for their owne ends provide for their children such contentfull matches as they desire but that 's not their fault God must helpe or else they cannot with the barne and winepresse But yet in such matches as are offered parents must beare sway stroke with their children though it is not in their power to afford them such as they wish yet this must not cause them to give up their Authority to their children to marry as they lift against rules mentioned And that which I say of parents themselves I say of Father or Mother in laws Gardians and Tutors who by them or by the law are left to oversee and order the waies of Children not yet able to guide themselves yea although they be of such years and discretion as perhaps a parent at least a step-father might permit them to themselves Yet it were the duty of such a childe to take lesse rather then more upon himselfe and to advise seriously with them ere he finish ought whether he have been well guided or no about marrying religiously or aptly Some parents I grant have exceedingly wasted their Title and infringed their Prerogative for such is their ignorance and injudiciousnesse in such affaires having in truth never understood in any degree what their owne marriage meant much lesse are fit to guide others also many are so vitious and so debauched with sinne that they have lost all ability to advise eyther in this or in any other weighty businesse but yet neither are these to be despised but to be honorably handled and especially if they shall desire to see and judge with other mens eyes and braines their children are to yeeld therto as well as to themselves What speciall reports do the Scripturs make of that care which holy and wise parents had of their childrens marriages How did Abraham adjure his servant to goe to the house of his fathers to chuse a wife for Isaac How doth the holy Ghost brand Esau for matching without Isaac and his mother Rebecca their consent to the heartbreake of them How doth Isaac and Rebecca charge Iacob to meddle with none of the Heathens And if any prerogative might have exempted any then might Sampson a Iudge in Israel have beene exempt who yet was not for although it came from God that he should marry that uncircumcized Philistin yet he would have his parents give their consent Give me her and when they saw the way of God they ceased But til then they argued as parents should do what is there no wife to be chosen for thee out of any of the families of Israel but thou must seek among the Philistins Not so much as Hagar that bond woman but it 's said that she tooke a wife for Ishmael out of the land of Egypt as if the holy Ghost should take it as granted that none of the Church should question it If a sonne might not alienate his fathers goods without his consent there least of all himselfe I say the Scripture testifies from the beginning that this authority did reside in the parent from God God himselfe the father of Adam Luc. 3 vlt. brought Eve to him he did not seek her himselfe A great and leading ground to the point And this prerogative God derived to parents notwithstanding the fall and forfeit of Adam for ever See Deut. 7. 3. Thou shalt not take to thy sonnes any wife of their daughters Iâ—rem 29. 6. Give your children wives And Paul He who gives his virgin to marriage doth well c. Neither is it sufficient which Bellarmine the chiefest Papist of all who opposeth this truth in his 19. cap. of Matrimony and that out of the Councell of Trent Session 14. for most of other Papists do oppose him in it replies that this text onely implyes Marriages ought not to be made without the privity of parents for Gods charge doth not only shew what ought to be done but that else the Marriage is frustrate as appeares Exod. 22. 16. Where it is left to the parent to deny Mariage in a case of uncleannes which else urged Marriage Much more then in coole blood See also Numb 30. 4. If a parent might frustrate a vow to God much more a private civill act of his child to marry Neither is this meant as Bellarmine dreams of a Mayd under yeeres but simply of one under covert though of 20. yeeres old and so the Ebrew word Nagnar is taken Iob. 1. 19. and so another Iesuite upon this text confesseth a parent might frustrate any vow whatsoever See Gal. 4. A sonne differs not from a servant being under his father he can dispose of nothing in the house of his fathers goods without consent how much lesse himselfe who is the foundation of the family as in the Ebrew word Ban notes Another Papist Espencaeus in his booke of clandestine marriages professeth the like against Bellarmine in the last Chapter save one Heathens have constantly beene of this minde Gen. 34. Sichem craves of Hamor to get him Dinah Catullus Plautus Terence Latine Poets Sophocles a Greek one all both Comick and Tragique who speak the customes of their times do intimate the same One of them brings in the father distasting his sonne for a clandestine marriage thus Callst thou me thy father Needst thou me for a father Hast thou not found thee out a family a wife and children against my mind The sonne answers I yeeld up my selfe father to thee impose any task command me what thou wilt Wilt thou have me divorce the wife I have Wilt thou have me marry or not I will beare it as I may Justinian shewes the meaning of the civill law lib. 1. Instit Tit. de Nuptiis Then are marriages good when made by consent of such as whose power they are under it is Beza his speech in his Tract of Poligamy and Divorces Civil laws about necessity of parents consent are more knowne more cleere more holy then that any man can be ignorant of them can darken or can abolish them Paulus the Civilian in his Title touching the right of marriages saith Marriages cannot consist except all in whose power the parties are consent Hottoman a famous Civilian speaks the same in his book of chast marriages part 4. The Councel of Eliberis mentions the judiciall law of Moses confirming it If a Damosel have bound her selfe by oath or promise in her fathers house and he gainsay it it 's frustrate A Canon of Basil addeth marriages otherwise made are counted but whoredomes I conclude with Erasmus no Scripture no Testimony of valew can be alledged against this Truth If it be asked whether upon the fathers consenting the mother dissent from the mariage or contrary wise what is to be said I answer The mothers consent makes for the better being but the fathers for the being it selfe thereof for hee is the head of the wife and of the family Vse 1 This may be a
Contracts Civill ones and no more unsafe matches for religious ones 33. Connivers onely at and not approovers of religon in their Yokefelowes taxcd 39. Comenders of religion in their wives for by ends reprooved ibid. Counsell for such as draw in an evill yoake Pag. 41. 1. Rip up thy state to God 2. Redâ—eme old errors and pray for pardon 3. Passe by pardonable faults 4. Fret not at thy Lot 5. Vtter not thy greivances easily 6. Justifie not thâ—ne owne sinnes by anothers ibi seq Continency a rare gift of God therefore to be sought for of him 49. No Curiosity to marry aptly 64. Corruption alway affects a contrariety to the Law of apt marrying 67. Contemners of equall marriage reprooved 69. Counsell to such as are already unaptly married 70. Contract and â—onsent of Parents in marriage handled 71. Consent of Parents necessary for marriage and why 71. ibid. Exceptions against the strict rule of Parents Consent in marriage 77. Childrens objections against Parents carelesnesse in their marriages answered 79. Counsell given them what to do in their supposed wrongs 80. Parents obstinate to Consent to be curbed 81. Question about Parents Consent answered 81. ibid. Cavills of such answered as plead for maintenance and respect from Parents whose consent they neglected 84. Dissembled and forced consent of Parents by children is sinfull 85. Halfe Consent of Parents or consent after contract is faulty 86. Contract of marriage in what sence here used 96. In what râ—spects such Contracts may be said to be essentiall 104. Contracts very antient and of generall use 105. Jewish Contracts what and how solemnized ibid. Act and performance of a solemne Contract how to be done 106. Disdainers of Contracts taxed 121. Contracted couples must prise their Contract 123. Speciall Counsell touching it 124. Cause of the unhappy and unprosperous estate of many Couples is the want of their joint Religion 137. Chastity the maine joint duty of marriage 163. Proofes of it 164. Amplification of the point 166. Reasons for it 1. Chastity is the main support of union 2. The deâ—ilement of each party defiles the whole marriage 3. God hath ordained one for one 4. It covers all other defects but is covered by no other endowments 5. It is the corner stone holding in all the building 6. Because it honours mariage in many respects 1. In the fruitfulâ—esse of the wombe 2. Blessing of legitimation 3. A curse is turned to a blessing hereby 167. to 171. Chastity to be preserved and in how many things it consists 172. Chastity of spirit necessary and why 172. 173. ibid. Chastity of prevention necessary wherein it consists why here urged 173. 174. 175. Chastity of Bed needfull heathen men shame Christians in this Two Extreames here to be avoyded ibid. 175. 176. 177. 178. Some marks to know moderation ibid. 178. Popish forced Chastity and affected abstinence from the benefit of the Bed compared 179. Inconvenience of both unjust abstinence and excesse of liberty compared ibid. Chastity of Body needfull what is meant thereby Exhortation thereto 180. 181. Consent between Couples a joynt duty and needfull 184. Reasons 1. by the experience both bad of such as want it and sweet of such as enjoy it 2. The pretiousnesse of it 3. It hath a divine instinct in it 4. It brings God into the Marriage 184. 185. 186. 178 188. The praise of consent 186. Consent stands in three things 1. Consent of Heart 2. Of speech 3. Of Life 188. 189. Consent exhorted unto and urged 200. What ought to be done by both after their differences with the conclusion of the point 201. 202. Cohabitation of Husband with Wife a necessary duty Many abuses of this kind taxed Humiliation to such 217. Reproach of seperaters 218. Conditions requisite in a Wife in the acting of Gods matters 286. Whether wives may give to Charitable uses or not 272. The mothers Consent in Marriage not absolutely required 81. Exhortation to Chastity to keepe our Vessels with holinesse and honour 354. Three counsels propounded To abhorre somewhat 1. Thine owne selfe 2. Thoughts of contemplative uncleanesse 3. All colours and excuses of it 4. All inward fomenters of it 5. All outward Temptations Counsell 2. To meditate of Somewhat 2. Properties of it 1. That it be wise 2. That it be deepe and serious About both the Properties and penalties of this sin First the Properties and they are three 1. the Spiritualues of this sin shewed in six steps or degrees 1. An evil heart 2. Evill works 3. Vnbeleife 4. Delusion and defilement 5. Hardnes of heart 6. Departing from the living God Secondly meditate of the peculiarnes of this sins evill The third thing that it seperates from God And from Communion through Excommunication if not inflicted yet deserved The spirit of God excommunicates him in the Court of his owne conscience Then secondly meditate on the penalty of this sinne 1. A giddinesse and drunken security disabling the sinner to lay it to his heart A wofull example of it from 354. to 368. Then secondly temporall penalties of it 369. The third Counsell to practise somewhat and that concernes either such as have been only guilty of it or else relapsed to it after conversion For the former they must practise 1. Due humiliation and abasement under the hand of God 2. They must gather hope out of the promise of God to pardon it 3. Glorifie God in the confession of it 4. Set before thine eies the Promise in 4. respects 5. Sue out the killing power of Christ to destroy lust 6. Returne to the Lord in chastity for ever Lastly such as have revolted to it againe must take counsell in divers particulars to 384. Encouragement to all undefiled ones 385. Magistrates both Civill and Ecclesiasticall to whom the censure of lust pertaines must be in Gods stead to judge and censure all uncleane persons 384. D. DIverters of their wives from Religion to other matters reprooved 39. Duties of Parents toward children unwisely suffered to linke themselves 78. Dissentions of religious couples the shame of profession 190. Difference in Couples wherein it stands 313. E. ENtrance into good marriage requires Marrying in the Lord and apt marrying in the Lord. 21. Exhortation to it in many branches 45. 46. 48. Error of the time and prejudice of outward complements must be abhorred by him who would marry in the Lord. 51. Exceptions against the generall rule of apt Marriage many 62. Exhortation to Parents not to faile their Children in the busines of their Marriage 95. Exhortation to all good couples to close together in Religion both inward as Faith and outward in Family worship and private 138. 141. 143. Exhortation to private intercourse with God 145. Exhortation to wives to be helpfull in their places 302. Encouragement to such 303. F. FAith the maine Duty for couples to joine in The infinite miseries of a married life for lacke of it 140. Family duties and private worship necessary for the married to
The third their heartsâ—re broken hereby Zach. 10. 12. The fourth they being convinced of Gods ends beleeve it The fifth From hence they are encouraged to obey Psal 45. Eph. 6. Mâ—â—kes of a lower degree Job 33. 23. Zach. 9. 9. Cant. 3. Reasons of this first branch The first Rash matches unblest The jewels of the marriage ring Faith and humility Peace Ephes 6. Purity Righteousnes Trials of mriage many 1 Cor. 7. 35. God is â—eldom found out of his owne way 2 Tim. 3. 3. Grace levels all disproportions Objections and doubts answered 1 King 21. 25. 2 Kings 4. 27. Luk. 23. 31. Mat. 12. 35. Rom. 1. 13. Luke 9. 60. 1 Cor. 5. 10. Instan Pro. 24. 34. 2 Cron. 19. 11. Eccles 7. 26. Ephes 4. 14. Esay 30. Vses of the point 1. Terror and reprâ—ofe Bran. 1. Pâ—opnane scorners to mâ—rry in the Lord terrified 1 Kings 12. 10. Juâ—g 14 3. Josh 23. 29. Prov. 9. 17. Jedg ult As Gen. 6. 2 3 2. Branch of terrour Marriages with them that are onely civilized unsafe Gen 6. 1. Psâ—l 4. 8. Branch 3. Reproofe Of such in which either partie is bad 1 Kings 21. 25 cap. 21. ver 7. 1 Kings 21. 7. Eccles 4. 9. Judg. 11. 38. Mat. 23. 15. A villanous speech Admonition to such 2 Kings 1. 13. Psal 39. 13. Iob 20. 11. Branch 4. Admonition to the religious married to the irreligious Bran. 1. Luk. 1. 6. 1 Sam. 18. 27. 1 Sam. 25. Job 1 8 9. Dâ—â—â— 22. 11. 2 Cor. 6. 15. Dâ—n 2 32. Prov. 19. 13. Job 2. 9. 12. 2 Sam. 6. 23. Luk. 1. 6. Luke 15. 28 Branch 2. Diverters of their wives from religion to other matters reproved Connivers only at the religion of their yoke-fellows not approvers thereof taxed Commenders of religion in their wives for others reâ—pects not for religion blamed 1 Pet. 3. 1. 1 Cor. 1. 25. 1 Cor. 7. 16. Luk. 10. 42. Scorners to be drawne by their wives religion faulty Counsell for such as draw in an evil yoke Gen. 41. 9. 1. Rip up thy state to God 2. Redeem old errours and pray for pardon Gen. 17. 18. Deut. 5. 28. 3. Passe by ordinary faults 1 Pet. 3. 1. 4 Fret not at thy lot Luke 21. 19. Esay 26. 20. Luke 5. 40. 5. Conceale grievances so long as is possible Heb. 12. 13. Prov. â—8 10. Prov. 10. 29. 6. Justifie not thy owne errors by others Instruction What the best object of the maâ—ried is 1. Respect Job 28. 18. Prov. 8. 11. 2 Sam. 23. 19. Prov. 19. 22. 2. Respect 3. Respect Jonah 2. 8. Ad monition against some errours herein The first The second Gal. 6. 7. 3. Branch â—ecles 9. 11. Exhortation to marry in the Lord in 3. branches Three branches of it The first Youth must redeeme her golden season for this end Eccles 12. 1. Mat. 12. 35. Luke 10. 42. Eccles 12. 1. John 21. 18. Single life not like marriage in point of troubles but more free Read Prov. 5. 11. 12. John 3. 8. Gen. 6. 2. Lam. 3. 23. Esay 63. 9 10. Mat. 12. 45. Esay 57. 17. The second branch of Exhortation in many particulars Duty 1. Selfe-deniall and trial what Gods minde is about our estate Mat. 16. 24. 1 Thes 4. 4. Mat. 21. 17. * All receive not this gift Mat. 19 12. 1 Cor. 7. 8. 1 Cor. 5. 5. Continency being'a gift of God must be sought for 1 Cor. 7. 35. No vowes of single life wâ—â—ranted The second Sound judgement and subduing of a rebellious heart Job 39. 9 10. 