so generally neglected by the peo-ple of God Ans It hath been practised by the people of God both in Scripture as is proved and it is evident that the Psalmes of David are frequently nothing but Meditations though not in this method and by many in our daies 2. It being a private closet-Closet-duty the omission nor performance of it could be taken notice of and so the omission of it could not be reproved nor performance observed 3. The Directions and Instructions for Meditation have been generally very abstruse and intricate CHAP. III. Preparatory Directions concerning some Circumstances belonging to Meditation 1. FOR the place that must be private remote from company and noise Isaac went into the fields our Saviour into a garden and David wisheth us to enter into our Chamber and be still Psa 4.4 and our Saviour bids us enter into our Closet and shut the door the place must be such as must be remote from noise and company or any thing which might distract us in the duty and such a place that we may not be interrupted or forced to break off before the duty be ended it must be also private and remote from the observation of others so that we may neither be heard nor seen because there are divers gestures and expressions which are not convenient for any one but God and ones own soul to be privy to Which of those places you finde to be most advantagious to you in the matters of Meditation you may choose 2. For the Time when The best is in the morning 1. Because it is the first-fruits of the day and the first-fruits being holy all the rest are sanctified 2. Because our thoughts being then not soyled with worldly businesse will not be so subject to be distracted 3. Because the body it self is more serene then after meals and this duty needs an empty stomack not only because the head will be more clear and fit for Meditation but also because many passages of Meditation require so much intention of the minde and servency of affection that they do hinder digestion 4. Because that it being in the morning will have an influence upon the whole day but this is not an universall rule for we reade that Isaac went forth in the evening to meditate Gen. 24.63 and in case the subject of your Meditation be a Sermon then if it may be the best time is immediatly after the hearing of it before your affections cool or your memory fail you 2. For the how long considering the parts of Meditation are so many viz. preparation considerations affections resolutions c. and none of them are to be past slightly over for affections are not quickly raised nor are we to cease blowing the fire as soon as ever it begin to flame until it be well kindled half an hour may be thought to be the least for beginners and an hour for those that are versed in this duty But there are two rules in this particular especially to be observed 1. That as we ought not to leave off our praiers before that temper and frame of heart is wrought which is sutable to the matter of our prayers viz. we should not leave off the confession of sinne till our hearts are made sensible of and humble for our sinnes nor should we leave off our praises until our hearts are filled with holy admirings and adorings of God and inflamed with his love So the end of Meditation being affections and resolutions we should not leave off until those are wrought 2. As in private prayer so long as we finde our hearts enlarged by the pourings of the Spirit of Supplication upon us we are not to leave off unlesse by our continuance in that duty we must omit another duty to which we were more particularly obliged at that time So in Meditation as long as we finde the heart affected we are to continue it But this Caution must be given that in such enlargements we must not continue them longer generally then while they come freely and without much straining and compulsion for that honey that comes freely of it self from the comb is pure but that which is forced by heat and pressure is not so well rellished but this Caution is for extraordinary enlargements for if the heart be dead we must use all means to awaken it But as fire must be blown till it be well kindled but afterwards blowing hinders the boyling of any thing that is set over it So when once our hearts are inflamed and enlarged with holy affections in an extraordinary manner 't is but a hinderance to our affections to return to the Meditation of those Points that raised them CHAP. IV. Rules for the Subject The Division of and Reasons for this Method of Meditation 1. BY no means let it be Controversie for that will turn Meditation into Study 2. Nor nice speculations for they be saplesse without nourishment besides being so light they float in the brain having no weight to sink them down into the heart and indeed were they there they have nothing in them to affect the heart withall 3. Let the Subject of Meditation be the plainest powerfullest and usefullest Truths of God as death hell heaven judgement mercies of God our own sinnes the Love and Sufferings of Christ c. 4. Let the Subject of your Meditation be that that is most sutable to your spirituall wants as in the time of desertion meditate most of the love and mercies of God c. Rules for Meditation it self they are of three sorts 1. Preparatory 2. For the body of the duty 3. For the Conclusion Two things by way of preparation besides the choice of the Subject the first is to be convinced of and to be affected with the presence of God The second is praier for assistance from God 2. For the body of Meditation it self it consists of three parts The first I call Consideration which is nothing but the convincing our hearts of severall Truths that belong to that Subject whereof we meditate As as if the subject of our Meditation be death the considerations may go thus alas O my Soul how and when and where we shall die we know not generally men die sooner then they expect and certain it is whensoever that hour comes we must bid adieu to honours pleasures riches friends and at last our own bodies c. The second part is affections whether it be love of God or Christ or spirituall things despising of the world admiring of God or any other spiritual affection The third part are Resolutions to doe this or that or leave this or that Now that this is the most proper and genuine way of Meditation appears by this 1. Because it is not artificiall and such as requires Learning as those Directions are which wish us to consider the efficient finall formall materiall cause of death the adjuncts concomitants c. which though they may somewhat help the learned yet such hard words and artificial
