be_o guilty_a before_o god_n justice_n in_o myself_o both_o by_o original_a sin_n which_o come_v by_o the_o fall_n of_o adam_n and_o much_o more_o by_o those_o many_o actual_a sin_n which_o i_o have_v personal_o commit_v but_o i_o be_o justify_v by_o christ_n 14._o i_o desire_v to_o show_v my_o dutiful_a love_n in_o obedience_n to_o my_o father_n command_n and_o my_o affection_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n to_o christ_n my_o husband_n with_o who_o i_o be_o spiritual_o marry_v 15._o the_o lord_n say_v come_v out_o from_o among_o they_o all_o you_o my_o people_n and_o be_v you_o separate_v and_o touch_v no_o unclean_a thing_n and_o i_o will_v be_v your_o god_n and_o you_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o if_o i_o regard_v iniquity_n in_o my_o heart_n the_o lord_n will_v not_o hear_v my_o prayer_n i_o take_v god_n to_o witness_v who_o know_v the_o secret_n of_o all_o heart_n that_o i_o desire_v to_o join_v in_o duty_n not_o to_o the_o end_n that_o other_o shall_v have_v a_o good_a opinion_n of_o i_o i_o know_v i_o must_v leave_v all_o worldly_a relation_n how_o soon_o i_o know_v not_o but_o herein_o i_o shall_v have_v peace_n that_o i_o do_v as_o my_o father_n have_v command_v i_o and_o i_o rejoice_v in_o christ_n jesus_n put_v no_o confidence_n in_o the_o flesh_n but_o only_o in_o the_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n m._n m._n xxvi_o experience_n of_o h._n w._n when_o my_o god_n appear_v through_o his_o grace_n to_o shine_v by_o his_o sacred_a spirit_n into_o my_o dark_a soul_n my_o thought_n be_v much_o take_v up_o in_o consideration_n of_o my_o sad_a and_o deplorable_a condition_n under_o â—â—e_z curse_n by_o nature_n yet_o so_o that_o i_o do_v withal_o see_v enough_o in_o christ_n to_o deliver_v i_o from_o all_o if_o i_o do_v attain_v to_o a_o true_a belief_n but_o my_o perplex_a soul_n drink_v deep_a of_o the_o bitter_a dregs_n of_o a_o sorrowful_a cup_n before_o i_o can_v taste_v of_o the_o sweet_a cordial_n my_o bless_a saviour_n have_v prepare_v for_o i_o wherewith_o i_o have_v since_o be_v often_o refresh_v my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o ever_o expect_v deliverance_n from_o sin_n death_n and_o hell_n and_o to_o have_v favour_n with_o god_n i_o must_v devote_v my_o heart_n to_o he_o alone_o but_o yet_o i_o find_v the_o love_n of_o some_o worldly_a vanity_n root_v so_o fast_o in_o my_o affection_n that_o i_o do_v often_o put_v god_n off_o and_o have_v a_o eye_n to_o some_o worldly_a content_n which_o deprive_v i_o for_o that_o time_n of_o enjoy_v peace_n in_o his_o presence_n i_o often_o say_v lord_n such_o a_o day_n i_o will_v leave_v all_o and_o never_o seek_v myself_o but_o thy_o glory_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o then_o again_o lord_n after_o such_o a_o merry_a meeting_n than_o i_o will_v shake_v hand_n with_o all_o temporal_a delight_n and_o again_o now_o lord_n once_o more_o i_o will_v have_v but_o one_o day_n of_o pleasure_n and_o then_o i_o will_v part_v with_o all_o that_o offend_v thou_o and_o not_o seek_v after_o any_o thing_n out_o of_o thou_o more_o but_o for_o a_o time_n all_o this_o prove_v but_o unfaithfulness_n to_o my_o saviour_n and_o wound_n to_o my_o own_o spirit_n the_o sense_n whereof_o do_v sad_o terrify_v my_o conscience_n my_o soul_n be_v much_o cast_v down_o and_o i_o sit_v up_o a_o great_a part_n of_o many_o night_n when_o all_o the_o family_n where_o i_o than_o live_v be_v in_o bed_n and_o with_o a_o heavy_a heart_n and_o flood_n of_o tear_n gush_v from_o my_o sorrowful_a eye_n i_o be_v exceed_o disquiet_v pour_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o my_o god_n and_o beg_a mercy_n at_o the_o footstool_n of_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o which_o be_v the_o great_a horror_n upon_o my_o spirit_n be_v that_o i_o can_v not_o manifest_v my_o believe_v by_o a_o pious_a spiritual_a conversation_n in_o a_o faithful_a obedience_n according_a to_o the_o sacred_a rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n when_o i_o have_v have_v resolution_n for_o worldly_a pleasure_n to_o satisfy_v the_o desire_n of_o nature_n it_o have_v take_v away_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o heart_n from_o spiritual_a duty_n in_o the_o interim_n but_o i_o find_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o great_a conffict_n in_o wrestle_v against_o those_o sad_a temptation_n my_o conscience_n convince_a i_o how_o great_a a_o enemy_n i_o be_v to_o my_o soul_n therein_o and_o testify_v that_o it_o will_v be_v infinite_o better_a to_o leave_v all_o the_o vain_a thing_n of_o the_o world_n than_o to_o live_v without_o the_o love_n of_o my_o saviour_n but_o when_o my_o god_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v my_o heart_n to_o a_o frame_n to_o resolve_v serious_o never_o to_o delay_v with_o god_n a_o moment_n more_o my_o heart_n be_v so_o fix_v on_o my_o saviour_n that_o i_o see_v a_o sufficiency_n in_o he_o under_o any_o dispensation_n i_o taste_v a_o great_a sweetness_n in_o the_o grace_n of_o his_o spirit_n than_o in_o any_o temporal_a pleasure_n and_o i_o find_v much_o of_o the_o love_n grace_n spirit_n and_o power_n of_o my_o dear_a saviour_n appear_v to_o refresh_v my_o trouble_a soul_n and_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n from_o divers_a promise_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o particular_o isa_n 49.8_o 8._o i_o will_v preserve_v thou_o and_o give_v thou_o for_o a_o covenant_n of_o the_o people_n to_o establish_v the_o earth_n and_o to_o cause_n to_o inherit_v the_o desolate_a heritage_n that_o thou_o may_v say_v to_o the_o prisoner_n go_v forth_o to_o they_o that_o be_v in_o darkness_n show_v yourselves_o though_o i_o be_v before_o a_o prisoner_n to_o worldly_a vanity_n and_o shut_v up_o in_o darkness_n yet_o christ_n be_v send_v to_o declare_v the_o covenant_n to_o such_o i_o find_v good_a warrant_n to_o apply_v it_o to_o myself_o ezek._n 34.22_o therefore_o will_v i_o save_v my_o flock_n and_o they_o shall_v be_v no_o more_o a_o prey_n this_o salvation_n i_o apply_v as_o promise_v to_o i_o consider_v that_o though_o i_o be_v a_o sinful_a man_n yet_o it_o be_v my_o comfort_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v my_o god_n vers_fw-la 31._o and_o you_o my_o flock_n the_o flock_n of_o my_o pasture_n be_v man_n and_o i_o be_o your_o god_n mat._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o my_o saviour_n and_o my_o god_n above_o all_o thing_n i_o believe_v this_o promise_n be_v make_v to_o i_o with_o many_o more_o which_o give_v much_o sweet_a comfort_n and_o consolation_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v justify_v by_o faith_n i_o have_v