1 Cor. 7. 38. Luke 23. 21. Duty 3. Error of the time to be abhorred Grace must be prefer'd to weâ—lâ—th in marriage 1 Sam. 25. 18. Good marriages must be bought The fourth pray hard for good marriage pay and pray too Mat 15. 18. Ezek. 36. end Ps l. 37. 5. 1 Sam 1. 27. Gen. 33. 5. Tit. 1. 15. 1 Sam 25. 1. Judg. 14. 3. Duty 5. Advice of the most judicious and impartiall friends requisite for good marriage Joh. 14. 14 15. 1 Sam. 16. 6. Duty 6. Observing the spâ—ttis of each other meet for such as would marry in the Lord. Job 34. 3. Prov. 15. 22. 〈◊〉 1. 5. â—ob 32 8. 1 Cor. 2. 15. Exod. 33. 6. Rom. 12. 16. Acts 15. 15. Prov. 17. 24. Esay 65 8. Zach. 4. 10. Conclusion of this second duty The man hath the leading hand therefore ought to be wary Women woers threaten woe Touching marrying in the Lord three questions answered 1. Question answered Psal 37 5. 1 Pet. 3. 15. Psal 37. 6. 2. Question answered 1 Sam. 8. 5. Act. 10. 34. 1 Cor 14. 33. Gen â—â— Gen. 19. â— The third duty preparation betweene the contract and the marriage necessary The second generall for entrance is to mairy aptly 1 Cor. 7. 35. * Jugaiâ—s Who are unapt Exceptioâ—s against the 〈◊〉 of 〈◊〉 aptnesse many More exceptions Phil. 4 8. Psal 131. 1. Instruction No curâ—â—siâ—y to marâ—y aptly Exâ—d 8. 3. Judg 21. 23. Admonition against overweening our own strength in unapt marriage Terror to affectors of unequall matches Reproofe Branch 1. Corruption alway affects a contrariety to the Ordinance Prov. 30. 23. Branch 2. Reprose Contemners of equall marnage reprooved Exportation Affecters of of unequall marriages learne to be wiser Rom. 12. 16. 1. Sam. 18. 23. 1. Sam. 25. 41. Matt. 20. 22. Branch 2. Counsell to such as are already unaptly married Iam. 4. 10. Occasion of this digression For handling of Consent of Parents and a Contract Consent of Parents necessary for marriage and why Parents cannot doe as they would in matching of their children Guardians and governours are to looke to their orphans as well as parents to children in point of marriage See these texts Deut. 7. 3. Ier. 29 6. Gen. 24. 3 4. Exod. 22. 16. Iudg. 14. 3. Verse 4 5. Gen. 21. 21. Further proofe of the point Cornel. à Lap. Terent. Andr. Scen. 3. Confut. Exceptions against this generall rule Exod. 22. 16. Duty of parents towards children unwisely suffered to link themselves Num. 30. 4. Another exception 1 Cor. 6. 36. Parents must observe the condition of their children Childrens objections against parents carelesnesse in their marriages answered Counsell to such children Mal. 4. ult Parents obstinate in consent to be curbed Matt. 8. Mat. 16. 25. Questions about Parents consent answered Reproofe Terror to all rebellious Children who marry against their Parents consent Cavills of such Children answered as will be loose in duâ—ty to their Parents consent yet will have their parents tyed to them in meanes and maintenance Ioh. 9. 5. Parents may be shy to disobedient Children and why 2. Sam. 14. 24. Branch 2. Dâ—ssembled and forced consent of Parents by children is sinfull Galat. 6. 4. Rom. 12. 9. Luc. 15. 12. Matt. 7. 2. Branch 3. Hâ—lfe consent of parents or conâ—ent afâ—er their contract is faulty Exhortation to marry with Consent of Parents 1. Sam. 25. Pro. 10. Mica 2. Branch 2. Dignity of parents Vse of reproof
of some wise and impartiall men who without playing bootie may judge whether such a marriage be according to God or not If not they ought so much the rather to dissolve it as being not onely contrary to parents will but Gods rule also And then there is no more to be said in it for a pious child ought not to violate such a band as this upon any affection to the other party or like pretence But if the marriage be found good and equall then ought it not to be broken off through the parents refusall at his death But the will of God being conceived to be for it the parents will must not contradict his And hereto adde that it must indifferently be enquired first whether the parent were a man truly judicious to pronounce such a sentence else sure its a deadly snare Againe whether in his life he permitted the parties to consort in ordinary till they had wonne each others heart for in that case his deniall is doubly injust especially if he have actually given consent during life and changed it without ground Also whether he were not alike various in other his conversation easily drawne to or fro by small perswasion Likewise whether he have not in other of his childrens matches beene hardly drawn to consent no reall cause of his dissent appearing whether refusall might not proceed from some other sinister cause and not the dislike of the match it selfe as from privity to his weake estate loth to disburse much ashamed to come short of the worlds expectation for discredit sake or the like If probably these things doe appeare I thinke the bare religion of the fathers last sentence ought not to prevaile against more forcible reasons to the contrary and upon the weighing of these cases the parties ought to thinke that they heare the voice of God to beare downe the parents Although the dead parent cannot alter his words yet it may be supposed he would have altered it if he had lived because he ought For this so much If any more questions arise I will handle them in some of the uses following which now I hasten unto And whereas they doe concerne both children in point of duty and parents in point of dignity first of the first Vse 1 And first here is bitter reproofe yea â—ror to all such refractory children as have not onely digressed from but directly transgressed against this rule If the duty of children be so manifest how is it that so many children doe at once breake through this divine edict as great flies through cobwebbes by the stronger lawes of their own wills Doe you so degenerate Oye impes from all modesty and obedience That whereas you might marry not onely within the ranke of your education but also of religion and the feare of God now through your wilfull contempt of parents not onely you chuse you unequall husbands among Ostlers and Scavengers for these are honest trades according to their places but to gracelesse ones and such as are deservedly by-words of reproach for their swearing drunkennes and all profanenes Is this a parents requitall at your hands that when there is no other trouble that should bring the gray haires of your parents to their graves then the treachery of those which came out of their Ioines and wombs should do it For as for the beggery you bring upon your selves who should pitty them who wrong themselves willingly and chuse themselves such a portion Oh! but say some of these we did it in a suddaine passion of love and is not that to be pitied I answer considering what constant misery your short passion hath procured you your selves are like to have the worst of it it were well if others would learne to be wiser by pittying your folly But there is more in it then passion For why How many of such rebellious ones do we meet with daily who contrary to all their parents counsels letters running and riding after them threats if they venture promises if they obey notwithstanding all the feares and jealousies warnings and watch-words of their parents yet with deepe dissembling and lyes count it their chiefe happinesse to keepe off the suspicion of that from their notice which yet all on the suddaine they dare rush upon the most clandestine and desperate matches that may be yea after they have engaged themselves to their parents by vowes and obtestations to the contrary that they thought they might rely upon them Esa 63. 10. as children that will not lye yet then have they broken through all bands Isay what is this but the depth of subtilty and villany But still they object The businesse was so suddenly brought to passe by perswasion as we could not prevent it Why Do you wonder that your way should be so smooth having such a factor of hell as you consult with to promote it Such Proctors as for a tenne shillings matter will licence it for halfe so much dispatch it and send you packing to woe and misery No no Theeves shall never want receivers and concealers But still you will say It should not have beene done but now it s done and past T is true it s done strongly enough I grant for parents must digest that which they cannot vomit But the necessity of the knot excuses not the knitting And you shall have many lookers on upon such matches who will speake much for them the case being none of their owne who if it were their owne lot to have such children would bee ready to cast the first stone at them and of all others be most implacable with them To whom I say Iustifie not sin in others suspend your censure till it be your owne lot as its like to be the sooner if you excuse it Oh! but for pitty sake you must now helpe them with some meanes to maintaine them in a hard world why will not love alone maintaine you in coole blood as well as it did in hot what have you forsaken your parents in the maine and come you now unto them for the by shall you have the pleasure and they the burden Alas you divide badly Nay nay you must hold to you to what you have chosen Parents have but small joy to maintaine theeves and traytors with their meanes and estate it cost them more the getting then your easie matches cost you But still they alledge Would you have God deale so hardly with you when you repent I answer God forbid but if there bee any sound repentance wrought in you you should bee as freely pardoned as wee our selves desire to be forgiven of God! But if you thinke to tye God to your sleeves so farre to follow you with grace and repentance as fast as you sin or to accept of that for sound which you say is so you much mistake it he knoweth well if he should thus easily be baffled by one he should have enough of your custome for ever But still you
insist Let us bee accepted to favour as before I answer It s a greater matter then so If we could as easily purge your hearts as pardon you wee would imitate God who doth both at once But since we cannot we must deale with you as David dealt with Absalon though upon a shew of submission he forgave him the punishment yet by your leave he commanded him to his house and received him not to favour And as David wisely abstained from that in discretion for feare of nourishing up the rest of his children to the like treachery so parents had need rather to set up such children as Beacons to the rest of their fry to scare them from the like attempts then as many fooles do by over hasty reconciliation under hope of their repentance to encourage them to tread in the like steps There will be time enough for that when they have bitten longer upon the bridle and had leasure to repent that in coolenes which in their heat they committed And so much for this first Branch It also confutes the practice of such children as although they will seeme to rely upon the consent of parents and cannot be condemned by men in the businesse yet it s not out of any honour or obsequiousnesse to parents from conscience of the duty or beholding Gods authority in them but from policy and necessity because they know the parent is the purse-bearer and as the proverb saith Be it better or worse we must be ruled by him that beares the purse These may say of themselves as hee once did I sweare with my mouth but I carry an unsworne heart within me so in fact I yeeld but my heart is unloyall So that they say they must be well advised for feare of overthrowing all If their parents should take a pritch at their neglect they might lose a future friend and forfeit the hopes of their owne good estate and how then should they doe This is the pad in straw this forces the eye of many children to be upon their parents and to make them a grand marke or object of their duty I say to you as in another sense Paul speakes Let every man have the cause of his owne comfort within himselfe and not without let not the duty of a childe be resident upon the fathers ability to benefit him or to crosse him so that a parent may thanke his wealth for his childes service and say If it had not beene silver'd or guilded over it would never have proved But let it proceed from sincerity Some will say It s well that it comes any way I answer Halfe a loafe is better then no bread for by this meanes order is kept in conversation and many absurdities held off though there be no thanke to them for their obedience For surely if such children could draw from their parents what they listed to fish from them as that Prodigall did with a word speaking they would soone bid duty adieu and cut out the cloth in their owne fashion marrying as they list wherefore yeeld this honour to thy parents entirely as their due Be humbled if it have not beene so make your peace with God for this as well as for any offence else whatsoever else God may exercise thee by some unwelcome buffetting to thy cost and perhaps make thee to behold that sin which thou wert blinded in in the glasse of like disobedience of thy childe to thee yea such a childe as of all others thou presumedst would be most faithfull to thee Do as thâ—u wouldest be done unto measure out to others as thou wouldest have them to measure backe unto thee So much for this second Thirdly this taxes other children also who will perhaps suffer their parents to carry some stroke with them in their matches but themselves will have the chiefe hand in it and it must come in after the matter concluded betweene themselves And then at last lest they should incur the reproch of refractory ones they temporize and flatter their parents causing them first to thinke well of and then to ratifie their marriages rather indeed to salve their owne credit and for necessity sake then because they are willing These counterfeit actors and forces of consent as if it were voluntary sin against the rule of Consent of parents Shall a childe binde the parent to the good abearing in this kinde and then by his consent countenance and shrowd his owne act in it selfe unwarrantable Consent is the parents due but whiles thou dost urge it unjustly thou makest it thine owne work Thou either dost perswade thy parent really to thinke well of thy doing and that 's to gull him or else onely to make shew of it and that 's to make him equivocate like thy selfe Vse 2 Shortly therefore I exhort all couples that intend marriage to lay away all covers of shame to remove all colours shifts subornations of parents and goe to worke plainly deserve sue seeke for the consent of parents Leave is light and sweet liberty against rule is pleasant in the tast but bitternesse is in the end of it Remember that is the best marriage whose sweetnesse is best in the bottome a naturall motion is swiftest in the end now commonly matches of your owne making are best at first and worst after Ayme at so peaceable a marriage as may be so in a sad strait and affliction and may not pursue and accuse a man when he is wounded and sore such an one as will not upbraid the soule and say This day I remember my sin and I feele this rod was of mine owne making That which Paul speakes of the Magistrate Obey him not for compulsion but for conscience sake for he beares not the sword in vaine so here For the parent represents not God in vaine and his voice is the voice of heaven Better erre with a parent then doe well without him It shall be as health to thy navill and marrow to thy bones it shall procure blessing from thy parent whose curse is worse then a Popes with booke bell and Candle Obey them who are set over you for good for their sorrow will not bee your joy you provide ill in grieving them Esau and his race were Lord Dukes for many ages but his prophane contemning and vexing of Rebecca with his wives lost him his birthright and at the last cost him ruine Honour thy father and mother therefore that thy dayes may be long in the land which the Lord hath given thee Say thou deny thy selfe a little in this say thou must conflict with a crabbed untractable parent yet behold God in a parent when thou canst not in a good one winne him by humility contest not a fathers spirit will not endure it duty may overcome and breake his heart but wilfull opposition will marre all And I speake not this onely in case of young couples living under their parents roofe but in what
