not hinder you in the performance of your Duty therein And I pray consider if you have any matter of Imploy but for one Year would you be willing to unite your self with or to such an one as should at all times be your hindrance and be putting you upon discouragements And if you would not entertain such a Companion which you could change in one year because they were an hinderance to you in a small concern why should you not be much more careful in the choice of a Yoke-fellow with whom you must remain for the tearm of one of your Lives and who will certainly be an hinderance to you in your Soul-concerns if they be persons of evil Lives and corrupt Manners My Friends Tho' I have endeavoured to make it appear that to marry a person with whom you differ about matters of instituted Religion is not sinful without other circumstances attending it Nor is it a matter the Church hath power to deal with you for yet Gods Eye is upon you and he seeth your Actions and knoweth your thoughts and what regard you had to Religion when you made your Choice of a Yoke-fellow And be sure God will visit you according to your desert in one kind or another and at such times as pleaseth him And further consider it was not for nothing that God warned Israel in that Case and foretold them the danger of marrying with persons inclined to evil Courses Man's heart is prone to evil and therefore he had need to take heed he be not ensnared by his own actions and that he condemn not himself in those things which he alloweth Let me therefore advise you to beware of such as these and come not nigh the door of their houses Prov. 5. vers 8. First Be sure to avoid the lewd and prophane marry not with such It cannot be done without violence to your own Reason great offence to your Brethren and scandal to Religion And if so then great dishonour to God also For such will be the effects of your Marriage that you can neither live with comfort nor credit Comfort you can have none because God is dishonoured every day in your Family and you cannot avoid it but the more you endeavour a Reformation the more sin is committed and the name of God blasphemed And as to your credit and reputation it 's much impared by being yoked with such a dishonourable person and more especially is a man dishonoured by a vain and lewd Wife And although it be the concern of a Woman to be careful and beware of this evil yet it 's more the concern of men to avoid this evil For a man is much more disshonoured when he hath a wicked Wife than a Woman by a wicked Husband though both more than I am able to express and Gods name dishonoured far beyond all expression Take heed therefore of the Lewd and Prophane Secondly Beware of the Contentious and Froward as being very unfit for Society and more especially so near an Alliance as is between a man and his wise Prov. 9.13 A foolish Woman is clamorous she is simple and knoweth nothing Chap. 21.9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the house to than with a brawling Woman in a wide house Chap. 25.24 Chap. 27.15 16. Chap. 3.32 The froward is an abomination to the Lord. The froward mouth is hated of the Lord Chap. 8.13 And for a further demonstration of this evil Society see Ecclus 25.13 Thirdly Beware of the Proud and Ambitious Many are the evils which attend those that are so yoked and they may well fear a Curse to attend upon it Prov. 13.10 Therefore beware more especially you my Brethren who have the liberty of Choice and may with care and diligence escape these snares Take heed of proud and ambitious Women it will be no small grief to meet with such an one who shall disdain your Birth Parentage and Relations your Education Trade and Imployment the provision you make for her and maintenance you allow her When she shall always be striving to live high in pomp and vain glory striving to excel her Neighbours and Acquaintance in her way of Living and in her Garb but never in Vertue and Humility This I say will be your grief and unspeakable trouble if you fear the Lord. Labour therefore to avoid such Fourthly Beware of the Extravagant and Wasteful For this is an evil will prove a great Snare unto you and breach of your Peace and is attended with Want He that loveth pleasure shall be a poor man and he that loveth wine and oyl shall not be rich Prov. 21.17 And you Brethren consider if you meet with such Wives as shall waste and consume the Fruits of your careful Labours it it will be no small grief to your Spirits and the greater because you know not how to reform it in a Wife A Servant you may correct or put away but with a Wife you must bear Therefore take heed of such and avoid them Fifthly Beware of the Careless and Sloathful This is also a great evil and will break your Peace and create strife and contention a thing a man cannot bear in a Wife whom he expects