peace_n with_o god_n through_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n the_o testimony_n of_o which_o faith_n be_v seal_v to_o my_o soul_n by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n in_o these_o demonstration_n 1._o i_o find_v many_o evident_a testimony_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n to_o i_o which_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o soul_n to_o a_o high_a esteem_n of_o he_o and_o to_o love_v he_o above_o all_o thing_n 2._o i_o see_v nothing_o but_o sin_n in_o myself_o and_o my_o trust_n be_v in_o my_o saviour_n merit_n for_o justification_n 3._o i_o feel_v glorious_a refreshment_n from_o the_o heavenly_a gale_n of_o god_n bless_a spirit_n breathe_v his_o grace_n into_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v the_o high_a bliss_n i_o can_v desire_v on_o this_o side_n heaven_n 4._o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n from_o the_o word_n and_o ordinance_n 5._o my_o chief_a desire_n in_o all_o thsng_n be_v to_o glorify_v god_n 6._o i_o find_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n or_o any_o that_o i_o judge_v so_o to_o be_v 7._o i_o desire_v to_o be_v at_o peace_n with_o and_o do_v all_o the_o good_a i_o can_v to_o all_o especial_o those_o of_o the_o household_n of_o faith_n 8._o i_o can_v hearty_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n to_o give_v i_o deliverance_n from_o and_o strength_n against_o every_o sin_n though_o never_o so_o please_v to_o my_o nature_n or_o which_o i_o be_o most_o prone_a to_o 9_o i_o find_v no_o such_o full_a joy_n in_o any_o thing_n as_o i_o do_v in_o communion_n with_o my_o god_n 10._o i_o see_v a_o purity_n and_o glory_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o gospel-duty_n above_o all_o thing_n 11._o i_o desire_v no_o long_o to_o live_v than_o to_o glorify_v god_n 12._o all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o appoint_a time_n i_o wait_v till_o my_o change_n shall_v come_v h._n w._n xxvii_o experience_n of_o d._n r._n it_o have_v please_v the_o lord_n ever_o since_o i_o know_v a_o difference_n between_o good_a and_o evil_n to_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o seek_v after_o those_o thing_n which_o savour_v most_o of_o god_n and_o it_o be_v
feel_v what_o until_o then_o i_o be_v ignorant_a of_o and_o the_o blackness_n of_o my_o spirit_n be_v such_o with_o the_o burden_n of_o my_o trouble_a and_o afflict_a soul_n that_o i_o can_v not_o at_o that_o time_n take_v comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n and_o have_v i_o not_o be_v with_o child_n &_o affect_v with_o natural_a inclination_n to_o the_o babe_n in_o my_o womb_n i_o have_v be_v in_o danger_n have_v not_o god_n prevent_v i_o to_o have_v destroy_v myself_o for_o i_o have_v some_o temptation_n that_o way_n but_o my_o god_n strengthen_v i_o yet_o before_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o bed_n i_o find_v peace_n and_o comfort_n and_o through_o grace_n have_v such_o settlement_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o can_v with_o joy_n night_n and_o day_n call_v upon_o my_o god_n believe_o but_o before_o i_o attain_v to_o this_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n until_o after_o some_o consideration_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n as_o first_o touch_v the_o child_n that_o i_o go_v with_o because_o god_n have_v say_v the_o just_a and_o innocent_a slay_n thou_o not_o and_o then_o consider_v the_o innocency_n of_o the_o child_n it_o become_v a_o mean_n to_o stay_v my_o hand_n from_o lay_v violence_n upon_o myself_o yet_o for_o a_o time_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n till_o god_n give_v i_o peace_n from_o these_o and_o other_o scripture_n promise_n where_o the_o lord_n say_v call_v upon_o i_o in_o the_o day_n of_o trouble_n and_o i_o will_v deliver_v thou_o &_o thou_o shall_v glorify_v i_o psal_n 50.15_o sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n 〈◊〉_d you_o for_o you_o be_v not_o under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n rom._n 6.14_o now_o the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n and_o true_a believe_v in_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v a_o seal_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n be_v these_o 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n which_o be_v real_a sincere_a and_o hearty_a desire_v he_o above_o any_o thing_n else_o whatsoever_o 2._o my_o rely_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n have_v nothing_o of_o my_o own_o to_o rest_v upon_o i_o fly_v to_o he_o and_o rest_n on_o he_o for_o all_o as_o my_o alone_a saviour_n and_o redeemer_n 3_o i_o delight_v to_o read_v the_o holy_a word_n of_o god_n and_o to_o hear_v or_o otherwise_o to_o partake_v thereof_o in_o which_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n 4._o the_o comfort_n which_o i_o find_v by_o enlargement_n of_o my_o soul_n when_o god_n come_v in_o under_o the_o mean_n in_o duty_n and_o the_o loathnesse_n i_o have_v to_o be_v deprive_v of_o the_o ordinance_n 5._o the_o peace_n i_o find_v with_o my_o god_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v sweet_a though_o not_o without_o much_o heaviness_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o fail_n i_o do_v not_o live_v without_o wane_v and_o change_v in_o my_o spiritual_a life_n and_o faith_n towards_o the_o lord_n for_o sometime_o i_o trust_v god_n with_o all_o and_o at_o other_o time_n i_o meet_v with_o some_o doubt_n yet_o bless_v be_v god_n i_o find_v they_o more_o and_o more_o assuage_v and_o my_o communion_n with_o christ_n every_o day_n more_o sweet_a and_o full_a 6._o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n my_o redeemer_n will_v so_o support_v i_o through_o his_o grace_n that_o what_o ever_o my_o condition_n have_v be_v or_o shall_v be_v here_o i_o shall_v not_o fail_v of_o salvation_n through_o christ_n in_o heaven_n for_o ever_o l._n p._n xxxv_o experience_n of_o f._n p._n i_o have_v be_v trouble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o my_o corruption_n and_o wretched_a condition_n i_o have_v former_o have_v some_o doubt_n touching_n the_o scripture_n whether_o they_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o but_o have_v be_v since_o trouble_v that_o i_o make_v those_o foolish_a doubt_n to_o question_n god_n word_n and_o be_v so_o wound_v in_o my_o conscience_n for_o my_o sin_n therein_o that_o i_o fear_v i_o shall_v be_v damn_v for_o it_o because_o i_o think_v it_o be_v a_o sin_n that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v i_o have_v also_o strange_a thought_n about_o the_o sinful_a way_n of_o ungodly_a people_n and_o consider_v how_o loose_o