amends there for all the Hardships I have suffer'd abroad Xantippe Or The Imperious Wife COL VI. The Duty of wives Husbands tho' never so Untowardly and Vitious not to be Treated with Contempt or ill Language A Scolding Wife generally makes her Husband a greater Sot instead of amending him Some Instances of Virtuous Ladies that have reclaim'd their Husbands from an ill course of Life by Gentleness and good Usage Eulalia Xantippe Eu. MY dear Xantippe a good Morning to you Xan. The same to you Eulalia You look Prettier than you used to do methinks Eu. What do you begin to jeer me already Xan. Not I upon my word I abhor it But so you seem to me I 'll assure you Eu. Perhaps then my New Cloathes may set me off to advantage Xan. You guess right 't is one of the prettiest Suits I ever beheld and then the Trimming too is so agreeable Well you have the best Fancy with you of any Woman in the World 'T is English Cloth I suppose Eu. The Wool indeed is English but it was Dyed at Venice Xan. Bless me it feels as soft as Silk and the Colour is the most bewitching that can be But who gave you this fine Present I wonder Eu. From whom should a virtuous Wife receive any Presents but from her Husband Xan. Well! you are a Happy Woman that you are to have that precious Jewel a good Husband For my part I wish I had Married a Mushroom a Bean-stalk the head of an old Base Viol or any thing when the Parson joyn'd me to this Sot this incorrigible Beast Eu. What is your House until'd already and is it come to a Rupture between you Xan. And so it is like to hold to the end of the Chapter for me Do but see what a pitiful Manteau I am forced to wear and yet he is glad to see me go so like a Dowdy May I never stir if I am not ashamed to go to Church or a Gossiping to see how much Finer my Neighbours are Dressed than me whose Husbands tho I say it have not a quarter of the Estate that mine has Eu. The true Ornament of a Matron as our Doctor will inform you does not consist in gaudy Cloaths and a rich out-side in Iewels and Necklaces but in Meekness and Chastity and in the Endowments of the Mind Harlots are tricked up on purpose to draw in Customers but an honest Woman is set out to all the advantage she can desire if she 's but so happy as to please her Husband Xan. In the mean time this most worthy Tool of mine who grudges every Farthing that is laid out upon his Wife takes all the pains in the World to squander away the Fortune I brought him which by the by was not Contemptible Eu. As how I pray Xan. Why as the Maggot bites sometimes upon his Whores sometimes at Gaming or at the Tavern Eu. Oh Fie You shou'd never say this of your Husband Xan. But I 'll justifie it to be true and then when the Brute comes home at Midnight with his Cargo of Claret in his Guts and stinking of Tobacco worse than a Polecat he does nothing but snore all the Night long and 't is a Mercy if he leaves nothing but his Wine between the Sheets for sometimes 't is worse with him Eu. Peace I 'll hear no more of this you forget that you really lessen your self when you lessen your Husband Xan. Let me dye if I wou'd not rather take up my Quarters in a Pigsty with a cleanly Hog than lye with such a mixture of Nastiness and Brutality Eu. And when you find him in such a pickle don't you scold at him to some purpose Xan. Yes indeed I use him as he deserves I suppose he 's satisfied that I have Lungs upon occasion Eu. Well and how does he relish this Treatment Xan. At first he bounc'd and swagger'd most Heroically thinking to fright me with his Big words and all that Eu. And did it never come to downright Blows between you Xan. Once and but once the Quarrel rose so high that we were within an Ace of Fifty Cuffs Eu. What 's this I hear Xan. My Spark had a Crab-tree Cudgel in his Hand which he lifted up Swearing and Cursing like a Foot Soldier at an unbelieving Country Innkeeper and threatning to make a severe example of me Eu. And were you not afraid that he 'd be as good as his word Xan. To prevent that I snatched up a Three-legg'd Stool and told him that I 'de Comb his Head with it if he offer'd to touch me with his little Finger Eu. A merry sort of a Buckler upon my word Xan. Had he not sounded a Retreat he had found to his Cost I believe that he had no Child to deal with Eu. Oh my dear Xantippe you do ill in this I must tell you Xan. Pray in what respect For if he does not use me as his Wife I don't know why I shou'd use him as my Husband Eu The New Testament will tell you other things St. Paul says that Wives ought to be subject to their Husbands with all Reverence and St. Peter proposes the example of Sarah to us who call'd her Husband Abraham Lord. Xan. This I know full well but the Apostle you first mention'd likewise Teaches that Men shou'd love their Wives as Christ loved his Spouse the Church Let