LOVE and FEAR The inseparable Twins OF A BLEST MATRIMONY Characterized in a SERMON Occasioned by the late Nuptialls between Mr William Christmas and Mrs Elizabeth Adams Preached in St. Dionis Backe-Church by NATHANAEL HARDY Mr of Arts and Preacher to that Parish COLLOS. 3. 18 19. Wives submit your selves to your own Husbands as it is fit in the Lord Husbands love your Wives and be not bitter unto them {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Chrysost. Hom. 20. in Ephes. Quoniam una natura in viro faeminâ est idcirco vir quasi seipsum ita mulierem diligere commonetur mulier autem quia persona inferior est conditionis causâ non naturae viro subjecta timere cum jubetur Ambros. in Ephes. LONDON Printed by T. C. for Nathanae Webb and William Grantham and are to be sold at the Sign of the Black Bear in S. Pauls Church-yard near the little North door 1658. To the Generous Mr WILLIAM CHRISTMAS Merchant and the Vertuous Mrs ELIZABETH CHRISTMAS his Wife many comfortable dayes and a blessed Eternity Worthy Friends PArdon me that I joyn you together in one Dedication since God's ordination and your mutual affection have made you one It was your undeserved respect honoured me to be the Instrument of accomplishing your nuptials It was my Cordial desire of testifying my gratitude and promoting your welfare made me so bold as to become your humble remembrancer of those duties which I doubt not you both knew and resolved to practice before Finally it was your unexpected acceptance and approbation of my weak labours put you on requiring and me by that means on effecting the publication of them What hath caused my delay in fulfilling your desire I suppose you already know Being now through God's wonderful mercy raised from my sick nay almost dying bed I have made what hast I could to finish the work This plain and home-spun piece such as it is I present Sir to your candid eye Madam to your fair hands together with my humble thanks for your noble favours As the hearing it did affect you so I hope the reading it will profit you and not you alone but others who shall vouchsafe the perusal of it And now Courteous Friends my hearts desire and prayer to God for you is that you may be ravisht each with others love that your quiver may be full of those harmlesse arrowes to wit Children that peace may be within your walls and plenteousnesse continue in your habitation Finally that you may live long together in Earth and for ever in Heaven I rest Yours to be commanded in the Lord NATH. HARDY To the Right Worshipful THOMAS ADAMS formerly Alderman and Lord Mayor of this Anciently Renowned City of London saving health sweet contentment eternal felicity Right worthy Sir DId not speaking or writing truth of them that are alive incur a suspition of flattery had not the beames of your Graces been abundantly resplendent to this whole City from those Orbs of Authority wherein you were justly placed Finally were it not that I know how repugnant the publication of your worth is to the humility of your mind who desire laudanda facere non laudata audire to doe things praise-worthy not to hear or read your own praises an Encomium had been the Proemium of this Dedication But though upon these considerations I shall forbear to characterize those eminent vertues by which you oblige all that know you yet give me leave Honoured Mecaenas to make a publique acknowledgement of those munificent favours by which you have engaged me since I had the honour and happinesse of enjoying you as a Parishioner an ingenuous recognition being as the least so the utmost payment that I can return In testimony of my Gratitude and observance of your desire I here present to your Judicious eye what not long agoe was offered to your Religious ear What should render this unpolished discourse acceptable to you I cannot conceive unlesse it be the special Interest you have in the joyful occasion of it namely the happy marriage of your deservedly beloved Daughter Indeed matrimoniò prospicere to provide fit matches for their Children is the last but not the least care that lieth upon the Parents well may it be a just cause of singular joy when a marriage is consummated with the Parents consent and to the Childes content May your joy be still multiplied in their mutual loves prosperous estate and an hopeful progeny descending from their loyns And now Worthy Sir give me leave in few words to tell you what great things the Lord hath done for me It is not many weeks since by a violent Fever I was brought low very low so that my soul drew nigh to the grave But it hath pleased the powerful mercy and merciful power of my gracious God to deliver me from going down to the pit so that my life seeth the light and praised be his goodness I am in some measure restored to health God hath done his work of mercy mine of duty remaineth to be thankful and fruitful It is no small piece of Christian skill rightly to improve mercy when conferd this is my task which that I may be enabled to perform I earnestly desire both yours and the servent prayers of all God's people I have nothing further to add but only my prayers for you which shall never be wanting at the throne of grace that your days on earth may be lengthened external enjoyments sanctified spiritual graces increased inward comforts enlarged and your good works at last rewarded with a Crown of glory So prayeth your affectionate servant in Christ NATH. HARDY EPH. 5. 