the discourse love and delight of all Men for at the Rape of the Sabines a certain most excellent Virgin although she was preserved by his Authority was snatch'd away from him by his almost unknown Companions but the amiable and popular commemoration of Thalassius delivered her from that imminent peril with whom when he was happily married the Custom of invocating him was introduced in Nuptials Therefore that my discourse may return from whence I digressed there is such an efficacy such an union in this Nuptial Compact that the illustrious duty to Parents is obscured by the splendour of this alliance for the husband may as well by the Authority of the Ancients as of our Religion so confine his Affections to the love of his wife that others being omitted he may esteem delight in and please her Hither refers that most grave witness Homer who asserts that Hector although he could undauntedly sustain the loss of his Parents Brethren and lastly of his Country yet he could not bear the thoughts of the future dangers of Andromache his well deserving wife Herein Barbarus that most valiant Hero is so meek and so mild that verily he may be thought to have been another person For being exalted with the glory of his past actions he anxiously pensively and sadly complained nothing concerning his own many things concerning the event of his wife Therefore lest I be tedious we will acquiesce in this one Example for truly the frequent and many more than I wish Examples hereof every where which are often unworthily compacted do asperse the Authors with many stains of infamy I omit now the Garlands wherewith both the Spouse and the Postâ— were wont to be adorned I now pass by the Furniture and other Preparations which as herein I do not disapprove so I judge them accommodated to magnificence It was a Custom that those Fingers of the wife should be adorned with Gold Rings which were next to the little Fingers of the left hand whence it is believed that they are called Ring Fingers that it might be a perpetual monument before their Eyes of great love to their Husbands for from those Fingers as some Authors affirm some particular Nerves extend themselves to the heart It was a Custom that water and fire should be carried before the Bride and that she should touch them both that it might be evident that the wife was chiefly for the sake of propagation of Issue for as heat and moisture which excel in those Elements are the causes of Generation so the union of man and woman is chiefly introduced for the propagation of Issue Brides are wont to be careful lest they should touch their Husbands Threshold with their Feet but they enter being carried over that they may signifie that they lose their sollicited Virginity not voluntarily but in a manner by compulsion wherefore among those Ancients it was not lawful that Virgins should be espoused as well on certain days as also on all the Calends dedicated to Janus because a violence in a manner seemed to be done to them which then was a hainous offence yet at these times no Religion prohibited the Marriages of Widow because as Verrius Flaccus asserts we may on Holy-days scour old Ditches but we may not make new The ignorant Heathens have dedicated the Threshold to Janus who lest in the first access he should seem as it were to be spurned and neglected it was the Custom to be lifted over not to go over the Threshold Also on Holy-days wherein the multitude of people were entertained with Lupercal or Megalensian or Circensian Sports or with some other spectacle the Marriages of Virgins were prohibited but they were permitted to Widows Some think that this was chiefly instituted for this reason that Virgins might observe those days remembring that the Sabines were ravished upon a day of Sports which matter attracted much dishonour and was the beginning of a grievous and perillous War But it was not prohibited to Widows or to them who were divorced for they had no cause to blush if their former Husbands being either dead or living all the people were absent being attentive in the Theatre whilst they celebrated their Nuptials It is expedient if our Estates will permit that our Marriages be splendid neither should we deprive them of this part of praise for many worthy persons have applauded Banquets and the Sports of Gladiators and the preparations of Pastimes for the people with which Theophrastus was so pleased that he termed the Expences of this sort which appertained to the entertainment of the multitude the most delightful product of riches Why should I now mention Q Mulius C. Appius Hortensius Syllanus P. Lentulus Scaurus Pompey those Crassus's and Lucilius's who delightfully ended the Curule Office with the most magnificent Festivals and Solemnities which yet have been and are reproved by many most grave persons But I can find none who disapprove the splendour of Nuptials many who approve it Aristotle that most learned person who is wont to be stiled the principal and chief of the Philosophers in those Books which he hath written concerning Manners approveth this kind of magnificence even in the best men That excellent person and most famous Philosopher Manuel Chrysoloras espoused to a Wife his most learned Nephew and that most excellent Gentleman John for whose Nuptials when there was a most splendid preparation and therefore the dignity of that grave Philosopher was reproached by one of his Familiars he said O ye Gods grant better things it is permitted us to be magnificently joyful in the most delightful things and unless we be injurious to our Neighbours that splendour which is suitable to the dignity of our Family can no where be omitted Why should we say more the matter it self which always avails most speaks for it self and needeth not a longer discourse But large Banquets which elsewhere are disapproved here they are not disliked Moreover we know that the Custom of the Sabines was to introduce pleasant discourse that no occasion may be omitted of exhilarating body and mind for the same reason Stage-Players were admitted who were so much esteemed in the City of Rome that all the Masters of that Art being dead they sent for Players out of Hetruria that most flourishing Province of Italy of whom he who was the eldest and most skilful in his Art was called Histrus as Claudius Ruffus relates from whom afterwards all the other were termed Histriones as the Epicureans Pythagoreans and Gnathons are so nominated from their Authors It is most certain that Neighbours and Kindred were invited to Marriages both in the former and our Age that all to whom either the honour or the pleasure of the Nuptials should extend might rejoice with them Solon one of the seven Wise men instituted that when a Wife is joined to her Husband she should eat a Quince that he might in a manner signifie that the sweet voice and pleasant speech of the Wife should
nor Exhortations if they would be such as they ought to be And lest we should any longer defer those things which are most diligently to be considered by us we put a period to these things CHAP. VII Concerning Domestick care BOth the time and the place require our discourse concerning Domestick care concerning which I would have those few things expected which we perceive by common experience most expedient but those things which are written by learned men I cannot include within this little and narrow place because neither do all things appertain to this discourse and time and every one may know those things by their Books it shall suffice out of many things that those things which are necessary and may be treated of very briefly and most easily shall not be pretermitted in these our little Commentaries I would have therefore the whole care of the Domestick Affairs chiefly employed about Estates and Servants or dependents and the education of Children we will briefly treat of this last but we will first dispatch those two former points for we esteem the care of our Estates and diligence about our Servants and dependents necessary for we have need of estates and servants without the plenty and assistance whereof the family affairs cannot consist in which things truly the moderation of domestick affairs is for the most part contain'd and which unless they be established by the Councils and Precepts of the Wife have no Foundation and are wont to be in great disorder for as naturally men are endued with a strength of Body and Mind as well for other causes as that they may enrich their Familes by Industry Labour and finally by many perils so as I conjecture women are naturally weak that they may more diligently manage their Houshold concerns for fear cannot be without care nor care without vigilance What availeth it to bring much home unless the wife will keep preserve and distribute it for what else is fabulously written concerning the Daughters of Danaus who filling a bored Hogshead were tormented with a perpetual and vain labour My opinion is which I hope O Laurentius that you will approve that no small advantages arise from this the Wives custody For truly that was well said by Augustus Caesar that most prudent person Alexander would have obtained far more renown and profit if he could have kept and defended what he had gotten than by the assistance of Fortune to have atchieved the greatest matters wherefore wives ought not to be defrauded of their praise if they shall order whatsoever is placed at home as it is their duty therefore they should endeavour to remember that as dayly Pericles at Athens so they should govern their Families and should be willing always to judge themselves lest they be deficient in their care performance and diligence about Domestick Affairs It greatly conduceth to this matter if they which chiefly belongeth to them accustom themselves to stay at home and to take care of all things where I remember that prudent Groom who when he was asked what chiefly made an Horse fat said the Masters Eye Which duty that it might be recommended to posterity an ordinary Shoe and a Distaff and Spindle were affixed to the Brazen Statue of Caja Cecilia the Daughter of Tarquinnius that those things might in a manner signifie that her diligent residence at home should be imitated by Posterity What negligent Farmer can hope to have industrious Husbandmen What slothful General can make his Souldiers vigilant for the Common-wealth If therefore the Wife would have her Maids stay at home she should not only instruct them by words but she should demonstrate shew and declare by her actions what they ought to perform Nothing truly is more excellent in Family Affairs than that every thing be placed in its own station for order than nothing which is more decent nothing more useful is always of the greatest importance We may behold a company of Singers and Armies amongst whom unless a proportion be aptly observed they can be termed nothing less than either Armies or Singers I would have Wives to imitate the Ringleaders of Bees who know receive and preserve whatsoever is placed within their Hives and until the necessity of their concerns shall otherwise require they are always present with their Honey-combs that they may be exquisitely and maturely perfected Wives may send abroad their Men and Maid-servants if they perceive it will be advantageous to them but if they be useful at home they may require urge and command their presence They should judge it to appertain to their duty that no dammage accrue to their Husbands in the Pantry Wine-cellar and Oyl-cellar As Generals often view the numbers of their Souldiers so Wives should often and most diligently recognise those things which are placed at home