distance soever they live Nor in case onely that the parent be wise solid judicious holy for such a one claimes it by many respects but even when â—eely when unwise irreligious and obstinate The good parent may pray for thy successe as well as endow and enrich thee But the bad and preposterous cannot forfeit his right to his childe though he may disable it he must have the honour of thy consent though thou canst not enjoy the good of it Above all let religious children beware of prevarication in this kinde calling in question their sincerity this way yea though they meet with many rubbes in their way yet let them by their good conversation prevaile with parents and seeke God to breake and mollifie their parents spirits rather then to exasperate Yea let mothers have this honour as well as fathers perhaps they can better advise howsoever they have merited this honour as well as fathers Yea let all such as are set in place of such by marriage of owne parents all tutors guardians and governours share in this kinde Thinke not that your youth and wit can see further in this kinde then theirs children will say that old folke dote and are fooles but old ones know that children are so God hath given them as props therefore desoise them not And to end I say unto you as Abigail to David It shall not grieve you one day but much comfort you that you have not made sad a loving parent You shall never have cause to repent you The way of the Lord saith Salomon is strength to them that walke uprightly The word of God saith Mica is good to him that is upright Though there were no reward for it yet there is reward enough even in this I have denyed my selfe and obeyed So much for this former branch the duty of children to parents herein The second branch concernes the dignity of parents They must conceive that even in their priviledge there lyeth a duty too to God to the childe They must say as the Centurion did I my selfe am under authority Therefore here is sad reproofe to parents for a world of abuses Truly most parents may thanke themselves for their childrens disrespect in this kinde they never sought to nurture them up in Gods feare to informe and teach them in the trade of Gods way or their owne But either out of a foolish affection and pitty will never see ought amisse in them as Adonija and Absalon were to David and the fruit was sutable or a great and false opinion they have of their childrens dexterity and sufficiency in this kinde which is the high way to their ruine or else they offend in a base and degenerate softnesse which hinders them from maintaining their authority in their childrens hearts Too much familiarity begets contempt and if a servant over cockered will looke to be as a child then will a child looke to be haile fellow well met with a parent There is a mediocrity between excesse of rigor in many parents whereby they are so darke and aloofe from their children as if they were some other mens children and their slaves which imbreeds bad thoughts of them base qualities of servility and hollownes in children and exasperates their spirits against them It causes children to thinke themselves slighted and as in other points so in marriage as if parents were too high to take thought for it Difference I say there is betweene austerity and the contrary extreame of foolish familiarity For by this children grow so sawcy and effeminated that they thinke it almost ridiculous to question it whether their parents will consent to their choices because they have beene wont to be soothed in all by them and never crossed Paul sayth well to young Timothy see that no man despise thee So I to old parents Doe nothing which which might forfeit thy authority into the hand of thy Boy or Girle Of all such I say as old Jacob to Reuben Thy dignity is gone Lay the foundation O parent of that priviledge which thou wouldest preserve to thy selfe in the wise menaging of thy childs spirit while he is yong and tender for that 's the season of leavening him with such principles as must worke after Other parents so love their ease and vacation from care and sollicitude that rather then they would take the paines they chuse to commit all to wind and weather leave all to the will of the children hit they or misse they they care not Doe we know say they what will fit and content our children what woman they would fancy or distaste If we should negotiate in this worke our children perhaps would beshrew us for ever after and never love us more We for our parts have given our selves content in our wives and matches and we have done well God be thanked and so we hope may they also Surely you teach your children good divinity They see small religion serves your turne and you are better without it then with it and they see that if they should marry any better then the parents the goodnesse of a wife would be but a superflous object to them if not a continuall eyesore and therefore they tread in their steps like child strives to give content to like parent Other parents are also so inconstant in their humors and aimes at their childrens matches that they can never come to a point with themselves about them Their hearts are carnall and therefore never satisfied For either on the one side they are so wedded to the peny that although they very well might they are loth to part with any thing for the present to procure competent portions for the children Or else they seeing their estate too narrow for their proud hearts and scorning that they should match their children no better then they can forbeare altogether to yeeld consent to any though the yeares and desires of the poore children crave it Or else they aime at such portions for their heires for the helping forward of their daughters matches or else looke at such concurrences of birth and parts that scarse any can please them Others are accessarie to their childrens bad matches by their unprevention and dalliance as before hath beene spoken and permitting their children unseasonable commerce and long acquaintance with such as they know to be sutable companions cannot break them off after when they would because they are snared Others are too satagent and busie about their childrens matches for they being led by no groundes nor sound reasons but fancie doe perswade their children to such matches as become most snaring and uncomfortable to them for ever after selling them to sorrow Neither are parents guilty onely about the match it selfe but also the consequence thereof For why through their indiscreet love to their welfares and their ambitious desires for their childrens enhaunsments they grant greater jointures to their eldest then their estates will permit and so
passe on a most uncomfortable time of marriage more dismall then to live in a wildernesse because the necessity of an unwelcome chaine makes it doubly wearisome And as themseves so they who were the authors of such matches do live together at deadly feude at continuall sutes the one striving to revenge himselfe upon the other till both their estates be ruined I doe not hereby exclude Guardians from that due respect which the law affordeth when their care and respect to their orphans welfare is sutable to the calling of a Governour But whatsoever the law allots the conscience of one that feares God should be so tender that themselves being no losers in respect of the charge which they have bin at they should deale with the orphan mercifully in all other respect of advantage which a man of no conscience would encroach upon Such as looke at their own peace and the honour of their profession will be wary in such undertakings to make their retreat sure that nothing may after be cast upon them which might crocke their name or religion or give occasion to others either to stumble at the practice or to make it at a president for the like impiety To conclude I say this to all parents who will be ruled by the word boast not of your honour and priviledge to doe hurt with Shunne all those base distempers of which I have treated at large as the infamies and reproaches of bad parents or governours Sinne not on either hand ether on the right or left neither by base sluggish neglect and contempt of this charge nor yet by any abusing of your liberty to the prejudice of your children But walke in the cleere way of duty To which end consider your prerogative is allotted you by God no otherwise then that you might undertake the duty more cheerfully Be circumspect painfull wife and helpfull to your children so farre as your meanes will admit with a free beteaming heart God tries your love and integrity by this occasion Times are now growne such that the best parents cannot improve their love and affection to their well deserving children as were to be wished the world is at such an high rate that they whose estates are not very great can hardly light upon a comely sutable match especially for daughters there being none so meane now adaies but looke for as good portions as in our predecessors time would have beene thought a very good portion for men thrice above their fashion And it is the disease as well of the children of God as of men to flight good matches where excesse of portion attends not yea I am perswaded it s the cause why Gods hand is so manifest in the ill successe of most matches because God was never so little looked at in marriages as now But as for these things let both good parents and children count it their affliction beare it meekely and leave it to God Let your love be neverthelesse to doe them the good you can It is not in your power to do all you would God will have somewhat left to himselfe Smaller matches with Gods presence and blessing for ought I see may in short time equall farre greater in successe Doe that for your children both in your education meanes counsell prayers providence which is in your power to doe and as for the the rest remember marriages are made in heaven and thence must expect their happinesse you can doe no more then you can And for this whole argument viz. consent of parents thus much CHAP. V. Touching a contract What it meanes The substance of it Answer to some questions about it COncerning this argument the first enquirie will be about the word contract how and in what sense we here use it Then touching the necessity or indifference thereof Thirdly concerning the performance and act of contracting Fourthly touching such reasons or respects as whereupon it may seeme to be reasonably practised And then shall want such quaeres as are or may be made against it or about it Lastly we will conclude with some use of the point For the former of these we here make a contract a relative word importing an antecedent act betweene two parties who intend marriage that is to say a private mutuall free unconditionall promise having past between these two persons to marry each other and no other But here this contract is not ment but a more solemne and open binding expression of this former promise made that it may be ratified and strengthned as becommeth a businesse of so great consequence So that before we come to any other consideration we must needs premise a little touching marriage promises made in private betweene the single parties it being presupposed that they be not within degrees prohibited and further that they be without all exception of inconvenience or ill report and scandall as in the case of cozen Germans is manifest and the nature thereof For we must know that although an explicite or expressed contract hath in it the greater force externall before men to tye the parties to marriage yet the mutuall promises of them both joyntly made either at the first or afterwards doe as deepely binde them both before God and in court of conscience as the other doth And indeed the difference betweene them is not formall but accidentall and both are true reall contracts or covenants the one as the other and if there be somewhat in the expressed contract which is not in the other in respect of outward obligation then may there be truly said to be somewhat in the former which is not in that in respect of essence For the being of the expressed contract rests in the former viz. in the deliberate voluntarie mutuall and honest resolutions of the parties among themselves which being past give the essence to marriage before the other came and is the foundation and ground of the latter For else it might be said that any passage of expression betweene two before witnesse falling from parties though in rashnesse or in sport or upon a question demanded might carry the force of a contract which no man of any sense can imagine to wit because the expressed contract before witnesse implieth a former mutuall consent betweene them not now to be questioned but yet for speciall causes to be more solemnly and publiquely testified for avoyding of great inconvenience And this appeares plainly by the effect which a contract or promise produceth and that is a great alteration in the parties who before such promise were their owne and had the stroke in their owne hand to dispose of themselves as they please But after their mutuall promise they cease to be their owne and passe over themselves not their money or corne or goods but themselves each under God to the other so that now each hath power over other and onely one over the other In so much that whatsoever other promise should possibly be made by both
let not this marriage of mine deface these faire beginnings it is appointed for good let us therfore meet for the better not the worse Take me on further Lord as the child takes forth his lesson let the sun of my light and grace not go back but forward ten degrees in all my hearings Sacraments publique and private use of ordinances growing in the truth as it is in Iesus that together with judgement sweet affections againe with tender affections sound judgement may grow and increase in me And thus I have finished this point also of a Contract being the second peece of my Digression from the point intended to wit the honour of marriage both in the entrance of it whereof I have spoken in the first three Chapters and the continuance of it whereof in the Chapter following shall be treated CHAP. VI. Returne to the first Argument The Honour of Marriage in the preserving of it during the marriage life TO returne then whence we digressed now it followeth that we come to the second part of the Honour of Marriage standing in the carefull improving thereof in the marriage conversation It is the nature of honour to love attendance and they who have found an honourable marriage must wait upon it and keepe it so And it is a true speech That it is no lesse vertue to keepe a mans wealth name or honour then to purchase them Iob tells us that God hath denyed wisedome to the Estrich to looke to her egges to hatch them when she hath layd them she forgets the worke of laying and leaves them in the sand for the feet of wilde beast to destroy them The Apostle John willes that Lady and her children not to lose the good things they had gotten but to get a full reward It had beene better that some had married with farre lesse shewes of goodnesse and hope of thrift except they had kept it better For there is nothing so miserable as to have beene happy The praise of that good woman in the Proverbs is not that she was vertuous before entrance no it was her proofe and practice which made her honoured and her husband in her Many great Captaines have got a sudden crown upon uâ—eir heads but they have died with a bare title and lost it with more shame then the glory came too which they got it by It s not sayd that Zachary and Elizabeth were worthy couples in their entrance but both in their married course walked with God Paul doth not onely teach married ones to bee married in the Lord and no more but how to live together and maintaine conjugall affection and to keepe that knot by subjection compassion tendernesse and faithfullnesse Rest not in this as some Scholers doe that their names are up and then fall to idlenesse and prove dunces So many couples are like the Image made of gold in the head silver in the breast but worse and worse downeward They would have their marriage beare up it selfe whereas that is as she is used if she be not cautiously observed she will take a tetch depart and carry her honour away some husbands and wives through the slighting of religion as thinking it needles to acquaint themselves with God as Job saith in all their complaints wants and distempers others by loosenesse of heart in company whereof they make but small choice others pampering themselves with ease and wantonnesse lying open and naked to a unsuspected enemy soone blast that honour of their marriage which at the first they seemed not dishonourable to enter upon And