Selected quad for the lemma: duty_n

Word A	Word B	Word C	Word D	Occurrence	Frequency Band	MI	MI Band	Prominent
duty_n	child_n	marriage_n	parent_n	2,707	5	9.3519	5	true

Text snippets containing the quad

ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A92764	The godly mans choice, or, A direction how single godly persons, who intend marriage, may make choice of a fit and meet yoak-fellow being the meditations of Caleb Grantham in his single state, as a rule and guide for himself to walk by, and since his death perused and published with some profitable directions how persons should live as becometh Christians in the married state / by Henry Scudder ...	Grantham, Caleb.; Scudder, Henry, d. 1659?	1644 (1644)	Wing S2138B; ESTC R42507	34,805	158

raging with curses All which is nothing else but the fruit of an indiscreet and unadvised brain which leapt before they lookt and so run headlong upon their own ruine But now if by thy diligent prayers God hath been so gracious to thee as to bring to thy view and to thy proffer one endowed with all those qualifications before mentioned and so every way fit for thee yet before thou setlest thy selfe to wooe her wooe both thy friends and her friends labour to obtaine their free wil and consent unto it you know the proverb Stoln goods will not prosper if thou takest her without her friends consent shee 's no better then stoln for thou violently takest from them that which they doe not willingly give thee and how canst thou expect a blessing should accompany this thievish match Again if thou givest thy self to her without thy friends consent thou robbest them of their priviledge and becom'st thine own carver a thing contrary to the rules of reason and Gods word Against the rules of reason for what more reasonable then for a man to dispose of his owne and what more his own then his children They are the parents right they brought them into the world they came out of their own loyns and were bred up at their own breasts they have suffered much and done much for them How many sick sits and weak faintings were they subject to in their conception How many terrible pangs and painfull dolours did accompany their production With what diligent care and fervent pains and frequent cost were they at for their education How many a wakeful night and wearisome rest and tedious thoughts and dolefull teares and earnest prayers have they poured out for them Let not him be worthy the name of a child who having received thus much from their parents will not with all possible subjection acknowledge it And what better testimony of thy acknowledgement canst thou give then in this to submit thy selfe to him who under God hath been the cause of thy being and so earnestly seeks after thy well-being It is a part of the parents duty seasonably and carefully to provide in this kind for their children Thus did Abraham for his son Isaac Gen. 24. 2. 3. And Isaac for his son Jacob Gen. 28. 12. And Hagar for her sonne Ismael Gen. 21. 21. And as the sons so the daughters were at the parents disposing therefore saith Caleb I will give thee Achsah my daughter to wife Josh. 15. 17. And Saul gave David Michol his daughter to wife 1 Sam. 18. 27. yea Naomi was carefull to provide for Ruth her daughter in law Ruth 1. 2. And is it not then the childrens duty to submit to their parents providing Yea surely for so did Jacob Gen. 28. 6 7. Nay it is observable that the parents consent amongst the heathen is a thing requisite in marriage Gen. 34. 4. Therefore said Shechem to his father Hamar Get me this maid to wife implying that unlesse his Father would get her he could not take her And what doe they but heap up woe to themselves and sorrow and griefe upon the gray haires of their aged parents who do otherwise Gen. 26. 34 35. Therefore seeing it is the Parents duty to provide and thine to submit beg of God that he would direct the hearts of thy parents to pitch upon one who may be every way qualified and meet for thee as before mentioned that their hearts may not be so carried away with some particular object at which they look most and like best be it beauty or honour or friends or riches or the like for with these many are so taken that if they see these attend her be there else never so much unfitness and incongruity yet they are resolute none but she shall have their consent but that their affections might be taken most with that which deserves it best and then desire that thy affections may be pliable to his that he would bring them into a submissive frame and not like some whose affections having taken an head run themselves upon this desperate resolution that what ever become of it they are resolved fall back or fall edge like or dislike none shall stop them none shall hinder them certainly where such unbridled resolutions meet in either it plainly argues that God was sought of neither neither of the parent for the child nor of the child for himselfe But surely this is the fruit of prayer and here is the finger of God when the thoughts intentions and affections of both sweetly and harmoniously meet and conjoyne in one The building up of this match will be like the building up of the Temple 1 Kings 6. 