be prevailed upon by this and much more also True Christian love is grown so rare that often 't is not found among those called Christians in the same family and nearest relations the love and care of each others Souls is that which is least regarded and of all duties of Relations and Kindred this is neglected or forgot Men readily entertain Satans Suggestions in this respect and the best arguments are of no force when opposed by such thoughts as these 'T is not my duty I am not bound to it I think it may go down well with them that so live together as you have advised I think I should like to do so But as for perswading my partner my wife or my husband I have nothing to do with that To preach is the Ministers work let every one look to themselves each take their own way we may do well enough without joyning in Religious duties or at least without perswading one another to them Such are the thoughts of poor corrupted creatures not willing to joyn with Christ in the way of Gods appointment Now to prevent the stop which such thoughts may cause and that without doubting or shifting by excuses you may with full purpose of heart cleave to the Lord I desire you would consider these things 1. Consider seriously of such thoughts as in the presence of God Can you verily think that God will allow of such a plea and excuse does Gods word any where approve or favour it Nay does not his word direct and command the contrary what else is the meaning of those texts Comfort your selves together and edifie one another 1 Thes 5.11 Exhort one another daily while it is called to day Heb. 3.13 Consider one another to provoke to love and to good works Heb. 10.24 If these and the like texts make it the duty of assemblies and communities of Christians to perswade one another for their Souls good much more then is it the duty of neerer relations and becomes a command of greater force to such and renders those that neglect it utterly without excuse Consider what is the meaning of that word of the Lord Gen. 4.10 What hast thou done The voice of thy Brothers blood crieth unto me 'T is the Lords reply to that froward rash answer and inconsiderate excuse of Cain who said am I my brothers keeper And let conscience judge if the like word may not be spoken to you if you endeavour not to preserve if possible a neerer and bosom relation Beware then lest the voice of a perishing Soul cry against thy sinful negligence 2 Consider tho' it were not thy plain Christian duty to endeavour to win thy companion to Gods way by perswading yet be sure it is not thy duty to forbear perswasions And where there is but a probable appearance of doing good common human prudence will set you on perswading if indeed you love But if you reply that these things best come of themselves and that perswasions are for the most part of small purpose consider if men are hardly brought to the way of piety by perswasion will they more easily be brought to it by having nothing said to them for shame blush at such folly 3. Consider if lawful possible promises do bind to duty ought you not to be as good as your word and to do what you promised Now on that account of promise 't is certainly your duty both in sight of God and man You have solemnly promised as in the presence of God and God requires it of you and all true Christian friends and sober Christians are looking how you will behave your selves That you may more distinctly remember your promises I advise you to take these helps 1. Read over sometimes the office of Matrimony as in the Common Prayer-Book and with seriousness and consideration think on your marriage Vow and what you promised to each other when you consented to the married state That is to live together in love according to God holy ordinance I suppose you know that is to be meet helps to each other this is the appointment of God from the beginning And does this Ordinance or appointment of God respect help only in order to the good of the Body and not help for the Soul also I am fully perswaded that none dare say so but that it fully includes the help for the Souls good also And then think whether it be not your duty to defire each the other and endeavour to perswade each other to take the good and the right way for your Souls good to live together according to Gods holy ordinance as you have promised 2. Read over the prayers then to be used and think whether you did then truly desire those things or else minded them not and so mocked God Or do you yet desire those things indeed If you do you must acknowledg it your duty to endeavour to engage each other to that holy practice so to live together in holy love according to Gods Law and that you may see your Children Christianly and vertuously brought up to the praise and honour of God that you your selves hinder not those blessings you then begged of God 3. Read also those well chosen Scriptures that teach the duties of husbands and wives to each other and let them be as notes of memorial to bring you to your Bibles and so to bring you to your duty to perswade each other that you may thro' Christ Jesus come together to God I wish these things may be considered and prevail also I know they are sufficient if seriouslly considered to incline the mind and if that be but made willing I make no doubt but that I shall convince you that you are able and that you can do much by way of perswasion if you please