lest at last to their great detriment they should perceive that what should be of a years scarce is of a months duration The Custom of Pericles greatly deceives unskilful persons and oftentimes impedes the Family Affairs who sold together all the fruits which he received from his fields and afterwards he provided from the Market whatsoever he had need of at home from day to day for this daily manner of providing Corn and Wine and Wood is rather fit for a Traveller and an unsetled Souldier than a Citizen and a Master of a Family neither do they so liberally so splendidly nor so profitably provide for their Riches But if any one shall object That he hath observed this to be the fault of the Caterer even in my opinion he should judge that the negligence of the Agents of the Wife is rather to be blamed than the Opinion of the wisest men I think this should be imitated from the Roman Custom That the most noble Women should not be employed in the vilest things for the noble Women by the League that was made with the Sabines were enfranchised from the Employments of the Mill and Kitchen and servile Services But indeed if the sickness of the Husband or an occasion of honouring of Guests shall happen they may undertake such kind of Employment for if it may conduce to the health of the Husband not onely nothing should be pretermitted but we detest any omission I am infinitely pleased to see in that most Learned Poet and Philosopher Homer that Andromache had so great love and affection for her Hector that she was diligent and exact even in giving Hay to his Horses in which the Honour and Life of her Husband consisted Therefore if a Wife applies her mind to her Duty and her Honour she will acknowledge that all things are due to and she will perform all things for her Husband but if a liberal Husband shall purpose nobly to entertain some Persons at his House she should not refuse even the Office of the Kitchen which was not unknown to those generous and most valiant Persons Achilles and Patroclus to whom when Vlysses and Ajax came to be
LICENSED Novemh 3. 1676. Roger L'Estrange DIRECTIONS FOR LOVE AND MARRIAGE In two Books Written Originally by Franciscus Barbarus a Venetian Senator And now Translated into English by a Person of Quality LONDON Printed for John Leigh at the Bell and Tho. Burrell at the Golden-Ball under St. Dunstans Church in Fleetstreet 1677. TO THE READER Reader TReatises of this nature perhaps may not be very welcome to some who too much inclining to the licentious humour of this depraved Age decry Marriage as a restraint upon their Liberty Their more refined wits scorning to tread one step in the beaten paths of their wiser Ancestors and utterly explode that which all Nations and all Ages the wisest Men and even God himself hath allowed as sacred Though I fear it will not please some yet I hope it may not be unseasonable to prevent others from adhering to see pernitions and impolitick an opinion This Treatise was first written in Italian and so well liked of that it was translated into Latine and printed in Holland where it hath gained an Universal Applause It is now at last translated for the benefit of the English Reader from the generality of whom it hopes for a favourable reception The Table of the Chapters of the first Book Concerning the Endowments of a Wife CHAP. I. WHat Wedlock is and what are its advantages CHAP. II. With what qualifications and manners a Wife should be chosen CHAP. III. Concerning the Age of a Wife to be chosen CHAP. IV. Concerning the Nobility of a Wife to be chosen CHAP. V. Concerning the Beauty of a Wife to be chosen CHAP. VI. Concerning the Riches of a Wife to be chosen CHAP. VII Concerning the importance of time and of other things to change our purposes CHAP. VIII Concerning Nuptial Solemnities The Table of the Chapters of the second Book Concerning the Duty of a Wife CHAP. I. Concerning Gonjugal Love CHAP. II. Concerning the moderation of a Wife CHAP. III. Concerning the speech and silence of Women CHAP. IV. Concerning the Apparel and Attire of a Wife CHAP. V. Concerning the Food of a Wife CHAP. VI. Concerning the regulation of Congress CHAP. VII Concerning Domestick care CHAP. VIII Concerning the Education of Children DIRECTIONS FOR Love and Marriage BOOK I. CHAP. I. What Wedlock is and what are its advantages I Shall first treat of a few things before I begin to discourse concerning the choice and duty of a Wife First I purpose to define in this place what Wedlock is that after the Example of Learned Persons it may in the beginning be understood what will be the Subject of our future Discourse For so the Sum of the Matter being known we may more easily and rightly judge of the rest Wedlock is therefore a perpetual Conjunction of Man and Wife lawfully instituted for the propagating of Issue or avoiding Fornication whereof there have been many and divers Opinions It would be tedious to enquire and to argue which of these is the true but the Opinion as well of the Eminent Pagans as of the Christians which by the consent of almost all Men is accounted praise-worthy seems better to me For the Romans that the City might be replenished with Legitimate Issue enacted that those who lived a single Life until old Age should be obliged to pay Money called Mulcts into the Treasury for they would follow Nature it self by which a desire of Congress for Procreation sake is communicated to every kind of Animals and which accounts her happiness to consist in those which are Procreated For the Sense of Generation also is apparent in Beasts For truly that I be not tedious in speaking of other things we all see a desire in Birds of building their Nests in which is observable a certain Representation of Wedlock to beget and nourish their like By this means even as the Body is nourished by Meat so the Offspring of Men and Beasts is perpetuated Lycurgus by whose excellent Laws the Republick of the Lacedemonians flourished but being neglected was overthrown hath branded them with Ignominy who continued their Celibacy thirty seven years and he prohibited them who as yet had not attained the Nuptial State to appear at the Wrestling-Schools that they being inflamed with a desire either of shunning Reproach or by the nobleness of the Reward the City might become greater and more glorious with Free-men Wherefore a certain young Man who for his honour sake departed not from the Theatre did very wittily apply this saying to Calicla the famous Emperour who had no Children at Lacedaemon where was the honourable Harbour of his old Age Neither have you O Calicla begotten me to depart It hath been experienced that by Legitimate Marriages Children are more disposed by Birth to honesty more gravely educated and become better Citizens of whom the City consisting will be more acceptable to its Friends in Justice more terrible to its Enemies in Valour For Experience that Mistress hath made it most evident that those who are unlawfully and intemperately Begotten for the most part are flagitious and dishonest and more propense to wickedness The Lustre of their paternal glory does not permit them who are Legitimately born to be obscure who are sensible that the Trophees of their Parents brings more Burden than Honour unless their own Virtue correspond to the Dignity and Amplitude of their Ancestors Neither truly are they ignorant that expectation and as it were the repetition of Hereditary Virtue turns the Eyes of all upon themselves So we may term those who are Born to Repute The Walls of a City When a certain Person complained Agesilaus being present that Lacedaemon wanted Walls he said O ye Gods grant better things Our City it self is its own strongest Wall For indeed it is fit that we preserve and defend our Country Gods Houshold-Gods Altars Houses Parents Wives and Children not by Wood or Brick but by Valour What also is more pleasant than to prevent a common want by domestick care and to have a chaste Woman who may be a sociable and friendly Wife in prosperous and adverse Affairs To whom you may disclose your most secret thoughts concerning her Affairs To whom you may commit your little and mutual Children In whose speech and pleasantness you may lay aside all your cares and griefs Whom you may so love that you esteem some part of your Life included in her welfare Cato the Censor thought that there was so much Respect and Veneration due to this state that whosoever should offer violence to his Wife he publickly affirmed was equally to be prosecuted and detested with the violators of the Images of the Goddesses and it 's related that he was wont to say that he thought it more difficult to be a good Husband than to be a good Senator By this tye Cadusius reconciled the most seditious Carians amongst themselves by this alliance Cyrus appeased the Chaldeans that were at enmity with their Borderers and at Rome in the same day the Sabins
which have been handled and taught by Zachary and many Learned Persons But I think that this is first to be premonished that you chuse a Virgin not a Widow a young not an elderly Woman for she will more easily learn those things which are necessary and commodious and if she hath contracted any Vices they may more speedily be eradicated For we can easily make impressions upon soft Wax but we can scarce deface those which are impress'd upon hard and solid We may affix upon tender minds what institutes we please We can scarce with great ingeny elaborate industry and singular care reduce Widows formed both to their own and others humours to our own customes for who can hope to straighten old Vines which were at first crooked Who will conceive that a young Man nourished in Alexandrian pleasures will change his course of life to that of an abstemious old Man Who will think that he will be well qualified in old age who in his youth was obstinate lustful audacious and cruel So Widows if they have imbibed any vicious habits we may almost despair of reducing them to our course of life Wherefore excellently Timotheus that noble Trumpeter was wont to require a double reward from them who formerly had received instructions from other Masters of that Art and a single one from them who were ignorant of that Art for as these are to be taught so those are to be untaught before they are capable of instruction To this refers that reason which is approved by use and produced by Nature For those relate who enquire exquisitely into the hidden causes of things that Nature her self intends that which is the best and that when she cannot produce a Male she conceives a Female which is ennobled and perfected by the union of the Male and therefore that Women love those most to whom they are joined in the first congress Why is it so Because a Virgin will more easily entertain good Manners and renounce her depraved and will love more ardently Moreover the Marriages of Widows amongst the Romans could not escape the imputation of levity and impudence who also permitted a Divorce but those whom they observed to be content with one only Husband they highly admired for their modesty Neither did they defraud the Matrons of their due praise who preserved purely and with a sincere faithfulness their affections devoted to their former Husbands although defunct Who will not deservedly condemn her of intemperance whose fervent desires are not capable of an allay by the embraces of many Husbands Who will not admire with great delight the chaste Dido who said He who first join'd me to himself hath engross'd my love he shall enjoy and possess it in his Sepulchre Which none should wonder at since Crows and Turtles by Natures instinct when their Mates are dead