thanks to the Lord both before and after in very heavenly and savoury expressions His Father then conversed with him about the time and extent of his conviction of sin he said he thought that work was never through till the time of this last coming to London though he had prayed diverse times before yet he thought it was not so right but since by his Fathers speaking to him and praying with him of â—ate he was throughly convinced of his â—ndone estate by Nature and upheld much by that word in Iohn 6. 37. And â—im that cometh to me I will in no-wise cast â—ut and that Mat. 11. 28. Come unto me â—ll ye that are weary and heavy laden and â— will give you rest Also from Psal. And sinners shall be converted unto thee â—bserving that God had mercy for such as â—ad been transgressors sinners Thenceâ—orth he continued daily blessing the Lord â—rom day to day for his goodness but â—hrough his Mothers occasions many pertinent passages were omitted He did often this week speak also of his faith in and desire of the Ordinances of Baptism and Church-fellowship as his duty wishing earnestly he might be baptized and joyned to the Lord's Fold His eldest Sister and Brother also about this time propounded themselves and were accepted upon a satisfactory Confession of their Faith in that Church were Caleb longed to come lamenting that none would take him up being perswaded that he had strength to go to them to witness to the Lord in his Congregation though he could not sit up an hour for several dayes before but seeing that denied him he prevailed with his Father to propose to the Congregation that some might be imployed to hear him then in bed and about twelve faithful Brethren being nominated and a liberty left unto others not being too many to anoy the room by reason of his weakness his Mother went up to see him before to whom he said earnestly Mother I pray you do not hinder me for I know God will be with me and enable me to be baptized and I do not think I shall be the worse but rather better in my body for I am assured God will not suffer any to receive hurt in doing what he hatâ— commanded them but however if I should die in it I would not omit it for I would do what I could And coming up to him again before the Friends appointed were come he said Mother I think I have seen a Vision since you went and God hath exceedingly comforted me and given in such strength that if the Maid would have suffered me to rise I am perswaded I could have come to the Congregation my self and exprest much longing for their coming to him who were appointed soon after above twenty came to him to whom he affectionately complained and to his Father that no body would help him up to come unto them being perswaded of more strength for that than for common occasions and being set up in his Bed though before his sickness the greatest contest with him both by Parents Masters and Friends was his shamefac'tness that he could scarce speak to a man he was in this under much holy modesty very undanted not caring who or how many heard him and uttered himself to the Company Candles being set on the bed and they round about him after this manner following God speaks once yea twice yet man regardeth it not Thus it hath been with me in two sicknesses God spake to me first in my sickness in London about five years agoe and afterwards at Ewel about two years ago when I grew serious and it stayed with me for some time and I betook my self to Prayer in private and think I had some Communion with God therein But after I came to Newington and went to School I fell into company and did again lose those Convictions falling to play among my School-fellows as if those convictions had never been and now you see that made good in Iob The bones that were not seen stand out Since which time God hath more than ever set me into a serious consideration of my condition which began when I was in London at my Fathers house before I went into the Country but I had not so much the savour of it after in the Country though I was not there without thoughts of it and think I had some communion with God there yet I lost much of that time but since I came again to London things were more powerfully revived upon my soul and when I heard that word from my Father speaking from that Scripture What thou findest in thy hand to do do it with all thy might c. It did afresh set me into a pursute after God and I have been seeking after him and desire to follow him fully here he made a stand It was then asked him what he had to make out to us that were to judge of his true faith in Jesus Christ that might fit him for the Lords Ordinances He said God had said to him He that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out But it was asked what he intended by comming He said to Christ by believing He was asked how he would come and what need he saw of Christ He answered He knew he was lost and undone by nature that Scripture had been much upon his heart Eph. 2. And are by nature the Children of wrath as well as others and that in Adam all dyed And that word I came not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance and he had been sensible of this And that word in the Psalms had been of great use to him And sinners shall be converted unto thee If sinners shall be converted said he there is hope for such a one as I and it is my encouragement to expect good from God Then it was asked him what sin he was sensible of that he should make use of that word sinners should be converted unto thee His answer was HE SAW HE WAS A SINNER IN ADAM BEFORE AND HAD SPENT HIS TIME VERY CHILDISHLY AND PLAID AWAY HIS CONVICTIONS And had been frothy which was his great sin Then it was asked what he did when he saw himself such a sinner He said he applied to God by prayer as well as he could as a poor soul that needed Christ. It was asked then what was the effect of that He said God did relieve him and direct to Christ. Then it was asked how long he was under the sence of his sin before he received this satisfaction in Christ. He answered he had some comfort in his Fathers house in London when he lay sick before he went into the Country but he thought he lost much by being in the Country but being more serious in his mind since he came last up to London considering also what is said in Iob 33. 21. The first Scripture that relieved him in his distressed condition was Come unto