should improve her part in a diligent improving her self in her place for the good of her Husband and Family and if she be careless of her Duty herein how will he be able to bear it in her And likewise the Wife that hath an idle careless Husband What is her grief How many her cares And what discontent will arise from this is not easily told and more uneasie to be born He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand Prov. 10.4 Drowsiness will cloath a man with Raggs Prov. 23.1 An idle Soul shall suffer hunger Prov. 19.25 Beware therefore of such and avoid them And now my Friends you that have your Choice to make make it your business to yoke your selves with such as are sober and pious quiet and peaceable humble and lowly minded frugal careful and industrious for all these good qualifications are needful in one with whom you joyn in so close a Relation in the want of any of these you will want so much of your Comfort But above all mind Meekness and Humility Those are Graces will greatly tend to your Comfort and if you prosper in the world will teach you so to improve your self and your enjoyments as will make them truly comfortable to you And if Poverty be your portion yet will these Graces greatly enable you to bear your wants and afflictions It will be joy to your hearts when you can with joynt consent go to the Throne of Grace and return thanks to God for mercies received or to beg of God Blessings that are wanting And this may be done where there is difference in Opinion about Instituted Religion you all believing there is One God who is the Fountain of all our Mercies and hath Rewards and Punishments at his disposing And unto him it is
wise consent but upon this condition that the Jews should go with them to their Worship and serve their Gods Now hereat I conceive Balak might make some scruple as foreseeing some great Evil must be committed to accomplish this Design As First An Act of base Dissimulation to pretend Love and Kindness when the Design was Murder and Destruction And how far this might go with a Moral Heathen cannot be imagined Secondly There must be the defiling of so many Virgins which goes hard with the worst of men and is abhorred of Heathens Thirdly Dissimulation in the name of their Gods whom they adored and to whom they endeavour to proselyte the Jews not out of Honour to their Gods but to accomplish a design of their own Fourthly The Jews must be thought to be vile Hypocrites that shall be drawn upon such Terms to serve their Gods that they might obtain the satisfying of their base Lusts and their Offering was a profaning the name of those Gods Now Balak might fear upon the apprehension of all these Evils that his Gods would be offended For were it his own Case he would not accept the Service of one of his own Princes that should be accompanied with such a heap of monstrous Villanies so reproachful to him and dishonourable to his name Now to satisfie Balak in this Scruple Balaam applieth himself and layeth down a Proposition which if he and his People did believe then they would not fear to follow his Advice And therefore telleth Balak that all this fear of his did arise from his want of Knowledge in the Divine Mysieries for all this was both lawful laudable and justifiable at such a time and in such cases as the present Circumstances had brought him and his people into for men to commit any Evil and break the Laws both of Nature and the Gods without any Offence to them when it was to a good end either for the procuring of a greater Good or avoiding a greater Evil. And thou Balak needest not fear to do what I advise thee unto Thy Case requires something to be done that is eminent I am a Prophet and thou knowest my Conversation is with the Gods and I know they do allow of this Principle The God of Israel doth allow of it in his People and thy Gods will allow of it in thee Thy Case is dangerous and thou hast reasons sufficient to justifie thy proceedings in this matter As First Thy own preservation and the preservation of thy Family which is motive enough to provoke a man to wound his own Conscience that he might prevent such a Mischief Secondly The preservation of thy People and Country which will be made a prey their Countrey taken from them themselves and their Children made Captives at the least For if these Israelites prevail thy whole People will be their Slaves and Vassals And therefore it behooves thee and thy People to consider what Mischief hangs over your Heads and not to scruple at the means that may prevent it Thirdly Your Religion will be changed your Gods dishonoured and blasphemed your Groves will be cut up and your Altars pulled down which is so great a Mischief that nothing can equal it It would be your Sin nay your unpardonable Sin if you do not your utmost to prevent this And tho' the way I