consider of before Marriage namely the duties that both Husband and Wife do owe unto their Family in relation to both Children and Servants Which because most of these duties concerne both Husband and VVife we shall endeavour to handle them together for brevities sake yet make some distinction that they may both take notice of their duties where distinction is to be made The first duty that both Husband and VVife do owe unto their Family The first duty of Governours to thâ—ir Family is to Catechise and instruct their Children and Servants in the knowledge of God and feare of his Name This duty doth chiefly belong to the Husband yet in his absence it doth properly concerne his wife likewise Now the Great God doth not only enjoyne this duty upon the Children of Israel but doth much inculcate the same Deut. 4 6. Take heed to thy selfe diligently lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seene and lest they depart from thy heart all the daies of thy life but thou shalt teach them thy Sons and thy Sons Sons Then againe Deut. 6. 6.7 These words which I command thee this day shall be in thy heart and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy Children c. Yet further Deut. 11.19 Ye shall lay up these my words in your hearts and in your soules and bind them for a signe upon your hands that they may be as frontlets between your eyes and ye shall teach them your Children c. The Apostle requires the same duty of Parents Eph. 6.4 Ye Parents provoke not your Children to wrath but bring them up in instruction and information of the Lord. Solomon exhorts us to the same duty Prov. 22 6. Traine up a Child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it Now in Scripture you shall find this duty of teaching and instructing Children and Servants was frequently performed by the godly first see it in the practice of Abraham Gen. 18.19 Further view it in the resolution of Joshuah Josh 24 15 Also in the care of David both in 1 Chron. 28.9 and in Psal 34.11 And can we conceive that Corâ—elâ—us did neglect this duty who feared God with all his houshold Acts 10.2 Or that any of those holy men did omit this duty whose houses were Churches Rom. 16. â— Col. 4.15 Phil. 2. If we should so think we give ground enough for others to conclude we are very uncharitable Besides if the judgement of Ancient and Moderne Divines in relation to this truth be of force with you to confirme you herein you must then be satisfied that it is the duty of Parents and Governours of Families to take much paines to teach and instruct their Children and Servants to feare and serve the Lord Or else what meane all their Orthodoxe forms of Catechisme to yield help to consciencious Christians in the discharge of this duty of which there be many extant blessed be the Lord have been in ages past Doubtless you must be convinced that it is your duty only if you know these things blessed are you if you do them The second duâ—â— of Goverâ—â—urs of 〈◊〉 â—s Joh. 13.17 The second duty that both man and wife do owe unto their Children and Servants is to pray with them and for them Ye have seen but now that Parents must take paines to teach and instruct their Children and Servants in the knowledge of God But what successe can there be expected as the blessed fruit of such a duty without prayer with and for them Paul may plant and Apollos may water but God giveth the encrease 1 Cor. 3.6 But this encrease must be humbly sought of God by Prayer There is a spirit of Indotionablenesse in all by nature but it doth abound many times in some Children and Servants I will instruct and teach thee saith David in the way thou shalt go I will guid thee with mine eye Psal 32.8 Then instantly adds in the very next verse Be ye not as the horse or Mule which have no understanding c. There is a great deale of ignorance and blockish stupidity in all sorts of persons and therefore in Children and Servants which none but God can take away it was God that opened the heart of Lydia that she attended to the things that were spoken of Paul Acts 16.14 Therefore there is great need to pray unto God to take away all obstacles that may obstruct the edification of thy Family in saving knowledge and Grace or else thou maiest have small hopes of doing them any good by all thy other paines in the discharging thy duties Mind the imprecation of Jeremy Poure out thy wrath saith he upon the Heathen and upon the Families that call not on thy Name Jer. 10.25 Holy Job was very conscientious in this duty of prayer for his Job 1.15 He offereth burnt Offerings to God in relation to his Sons and Daughters with which duty the Learned do conclude he offered Prayer and of that there can be no doubt because when he offered burnt Offerings for his three Friends he also prayed for them Job 42.7 8 10. David he praies for Solomon 1 Chron. 29.19 And can any with reason conclude that he did not pray for his other Children upon all Occasions A very grosse absurdity it were so to do Certainly we may desist from further prosecution of this point as to Information that it is the duty of Parents to pray with and for their Children and Servants because all men will confesse it but for their neglect of it we shall by the help of God in due place labour to meet with them by just reproofe But for such as are godly Children and Servants who take notice of the extreame remissenesse of their Parents and Masters in performing this demonstrating evidently that they are Christians by praying for them I exhort that they would themselves go to God in secret to beg of him to open the eyes of such Governours to see with godly sorrow this their abominable sin and to give them grace to reforme it lest such Governour of Families sinke into the bottomlesse pit oâ— hell for it to all Eternity The third duty of Governours of Families In the third place it is the duty of Parenâ— and Governours of Families to labour to waâ— before their Children and Servants in all holy and religious waies and to be very circumspect herein We have taken some notice that it is the duty of such Governours to teach those that are under their government the knowledge of God and to informe them in the waies of his feare Now if this be done only by precept and not by example there is small hope of doing them any good for a man may teach his Child or Servant the way to heaven by Precept and the way to hell by bad example the leaders of this people cause them to â—erre and they that are led of them are destroyed saith the Prophet Isa
ponderous burden so that one way or other every one must be exercised in a lawfull Calling David was a Shepheard to look to Sheep before the shepheard over the house of Israel Psal 78.70.71 Peter and Andrew and other of the Apostles were fishermen Mark 1.16.19 before fishers of men Paul was a Tent-maker Acts 18.1 2 3. Joseph the husband of Mary was a Carpenter Mat. 13.54 55. And it is somewhat probable that our Saviour himself before he entred into his Ministeriall Office did work at his Fathers Trade Mark 6.3 You see then that there is a command from God that all persons must have honest Callings Secondly here are presidents enough to make it cleare from all exceptions And therefore it is the duty of Parents to labour to provide for their Children honest and lawfull Callings but in your endeavours this way let me advise you to take care of three things First Be carefull to gaine for them such Masters as feare the Lord for else thou maiest feare that all thy paines thou hast taken with them for the good of their soules may be lost Secondly Be carefull to put them to such Callings as they are most capable of Some Histories report that the Jews before they would put their Children to any Calling would first bring them into a large Roome which they did furnish with all Artificers tooles and if there they did take up any toole and seeme to take delight therein they would put them to that Calling unto which the same did belong Thirdly and lastly thou must take care to put them to such Callings as require no more stock of money to mannage them than thou art like to leave to them for else when their Time is out they can make no benefit by their Trades unlesse they remaine in a state of servitude by working under others The Apostle saith Art thou called a Servant care not for it that is be not dejected therefore but if thou maist be free use it rather 1 Cor. 7.21 And then in the 23. verse he addes Ye are bought with a price be not servants of men Therefore thou that art a Parent let thy care be such for thy children that thou make them servants to others but for a convenient time that after they may live in a free and honourable way The third duty Parents owe unto their Children for their outward estate The third Duty Parents owe unto their Children is to labour to provide them fit Marriages in seasonable time And for this we have first a word of Command from God Secondly command from Christian Parents In Jeremiah 29.6 God requires his People to take Wives for their Sonnes and to give their Daughters in Marriage Thirdly for examples mind the practice of of Abraham before made use of Gen. 24.3.4 Consider the practice of Isaac and Rebecca his wife for Jacob in Gen. 27.46 And then in the first verse of the next Chapter the carriage of Naomi for Ruth is a singular example Shall I not seek rest for thee saith she that it may be well with thee which was a Husband as doth after appear Ruth 3.1 By which Scriptures it doth appear clearly to be the duty of Parents in seasonable time to labour to provide Marriages for their Children Now there are some symptomes of this seasonable time whereof I shall name and onely name four First fulnesse and maturity of body Secondly solidity of understanding Thirdly their Constitutions And lastly the seeming delight they take in keeping company with the contrary sex This shall suffice for this third duty of Parents to their Children The fourth and last duty Parents owe unto their Children in relation to their outward condition is to provide for them The fourth duty of Parents to their Children in outward respects and to bestow on them competent maintenance if not more Jacob will travail for his own house Gen. 30.30 Prov. 13.22 A good man leaveth an inheritance to his Children but the eldest Son must have the double portion Deut. 21.16 17. unlesse he dis-inherit himself by any prophanenesse as Esau Heb. 12.16 And this maintenance must be bestowed on them in seasonable time not too soon as the Father of the Prodigall Sonne did Luke 15.12 but when they have necessary occcasion to use it as when with their parents consent they shall begin to look out for themselves in worthy imployments though before Marriage But especially at the time of marriage such are sordid Parents that will part with nothing till death they doe much discourage their children and provoke them to wrath against the Apostles Injunction Ephes 6.4 These are Persons without naturall affection and to be hist at as they goe Here then you see Parents must perform foure Duties to their Children in relation to their outward condition First to bring them up to learning Secondly to provide for them honest and lawfull Callings Thirdly to labour to further them in the change of their conditions by marriage And fourthly and lastly to make provision for them by competent maintenance The first outward duty that Masters owe to their servants The next thing in order to what was first propounded is to consider what duties Governours of Families doe owe unto their servants for their outward comfortable subsistance And In the first place it is the duty of Masters c. to provide for their servants wholsome and well-conditioned Meat and Drink in due time and sufficient of that too as also lodging and washing and what else is necessary for to maintain life and livelihood In order to which the wife must take notice that the chief care of this in reference to the distribution of it and the well-ordering of all things herein concerns her selfe And therefore the Holy Ghost puts upon record the practice of the good Huswife in Proverbs 31.15 of whom it is said That she riseth whilst it is yet Night and giveth meat to her Houshold and a portion unto her Maids For doubtlesse the comfortable allowance of these things is one speciall means by the blessing of God to maintain health and to make them able and strong in body and chearfull in mind to performe such service as is required of them But if it please the Lord to visit them with sickness or lameness in body or limbs and thereby to abate strength and vigour of body and spirit then it is the duty of their Masters and Dames to look out in the use of means for their recovery to make use both of Physitians and Physick and all helps Providence may provide for comfort under affliction and restoration to health again Naaman a servant to the King of Syria being afflicted by the Plague of Leprosie his Master writes a letter in his behalfe to the King of Israel and sends it by the hand of Naaman in order to the recovery of his health again 2 Kings 5.5 The good Centurion we read of in Matth. 8.6 8. when his servant was sick of
