken away her guilt and blemishes If her face were stayned with some spots how studious would he bee to tell her of them that she might wash them off how much more that Christ Iesus might call her his Hephziba and Beulah his dove faire one and pretiously beloved that he might behold her washt and cleane as the sheep comming from the rivers to shearing from her scurffe accepted of God and as much as flesh may bee without spot or wrinckle eyther of guilt or apparant corruption a vessel purged and prepared for every good worke No worke so honorable as this to make thy wife a vessel of honor to God first and then for marriage Thus Paul describes that tendernesse of Christ and yet that washing and rinsing of her must cost some hardnesse save that Mercy and love oversweetens it and
Fruit Creature without sense of her worth thy losse Else some beasts will exceed thee in tendernes thou art worse a very blocke And for this second particular so much Thirdly shew this respect in thine ingenuity and open-heartednesse It s an unkindnesse alone not to shew love to walk overloosely dismally and darkely towards her Thou canst doe no more to a stranger I say not that she is capable of all secrets There is a season for all things And had Samson been as wise at last as at first to conceale his secrets he had done wisely But there is a golden meane conceale not thy selfe too farre from her Impart whatsoever is meete let her know the difficulty of thy businesse if the knowing it may either afford her content or thy selfe advise Let not strangers tell her of thy follies to cause her to suspect thy respectivenesse She is but simple that may not speake a word in season Rams hornes and empty pitchers have conquered cities and armies and the woman that called herselfe but a weake one once delivered Abel and why may not thy wives helpe thee It s no wrong to thee for her to desire a voice in thine affaires who must be sure to smart in thy bad successe There is I say againe a discretion in ordering this businesse Neither to impart those things wherein griefe would overcome acceptance nor to conceale such as wherein by thy imparting them either her counsell might overweigh her griefe or at least prevent the suddennesse of a disaster It s a thing wherein the weake sex counts it selfe graced and satisfied not to bee made a stranger to those things which love and ingenuity would and should impart As for uttering any thing which is needlesse or might be a snare to her indiscretion and weaknesse it s better kept a way But darknesse breeds ill blood of jealousie hard thoughts a striving for the like darknesse of behavior or to seeke other bosomes to lay her complaints in when thou little thinkest of it and perhaps worse then all these She is laid in thy bosome by God that thy bosome thoughts hopes feares desires together with thy selfe might lye in hers So for this third Fourthly comfort her in all her heavinesse and first for her soule and spirit The anguish thereof and the wound of conscience is of all other most intolerable Yea though it be onely some outward greefe yet if pierce the spirit with any more then common distemper it exceeds any sicknes empair of the body Shew thy self more tender to her therin then in all common troubles If thine owne wisedome faith or experience will not serve to heale it seek out and enquire after an Interpreter one of a thousand who may rightly and duly weigh her estate both the causes and effects therof Vpbrayde her not with her zeale which were to aggravate her disease Fret not at her going to Sermons lay not the falt upon that wishing thou hadst never seene her eies quarrel not at thy lot accuse not providence because thou seest her in perplexities perhaps God hath begun with her that he might end with thee But however lin not using all means till God have spoken a word in season to her very soule saying Deliver her I have accepted a Ransome till her flesh come againe as a little childes and she recover peace Happy art thou if God shall so make thee an instrument of her good that thy selfe also mayst bee drawne neerer to God by affliction then prosperity could ever have brought thee And put case that the distemper ceaze onely upon her naturall spirit as by Melancholy through passions of feare and sorrowfull objects working upon her mind or through some hereditary pronesse of constitution to mopishnes and discontent by all which God cuts her short of wonted liberties calling and service of marriage and thee from former contens of life bee not in these disquiet and impatient Nothing hath befallen thee which is not according to man use the best meanes of restoring her spirit againe by Physick counsell wise secrecy custody tendernes of regard and so wayte with patience till God restore her or what ever be the issue charge not God foolishly Fifthly spare her weake bodie from all toile and labor of wordly employment exceeding her ability yea although shee should bee too much addicted therto and hardly held therefrom yet disswade her Shee is thine owne flesh thou wouldst thinke him unmerifull who should breake thy backe with too great a burden So do thou and ease her If nurserie exceed her strength yet her conscience will scarse permit her to lay aside and free her selfe of so naturall so religious a worke yet tell her God loves mercy better then sacrifice If God deny her ability or breasts grudge not at God at the charge of nursery abroad to ease her at home If she have not strength to be both wife and servant let the latter yield to the former redeeme the comfort of a wife with the charge of a servant Provide her that assistance and attendance which is meet for one who chuseth to be to do all in one for thy sake had not God denyed her Strong shoulders are meeter for houshold businesse then decaied ones and releeve her with seasonable tendernesse for there is a shew of respect which appeares all at once when the vitalls are spent a peny cost in due time will do more good to a sinking house then a pound when it is ready to fall downe So she shall hold out the longer with cheerfulnesse in marriage duties He that should do otherwise were not worthy to have a free horse much lesse a willing wife Sixthly yield her the indulgence of all decent and sober refreshings and recreations of body and spirit which may ease the tediousnesse of body and spirit through the uncessant and never ceasing yoake of family businesses Remember how oft her faithfull biding by it at home hath enlarged thee to travaile abroad Thy ground and soyle if it want her alternall revivings and rests cannot last long whether by allowing her the converse of her friends for bodily or of the ordinances when she is straitned both changes of aires may doe well and helpe both body and spirit At other times some other releases of labour such as occasion offers in many kindes either neerer hand or further off eft one eft another may cause her to returne to that service with alacrity which else she should attend with an unequall mind Seventhly connive and conceale with wisdome those invincible defects ignorances yea though it be uncapablenesse which either the frailty of her sex or the speciall frame of her minde or perhaps the inexperience of one untrained in some businesse may produce A Camell cannot go through a needles eie According to her strength so is she looke for no deed beyond power nor wisdome above capacity Oppose unto her invincible
seeke further to get a part in Christs peculiar redemption of the Elect it shal be doubtlesse a double aggravating of their condemnation Reas 3 Now for the third reason of the point why the woman should for her part doe to the uttermost to grace improve the married condition by beeing subject to her husband appeares by this that by subjections she preserves the honor of her marriage in the integrity therof She is called the crowne of her husband The Crowne Royall we know is a rich thing and richly beset all to honour a true King when it s set upon his head in his coronation before all the people But a woman made of subjection is of a farre more pretious frame and mettall then a Crowne or any thing which goes to it and beeing set upon the head of her husband honoreth him not onely in the day of his marriage but all his life long in the eyes of all that behold her No crowne glads the heart of a King so as shee makes glad the heart of her husband He is her King and Lord though he should want this Crowne for it s not a wives rebellion which can devest him of his authority and honor in point of right he may he a poore pittyed King for lacke of this Crowne but in right he is a King neverthelesse having his Crowne deteined by violence from him and woe to them that deteyne the Crowne from the naturall Prince exposing the person of so sacred an one whom God hath made honorable to reproach and dishonor So here God will revenge it and make her that hath kept it backe to rue it and to pay full deerly for her presumption But when this Crowne is added to the heade of a lawfull King then is his honor made up to the full such honor is a wife subject to her husband Not as a Crown above but upon his head her honor is not in being a Crowne aloft but upoÌ„ for the husband She is no Crowne of her selfe but in respect of him whom she honors receving back as much honor from that head which she Crowns as she affoards unto it Neither is the honor of such a marriage betweene themsel alone for honor is rather in the power of the honorer then the honored but also it reacheth to many others we see it in Ruth married to Bâ—az All the children of my people knoweth thee to bee a vertuous woman and him an happy husband in her praying for them as indeed it fell out that they might do well in Ephratha be famous in Bethlem How can a marriage betweene an understanding head and a subject wife chuse but be honorable who can smoother the honor of such Couples or judge whether of the two is more succesfull in either or who wisheth not it were his owne case or the case of any whom he loveth to be married to a wife so qualified And well they may for as it is rare to meete with such couples so the Commodity which they procure each to other exceedes all commendation All this considered a woman should be much too blame to desert her duty in this case and to lay the honour of her Marriage in the dust What is then this subjection and wherin standes it For the former I say its such a convincement of spirit in the woman touching the equity of Gods ordinance and her Penalty in speciall as causeth both a falling downe of heart in humility to God and her husband and in her conversation to acknowledge practize all such reverence as be cometh her head By this description it may appeare in what particulars this subjection standes to wit cheefly in the spirit of the wife and nextly in her demeanure The former is that same wherof St. Peter speakes of The meeknes of the hiddeÌ„ man of the heart of an incorrupt and quiet spirit which with God is much set by He meaneth an inward principle of subjection of the heart which is first given up to God purged of selfe and Pride the seede of unsubjection and then to the husband for his sake Although a woman have all outward accomplishments this way yet if her outward subjection begins before her inward as many womens doth it will vanish at last as a lampe for lacke of oile No framing of a woman by most exquisite education outward forming of the bodie to delicate behavior and semblance of subjection can compasse this no more then an Ape can attaine the qualification of Reason No artificiall respectivenesse of the eye the curtesie of body the silence or composure of the tongue or the like can secure an husband of subjection except all these be acted from an heart of subjection through the conscience of the duty But if the principle be sound and an heart fearing God awed by a command issuing froÌ„ Christ his love a willing mind not from necessity credit or restreint which will go farre make a great shew then is this duty well planted wil endure What is al that Miâ—olls bewitching love to David which forced him to sende for her long after her separation to that one basenesse That shee despised him in her heart The woman then must set up her husband there and shrine him in the secret of her heart and then all her externall subjection will flowe sweetly fully constantly without grudging and sit comely as a garment fit for the body Object But it wil be objected There is no rule so generall but it admits exception Women confesse that as the case may stand and as the husband may deserve by his great learning wisedome gifts grace art experience or like abilities some woman might be content to resigne up her selfe to her husband and be subject to him as to her head But as for ordinary husbands whose deserts are small and their defects great perhaps in some or in most respects mentioned it would prove an hard taske for a woman so farre to deny her selfe Answer as to be subject To which I answere God is not the God of confusion he puts this burden of subjection upon no woman who takes not the yoke of marriage upon her selfe which the Lord doth force upon none but allowes each woman to be her owne Refuser and to chuse for her selfe if she can such a man as she can yeeld subjection unto for the excellencie of Gods image which shee beholdes in him And there is no more then needes in this caution to prevent that base and carnall disdaine which else might arise in her heart against her husband to wit when she shall meet with an object of dishonor and find little to provoke due respect towardes him I say the Lord who knowes that the spirit that is in man lusts after envie and scorne would have this disease prevented to the uttermost that so subjection might seeme not to come from necessity but from free will But yet still I say