Sect. VI. Shewing that young people are able to perswade one another if they are indeed willing to enter on Gods holy way I Might now justly leave it to your consciences to judg and am confident you must approve in the general of what I am perswading you to But I know that tho' you are convinced that is fully perswaded that you ought to do so yet while corruption prevails the unwilling heart will find some thing to hinder from doing And tho' at last you are convinced that 't is your duty and that you ought to call upon and to perswade each other to lead a Religious life yet you are ready to say or think that you know not how to do it and therefore there is but small likelyhood that you should prevail and therefore you resolve to let it alone altogether You may say I am periwaded that I ought to do it but I cannot tell how to do it and therefore I will not do it Thus an unwilling mind is easily discouraged in this matter especially in such as have not before some savour of Religion and liking to a Religious life To such I answer and say you may endeavour if you are
Adam and Eve and didst sanctifie and joyn them together in marriage pour upon us the riches of thy Grace sanctifie and bless us that we may please thee both in body and Soul and live together in holy love to our lives end Amen These you may use or so many of them as you think best only take heed that you may with the words express the true and hearty desires of your Souls to God alwayes concluding with the Lords Prayer as our Saviour in his Gospel hath taught us to pray saying OUR Father which art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever and ever Amen And then add The Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Love of God and the fellowship of the holy Ghost be with us evermore Amen A prayer to obtain Children to be used by those for whom it is necessary O Merciful God and heavenly Father by whose gracious gift mankind is increased we beseech thee assist us both with thy blessing that we may neither of us be barren but both of us fruitful in Children and also may live together so long in godly love and honesty that we may see our Children Christianly and Vertuously brought up to thy praise and honour thro' Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen Or instead of these you may make use of either of those that follow which of them you shall think most suitable to your condition to make known the desire of your heart to the heart-searching God The married persons joynt request unto God taken out of Mr. Hieron's help to Devotion THou O most blessed God didst first ordain the married state and it is thy providence by which we which were two are now made one flesh having mutually resigned our selves either to other by our entrance into this holy League It is the desire of our Souls to live together to thy glory and to the contentment each of other This we cannot do without thee for of our selves besides sin we can do nothing unto thee therefore do we commend our most earnest and humble suit that it may please thee so to besprinkle our Souls with the dew of thy grace that from thence may spring a plentiful increase of Sobriety of righteousness and of holiness in our lives Allay in us all sensual and brutish love purifying and sanctifying our affections one toward another that we may in nothing dishonour this honourable state nor pollute the bed of marriage which thou thy self in thy word hast called undefiled but may use this thine ordinance in that holy sort that carnal lusts may be slaked and subdued not increased or inflamed thereby Endue us with a godly care to acquaint our selves with thy blessed word that we may know and understand what duty is required at our hands what authority tempered with love and compassion and freed from all bitterness is committed to the husband what obedience and submission with reverence is commended in the wife what faithfulness in matrimonial duties either to other is enjoyned what providence and care is expected of the man and what assistance and help of the woman And when we know and have learned these things grant that it may be our study to practise them that so the husband may be as a faithful guide to his wife and the wife a crown and credit to her husband Make us wise to observe the natures and dispositions one of another that in all lawful things the one may seek to please and content the other the one may know how to bear with and to forbear the other not winking at any evil in one another but discreetly chusing the fittest opportunities for mutual admonishing without all shews of tyranny in the one or of presumption in the other Open our hearts that we may faithfully and chearfully communicate one to the other that sweetness which we find in heavenly things that sowe may go hand in hand towards heaven And that our chief love and delight either in other may be grounded upon the hope we have that we are heirs together of the grace of life In our family link us together in one common care to oversee the wayes of our houshold to seek the promoting and advancing of thy Kingdom the good instruction and education of our Children and servants Finally O Lord so unite and joyn us together in fidelity of affection that we may ever devote our selves to the procuring of the present and eternal good one of another that so living here comfortably we may reign with thee perpetually in that thy