31. Neverthelesse let every one of you in particular so love his Wife even as himself and the Wife see that she reverence her Husband AMong the many commendable Excellencies of Holy Writ this is none of the least that it is a Treasury of all kind of Learning both divine and humane Supernatural and Natural Theological and Moral In this regard it is not unfitly compared to the Sea since as all Rivers come from the Sea so all Sciences and Arts from the Scripture Indeed where shall we find more Logical Arguments and Rhetorical strains then in these Writings What deep secrets of natural Philosophy sublime notions concerning the Heavens and the Stars may we read in many of these Pages Finally no such characters of Ethical vertues sound rules of State-policy choice precepts for Oeconomical practice as these holy lines afford Astronomy the Queen of Mathematicks Logick and Rhetorick the chief of Arts yea both natural and moral Philosophy may by an intelligent Reader be found graven upon the Bible in their several characters One of these to wit Moral Philosophy in the Oeconomical part of it is that which our Apostle teacheth in the close of this Epistle There are three combinations which concur to keep up a compleat Family Husband and Wife Parents and Children Master and Servants all
is the wife to the man and so ought to be in his esteem Indeed the formation of woman out of mans rib clearly represents this truth On the one hand she was not made of the Head and therefore not domina she must not rule over the Husband nor yet of any anterior part and therefore not praelata she must not be before the Husband On the other hand she was not made of the foot and therefore not serva to be kept under as a servant nor yet of any hinder part and therefore not postposita to be put behind as a child but she was made of a rib in his side and therefore socia to be esteemed and used as a fellow-helper 2. The Concomitants or ingredients of this Love are desire and delight The Moralists distinguish of a double Love to wit amor benevolentiae and amor complacentiae a love of benevolence whereby we heartily wish and accordingly endeavour the good of another a Love of complacency whereby we are well pleased and satisfied in the enjoyment one of another Both of these make up the mans Love to his Wife namely a cordial desire of her welfare and an affectionate delight in her society The most proper act of Matrimonial Love is complacency in which respect this Loving is called elsewhere a rejoycing and the Wife is called the Wife of the bosome the desire of the eyes The bosome is a place of repose and the things we put in our bosomes are such as we take delight in for this cause Christ is said to be in the bosome of the Father to note that it is he in whom the Father is well pleased and John is said to lean on Jesus bosome because the Disciple whom Jesus loved and in whose converse he was singularly delighted The desire of the eyes is that which in the absence we long for and the presence of which we behold with joy So that both these expressions do plainly intimate what contentment and satisfaction the man ought to take in the converse and enjoyment of his Wife And therefore it is Solomon's counsel Let thy Wife be to thee as the Loving Hinde and as the pleasant Roe or according to the Hebrew an Hinde of Loves a Roe of favours the mates of those females are the Hart and the Roe-buck which as Naturalists observe are of all other creatures the most inamored with their mates to instruct the man what an affectionate wel-pleasednesse he should have with his wife 3. The Consequents of this Love are chiefly protection provision and Toleration Love is ever active being like the fire which where it is sends forth light and heat Indeed Exhibitio operis probatio amoris action is the most real proof of affection only that love being true which is not otiosus but officiosus in word but in deed Thus the husbands love to his wife must manifest it self 1. In protecting her to his power from injuries it is the Psalmists expression Thou Lord wilt blesse the righteous with favour wilt thou compasse him as with a shield Love alwayes improves what ability it hath in being a shield to what it affects so ought the husbands love to expresse it self in defending his wife from wrong It is well observed that the rib of which woman was made was taken from under the mans arm to teach him that as the use of the arm is to keep off blowes from the body so the office of an husband is to ward off