others have done the like by improvidence by needlesse meetings gaming 's or the like idle courses others little observing each others temper and so preventing many discontents others also by presuming to find at the hands of another more respect and affection or expecting greater wealth and estate then they found grow to distates and debates then to seek stollen waters as weary of their owne cisternes And therupon growes a decay in their estates discredit among such as esteemed well of them poverty and imprisonment seperation from each other And what is all this save to cast their crowne into the dirt and to prophane it wilfully whereas had they resigned up themselves and the successe of all their hopes to God walking faithfully and keeping covenant both with him and themselves humbled themselves and submitted painfully to their callings of magistracy ministery or private life without ambitious reatching at matters above them they might have kept their crowne and garland fresh and green yea surely had they set themselves to embrace those graces of God in each partie to winne love and amity betweene them bearing with infirmities and covering them with tendernesse how flourishing had their head and honour continued without fading even to this day But it shall be enough in this place to touch only in the generall upon the equall necessity and coherence of this second duty with the former for all such as would preserve their honour inviolable That which I shall further say hereof may more seasonably come into the use of that discourse which shall ensue after we have cleered the point it selfe which because its large and will cost consideration let us enter upon it It may then be demanded wherein this art and skill consists of saving this honour of marriage so unsteined The answer is it stands in two sorts of duties whereof the former sort concernes both husband and wife jointly and undividedly to practice The latter concernes each of them in severall the husband apart and the wife apart Let us then begin with the former Those duties which concerne bothe equaly are foure First Iointnesse in religion mutuall love like loyall chastity and sutable consent Touching the first of religion my meaning is that as they are entred already with a religious spirit into their marriage so they must continue not only to be religious stil but to cleave mutually together in the practise of all such meanes of worship and duties of both tables as concerne them I say in the parts of religious conversation to God More plainely first that they be joint in the worship of God publiquely both ordinarily upon the Sabbath and occasionall at other times and seasons as also extraordinary The word must be heard by both jointly Sacraments mutually received prayers frequented and all the worship attended Secondly family duties concerning both themselves and their children and servants as reading of the Scriptures conferring of them prayer and thanksgiving exercising those whom God hath committed to their care in the principles of Godlinesse and the severall duties of inferiors The husband being the voice of God when they are both together touching which more shall be said in the severall offices belonging to the husband If he be absent and there be no man of better sufficiency to present whom both of them allow of then ought the wife to discharge the duty as hereafter shall
joine together closely in The causes why The duty opened urged 141. 143. 144. Counsels about it ibid. Forced and loveles marriages dangerous 154. and in what respects ibid. Howe farre the wife may undertake the service of God in her Family 268. Of choice of wives out of Bad Families see Wife Fornication a great sin 331. G. GOd is seldome found out of his way 26. Grace levels all disproportions in Marriage 27. Grace must be preserved yea all counted as drosse to Grace for a good Marriage 52. Good Marriages must be bought 53. Guardians and Governours and bound to looke to Orphans Marriages aswell as Parents to Childrens 73. How they fayle therein by sundry abuses 93. The wofull fruit of it 94. Gracefulnes a third peculiar duty of the wife to her husband 304. what this gracious virtue is ibid. Two things in it Matter and that is Grace Especially these 7. 1. Humility 2. Self deniall The 3. Faith both in the truth in the life of it A. 4. Innocency 5. Zeale and piety 6. Mercy and compassion 7. Confidence with others as cheerfulnes sincerity c. from 305. to 312. Secondly The Forme or temperature of it in what it consisteth ibid. graceles and bad Wives what miseries to their Husbands 314. Gracefull wives must expresse it to their Husbands 315. Husbands that are happy in the grace of their wives must returne the like ibid. Generall uses arising from the whole Treatise 316. Objection about degrees of Grace in either party of the Married 56. H. HEathen opinions of fornication 3. Honour of mariage upheld by two meanes viz. Good entrance and good continuance 21. Honour of mariage stands both in joint acts and several 128. Motives to the Husband to love his wife 160. To the wife to love him 162. Humiliation meet for all couples who have lived in dissention 192. the duty urged 193. Ill Husbandry what it is 233. Husbands especiall duty to bee a man of understanding 203. What that understanding is what particulars it stands in 1. In what not viz. Not in an high spirit 2. Not in a rash selfe-wildnesse 3. Not in knowledge without practice 4. Not in yeelding to good counsell without imbracing it 5. Not in giving counsell to others taking none our selves 204. 205. 206. Secondly in what it consists 1. In renouncing our owne understanding 2. To bee first subject to God and so to guide the wife 3. To be more sensible of a burthen then of an honour 4. To bee qualified with a spirit of Grace for all â—ccasions 206. 207. 208. Wastfull Heires overthrowers of their mariages 232. Vnnaturall Husbands language 244. Severall duties of the Husband to the wife Looke Wise Husbands though but meanly parted deserve subjection by the Ordinance 260. Mens Hearts not so tender as womens if they bee right vide Men. I. IEw confuted in his conceit of mariage 2. Joint acts of the maried 4. 1. Ioint Religion 2. Ioint Love 3. Chastity 4. Consent 128. Jealousie between couples most odious p. 182. Remedy for the wronged party ibid. The duty urged ibid. Idlenesse in a mans calling to be avoided 225. Ingrossing many farmes at once ill husbandry 234. Impudency in usurping wives in matters of God taxed 284. God deales with his owne by Judgements and threats and why 328. Godly persons have a slavish part in them as well as a free 329. Judgements of God greivous against uncleannesse In many Branches declared 1. Gods dearest servants not excluded from this sentence of punishment 2. The ofspring of the Adulterer excluded for many generations from the Tabernacle or Temple worship 3. The old penalty of Adultery death without Remedy 4. Severe Judgements executed upon Adulterers do shew it sundry of thâ—m in Scripture and from experience mentioned 5. Manifold markes of wrath upon uncleannesse 1. Vpon the Soule 2. Vpon the Name When men have have failed God hath struck in 3. Beggery 4. Coherence of uncleannesse 1. Vpon the Soule 5. It s the Divels Nest-egge 6. Consequences of mischiefe upon it 7. Vpon the Body 337. to 346. Instruction to men to bee subdued by the terrors of God against it 351. L. COnjugall Love the second mutuall duty of the maried handled 146. Love Matrimoniall being preserved causeth mariage to be honourable ibid. Love of the maried not onely bred by instinct but oftentimes also by other occasions outward inducements and motives 147. 148. Love conjugall neither onely a naturall nor yet a religious thing but a mixture of both 150. Love necessary for sundry reasons ibid. Love though a joint duty of both the parties yet hath a different carriage in either and what 152. Love will not nourish it selfe but must be nourished daily betweene couples 155. and by what meanes it may be so 156. Admonition to the joint practise of conjugall Love 157. Danger of the breach thereof 158. Exhortation to Love jointly 159. M. MAriage is honourable The maine doctrine proved and reasoned at large by 4. reasons 1. In respect of the party 2. The nature of mariage 3. The use of it 4. The sacrednes from p. 4. to the 9. Mariage abhorred by the base life of many couples 13. Mariage no buckler to fence off reproach in bad causes 15. Mariage no loose nor idle way of service 18. Encouragement to religious Maried couples 19. Miseries shunned by good couples ibid. Married couples must serve God in their time 20. Marying in the Lord what Some markes of it 1. Sight of unworthinesse of this favor 2. They see a reconciliation 3. Their hearts are broken by it 4. They being convinced of Gods ends beleeve it 5. From hence they are encouraged to obey Other lesser markes added 22. to 24. Rash Matches unblest 24. Iewels of the Marriage Ring 4. 1. Faith with humility and selfe deniall 2. Peace 3. Purity 4. Righteousnesse 25. Trials of Mariages many ibid. By ends in Mariage oft plagued by God 26. Objections concerning Mariage answered 28. 29. 30. 31. The Man having the leading hand in the onset of Mariage had need be the wiser in his choice 57. Touching Marying in the Lord three questions answered 58. Apt Marying is as necessary for entrance as Religious Marying 60. Mariage must bee honoured in preserving the same unsteined during the conversation of it 126. Maried persons who forsake their owne fellowship in worship and run to strangers with complaints faulty 136. Mariage dishonoured by base trades and courses of life 232. Mens hearts not generally so tender and zealous as womens if they be right 309. Mariage is a shaddow of the spirituall union of Christ and the Church p. 321. 1. In their meeting and Mariage it selfe and how 2. In their mutuall converse 1. What Christ is to his Church 2. What his Church is to him 322. 323. Doubts concerning Marying in the Lord answered eight of them p. 28. 1. Many do well wanting Religion 2. It may grow in time afterward 3. Many have failed in seking good wives 4. Many
Religioâ—s ones have perillous qualities 5. What shall become of the It religioâ—s 6. But we are snared already 7. Very few such are to be found 8. Parents crosse good Matches p. 28. to 31. Papists taxed for their dishonouring of Mariage 9. Papists have their personall Sacraments ibid. Practice and life of Papisticall uncleannesse justly plagued by God 10. Mariage with them that are only civilized unsafe 33. By-respects in Mariage as Portion and Beauty and the like oftentimes by the just judgement of God proove unfortunate 33. 34. 52. Advice to be taken in Marying See Advice Mariage why called a Match 61. N. VVOmen ought to Nurse their owne Children 279. O. OBservation of the spirits of each others meet for such as would mary well 55. Objection of the fruitfulnesse of hearts and the barrennesse of some chast wives answered 170. The personall offices of each party the husband and the wife 203. P. PRophane scorners to mary in the Lord terryfied 31. Prayer requisite for good mariage 53. Parents cannot do as they would in matching of their Children 73. Parents must observe the condition of their children 79. Questions about Parents consent answered 81. Terrour to all Rebellious children who mary against their Parents consent 83. Parents may be shy to rebellious children and why 84. Exhortation to mary with consent of Parents 87. Dignity of Parents 89. Reproofe of them that neglect the care of their children 89. Parents must walke in a middle way betweene austerity and folly towards their children 89. Base shifts and respects of Parents in disregard of their children to be taxed What those are 90. Parents offence in the extreame of over-providing for children by undoing of themselves p. 91. Two degrees of it ibid. Promise of Mariage the Root of an explicate Contract 97. To be very cautiously made ibid. The properties of them ibid. What Promise for mariage doth bind 99. viz. A mutuall one 2. A free one 3. A plaine and undeceiving one and what that is 101. Rash inconsiderate promises of mariage very foolish and sinful 103. Providence a second peculiar duty of the husband necessary 219. Opening of the point ibid. Reason of it Because its honour to mariage and how 220. 221. Providence of the husband in what it consists 1 In skill in the trade of his way 2. Wisdome insight and experience in it 3 Curiosity in Trades abhorred 4. A stock necessary to occupy with 5. Application of himselfe to his Object diligently 221. 222. 223. Vusubjectednesse of mind to the rule of Providence an ill signe of good husbandry 235. Exhortation to husbands to be provident ibid. Providence of the Wife in conjugall estate a third part of her helpfulnesse 296. In what particulars it stands 297. 298. 299. 300. Forward Professors to take heed of uncleannesse vid. Adultery Because Professors cannot dispence with this sinne 353. Q. QVestion about publication of contract answered 109. Question about marying by a Minister answered 110. Question whether Cozen-Germans may mary answered 111. Question wherein mariage and a contract differ 115. Why a space is alotted twixt contract and mariage 118. What space is most convenient 119. Quest what if either party defile him or herself after contract 120. Three Questions touching marying in the Lord answered 58. Q. Whether a Parents forbiâ—ding mariage with such a person upon his deathbed may be lawfull and binding and how far 81. 82. R. REligion the best object in mariage 43. Reasons 4. ibid. Reasons why maried persons must enter in the Lord are foure 24. 25. 26. 27. Rationall respects three in number of using a contract 107. 1. The sutablenes of so weighty a thing 2. The preventing of inconstancy 3. Good of the parties so contracted 108. Religion iointly used a maine preservative of the honour thereof 128. In what it consists and the duty urged 129. Six Reasons for it 1. God is their mutuall God 2. The grace of either furthers both 3. They enjoy all things both good and had in common 4. Religion is the Cement of all fellowship 5. By instance of one joint necessity of trusting God 6. Blessing annexed to it 130. 131. 132. A Question what if one party Refuse to joine with the other 133. Hinderers of each other in such joint Religion to be taxed 135. Such as remaine in each others Religion taxed ibid. Reproofe of wastfull wives 300. S. SCorners to be drawn by their wives Religion blamed 40. 50. Single life more free from troubles then the maried condition 47. Sound judgement Selfe deniall and subduing of rebellious lusts meet for him who would prepare for mariage 48. 50. Severalnesse in the maried sinfull if affected 133. Subjection of the wife to her husband one principall part of her duty 254. Reasons of the point 1. From the law of Creation 2. From the penalty of disobedience 255. Proofes of the point 256. Reasons 3. Hereby she preserves the honour of her mariage 258. Subjection what it is 259. It is two fould 1. Of the spirit ibid. Objections against it answered 260. Qualification of the wives Subjection in many respects 1. In prompting the husband with religious counsell 2. In Causes of difficulty 262. 263. 264. Secondly Subjection stands in his practice wherein 3. particulars 1. In matters of God A Question answered How far a woman hath liberty to performe the Service of God in Family 266. 267. 268. If they bee denied this liberty by bad husbands they must be subject 269. Secondly Subjection in respect of their husbands estate 270. Limitation of the womans Subjection in worldly businesse 270. A Question answered May the woman give to Charitable Vses Ordinarily not How she may in sundry respects whereof seven are mentioned 272. the occasion of this argument ibid. The third branch of Subjection in mariage conversation in many things 1. Attire and fashion 2. Gesture 3. Domesticall deportment 4. Abroad 5. In his tongue and company 6. In Nursery Vses 2. First Admonition to shun rebellion against the Husbands Secondly Exhortation to embrace subjection from 275. to 282. Wives not subject to the unlawfull commands of their husbands 262. T. TErrors to all dishonourers of mariage 9. Profaners of it ib. 12. Trials of mariage many 25. Terror to affecters of unequall marriage 66. Vnlawfull Trades to be shunned 222. Curiosity of Trades to be abhorred 223. Neglecters to learne the way of their trade reproved 231. Rushing upon courses of manifold trading ill husbandry 233. Tendernesse and respect due to the wife Vide Wife V. POpish magnifying of Virginity confuted 11. Vowes of single life unwarranted 49. Vulgar guise and garbe of the married rude and barbarous wholy unpeaceable and without consent 190. To be a man of understanding what it is 206. Vnderstanding in matters of God needfull for an husband Instances wherein 208. 209. For the managing of the soule of his wife many wayes 210. Vnderstanding in other externals requisite 211. Husbands not walking as men of understanding blamed 212. Husbands