7. wherein was heard neither the voyce of the Hammer or the axe so here all things shall come forward so prosperously and so easily that there shall not need an hammer to drive them and all obstacles shall be so dissolved that there shall be no need of an Axe to hew them asunder Now having successively wooed thy parents then proceed to obtain the good will of the party but first be sure she be one to whom thy affections can be entirely knit Let no riches entice thee nor beauty allure thee nor friends perswade thee no nor grace move thee to make any thy wife where thou dost not find thine affections equally drawing thee to it for where entire love begins not the match there jarring discords for the most part will end it First be sure that thy affections are on her and then labour to get her affections unto thee This mutuall love is the foundation on which this marriage structure must be built and the pillars which must continually support it Indeed it is the very kernell of the businesse he who will attempt it without this must expect that it cannot stand firm but will ere long shatter about his eares And as thy care must be to get her good will so how thou gettest it for herein many bewray abundance of weaknesse and a bundle of folly 1. Some will declare their kindred from what a noble stock they are derived how nobly descended what royall blood runs in their veines Thus they seek by honour to win their wives 2. Others will unlock their Treasuries lay open their riches spread before them their revenues declare unto them the length and breadth of their possessions with large proffers and promises that the quintessence of them all shall be extracted for their use and service Thus riches shall be a net to entrap their affections 3. Some will acquaint them what large priviledges they shall obtain what liberty they shall enjoy what ever is in the house or in the field or in the purse shall be at their disposing that without controllment they shall come and goe walk and ride at their own pleasure These pretend liberty but intend to bind them sure to themselvs 4. Others there be who will spend their time and studies in

life according as it is well or ill done The composer of these choyce Rules or Directions was a most ingenious and holy young man of good learning rare parts he studied before hand and practised these Rules which he had gathered out of the Oracles of God and he had God going along with him for he gave him a wife according to his desire with whom he lived but a short time it pleasing the Lord in favour to him to take him away from the evil to come The memory of the just is blessed Some erect monuments in Marble that their name may be kept in perpetuall remembrance And it was the manner in some places that in their mourning for their dead friends they held forth and shewed some of their most excellent works which they wrought while they lived I think a better monument cannot bee raised nor better means can be used to preserve this mans name most pretious sweet and ever living and most profitable to posterity then by making this his work publick to the Churches of God These are such as will alike serve to direct a single woman in her acceptance and choyce of an husband to teach parents how to make choyce of husbands and wives for their children as well as to direct a man to make a good choyce of a wife I commend unto all the practise of this our brother for their imitation that every one study and endevour to know and to do the works and duties of the places and conditions wherin God hath set them that they may walk with God and please him therein Amongst the secondary evidences of being in state of grace and accepted with God I know none more clear and certain then this that a Believer in Christ Jesus doe adde unto his faith a conscionable care to please God in the well doing the work of his particular calling and relation I cannot think that a man hath any more power of godlines then as he shall respectively endevour to manifest it in the particular calling condition of life wherein God hath placed him as well as in his generall For an upright man as he will as David did keep himself from his iniquity that is the iniquity which through his naturall corruption he was most prone unto to which through the particular condition of his life he was most tempted and in greatest danger so his speciall care will be to doe the duty of his own place to do that work which God in speciall hath given him to doe The Apostle in divers places after he had delivered the doctrine of faith he subjoyneth the doctrine of good works First more generally as the effects and evidences of a lively faith and then he descendeth to particular duties of men and women according to their severall ranks and relations as of Wives to their Husbands Husbands to their Wives of Children to Parents and of Parents to their Children of Servants to their Masters and of Masters to their Servants as the effects and evidences of true sanctity Where a generall good conversation is not endevoured there faith is not alive but dead and if a man think he hath faith and hath not works he deceiveth himselfe so if he think he hath works because he doth many of the works of holinesse and righteousnesse which his generall calling to Christiaanity leadeth him unto but yet doth not the work which God particularly hath given him to doe he also deceiveth himselfe he may fear that the holines and righteousnes