continue chaste and in a manner Widows I have expatiated too much while I reprove the Marriages and accuse the Incontinence of Widows Let us therefore return to the Subject of our Discourse It chiefly conduceth to Domestick Peace that a parity of dispositions and similitude of desires do unite Husbands and Wives or retain them being united For this reason prudent Antiquity together with Venus hath placed in the Temples Mercury and the Graces and Obsequence because conformity of minds concord and complaisance claim to themselves a chief place in the duty of a Wife Henceforth we are to treat at what time a Woman is Marriageable and of years adapted to the Nuptial state Hesiod that most ancient Poet and Xenophon that most sweet Philosopher have ascribed the fourteenth year to a Woman the thirtieth to a Man but Lycurgus hath appointed the eighteenth year for Women but the thirty-seventh for Men chiefly accounting it advantagious to Posterity in the propagation whereof he did not so much regard the number as the strength In this place O most pleasant Laurentius I desire thee to give me leave to digress freely which I know will not be unpleasant to thee For this cause therefore he appointed that his Citizens should not lodge with their Wives in the same Beds but that they should privately join embraces with them in the day-time that they being restrained from a perpetual and as I may so say unlimited congress they might take care of their health and that their Children might be more robust For that most prudent Person foresaw that mortals were apt to delight in fond sensual pleasures from the allurements whereof he hoped for the greatest part to defend his Citizens by restraining them from a continual volupty To this matter the Female Discipline much contributed for he took care by many Sports and Games that the Wives Dignity might not incur any disgrace by sloth or idleness for he appointed a School of Running Shooting Discipline and of Wrestling for the Spartane Women that they being frequently exercised therein their Sons and Daughters might obtain a Natural strength from their Parents He also declared that he was therefore the Author of that Law that the Spartane Women might more undauntedly endure the pains of Travail and if at any time any contention arose they might fight couragiously for their Children I suppose conjecture that these years of Marriage were limited by him that as much as could be the weakness of that Sex might be defended from the snares of pleasures whereby it came to pass that the Laconian Women greatly excell'd as in all kind of glory so especially in modesty The most noble answer of Geradata the Lacedemonian is a solemn Testimony hereof whom when Xentus asked what punishment by the Laws of Lycurgus were inflicted upon Adulterers he answered That Lycurgus had not enacted any thing concerning them since it is apparent that we have not one Adulterer amongst us neither O Xentus would I have thee admire at it since amongst us Luxury Riches Ornaments and the other allurements of Pleasure are disesteemed but Frugality Modesty and Chastity cannot be sufficiently applauded In which Laws the Spartan Women being born and educated they alone seemed to bring forth not only Men but excellent Persons whiâ—â— it is reported that Gorgon the Wife of Leonides did assert For when a certain Guest of her Husband blamed the Lacedemonian Women because unlike to others they ruled their Husbands Gorgon said I confess it neither do we wrong them therein because we alone bring forth excellent Men. But perchance I have insisted longer on these things than is needful I think it unnecessary now to pronounce a definitive Sentence which of these Opinions is the true Truly in the Sentiments of a prudent Judge each defends it self For neither as I hope do you desire of me that I should prescribe certain Laws as it were framed by inevitable necessity as they say by Parliamentary Rolls concerning Wives but I will chiefly insist upon those things which I find approved either by precept or use yet we allow that most of these things may be changed by the
be approved by the Husband A Bridegroom when he enters the Bridal Bed to complete the Marriage Rites the Brides face is hidden under a Vail and the Bridegroom embraces her in the dark Venus being the Bride-maid and having laid himself on his Brides lap expects a pleasant sleep which we conjecture to be appointed lest her Virgin-like modesty should more obstinately resist his lawful embraces than is meet and lest any sadness should intervene in that most joyful Solemnity they had a Custom to scatter Nuts that the great multitude might not hear the cryes which the Bride utters either for grief or modesty for the Childrens earnestness in gathering and cracking their Nuts Many things restrain me from proceeding farther upon this subject First lest if I should relate these things more largely I should offend your ears which when you have applyed your mind care and endeavour to these excellent Studies of humanity nothing but an innocent speech and a grave discourse and well composed things can satisfie Moreover because I think I have said enough courteously to admonish our young men wherein they may imitate those Ancients whose Vertues are illustrated in Authors and resemble them as well in other things as chiefly in this as much as the sanctity of our Religion permits Which that I may more easily concede to them I have not discoursed of all things but that alsot variety it self may be added to the benefi hereof out of many things I have assigned a few to this matter Therefore I cease not to exhort them that they pay the greatest gratitude to those Ancients by whose vigilance and writings unless they be deficient to themselves they will both be advantaged themselves and will obtain better instructed Wives and more ornate Nuptials Enough of these things let us come to greater matters DIRECTIONS FOR Love and Marriage BOOK II. Concerning the duty of a Wife THE next thing is that we should diligently consider that point viz. the Wives duty to which long since our discourse did tend for this second place is appointed for it in the first Book for so I promised that I would first treat concerning the choice afterwards concerning the duty of a Wife this is the remaining part this action remains in which if wives either of their own accord or by the precepts of their Husbands shall obey me no body will be so unjust a Judge of things but may think that I have so established the wives duty that the young persons may enjoy a secure tranquillitie and repose through the whole course of their lives Therefore there are three things which being well performed by the wife make the marriage most laudable and admirable love to her Husband Modesty of Life and a great and diligent care of the domestick affairs we will explain the former but first we will say some things concerning the facilitie of obedience which should be her guide and assistant than which nothing is more acceptable nothing is more desired which those most wise ancients well considered by whom it was instituted that when a Sacrifice was offered to Juno who was called Gamelia from her government of marriages the gall was taken out of the victime that they might wisely admonish as it were by Laws that all contention and anger should be excluded from the conjugal state wherefore the answer of a Spartan woman is approved by many learned men for when she was provoked by the slanderous reproaches of a certain doating old Woman against her Husband she said Mischief light on thee when I was but a Child I learnt to obey my Parents now it is chiefly necessary for me to obey my Husband if I will be what I ought to be for a Husband may command to whose will it is most fit that the Wife conform her manners Wherefore Gorgon may deservedly be blamed who being asked whether or no she would go to her Husband said no truly but let him come to me Cyrus that great Person and Emperour said to his Souldiers that if their Enemies should clamorously assault them they should silently sustain their fury but on the contrary if they were silent that they should engage with them with noise and shouting So we instruct Wives if their Husbands being angry shall more severely chide them than their Ears have been accustomed to endure let them silently sustain their wrath but if grief makes them silent they may speak to excite exhort comfort and please their Husbands with sweet and affectionate discourses They who are conversant with Elephants do not wear white Garments nor they red who are with wild Oxen for by such colours those Beasts are more and more enraged Many Authors assert that Tygers are disquieted with Bells and greatly disturbed therewith So it is expedient to exhort Wives for truly if any Garment shall seem offensive to their Husbands we advise them to abstain from it that they may not disagree with some Husbands they must live mildly and pleasingly I think that the Ears defences for so they are called from covering the Ears to be far more necessary for Wives than Wrestlers for these their Ears only are lyable to blows but Bills of Divorce accompanied with grievous Ignominy are obvious to the others wherefore they must be very careful not to entertain suspicion jealousie and anger by the conveyance of their Ears to which matter it conduceth much if we imitate the prudence of King Alexander for he when any one was calumniated to him was wont always to stop one of his Ears that he might afterwards open it to him who desired to defend himself truly Hermione seemeth to relate the truth who acknowledgeth and apparently testifies that she was ruined by wicked Women with whom she was familiar Wives therefore if at any time they fall into suspicions let them not regard slanderous Women let their Ears be stopped let mutterings be exploded neither as the Proverb saith let Fire be added to Fire let them learn and discourse of the expression of Philip that most famous King he some of his Family sometimes urging him to be more greatly angry with the Grecians who althouâ—h they had received many benefits from him yet they slandered and reproached him said What will they do then if we also injure them In like manner when seditious Women say Your Husband little esteems you who are affectionate and most loving to him the Wife should answer What if with my modesty I should forsake my chastity and with my love should wittingly and willingly withdraw from him my great observance towards him A certain Master found a Fugitive Servant in a House of Correction and as if he had now been punished enough he said Where had I rather find thee than in this very place A Wife who is grievous to her Husband by reason of her jealousie and thinks and considers of a Divorce I would she would so think with her self Where will a Whore whom I always hate be more joyful and fortunate than