dangers from his wife It is the speech of Ruth to Boaz Spread thy skirt over thine handmaid The Hebrew word which we render skirt properly signifieth a wing and so the metaphor is borrowed from birds who spread their wings over their young ones to preserve them from harm this was that Boaz owed to Ruth as a kinsman but much more when an husband it being the mans part to spread the skirts or wings of protection over his wife That expression which Abimelech used to Sarah concerning Abraham Behold he is to thee a covering of the eyes is very considerable to this purpose since as Ainsworth hath well observed it denoteth not only subjection on the Womans but protection on the mans part 2. By providing for her conveniencies Love is full of care and care is diligent in providing such a provident care the man oweth to his wife and that not onely so far as is necessary this being due to the meanest servant in the Family but as is convenient and sutable both to her relation as a Wife and to his place and condition This duty is that which the Apostle expresseth a little before in two significant words of nourishing and cherishing the former whereof as one hath well observed referreth to food the latter to raiment both which in a plentifull measure the man according to his degree and estate ought to afford his wife and the latter word being a metaphor borrowed as another hath observed from the hens sitting upon her egges to keep them warm and thereby to hatch her brood doth elegantly expresse what a tender cherishing care Matrimoniall Love obligeth a man unto Indeed when the man marrieth a wife she leaveth her friends with whom she was educated and her friends commit her to her Husbands custody good reason he should have a special care to provide for her and because this Love must be Christian as well as conjugal this care ought to be conversant not only about her bodâ— but her soul In which regard the Apostle Peter willeth Husbands to dwell with their Wives as men of knowledge instructing them in the things which concern their everlasting welfare 3. By bearing with their infirmities S. Paul speaking of charity among other properties telleth us she is not easily provoked she beareth all things and S. Peter that she coveerth a multitude of sins though love be not blind yet oft-times she winketh as not willing to take notice of the wrongs that are done Thus ought the Husband to expresse his affection to his Wife Indeed this is the trial of his love not to be stirred up to wrath when yet provocation is given but silently to passe by and patiently bear with her failings every one will love when he is pleased but that is love to bear when provoked this is that which the Apostle intendeth when to this precept of love he addeth a prohibition of bitternesse Husbands love yove your Wives and be not bitter against them that is ob leves causas exasperari upon slight causes small offences to have their love abated or wrath exasperated This the Heathen Philosopher saw who therefore willeth Husbands to passe by {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} their wives infirmities And thus you have beheld the several lines of the mans duty meeting together in this one center of love What now remains but that all men learn to square their practice by this precept but alas how just cause
of which S. Paul though succinctly yet distinctly and fully here instructeth in their several duties The two latter in the beginning of the following Chapter the former in the latter part of this and that most compendiously in the last verse which I have now read unto you Nevertheless c. Before I enter upon the Text it will be needful to take a little notice of the context the connexion which these words have with the preceding and that is implied in the particle which begins the Verse Nevertheless Indeed because the Apostle in these words concludes his former argumentation Beza renders it it aque therefore as if it had vim illativam the force of an illative conjunction but this is a needless straining of the word contrary to its proper signification The generality of Interpreters retain the native sense of the word whom our Translators justly follow reading it as an exceptive conjunction and so it hath vim {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} a force of recalling the Apostle from insisting any longer upon the great mystery before mentioned If you cast your eyes on the fore-going Verses you may observe the example of Christ and his Church brought in as a pattern for men and wives to follow whereupon S. Paul digresseth into an excellent Discourse of that spiritual union which is between Christ and his Church making use of Marriage as a representation of this sublime mystery and now in the close he recalleth himself to his first design letting them know that though what Moses relateth concerning Adam and Eve was mystically applied by him to Christ and the Church yet the literal sense of it was in force to