deeming many other subjects more worthy and proper to present your Lordship withall But my good Lord such is the estate of fraâ—le flesh in this vaile or misery that there is no condition of lâ—fe whether Ministery Magistracy single or maried state wherin counsell may not doe well for the rectifying of such errors as through humane infirmity breake into all Each state hath his severall temptations and a well ordered course in marriage as long experience of a double marriage can teâ—ch you is no easie Theme â—gaine that sweet and mutuall accord which God hath vouchsafed twixt your Honour and your worthy Consort may serve to turne my Dedâ—cation into a Gratulation And indeed though the Booke be much under the value of such a personage as your selfe a mâ—n not onely of Noble descent but of great and deserving acts both for our Church and Commonwealth both formerly and of late yet I presume that if a draught of muddy wâ—ter presented in the crowne of a hat was so welcome to a potent Monarch then doubtlesse your honourable spirit will not reject a Schollers Mite offered with as deepe respect unto you as that was you will not despise small things since there may be a blessing therein Not alway in a great thing there is good but in a good there is ever great and that which may agree with greatnesse as one tells us out of a Greeke Poet. All helpes shall one day cease yet every booke of use may serve as a little walking-staffe to further us in our travell home Moreover it may become the best Scholler of us all to learne that lesson which Paul and from him my Booke urgeth The time is short wrapt and folded up as the Text is Let them that possesse be as if they possessed not such as weepe as if they wept not such as rejoyce as if they rejoyced not such as marry as if they married not such as use the world as if not using it for the fashion of it passeth away A time for all things and so a time for the married to embrace and a time to bee far from embracing Seeke therefore that place where all these relations shall cease for so I thinke though some thinke otherwise where there shall be no marrying nor giving in marriage for the Spouse shall be wholy spirituall like her husband at least like the Angels of God In which desire I rest craving a blessing from heaven upon your Honour your vertuous and Noble Lady and posterity as also upon the perusall of this your Booke and so humbly take my leave resting At your Honours command in the LORD DANIEL ROGERS To the READER All health IUdicious and religious Reader this Wheele of our Conversation whereof this Booke treates Marriage I meane including many lesser wheeles in and under it all subject to the motion thereof and each of them requiring a due order and direction that both might bee regular and according to knowledge how should I thinke any other but that I have lighted upon this point of Marriage by a speciall Manuduction of Providence Desirous wee are sometimes that the matter we have by us in readinesse might be seasonable also for the times wherein we live But when indeed the manners of our present age seeme to give a life to that which we have before prepared for thou knowest Occasion is the life of a Thing then doubly it appeares seasonable yea as Apples of gold and Pictures of silver Howbeit further musing of the matter sundry other smaller cords concurred to draw me on to this endeavour whereof I will make thee partaker as counting it none of the smallest mercies that I may give an account to the Church of God for the improving and redeeming of my seasons in these sad times wherein that good God who allowes us any the least protection and liberty requires that wee spend it not in vanity and froth but to the best advantage if not as we would for hee is wiser then man yea his foolishnesse and weaknesse exceeds the best wisedome and strength which is in us yet as wee may for the better making up of our reckoning at his comming when the use of our Talents shall be examined First then I observed that Religious Consent betweene couples did not onely fashion the family relations the children and servants much the more orderly but also extended it selfe to the Church and Common-wealth causing those services which concerne publique communion of worshippers to proceed more faire as also the duties of common life to passe more comely then otherwise they would doe One godly and harmonious Couple I have noted to dispatch more good service to God to themselves to their brethren then some ten couples unequally yoaked So true a maxime of Machiavel and his master the Devill it is Hee that would beare rule let him sow discord and division This one wheele then being of so maine importance what need is there that the spokes and staves of it bee sound and well compact according to the rule of the Sanctuary This was one motive I observed moreover that as barren as the world is of good persons and good couples yet here and there are scattered many of a tractable and docible disposition to doe well and to order their marriage course aright Onely their Principles lying rather in a morall way of good affections zeale and duties then in the particular relations of life in which they live as of marriage yea being ignorant of that which should either informe their judgement or order their will thereunto alas they never attaine the Tythe of comfort and content which this estate might affoord them How great pitty were it then to defraud such people of directions who if they might enjoy it would not bee wanting to improve it How many full of knowledge yet live and in marriage especially as if they had none By so much the more its pitty that such should want it as would gladly enjoy the fruit of it And considering that without knowledge the heart is not good and that good intentions without rule are as a goodly Coach without a skilfull driver I conceived I should doe them acceptable service and some glory to God in casting this Platforme of Direction for them out of Gods Word This seemed another inducement Besides these as wee see a great deale of ground vanisheth in a narrow Map which in a larger lyeth open so I have noted that in Sermons or short Touches upon the fifth Command wherein the Preacher onely following his text meets with no such occasions of inquiry much instruction about particular duties of Mariage are concealed which yet in a Treatise appointed for the nonce will offer it selfe fitly to be discussed They that are in a crowd must get through as they can but the doore standing open freely one by one may passe through with ease So is it here a Treatise hath this advantage
thought rather how in the swarme of such you may shun them and light upon such as are the Lords As for these you shall not need to take thought for them our rules will not much hinder their marriages like will to like doe we what we can and the dead will bury the dead the world will love their owne and that to their mutuall sorrow and all to teach us to love such the rather whom the Lord loveth What have we to doe to judge them that are without no we speake to no other but the willing people Psal 110. 3. who will stand to be judged at Gods barre Object 6 But I have cast mine affection already upon such an one and am snared Answ Then forbeare a while till all means be tryed for the parties bettering and so venture upon them Object But I cannot so farre deny my selfe Answ Thanke your selfe God forceth no such necessity upon any if they will be ruled If not their snaring themselves with a needlesse necessity cannot make Gods command of no effect If you can make to your selves such a necessity as must breake a charge of God then try how well you can endure the fruit of it when sorrow repentance and shame shall come upon you as the necessity of an armed man Is not as good reason that you digest this gobbet as that the Lord digest the other yes surely Object 7 But when all is done perhaps we shal misse of our choice desired because there are so few to be found in this wofull barren world of such as be religious and those who are but meerely civil are counted puritans and those precise whose manners are not debauched Answ Set not Gods providence and his command together by the eares as if he charged you to marry onely in the Lord and yet debarred you from it in practice so that either you must be forced to marry with all sorts or else must not marry at all No God puts no such snare upon any looke you to your selves that you be such as you goe for and the Lord will not deceive you he hath good in store for the good It s one of heavens workes to make good marriages and hee who hath bad women in store for sinners that they may fall by them he hath also good ones for the good that they may honour marriage and him thereby yea and he hath wisdome discerning of spirits of the subtill shewes and guizes of all sorts both hypocrites and other bad ones so that as subtill as the world is they who loathe to be cheated by their dice-play shall not want wisedome to judge and savour to relish the good in the midst of the bad they shall heare a voyce behinde them saying This is the way and withall giving them an eare to heare and an heart to obey and walke therein Object 8 But to conclude wee have met say some with good companions by providence yet still are we letted for our parents and friends at least of one side will not consent I answer perhaps you seeke among the good and finde better then your selves for some sinister end the beauty or the portion of the party otherwise unworthy to speed and what wonder if a wise parent will not consent to bestow his childe upon you But ye object yes both of us being both religious and consenting yet parents crosse us I answer If indeed it be so tarry till I come to the next Chapter and there I shall fall into that argument of the parents duty and therefore I will not prevent my selfe We have answered Objections enough and more will occur after enough therefore is said here Let us hasten to some Vse of the point wherein more satisfaction will be given to other questions First this is terrour and reproofe to the marriages of this degenerate age wherein this duty of marrying in the Lord is cast off at large As Rehoboams yonkers carried that weighty businesse of his Kingdome and overthrew it so doe the unruly and rebellious humours of most youth miscarry this They knit and combine themselves together as if they were right grave Counsellours wiser then their parents and ancients disdaining that any should over-rule their rash and rebellious appetites and so with rash resolutions and fury of undeniable passions they rush themselves upon the pikes of eternall misery If once their parents be dead then most of these hot-spurs have made sure enough for the honour of marriage for by that time they come of yeeres if not before most of them have embezeld their patrimonies But if not yet in this point of marriage this is their resolution Give me her for she pleaseth me well she may please well for a moment though she be a prick in the eye and a goade in the side for ever after And so for a vanishing content to a vaine humour what doe such but enthrall themselves to a wanton wastefull and wilfull ungodly companion And as the Heathen said of a bad bargaine it vexes the foolish buyer more with the continuall upbraiding then the losse of the money so may I say of this and as Sampson found this at leasure for the wilfull minde he bare to have Delila so doe these But alas there is no season for such as he was to beleeve it being intoxicate with the cup of inchantment disabling them from taking better counsell But why then speake I this Surely because I see religion among young couples for the most part is the first of those respects which are last thought of Desperate and stollen waters are sweetest to such like those of the Benjaâ—ites who rushing into a company of dancers in their jollity snatcht up each man his wife as she came to hand prove well or ill for better for worse for why they sought wives not good ones and that any way so they had them What a merry world were it for our debauched drunken youth in these our dayes if they might choose their wives in such a lottery To catch among a drove each one his owne marrow pell-mell oâ— what a brave thing were it There is a pleasure in doing that which is forbidden to our cursed nature even because it is so and if it were not so they would dye upon a swords point ere they would attempt it And notwithstanding the woe of such marriages both against Gods word law of reason consent of parents yea the generall experience of such as are gone before them yet who may speake to such Surely such matches are made in hell like are fallen upon like by the Divels spokesmanship as I confesse better one house troubled with such then two But what a sad thing is it to thinke what a cursed posterity such are like to hatch I say such as whereof one or two might poison an whole neighbourhood Druken meetings marriages revellings Marquets Fayres Tavernes and Alehouses being the places
but when she is perverted she proves the stronger in mischiefe The sum of all is let none that feare God venture upon those that doe not and let all seeke for their parts to be in the Lord before marriage Above all let second marriages beware of adventuring in this kinde upon each other for advantage sake an errour very rise in this kinde for enhansing themselves for jollity and a braver and fuller life then formerly they were content with for it fals out commonly that by one appendant or other as charge of children perfidiousnesse in the valuing of their estates costlinesse of diet or apparell or by some unexpected canker wasting the apple at the core God cuts their combe fils their new hopes with new sorrow and makes them wish that they were but as they have bin forfeiting all their felicity for naught So much for this Vse 4 The last Vse is Exhortation to excite and perswade all to marry in the Lord an exhortation at all times necessary but so specially necessary in these gulling and cheating dayes that who so should reject this counsell were worthy to give it himselfe too late upon costly experience And truely I lesse blame them who are of good estate fearing God for their buying good wives by forsaking greater worldly contents which commonly are joyned with greater perill for great portions commonly goe with great stomacks high spirits costly fashion and great expences They therefore who can deny a little pompe may buy much peace and redeeme both their owne and their childrens safety with a little selfe-deniall in outward respects whenas they are fure to gaine it in spirituall But I digresse not Still I presse the point Marry in this Lord concerning the which I would commend three duties to the well-affected The first concerning youth before their entrance into this estate The second more closely concerning such as purpose to change their estate The third concerning them upon their contract Touching the first the dutie of yong ones growing up toward this estate is this That they redeeme their golden opportunity of youth and single life improving all such helps either publique or private all such counsels of their ancients all examples of such as are commendable in this kinde especially any such motions of the spirit in the ordinances whereby they are inclined to seeke the Lord to be their portion in pardon and grace Remember this is your season of getting about you such a stocke of provision as may hereafter stand by you This is your golden time each period following will prove worse downward even brasse iron and clay Marke how the greater sort of youth dally out their precious time never setting their hearts to Remember their Creator in the dayes of their youth but to licke up the common scurfe of the times to learne fashions complements carriage which a vaile little for the maine to stand upon their great births portions or hopes and so to live bravely But how to be fit for such a solemne change I speake not of death for that 's out of thought out of season for youth but