beforesaid And if so then judge you what singular care should fill your hearts and heads when you mind Marriage and use the meanes conducible for that end Deare hearts I cannot but thinke it necessary to acquaint you concerning this poore piece ensuing which is denominated Conjugall Counsell that the Originall Copy of it was compil'd sixe and twenty yeares since which being then brought into a compendious way and truly it is little more now I did present it not only to very intelligible private Christians but to three very Orthodoxe Divines for their Approbation of it it being then in my intentions to make it publique which approbation of theirs I had and counsell from one of them to print the Booke who did also put me in a faire way to accomplish the same and it had been extant but that those times did obstruct it since which time it hath laine even as dead and buried But my choisely beloved ones Now God having in the riches of his grace bestowed you on me who are as deare to me as my own soule what could I do lesse than seeke your compleat happinesse And I apprehending this poore work might contribut a small mite thereto by the blessing of God I could not be so unjust to detaine it from you Truly next the seeking the glory of God I have chiefly for your sakes made it obvious to publike view I must confesse the good of all poore soules I desire to prize and if any receive benefit by this my poore paines I desire to take it as a very large engagement to my poore soule to praise the Lord for his infinite goodnesse and grace herein Further I must acquaint you that I have in some things altered this from the first Copy and I hope it is not for the worst but for the better And now my poore hearts on whom can I so properly bestow it as on you who are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh I have two speciall reasons amongst many to write this Epistle Dedicatory to you First to manifest my Cordiall love to your soules Secondly that hereby I may oblige you to endeare it the more and to make it your Rule to walke by Now if either you or any others should marvell I should make my selfe so pupiller as to make use of your names at the beginning and my owne at the end of this Epistle And secondly that I should affix my Effigies at the Front of this Booke to both I shall give a candid answer But first I must tell you that it was not to gaine popular applause for first I know nothing in it that can advance so course an end Secondly I do professe I desire with my soule to abominate all popularity I can with much comfort averre that my sincere designe is to avoid it for nothing is more contrary to my mind than to set so much as halfe a foot on the stage of this world But to give you a briefe but reall positive answer of the first It was that it might take the deeper and more kindly impression on the hearts of you my poore Children that you may looke on all contained both in this Epistle and in the Treatise as the Counsell of your own deare Father That you may say this Counsell these directions these reproofes c. were directed to us from our Father and they were all evidences that we were deare to him and we plainely see he loved our poore soules which I hope by the grace of God will be to you as a spur to quicken you to practice all But for my Effigies I have desired that should stand in the place beforesaid to be a meanes to preserve the memory of my selfe alwaies fresh upon your hearts who are my Children For I am not ashamed to confesse if it were before all the world that I desire my Children in yeares to come if God see it good may be able to take notice what kind of man their Father was even in person I care not who bury me in oblivion so my Children do not But these things being only circumstantials let them passe without more said to them Now if you my deare Children or any other should be unsatisfied in relation to the uncouth Method of the following directions in reference to the duties of Superiours and Inferiours each to others it being contrary to the order not only of the way of all Elaborate Writers on such a Subject but also to the way of the Holy Ghost to lay down the duties of Superiours in the first place and then of Inferiours I desire to passe this account for it You may be pleased to mind what is my chiefe aime in the foresaid discourse Truly it is to provoke such as desire to enter into the Marriage estate not only to mind their Call unto the same and to informe them in the way they must walke in and the meanes they must use tending to atchieving their desires but also to put them upon an earnest endeavour to be acquainted with the duties that their consciences will then be bound to the performance of Now it is clearely necessary that every Christian man should first learne what his own duties are that he may discharge them and then the duties of others that within his place and Calling he must teach and stir them up to performe the same Thou that teachest another teachest thou not thy selfe Rom. 2.21 He that reproveth another had need to be unreprovable our Saviour teacheth as much Mat. 7 3. Much endeared Children you cannot but remember that I have acquainted you that I cannot but conceive my abode here with you is short and I may truly say my desire is to depart this life and to be with Christ which for me is best of all yet to remaine in the flesh is more profitable for you Phil. 1.23 24. But however the Lord be pleased to deale with me I hope your Mother will discharge her duties toward you both for soule and body and will endeavour to walke before you in good examples and that may prove to you all matter of joy and singular comfort But you my deare Son I must here take the liberty to tell you and I cannot do lesse that you are descended from the Loynes of a most choice and precious Mother who by divine providence lost her naturall life in being a meanes to bring you forth to live in this World Truly I might here dip a golden Pen in Odoriferous Oyle and therewith write an Encomium of her both of her life and of her death She was indeed a Margaret by Name and much more by sweetnesse of Nature But above all by the super-abundant grace of God toward her and in her she was of a most transcendent exemplary and holy life She did through the grace of God walke sweetly with her Saviour in all pious waies she did highly prize the meanes of grace She did really hold forth the power of godlinesse in an unblameable
are not only members of the visible but of the Invisible Church of Christ and that they may do this remember that I said they must feare the Lord themselves and they must have a â—ively faith or else all the faith and holinesse of their Parents at a further or nearer distance will stand them in no stead in relation to spirituall advantages But as for outward blessings â—ll the Children of the faithfull may have the greater portion of them for their faithfull Parents sake on both sides I say on the Mothers side as well as on the Fathers I have been young saith David but now am old yet never saw the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging bread Psal 3.7.25 Then in the 26 ver He is ever mercifull and lendeth and his seed is blessed Againe if thy wife be of the seed of the faithfull then both she and her Children are interested into the benefit of their Fore fathers prayers we meane in this place only for outward things Abraham praies unto God for Ishmael Oh saith he that Ishmael might live in thy sight Gen 17.18 Then in the 20. v. God answereth him As for Ishmael saith God I have heard thee Behold I have blessed him and will make him fruitfull twelve Princes shall he beget and I will make him a great Nation Beloved you may here note That not only Ismael himselfe shall have the benefit of Abrahams prayers but his seed also for they should be Princes and indeed a great Nation and yet they were Abrahams seed only according to the flesh but had they been his spirituall seed too these mercies might have been sanctified to them and so made the greater Indeed the Prayers of the righteous availe much Jam. 5.16 Lastly as thou desirest to have comfort in thy Wives kindred thou must labour to chuse her as one springing from the stock of the faithfull for as thou dost marry her to be thy wife so thou dost marry her kindred as I may say to be thy kindred And what comfort canst thou have when thou art of a Heavenly frame of spirit thy selfe to have society and communion with a carnall and irreligious kindred Surely but little So much also for this fift particular The sixth qualification which is necessary to be look'd after in the choise of a Wife is The sixth qualificatiâ—n c. â— a competent outward Estate And herein I might save my labour to put this down for a direction to some for it is the first thing nay the all in all their hearts are affected with except the Amorous reflectings of their wanton eyes on some paint and Features in the Face and compleatnesse of person meerly to satisfie their wanton fleshly and sensuall appetites which in this kind is unlawfull though otherwise commendable as before discussed I would have every man in a due place and with some moderation of his exorbitant affections not only look after but labour for a convenient portion with his wife in Marriage and that as he desires her to be a meet helper And first because the things of this life are the good Creatures of God they are blessings nay singular blessings when sanctified to us of speciall use to us whilest we are in this our Pilgrimage to carry us through the world without distractions and worldly encumbrances that we may with the more enlargednesse of heart walke with our God in a holy Conversation and that with cheerefulnesse Only we had need take great heed we trust not in uncertaine Riches but in the living God 1 Tim. 6 17. and that if Riches encrease we set not our hearts upon them Psal 62.10 I say we have need to prevent these evils because all blessings both spirituall and temporall are sanctified to us but in part Againe in the second place it is lawfull for a man to mind a portion with his Wife because it is the duty of Parents to lay up portions for to give portions to their Children 2 Cor. 12.14 The Apostle laies it down positively that it is the duty of Parents to lay up for their Children though he apply the same in a spirituall sense Job gave his Daughters Inheritance among their Brethren Job 42.15 Elkanab gives unto his Sons and Daughters Portions 1 Sam. 1.4 When Galeb bestows his Daughter in Marriage to Othniel he gave him a portion with her over a Southland and after on her demand the upper and nether springs Judg. 1.13.15 In the third and last place a man may looke at portion with a wife because he cannot live at so low a rate when he is married as he could when he was a single man and his wife doth encrease or help to encrease this his Charge therefore there is all the reason in the world she should bring some additionall maintenance For Money answereth all things saith Solomon Eccl. 10.19 We have a Proverbe that Money will keep love warme I must confesse that it may be true thus that as Money answereth all things as Solomon hath before said so it takes away all distractions and perturbations from the spirit and so leaves a man free with the greater torrent of love to run into the bosome of his wife and in a Reciprocall way to receive the like from her again But Beloved I beseech thee beware of wedding a purse of Money I have acquainted thee with the casualties and dangers that may overtake those that make wealth the Object of their love And let me tell thee whoever thou art that art Muck-warme thou maiest feare that all the happinesse thou wilt meet with in thy choise of a Wife will be confin'd in a purse or in a bag of trash for so is the gold of Ophir in comparison of a vertuous wife nay her price is farre above riches Pro. 31.10 Therefore if God hath lent thee a sufficient outward Estate to carry the charge of Marriage about withall then though it may be lawfull for thee to look at some portion with a yoke-fellow and thou maiest thankefully receive what God hath provided for thee yet if the portion be but small nay if none at all but spirituall vertues even the riches of the mind let in such a case the thoughts of riches pass and accept of the woman with her inward treasure and as Mordecai said unto Hoster in another case Who knoweth whether thou art come to the Kingdome for such a time as this Hos 4.14 So I say unto thee who knoweth but that God hath given thee thy wealth for such a time as this even to enlarge the outward comfortable living of such a precious woman who spiritually doth live in the bosome of Jesus Christ We shall desist from further prosecution of this sixth qualification The seventh qualification in a woman and proceed to the next The seventh qualification or necessary engredient to make a woman a meet helper is frugality or good Housewifery and this doth in a fit place succeed the last foregoing qualification
preserved from the evill of punishment the patience of God will be but his omission of punishment and not the remission of thy sin Reas 4 The fourth and last Reason to induce thee to the practice of these duties to thy Family may be taken from that respect thou maiest in due place have to the recompence of reward for if thou be an instrument of the glory of God in the conversion of soules thou maiest through free grace expect an interest in that promise of God That they that are wise shall shine as the firmament but they that convert many to righteousnesse shall shine as the stars for ever and ever Dan. 12.3 And what knowest thou but thou maiest have the presence and assistance of the spirit of God with thee in thy discharge of these duties if thou be consciencious therein both for the information of thy Children and Servants and the reformation of their lives Thus much for the Reasons or Motives to actuate and provoke your spirits to the discharge of those duties you owe to your Children and Servants First taken from the command of God Secondly From those bowels of Compassions to their soules that ought to be in you Thirdly From that account you must passe to God for their soules if they perish by your default And lastly from that respect you may have to the recompence of reward We shall come to a few words of Application before we proceed to the ensuing matter This in the first place may serve for Information Use 1 to let you see the originall cause and the cursed and impoysoned root from whence doth spring all the abominations of these times the profanation of Gods Sabbaths drunkennesse pride uncleannesse hating of the power of Godlinesse and all other sins Even from hence that Parents and Masters neglect their duties to their Children and Servants in Catechizing and instructing them in the waies of God as also that they pray not with them nor for them nor walke before them giving them good examples but rather the contrary and lastly in that they use no meanes to reclaime them from vicious waies but leave them to themselves laying the raines of corrupt liberty on their necks whereby they run a full careere into all waies of sin and so to hell at last The Lord hath cause to complaine of the multitude and hainousnesse of the sins of these times as once he did of the sins of Israel Amor â— 13 Behold saith God I am pressed under you as a Cart is