Kingdom which the blood of thy Son hath prepared for those that love and fear thy name Unto which Kingdom O Lord reserve us even for thy Son's sake and for thy mercies sake Amen Another to the same purpose O Lord our God who art pleased to look in mercy on thy poor creatures thro' the Lord Jesus Christ and dost promise to hear the prayers made to thee in his name we beseech to hear our prayers and supplications incline our hearts to pray and be pleased to hear and answer us graciously for Christ Jesus sake Thou O blessed Lord hast ordained the state of marriage and by thy good providence hast brought us together in that holy bond that we might be meet helps for one another And now O Lord we beseech thee frame both our hearts to holy desires to be helpful to each other both in soul and body And help us by thy Grace that we may live together in holy love and assist each other in faith and repentance and sincere obedience to thy holy word and will That we may live together in thy fear and be both of us ever in thy favour Put it into our hearts good Lord daily to pray and call upon thy holy name one with another and one for another Enable us to read thy holy word diligently enlighten our understandings that we may thereby know thy will and quicken us by thy Grace and good Spirit that we may be doers of thy Word And that being taught thereby we may learn truly to sanctifie thy Sabbaths and to give up our selves to thee our God heartily and entirely in frequent serious and solemn renewing the Covenant at thy holy Table in the blessed Sacrament of the Lords Supper and that we may live together as in Covenant with the Lord and do all that good thou hast appointed us in this state and condition of life to which thou hast called us Pardon we beseech thee all our Sins for Christ Jesus sake And all that vanity whereby we may have ensnared each other since our first acquaintance either in thought word or action savouring too much of the flesh and unbecoming
to spend such times of leisure in holy and enlivening discourses considering each others estate as in the respect of your Souls and call on one another that both together may call on the Lord. And if neither can read it is further advisable that you endeavour to get acquaintance and familiarity with some godly Christian neighbour that can read whither you may often go and spend the evenings especially before Children come on to hinder not to wast time as the worldly custome is to talk of news you little understand or of the affaires of the town or parish that little or nothing concern you but to desire them to read some portion of the Scripture or other good book to help you in the great concern of your Souls Or if your business in the world be such as admits of taking prentices or Servants labour to have such as can read they may on that account be of more advantage to the family then their bodily labour And this I alwayes look upon as duty that if Servants cannot read you endeavour that they may be taught and if they can read 't is your duty to keep them to reading at fit times and 't is prudence so to do as it is profitable to your selves and family I shall conclude these two last advices with a caution which I hinted before that you be not ashamed of weakness and inability in private before each other either in respect of reading or praying I mean not to neglect these private duties because you think you cannot do them well enough therefore do not do them at all because one shall not take notice how weak or ignorant the other is This oftentimes is a snare and great occasion of neglect and if not carefully avoided may make all the advices here offered to be to no purpose if you suffer this sinful bashfulness to hinder the beginning or setting about the work till you think your selves better fitted and more able Satan and your own evil hearts will be ready to suggest this often as a means to promote delay and so 't is made too often a continual hindrance But to prevent this if possible I propose these Considerations 1. First consider that marriage having now made you one flesh there is no reason to be ashamed of doing your duty tho' you perform it but weakly because you ought in Justice to think that so near a relation as part of your self will not despise but rather pitty and help as one flesh And as they ought will cover with the robe of love the infirmities that possibly may be discovered Because now that which is the shame or disgrace of one reflects on the other and so becomes the disgrace of both and for one to despise the other is to dishonour themselves and none ever yet so hated his owne flesh Two members of the same body may be touched with grief for the weakness of each other but not with shame but rather help and beare the more of the burden if either be weake so the poor beasts drawing in the same yoke are not ashamed to help tho' not so strong as their fellow So tho' thou art sensible that thou canst not do as thou wouldest yet do this duty as well as thou canst and be not ashamed for 't is thy duty 2. Secondly consider what great folly it is to pretend to be ashamed to do thy duty because thou canst do it but weakly and therefore to leave it undone when thou art not ashamed of thy sin in neglecting such plain and necessary duties which tend so much to the glory of God thy interest in Christ for thy Souls good and are so cheif a part of Christian love