of marriage if God bring them to it that so out of the treasure which they have gotten they may bring forth direction how to order themselves or make their estate honourable and comfortable its furthest from their thought What doe you heare that the chiefe way to honour marriage is entring with the Lord and doe you not conclude that so weighty a matter will cost you a great deale of preparing What should you then doe beforehand Surely as your parents are busie about providing your portion which is their worke so be you busied a better way about that one thing necessary to get the pearle in the field to seeke the Lord while that he may be found Heathen Poets bring in Virgins upon the stage professing that they take no thought for their matches they looke at modesty and good report The lesse you are busied about things lesse needfull the more may you attend that one thing which shall never be taken from you Except in these dayes of your youth wherein each thing is sweet the maine worke be thought of the dayes are coming and that perhaps long ere old age of which you shall say you have no pleasure in such objects there may come a day of uncomfortable marriage losses of estate death of husband of wife sorrow of heart for your ill matching and then how will you doe Is it not just to such as set the chiefe things behinde yes verily Remember our Saviours words to Peter When thou wast yong thou girdedst thy selfe and went'st whither thou wouldst but when thou art old another shall gird thee and lead thee whither thou wouldest not Thou mayest perhaps meet with an unpleasing girdle thy great charge of children calling for thy care and maintenance the world frowning upon thee and not answering thy hopes a riotous and spend thristy husband or waspish and untoward wife for so it may be when thou hast sought the greatest prevention of it if God will so try thee debts diseases reproaches pursuing thee in the midst of all these little leisure to wait upon the Ordinances which should infuse the grace of support into thee and perhaps which is worst as small an heart after it Then when all these have made they life unpleasant and thy conscience coming upon all with a worse streame and causing an overflow of sorrow unto thee what shalt thou doe God hath dealt righteously in it because thou contemnest all helpes in thy youth and therefore in thy trouble sends thee to thy idoll beauty money will laughing at thy misery how wilt thou then wish thou hadst but that former liberty granted thee to marry in the Lord Oh! how eagerly are things loved out of their season Alas the spirit blowes where it lists time and tide must not stay upon thee thou hadst them and wouldest not use the watchwords thereof wisely why should the spirit any longer strive with thee but rather suffer thy sailes to stand still for ever If this then be the time of girding thy loynes with grace for time to come gird them with that precious girdle of knowledge sincerity selfe-denyall faith patience and the like learne to weare the yoke of God from thy youth and it shall not pinch thee in thine age By this girding of thine owne soule thou shalt be fit to admit of Gods unpleasing girdles for time to come crosses if they come shall befall thee in thine innocency so as thou shalt know how to defray them and the Lord shall be afflicted with thee in thy afflictions and teach thee how to passe thy marriage with comfort But if this counsell will doe thee no good but perhaps thou hast learned to doe as the world doth that is to welter in thy sorrowes and to beare them off with head and shoulders so that thou canst goe
damnifie the rest of their better deserving children and either must runne themselves into endlesse debts by borrowing for them or else be at their curtesie for the releasing of that which they might have kept still in their owne hands By this folly they doe a double mischiefe for first they set the elder on float to be some great persons and raise up their spirits above their estates drawing them to great expence company and at last to ruine and then for the making of the eldest a Gentleman they must leave the rest to beggery either basely to depend upon their brother for meanes which commonly falls short and comes to nothing or else to take debauched courses to steale to sherke for their living Thus the folly of parents upon the sequele of their childrens first matching filles the world with bare yonger bretheren with hangbies and idle ones snaring them with perpetuall discord and quarrells and at last bringing them to most dishonorable ends No no you parents be wise God hath made you your childrens carvers Set your house in order and doe not make confusion among your posterity to please the humor of one child let all have childrens parts Doe not rush your selves into such debts as your heires must be faine to take all and pay all and so fleece the rest Let the eldest carrying himselfe well have a double portion education being considered which the eldest are surest of and the rest a competent allowance for perhaps they may do as much good in their places after as the elder if not more for grace doth not alway goe with Birthright But above all follies in this kind that is most eminent when parents to make their children great thrust themselves out of all that their children might succeed them in their places holding the candle to them while they doe all and act their parts upon the stage And by this meanes both father and mother which have lived in good sort all their time come in their old daies to depend wholy upon their childrens curtesie That part of their life which of all others requires best attendance and maintenance must now become most shiftlesse and desolate They must come out of the hall into the kitchâ—n sit at tables end or in the chimny corner with a poore pittance sent them and at last die in discontent and repenting themselves of their folly But if they may be at good tearmes upon condition of being their servants both without doors and within as droils and drudges they may deeme themselves well apayd For when all strength and ability is gone then are they no longer set by but cast up for hawkes meat despised counted as burdens wherefore to be eased would be no small joy to their children And it its worse with some parents because they live to see all spent and consumed e're they die one and other â—tocke and branches all withered and come to naught Be wise you parents yeeld not your selves captives and prisoners to your children no prison can bee more yrkesome to a parent then a sonne or daughters house Trust neither of them in this case for in truth your selves make the snare and your children put it on you you wrong your children in putting that into their hands which God hath denied them Love must descend not ascend it s not naturall saith Paul for children to provide for parents but for parents to provide for them therefore invert not providence Looke to your consent and looke to those consequences following upon your consent be sure to hold stroake sufficient in your hand for the securing of love and duty from your children You will say all children are not alike in this case its true but the best will bite and the ordinance of God must be attended unto as the first rule in such cases as these Sure bind sure find if you must needs come downe rather chuse to fall into the hands of God then your children Neither must I passe by Guardians and Governours of Orphans in this point many of whom being left as menagers of the stocks and portions of children being now secure of any eie to see or judge them doe most treacherously betray pooore children to misery both before and in their marriages They make the childrens monies payments of their debts enhansing of their owne states and houskeepings bringing up the children at meane termes binding them to base masters and exposing them to the hardest conditions for back belly and conscience When their time of payments come they bring in great billes of expences under color and pretend great debts and charges lying upon them for the execution of the wills of the deceased As for their matches they put them off to inferiour persons such as very mean portions may content and satisfie interverting the rest to their owne ends and by one cunning slight or other eluding the allegations and complaints of their orphans and leaving them to stand to their lot or else to sinke in their sorrowes Our daies are full of these examples and as full of the just hand of God upon such privie theeves and traytors as those Another sort of Guardians authorized by the law to be so although of late God be thanked better order is taken that parents or next of kâ—n may be the undertakers for the children if they will goe to the price doe make a meere marquet of their orphans and sell them as sheepe and swine for money Quite overthrowing the purpose of the law which is to be faithfull for the good of the orphan Instead of offering yea providing meet wives for them such as might bee very way sutable to their place birth and worth what doe they Surely they turne to the spoile and offer them such as they know will be unwelcome and so thereby purchase a great fine unto themselves and leave them to their owne choice and fortunes Others more dishonestly force base and inconvenient matches upon them either matching them to their owne children and so raysing their owne estates thereby or else selling them for mony to others and which is worst of all lest the orphan should suspect and shunne the offer propounded what doe they They marry them in their childhood at 10. 12. or 13. yeares of age long before the time of meet cohabitation sending the one to travaile till he have fulfilled his yong wives yeares who when they returne come to them with a forced affection and that breeds disdaine where there should be greatest affection And hereby growes such distaste betweene the parties that they abandon each others fellowship bed and boord expose each others to most desperate snares and to promiscuous lusts and if there be any reconciliation wrought it s but violent and the cursed fruits of the separation doe so distemper their hearts that they fall at new jarres for their unchastity and disloialty of bodies they renounce some of the children as none of their owne and so doe but
times their businesse sticks to their fingers then they have most irons in the fire to attend errands abroad or children within to runne upon to dresse If private duties be occasioned much more awek and untowards they are If any duty of compassion and mercy offer it selfe visiting the sicke counselling of the distressed helping of the needy come in their way they lowre and crosse it disnay each other from it Nay and yet professe to be religious neverthelesse Oh wofull ones Is this your consent Doe you thus honour your marriage Did you enter it with some opinion of religion and doe you thus promote it Is it not a sweet nosegay for you to smell to to heare your husbands alledgings this duty Sabbath Sacrament Fast had beene done sanctified enjoyed hadst not thou hindred Take heed God will not be mocked If this be done by the religious what shall the irreligious doe If this be done in the greene tree what shall be done in the dry Thirdly it reproves all such as basely rest in the religion of each other though themselves looke after none Many women good for not hing but for drudgery yet have a conceit husbands praiers their zeale and holines shal serve their turn and under that rotten ragge they shroud themselves No no this plaister is too narrow for the sore If each party will fare the better for other both must combine both must pray fast sanctify their blessings and crosses wives must not plod for their childrens backes and bellies leaving the care of their soules and good government to their husbands What is this but to be a true slave but an unfaithfull wife Rather say thus husband I have a part a part in them as well as thou sure I am they have received as much of old Adam from me as thee Oh that I had as carefull a spirit to traine them up as thou So in other parts of duty rest not either of you in others religion being barren your selves for each tub shall stand on his owne bottome The goodnesse of one shall not be imputed to other but the soule that sinneth shall die Take heed lest it be verified two shall be in one bed the one taken the other refused As God hath made you for marriage to bee one flesh so see that by grace you bee one spirit Fourthly to these may be added the preposterousnesse of such couples as are then safest when as they forsaking their bosome fellowship runne into the company of strangers to converse with to them they impart their marriage discontents crave counsell advise from them betraying by their practice their husbands to base report all and more then all their griefes they powre into strange bosomes refusing their owne who are much better then themselves and then its best done when most privily and furthest from their husbands notice But they may never heare of any thing from them except with up brading and discontent They must either heare of it from strangers or not at all Oh how many of these housewives have deceived both Minister friends and husbands by their subtilty till afterward their sinne betray them what mettall and stampe they are of The truth is their love is unfound their hearts turbulent their tongues querulous and clamorous But if their husbands be taken from them and their eiesores remooved then religious persons and the Minister shall no more heare of them their hearts are upon new liberties all their gronings are vanisht and the next husband though lesse religious then the former pleaseth them better Oh wofull hypocrites thus to colour over a rotten heart with religious complaints God shall meet with you in your kinde and make your selves at last your owne judges when his plagues ceaze upon you repent beforehand and prevent them if you bee wise Your sinne is hereby worse then others who perhaps of me ere ignorance neglect this duty being otherwise honest To whom I give this caveat let your sinne this day come to your remembrance amend it and the good Lord regard not but passe by your former errors upon your Repentance Vse 2 As for those couples who are both agreed in their gracelesse contempt of this duty as they also are in all ordinary worship of God they belong not to this place I have before spoken to such in the point of unequall matches They of all others are furthest off let them prepare to make answer to their Iudge who being commanded to honour their marriage with mutuall religion dare mock God thus Indeed in one sense it may be said they are equally religious for the one hath as much as the other neither barrell better herring for both are profane and as they entred so they continue Well God could have promoted you to some honour but your selves have chosen shame he hath powred contempt upon you thanke your selves Vse 3 Thirdly this teacheth us the true cause why so many couples leade a sad comfortlesse life some cry out they can have no peace one with another others that they thrive not cannot be well reported of or their children disquiet them God is against them nothing prospers Alas what wonder God is the last end of your though he is not set up in your married estate he is thrust out into the backe roome who yet should be all in all chiefe in your soules prayers family worship hee is nothing at all and is it strange nothing goes forward How should it Surely if it should as perhaps some as bad as you thrive I should thinke he meant to destroy you But now since he sends this Bayliffe to arrest you and filles you with adversity I hope it is to bring you to a parlee as Absalom in burning Jacobs barely to provoke and stirre you up to lay hold upon him in due season Bethinke your selves set him up better honour him and he will honour you but if you dishonour him he will as Samuel told Eli lightly esteeme of you Prevent it in time eare he come upon you worse he hath hitherto beene onely as a mothe and destroied your beautie but he can teare you in pieces as a Lion if you looke not to it picke out the secret canker out of this apple else it will consume all And this I adde although you should swimme in all welfare and prolong your daies if this be all your mourning for corne and oyle it shall be given you as a curse if you see not Gods meaning and honour not your marriage by resigning up your Crowne and casting it at Gods feet depending upon him for blessing you shall die dishonorablely and live without comfort it s not all the wealth you have shall helpe you to joy but rather as quailes shall all come out at your nostrills and leave you desolate Vse 4 Fourthly let this be exhortation to all good couples who feare God to be joint in their religion together And here give me leave to speake a word or two