people_n live_v i_o and_o temptation_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o sure_o there_o be_v some_o easy_a way_n to_o heaven_n then_o the_o scripture_n have_v lay_v down_o or_o then_o i_o have_v learn_v but_o for_o these_o evil_a thought_n of_o i_o i_o have_v be_v so_o afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o think_v i_o be_v a_o damn_a wretch_n i_o have_v be_v tempt_v by_o these_o blasphemous_a thought_n against_o the_o lord_n which_o have_v so_o afflict_v i_o that_o sometime_o i_o fear_v the_o devil_n will_v fetch_v i_o away_o and_o carry_v i_o to_o hell_n and_o i_o have_v think_v sometime_o that_o sure_o god_n can_v not_o in_o justice_n pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o i_o have_v commit_v i_o have_v also_o be_v tempt_v to_o make_v away_o myself_o but_o the_o lord_n god_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n to_o consider_v that_o it_o will_v not_o give_v i_o ease_v or_o comfort_n but_o be_v the_o way_n to_o enter_v into_o endless_a misery_n and_o thus_o i_o lay_v afflict_v with_o a_o most_o sad_a &_o trouble_v some_o spirit_n for_o about_o a_o year_n yet_o though_o with_o little_a hope_n from_o my_o present_a sense_n i_o have_v desire_n that_o god_n will_v save_v i_o and_o some_o groan_n i_o have_v after_o he_o and_o in_o his_o time_n which_o be_v best_a i_o begin_v to_o find_v enlargement_n of_o heart_n from_o god_n and_o a_o great_a longing_n for_o christ_n which_o increase_v through_o the_o work_n of_o his_o glorious_a power_n so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v have_v be_v content_a to_o have_v go_v through_o all_o the_o misery_n in_o the_o world_n to_o have_v enjoy_v he_o and_o in_o my_o sleep_n i_o dream_v that_o i_o see_v my_o saviour_n lie_v in_o a_o grave_a and_o after_o again_o i_o see_v he_o rise_v from_o death_n when_o i_o awake_v and_o have_v some_o thought_n about_o my_o dream_n i_o find_v comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o begin_v more_o sweet_o to_o hope_n that_o christ_n jesus_n die_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o be_v rise_v again_o for_o my_o justification_n but_o the_o devil_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n do_v still_o tempt_v i_o so_o that_o i_o be_v again_o ready_a to_o despair_v for_o my_o former_a evil_a thought_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o satan_n will_v have_v i_o and_o i_o doubt_v that_o god_n have_v no_o part_n in_o i_o which_o cause_v i_o to_o weep_v much_o and_o i_o be_v exceed_o trouble_v and_o sometime_o think_v that_o very_o i_o hear_v the_o devil_n come_v in_o a_o whirlwind_n for_o i_o and_o so_o terrify_v be_v my_o conscience_n that_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o wrath_n which_o i_o fear_v i_o can_v have_v wish_v myself_o a_o beast_n a_o dog_n or_o any_o thing_n because_o their_o misery_n will_v have_v a_o end_n but_o after_o many_o comfortable_a discourse_n with_o friend_n and_o read_v some_o godly_a book_n that_o come_v to_o my_o hand_n the_o lord_n god_n in_o time_n deliver_v i_o from_o those_o temptation_n and_o have_v since_o comfort_v i_o with_o these_o promise_n to_o the_o great_a joy_n of_o my_o heart_n though_o some_o time_n i_o have_v not_o be_v without_o some_o doubt_n the_o lord_n have_v say_v be_v content_a with_o such_o thing_n as_o you_o have_v for_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o so_o that_o i_o may_v bold_o say_v the_o lord_n be_v my_o helper_n heb._n 13.5_o 6._o the_o lord_n say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o you_o rom._n 6.14_o this_o have_v often_o give_v i_o much_o comfort_n and_o keep_v up_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o christ_n say_v i_o will_v pray_v the_o father_n and_o he_o shall_v give_v you_o another_o comforter_n that_o he_o may_v abide_v with_o you_o for_o ever_o even_o the_o spirit_n of_o truth_n john_n 14.16_o 17._o and_o i_o have_v this_o testimony_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n by_o faith_n wrought_v by_o his_o blesstd_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1_o i_o see_v such_o a_o frailty_n in_o my_o flesh_n that_o except_o the_o lord_n send_v his_o holy_a spirit_n to_o enable_v i_o i_o can_v do_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o duty_n to_o god_n of_o myself_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o any_o thing_n in_o i_o that_o be_v the_o foundation_n of_o my_o comfort_n 2._o i_o have_v have_v many_o time_n if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o clear_a testimony_n and_o evidence_n that_o i_o love_v god_n more_o than_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o desire_v he_o above_o all_o 3._o i_o desire_v much_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o be_o trouble_v that_o sometime_o it_o do_v not_o so_o
it_o for_o a_o testimony_n and_o matth._n 28.7_o the_o angel_n by_o mary_n magdalen_n go_v quick_o and_o tell_v the_o disciple_n that_o christ_n who_o they_o seek_v be_v rise_v and_o verse_n 10._o christ_n meet_v with_o the_o two_o ave-mary_n renew_v the_o precept_n go_v tell_v my_o brethren_n etc._n etc._n for_o now_o you_o know_v it_o and_o have_v see_v i_o and_o can_v assure_o say_v that_o i_o be_o rise_v and_o in_o joel_n 1.3_o tell_v your_o child_n and_o let_v your_o child_n tell_v their_o child_n and_o their_o child_n another_o generation_n and_o this_o be_v observe_v by_o the_o jew_n at_o this_o day_n out_o of_o deut._n 6.7_o and_o to_o add_v more_o solemnity_n to_o the_o commemoration_n of_o god_n law_n and_o their_o deliverance_n from_o egypt_n they_o write_v it_o down_o in_o a_o piece_n of_o parchment_n and_o then_o roll_a it_o up_o superscribe_v it_o to_o the_o lord_n and_o fasten_v it_o to_o the_o wall_n or_o the_o post_n of_o the_o door_n on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o the_o entrance_n and_o as_o often_o as_o they_o go_v in_o and_o out_o they_o touch_v and_o kiss_v it_o with_o great_a affection_n and_o devotion_n this_o also_o be_v command_v psal_n 34.8_o come_v taste_n and_o see_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v good_a and_o 1_o thes_n 5.11_o comfort_v yourselves_o together_o and_o edify_v one_o another_o even_o as_o also_o you_o do_v and_o what_o be_v more_o excellent_a for_o edification_n and_o consolation_n than_o to_o tell_v what_o god_n have_v do_v for_o our_o soul_n whereby_o many_o who_o have_v meet_v with_o the_o like_a may_v be_v confirm_v and_o comfort_v david_n in_o psal_n 16_o cry_v out_o i_o will_v tell_v of_o all_o thy_o wondrous_a work_n and_o psal_n 66.19_o come_v and_o hear_v say_v he_o all_o you_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n and_o verse_n 19_o very_o god_n have_v hear_v i_o