to thy yoke-fellow Let Conscience tell thee which is worst to do duty willingly and sincerely tho' weakly or to let it alone undone Sure that is shame indeed 3. Consider that it is only want of use and exercise in this duty that makes you bashful and therefore you are loath to begin but if you will begin and master those first reluctancies you will find that practice will make you dayly both bolder and abler 4. This pretended shame and bashfulness will be a continual hindrance till you begin This will make you draw back when convinced of duty and Satan will hold this argument fast and use it long in the war against thy Soul And when there is nothing else to hinder but shame if ashamed to day the same argument will hold to morrow and the like the next day and so on as a continual pretence for neglect till you begin but then no longer For if once you have begun shame is broken and troubles you no more or at least but weakly Now consider every one has a beginning and beginnings in all are usually weak in respect of after improvements and performances Be not then longer ashamed to begin 't is God commands the necessities of both your Sou's require Christ has prepared the way Heb. 10.19 Therefore put on boldness and you will grow more able and find more comfort Adv. 5. The fifth advice I give is that you sanctifie the Sabbath the Lords day joyne together in this at the first and take the more diligent heed to do this because you cannot but observe that it is generally too much neglected notwithstanding that plain command of God Ex. 20.8 Therefore as God has set that day apart from others for himself and commanded you to do so also do you set that day apart to be spent by you in the Spiritual business of God and your Souls And if you know that either have neglected before marriage then you have the more need to deal faithfully in warning one another and telling each other plainly of the Sin in that particular especially if you have been the occasion to one another of neglecting the Sabbath This too often is the Sin of people of a mean or low condition tho' not of those only that make their wooing visits appoint such meetings for idle walks mixt with folly and prophane discourse or idle chatt on that day An ill beginning and possibly may be the cause in great measure of so many unlucky marriages which afterwards go on in ungodly living and tend to increase of misery If this then has been your case you have the more need to bring one another to a sense of that sin and to a speedy change and newness of life when you have been the occasion of ensnaring each other in so great an evil Wherefore spend not your first Sabbath in idle and needless visits to see new cousins and new neighbours Neither spend that nor any other Sabbath at home in sloth and folly under pretence of reading a chapter But go both together to Church to the ordinances and publick assembly of Gods people and never neglect as the manner of too many is Heb. 10.25 unless hindred by some extraordinary providence And when you are returned home from the Ordinances spend
willing indeed to endeavour is certainly in your power especially at first when all circumstances make such endeavours more easy and hopeful in respect of success as I shewed before in the former part of the third Section Besides you have endeavoured in other things when there was as little likelyhood of prevailing and in cases to which you were as much strangers as you are in this so also may you endeavour now in this and how can you tell but you may prevail If you enquire what you may do to win each others love to the Lord and to perswade each other to walk in his ways call to mind what ways you took to gain the affection of each other for marriage the like method of intreating and entertaining followed with equal diligence and care in all probability will be succesful and may be as effectual in this matter as in the other 1. Remember what wayes you took to get acquaintance and to find opportunities of favourable acceptance So now be as watchful to procure opportunities to bring each other to God And when alone in secret seek to perswade to this And observe which is the fittest season to bring either to a promise 2. Remember how careful then you were to do nothing to displease one another but that you might still find the same favourable countenance So now much more labour that all your carriage may be so pleasing that all things on both parts may be so ordered that the duties of Religion may be delightful and not seem a burden 3. Then you could forbear many things which you knew were displeasing to each other so now also forbear all that may hinder each other in this good thing Let the man avoid all unnecessary spending of time abroad and let the woman avoid all negligence at home that all things may be in order for reading and prayer at the hour appointed 4. Then you could talk of love and almost nothing else and make great pretences at least now then talk as much and as often of the love of God and his love to Souls and of your love to the Souls of one another and talk of the Goodness of God and of his holy waies that thereby you may excite and inflame each other with love to God and goodness and what you could talk of without any help but natural inclinations now in this you may have the help of God his word his grace and holy Spirit 5. Then you could use arguments to win love and propose