have prescribed is an evil way and may not be allowed in Common Cases yet when it may prevent a greater mischief or procure a greater good then it 's not only lawful but a Duty And therefore let thy People be instructed in this Principle that they may act their part with boldness for you may expect a blessing for it Besides it 's very likely to become a Snare to Israel for if they close with the Temptation and worship your Gods their God will be offended at them because in this they neither avoid an Evil nor procure a Good nor have any such thing in their Eye but only the satisfying a base and carnal Lust Now this I take to be the Doctrine of Balaam which some in the Church of Pergamus held and which as is said some in the Romish Church hold at this day which is a Doctrine so hateful to God and destructive to Mankind that it makes man's Life and God's Glory a Tennant at will to the Conceit of sinful Men and no doubt it is most abominable to the Divine Majesty and ought to be avoided But whether this Conceit of mine be true or no yet I am sure nothing in those two Texts Numb 25. nor Revel 2.14 doth prove those Marriages unlawful which I contend for For not to tell you the difference here between these people was in matters of Morality who was the true God And not in Institutes How the True God was to be worshipped Of which you ought to take notice I will shew you for all this that Israel might marry both with Moab and Ammon and that the Children begot of them might in time be admitted into the Congregation And that both these are true see Ruth 1.4 Deut. 23.3 And the reason is rendred why they might not be admitted sooner in v. 4. As to 2 Cor. 6.14 Be not unequally yoked together Believers with Vnbelievers I cannot but wonder you should urge it for the Case is plain it speaks of Worship and a Spiritual relation and that appears from many expressions which ths Apostle useth As What fellowshiphath righteousness with unrighteousness What communion hath light with darkness or what concord hath Christ with Belial And what part hath he that believeth with an Infidel And what agreement hath the Temple of God with Idols For ye are the Temple of the living God as God hath said I will dwell in them and walk in them and they shall be my people and I will be their God Now it 's plain this respects the Church and their Assembling and having Communion one with another and with God himself who can admit of nothing that is Carnal and savours of the flesh But what signifies this to a fleshly and carnal relation For tho' I may not go to the Idols Temple and eat their Sacrifices with a Pagan nor suffer him to sit down with me at the Lords Table yet I may joyn Partners with him in Trade and Business And in this kind of Relation we may have fellowship concord and agreement tho' not about Religion And it 's plain that where those men and Women have married who have thus differr'd in matters of Religion They have had notwithstanding the same agreement concord and fellowship that others do enjoy both as in relation to the Marriage-bed and other worldly Affairs and some times more to their content and profit And therefore it cannot be this Relation that is reprehended in this Chapter And as to 1 Cor. 7.39 The wise is bound by the Law as long as her husband liveth but if her husband be dead she is at liberty to be married to whom she will only
seven of the Sons of Saul were delivered to the Gibeonites and they hanged them up in the Hill before the Lord and after that God was intreated for the Land 2 Sam. 21.1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 14. So that here you see a Church is sometimes bound to bear with the breakers of a positive Law Tho' I would not have this strained to countenance any neglect of duty in any man much less any presumptuous sin From which the Lord preserve us Fourthly You need not make it strange that men should live in the breach of some Laws and yet never dealt withall by the Church For you your selves have persons amongst you which live in the neglect of some express duties and yet you deal not with them For instance First When did you deal with a man that neglected to pray for his Superiours And yet it 's a duty plainly enjoyned in the Gospel 1 Tim. 2.1 2 3. Secondly There is no duty more plainly expressed in the Gospel than Contribution to the Ministry no not Baptism it self and yet who did you ever deal withal for that neglect Notwithstanding it be so plainly expressed in the Gospel to be the Ordinance of God as the Apostle sheweth 1 Cor. 9. v. 1. and so on and v. 14. Even so hath God ordained that they which preach the Gospel should live of the Gospel Even so hath God ordained even as sure as men go not a Warfare at their own charge but at the charge of the Country whom they serve Nor men plant not a Vineyard and eat not of the