which he seemed to have is not sound Whosoever shall bee desirous to make use of these Directions to make a good entrance into marriage will I thinke be as desirous to know how to live as becommeth Christians when they are maried Wherefore for their help I have added unto the end of these directions some others touching Husbands and wives their loving and living together so as they may please God and may live comfortably and happily in the married condition Both these directions I commend to all that desire information herein and also commend you and these to be blessed to you by God the instituter of the ordinance of marriage to whom be ascribed as most due is all honour and glory now and for ever Yours to serve you in the Lord HENRY SCUDDER Pastor of Collingburn Ducis in Wilts. July 23. 1644. The Godly mans Choyce EVery end hath its proper way and means appertaining to it All ways will not equally alike lead to the same end there is a contrary way that will never bring thee to it There is a crooked and indirect way that may perhaps but with much trouble and labour but then there is a streight and direct way and this is that way which will both with ease and pleasure bring thee to thy desired end This is the way which all men grope after but few can find it Now if to marry and to marry in the Lord a wife and a good wife one with whom thou mayst begin thy dayes with joy continue them in quiet and end them with comfort if this be the end of thy thoughts then surely the most direct and streight way to obtain it will be to seek her of God Not a few are the inducements to move us to this course 1. Because hee is best able to guide and direct you to the finding of her she is a flower that growes not in every garden an hearb that is not in every field she is not to be found in every house you may seek long enough ere you find and finding be deceived unlesse God direct you 2. She cannot be had from any other but from him he it is who is the great Patron in whose family are all the prudent wise vertuous religious persons that are to be desired and if thou wouldest have one of these apply thy self to obtain his favour so shalt thou find a good wife Pro. 18. 22. In other families no doubt thou mayst find a rich wife a beautifull wife but a prudent wife is from the Lord Pro. 19. 14. 3. It is the easiest way to find her Mercies though great yet when they cannot but with great difficulty be obtained it either disheartens us in the pursuit of them or els abates the sweetnesse in the enjoyment of them but with how much content and delight is the heart filled when it apprehendeth a great mercy tumbling into his lap Wouldst thou obtain a good wife which of temporall mercies is the greatest lo this is the most compendious way sit thou still doe but seek and wait and at length thou shalt as it were behold God bringing her in his hand and offering her to thee we see Adam slept while God brought Eve unto him Gen. 2. 21. 4. Never any found that did not thus seek many indeed have wandred roved over this wide world seeking in every place casting their eyes in every corner

able you must allow her plentifull and comfortamaintenance as food apparell c. even the very same for kinde and proportion sutable with that which you provide for your self for she is your self that she may live like your wife cheerfully with you 22. And as you may dislike and reprove your wife when shee doth ill so much rather are you to take notice of and give her due praise and incouragement when shee doth well Give her of the fruits of her hands saith the Lord by Salomon Hee hath little if any grace ingenuity or love to his wife which will not do it 23. If God take you out of this life before your wife if good provision be not already certainly made for her then you before your death are by your last Will and Testament to take care for her comfortable maintenance after your death in which I would not have you to do as too many fond and foolish husbands do give all or most part of your estate to your wife you having children leaving them to her disposing This doth but expose her to temptations By experience you may see that many enter into such second marriages as prove to be a great wrong if not an utter undoing of the children of her former husband 24. But do not as too many also do neglect their wives and give all or most part of their estate to their children leaving his wife their mother to need to be maintained by them how unnaturall many children prove to their mothers when all their fathers means is in their hands is seen too oft in wofull experience consider well your estate and accordingly give her so much that her children may have more need of her then she of them that shee may of her self without them live comfortably and they may expect to be beholden to her rather then that shee should need to be beholden to them and this will better contain them in dutie to her when you have left her in an estate able to do them good if they continue loving and dutifull to her There is also duty peculiar to the wife to be performed to the husband 1. FIrst you that are a wife must see in your husband whom God hath given to you and set over you a stamp of Gods Image and authority wherby he is become above you and is made your head and you are made his inferiour and are made subject