and_o have_v not_o turn_v away_o his_o mercy_n from_o i_o and_o psal_n 18.30_o the_o way_n of_o god_n be_v perfect_a say_v david_n how_o know_v thou_o this_o david_n oh_o say_v he_o i_o have_v try_v it_o the_o word_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v try_v i_o can_v tell_v it_o by_o experience_n and_o i_o know_v that_o he_o be_v a_o buckler_n to_o all_o that_o trust_v in_o he_o and_o psal_n 51._o he_o promise_v that_o as_o soon_o as_o his_o break_a bone_n be_v heal_v and_o the_o joy_n of_o his_o salvation_n be_v restore_v to_o he_o he_o will_v present_o preach_v it_o and_o teach_v transgressor_n god_n way_n and_o sinner_n shall_v be_v convert_v unto_o he_o he_o will_v give_v sinner_n warn_v of_o sin_n and_o uncleanness_n and_o tell_v they_o what_o it_o be_v to_o lie_v in_o hellish_a horror_n to_o have_v a_o wound_a spirit_n a_o accuse_a conscience_n and_o the_o indignaton_n of_o a_o angry_a frown_a god_n thus_o also_o the_o apostle_n speak_v 2_o cor._n 5.11_o know_v the_o terror_n of_o the_o lord_n we_o persuade_v man_n we_o tell_v they_o the_o sad_a condition_n they_o be_v in_o now_o we_o be_v deliver_v out_o of_o it_o on_o purpose_n to_o persuade_v they_o to_o believe_v in_o god_n to_o get_v out_o of_o their_o carnal_a state_n and_o to_o taste_v and_o see_v the_o mercy_n grace_n and_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n in_o the_o gospel_n and_o as_o the_o apostle_n peter_n say_v 1_o pet._n 2.3_o if_o so_o be_v you_o have_v taste_v how_o gracious_a the_o lord_n be_v o_o than_o you_o will_v say_v it_o be_v good_a it_o be_v sweet_a and_o will_v encourage_v other_o to_o come_v and_o be_v make_v partaker_n thereof_o 2._o as_o this_o be_v a_o duty_n and_o have_v be_v the_o practice_n of_o primitive_a time_n so_o it_o be_v very_o useful_a and_o necessary_a for_o several_a reason_n 1._o it_o be_v a_o bear_v the_o best_a outward_a testimony_n to_o god_n and_o his_o attribute_n that_o can_v be_v when_o we_o can_v say_v by_o experience_n that_o god_n be_v gracious_a love_a slow_a to_o anger_n ready_a to_o forgive_v that_o he_o be_v true_a and_o faithful_a for_o we_o have_v try_v he_o and_o therefore_o know_v it_o and_o the_o want_n of_o this_o make_v we_o so_o often_o question_v his_o care_n truth_n mercy_n and_o love_n to_o we_o in_o time_n of_o trial_n 2._o it_o be_v necessary_a to_o communicate_v experience_n thereby_o to_o discover_v those_o that_o be_v sound_a christian_n and_o sincere_a believer_n as_o far_o as_o may_v be_v judge_v by_o outward_a appearance_n conversation_n and_o communication_n 3._o it_o may_v be_v useful_a to_o prevent_v we_o from_o censure_v or_o have_v hard_a thought_n of_o those_o who_o be_v under_o spiritual_a agony_n affliction_n and_o temptation_n all_o which_o our_o bless_a redeemer_n himself_o suffer_v that_o he_o may_v be_v able_a to_o succour_v they_o that_o be_v tempt_v heb._n 2.18_o so_o that_o when_o we_o see_v poor_a soul_n set_v on_o the_o wrack_n and_o roar_v under_o torment_n and_o cry_v out_o oh_o they_o be_v damn_v undo_v forsake_v of_o god_n etc._n etc._n yet_o we_o ought_v not_o to_o condemn_v they_o for_o even_o then_o they_o may_v be_v the_o dear_a child_n of_o god_n and_o may_v pass_v a_o wrong_a sentence_n upon_o themselves_o so_o long_o as_o they_o lie_v in_o despair_n and_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o their_o own_o ruinous_a condition_n till_o they_o find_v help_v and_o salvation_n in_o jesus_n christ_n of_o which_o you_o may_v find_v divers_a instance_n in_o the_o follow_a experience_n 4._o by_o these_o experience_n we_o may_v learn_v how_o various_a the_o lord_n be_v in_o his_o way_n and_o working_n as_o the_o apostle_n say_v heb._n 1.1_o god_n who_o at_o sundry_a time_n and_o in_o divers_a manner_n speak_v to_o the_o father_n by_o the_o prophet_n etc._n etc._n to_o some_o he_o come_v in_o one_o way_n like_o a_o lion_n and_o to_o some_o in_o another_o like_o a_o lamb_n to_o some_o by_o sickness_n to_o other_o by_o cross_n and_o loss_n to_o some_o by_o sermon_n and_o to_o other_o by_o read_v the_o scripture_n christian_a converse_n and_o the_o like_a again_o to_o some_o the_o lord_n discover_v himself_o in_o a_o extraordinary_a way_n as_o in_o dream_n trance_n voice_n or_o vision_n but_o neither_o these_o nor_o the_o ordinary_a manifestation_n of_o god_n love_n be_v to_o be_v regard_v unless_o they_o be_v confirm_v by_o the_o scripture_n and_o the_o promise_v therein_o and_o unless_o they_o also_o make_v the_o person_n more_o holy_a humble_a and_o mean_v in_o his_o own_o eye_n and_o more_o to_o admire_v the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n to_o he_o a_o poor_a unworthy_a sinner_n and_o the_o lord_n know_v what_o mean_n be_v most_o proper_a for_o that_o which_o will_v work_v upon_o one_o man_n may_v have_v no_o operation_n upon_o another_o 5._o experience_n do_v oblige_v and_o allure_v christian_n exceed_o to_o rely_v upon_o god_n and_o to_o believe_v in_o he_o for_o as_o david_n say_v psal_n 22.1_o 2._o i_o cry_v i_o roar_v night_n and_o day_n for_o deliverance_n but_o what_o argument_n do_v he_o use_v see_v verse_n 4_o 5._o our_o father_n trust_v in_o thou_o they_o trust_v and_o thou_o do_v deliver_v they_o they_o cry_v unto_o thou_o and_o be_v deliver_v they_o trust_v in_o thou_o and_o be_v not_o confound_v therefore_o deliver_v i_o too_o for_o i_o trust_v in_o thou_o so_o psal_n 31.24_o be_v of_o good_a courage_n and_o he_o shall_v strengthen_v your_o heart_n all_o you_o that_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n even_o as_o he_o have_v strengthen_v my_o heart_n and_o hear_v my_o voice_n and_o cry_n as_o in_o the_o verse_n before_o so_o he_o will_v you_o o_o all_o you_o saint_n thus_o the_o woman_n of_o samaria_n john_n 4.28_o 29._o run_v into_o the_o city_n and_o declare_v her_o experience_n of_o the_o messiah_n that_o be_v come_v and_o how_o he_o tell_v she_o all_o thing_n etc._n etc._n and_o observe_v how_o this_o weak_a mean_n wrought_v upon_o many_o for_o verse_n 29._o it_o be_v say_v that_o many_o of_o the_o samaritan_n believe_v in_o he_o because_o of_o the_o say_n of_o the_o poor_a woman_n and_o thus_o junius_n profess_v that_o the_o very_o first_o thing_n which_o convert_v he_o he_o from_o atheism_n and_o make_v he_o believe_v in_o god_n be_v a_o conference_n with_o a_o poor_a countryman_n near_o florence_n in_o italy_n there_o be_v many_o other_o benefit_n that_o arise_v from_o christian_n communicate_v their_o experience_n of_o the_o favour_n love_n and_o goodness_n of_o god_n towards_o they_o some_o be_v inform_v other_o confute_v other_o comfort_v and_o confirm_v in_o the_o good_a way_n of_o the_o lord_n so_o that_o it_o be_v to_o be_v wish_v that_o this_o christian_a duty_n be_v more_o practise_v whereby_o other_o may_v be_v encourage_v to_o trust_v in_o god_n by_o hear_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o our_o