if a woman will balke such a command and either out of a present humor or out of a carnall conceit at first that shee can lead and rule a simple man at her pleasure which after shee findes an harder Theme then she wist shall snare her selfe with such an husband as shee cannot deeme worthy of the honor of her heart in this case I will wonder that shee would snare her selfe with such a one but being maried to her I will presse upoÌ„ her the like duty of subjection as if he were the most complete husband of a thousand like I say for kind although not for measure For tell mee poore woman who thus cavillest what is it which God hath aym'd at in this Ordinance at thine owne endes or his owne and thy husbands Art thou so simple as to imagine when God hath imposed a yoke upon thee to tame thy Rebellion that he will at thy instance turne it to a Contentment of thy selflove what singular thing dost thou in submitting thy selfe to excellencies and parts in an husband Is it not for thy selfe And who shall finde out such an husband for thee whom thou mayst not except against as defective in some kynd or other Know then that God hath ordeyned subjection to an husband as an husband bâ—e he what he may he is such an one as thou hast though fit and therfore one whom God hath thought fit to receive thy subjection If he have but indifferent parts and abilities and not many mens gifts united in one then consider he hath but the defects of one And who art thou O woman hast thou the perfections of many women Therfore looke upon thine owne defects and thy husbands wil be overseene Count thine owne parts but ordinary and thine husbands will be tolerable Enlarge his a little and diminish thine owne and so thou shalt meet in the halfe way and make some equality But howsoever God hath set thee in place of subjection howsoever eyther to a man of worth for his desert or to a man worthlesse for conscience sake and for the sake of him who hath subjected thee If thou obey for a Command sake there is thanke or if not then for necessity sake and wo to thee in both respects if thou be not subject A Minister is commanded to preach and watch for Conscience sake not for living or by Respects A subject hath not that name for that he obeyes those Lawes of his Prince which please him but because his Prince Commandes except he will endure the penalties annexed If then either a Minister or Subject will looke at God whether gayne or no gaine whether good Prince or unjust and obey or els woe to both then looke also thou woman at the bare command of God dispence not thou where God doth not The same power that is in Commanding all to obey their Parents forbidding all to worship Idols to commit sacriledge that same I say chargeth all wives be subject forbiddeth them Rebellion Now yet I will not deny but there is an exception to some kind of subjection If thy husband stretch his authority beyond Gods bounds then and onely then thou art permitted to restraine thy subjection in that kind with yeelding a reason It was not the sinne of Vashti as I take it that she offered not her beauty and person to a vainglorious ostentation before the multitude for that might have been a snare to her as it was to others but that she subjected not her selfe so farre as was meet to goe to the King and to acknowledge his Soveraignty in all lawfull meet things to give a modest reason of her refusall promising to submit her selfe in all other Even so here Though the wife bee tied both in all direct charges of God and in all other which repugne not I meane in things pure comely and good report yet if her husband will try her in the contrary shee must in all humble modesty refuse and say whether it bee meet herein to obey God or you judge yee So that herein there must be wise caution used that neither she streighten her husbands power nor yet enlarge her husbands tyrannie of her obedience to it For to digresse a little not only the husband may presse the subjection of a wife in things arbitrary but even in the omission of some commands An example of both wil cleer it Two fashions of Apparrel are offered to a woman equally decent and modest she inclines to the one he to the other It were his discresion herein to yeeld to her the choice of her fashion howbeit if he will hearken to no reason but urge upon her his fashion she must be obedient and denie her owne for conscience sake Againe put case the husband requires his wife at such a time to forbeare the hearing of a good sermon and to heare another at another congregation or to forfeit the hearing of the word upon such a Sabbath day although in generall hee oppose neither hearing the word nor keeping a Sabbath in the same kind and place although its true that the charge of hearing and keeping of Sabbaths is Gods yet because these Commands tie not to every time and place and may in some cases be omitted therefore let the husband looke to himselfe how safely he restreines her of her liberty lest God curse his usurpation or otherwise and stand to his owne adventures But since such a restreint may possibly be lawfull though he harshly conceale it from her therefore shee must not contest nor holde chat with her husband why he requires it but yeelde for the present and afterwardes returne to her liberty againe But if hereby he encroach further to forbid her the Ordinances shee must disobey Onely in a case of particular abstinence she must thinke thus my husband sees cause of such a charge I will not descant if he should offend yet I will not rebell so long as any good construction may be made of it but meekly stoope and obey I might be endlesse in instances I deny not but many a good wife mismatcht and put upon sundry extremities is to be pittied and praid for but not therfore to release her selfe from subjection and breake all cordes in sunder because unpleasing to the flesh As St. Peter telles them They must strive for so blamelesse a conversation and subjection towardes their husbands though rude and churlish as may cause them to magnifie the truth of God and justifie their Obedience and wish themselves in like condition with them in the day of their visitation Looke up therfore to God yeeld to many unwelcome services if they be not directly sinfull but abhorring to have the least fellowship with them as he said Into their counsell let not my soule come If thou be pressed to any base thing which conscience starts at as to keepe loose company to weare garish apparel to traduce the godly or what else soever indecent and impure forfeit the pleasing of
proove worse then the disease through his contempt It beeing to conteyne a thing within bounds when it s out of his Element As touching the husbands absence as I have said she may doubtlesse more safely performe it with the servants then in his presence If it should be alledged There be in the family such as whom she may resigne up the duty unto both for dexterity and humility I say little to that for the present so long as her gifts be competent she is the Governesse they inferiors the sad effects in bold servants of this course doth not a little disaffect me yet I will not deny a lawfulnesse altogether for her to resigne it if shee be advised to it by them that give counsell as well as by her selfe But if such helps faile what should hinder her from the cheerefull and free undertaking of it And so much for this Now secondly shee must also be subject to him in matter of his worldly estate Shee is not to stand upon stiffe termes and as we say upon her pantofles with her husband touching her equality of right to his estate and goods with himself For here the question is not so much of right as Employment Now she must not distract the common stocke from her husbands hand into her owne to occupy it at pleasure to dispence the Charges of the family as she listes or pursing of the Commodity as well as he which were to seeke a Quartermastership with him and to seeke a double not the single wealth of the family jointly No. Shee must know God is the God of order both in Church and family she must holde no Quarter with her husband in this businesse Two heades in a family confound all her Providence must bee under his and be directed by his running in the same streame with it tending to one Common wealth purse and gaine not her owne but his and the families I say while the husband is himselfe for else hee being disabled either by age or infirmities or some sudden distemper by Gods hand which suffer it not shee is to set to her shoulders to the uttermost rather then the state of the family be perverted I adde also if he being a man carried by his in ordinate lusts and feeling himselfe to suffer his estate to decay shall permit her to looke into the affayres of the family there beeing no child nor other to be trusted she may lawfully undertake the Charge rather then commit the ship to wind and wether Moreover I doubt not but the wife so far as her skill reacheth beeing endued with a gift and skill in some mystery which her husband is not especially the husband beeing ydle and slothfull to improove his owne stocke or perhaps having embesseled it alreadie may be occupied in that calling of hers provided that she be comptable to her husband whose stocke she occupies For if she occupy a borrowed stocke she is praise-worthie for her industrie but comptable onely to her creditors in such a case if she share with him so farre as to keep him from beggery it s enough for shee aymes at the support of her family One thing more I adde if the husband shall allow his wife to undertrade with him that is for her owne vailes and content to use some petty stocke for her owne advantage so there be no prejudice hereby done to her other Huswifery in family nor to her husbands stocke she may lawfully accept the kindnesse provided that in the defect of her owne skill she be guided by his counsell to prevent dammage and improve her gaines to the right endes not the maynteyning of sin in her selfe or hers But setting these and the like limitations aside shee must be wholly in all her course for him his endes Expecting from his wisedome and love such recompence as is meet for her honest support and mayntenance I am not ignorant that many husbands some for sloth others to avoid their wives discontents supposing to allay their fiercenesse of spirit by resigning their right others under other color of Ministeriall or burdensome service have and do put the bridle of providence into their wyves hand and that when as none of the former cautions do require it but whether this swerving from the Ordinance hath not weakned their Headship animated the woman to an excesse ofspirits causing that nature which of it selfe is too forward to waxe more insolent let experience judge Inferiority is readie to despise authority if occasioned sin