him put his own Duty in Practice and I 'll not forget mine I promise you Eu. Well but when things are come to such a Dilemma that either the Wife or Husband must knock under the Table I think it but reasonable that the Woman shou'd submit to the Man Xan. Why must I look upon him to be my Husband who uses me worse than a Kitchin-wench Eu. But tell me Xantippe did he never threaten to beat you after this Xan. No no he grew wiser and repented of his Valour otherwise he had caught a Tartar I can tell him but that Eu. So then I hope you left off Scolding at him Xan. No never while I have this Tongue in my Head Eu. But how does your Husband bear it all this while Xan. Why sometimes he pretends to be fast asleep sometimes he does nothing in the world but Laugh aud sometimes he takes his confounded Fiddle with no more than three Strings to 't and scrapes ye upon the batter'd old Instrument with as much might and pains as if he were a Threshing and all this on purpose to stop my Pipe Eu. And did not that vex the very Heart of you Xan. So much that I cou'd almost have tore him to pieces for downright Madness Lu. Well my dear Xantippe will you give me leave to talk a little freely to you Xan. With all my Heart say what you please Eu. Nay you shall do as much with me And this I think is no more than what our long Acquaintance will warrant for You and I have known one another from our Cradles Xan. You say true
or so At such a time I gave him all the indulgent tender Language I cou'd think off and by this means got him to Bed Xan. A blessed Life this that we poor Wives are forced to lead if we must humour our Husbands in every thing that comes into their Noddle when Drunk or Angry Eu. You don't consider that this Duty is Reciprocal and that our Husbands are obliged to bear the same from us However there is a critical time when a Wife may take upon her to advise her Husband in Matters of some Importance for I think it much better to wink at small Faults Xan. And how is she to know the proper time Eu. Why when his Mind is Serene and nothing disturbs him when he is cool and sober then you may admonish or rather intreat him and this always in private as to any thing wherein his Estate or his Health or Reputation are concerned And this very Advice is to be seasoned with some Pleasantries that it may look as if it were not design'd but accidental Sometimes by way of Preface I agree with him before hand that he shan't be angry if being a foolish Woman I take upon me to interpose my own Counsel in any thing wherein his Honour or Health or Preservation are concerned After I have said as much as I think proper at that time I turn the Discourse to some more entertaining and agreeable Subject for under the Rose be it spoken this is the Fault of us Women that when once we have begun to tune our Pipes we don't know when to give over Xan. Why so they say indeed Eu. This I always Religiously observed as a Rule never to chide my Husband before Company nor to prattle abroad of Miscarriages at home What passes between two People is much easier made up than when once it has taken Air now if ever Matters come to such a pass that the Husband is incurable and no longer to be born with I think it much the prudenter Course for the Wife to carry her Complaints to the Parents or Relations of her Husband than to her own Priends and besides to manage her Complaints with such Discretion that the World may see she only hates the Vices and not the Person of her Husband Neither wou'd I have her blab out all she knows that even here her Husband may be obliged in spite of his Teeth to own and admire her Civility to him Xan. A Woman must be a Philosopher with a witness to be able to practice so much Self denial upon her self Eu. I am of another opinion for by this Deportment and Conduct we prevail upon our Husbands to return the Kindness again Xan. Well but there are Brutes in the World whom all the good usage imaginable will never amend Eu. I can hardly believe it but put the case there are this we ought to take for granted that let our Husbands prove what they will we must bear their Humours when once we have chose them and then I 'll appeal to you whether 't is not infinitely better to soften him by a courteous Temper or at worst to bear with all his Failings than by our perpetual Scolding and Railing at him to exasperate and make him ten times worse I cou'd if I were so minded instance in some Husbands who by the like Sweetnesses have alter'd their Spouses much for the better then how much a greater Obligation lies upon us to use our Husbands in this manner Xan. If you can Instance in such a Man I must tell you he differs more from my virtuous Husband than Black from White Eu. I have the Honour to be acquainted with a Gentleman of a very good Family well Read and Learned and a Person