fruit thereof The Ox that treadeth out the Corn was not to be muzzled Deut 25.4 but might eat of the fruit of his labour and the Priests that minister at the Altar might eat of the holy things belonging to the Altar And if this be true even so true it is That we the Ministers that preach the Gospel should live of the Gospel which is also further enjoyned Gall. 6.6 Let him that is taught in the word communicate to him that teacheth in all good things What duty more plain in the Scriptures What more agreable to the Common Sentiments of mankind and to reason and Justice A Duty much neglected Nay some have declared themselves against it in their Principles And yet who is it calls persons to an account for this neglect Tho' by this means the Church is made weak God dishonoured and the Gospel reproached and many faithful Labourers driven to want and great necessity and others discouraged from concerning themselves with that dangerous tho' glorious work And now Brother let me in the fear of the Lord intreat you to consider these few things First What a Yoke do you put upon the Necks of the Disciples and more especially on the poor Women The modesty of whose Sex and custom of their Country will not admit them to seek Mates for themselves And none in the Church perhaps take notice of many of them and in the world they must not marry tho' their Advantage be never so promising and the prospect of their fnture happiness never so perspicuous yet they are bound by this Law to slight all opportunities and offers of this kind and to deny themselves of those happy enjoyments which God hath provided and nature inclines them to and which next to Food and Rayment is most desirable of all outward Blessings How many have I known who have been kept in Bondage till the Flower of their Age was past and at length have been forced to make a breach upon your Principle and bear your Frowns how severe soever Secondly Consider how ridiculous this dealing is in the esteem of others not only amongst the rude and profane but amongst the sober minded What doth the Presbyter or Independant say to this Do they think it good dealing And do they look upon you as wise Men to deal thus with persons for marrying with them and with such as they esteem faithful and upright And yet you shall account such Marriages Fornication Do they not think you are not only besides the Truth but your Wits also It 's not sufficient to tell them you have a President in Ezra for they may tell you that if the men of Israel had never married with a Canaanitish Woman but made instead thereof a Covenant for so many Acres of Land and one of the Conditions had been to have worshipped Baal-peor or Balaam it had been altogether as sinful Exod. 34.12 12 14 15 16. Deut. 7.23 chap. 20 v. 16 17 18. Thirdly Consider what a stumbling block you lay before the youger sort both Men and Women and think what a Lion it is in their way When tho' they like the people well are convinced of the truth of the Gospel yet if they understand this Yoke they will be twice advised before they close with such a people especially those whose Fortunes are like to be advanced in the world And thus you do not only deprive your selves of a Brother or a Sister but the Poor of a person capable to yeild them relief Fourthly Consider what a sad account you will be able to give in the day of the Lord if all these your proceedings be grounded upon a mistake And that you have pretended Gods warrant when he never granted any such nor appointed any under him to concern themselves in that matter but kept it to himself And yet you have used his Name and Authority without his Commission What will you say if you be called to an account for grieving some and causing others to turn aside And lastly That you have in the Name of God shut both Men and Women out of the Church and as much as in you lay out of Heaven it self And all this upon a a presumptuous Zeal that God is honoured thereby tho' you can give neither Precept nor Example to warrant your proceedings Surely Brother It will become you and the rest of our Brethren to consider well of these things And let not a passionate Zeal transport nor a prepossessed Judgment prevent you from detracting any thing that may appear to be to the prejudice of the Truth and the Peace of the Church which I pray God may dayly increase to the honour of his Great and Glorious Name Amen AN Appendix By way of Caution or a Word of Advice to the Vnmarried MY dear Brethren and Sisters let not any thing in these Papers give you any occosion or incouragement to marry with such persons whom you have cause to fear are Careless and remiss in the matters of Religion for Vertue is Vertue still and Piety and Religion are to be embraced And as God hath made you rational Creatures he expects you should shew yur selves such in the management of your affairs and more especially in those great affairs of Religion And if you are such as mind the concern of Religion you will endeavour to sort your selves with such Company as will promote it at least with such as may