is out of measure unbridled easilier held off from the occasion then restreyned under the occasion Besides that the husbands hand is cut off as it were by the wives Mortmayne for many wives peark up to meddle with the estate suspecting that their husbands are more ready to do good then themselves from that bounty which both his place and will would admit Quest But here likewise a question is made whether it agree with the wyves subjection to give to good and charitable uses of her owne accord that is without the husbands consent Answ To which I answere That the seasons of weldoing are to be distinguished Such occasions there may be offred and such necessities may lye upon the Church and upon the members of it by the rag of unreasonable enemies oppressors and persecutors yea such streights may beset the poore servants of God as may discharge the wife frō ordinary subjection in this case as in the Martyrs daies I doubt no◠that many womē borrowed leave from heaven to doe good who if they had staid while they had leave on earth must have wayted till their eyes in their head had fallē out for ought their husbands woulde have yeelded to They dispenced therfore with their unwillingnesse in such case dispatcht the duty I leave the consideration of such necessities to be judged of by the wise especially in these our sad times wherin the afflictions of Gods Church are little thought of by the most who drinke away and forget eate and sleep and stretch themselves upon their beds not thinking of the affliction of Ioseph so they fare well what is it to them though the Church perish But to returne for an ordinary course she may not put forth her hand to give of her husbands estate of her owne head except first she demaund her husbands consent which I speak because some women might have from their husbands if they would aske but either distrust of their owne losse or scorne to give it except they may give it with an high hand of their owne hinders them A foule shame for a Christian wife who should rejoice in Gods way and at the largenes of good doing and honoring of God Except 2 Secondly except shee hath at the first made some reservation to her own stroake of some such meanes as might without his notice supply such uses which being done although he should seek to infringe that grant by after-exceptions yet shee
subjection bee her attire costly or meane Secondly her very eye gesture and speech ought also to be awfull and mixt with modesty and blushing arguing her submission privity to her weaknesse There must be a law that is an authority of Grace upon her lips ordering her silence and speech with a sweet mediocrity but even as a threed going through a cloth so a gift passing through the whole man That which is within cannot lye hid for grace will make the face to shine Her very blush is Ivy-bush sufficient shewing what is within And on the other side loftie carriage proud and disdainfull garbe unsavory tongue multitude of words boldnesse of forehead stoutnesse of stomack lowde cry as Salomon termes it bewray to all men what a plague her husband nourishes in his bosome All the honor of such an husband if it bee not turned to contempt while he is present yet is turned to pity when he is absent Such a demeanure more befitting some mannish Amazon or insulting Curtezan then a woman of true subjection to her husband Thirdly another peece of her modestie lieth in her usuall carriage at home towards her husbands direct person Familiarity and dayly converse will breed no contempt in a subject wife shee is not so by compulsion but by freedome therfore she utters it equally and constantly She feares not that imputation justly cast upon women who abroad will seeme very respective good wife le ts have more of it at home Sara called her husband Lord meaning usually it was not her holiday livery but her workday phrase Not he called her his Lady and yet it were well if such flattery could prevaile with some Donna's but she him Lord This Reverence and subjection causeth the wife to behold her duty in the countenance projects vertue and way of the husband as I noted before of consent His service to God government to children following of busines is the glasse which represents her for either she sees all good if she have skill to discerne or beleeves it in love if shee have none But as for a controlling spirit before her head she hates it as impious degenerate To takeupon her to bee the houshold Oracle and Idoll to overtop all to be under none is too hot and heavy for her handling shee loaths it as hell to use Pauls word for her heart will tongue selfe and all are not so much bounde as binde themselves to the peace onely the yoke is easy and the burden light Fourthly suteable must her subjection bee before others to that which is at home as comming from one not ashamed of that which is her true honor Many women are in their extreames Some although in private they will not offend yet comming into company thinke it a kinde of slavery to professe the like honor and esteeme of their husbands And indeed to flatter the husband were but a base office for the wife wheresoever at home or abroad arguing that an husband loves it Such cup such cover But wisedome keepes a meane and abhorres as much to sooth and gloze as to despise and neglect That due reverence and subjection which a good wife shewes abroad she shewes at home and contraily Shee is loth to have her hand out Others are in another veyne and although at home they make no bones to taunt and take up their husbands yet abroad are quite other women so sollemne and subject as if the Annointed of the Lord were before her as if shee were the subjectest and he the happiest living But as he sayde to the Crab-fish when she was stretcht out in length beeing dead but before crooked so thou shouldst have lyved so to these This should bee alwayes and then safe But this extream as the other a subject woman avoydes without payne for their inward principle levells all saying Whatsoever is according to God must be equall Fifthly her subjection also appeares in company A gadder a gossip one whose heeles are over her neighbours thresholde and beeing there is in her Element licentions and talkative is no subject wife Salomon calles her Turbulent that is selfewilled and unsubject And well he might for surely no husband can affect a woman of such a trade it is his bane except himselfe in his kind bee a Rover and wandring Planet ouâ— of his orbe and then better one house troubled with them then two But whether he be so or not whether he like it or dislike it he must beare it Shee will have her vagaries her tongue is her owne and she upon her owne bottome and therefore not redeemd with a price stands and falls to her selfe and what Lord shall controll her And sure as she cost little so she is worth as little and may goe for naught Alas she is sick of home There shee sits louring and powting hath no list to say much But lest you should thinke she hath lost her tongue she doth but keep it till place and time please her and there she will bee as much on the other side She is like that sidler which was long a getting to pull out his fiddle but when it was once out there could be no putting it up any more Surely as some women are faine to fetch their husbands from their Ale-bench to shame them so had some husbands need fetch their wives from their Gossips and yet it s a question whether they were better to have left them where they were lest they make a Tragedy at home of a Comedy abroad A modest wife is of another spirit Home hath her heart She hath worke enough within doores and dwells most within her selfe She like the snaile carrieth her house alway upon her backe She builds it with her hands and beares it up by her shoulders never going abroad but then when it were an offence to keepe at home And being abroad the Law of grace is upon her lips her words are as the leaves of the tree of life healing and as the fruit thereof life it selfe and restorative Out of the aboundance of the heart the tongue speaketh not so much as well not so long as sweetly seasonably and when she holds her peace it s with her as with a beautifull face wherein you know not whether the white or red be fairer for both are beauty So you cannot tell whether speech or silence doe most commend her but both do for she knowes both when to speake and when to hold her peace Lastly Subjection in a wife reacheth to benevolence for when the Lord set her appetite toward her husband he planted subjection in her spirit as also to nursery of her infants except God denie her ability and strength No sooner doth the infant which she hath warmed in her wombe and given life to in her wombe behold the light but it whimpers and cries for the brest as if it said I am thine nurse me Looke upon thy brests whether dry or milch if there bee milke it
lewels may bestollen out of thy boxe thy mony out of thy purse clothes out of thy wardrobe thy backe may be stript of thy costly attyre thy beauty blasted with age thy body weakned with sicknes sorrow thy name fullyed with infamy thy partes may decay But thy subjection no man shall rob thee of nor thine husband of that Crowne If thou preserve that in thy Cabinet as thy pearle it shall supply and restore all those losses in the esteem of thy husband This wil be the Trench of thy castle all darts will fall shorte of it as impregnable Subjection is the true Mother of love Sister of consent root of all other Matrimoniall service helpfulnes in the next chapter gracefulnesse in the next to that shall attend it as precious handmaydes And shee her selfe in the middle shall walke honorably and honor marriage above all other vertues Be it never so meanly thought spoken of by the Damish and Imperious women of the world yet shee will say If this bee to bee vile I wil be more vile yea those that would disdaine mee yet shal be compelled to honor mee and say Many daughters have done well but subjection hath surmounted them all And so much touching the first personall vertue of the woman to wit subjection be spoken CHAP. XIIII Which proceedeth on to the second peculiar duty of the wife that is Helpfulnesse I Now proceed to the second speciall duty of the wife which is helpfulnesse The former gift telles her that shee must not bee Rebellious This second tells her what shee should bee helpfull usefull It s not enough for her to be Negatively good not harsh not rude But shee must be positively good shee must also be helpfull This comprizes all her true usefull service to her husband and in speciall answers his Providence Shee must within doors lay all her helpfulnesse to his providence without doores that by both the whole frame without and within may be supported She was made subject by sin But helpfull by creation which yeeldes a choice prerogative to this vertue being of integrity not from corruption Of all the other Creatures saith Moses the Lord founde not any one which might bee a meete match for Adam wherfore he saide It is not meete the man should bee alone I will make him a meet helper and so he formed her of a rib out of his side while he slept In the former Chapter then we treated of a peaceable in this we must speake of a Profitable and in the next of an Amiable companion Quest But here in the very entry a Question is to be answered In how many things standes this helpfulnesse Answ I answere in three main thinges First cheefly in helpe to his Soule Secondly to his outward estate thirdly to the married condition as for instance to the honor of his Name the health of his body the welfare of his Children the government of his family the recovery out of any disaster the averting of dangers the advise about things weighty and difficult I begin with the first of these Touching which although I have noted before that shee is to be subject to her husband in matters of God yet this muzzles not the mouth of a good wife in helpfull concurrence but onely in bold usurpation Shee may without empeach to that cast in her mites into Gods treasury and bee an helpfull furtherer of his soule to all spirituall welfare and content in knowing beleeving and obeying so it be done with humility and meeknes Although shee is to aske her husband at home in respect of any usurpation yet as the case may require she may nay she must in due season