me all ye that are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest And afterwards he laid hold on that word He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out Also two other words that had been of use to him for the confirmation of his hope in God One was in Isaiah I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for my name sake I will not remember thy sins And that in the 73 Psal. My heart and my flesh faileth but the Lord is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever And another in the 119 Psal. This is my comfort in my affliction for thy word hath quickned me Then he was asked how or to what extent he had received Christ He answered as King Priest and Prophet Then it was asked what he had and expected by Christ as a Priest He said he had been an acceptable Sacrifice for him and interceded for him Then it was asked what he expected from him as King he said to rule him and defend him Then it was asked if he would be subject to him in all things He answered Yes he desired to be so for he was sure it was his reasonable service He was asked what he expected as a Prophet He answered That he should instruct and guide him and none else Then it was asked to what end he tendred his Faith to the Brethren He answered that he might be baptized and joyned to Christs fold Then he was asked what light he had in Baptism He answered that that Scripture had been of use to him He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved Besides Christs example as a pattern to us â—nd Philip and the Eunuch instancing that in particular If thou believest with all thy heart thou mayest Besides he mentioned the case of the Jayler Then he was asked how he could adventure on such a work in such a condition He said he would trust God and do what he could Then it was said it may be he might diâ— in the water what if he should die He chearfully then said Why Death is mine if I die in it and it is the work of God and then it will be known that Christ hath some that will follow him in difficulties But his Father replied though Child it be so easie to you it will be a trouble to us we cannot so easily part with you Why Father said he If I should die God can make it up to you and I shall go to Heaven His Father then told him the Lord would accept a man according to what he hath and not according to what he hath not He said he was sure he had strengtâ— to be baptized and God would give hiâ— more His Father told him that the samâ— Promise that was made to them that prayed in the Temple when God gave theâ— ability to be there was made to them thâ—â— had respect thereto when his hand hindred And that which might justifie Timothy being a member to be absent Miletum when he was sick might excusâ— one from coming in being sick and unable to do what he would wherein God would accept the will for the deed To which he readily answered But indeed Father I know I have strength and could have come down to day if any one would have taken me up and God will give me more strength It was asked him what he proposed by Baptism He answered I would obey all the Commandments of Christ repeating that Scripture Repent and be baptized every one of you in the Name of Iesus Christ for the remission of sins Then it was asked him do you expect righteousness by Baptism O no said he Then it was queried what he intended by his being baptized He said to put on Christ and be obedient to him in all things He spake also of being buried with Christ in Baptism as dying to sin and his own righteousness c. Then was inquiry made into his conversation and he had not been known ever to be addicted to any sort of vice and seldom to play being ever delighted in Learning and Knowledge and on idle dayes pleased greatly to be imployed under his Father onely the Maid thought that at Newington when he was at School freed from his troubles at Ewel about the time he complains of himself he was one time apt to be frothy in play and somtimes to speak rashly but never knew any intention to lie or that he purposly made a lye at any time but she was grieved more at his lightness for a little time there than ever before or since his coming from thence and that he had often lamented it to her himself Satisfaction being then declared by all that heard in the point of his Faith it was agreed to spread the difficult case of his Baptism before the Lord in solemn Prayer The next day being the 13th day of the ninth month in the morning he said he was something better and God had more strengthened him in order to doing his duty and once said God bid him go forward and though he seemed very weak yet he desired to be taken and laid in the bed where prayer was to be made all that day and he attended with great reverence bearing his fit with great patience then and usually indeed when he was sickest in body he would forget the sence of it by remembring how well he was made in his soul admiring much that God was his God Before the end of the day he was carried back to his own Bed for repose and his Father going to him at night he said Father pray you have you come to any conclusion to day about my being baptized which put his Father being yet doubtful and thinking his weakness would quiet him therein to some strait what to answer seeing his earnest expectation having omitted that day to debate it after Prayer but fearing to discourage him instantly replyed Child we have not been nor are not without serious thoughts of it and some do more encline to it and we shall yet consult it seriously if you cannot be satisfied to defer it I pray you Father do saith he for indeed I cannot be satisfied and I would fain be in Christs Fold The next day being the fourteenth he seemed much weaker but still minded this as his duty with great desire to be doing it but having not been up in many dayes before but as aforesaid from one Bed into another his Father asked him how he could thiuk to go about such a work seeing he was not able to be got up out of his bed for a moment his thigh being then not full four inches about and he not being able to endure so much as a Doubâ—et or Gown upon him his bones were so bare He answered very chearfully He did believe God would help him to rise to do that his work and give him strength and he had some already so that he was able to rise now if his