to all living Creatures which bring forth and hath given them Breasts like overflowing Fountains by which the young one being nourished may by degrees be augmented and corroborated in the Parts of its Body she hath also therefore given them two Paps that if they brought forth Twins they might easily suckle and nourish them together which things although they are transacted with great wisdom yet they would seem done in vain if she had not Implanted in them a certain stupendious love and affection to their Issue Where the peculiar care and diligence of Nature may be observed for whereas she hath placed other Creatures Paps under their Bellies she hath so affixed Womens Breasts to their Bosoms that they might both suckle them with their Milk and cherish them with their embraces and easily and conveniently kiss them and as it is said receive them into their Bosoms for so she hath assigned to them the capacity of bringing forth and the duty of education not only of necessity but of her singular love and good will that which we perceive in the terrible Bear and savage Beasts is also a great argument if they would imitate them to induce Women to employ their greatest care in adorning their Childrenâ— who after she hath brought forth her mishapen Cub formeth and polisheth it with her Tongue as it were with some Instrument so that she may most rightly be termed not only the Dam of the Cub but also the Artificer Why should we insist upon these small matters Nature concedeth so great a love to Issue that we may perceive Brutes which of themselves are fearful hereby become most bold and those which were negligent most subtle and those which were greedy most sparing Did not also the Bird in Homer suffer hunger that it might provide food for its young ones and to supply them defrauded its own Belly Therefore Mothers will deserve grievous reproaches if they neglect the care of their Children and live carelesly I would have them to refuse no pains to obtain most excellent associates assistants and comforters in their old age therefore if Mothers would be innocent they should not neglect their Children but that they may provide for their Souls and Bodies they should cherish them and suckle them whom being unknown they nourished with their own Blood being now born now Men and Women now known now dear and they should themselves as well as they could educate them it is not only the duty of a Nurse but also of a careful Mother The Wife of Marcus Cato the Censor suckled her Infant with her own Milk which Custome continueth among the Roman Women even to this Age. Moreover because a Society in Meat and Drink increaseth love and friendship that she might render the Children of her Servants well affected to her Infant she sometimes gave them suck whom we desire and exhort the best Wâ—men to imitate especially since it is highly important that in whose Womb and of whose Blood the Inâ—ant was conceived it should also by her be nourished for no nourishment seems more fit none more wholsome than that the same aliment which is endued with much heat and vigour and which is a known aâ—d familiar Food should be given to the Children whose efficacie is such that in the forming the properties of the Body and Mind it is almost equivalent to the Virtue of the spermatick faculty this is evidently perceived in many things Kids being suckled with Sheeps Milk their Hair will by degrees become more soft but if Lambs be suckled by Goats it is certain that their Fleeces will become more rough In Trees it is certain that there is a greater efficacy both in the Sap and Soil than in Children for although they be pleasant and chearful yet if they be removed to anothers Lap you may observe them much endamaged and greatly changed by the Milk of the Nurse Therefore noble Women should endeavour to sucklâ— their Children left the aliment of a worse and engrafted Milk should cause them to degenerate â—ut if as it often happens the Mothers cannot for just causes suckle their Children they should think that they should take and substitute in their Office Nurses not Slaves nor strangers nor drunken nor unchaste Women but them who are free born well humoured and endued with curious Language lest the young Infant should imbibe corrupt manners and words and with the very Milk sucking turpitude errours and impure infirmities it should by a degenerate body and mind be infected with pernicious contagions for as the Joints of an Infant may be rightly formed and joined together so from their Childhood their Manners may be exactly and aptly composed therefore they should be curious in the choice of Nurses this age and this as yet pliant mind is most easie to fashion for as we Imprint a Seal upon soft Wax so the dispositions and distempers of the Nurse are wont to be Engraven upon Children whose inclination and nature how prevalent it is that most prudent Poet Maro demonstrates who relateth that Dido â—erming Aeneas not only fierce but cruel said The Hircanian Tygers gave you suck also that most pleasant Poet Theocritus complaineth of the same detesting the cruel Cupid not because he was born of his Mother Venus but because he had sucked the Paps of a Lioness Wherefore they should think it best and very decent and commendable to suckle their Children whom they should nourish with great love faithfulness and diligence or to commit this part of their duty to well instructed Nurses who may esteem and love them not with a feigned and mernary diligence After they have passed their infancy the mothers should imploy their Wit Care and endeavour to qualifie them with excellent endowments of mind and body first they should teach them their duty to the immortal God to their Country and Parents that they may accustom them from their infancie to relish that which is the Foundation of other virtues they will approve themselves to be the most hopeful who fear God obey the Laws honour their Parents reverence their Superiours are affable to their Equals and courteous to their Inferiours therefore they should entertain all men with a civil aspect countenance and finally obliging words but they should most familiarly converse with the best Persons they should so learn Temperance in Meat and Drink that they may lay as it were the foundation of Abstinence for their future Lives Mothers should admonish them to avoid those Pleasures which are dishonourable Children should apply their endeavour mind and thoughts to these things which may be ornamental useful and delightful in greater matters If Mothers instruct their Children in these things they will much better and more easily obtain the assistances of Learning Oftentimes we see the Commands and Gifts of Princes most welcom to their Subjects although yet the same proceeding from private Persons scarce seem acceptable Who is ignorant how much authority the mild and jejune speech of a Parent
were both Enemies and Citizens This same thing appeased the minds of Pompey and Caesar that were estranged And what is more incredible to be spoken Alexander by this affinity but not by that stately Bridge allied Asia to Europe I should never make an end if I should commemorate how much Philosophers how much Historians Poets Kings Cities and Princes whom we may produce out of the Monuments of Learning as out of the Trojan Horse attribute to this Alliance to this Love to this Piety but these things are obvious and I will be more brief especially since in so plain a case we need not alledge unnecessary witnesses Yet the Christian Institution is not to be pass'd by in silence whose Dignity is deservedly so great that its Authority might prevail without the aid of Reason According to the Institutes hereof Marriages which are confirmed by Oath Faith and Issue if they be performed as they were first commanded will afterwards easily be allowed which how approvable they are Christ our Lord hath confirmed in the Gospel as well because he forbad to divorce a Wife as because being invited he went to a Wedding Of which things we must so think that although Marriages are not desirable of themselves yet in my opinion they are to be referred to that which is good in it self We pursue Wisdom Friendship and Health for themselves We desire Wit Learning Knowledge and a comely agreeableness of Manners conjugal Embraces Meat Drink and Sleep as necessary to the other Therefore we believe Marriages to be good both for the sake of issue and the Society of both Sexes which Nature hath recommended wonderfully to us otherwise among old People the Dignity of Wedlock would be extinguished if they either wanted Children or if they were deprived of the hopes of Propagation in all which there is this great praise that the lawfulness of Begeting Issue secures Men from the turpitude of Incontinence wherefore Man and Wife are united by that Law by that Covenant and by that Alliance that they may not be severed by any separation Although at the present I seem to see some obstructing me in the very entrance who object the froward Manners of Xantippe and delight in the wit of that Laco who when he had Married a Wife of great frowardness and for that matter was calumniated he said to the Assertors it is an ancient and excellent Proverb That of Evils if it may be the least is to be chosen To which we answer many other things and that of Socrates chiefly who when he had brought home Euthidemus from the School that he might join the Sacred Rite of Hospitality to his good Will Xantippe being angry overthrew the Table When Socrates understood this to be troublesome to his Guest he said Be of good courage we oftentimes endure more grievous things from tame Creatures that we may receive far more inconsiderable Fruits as Eggs and Chickens than from a Wife Hither refers the Discourse of that famous Person and Censor Metellus Numidicus in which when he discoursed concerning Marriage these things are commemorated to be said by him If we Romans could live without Wives we should be freed from that trouble but because Nature has so ordered it that we can neither live commodiously with them nor in any manner without them we should rather provide for a perpetual happiness than a short pleasure But these things shall suffice concerning Wedlock because they are treated of more copiously by most Learned Men But that we might handle the most necessary matters we have collected these things Now we will briefly explain the Wifes duty laid open as it were to one view which we never find digested into Method by our Forefathers Although before we enter that Point we will direct what a Wife ought to be chosen only we will premonish this that there should be no excellency of Marriage so great to which the Will of the Father should not be preferr'd even by the instruction of Cyrus who when he was invited by Cyapares to take an excellent Woman with a large Portion of Gold said That he would not accept the offer till he was assured that the Match was approved by his Parents CHAP. II. With what Qualifications and Manners a Wife should be chosen THE Ancients whose Authority is in much use for their great Learning have thought that we ought to regard in a Wife Age Manners Descent Beauty and Riches which things if we neglect we shall always bring disgrace and trouble to our Families and oftentimes affliction to our selves but if we shall diligently observe them we shall provide for our Domestick Praise and our Dignity and perpetual Pleasure But Virtue ought chiefly to be considered the Efficacy and Dignity whereof is such that if there were a deficiency in other things the Nuptials would be acceptable but if the other things were enjoy'd they would certainly become most pleasant for Domestick Affairs which are committed to the care of the Wife cannot be well regulated unless they be Managed Governed and Composed by the Prudence Care and Industry of the Woman Citizens are prone to imitate the Manners of their Kings Souldiers of their Emperours Children of their Parents and Maids of their Mistresses Homer is a noble Witness to us who relates that the chaste Maids of Andromache seemed so governed that they excelled and far transcended the Maids of Helena in Chastity Vigilance and Labour therefore the Woman of whom we now speak may easily rule her Maids if she can govern her self Neither do I approve them in this place who only search after and earnestly desire such admirable things in a Wife which they would chuse that are scarce to be found in many Ages We read and hear many things we always judge them to be praise-worthy who although inferiour endeavour to follow the Example of those who are most laudable in the practice of Virtue It is remembred that in the Olympick Games Philomena obtained the reward not because she overcame the noble Glaucus that most famous Wrestler but because she excelled the Champions of her Age in Virtue So although the Porcia's Cornelia's and Panthia's those Lights of Female Glory are acknowledged not to be of our Age yet if we diligently search we may find those who may be ornamental useful and delightful to us After what manner they may be discovered will be found easie upon search Marcus Cato the Consul and Censor when he was old Married a Virgin whose purpose I shall chiefly repeat because I acquiesce in his Narrations taken out of a Greek Monument as in a pleasant Inn. Therefore Marcus Cato being old having often seen the Daughter of his Client Salonius was wonderfully delighted with her Wit and Manners Salonius the Scribe as he was wont came upon a time with Cato to the Court as they were going Cato said O Salonius I have found out a Husband for your Daughter and I think that you will approve all things unless his