thought of them hast thou such a full assurance or is thy life such that thou needest not fear Was not Moses and John as holy as thou Was not John the beloved Disciple and Moses one with whom God spake face to face and yet they trembled O my Soul it is much to be feared that it is ignorance and infidelity not a Gospel-assurance that makes thee so senceless nay it is infallibly certain that whosoever lives wickedly and trembles not at the thought of judgement it proceeds from a conscience seared with a hot Iron 2. Admire and be astonisht at the miserable condition of all those that live without God in the world such are all they that repent not and beleeve not the Gospel 3. Examine and try thy self O my soul Let us judge our selves that we be not judged We may easily know what Questions shall be put to us that day we must be judged by the Word of God then let us judge our selves by it now do we indeed strive to enter in at the straight gate May that which we do in the service of God be truly called striving or no Can a saint praier be called striving or no when every temptation at the first assault overcomes thee and thou fightest not a stroak Is this striving Is this to fight a good fight and resisting unto bloud Do we think that God at the day of judgement will avouch this striving nay can our own Conscience think it so now Be not deceived God is not mocked 4. Pray O blessed God thou that art the great and just Judge of all men be pleased to fit and prepare me for that that that day may not come so as a thief in the night as to rob me of all my comforts deal with me how it seems good in thy eyes afflict me chastise me only let me be saved in the day of the Lord. 5. O my Soul Let us truly consider what we are to do and how we are to live that when others at that day shall call to the hils and to the Mountains to fall upon them and to hide them from the wrath of the Lamb we may lift up our heads because our salvation draweth near Well O my soul I reade in the Word of God that the neglecting to judge our selves and the judging of others are two sinnes that will cause all those to be judged and condemned that live in them therefore I am resolved by the gracious assistance of the Spirit of God for the time to come never to censure or judge any one as I have done and frequently to examine my self and as frequently and severely to judge my self as formerly I have used to censure and judge others and to use as much lenity mildenesse in judging and censuring others as ever I did in censuring my own waies and if I doe speake ill of any one I will if I remember it when I am before the Throne of grace not only begge pardon of my sin in rash judging but as much as in me lies make him some restitution by putting up as many praiers for him as I have spoke evil things of him and let us further resolve of my soul and by thy blessed assistance O God I am resolved and do promise before thee for the time to come frequently and I beseech thee that I may alwaies do it before I do or speak any thing consider whether I dare own that action or that word at the day of judgement and if I dare not own it I will not dare to do or speak it and when at any time I think of omitting of any holy duty and think that such or such an excuse will serve I will bring it before the Judgement Seat of God by seriously considering with my self whether in my conscience I think that God will take that for a sufficient excuse at that great day For the Conclusion of this Exercise I referre you to the Conclusions of the former Meditations for I am loth that this Manuall should swell too much MEDITAT VI. Of Hell BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God Considerations 1. Consider O my soul the greatness of these torments certainly if God so heavily afflicts his own people as he did Job Heman and divers of his people who have been in dissertion many years How sad are the expressions of David he saith he roar'd for the disquietnesse of his soul And how many sad expressions has Job that he had not time to swallow his spittle and how that he chose rather a strangling then life and many other exceeding sad expressions which could never have proceeded from an holy man who is set before us as a pattern of patience if his afflictions had not been very great and Heman said that the terrors of the Lord were so great that he was almost distracted with them and so from his youth up untill that time that he writ that Psalm Psal 88. If this be done to the green tree what shall be done to the dry And if God chastise his people with such rods what scorpions shall the damned be scourged with and if the righteous have been thus afflicted tossed with tempests and not comforted where shall the wicked and ungodly appear what shall the portion of their cup be even the dregs of the vials of Gods wrath for upon the wicked he shall rain snares fire and brimstone and a horrible tempest 2. Consider what the sufferings of Christ were if we do truly and seriously consider how much those words signifie when our Saviour saith My soul is heavy to the death we shall be help'd to understand what our Saviours sorrows were If the wisest holiest and patientest man in the world who was not oppressed or distempered at all by reason of any bodily distemper of melancholy I say if such a man should come to an intimate bosome friend and with a sad countenance should tell him that he was even ready to die because of the abundance of grief and sadness that lay upon his spirit would not this argue that his sorrowes were exceeding great especially when his friend never heard him to complain in all his life though the injuries and sufferings had been very great all along If he should further say unto his friend I beseech you to watch with me surely it would argue an heart overwhelm'd with grief Now I say for our Saviour to say so to his Disciple and afterward to sweat bloud O what unknown sorrows did our Saviour feel How then is it possible for the wicked to escape when God spared not his own Sonne though he was but a surety and those sorrows that made him groan will crush thee to pieces Woe be to that man that is to satisfie the justice of God in his own person 3. Consider O my soul the sad aggravating concommitants of these torments every member and faculty both of body and soul shall be tormented here if our head akes may be our heart