you direct your Prayers And being agreed about this Holy Duty you may with Zeal perform it and in Faith wait for a Blessing But yet in the close of my Advie if thou findest a person in the Church holy and humble prefer such an one before Riches and Beauty for both these are vain and perishing but Vertue will abide and be both a Comfort and an Ornament Whoso findeth a Wife findeth a good Thing and hath obtained favour of the Lord Prov. 18.22 which is to be understood of a Good Wife which otherwise can be no Blessing as hath been shewed in the second particular way of Advice And further Solomon hath it Prov. 19.14 Houses and Riches are the Inheritance of Fathers but a prudent Wife is from the Lord. Now where Piety and Prudence are in a Man or Woman it is a great Blessiing to their Yoke-fellows but much the greater when they agree in the Principles of Religion even about Institutions For where the Man and Wife differ about Baptism and the Lord's Supper there will many times arise unpleasant Discourse and it may be let in Contention and Strife if not prevented by much watchfulness on both sides And tho' Wisdom may so govern that the Gospel may not be reproached by it nor the Church offended at it yet you may want of your own Comforts by means thereof And you do without all doubt lay your selves the more open to Temptation and may the sooner be led into a Snare See Exod. 4.25 26. I therefore beseech you have a care in your Choice and marry if you can with Baptized Persons and such as are prudently zealous for their Profession And let me tell you it will be a great Comfort to you when you can go together to hear the Word and to partake of the Ordinances of God in his Church How may you discourse of what you have heard from the Preacher And what sweet Communion you had at the Lord's Table And with what Comfort and Vnity may you go to the Throne of Grace and return thanks to God for that days Mercy Which Comfort will be all lost or much hindred where the Man and Wife differ about Institutions and more especially about Baptism and the Lord's Supper And again you cannot so well instruct your Servants nor tutor your Children where you have this difference which you may to your grief sind unpleasant to you when it is too late And again For a Baptist to marry with one of another Perswasion is not so honourable in the esteem of Brethren nor doth it declare so high an esteem of your Profession as you ought to have and more especially in a Man who hath the liberty of his own Choice My Advice therefore is as you tender your own Peace your Reputation the Honour of God and Religion make your Choice in the Church For tho' I say that if you do not the Church ought not to deal with you yet God Almighty may and certainly will at some time or other and in some kind or other if his Name be dishonoured thereby And further let me tell thee that if thou shouldest in the Church be decived yet thou wilt find a great support to help thee under thy Burthen when thou canst truly say thou madest this Choice upon the account of Religion and not for Worldly Advantage But perhaps some will Quaery why this Author followed not this Advice himself when it was his own Case To which I freely Answer it was my Folly and that which I commend not in my self and seeing the inconveniencies am the better able to give Advice to others that they grieve not their Brethren as I have done nor make themselves work for Repentance tho by this I would not be thought to reflect upon her that never was an opposite to me in Religion but a help and through Gods Grace her self soon embraced the Truth praised be his Name Now be sure that you mind to chuse the Vertuous that you be not prevented of your Comforts And the good Lord direct your hearts that in this great Work you may do nothing to your own grief and Gods dishonour but on the contrary all may be done First To Gods Honour Secondly Your own Comfort the comfort of your Friends and the credit of Religion Which is the hearty Prayer of Your Friend and Brother Stephen Tory. POSTSCRIPT AND now my Dear Brethren and Sisters bear with me a few words in which I make bold to direct you how to Marry as well as who to Marry And first To you my Brethren I pray you be advised in a few things First When you think to change your Condition consider whether you be fit so to do Think how you can maintain a Wife For if thou canst not maintain thy Self thou doest but abuse that Woman whom thou marryest unless she can maintain thee and hath not an expectation from thee which is seldom known And let me tell thee the want of this Consideration