being demanded reflect back the fruite of that mercy which the Lord hath shewed and the cost he hath vouchsafed her for the good of her husband And as the Lord hath gifted and graced many women above some men especially with holy affections so I know not why he should do it else for he was wise and is not superfluous in needlesse things save that as a Pearle shining through a Christall glasse so her excellency shining through her weaknesse of sexe might shew the Glory of the workman And how In beeing only lookt upon or wondred at as a bird of fine colors No but in reall Communicating of that Grace which she hath to her husband especially as also to others in private communion of Saints as occasion is offred One thingh here comes to my minde I would not be taken to patronage the pride and licentious impudency of women who having shaken off the bridle of all subjection to their husbands take upon them to expound the Scriptures in private assemblyes and to bee the mouth of God to both Sexes Not blushing one whit to undertake by the 4. or 5. houres together yea whole dayes if their vainglorious humor masked under the colours of humility may be suffred to interpret the word applying it according to their way by Reproofe comfort Admonition and the like as if Shee-preachers were come abroad into the world And yet these are such as dare oppose and confute the doctrine of faith and selfdeniall taught by the most able Ministers of Christ and tell their disciples that there is another way to be walled in and that is the way of the spirit which must give such a light to the soule and such an assurance of salvation as may rid us at once of all doubtings feares and unbeleefe and translate us into a confident and secure perswasion of the love of Christ without making question As for any waies meanes trialls motives signes whereby the soule may come to bee setled about the work of Regeneration these they abhorre as savouring of the flesh and not of the spirit of light and inward evidence In this kind they undertake most boldly to expound the Scriptures and to resist all who are of another mind Nor allow I others who defending themselves by the practice of the primitive Church when the extraordinary gifts of Prophecy flourished whereby the mooving of the spirit men to men and women to women did exprefle and utter their thoughts and judgements concerning divine truths which gift then was very necessary for the breeding up of Ministers Doctors and Proctors they wanting other helpes of furniture and supply but appertains not unto us who both have ordinary waies of supply and want that speciall presence of the spirit which that first Church had to guide and governe the use of such gifts orderly and peaceably to such endes as they belonged without schisme and confusion God indeed promised by Joel to the Church of the Gospell that he would poure out his pirit without difference to all ages sexes states of people But not in such a disorder that a woman should dare in publique or in a private place after a publique manner to declare truthes of Religion usurping over men and encroaching upon the laws of Christ Such immodesties and
borne it but lo she that are with me out of one dish dranke out of one cup dipt her morsels in the same vinegar lay in my bosome and was one with mee she hath beene as rottennes to my bones as smoake to mine eyes and as a continuall dropping Oh! if the eye be blind how great is that darkenes And if shee who was made for the choysest helper for what earthly comfort is like her who is like her self proove a plague and hurt to a man how great must that wound proove As the discord of brethren is therefore like the brasen barres of a Pallace because they are in place of neerest lovers so the hurt of a wife is unspeakebly intolerable because she breakes that law in pieces which ordeyned her to the contrary For there is a cursed generation of women out of measure sinfull whose cheefe revenge is to whet their teene upon their husbands and to kill their hearts not onely with despitefull tongues but also malitious attempts professing they do it to crosse them Such as these I deny not to be helpers for they helpe their husbands to a sad heart to a weary life to bitter complaints to such as they dare trust for if they had no bosomes to emprie it into their hearts would breake to an empty purse to a rotten name to a ragged coate they helpe them ere they have done â—o the sheete to the stockes to the Gallowes to hell it selfe without mercy by their severall hurtfull inventions Thus was not Abigail to Nabal though a beast if she had scorned him so farre as to renounce helpfulnes she would not have endangered her life for his safety but left him to shift for himselfe But such presidents as Dalila Iezabel Jobs wife and the like helplesse hurtfull wives joying rather in their husbands harmes and thrusting them forward when they are falling better sute to many of our wives then that out worne end of Abigails Alas such a patterne serves rather for wonderment then honor imitation Do wee not see how jolly and proud Dames set up a private wealth to themselves with neglect of the common good of husbands and families Have we not coy peeces that affect a singularity of Diet apparrel company losty carriage above and apart from their husbands Publique shame which yet now restrains most abuses not curbing these Are those helpers that jolly it out and ruffle it in the misery debts banqueruptnes and dejection of their husbands brave in their ruffes and cloathes when they are all ragged costly in their fare when they are faine to bite short sit at the upper end of the Table when Tom foole must stand with finger in hole behind the doore Are these helpers or harlots trow you How else should it be verefied of women which is foretold of al sorts by Paul in these latter daies They should be lovers of themselves proud unnaturall trecherous What traitor is like a bosome one And well might these proverbiall speeches arise that A man may thrive if he have his wifes good wil Or A mant hat marries a second wife with Children need take no thought to purchase house and land These argue that although the case may be otherwise in many wives yet generally it is dangerous especially in second marriages with widowes Vse 2 Secondly be it exhortation to all that would bee good wives that they be helpfull ones As once that worthy Divine Master Perkins wrote upon his study doore Thou art a Minister of the word that doe so should a good wife upon her palmes and fringes for an helper thou wert made this looke to mind the end of thy creation carry it with thee as thy charge I was made for an helper Not for an helper on way and an hurter ten but an only helper So that as Law is the soule of the state the soule is wholly and in each finge of the body so should my helpfulnesse begin at husband and animate all the family But especially it should be the life of my husband his soule I am bound chiefly to helpe by godly counsell his spirit I must helpe by my cheerfull behavior his body I must cherish with my best benevolence his name I must tenderly honour his sorrowes I must wisely mitigate his joyes I must sympathize his dangers I must prevent his health and state I must uphold and when I have thus done as the Bee gathering hony as the Sheep bearing a fleece as the Oxe plowing the ground as the builder framing the house not for their owne uses but the commodity of others so must the helpfull wife all these I have done not for my selfe but for my husband Yea looke what instinct Nature Art hath put into these creatures that hath grace and helpfulnesse put into me An helper I was made for this oh Lord let me look to If I do it of a willing vertuous mind there is praise If not yet a necessity is layd upon me and wo to me if I be not an helper who ever shunned or waived the end of their creation but vengeance pursued them as traytors to Nature to heaven I was not made for my selfe but for another each part of the house claiming a part of me As he said once to a coy Virgin thy virginity is not all thine to dispose of in part it s thy parents father hath a stroke in it mother another and kindred a third Fight not against all but be his whom they would have thee So say I to thee being a wife and an helper Thy womanhood thy helpfulnesse is not thine it s thy husbands his body state posterity claime it from thee he laies claime to all not as that Tyrant did all thy wives silver and gold is mine but as one that is invested in all thou hast by peculiar providence I live not by rule or examples the unhelpfull shall not teach me to be a hurter the helpfull shall not so teach me as if I followed for their sake only but for his who hath subjected me to helpfulnesse Vse 3 Lastly its incouragement to all good wives to looke off from the degenerate practice of this world which might pull them from this vertue If she be such an helper to thee oh husband as I have said comfort thy selfe in her comfort and encourage her thy selfe against all dismayments And if shee bee so towards a lewed companion who hath not the grace to prise her let mee here from God encourage her God requite thee poore soule for the world cannot thine husband will not God make his way the strength of the upright in the thankfulnesse of both Thou canst doe no more then thou canst If a bad husband will yet ruine all well yet as long as thou couldest thou hast held carte on wheeles The Lord shall be thy helper the strong helper of an helpefull wife Others shall helpe thee Thou shalt not bee forsaken in thy greatest straits And touching this second duty
of the wife viz. helpfulnesse so much CHAP. XV. Concludeth with the third and last Severall Duty of the wife to wit her Gracefulnesse I Conclude now the discourse about the severall duties of the woman to the man whereof this is the last to wit her gracefulnesse The former alone without this will make a good drudge but this added therto will make a good wife They say he who hath gotten both profit and pleasure together for they are not alway joined hath hit the naile on the head But in a wife I am sure it is so if she be usefull by her huswifery and cheerfull by her gracefull amiablenesse she is right and straight indeed and well accomplished Some yet none of the worst housewives are none of the most gracefull creatures their droile alway hangs about them as an ague in the bones and others amiable and cheerfull enough are yet none of the most huswifely and helpfull as the apples of Sodom if they be but toucht with a finger to be usefull they moulder to ashes The former are good droiles to dispatch businesse the other pretty Idols to looke on But the compound of these two hath no fellow to reconcile into one an helpfull gracefulnesse and a gracefull helpfulnesse Of all other duties I need least insist in prooving that this woman makes her marriage honourable and therefore that she is bound to improve her selfe in this kind to the uttermost for the attaining of it This vertue of it selfe speakes as Abel being dead without words This third gift is nothing else save that complexion and luster which ariseth and reboundeth from the mixture of the graces of a woman duly compounded As from the well mixt Elements ariseth bodily temperament and from the blood well mixed in the face ariseth beauty so from a well tempered spirit in a woman ariseth this gracefulnesse As once that Philosopher said if vertue could be seene with the eie it would ravish a man with admirable loves of her so the graces of a woman breaking through her and appearing in the conversation are able to ravish any spirit that is not a stoicke a Nabal A little then first of the Materialls then of the true forme and temper it selfe of this gracefulnesse For the former Grace must needs be the matter of it But what grace Surely graces fly together as birds of a feather and linke as the peeces of a chaine yet there bee pearles which shine more then their fellowes and some graces doe more befriend and beautifie a good wife then other The first may be humility and a meeke spirit for what is more unwomanly unpleasing then a mannish heart of stoutnesse and stomacke and what so decketh a woman as that wherby she is of great esteeme with God himselfe So is shee that walkes in a due and daily sence of her infirmities