occasions c. But I must give you one caution viz. that though you finde your heart never so much resolving against and abhorring of any sinne yet take heed that you build not upon the strength of resolutions but beg of God that he would enable you by his strength and that as he hath given you the will so he would give you the deed also It was well observed by one as follows In effect it is true that we doe understand many things by experience which we should not understand by knowledge as this I having oftentimes determined to do many things the one more pious holy and Christian then another and having seen for the most part the issue and effect to be quite contrary to what I determined and on the contrary observing that other pious and Christian things were done by me without my prae-determination or forecast I stood a it were confounded in my self not understanding in what this secret did consist I did not wonder that in things which I determined as a man the contrary should come to passe of that which I would but I did wonder that in the things which I determined as a Christian the same should befall me And finding my self in this confusion it came to passe that I read that Resolution of Saint Peter Though I should die with thee yet will I not deny thee and considering that though the Resolution was pious holy and Christian the contrary of that which he resolved befell him I understand that my determinations had not their issue and effect according to my desire because I did not well consider mine own utter disability to perform any holy and good work So that I understood by experience that although God punished my inconsideratenesse in not suffering that to come to passe which I intended yet on the other side he satisfied my general desire of doing good by suffering that to come to passe which I did not procure nor hope nor pretend unto Whence I have gathered that the will of God is that I should depend on him in such manner that I should determine or propound nothing without holding him before mine eyes shewing unto him my good will and referring unto him the issue and successe of my desires and endeavours CHAP. X. Directions for Vows NOw because Vows do very frequently especially in young beginners follow upon resolutions and because that very many pious and religious persons have been ensnared by rash Vows and after Vows it is not fit to make enquiry therefore I shall set down some Cautions of and Directions fot Vows 1. As we have said concerning Resolutious let your Vows be rather against the occasions of sinne then against sin it self 2. When the subject of your Vows are of things indifferent in themselves 1. Take heed of making any perpetuall vow for the reason why you make any vows against any indifferent thing as in drinking wine c It is because then it was a snare unto you but in processe of time it may cease to be a snare unto you nay it may be a very great snare and occasion sicknesse or death not to drink it as in some cases hath happened 2. Let all Vows concerning indifferent things be conditionall and let these two constantly be two of the conditions 1. That you will abstain from such a thing or do such a thing unlesse you shall be otherwise advised by some godly Minister or private Christian I knew a Religious woman that had vowed to reade many Chapters every day when she was unmarried she made this vow but afterwards in the time of her lying in and other weaknesses the Chapters were so many that she did much endanger the losse of her sight and the neglect of all other duties when her poverty and family grew great Now had she added this Caution to her Vow she might have been delivered out of that snare and though it be true that in many cases a Vow may be dispensed withall when we cannot keep it without sinne as in this case one hath vowed a weekly secret Fast ones health or childe with which one goes will certainly be destroyed by it yet if it be but an inconvenience though a very great one it will not release one from ones vow Now the reason why I adde that condition unlesse some Minister or for want thereof some other godly Christian shall otherwise advise is because the several cases that may happen are so various that it is impossible to specifie them all or think of them all and very difficult to judge of them all when we make the Vow And moreover if we should leave it to our selves we should be too partiall for as when our consciences are much touched for our sinnes we are subject to be too violent in our spiritual revenges so in a little time when that pang is over we are subject to be too indulgent to our selves therefore it is better to say thus Lord I do vow unto thee that I will keep every week a day of humiliation or that I will not drink any wine this three moneths next followiog unlesse some such occasion shall be that if it had then been or then thought of when I made my vow that such or such or some other godly Minister would had I consulted with him then wisht me not to have made that Vow then to say I will do this or that unlesse some such occasion be that were the Vow to be made again I would not make it 2. Adde this Caution viz. If I remember it I will not drink wine this moneth the reason is because if you drink wine though you did not think of it you sinne if your vow be absolute but if it be with that condition it is not a sinne and yet by adding that condition we give our selves no liberty since it is not in our power to forget it The next Caution concerning Vows in indifferent things is this adde a penalty upon the breach of your Vow which penalty is not added by way of hope of Satisfaction that 's grosse ignorance and superstition but it must run thus I will spend half an hour a day in praier for the Church to the end of this moneth or else give so much to the poor and in such a case if we do either we sin not the reason why we should adde a penalty it because some inconveniences may be so great that it would bring some very great mischief upon us and then we have liberty to take the other part of the Vow viz. to give so much to the poor And now this penalty must 1. Not be too light and triviall but it must be of such consequence that it may be a tye upon us and yet not of so great weight as if it should happen it might prove some great inconvenience to us For a rich man to say he will give 6d to the poor is not considerable and yet the same may be too heavy a burthen