soul_n i_o shall_v add_v no_o more_o but_o proceed_v to_o give_v a_o account_n of_o the_o wonderful_a deal_n of_o the_o almighty_a with_o my_o unworthy_a self_n to_o give_v a_o formal_a account_n of_o my_o life_n will_v be_v tedious_a though_o i_o may_v safe_o say_v in_o every_o year_n sinee_n i_o can_v remember_v i_o have_v be_v enrich_v with_o so_o many_o and_o such_o remarkable_a experience_n as_o may_v make_v some_o rather_o admire_v than_o believe_v they_o and_o first_o when_o i_o be_v a_o schoolboy_n at_o malden_n in_o essex_n i_o begin_v to_o be_v rouse_v by_o two_o man_n mr._n will._n fenner_n and_o mr._n stephen_n martial_n about_o the_o ten_o year_n of_o my_o age_n for_o before_o that_o i_o be_v i_o know_v not_o what_o though_o i_o be_v keep_v to_o read_v every_o day_n be_v catechise_v with_o other_o good_a order_n but_o then_o hear_v mr._n fenner_n full_a of_o zeal_n and_o see_v he_o thunder_v about_o and_o beat_v the_o pulpit_n i_o be_v amaze_v and_o think_v he_o be_v mad_a wonder_v what_o he_o mean_v now_o whilst_o i_o be_v gaze_v upon_o he_o i_o be_v sudden_o strike_v and_o perceive_v it_o be_v we_o that_o be_v mad_a which_o make_v he_o seem_v to_o be_v so_o oh_o say_v he_o you_o knotty_a rugged_a proud_a piece_n of_o flesh_n you_o stony_a rocky_a flinty_a hard_a heart_n what_o will_v you_o do_v when_o you_o be_v roar_v in_o hell_n among_o the_o damn_a &_o c_o this_o make_v i_o at_o first_o astonish_v and_o run_v so_o often_o in_o my_o mind_n afterward_o that_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v trouble_v scare_v and_o affright_v and_o for_o fear_n of_o go_v to_o hell_n i_o fall_v to_o pray_v hear_v sermon_n read_v the_o scripture_n morning_n and_o evening_n though_o i_o understand_v little_a but_o only_o think_v the_o bare_a read_v sufficient_a i_o learn_v to_o pray_v first_o out_o of_o book_n and_o get_v all_o the_o grace_n so_o call_v by_o heart_n and_o after_o family-prayer_n i_o be_v every_o night_n afraid_a the_o devil_n will_v carry_v i_o away_o to_o hell_n if_o i_o do_v not_o say_v my_o prayer_n our_o father_n etc._n etc._n and_o i_o believe_v in_o god_n etc._n etc._n with_o the_o ten_o commandment_n and_o my_o little_a catechism_n of_o dr._n hall_n which_o i_o have_v learn_v and_o this_o i_o do_v due_o every_o night_n before_o i_o dare_v sleep_v which_o i_o think_v a_o sufficient_a defence_n to_o preserve_v i_o from_o the_o devil_n be_v tear_v i_o in_o piece_n before_o morning_n yet_o sometime_o when_o i_o be_v sleepy_a to_o make_v more_o haste_n i_o will_v say_v some_o of_o they_o in_o the_o chimney-corner_n whilst_o i_o be_v undress_v i_o think_v all_o be_v well_o enough_o so_o it_o be_v but_o do_v yea_o when_o i_o be_v extreme_o surprise_v with_o fear_n of_o the_o devil_n be_v apt_a to_o fancy_v any_o thing_n to_o be_v he_o i_o often_o say_v all_o my_o prayer_n and_o commandment_n twice_o over_o suspect_v i_o have_v not_o say_v they_o well_o enough_o or_o have_v for_o haste_n leave_v out_o some_o of_o they_o and_o the_o like_a and_o thus_o as_o the_o apostle_n say_v when_o i_o be_v a_o child_n i_o do_v childish_a thing_n and_o think_v all_o this_o be_v very_o well_o and_o ofttimes_o i_o will_v get_v one_o of_o my_o playfellow_n to_o walk_v alone_o with_o i_o and_o will_v tell_v he_o of_o sin_n and_o hell_n and_o such_o matter_n for_o they_o run_v always_o in_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o be_v in_o a_o desperate_a fear_n at_o length_n go_v to_o hear_v mr._n martial_n whilst_o i_o be_v nod_v and_o almost_o asleep_a his_o powerful_a voice_n awaken_v i_o thunder_v in_o my_o ear_n the_o dreadful_a danger_n of_o such_o as_o be_v drowsy_a and_o sleep_v and_o slumber_v away_o their_o salvation_n which_o i_o think_v be_v speak_v direct_o to_o i_o and_o have_v such_o prevalency_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o start_v up_o with_o a_o ache_a heart_n be_v much_o terrify_v at_o his_o word_n which_o he_o still_o pursue_v and_o wound_v i_o to_o the_o heart_n when_o he_o tell_v we_o that_o when_o time_n be_v past_a it_o can_v never_o be_v recall_v again_o and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o other_o way_n but_o to_o double_v our_o diligence_n and_o redeem_v the_o time_n we_o have_v lose_v by_o make_v more_o haste_n and_o take_v more_o care_n and_o pain_n or_o else_o we_o shall_v be_v utter_o lose_v and_o undo_v this_o touch_v i_o sufficient_o so_o that_o i_o can_v not_o forbear_v weep_v extreme_o after_o sermon_n i_o go_v home_o and_o sit_v alone_o i_o fall_v to_o cry_v and_o complain_v that_o i_o have_v lose_v my_o time_n take_v up_o a_o resolution_n never_o to_o sleep_v at_o church_n again_o and_o i_o think_v i_o have_v keep_v that_o solemn_a covenant_n to_o this_o very_a day_n after_o this_o i_o be_v not_o content_a with_o my_o former_a customary_a duty_n for_o now_o i_o must_v double_v they_o and_o do_v more_o than_o before_o wherefore_o i_o resolve_v to_o write_v down_o the_o sermon_n i_o hear_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v but_o have_v little_a skill_n to_o write_v fast_o or_o orderly_o i_o ever_o observe_v the_o doctrine_n reason_n and_o head_n of_o the_o use_v which_o i_o get_v by_o heart_n repeat_v the_o morning_n sermon_n at_o noon_n and_o the_o evening_n sermon_n at_o night_n so_o that_o i_o can_v the_o readily_o answer_v my_o father_n when_o he_o examine_v i_o and_o then_o i_o learn_v out_o of_o a_o book_n a_o prayer_n for_o morning_n and_o another_o for_o evening_n this_o course_n i_o continue_v for_o nine_o or_o ten_o year_n together_o so_o that_o at_o length_n i_o attain_v to_o repeat_v to_o myself_o the_o substance_n of_o some_o sermon_n which_o i_o have_v hear_v seven_o or_o eight_o year_n before_o and_o the_o lord_n lead_v i_o on_o in_o this_o orderly_a way_n i_o know_v not_o how_o without_o the_o advice_n or_o direction_n of_o any_o person_n upon_o earth_n whereby_o i_o hope_v to_o work_v out_o my_o salvation_n and_o redeem_v my_o time_n but_o this_o i_o must_v say_v from_o this_o form_n i_o learn_v much_o of_o god_n and_o goodness_n and_o what_o i_o do_v at_o first_o for_o fear_n of_o hell_n at_o last_o i_o perform_v out_o of_o love_n to_o heaven_n yea_o out_o of_o love_n to_o god_n and_o christ_n as_o if_o it_o be_v without_o â—eaven_n i_o use_v this_o method_n some_o year_n after_o i_o come_v to_o the_o university_n of_o cambridg_n whereby_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o recollect_v several_a man_n sermon_n 10_o year_n after_o they_o be_v preach_v and_o likewise_o with_o god_n assistance_n to_o preach_v myself_o at_o 18._o or_o 