pressed that is full of sheaves and truly it is only his mercy that the Land doth not spue us out Lev. 18 28. And that which aggravates our sins is that after the faithfull Ministers of God in the later and this present Age have cried out against the horrid sins of the Times and have spent the strength of their Reines and wasted their best spirits that they may sit down and mourne over us and say they have spent their labour in vaine and their strength to no purpose Isa 49.4 For custome in sin doth bring a necessity to sin and that in such an habituall way that no meanes without a miracle of mercy can reforme the evill manners of most for the Ministers of the Gospell cannot preach down sin nor the Civill Magistrate cut it down with the sword of justice But Beloved how easily by the blessing of God might many if not all the Exorbitances of these times have been prevented by the Christian and prudent care of Domestique Governours they might have broke the Egge betimes and so have prevented it from bringing forth a Serpent they might have taken and dash'd Babylons little ones against the stones Psal 137. ult Every Family is a little Nursery to the great Orchards of Church and Common-wealth Now Family Discipline is the pruning ingrafting Enoculating and digging about the root of the tender Imps to qualifie and fit them for transplantation into either or both the foresaid Orchards But if the meanes before-mentioned be not used instead of removing fruitfull trees you shall replant Crabs bryers and thornes and such Vines as shall bring forth no Grapes but such as Moses mentions in his Song Deut. 32.32 Their Vine is of the Vine of Sodom and of the fields of Gomorrah their grapes are grapes of gall their clusters are bitter They shall bring forth such grapes as the Lord complaines of Isa 5.2 Now as Parents and Masters may be charged to be the originall cause of all the sins beforesaid and of the sins of the like kind so may all the Errours fundamentall and circumstantiall now maintained with a Whores forehead be brought and laid down at their doores likewise for had they taken more paines with their Children and Servants to season their hearts and informe their judgements by a Catechisticall way in the solid and profound truths of God both concerning faith and life things to be believed duties to be practised there might by the blessing of God on their sincere endeavours have been better fruit expected in these daies of sadnesse and sorrow than declining pure truth vilifying Gods Ordinances and faithfull Ministers raging against and worrying of the tender Lambs of Christ In which they take the same diabolicall course that some heathens of old tooke that is cloathed the Saints in the skins of Beares and other wild beasts that so their dogs might fasten their impoysoned fangs in their tender hearts so these calumniate such who by the grace of God walke closer to the Rule than themselves with many opprobrious and vile but notoriously false aspersions they are say they enemies to the State disturbers of the peace of a Nation and many other hellish accusations they have against them which I forbeare to name not doubting but in Gods time the guilt of their abominations will settle in their owne bosoms and so clap to their hearts and so sting their soules that by the goodnesse of God they shall be awakened to see their evill and repent of it before it be too late By reason whereof all their beagles and bloud-hounds take the sent not by the feet of the non-guilty from the cursed vomit of the accuser of the Brethren and run with so much hellish fury at them that did not God graciously and the precious Laws of the times preserve them they must inevitably perish but blessed be God there is yet hopes in Israel concerning this thing Ezra 10.2 For in order to the reforming of the destructive errors of these times the higher powers do declare their sense of the same and do protest against them and we hope they will make a hedge of thornes against them Now as wicked Parents and Masters have by their neglect of their duties occasioned all the evils of sin before-mentioned and pointed at so they have been the occasion by good consequence of all the evill of punishments that this day the righteous God hath inflicted on the Nation for sin is the Antecedent of
not worse is thy language I am certaine that by this meanes thou commest within the lists of that woe Isa 5.20 Woe unto them who call evill good and good evill c. Thou condemnest Gods waies and justifiest thy own waies Let men walke in the waies â—o get wealth or pleasure or carnall profit or worldly honour or run apace in the high road â—o hell These ungodly persons before spoken of will not dishearten them but rather encourage them by keeping company with them but let any men or women whose hearts God hath warmed with zeale for his glory and tender love to such poore soules as are under them let them but lend them a little finger to guide them or but a small sparke of light to conduct them by in the way to heaven then they are in their Bedlam-fits not knowing how to contain themselves within the bounds of civility But these men have either never learned or soon forgotten that place of our Saviour The Kingdom of heaven suffereth violence and the violent take it by force Mat. 11.12 and other places Luk. 13.24 Heb. 12.14 Luk. 11.52 Such opposite spirited men and women as these will by no meanes endure that any Child or Friend of theirs shall come within the wals of a godly Family to live in for feare they should become Puritans as they call them but to conclude this Point or Use let me tell them that without abundance of repentance for and reformation of this sin they shall have as large a share if not more of those inconceivable miseries which are imperfectly mentioned in the use of reproofe and terrour as the portion of such as do any way neglect the performance of those duties they owe unto Children and Servants and it may be they shall have a larger share than the others because for ought can be known such scoffing Ishmaels as these have been a special cause of hindring many from the performance of their duties to their Family-relations which otherwise would have set themselves to the discharge of those duties The use in the last place may be for exhortation Use 4 to stir up Christian Parents and Masters First to labour to be well acquainted with those duties which they owe unto their Children and Servants And then to set themselves with much diligence paines and care to the performance of them The duties have been laid down and fully demonstrated from divers Scriptures there hath been some Illustrations and Amplifications of them and divers undeniable reasons to urge the performance of them Now what shall I say This paines as in order to thee is lost if thou sit still and come not forth to the performance of them When David had made a large preparation for building the House of God in Jerusalem having got together abundance of materials for that Magnificent Worke what saith he to his Son Solomon Arise saith he therefore and be doing and the Lord be with thee 1 Chro. 22.16 Now if without offence I might allude to to this I may say I have endeavoured as God hath graciously enabled me to prepare in some poore measure some materials to help thee to â—uild God a temple or Church in his own Family unto which I desire thou maiest adde in thy retired Meditations Now I also say to thee arise and be doing and the Lord be with â—hee Thou wilt say thou art a poore weake creature thy knowledge is little and thy parts â—re small let me advise thee to gaine good formes of Catechisme be studious in them be diligent to improve them for the good of all under thee by this meanes if thou be consciencious indeed and seeke to approve thy selfe to God in thy discharge of these duties and abundantly desirest to yield furtherance to the soules of thy Wife Children and Servants By this meanes I say thou shalt find that in teaching others thy owne knowledge shall encrease and thou hast a promise from the mouth of Christ for this that to him that hath more shall be given and he shall have in abundance Mat 13.12 We have a good proverbe applicable here that is Use legs and have legs and thou saiest thy parts are weake if thou canst not pray with thy Family but in a very weake manner then I say pray to God to teach thee to pray pray in secret for both the spirit and gift of prayer that thou maiest be able to Performe it in thy Family but beware thou set not too high a rate on the gift of prayer for it often goes alone without the Spirit thou wert better of the two have the Spirit of Prayer than the gift but both together doth best especially in relation to edifying others Simon Magus desired to purchase a power to give the Holy Ghost to whom he pleased his ends were base as well as his tender vile he did aime as good Divines thinke at popular applause besides a cursed gaine Truly I much feare popular applause and vaine ostentation is too too much the aime of some in our Times where I see a gift of prayer yea and of preaching too and a spirit of predominant pride I must take the liberty to think of such a man as I do apprehend cleare ground for This last passage I do insert for this end principally to take off the inordinate affections of any poore soule from the gift of prayer sincerity in all thy walkings with God will comfort thee in the midst of all defects and what knowest thou deare Christian but God will joine his strength with thy weaknesse and make thee an instrument of begetting soules to God as well as bodies and so make thee in a sense a spirituall Father as well as a bodily and enable thee at the last day to say to God Behold here am I and the Children whom thou hast given me where we may allude to that which the Apostle applies and makes proper to Christ Heb. 2.13 Now in the last place for it deserves no other by thy religious care to further thy Children and Servants in the waies of God thou maiest make such Children and Servants very profitable to thee in outward respects Paul takes notice that Onesimus was no profitable servant to his Master when he was gracelesse but after he was converted he tels Philemon that now he was profitable Phil. 11. There is much crying out in the world and not without cause against stubborne disobedient and undutifull Children and against refractory and unprofitable Servants But may not the neglect of Parents and Masters about making their Children in the use of meanes Gods Children and their Servants by the foresaid meanes the servants of God may not I say this be a speciall cause of all this confusion doubtlesse yea for it is just with God that when thou wilt not make thy Children and Servants to answer Gods ends at least so far as possible thou maiest that thy owne should be wholly frustrate Thus much for the uses Beloved be pleased to
remember that we have urged Parents and Masters to the performance of divers duties both to Children and Servants jointly together but that those duties did relate to the good of their soules only but now there remaine some duties relating to their outward good and because some of them have reference to Children particularly in which Servants can make no claime And some others do belong to Servants but I cannot say peculiarly because Children have an interest in them we shall therefore endeavour to advance toward the handling of them likewise leaning on God for assistance In order whereunto we shall labour to give Children the precedency for Grace and Nature doth teach the same The 1 duty of Parents to their Children in outward respects The first duty which Parents owe unto their Children in relation to their outward Estate is to further them in the meanes for their attaining of a competent measure of Learning for such condition and state of life as God shall call them to whether in Church or Common-wealth An illiterate man can receive no content in himselfe neither can he be profitable to others a man without learning is like a man who hath but halfe an eye he seeth divers things but in a confused and rude forme even men walking like trees like him in the Gospell Mar. 8.24 but he that hath good eies discernes things in a transparent way to the great satisfaction of his mind so a man without Learning sees things that have much beauty in themselves but to him they are cloathed and shadowed in darke and black colours he sees nothing but an outside whereas he who hath Learning seeth through and through them as we say he hath a distinguishing knowledge of them he can anatomize them and dive into the nature of them he can gaine by every Creature and squeeze out the quintiscence and benefit of every Calling he can improve all times all changes and all things to his advantage Secondly a man without learning cannot be profitable to others such a man is like a stone that is digg'd out of the quarrey and not squared nor any way fitted for the building fit for nothing but to be laid by and over-look'd or to use in common imployment no way qualified for publique service but a man of Learning is like a stone squared polished and carved that is very usefull for the choicest building such a man especially if he be of good life is principled and in a choice capacity for the highest imployments in Church and State take a few instances what Moses was for learning see Acts 7.22 And what he was in publike service the Scriptures will demonstrate for under God he was the most eminent deliverer of the Church from a state of bondage and slavery that any Age since the Creation can produce and therefore is said to be King in Jesurun when the heads of the people and Tribes of Israel were gathered together Deut. 33.5 It is said of Daniel and the other three Children that God gave them knowledge and skill in all Learning Dan. 1.17 Then in vers 19. they were preferred to stand before the King and in Chap. 2 48 49. they were put into the highest places for command in the whol Province of Babylon So Paul of all the Apostles was the most learned man being brought up at the feet of Gamaliel which was a place of learning Acts 22.3 And all men know he was the most eminent amongst them for parts and paines and himselfe doth modestly confesse that he was not a whit