for one that is very poor to give The next Rule is Let this penalty be alwaies of something that is materially good as giving to the poor spending some time in reading of Scripture for as for Popish penances as whipping Pilgrimages and such like they are unprofitable and ridiculous The next Rule is Let this penalty be alwaies some holy duty that is most contrary to thy Master sin as if thy Master sin be Covetousnesse let it be almes if it be voluptuousnesse let it be fasting with praier or abstaining wholly for a time from that wherein thou most delightest c. The next Rule is Let your Vows be rather against the outward then the inward acts of sin rather against speaking angrily then being angry for though inward acts of sinne are worse yet they are not so much in our power The next Rule is If your Vows are concerning doing holy duties it is better to vow to spend so much time in reading holy Scripture or such like then to vow to reade so many Chapters for thou wilt be tempted to reade them over too fast that thou maist have ended whereas if it be so much time that thou hast resolved to spend thou wilt not be so subject to this temptation CHAP. XI Rules for the concluding of Meditation 1. THou art earnestly to beg of God strength to perform whatever thou hast resolved to do in his service This must be done fervently though briefly and humbly proceeding from an earnest desire to do what thou hast promised and resolved and also from an humble sense of thine inability to perform it 2. The second duty is thanksgiving if thou shalt perceive any heavenly warmth of love or spiritual hatred of sin or any other spiritual effect wrought in thy heart thou art to give God the glory and not to rejoyce in thy self but in the Lord but thou art to rejoyce with trembling knowing that if thou art puft up though thou hast the will to do good wrought in thee yet if thou provokest him he can stop it that thou shalt never be able to do what thou resolvest to do The first is an humble acknowledgement of our failings in the performing of this duty For if we were not geeen wood that love which is now but a spark would have been a flame God is not wanting unto us but we are wanting to our selves and him After these are performed there remaineth three duties more 1. We are to remember what Vows and promises we have made and it is very useful to write down all thy Vows as thou makest them in a Book because that we shall else be subject to forget the Vow or the time or conditions upon which we made it And it is good to have a Book to keep a Register of things in it besides a Diary which I have spoken of and given Rules for in a Manuall entituled A Directory to Christian Perfection 1. Let one head be for which you are to leave some leaves for Vows under which you must write all your Vows or Resolutions as you make them or spiritual promises for Christians and such like The second must be for the mercies of God eminent deliverances and also answers of Praiers These are to be set down with all pertinent circumstances that may any way encrease the mercy The third head should be for grosser failings which were good to be writ down not in letters at length that every one may reade them but in characters known only to our selves There are other things which because I do not now speak purposely of that businesse I omit The second thing after Meditation is ended is to remember what passages in our Meditation did most affect us and as it were to lay them up in our thoughts that frequently we may in the rest of the day think of them As when we walk in a garden we content not our selves with enjoying the fragrancy of the flowers while we are there but if we may have leave we often gather a Nosegay to smell of the rest of the day In this businesse of Meditation do thou likewise The third duty after Meditation is by degrees warily and unwillingly to go out of the presence of God to worldly emploiments Do not go from the presence of God as a bird out of the snare with joy and with speed And thou must go also watchfully and warily from such emploiments as one that carries some precious liquor in a shallow broad brittle dish he looks to his way to the dish and liquor that is in it lest by holding of it awry by fals or stumblings he should spill the one or break the other So must thou be watchfull over thy waies else the grace that God hath powred into thy heart in this duty will be spilt To rush into holy duties or out of them argues too great undervaluing of the things of God Instances OF Solemn Occasionall MEDITATION Meditation 1 ALas my God I am in a sad condition mine afflictions grow daily upon me and that which is mine unsupportable misery my corruptions grow faster upon me then my affliction What before made me weep will not now make me sigh The heavy burthen of a great abomination doth not lie upon me so much as before I was oppressed with a vain thought in my praiers Alas Lord alas I am undone alas my corruptions have almost made me love them and make me weary of duties and carelesse of graces My joys are gone and my sorrows are gone that were sutable to thy Word and now my joys are but the laughter of fools and my sorrows are carnall sensuall and more of hell in them then of heaven and as now I can scarce tell my sorrows so have I scarce any sorrow to tell I have sate down and wept to consider the great decays of holinesse in me but now I can see my God going from me and whenas now he is even out of sight mine eyes are as dry as my heart is hard Alas Lord if thou wilt not return thou wilt lose a poor soul that hath loved thee and is somewhat troubled Now poor sad soul that it is so wicked as it is Meditat. II. Lord thou seest the strange distempered temper of mine heart and spirit ah blessed God I should take more comfort if I should see my heart-bloud running forth before mine eye then to see mine eyes so dry and my heart so hard I have worn out almost all motives to holinesse they now take no impression in me which before were too strong for me to bear they ravisht me which now do not move me I scarce ever go to prayer but I have enough and too many spirituall complaints to employ it to express If every day I had not just cause to bewail a continued decay of grace I might have some respit of my griefs But what shall I now do When every day shall bear witnesse against me and every night my sin shall go to bed with