19_o year_n of_o age_n to_o the_o great_a wonder_n of_o many_o thus_o you_o hear_v how_o formal_a i_o be_v and_o i_o must_v needs_o confess_v it_o be_v more_o out_o of_o fear_n than_o love_v that_o i_o maintain_v this_o strictness_n in_o the_o duty_n of_o religion_n but_o not_o long_o after_o i_o be_v further_o awaken_v by_o my_o own_o father_n mr._n n._n r._n minister_n in_o essex_n who_o preach_v upon_o the_o good_a samaritan_n and_o show_v christ_n compassion_n to_o wound_a soul_n he_o in_o reproof_n of_o sinner_n declare_v that_o they_o be_v more_o guilty_a than_o the_o hard-hearted_a jew_n that_o they_o crucify_v christ_n afresh_o and_o have_v no_o compassion_n on_o he_o now_o he_o be_v in_o glory_n but_o spit_v on_o he_o and_o make_v he_o suffer_v and_o that_o his_o blood_n will_v rise_v up_o in_o judgement_n against_o they_o for_o if_o abel_n a_o mere_a man_n do_v so_o much_o more_o he_o and_o if_o david_n pray_v to_o be_v deliver_v from_o blood_n guiltiness_n how_o ought_v we_o to_o beg_v of_o god_n to_o be_v free_v from_o be_v guilty_a of_o the_o precious_a blood_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n this_o he_o preach_v and_o press_v so_o powerful_o that_o i_o be_v throw_v into_o a_o tremble_a as_o lie_v under_o the_o guilt_n of_o christ_n blood_n and_o be_v long_o perplex_v with_o the_o horror_n thereof_o one_o remarkable_a passage_n i_o must_v never_o forget_v which_o happen_v in_o my_o youth_n that_o be_v one_o time_n play_v and_o run_v about_o my_o father_n house_n with_o my_o other_o companion_n i_o know_v not_o upon_o what_o occaon_n i_o utter_v vain_a word_n cry_v o_o lord_n which_o we_o be_v not_o suffer_v to_o do_v whereupon_o my_o heart_n be_v instant_o smite_v and_o i_o be_v sudden_o set_v a_o run_v by_o i_o know_v not_o what_o power_n or_o spirit_n as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v possess_v and_o can_v not_o possible_o stay_v myself_o till_o i_o be_v carry_v with_o much_o violence_n to_o a_o little_a gate_n way_n where_o to_o my_o apprehension_n i_o perceive_v as_o plain_o as_o ere_o i_o see_v any_o thing_n by_o the_o sunshine_n a_o naked_a sword_n
in_o prison_n i_o have_v dreadful_a apprehension_n of_o hell_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o can_v do_v nothing_o but_o weep_v and_o mourn_v and_o pray_v count_v my_o life_n to_o be_v lose_v and_o yet_o i_o be_v more_o trouble_v for_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n than_o the_o wrath_n of_o man_n but_o at_o length_n it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o comfort_n for_o one_o night_n whilst_o i_o be_v bemoan_v myself_o and_o in_o much_o despair_n on_o a_o sudden_a the_o room_n be_v all_o in_o a_o flame_n and_o i_o think_v myself_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o lightning_n and_o be_v terrify_v i_o imagine_v i_o see_v these_o word_n write_v against_o the_o wall_n thy_o sin_n be_v pardon_v and_o thy_o life_n be_v hide_v with_o christ_n in_o god_n this_o extraordinary_a manifestation_n much_o ease_v the_o trouble_n and_o sorrow_n wherein_o i_o be_v but_o yet_o for_o want_v of_o faith_n this_o comfort_n do_v not_o long_o continue_v with_o i_o for_o after_o that_o i_o think_v i_o see_v the_o lord_n with_o such_o a_o wrathful_a countenance_n that_o i_o dare_v not_o look_v upon_o he_o and_o the_o next_o news_n that_o i_o hear_v be_v that_o i_o be_v order_v to_o be_v shoot_v to_o death_n oh_o than_o i_o can_v express_v the_o terror_n that_o i_o be_v in_o my_o woeful_a misery_n be_v such_o that_o neither_o prayer_n read_v of_o the_o scripture_n nor_o the_o precious_a promise_n therein_o can_v afford_v i_o any_o relief_n for_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v that_o i_o have_v any_o right_n to_o they_o and_o therefore_o can_v not_o lay_v hold_n of_o they_o in_o this_o dreadful_a distress_n i_o lie_v a_o condemn_a man_n both_o in_o soul_n and_o body_n lament_v my_o wretched_a condition_n when_o open_v the_o bible_n in_o joel_n 2.13_o i_o see_v it_o thus_o write_v turn_v you_o to_o the_o lord_n god_n for_o he_o be_v gracious_a and_o merciful_a slow_a to_o anger_n and_o of_o great_a tenderness_n and_o repent_v he_o of_o the_o evil._n hereupon_o i_o ponder_v a_o while_n and_o say_v and_o be_v he_o such_o a_o god_n well_o then_o he_o be_v my_o god_n and_o with_o that_o i_o give_v myself_o up_o into_o his_o hand_n resolve_v to_o rely_v upon_o he_o let_v he_o do_v what_o he_o will_v with_o i_o and_o on_o this_o foundation_n i_o be_v settle_a and_o satisfy_v a_o while_n after_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o deliver_v i_o out_o of_o the_o danger_n of_o death_n and_o to_o set_v i_o at_o liberty_n from_o prison_n but_o notwithstanding_o this_o great_a mercy_n yet_o i_o must_v confess_v that_o i_o afterward_o find_v such_o opposition_n in_o my_o heart_n against_o god_n as_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v have_v be_v in_o i_o i_o be_v grievous_o wound_v for_o it_o and_o can_v have_v no_o quiet_a but_o go_v to_o mr._n w._n and_o acquaint_v he_o with_o it_o who_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o have_v fall_v from_o my_o first_o work_n and_o that_o i_o must_v repent_v this_o rent_n my_o heart_n and_o i_o have_v no_o rest_n i_o return_v from_o he_o and_o apply_v to_o prayer_n keep_v that_o course_n continual_o till_o by_o degree_n i_o be_v recover_v out_o of_o that_o disconsolate_a condition_n and_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v since_o find_v his_o favour_n and_o kindness_n extend_v towards_o i_o so_o that_o i_o be_o full_o persuade_v he_o love_v i_o and_o will_v pardon_v my_o sin_n in_o jesus_n christ_n on_o who_o merit_n i_o rely_v in_o who_o righteousness_n i_o rest_v and_o by_o who_o grace_n i_o be_o now_o set_v free_a to_o serve_v he_o here_o and_o doubt_v not_o but_o to_o reign_v with_o he_o hereafter_o f._n b._n v._o experience_n of_o h._n m._n my_o father_n be_v a_o gentleman_n of_o a_o fair_a estate_n have_v many_o child_n eleven_o son_n of_o we_o he_o be_v high_a sheriff_n and_o when_o he_o die_v all_o our_o family_n be_v break_v disperse_a and_o in_o confusion_n two_o of_o we_o be_v bring_v up_o within_o five_o mile_n of_o gloucester_n but_o i_o be_v place_v a_o apprentice_n in_o london_n and_o by_o this_o mean_v my_o sorrow_n and_o trouble_n begin_v to_o be_v great_a at_o first_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o this_o sudden_a change_n which_o continue_v a_o while_n but_o about_o the_o 17_o year_n of_o my_o age_n my_o former_a grief_n be_v turn_v into_o another_o kind_n of_o trouble_n namely_o sorrow_n for_o my_o sin_n i_o be_v for_o three_o year_n together_o wound_v with_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o