advantages enquire reasons of denial and answer their objections So may you now use arguments to win each other to the love of God shew each other the advantages of an holy and heavenly living together How it will strengthen natural affection end enable to bear all crosses and worldly troubles Ask what should hinder a resolution to joyn in so good so comfortable a design and answer what may be said against it with the Spirit of love and mildness 6. Then you would take no denial but ask again and again So may you now to win each other to the ways of God And be not wearied for this is well doing Continue to use the fittest opportunities till you have perswaded each other to be willing to embrace the ways of God to go to God together to go to heaven together Can you deny me this you may jnstly say this that is so much for our comfort both in sickness and in health and even in death it self I will never leave asking till I have obtained 7. Remember how then you could bear with patience all peevishness and mourn at refusal without anger so now wait in the Spirit of meekness endeavouring to win Could you then beg and wait and intreat acceptance and rejoyce if at last you obtained consent and agreement and cannot you do so now without some such endeavours as these where is the love you talked of where is that true love to thy partner and dear yoke-fellow Where is thy love to thy own Soul And where is thy love to thy dear Lord And especially if either find the other backward and yet lost in the flesh and either in words or actions discovering an enmity to a Godly life They had need mourn for their condition in secret and pray for them in secret but give not over as lost but wait and woo with patience and hope and prudence How knowest thou but at last it may prevail and that God may make thee the happy instrument of saving the Soul of thy Partner 1 Cor. 7.16 I shall now conclude with some few considerations to encourage to this duty or serious endeavours at least You are hereby in a probable way of reaping much comfortable fruit 1. Consider if this be attained to that both are willing and desirous and resolved thus to seek the Lord and to live in his way as in covenant with him how great the blessing of holy peace and comfort will be at present in this life God dwelling in such families where his Worship is set up and his holy way followed God promises to such and sayes I will walk among you and will be your God and ye shall be my people Lev. 26.11 12. And if you love indeed and seek the welfare of each others Souls this must needs yeild the pleasant fruit of mutual comfort in each other at present And without that all worldly advantages and seeming comforts will be but bitter troubles 2. Consider when you have won each other to this holy practice there is comfort in hope a well grounded hope of which you will be able to render a reason to any that may ask you 1 Pet. 3.15 Hereby in this present life you are laying a good foundation for an holy family if God hereafter shall increase you with Children and Servants you have chosen for them the best portion the most secure protection even the Almighty preserver And in some measure have done your duty answerable to your prayers in taking care that your Children may be Christianly vertuously brought up to Gods Glory and may justly expect such a prosperity that may not be a snare but that your Souls may prosper or a sanctified adversity for you and yours And then in the end of life and finishing your dayes on earth how great a comfort will it be to think that all shall meet in heaven pleasant and comfortable in this life And the more pleasant in this that in death you shall not be divided neither one from another nor either from God And then the comforts already tasted will be enlarged to the full Methinks this consideration singly it self is enough to quicken and perswade to endeavour that is the having a grounded hope of meeting together in the glories of heaven and joys of the blessed and of being instruments of bringing and establishing that good in a family which death cannot destroy 3. Consider it will be matter of comfort to those that do endeavour whether man
or woman whether they prevail or not If you prevail with an ungodly husband or wife to turn from the errour of their ways to do that which is good and right in the sight of the Lord you shall save a Soul from death Jam. 5.20 And cause joy in heaven which is at the conversion of a sinner Luc. 15.10 A comfort in it self Besides the benefit your self enjoy in the holy conversation of one renewed of whose renewing you your self have been the happy instrument thro' Gods Grace in the Lord Jesus But tho' you prevail not indeed that consideration is sad where there is love to a Soul to have spent much labour in vain Yet there is comfor in this that it is not in vain in the Lord. This was the comfort of the great Prophet Isaiah complaining for want of success and may be yours surely your Judgment is with the Lord and your work and reward with God Is 48.4 If the filthy will be filthy still and the ungodly will be ungodly still their blood shall be upon their own head and you that endeavour to perswade with sincerity have delivered your own Soul and shall ever beaâ— in your bosom that comfortable testimony of a good conscience and peace from God that passeth understanding shall keep and comfort your hearts and minds