to him whatsoever his birth parts or wealth was or is or whatsoever yours is or was you must now look upon him as bearing som of the Image and glory of Gods power and authoritie which God hath invested him withall for your good hee is now thy lord hee is now thy better he is one who must be highly esteemed of thee one to whom your desire must be subject one who hath rule over you 2. You must shew your love to him and due esteem of him and due reverence of his person you must see that you reverence your husband saith the Apostle you must reverence him in your heart It was Michaels great and shamefull sin that she despised her husband David in her heart 3. Shew reverence to your husband in word and gesture in word and deed when you speak either before him or of him or to him you must shew in all these that you have an honourable esteem of him For this Sarah whose daughter you are if you doe well is commended by the holy Ghost There is time and place for very familiar speech to the husband but never for a slight neglective contemptuous or rude speech or behaviour to him you must alwayes reverence him 4. You must also shew your love in being subject and obedient to him 5. This obedience must be a ready hearty and an universall obedience to all his reasonable lawfull commands or significations of his will God saith Let wives be subject to their own husbands in every thing This generall in every thing admits onely this limitation that it be in the Lord If your husband commandeth what God forbiddeth or he would restraine you in that wherein Christ hath made you free in this case you are to obey GOD rather then man If you enter into marriage according to the directions formerly given by that holy young man now with the Lord which he took out of the word of God and shall live in a married estate according to these present directions taken from the same holy Scriptures you shall live comfortably one with another and shall be a blessing each to other and shall adde much to one anothers happinesse here in this life I will shut up all in a few words of caution and advise unto both husbands and wives Consider that although this estate if you be not wanting to your selves be full of comfort benefit and matter of delight and content yet it will be but for a time it may be but for a very short time that you shall live together This will cause you to redeeme the time with thankfulnesse to God enjoy each other and doe good to each other as well as in receiving good one from another while you may lest else it prove to the surviving party great griefe of heart that he or shee did let slip that good opportunitie wch God had given them Moreover you must consider that there is another choice to be made which if you be the same you professe your selves to be you have already made which is better and everlasting namely you have handfasted and betrothed your selves to Jesus Christ This cōcerneth that one thing needfull which when you have obtained it shall never be taken from you without whom all earthly blessings in the end will prove curses your whole heart must be taken up about this and wholly placed here What is said of riches when they increase that may be said of the good of marriage Set not your heart thereon as upon that wherin you should place your happines or set up your rest Christ Jesus and his kingdome are first to be sought he must be your chiefe love and desire you must obey him in all things absolutely you must wholly live to him at all times and must delight and satisfie your selfe alwayes in his love your love and delight in one another must be in a subordination to your love to him and as it will stand with your love and obedience to him The Apostle adviseth you that are married to be as if you married not you that have husbands as if you had none and you that have wives as if you had none It is not meant that when you are married you may separate at pleasure and live one from another as too many doe nor yet to neglect one another though you live together But your lives must not be so bound up one in another but that you can part one with another And you must use this estate as you doe

p. 64. Much evill doth follow the expectation of that good in marriage which it cannot give p. 65 66. After consent is gained in the way prescribed It is very expedient that you be betrothed to eath other before that you be solemnly married p. 66 67. Betrothing will make you sure one to another but not give a right to marriage society p. 67. Betrothing before marriage is of excellent use pag. 68. Directious for married persons Some Duties are common to both Being married together see and acknowledge it being made as before hath been prescribed to be of God p. 69 70. This acknowledging of God will be of great good use to you both p. 70. Consider well what a strict bond and covenant you entred into even into a covenant with God p. 71. You are mutually to love each other abundantly p. 72. The neerness of relation into which by marriage you are entred it being the express will of your God that you should thus love one another must be the spring and foundation of your love pag. 72 73. This love must shew it self in care of each others souls you must pray one for another and in your places edifie one another 74 You must study to please each other in what