great age be an Obstacle After those speeches which are wont to be used in such matters at the first meeting Cato professeth himself to be that old Man and promiseth that as much as was in his power he would take his Daughter to Wife Whereupon Salonius admired that the Virtue of his Daughter should so much attract Cato's esteem that he would take to Wife one meanly Born into that Family which was adorned with consulary and triumphal Trophies What should I say more He Married his Daughter M. Cato the Son than whom none was better if we credit his Father nor excelled him in Piety was much troubled and begged his pardon if he had done any thing against his Father which should induce him to bring him a Mother-in-Law but he having applauded the Manners of that Virgin answered that she pleased him wonderfully well neither O dearest Son should you think that it was done to bring you a Mother-in-Law but that I might have many Children like you and leave behind me the best Citizens of the Common-wealth For this cause Pisistratus as it 's said took to Wife a Woman endued with singular modesty his Sons being adult and instructed in the Liberal Sciences because the eminent Piety of his Children daily enflamed his desire of Begetting the like It is apparent by the judgment of M. Cato than which nothing can be more Grave and of Pisistratus how highly we ought to esteem Manners Our City is full of Examples of this kind of which it shall suffice to instance in a few Andreas Barbarus the Father of our Renowned Mark a famous Citizen and of a most honourable Order took Lucia Viaria to Wife whose worth was so perspicuous and known to him that he brought her home from her most endearing acquaintance saying That if he could gain her consent the Marriage should be Celebrated between them without any consideration of Money Therefore neglecting the Riches of others he Married her for Virtue and Goodness This matter did correspond with the judgment of that prudent Person For truly she educated his Sons-in-Law with that Care and that Piety that nothing could be more advantagious nothing more tranquil in Domestick Affairs Many years after that most famous Person and excellent Citizen Justus Contarinus imitated this Barbarus my Kinsman for being certified of the moderation modesty and singular beauty of Franciscus Panthalion Barbus his Daughter the Spectators being withdrawn he first spake to her Father and declared to him that his Daughter pleased him more and more and that he earnestly desired to have her although poor to Wife if it might be with his approbation Wherefore Panthalion most excellent by Birth and great Learning is pleased therewith he requires time of deliberation he Summons according to Custome his usual Friends the matter being declared it was by the consent of all judged happy prosperous and fortunate and Justus being now ancient is adjudged deserving of that most noble Virgin though of a small Portion for so the state of her Family required I may call those Marriages happy which are desired and pursued for the splendor of Virtue and continue inviolated with great faithfulness and love for that I may omit in this place her other Commendations she so tenderly and courteously treated the Children of his former Wife that in her daily Conversation many of her Sons-in-Law remarked nothing of a Mother-in-Law in her besides the Name Above all things therefore as I would have you to observe my dearest Laurentius let the Manners of your Wife please you without which I do not understand what can be hoped for in Domestick Affairs Agesilaus being asked what the Lacedemonians should do being conquerours answered If a prudent Emperour manage the matter we may refer that to our concern What composes regulates and renders commendable the Family Affairs but chiefly the diligence frugality and dignity of the Wife As a Prince shall not well govern a City unless he be expert in the Common-Law the Customs of his Ancestors and the Publick Affairs Neither can a Pilot which is ignorant of the Marine Art reduce a Ship into the Haven out of a cruel Storm Neither shall a Charioteer which is unskilful in his Employment be rewarded So neither can Domestick Affairs be rightly managed unless the excellency of the Mistress of the Family be a singular Example to the rest And even as Souldiers which have an excellent Commander are ashamed to desert that place which is appointed them so Men and Maid-servants will not forsake that part of the Family concern the Custody of which is committed to them by a chaste and prudent Mistress Plato that most Grave Philosopher in those Books which he hath excellently written concerning the Commonwealth hath instituted that Magistracies should be bestowed on the most excellent not the most ambitious Citizens for he foresaw that in a short time very few would strive for it if not those who were well deserving but those who were ambitious Champions should enjoy the Dignity Wherefore he proposed a publick Reward to the Magistrates lest the damage which may accrew to their private Affairs should impede the publick Duties of the Commonwealth for we should so greatly esteem Prudence in a Wife that if our fortunes will permit we should even neglect a Wifes Portion or willingly be content with very little that we may obtain Domestick praise and peace This very thing will bring us greater glory than if we had Wives adorned with Jewels and Gold but void of Honesty A certain Ionian Woman when she proudly boasted of her Treasures Riches was thus answered by the Wife of Phocion Phocion is my Riches Treasure who hath been Prince of the Athenians now this twenty years for his merits to his Country After the same manner we may glory in the worth of a Wife and pretermit them who being enriched with the Wealth and Possessions of a Wife are liable to innumerable troubles These things are fading but those former firm and stable things do truly unite the minds of Married Persons Philip the Father of Alexander whom Theophrastus stileth a King excellent in Fortune and Valour fervently and wonderfully loved Thessala to that degree that it was said he was induced by Love-potions wherefore Olympias used her utmost endeavour that Thessala her self might be brought into his power whom when she beheld adorn'd with a modest Countenance and Deportment she said The Calumnies avail little against you for you bear the Inchantments of Love about you and Love-potions are prepared by the sweetness of your goodness What need I say more Let us chuse a Wife of good behaviour whose Frugality joined to Honour Profit and Pleasure may be esteemed delighted in and loved by us CHAP. III. Concerning the Age of a Wife to be chosen SInce I have already treated of the qualifications of a Wife which if she be rightly educated she hath or may easily obtain I shall now briefly discourse of her Age those things
affect Wives who are capable of nothing less than the duty of a wife for as Looking-Glasses embellished with Gold and Pearls are unuseful to us unless they pourtray a like representation so furthermore I think the Riches of the wife unprofitable unless the Pattern of her Husbands Discipline shall appear easie to her even in penury it self Alexander is applauded because he took to wife Barsines as some say of whom he begat Hercules the modest Daughter of Artabazus sprung of a Royal Family learned in Greek Letters although poor greatly contemning the Nuptials of Darius's Daughter with an infinite mass of Gold There were many both Princes and private Persons who were and are accounted great as well in other things as in the despising of Wives Portions with whose Praises as with Stars History is resplendent But no satiety of Possessions or Tenements or precious Houshold Stuff can satisfie those above mentioned Persons and in the midst of much riches they are poor they covet richer not worthier Matches And as persons unskilful of Horsemanship highly value Horses with splendid Reins and persons unskill'd in Military Affairs Golden Helmets and illiterate men depraved Books with most adorned Bosses so many wish for Wives with full Purses My most learned and pleasant Guarinus was wont rightly to compare them to stately Sepulchres For in them whereas their appearance is most splendid joined with various Ornaments within there is nothing comely but great filthiness turpitude and corruption and many things which are the products of death Aesop that most ancient Phrygian Writer in whose Fable a singular gravity is joined to an equal courtesie in a manner ingeniously professeth to advise us herein who relates that a Fox entring into the Shop of a certain Musician found a Harp the top whereof was the Head of a man fashioned wonderfully with ingeny Art industry Jewels and Gold which when he had leisurely admired he said This is a rich Hâ—ad but it has no brains We may say the same of the richest women unless they be sufficiently fit to perform the duty of a Wife That rash Paris enjoyed the rich Hellen The most prudent Vlysses espoused the chast Penelope than whom none of her time was more chaste none more modest Antiquity admired loved and most highly extolled this marriage on the contrary it has stigmatized the other to the memory of posterity with most grievous ignominies even as that which was the Firebrand Desolation Plague and destruction of Asia It is evident that it happened because he sought helps and assistances of his unlawful passion Wherefore Lycurgus prudently ordained that Wives should be espoused without portions that the Spartan women might not remain unmarried for their Poverty nor be married for their Riches for so he foresaw that the Spartanes would seek virtue not riches in Wives and that the women would be far more diligent in the acquisition of virtues which that it might more easily be effected those former half-Gods placed as in a certain watch Tower that they might afar off provide for posterity decreed not as in this age that women should bring a portion to their Husbands but they dowries to their Wives lest their husbands should covet their wealth but that they might consider more diligently to whom they were to communicate themselves their children and all their concerns this above named Law unless Custom hath changed our minds and pleasures have by degrees rendered us effeminate is to be renew'd and not to remain any longer repealed for if we rent