due rate that you may know them to the ful weight having weighed thē in the ballance This putting your sickle in your neighbours corne will prove too hot and heavie it will cause your owne to shale and perish the while It s a better worke of the two for you to thinke you see wonder in your own companions though there be little in either then to bee quicksighted in seeing the gifts of others bee they never so excellent at least its the farre safer error of the two It must be the mutuall reflexe and exchange of gratious and sweet vertues in and from each other rebounding as the sunbeames from the wall that only can holde you in an invincible league of amity The marking of each others goodnes compassion fidelity chastitie which must continue that first love which at the first they caused You need not quench love it s enough that you withdraw this fuell and looke upon the infirmities of each other the onely dampe and choakepeare of affection these alone will kill it And when other fuell failes as I sayde before let religion step in and make it up this will keep harmonie in other discord Reade over that divine songe of Salom. Setting out the blessed union betweene Christ and his spouse the Church wherin is most lively expressed what inward content and feeling ioy each partakes in other through the fight of each others perfections She in her heade because in him shee beholdes all fulnesse of wisedome and grace and hee in her because of the reboundings of those ornamēts and graces of the spirit wherwith he had furnished her So much forthis second Vse 3 Thirdly this must bee a serious caveat to all married couples to nourish this their love and to preserve it entire Which will the more easily be obteined if they shall consider those sad effects which come from the decay of it in the lives of couples As Salomon speaking of drunkennes saith whence are red eyes whence are woundes and quarrels Are they not from the red wine and St. Iames whence are warres and contentions among you Are they not from your lustes that fight in your members you seeke and enjoy not but miscarry in all your attempts see not whence your misery commeth So say I whence are those ende lesse debates differences betweene the married that they are alway seeking for blessing and longing after an happy life but still it goeth further and further from them Alas because they dreame still the fault is without doores in this and that bad servants ill successe improvidence and sometime in each other but never set the sadle upon the right horse the disease is within their bosomes they have lost their first love each to other they are waxen saplesse and unsavory in their spirit and affection one to another While that lasted all went forwarde in a sweet maner cart went well upon wheeles for the spirit of mutuall love made it slicke and trimme the oile of love set it forward but since this was exhausted and dried up all went to havocke the sinewes of society the band of peace and perfection of thrift and welfare beeing broken there is a dissolution of the frame and a shattering of all Children have no edge to do their duties servants have no joy to doe their worke lovelesse couples are livelesse unfortunate yea the salte having lost her favour is good for nought save to be trodden under the feete of contempt and scorne Whence are those Mock-divorces so frequent in the world wherby couples seperate from each others some from bed from board from house and so farre that one shire will not holde thē beeing barred of a real they please themselves in a locall content which yet lasts not the names of each others much more the companyes beeing odious Hence come those hideous presidents of conspiracies one against the life of another adulteries villanies yea murthers practized against husband and wife he who despizeth his owne life is soon Mr. of anothers and how can a man chuse but despise his life when he feeles it wearisome As those 4. Lepers sayd let us be desperate and rush upon thee Campe of Aram for what is our life worth we are but dead men wee cannot be worse so may lovelesse couples say whatsoever we doe we suffer we cannot be worse though we were not thēwe are A dead dog is as good as such a living lyon Hence againe come those manifold suites and pursuites abroad exclaming jealousies at home the treasure is stollen love is gone As he sayde of his Idolls so I of this love you have stollen my Gods and do you aske mee what ayleth thee The fence is broken the sluce is pulled up all goes to wracke and confusion There is as much use of a bone out of joint yea of a man out of his wits as of such a couple Fidelity modesty huswifery in a woman degenerate into carelesnesse of body of soule of state of name into meere vanity a woman not loving her husband will not stick to pull one eie of her owne to pull out both of her husbands as the fable tells rob and spoile her selfe of goods and good name that she might spoile him Nay many have devoted themselves to a defilement of their bodies to be revenged each of other meere hatred and spite hath drawne them to such sinne as lust alone would not have done This tast may be sufficient to warne all who be not forlorne to looke to themselves to beware how they embessel that sacred stocke which God hath inspired all such married ones withall whom he meanes to susteine in this state with integrity and honour Marriage is honourable keepe then the pledge of it entire which is love It s like that Image in the Capitall called the Paladium which if it ever came to be seene and profaned threatned ruine to their Commonwealth therefore they kept it in a most affected secrecy and safety God hath bestowed it to make the difficulties of the married life tolerable which else the multitude of them would make yrkesome and shall a man having but one string to his bow cut it in two or a city having but one engin to defend themselves cast it away Let it bee a warning to all sorts therefore Lastly this point must be exhortation to couples to practise and discharge faithfully this joint duty of marriage ove each to other Wheresoever thou art whithersoever thou goest whatsoever thou dost remember thou carriest about thee a precious pearle looke to it prise it and preserve it as thy life There be sundry motives to presle this upon willing couples as hammers to drive this naile home to the head and indeed I may say of it as he once said of one an honest man need not a dishonest man will not be warned The generall motive to both husband and wife is Gods charge to them live and love Both of you thinke thus
Jephtha a valiant man yet a bastard was scorned and cast out from among his brethren had no childs portion and Sampson by his wilde lust became of an honorable Iudge a foole in Israel Chastity then you see is a generall duty for all them who seeke to maintaine their honour unstained nothing doth cleave so deeply to marriage as this I have noted before some accidentall staines by unequalnesse when Ladies and their horskeepers young girles and old men match together when a Prince marries a beggar a bad with a good a christian with an heathen or heretique or if marriage proove contentious and unpleasant who sees not a reproach But these are such staines as may be washt out in time either by repentance or in a sort by second better marriages Onely the staine of unchastnesse is like an iron-mole which nothing can fetch out it s like the leprosie which fretted into the walls no scraping the stones could clense it but it must be demolished Death may end the parties but not the memory of the shame Davids repentance tooke away the guilt but not the reproach that abides to this day So then as I have began with the duty of love which must be the first and inward cement of couples for what 's christall worth if it be broken I say as loves is the inward band of preserving because the outward action followeth the affection so now I proceed with chastity which is the maine Charter of love and the patent thereof evidencing that the heart loves entirely because the bodies are kept pure from pollution I deny not but there are thousands of none of the most loving ones nor religious ones who yet loath adultery and filthinesse in this kind but yet there are many also not the worst for repute whose marriages are spotted with this staine and all to shew that where the roote wants ten to one if the branches doe not wither The restraint of providence is such by a common light that many are kept perforce from this dishonour And yet this proves not but that the inclinations and temptations of others are such that they lie open to this snare as much as to any We must not neglect the urging of the duty because some are innocent for some are so in same who are not in deed and some in deed who are not in spirit and some in spirit and yet no thanke to them let the point fasten as it may and fynd out the guilty the guiltlesse are out of the compasse of it But the age is generally debauched and iniquity carryes all as a flood before it Although the second part of this Treatise treating of the denunciation against this sin may perhaps more fully discover this disease with the cure of it yet here by so fit occasion I shall presse the jointnesse and honor of the duty by a few reasons exhortation and motives Reason Touching Reasons this may be one Chastity is the maine support of union as the contrary is the chiefe dissolver of it No other fault if once the marriage be lawfully consummated doth jnferre iust separation by authority of the word save this of uncleannesse Therfore needes must that which mainteins union bee the greatest pillar and prop of marriage Prostitution of the body profanes the honor of it and casts it into the myre and therfore the Cardinall vertue that must beare it up must be this Chastity If so then ought it by joint consent to be maynteyned by both parties Reason 2 Secondly it must be jointly done because although the honor of pure marriage requires both to conspire in mutuall chastity yet the defilement of eyther party is sufficient to overthrowe the honor of it As we say of a vertuous action all points must concurre to make it good but any one defect in those will serve to make it vitious so here Marriage dishonor doth not need the consent of both the parties dishonesty if one be disloiall it s as good as both Not before God in point of guilt but men in point of honor for to manward guilt and reproach â— in a sort especially here lose their difference the innocent party being pittied with as much dishonour as the guilty is reproached Therefore this joint duty of chastity must be supported most carefully by the joint care and purenesse of both parties Adde hereto that defect of this joint closenesse may bring a shame upon marriage though perhaps not so great yet as true as well as a greater crime committed As the Philosopher saith glory is not in the glorified he is but the object the agent is the glorifier Therefore fame and report is well called by some the married ones Saint For by fame they either stand or sinke Now how easily may fame snatch the least neglect of the married in this kind to raise suspicions How closely curious had they need be of their course and purenesse who cannot keepe their owne honour in their owne power sometime doe what they can Is it not the misery of manie to be defamed without cause Neither smoke nor fire appearing but perhaps some mistake error or advantage of a foule mouth being the sparke that kindleth the fire And yet it sometimes little availes for the point it selfe of honour whether a man be guilty or be taken so How great had that caution need to be that should preserve the honour of chastity Reas 3 The third may be this as I noted before Gods setting his print and marke of honour upon marriage in appointiug one to one How serious and solemne ought the meditation of this charge be being not humane but divine And to repeate nothing If the violation of this sacred band had such a blemish cast upon it by the Lord when yet it was covered over with a mantle of connivence and the practice of so many holy Patriarkes and Saints who were guilty of it what shall bee said now of that uncleannesse which proclaimes it selfe like Sodom If Poligamy were a state of uncleannesse in Gods esteeme and seldome went without a scare from Gods stroak as in Jacob and David and Elbana's cases appeares especially in that exorbitancy of Salomon what shall be said of that which carries the bastard at the back and wants the least rag of any veile to colour or excuse it Attend this reason and shunne this sin Reas 4 Fourthly that must needs be looked unto jointly by both the couples which hath such a covering faculty in it and sets the varnish and lustre upon each other endowment of it My wife hath defects but she is loyall by unavoidable errors she may offend but by voluntary she will not From her the honour of my marriage coms even when both of us are dead and gone in our lawfull posterity the Crowne of parents She is beautifull saith one personable well descended rich saith another yea but she is chast saith a third this crownes all What else were
him thence from drinking and revelling spending of his time thrift and honesty making her selfe a By-word to pull him from the pipe and pot to avoyde worse dishonor Nay and yet to availe little also but even to see her selfe sinking and perishing by peece meale while she beholdes in him the cause when he followes him that leades him to the stocks Or what wise woman could endure a foole within doores so full of passion so talkative so contentious with children and servants so weake in goverment in his pangs so hayle-fellow well met with his servants fond and apish with his maydes readie to traduce his wife in the hearing of strangers and the family as if he put no difference betweene times persons or occasions If a foolish womā by her tongue and unseasonablenes be such a shame yea rottennes of bones to a wise head what is he who should bee the head to her when his carriage is so burdensome I have seen an evill saith Salomon oppression occupying the place of justice As if he had sayde for a poore man to steale a sticke off the hedge is sin but for a judge to oppresse in the place of judgment is notorious so for the husband to play the foole instead of a man of understanding how disordered How shall the wife sustaine her repute or esteeme in the family when he that should honour her by his reproaches withdrawes both her owne children servants negihbors from their allegiance and duty What a vexation is it likewise for a woman to be matcht to an husband who is so idle and so unfit to set himselfe on worke about the service of his place so readie to fleece from her all that shee hath so helpelesse in his place so giddy and gadding up and downe from place to place after his copesmates pleasures and vanities that its harde to say whether shee were better want his company to rule his servants or have his roome to avoyde noysomenesse Or againe how can a sober nature endure an husband who is never in his Element save when he is in his jiggs and jests unsavory scoffes and scornes at every one wife not excepted that comes in his way And in his humorous extremities so contrary that either he cannot be pulld out of his Melancholy and mopishnes being discontent or being humored cannot be driven out of his froth and lightnes Like those fidlers whom the Poët describes who either cannot be gotten for any need to play or if they fall to it can never adone Who can digest such an inconstant and uncerteyne humor as perhaps for a weeke or ten daies in an houte will put on the habit of the most diligent and provident husband to follow his businesse But on the suddeine as one that forgets himselfe rushes againe into his veyne of good fellowship soaking himselfe in his Pots as if he would take revenge of himselfe for his former abstinence and make eaven with himselfe by spending twice so much by day after day as he saved by his diligence what is so yrksome to a woman in company where she becomes as to see her husband whose honor should bee her Crowne to be the jest and laughing stock of fooles an obiect of May-game to each one who will