of great Address and Dexterity He married a young Lady of about seventeen years of Age who had been Educated all along in the Country in her Father's House for you know Men of Quality love to reside in the Country for the Conveniences of Hunting and Hawking He was resolv'd to have a raw unexperienc'd Maid that he might have satisfaction of moulding her to his own Fancy So he began to give her some insight into Books and to teach her Musick and to use her by degrees to repeat the Heads of the Parson's Sermon together with several other things which he thought wou'd be of some use and advantage to her Now this being wholly new to the Girl who as I told you before had been bred up at home with all the Tenderness and Delicacy that you can imagine amidst the Flatteries and Submissions of the Servants she soon grew weary of this Life She absolutely refus'd to learn any more and when her Husband pressed her about it she wou'd cry and roar as if she were going to be Sacrificed Sometimes she wou'd throw her self flat upon the ground and beat her Head against the Floor and wish that Death wou'd come to end her Affliction for alass Life was a meer burden to her Her Husband finding that there was no end of this concealed his Resentments and invited her to go along with him into the Country to divert themselves there at his Father-in-law's House The young Lady liked this Motion well enough so when they came to their Iourney 's end the Gentleman leaves his Wife with her Mother and Sister and goes a Hunting with his Father-in-law When he had him alone in the Fields he took his opportunity to tell him that whereas he was in good hopes to have found an agreeable Companion in his Daughter on the contrary she was always sobbing and crying and fretting her self without Reason and that this unaccountable Habit had taken such deep rooting in her that he feared she was incurable however he conjured him to lend him his helping hand to see if they cou'd between them bring her to a better Temper His Father-in-law answered that he had put his Daughter for good and all into his Power and if she did not behave her self as she ought he was at liberty to use his own Authority and to Cudgel her into due Submission I know my own Power well enough replies the other but I had much rather my Wife shou'd be reason'd into her Duty by you than to come to these Extremities At last the old Gentleman promised to use all his skill to reduce her so after a day or two he takes a proper time and place to discourse in private with his Daughter and looking somewhat austerely upon her he began to remind her how indifferent she was as to her Beauty how disagreeable as to her Disposition so that he had often feared that he should never be able to get a Husband for her But after a long enquiry and much diligence said he I had the good luck to find out one for you that the best Lady in the Land wou'd have been glad of and yet you continued he like an insensible stupid Creature as you are neither considering what I your Father have done
Table be well furnished and handsome You know your Husband's Palat without question therefore always provide him what he has most a fancy to This is not all I wou'd have you show your self Affable and Courteous to all his Acquaintance and frequently Invite them to Dine with you When you Sit down to Table let nothing but Chearfulness and Mirth appear and if at any time your Husband comes Home a little in his Liquor and falls a Playing on his Violin do you bear your part in the Consort and Sing to it By this means you 'll in a little time accustom your Husband to keep at Home and lessen his Expences for 't is natural to believe that at last he 'll thus reason with himself Why what a foolish Coxcomb am I to Sot at the Tavern and keep Company with a nasty Harlot abroad to the apparent prejudice of my Reputation and Estate when I have a Wife at home who is infinitely more obliging and beautiful and makes so much of me Xan. But do you believe I shall succeed if I try Eu. Look stedfastly upon me I engage that you will In the mean time I will take a proper occasion to discourse matters with your Husband and put him in mind of his own Duty Xan. I like your design well enough but you must take care that he shan't know a Syllable of what has past between us If ever this Dialogue shou'd reach his Ears he wou'd throw the House out at the Windows Eu. Never fear it I will so order the conversation by winding and turning him that he himself shall tell me what Quarrels have happen'd betwixt you Upon this let me alone to address my self to him in the most engaging manner I am Mistress off and I hope to send him home to you in a much better Temper than I found him I will likewise take occasion to tell a lye or two in your favour and let him know how lovingly and respectfully I