Lands and hire Servants that we may mutually profit them who are advantageous to us why shall we not judge that we should do the same with wives from whom we expect so necessary so sweet fruits But unless we be first freed from pleasures those alluring inducements and precious ornaments Garments fit for luxurious persons and other unnecessary things necessity it self and that covetousness which is restrained within no bounds be removed we shall never deliberate seriously and freely of a Wife which since it is most evident I will insist no longer upon in this place therefore our youth should recollect themselves and consider more cautiously than covetously even by your example of their Marriages lest for the hope of lucre or the sake of obtaining gain making themselves the slaves of a portion they kindle a domestick Flame which they cannot easily extinguish Therefore in my judgment if they would do what may conduce to the benefit of them and theirs let them chuse Wives endued with Virtue Age Beauty and Riches of which things if any thing be disputable we will ere long declare which should be prefer'd but first which seems the best and also necessary we will a little confute some things CHAP. VII Concerning the importance of time and of other things to change our purposes PErchance some will say what do you do Who having undertaken to give precepts concerning the chocie of a Wife so omit mean and poor men that you instruct onely fortunate persons To this I may easily answer that I earnestly wish that these our short commentaries may be common and useful to all but if any either by the misfortune of their extraction or penury are not in a capacity to make use of our advice let them blame their fortune not our precepts let us therefore return to our purpose I seem to see some who although they may concur with me that all those requisites whereof I have disputed should be chiefly regarded yet they may object that those things are rather to be wished than hoped for wherefore they will more earnestly require me to introduce this comparison neither can they expect that all should be Laurentius's most excellent in the endowments of Mind Body and Fortune to whom Wives of all ranks and of all degrees are offered but I conceive that I have sufficiently answered these persons by those things which are before said when I above discoursed what I most esteemed of other things we shall treat hereafter yet oftentimes there happen many causes either of time or necessity or occasion for which as learned men say we may consent to change our precepts For we ought to consult with time as Pericles adviseth Colmides that most prudent councellor for as the Woers of Penelope despairing of her embraces freely and voluntarily enjoyed her Maids so if we cannot obtain them who in every respect are most excellent let us acquiesce with those who are suitable to our dignities Neither should we imitate children who make sport for the spectators by putting on their Parents Shoes So they will seem ridiculous who being mean and abject industriously seek for wives in whom every proportion of an absolute and perfect renown is observed Therefore I admonish them that they be not like to Aesop's Camels with the great derision of all men for when in a Council of Beasts they desired the Horns of a Hart their Ears were almost plucked off that those who remain'd content within
if she shall see me almost Shipwracked whilst in the mean time she Sailing with prosperous Winds securely casts Anchor in my Marriage-Bed Euripides according to his Custome severely chideth them who at Supper were accustomed to use a Harp for that sound is apt to incite anger and sadness rather than to recreate them who are pleasant so I may blame those Wives who although when aâ— amity and concord they often sleep with their Husbands yet anger intervening they lye asunder and reject conjugal embraces by the delectableness and artifice whereof they might easily be reconciled Juno in Homer to whose care the Nuptial ties are committed signifies the same for if I well remember when she spoke of Thetis and Oceanus she professed that she would compose their differences and unite them by love and mutual embraces But at Rome when any difference arose between Husband and Wife they entred into the Temple of the appeasing Goddess where the Spectators being withdrawn having discoursed together freely they returned home in concord it conduceth to domestick care and peace if a Wife shall preserve the love of her Husband with singular diligence When Gorgias Leontinus made an Oration concerning the reconciliation of the Grecians in the Olympick Games which were celebrated with the concourse of all Greece to the most great and most worthy Jupiter Melanthus said That our Oratour endeavours to perswade us that we should all be reconciled by a League who yet cannot induce himself and his Wife and his Maid three only mutually to agree for his Wife was jealous because Gorgias wonderfully loved his Maid Philip was long displeased with Olympias and Alexander in the mean time Demaradus Corinthius returned out of Greece whom when Philip had diligently and earnestly asked concerning the agreement of the Grecians he said O Philip I esteem it a most dishonourable thing that you should manifestly evidence your care of the peace and concord of all Greece when as yet you are not reconciled to your Wife and Son therefore if any Woman desire to regulate her Children and Servants in the first place she should agree with her Husband lest she be thought willing to imitate that which she reproves in them that therefore by her duty she may take care for their mutual peace and perpetual repose she must chiefly regard this that she by no means disagree with her Husband But of these things hitherto CHAP. I. Concerning Conjugal Love NOW let us speak of conjugal love the great efficacy and dignity whereof as worthy Men assure us in a manner expresseth the Pattern of a perfect friendship wherein I shall pass by many things that I may speedily discourse what is chiefly to be observed therefore I would have a Woman love her Husband with so great delight faithfulness and affection that nothing of diligence love and good will may be absent and let her be so conversant with him that it may be most certain that nothing will be good to her nothing pleasant without her Husband indeed I conceive that Love it self will be the greatest assistance to this matter for in all things it is no better nor no shorter course to seem than to be How much labour how much industry is necessary for a slothful Husbandman to exhibit if he would seem skilful How much wit how many arts have unskilful Physitians horse-riders and harpers need of that they may seem to excel others if they would be employed in those things which they can least do For the most part many things happen whereby the eounterfeit praise of Agriculture Physick Horsmanship and Musick vanisheth these persons if they will take my advice shall more easily more speedily and more certainly attain a solid and express repute than if they shall suborn proclaimers of their ambitious and feigned praise and because in every respect truth overcomes imitation the Husbandman should take care to till his Field by art and labour the Physitian to heal the distempers of men the Horse-rider to manage his unruly Horses at his pleasure and the Musitian so to delight with his melody that nothing may be more sweet nothing more pleasant to the Ears wherefore if Wives desire to seem to love their Husbands cordially let them love them in their hearts Let them endeavour in the first place that their Husbands may clearly perceive them to be both pensive and joyful according to the various state of their affairs for both congratulation is pleasant in prosperous and consolation is acceptable in adverse affairs whatsoever things are troublesome to them so that they be worthy to be told to a prudent person let them mutually impart let them feign nothing let them dissemble nothing let them conceal nothing oftentimes sorrow and trouble of mind is mitigated by Counsel and Discourse which ought to be most pleasant with her Husband he in a manner participating and partaking of all the pressures and difficulties of all her anxieties will extinguish or alleviate them but if they shall be very grievous and more deeply fixed she should make a truce with her sorrows even so long as will be expedient for her to desire the private society of her Husband finally I would that Wives should so live with their Husbands that in a manner they might be of one mind and if it could be done as Pythagoras would have it in friendship that two should become one That this might more easily be effected the Cretenses who now for many Ages have been under our Dominion permitted their daughters to be married to none but those to whom the Virgins themselves had expressed signs of love for they believed that those would be more beloved by their Wives who were beloved even before the Nuptial Union for they affirm that it is appointed by Nature and approved by Custom that all actions besides a very few are done in a course of time for neither when we touch the fire are we presently burned nor doth wood thrown into the fire instantly flame wherefore they think it necessary for them that as in the loving of Friends so also in Husbands they should judiciously chuse the resemblance of their own minds for they believe that they can neither be rightly known nor ardently loved on a sudden Let them consider how much this Custom should be approved But truly it will not be denyed to be accommodated to the concord and constancy of love Neither may I pass by those in silence who by amorous Potions and love Inchantments extort their Husbands love whom I am wont to compare to Fishers who render the Fishes taken by poyson as they use to do in some places of Hetruria insipid and almost useless Also they seem like Travellers who had rather lead the blind than follow them who see Therefore mutual love should be diligently and voluntarily acquired preserved and augmented These things are illustrated by the lives and most noble actions of Women in the imitation whereof Panthia making tryal of her self and the