a modest concealement of her graces Not Sauls talnesse but hiding himselfe a way from honour did most grace him Not a scholers art open'd all at once but the concealment of it most graceth him So not a womans parts but that so fraile a creature should bee above all that 's in her is as the varnish which makes all the picture so amiable Why doe wee thinke Greeke and Ebrew ill bestow'd upon a woman save that its above her ordinary sex to know it and to know her selfe too yet if I should behold a woman of excellent parts of learning and yet to bee as one that knew not her owne knowledge but drown'd all in the spirituall sence of her corruption I should thinke I saw a rare object Shee is little in her owne eies yet that littlenesse makes her greater in Gods eye preciouser in mans then that great gift with which she is furnished A second grace is selfdeniall A meere scholar is growne into a character of disdaine and so is every other thing that is meer a meer woman is an homely sight because ordinary But a woman above a woman her wits and abilities and especially a woman above her wrath envie selflove and passions a woman above her gaine pleasures earthly contents having all and yet above all pestred with all and yet overcomming all is an object of admiration The spirit of God to affect our spirits presents strange objects in his word women Captaines warriours CoÌ„querors what a pretty thing it is to se Iael to master a great Generall of the field with her Hammer Naile Debora to sit and judge Israel what a miracle was our mayden Queen Elizabeth to the world Why but because wee thinke we see and can scarce beleeve our eies in seeing those vertues which were admirable in the Man to reside in a weake sexe as it were out of place So the Lord presents to us in his word his master-peeces an Abigail without sword or bow conquering a Conqueror and leading him captive with her self-denial and wisedome And in experience we see here and there one as a berry or an olive left behind who can master a fierce husbands anger by her long suffring and selfdeinall one that can rule her passions which rule al sorts Why save that we might admire our God as much in the Ants sagacity as the Elephants strength If he who can overcome himselfe then much more shee who can do so is greater then he who hath overcome a city Oh not alway in great things is goodnes but alway in good is greatnes especially when that good is also little A third grace of a woman is faith both for the tâ—uâ—h of it and for the life of it For the former what more worth then pretious faith Paul saith its not of all women or men it s a flower growing in the gardens a pretious jewell worea in the bosomes of very few of this sexe What can calme the soule save pardon and grace from the promise of a Father the blood of a Mediator What can make a woman peaceable and of a quiet frame save because all is well betweene God and her selfe And what is that grace which settles the soule in this grace save faith the fruite of the lips and mother of peace They say there was once a famous Ladie in the English court that calmed the differences of all the courtiers and therfore they called her Ione-Makepeace This ladie faith is that lady Ione a meet ornament not for court onelye but country also Ione-Makebates each house is full of but of Makepeaces very few Oh this graces absence makes all amort womens unquietnesse of nature wrath scoldings and distempers come not so much from outward causes or inward humors as for lacke of this lady faith Their hearts are wicked casting up mire and dirt in the family like the raging sea casting up her owne foame and all because the peace of God which passeth understanding and settling the soule by faith is wanting Some what they once had in creation have lost it by
thou art old its ill ending it were better beginning with it in thy youth if God would Yet so it is many have beene faine to hang up the harpes of their youth upon the wislowes of sad marriage in old age and sing this new life requiâ—es other manners other abearing before I was carried upon Eagles wings now I must shift for my selfe my battels were once wont to bee fought to my hand but now I must knowe warre and fight my own Now I am tried indeed what is in my heart what patience what selfe-deniall is in it yea my best wits to please to conceale what I cannot amend and all too little Doe you wonder Who should have told you that a good wife was worth the thanks while you had her Or that she was any better jewell then you thought you deserved till she was taken away If nothing but wanting can convince your folly why should not medicine cure your maladie To end this former branch If your selves have sped well in a businesse of such hasard why doe you not guide others by your experience to make a good choice you will say marriage makings are thanklesse offices I grant it that if all I have premised be true I thinke some may con them small thanke who have holpen them to their marriages But as hard as the world goes and although all hopes must rest upon proofe yet by your leave some may give a shrewder guesse then others and say more touching aptnesse or unaptnesse howsoever I say to you as those Lepers having stored themselves with victualls and booty wee doe not well to suffer our brethren to starve And although the best care may miscarry yet the care is in no fault but rather much worse it must bee where Counsellors are wanting Secondly I say to all such good couples be wise lâ—ve love and leave What hath a man of all his sore labours under the Sunne or what profits it to spend our life in needlesse toile and vexation Live first in the joifull improovement of all those graces and blessings where with God hath endowed you Take and mutually possesse each others vertues grow by the helpe of others more inward holy usefull in the communion of Saints Let your streames flow to others enjoy not all to your selves Love secondly endeere your hearts in each other mutually Suffer not Satan to come betweene barke and tree and through a satiety of Blessings to turne all to wearinesse and fulsomenesse to grow estranged in your affections yea ready to take pritches at each other forgetting Gods love to you both If some had those advantages we have should you say of consent and peace oh what a close walking with God would it produce without separation whereas we vanish how would they settle religion and government of family which they would and cannot wee might and will not Leave lastly each other willingly and contentedly when God shall determine your short pilgrimage which will so much the easilier be if you have lived and loved before the parting will be bitter however yet much worse if all be to bee done at death Sweeter will the parting be upon experience of former marriage improovements then upon guilt of remedilesse errors But I say the time is short use the world as if you used it not buy as if you bought not marry as if you married not doe all moderately knocke off before unloose in season There hath beene a time of embracing there must come another far from it By that rejoicing you have had in Christ die daily and tell each it other in your best rejoicing I bid you not do as heathens set a scul before you on your marriage day with a Motto What I have bin thou art and what I am thou shalt be But know marriage happines is but the liberty of a prison Squeez it not too hard lest you force blood use it slightly and it will comfort you Say not its good being here build not Tabernacles Matth. 17. 4. Let not death knocke unawares Its pitty a man should be in love with shells on the shore as to forget the sip and be swept away or love the husband here forgetting Christ a carnall relation renonuncing an eternall Vse 3 This point also to conclude all is instruction to shadow out the priviledge of them who are united to Christ by the marriage of faith and the spirit It s a mystery as Paul calles it And as sometimes he teaches married persons their duties by the mutuall union of Christ and the Church so also another while he describes the true union and Amity of Christ and the spouse by the samenes of flesh which marriage causeth betweene husband and wife A word or two of both and first how Christ and his spouse meet For looke how Eliâ—zer was a spokesman between Isaac and Rebecca to draw her into a marriage knot with him and as he carryed the Bracelets and tokens sent in Isaac's name to allure her to him also declared the abundant wealth of Abraham in cattel gold and jewells all to bestow upon his onely son Isaac that so the richnesse and content fulnesse of the match might perswade Rebecca So doth the Lord by his spokesmen the Messengers reveale to his Church by his spirit all his wealth and Treasures of wisedome and knowledge all put into the flesh of the Lord Iesus and tells her 1. Cor. 1. all the goods which he hath giveÌ„ us in him that he may therby surprise her heart and gaine her to be his he sets out his son from head to foote in all amiablenesse of person and graces that his eyes and looks might wound her and steale her heart away from trash and toies of the world It is he who not only so but where as he found her unapt for himself an Amorite an Hittite in her blood a base Captive he shaves off her hayre pares her nailes washes her and makes her cleane he bestowes her dowry upon her not as men upon their wyves for they looke for it from them thinking them little without it he discovers the miserable desolate and forlorne life of her wofull vriginity wherin as an orphan she lay open to all enemyes all wrongs and injuries convinces her that her support and welfare is meerly from himselfe Nay tells her that shee was engaged before to a most cursed husband who would have undone her he undertakes to stab him and to make her way cleer for the marriage of himselfe the old contract being dissolved He becomes an earnest suiter an hot lover of hers and refuses no patience to winne her even till his locks be full of the dew of the night All to make her his owne his only one that having renounced not only base qualities but her own fathers house her selfe her name and all her owne happinesse he may be happy in her and she in him alone for he can endure no corryvall and
Religioâ—s ones have perillous qualities 5. What shall become of the It religioâ—s 6. But we are snared already 7. Very few such are to be found 8. Parents crosse good Matches p. 28. to 31. Papists taxed for their dishonouring of Mariage 9. Papists have their personall Sacraments ibid. Practice and life of Papisticall uncleannesse justly plagued by God 10. Mariage with them that are only civilized unsafe 33. By-respects in Mariage as Portion and Beauty and the like oftentimes by the just judgement of God proove unfortunate 33. 34. 52. Advice to be taken in Marying See Advice Mariage why called a Match 61. N. VVOmen ought to Nurse their owne Children 279. O. OBservation of the spirits of each others meet for such as would mary well 55. Objection of the fruitfulnesse of hearts and the barrennesse of some chast wives answered 170. The personall offices of each party the husband and the wife 203. P. PRophane scorners to mary in the Lord terryfied 31. Prayer requisite for good mariage 53. Parents cannot do as they would in matching of their Children 73. Parents must observe the condition of their children 79. Questions about Parents consent answered 81. Terrour to all Rebellious children who mary against their Parents consent 83. Parents may be shy to rebellious children and why 84. Exhortation to mary with consent of Parents 87. Dignity of Parents 89. Reproofe of them that neglect the care of their children 89. Parents must walke in a middle way betweene austerity and folly towards their children 89. Base shifts and respects of Parents in disregard of their children to be taxed What those are 90. Parents offence in the extreame of over-providing for children by undoing of themselves p. 91. Two degrees of it ibid. Promise of Mariage the Root of an explicate Contract 97. To be very cautiously made ibid. The properties of them ibid. What Promise for mariage doth bind 99. viz. A mutuall one 2. A free one 3. A plaine and undeceiving one and what that is 101. Rash inconsiderate promises of mariage very foolish and sinful 103. Providence a second peculiar duty of the husband necessary 219. Opening of the point ibid. Reason of it Because its honour to mariage and how 220. 