behind the very chiefest Apostles 2 Cor. 11.5 and for paines he did outstrip them all for he wrote more Epistles to the Churches than all the other and shewed more Rhetorick in that short Epistle of his to Philemon than you shall meet with in large Volumes Truly he had greater gifts then they who boast of the spirit but what spirit they are led by is not hard to guesse at and yet he prizeth his books as well as his Parchments which Parchments were as some conceive some sermon Notes 2 Tim. 4.13 But if it be objected that it is not of necessity to give Children more learning then the Calling which they are like to be put into doth require nor secondly to give them more learning than their Parents estate can beare I answer it is true there is no necessity for Children to have much Learning to help them in managing some meane and common Callings but it is necessary in any Calling to be able to read in their mother-tongue as we say and to write to but had they more it would be no burden to them it might fit them for society and choice discourse with those of higher breeding than themselves for in persons of the greatest parts there would be some condescention to those lesse parted And also true it is Parents are not tyed to ruine themselves nor any of their Children to breed up others great Schollers And yet I could heartily wish that Parents would strive to give their Children good breeding this way though it should be their greatest outward portions I have been the larger in this particular because it may be observed frequently that there are some who are very rich men but yet so glew'd to their cursed earthly-mindednesse that they will spare nothing or very little to give their Children learning they may leave them good estates whereby they may wear good cloathes but all that know them may point at them and say they are the arrantest clownes and meanest bred fellows in or neare the places where they dwell It was falsely said of Paul that much learning did make him mad Act 126.24 But it may be truly said that such persons as we speake of for want of Learning they are the unusefullest persons of any to be Instrumentall for the good of Church or Common-wealth and their Parents deserve the least respect of all others in the places where they live And therefore thou who art a Parent mind it that it is thy duty in a speciall manner to thy Children to vouchsafe them the meanes of Learning and be carefull to discharge thy duty herein The second duty Parents owe unto their Children for their outward estate Secondly it is the duty of Parents to provide for their Children some honest Callings either in Church or Common-wealth wherein they may both do and receive good that by them God may have glory and others benefit and themselves comfort for all persons of what quality or condition soever must eate their bread in the sweat of their own brows for this is the Ordinance of God himselfe and so indispensable with Gen. 3.19 Yet this must be granted that there is the labour of the mind as well as the labour of the body and such as labour with the head and heart may be as truly said to eat their bread in the sweat of their faces as they that strike many a heavy blow or groan under many a
the Palsie and grievously tormented he goes in person to Jesus Christ who was a Physitian both for body and soul and humbly beseecheth him for his servants cure and through the free grace of Christ obtains it its good to goe to God in the first place for supplyes of all the wants of our selves and our relations Hee that is in misery ought to bee comforted of his neighbour as it is in the Geneva Translation Job 6.14 Now if Neighbours must put forth themselves to comfort or relieve and help such as are in any misery How much more must Governours of Families labour to perform this duty to their sick and distempered servants the inference is undenyable A good man is mercifull to his beast saith one Translation And another saith A righteous man regardeth the life of his Beast Proverbs 12.10 And how much better is a man than a sheep Mat. 12.12 But it is much to be bewailed that many servants who have in their health and strength well discharged their duties to their Masters yet find small comfort and regard from them when the hand of God is fallen upon them for they are then either sent home to their poor and indigent Parents to take care after or else mued up in a hole and small attendance and lesse allowance of means for their good provided for them such Governours of Families are cursed and hard-hearted persons and pity it is that ever good servants should step over their Thresholds to serve them for such have neither mercy nor justice in them neither grace nor good nature And yet of this stamp and hell-bred crew there are great swarms but let them take heed God is just their owne children be not so served when they are servants to others but I wish them better speed We might here adde a Word concerning seasonable Recreations to be allowed to servants for they may stand in great need of them sometimes after long and sore labour to quicken their spirits and to enliven them with all alacrity to return to their imployment we say Whet is no let And without doubt if Masters would grant it them they would be rather gainers by in the quick and wel-managing their businesses than losers But when Masters grant this liberty as before said I would advise them to take much care that the Recreations allowed be lawfull the time seasonable and their servants company civill or else both Masters and servants may repent the one that they gave the liberty and the other that they so ill improved the same In the second place it is the duty of Masters c. The second outward duty that Masters owe to their servants to allow their servants sufficient wages for their labour and to pay it to them when it is due If they have not sufficient wages they cannot maintaine themselves for the preservation of health and decency both which must be allowed nay and more too if their deserts challenge the same servants may spend thoughts of changing their estate we say service is no heritage and must they make no preparation in order thereunto That were absurd to thinke would you that are Masters have your servants barely live You would not like that if you would be pleased to put your selves in their condition But in the second place it is the duty of Masters to pay their servants their wages in due time and that is when it is due by the conditions of the Contract betweene you and them Mal. 3.5 God threatens to be a swift witnesse against this particular sin of oppressing the hireling in his wages amongst other sins Now a man may be guilty of this sin as well in deteining due wages in relation to time of paiment of it as in over-reaching a servant in contract for it turne to that place Deut. 24.14 15. Thou shalt not oppresse an hired servant at his day thou shalt give him his hire neither shall the sun go down upon it The Labourer is worthy of his hire Luk. 10.7 Masters give unto your servants that which is just and equall Col. 4.1 James tels you that the detaining wages from Labourers cryeth and the cries of them are entred into the cares of the Lord of Sabbath James 5.4 And surely when ever the Lord gives an eare to cries whether the cry of Innocent bloud as that of Abel Gen. 4.10 or any other occasion some fearfull vengeance doth fall upon the heads of such as cause them to ascend and therefore the Apostle James bids those worldlings houle for those miseries that should come upon them Now you that are Masters c. as you would keep off the curse prevent the cry The third duty of Masters to their Servants In the third and last place the dutie of Masters c. to their servants is to be liberall to them at times of parting in case they have been servants a considerable time and have been diligent and faithfull and so a blessing to them Deut. 15.12 13 14. So Prov. 17.2 There be many Masters who are strangers to this duty even in the knowledge of it and more in the practice thereof Yet some I dare not say in conscience to the performance of this duty but rather from the freenesse of their nature doe upon the matter that which is equivalent hereunto namely those that if their servants part from them by Marriage will give them beneficiall wedding dinners and sometimes divers peeces of necessary houshold-stuffe which is a great advantage to them and this is so laudable a thing that I could wish all would more practice the same provided they prevent all abusivenesse of the Creature by luxury and excess and disorder of every kind at such meetings Thus you see that Governours of Families do owe three duties to their servants in relation to their outward conditions First to allow unthem meat drinke and all other necessaries for their comfortable subsistance Secondly to yield them sufficient wages And lastly to be liberall to them at time of parting And thus by the gracious assistance of God we have finished all that was proposed at first to be considered of by such as desire to enter into the Marriage estate relating to the duties which each person in that condition of life owe one to another and both of them to such as God shall set under them viz. to children and servants But here it will be of some concernment to take notice of what duty children and servants owe unto Parents and Masters that they may call upon them to performe the same where we shall first observe the duties Children owe unto their Parents and then the duties of Servants to their Masters c. In the first place it is the duty of Children to yield unto their Parents all due Reverence and Honour The first duty Children owe unto their Parents this duty is expresly commanded by God in Exod. 20.12 Honour thy father and thy mother which the Apostle Eph. 6.2 takes notice
of to be the first Commandement with promise Mal. 6.6 A son honoureth his Father If I be a Father where is my honour But how should this Honour and Reverence be exprest may some say I answer first in words Secondly in actions and gestures First in words Children must reverence their Parents by using few words in their Parents presence or hearing Silence for the generall well becomes the younger sort before the Elder but more properly Children before their Parents And when they speake to them they must make use of the choicest expression that may be to hold forth their dutifull respect by And for their Action too they must be full of Humility as rising up before them and standing in their presence if they expect it being uncovered so long as they think fit and making obeysance on all occasions by shewing all filiall and Child-like dispositions to them by harkening to all their grave Counsels and Admonitions with diligent attention Prov. 1.8 Chap. 5.1 As also by submitting and subjecting themselves to all their godly reprehensions and by treading in their religious steps and imitating their unblameable examples and by covering all their imperfections and weaknesses as Shem and Japhet did when their Father lay drunke and naked in his Tent. Solomon is a singular example of honouring his Mother in another kind 1 Kings 2.19 The second duty of Children to their Parents In the second place it is the duty of Children to obey their Parents in all things lawfull and that with all readinesse Children obey your Parents in the Lord Eph. 6.1 Children obey your Parents in all things for this is well pleasing unto the Lord Col 3.20 Now this must be a cheerefull obedience without contending Isaac will submit to his Father though it be in matter of death Gen. 22 9 10. And so will the Daughter of Jephtha Judg. 11 39. The Rechabus obey Jonadab their Father in things that required a great deale of selfe-deniall Ier. 35.5 6 7. which the Lord rewards them for in ver 18 19. A Bishop must rule his own house well and have his Children in subjection 1 Tim. 3.4 Now subjection of all Children to Parents is as much a duty as it is in the children of the Ministers of the Gospell And of this obedience unto Parents we have an example beyond all presidents in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ of whom it is said he went down with his Parents to Nazareth and was subject to them Luk. 2.51 Children must not make their own wils a rule of their actions but the Commandements of God and the Precepts of their Parents that are not contrary to the revealed will of God they must also quietly submit to such correction as they shall think fit to inflict on them for their faults In the third and last place it is the duty of Children to their Parents to labour to provide safty for them in the times of danger The third duty of Children to their Parents and competent maintenance in their necessitous conditions to their utmost abilities for the first take a president from Rahab the Harlot which is laid down at large in Josh 2.12 13. where she doth indent with the Spies sent to view the land to save her Fathers house and to preserve her Father and her Mother c. And for the duty of Children to relieve their Parents in their want consider what the Apostle saith in 1 Tim. 5.4 That to requite our Parents is good and acceptable before God When Parents have been at great paines and charge to bring up their Children and then come to poverty which perhaps may be occasioned by such charge it is not only against grace but against good nature too to cast them off without due care to relieve them it was the pestilent doctrine of the Pharisees to maintaine that Children were discharged from their duty herein provided they did offer a gift at the Altar which was indeed but to fill their pouches Mar. 7.11 12 13. Which practice of theirs as well as their doctrine our Saviour there condemnes We may learne a better example from the practice of Ioseph when he was in prosperity and his Fathers house in want Gen. 47.11 12. For he nourished his Father and his whole Family in Ramases which was the most fertile place of all Egypt When Naomi returned very poore out of the Land of Moab into the Land of Israel Ruth 1.21 then her Daughter in Law wrought hard and tooke great paines to gaine provision for her maintenance God condemnes the formall fasts of the Children of Israel as for other things so for this that they did hide