corruption_n which_o be_v many_o i_o follow_v sermon_n pursue_v the_o mean_n be_v constant_a in_o duty_n and_o do_v look_v for_o heaven_n that_o way_n i_o be_v very_o precise_a in_o outward_a formality_n censure_v all_o for_o reprobate_n that_o wear_v their_o hair_n long_o and_o not_o short_a above_o their_o ear_n or_o that_o follow_v the_o common_a mode_n and_o fashion_n of_o those_o day_n thus_o i_o continue_v distract_v in_o my_o thought_n and_o wound_v in_o my_o conscience_n weep_v often_o and_o bitter_o and_o pray_v earnest_o but_o yet_o have_v no_o comfort_n till_o i_o hear_v that_o sweet_a saint_n now_o in_o heaven_n dr._n sibbs_n by_o who_o mean_n and_o ministry_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o peace_n and_o joy_n in_o my_o spirit_n his_o sweet_a soul-melting_a sermon_n win_v my_o heart_n and_o refresh_v i_o much_o for_o by_o he_o i_o see_v much_o of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n and_o have_v good_a hope_n and_o confidence_n in_o christ_n jesus_n and_o can_v overlook_v the_o world_n undervalue_v all_o earthly_a thing_n and_o be_v not_o afraid_a of_o affliction_n and_o though_o i_o be_v sometime_o under_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n again_o unto_o fear_n yet_o my_o heart_n still_o hold_v firm_a and_o my_o desire_n be_v all_o heaven-ward_n i_o take_v delight_n to_o hear_v funeral_n sermon_n but_o dr._n sibbs_n chief_o by_o who_o i_o be_v effectual_o wrought_v upon_o and_o satisfy_v with_o comfort_n which_o i_o hope_v will_v never_o leave_v i_o till_o i_o come_v to_o everlasting_a rest_n h._n m._n vi_o experience_n of_o mr._n t._n h._n minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n i_o be_v but_o young_a when_o i_o first_o come_v under_o conviction_n of_o soul_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v warm_v by_o a_o zealous_a ministry_n which_o put_v i_o much_o upon_o duty_n i_o use_v to_o read_v the_o scripture_n every_o night_n and_o to_o repeat_v sermon_n often_o and_o so_o i_o spend_v the_o first_o scene_n of_o my_o youth_n till_o i_o be_v send_v by_o my_o friend_n to_o london_n where_o i_o live_v a_o year_n or_o two_o during_o that_o time_n as_o often_o as_o i_o see_v any_o minister_n i_o can_v not_o but_o weep_v and_o always_o wish_v that_o i_o may_v be_v one_o myself_o to_o be_v able_a to_o preach_v too_o after_o this_o i_o be_v send_v to_o one_o of_o the_o university_n in_o england_n but_o be_v wild_a with_o youthful_a company_n be_v remove_v to_o the_o college_n of_o dublin_n where_o i_o continue_v till_o the_o horrid_a popish_a rebellion_n break_v out_o in_o 1641._o at_o which_o time_n i_o leave_v it_o and_o go_v to_o liverpool_n in_o lancashire_n where_o i_o preach_v some_o year_n yet_o all_o this_o while_n i_o be_v but_o formal_a and_o as_o the_o young_a man_n in_o the_o gospel_n say_v he_o have_v keep_v all_o these_o thing_n from_o his_o youth_n so_o i_o be_v from_o from_o my_o youth_n religious_a well_o give_v love_v the_o mean_n and_o follow_v they_o hear_v sermon_n and_o seek_v to_o serve_v god_n but_o alas_o i_o be_v yet_o all_o this_o while_n in_o darkness_n and_o do_v not_o know_v it_o but_o afterward_o i_o see_v that_o i_o be_v blind_a and_o carnal_a for_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v in_o great_a doubt_n and_o trouble_n and_o very_o much_o cloud_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_v exceed_o tie_v and_o bind_v up_o for_o a_o time_n under_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o formal_a holiness_n and_o sin_n but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o light_n once_o as_o i_o be_v walk_v sad_o alone_a upon_o the_o mountain_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n so_o to_o influence_n i_o by_o his_o spirit_n which_o seem_v to_o be_v immediate_o pour_v out_o upon_o i_o that_o my_o soul_n be_v satisfy_v in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v fill_v with_o heavenly_a joy_n and_o peace_n and_o with_o most_o ravish_a contemplation_n which_o continue_v without_o a_o cloud_n for_o several_a week_n together_o and_o give_v i_o assure_v hope_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o ever_o since_o i_o have_v live_v in_o the_o righteousness_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o though_o i_o have_v meet_v with_o many_o storm_n and_o cloud_n yet_o they_o have_v all_o pass_v away_o and_o can_v hinder_v i_o from_o salvation_n so_o long_o as_o christ_n who_o be_v my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n be_v above_o they_o and_o i_o doubt_v not_o
pierce_v into_o my_o heart_n as_o i_o desire_v 4._o i_o have_v sometime_o such_o sweet_a comfort_n and_o enlargement_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o find_v much_o peace_n with_o god_n thereby_o which_o i_o prize_v above_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n 5._o i_o desire_v to_o serve_v the_o lord_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o be_o trouble_v when_o any_o thing_n obstruct_v those_o desire_n 6._o i_o hope_v for_o salvation_n and_o true_a blessedness_n from_o jesus_n christ_n my_o redeemer_n and_o from_o he_o alone_o f._n p._n xxxvi_o experience_n of_o d._n c._n i_o have_v have_v great_a conflict_n of_o soul_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o against_o sin_n and_o have_v shed_v many_o tear_n by_o night_n and_o by_o day_n i_o have_v be_v much_o trouble_v at_o the_o consideration_n of_o such_o thing_n as_o have_v be_v at_o anytime_n a_o clog_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o enjoy_v spiritual_a communion_n with_o god_n which_o i_o have_v desire_v it_o be_v the_o great_a grief_n i_o have_v ever_o have_v that_o i_o have_v offend_v so_o good_a a_o god_n and_o indeed_o my_o sin_n have_v be_v a_o very_a great_a trouble_n to_o i_o and_o especial_o in_o that_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o measure_n of_o knowledge_n and_o i_o have_v not_o walk_v up_o to_o it_o to_o live_v according_a to_o the_o light_n i_o have_v receive_v but_o i_o have_v find_v comfort_n in_o god_n promise_n christ_n say_v all_o that_o the_o father_n give_v i_o shall_v come_v to_o i_o and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o john_n chap._n 6._o verse_n 37._o wherefore_o come_v out_o from_o among_o they_o and_o be_v you_o separate_v say_v the_o lord_n and_o touch_v not_o the_o unclean_a thing_n and_o i_o will_v receive_v you_o and_o will_v be_v a_o father_n unto_o you_o and_o you_o shall_v be_v my_o son_n and_o daughter_n say_v the_o lord_n almighty_n the_o lord_n will_v receive_v we_o if_o we_o repent_v and_o believe_v and_o christ_n call_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n matth._n 11.28_o and_o as_o a_o testimony_n of_o my_o