make himselfe sport with his basenes I might be endlesse But in a worde shee that is yoked to a foolish head what a spectacle is shee of a woman miserable by necessity Vse 4 I conclude therfore this first branch of the husbands duty Let every wise one abhorre this Idea of folly endeavoring himself to the uttermost of his power according to the gift of God to walke with his wife as an understanding husband both in matters of God and the way of common life that so he may draw from her as the weaker due acknowledgment of him in his place as set over her for a guide and Director In whom under God she may repose confidence applying both absent present without feare or suspition returing that reverence which his worth hath deserved and bearing willingly with infirmities because her lot is fallen into a good ground As for the husband although his wife should not perceive his worth for some good wives cannot yet seeing its his cheefe understanding to see none of his owne vertues but to conceale all let him chuse rather to bee a man of knowledge though his wife should not behold it then to be magnified of a flattering woman as some are deserving contempt And now I should have passed to the next point had not this come in my mind that the Apostle in this Charge includes cohabitation for he who must dwell with his wife as a man of knowledge at least must then dwell with her else the subject is taken away Where else I pray save in his house should his understanding appeare Or where should he shine else save in his owne sphere This is that which the Apostle chargeth them who were yoked with Infidells themselves beeing converted that they depart not in dwelling from the unbeleeving party Vse 5 if he or shee would depart so it was but let not them if the other will abide I wish that the wofull age we live in urged this my Admonition which I have glaunced at by passage before but here as the dutie of this place Persons of great ranke and quality thinke themselves lawlesse in this kynde Even a base thing they deeme it to dwell with their wives Not only not one bed board roofe towne shire but scarse one kingdome can long holde some of them And some are so noted for this tricke that it were good at last they would note themselves Each distast and discontent to their unjust unreasonable humors is enough to cause a settled habituall separation betweene them and their wives not for dayes which in cases is allowable but for moneths quarters yeeres many yeeres together Who doubtlesse if they might have Iewish liberty would much gladlyer be divorced And what gaine they by their separation Dishonor to themselves sorrow to their wives I might say snares to them both distemper to family ruine to their estate wrong to their country ill example to inferiors scandall to the irreligious Besides both occasion to themselves abroad clandestine societies leagues with those that are luxurious wanton defiled women and lay offences and snaresin the way of their wives at home except they make the more conscience to forsake their Covenant and to expose themselves to like uncleannes For why Their husband is gone a far iorney you know what followeth Surely thine amends is justly in thy handes who provokest it Husbands should say to their wives as Ruth to Naomi As the Lorde liveth nothing save death shall part us Thy house thy Children thy Church thy God no other shall be mine till death seperate It is not the way for thee for the obteyning thy base ends of thy wife
at once to make outcries against professors when they prove Bankrupts Adde sixthly to these such hotspurres as will not be idle but runne into another extreame of wilfulnesse rushing upon matters beyond their skill and reach affecting plots and inventions of gaine either by Adventures or by new Manufactures resolved eyther to winne the spurres or to lose all And so they have lost all indeed and withall drawne many with them who were as greedie of gayne into deepe expences and forfeits of their states and indeed they are both well enough served to teach them as Paul speakes to follow their owne affaires with quietnes Others weary of their slow-paced Trades desirous to hasten them how do they enlarge their providence rather their greedines as hell thrusting as many irons at once into the fire as they can come by adding house to house and farme to farme borrowing upon eight gayning scarse four in the hundreth yet dreaming of golden mountaynes Till at last the mistresse of fooles teaching them too late they perceive their haste to have brought foorth blind whelpes and wish they had made no more haste then good speed Eightly how ordinary a course now adaies is it with men as I touched before to wrangle with their callings that they might change them and seeke others till as the dog catching at the shadow they lose the flesh and forfeit that they have which is to cast their present reall estate upon the casual and uncerteyne hope of things to come Yet since this occasion is offred I speake not as if all deserting of a calling or diversion from it for a time were unwarranted For sometime it so falls out by providence that a man deserts Country and all and departs to such a place as will not admit a possibilitie of the exercise of his calling so that in the one he must needes yeeld the other Againe sometimes the outward members senses and the inward abilities of a man desert him and disable him from his calling when as yet some slighter employment may perhaps befit him well enough Necessity of banishment caused many holy men to make buttons and points for their living who before had studied and written books So also the trade may bee so growne out of request eyther by multitude of Traders or by deadnesse of the wares that they cannot support the workemen or they may bee so low and require so much work to be done for mony that a trader cannot live on them Shall then the mayntenance of the family hang upon the strict point of not change of a calling No in no sort But in these or any the like cases wherof are many the end must rule the meanes and any other lawfull course which lies neerest to the skill or sleight of the workman is allowed for the support of the family Onely let men beware lest out of a fickle ungrounded lazy wearisome covetous reaching aspiring spirit they desert not their Callings and if they needs must yet let them chuze to divert rather from them for a tyme and returne to them after when providence yeelds opportunitie for it then shew that they willingly and slightly were mooved to abandon them at the first But this by the way Endlesse it were to mention all abuses in this kynde but to finish how many have wee who through their Rebellion will not be subject to the duty of Providence Others who spoile all by improvidence and having sold all even their wyves clothes off their backe make a mocke of it saying If any can make more of their wyves then they have done let them take them How many others who having gotten a faire estate by their Providence yet wast it as fast by their jollity and lavishnesse making their houses Through-faires for Epicures and boone companions disquieting their poor wives from their setled family busines to wayt upon such base Companions contrary both to her spirit conscience Or if not yet farre from honoring God with their Encrease or their marriage with wise dispensing of their estate These excesses have as thou mayst see good Reader caused mee to lengthen out this Argument as if I had not only treated about marriage Providence but providence in the generall the contrary thereto But I hope that some may light upon what I have sayd amend Thus much for the use of Reproofe Vse 2 The latter use is Exhortation Let all good Husbands honour their Marriage and the Lord by a faithfull improovement of this duty of Providence Let them avoyde all extremities both on the right hand and left and in weldoing commend themselves to God as to a faythfull keeper and God alsufficient Let them neither go to worke carkingly nor yet carelessely Let them abhorre ydlenesse and yet shun ill occupiednesse And by that I have sayd of the sin of Improvidence let them learne the contrary and so shall they as much as in them lyes build up the house give good example to their wives to do the like within serve God with cheerfulnesse and enjoy the fruit of their Travaile with contentednesse when the slothfull and prodigall shall perish and vanish And for this second peculiar duty of the husband viz. Providence so much and for this Chapter CHAP. XII Treateth of the third and last Personall Office of the man Honor of Respectivenesse to his wife NOw I proceed to the third and last duty of the husband towards his wife which is honor and due respect to his wife The ground of which is the ordinance of God by which they are made one flesh For so sayth Moses when the Lord had brought the woman to Adam he embraced her saying This is bone of my Bone and flesh of my flesh Shee shal be called woman because shee is taken out of man For this cause shall a man forsake his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they twayne shal be one flesh Lo with what honorable esteeme he welcomes this his blessed compeere into the world Now its true the wife in this respect oweth the like tye of tendernesse towards him But we must know this first lyes upon the man to her ward because he is the roote of the relation Wee say that love descendes from the Father to the Child because he is the foundation of the reference Not but that mutualnesse is required But the Originall roote must first impart himselfe Now upon this roote of union the Apostle enforceth this duty No man ever hated his owne flesh But nourished theri shed it as himselfe He then that hates his wife is an unnaturall monster and devoures his owne flesh He that loveth his wife loveth himselfe We know how it is in the body Vnion of parts causing samenesse and uniforme subsisting in one procuring an exceeding tendernesse compassion and sympathie betwixt each member So that although the foot stumble and give the body a fall yet a man
say she is wisely to procure the opportunities of worship but he is to menage and performe them She being within doores must take it her part to prepare and forelay the seasons for her husbands better ease and content in these duties a wise houswife will bee alwaies beforehand in her businesse that so the house may be empty swept and garnished for God to come in She must abhorre as I said before to justle and shoulder out the solemne matters of God yea or to cut them off by the middle and contract them by the colourable pretences of other matters So tedious in her dressing and trimming that a pin must not be awry so sluggish and lateward in her uprising so curious about her childrens addressment so tedious in her manifold proclamations and turnagaines that it would yrke any Christian husband to suspend Gods worke upon such fooleries and yet either it must be so or worse No no accompt these things bables in respect of the other that one thing necessary learne to outgrow all such old customes as base in Gods esteeme The divell will never suffer a woman to want bones to throw in the way of duty if he spie a mind ready to admit them If any part must needs lose let the worlds part be the loser Subjection to the husbands will first begin with God setting him up and affording him his due Nothing will more encourage a religious husband to be strict and careful in his way then when he sees his wives zeale in this kind nor more dismay and enfeeble him then the slacknes and indifferency of the wife that she is so far from forgetting herself for God that she will not afford him that regard which lies within her place to expresse But what then will some say is the wife then wholy out off from the officiating of worship in her family I answer she hath a great worke of it to seeke God constantly by her selfe apart at times meet and if her family consist of her owne sex she may like Ester with her owne maides in the absence of her husband pray with and teach her family and children besides the private respect she oweth thē out of the act of worship But will some say is she so straighted that in no respects she may performe these duties in the presence of the other sex in the family or of her owne husband as the case may require Answ I answer touching her servants the case is lesse difficult being her inferiors as well as her husbands and so she doing the duty of a Governor to them she is discharged especially they being unable ignorant or unmeet to bee so occupied and ready to pearke up and trample the Authority of the woman under feet by such occasions But touching the husband although the case be more difficult yet I doubt not but she may also before him aswell as the other performe these duties if these cautions bee observed For why serving of God in it self can hinder no subjection but rather further it in a lowly and humble spirit privy to her owne infirmities onely marke how First she may attempt it in case of utter insufficiency of parts in her husband I meane knowledge and understanding 2. In case of invincible defects of expression and utterance in the husband 3. And much more when there is an utter loosenes and carelesnes in him to look after it much more a vicious contempt so that as far as lieth in him the worke were like to be quite cashierd out of the family 4. If her husband do allow her with all cheerfulnesse or request her to undertake it for Conscience or if not yet bee content to give way to it upon reasonable termes of connivence yea though not so equall termes but with some lowring and with breakings out now and then or upbraydings of her yet not forbidding and opposing she must rather undergoe some brunts for God and her family and beare them as meekly as shee can then under such pretence to abandon the duty But if he bee willing and able though perhaps unqualified for grace shee must not encroach upon the office and disauthorise her husband but by all sweete meanes accepting that which is and covering defects to draw him forward to that which is not in token of an heart truly subject 5. If she beside her ablenesse to performe it bee also qualified with singular modesty and humility awe and reverence both of God and his Angells and her husband whose presence should alwaies be solemne and ballance her spirit to sobernesse and subjection If God denie her that interest and Respect from her husband which she deserveth so that he slights her parts despises her graces and will by no meanes endure her Service in this kind the effect is sad to behold God cast out and the family deserted and exposed to ruine But her remedie is rather to mourne in secret and by other wisedome to seeke the releefe of this burden then to breake her boundes On the other side if these respects be observed she may For the Lord ties none so strictly that either one must do it to wit the Mr. of the family or none No no the Lord knowes that oftentimes he of all other parts of the household least beseemes his place and besides if the head of the family himselfe even when he is able yet for reasons may resigne up his liberty to another a stranger who probably may honor God and profit the family more then himselfe in which case to stick to his Priviledge were a signe of pride and singularity much more may he in the case of usuall worship when the very substance of worship lies at the stake authorise the woman to performe it For although he dishonor his headship yet his ponance is just for his sin Better it is that he be shent shamed for his sin especialy himself revenging it then that God should be barred of his due by both his her withdrawing the duty the whole Family wanting the ordinances It was Gods Lawe that if the Servant would willingly abase himself to slaverie his eare was to be boared but his Mr. was not to lose his advantage And the wife is as well the Mother as the man the father of the family She is a parte of the householdes head as the husband is the wives head Now if she be free from the dominion of her head then is shee the whole head of the family and returnes to her priviledge so that without checke or controll shee may being fitted discharge the duty But if beeing a widow never used to it before she find this new taske to be over tedious to her then ought she to resigne it to another as if shee bee of ability to one mainteined for that purpose if not yet to such a servant as both for parts and humblenesse may bee meete to take it upon him without offence for else the remedy may