themselves from their own flesh Isa 58.6 7. Now Parents may be more truly said to be our own flesh than others in common can be said to be our Saviour in that place of Marke makes it one kind of honouring Parents to relieve them in their want and to honour our Parents you have it proved before to be a duty from children There be other duties which children owe unto their Parents but they may be included in these If these be conscientiously performed they will be all discharged The duties then which children owe unto their Parents which are obvious to your eye are first to reverence them Secondly to obey them Thirdly to labour to preserve them from danger and to maintaine them in their wants In the last place we are to proceed to discusse the duties which servants owe unto their Masters c. and then we shall draw to a conclusion of this poore Treatise and so leave all upon your hearts to practice in your lives The first duty that servants owe unto their Masters The first duty of servants to their Masters c. is the same that children owe to their Parents that is Honour and Reverence this duty all Inferiours owe to their Superiours and therefore it must be a duty here Now that it is so consider the fore quoted place Mal. 1.6 A son honoureth his Father and a Servant his Master If I be a Master saith God where is my feare or Reverence Implying that honour and reverence is a duty servants owe to their Masters and that they are obliged to the performance of it That place in 1 Tim. 6.1 is much to be observed for this purpose where the Apostle requires all servants that are under the yoke to count their own Masters worthy of all honour and then adds a reason for the same which is this That the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphâ—med Then it is very cleare that such servants as make no conscience to performe this duty of giving honour to their Masters do expose the name and word of eternall God to contempt and to be blasphemed and how shall such servants ever be able to answer for this sin of theirs before the great and all-powerfull God who is alwaies armed with divine vengeance to be powred down upon the heads and hearts of
such as are offenders in this kind and such are all servants that discharge not the duty here mentioned Now if servants would know how and in what way this duty should be performed for their help therein I refer them to those means briefly nominated for direction to children in the performance of this very duty to their Parents and by the way it is worth observing that in a reall and true sence it may be said and proved that Masters c. are Parents to then servants as well as to their children yet with a great deale of difference In the second place it is the duty of servants to be obedient unto their Maners c. This duty hath some affinity with the former for if servants do not readily obey their Masters they cannot honour them they rather vilifie them and expose them to contempt and disgrace there are many Scripture texts that offer themselves to confirme this truth Servants be obedient to your Masters according to the flesh Eph. 6.5 Servants obey in all things your Masters according to the flesh Col 3.22 Exhort servants saith Paul to be obedient to their Masters in all things not answering againe Tit. 2.9 The Apostle Peter doth further presse this duty Servants saith he be subject to your Masters with all feare not only to the good and gentle but also to the froward 1 Pet. 2.18 From all these places you may see this duty hath the Word of God for its foundation The Centurion which we read of in the Gospell had choice servants for their readinesse to obey him for he tels Christ that if he bid one go he went and if another come he came and if he bid his servant do this he did it we must not doubt of the truth of what he said though he spake those things to illustrate and set forth the power of Christ over all sicknesses and all things for he doth acknowledge that that sicknesse that had arrested his servant was the servant of Christ that as it did afflict his servant when Christ commanded it so to do so it must leave his servant and depart when Christ should require the same Mat 8.8 9. It were much to be wish'd that every Master had such a servant or such servants as this Centurion had there would be more quietnesse in Families and better successe in all their imployments than now there is But many servants in our times will go and come at their owne pleasures and do what is good in their owne eyes Their Masters must be subject to them and not they to their Masters but such servants will be the greatest losers at last Marke what the Apostle saith Obey them that have the rule over you and submit your selves for they watch for your soules as they that must give an account that they may do it with joy and not with griefe for that is unprofitable to you Heb. 13.17 which is an exhortation in generall yet it concernes servants in speciall Servants must not do any thing contrary to their Masters minds though they give no particular command to the contrary Elisha did not command his servant Gehazi not to go after Naaman to receive a gratuity yet he went and did receive a Talent of Silver and two changes of rayment of him but he could not crack of his profit as we say for he had the plague of Leprosie with them into the bargaine 2 Kings 5.20 22 24 25 26 27. Can any man with any shew of reason conceive that this example of disobedience in Gehazi to his Master and of the severe hand of God on him for it doth stand upon Record for nothing Whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning Rom. 15.4 And this was written to terrifie rebellious and disobedient servants whereof the world is full but gratious servants will learne and practice better The third duty of servants to their Masters In the third and last place it is the duty of servants to their Masters to shew all diligence fidelity and faithfulnesse in the discharging their businesses and answering the trust committed to them and that as in the presence of God When the Apostle in that place of Eph. 7.5 9. which we made use of before had exhorted servants to be obedient to their Masters according to the flesh with feare and trembling in singlenesse of heart as to Christ he addes Not with eye-service as men pleasers but as the servants of Christ doing the will of God from the heart the very same you find in Col. 3.22 In Tit. 2.9 10. Exhort servants saith the Apostle to be obedient to their Masters not purloyning but shewing all good fidelity that they may adorne the doctrine of God When servants serve their Masters not with eye-service but with all faithfulnesse and singlenesse of heart with a good conscience they also serve Jesus Christ who will plentifully recompence the same either in temporall or spirituall blessings or in both he is a blessed servant who obeyes his Masters commands chiefly in relation to Gods injunctions such a one no doubt was the servant of Abraham and Jacob to his Father Laban and Joseph to Potiphar and after to the keeper of the prison Gen. 30.27 Chap. 39.3 ult There be divers waies and meanes by which servants must shew themselves faithfull to their Masters and Dames First by praying for them Secondly by being diligent in the dispatch of their businesse Thirdly by preserving their Estates and in helping to encrease them Fourthly by labouring to protect their persons from violence to their power And fifthly by labouring to preserve their reputations in order whereunto they must keep their secrets undisclosed and their infirmities from being published But such servants as walke in waies contrary hereunto it were incomparably better for a Christian Housholder to have them out than in his Family and indeed it were far better that such servants should lye under the cudgell of a Turkish patron than set their feet under an honest mans Table Thus we have with much brevity past through the duties which servants owe unto their Masters and Dames First they must labour to honour them Secondly they must submit to them and obey them Thirdly and lastly they must shew all diligence fidelity and faithfulnesse to them in doing their businesse and in answering the trust committed to them Now to come to a full period of all and conclude we shall endeavour to make some application of that which hath been before laid down by way of duty Use 1 In the first place this may serve for just reproofe to most men in our times who do thrust themselves into the honourable Estate of Marriage without any consideration at all as if it were an estate fit for every man that will to enter into Truly I do exceedingly like those sweet expressions in the Preface to the ancient Forme of Marriage in the Church of England where having affirmed the Estate of Marriage to be honourable
Th' Effigies here on which you looke Contributes nothing to this Booke It 's but a shadow at the most No Body sure much less a Ghost The Booke peruse the faults passe by The rules observe most carefully Which if you doe then you may find Content in Marriage to your mind Conjugall Counsell OR Seasonable Advise both to Unmarried and Married PERSONS Directing the first how to enter into the Marriage Estate And the other how to demeane themselves in the Christian discharge of all such duties as that Estate of life binds them to that God may have Glory the Church Edification and themselves and Families present and future Comfort Tending much by the blessing of God to a through Reformation of all the Enormities of these evill Times By T. H. of Sandwich in Kent Two are better than one Eccles 4 9. Marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled but Whoremongers and Adulterers God will judge Heb 13.4 LONDON Printed for John Stafford and are to be sold at his House at the George at Fleet-Bridge 1653. Imprimatur JOHN DOVVNAM To his highly Esteemed and very Choicely beloved Children Samuel Mehetabel and Anne Hilder the yearning Bowels and Rowling Affections of your tender-hearted Father wisheth the happinesse of all saving-grace in this life and Eternall glory in the life to come through Jesus Christ our Lord. Right dearely beloved Children THe Great God of Heaven and Earth who is wisdome it selfe and all perfections did not thinke fit to bestow you on me as the fruit of my Youth and the Quintessence of my strength But in my Old Age and when I was a dry stick he made me Bud Bloome Blossomes and bring forth such pleasant Almonds as indeed you are Your bodies are very deare to me I desire your soules may be much more precious The preservation of your Naturall lives is my duty to take care after in a way of subordination to God But the seeking of the good of your soules as an Instrument under God in this life in the state of grace and as the way leading to glory and blisse hereafter is that which I am bound to regard in a more singular and speciall manner My deare hearts I desire Naturall Affection may not so far carry me forth towards you as spirituall and Ardent desires transport me with much enlargednesse of heart and spirit to seeke there all good both of your Bodies and Soules to all Eternity through free grace in Jesus Christ It is said Israel loved Joseph more than all his Children because he was the Son of his old Age and he made him a Coat of many colours Gen. 37.3 Now if because Joseph was the Son of his Fathers old Age was a good Argument to Israel to love him with such a large love Then for ought I know I am not to be blamed if I manifest my love to you in an extraordinary manner having the same reason for it as before exprest True it is I cannot cloath you with Garments of many colours I meane in a rich and costly manner yet I desire to blesse the Lord that not one of you hitherto have known want Ah my soule desires you may be like the Kings Daughter Psalm 15.13 Even all glorious within that your hearts may be beautified with saving grace and cloathed with the Righteousnesse of Jesus Christ My deare Children I cannot out looke upon you as poore fatherlesse babes for 〈◊〉 â—â—lesse the time of my departing is at hand so far as can be thought in all probabiliâ—â— for I have the sentence of death within me I finding Nature spending and wasting peace and divers symptomes of short life Therefore as Isaac desired to bless Esau before his death So I desire yet not as having a spirit of Prediction as Isaac had Gen 27.4 to blesse you before I dye viz. to communicate some Counsell to you from the Word of God that you in following the same may be both blessed here and for ever Now herein I shall proceed by the Lords assistance for the generall in a sententiall way desiring you to make them the matter of your Meditations that so they may be amplified and enlarged in your own thoughts My dearly beloved ones let me in the first place lay to you and to every one of you as David said to his Son Solomon 1 Chron. 28.9 My Children know you the God of your Fathers and serve him with perfect hearts and with willing minds This is your duty in generall But to come to some particulars yet in an abstractive way Take them as followeth that is labour to make God the object of your love and the chiefe of all your desires Psal 73.15 Ibid. 31.23 Marke 12 30. Seeke to have the feare of God continually in your hearts Psalm 86.11 Psal 34 9. but be carefull that it be filiall and Child-like not servile and slavish Remember your Creator in the daies of your youth Eccl. 12.1 Begin your spirituall Race betimes Psa 63.1 Prov. 8.17 And strive to hold out to the end 1 Cor. 9.24 Mark 13.13 Mind your own mortality Heb. 9.27 Ioh. 9.4 Psal 6.5 Put not off working in Gods Vineyard till the Eleventh houre Mat. 20.6 Your Sun may set at Noone as spoken in another case Amos 8.9 Improve all your Talents to the glory of God Mat. 25.20 Mind the account you must pass for you are but stewards Luk. 16.2 Forget not the day of Judgement Eccl. 11.9 Chap. 12. ult Mat. 12.38 Be very strict in the observation of the Sabbath Exod. 28.10 11. Isa 56.2 Chap. 58.13 Prize the meanes of grace Psal 119 70 97. Frequent the Assembly of the Saints Hebrewes 12.25 But mistake not the Sheepfold Cant. 1.28 Labour to live a life of faith against and above sense Gal. 2.10 Hab. 2.4 Chap. 3.17 18. Labour for an humble spirit Micah 6.8 James 4.6 Practice all knowne truths Joh. 13.17 Hold forth the power of godlinesse in your lives 1 Cor. 4.20 2 Tim. 3.5 Keep your hearts alwaies waking Cant. 5.2 for the Times are evill Eph. 5.16 Labour for found principles Tit. 1.13 And stability in them 1 Tim. 4.1 James 5.8 2 Pet. 1.12 Study to be quiet and to do your own businesse 1 Thes 4.12 Keepe within the limits of your Callings 1 Cor. 7.24 Labour to be approved to God 2 Cor. 10. ult Passe not for the judgement of men 1 Cor. 4.3 Yet beware of giving just offence to any Mat. 18.7 1 Cor. 10.32 Shun all occasions of sinning Prov. 5.8 Gal. 5.13 Abstaine from all appearance of evill 1 Thes 5.22 Do not think you can be too strickt in a holy life Eph. 5.15 But alwaies walke by a just Rule Gal. 6.16 Be upright in heart hate hypocrisie Ps 26.1 2. Ioh. 1.47 Follow not a multitude to do evill Exod. 23.2 Be not partakers of other mens sins keep your selves puâ—e 1 Tim. 5.22 Beware of diversity of opinions and divers Doctrines Heb. 13.9 1 Tim. 4.1 2. Rom. 16. Cha. 17.18 2 Tim. 4.3