constancy of her vertue and love wonderfully loved and delighted in her Husband Abradatus Prince of Susa and being a Captive preserved her Faith to him and made Cyrus his Friend and did not riotously wasted but employed all her riches all her treasures in adorning him he fighting most valiantly against the Egyptians the Associates of Croesus both that he might be grateful to Cyrus and might seem a Husband worthy of Panthia his Wife he generously dyed having performed the duty of a valiant Commander and stout Souldier whose Obsequies that she might most nobly celebrate she slew her self upon his dead body sought with singular diligence Cassandane so loved Cyrus that when she dyed it was more grievous to her to depart from Cyrus than from her life wherefore Cyrus lest he should be an ungrateful Husband lamented her a long time after her death and for her honours sake commanded all those whom he governed to mourn Themistocles his Wife loved him so well that she was believed to think of nothing but the affection and love of her Husband whereby it came to pass that that most famous Governour of Grecia might yield to her in all things and it may be truly said that she could do more than the other Grecians of her time for whatsoever she desired the same Themistocles did desire whatsoever Themistocles that the Athenians wished whatsoever the Athenians that all Grecia desired Thesta the Sister of Dionysius the elder was married to Polyxenus he afterwards being offended by the Tyrant fled for fear out of Sicily Dionysius calls for his Sister and blames her because she knowing of her Husbands flight did not acquaint him therewith Thesta relying upon her constancy and singular vertue answered O Dionysius do you think me such a vile and base Woman that if I had known of my Husbands flight I would have refused to have been a Companion and partaker of his Fortune it would truly have been more acceptable to me to be called Polyxenus his Wife though banished than the Sister of Dionysius the Tyrant The Syracusians admiring her noble mind after the Tyrants were expelled dignified her with Royal Honours and when she was dead all ranks all sorts of people and finally all the Syracusians were present at her Funeral Solemnities Armenia the Wife of Tigranes is a noble Example to Women for truly in that Expedition which Cyrus made against the Assyrians being by no means able to endure the absence of her Husband she followed him with a most willing mind every where as an unwearied Companion through so great perils Andromache in Homer how much she is delighted with her Hector upon whom she placed all her love she even declares by this expression You are my only Father reverend Mother and sweet Brother and Husband in all respects amiable At length being distracted by reason of his death she wildly runs through the multitude and views the Walls Cania an excellent Woman hath obtained a commemoration of her Virtue in this place for although the narration thereof will be long yet the dignity novelty and variety will be pleasant both to you and to those who shall peruse these things whose remarkable Enterprize we will begin to relate more copiously Sinatus and Sinorix united in Kindred to each other undoubtedly excelled the other Tetrarchs of France in puissance renown and glory of whom Sinatus espoused Cania who not only excelled in beauty of Body but also in singular Virtue she being indued with chastity goodness prudence and magnanimity obliged the hearts of all Persons to her self with a certain admirable love The Priesthood of Diana whom the French especially worship rendred her more famous in which both for the sake of her own and her Ancestors dignity she had the chief Authority for at the Sacrifices being always exceedingly adorned she attracted the Eyes of all upon her self First Sinorix began to love her fervently afterwards he intends the death of his Kinsman because he feared that whilst the other was safe his desires could not be effected therefore that wicked Man blinded with the great love of his Mistriss privately slayeth the negligent Sinatus Not long after he earnestly desires to Marry Cania who couragiously sustaining the misfortune of her Husband vehemently endeavoured and prudently expected an occasion and opportunity to revenge the wicked Fact of Sinorix Sinorix urgeth that the Marriage indeed deadly may be accomplished he alledgeth honest causes of his mistake if we may think that honest which is contaminated with the greatest wickedness at the first Cania rejects his entreaties afterwards her Relations that they might for ever oblige that most potent Prince to themselves earnestly urge her to be content to Marry him then as if perswaded she promiseth that she would and henceforth she entertains familiarly the young Man that was brought to her and they entred together the Temple of Diana that that French Goddess being witness their Covenant and Promise might be established afterwards deliberately taking a Cup in her Hands she first drinks the remainder she gave to Sinorix to drink but there was in the Cup Metheglin mixed with Poison which when she perceived Sinorix had drunk she manifested her joy by her Eyes Countenace and Fore-head and turning to the Image of Diana she spoke after this manner O Divine Parent I call you to witness that I would not have survived Sinatus in good truth for the love of life which being retained indeed afflicted me with sorrows but being laid down may deliver me from troubles but that I determined to live to atchieve the transactions of this day nor that I should have perceived any pleasure in my life after the Funeral of my Husband which was mournful to me and lamentable to his Country unless a certain hope of revenge had now and then comforted me which being now effected I now willingly descend to my dearest and best Husband Sinatus O most cruel Sinorix instead of Marriage Beds and Nuptials Sepulchres may be prepared for you a little while after when as now the Poison had largely spread it self through their Bodies Sinorix first then Cania died Stratonica so loved her Husband Dejotarus that she thought that nothing appertained to her but how she should fulfill his will and therefore she greatly grieved or rather lamented to see Dejotarus afflicted because he perceived that he neither had issue by her nor that she could succeed him in the Kingdom she therefore of her own accord provides a woman comely in countenance and manners called Electra and perswades desires and urges her Husband who admired the affection and constancy of his Wife to a privacy with her Afterwards she took care of educated and most honourably governed the Children begotten of her even as her own I should be too tedious if I should repeat the earnest affection of Tertia Emilia to P. Cornelius Scipio or if I should remember the exceeding great love of Julia Porcia Artemisia Hipsicratea and the other Examples of lawful love which
can neither argue nor refute nor well discourse Why should I say more The Poets report that very many by this matter chiefly have of Men become Swine Asses and Lions which that it may be avoided they must be so much more diligently careful because both by the stupidity of their wit and vacation from weighty Affairs as Aristotle evidenceth to us they are more propense to these kinds of Vices also the disposition of the Mother and the moderation of her life will be an aid to the Children to whom all these things for the greatest part are declared Therefore Diogenes very aptly when he beheld a drunken Boy said Drunken Parents begat you How much the education of a temperate Mother may avail them when born we will a little after discourse Therefore we ought to admonish and exhort our Wives to follow the instinct of Nature and to disesteem and reject sensual pleasures within whose Dominion Vertue can by no means consist and rather to approve and imitate the frugal Tables of Lucretia than the sumptuous delicacies of the Tarquins and of Cleopatra whereby they will provide for both their own honour and for their Children to whom they owe all things Now in its place we will briefly treat concerning Congress CHAP. VI. Concerning the regulation of Congress SO truly the matter is that what rules of meat and drink such a proportion of congress should in a manner be observed for truly congress it self followeth the rules of life as a young Chicken her dam and this may be unodrstood by many reasons and examples we cannot in this place begin more wisely and more aptly to the purpose of our discourse than from nature it self that we may briefly declare whatsoever we think First indeed because the union of Man and Wife as we have above said was chiefly ordain'd and ought to be esteemed for the sake of Children they must use conjugal embraces chiefly with the hope of propagating Issue we sufficiently understand and perceive what manner of nature there is in most Beasts which for this reason hath appointed them certain Laws of Congress that the mortal kinds of living creatures might in a manner be rendered immortal by a perpetual succession wherein they may be examples to us to whom a more free and noble desire is given that we should not mutually embrace for the sake of pleasure but of generating Issue wherefore we admonish that I may use the words of Julia the daughter of Augustus that when a Ship is full they admit no other passenger neither therefore should they think Beasts are chiefly upon that account Beasts because never when great with young but always for the sake of generation they exhibite their Venereal Appetites but if Women shall pass these limits even at least let them govern themselves so that they may be and be accounted modest in this part of moderation from which modesty is nominated to which matter we think it may chiefly conduce if at the first Husbands shall accustom them to seem to be helpers not of lust but of necessity but they should so evidence their Nuptial Honour and Modesty that in their congress decency may accompany their embraces lest by their avidity and immodesty they be both defective in their Honour and also less acceptable to their tacite Husbands Herodotus writes that Women lay aside their Modesty together with their inner garments if they embrace adulterers we plainly confess it but if their Husbands they will always observe a decency When a certain Woman was drawn by force from the presence of Philip because of her lust and fury she said every Woman if thou takest away the light is like and the same with others this may truly be said to adulterers but wives although the light be far removed should not make themselves like to vile Women What is it which Hesiod forbids to be absolutely disclosed in the night because as he saith the nights belong to the immortal Gods for a Wife ought at no time to be deficient in her duty and although her body cannot be beheld yet she should preserve a modesty in all places that she may deservedly seem well behaved to her Husband even in the dark Wherefore very excellently Commodus Caesar when his Wife endeavoured to perswade him to use unusual and disallowed pleasures with her answered How much it is fit to obey other Women in these things let them look to it a Wife certainly is a Name of honour not of pleasure Wherefore Cato the Censor ejected Manilius out of the Senate because he kissed his Wife in the presence of his Daughter If so be that it is most undecent to kiss a Wife or amorously embracâ— her in the presence of theiâ— Chilâ—râ—n how much more expedient is it that nothing immoderate nothing wanton should be offered before the Eyes of Husbands whom Wives ought chiefly to please Hieron fâ—ned Epicharmus the Comedian a great sum of Money because he publickly declared a certain undecent thing in the pâ—esence of his Wife for the dignity of Wedlock is so venerable that iâ— is fit no access should be apparent to the Eyes and Ears of Sâ—rangers The moderation of the Athenians demonstrated this excellent matter when they restored the intercepted Letters of Philip which he had wrote to Olympias inviolate for indeed they judged it unfit for Strangers or truly Enemies to partake of the secrets of a Wife It is meet therefore that they always be eareful and mindful concerning this matter hereby they may acquire praise triumphs and a Crown of Gold nothing should be so pleasant or delightful to them as ever to avert them from the duty of a modest mind Wherein since they may imitate many most illustrious women I know not whether Brasilla be most excellent whose noble enterprize ought not to be omitted in this Age for she being born of Noble Parents of Dyrrachium as it is asserted by approved Authors being taken in an Excursion of Enemies was in danger of being ravished this woman truly in that great peril purely and entirely preserved her chastity by her most beautiful aspect wit vertue and magnanimity for by many words she appeased the violence and restrained the fury of Cericus the Conquerour she undertook if he would defend her chastity instead of a Ransom by a certain Magick Oyntment to make him invulnerable by all military Arms this discourse of this noble and modest woman and his great esteem of Magick obtained his belief and he anxiously expected the event of the matter having placed Guards upon her whilst the generous Maid gathered some Roots then she magnanimously came to the Warriour and promiseth that she would make tryal not by words but by Herbs moreover when she had annointed his neck with the Juice she sheweth him his throat but Cericus as if he would be safely rash cuts off his head with his Sword and admired that testimony of her most chaste mind Why should I recite more They will neither want Examples