what we should do to overcome these enemies and sends many motions of the Spirit to bring into our souls grace to strengthen us We will not do what he adviseth us to do nay but we take part with our corruptions and resist and fight against the power of the world to come Oh thy patience is not to be understood I am weary to think before I go to prayer how little fruit I expect from them I pray and pray and weep and reade and hear and sigh and confesse these as well as other of my sins and yet as a Ship in the Sea they do divide my corruptions for the present but they presently return to their former course Lord do not the bowels of thy compassion yern within thee to see me thy poor Servant in such a miserable condition as I am in Dost thou not see how sin and corruption do as it were lie gnawing upon me and eating up my very flesh and destroying my soul and I have neither hand nor foot to move against them Lord who is it that must make me hate corruption is it not thy Spirit Who must overcome my resisting of thy Spirit is it not thy Spirit Lord I do not know in the world what to do to leave off striving were not only to despair of thy goodnesse because thou dost not help as much and when I will and besides if I cannot get ground nay though notwithstanding I lose ground yet doubtlesse I shall not go so swiftly down stream as if I strove not at all if I must be forsaken by thee to all Eternity yet Lord let me not while I live so fall that I should be a scandal to Religion Alas Is it come to this O my soul that I must say If God will forsake me for ever Meditat. VI. In the most serious addresses of my soul to take hold upon God I finde an unhappy frozennesse benumme the best of my devotions and thereby I shew either that I am extremely ignorant of thee Lord or what is worse senselesse of thee The truth is I may justly tremble when I come to keep any day of humiliation in thy sight not only because of the desperate sins I am gulity of but specially because such duties do work little or nothing upon me and this is sure enough that those Ordinances that do not foften do harden I am in a great straight my Conscience drives me upon duties and I dare not omit them and yet my heart is so hard and filthy that they do not purifie me So I am more defiled then before Ah my God thou knowest what afflictions are bitter and strong enough to purge these corruptions Lord send them and though I am so vile that I do not now fervently and earnestly enough desire to be cured but yet Lord I know my want of desires of Reformation is one of my greatest corruptions I desire to be cured of that or at least Lord thy fatherly goodnesse I hope will take care to cure me of that and Lord this I know that when thou shalt send any such affliction upon me I shall it is too likely murmure and be weary of the chastisement of the Lord It may be I shall pray for the taking off of that corrasive before it hath eaten away that deadnesse of heart and other corruptions that now lie upon me yet Lord do not yeeld to such praiers go on with thy cure and if I be impatient cure that corruption also and every other corruption that shall appear in the time of cure of any corruption we shall blesse thee one day for not hearing and not granting such praiers as shall be for our spirituall harm Lord Death is very bitter unto me surely it would not be so bitter if there were no root of bitternesse in me If I kept a stricter communion with thee in this world I should long for a full communion with thee in heaven for ever Meditat. VII Since our dear Lord Jesus Christ hath loved me and given himself for me oh that my heart was ravisht with his love oh that he was the beloved of my soul and that I were sick of his love who died for the love of me Oh that I could not be staied but with his flaggons This my Jesus the chiefest of ten thousand hath told me that he that saw thee saw the Father whereby I understand that thou art just as he was as pitifull as gracious as willing to forgive as sweet and as easie to be entreated as my good Saviour and in all the things and passages that thy Word hath made known to us of him I reade not of one of all that came to him not one poor soul that ever beg'd any grace or any pardon nor never did any come to be healed of any bodily disease in vain Lord thou art as he was Lord Jesus thou art as thou wast thy being in heaven makes thee not lesse like thy Father or thy self Blessed God I do beseech thee I do beseech thee to give me to give me thy poor hard-hearted Servant a soft heart Lord Jesus I beseech thee thou seest mine hard my poor heart desire as imperfectly as coldly to make Intercession for me me for whom thou hast paid a dear price as one that hath been so long from his Friend that he can hardly call to remembrance what countenance he hath So I poor I that cannot chuse but pity the sad condition of mine own heart which though it doth not uncessantly and importunately desire grace as it should yet methinks it is a sad thing to see it in such a carelesse temper I am such a stranger to thee that I have much a do to make one thought of thy sweet love and excellencies that may affect my heart and bring the sweet apprehensions of thee to remembrance Thy tender mercies and former relishes of thy goodness are to me like the shadow of death they are as Christ walking upon the waters they terrifie me Lord let me weep thee to me again Oh my God I am undone undone undone a poor undone creature Those in desertion are in a thousand times better condition then I am they want the comforts but then indeed they have the graces of the Spirit but is not my poor soul that wants both in a sad condition that can sit down and fall asleep when I should seek my Saviour I have a soul of such a temper as makes me wonder at my self as in the Spring and sometimes there will come a cloud that will seem to overspread the Heavens and yet on the sudden all will be blown over and the day so fair that there will not be a cloud to be seen So am I sometimes my heart is full of sorrow and mine eyes full of tears and yet upon the suddain my heart loseth that sweet sad temper and all is blown over and not a cloud appears and these clouds of grief are not dispersed with the comforts and joys of thy