large of them Deale uprightly and justly with all men as in the presence of God 1 Thes 4.6 And as you would have others deale with you so deale with all men Mat. 7.12 You must prefer the good and safety of Church and State before your owne this may be deduced from the Message Mordecai sent to Queen Hester when she was fearfull to put forth her selfe for the safety of the Jewes in their extreame exigency Hest 4. the latter part of vâ—r 14. Rom. 12.11 Not sloathfull to do service for so the Geneva hath it Now my deare Children I beseech you in the Name of God and I hope your heavenly Father to labour to maintaine the life and heate of love unity Amity sweet Accord and Concord betweene your selves Consider for this purpose that it is a speciall duty God requires of you all to be performed each to other 1 Pet. 3.8 And the Lord hates and abominates such as low discord between Brethren Pro. 6. ver 16. compared with ver 19. Gen. 45.24 And well worth your observation for your encouragement to performe this duty here urged is that which the Spirit of God laies downe Psal 133.1 Behold saith the Psalmist how good and how pleasant it is for Brethren to dwell together in unity which in the remaining verses is amplified by two choice similitudes and with a comfortable conclusion Nature hath Characterized this so strongly upon the hearts of Men that some have taken revenge upon such as have done wrong to Brethren or Sisters Simeon and Levi slew all the Inhabitants of a whole City for the wrong that Shechem the son of Hamor had done to their Sister Dinah Gen. 34.25 26 27 31. Gideon put Zebah and Zalmunna to death for their slaying his Brethren Judg. 8.19 21. Abner slew Asahel the Brother of Joab 2 Sam. 2.23 but Joab slayes Abner for it 2 Sam. 3.27 Amnon deflowrs Tamar the sister of Absalom 2 Sam. 13.14 but Absalom did cause him to lose his life for it ver 28 29. Now these things my deare Children I mention not to put you upon such courses for they were Acts of murther in those that did them and that in a high degree and you have not nor cannot have any warrant to do such vile things all you can do in such cases is to go to God by prayer and to the Civill Magistrate by complaint for the security of each one of you But I make use of these Instances to convince you that if you love not one another you sin even against Nature how much more then against God And truly you sin also against your selves for by unbrotherly breaches you weaken your owne strength The uniting of Brethren and Sisters together by love fortifies them against the danger of oppositions The earth will with more ease swallow up one single drop of water than many drops and buckets-full met together in one A threefold Cord is not quickly broken Eccl. 4.12 Most excellent to this purpose is the story of the old dying man who having many Children and desiring they might be all united together in love he was ambitious to leave somthing upon their hearts and spirits as an Impression not easily to be forgotten but that might remaine for the end beforesaid Who having them all present before him cals for a sheafe of Arrowes which when brought he gives to divers of his Children a single Arrow and bids them break them which with great case they did But then he takes all the rest of them and with a cord he binds them in one bundle and then bids them breake them if they could which they aslaying to do could not so much as bend them Then he applies himselfe to them by way of counsell and tels them that if they were divided one from another in affection they would expose themselves to ruine But if they were all firmely conjoyn'd together as one they might be able to preserve themselves and one another Ah my deare hearts it is the desire and prayer of your poore Father for you unto the Blessed and for ever blessed Trinity who are three in Persons and but one in Essence that you all might have but one heart and one soule in relation one to another that thereby God might be glorified others edified and your selves for ever comforted by your mutuall love and sweet deportment one to another Thus my much endeared Children I have laboured to give you an Epitome of particular duties you owe unto God to his Church and to your own soules and bodies Now to all the advice I have given you in particular I shall in the Apostles owne words adde this in generall only changing the Appellation Finally my Children whatsoever things are true whatsoever things are honest whatsoever things are just whatsoever things are pure whatsoever things are lovely whatsoever things are of good report If there be any vertue and if there be any praise thinke on these things And the God of peace shall be with you Phil. 4.8 and the latter end of ver 9. Now my deare Children because I am convinced that it is the duty of a Father to seeke the compleat happinesse of his Children both Internall and Externall and though chiefly the good of their soules in relation to a better life Yet in a second place the good also of their bodies and their outward comfortable enjoyments in this Terrestiall World I cannot therefore omit in order to your well-being here to communicate unto you some advise in reference to the change of your conditions by Marriage if the Lord be pleased to bring you to such a time for seasonablenesse and to give you opportunities to embrace the same Let me tell you that for you to enjoy meet helpers in that estate you may reckon to be one of the greatest out ward favours that God doth bestow on his Children to sweeten their condition otherwise mixt with divers Afflictions in this life But in the discharge of this last duty I shall be very concise because you may meet with variety of directions this way in the ensuing lines and body of the discourse all which I beseech you to mind in your reading of them and much more in your practice in walking up to them but I shall here take the liberty to adde in generall this one thing viz. That it is a Rule Case and Maxime in Divinity that whatsoever Action any one is call'd to performe which is of high concernment especially to Gods glory and relates to the good of man and but once in probability to be done in his whole life and which being done is unalterable and remaines like the Laws of the Medes and Persians Dan. 5.8.12 There is required more than ordinary caution and circumspection in the undertaking and managing of the same Now the entring into the Marriage Estate is an Action of the same nature before exprest nay to speake properly it is that Action and none but it that fully answers the description
yet dare sit down in his place A second spirituall gift c. A second spirituall gift necessary for the governing a Family is Wisdome for Wisdome and Knowledge are two distinct gifts or graces for a man may have Knowledge 2 Chr. 1.10 and yet want Wisdome Solomon praies to the Lord to give him Wisdome and Knowledge Wisdome he mentions in the first place to go out and come in before that great People that is to walke wisely before them and that he might be able to governe them and to teach them I will walke wisely saith David in the midst of my house Psa 101.2 A man must have Wisdome to walke before his Wife and Family in giving good Examples unto them that they seeing his wise and Christian carriage in every thing may be provoked to follow him he must likewise have Wisdome that he may be able to incourage them that do well in well-doing and to reprove them that do ill he must have Wisdome to moderate his love his anger and all his passions toward all that are under him Thus you see what great need there is also of Wisdome in such men as have the government of others committed to them The third spirituall gift The third spirituall gift which Governors must labour after is patience There must be a patient bearing with Infirmities and great forbearing when they are not enormities and especially when the party is easily convinced and reformed Paul propounds his long-suffering charity and patience to Timothy in 2 Tim. 3.10 for him to imitate and practice toward them that God had set him over Saint James would have Patience have her perfect worke James 1.4 the grace of Patience is necessary for a Christian in the generall course of his life Therefore for domestique Government too Impatience is a Gangrene which eates out the heart and vitals of Love a man much more a Christian must not give sharpe words much less fall to blows for every triviall offence for that will discourage especially young people and dull their spirits it will sometimes be a mans discretion to look but with halfe an eye upon a fault yet he may give a loving admonition which will be sufficient where good natures are especially to be found whatever is the duty of a Bishop in relation to houshold government is undoubtedly the duty of every Christian as the Master of a Family and such a one must not be a brawler but patient 1 Tim. 3.3 The fourth and last spirituall gift The fourth spirituall gift which Governors must labour for is Humility which gift or grace I dare not lay down as an essentiall qualification for one impowr'd over other but only as a very necessary concomitant to such a person to help him against vain-glory pride and abuse of his place to sin and so to his own hurt for there is a time saith Solomon Eccles 8.9 that one man ruleth over another to his own hurt Rehoboam his roughnesse and Imperious carriage toward those over whom by right of Succession he was to rule as their King made the Major part of them to revolt and cast off their due subjection to the losse of his own Honour and their extreame prejudice both of soul and body 2 Chro. 10.6 8 13 16 17. Yet though it be very necessary that a person elevated to a place of Government over others should be humble and that for the premised considerations This doth not tye up the genius of a man in power that he may not upon some occasion and in his carriage to some persons behave himselfe with much gravity and reservednesse yea and with some kind of Majesty too to preserve his perâ—on and place from contempt and scorne and from disesteeme from Children and Servants â—or some such Children and Servants there are that if they can espâ—e cut in their Parents and Masters a spirit of Pussâ—lanimity they will trample all their Commands and the Authority it selfe by which they command under their swinish feet which a wise Governour will labour to prevent by shunning the occasions of it Thus we have done with discussing the three essentiall gifts and the fourth which hath been handled with Caution being a very necessary one all which do or may concerne every man intending the marriage estate and therefore he must before-hand labour to have the knowledge of them which are as you have seen first Knowledge secondly Wisdome thirdly Patience and lastly Humility And so we proceed to the consideration of the second qualication fitting for the Marriage condition The second qualification considerable on the first head The second qualification to be considered of before-hand is fitnesse of Age None can be thought fit for Marriage in None-age there must be Maturity and ripenesse-both in body and minde for that Estate or else the entrance into it is unlawfull The gifts of mind before mentioned cannot be expected in Youths and Children There cannot be prudence to mannage a Calling to bring maintenance in by it such such cannot be profitable in Church not Common wealth Yea Nature doth teach us that there is a deficiency in all persons untill they be come to some reasonable Age to performe some duties that the Marriage condition requires Juda gave Tamar a faire Account why at present he would not give Shelah to her in the Marriage-bed Which was because he was not growne but it was his sin that he did it not when he was fit for that condition Gen. 38.11 Isaac was forty yeares old when he marries Rebeccah Gen. 25.20 But in this Age of the World it is not convenient to stay so long before change of our conditions for few that so do do enjoy that great blessing of living to see their Children to be grown to some maturity setled in some good Calling and bestowed in Marriage much lesse to see their Childrens Children which is a blessing God promiseth to his people Psal 128.6 Yet it is undeniable that there must be as we said a ripenesse of Age before Marriage But we proceed no further in this particular in this place because we shall have an occasion to fall upon it againe in another The third and last qualification The third qualification fitting for Marriage from the first head or consideration before Marriage is to see a fitnesse in Estate for such a condition of life The Marriage estate brings with it great Charge and Expence therefore before this fall upon a man he had need to see some probable waies and meanes to carry him thorough all A man will not take a chargeable journey but he will put mony in his purse to supply his necessities unlesse hee know he shall meet with supplies by the way so in this case a discreet Christian will not Marry untill he can comfortably conclude that his present or future meanes will be sufficient to keep him from poverty pinching poverty and destruction and from lying as a burthen on others that place in Rom.