you may and be helpfull to each other p. 75. You must be faithfull and keep your selves chast and not defraud each other of due benevolence p. 76 77 78. You must not be jealous of each other p. 78. You must be preservers of each others names and credit 78 79. If God give no children you both must submit quietly to his will p. 79. If God give you children you must joyn in bringing them up in the nurture of the Lord p. 79 80. You must be helpfull to each other in governing and ordering the wayes of your family p. 80 81. Touching your estates you must joyn in all lawfull wayes of maintaining it with diligence in your calling being thrifty and frugall p. 82. There ought to be a community betwixt you in the use of your temporall estate p. 83. Expressions of speciall familiarities betwixt you are best shewed when you are alone p. 84. Your love must be so strong that nothing can quench it p. 85. You must not suffer any difference to make a breach or faling out betwixt you p. 85. If any such shall be be sure that you do not sleep upon a discontent between you p. 85. The husband out of wisdome the wife out of duty should begin to shew kindness and to make up the breach p. 86. When either of you begin the other must readily embrace it p. 86. To joyn in prayer to God is an excellent means of reconciling man and wife if any breach have been betwixt them p. 87. The peculiar Duties of the Husband You are wisely to keep that authority over her which God hath given you p. 88. 90. You are to dwell with her as a man of knowledge p. 90. You must esteem her and use her as your companion and second self p. 90. You are to tender her as the weaker vessell pag. 90 91. You are to teach her the wayes of godliness p. 92. You must daily pray with her p. 92. 93. You must use your authority with mildness p. 93 95. You must command her only things lawfull not things unreasonable nor trifles p. 94. Lay commands on her but seldome a bare signification of your will to her should be enough p. 94 95. Never reprove her but for a great and manifest fault and that with the spirit of meekness and love p. 95 96. Due time and place must be observed when you reprove her p. 96 97. You must nnver be so unmanly and unnaturall as to correct her with blowes pag. 98 99. If shee will not be governed then help of the Magistrate is to be desired p. 99. You must shew wisdome in her imployments p 99 100. You are to give your wife all good encouragement when shee doth well being more ready to approve her well-doing then to reprove her for evill p. 101. The wife must be well provided for before your decease that shee surviving may live more comfortably p. 101 102. You must not give all or too much to her with the neglect of your children p. 102. Nor yet may you give all or most to your children neglecting your wife p. 102 103. Peculiar Duties of the Wife You must see in your Husband and acknowledge the stamp of Gods authority upon him God having made him to be your head and ruler p. 104. You most in abundance of love shew true reverence to him in word and deed p. 105. You must obey him in the Lord in all things p. 106. Some Cautions and other generall Directions to Husbands and wives for the close of all that the married estate to them may be more contentfull and comfortable p. 107 c. Errata FOr comfortable p. 66. l. 1. r. uncomfortable for enjoy p. 108. l. 14. r. enjoying for do p. 108. l. 15. r. doing FINIS Ruth 4. 11 Jere. 2. 2. Heb. 12. 22 23. Eph. 3. 15. E. M. Cogunt●●●ss● ma●●● 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ●sse v●les Sal de Prov. s● 66. 24. Ezek. 16. 8. Pro. 31 1. Filii diligend● sunt in Deo 〈◊〉 propter Deum Quid Christus nisi Deum in nobis dilexit non quem habebamus sed ut haberemus Lomb. l. 3. D. 27. Isa. 65. 8. Jos. 24. 15 Prov. 10. Act. 9. 39. Psal. 18. 23. Joh. 17. 4. Eph. 5. 22. Col. 3. 18. Tit. 2. 17. Jam. 2. 17. Pro. 18. 22. Pro. 19. 14. Gen. 2. 21 Jer. 45. 5. Gen. 24. 2. 3. Gen. 28. 12. Gen. 21. 21. Jos. 15. 17. 1 Sam. 18. 27. Ruth 1. 2. Gen. 28. 6 7. Gen. 34 4. Gen. 26. 34 35. Prov. 30. 19. Psal. 55. 22. Deut. 31. 6. Psal. 9. 10. 1 Sam. 18. 25. Jos. 15. 17 Isa. 26. 3. Phil. 4. 11. 1 Cor. 7. 28. Rom. 8. 20 Gen. 3. 16 Eccl. 1. 14. Eccl. 2. 3. 11. Mal. 2. 15. 1 Cor. 7. 2 1 Cor. 7. 32. 35. Eccles. 4. 9 10 11 12. Deut. 20. 7. Deut. 22. 32. Mat. 1. 18. Mat. 1. 20. Mat. 1. 18. 25. Mat. 19. 6. Prov. 19. 14. Prov. 7. 2. Gen. 2. 23 24. Mat. 19. 5 6. 1 Cor. 7. 2. 1 Cor. 8. 1. 1 Pet. 3. 1. 1 Cor. 7. 33 34. Gen. 2. 18. Prov. 31. 11 12. 1 Thes 4. 4 Heb. 13. 4. 1 Cor. 7. 3. Lev. 18. 19 24. 1 Tim. 4. 4 5. Prov. 5. 18 19 20. Job 31. 12. Prov. 6. 33 Prov. 6. 32 Heb. 13. 4. Gen. 39. 9 Lev. 20. 10. 1 Cor. 13. 7. 1 Pet. 4. 8. Gen. 30. 1 Pro. 22. 6. Eph. 6. 4. Ps. 101. 6. Gen. 18. 19 Deut. 6. 7. Prov. 27. 23. 26. Pro. 31. 27 Pro. 10. 4. Pro. 21. 5. Eph. 4. 28. Gen. 26. 8 1 Cor. 13. 5. 7. Eph. 4. 26. Jam. 3. 17. 1 Tim. 2. 12. 1 Pet. 3. 7. 2 King 4. 9 10. 22. 24. Mal. 2 14. 1 Pet. 3. 7. Pro. 2. 17. 1 Cor. 14. 35. 1 Pet. 3. 5. Gal. 6. 1. Lev. 25. 43. Col. 3. 19. Ephes. 5. 29. Prov. 31. 31. Ephes. 5. 23. Gen. 3. 16. Ephes. 5. 33. 2 Sam. 6. 16. 1 Pet. 3. 6. Eph. 5. 24. 1 Cor. 7. 29 2 Cor. 11. 2. Luke 10. 42. Ps. 62. 10. Mat. 6. 33. Ps 45. 11. 1 Cor. 7. 29 1 Cor. 7. 30. 31. ● Thes. 3. 5. Mat. 25. 1. 4. 7. 10. Luk. 20. 35 36. 1 Thes 4. 17. Psal. ●6 1 Joh. 3. 2. Phil. 3. 21.