nay Lord though this temptation be such an unwelcome guest and I am too weary of it yet so thou wilt give me grace to overcome my impatience I am content Lord as much as I can but alas my God to have Satan my companion in stead of my God I hope will never be pleasing to me Meditat. XVI Lord what my vain heart thinks of thee it matters not except it be to discover the wretchednesse of it thou hast more glorious creatures to praise thee my praises and my thoughts of thee are so low and so unworthy of thee that thou mightest forbid me as thou didst the devils to confesse thee or to say any thing of thee My dear God if a world would buy it for one such sight of thee as might so ravish my soul that I might never more see any beauty or taste any sweetnesse in any thing but in thee that I might see thee with open face that I might be transformed into thine image from glory to glory Lord thou art still beyond me the higher my thoughts are of thee the more thou art beyond me and above me When my thoughts are best my thoughts are lost in the meditation of thee as the stone that is thrown into the calm Sea makes greater and greater circles but can never reach the shoar Lord I am content I may be lost in my self so I may finde thee Lord though there were none but thou and I in the world I had enough nay though there were none but thou and I in heaven I had enough Though I have nothing to say to thee but what I have said a thousand times Thou art my God my Saviour my all thou art he whom my soul loveth yet though I have nothing else to say nor can say there is any new rellish yet I delight to be alone with thee nay though thou saist nothing to my poor soul but what I have heard from thee yet let me still be in thy company I had rather weep and mourn for mine offending thee then enjoy all delights in the world Those salt waters are more precious then their wine Meditat. XVII Lord I beseech thee to order all mine affairs by thy wisedom thou knowest what afflictions are needfull for me I mnrmure oftentimes when thou afflictest me although I have again and again desired thee to direct all things that belong unto me but blessed God let not my murmurings so provoke thee as to leave me to mine own self Give me not what I desire but what I want my judgement in judging what is good or bad for me is little worth for many times I have judged such a thing to be for my hurt yet it hath proved much for my good and so on the contrary but then I have by experience found it evidently for my good when I have yeelded my self wholly to be guided by thee all things Lord make me know my self I am a poor creature with tears in mine eyes and hypocrisie in my heart Meditat. XVIII Lord It fares with me as it sares with one that hath been a long time from his friend he hath many things to tell him of severall particulars that befell him since their last being together so Lord I have been a stranger to thee and I have much to say to thee much have I suffered from mine own corruptions and little have I done I have a heart will let me do nothing for thee Lord I am but a childe pardon my bablings I have none to make my complaint to no not one Thou hast caused me to live in Mesech and to have mine habitation in the Tents of Kedar and if thou Lord wilt supply the want of those Christian friends I am now deprived of Lord my heart is so deceitfull that I have much ado to know whether I ever was or am yet thine I know Lord how I have spent daies sometimes whole weeks together in prayer and meditation and reading devotionary Books to prepare my self for the Communion and yet then I had grosse failings for there was a world of covetousnesse in me and thirsting after humane learning exceedingly and little prizing the knowledge of Christ in my Sermons I did little aim at thy glory but to preach my self Now in these things I finde some healings but my duties are fewer and now there is far more wanting in comparison of what I should be then was then of what I am now Nay Lord thou only knowest I shall be a gainer but alas If I now I am alone shall have no more fire of thy love then I had when I lived in the midst of glowing coals of devotion how can I but go out now since I had much ado to burn then When I think of serving thee then my heart is so perverse as to put in a carnall motive and saith If thou dost so then God will blesse thee in such or such a temporall blessing and my heart closeth with that motive Meditat. XIX O my God as thou art my Father so let me know that thy love to me being known by me may put wheels to my obedience that now goes so heavily and that it may make mine obedience more pure that now is so full of insufficiency I am fain to be glad almost of any motive to make me serve thee but yet it is my burthen that fear should make me do that which love should make me do for besides that such obedience is painfull that which is worse it is impure also Alas I am a stranger too much unto thee and in being so an enemy to my self Lord this is the first day I have given thee this long while it doth appear that it is so by the poor and weak duties I perform My poor soul is like a poor desolate Widdow that hath lost her dear Husband every one tramples on her and oppresseth her Meditat. XX. Lord where are those sweet embraces and manifestations of thy love that thou hast bestowed on me in former times When I have gone unto the treasury of thy mercies and fetched any mercy from thence that I wanted Thou hast given unto my praiers my dear Brother who went forth a blasphemer or at least a common swearer and came home I seeking thee for him a convert after thou gavest me his life and the life of my Mother and indeed Lord what was it but I had of thee thou didst almost miraculously restore one of my Sisters to comfort But now when I cry and shout thou shuttest out my praiers and art almost as if I had never any acquaintance with thee Lord I know that the fault is mine own Indeed Lord I then was scarce ever from thee or out of thy thoughts For were I but as I have been so often kept daies of humbling before thee It could not be that my duties should be such as they are but Lord thou seest the tears these thoughts cause me to shed they are thine do thou encrease them but take away