their hearts and affections with their persons and favours then they must be frown'd upon call'd disobedient Children and disinherited cast off as if they were but a bastard Generation But if this in a speciall manner be not a provoking Children to wrath and a discouraging of them I know not what is which sin of Parents the Apostle forbids Col. 3.21 Now in the feare of God let Parents be admonished to beware of this sin of enforcing their Children to accept of such Husbands and Wives as themselves only chose without nay against the free consent of their Children But if Parents will not be exhorted to the contrary let them know that they are in a high degree accessary to all the brawlings and contentions that fall out after such Marriages betweene their Children and they must answer before the Bar of Gods Tribunall for all breach of Covenant all Marriage-bed defilement for all poysonings or other bloudy plots to take away the naturall lives of either person and they are guilty of all disorders of all non-performance of Family duties of all dishonour brought to God by their Children in the Marriage estate and so by undeniable consequence of their Childrens Damnation for such sins though the Children are accomptable before God for their owne sins too Thou that art a Father or Mother remember that saying Call the Maid and aske at her mouth Gen. 24.57 We have been larger on this particular than was at first intended but Beloved we hope for thy profit and so we conclude it and passe on The fourth qualification c. In the fourth place if thou wouldst have a meet helper thou must looke at fitnesse of Age in that woman whom thou desirest to be thy Wife Or else how canst thou expect meet helpe from her in all conditions If a man of fit age for Marriage chuse a girle for his Wife or if a Young Man Marry with an old woman and expect furtherance from such in that estate of life they befoole themselves for the Girle stands in need of a Dame to instruct her in all points of womanhood to fit her for to be a good wife and the old woman stands in need of a Nurse to waite on her in her decrepid Age. Now in this particular we shall use the more concisenesse because we have spent some time this way before yet we must confesse those lines did chiefly relate to cautionate the Man not to mind Marriage before ripe in Age for that state of life But as a man must not marry till of fit Age so neither must he chuse a wife therein unfit yet both Divinity and Philosophy will justifie that man that doth match himselfe to a Girle rather than he who doth marry an old woman for a Girle may in time become a woman fit to beare Children and guide the house as the Apostle requires 1 Tim. 5.14 which are spirituall ends of Marriage But the old woman will be more and more unfit Now though it be not convenient that a woman of eight or ten yeares older than the man should be joyn'd in Marriage with him yet no man of understanding dare deny but that it may be lawfull provided that the woman be not past Child-bearing and withall be of an able and healthfull constitution But if otherwise two speciall ends of Marriage are frustrate and then it is a sin against God and Nature too to be so joyned in Marriage But when a man about twenty sixe yeares old shall be married to a Maid of about twenty or a Man about thirty yeares old shall marry with a maid about twenty foure such Conjunctions are of good report and such persons as they are Youthfull together so they grow aged together and are never estranged in their affections one towards another if other qualifications also correspond And besides the fruit of such Marriages ordinarily by the blessing of God is to have Children betimes in youthfull daies when their Parents can best care for them and take paines with them which Children if the Lord give them grace prove as a staffe or support to their Parents under God in their old Age which is a blessing abundantly desirable But all men both Religious and Morall do condemn such men as in their youthfull daies will for any sinister end in the world joyne themselves in Marriage with women of above fifty nay Gen 18.23 sometimes above sixty yeares Old There can be no Issue from such Marriages unlesse God worke a miracle which who can expect without great presumption And besides this disagreement in yeares breeds a disagreement in life for a young man cannot entirely love a woman so much older than himselfe that when he is in the prime of his yeares and strength that then his wife should be crazie unhealthfull unhandsome for him to have neere society with and of a withered body whereby he is Obnoxious to an inundation of temptations of all kinds from his spirituall enemies even to uncleannesse to unbridled passions to Company-keeping and so to the neglect of the duties of his Calling and of his Family and so to lavish expence to the undoing of him and his thus I leave to thy selfe to judge whether a fit Age be a good qualification in a woman to make her a meet helper to thee in the Marriage estate or no. The fifth qualification c. The fifth Qualification necessary to make a woman a meet helper is to be descended from the Loines of godly Parents But before I proceed to shew thee how this is necessary I shall briefly premise one thing viz. That thou maiest warrantably take a wife from India whose Parents were Heathens from Rome from Spaine or out of any prophane and irreligious Family provided that her selfe be a sincere Convert a godly pious and religious woman for it is not her Parents and thee but she and thou that make but one flesh this premised I say it is necessary to marry a wife out of a godly Family First in relation to thy Off-spring Secondly to thy selfe First in relation to thy Off-spring for hereby the Covenant of Grace runs to them in the fuller streame the entaile is the stronger as I may say God threatens to visit the iniquity of the Fathers upon the Children but to the third and fourth Generation of them that hate him But he promiseth to shew mercy unto thousands of them that love him and keep his Commandements Exod 20.5 6. God makes a Covenant with seeds seed Isa 59.21 If thy Children can look back and upon good grounds conceive their Progenitors for many Ages past did feare the Lord they may if they fear the Lord themselves comfortably conclude that through free Grace they have an Interest in the Covenant of Grace even in that Covenant that God made with Abraham to be the God of him and his seed for ever so may comfortably improve that Covenant by a true and lively faith to assure their soules that they
had said be sure let the wife take diligent care of this and mind it in a speciall manner that she omit it not by any meanes to reverence her Husband Eph. 5.33 But if it be demanded how this Reverence should be performed I answer two waies in her words and in her gestures First in her words and that two waies first when she speakes to him Secondly when she speakes of him First when she speakes to him by avoiding Clamour and high language Secondly by avoiding of unnecessary repetitions and Tautologies especially if her Husband be a judicious and prudent man for take this for an undeniable truth that a man of parts cannot endure a multitude of words and large preambles Thirdly When she makes her desires known to him rather by requests than by peremptory demands yet this must be granted that a Woman may speake to her Husband in a way of intimate familiarity Lastly when she takes a fit time and place to fasten some Christian reproofe on him and then to do it with much meeknesse and tender love Secondly a woman must reverence her Husband in her words when she speakes of him to others First by giving him on all occasions that are just due praise and commendations And secondly by being ready to vindicate his reputation against all unjust aspersions Calumniations that do impeach his credit and obstruct his well-deserved Estimation in the hearts of such as are wise and godly whereby she shall not only reverence him her selfe but cause others to do the same Secondly The Wife must reverence her Husband in her Gestures and Actions First by giving him due respect before others abroad and before Children and Servants at home not behaving her selfe in a rude and uncivill way toward him as slighting his presence Secondly in leaving to him the wise and orderly government of the Family and all Domestique Discipline without contradiction Lastly and in speciall in observing his good Counsell and in following his religious and godly examples I might here take occasion to fasten a just reproofe upon many Women that are so far from reverencing their Husbands that on the contrary they are Instruments but cursed ones of much disrespect disgrace and dishonour to be call upon their Husbands by their Contumelious words to them their scandalous and contemptible words behind their backs and in their unworthy and unbeseeming gestures and actions toward them but let such women know that as they are transgressours against the Commands of God relating to the Wives duty of reverencing her Husband which is most of all so they are no gainers hereby it may be they make their Husbands good esteeme fall to the ground among the baser conditioned people but to be sure their own good names if ever they had any they make to stinke in the Nostrils of all men who have but morall honesty and much more with those who are pious and godly indeed But I shall not prosecute this because I thinke it rarely the sin of a godly woman and I despaire of doing good on others In the sixth place it is the duty of the Wife to bear with her Husbands infirmities The sixth duty of the Wife to the Husband though the woman be the weaker Vessell yet the man is not free from but Obnoxious to many weaknesses and infirmities which a loving and tender-hearted wife must labour to beare with sometimes it doth come to passe and often too that the Husband meeting with turbulent and crosse businesses may have such perturbations of mind that for a time it may interrupt his otherwise sweet composure of spirit and make him malecontent and wayward and hard to please by his dearest relations that neither Wife nor Children can have a cheerefull looke from him nor a good word of him which the wife with a sweet silence or amiable carriage both in words and actions must passe by and it will be her great wisdome and godly discretion so to do And hereby his passions of mind will waste the faster and he returne to his usuall temper the sooner but if on the contrary the Wife to his enkindled coales adde fewell and combustible matter by bad words and a crosse-grain'd behaviour the whole house will not only be in a disturbing smoake but in a burning flame Grievous words stir up Anger Pro. 15.1 whereas on the contrary A soft Answer turneth away wrath It was the sin of Zipporah who failed in her duty in not bearing with her Husbands infirmity but as hath been observed Moses did well to beare with hers Exod. 4.25 Beare ye one anothers burthens and so fulfill the Law of Christ saith the Apostle Gal. 6.2 This duty concerned all Christians to practice in generall but in the case we speake to it doth concerne the Wife most to practice in relation to her Husband but for her to take a fit opportunity with Abigail to acquaint him that his carriage was not good but he being godly very ill-beseeming him and of scandall to others this will be an ornament of grace to her especially if she perform it in a right way There may be many other infirmities in a man besides Anger and Passion which his Wife must I say beare with which we shall not endeavour to particularize but leave to her to judge of only we shall in one word give her the rule to proceed by viz. A mans infirmity properly is an unvoluntary deviation from that rule of exactnesse whereby by the grace of God he doth walke in the generall course of his life both in relation to God and man having first respect to the duties of piety required in the first Table and secondly to the duties of righteousnesse in the second Table of the Decalogue or ten Commandements In the seventh place The seventh duty of the Wife to the Husband it is the duty of the Wife to the Husband to yield him help and furtherance in his outward Estate But in the prosecution of this duty we shall use the more concisenesse having mentioned something this way in the ninth duty of the Husband to his Wife only what was there delivered was upon another Account that is to put it upon the Husband to stir up his Wife to avoid idlenesse and to labour to be industrious where her chiefe Imployment was exprest to be to guide the house and to looke well to the waies of her Family But here we must labour to stir her up to the practice of this her duty and we hope the convincing her that it is a duty will be Motive sufficient to that end Now here it will be necessary for the Wife to take notice of the injunction of the Apostle in 1 Tim. 5.14 where he saith I will which is as much as to say I command that the younger women marry beare Children and guide the house Now to guide the house at least well for that must be understood is to see every servant performe their duty and every one in the
Family to have food in due season and that it be good for quality and enough for quantity and nothing spoyled for want of seasonable spending she must have a jealous eye upon such servants in whom there is the least ground of suspition of unfaithfulnesse to prevent their passages out of the backe doore as we â—ay and to take heed of laying temptations on them by letting them enjoy any opportunities to come at such things which concerne them not to have to do with but at times of washings or cleansing the corners of the house for the Proverbe is that the temptation makes the Thiefe She must in a speciall manner be carefull of the Education and breeding of the Children they being the chiefest part of her Husbands and her owne Estate she must be as helpfull as she may if need require to her Husband in his outward Calling But thou that art a Wife if thou desire to performe thy duty this way then for thy imitation read often and consider seriously of the waies of the good Houswife in Pro. 31.10 to the end of that Chapter And truly let me tell thee that if thou be not consciencious to further thy Husband in his outward estate thou art very unworthy to have any share in that honour of being reputed among the number of meet helpers There hath many a man been raised to a good outward estate by the industry of his wife for the hand of the diligent maketh rich Prov. 10.4 whether the hand of Husband or Wife And many a man hath been brought to miserable penury and beggery by the Idlenesse and such qualities as attend thereon of his wife Lastly The Wife may very much help her Husband in his outward Estate by labouring to prevent him or to seeke to reclaime him from profuse unthrifty and expensive waies I say she should first labour to prevent him from such Estate-consuming courses which she may do by labouring to provide all necessary and wholsome dyet at home for him with due attendance and a quiet Family for many a man having wanted these at home hath sought them abroad and so by little and little custome in unthrifty courses hath brought a necessity on him of continuance in them a necessity indeed but yet springing from his own wicked heart But thou that art a Wife if thou canst not prevent this plague from falling on thy Family then in the second place thou must labour in all waies of wisdome and sweetnesse to reclaime him out of these pernitious courses Beseech him to consider his sin by this wicked way of his against God Secondly against his own soule Thirdly against his body by unhealthfulnesse and noysome diseases Fourthly against his Credit Fifthly Against his owne Estate Sixthly Against thy selfe Lastly Against his poore Children Thou must also labour to be as amiable in his eye as possible that he may