221. Providence of the husband in what it consists 1 In skill in the trade of his way 2. Wisdome insight and experience in it 3 Curiosity in Trades abhorred 4. A stock necessary to occupy with 5. Application of himselfe to his Object diligently 221. 222. 223. Vusubjectednesse of mind to the rule of Providence an ill signe of good husbandry 235. Exhortation to husbands to be provident ibid. Providence of the Wife in conjugall estate a third part of her helpfulnesse 296. In what particulars it stands 297. 298. 299. 300. Forward Professors to take heed of uncleannesse vid. Adultery Because Professors cannot dispence with this sinne 353. Q. QVestion about publication of contract answered 109. Question about marying by a Minister answered 110. Question whether Cozen-Germans may mary answered 111. Question wherein mariage and a contract differ 115. Why a space is alotted twixt contract and mariage 118. What space is most convenient 119. Quest what if either party defile him or herself after contract 120. Three Questions touching marying in the Lord answered 58. Q. Whether a Parents forbiâ—ding mariage with such a person upon his deathbed may be lawfull and binding and how far 81. 82. R. REligion the best object in mariage 43. Reasons 4. ibid. Reasons why maried persons must enter in the Lord are foure 24. 25. 26. 27. Rationall respects three in number of using a contract 107. 1. The sutablenes of so weighty a thing 2. The preventing of inconstancy 3. Good of the parties so contracted 108. Religion iointly used a maine preservative of the honour thereof 128. In what it consists and the duty urged 129. Six Reasons for it 1. God is their mutuall God 2. The grace of either furthers both 3. They enjoy all things both good and had in common 4. Religion is the Cement of all fellowship 5. By instance of one joint necessity of trusting God 6. Blessing annexed to it 130. 131. 132. A Question what if one party Refuse to joine with the other 133. Hinderers of each other in such joint Religion to be taxed 135. Such as remaine in each others Religion taxed ibid. Reproofe of wastfull wives 300. S. SCorners to be drawn by their wives Religion blamed 40. 50. Single life more free from troubles then the maried condition 47. Sound judgement Selfe deniall and subduing of rebellious lusts meet for him who would prepare for mariage 48. 50. Severalnesse in the maried sinfull if affected 133. Subjection of the wife to her husband one principall part of her duty 254. Reasons of the point 1. From the law of Creation 2. From the penalty of disobedience 255. Proofes of the point 256. Reasons 3. Hereby she preserves the honour of her mariage 258. Subjection what it is 259. It is two fould 1. Of the spirit ibid. Objections against it answered 260. Qualification of the wives Subjection in many respects 1. In prompting the husband with religious counsell 2. In Causes of difficulty 262. 263. 264. Secondly Subjection stands in his practice wherein 3. particulars 1. In matters of God A Question answered How far a woman hath liberty to performe the Service of God in Family 266. 267. 268. If they bee denied this liberty by bad husbands they must be subject 269. Secondly Subjection in respect of their husbands estate 270. Limitation of the womans Subjection in worldly businesse 270. A Question answered May the woman give to Charitable Vses Ordinarily not How she may in sundry respects whereof seven are mentioned 272. the occasion of this argument ibid. The third branch of Subjection in mariage conversation in many things 1. Attire and fashion 2. Gesture 3. Domesticall deportment 4. Abroad 5. In his tongue and company 6. In Nursery Vses 2. First Admonition to shun rebellion against the Husbands Secondly Exhortation to embrace subjection from 275. to 282. Wives not subject to the unlawfull commands of their husbands 262. T. TErrors to all dishonourers of mariage 9. Profaners of it ib. 12. Trials of mariage many 25. Terror to affecters of unequall marriage 66. Vnlawfull Trades to be shunned 222. Curiosity of Trades to be abhorred 223. Neglecters to learne the way of their trade reproved 231. Rushing upon courses of manifold trading ill husbandry 233. Tendernesse and respect due to the wife Vide Wife V. POpish magnifying of Virginity confuted 11. Vowes of single life unwarranted 49. Vulgar guise and garbe of the married rude and barbarous wholy unpeaceable and without consent 190. To be a man of understanding what it is 206. Vnderstanding in matters of God needfull for an husband Instances wherein 208. 209. For the managing of the soule of his wife many wayes 210. Vnderstanding in other externals requisite 211. Husbands not walking as men of understanding blamed 212. Husbands
God 1 Tim. 2. 11. â—2 How far the wife may undertake the service of God in her family Yâ—t with Cautions Caution 1. Women denied this libertie must be pacient Exod. 21. 6. 2. Branch Of practice Matter of the world Limitations of subjection in worldly things Prov. 31. May the woman of her selfe give to Charitable uses Ordinarily she may not But in some cases she may In publique miseries of the Church Decision of the doubt 3. Branch Her subjâ—ction in marriage converse manifold In Attyre 1. Pet. 3. 3. In gesture and composition of body Domesticall Converse must be subject Rom. 12. Matt. 11. 30. Shee must hee subject abroad In her tongue and Company Subject â— In point of Nurâ—ery Ruth 4. 16. Admonition Shun Rebel Iron Exod. 4. 25. 1. Cor 7 10. Exhortation of wyves to subjection The second speciall Duty of the wife helpfulnesse Gen. 2. 18. Wherein stands this vertue of helpfulnesse In 3 Branches In Gods matters Impudency of usurping women in matters of God eaxed Joel 2. 28. Admonition to all usurping women in matters of God Conditions of modest wives in actâ—ng of Gods matters Judg. 13. 23. Sam 1. 25. 2. Generall Helpfulnesse in matter of estate described Prov. 31. Wives must not have any peculiar wealth apart from their husbands but in common 1. Tim. 3 1. 2. If they desire any stroake in dispensing the matters of the husband they must deserve it by good carriage Three branches of womans providence Act of Providence to bring somewhat in Pro. 31. Women must bee their husbands storers and Treasurers Matt. 13. â—2 Is her Dispensing Provident wives right hand must not know what their left doth â— King 3. Act. 19. 35. Admonition to the wife against this Evill Eccles 7. Branch 3 Of the womans providence in the conjugall life It stands in sundry particulars To his person Soule Iob 2 9. Act. 5. 5. 1 Kings 18. To his health of body His good Name His family In al difficulties Bearing hardship Reproofe What kind of helpers wastfull wyves are Exâ—â—rtation Encouragement to helpfull wives The third peculiar duty of the wife gracefulnesse Wâ—vâ—s must be graâ—â—ous and gracefull What gracefulnesse is Two things in this Matter of it Grace Humility 1 Pet. 3. 4. Selfe deniall Iudges 4. 21. Faith For the truth of it 2. Pet. 1. 2. 2. Theâ—â— 3. 2. For the life of â—t Esai 63. 3. Heb. 11. Grace Innocency Zeale and prety 1 King 17. 9. Luke 8. 3. Mens hearts not generally so tendet and zealous as womens if they be right Grace Mercy and Compassion Math. 25. 36. Act. 9. â—6 Confidence with others 1. Pet. 3. 5 6. Forme is temperature of them Is the sweete union of all into one compound Act. 22. 28. Vse of this point Instruction Dâ—fference of Couples wherin it stands Cant. What a bad gracelesse wife is Admonition Gracefull wives must expâ—esse it to then husbands Husbands that are happy in the grace of theâ—r wives must returne the like Generall uses of the whole greatise Reproofe and Admonition to good Couples Branch 1. Look out and compare your lot with others Condole the unhappines of others R. R. of I. K. And bee hâ—mbâ—â—d Ioh 21. 18. Guide others to good Choice 2. King 7. Branch 4. Exhortation to live love and leave 1 Cor. 7. 21. Eccles 2. 5. Instruction Marriage is a shadow of that spirituall un oÌ„ of Christ and the Church In their meetings and marriage And how Their mutual Converse What Christis â—o the Church What shee is to him Conclusion of the Treatise Preamble to the Appendix Why the latter part to this Text is handled God deales wite his owne by Iudgments Heb. 12. ult Nah. 1. 3. Nahum 1 3. Habac. 3. 19. Mica 7. ult The godly have a slavâ—sh part in them and free 1. Cor 6. 10 1â— Eph. 5. 6. 1. Thess 4. 6. Adultery a great sin God will have all uncleannes layd open in her colors as odious Mal. 3. 5. Digression shewing that fornication is a great sin Act. 15. 1. Pet. 4. 34. Homil. 22. in 2. ad Corinth Homil. 12. ad popul Antioch In 1. ad Corin homil 1. 18. Gregor Nâ—ssen 〈◊〉 1. ad Corinth Tertull de pudâ—â—t cap. 1. Reason why Vncleannesse is a very neer naturall Corruption Men are prone to blanch over this sin 1. Cor. 10. This sinne inchanâ—eth and bribeth the judgement Jude 10. Adultery is very full of colours and excuses to hide it selfe under Eithâ—r for pâ—evention or sâ—opping of mouth That sensuality might have strong disswasives Gods judgements against it Branch 1. Mat. 1. 19. Gods deerest servants not exempt from this generall sentence 1. Pet. 4. 18. Branch 2. The of-spring of the Adulterer excluded from the Tabernacle many ages Branch 3. Old Penalty of Adultery death without remedy Numb 5 18. 19. Branch 4. Severe judgments executed upon Adulterers Both in Scripture Num. 25 7. 8. And in experience Branch 5. Marks of wrath â—pon Soule Name When as men have failed God hath struck in 1 Pet. 1. 18. Marke 3. Beggery Marke 4. Coherence of uâ—cleannesses Marke 5. It s the Divels nest egg 2 Sam. 11. c. Marke 6. Marke 7. The body Prov. 5. 10. 11. 〈…〉 the uncleare Pro. 26. 19. Admonition to all uncleaneâ—nes Deface not Gods way To prevent the sinne Conclusion of it 2. King 10. 3. 4. 5. Rev. 2. 14. 2 Sam. 10. 12 Instruction to be subdued by t'â—ererrors of God Mark 13. 37. Fotward professors beware of his snare Profession cannot dispence with this sinne 1 Cor. 10. 10. Exhortation Councells three First Counsel Abhorring somewhat Thyne owne selfe Things to be abhorred Thoughts of Contemplative uncleannes Iames 4. 8. Things to be abhorred Colors and Excuses of it All inward fomenters All outward temptations Second Counsell Meditate of sóme what 2. Properties of it 1. It must be wise Psal 51. 2. Propertie It must be deepe about the properties and penâ—dties Of the â—pâ—â—itu â—â—nesse of this sinne Steps of spirituall sinne An evâ—ll heart Evill workes Unbeleefe Iona. 2. 8. Ioh. 3. 9. Delusion and defilemen Hardnes of heart Departing from the living God 1. Tim. 1. Things to be meditated of the peculiarnefle of this sin That other sins are out of the body but this is as it were within it Seperatâ—s from God 1. Cor. 5. And from the Church by Excommunication either inflicted or deserved The spirit of God Excommunicates him in the Court of his owne Conscience Secondly he must meditate of the penalties of this sin In word Awofuâ—l gidâ—y druâ—kâ—nnes disabling the Sinner from repenting A fearefull example of a debauched Adulteâ—er urged M. Bol. Meditation of the temporall penalties of uncleannâ—sse Third Counâ—â—ll Pâ—â—câ—sing of somewhat Whom this coâ—cernes especially Viz. 2. Sorts Such as are guilâ—y of it onely 1. Branch Adulterers ought to humble themselves for it Luc. 1. An â—bâ—â—sement under the mighâ—y hâ—nd of God They must gather hope out of the promise to pardon it See and consider Jerem. 3. 2. 3. Branch 3. Gâ—orâ—fie God in the confession of it This is as their bringing of their curiot's books and burning them Act. And why Agravation oâ— sinne needfâ—â—â— for uncleane Penitents Set before thine eies the promises Ier. 3. 2. 3. The second Beleeve the promise Esay 64 5. Hereby thy heart must be changed from it and part with it Branch 5. Sue out the destroying power of sin from Christ Return to the Lord in chastity for ever The second generall in practice for such as have revolted to it againe 1 Counsell What such are to do 2 Counsell 3 Counsell 4 Counsell 5 Counsell 6 Counsell 7 Counsell John 2 Cor. 7. 8 Counsell 9. Counsel 10. Counsel Caveat Magistrates to whom this work belongs must looke strictly to the Censure of God â—er 15. 19. Jonah 2. 8. 9.