reconciled having laid by his Harp he managed those things with great diligence which unless they had been decent for the sake of Friendship or Hospitality scarce seemed fit for mean Servants But enough of these things forasmuch as we proposed briefly to recite but not to instruct in each particular especially because this Point is more diligently and more copiously discussed in the Discourses of Learned Men than I can now treat of it Wherefore we shall proceed to the remaining Matters It is meet now as we have promised to speak concerning Servants who if they be not neglected will be very ornamental profitable and delightful This will be so effected if they shall instruct them exactly nor be angry with them before they discover that they have offended after admonition I would have Wives imitate the Ring-leaders of the Bees as in a manner in other things so also in this part who suffer none to be slothful none negligent among them M. Cato the elder so diligently observed this Precept of domestick care that if he perceived that his Servants were deficient in the duty of good Men he presently sold those Servants although old and judged it by no means expedient to keep unprofitable Servants at his House Wives should believe it to be an honourable employment for them to make ignorant Maid servants skilful and to her whom by experience in lesser matters they observe to be endued with faithfulness and diligence they may dispose the custody of the Cellar And thrifty Persons should constantly search for and approve sober Caterers and receive them with courteous words and be bountiful to them that by these great kindnesses they might daily more earnestly excite their diligence They should allow such Food to their Servants as may be sufficient for their nature and their constant labour They should so handsomely Cloth their Servants that they might seem to have a regard to Nature Place and Time Furthermore according to the Opinion of Hesiod they should always beware of those Servants who cannot be separated from Children and Relations for of necessity they will nourish themselves together with theirs even by stealth Also they should think it a decent thing if any one of the Family be sick that the Person be taken care of with certain extraordinary diligence for this is a courtesie and civility by which they will make them all diligent in and desirous of the welfare of the Family which that we may return to the same Example we plainly perceive in Bees who never forsake their Ring-leader because of his great Providence for and care over them and always follow him wheresoever he goes with great indications of their good will to him This should not seem strange to any because also other Creatures are not deficient in an imitation of gratitude which evidently appears as well by very many others as by the next Example The Athenians in the Persian War that they might provide for their safety forsaking their Walls committed the Citizens to the Sea they hastily departing from the Shore the Dog of Xantippus the elder was grieved at his absence which he manifestly shewed by his running wagging his Tail howling and barking unless he went along with his Master therefore whilst he swimmed in the midst of the waves to his Masters Ship Xantippus who was flying stood still and received the sorrowful Dog Afterwards lest this matter which was worthy of remembrance should be forgotten when his Dog died he erected an honourable Sepulchre for him in a certain noble place which for a long time after was called Dogs-Grave that he might leave a perpetual Monument to Posterity of a mutual kindness to be preserved between Masters and Servants In this manner it will be most expedient that as in Military Affairs Legates Tribunes Centurions and in the City Pretors Treasurers and such kind of Magistrates have the government of peculiar matters that managing few things they may exactly perâ—orm their Offices so if Wives would take care of their Family-business they should so separate the Office of inspection from the employments of drudgery that it may be manifest what should be done by every one and what may be expected from them Unless each Persons place be assign'd him in a Ship all things will be tumultuous although no Tempest assail them We know that Heaven it self which is an appointed Mansion for us is composed with so great a concatenation of things that one part is linked to another and all are aptly fixed together By the strings of Harps if they be well tuned one Harmony is made of divers Notes than which nothing is more pleasant nothing more melodious to the Ears so if Wives shall appoint Stations to theis Concerns and Offices to their Servants they will perceive that those things will greatly conduce to their splendour and profit therefore as I have said before they should receive preserve and distribute with care prudence and decency those things which are brought home and they should most exactly perform whatsoever things may be set in order and meliorated by care and diligence that the dignity of their Family may be confirmed and increased But these things shall suffice CHAP. VIII Concerning the Education of Children THE education of Children the most commodious and by far the most important part of the Wifes duty remains Diligence in Family Affairs in the accumulation of Riches availeth in a manner nothing as that ancient Crates was wont to say unless a great care and a certain extraordinary industry be bestowed in the education and instruction of the Children to whom they are left by this matter also they are greatly obliged to their Parents to whom they owe all things by whom they must necessarily and truly seem deserted and forsaken unless their Parents shall perform the duty of maintaining and instructing them for truly we must acknowledge that all things are due to the Authors of our Life which naturally all Mortals desire and with great reason preserve What great things should we atchieve if a generous education shall accompany our noble birth wherein if you shall diligently consider all things in your mind and thoughts you may observe that if Mothers do not derogate from Nature it self the duty of education so appertaineth to them that they cannot refuse it without the violation of many duties for it in every respect denotes a propense love to their Children whom Nature doth not at all neglect which that it may be more evidently demonstrated I should now discourse concerning the Procreation of Children before their birth but time will not permit me to digress more largely and Nature it self hath so secluded and so obsconded those parts that those things which cannot be beheld without shame can scarce be discoursed of by us with honour But we will declare those things which cannot be omitted Nature it self carefully exhibits aliment to the Issue till it attaineth its appointed time of birth moreover Nature affords the nourishment of Milk
or because it proceeds from the greatest sincerity and a most faithful mind entirely devoted to you Farewel Poggius saluteth Guarinus of Verona MAY the Gods beshrow those most wicked Letter-Carriers who treat us so ill in delivering our Epistles and deprive me of the fruit of my Letters you of the pleasure which according to your very great good will to me you are wont to receive from them But I give you many thanks for the little Book which you sent to me I had been infinitely indebted to you if I had been about to marry a Wife but before I cared but little for taking a Wife now not at all forasmuch as I see so many and so great things are in the judgment of wise men required in the duty of a Wife which we may rather wish for than hope to obtain But these things in jeast When first the Book was delivered to me I read it so hastily being pleased as well with the Novelty of the Subject as the order and pleasantness of the Discourse that I read over the whole Book in one day but afterwards I reviewed it more deliberately indeed the matter is pleasant and sweet and adorned with very many Examples but so disposed into order that nothing could be discussed more methodically but that which pleaseth me most is the gravity of speech which it constantly retains Franciscus Barbarus seems to me to have written another Book of Offices but belonging to Wives he so exactly imitates Cicero in his discourse You know I am not a Flatterer those things I speak come from the thoughts of my mind There is a certain dignity in his Sentences joined with the greatest eloquence worthy of any the most grave person I would have you to exhort our Franciscus to write for he publickly produceth admirable First-fruits Our Gentius hath read and approveth the Book moreover Blasius of the Guascons I will publish it where I shall perceive any advantage of Glory and Renown can be obtained Furthermore O my Guarinus I have received from you a much worthy though small Epistle wherein you most eloquently describe the Naval Victory which the Venetians obtained with exceeding Valour over the most wicked Enemies of our whole Race And when I shewed to many persons that that Epistle infinitely pleased me to them it seemed that those things were evidently and nobly declared by you But of these things elsewhere Farewel From Constance Decemb. 31. Paulus Vergerius saluteth the most Learned Person Nicholaus Leontinus the Philosopher THis day I found a little Book with my Lord Franciscus Cardinal of Florence when I came to wait upon him who stays at home to recover his health which Franciscus Barbarus your friend and fellow Student hath lately published concerning Wedlock indeed elegant and even as it is excellent in the beauty of language so also it abounds with the best Precepts and most copious Examples collected out of Greek and Latine History I admire in this Tract not so much the wit as the diligence of this person for I easily perceived that indeed long since that dearest person Zacharius Trivisanus long since shewing me a certain Epistle of his although written as it were negligently and without any study but that now a young man and one unexperienced in Nuptial Affairs should write so learnedly and so eloquently concerning Wedlock and should be so knowing in that which he is experimentally ignorant of this is that which I cannot highly enough admire Therefore now no body will deny that he is truly a Grecian but an exellent Latinist he speaketh and understandeth so well But he can by no means seem barbarous who thinketh or writeth nothing barbarous and I wish all other barbarousness may be so barbarous But I greatly blame you because you gave me no notice of that little Book since you who were his fellow Student could not be ignorant of it I suppose that you did believe that the rumour of Fame would bring it to me and when it had been common in the hands of all others then at last it should come to me which truly I do not approve and unless you shall alledge a better reason I cannot but condemn Farewell From Constance April 10. FINIS