have heard you talk of him Xan. Well Heaven prosper both our undertakings Eu. I don 't at all question it provided you are not wanting to your self THE Assembly of Women OR The Female Parliament COL VII A parcel of merry Ladies meet together and consult of the most effectual Methods how to regulate all Matters relating to the Female Sex The Rules and Orders that are to be observed in the Summoning and holding of their Parliaments and what Abuses chiefly deserve to be Reformed Cornelia Margaret Perotte Julia. Catherine COrn In the Name of Multiplication and Increase Amen 'T is no small Satisfaction to me Ladies to see so large and numerous an Assembly of you here and I heartily wish that Heaven will Inspire every individual Woman in this Convention with such Dispositions as will make us Act for the common Advantage and Reputation of our whole Sex You cannot but be sensible Ladies what a terrible Prejudice our Affairs have received in this Respect that while the Men have had their Parliaments and daily Meetings all along to Debate and Consider of Ways and Means how best to promote and carry on their own Interest we forsooth must be sitting hum drum by the Fire-side employ'd in the noble and antient Exercise of Spinning and as a modern Poet expresses it spending our Nature on our Thumb 'T is no wonder therefore if our Affairs lie at sixes and sevens if we have not the least Footsteps of Government or good Order left among us and to say all in a word if the World ranks us in the same Predicament with Beasts and will not allow us the Title of rational Creatures Unless we resolve to take other Methods for the future the most Ignorant of us may without the Spirit of Prophecy pretend to foretel what will become of us in a short time For my part I am afraid to utter it or be the Harbinger of ill News However tho' we take no care at all of our Dignity yet give me leave to tell you we ought to have some regard to our Safety The wisest Monarch in the World by the same token that he owed no little part of his Wisdom to his frequent Conversing with us Women has left it in Writing that in the Multitude of Counsellors is much Safety Your Bishops have their Synods your Cathedrals their Chapters your Soldiers their Councils of War nay those unharmonious Raskals those Retainers to Hopkins and Sternhold the Parish-Clerks have their Hall to meet in In short your Butchers your Physicians your Brewers your Vintners and with Reverence be it spoken your very Shop-lifters and Pick-pockets have their several Assemblies or Clubs to settle the Affairs of their several Fraternities in If this is not sufficient your Birds and Beasts have their particular Places and Seasons of Meeting but Women that strange prodigious Creature Woman is the only Animal in the World which is against meeting of Members Mar. I am afraid you are out Madam for malicious People say that we are oftner for it than we should Corn. Who is it that Interrupts the Court there Give me leave Ladies and Gentlewomen to conclude my Speech and then you shall all talk in your turn Neither is this Meeting of ours a new unpresidented thing without Warrant or Authority for if my Chronology does not fail me that most Accomplished and excellent Emperor Heliogabalus of blessed Memory P4 How most Accomplish'd and Excellent I beseech you when History tells us that the Mobb knocked his Brains out that he was dragg'd up and down the Streets and at last thrown into the common Iakes Cor. What! interrupted again But Neighbour if such an Argument will hold Water it will follow that half the Saints in the Kalendar were but so so because they came to the Gallows and that Oliver Cromwel was a virtuous Person because he died in his Bed The worst thing that was ever objected to Heliogabalus by his greatest Enemies was his flinging down the idolatrous Fire which was kept by the Vestal Virgins for which old Fox wou'd have Registred him among his Protestant Martyrs and his hanging up the Pictures of Moses and Christ in his private Chappel which I hope will not rise up in Iudgment against him in this Christian Assembly Let me inform you en passant Ladies that those Villains the Heathens as my Authors tell me and I thought it wou'd not be amiss to communicate such a nice Observation to this House used to call our Saviour Chrestus and not Christus by way of Contempt and Derision which is the Opinion of Agathocles Dionysius who for his great Skill in the Oriental Languages was Sir-named Halicarnesseus Laurentius Valla Fabius Maximus Anacharsis and several other Divines of the Reformed Perswasion But to return to the Argument in hand for a Woman ought to make the most of her Argument in Hand this most discreet and profound Governor Heliogabalus issued out a Proclamation or Edict to this Effect that as the Emperors used to convene the