let me speake unto you and be admonished ere it be too late ere either the one of you be swept from the other or both to destruction to consider your sinne at the first humbling your soule for it and much more for the long thred of your former course which you have spent amisse And if neither of you will at all profit by either word or workes of God while you live together but goe on hardned in your mutuall wickednesse yet when God shal separate the one from the other by death crying out lamentably of his or her sinfull course oh let the survivour be yet gastred out of his den and with that third Captaine of fifty cry out to God and say Although thou hast parted us Lord and my companion be dead in sinne yet let my life I pray thee be precious in thy sight unsettle me from those lees upon which I am setled for want of roling that I may breake off my long prophane fruitlesse conversation and seeke thy face and recover my selfe ere I depart and be seene no more Oh! it were better I grant if the Lord were so pleased that as both of you have bin partners in sinne and one corrupt flesh so you might both together repent and become one spirit in the Lord both of ye might be rouzed by his terrours out of your dead sleepe that the one being humbled might gaster his fellow and say husband wife seest thou not that Gods hand is out against us and his wrath is upon us we are under all adversity our bodies soules children and affaires nothing prospers oh we have made use a long time each of other for the divels vantage till our bones be full of the sin of our youth except we returne in time God will be avenged on us and send us to our place and long home of misery Alas we have never honoured marriage as other holy couples have done its strange patience that yet we are on this side hell let us now joyne together and turne to the Lord that if possible all may be forgotten and forgiven Oh! happy you if ever you should live to see that day happy your poore children and family whose soules you should snatch out of the fire and be instruments of pulling them out of that misery unto which you have bred them But I forbeare But there is a fourth sort of marriages whereof either party onely is religious These also are to be humbled for their ungrounded attempt the one for ventring upon an irreligious yokefellow the other for irreligious entrance Zachary and Elizabeth are commended that they were both just therfore it is a staine to such marriages as wherein either party is good the other opposite to it Example whereof we have in Scripture David and Michal Nabal and Abigail Iob and his wife The Lord who forbad to sowe one field with divers seedes or to weare a garment of linsey-wolsey much more abhors that the marriage-bed should be defiled with persons of divers religious for we know no opposition is so strong as that which is spirituall and how then should there be amity and love where the seeds of greatest enmity abide What a tempting of God is it to draw the yoke of God with one that drawes in the yoke of the Divell Oâ— as Paul speaks in the like case What fellowship is there betweene Christ and Belial the beleever and the infidell what is such an union save a monster compounded of divers natures by an adulterous mixture What a noysome thing were it for a lively and healthy body to walke with a dead caâ—casse bound to it backe to backe How long could it continue how should it avoid putrifaction as appeareth by the manner of that punishment in some cases inflicted among the Heathens as that image of Nebuchadnezzar which had the body made of mettals and the feet of clay could not abide long without dissolution so neither can that temper which consists of such contraries And hitherto adde that which one well observeth that when good and bad joyne together seldome is the worse bettered by the good but often the better is marred by the worser party The browne bread in the oven wil be sure to fleece from the white not that from it How can it otherwise be in this so neere a knot of marriage since it s seldome seene but it s so in all other fellowships when the one party is patient devout meeke sober a lover of the Word conscionable in Sabbaths and the use of meanes the other carelesse froward unchaste intemperate and prophane what a corrasive must the one needs be to the other and instead of an helper what a continuall dropping was it a savory thing thinke we to Iob to heare his wife bid him Curse God and dye himselfe being so armed with patience as to say Shall wee receive good things of God and not evill When David danced before the Lord and in the height of zeale brought home the Arke of God was it a pleasing thing to heare Micol to call him foole for his labour and although they are not so grosse as to scoffe at their husbands or wives yet what a crosse is it to have such lying in our bosomes as are of a diverse minde what complaint is so usuall in these dayes as to heare the complaints of good husbands of ill wives and wives of husbands through this desparity Some making their moane for the churlishnesse straightnesse maliciousnesse restraint from use of meanes others for other eye-sores of which sort unequall marriages are infinitely fruitfull So rare are those couples of whom it may be said They draw mutually and equally in one yoke as Zachary and Elizabeth both just diligent hearers zealous worshippers lovers of God of good men and the like And hence it is that there is oftentimes little difference betweene those families in which both be bad and those in which onely either party is good because commonly the better party makes himselfe but a prey to the other Religion must alway be the disadvantage of the party and the irreligious must beare the chiefe sway even as the elder brother will dominâ—â—e over the yonger because of his birth-right so the better party must ever looke to be the underling As we say or a syllâ—â—â—â—â—◠〈◊〉 the conclusion ever followeth the weaker 〈…〉 Alaâ— where both parties are as they ought how 〈…〉 is done â—o many croâ—â—es businessâ—â— of the world debts and temptations by sinne and Satan come betweene that even the comfort of such marriages goes neere together what good is like to be done when the one is alway thwarting the other in the duties of the family or lesser occasions I say when the maine is crazie how shall the rest be sodered But enough of these To passe therefore to another sort of couples how many husbands are of this ranke disaffected to their
religious wives and yet for some by-respects and ends of their owne will tolerate them in their profession of religion and use of means But alas full ill is it against their wils if by any counsell benefit or perswasion they could be withdrawne from it how glad would they be Nay if they could divert their affections from this way to any worldly way of feasting jollity and companionship how much rather would they chuse to be at double or treble cost to maintaine it rather then at a single one to nourish the other So that if they permit them not their religion with gibing and geering them openly yet with a secret disdaine If say they our wives will needs be precise let them why Is it because you love it in them No for then they should have your company and you would be like them wheras now you suffer them by a kinde of connivence winking at them and looking betweene the fingers But why perhaps they being men of a more indifferent and gentle nature and convinced by the secret grace which breakes out in their wives which they cannot smother and now and then especially in the time of their feare of death acknowledging their state to be better then their owne besides beholding sundry gracefull qualities in their wives which tend to their owne honour and credit in the opinion of others beholding them to be in esteeme with some of their betters and themselves accepted the better for their sakes sometimes also stirred in conscience to desire they were as they are though when their pangs be over their lusts doe againe surprize them I say by such second motives many men not being Nabals and base blockes being perswaded better of their wives then others are as seâ—ing their estates to be the more prosperous by their frugâ—ll housewifely and wise managing thereof they grow more indifferent toward them and especially their persons and sweet innocent behaviours gracing them in their eyes And by such meanes many women unequally yoked live at better tearmes then others doe But alas how few of such husbands are drawne to God as the Apostle saith by the conversation of the wives or wives by such husbands but put it off with a tricke you see say they what our wives affect they must have their wils we must not crosse them for then all were out of order let them alone and run their course as poore silly women may doe but as for us who are wiser and have greater affaires to looke after we must play the good husbands at home and hold in matters together Well take heed you wise fellows lest you be taken in your owne snare beware lest God pull ye not downe from that pride and jollity by which you look over religion as a meane thing under your worth and employment The wisedome of man is but foolishnesse with God and when the glory of this world shall be abased and bid you farewell then Gods matters will beare some price and Maries portion may hap to be wished Oh therefore as Paul saith what knowest thou O man whether God have appointed thy wife to occasion thy conversion Oh its death to many a bad man to thinke that a woman should beare stroke or sway with him in the cause of God they will not yeeld so farre as to grace their wives with such a victory It s well if her ornament prove not her greatest detriment and she have not much soure sauce to digest her sweet meat But as for following her steps to heavens oh it were too great honour to the wife well you shall wish you had esteemed it your owne greatest honour Meane time the greater shall her thank be with God by how much her religion hath cost her the setting on if she suffer not her zeale and grace to quaile by any discouragements till she see better things at last after her long patience to be wrought in her husband Oh thou unequall husband art thou content to pocket up all the commodities and contents of a good wife and to take all which religion affords thee in thy wife for thine owne ends never looking whence this mast fals wilt thou love the daughter thrift modesty subjection sobriety teaching of thy children and carest thou not for the mother religion which bred them all How base is it to love the effect and to dislike the cause to desire that these good qualities were in a wife without religion rather then by them to behold the beauty thereof Take heed resist not the light stop not your eyes from beholding that Sun whose beames you are so much beholding too I conclude this fourth branch being a very materiall one with an admonitory caâ—eat to such persons whose wisdome will be as I take it to make a vertue of a necessity either in drawing the backward party to a better passe or themselves to a more patient bearing of their burden First therefore let such say with Pharao's Butler I remember my sinne this day the sinne of rash entrance into marriage my sensuality and yeelding to mine appetite without consulting with God These and other sinnes of thy youth open before God that he may cover them Redeeme thy former neglect by present diligence in humbling thy soule and praying to God for pardon it is never out of season to doe so if the fruit be not as thou desirest yet it shall be some supply of thy want of good marriage and an ease of thy sorrow As for thy companion poure out thy soule to God for him as Abraham for Ismael Oh that he might live in thy sight If conscience move thee not yet let self-love doe it for thou art like to enjoy the good And with spirituall meanes joyne sutable practice commend whatsoever is praise-worthy in thy companion for the worst have some good parts that it may appeare that thou art loth to bury good under the clod of evill and wouldst be glad to commend for somewhat for so God himselfe doth Deut. 5. 28. c. infirmities passe by and marke not for who speakes of a scar when the body is crooked grosser evils so observe as waiting thy season to reprove them and that with all mercy and meeknesse lest thou exasperate instead of mending joyne especially a convincing and winning conversation for this glasse will say more then all thy words nay if Saint Peter may be beleeved more then the word it selfe sometimes And they are no men nor women whom such a carriage will not win in time But put case God still answers not thy desires fret not against thy lot which is Gods providence nor by comparison of worser folkes better successe But possesse thy soule with patience beare this indignation a while till the evill be overpast thou drinkest of no other cup then that which thou hast filled for thy selfe Moderate such pangs and melancholique passions of discontent as doe