hath been a grief to many when it hath been too late But I seldom knew any that had cause to repent their careful proceeding in this matter Nor speak I this to cause dispondency in any honest sincere hearts who in a low condition use their endeavour and trust in Gods providence but I speak this to warn the unwary and to curb the presumptuous Secondly Consider how thou canst govern a Family How thou canst govern Servants and Tutor Children and behave thy self to a Wife That as the State of Marriage is an Honourable State so take heed it be not dishonoured by thy inadvertency Thirdly Take heed that you make no promises of Marriage and when you have done draw back and break your Vows made in secret For know that Vows and Contracts made in secret are known to God who will not fail to do right and therefore take heed of breaking your Vows Nay my Advice is to all men to take heed of making shew of Love to any person whom they do not really intend to marry there is many times great grief comes by this means and therefore be advised Fourthly You my Sisters be Wise consider whether you be able to perform your Duties in your places and also take heed of foolish Fondness Think not that every man that speaks friendly to you or looks pleasantly upon you is in Love with you and hath a mind to live and die with you Neither be proud and disdainful nor unfaithful but consider you are about a great Work ordained of God for you to do and therefore do it in his fear and by his advice Take advice of your Friends and the wisest of your Acquaintance and also make your Prayer to God for his Assistance and wait on him for Counsel and this is the way to prevent miscarrying Fifthly and lastly I advise you both Brethren and Sisters let the outward Ceremony be performed according to the Law of this Land or other Country where you dwell And seeing the outward part is appointed by the Law to be performed by the Clergy make use of their Authority Without which tho I will admit you may be honestly brought together without sin yet not safely nor with that Reputation as you may be otherwise These few things I thought good to spread before you leaving the Answer to all Objections about this part of Advice till I see some made against it Farewell A Second POSTSCRIPT by way of Advice to all those that either have or hereafter shall marry with such as are of contrary Minds in the Matters of Instituted Religion MY Friends let me advise you that you take heed you forsake not the Truth to which you have attained be not drawn away by your Yoke-fellows that are contrary minded but know it was that very thing of which God forewarned Israel Exod. 34.16 Deut. 7.4 and not only told them the danger of being drawn away but the punishment that would follow thereupon Jos 23.16 Secondly Let me advise that you so be have your selves with such Christian Respects Meekness and Sobriety as may prevail upon your Yoke-fellows to embrace the Truth or at least to prevent them from thinking evil of the way you profess because of your uneven walking Thirdly My Advice is that you forsake not the Assemblies of your Brethren nor the hearing of the Word preached neglect not any good Duty be not careless in your Devotion nor remiss in any good Work let not your Zeal cool nor your Love decay but let it be seen you have yet the same Assections towards God his ways and people that ever you had and that you do not profer your sensual Pleasures and carnal Delights at that rate to put you out of love with the ways of God and let not the Frowns and Discontents of some of your weak Brethren put you out of the way and cause you to neglect those things which your own Consciences incline you to And all you that have left your Congregations and neglected your Duties I advise you to return and redeem the time you have lost and make peace with God and as much as in you lieth with your Brethren Fourthly I advise you that you forsake not the Lord's Table voluntarily and when you are forbid to partake of that Sacred Ordinance by any of your Brethren bear it with patience and make your humble Addresses to the Church for a Reconciliation and wait a while with patience and let your Brethren see your love to them and your desire to enjoy your former Priviledges and when you have waited from time to time and cannot prevail then you that live where you may find other Society as all those in London may I advise that you apply your selves to some other Congregation of your own Profession where you may be entertained that you may thereby be preserved from those Decays which you will be apt to fall into if you use not the greater diligence Which that you may do the Lord bless what hath been said that you may be kept from falling and may be preserved to his Heavenly Kingdom which is the hearty Prayer of your Friend and Brother S. Tory. FINIS