delight in thy company truly they are no good meanes that some women use to reclaime their Husbands by as to follow them with an enraged spirit to an Ale-house and there to raile and foame pull and teare as if they would throw the house out of the window as we say for this course seldome or never doth do any good But if all the meanes thou canst use prove in vaine beg of God to sanctifie this sore afflicton to thee and thine and the more expensive thy Husband is abroad the more sparing be thou at home that if possible the Estate may hold out to be a meanes to bring up thy Children untill under God they can shift by good waies for themselves But for thy own condition whether in such a desperate case thou maiest make a purse for thy selfe as we say or not I shall say very little and that under correction too submitting to the judgement of learned and judicious Divines but I am fully satisfied in my own conscience that thou maiest not contrary to thy Husbands allowance lay by one penny as we lay against a wet day and the reason why I thus thinke is because thy Husband alone hath the propriety in his Estate unlesse some agreement betweene you before Marriage or betweene thy friends and him have altered the case And we must for ever walke by this Rule that we must not do evill that good may come thereby Rom. 3.8 for their damnation is just But this thou must do and in so doing approve thy selfe a Christian thou must act faith on God Hab. 3.17 18. And that thou canst not do if thou neglect lawfull meanes or use any that is unlawfull The eighth duty of the VVife to the Husband Now in the eighth and last place the duty of the Wife to her Husband is to put forth her selfe with all tendernesse and endeared Affections with all readinesse enlargednesse and cheerefulnesse to yield him comfort and succour in the time of bodily affliction sicknesse and weakness we have seen before that the aiming at comfort in all conditions is one end and a principall one too of our desiring the Marriage condition And if a woman be any way negligent herein she doth leave unperformed one speciall duty she doth owe to her Husband for if ever a man stand in need of his Wives help he doth so in a speciall manner when he cannot help himselfe Now the time of sicknesse and weakenesse is such a time and then the wife must in an extraordinary way put forth her best abilities in her own person to contribute to the foresaid purpose and not only so but she must labour to procure able and faithfull attendants about him and by no meanes neglect to look out to procure under God help from such Physitians as have both the Theory practique part of their profession and manifest most tendernesse care and honesty for the good and recovery of their patients But what meanes soever she makes use of she must depend on the God of meanes for a blessing which she must crave of him by earnest and fervent prayer for such prayer is a meanes sanctified of God to save the sick Jam. 5.15 We shall turne in here and proceed no further to lay down the particular duties that the Wife doth owe to her Husband of which she must make conscience as in the presence of God And that as she will approve her selfe to be a meet helper to her Husband the number of which duties you see are eight first Matrimoniall love Secondly Cohabitation Thirdly To be helpfull to him in the best things for the good of his soule Fourthly Submission to him Fifthly To reverence him Sixthly To labour to beare with his Infirmities Seventhly To yield him furtherance in his outward Estate Eighthly and lastly To labour to help and comfort him in time of Ilnesse and weaknesse of any kind We have endeavoured hitherto to consider of the distinct duties of the Husband to his Wife And of the VVives duties to her Husband or which duties some that the Husband doth owe unto his VVife
their exorbitant lust to make them more sit to glorifie God and perform service unto men these and such like ought to be purely your aimes And lastly you must administer this Ordinance in a a right manner that is with lifting up your hearts to God desiring him with the correction to vouchsafe to them Instruction to sanctifie it to them so that it may prove effectuall for their Reformation to make them obedient to God in word and deed and faithtull in the discharge of all the duties they owe unto you Now when your carriage is truely thus in your correcting Children or Servants you may by the blessing of God expect some gracious effects of it except the Lord have a controversie with and against them to harden their hearts by this and other means to their own perdition Thus we have done with the foure general Duties which both Husband and wife owe unto both Children and Servants as first to instruct them in the wayes of God Secondly to pray with them and for them Thirdly to walk before them in good examples Fourthly and lastly to seek to reclaim them from bad wayes Now because the neglect of these Duties is a prime cause of infinite dishonour to God the means of many souls perishing to all eternity and the breeding of multitudes of rotten and vile members in Church and State we shall endeavour with the Lords Assistance to proceed to some reasons inforcing the performance of these Duties by all godly Governours and then come to make some Application thereof Reas 1 The first Reason is taken from the Command of God who requires the performance of all these duties at thy hands for thou hast seen by variety of Scripture Texts that these duties are not Arbitrary or of an Indifferent nature that thou maist doe them or leave them undone at thy own discretion Now as the Promises of God are to be the ground of thy Faith so the Commands of God are to be the ground of thy obedience That God requires these Duties of thee from hence thou maist gather an Argument that thou art bound to set thy selfe with all thy might to the performance of them A good understanding have all they that doe his Commandements Psalme 111. ult If ye know these things blessed are ye if ye doe them John 13.17 The life of a Christian lyeth chiefely in doing What singular thing doe yee Matth. 5.47 for so it is rendred in the old Translation What is the Theory of Religion if the practick part be wanting Now as you would approve your selves to be the Children of God you must obey him in all things for His servants you are whom you obey Rom. 6.16 The second Reason inforeing from you the Reas 2 performance of these duties before mentioned for the good of your children and servants is taken from those bowels of compassions that should be in you relating to the good of their souls for by thy neglect of teaching them the knowledge of God and praying for them and with them and walking before them in good examples and labouring to reclaim them from sinne they may perish in hell for evermore He saith James that converteth a sinner from the errour of his way shall save a soule from death Jam. 5.20 and hide a multitude of sins and what knowest thou but by thy conscionable use of these meanes thou maiest instrumentally do it In Exod. 23.4 the Lord commands that if thou meet thy Enemies Oxe or his Asse going astray that thou shalt surely bring him back againe How much more then oughtest thou to be carefull when thou seest thy Children and Servants go astray from God in the wales that lead to hell to be carefull to bring them back againe and so to secure their poore soules from perishing Now in the way to hell thy Children and Servants alwaies walke when they are in a state of ignorance and in the practice of any sin My people saith God are destroyed for lack of knowledge Hos 4.6 And as for thy poore Children thy own Loynes have been the Conduit-pipe to convey into their hearts and soules from Adam the fountaine all that corruption of nature which is in them and all that propensity to sin which is in their wils Truly it is not only against a gracious principle but against an Humane and Morall one too that thou shouldst thrust thy poore Child into a dangerous quagmire and then deny him thy hand to help pluck him back againe and that thou shouldst give him many a deadly and mortall wound and refuse to apply a plaister for his cure these similitudes are infinitely too short to set forth this case fully Now when thou dost neglect these meanes beforesaid thou dost shew thy selfe to be a cruell and bloudy Man a most savage beast there is no tearmes in the world that can fully set forth the intolerable vilenesse of thy condition be thou amazed and tremble like Belshazzar in another case Dan. 5.6 and set thy selfe to reforme The third reason to quicken thee to the performance Reas 3 of the duties beforesaid is taken from the account thou art to give to God at the great day for those soules that he hath committed to thy charge if they by thy neglect perish thou must be responsible for them at the generall Audit before God Angels and Men. At which time the Lord will not remit thee one graine of the non performance of any one of these or any other duties which thou shouldst have performed to have sought his own glory and the salvation of thy Children and Servants by For in Gods calling thee to be the Governour of a Family he hath made thee a watchman over their soules And consider thou that place for the purpose in hand in Ezek. 33.8 Eli the Priest was by reason of his indulgence to his Children a very defective man this way yet many thousand Millions of men are more He sought to reclaime his Sons from their wickednesse only by admonishing them of it and of the judgments of God for the same which is more perhaps than thou didst ever do but there unseasonably came to a period God punished this sin of his First upon those his wicked and degenerate Sons then on his own person and lastly on his whole house His Sons were slaine both in one day himselfe brake his neck and his house lost the Priests Office 1 Sam. 2.22 23 24 34 35 36. Chap. 4.11 18. Read the Story and lay it sadly to thy heart But the Learned do conceive that the personall punishment of Eli was but temporall because he was gracious though in the case before-mentioned a grievous offender I say read and and consider and as thou likest the punishment so practice the sin it is true God is patient but this his patience if further abused by thee will not prove thy priviledge but thy infinite disadvantage For thou shalt when it is too late find thou art rather reserved for hell than
Art thou a Husband Labour to performe thy duties to thy Wife Art thou a Wife Labour to discharge all those duties thou owest to thy Husband and both of you neglect not any of your duties you are obliged to discharge to your Children and Servants And it also concernes you to take care to see that your Children c. performe their duties to you which duties of all kinds you must mind and be informed in because hereby as you have heard God is glorified and both Church and State furthered in tranquillity and happinesse for by this means as before exprest you shall prevent a whole Catalogue of grievous sins from being perpetrated And so shall save the Ministers of God a great deale of paines ease their Loines and preserve their Lungs And prevent a great deale of trouble to all truly godly Magistrates who dare not beare the sword in vaine who had rather praise you and all others when they see you do that which is good than otherwise to be a terrour to you Beloved these are times look'd upon by many as times of Reformation And truly I look upon them as calling for much in that kind But let me tell you that let Ministers do their duties and Magistrates performe theirs yet if Governours of Families be remiss in the discharge of what concernes them in their relations in their little Churches and private Common-wealths all will come to nothing I professe the well instructing and right governing of Families is the eye of the worke I could wish with my soule that such as have power to make and constitute Laws would lay a very considerable Mulct upon all Governours of Families that neglect their duties to their Children and Servants to instruct and reforme them and that the same might not only extend to their purses but to their persons too You have heard before that by this meanes soules are sent to hell by multitudes such evill persons as these are what are they but the devils Factors and their sin and punishment one day without repentance will find them out but most sad of all men is the condition of such as even out of conscience as they pretend cast off the care of the soules of such as are under their charge they say and plead hard for it that none ought to be restrained from sin by use of meanes all Ordinances publique and private must be laid aside nay cast off with scorne and disdaine and men and women they say must wait for revelations from heaven sure they have had revelations from hell for their direction herein but from heaven they shall never have any unlesse it be in the demonstration of the wrath of God if they persist impenitently and for Family discipline there must be none let their Children Sweare Lye profane the Sabbaths or run in any vile way provided they call not their Parents and Masters vile Hereticks and abominable Schismaticks and offer to prove them such from the Word of God all is well for they say they can put no grace into their hearts but God will if they belong to him in due time Oh what tongue can tell or what heart can think what will be the portion of these men without Gods infinite mercy in converting and reforming them Truly contrary to intention when we first entred upon this Use we have made this digression it should have been a part of the other Use but being then omitted I was loath to let it wholly passe You may be pleased to remember that but even now I told you that were Governors of Families that if you did conscientiously discharge the duties which you owe c. you might hereby glorifie God and the tranquillity both of Church and Common-wealth would hereby be furthered c. So in the last place from hence you may conclude that as you glorifie God by this means and do good unto his poore Church on Earth by the encreasing and purging the members thereof that through the Lords free Grace in Christ you are Members of the Church of Christ here Militant and shall be of the Church Triumphant in the highest Heavens There to enjoy the fulnesse of happinesse at the right hand of Christ and all glorious and blessed Union and Communion with God the Father God the Son and God the Holy Ghost and with innumerable and blessed Angels and Saints even the soules of just men made perfect even for ever and ever O my soule praise thou the Lord praise ye the Lord. FINIS Christian Friend By reason of the Authors living far from London and also his urgent Imployments hindring him that he could not attend the Presse there hath some faults escaped and are here inserted in this ensuing Errata which thou maiest be bleased to mend with thy Pen c. In the Paternal Advice in p. 21. l. 11. f. groanes r. grave In the Epistle Dedicator p. 2. l. 22. f. and r. for l. 28. r. as upon Page 2 line 29 for a read the. p. 11 l. 32 33 f. poverty r. penury the same l. f. destruction r. distraction p. 12. l. 21. f. with r. into p. 24 l. 26 put a period at expected p. 28 l. 18 f. these r. those p. 36 l. 31 f. prove r. approve p. 37 l. 11 f. churlish r. a churlish l. 25 r. as â— p. 38 l. 8 f. stone r. a stone p. 39 l. 7 r. be too nice p. 45 l. 1 f. spirituall r. speciall p. 46 l 9 f. unhandsome r. unwholsome p. 50 l. 15 f. over r. even p. 51 l. 6 r. a muckworme l. 15 f. Hos r. Hest p. 93 l. 1 f. unto r. in p. 95 l. 13 dele no. l. 15 dele the. p. 108 l. 14 f. concerned r. concerneth l. 32 f. doth r. should p. 141 l. 10 f. duty r. Deity p. 143 l. 27 f. his r. thy p. 152 l. 16 f. command r. examples l. 19 f. thirdly r. secondly p. 164 l. 6 r. the eternall p. 169 l. 19 r. not what is she p. 173 l. 6 r. to the. p. 174 l. 17 f. eye r. Key