Father would have him To which his Father thinking it might convince or refresh him consented and he was taken up in warm Blankets and sate by his Father on Pillows upright well nigh two hours in which time he had very gracious converse and with chearfulness said Father the Lord is my strength of whom should I be afraid Indeed you are my dear Father but I have a dearer Father in Heaven How great mercy have I that I should have such a tender Father in Earth and in Heaven also And seeing his little Sister by him of five years old which the rest used to call Mother he said to her affectionately Nancy the Lord make you a Mother in Israel O how do I long to see Christ formed in you And looking to his Father he said Why indeed Father she had many very good expressions in the Country and would say to the Maid in a morning What mercy is it that we are alive and so many thousands taken away at London and so many little Children Then speaking of the Adversaries to the People of God he said their time is but short And being asked how he knew that said the Word of God sayes it mentioning that Scripture Rev. 12. The Devil is come down with great wrath because he knoweth he hath but a short time Two Larks being roasted for Supper whereof he used to eat but a leg and a wing at the most He did then very fervently give thanks unto God with highest praise for that meat that endureth to eternal life and humble thanks for his daily support and mercies of every sort with great enlargement both for his work before him and in praise for what had been wrought for him and in him and when he found he had sat up to his full strength went to his bed blessing the Lord depending upon his Father to come the next day to some conclusion about his further obedience On the fifteenth day his Father went into the Country and meeting with some Christian Friends improved that opportunity for their earnest advice with prayer setting forth his great strait in the case and taking their answer one by one upon what they had heard both for and against it they unanimously advised the answering his desire therein leaving the issue unto the Lord whose Wisdom they judged had engaged the Child herein beyond any reasonable objection that could be brought to oppose it only one of them desired that if he could be taken off by the perswasion of his Father he might but the most of them as his father had done having used all Arguments they could to him before declared they durst not further object His Father observing he had had nothing of it from man but the contrary and not expecting his life ordinarily a day observing the Childs oppression also through delay herein and chief revivings were alwayes in the hopes of obedience without vanity counting of the worst and exploding any thought of righteousness or expectation of certain healing by it yet expressing he could not dye so comfortably in the neglect of it and often saying he would do what he could and was perswaded God would enable him that he should not be the worse for it His Father after many dayes revolving it in his mind the Child being but too dear unto him did yeeld his judgment also to trust God with the issue And then imployed one to search diligently for an House near a River where it might most conveniently the next day be performed but as he returned home calling on a Christian Friend whose imployment in Physick was to be respected and finding him of opinion he could not be carried thither alive and sensible of the great reproach that would follow if he dyed in the attempt it so far renewed his thoughtfulness as to entreat that Friend to try if he could perswade the Child to defer it and his Father then going before unto him found he had been weaker that day yet still more impatient to perform this as his duty before he dyed having much longed for his Fathers return saying often O that I might see my dear Father When will my Father come And upon the coming of any up stairs Me-thinks I hear the feet of my Father which was much his frame in his absence at any time but now much more by expecting resolution herein His Father coming he soon sollicitously enquired for his consent and acquainting him with the concurrence of some friends to countenance it he rejoyced greatly and smiling upon his Mother he said with great ardency and strength Mother to morrow I shall go abroad now to the glory of God and I know he will strengthen me But his Father telling him that a worthy Friend yet dissented who would come presently to confer with him he abated his rejoycing but readily consented he should come and was impatient till he came The Friend being come exprest his joy in his faith but gave the very reasons he had often heard from his Father and others why one so weak should be satisfied to forbear and added that it was said all Iudea went out to be baptized but he never heard that any were carried out Caleb replyed That Christ bid his Disciples go and teach all Nations baptizing them but never said if they be sick and weak do not baptize them And persisted in his perswasion of Gods assistance although a good Gentlewoman then also sought to diswade him but after several speeches to him which seemed to weary him he looked about him upon the Company and seemed to suspect they spake but the mind of his father and others there silent on which he lay down as weary and discouraged and said even weeping Well if my Father would not have me I will not explaining himself if he was not thought a fit subject The friend seeing his countenance so changed and supposing he grew weak beyond capacity of performing it the present day also being tempestuous and like to be so the day following said unto him Well I see I trouble you I shal say no more to discourage you but rest upon it and see to morrow if it be such weather and you finde you have no strength to go you will be satisfied To which he replyed Yes if I have not strength but I know God will give me strength His Father observing his great dejection added It may be Child you think he spake in our name and you may think we design to put thee off but he only speaks his own mind in true love to thee and the Lord as we did and it is now left to a good issue as you shall find your strength and the season to morrow therefore if thou wilt in a few words commit it unto God The Friend said It may be he is too much spent but he accepted of the motion of his Father and sitting up again prayed very pertinently to