thy hand to smell unto all the day 2. Set down this that thou hast resolved to spend no more time in such a recreation then thou shalt spend in praier and Meditation 3. Go unwillingly from this duty and do not rush into worldly businesses but look to thy heart which is a slippery deceitful thing MEDITAT II. Of the Mercies of God 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Pray beg of God that he would put such considerations and thoughts into thy heart that thou maist be so convinced of and affected with his goodnesse that thou maist love praise and serve him Considerations 1. Consider how much thou art engaged to God for bodily mercies he hath given thee thy senses sight hearing and other parts of thy body If thou didst want thy sight what wouldst thou give for it if thou wast Emperour of the world How many thousand pounds wouldst thou give A Diamond is not therefore worth no more then 6d because a poor man can give no more if thou shouldst reckon up what thy hands feet health liberty were worth to what a vast Surn would they arise Thou hast all these things from God thou hast not them from thy Parents they knew not before thou wert born whether thou shouldst be male or female thou maist say to God as David did In thy Book were all my members written 2. Consider what faculties of soul God hath given thee What a miserable condition are mad men in those that are born naturall fools thou art well and thousands are sick thou hast plenty when thousands beg their bread 3. Consider what spirituall mercies God hath given thee how many thousand poor ignorant Heathens are there which never heard of God and of Christ who were born and bred where the Gospel is not preached but worship the devil but thou dwellest in the Sunshine and under the droppings of the Gospel and are not these great mercies and unvaluable If thou dost not value them it argues so much the greater goodnesse in God to bestow them upon thee nay hath not God made thee to know him he hath not only given thee the light of the Gospel but eyes to behold it 4. Consider the greatnesse of God Why should he look after thee nay why doth he not destroy thee Thou art but a worm nay a viper why doth he let thee hang upon his hand of providence and not shake thee off into hell fire As we walk we do not step out of our way to avoid crushing a worm to death if we see an adder or such a venomous creature we go out of our way to destroy it God hath not dealt so with thee but when thou hast run from God he hath called after thee and would not suffer thee to perish though thou wouldest and when thou hast come against him with thy sinnes and thy rebellions he hath stood with stretched out armes to embrace thee Are not these miracles of mercy O my Soul how many mercies dost thou receive from God even at that very time when thou sinnest against him 5. Consider the innumerable multitude the infinite greatnesse of his mercies and the wonderful love wherewithall he bestows them How precious are thy thoughts toward me O God saith David I am sure thou hast just cause to say so also O my soul The mercies that God hath bestowed are wonderful but those that he hath promised are farre greater What manner of love hath the Father bestowed upon us that we should be calledth Sons of God! Now we are the Sons of God and it doth not appear what we shall be That he should make us his Sons is very much but that he should not spare his own Sonne that he might spare us is beyond all admiration Affections Admire the goodnesse of God Lord what is man what is sinful man that thou shouldst so regard him What am I that am the worst of men why art thou so good to me that have been and am so bad When I was in my bloud to the loathing of my person thou saidst unto me in my bloud Live nay not only when I was weltring in my own bloud but in the bloud of Christ thou saidst unto me Live What did I ever do to deserve those mercies or what have I or can I do to requite them As thy glorious Name so thy mercies are extolled above all praises 2. Admire thine own ingratitude Have I so requited my God O my Soul as to return rebellions for mercies Hath God heaped upon me so many glowing coals of love and mercy and is my heart still frozen Must God only be a looser by his blessings If man who is bound to do me good when it lies in power bestows a small courtesie on me how doe I thank him whensoever I meet him but though God who is no way engaged of his free grace bestows thousands of thousands of blessings how do I live in the midst of them without ever regarding of them Nay my ingratitude is such that I make God a looser by his mercies If thou Lord hadst made me to beg my bread I should have been more thankful for one daies food then I am now for a years Are his mercies lesse because they are continued Alas O my Soul how foolish are we We do even daily provoke God to take away his blessings because we will not prize them while we have them and then there is another thing wherein we do wonderfully ill if God doth but lay any affliction upon us and take away but one mercy in stead of being thankful that we have enjoyed it so long and that he hath not taken away all we murmure and repine and rob him of all the praise that is due for the rest of the mercies we enjoy Alas what doth God require of us for all his mercies but this that we should love him with all our heart soul and strength 3. Stir up thy heart to praise and thanks-giving Blesse the Lord O my Soul and all that is within me blesse his holy Name Forget not all his Benefits who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseases Who redeemeth thy life from destruction who crowneth thee with loving-kindenesse and tender mercies Not love God not praise God O my Soul why what could God require lesse at thy hands then these I have heard of one that being delivered out of a great and long desertion had much ado to stay within doors and not run into the streets and stay every one she met that she might tell them what God had done for her soul How do the Angels love and praise God to all Eternity and why should the Angels love and praise God more then I He never forgave them one sinne he hath forgiven me thousands 't is true they are in glory so shall I be too if I be not unthankful for the mercies I have received Resolutions I am resolved for the time to come to sing Psalmes