regeneration_n i_o have_v these_o experience_n whereby_o to_o give_v account_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o i_o 1._o that_o all_o my_o desire_n be_v chief_o to_o seek_v god_n in_o christ_n 2._o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n in_o duty_n to_o join_v in_o ordinance_n and_o to_o partake_v of_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n 3._o i_o find_v my_o heart_n real_o at_o peace_n with_o all_o the_o world_n 4._o i_o believe_v that_o the_o lord_n god_n be_v at_o peace_n with_o i_o and_o will_v save_v i_o for_o ever_o through_o jesus_n christ_n d._n c._n experience_n of_o mris._n katherine_n clark_n have_v meet_v with_o the_o experience_n of_o this_o religious_a and_o worthy_a gentlewoman_n in_o the_o account_n of_o her_o life_n publish_v by_o her_o pious_a husband_n mr._n samual_n clark_n former_o minister_n of_o st._n bennet_n fink_n london_n which_o be_v find_v write_v in_o she_o own_o hand_n after_o her_o death_n and_o they_o be_v so_o very_o pertinent_a to_o the_o other_o aforemention_v i_o think_v it_o may_v be_v very_o useful_a to_o insert_v they_o without_o any_o alteration_n in_o her_o own_o word_n when_o i_o be_v but_o young_a my_o father_n be_v at_o prayer_n in_o his_o family_n i_o many_o time_n find_v such_o sweetness_n and_o be_v so_o affect_v therewith_o that_o i_o can_v not_o but_o wish_v that_o my_o heart_n may_v be_v often_o in_o such_o a_o frame_n but_o childhood_n and_o the_o vanity_n thereof_o soon_o cool_v these_o heavenly_a spark_n but_o my_o father_n who_o be_v a_o minister_n cause_v we_o to_o write_v sermon_n and_o to_o repeat_v the_o same_o as_o also_o to_o learn_v mr._n perkins_n catechism_n which_o i_o oft_o repeat_v to_o myself_o when_o i_o be_v alone_o and_o therein_o i_o especial_o take_v notice_n of_o those_o place_n wherein_o he_o have_v set_v down_o the_o sign_n and_o mark_n of_o a_o strong_a and_o weak_a faith_n be_v convince_v in_o my_o conscience_n that_o without_o faith_n i_o can_v not_o be_v save_v and_o that_o every_o faith_n will_v not_o serve_v turn_n to_o bring_v i_o to_o heaven_n hereupon_o i_o fall_v to_o examination_n of_o myself_o and_o though_o i_o can_v not_o find_v the_o mark_n of_o a_o strong_a yet_o through_o god_n mercy_n i_o find_v the_o mark_n of_o a_o true_a though_o but_o weak_a faith_n which_o be_v some_o comfort_n and_o support_v to_o i_o and_o that_o god_n which_o begin_v this_o good_a work_n in_o i_o be_v please_v to_o quicken_v and_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o a_o diligent_a use_n of_o such_o mean_n as_o himself_o have_v ordain_v and_o appoint_v for_o the_o increase_n thereof_o as_o hear_v the_o word_n preach_v private_a duty_n etc._n etc._n but_o when_o i_o be_v about_o seventeen_o year_n old_a my_o parent_n send_v i_o to_o wait_v upon_o a_o young_a gentlewoman_n in_o northamptonshire_n the_o only_a daughter_n of_o sir_n w._n w._n at_o which_o time_n be_v send_v so_o far_o from_o my_o near_a and_o dear_a relation_n and_o meet_v with_o some_o other_o discouragement_n in_o the_o family_n through_o want_n of_o the_o mean_n of_o grace_n which_o i_o former_o enjoy_v i_o grow_v very_o melancholy_a i_o begin_v also_o to_o have_v great_a working_n of_o conscience_n in_o i_o and_o satan_n the_o deadly_a enemy_n to_o the_o health_n and_o welfare_n of_o our_o soul_n who_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n walk_v about_o continual_o seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v take_v this_o advantage_n through_o my_o ignorance_n of_o his_o device_n to_o raise_v up_o fear_n doubt_n and_o terror_n of_o conscience_n in_o i_o by_o reason_n of_o my_o manifold_a sin_n and_o for_o walk_v so_o unworthy_a of_o god_n mercy_n whilst_o i_o do_v enjoy_v they_o and_o for_o be_v so_o unfruitful_a under_o the_o mean_n of_o grace_n and_o so_o unable_a to_o obey_v god_n and_o keep_v his_o commandment_n and_o by_o reason_n hereof_o i_o have_v no_o peace_n nor_o rest_n to_o my_o soul_n night_n nor_o day_n but_o be_v persuade_v that_o all_o the_o threaten_n contain_v in_o the_o book_n of_o god_n against_o wicked_a and_o ungodly_a man_n do_v belong_v to_o i_o and_o be_v my_o portion_n as_o be_v one_o of_o they_o against_o who_o they_o be_v denounce_v insomuch_o as_o when_o i_o take_v up_o the_o bible_n to_o read_v therein_o it_o be_v accompany_v with_o much_o fear_n and_o tremble_a yet_o be_v convince_v that_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n frequent_o to_o read_v god_n word_n i_o dare_v not_o omit_v or_o neglect_v it_o thus_o i_o continue_v a_o great_a while_n bear_v the_o burden_n of_o grievous_a temptation_n and_o inward_a affliction_n of_o conscience_n yet_o dare_v i_o not_o open_v the_o wound_n nor_o reveal_v my_o condition_n to_o any_o as_o think_v and_o judge_v my_o case_n to_o be_v like_o no_o body_n else_o but_o god_n who_o be_v rich_a in_o mercy_n and_o jesus_n christ_n who_o buy_v his_o people_n at_o so_o dear_a a_o rate_n will_v not_o suffer_v any_o of_o he_o to_o be_v lose_v and_o therefore_o he_o be_v gracious_o please_v to_o preserve_v strengthen_v and_o uphold_v i_o by_o his_o own_o power_n from_o sink_v into_o hell_n through_o despair_n and_o from_o run_v out_o of_o my_o wit_n thus_o by_o reason_n of_o my_o continual_a grief_n and_o anguish_n of_o heart_n night_n and_o day_n i_o be_v so_o weaken_v and_o change_v within_o the_o compass_n of_o six_o month_n that_o when_o i_o come_v home_o my_o dear_a parent_n scarce_o know_v i_o for_o some_o year_n after_o her_o return_n she_o for_o the_o most_o part_n continue_v in_o her_o father_n family_n where_o by_o a_o diligent_a and_o conscientious_a use_n of_o the_o the_o mean_n both_o public_a and_o private_a she_o do_v thrive_v and_o grow_v in_o grace_n and_o in_o the_o knowledge_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n as_o she_o increase_v in_o day_n and_o year_n till_o she_o be_v marry_v to_o mr._n samuel_n clark_n to_o who_o in_o all_o capacity_n she_o be_v a_o excellent_a wife_n after_o her_o death_n in_o a_o little_a book_n in_o her_o cabinet_n she_o give_v the_o former_a account_n of_o her_o conversion_n to_o god_n and_o add_v many_o more_o of_o her_o experience_n to_o this_o effect_n i_o here_o set_v down_o god_n graeious_a deal_n with_o i_o not_o for_o my_o own_o praise_n but_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o to_o stir_v up_o my_o heart_n unto_o true_a thankfulness_n for_o such_o unvaluable_a mercy_n and_o i_o have_v have_v many_o experience_n of_o god_n gracious_a deal_n with_o i_o at_o several_a time_n under_o affliction_n 1._o when_o personal_a affliction_n have_v lie_v upon_o i_o in_o respect_n of_o bodily_a sickness_n or_o spiritual_a distemper_n 2._o in_o family_n affliction_n