she bee all blubberd with teares she loseth not her beauty but by the contrary doth commend it so although the occasions of her life are sad aswell as cherefull yet the cloud doth not disanull the sun but causes it to shine thorough with a more acceptable grace So farre I say as weake flesh mixt with much corruption wil admit And this forthe latter What shall I then say for Conclusion of this former part of my text that the married wives must honor their Marriage by this amiable behaviour Surely it instructeth us in and about the variety of couples in marriage The oddes is as great as the difference of the Prophets baskets of figs very good and very naught so that they could not be eaten The gratious wife is not only an helper to the Estate of her husband â—ut shee is a Coâ—fort and contentment to his mind and spirit shee lies in his bosome as a bag of sweet spices under his Aâ—meâ—olâ—s as a perfumed garment to his nostrils as the spikenard of the spouse in the Canticles which gave her savor to the beloved when he lay upon his bed Hence it is that Salomon compares her not onely to the most costly but especially to the most comely things which Nature hath made All her teeth her forhead lips necke bosome thighes legges yea even her very goings are pleasing in his eye he compares her to the lillies to the washed sheepe to the Roes of the Mountaines to the Doves to the Cedars to the Curtains of Salomon and every lovely amiable thing All to shew that amiablenesâ—e and gracefulnes is that principall excellency which commends a wife to her husbands esteem and affection without the which the rest were little worth In other things shee hath a mixture of her selfe but in this she resembles him who hath restored her to her first order and comelinesse in her creation A creation which no outward wealth or price can purchase nothing in the world can equall the reflexion of those graces and the savor of that report which came from her They are in her not for her as the flowers of a garden serve to garnish the house so these grow in her for his use her husbands to adorne and grace his person that he may be knowne in the gates All that City which knew Ruth to be a vertuous woman knew Booz to be an happy man in her himselfe thinking no lesse when he told her so Her vertues indeed shine within her owne sphaere and centre chiefly yet the influence therof is as that oile of Aaron which stayed not where it was first layd upon his head but wet the whole attire and earth about And as that box of costly oyntment though onely powred upon the feete of Christ yet made the whole house savor of it so the temper which ariseth of the simplieity meeknesse modesty of a good wife makes her amiable to such as never saw her face It s as the vices of the bad wife which like oile in the palme of ones hand cannot be hid Contrariwise an unhappy husband falles alone nor in himselfe so much as in his vitious wife who creates abroad dishonour at home discontent to him The best man thus plagued shall hardly avoid one of these imputations either that he is unworthy of a good one because he makes her no better or unhappy because she is no better the one is his sinne the other his shame both his sorrow She is neither comfort to him at home because he is an eie-witnesse of what he would not nor abroad being forced to stop his nose at the ill savour of he vices as Ahigail at Nabals churlishnesse Neither can hee be but as the body sitting upon a rolling stone which is never at rest but alway in conflict with himselfe with wrath and despaire yet there is no way to bee rid of such either in the getting or having except God shew a man favour that a man fall not into her hands So much for information But from this another use arises And that 's admonition to good wives and happy husbands thus much To the good wife this if God have thus graced thee enjoy it not thy selfe but set a Crowne upon thine husband expresse the temper of thy inward vertues in the amiablenesse of a loving and sweet carriag Forget it not even in affliction utter it even in the midst of bodily weaknesse Let thy pleasing influence breake through all opposition and sorrowes as the Sunne breakes through the thick mist or darke cloudes yea although eclipsed in part yet shine in part and let a glimmering appeare remember thou art a true friend made for the day of adversity it is not so thankeworthy for thee to cheere thine husband when he can cheere thee or himselfe without thee while the day of prosperity lasts but then to play the sweet orator and to make him merry when all other comforts have forsaken him in the sad season of sicknesse of sorrow this is better then all musique and melody Every base bird while summer lasts will chirp and chitter But to sing upon the bare bow or thorne bush when the leaves are gone and the cold winter approacheth this argues a wife truly gracefull truly amiable and cheerfull and next to the Soules peace with God is the greatest content under the Sunne I exhort no woman to play the hypocrite neither indeed can gracefulnesse be long acted by any apish imitator But I entreat her whom God hath thus graced to understand the use she serves for not concealing her selfe but to the uttermost to apply her selfe to the comfort of her husband And for himselfe this I say If God hath thus honored thee with such a wife understand oh man thine owne happinesse and digest it seriously with thanks to him who hath framed her so and brought her so framed into thy bosome Let her finde by good experience there is no love lost but let thy heart rest in her and trust to her seale her a bond of thy sure and faithfull respect againe and let her see she hath not a wearisome Nabal to do with who cannot value that which is pretious in her at a due rate Set her as a signet on thy right hand and let her be neerer thine heart then thy costliest jewell Let it not be enough that thou canst love one who hath honoured thee more then all thy wealth or birth could doe but procure her honour in all places and suffer none to eclipse her worth Give her of the worke of her hands and let her workes praise her in the gates And so much bee spoken for the use of this third Branch and so touching the meane to preserve the honour of Marriage by the duties which concerne each party in severall And thus having at last absolved this Taske which I undertooke to wit to shew how Matrimoniall honor may both bee purchased and preserved entire viz first
by a wife Entrance marrying in the Lord and aptly in the Lord as also by wise watching to the Duties both of common nature reaching to them both and in speciall pertaining to either let mee conclude the whole treatise with an item to both sorts First all ye that are apt religious joint worshippers of God who love each other are chast and consenting in the generall also who in speciall are understanding provident respective husbands subject helpfull gracefull wives Let me say this unto you both I doubt not but in the reading of my former treatise you willingly heare of other unhappy couples your selves better married But which of you in thus reading looke up to God or acknowledge such a blessing with due thankfulnes Which of you do but suppose as it is not amisse to suppose what might have bin or what may bee or say within your selves If â—he Loâ—d had not provided better for some of us then we deserved then we desired given us good companions before ever we knew what the misery of bad or the worth of good ones meant yea if he had not beene better to us most unworthie then he hath beene to more worthie then our selves whom he saw fitter to beare to profit by the crosse then our selves were oh what had become of us Oh! Nabals Laâ—ecs Zippora's Iebazels had swallowed up our souâ—s spirits peace welfare thrift and all The continuall vexitions of bad heads daily dropping of bad wives had oppressed us Alas And why hath the Lord done this Surely not for any good hee saw or foresaw in us but because he knew how unmeet we were to honor him under such a chaine Why then do wee not more magnify his providence and wonder at his love who hath so guarded us There being so few apt couples in the world that our lot should bee to light upon no unapter there being so many bad ones that wee should light upon no worser Is not this mercy Was it a golden blessing at first in our owne sense and confession and is it become a leaden one now after ten twenty thirty yea fourty yeeres experience Doe rich Pearles fall in price Could such mercie be better spared now then it might thirty yeeres a goe Have we had the stock of good marriage now 20. yeeres and come far shorter in the Tribute of praise thanks and fruit then when we first entred There be 4. ages of each marriage through the sin of the marryed the first goldeÌ„ the next silver the third brasse the last yron At first couples begin with precious affectioÌ„s to God to each other join much in duty cleave closely each to other mutually excite each other to zeale good works and pay their vowes well then nextly Gods part weaknes and decayes and they hold mutuall marriage-love hardly Then thirdly both Gods part and their owne faile too and they waxe fulsome and formall in both But lastly and before they die the Devill will faile of his will but he will make them both loose carnall profane and scandalous consider this how many Marriages of great hope and solemnity have by these Declensions proved starke naught at last when indeed they should have proved best and by degrees come to perfection Let it bee a sad Item to such as enter well to beware lest they trust too much to their owne wisedome and strength which will lay them in the durt ere they be a ware Againe how little do wee condole the unhappines of mismatcht couples Yea even Christians better then our selves Rather readie to disdayne and scorne them then to condole and pity them As those two Aaron and Miriam fell a cavilling at Moses for his Aethiopain wife Why Had he not sorrow enough before Was this to mourne with him or rather to adde more burden thereto Was it not from God And were they to quarrel at it Even so it fareth with many That which should provok teÌ„dernesse love fellow-feeling compassion in men rather causeth disdaine indignation alienating and estrangement of heart deserting of fellowship Why I pray Do they stoop under their burden so deeply that they are oft ashamed to complaine and dost thou trample upon them Dost thou judge them afflicted of God and humbled for sin Knowing thy wisedome and choice was no whâ—t better Thy successe only was happier in providence No but as thy selfe in the like affliction wouldst be handled so deale thou Bear their burden associate their persons use all meanes to reconcile their spirits to compound their differences to reduce them to mediocrity and indifferency of affâ—ctions many couples had prooved happier if even such as were neerest them had not rather made them objects of abhorring then of compassion A great sin and meane to aggravate yea exasperate those seedes of evill which disproportion at the first was like to kindle too much Pray pray rather for mercie and strength to guide and carry them through For how hardly couldst thou digest those morsells once which must bee their daily diet Wilt thou eate thy sweet bits alone and so little wish them to such as want them wholy Once a man enjoying sweet marriage thought seriously of another friend that never married a viling himself as base in respect of him that seemed to be above the need of that which himselfe could neither well want nor thankfully improove How much more shouldst thou then pray for such as would faine enjoy that which no creature can help them withall Moreover if not our worth but rather our weaknes hath mooved the Lord to shew us this mercy how doth the sense of our weaknes humble us How do we esteeme of the grace of God in such as although but ill married yet do walke more wisely under that crosse and do grow daily more humble and wary and purge out much drosse out of themselves which perhaps the blessings of God purge not out of us but rather make us sleep securely in the love of them As pride hipocrisie selflove and sensuality what if we whose portion is better do yet make a slighter matter of it and turne it into wantonnes How just were it with God to bereave us of our sweet companions leaving us to passe the rest of our daies either in solitarinesse with snares so that we should bring our gray heads to the graves with dishonor as many have done or in marriage more sad and sorrowfull the latter part of our life then ever it was comfortable in the former part thereof Could we well brooke such sawce and sower hearbs yet fit for such as have eaten our former dainties with such unthankfulnesse verily the experience I have had of second or third matches which have betided some husbands have made mee to thinke of our Saviours words to Peter when thou wert young thou girdedst thy selfe and went at thy pleasure But when thou art old another shall bind thee and lead thee whither thou wouldest not Surely when