I must come to judgement therefore those resolutions that I have made of walking more strictly give me grace to perform them to the utmost 2. Praise God blessed be thy Name O God for any inward motions of thy Spirit that thou hast afforded me and for any c. 3. Acknowledge thy weaknesse c. blessed God if my heart were not so base so hard so vile that it alwaies hindereth me either in holy duties or from holy duties it were not possible but that such serious truths such powerfull spirituall practicall truths should have wrought so mightily upon me that I should never from this very hour be deceived any more with the vanities of the world but should have set my self and made it my businesse to prepare for that great day c. After all 1. Think what passages most affected thee 2. Write down thy Resolutions c. 3. Go unwillingly from the duty MEDITAT V. Of the Day of Judgement 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Beg of God that he would enable thee seriously to think of firmly to believe and strongly to be affected with the truths concerning the day of Judgement Considerations 1. Consider how dreadful and terrible that day would be when the Sea shall roar when the very powers of heaven shall be shaken when Christ shall come with thousands of his Angels in flaming fire when an Angel came down from Heaven to rowl away the stone the Souldiers that watched there became as dead men nay the holiest men that have liv'd have been exceedingly afraid when at things of farre lesse terrour then those things are which will be at the day of Judgement For Moses himself did exceedingly fear and tremble when he heard and saw the terrible signs that were at the giving of the Law and the blessed Apostle Heb. 12.21 became as a dead man when he saw Christ not in flaming fire as he shall appear at the day of Judgement Rev. 1.17 2. Consider that at the day of Judgement sin will appear out of measure sinful for then it will appear with all its aggravations for the Majesty holinesse and mercies of God will appear in their perfect glory Men shall then know what it is to sinne against God our Ignorance of God now makes us so sencelesse of the sinfulnesse of sinne but when God shall appear like himself how shall those sinnes that men now make light of make them run mad with despair 3. Consider O my Soul that those excuses that now quiet thee will not serve at that day nay thou wilt be ashamed to own them 4. Consider how strict an account God will require of thee at that day if only thy grosser abominations that are odious in the sight of all men should be brought to judgement but the smallest sinne that ever thou committest every idle word and every vain thought the very grounds manner and ends of thy most hely performances shall then appear more dreadfully sinfull then now the most crying sin that ever thou committedst doth 5. Consider that every one of thy thoughts words and actions whether good or evil shall be brought to Judgement even thy most secret and unknown sins to thy self or others Consider O my Soul what shame and confusion will cover thee at that day dost thou not remember that at such and such a time what thou didst in secret Suppose all those sinnes that ever thou committest in private should be known to all in England or should be writ on thy forehead that all that saw thee might reade them wouldest thou not be ashamed to come into any company but what is this to that which shall be at that day when all the secret sinnes shall be published before all Men Angels and God himself these are not inventions of men to terrifie thee but truths of God to reform thee 6. Consider how fully and clearly thou shalt be convinced that day of thy sinnes those with whom thou hast committed them will witnesse against thee thy dearest Friends that thou hadst in the world must and will testifie against thee nay Satan that tempted thee to those sinnes and God that forbad thee those sinnes nay thine own conscience which then will as perfectly remember every sinne with its aggravating circumstances as if it were but then committed will be a swift witnesse against thee this will be that worm that dies not a clamorous and a wounded conscience are insupportable even in this life but neither are the clamours so loud nor the wounds so deep and pestilent as then they will be 7. Consider the dreedfull Sentence of Condemnation that God will passe upon the wicked viz. Go ye cursed into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his Angels Wicked men know not now what it is to depart from God but then they shall know for God before Men and Angels in fury poured out to bid them be gone and call them Cursed wretches who knows the horrour of it If the wrath of a King be as the roaring of a Lion what will the wrath of God be Consider further that word is everlasting fire and eternity How dreadfull art thou further to have such miserable Companions as devils if the devil should appear to thee when thou art alone how couldst thou bear it 8. Consider the sweet Sentence that shall passe from the gracious mouth of Christ to his people viz. Come ye blessed of my Father inherit the Kingdome prepared for you from the foundation of the world and how sweet will those words be when in the midst of all their fears and troubles the righteous shall hear that Sentence of absolution What abundance of comfort have the people of God when God manifesteth and gives them his loves even in this life and seals them to the day of redemption and lets them see their names written in the Book of life giving them full assurance that he is theirs and they are his but alas all those joys may not be compared to these the testimony of our own conscience and the witnessing of the Spirit the manifestations of his love and the smiles of his countenance are not so clear so full so lasting as they shall then be no more to be compared to them then the light of the Sun is to that of a spark of fire for Christ to call us blessed is more then for all the world and for all the Angels in heaven to call us so doubtlesse it did exceedingly affect Daniel when the Angel told him that he was greatly beloved Dan. 9.23 If thou hadst a thousand worlds O my soul wouldest thou not give all for this that God would say so to thee Well if thou wilt be watchful over thy waies live holily love and believe in Christ and repent the day will shortly come when Christ shall say that and much more Affections and Resolutions 1. Tremble O my Soul when thou thinkest of these things Why are not thou exceedingly affected with the