thro' Christ Jesus Pâ—il 4.7 And he that shall come will come quickly and his reward is with him to give to every one according as their work shall be Even so come Lord Jesus The Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you Amen An ADVERTISEMENT To such as have been long married 'T IS possible these papers may come to the hands of such as have been long married or at least so long as to be past the title of new-married people and may therefore think that that this does not concern them But I desire such to consider that it concerns them much every way For either they are such as have lived according to Gods holy way or not 1. If they have indeed lived together in that holy love which these papers perswade to then they speak peace to them from God And give them the joy and comfort of all the blessings proposed as motives and advantages And I doubt not but that they have experience of the comforts of an holy heavenly life and must testifie the truth of what is here advanced And doubtless they do find encouragement enough to go on in that way to the end 2. But if they have not so lived together then they find themselves spoken to in every advice and motive especially in the fourth and fifth Section Every line calls more loudly to such in the words of the Apostle Eph 5.15 Awake thou that sleepest and Christ shall give thee light Have you so long neglected so great a blessing and continued under the curse and tempted the Almighty to give you up to hardness of heart O see the goodness and patience and long suffering of God! Give judgment your selves between God and your Souls Have you not neglected the best way too long And shall not his patience lead you to repentance shall not the time past suffice to have lived without God should not the love of Christ constrain you to this holy love of each others Souls Let it do so then now at the last And set about what is here advised to as new married people should and reap at last the too much neglected blessings 'T is never too late to begin to do well Nay you should labour the more earnestly considering how you have blockt up your own way by your sinful neglect Repent therefore and bring forth fruits meet for repentance Prayers for Gods blessing assisting grace to the married couple These first in order taken out of the publick Office and fitted for private use When you are come home on the Wedding-day or at Evening and so for some dayes after read first those Scriptures declaring the mutual duties of man and wife or else some other portion of Scripture with attention And then kneeling down together endeavour to lift up your hearts to the Lord and say O Eternal God creator and preserver of all mankind giver of all Spiritual Grace the author of everlasting life send thy blessing upon us thy servants who have this day consented together in holy marriage and have engaged our word in truth to each other to live together as man and wife according to thy holy word and have received a publick blessing in thy name Bless us O Lord we beseech thee in secret and grant that as Isaac and Rebecca lived faithfully together so we may surely perform and keep the Vow and Covenant betwixt us made and may ever remain in perfect love and peace together and live according to thy Law thro' Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen God the Father God the Son and God the holy Ghost bless preserve and keep us O Lord mercifully with thy grace look upon us and so fill us with all Spiritual benediction and grace that we may so live together in this life that in the world to come we may obtaine life everlasting Amen O God of Abraham God of Isaac God of Jocob bless us thy Servants and sow the seeds of eternal life in our hearts Help us to attend diligently on thy holy word so that we may profit and learn thereby and be doers thereof Look O Lord mercifully upon us from heaven and bless us And as thou didest send thy blessing upon Abraham and Sarah to their great comfort so vouchsafe to send thy blessing upon us thy Servants that we obeying thy will and always being in safety under thy protection may both abide in thy love and in holy Christian love to each other to our lives end thro' Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen O God who by thy mighty power hast made all things of nothing who also after other things set in order didst appoint that out of man created after thine own image and similitude woman should take her beginning and knitting them together didst teach that it should never be lawful to put asunder those whom thou by Matrimony hadst made one O God who hast consecrated the state of Matrimony to such an excellent mystery that in it is signified and represented the Spiritual marriage betwixt Christ and his Church look mercifully upon us thy Servants whom thou hast brought to joyn together in the marriage covenant That I may love this my wife according to thy word as Christ doth love his Spouse the Church loving and cherishing her as my own flesh And also that this woman whom thou hast given to be my wife may be loving and amiable faithful and constantly obedient in all Christian love and in all quietness and peace be a follower of holy and godly Matrons O Lord bless us both and grant us to inherit thine everlasting Kingdom through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen O Almighty God who at the beginning didst create our first parents