them nor must his allegorical hinder them from a moral application of what he had said concerning Marriage A good Item for us in reading the Scriptures to take the sense of them in the fullest extent Of many passages in holy Writ there is both a literal and a spiritual a mystical and a moral use to be made and it is our duty both to search out the sweetness of the mystery and observe the plainness of the Letter and as we are taken with the comforts of the one so not to neglect the duties of the other Having briefly viewed the Context come we now to the Text it self wherein are three general parts worthy your serious consideration The particular relations whom it concerneth specified to wit Husband and Wife The several Obligations laid upon each unfolded On the man that he so love his Wife as himself On the Wife that she reverence her Husband The punctual application to be made by every one of those duties to himself Let every one of you in particular These are the three precious fruits we are to gather from this branch of the Tree of Life and though in hearing they may not be sweet to your taste yet I am sure if well eaten and digested by meditation and practice they will yield wholesome nutriment to your souls Begin we then with the Relations concerned in this Scripture to wit Husband and Wife Almighty God though he is a Lover of Unity yet not of singularity himself is but one and yet he is not alone from all eternity there is a Trinity of persons in the Unity of Essence And if we look into the Creation we shall find though an Harmony yet a plurality or rather a duality the world consists of an heaven and earth in the Celestial part there is a Sun and a Moon in the Terrestriaâ— part Land and Sea and yet further if you look upon the little world of man you may take notice of a soul and a body in the soul of a rational and a sensitive part in the rational of an understanding and a will in the sensitive of an irascible and concupiscible appetite and in the body most of its parts are made in pairs two eyes two ears two nostrils two lipps two arms two thighs two legs two feet Finally Man being thus made God said of him It is not good he should be alone and therefore as he had made other living creatures male and female so he provided a woman for man makes her out of him joyns her to him whence sprang this relation in the Text of Husband and Wife the man so soon as the woman was made becoming an Husband and the woman a Wife This pair is primum par fundamentum omnium parium the first pair and the original of all others those various relations of Parents and Children Master and Servants King and Subjects do all spring out of this Prima naturalis humanae societatiâ— copula vir uxor Man and Wife are the first link of humane society to which all the rest are joyned Families Cities Countreys Nations the whole world yea the Church militant nay a good part of the Triumphant depend upon this pair of Husband and Wife Multitudes flow from this Relation but the relation it self is only between two it is not {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} and {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} nor {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} and {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} but {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} and {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} man and wives wife and men but man and wife unus unam uni The one God hath appointed one woman for one man It was so in the institution and the Prophet Malachy's ratiocination from it is both plain and strong Did not he make one yet had he the residue of the Spirit He could have made more then one Eve for Adam yea if at any time then it might seem most necessary for the speedier peopling of the world to have multiplyed his wives but wherefore one because he sought a godly seed that is a seed arising from godly means Nor is that Argumentation invalid which upon this Subject Theodorus urgeth to the Saracen in point both of pleasure and peace Adam in Paradise no doubt wanted nothing that might be for the fulnesse of his content and comfort and yet he had but one whereby it appeareth {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} the pleasure of having one wife surpasseth that of many Again where there are many Wives there cannot but arise violent and deadly contentions which the man having but one wife prevents and therefore is most conducible to that most desirable good in all relations namely Peace from which with other arguments he justly concludeth {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Monogamy is more comfortable and honourable then Polygamy Indeed he qui unam costam primus in duas divisit to use S. Hierom's phrase who first as we read of divided the one rib into two parts was Lamech a wicked Tyrant and it is observable that the name of his second Wife Zillah signifieth a shadow such an one being only the shadow of a Wife The